Kisses on the Balcony
by ByeByeBirdie
Summary: James, Lily, and their friends are back to finish their 7th year!  Before they can be released into a dangerous and war-filled world, they first have to confront their final Hogwarts days where friendships & relationships will be put to the ultimate test.
1. Of James, Lily, Sirius, & Riley

**A/N: **The sequel is up and running! I apologize that it took me so long to get it up on the website. I've been writing as much as I can ever since I finished Tears on the Balcony but I've just been super busy with my job, writing essays, studying for exams, holidays, and the list goes on. But I've finally planned out how the sequel is going to unfold and I've written a good amount of it that I've decided it's finally time to put the first chapter up! So please tell me what you think and I will get the next chapter out asap. On a sidenote, if you haven't read Tears on the Balcony, you probably should go back and read that one first. This fanfic probably won't make a lot of sense unless you read that one first. And by the way, I started writing both of these stories before and during Half-Blood Prince so it is a bit AU though I have altered the sequel to be correct. So not quite everything in Tears on the Balcony and Kisses on the Balcony might add up.

Just a reminder of what happened in the end of the last story for those who haven't read it for a while: James breaks up with Kristina to be with Lily, and Lily and James finally get together after multiple chances and after Sirius bugged Lily throughout the entire Christmas break about it, only Lily and James' friends plus his sister Dezzy and Remus' new love interest Jillian Greene (a sixth year Gryffindor) know about it, Sirius and Riley are dating but are keeping it a secret from everyone, Remus and Jillian like each other and are not in a relationship but are taking things slow, and Lily runs into Kristina during rounds and they have a conversation that leads to an understanding of each other. Other things to keep noted: Lily is an orphan who lost her family when she was eight, Kay is dating Riley's older brother Lance, both James and Riley have a huge family with lots of siblings, Riley's Gran is pretty much a tyrant who thinks Riley needs to get married right out of Hogwarts, Riley and Rhett Davies had a little something going before Sirius ruined it, and Sirius "dated" Rachael LeBlanc for three months.

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling who wrote an amazing series of 7 books. It sucks that I'm not her, but I'm not. :(

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 1: Of Lily, James, Sirius, and Riley

* * *

It was snowing that Thursday. The mountain of white was piling up high against the Hogwarts doors, keeping everyone trapped inside the Hogwarts walls. The snowflakes fell heavily against the frozen ground, building up quickly as each minute passed. The blizzard had appeared unexpectedly late the night before when all of the students were slumbering in their beds. It had continued through the night and into the morning, much to the delight of the students who thoroughly enjoyed seeing the Hogwarts grounds turned into a blanket of white yet. Outdoor classes, such as Herbology and the Care for Magical Creatures, had to be canceled and the students walked into the Great Hall for meals at awe at the sheer beauty of the simulated snow as the ceiling. Talk of the snowstorm and the winter wonderland was a very common talking point on the tip of everyone's tongues. The students all crowded in their respective common rooms around the fireplaces, snuggled under wool blankets, and found solace in their time off from classes as a way to spend more time with their friends.

Except for two people who remained hidden away from the crowds and the chatter, simply enjoying each others' company.

James Potter sat in the private quarters designated to the two Heads of the school, reading over his Potions essay on the couch as the fire warmed his extremeties. In his arms was Lily Evans, a smile on her face and her eyes shut loosely as she used that rare bit of free time for a quick power nap. A blanket was covering her keeping her comfortable and cozy as she snuggled up beside James.

James glanced away from his essay to smile at the sight of Lily resting beside him. It was these small moments that James couldn't get enough of. The stolen private minutes, just the two of them, with a rare chance of interruption. He tightened his grasp around her shoulder, and an exciting electric charge ran through his body at the slightest touch. He still got butterflies in his stomach when she reached for his hand during rounds. Or when she came up behind him in the common room and let her fingers linger on his shoulders before placing a light kiss on his cheek. Or when she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck when pulling him in for an embrace. Or when she walked into class and let her hands dance along his arms briefly before taking a seat beside him. Or when they were sitting on the couch and she draped her legs across his lap. She was always doing something to cause his heart race and the little hairs on the back of his neck to stand up without even realizing it. No girl had ever made him feel so comfortable and yet made him long so desperately for. He wanted to be with her all the time and when he was not with her, he was thinking about her: her touch, her kisses, her smile, her eyes, her voice. It was always there with him, leaving him with an unremitting grin on his fac. A grin which his three friends felt the need to tease him about incessantly. But he didn't care. Because he had the girl. The girl he was convinced he going to spend the rest of his life with.

He started stroking her hair, careful not to wake her, and bent down to kiss her lightly on the cheek. He winced when he heard her whimper quietly. "Sorry," he whispered regrettably. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Mm," was her simple reply.

James chuckled lightly to himself. "But now that you're up..." he trailed off with a guilty smile.

"I'm not up," she whined with a pout. "I'm still sleeping. Can't you tell?"

He laughed, trailing his fingers along her hairline. "Sorry, but I sorta promised Sirius I would meet him at lunch. Er...about ten minutes ago."

Lily peeked one eye open. "Fashionably late, hm?"

He nodded. "You looked too cute to stir," he admitted with a bashful smile.

A hint of red appeared in Lily's cheeks. Sometimes, she still couldn't believe that she was with James Potter. When she thought back to the people they were barely a year prior, she never would have given James the time of day. And now, she was in his arms, never wanting him to let her go. "Compliments will get you everywhere, m'friend," she whispered, tilting her head up towards his.

He smiled, knowing she intended him to kiss her. He did just that. "And now I'm twelve minutes late meeting him," he whispered. "Do you want to come?"

A suggestive glint twinkled in Lily's eye as she smiled slyly. "I hope you're referring to me coming to the_ Great Hall_."

James' heart skipped a beat, grimacing in amusement. "A sexual innuendo, hm?" he whispered, brushing the tendrils from her forehead. "Uh-oh, I think I've rubbed off on you."

A slow smile crept on to Lily's lips and she reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I could think of worse things," she said.

He smiled. "I could, too," he murmured, stroking her silky hair.

Lily cozied up under the blanket, kissing the back of his hand. "Do you think we could just stay here forever?" she whispered.

"Doubtful. We'd starve to death and I think Dumbledore would feel it necessary to scrape our bodies off this couch before the next Head Girl and Boy move in."

Lily sighed. "You paint such a vivid picture."

"Well, I, too, have thought about staying here forever," he admitted with a smile. "But I'm also pretty sure that our friends would come barreling through here, breaking the door in the process, and demand that we spend some time with them."

"Yes, but then we can just kiss in front of them, watch them say 'ewww' and 'get a room' and hightail it out of here and we'd be back to being alone."

James' eyebrow arched curiously. "Now who's painting a vivid picture?"

She grinned, winking playfully at him. "C'mon," she said slowly as she stifled a yawn and stretched her arms over her head with a whimper. She threw the blanket off of her and said, "Let's go eat."

James grabbed her arm before she could walk off. "Wait," he whispered, pulling her towards him as he kissed her.

When they pulled apart, Lily smiled at him. Sometimes she was still in awe that it was James Potter she was kissing. "You're going to be late and those friends of ours will be breaking that door down."

"Eh, let them," he said immediately. He pulled her down on to his lap and kissed her again, letting his fingers dance through her hair.

She smiled, blushing, and kissed him back with a ferocity unforeseen by the both of them.

"Oh, look," James said once they pulled apart, smoothing down the back of her now messy hair. "Our door is still intact."

Lily grinned and grabbed James' hand, pulling both of them off the couch. "C'mon, you jokester. Let's go to lunch."

* * *

Unfortunately, going to lunch wasn't as easy as they thought it would be.

* * *

"I hear he and Kristina broke up a month ago!"

"No way! And we're just hearing about this?"

"But they were the 'it' couple! What happened?"

"No one knows. It's all some sort of secret."

"I cannot believe this! This has to be some sort of rumor!"

"Well, rumor is it came straight from Kristina's mouth."

"Why would she start this?"

"Looking for pity, knowing her."

"She must be heartbroken!"

"Well, probably. One of the most eligible bachelors in the entire school just broke up with her."

"We all knew it wouldn't last."

"Yeah, he was a huge player before her!"

"Exactly. Didn't realize that girlfriends were his thing."

"I'm surprised he lasted this long with a girl."

"I wonder why they broke up."

"Who broke up with whom?"

"From what I hear, James broke up with her."

"But last I heard, he said he loved her."

"Apparently, that didn't last."

"I wonder if James is already dating someone new."

"You think? It's been a month!"

"So? That guy has always bounced back fast."

"Well, if he doesn't already have one, I wonder if he's on the market for a new girlfriend."

"I hope it's me!"

"James doesn't even know you exist, Olivia."

"A girl can dream, can't she?"

"I bet Daniella Skeeter has all the gossip on this. We should go find her and get the details."

"She's probably bombarded by everyone in this school."

"Well what's three more?"

* * *

James slid into the Gryffindor table with his girlfriend right beside him before immediately placing his head down on the table and letting a loud groan escape. Lily, too, looked disgruntled.

Sirius Black flashed his trademark flippant smirk. "Well, I think it's safe to say that Jamesie here has discovered that the whole school has found out about his and Kristina's break-up," he concluded, patting his friend on the back in amusement.

James lifted his head off the table, exhaling sharply. He rubbed his temples and chose not to acknowledge Sirius' witty comment. "Who knew that this would be the hugest gossip of the year?" he murmured, shaking his head in utter frustration.

The exchange of looks among his friends didn't go unnoticed. "Well, for one, _I_ did," Sirius snickered.

"Yeah, I did, too," Riley Gilmore grinned.

"Yep, me too," Kay Richards agreed.

"Me three," Peter Pettigrew interjected.

Remus Lupin hesitated, shaking his head. "I actually have to disagree," he pointed out. "I think once everyone finds out you and Lily are together, that will be the hugest gossip of the year."

"Ohhh, yeah," the rest of the group chorused.

"He's right," Riley agreed.

"That will be huge," Kay spoke.

"Bigger than huge," Peter added.

"Yeah, ignore what we said before," said Sirius.

"Gee thanks, that's comforting," spoke James, crinkling his nose irritably. "You guys are a big help. I'm glad to call you all my friends."

"To be fair, last week when Sirius experimented with enlargening spells on your head you called him a poor example of a best friend," Riley pointed out.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm beginning to think the same of all of you."

A chorus of chuckles filled the table. "You knew this would happen eventually," Kay pointed out with a shrug. "We've all been trying to prepare you."

James slumped further down into his chair, a feeling of dread washing over him at the thought of this gossip running its way through the gossip mill. "Yeah, but what you neglected to prepare me for are the millions of giggly girls coming up to me attempting to give me sympathy when really all they want is to know if I plan on dating anyone else anytime soon," James grunted.

"Millions of girls?" Lily questioned, an eyebrow raised.

James smiled suggestively. "Yeah…you jealous?" he teased.

"Maybe," she suggested with a flippant laugh.

He grinned, leaving in closer to her. "Because if you were jealous, I know plenty of ways to make it up to you later," he whispered into her ear, winking at her.

A hint of red appeared on her cheeks, but she couldn't help but smile. "Then I guess I am extremely jealous," she whispered back.

"Okay, ew, this is the lunch table and we would like to actually be able to eat our food without gagging it up," Riley joked, sticking a finger down her throat and pretending to vomit.

"Aww, are you feeling a little jealous?" James teased, wiggling his eyebrows at her. "I could make it up to you later, too, if you'd like."

Riley made a face. "I've seen you in diapers, James. There's no way I could ever be attracted to you enough for you ever to make it up to me in that way."

Sirius immediately perked up. "And do you happen to have pictures of itty-bitty Jamesie-wamesie in diapers?"

James skewered chicken on to his fork while rolling his eyes. "No way. I burned those years ago in case of moments just like this," he clarified. "My mom wasn't too happy with me after I ransacked her photo albums. In fact, she grounded me for a week and I fought back by not cleaning my room. She wasn't too happy with that either. It started to smell like old, dirty socks mixed with moldy bread."

They all stared at him.

"What, I can't share with you all a little about my personal life?" James questioned with an innocent gaze.

"How about you just stick to sharing with us what's going on with your love life," Riley snickered.

Sirius snorted. "Which love life? The old love life that the whole school is now talking about or the secret under-the-table love life that no one knows about?"

James glared at him. "I never really liked you."

"Oh sure, Lily comes along and you're kicking me to the curb!" Sirius pouted.

"Lily's been around for a while now, Sirius," Kay snickered. "Six years, in fact."

"Oh sure, take his side," Sirius mumbled, his mouth full of food.

James rolled his eyes, ignoring Sirius and returning to the questions in his mind. "I wonder how it finally leaked out," he muttered. "Aw man, it was probably Dezzy, wasn't it?"

The gang exchanged worried glances.

"What?" James asked, noticing the looks on their faces.

"Well, rumor is that Kristina was the one who first mentioned it," Remus explained slowly.

James stared at Remus with his mouth open, clearly presenting his confusion. "What?" he exclaimed. "Why would she be the one to spread this around?"

Sirius snorted. "Oh, I don't know, because she's Kristina Reinhart?" he said, giving James a look. "She likes attention and she'll go about getting it in any way she can."

James rolled his eyes. "Kristina isn't that attention-driven," he argued, not noticing how uncomfortable Lily was beginning to feel.

The gang, excluding Lily who was too busy staring at her hands, burst into laughter. "Are you kidding?" Riley snickered. "She enjoys being in the limelight more than a Hollywood actress. She's seen as the victim here and everyone is going up to her giving her pity and offering up their sympathy, which is something she is most definitely thriving on."

James shook her head. "You guys don't know her like I do."

Sirius rolled his eyes and pointed towards the Ravenclaw table. "I think we know her more than you give us credit for."

James sighed and glanced towards the Ravenclaw table where Kristina was sitting with a crowd of people around her, no doubt exaggerating the story of how they broke up. There was a smile on her face "Kristina didn't mention anything about me and Lily, did she?" he questioned, turning back around to face his friends, again not noticing how awkward Lily was feeling.

"I didn't get the impression that she knew about you two," Riley said.

"No, she knows," James murmured.

The table erupted into groans. "Please tell me you didn't tell Kristina about Lily when you were breaking it off."

"I didn't, but I didn't have to," James protested. "I think she assumed and that's why she didn't ask me about it."

"Well, let's just hope the school doesn't find out about us anytime soon," Lily muttered.

"Why?" Sirius asked. "They already know about James and Kristina. It's only appropriate they find out about you two next."

Lily could feel her whole body tensing up in aggravation. "Not right now it isn't. Let Kristina have her limelight. Give it a few weeks until this gossip blows over before we unleash our gossip."

"First of all, this gossip is never going to blow over," Sirius snickered. "Second of all, why not just take both pieces of gossip at the same time? Might be easier."

"Oh yeah, so _I _can be looked at as the bad guy?" Lily snapped, harsher than she intended. "I don't think so."

James placed his hand on hers comfortingly. "No one's going to look at you as the bad guy, Lily."

Lily jerked her hand away quickly and glanced around to make sure no one saw that. "I was the reason you broke up with her, James," she grumbled. She grabbed her books off the table and stood up. "So the bad guy is exactly how everyone is going to look at me as," she snapped, before whirling around and walking out of the Great Hall.

James' mouth hung open, completely baffled. "What just happened here?" he murmured.

"Your girlfriend just ran out and you're still sitting at the table," Riley pointed out, giving him a look of disbelief.

"Oh shit!" James cried. He jumped up from the table, slung his bag over his shoulder and with a quick 'good-bye,' chased after her.

He ran into her just a few feet outside of the Great Hall. "Lily, hold on!" he cried, grabbing her arm.

Lily turned around, bitterness spewing from her eyes, and wrenched her arm away from him. "What?" she asked irritably.

He stepped back, surprised by her tone. "What's going on?"

She rolled her eyes and turned back around to walk away further from the Great Hall. "Nothing."

He grabbed her arm again. "Lily, talk to me."

Lily ripped her arm out of his and gave him an annoyed look. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," James urged.

"I just don't think telling the school about me and you is going to help in any way," Lily muttered, staring at her feet.

"What are you talking about?" James asked, confused. "Help what?"

Lily frowned. "Nothing, James," she murmured, turning away from her gaze. "I just don't need the entire school to talk about me behind my back, that's all."

"Why?"

"Because," she replied vaguely.

"Okay, I'm going to need more than that," he snickered, trying to lighten the mood.

Lily sighed, not caring for his joke. "Does it matter?"

James smiled. "_You_ matter."

She glared at him. "Don't get cute on me."

He shrugged. "Too late."

She glanced up to meet his goofy grin. "James, can we please just continue to keep this between you and me?"

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, kissing her forehead. "I'd do anything for you, Lily," he said sincerely.

"Okay, the cuteness needs to stop now." There was a slight, amused pout tucked on her face.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her close to him. "Fine, I'll stop being cute if you tell me what's really bothering you."

She tensed up in his arms, frustration building inside of her.

"Lily," he urged. "Talk to me."

She sighed, wrapping her arms around his waist and sinking her head into his chest. "James, I'm not Kristina."

"Uh, yes, I know that. And thank God for that: I didn't need to break up with one Kristina just to hop into a relationship with another," James laughed.

Lily glared up at him.

"Er…what I meant to say was, what do you mean you're not Kristina?" James asked sheepishly.

She shrugged, taking an awkward step back, away from his soft touch. "I don't enjoy it when the whole school talks about me. Even to my face. I don't enjoy gossiping about my personal life to people who aren't my close friends. I just can't stand the pointing and the whispering and _knowing _that people are talking about me. I don't want or need people questioning me about something that is absolutely none of their business. I don't chime in and tell anyone who wants to know my side of the story nor do I exaggerate my part of the story. I usually hide out until a new story comes along. But it's like Remus said earlier: our relationship is going to be the biggest gossip of the year. Hiding out until a new story comes along doesn't sound like an option here," Lily blurted out, shaking her head defeatedly. She finally glanced up at him, noting the shock in his eyes.

James' heart ached at the distraught girl standing in front of him. He never realized how dating him would really affect her. "I get it, Lily," he murmured. "I just-"

"Do you?"

James frowned. "Lily, I-"

"James, I know you might not understand this concept, but _I _hate the limelight. I hate standing out. I am so good at fading into the background. That's how I prefer it. If people don't know who you are, they won't talk about you, right? I don't need popularity nor do I particularly want it. But, you, on the other hand, are followed by popularity wherever you go. You're followed by gossip and limelight and standing out. Maybe a part of me just wants to hold on to my innocence and naivety as much as possible before the school rips it to shreds."

James wasn't sure how to respond. He was taken aback by her sudden lack of confidence. She had always been good at hiding the truth behind her feelings, which he had always seen right through, but this fragile, intimidated girl in front of him was someone he wasn't used to. The girl who was finally admitting that the confidence inside of her was wavering just by dating him. "Just because popularity and limelight and gossip follow me around doesn't mean I prefer it that way. I understand that-"

"It doesn't matter what you prefer, James," Lily murmured. "Each and every one of our fates were decided seven years ago when we entered this school. It just so happens that your fate and mine were complete opposites. So honestly? I have no idea how to merge the two."

A sinking feeling buried itself deep within his heart. "Do you even want to?" he dared to ask.

She jerked her head up, shocked by the question. "James, I knew what I was getting into since the first time we kissed," she admitted stubbornly. "I knew that a lot was going to change, but what I don't think you realize is that…that everything's going to change for _me_, but nothing is going to change for you."

"What are you talking about?"

She sighed, sensing uneasiness in both his tone and his standoffish body language. "Do you know what people are going to remember you for when you graduate? For being one hell of a Quidditch player and Captain and for being the reason that Gryffindor won _four _Quidditch Cups in the last seven years, for being an infamous Marauder and jokester and entertaining the entire school with your humorous pranks and your many jokes, for throwing some of the best parties Hogwarts has ever seen, for knowing every nook and cranny of the school and for knowing how to dig yourself out of trouble, for being one hell of a friend to Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Do you know what people are going to remember me for when I graduate? Being your girlfriend."

A wave of gnawing realization overcame him. "You are so much more than that, Lily," he said softly. "And I hate that you can't see that."

"It's not about what I see, it's about what everyone else sees."

James shrugged indifferently. "I thought it was about what _we _see in each other."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. She glanced up at him and saw remorse resting in his eyes. She sighed, leaning up against the wall. "I'm being completely paranoid, aren't I?"

A smile crept onto James' face. "No," he argued, shaking his head. "I-I get it. I know you're afraid of everything changing. And maybe it will. But you know what won't change?"

"What?"

He reached for her hand and pressed his lips tenderly to her cheek, letting his lips dance in front of her ear. "How I feel about you," he whispered.

She let out a relieved sigh and gratefully wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. He reached his arms around her, drawing her close to him. "Thank you," she said softly.

"For what?"

"For being you."

He smiled, kissing the top of her head. "How about this?" he suggested. "We wait a few weeks until this whole Kristina story blows over, we'll let our gossip leak when the time is right, and then Grant gets hexed into a million pieces so that the school will be talking about him instead."

Lily laughed lightly. "What makes you think your brother is going to get hexed into a million pieces?"

James grinned slyly. "I'm a Marauder, remember?"

Lily rolled her eyes, but amusement shone in her eyes. "So, we'll wait?"

He nodded. "We'll wait," he whispered. He smiled down at her and, without thinking, leaned down and kissed her, which Lily gratefully received. His hands ran up the small of her back and snaked into her gorgeous auburn hair as his tongue explored the inside of her mouth. They eventually tore apart and James' eyes fluttered open. A movement over Lily's shoulder caught his attention and a gasp emitted from his lips with a curse word quickly following.

"What?" Lily asked curiously.

James groaned, rubbing his temples. "Um…you know how we wanted to wait a few weeks?"

"Yeah…?" Lily said slowly, before realizing what he was trying to say and cursed under her breath. "Dammit! Kissing in the hallway isn't exactly subtle, is it?"

"Hm…not so much."

"Well, maybe whoever saw us won't tell?" Lily suggested hopefully.

James snorted. "I doubt it," he muttered. "It was Drew Gilmore."

"You're right. We're doomed," Lily muttered.

* * *

"OH MY GOD, DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS!"

"Drew Gilmore saw James Potter kissing Lily Evans!"

"What! That's a joke, right?"

"It's not! They really were all over each other!"

"James Potter and Lily Evans?"

"Are you sure you heard correctly?"

"Heard it straight from Drew Gilmore himself!"

"Seriously, this has got to be a joke..."

"You think that's why he broke up with Kristina?"

"Why would someone break up with Kristina for Lily Evans?"

"I stand by my 'this has got to be a joke' statement."

"Why would she date him? I thought she hated him!"

"Whoa, who said anything about dating! They were just kissing!"

"Does Lily Evans seem the type to be someone's fling? I don't think so."

"Does she seem the type to be James Potter's _girlfriend_? That seems even more unlikely!"

"This has got to be a joke!"

"Will you quit saying that?"

"Tell me you don't think it's a joke."

"We should ask Sirius Black about it. He's the Gossip King around here and it helps that James and Lily are his friends."

"You really think he'll tell us anything?"

"Can't hurt to try, right?"

* * *

"Hey, a little word of advice the next time you don't want the school knowing a secret of yours," Sirius greeted, plopping into the couch beside James and Lily in their private quarters while patting James on the shoulder. "Don't kiss in the middle of a public hallway."

"Thanks for that sound advice, mate," James muttered.

"How bad is it?" Lily cringed.

"Well, let's just say that Kristina isn't being bombarded by people anymore," Remus said sympathetically. He grabbed a pillow off the couch to lean up against the couch with.

"I'll give you one guess as to who is being bombarded," Riley murmured, pushing Sirius over to make room for herself on the couch ("Hey! I was sitting here first!").

"Yeah, thanks for not being there for the rest of lunch," Kay said sarcastically, sitting on the edge of the coffee table.

"Hell, I wanted to be nowhere near that crowd," James laughed.

"So what are the chances we can hide out here until this whole thing blows over?" Lily murmured with a sigh.

"Not likely," Remus snickered. "You have classes all day and you have a prefect meeting tonight."

Lily swore under her breath, surprising everyone. It wasn't every day Lily Evans cursed. "What are the chances the prefects won't notice if we don't show up to the meeting tonight?"

"Again, not likely," Remus pointed out. "You guys run the meeting."

"Eh, it was about time I quit being Head Girl. I never liked the position anyway," she teased.

"Was that why you screamed, jumped up and down, danced around your bedroom, and baked yourself a congratulatory cake when you received Dumbledore's letter over the summer?" James asked with a sly smile.

Lily pouted. "First of all, it was a congratulatory cupcake. I'm not about to eat a whole cake by myself. And second of all, how do you know that story?"

James wiggled his eyebrows mysteriously at her. "I have my ways."

"So basically Riley told you," Lily replied bluntly.

James shrugged. "As expected."

Lily laughed and James leaned over to kiss her, earning 'ewwws' from the peanut gallery.

"I'm still so not used to that," Sirius muttered.

"Yeah, you two disgust me," Riley said with a teasing grin.

"Just because you're jealous, doesn't mean you have to insult us," Lily said with a snicker.

Riley gave her a look. "Jealous, hm? And what would I have to be jealous of?"

Kay snorted and interrupted with, "The fact that you're not in a relationship even though your Advanced Transfiguration partner is gorgeous as hell."

Riley rolled her eyes, glancing ever-so-quickly at Sirius next to her, who was staring at her in pure amusement. "Eh, been there, done that."

"You did that for three dates," Lily interjected, wiggling her eyes suggestively.

"Okay, just to clarify, I didn't _do _anybody," Riley corrected.

"Yeah, for once in your life," Kay snickered.

Riley wrenched the pillow out from underneath Remus, earning a glare, and smacked Kay with it. "Rhett Davies and I did the whole dating thing and now we're over. Give it a rest."

Lily gave her a look. "Oh please, you didn't date. You just hung out together three times. That's not exactly what I call a relationship."

Riley rolled her eyes again. "And you're dating James Potter. Not exactly what I call a relationship either."

"HEY!" James cried, ignoring the chorus of laughter ringing through the common room. "I'll have you know that girls have been throwing themselves at me all day trying to get me to date again when they found out about me and Kristina."

Lily's eyebrow arched as she cleared her throat.

"Er…did I say throwing? I meant running away."

"Smooth," Sirius snickered. James ripped the pillow out of Riley's hand and smacked Sirius with it.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Why do you always manage to mock James when there happens to be tons of pillows around?"

"What am I supposed to do? Remove all of the pillows every time I walk into a room?"

Riley shot him a look. "I was thinking more like not mocking him."

"Or anyone else for that matter," Remus chimed in.

Sirius feigned horror, his mouth forming an O as he gasped loudly. "I do not understand this concept."

"It's this novel idea where you don't mock your friends and in return they choose not to hate you," Riley suggested with a grin.

"My friends don't hate me. I'm too awesome to hate."

"Hm, yeah, I completely disagree," Riley reacted, her grin growing.

"Yeah, well considering a month ago we hated each others' guts, I'm not entirely surprised by that."

Riley rolled her eyes. "And considering-"

"So you're saying that you _don't _hate each others' guts now?" Kay interrupted curiously.

Riley and Sirius exchanged a look. "Nah," Sirius said with a shrug. "She's kinda, sorta, almost a little bit decent."

"Gee, that sounded heartfelt," Riley snorted. But she was smiling. "And you're kinda, sorta, almost a little bit less Sirius-esque than you used to be."

He blinked. "I have absolutely no idea what that means so I'm going to assume you just called me awesome."

Riley turned to James beside her. "Can you please hand me that pillow next to Lily?"

That launched them all into a fresh wave of laughter, except for Kay who continued to stare at Sirius and Riley warily. "Seriously, this is just creepy. What the hell is going on with you two?" she asked curiously.

"Well, Sirius thinks he's awesome and let's face it, he's not, so I want to throw a pillow at him," Riley explained, knowing perfectly well that wasn't what Kay was asking. "I didn't realize that was hard to understand."

Kay rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant," she replied dryly. "You two just seem awfully...hm...friendly for lack of a better term. You're joking around, laughing with each other, not sending each other death glares. It's very bizzare. When did you two bury the hatchett?"

Sirius and Riley exchanged casual looks and both shrugged. "I don't know," Riley replied. "I'm afraid I can't give you an exact day or time for that. However, I can say it was sometime in the season of winter."

"Cute," Kay replied sarcastically.

"Who cares anyway?" Sirius interjected. "Don't you want us to be friendly?"

"Of course," Kay replied. "That is, unless it goes away tomorrow which is often the case."

"It won't go away tomorrow," Riley protested with casual shrug. "We have an understanding."

"Oooh, does it have something to do with the fact that I told you last month you two need to come to an understanding before I throw you both out the window?" James asked, gesturing his finger back and forth between the two.

Riley and Sirius glanced at each other and then turned back to James. "Nope."

"Prats," he mumbled, the ends of his mouth tugging upward. "Then how is it that just a few weeks later you two have somehow come to an understanding, the same thing I just happened to suggest earlier?"

"Coincidence," Sirius replied in all sincerity. Ironically, it _was_ a coincidence, not that the six other friends had to know that. "Come on, you're not that persuasive."

"I resent that," James murmured.

"So what is this understanding?" Remus dared to ask, ignoring James.

"Nothing really. Just that it's time we grew up and started getting along," Sirius explained.

James snorted. "Oh yeah and I'm sure it was that easy."

"It was," Riley lied.

"You were never good at fibbing, Riles," James pointed out.

"Yeah, well you were never good at anything," she teased.

James rolled his eyes. "The Gryffindor Quidditch record states otherwise."

Riley couldn't help but chuckle. "Look, with you and Lily now getting along, it…it just makes sense that so should Sirius and I. We buried the hatchet as Kay suggested and let go of old grudges."

"And what, per se, are these old grudges you speak of?" Kay asked curiously.

Riley gave her a look. "None of your business."

"Yeah, I had a feeling you'd say that."

"The past is just that," Sirius interjected, hoping to end this topic of conversation. "It's time we focus on the future." He hesitated, shaking his head. "Well, maybe Lily shouldn't focus on the future or she might realize she's dating the wrong guy."

"HEY!"

Sirius gave James a look. "Oh, please, tell me you're not still in shock that she's with you."

James hesitated, glancing over at Lily with amusement in his eyes. "No, I am. I just don't need you putting ideas in her head."

"Oh, don't worry," Lily dismissed. "Those ideas are already there."

"I am just being bombarded by insults today," James whined. "And as much as I'd love to stick around and continue to get insulted by my friends," he teased, "It's time for me to head to the library with Lily and figure out what the hell we're supposed to be talking about in tonight's prefect meeting so I can run it."

"Since when have you run a prefect meeting? Lily's usually the one taking over," Remus snickered.

"Oh good, the insults just keep on coming," James replied sarcastically.

"That's not an insult," Lily corrected. "That's true."

"HEY!"

Lily laughed and kissed him, earning another around of 'ewwws.'

"Oh grow up!" Lily laughed as she helped herself off the couch.

Lily offered her hand to James and he took it. "Bye guys," he said as he headed towards his door with Lily.

"Do you actually expect us to believe you'll be trying to figure out what the prefect meeting's about tonight?" Sirius argued. "Let's face it: you just want to leave so you can snog your girlfriend."

James grinned mischievously. "Maybe, but if you'd like to stick around and see which one we end up doing, then be my guest."

Sirius made a face. "I think I'd rather go to class."

"And that's saying a lot," Remus teased, getting up along with the rest of the group to head out of the private quarters.

* * *

If Lily thought the walk to the library was unbearable, it was nothing in comparison to actually being in the library. Any student they ran into made it their mission to congratulate James on finally winning Lily over. They asked Lily if he had put Amortentia in her pumpkin juice, they questioned Lily's motives, they wondered if it was all just some sort of act, they blamed her for breaking James and Kristina up, and they made it perfectly clear that the match-up made no sense.

Lily could see the concern in James' eyes every time he glanced over at her, which she appreciated, but it didn't change the fact that she felt so abused and naïve. "Do you have the Hufflepuff detention slips?" she murmured.

He handed them to her, letting his gaze linger.

"Stop that."

He lifted an eyebrow. "Stop what?"

"Staring at me. I can't do work with you scrutinizing my every move."

"Sorry," he murmured sheepishly. "I just want to make sure you're-"

"I'm fine," Lily interrupted coolly. "How many times do I need to say that before you believe it?"

"About as many times as you say it before _you_ believe it."

She frowned, glancing down at the detention slips in front of her. The last thing she wanted to do was work, but she knew that if she left the library so quickly after arriving, that would just give the school more reason to talk. So she tried sticking it out. "I knew this was going to happen," she muttered, throwing her quill down in frustration.

"Doesn't make it any less annoying," James pointed out, cupping her hand with his.

A fury of whispers broke out at the surrounding tables. Lily quickly retracted her own hand, glaring furiously at the group of female sixth-year Hufflepuffs, who were pointing over at her. "Can we try and keep the PDA to a minimum?" Lily grunted.

James sighed. It was like Lily had done a complete 180°. But he shouldn't have been surprised. Closing herself off and building a wall around herself was something she excelled in. So when the whole school was talking about her, he had no reason to believe it would be different. He just wished she could realize that he wasn't the bad guy here. "Keeping the PDA to a minimum isn't going to change the opinions of the gossipers," he said softly.

Lily shot him a look. "You don't think I know that?" she snapped. "It's not about that."

James frowned. "Then what is it about?"

"I'm not getting into this here, James," Lily argued before picking her quill back up and glancing back down at the mound of paperwork in front of her.

James reached over and thrust her quill out of her hands.

"Hey!"

"Lily, stop this," he pleaded. "I know you're upset and I know you're frustrated and I know that this is what you wanted to avoid, but don't avoid _me_ because you're upset and frustrated. We're in this together, right?"

Lily bit down hard on her tongue so as not to lash out. Because truth was, she knew it wasn't his fault. She knew it had every little to do with him and everything to do with her. But she couldn't help but be frustrated at the entire situation. "No, James, we're not in this together," she argued, shaking her head sullenly. "Because the entire school is laughing at me for falling for your charm and yet, they're treating you like some sort of praiseworthy hero. They're all out there saying, 'Oh, look, the poor, naïve bookworm finally caves to the incessant solicitations from the popular, charming womanizer. Yeah, we all know how this one is going to end.'"

James was taken aback by the vehement criticism in Lily's tone. "Is that what you're afraid of, Lily?" he asked softly.

"What?"

He frowned. "Are you afraid that because it's out in the open, I will now therefore get…get bored with you?"

Lily turned her gaze away quickly to hide the anxiety in her eyes. "Just forget I said anything, James," she sighed. "Can I have my quill back?"

He shook his head, leaning back in his chair defeatedly. "This past month has been more than I could have ever dreamed of," he said softly. "You mean more to me than I ever thought you could. I want to be with you all the time and when I'm forced to not be with you, I can't stop thinking about you. It's never been about the chase with you and it's never been about proving myself to anyone in this school but _you_. All I have ever wanted is to be good enough for you." He saw a hint of red flush to her cheeks and he reached over to grab her hand. He took it as a good sign that she didn't pull it away. "I hate to break it to you, but I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me. Whether you like it or not. And I really hope you like it."

Lily hesitated. Why is it that she can be so scared of committing herself to him in one minute and the next, she wanted to throw herself at James and never let go? Once everyone found out about them, everything became so real. She realized that if she ever wanted to get out only slightly unscathed, now would be the time. But as she glanced up in James' hopeful, longing eyes, she realized that she didn't want to get out. Not now. Not ever.

And after only being with him for a month, that thought scared the hell out of her.

"James, it's not about whether I-I like that or not," she murmured, slumping down.

"You're right," James interrupted. "But it's also not about what everyone else in this school thinks. It's about what you think."

She glanced up, startled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I can read fear written across your forehead," he retaliated with a shrug. "And I know it has nothing to do with what the school is saying."

She frowned. "How do you always manage to know what I'm thinking?" she asked softly. She could feel his eyes piercing through her, but she refused to meet his gaze.

"Because I've been watching you for seven years, Evans," James said, the surname surprising both of them.

Surprise flickered in her eyes. "Don't," she pleaded.

"Don't what?"

She took a deep breath in, finally lifting her eyes to meet his. Concern and worry were staring back at her. "Don't go back to using my last name," she whispered, smiling slyly.

"Oh yeah?"

She shook her head. "You want the truth?"

"Always."

"You scare me, James."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Come again?"

"Everything about you scares me. Everything about _us _scares me. I don't know if I'm getting way in over my head or if I'm supposed to just jump in and pray that I land on my feet. I don't know if it's you or if it's me or if it's us or if it's everyone else, but as I think about our relationship, I wonder if we're moving too fast or not fast enough. I'm scared of admitting that I like the way things are going between us and I'm scared of admitting that whenever I'm not with you, I _want _to be with you. More than anything. And…and I'm scared of admitting that I don't know how I feel about being scared!"

James cracked a smile.

"And now that everyone in this damned school is speculating and overanalyzing, it's hard for me not to speculate and overanalyze, too."

"Well, stop," he teased. "Because your speculations and overanalyzing are scaring _me_."

"What?"

He sighed. "I don't want you to have doubts about us. Because even though we are now in the limelight and every single person in this school is gossiping about us and speculating and overanalyzing and casting doubts within their own minds, I have never doubted us for a single second. Nor will I ever," he said softly. "I really like you, Lily."

Lily swallowed hard. "I don't _want_ to have doubts, James," she said guiltily.

"I know."

Lily sighed, wondering why she was so set on sabotaging the relationship before she barely even had a chance to experience it. "But…but when the entire male population in this school is high-fiving you and winking suggestively and making crude humping motions, what the hell am I supposed to believe?"

"That the guys in this school are complete and total arses."

Lily didn't even crack a smile.

He squeezed her hand and she jumped slightly, forgetting that he was still holding her hand. It had become such a comfortable second-nature for her, that the fact that they were holding hands in public hadn't fazed her in the slightest. "Lily, don't let everyone else influence _us_. Influence how we feel about each other. Unfortunately, they're going to talk. It's what they do. But I don't give a damn about what everyone else in this school thinks or says because they don't know us like we do. All I care about is you. _Us_. Nothing else matters."

Lily mentally slapped herself for even questioning their relationship in her mind. He had so much faith in them even with everyone else's skepticism, including hers. She needed to stop focusing on what everyone else was thinking and just focus on herself and James. Because he was right. All that mattered was them and everything else would eventually just fade.

"Can you promise to keep reminding me of that?" she whispered.

"Absolutely," he said immediately.

And with a smile, she leaned over the table and kissed him, not caring who was watching.

She wasn't surprised when that kiss was all anyone could talk about for the remainder of the day. But for once, she didn't care.

* * *

The Marauders and Lily were all sitting in the boys' room after dinner, doing their separate things. They had spent only a few minutes down in the Gryffindor common room before realizing that the frantic whispering and pointing was distracting. They quickly changed their plans and ended up in the boys' dormitory.

Remus was sprawled out on the floor, trying to finish up an essay, but kept being interrupted by Sirius throwing paper planes at him. Sirius was sitting at his desk, not even acting like he was doing homework, reading his Playboy magazine and every so often, creating a paper plane with the pages of women he didn't think made the cut and throwing them at Remus. Peter was sitting against the headboard of his bed, focusing hard on his Muggle Studies homework, periodically lifting up his head to ask Lily questions. James was sitting on the floor, leaning up against his bed, reading the _Daily Prophet_, stroking Lily's hair whose head was resting in his lap reading a book.

Lily glanced around the room and snickered. "Wow, I think this is the longest you guys have ever been quiet when in the same room together."

"No, it's just because we can't talk about the usual stuff we talk about because you're here," Sirius snickered, flashing him a look.

Lily rolled her eyes. "But you're certainly willing to read _Playboy _in front of me."

Sirius snorted. "Like you didn't suspect I read it already."

Lily merely laughed as she dove back into her book again. Silence filled the room once again.

"What's the purpose of a rubber duck?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh at Peter's question. "Um…I don't really think there is one," she admitted, ignoring the confused look on his face. "It's a toy that floats in the bathtub."

Four blank stares glanced up at her.

"I don't understand all of the Muggle ways either!" Lily laughed.

Peter shrugged and returned to studying his notes, creating another silence in the room.

Which didn't last long.

"SIRIUS!" Remus barked, crumpling up the paper airplane Sirius just threw at him and tossing it into the waste-paper basket on the other side of the room, missing it completely.

"Word to the wise: don't take up sports," Sirius snickered. "And I was throwing Clarissa at you because I thought you might want her."

Peter snorted. "Clarissa?"

Sirius nodded with a cheap grin. "Yep. Nineteen, blonde, green eyes, 5'9", Aries, lives in Worchester, 34D cup—"

"Too much information," Lily interrupted.

"And that's why you shouldn't be here," Sirius teased, giving her a suggestive look. "I liked you better when you hated James."

"Oh, and is that why you stalked me over Christmas break trying to get me admit my feelings for him?" she pointed out.

Sirius hesitated. "Do you have to remember everything I do?"

"Whoa, what?" James interjected, snapping his head out of the _Daily Prophet_. "He tried to convince you?"

"Yep. He totally stalked me," Lily explained. "Pretty much every damn day until I did anything about my feelings for you."

"Not _every _damn day," Sirius argued.

Lily gave him a look.

"Yeah, okay, every damn day."

Lily laughed. "It was rather annoying, if you ask me. I'd be getting ready to go to bed, and there'd be a knock on my door. It would be Sirius with some excuse to talk to me and somehow he'd slip in that you and I were meant to be," she continued explaining, giving James a gentle smile.

"And did you not realize that? Were my annoying antics not worth it in the end?" Sirius questioned, giving her a knowing look.

"Sirius, your annoying antics are never worth it," Remus interjected, furiously writing his essay.

"Shh, we're debating here," Sirius shushed.

"I don't think I'm debating the fact you're annoying. That's already a fact," Lily said with a snicker.

"That's not what we're debating about!" Sirius cried out. "We're debating about how I influenced you to make a decision about James!"

James groaned. "Please tell me Sirius had nothing to do with us," he murmured to Lily with a pout. "I don't think I can live knowing the King of the Sack was the one that got us together."

"Don't worry, I never listened to him. In fact, I rarely do," Lily explained.

"Well, I sure as hell am never stalking you again," Sirius pouted.

"Am I supposed to be upset about that?" Lily teased.

"Yuh-huh! Who wouldn't want to be stalked by me?"

"Me," Remus said.

"Me too," Peter added.

"Me three," James snickered.

Sirius scrunched up his nose. "I'm feeling very unappreciated."

Lily laughed and went back to her book, glancing up at James with a smile.

"So whatdya think?" Sirius questioned Remus with a chuckle a few minutes later.

"What do I think about what?" Remus asked, not looking up from his essay.

Sirius gave him a look. "Clarissa!"

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "Hadn't we moved from that?"

"_No_."

"Okay, well does it say anywhere in that article about her that she likes to date werewolves?"

Sirius hesitated. "….Yes?"

"Try no," Remus laughed. "Besides, I have Jillian."

"I thought you guys were 'taking it slow,'" Sirius mocked.

"We are," Remus agreed. "But I think Clarissa might tear us apart."

"Eh, that's a sacrifice you're going to have to be willing to make," Sirius joked.

"Okay, I'm done with this conversation," Remus snorted.

"Oh thank God," James murmured, returning to the article he was reading in the _Daily Prophet_.

Sirius pouted. "Y'know, just a few weeks ago, you two would have been helping me choose Playboys to date. Now you two are attached and no longer any fun."

Lily glanced up at James with an intrigued look. "Oh, you picked out Playboys, did you?"

James gave her a sheepish look. "Er…oh look, it's time for our meeting!"

Lily turned over to her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows to give him a knowing look. "We still have ten minutes."

James hesitated. "You're going to break up with me now, aren't you…"

Lily laughed and shrugged. "I'll contemplate that thought on the way to our meeting."

"No," Remus whined as James pouted. "I only have an inch more to write. I need to finish!"

"Whoa there," Sirius murmured. "Obsessed with homework much?"

Remus gave him a look. "Well someone has to be."

Sirius hesitated. "I'm obsessed with Playboys. Does that count?"

Lily snorted. "Not so much," she pointed out, slowly getting off the floor. She outstretched her hand to James, who took it and let Lily pull him off the floor. "C'mon, we have to go back to our rooms to grab all the stuff. You coming, Remus, or do you want to finish and we'll meet you there?"

Remus pouted and shrugged, closing up his books and climbing off the floor. "Well, I have no clue what to write so I guess I'll come with you guys."

"Have fun at your smart-peoples meeting," Sirius interjected.

"Oh we will," James snickered. "It's always fun to laugh at all the people in the school who aren't smart."

"Funny, we laugh at those people who are smart," Sirius shot back, sticking his tongue out at him.

James laughed. "Mature," he snickered. "See you later."

"Bye," Sirius murmured, returning to his magazine. He glanced slightly over the top of his magazine at his best friend as he left the room with his girlfriend and wondered briefly if it was always going to be that way from now on.

* * *

Lily and James walked into the meeting together, already the start of a controversy, with Remus right behind them, a smile on his face. He had been awaiting that prefect meeting all day, thankful for once that he was a prefect.

"Is everyone here?" Lily asked gently, as she organized her papers.

No one said anything.

Lily looked up, glancing around the room in irritation, wishing she could have held off one day from kissing James in the hallway. "Well?"

James rolled his eyes when, again, no one bothered to say anything. "Fine, I guess we'll start."

They both ignored the twenty-three pair of eyes that were fixated on them and continued with the meeting, overlooking the fact that no one was paying attention to what they were saying but instead were just focused on their body language. "Valentine's Day is coming up in a few weeks, as you all should know, and we have to decorate the Great Hall," Lily explained. "So before-"

She was interrupted by LeAnn Withers' hand shooting into the air.

Lily was taken aback, wondering how there could possibly be a question already. "Uh…yes?"

She put down herhand and opened her mouth to speak. "Uh…er…" she stuttered, realizing everyone was staring at her, knowing perfectly well she was going to ask the question they wanted to know. "Never mind." The rest of the prefects groaned.

Lily shrugged. "Okay. As I was saying, before we move on to talking about graduation, which may seem lightyears away, but in fact is only in a few months and is going to take every meeting to plan for, what with everything that we have to do—7th year class gift, Dumbledore's gift, speeches, setting up the grounds, donations from parents, and especially the graduation ball which will take-"

She was interrupted again by Randy Cattano's hand flying into the air.

She sighed, hating being interrupted. "Yes?" she asked in irritation.

He slowly placed his hand down and looked like a deer in headlights, as if he was afraid to ask his question. "Uh…never mind," he murmured. Another round of groans.

James rolled his eyes. "Like Lily was saying," he continued, when Lily was busy giving a deathly glare to Randy. He ignored the whispers that started erupting, probably at the mention of Lily's first name. "Before we talk about graduation, we need to plan decorations for Valentine's Day. We need all the seventh-years to pick up some supplies and decorations on our Hogsmeade trip this weekend. Please pick up a copy of what we need you to acquire when the meeting is done. So-"

Brad Harper threw his hand into the air, interrupting James.

"_What_?" Lily snapped.

Brad cringed and glanced at Skyler Swenson for help, who was looking terribly uncomfortable at the time. "Er…never mind," he said in a small voice when he realized no one was going to help him out.

"Oh my God!" Lily cried, slamming her notebook against the table so hard, everyone jumped. "_Yes_, James and I were snogging in the hallway earlier. _Yes_, we were kissing in the library. _Yes_, that means we're not enemies anymore. _Yes, _that means we won't be punching each other anymore. _Yes_, we are officially in a relationship. _Yes_, that means James broke up with Kristina for me. And _yes_, we have been keeping it a secret!" she cried out, much to the surprise of everyone in the room, including James, who was smiling at her with much pride for being willing to blurt that all out. "Now, are there any other questions!" she barked.

Twenty-three hands flew into the air.

Lily groaned and rubbed her forehead in irritation. "Let me rephrase that: any questions _not_ dealing with me and James?"

Slowly, all the hands went down.

"That's what I thought!" Lily snapped.

"Now can we please talk about Valentine's Day before I keep you all until midnight tonight?" James asked.

No one replied.

"Thank you," both James and Lily said in unison breathlessly.

Lily shared a perturbed smile with James before going back to talking about the Valentine's Day decorations.

* * *

James and Lily walked back to their room slowly, James' arm around Lily's shoulders and hers around his waist, laughing about the meeting the whole time.

"Did you see the look on Remus' face when you blurted out all of that stuff about us?" James snickered.

Lily laughed. "I thought he was going to pass out. I don't think he ever imagined I could be possible of confronting my gossip in front of a crowd of people. Especially the prefects!"

James kissed her on the top of her head. "Well, I'm proud of you."

Lily gave him an inquisitive look. "Why?"

James gave his girlfriend a pleased smile. "Just a few hours ago, you said you couldn't handle people talking about you," he explained. "I think you have more courage that you give yourself credit for, Miss Tough Girl."

Lily stared up at him, wondering how she got so lucky to end up with him, and then stared down at her hands. "Well…I don't think I had half as much of this courage before I started dating you."

James pulled apart and looked at her with much passion in his eyes, anyone could see that. "How did you get to be so amazing?"

"Again," Lily whispered, giving him the same look in her eyes back, "I think you may have something to do with that."

He pressed his lips unrelentingly to hers, running his hands through her hair as he pushed against the wall, causing her to drop the folders and notebooks of prefect papers as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. A moan escaped from deep in her throat, indulging herself intensely with the fervent kiss.

"Oh, _honestly_, get a room! This is a public hallway!"

Lily and James broke apart, both smiling at the recognition of the voice to be of one Sirius Black.

"Oh Sirius, are you feeling left out?" James mocked. "Come here!" he kidded, chasing his friend with open arms.

Sirius ducked quickly and started running down the hallway. "Get away from me with those lips of yours, Lover Boy!"

"Don't tempt me further!" James laughed and stopped midway, letting Sirius continue to run down the hallway.

Lily glanced at Riley and smiled in embarrassment, as she bent down to pick up the things that dropped from her hands moments before.

Riley snickered and leaned a foot against the wall. "So things seem to be going…ahem, _well _with you two?"

Lily blushed and made sure James was far from earshot. "Shut up," she murmured, getting up off the floor continuing to organize her papers. Lily paused, a look of confusion coming over her face. "Wait…what the hell were you doing walking with Sirius?"

Riley tried not to show the panic across her face. "Er…just, y'know…looking for you guys."

"Why?" Lily asked curiously, knowing Riley was lying.

"Wanted to see how the prefect meeting went," she said casually, like it was nothing.

Lily stared at Riley, analyzing her facial expressions as Riley avoided eye-contact. "Hm…I know we sorta discussed it earlier today, but I just thought you guys were being nicer to each other. It looks a little more than that, Riley. Are you and Sirius, dare I say it, _friends_?"

Riley started having a coughing fit. "What would make you ask a question like that?"

"Because before a few weeks ago, you never would have been caught dead walking alone with Sirius Black through the hallways after curfew hours," Lily explained.

"It's not after curfew hours yet," Riley only had to argue.

Lily snorted. "And that's the only thing you have to defend?"

Riley stared at her friend, completely flustered, before glancing down the hallway where Sirius was hunched over breathlessly from the running. "We're not friends. We're just friendly," she eventually lied, continuing to stare at Sirius, whom James was now laughing at. If only she had the guts to tell her best friend she was in a relationship. "And our best friends just happen to be dating. Guess that brings us closer together." She shrugged and glanced back at Lily.

"What do you mean?"

Riley shrugged. "You two were able to...to rid yourself of all your hatred and negativity from the past. You learned to let go of old grudges and now you're dating! It...it puts things into perspective."

Lily hesitated, sensing desperation in her voice. "Like what?"

Riley wished she'd stop asking questions. "You two had seven years worth of baggage to let go of. Black and I only had two. So if you two could do it, we should be able to do it, also."

"It's that easy, hm?"

Riley glanced back down the hallway toward Sirius, trying to suppress the smile that was slowly creeping on to her face. "No," she murmured, thinking back to the day that she and Sirius got together and all of the back-and-forth questioning in her own mind, "Easy definitely isn't the word. But you should know that by now."

"What?"

"Oh, please," Riley snickered. "It took you and James how long to figure out you wanted to be with each other? Days? Weeks? _Months_? And now you're dealing with all this ridiculous gossip, which is probably making it that much more difficult for you two to just be with each other."

Lily hesitated. "Maybe," she murmured sheepishly.

Riley laughed. "But it's worth it, right?"

A smile spread across Lily's face, her gaze torn towards James. "Yes," she said softly. "Yes, it is."

Riley shrugged. "If you and James can actually date each other, then Black and I can be friendly with each other. All seven of us should be able to hang out without any tension. Without awkwardness. Without any fear of two of us breaking out into an argument," she murmured sincerely, "This is all of your fault, y'know. I can't help it that my two best friends got together!"

Lily grinned, happiness shining in her eyes. "Well, your best friends make a really cute couple."

Riley snickered. "I'd argue that, but as it so happens, it's true."

Lily laughed and linked arms with her best friend, walking down the hall to meet the two guys.

"Whoa, don't have a seizure there, Sirius," Lily snickered. "Haven't run much, have you? Not much in shape?"

"HEY!" Sirius argued. "I'll have you know I'm in tip-top shape!"

Lily snorted. "Tip-top?"

"What? It's a perfectly respectable word!" Sirius argued.

Lily gave him a look.

"Okay, well you don't see me getting straight O's around here, do you?"

"No, but I thought you knew your vocabulary a little better than that," Lily snickered.

"Well, I don't need vocabulary to play Quidditch," Sirius protested huffily. "And with my tip-top shape, I'm going to dominate next week's game."

"Well, whether or not you dominate and whether or not you'll be in tip-top shape, I'll be there supporting you."

Riley snorted. "Yeah, right. You'll be staring at James the whole time to bother caring whether or not Sirius dominates in whatever shape he's in."

Lily glared at her. "Don't you have somewhere better to be?"

"It's a Thursday night…so, no," Riley snickered.

"Don't you have some homework to do?"

"Probably," Riley chuckled.

"So what are your plans for the rest of the night?" Sirius asked, stifling a yawn. "Lots of sex, I bet."

Lily gave Sirius a discontented look. "Sirius, give it up. You will be the first to know when James and I do the dirty deed."

"Really?" Sirius asked excitedly.

"Really?" Riley asked, shocked.

"_Really_?" James asked, completely taken back.

Lily burst into laughter. "Hell no!" she cried. "But the looks on your faces were totally worth that."

James grinned and put his arm around his girl, kissing her on the cheek. "That's my girl."

Sirius pouted. "I hate being mocked."

"Aww, but you should be used to that by now," Riley teased, wanting nothing more than to be the one with her boyfriend's arm around her shoulders.

"Aren't you cute," Sirius derided sarcastically.

Riley grinned. "Yes, very."

"Wow," James murmured. "I never thought I'd miss your fighting but it's getting rather quiet within our group of friends. First, Lily and me, now you guys."

"Well, I'll go pick a fight with Remus later if you want," Riley teased.

"And that's my other girl," James teased.

* * *

Riley and Sirius settled into their private dungeon room that they knew no one would bother stumbling across. It was far out of the way of everything else and hadn't been used for probably over a hundred years. It was cold and extremely stuffy, but it was a place they could be by themselves and not worry about being found, especially since Sirius had swiped the Map before meeting Riley.

Riley stared at her fingers intertwined with Sirius' fingers, happy to be secluded from the rest of Hogwarts and the rest of the world. She smiled at the feel of his hot breath against the back of her neck and snuggled up against him. "I wish we could spend the day together at Hogsmeade on Saturday," she sighed.

Sirius jumped at the sound of her voice, a comfortable silence having fallen over them. "I know," he said breathlessly, pressing his lips to the nap of her neck. "But we both agreed it's better to keep it a secret."

Riley bit her lip. "Yeah, I know," she agreed, giggling at the tickle of his lips against her neck. "I just hate going through the day pretending like nothing is going on between us. And I think people are catching on."

"What? What people?" Sirius asked immediately, shocked.

"Pod people," Riley replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Really? Cuz that's kinda cool," Sirius teased.

Riley chuckled and patted Sirius' hand comfortingly. "Lily was asking questions about us tonight, that's all."

"Lily-bean?" Sirius asked surprised. "Damn, I thought she was clueless."

Riley turned her head and gave her boyfriend a surprised look. "She's Head Girl. She's hardly clueless."

Sirius laughed and shook his head. "No, I don't mean clueless in general," he clarified. "I just mean clueless lately. Usually in the beginning of relationships, girls tend not to notice what's going on around them that doesn't include their new guy. They're often in a daze, daydreaming whenever they have the time and fantasizing about their future."

Riley looked at him and smiled, knowing that that was exactly what she did throughout Christmas break. "Yeah…" she said slowly. "But apparently Lily isn't doing any of that."

"What kind of questions was she asking?" Sirius asked curiously.

Riley shrugged. "Nothing extreme. Just wondering why you and I were together tonight without the rest of the gang."

Sirius winced. "Yeah, I guess we should've remembered they'd be taking that route back to their room. We'll be more careful next time."

"Yeah…" Riley said slowly. "I know it's smarter to be hiding it but…tell me again why we are?"

Sirius kissed her on the cheek and leaned back against the wall with a sigh. "Because our friends will never understand. James will never understand. For them to understand, we'd have to tell them about what happened two years ago and neither one of us wants that. Besides, the whole school will then be judging us and probably taking bets on how long it lasts It's…it's exactly what's happening with James and Lily right now and watching them endure the endless questioning just makes me realize I don't want to be a part of that if I don't need to be. We don't need anyone questioning our relationship when...when we're still trying to figure us out," he explained, staring intimately at her. "We're not exactly relationship people, Riley. This is new to us and we don't need the whole school waiting for us to screw up. Planting doubts in our minds. Doubts that wouldn't be there if it weren't for them."

"Right," Riley murmured. "It's just really hard hiding my feelings for you around everyone else. Especially tonight when I watch how Lily and James are with each other and I can't be that same way with you. And coming up with a lie off the top of my head is difficult!"

Sirius snorted. "Oh please, you've had years of practice with your mother and your grandmother."

Riley winced. "Oh man, wait until Gran hears about us. She'll throw a fit."

"Good, maybe she'll go into cardiac arrest."

"Sirius!"

"Oh c'mon, don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing."

Riley grinned. "Guilty as charged."

Sirius smiled shyly at the gleaming spark in her eyes. He cupped her face and leaned in to touch his lips against hers.

When they pulled apart, neither strayed their eyes away from the other. "I care about you so much, Riley," Sirius said breathlessly, running his fingers through her silky hair. "I'm really glad we're giving ourselves a second chance. Words can't express how much I love just being with you."

"Then don't tell me," she replied anxiously. "_Show _me."

The ends of Sirius' mouths curved up as he took her in his arms and gently kissed her cheeks. "There's nothing more I'd rather do."

* * *

**A/N:** Awww, aren't they all cute? Please tell me what you think of the first chapter! I hope it's up to par with what you all have been expecting :)


	2. Of Twister, Hypocrites, & Puddifoots

**A/N: **So apparently when I edit my story on this site, they don't put a space between italicized words and the next word so I apologize for the sloppiness. I went back and fixed it so I hope I got it all. I hope I got them all for this chapter also. Anyway, thanks for all of the reviews! I'm so glad that everyone liked the first chapter! It was just somewhat an introduction to the second half and I hope you all like this chapter as well. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I think we all know that I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 2: Of Twister, Hypocrites, & Puddifoots

* * *

Lily and James were hiding out in their private quarters much later that night, both attempting to do work, leaning against opposite armrests of the couch, facing inward to each other.

James slammed his Transfiguration book shut. "Okay, I'm bored."

Lily snickered and glanced over the top of her book at him. "You've been studying for ten minutes."

"Yeah and I'm bored," James teased. "I hate Transfiguration."

"It's your favorite subject," Lily pointed out with a playful grin.

"Seriously, do you have to know everything about me?" James laughed, playing footsie with her in the middle of the couch.

Lily laughed and pressed her foot against his. "Kinda. I am your girlfriend." That word still sounded foreign to her.

"Damn, I knew that would bite me in the ass one day," James muttered.

Lily grinned and followed his suit by shutting her book and placing it down on the table in front of her. She smile and outstretched her legs out on the couch. "Okay, well, if you don't want to do work, then what do you want to do?"

James gave her an impish look. "I think you know what I want to do…"

Lily hesitated. "Play Twister?"

James laughed. "Well, my idea _would_ involve some twisting…"

Lily smiled at her boyfriend lovingly. "You're so cute."

"Is that a yes?"

Lily snickered. "You're so cute."

James laughed. "I guess this means we go back to doing work."

Lily smiled, making a face. "I guess so."

They begrudgingly opened up their books again and continued doing work in silence, just being comfortable with each other beside them.

Lily's eyes quickly wandered from the page she was reading to a crack in the wall on the opposite side of the room. She bit down on her lip, thinking about all the gossip that was going around the school about her and James. She was hoping to get a few weeks or even months in with her boyfriend before the school would start judging her relationship. She was glad she didn't have to hide her relationship, but now it was just hard for her to concentrate on anything but what they were saying. She had always been so good at pretending she didn't care what they think, but truth was, she hated feeling judged.

James glanced over his book and smiled at her chewing on the end of her quill, deep in thought.

Lily let out another sigh about five minutes later.

James snickered and glanced over the top of his Transfiguration textbook. "Y'know, you might as well put the Charms' book down. It's clear you're not reading it."

Lily was startled to hear James speak, after such a long time of silence between the two. She took James' advice and shut her book, placing it down on the table in front of her slowly. "I…I just keep thinking about the whole school talking about us."

"Again?"

Lily sighed. "It's hard to ignore," she pointed out. "It would just be nice if they stopped gossipping and tried to understand. That's all."

A look of mischief came over his face before he grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her off the couch. "Well, c'mon then."

Lily glanced up at him, confused. "C'mon what?"

"Well, we're not going to be able to change their minds about us if we continue hiding out in here, are we?" James said giddily. "Go put on multiple layers and meet me back here in a few minutes." He started to run towards his room.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?" Lily asked in complete confusion. "'Multiple layers?' We're going outside? I don't know if you've noticed, but there's a blizzard going on out there. I've been enjoying the fire and the warmth in here! I don't want my nose to turn blue!"

James turned around and smiled sweetly at her. "I know it's cold and it's snowing, and that's why I asked you to put on multiple layers," he responded softly. "It also happens to be the first snowfall of the New Year. And there's no one else I'd rather share it with."

Lily's heart melted and she couldn't help but smile and bite her lip, a feeling of warmth not related to the fire spreading throughout her. "I guess frostbite is something I can deal with as long as I get to share it with you."

James laughed. "That's the spirit!"

Lily chuckled and opened her door to her room to pile on the clothing, finding it impossible not to smile. She hesitated, glancing over her shoulder as James disappeared into his own room. She couldn't believe her luck. There was no doubt in her mind that James was meant to be her boyfriend. She loved how James made her feel. He seemed to understand her more than anyone ever had and she hadn't even been with him that long. He always managed to guess what was on her mind, he always seemed to know what she wanted, he always made her feel like she was the only person in the room just by smiling at her, she still got tingles down her back every time he gazed at her, she never felt uncomfortable around him, and most importantly, he didn't pressure her. She was finding more and more reason to spend every minute of her time with him. She never wanted to be apart from him and was always thinking about the next time they'd be together. Lily was surprised at how comfortable she felt with him considering this was only her second boyfriend and it _was_ James Potter, giving her enough reason to feel embarrassed and distressed around him. But that wasn't the case. It was clear that he took his relationships seriously and it was clear he understood that Lily was different from Kristina. Lily liked knowing she was special to him. More importantly, she liked _feeling _special.

Lily smiled at herself as she placed on her winter jacket. If only the school would stop talking about her she could actually enjoy her relationship.

* * *

"It's actually quite beautiful out here," Lily whispered, her voice breaking the tranquil silence that had protruded throughout the grounds. Everywhere she looked was covered in a beathless layer of white. It was something out of a photograph. So picturesque and peaceful. Everything lay uncharacteristically still and untouched and the night sky illuminated the bright snowflakes that adorned every piece of nature.

"I love snow," James spoke softly. Something about the peacefulness of the snow made them feel like they had to whisper their words. Unexpectedly, they weren't the only ones out and about the grounds that evening. A group of younger students were partaking in a snowball fight, a few couples were taking a romantic walk along the outskirts, others were making snow forts and snowmen. "Something about it is so...I don't know. Peaceful, as lame as that sounds."

Lily shook her head. "Not lame at all," she disagreed. "As a kid, I always believed that there was something so magical about a snowfall. And not the wizards and witches type of magical. But magical in the sense of fantasies and dreams. It felt so peaceful and youthful running around in the snow making snowmen and trying to catch snowflakes on my tongue. Snow always reminded me of just being a kid until..." she trailed off, the words catching in her throat.

He glanced down at her, sensing her sudden discomfort. He reached for her hand and squeezed it to the best of his ability with their hands both covered by gloves. "Until?"

She frowned sullenly, her heart starting to race. She had promised James that she would try to let him into her life and her heart and the next statement would certainly do so. But it scared her. She had always been so good at closing herself and her past off from the people in her life. Opening up was difficult for her.

And yet, she knew that she couldn't imagine not sharing her life and her past with James. If she was going to open up to anyone, it was going to be him. She took a deep breath in and exhaling sharply, said, "Now it just reminds me of my parents."

His heart skipped a beat. It had been a month since they had gotten together but she hadn't brought up her childhood once. And he hadn't pushed it. But he was so eager to learn more about her. "How so?" he urged.

"The night they got into that car accident, it started snowing. It resulted in the biggest snowstorm of the season. Normally, I would have loved it. I would have been playing around in the snow with my sister while my parents made us hot chocolate for when we finally came inside."

James felt the goosebumps growing on his arms. He knew it wasn't due to the cold air.

"Instead, I just remember staring out the hospital window as the snow fell hard afraid that when the snow stopped and the snowstorm would be over, my mother...my mother's life would be over, too," she continued in a small voice. "Which I realize is stupid. Because the snow really had no correlation to what happened to my parents whatsoever, but..."

"But it's what you think of every time it snows," James finished for her, staring down into her angst-filled emerald eyes.

She nodded, meeting his gaze. "Yeah," she murmured.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her close to him, kissing the side of her face as they continued to traipse through the snow. "I get it," James spoke, his voice strained. He felt his own heartbeat thumping out of his chest. "Every time I catch a sunrise, it...it reminds me of Wyatt."

Her eyebrow arched curiously. It was her turn to ask, "How so?"

He slowly frowned. James didn't speak of his older brother much. If at all. But if Lily could share her past, he could share his. "When we realized he had disappeared, I...I just remember my parents frantically searching for him all day. Calling around, visiting his favorite hotspots, asking his girlfriend and his friends where he might have gone off to. And I...I didn't do any of that. I remember thinking that none of it was real. That he was coming back. He _had _to come back. He was my big brother." He stopped to reminisce on a day he had so long suppressed. He felt Lily's helpless gaze on him as he stared straight ahead, too vulnerable to bother looking over at her. He cleared his throat warily, continuing, "So while my parents did everything they could to find him, I just remember sitting on the balcony all day and all night staring out at my backyard. In particular this large vacant meadow in the distance where my family used to play Quidditch. I remember thinking about all of the fun we had as kids growing up. I remember focusing on the past so as not to focus on the present. I remember at some point, Riley coming in and sitting beside me. She didn't speak and neither did I. And it wasn't until the sun rose that I-I..." the words caught in his throat and he had to clear it before speaking softly, "That I remember coming to terms with the fact that I knew he wasn't coming back."

There was such defeat in his tone that Lily just wanted to embrace him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But if anyone knew that that wasn't necessarily true, it was she. So she didn't bother trying to comment at all. Something James found himself grateful for. "It...it sucks, doesn't it?" she contemplated.

He finally glanced down at her. "What does?" he murmured.

"That something so beautiful - snow and sunrises - can be tainted by such unfortunate memories," she whispered hoarsely, biting down on her bottom lip vulnerably.

His heart skipped a beat and a crooked, sad smile appeared on his face. He stopped walking, gripping her hand tighter as he stepped in closer to her. "Not everything beautiful has to be tainted," he whispered, his eyes staring suggestively into hers.

She blushed, recognizing the unforced compliment. As the snowflakes danced across their bare faces, she wrapped her arms around his neck and closed the already small gap between them. "Maybe from now on, I can associate snow with you and this moment right here."

The sadness of his smile was quickly replaced with adoration for the girl standing in front of him. He didn't hesitated to kiss her. It was a short kiss. A sweet kiss. But it held so much significance. When he pulled back from her, he gazed into her beautiful emerald eyes and whispered, "Any chance you'll be up for a sunrise sometime soon?"

She smiled back. "I think that can be arranged."

* * *

Lily was attempting to strip off her scarf as she tumbled back into her own private quarters, a permanent smile resting on her face. She and James had spent the last hour and a half traipsing around in the snow, and while her nose was bright red and her eyelashes were dripping with icicles, she had enjoyed every minute of it.

"Were you just outdoors?"

Lily jumped, letting out a shriek.

"Nice to see you, too, Lily-bean."

She glared at Sirius. "What are you doing, sneaking up on people?"

"I didn't realizing sitting on your couch was sneaking up on you."

He had a point. She was clearly just in too much of a daze thinking about James to have noticed Sirius. She pursed her lips and headed towards her bedroom without another word, feeling the need to change out of her wet clothing.

"You either have snowflakes in your hair or dandruff," Sirius snickered.

Lily shot him a glare over her shoulder.

"It's probably snowflakes," he snickered. He got up off the couch and helped her wipe away the wet flakes from her hair. "Where's James?"

"On rounds."

"And you're not with him? Aren't rounds the perfect excuse to snog in dark corners of the hallways?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "We do more than snog, y'know."

"Oh, yeah? And what did your walk outside mainly comprise of?"

Lily frowned.

"That's what I thought."

"We did more than snog outdoors," she argued. "We made snow angels, too."

Sirius chuckled. "Oh, gee, my mistake."

Lily forced out a smile before heading towards her room, still shivering from the cold. "James should be back soon if you want to wait."

"We were supposed to meet to finish our Astronomy charts an hour ago."

Lily stopped in her doorway at the hint of bitterness in his voice. She slowly turned around to glance at him, who was wearing a cheeky grin. "But I guess I can see how making snow angels would be more entertaining than making up shit on our Astronomy charts."

Lily grimaced. "I'm sorry, Sirius."

His eyebrows shot up immediately. "For what?"

"For stealing your friend away."

"What are you talking about?"

"It just seems like lately, he and I are together a lot. And I'm sorry. Because that means that you and he are together less."

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. "Nah. Believe me, it's a little more creepy when he and I are the ones making the snow angels." It helped that he had Riley to distract him from James' frequent disappearances.

Lily gave him a look. "Sirius."

He laughed. "What?"

She sighed, knowing he was trying hard to pretend as if he wasn't slightly downtrodden. "Nothing," she eventually murmured. She slowly turned her back on him once again, heading into her bedroom. She went digging through her chest of drawers for her favorite flannel pajamas and oversized sweatshirt. She started stripping off her jacket and threw it on to her desk chair haphazardly.

"I hope you know I'm happy for you two."

Lily jumped, glancing towards her open doorway. He was casually leaning up against the doorframe with a sad smile on his face. "I know, Sirius."

He met her gaze, a slight hint of disappointment flickering in his eye before quickly dissipating into his usual gleeful self. "If you need help changing, don't hesitate to-"

"SIRIUS!"

He laughed and traipsed back into the living room. A few minutes later, Lily wandered back out in her comfortable sweatpants and sweatshirt with her own Astronomy chart in her hands. "Here," she offered. "You can use some of my plans to map out your own."

He grinned. "Thanks! Don't tell James, but I always liked you better."

Lily's eyebrows shot up as she joined him on the couch. "Liar," she snorted, gesturing for him to throw her the blanket that was spread over the back of the couch.

He obliged and glanced over her star chart. "Jeez, this actually looks accurate."

"Yeah, that's what real homework looks like," she teased. "Not an entirely fabricated star chart."

"Yeah, but it's a hell of a lot more fun planning your own downfalls for the month. Last month I was supposed to die by a wooden spoon."

Lily blinked. "Do I even want to know how that would be possible?"

Sirius grinned. "No."

Lily shrugged. "Then I won't ask," she said with a teasing smile. "So, pray tell, why do the two of you insist on continuing with Astronomy?"

"Ah, blame Moony for that one," Sirius muttered. "It was always his favorite class so he insisted that we take it. I think he anticipated we would broaden our horizons."

"You don't have any horizons to broaden."

"That's what I said!" Sirius agreed with an amused grunt. "Personally, I'd rather take the hour of free time."

"You are the laziest person I know, Sirius."

"Why, thank you," he said with a grin, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back casually.

She rolled her eyes and pulled out her Defense Against the Dark Arts book to start her essay on Animagi transformations. Sirius whimpered, realizing that she was putting an end to the conversation in order to get to work. Which meant that he had to finish up his own work. He reluctantly pulled out his Astronomy chart and compared it to Lily's.

Lily gazed over at him curiously. "Why are you doing your Astronomy chart when this essay is due on Monday and the charts aren't due until Wednesday?"

"I finished that essay last night."

Lily glanced up at him, startled. "We just received it yesterday morning."

"And I finished it last night. What's your point?" He shot her a cheeky grin.

Lily hesitated, turning to page 476 slowly. "Why do you always insist on pretending as if you're not intelligent?"

"Oh, believe me, I don't have to pretend to do that," he joked, tickling the top of his quill under her chin.

She jerked away from him. "_Sirius_."

He chuckled, ignoring the irritation in her eyes. "What?" he asked innocently. "Why does it matter what I do?"

"Because you might be one of the brightest students in this school," she retaliated immediately. "And yet you seem so convinced otherwise."

He shrugged, returning to his Astronomy chart. "Well, when your parents tell you for nearly fifteen years that you're a worthless idiot, somewhere down the line, you start to believe it."

Lily frowned, her eyes never straying from him. There was sudden tension in his face that told Lily he hated discussing it. "You shouldn't believe it, Sirius," she pleaded. "Because you're definitely not worthless or are you an idiot."

He shrugged dismissively. "Well, thanks for saying that," he mumbled awkwardly. "But it's not necessary."

"Yes, it is," she argued. "You may use your intelligence mostly for evil, but-"

"I don't know what you're insinuating."

She gave him a look, amused by the twinkle of humor in his eyes. "Oh, please, you were inducted into the Hall of Fame for pranks and mischief _years _ago. You are-"

"Ooh, do they really have one of those?"

She rolled her eyes. "You were also inducted into the Hall of Fame for ADD."

He laughed. "Now, I know that doesn't exist."

She grinned. "You could have been Head Boy in a heartbeat if-"

"Hell to the no," he snickered. "Prongsie can have that title. It would be no fun playing the part of role model."

Lily chuckled, glancing over towards James' room. "It wouldn't be much fun for me either," she said suggestively.

A sly grin broke out on Sirius' face as wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Oooh, do you think things would have turned out differently?"

"Don't even go there," Lily argued immediately, shuddering.

Sirius grinned and glanced back down at his Astronomy chart briefly before realizing he had no desire to finish it. He chucked it to the side with a stifled yawn. "We need to get you involved in pranks, Lily-bean."

She snorted, her eyes running across her Defense Against the Dark Arts pages. "To repeat what you said earlier: hell to the no."

"Hey, you're dating the numero uno prankster in this school-"

"I thought you were numero uno?"

Sirius shrugged. "Fine, numero two, but you still-"

"I think you mean numero dos."

He blinked. "What does a square-dance have to do with pranking?"

"That's do-si-do, you prat."

He blinked. "I'm completely lost."

Lily chuckled. "I take back my comment about you being intelligent."

Sirius pouted. "Where the hell is James? I like working with him better. He doesn't insult my intelligence."

Lily's amused eyes shifted slowly from her page to Sirius' scowling expression.

Sirius shrugged. "Well, alright, he does, but I'm used to it after seven years. This whole you-insulting-me thing is more recent."

"Well, I can always try and insult you more frequently to give you more time to get used to it."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Not exactly what I meant."

Laughter shone in her eyes as she returned to her books. Sirius hesitated before reluctantly picking up his Astronomy chart once more. They worked in silence for the next few minutes until they heard the door creak open.

James walked in, looking exhausted, and smiled when he was greeted by his girlfriend and best friend. "I caught Rodolphus and Bellatrix snogging in the North Tower and will forever be scarred," he murmured, shuddering. He leaned over the couch and kissed Lily. "I see you're dry now."

She smiled and nodded. "My fingers are still numb, but I'll survive."

"I'm dry, too!" Sirius chimed in. "And my fingers aren't numb."

James glanced at him curiously.

He grinned sheepishly. "I just wanted to feel included."

James snickered. "Did you want me to kiss you, too?"

Sirius made a face. "Please don't."

James flashed him a smile before retreating to his room. "Let me grab my Astronomy chart and I'll be right out."

"Nah, don't bother. I'm almost done."

James paused in his doorway and turned back around. "I thought we were going to concoct our downfalls together!"

"Yeah, _two hours ago_," Sirius snorted, one of his eyebrows shooting upward into his hair.

James glanced down at his watch. "Oh," he cringed. "Sorry. Time must have gotten away from me."

Sirius shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Besides, I know you two just want to get back to cuddling like bunnies on the couch, so I'll get out of your hair."

"Do bunnies cuddle?" Lily interjected.

Sirius shrugged. "I was going to say humping like bunnies, but I thought that might have been a tad crude."

"And when has that ever stopped you?"

Sirius grinned. "Good point," he snickered, gathering up his books. "You two have fun humping like bunnies."

He wasn't surprised when Lily kicked him in the shins.

* * *

"So when do you think the gossip will die down?" Riley asked Lily the following night, lifting her head from the fashion magazine she was reading. James was going out with the guys so Lily chose to spend the night with Riley and Kay in their dorm room.

Lily snorted and looked up from the floor, where she was doing Advanced Transfiguration work. "When we graduate and I don't have to endure these people anymore," she replied with a snarky grin.

Kay laughed and swiveled around in her desk chair. "Or the next piece of huge gossip develops," she added.

Riley gave Kay a look. "What's bigger than after six years of extreme detestation for each other, the Head Girl and Head Boy, who just _happen _to be living in close quarters with each other which certainly begs a lot of questions, fall into a relationship only minutes after the Head Boy breaks up with his girlfriend of five months, the same girlfriend who caused the Head Boy to settle down and emerge from his player reputation?"

Lily stared at Riley open-mouthed. "So what you're saying is…I should just move to China?"

Riley and Kay erupted into laughter. "Yes, that's pretty much what I was going for," Riley teased, diving back into her fashion magazine.

"You going to Hogsmeade with James?" Kay asked, pushing her essay to the side.

Lily hesitated, cocking her head to the side. "Er...well, he never actually asked me."

Riley stifled her laughter. "Let me get this straight: that guy asked you to every Hogsmeade visit since we were old enough to go into Hogsmeade and he now finally has you and he...he _doesn't _ask you out?"

Kay couldn't stop herself from laughing, earning a glare from Lily. "Maybe he just assumed I'd say yes."

"A girl still likes to be asked," Riley pointed out.

Lily was going to argue but truth was, it would be nice to be asked. And it would be nice to finally say yes.

When she returned to her room later that night, she wasn't surprised to find it empty. She could only imagine the trouble that the Marauders were getting into on a Friday night. After changing into shorts and an old sweatshirt of her father's, she settled into the couch with her Advanced Transfiguration notes. She was mid-research when the door was thrust open and in sauntered James with his three friends, cheeky grins playing on all of their lips as they were greeted by Lily.

"Uh-oh," Lily greeted. "What did you all do?"

They exchanged feigned innocent looks as James traipsed over to her, joining her on the couch. "Nothing. We sat in our dorm all night doing our homework and talking about the weather," he said with a grin.

No one was surprised when Lily burst into laughter. "If you're going to lie, you might want to try and make it believable."

"It could be true," Remus argued, smiling innocently.

"Except you were with Sirius. So doing homework is automatically out."

Sirius grinned. "The girl makes a good point."

"Whatever it is you were doing, I'm probably going to find out tomorrow morning at breakfast, hm?" Lily spoke.

Four suggestive expressions stared back at her.

"Or you could just skip breakfast and we can grab something in Hogsmeade together," James suggested instead, his eyebrow arching curiously.

"And here I thought you had forgotten how to ask me out on a Hogsmeade date," Lily retaliated with an accusatory arched eyebrow.

"Ouch," Sirius snickered.

"You never asked her to tomorrow's Hogsmeade visit?" Peter snorted.

"You moron," Remus groaned.

"Hey, the girl rejected me every single time I've asked her out in the past! So sue me for being a little hesitant," he whined.

"The word you're looking for is coward," Sirius spoke with a teasing grin.

James glared at him. "Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

"And miss you being berated by Miss Lily-bean?" Sirius argued, perching on the end of the coffee table cross-legged. "Hell no."

Lily rolled her eyes, but chuckled lightly. "Get out, Sirius," she urged, pointing to the door.

"Aw, c'mon! I promise you won't even know I'm here. All I need is popcorn and I'll keep quiet."

"Out!" both Lily and James snickered.

Sirius sighed, climbing off the coffee table. "C'mon, guys," he spoke to Remus and Peter. "Wouldn't want to be around a whipped Jamesie anyway."

James glared at him. "Why am I friends with you?"

"Hm, not sure," he said with a shrug and a grin. He waved dismissively and then he, Remus, and Peter were gone.

"So," Lily said once the door shut behind them. "What was that about asking me out?"

He grinned, grabbing her textbook from her hand and chucking it on to the coffee table. He reached for her hand and gestured for her to move closer to him. She smiled reluctantly and fell into his touch, letting him wrap his arms around her as he kissed the top of her forehead. "Lily Evans," he spoke in a soft voice, "Will you go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow?"

She smiled, lifting her face to meet his gaze. "James Potter," she whispered. "There's no one I'd rather go to Hogsmeade with."

His eyebrow arched. "Even the lake squid?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Eh, we had our fling but I broke it off the moment you chose me."

"Aw, you probably broke his poor little heart!"

Lily grinned, arching her head up to press her lips to his. "If you'd like, I could ask him out for tomorrow."

"Nah, I'm not one for sharing," he said with a smile.

She smiled, kissing him again before cuddling up against him. "Y'know," she said softly. "I think I'm okay with that."

* * *

That Saturday was the first Hogsmeade trip of the New Year and everyone was excited to get away from the castle for a little while. A light flurry filled the air and the temperature unfortunately plummeted from the prior days, but all of the students were excited to taste butterbeer and stuff themselves with licorice snaps once again.

"What do I wear?" Lily whined for the hundredth time that morning, throwing yet another sweater into the no pile.

Riley rolled her eyes, flipping through an old _Witch Weekly_ she had found under Lily's bed. "Who cares?" she snickered. "James has seen you over a trillion times in the past seven years, Lily. There's no need to fret over an outfit."

"Yeah, but he's seen me mostly in my school uniform. I finally get to wear street clothes around him."

"He'd probably rather see you naked."

"Riley!"

Riley and Kay shared a laugh, ignoring the glare that Lily was sending their way. "What?" Riley chuckled. "Oh, has he already seen that side of you?"

Lily flung a sweater at her. "_No_," she reassured. "Must you be so perverted?"

"Well, I'm forced to hang around Black. He was bound to rub off on me eventually."

Lily rolled her eyes and returned to picking out an outfit. "James and I have only ever snogged, Riley."

"Interesting. And he's still with you?"

"RILEY!"

Her laughter filled the room. "I'm kidding!"

Lily rolled her eyes, throwing a navy striped sweater over her tank top. She frowned in the mirror. "Why are sweaters so unsexy?"

Kay and Riley shared an amused look. "Wow, never thought you'd care about being sexy."

"I haven't had anyone to look sexy for."

"I hope you realize that James could care less about what you wear," Riley said with a shrug. "Just as long as you're with him."

"And unless you get your skinny little butt into action, you're going to miss the carriages and therefore, _not _be with him today," Kay pointed out.

Lily whimpered. "Then help me pick an outfit!"

"I had enough trouble helping Riley pick an outfit. Now I need to help you?" Kay whined, burying her head in her arms.

"Oh, do you need to go back and change into whatever outfit you chose?" Lily asked with a teasing grin, glancing behind her shoulder at Riley.

Riley glared at her. "That was just mean."

"Ah, yes, and questioning why James is still with me even though we've only snogged is…?"

"Realistic."

"Okay, you're officially banned from my room," Lily snickered, pointing to her bedroom door.

Riley laughed and climbed off of Lily's bed. "I need to go grab my jacket anyway. Hurry up and pick an outfit already, 'kay?"

Lily made a face as Kay climbed off the window ledge and followed Riley out the door. "Just remember you look good in black."

"That's not helpful since half my wardrobe is black!" Lily cried out after her. But the door had already shut behind them.

"Hey guys," Riley greeted Remus, Sirius, and Peter who were lazily seated around James' and Lily's common room. "Where's James?"

"Probably trying on his fifteenth outfit," Sirius murmured with a grunt.

Riley groaned. "Him, too? What is wrong with those two?"

"It's a sickness called _relationships_," Remus groaned.

"Aren't you meeting Jillian in Hogsmeade today?"

"We're not in a relationship!"

Riley snickered. "You keep telling yourself that." She gestured towards Kay as they headed toward the door. "We're going to go grab our jackets and scarves. See you down at the carriages?"

They all nodded as Remus returned to flipping through an old Quidditch catalog while Sirius and Peter continued to groan about James' over-preparation.

"Jeez, James, how long does it take you to get ready?" Remus eventually shouted towards James' closed door.

"We're just going into Hogsmeade!" Sirius agreed, stifling a yawn. "It's not like you're going to meet the Prime Minister or something!"

James stuck his head out of his door and glared at them. "Today marks the first official date between me and Lily and it needs to be perfect down to the smallest detail, including my outfit!"

"When did you turn into a girl, Prongs?" Sirius snorted.

James glared at him. "Do I wear the blue shirt or the grey one?" he asked, ignoring Sirius' comment. "Or maybe the black one?"

"This is ridiculous," Sirius whined. "I want to get down to the carriages preferably _before _all the good ones are taken. Last time, I got stuck behind a thestral that pooped like crazy and I'd rather not be smelling like thestral shit all day long again!"

Remus laughed. "I forgot about that."

"I didn't," Sirius murmured.

"Well, Padfoot, I'd rather not be smelling like some old dirty gym sock, so _give me a break_!" James barked.

"My god, just wear your school clothes. Clearly Lily likes you in those considering she's seen you in those about a million times!" Peter snickered.

James gave him a look. "I can't wear my school clothes! She needs to see me in something outside the things she's seen me in every damn day and it needs to be something flattering," he groaned, rushing back into his room to get re-changed.

"Wow," Sirius smirked shaking his head in disbelief. He threw back his head and screamed out in the direction of James' room, "You are such a girl!"

"This coming from the guy who took another two hours in the bathroom Thursday night to prepare for a date," Remus muttered teasingly.

Sirius forced out a laugh, but glanced towards James' door hoping Remus' voice was soft enough that James didn't hear considering Sirius ran into him that night and James would know he was with Riley and he would be busted. "So I like to look good," Sirius hissed. "Which isn't hard considering I'm one hot stud."

Remus simply rolled his eyes.

"Oh c'mon," Sirius continued. "Don't you like to look good for Jillian?"

Remus blushed. "Don't bring her into this."

Sirius chuckled. "Hm, I seem to remember someone taking their sweet time in the bathroom this morning for their hot date with a certain Jillian Greene today."

Remus glanced over the top of the magazine and gave Sirius a look. "What's your point?"

"My point is you're being a hypocrite," Sirius smirked.

Remus shut the magazine and gave Sirius a jaded look. "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but how am I being a hypocrite?"

"You took an extra hour to get ready for your date this morning and you're criticizing _me _for using up the bathroom a few more hours on Thursday night," Sirius pointed out. "_That _makes you a hypocrite and that does not make _me _a girl."

Remus snorted. "You're the one that called James a girl, remember?" Remus flashed him a grin. "Now who's being a hypocrite?"

Sirius hesitated, thinking back a few minutes. "Oh yeah."

Remus rolled his eyes again and reopened the magazine.

James' door swung open and he walked out into his commons room. "Okay, how do I look?"

All he got were three blank stares.

"I think you look rather sexy," a seductive voice uttered.

All four turned around and stared at Lily, who was leaning up against her doorframe casually in a black and green argyle sweater.

"Ew, unnecessary mental images in my head," Sirius muttered, shuddering.

Lily laughed and walked over to James, who smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss.

"Ew, even more unnecessary mental images," Sirius murmured.

Lily pulled away and rolled her eyes, as James put his arm around her. "How immature," she teased. "Do you know how many times I've unfortunately had to encounter you snogging some girl in a rather ostentatious and, in my opinion, disgusting way?"

Sirius simply grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively. "I could remind you, if you'd like."

Lily gave him a doubtful look. "I'm not charmed by your seductive ways, Sirius, or do you need reminding of the time I gave you a black eye during fifth year when you told me we'd make hot babies and shouldn't deprive the world of such good-looking children."

Remus, Peter, and James all gasped and stared at Sirius eagerly. "That was Lily who punched you?" James practically shrieked. "You told us it was Regulus!" His eyes were lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. It was clear this was not the right thing for Lily to say at the time.

Sirius scowled and gave Lily an exasperated look. "Why must you bring up the past in front of my friends? You know I don't tell them anything."

Lily grinned sheepishly. "Oh, and here I am thinking friends don't keep secrets from friends," she replied sardonically.

"The only thing I tell them is my sexual encounters with women," Sirius replied. "And I don't so much as tell them as I do brag to them."

"Yeah, and that's the one thing we could do without you telling us," Peter snickered, earning chuckles from everyone.

"But speaking of your sexual encounters with women, Sirius," Lily jumped in curiously, "who's the lucky lady today?"

Sirius gave her an inquisitive look. "Huh?"

Lily raised her eyebrows at him. "Oh come on. Ever since we were allowed on these Hogsmeade trips in third year, you've managed to scrape up a date for every single one."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably and shrugged. "Well, not today."

"Whoa," Remus said, surprised. "James has a date with Lily. I have a date with Jillian. Peter has a date with Teresa. And you have a date with…_no one_?"

Sirius shrugged. "It would appear so, yes."

"Has hell frozen over?" Remus asked curiously.

"Are pigs flying?" Peter questioned.

"Or maybe the planets are misaligned?" James suggested.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You have Lily. That's not much of a date," he teased.

Lily gave him an unamused look and flipped her hair over her shoulder with a shrug. "Yeah, well, you have nobody, so somehow, you're words don't hurt me."

"You're evil," Sirius murmured with a teasing smile on his face.

Lily grinned. "I know. One of my greater qualities."

"I liked you better without James," Sirius laughed, flashing her a grin.

"Yeah, well so did Kristina," Remus interjected.

They all stared at him.

"I said that aloud, didn't I?" Remus murmured with a sheepish grin.

"I'll never know how you snagged Jillian with your lack of tact, that's for sure," Sirius laughed, earning a pillow to the head.

Remus shrugged. "She was drunk of course."

They all burst into laughter.

"And I didn't snag her," Remus corrected, shooting him a look. "We're just...friends."

"Who snog at every given chance," Sirius sniggered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Are you seriously mocking me for kissing a girl, Sirius?"

"Who said anything about mocking?" Sirius replied with an innocent shrug. "I'm just merely trying to point out to you that you like this girl."

"And I'm just merely trying to point out that it doesn't matter whether I do or not. We're not going to be in a relationship anytime soon."

Sirius sighed, sensing the irritation in his friend's voice. "Friends with benefits it is."

Remus glared at him.

"Acquaintances with benefits?"

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

He grinned, pretending to zip his lips.

Lily rolled her eyes, grabbing her bag off the table. "C'mon, let's go down to the carriages," she spoke, leading them out of the common room.

Sirius yawned. "I'm too tired to bother getting up off this couch."

James shrugged. "Fine, don't take a carriage. But then you'll have to walk into Hogsmeade and God knows how much you hate exercise," James said, following Lily out.

Sirius jumped off the couch and ran towards the exit. "Let's go, let's go, let's go! Move your butts, Remus and Peter! We're gonna be late! WE'RE GONNA MISS THE CARRIAGES!" he cried, already running down the hallways.

James rolled his eyes. "That guy is so easy."

"That's what all the girls are saying," Lily teased.

* * *

"Okay, where to first?" Sirius asked giddily.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm assuming you want to go to the candy store."

"Well, hey, since you brought it up!" Sirius asked skipping along the road perkily.

"You had to mention it, didn't you…" Remus sighed, giving James a look.

"Twenty sickles say people assume he's high," Riley whispered to Remus, to which both laughed.

"An extra five say they think he's drunk as well," he agreed, high-fiving her with another laugh.

"What are you two laughing at?" Kay asked, sneaking up behind them.

Riley shrugged. "Sirius' stupidity."

Kay snickered. "Don't we laugh at that every day?"

"I may be a few steps ahead but I can still hear you!" Sirius cried, turning around to give them a look, continuing to skip backwards.

"I say we get away from them," James whispered into Lily's ear, grabbing her hand and slowly dragging her back away from their friends.

Lily glanced around at all the students that were staring at her and James' together, now holding hands, and nodded. "Someplace where we won't be judged, preferably," she murmured, giving James a pleading look.

James smiled at her. "How about Madam Puddifoot's?" he asked. "The only students there will be couples and too into each other to bother gossiping about us."

Lily looked at him in surprise, never imagining James in such a girly tea shop. "Do you actually want to go there or are you just trying to please me?"

James laughed. "Mostly the latter," he informed. "But you're my girl now. Pleasing you is my main priority."

"Hm…" Lily said suggestively. "And I thought getting me into bed was your main priority."

"Oh, that's on my Top Ten for sure," James teased, kissing her lightly on the cheek.

Lily couldn't help but smile. "Aw, how sweet," she replied sarcastically. "Madam Puddifoot's it is."

"We also have to get all those supplies for decorating the Great Hall for Valentine's Day," James pointed out.

Lily smiled. "We have plenty of time later for that."

He grinned and, brushing a tendril from her forehead, said, "Sounds good."

Lily and James hurried up to catch up with the others to tell them they were going off in their own direction. "Hey, guys-" James started but was interrupted by Sirius' whines.

"Look, Honedukes is only a few stores away!"

"Yeah, but the Post Office is right here," Remus indicated, pointing at the Post Office to their right.

Sirius gave Remus a look. "And what is so great about a stingy Post Office with smelly owls?"

"I have a parcel I need to send home, you moron," Remus said, holding up the small package in his right hand.

"Yeah, and I have to send a letter to Gran before she has a heart attack," Riley murmured. "She just found out I went on a date with Rhett Davies over a month ago and is wondering why that didn't last long."

James snorted. "My guess is she assumed you did something stupid to mess it up."

Riley snickered. "Oh yeah. She's convinced I scared him off by some sort of provocative clothing I must have been wearing."

Sirius grunted. "I remember that date and I certainly remember your outfit. You probably did scare him off with your clothing."

The group stared at him in confusion, except for Riley, who found it somewhat comforting her boyfriend cared so much.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"First of all, why do you remember Riley's outfit? Second of all, why do you care?" Lily questioned curiously.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't care," he replied evasively. "Now, can I go get some Fizzing Whizzbees before I starve?"

"You had breakfast less than an hour ago," Peter pointed out.

"Yeah, and if I recall correctly, you ate the entire plate of scones," Kay snickered.

"Yeah! There weren't any raspberry scones left for me!" Lily pouted.

Sirius shrugged. "You weren't quick enough."

"You bit my arm when I tried to steal one from you!" Lily pointed out.

Sirius shrugged sheepishly. "You were getting in the way of my appetite."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're pathetic, y'know that?"

"So I've been told," he grinned.

"Okay, well Lily and I are off to do our own thing," James finally said.

"Ugh, my guess is Puddifoot's," Sirius murmured.

"Not that it's any of your business, but _yes_, that's where we're headed," James said haughtily.

"Yeah…it's because you're whipped," Sirius laughed, ducking as James' hand swung at him.

"It's only been two weeks," Lily pointed out. "Wait another two and _then _he'll be whipped," she continued with a laugh and a teasing smile in James' direction.

"Hm…I don't get a say in this, do I?" James murmured.

"Nope, not really," Lily kidded, kissing him on the cheek.

James laughed. "Come on, let's go."

He wrapped his arm around her waist and led her down the street.

"How about Three Broomsticks later?" Riley cried out after as they started headed off.

"Three o'clock?" Lily suggested, glancing at James to make sure that was okay, who was nodding in agreement.

"Three's good," Remus agreed, as everyone else nodded and Lily and James walked away through the busy crowds.

"Well, I'm meeting Teresa in a few minutes so I should go," Peter said, glancing down at his watch.

"Yeah, I'm late meeting Alice for a drink in Three Broomsticks," Kay admitted. "You…you want to come with me, Riley?" she suggested, realizing that Riley would be stuck with Sirius if Remus went off with Jillian.

Riley shook her head. "Nah, I gotta head off to the Post Office. I'll see you at Three Broomsticks later, okay?"

Kay nodded and headed towards the Three Broomsticks.

"Wow, I'm going to be left alone," Sirius whimpered.

Remus shrugged uncaringly. "Okay, well I'm going to stop in the Post Office and then I'm off to meet Jillian at Zonko's," Remus said.

"I'll come with you to the Post Office," Riley agreed. "But you're on your own with Jillian," she teased.

"Oh darn, and I really wanted you tagging along," Remus replied sarcastically, leading them into the Post Office.

"Yep, definitely alone," Sirius murmured, giving Riley an apologetic look as she turned back to glance at him one last time.

If only they could spend the day together.

* * *

Sirius felt someone's hands cover his eyes and he grinned. "This better be Riley or I'm calling security."

Hot breath pressed against his right ear. "I don't think Honeydukes has security."

Sirius laughed and turned around. "Well then I guess I'llhave to be the one to handcuff you."

He glanced around to make sure he was alone in the aisle and kissed her quickly on the mouth. "This could look suspicious if anyone walks by."

Riley nodded and leaned against the rows of candy with a smile. "I know. I just couldn't help myself."

Sirius smiled at her and grabbed a sugar quill off the shelf, handing it to her. "Well if I can't kiss you, I can at least give you a gift."

Riley stared at him adoringly and took it out of his hand with a loving smile. "Yeah, candy is okay. A pony is even better."

"I'll work on it," he teased. Sirius winked at her and continued picking out some sweets. "So what are you planning on doing all day now that all your friends have left?" he questioned.

"I was hoping to find some time alone with a certain someone in a secluded area so he could take advantage of me," Riley said in a hushed tone.

Sirius threw down the bag of sweets and grabbed her hand, hurrying out the back entrance so they wouldn't be seen. "Candy time over."

Riley laughed and followed him outside. "Where are you taking me?"

"There's a quiet cave just over that hill over there," Sirius said, pointing to the right. "Meet me there in ten minutes."

* * *

**A/N: **Was the second chapter just as good as the first? I tried to show both the Lily/James relationship and the Sirius/Riley relationship a little more because people seem to want to see more of them, haha. Just a little bit of fluff! Lily is obviously feeling a little insecure now that the school is talking about her relationship, but she'll soon get over it. Please tell me what you think!


	3. Of Flirting, Religion & Knickers

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Sorry it's been so long but I was on vacation for the past week. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all! Hope everyone's new year is going well. Here is the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: **Okay, you should know by now that I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 3: Of Flirting, Religion, & Knickers

* * *

Remus and Jillian walked into the Three Broomsticks hand-in-hand, chatting animatedly about the other couples strolling around Hogsmeade, huddled together hoping to keep themselves warm in the brisk wind.

Remus rubbed Jillian's hands together, feeling the numbness in her fingers. "It was nice spending the day with you, Jillian," Remus said, smiling at her.

She grinned and blushed. "The pleasure was all mine, Mr. Lupin."

He hesitated before impulsively leaning down and brushing his lips across hers.

Jillian smiled shyly, biting down on the inside of her lip. "And the day just got better."

Remus' potential mushy response was interrupted by a voice behind him.

"Yo, Remus."

Remus turned around, stepping away from the doorway. "Oh hey Gideon. Hey Marlene. What's up?" He had a feeling he knew what Gideon Prewett wanted. It's what everybody wanted nowadays.

He shrugged. "Just wondering about Lily and James, that's all."

Bingo. Remus rolled his eyes. "They're dating. What's there to know?"

"Oh I don't know, why they're dating maybe?" he smirked sarcastically.

"Because, oh I don't know, they like each other?" Jillian added, glancing at Remus with the ends of her mouth turned up slightly.

"Cute. Real cute," Marlene muttered, rolling her eyes. "I think the question begs itself as to why James would choose her over Kristina."

"You can't always explain the attraction two people have," Remus sighed, his eyes drawn into Jillian's.

"You could try," Marlene teased.

Remus shrugged. "I could. But I won't."

She sighed. "C'mon Gideon, they're not going to tell us anything. Let's go find Sirius. If I show a little cleavage I'm sure I could get him to cave."

"Don't hold your breath," Remus muttered inwardly.

Gideon waved dismissively and headed back out the door.

Remus and Jillian both looked at each other with irritated looks and chose to search the Three Broomsticks for their friends, whom they found in a corner round booth.

"Merlin's Beard, why is it people can't seem to talk about anything other than Lily and James?" Remus murmured, slipping into the booth with Jillian right behind him beside Kay, Alice, and Peter, whose date apparently didn't last long.

"Yeah, I got mauled trying to buy a stupid book today," Kay murmured. "Stupid me for making friends with Lily first year."

Jillian smiled in amusement. "I'm sure she'd appreciate that," she teased.

"Yeah, well I couldn't do half of what I wanted to do this morning, so sorry if I sound slightly bitter," Kay pointed out.

"Hm, couldn't tell," Peter joked. "You have such a pleasant demeanor."

Kay stuck out her tongue.

"And you're so mature about it, too!" Remus pointed out.

"I can't help that the entire school is talking about James and Lily and it's cutting into what is supposed to be a leisurely Hogsmeade day," Kay pointed out.

"Yeah, we haven't had a moment of peace today," Jillian murmured.

"Looks like you had a little moment of peace in the doorway," Kay sniggered.

Remus scrunched up his nose. "Weren't we talking about Lily and James?"

Kay laughed.

"I can't believe how many far-fetched tales are out there," Peter continued with a sigh.

"I know," Kay agreed. "I'm pretty sure Amortentia was mentioned a few hundred times today. People just don't believe James could fall for someone 'not of his class.' Their words, not mine. People in this school can be so cruel."

"Yeah, Lily is being turned into some evil seductress who somehow manipulated James into dating her," Remus pointed out. "It's absolutely ridiculous. Just a few days ago, everyone respected Lily and now they're all ragging on her. How is that fair?"

"I feel bad for the girl," Alice Fisher murmured. "I mean, I thought I'd be feeling bad for Kristina the way she's been sulking all day, but it's Lily who I unfortuantely pity the most."

"Kristina has been sulking?" Jillian questioned.

Peter nodded. "She was in here earlier, but I think she headed back to Hogwarts when she realized everyone was staring and pointing at her, laughing that she got replaced by someone like Lily."

"Bloody hell, people can be harsh," Remus sighed.

"And if Lily really knew what people were saying about her, she'd be sulking even worse probably," Kay mumbled. "She could never really handle people talking about her behind her back. Gossip was something she always actively avoided."

"I don't think she's going to be able to avoid this," Peter sighed.

"Alas, probably true. But I say we steer clear of the 'everyone's attacking me about you two' story when James and Lily gets here so they don't have to deal with any more bullshit than they're already dealing with," Remus agreed.

Speaking of James and Lily, the door opened and the two of them hastily rushed in, brushing off their coats and shaking their heads of snow.

They walked over to the table and smushed in beside Jillian. "The snow is really starting to come down out there," James informed.

"Really?" Remus said in surprise. "The weather report didn't say anything about another snowfall for another few weeks or so."

"Yeah, well that white fluffy stuff that's falling from the sky looks and feels an awful lot like snow," Lily teased.

"Cute," Remus replied sarcastically, smiling.

"Hey guys," Riley greeted, slipping into the booth beside Kay with Sirius right by her side.

"Where have you been all day?" James questioned curiously, wondering suspiciously why she and Sirius had come in together.

She shrugged. "Around."

"Oh, really? _Around_? How specific. Sounds like so much fun," James responded sarcastically.

"It was," Riley replied dryly, ignoring his sarcasm.

"Again with the specifics. Well, if it's so much fun, maybe I should try getting around," James continued. He paused. "That came out wrong."

Riley laughed. "That's what you get for mocking me."

James rolled his eyes.

"I'm thirsty," Sirius chimed in. "Where's Rosmerta when you need her?"

"Planning on flirting with the girl you've always had a crush on, hm?" Remus snickered.

Sirius gave him a look, aware of Riley bearing her eyes into him with an amused expression. "I don't have a crush on her. I just want a butterbeer."

"And to ask her out for the millionth time," James teased.

"And to get _rejected_ for the millionth time," Remus added with a laugh.

"I won't get rejected because I won't be asking her out," Sirius muttered irritably, glaring at them both.

"Lighten up, we were only joking," James murmured when he saw the annoyed look on Sirius' face.

"Well, joke time's over," he retorted, jumping up from the booth to go to the bar to ask for a drink.

"Grab us all butterbeers!" Riley shouted after him as he disappeared.

"Jeez, what's up with him?" Lily muttered.

"He's probably frustrated with everyone bombarding him today asking him questions about you two," Peter interpreted, earning glares from Remus, Kay, and Jillian. "What?"

"Way to steer clear of that topic, Peter," Remus murmured.

"People have been bombarding you?" Lily asked surprised.

"Uh…no," Kay lied.

Lily gave her a look.

"Okay, maybe a few."

Lily continued to stare at her.

"Okay, yeah, a lot of people have been bombarding us!" Kay cracked.

"Way to be strong, Richards," Remus snorted.

"Shut up," she murmured, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

"Is it that bad?" Lily questioned. "We haven't had a lot of people coming up to us."

James sighed. "Yeah, that's because people think they'll be able to get more information out of our friends."

Lily glanced at her curiously. "How the hell do you know that?"

He shrugged curtly. "Do you know how many times girls have come up to me in the past two years asking me questions about Sirius? Probably a million," James explained.

"There aren't a million girls in the school," Kay pointed out.

"Yeah, well it certainly feels like there are," James murmured. "And I bet it's felt like a million people to you guys, too, am I right?"

No one replied.

"That's a yes," James sighed sadly, scooting out of booth to go to the bar to find his best friend.

"Get us all butterbeers!" Riley cried after him.

James moved through the crowd and found Sirius sitting on a stool at the bar, waiting to order a drink. "Hey," James murmured, turning around and leaning against the bar on his elbows, glancing over at Sirius to his right.

Sirius didn't even turn to look at him. "Hey," he said dejectedly.

"Okay, you want to tell me what's up with you?" James questioned. "Or would you like me to go first?"

Sirius glanced towards James and shrugged. "Nothing's up with me so I guess by default, you'll have to go first."

James rolled his eyes. "Fine, but you're lying. I know when you're lying because I've been your best friend for six and a half years and your furrowed brow and that grimace on your face tells me that you're lying. So don't stand there-"

"I'm sitting," Sirius interrupted.

James glared at him. "Don't _sit _there," he continued, "and tell me nothing's wrong because we both know that that's not true."

Sirius shrugged. "Nothing's wrong," he explained. "I'm just…indifferent."

"About Rosmerta?" James snickered.

Sirius gave him a look. "I thought we agreed you'd go first."

James laughed and faced towards the crowd of people milling in the Three Broomsticks. "The whole world is talking about me, Padfoot," he mumbled. "The whole bloody world. And _I'm_ very good at ignoring it, but I know that Lily isn't. And there isn't anything I can really do except continue to reassure her that they don't matter. But to her, they do. Why does everyone have to gossip about our relationship? Why can't they mind their own business?"

"Because when you break up with Kristina Reinhart and then started dating Lily Evans—_the_ Lily Evans—on that same night, people are going to talk," Sirius pointed out lightheartedly.

"Why do you say Lily Evans like that?" James questioned with a frown. "Why does everyone say Lily Evans like that? With a goddamned 'the' in front of her name?"

Sirius gave him a look. "Have you been oblivious to the popularity ranking throughout the years?" he snorted.

"Popularity has nothing to do with our relationship," James protested immediately, glaring at him in frustration.

Sirius burst into laughter. "Merlin, you are oblivious!" he cried.

"Thanks, man. I feel a whole lot better now."

Sirius gave him a look, ignoring his sarcasm. "Prongs, I hate to break it to you but popularity unfortunately has everything to do with your relationship to the outside world."

"That's bullshit, Sirius-"

"No, it's not meant as an insult, Prongs," he interrupted, shaking his head slowly. "But look at the facts. You are a highly worshiped Quidditch Captain and Head Boy. You have the ultimate leadership roles a student can have at this school and it causes all the girls fawn to over you and all the guys to envy you. Ever since Lance Gilmore and Shane Redford graduated, you have probably grabbed hold of the number one spot on the Hogwarts popularity ranking." He hesitated. "Oh who am I kidding, _I'm _number one. But you could be number two."

James gave him a look.

"Right, not the point," he murmured sheepishly. "So you break up with a well-respected, gorgeous girl who spends her time spontaneously trying to soak up as much fun as she possibly could have. People like hanging around her, her pureblood family is well-respected in the wizarding world, she's a version of you in female form, and of course she has a smoking body…which I'm certain you already know."

James gave him a look.

"Again, not the point," Sirius muttered with a chuckle. "So you break up with this girl to date…who? A girl who finds sitting in the library on a Saturday night enjoyable? A girl who'd rather spend her time reading _Little Women_ by the fire than spending it surrounded by people? A girl who has never broken a single rule here at Hogwarts and probably never will? A girl whose main goal in life is to be successful in the future, throwing all hopes of partying to the wind?"

James stared at his friend, annoyed and slightly hurt by the blunt judgments. "Did you ever think that maybe those things about Lily are far more respectable than a girl who likes to spend her whole day in the sack with some guy?"

Sirius shrugged. "You're not just some guy though, James. Girls were jealous of Kristina and the guys envied you because of it. But now? Girls aren't jealous and the guys aren't envious. They're just shocked and confused."

James sighed. "Why do reputations have to dictate how relationships are formed? Why can't physical and emotional attraction do that instead?"

"Because it took six years to form our reputations. And in a weird way, by dating Lily-bean, you've suddenly changed everything that anyone has ever believed in. So of course people are going to be shocked adn confused. They don't know what to think anymore."

"Gee, didn't realize how much of an influence I was on the inner-workings of students' minds."

"Mate, you could announce to the whole student body that they should set fire to the school and someone probably would. That's how much influence you have, m'friend."

"So could I tell them all to leave me and Lily the hell alone and they'd listen?"

"Nah, doesn't work that way. People are going to gossip no matter what. No one can change that. Not even if God himself tried."

James sighed. "It's just not fair to Lily," he murmured. "She deserves better than the way people have been treating her."

Sirius shrugged. "I know, but unfortunately, she's not going to get it any time soon. The whole school only knows what they see on the outside and unfortunately, Kristina has a lot more going for her in terms of popularity than Lily does. And again, this isn't supposed to be mean. Merlin knows I like Lily-bean ten times better than Kristina. But I'm just trying to lay it out for you from the view of our fellow cliquey, judgmental students."

James frowned. "Well, our cliquey, judgmental students don't know her like I do. She may study and she may spend her free time reading and perhaps she thinks her future is only worth success. But she's also the girl who crawls into bed with me after midnight just to be by my side. She's also the girl that gives up her studying time just to hold my hand when I do rounds. She's also the girl who likes it when I kiss her neck. She's also the girl that whimsically will follow me to the kitchens for a late-night craving. She's also the girl that will throw on her coat and walk through the grounds with me just as the snow starts falling. She's also the girl who has struggled with a family tragedy for almost ten years and is stronger today because of it. She's also the girl that adores me…and I happen to adore her back," he explained, smiling to himself.

James looked up and laughed at the disgusted look on Sirius' face. "Can I get the last minute of my life back please?" he whined.

James shoved him playfully. "Shut up."

Sirius grinned. "James, I'm glad you adore her. I really do. I think you guys are perfect together and I'm happy for you. Most importantly, I don't think I've ever seen _you_ this happy before," he agreed. "But you're right. The rest of the school doesn't know about all of those things about her that you know…and that I unfortunately know now."

James shoved him again.

Sirius laughed. "Look, we're a group of self-absorbed, cliquey teenagers. We pride ourselves on popularity rankings unfortunately. And we also pride ourselves on gossip. Everyone who doesn't know you and Lily-bean obviously don't know the whole story between you two. And honestly, they don't really care enough to figure out the whole story. They just see a good-looking, popular boy slumming it with a quiet, workaholic girl."

James frowned, knowing that this friend was right. He hated that he was right but alas, he was. "So you think I'm good-looking, hm?" he teased, trying to lighten the situation up a bit.

Sirius shot him a mock glare. "I believe I said _they _see. As in the rest of the school, me excluded."

James pouted. "So you don't think I'm-"

"Oh, shove it, Prongs," he laughed, rolling his eyes.

James grinned as he turned around to face the bar. He leaned down on his forearms against the bar, looking contemplatively in the distance. "I-I guess all I can do is wait until this gossip blows over."

Sirius shrugged sympathetically. "I'd stay in hiding for the next few weeks," he teased, glancing around the room and noticing that everyone was staring at James. "In fact, make that a few months."

James groaned. "You have to have some piece of gossip that will get me out of this."

Sirius suppressed the urge to laugh, thinking about his relationship with Riley. "Sorry, man. Nothing."

"But you're the Gossip King. You know everything inside the Hogwarts walls. You've got to have something," James complained.

Sirius shrugged. "Nope, nothing," he lied.

"You're worthless, man."

"Gee, thanks for calling the guy who was willing to listen to your gross, mushy speech about your lovey-dovey relationship worthless," Sirius sighed.

"You weren't willing. I cornered you into it," James pointed out.

Sirius laughed. "Good point."

"Hey, Sirius."

They both turned towards the sound of the voice and smiled warily at Rachael LeBlanc.

"Hey Rach," Sirius greeted uncomfortably, forcing himself not to roll his eyes. "What's up?"

She shrugged. "I saw you standing over here and I decided to come say hi."

"He's sitting. He already made that clear to me," James snickered, and he and Sirius shared a laugh.

Rachael acted as if she didn't even hear James, too busy staring at Sirius to bother with James.

"Hey guys!" Riley greeted, popping out of nowhere.

James practically fell over, catching himself on the stool beside him. "Merlin, woman! Warn me before you sneak up on us!"

"Sorry," she said, sounding an awful lot like she wasn't sorry.

"What do you want?" James asked.

"Well, you guys have been standing over here for a very long time and the rest of us would like our drinks," she pointed out, even though she and Sirius both knew she was there to get Rachael off Sirius' back.

"Selfish much?" James snickered.

"Duh," Rachael muttered under her breath.

Riley gave her an irritated look. "Hey, Rachael," she said in a dry, drawn-out voice.

"Hey, Riley," Rachael replied with a snarl.

James looked back and forth between the girls, wondering where the sudden tension came on. "Uh…okay, so let's order!" he suggested. "Rosie, darling!"

Rosmerta glanced his way, finished up the order from the younger students and walked over to him. "I was wondering when I'd see the Marauders today," she said, winking at him. She pointed towards the two girls who were still staring down each other, quite oblivious to their surroundings. "What's with them?"

"Good question," James murmured, glancing at Sirius who shrugged innocently.

"We'll have a round of butterbeers," Sirius interjected. "For…uh…nine of us?"

James nodded.

"Wow, nine? That's some kind of crowd," Rosmerta snickered as she took out a round tray and put a bunch of empty glasses on it, filling them up one-by-one. "So tell me, what's the new gossip since December?"

James and Sirius exchanged looks, not sure what to mention first.

"You still with that girl, Sirius?" Rosmerta asked, gesturing with her head towards Rachael and Riley.

Sirius glanced at her with a panicked look on his face, wondering who exactly she meant by that.

"No, he broke up with Rachael," James interjected with a snort. "What else is new?"

Rosmerta laughed. "Good point. I shoulda guessed."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm a complicated guy. What can I say?"

"You're not complicated. You get bored easily," James snickered. "Remus, Peter, and I have been wondering who your latest victim is but you refuse to tell us. Is that because you have finally realized there's no point in sharing your intimate details because you have a new girl every bloody week?"

Sirius glanced towards the two girls who, finally, stopped staring each other down and were now both looking at him out of curiosity. He turned back to James. "Maybe it's just because I care about this one," he said in all sincerity.

James laughed and took the tray of butterbeers, not noticing the scowl that creeped up on Rachael's face and the grin on Riley's. "Yeah, right. That'll be the day."

"I appreciate you having faith in me," Sirius said sarcastically.

"That wouldn't be faith. That would be a fantasy," James pointed out.

"It could happen!" Sirius argued.

James rolled his eyes and started walking back to the table. "Stop lying to yourself!" he cried over his shoulder.

"You're a terrible friend!" Sirius shouted.

"Thank you!" he smirked, disappearing into the crowd.

Sirius sighed and turned back to the two girls staring at him. "So…"

"Buy me a drink?" Rachael asked flirtatiously, batting her eyelashes at Sirius. Riley looked at her half in disgust, half in resentment.

"I think you're capable enough of buying your own drink, Rachael," Sirius said firmly.

"Sure, I'm capable," Rachael agreed, hanging on to his arm, "But that's not the point."

Sirius gave her a tired look. "What the hell are you doing?"

She shrugged innocently. "What do you mean?"

"Can't you find some other ex-boyfriend to torture?" Sirius asked impatiently.

Rachael raised an eyebrow at him. "Ex-boyfriend, huh?" she repeated. "I just thought we were ex-lovers."

"Well, this is a lovely reunion," Riley snapped, giving Sirius an irritated look. "I wouldn't want to interrupt."

"Gilmore, wait-" Sirius started, but Riley was off and running back towards the table without a second glance towards Sirius. He sighed and turned to glare at Rachael. "What the hell is your problem, Rachael?"

Rachael shrugged and continued to bat her eyelashes at him. "Pardon?"

"You and I are no longer together," Sirius emphasized. "So stop hassling me, okay? It's over. And the sooner you get that through your head the sooner you'll realize that you'll never have me again. I've moved on and damnit, so should you!"

Rachael rolled her eyes, trying not to show her hurt on her face. "I'm not hassling you, Sirius. I'm simply doing some innocent flirting. That's allowed, isn't it?"

Sirius shook her head. "Not anymore. Just stay away from me, you got it?" he grumbled, giving her one last glare before storming off back to his table.

"You'll come around, Sirius," she muttered under her breath, watching him saunter back to his table. "Just you wait."

Meanwhile, James was just taking a seat at the table while Rachael and Sirius were having their heart-to-heart. "Here are the butterbeers," James greeted.

"Only took you, like, an hour," Lily smirked.

"Aww, miss me?" he teased.

"Aww, gag me," Remus interjected, earning a table of laughter.

"Where are Sirius and Riley?" Peter asked, taking a sip of his overflowing butterbeer.

James shrugged. "Riley is in a glaring match with Rachael and Sirius is hopefully mediating."

"Rachael who?" Lily questioned.

"LeBlanc," James replied.

"Why is Riley glaring at Rachael?" Remus asked.

James shrugged. "Women. I can never understand them. I think it has something to do with their whacked hormones," he murmured.

Lily lifted an eyebrow.

"You're going to throw that butterbeer in my face, aren't you…"

"You're lucky I'm thirsty," she teased.

"Hey," Riley murmured, plopping down beside James.

"Where'd Sirius go?" James asked.

"How the hell should I know?" she asked with a shrug, gulping down her butterbeer. "And why the hell should I care?"

Lily and James shared a confused glance, but forgot all about it as Remus dove into a conversation about upcoming Valentine's Day.

* * *

Heading back to the castle on foot, Sirius grabbed Riley's hand and held her back from the group slightly. "Don't be mad, Riley," he asked softly.

She gave him a frustrated look. "I'm…I'm not mad," she lied, glancing at the group, not wanting them to catch them talking alone. "I can't help that Rachael is a whore."

Sirius gave her a look. "That's a little harsh, isn't it?"

Riley stared at him incredulously. "Are you honestly defending her?"

"No," he replied quickly, shaking his head profusely. He saw the annoyed look on Riley's face and sighed. "Okay, maybe she's a…a slut, but not a whore."

"There's not much of a difference," she hissed at him.

"Sure there is. A slut sleeps around just to sleep around while a whore sleeps around for money," Sirius grinned. "The whore is gaining something!"

Riley gave him a humored look. "I think that's the first time the word 'whore' has had a positive spin to it."

Sirius laughed uncertainly, not sure if Riley meant it in a joking way. "Just forget about Rachael," he pleaded. "She's all in the past."

"Then why does she feel coming on to you is still permissible?" Riley questioned with a deteriorated look.

Sirius ran his fingers through his air, not wanting to argue with Riley about this. "Because flirting is in her nature," he explained uncomfortably.

Riley gave him a knowing look. "Don't bother making excuses for her."

"Listen, I told her to stay away from me, okay?" Sirius explained.

Riley laughed. "Oh yeah, and that's gonna stop her?"

Sirius hesitated. "You're right, I'm irresistible."

Riley glared at him. "You're not helping yourself make your case, y'know," replied dryly.

"It's not like I was going to do anything with her, Riley," Sirius hissed. "_She_ was flirting. _Not_ me."

"You could have sent her away instead of indulging her!" Riley hissed back, giving him an irritated look.

"Why are you getting so worked up about this?" Sirius questioned curiously. "Rachael never meant anything to me."

"You slept with her for three months," Riley murmured insecurely. "She had to have meant something_."_

Sirius shrugged coolly. "Not really. She was just…" he trailed off.

Riley gave him a disgusted look. "A good lay?" she snapped.

Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Riley," he murmured.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," she grumbled, shooting him another irritated look, before hurrying her pace to get away from him.

Sirius grabbed her arm and kept her back. "Riley, you knew about my reputation coming into this relationship," he hissed. "You cannot be mad at me for my past."

"I'm not mad," Riley repeated, pulling her arm away from his grip.

"Well, I certainly don't think you're jealous," Sirius shot back. "I thought you'd be above that."

"I'm not jealous. I could neverbe jealous of that bitch," Riley spat.

"Then what is it? What's bothering you?"

"_Nothing_," Riley retaliated.

Sirius sighed, knowing that was a lie. Everything had been going so well for him that he had been anticipating some sort of fight to break out soon. He just thought hse was being slightly unreasonable. "Riley, Rachael is nothing to me and really never was. You mean a lot more to me than she ever did. Please believe that."

Riley glanced at him guardedly but eventually nodded. "Fine," she said unconvincingly, not wanting to argue about it anymore.

He frowned. "Riley, this is going to keep on happening," he said softly. "Girls are giong to hit on me and hell, guys are going to hit on you. It kinda comes with the territory of us being awesome."

She cracked a smile no matter how hard she tried not to.

"And it comes with the territory of no one knowing about us," he pointed out.

She shrugged. "I know," she muttered. "I just...I really hate Rachael LeBlanc."

He chuckled. "Join the club."

She met his gaze. "You slept with the girl for three months. You don't hate her," she sighed.

"Riley, I-"

"C'mon," she interrupted, hurrying her pace once again. "Let's catch up with the others before they suspect something."

Sirius nodded. "Meet me tonight in our dungeon at ten," he whispered.

Riley sighed. "I can't. Kay, Lily, and I are doing girls' night," she said in a low voice.

"Lily's not spending her Saturday with James?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"She probably will after," Riley said with a shrug.

"Hm…okay, tomorrow afternoon then. Two?" Sirius suggested.

Riley looked at him warily, biting down on her lip, not because she didn't want to spend time with him but because she wasn't sure what to think about him at the time. She ultimately nodded, having no excuse to reject him. "Okay."

* * *

"SIRIUS!" James whined, pulling on Sirius' covers to his bed Sunday morning. "We have Quidditch practice in twenty minutes!"

"Go away," he muttered, clinging firmly to his comforter, swatting at James.

"We have a Quidditch game next weekend. Don't you want to win?" James asked irritably, snatching Sirius' pillow out from underneath him.

"No, I'd rather sleep," he murmured.

"SIRIUS!"

"Oh c'mon. It's Hufflepuff," Sirius murmured in a muffled voice. "We'll win with or without practice."

"How do you know that?" James demanded, slapping him with his pillow. "They could have gotten really good in the past month or so."

Sirius snorted. "Liar."

James let out an aggravated grunt. "Get your arse out of bed, Black!" he barked.

"You and phony anger do not bode well with each other."

"What the hell does that even mean?" James questioned but quickly shook his head.

"It means _go away_!" he grunted.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF BED!" James jumped on top of Sirius' bed and started leaping up and down on it.

"You are so annoying!" Sirius grumbled, finally pushing the blankets off of him and crawling out of bed, glancing at the hanging clock. "Bloody Merlin of hell, it's eight-ten on a Sunday morning! Didn't anyone ever tell you that Sunday is supposed to be the day of rest? It's the day to respect God, dude!"

James snorted. "Since when did you give a damn about bloody religion?"

"I don't think God appreciates you using words like damn and bloody," Sirius accused.

"And I don't think _I _appreciate you being late to my practice!" James bellowed.

Sirius gave him a frustrated look as he trudged into the bathroom. "Why the hell were you made Captain again?" he yelled, shutting the door behind him.

"Because they knew I'd get the job done, you prat!" James retorted.

"If the job is making your teammates miserable, you certainly are getting it done!" Sirius cried out. "Very well, in fact!"

"You better be getting ready in there!" James barked.

"Shut up," a voice from the other side of the room muttered.

James glanced over at Remus' bed, whose curtain was now slowly opening. "Hm?"

"There are still some people who are trying to sleep," he mumbled tiredly. "And your loud voices are not helping."

"I second that," Peter's voice grunted from behind his curtains.

"We have Quidditch practice!" James protested.

"That's great for you but some of us don't have to get up at eight o'clock on a Sunday morning," Peter mumbled. "Some of us like to sleep in until at least noon."

"We have a Quidditch game next week so this practice is very important!" James continued to argue.

Remus snorted. "Oh please, it's against Hufflepuff. You'll win with or without practice."

James stared at him incredulously. "Jeez, you're all rather cocky in the morning."

Sirius swung open the bathroom door and stripped himself of his pajamas, throwing on work-out clothing, a permanent glare at James the whole time. He grabbed his broomstick from under his bed and stormed out of the room. "Just so you know, James, I will be avoiding you for the rest of the day or I really _might_ strangle you."

James shrugged. "As long as you strangle me after the game."

"I hate you."

"I know."

* * *

"SIRIUS, STOP NAPPING ON YOUR BLOODY BROOM BEFORE YOU FALL OFF OF IT!"

Sirius grined at the sound of his best friend's voice, lifting his head off the tip of the handle. "STOP DRONING ON ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT THIS MATCH IS GOING TO BE AND LET US SCRIMMAGE!"

James scowled, ignoring the chuckles emanating from his other teammates around him. "It _is _an important match!" he whined.

"Oh, it's just Hufflepuff," Dezzy spoke, flying circles around her brother's head much to his irritation. "We'll win for sure. And if we don't, we may as well kill ourselves due to sheer embarrassment. And even then, I would much prefer to use one of our last practices for fun instead of business if I'm going to die next week."

James glared at his sister. "If you all truly believe it's a sure fire thing, it might be your cockiness that loses us the match. And then you won't have to kill yourselves because I'll do it for you!"

"Aw, I can really hear the love in your voice," Drew teased. "It's like you honestly care about us."

"I'd care a lot more if you took this just a tad more seriously!"

Sirius rolled his eyes but made his way towards his fellow teammates. "Alright, fine. Don't get Lily's panties in a bunch. We'll behave."

"Sirius!" James scolded as the team erupted into laughter.

"And why are you telling him _not _to get his girlfriend's knickers in a twist?" Dezzy snorted, her eyebrow arching. "That has never been your advice in the past."

"Dezzy!" James groaned as anothe round of laughter erupted.

"Hm, good point," Sirius mused. "On second thought, mate, go ahead and play around with Lily-bean's knickers as you see fit."

"SIRIUS!" he snapped, his face blushing a deep red. "That's it. You're all fired. I'm officially going to look for new players who don't mock me."

"Hm, that doesn't leave you with much," Sirius spoke with a grin.

James glared at him. "Don't make me smash a bludger at you."

Sirius laughed, doing a flip in the air as he darted away from his friend's murderous face.

"Oh, and look, James," Drew spoke, nodding towards the stands. "It's like your girlfriend knew we were chatting about her underwear."

James scoffed as he glanced to his right to the Gryffindor stands. There, Lily was settling in beside Riley and Kay. He couldn't help but smile instinctively and it didn't go unnoticed by the team.

"Oh dear Merlin, he's like a kid on Christmas morning," Dezzy teased.

"Hell yeah," Sirius agreed with a cheeky grin. "James, go let Lily unwrap her pack-"

"SIRIUS!" he snapped, chasing after his best mate. Sirius let out an amused yelp as he immediately started flying in the opposite direction. "YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN!"

"TECHNICALLY, I'M FLYING!"

"TECHNICALLY, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!"

Sirius just grinned, doing a double-flip as he sped off into the distance.

James rolled his eyes as he returned to his other teammates. "Go grab some water as we wait for Sirius to return. I'll be right back."

"Tell Lily's knickers we say hi," Drew said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"You want to tell my fist you say hi, too?" James scowled.

He grinned sheepishly. "Maybe I'll go join Sirius."

"That's what I thought." But as James flew towards the stands to greet his girlfriend, he couldn't help but smile and shake his head in pure amusement. In a way, he was grateful for the way the team jested about Lily with him. They had always done the same when it came to Kristina so maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to worry about the gossip chain for long.

"Hey," he said, kissing Lily's cheek while still hovering on his broom. "What are you doing here?"

She snorted. "Well, you see, I have this super adorable boyfriend who just happens to be showing off his athletic skills in a Quidditch practice right now."

James grinned.

"Yeah, that Dedalus Diggle really is super adorable," she joked.

James pouted. "So not amusing."

She laughed. "Then don't ask stupid questions," she teased. "I'm here to see you, you dope."

"Dope?" Riley groaned. "That's the best play insult you could come up with?"

"Don't make me throw you off the stands," Lily scowled, turning to glare at her.

"Well, that was very thoughtful of you," James spoke, ignoring Riley altogether. "The whole you-coming-to-watch-me-practice part, not the you-potentially-throwing-Riley-off-the-stands part. Though, I'm not entirely against it."

She gasped overdramatically. "And I call you my best friend."

He grinned and was about to retort when Sirius' voice once again rang loudly in his ear.

"DON'T YOU HAVE A PRACTICE TO RUN, MR. CAPTAIN? YOU CAN SNOG YOUR GIRLFRIEND LATER. ISN'T HANKY-PANKY WHAT YOU HAVE YOUR PRIVATE ROOM FOR?"

Both James and Lily scowled, crimson appearing on both of their faces. Before James could retort, Lily chimed in, "WHO USES THE WORD HANKY-PANKY UNDER THE AGE OF EIGHTY? NO WONDER YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN LAID IN OVER A MONTH!"

A round of boisterous laughter filled the pitch from both the teammates and Lily's friends. Even from afar, Sirius' bright red face could not be ignored. "SO UNCALLED FOR, LILY-BEAN!" he whined, but a smile was clearly fighting to break out.

"Geez, a few weeks with James has taught you how to fight dirty," Kay teased.

Lily grinned. "I learned from the best."

"That's my girl," James whispered, giving her a swift kiss before re-joining his teammates in mid-air.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, I'm officially in love with Sirius. Just thought I'd add that in. Review please!


	4. Of Numbers, Hickeys, & Fishing

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! I love getting all of the positive feedback! Just to warn everyone: part of this chapter is RATED R! So if you are uncomfortable with sex scenes, then I'd advise you to skip it when it starts getting graphic!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 4: Of Numbers, Hickeys, & Fishing

* * *

"Hey," Sirius greeted when Riley walked into the empty dungeon that Sunday afternoon, already lying on the floor with a blanket. "Where've you been? I've been waiting for an hour."

She shrugged and dropped on to the floor beside him. "I got tied up," she said coldly, cuddling beside him.

His eyes narrowed skeptically. "Are you okay?" he asked cautiously.

"Of course," she replied a little too quickly.

Sirius sighed. "You're lying."

Riley simply pursed her lips.

"You're still annoyed with me for yesterday, aren't you?"

Riley averted her eyes towards the ground almost immediately.

"What do you have to be annoyed about, Riley?" Sirius sighed, glancing over the top of her head down at her frowning face. "There's nothing I can fix. Rachael and I are in the past. We're over and done with. Just because she wants to flirt with me doesn't mean I need to flirt back."

"I'm not angry," Riley iterated scathingly. "I just don't like how things were handled yesterday."

Sirius gave her an inquisitive look. "I'm going to need some elaboration."

"You just stood there," Riley cried out in irritation, sitting upright from her nestled spot beside him and turning her torso to face him. "You didn't do anything. You let Rachael and me stare each other down and when she tried to get you to buy her a drink, blatantly shoving it in my face, you barely acknowledged that I was standing right there."

To Riley's surprise, he burst into laughter. "What am I supposed to do, Riley?" he snorted derisively. "We're not a couple, remember? At least not to the public eye."

Riley bit her lip sharply, forgetting that minor detail. She scrunched her nose guiltily. "Oh," she replied, feeling a little foolish at the moment. "Yeah."

Sirius glanced at her, a look on her face that read her stupidity, and cracked a smile. "There's nothing I could have done."

Riley simply nodded.

"So can you just forget about this and let it go?" Sirius asked cautiously.

She glanced up at him and was going to nod and say yes, but looking up at him, she knew she had to ask the question that had been on her mind within the past 24 hours. "How many girls have you slept with?" Riley asked slowly.

_"_What_?"_ Sirius asked in surprise, whipping back his head so fast he slammed it against the wall. "Ow!" He whimpered as he rubbed the back of his head.

"No, never mind, I don't want to know," Riley quickly argued, shaking her head and glancing back down at the ground.

Sirius looked at her incredulously, uncertain whether he wanted to press on or if it was better to leave it. "Uh...okay."

She sighed and turned back towards him. "Except that I do."

"You do what?"

"I…I want to know, Sirius," she said earnestly. "How many girls have you slept with?"

Sirius groaned. "Riley, why do you want to know? You know you're not going to be happy with the answer."

"That's not the point," she argued.

"Then what is the point?" he asked jumpily. "What does it matter the number of girls I've slept with?"

"It doesn't," she admitted with a sigh. "Except I feel like it's a rather fair question knowing your history."

Sirius sighed. "Yeah, so my reputation isn't exactly one of boyfriend materials," he muttered, shaking his head slowly. "But…but that's not who I am anymore. It was barely who I wanted to be then. It's always been about you and maybe I haven't shown it, but the only reason I was ever with anyone else was because I was desperate to believe you didn't mean anything to me considering the fact you hated my guts."

"I didn't hate your guts," she said pensively.

"Really? Because you took every opportunity given to you to tell me how much you hated my guts."

She grinned sheepishly. "Alright, maybe I wasn't your biggest fan."

"Look, both of our past reputations shouldn't have anything to do with us now. We're trying to shed our pasts, are we not?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "But sometimes a girl still wants to know who she's dealing with."

"You _know _who you're dealing with," Sirius whispered desperately. "So I've slept with a lot of people? If you recall, so have you."

Riley scowled. "This isn't about me."

"Hey, if you want to know my number, I want to know yours," Sirius shot back.

"That's just petty," Riley snapped.

"It's only fair!"

"I think it's hardly fair that we're arguing about who we've slept with in the past," Riley retorted, getting up off the floor and walking over to the sole window with a guilty sigh.

"Well, you're the one that brought it up," Sirius murmured.

"And you're the one actively avoiding the question," she sighed, not daring to look at Sirius as she continued to look out the window. She didn't know why she was so desperate to dredge up the past. She knew that both Sirius and herself were trying to let the past be in the past while building towards a future together. But after seeing the way Rachael hung all over Sirius the day before, the question surfaced her mind unexpectedly. She just wanted to get it all out so that in fact, they can let it be in the past. But until she got the answers she was lookign for, she wasn't so sure it could be that easy.

Sirius frowned, slowly climbing off the floor and walking towards her. He brushed her hair from the nape of her neck and kissed it softly. "You really want to know?"

She stiffened, nodding slowly. "I wouldn't ask if I didn't," she whispered.

He didn't respond immediately, letting his gaze follow hers to the snow-covered grounds. He wondered why she so desperately needed to hear the answer, but he wanted to be open and honest with her about everything. Even if it made him uncomfortably. He bit his lip and blurted out, "Eight."

She glanced over her shoulder and gave him an inquisitive look. "What?"

"That…that's how many girls I've slept with," he murmured.

"Oh," she said, surprised that he actually admitted it. "Oh."

"Er…one of them is you, though…does that count?" he asked.

Riley shrugged. "I guess."

Sirius sighed. "I know it may seem like a lot for a guy who's only seventeen but it was all so meaningless," he defended, reaching for her hand. "None of them meant half as much to me as you do now."

She whirled around and stared at him with determination gleaming from her eyes.. "Then why haven't we had sex yet?" Riley demanded, her eyebrows arched.

Sirius dropped his jaw and stared at her. "Uh…well…you…I…well…I-I thought that's what you wanted!" he eventually cried out.

Riley looked at him like he had grown three heads which, even in the wizardry world, was a bit uncommon. "Why the hell would you think that?" she snorted. "Have you met me? I'm a sex girl. I like sex! I didn't sleep with four people just for the fun of it—that's my number by the way—I like sex, damnit, and I'm not afraid to admit it! And you have yet to have sex with me! Why is that?"

Sirius stared at her. "Somehow I feel like we've switched roles."

Riley laughed and pressed her lips hungrily to his. He didn't question it, framing her beautiful face with his hands as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. He pressed her up against the cool window and she hooked her fingers into the waistband of his pants, drawing him close to her. When their lips parted, she wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled. "I'm sorry that I've been so moody these past 24 hours. It really didn't have much to do with Rachael. More to do with us."

He blinked. "Huh?"

She smiled, running her fingers through the back of his hair. "When I saw you with Rachael, it just reminded me of the...the relationship you two had."

"Or lack thereof," Sirius corrected.

She shrugged. "I realize that the two of you were merely fuck buddies, nothing more. But I was..." she trailed off.

His eyebrow quirked curiously. "Yeah?"

She made a face, realizing now what she so desperately didn't want to admit. "I was jealous," she muttered. She hastily added, "Not of her! But at the fact that she got to have sex with you for three months and you and I haven't yet."

"Technically, you got to me first. Two years ago," he said with a teasing grin.

She laughed. "A lot can change in two years."

"Uh, yeah, I've gotten better," he argued, winking playfully.

"Well, how am I supposed to know that?" Riley pointed out, her eyebrow arching and the ends of her mouth twitching upward in amusement.

Sirius hesitated. "Are we seriously arguing about my sex skills?"

Riley laughed. "Well why not? It's not like we'll be arguing about my sex skills. I'm bloody fantastic," she teased modestly, flipping her hair over her shoulder in a flirtatious way.

Sirius burst into laughter. "I do seem to remember that," he snickered, winking at her. "This day did not turn out the way I would have guessed. First, you want to know how many girls I've slept with, then you complain that we haven't had sex yet, and now we're talking about our sexual abilities."

"Can we go back to complaining about not having had sex yet?" she questioned with a teasing smile.

Sirius gave her an adoring look. "We will," he chuckled.

"When? I need a day and a time," she said half-jokingly.

Sirius snickered. "I didn't realize you were a schedule kind of girl," he said good-naturedly. "I thought you liked spontaneity."

"I thought I did," she admitted. "But it's been six weeks!"

"Yeah, and two of those weeks we weren't even together," Sirius snickered.

"Why are you making excuses?" she whined.

Sirius gave her a look and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Because I think the moment's kinda ruined," he teased.

Riley sat atop the windowsill, wrapping her legs around his waist and drawing him into her as she whispered in his ear, "I think I can change that." She pressed her lips to his firmly, a light moan escaping from deep inside her. He didn't waste time deepening the kiss, encircling her waist with his arms and slipping his tongue into her mouth, exploring each and every crevice.

"Oh Sirius," she gasped as his lips left hers and roamed to her neck, kissing it succulently. He perched his fingers at the bottom of her sweater and slowly pulled it over her head. He threw it to the side and brushed her now messy hair behind her ear with a longing smile on his face.

"You are so beautiful, Riley," he managed to mutter, giving her another firm kiss on the mouth. She smiled embarrassedly at him as she slipped her hands underneath his T-shirt and caressed his rigid stomach, thankful that years of Quidditch had paid off for him.

He pulled apart and before he forgot, muttered the contraception charm. She smiled impishly and quickly stripped his shirt off, throwing it carelessly to the side as she resumed her fiery kisses on his lips, loving the feeling of Sirius' naked body against hers. Sirius practically slammed her against the window as his mouth made another delicious raid to hers. He cupped her breasts, admiring how well his hands seemed to fit over them before reaching around back and unhooking the clasp of her black bra, freeing her luscious breasts and leaving a clear path for him to bend down and suck her left nipple lightly. Riley moaned in ecstasy and ran her fingers through his hair, a shiver of delight running down her back.

Sirius pulled back and stared into her eyes lovingly, feeling so comfortable with her. His fingers handled the button on her jeans before reaching for her zipper. She quickly pulled off her jeans, kicking them aside, and leaving herself with only a black lace thong on, turning Sirius on immensely.

He felt himself harden, even more than he already was, at the sight of Riley's gorgeous body, as she unbuttoned his jeans and slowly tugged them down. She smiled giddily at the sight of his pulsating cock against his boxer shorts. She leaned in and kissed him sweetly on the mouth, feeling lucky just being in Sirius' presence.

"The blanket," Riley whispered into Sirius' ear.

He gazed at her with a look of confusion.

"The _blanket_," she reiterated with a suggestive look on her face, pulling him over to the blanket Sirius had lay out earlier on the other side of the room by hooking her finger into the top of his boxer shorts, causing him to stiffen just by the feel of her cold fingers against his skin.

He grinned flippantly and gladly followed her, kissing her the whole time. He slowly guided her to the floor and ran his fingers up against her inner thighs, lightly tickling her soft skin. She leaned back, pulling him on top of her, letting his body mold into hers. She let her hair fall freely over the warm blanket, kissing him so deeply, neither one could barely breathe. She was writhing beneath him as he placed his fingers against the edge of her thong and with one last kiss, discarded it and stared at her neatly shaven private area, a feeling of lust immediately coming over him. He wanted to please her in ways no one has ever as he flicked his finger over the top of her clit, making her cry out unexpectedly.

"Oh God, Sirius!" she whimpered, tightening her stomach muscles as she arched her back and bent her knees even more, placing her feet flat on the ground, letting go of Sirius altogether. She shut her eyes, wearing such an expression of lust, Sirius had to hold in his excitement as he slipped a finger inside her hot and moist opening. "Oh!" she cried out again, as he dipped another finger inside of her, inserting them farther up. He was mesmerized by the expression of extreme desire on her face, her cheeks tinted vibrantly, as he rubbed the inside of her gently, causing Riley to groan satisfyingly.

He pulled his fingers out, much to the protests of Riley, and kissed the inside of her thighs, slowly making his way upward to her private area. He trailed it up her right thigh and delicately dangled his tongue against her clit, barely making contact.

She shuddered forcefully, opening her eyes to stare lustfully at him. "Oh Sirius, please!" she begged, her voice cracking at the feel of Sirius' hot breath against her clit. He felt himself harden at the sound of her pleas and plunged his tongue deliciously into her opening, feeling her loud moan echoing through her entire body. She stiffened beneath him, letting out another moan. He continued to lick her all over her hot folds and brought his fingers up to massage her clit with his forefinger in a circular motion. Slowly at first, listening to the frantic pants coming from Riley's mouth, and then as his tongue darted in and out of her opening, he used his thumb to frantically rub up against her throbbing clit, emitting his own moan as she started to jerk uncontrollably.

Riley let out one last scream before her whole body tensed as she came, breathing heavily as she relaxed against the blanket, her expression overcome with bliss. He glanced dreamily at her flushed face before kissing her frenetically, diving his tongue into her mouth yearningly.

"You still thinking about how many women I've slept with?" Sirius whispered, a sly grin crossing his face.

Riley chuckled wwarily and shook her head. "Not a chance," she murmured into his ear, kissing him softly against his cheek beside it.

Sirius nestled tightly between her parted legs and kissed her neck alluringly, trailing his tongue back down to her breasts, remaining there for a few seconds before a guttural gasp escaped from his mouth as Riley unexpectedly grasped his large, hard cock beneath him, stroking him firmly.

"Oh Merlin," he murmured, the sudden feeling of eruption already inside of him. He grabbed her hand away from him, pinning them above her head and gave her one last longing look before slowly entering inside her.

Twin moans of pleasure ripped through them, both filled with satisfaction and yearning. She wrapped her leg around him, breathing erratically and shutting her eyes tightly at the feeling of him inside of her.

"Oh Sirius," she whined as he thrust harder and faster. She arched her back again to regain a similar feeling of pleasure as he plunged in deeper. He kissed her firmly on the mouth as he pulsated inside of her, their hearts beating in unison. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her head back as she emitted another groan. He kissed her breasts succulently as she reached down with her right hand and stroked her pelvis gently.

He felt that he couldn't take it anymore as he repeated, "Oh God, oh God," to himself, feeling the heat of desire rise inside of him as he got closer and closer to coming. "Oh yes!" he changed to when he felt elation inside his cock, a rush of pleasure escalating by the second.

Riley screamed his name out deafeningly, shuddering beneath him as she climaxed, causing a sudden spasm of movement upwards. Sirius thrust once more before the same feeling of ecstasy came over him and he emptied deep inside of her, screaming out Riley's name as well.

He collapsed to the side of her and they both breathed heavily before Riley cuddled against Sirius' body, comfortably fitting herself into the nook of his neck and shoulders, wrapping her arm around his naked body. "I guess I can say that the moment was definitely not ruined," Sirius whispered teasingly into her ear, lightly kissing her forehead.

She could only smile as Sirius kissed her again. Neither could imagine being anywhere else but there.

* * *

Riley slid into breakfast the following morning, avoiding all eye-contact with Sirius across from her, who was finding a sudden interest in the eggs on his plate at the moment. She felt her heart flip-flop just knowing he was there, flashes of yesterday crawling through her mind. "Hey guys," she greeted, grabbing a muffin and digging in. "Everyone ready for the Transfiguration exam?"

"Of course," Remus spoke on behalf of the Marauders.

Riley rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I bother asking you guys anymore. You all seem to ace your Transfiguration exams every time you're given one. Which is ironic since I never see two of you with any books."

"Hm, I wonder which two you could possibly be referring to," Sirius contemplated, stroking his chin with a flippant grin.

Remus nodded at the textbook in front of him. "Well, it sure as hell isn't me," he snorted.

"Or me," Peter whimpered as he perused his notes.

Riley chuckled. "Definitely wasn't referring to myself either. Spent all yesterday cramming for the exam," she lied.

"Oh my God, Riles!" James cried from beside her, interrupting the conversation.

"What?" she asked frantically, paranoid.

"Is…is that…" he asked slowly, lifting her hair off her neck. "Is that a _hickey_?"

She cringed and slapped his hand away, blushing curiously.

Kay gave her a look. "Cramming for an exam, hm?"

Riley blushed. "Shut up."

"So who's the guy?" Lily asked giddily.

"There's no guy!" Riley argued, covering up her neck as they all tried getting a good look at her apparent hickey.

Kay gasped. "It's a _girl?"_

Riley threw the rest of her muffin at her. "_No_!" she cried with a laugh.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that hickey didn't just jump on to your neck," Remus snickered. "Someone had to have given it to you."

Crimson rose to Riley's cheeks. "Alright, fine someone gave it to me. That doesn't mean I'm going to tell you who."

"I bet it's Rhett," Lily stated giddily.

Riley glanced at her curiously, trying not to show amusement by the irritated look that flickered across Sirius' face. "And why the hell would you assume that?"

"Well, you're working on a project with him and that means you've been spending a lot of time together. Your feelings are bound to come out at some point."

"No, they're not, because there are no feelings involved," Riley argued, hoping the subject would be changed soon.

"Oh c'mon, you broke up with him so suddenly, without telling any of us why by the way, and you're telling me that nothing is going to occur because of this?" Kay questioned, smirking.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying," she said irritably.

Kay rolled her eyes. "You've slept with half of the male population in this school and you're saying you're going to keep your hands off of one of the most eligible bachelors here? I don't buy it."

Riley scowled. "I have not slept with half of the male population in this school, but thank you ever so much for that overexaggeration."

Kay couldn't help but laugh. "Alright, fine. That doesn't mean you can't sleep with Rhett Davies."

"No, it just means I _won't_."

Kay sighed. "You're bumming me out. You can't have a gorgeous partner like him and not want to jump him."

"This conversation is making me slightly uncomfortable," James whined.

"We had our brief fling," Riley sighed, ignoring her oldest friend completely. "Now we're strictly project partners."

"You're continuing to bum me out," Kay pouted.

Riley couldn't help but laugh, shrugging. "Sorry. But if you want him, I'll certainly let him know."

"I have a boyfriend."

"Eh, it's just Lance. You can do better."

Kay glared at her.

Riley merely grinned.

Sirius finally spoke. "Hey, why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?"

They all stared at him before Remus replied sarcastically, "I don't know, why isn't the number 12 pronounced onety-two?"

Sirius gasped. "Why isn't it pronounced onety-two?"

"Because you're a moron," James replied immediately, not looking up from his breakfast.

Sirius hesitated. "That didn't even make sense."

"Oh right, and asking how to pronounce eleven makes sense?" James shot back with a grin.

Sirius scowled. "I think it's a legitimate question."

"Sirius, you never have legitimate questions."

He sighed overdramatically. "I am so terribly under-appreciated around here."

"Yes," all six replied in unison.

"I hate you all."

"We know."

* * *

James and Lily walked into the prefect meeting on Thursday night warily. It had been a week since their relationship had been outed and people were still gossipping about it. While still feeling slightly uncomfortable about the whole thing, Lily was taking it better than James would have assumed. He had come to the realization that she just stopped caring about what everyone thought in order to live in the moment with him. She was happy. And when she was happy, he was happy. In the end, that's all that really mattered.

The moment James and Lily walked into the room, silence filled the room as all eyes turned to them.

"Hey!" Lily greeted cheerfully, ignoring the piercing stares. "Is everyone here?"

No reply.

But she expected that.

"Er...okay. Well, I want to thank everyone who picked up the Valentine's Day supplies on our Hogmseade trip on Saturday. I think we have everything we need for decorations as of now so we don't have to worry about that," Lily explained. "At next week's meeting, James and I will put up the schedule of who needs to be in the Great Hall and at what time so we'll keep you posted."

Daniella threw her hand into the air.

Lily sighed. "Yes?"

"How exactly did you two get together?" she questioned.

Lily and James' mouths dropped open, while everyone else in the room either gasped in surprise. Remus cringed in amusement, meeting James' eye.

"Er…what exactly does that have to do with Valentine's Day?" James was able to ask when he was done being speechless.

"Valentine's Day is the day for love, isn't it?" Daniella bullshitted.

James gave her a look. "I don't think a prefect meeting is the proper time to be discussing this."

"Okay, well when is the proper time to discuss it?" she questioned further.

"How about never?" Lily suggested firmly. "Our personal life is our business only."

"Aw c'mon," Fabian whined. "Give us something."

"Yeah, is the sex good?" Rachael snickered, leaning back in her chair defiantly as everyone turned to stare at her in shock.

James glared at her as Lily's face turned beet red. "I don't think that's any of your business," James snapped.

"That means you haven't done it yet," she smirked.

Lily crossed her arms bitterly and glared at her. "I didn't realize you wanted a week of detention, LeBlanc," she barked.

Rachael rolled her eyes but kept her mouth shut about that. "Whatever you say, Miss Head Girl."

"Just tell us how you got together," Kyra said giddily.

Lily opened her mouth to protest.

"And then we'll go back to the meeting, I promise!" Kyra pleaded before Lily could object.

"C'mon, it's only fair," Randy spoke up. "We work with you very closely and have meetings with you once a week. How the hell are we supposed to get any work done with these burning questions in our head?"

"Really? That's the best you got? We can't work with questions swarming our minds?" James spoke dryly, his eyebrow shooting up into his hair.

Randy grinned. "I'm working on the fly here."

"We could go on strike," Fabian teased. "Imagine all of that extra work you two would have to do on our behalves."

"Take notes, Randy," James replied casually. "That was actually a decent excuse."

Randy rolled his eyes. "Does that mean you're going to tell us?"

"No," James snorted.

"Then I say we go on strike!" Randy suggested, pounding his fist on to the table and jumping up from his chair.

Lily found herself laughing, much to the prefects' surprise. "Sit tight, Pretty Boy. No one is going on strike today."

"So you'll tell us?" Daniella urged, her eyes lighting up.

Lily shot her a look. "Why do you guys care so much?"

"We don't," Severus Snape snarled.

Randy glared at him. "Sh, I think we're actually wearing them down."

"Not even slightly," Lily snorted.

"You do realize that if you give us the details, the ridiculous gossip going around this school could be put to rest," Daniela pointed out.

"The gossip that _you_ put forth?" Lily pointed out, her voice slightly on edge.

Daniela grinned. "What better way to annihilate my own gossip than with actual facts?"

"The girl makes a very good point," Remus chimed in with a curt shrug.

James glared at him. "You keep out of this."

"Yeah," Lily spoke, shooting Remus a look. "You already know the story so why are you defending them?"

"Because it's quite entertaining to see you both squirm."

"I can have you in detention scrubbing bedpans, Lupin."

"Y'know what? Suddenly watching you squirm isn't so entertaining."

"I thought so."

"What is the harm in sharing your story?" Alice spoke up, her eyebrow arching curiously. "Unless it involves something creepy and disturbing. Aw, hell, please tell me you didn't blackmail Lily into dating you."

James glared at her. "You want to be scrubbing bedpans, Alice?"

She grinned sheepishly. "What? I don't think it's a very far-off assumption considering the girl punched you a month ago. Unless that is some disturbing form of foreplay, it's doesn't exactly spell out relationship to me."

"You mocking us is not going to get us to tell you anything," he snorted.

"Yeah, keep quiet, Fisher," Randy teased. "I say we re-evaluate the possibility of going on strike."

"I say we hex you until your face turns blue," James retaliated immediately.

He shrugged. "Eh, it would go nicely with my blue eyes."

"Ah, so you're welcoming the idea of me trying?"

Randy shrugged, laughing carelessly. "C'mon, guys. Give us the juicy gossip so that we may then continue with this lame - er, I mean very stimulating meeting."

Lily sighed and glanced at James, who gazed back at her hesitantly. Eventually, he shrugged cautiously. "They're never going to shut up until they get this information," he pointed out.

"That's true!" Alice chimed in.

Lily stared at James warily, wondering why she was even considering this. "But this is a prefect meeting…" she trailed off.

"Oh please, we gossip all the time during these meetings," Fabian pointed out. "At least one relationship is always brought up during a meeting. You never stopped it then."

"It was never about me then," Lily said with a laugh.

"Well, it's about you now," LeAnn Withers said. "I think it's time you spilled."

Lily glanced over at James again, who shrugged for a second time. "It's your call, Head Girl."

Lily shrugged and pulled out the chair from in front of her, taking a seat with a reluctant sigh. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this," she murmured. James grinned and he pulled out the chair beside Lily and sat down, putting his feet up on the table.

The entire room erupted into excited cheers.

"Well, we can't tell you if you're screaming over us!" Lily cried with an unexpected giggle. Hey, it was better for them to find out the truth instead of them making up some horrible story about how she stole James away from Kristina. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad.

"Well, it all started during Christmas break…" James began.

"When she clocked you?" Fabian snorted.

"Do you want to hear this or not?" he snapped.

Fabian grinned. "Go on."

He sighed and with one last reassuring smile from Lily, he delved into the story.

* * *

Riley snuck up to Sirius' room, knowing that James and Remus were at a prefect meeting and Peter was off with some girl. She creaked open the door and saw Sirius' hangings closed. She smiled before slipping herself into the hangings and crawling into his bed beside him, curling up to his side lovingly. "Hey babe," she whispered.

"Why is the word juicy written across your boobs?" Sirius questioned, barely glancing up from the Quidditch magazine he was reading.

Riley glanced down at her T-shirt and snickered. "Why are you an idiot?"

"I don't think those two are connected."

Riley tried to keep a pout on her face, but his devilish grin was so infectious that her mouth bent up a little at the corners. He glanced up at her and his eyes danced with a bit of enchantment just at the sight of her in his bed. She licked her lips and he leaned down, his light kiss igniting a passion of heat under her skin.

Her hands found his way into the fullness of his hair and her body surged slowly under his as he continued to kiss her fervently. The kissed like that for a long time, just breathing each other in the old-fashioned way of simply snogging. The kisses were slow and deep, but left Riley with a painful desire for more of him. His hands traveled up her waist and slipped under her thin, cotton shirt, traveling up under the loose-fitting fabric and reaching her breasts. Both of them sighed as his fingers tickled her left breast comfortably.

Sirius pulled his lips apart from hers, running his hand back down her stomach, just feeling the warm skin on his hand. He just stared at her beautiful frame, a look of longing desire on both their faces. Riley's cheeks tinted pink at the way Sirius was just staring at her, a slight, adoring smile planted on his face.

"What?" Riley finally had to ask.

His smile widened with more adoration and he brought his hand up to stroke her cheek with his thumb. "You're just so incredibly beautiful," he claimed, tilting his head to the side with admiration.

Riley's heart melted and she found herself feeling over-romantic at that moment, not finding Sirius' devotion maudlin or corny like she had expected. "Stop flattering me or my head is going to grow as big as yours," she teased.

Sirius brushed his lips lightly against hers. "I do not know what you're referring to. My head is a perfectly normal size," he laughed, bringing his forehead down to touch hers.

Riley curled up tighter against him, as he placed one arm beneath her back and the other around her chest, wrapping her up in his arms protectively. He kissed her again on the lips, this time more fervently, pushing her against the base of the bed powerfully. They pulled apart and Sirius nestled beside her comfortably, her head in the nook of his shoulder and neck at ease.

"So considering the guys could come in at any moment and we'd be screwed, what is on our agenda for tonight?" Riley asked after a few minutes of silence.

Sirius cringed. "Uh…actually, I'm hanging out with the guys."

Riley groaned in discord. "But you hung out with them last night," she complained.

Sirius gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, baby, but I promised them I would prank the Slytherins tonight."

Riley sighed overdramatically. "Well…then it better be a really good prank."

Sirius laughed and kissed her on the cheek adoringly. "Believe me, it will be," he teased, winking playfully at her. "Besides, I've been hanging out with you practically every night for the past couple of weeks and I have to say, I think the gang is on to me."

"On to us?" Riley cried out.

Sirius quickly shook his head and kissed her on her head. "Oh, don't worry about it. I'm making sure they don't find out."

"And exactly what are you telling them?" .

He shrugged. "Nothing really. I'm letting them make assumptions. And what else would they believe besides having meaningless sex with endless amounts of women?"

"That so better not be true."

Sirius laughed. "Oh please, like I said, I've been hanging out with you almost every night for the past few weeks. When would I find time to sleep with another girl?"

"Well, I don't know what you do for the ten minutes when you leave and saunter back to your room!"

"You think it takes me less than ten minutes to do the deed?"

"This isn't helping you any."

He laughed and leaned down to kiss her. Soft at first but hungry passion overcame him and suddenly, neither one wanted to pull apart. When they eventually did, he smiled down at her with a pleading look of forgiveness.

"But that sure did," she giggled.

He laughed and gave her another quick kiss, squeezing her shoulder gently.

When he pulled apart, she smiled and slouched down more in order to be completely sheltered by him. "I love just being here with you," she whispered as she shut her eyes amorously.

Sirius' smile grew wider and a sudden feeling of heartwarming love just embraced him. _I think I might be falling in love with her…_ He froze at that thought wondering where that came from. They had only been dating for six weeks, two of them not even together, and that doesn't give someone the time to believe they're in love. He hesitated and thought about the past six years, though. Six years, he adored and envied not only her and the person she always was but also the life she lived—one he wanted so much to be a part of. And in the past month, he has felt a sort of attachment with her he had never felt before. With one more gaze at her sitting in his arms, her eyes closed looking so peaceful, he smiled again and didn't even bother to ignore that feeling anymore.

"And I…and I love being here with you," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

And so they sat there for a comfortable hour, just lying there in each other arms comfortingly. Not a word was uttered; not a kiss was given. They just sat there, their thoughts entwined into one in a relaxed silence.

Sirius stirred and glanced at his watch with a sigh, lightly shaking her out of her deep slumber. She groaned but unwillingly opened her eyes to glance up at him.

"Sorry hon, but we better head downstairs before someone comes up here and finds us. James and Remus will be back from their prefect meeting soon and Peter back from his date and we need to do some serious prank-creating," he said apologetically.

Riley grunted but slowly sat up in his bed. "Fine, fine. Have fun doing your guy stuff tonight. Go hex the Slytherins, gossip about girls, pound your chests, wear your pants around your thighs showing your butt crack, talk in deep husky voices about sports events, crack open a firewhisky, go fishing, have-"

"Fishing? Honey, I'm just hanging out with the guys. I'm not turning eighty-two," he teased.

Riley laughed and gave him one last passionate kiss before wandering out of the room; ten minutes later, Sirius left the room and met up with her and Kay in the commons room, sharing a secret smile with her before diving into a conversation about the upcoming Quidditch game.

* * *

"I cannot believe you guys wasted a whole hour talking about your relationship with the prefects," Remus commented for the tenth time that night.

James laughed and shrugged. "It was nice blowing off a meeting for once and just doing what we wanted to do."

"I think you mean what they wanted us to do," Lily snickered, muttering the password to the Fat Lady before crawling through the portrait hole.

"Eh, it was still nice just talking to them," James admitted. "We're usually barking orders at them that we never get a chance to know them on a personal level."

Lily nodded. "Except we didn't get to know them on a personal level. They just got to know _us _on a personal level. A little too personal."

"Nah, it was fun," Remus argued.

They glanced around the room and spotted Kay, Riley, and Sirius on a couch in the corner and walked over to them. Before any of them could say hi, Dezzy Potter was rushing up to them with a glare. "It's days like these that I wish I were a prefect!"

James gave her a curious look. "Huh?"

"Don't act dumb!"

"I'm not acting, I'm really dumb!" James argued. He paused. "Wait a minute, that's not what I meant."

Dezzy gave him an irritated look. "You're a horrible example of a brother," she pouted.

"Thanks," James replied sarcastically.

"You are worthless!" she whined.

"Do you want to clarify or do you just want to keep accusing me of things?" James questioned.

"Skyler just told me some interesting things about your relationship with Lily," she explained, talking about her best friend who also happened to be a prefect. "Things that you had yet to tell me and I'm your sister!"

James rolled his eyes. "Oh c'mon, Dezzy, did you honestly think I went into that meeting believing I'd be gossiping about my relationship with a bunch of prefects? Some of them whom I barely know," he snorted.

"Apparently!"

James gave her a look. "Besides, did you really expect me to brag about my relationship with my younger sister?"

"Oh c'mon, James," Dezzy retorted. "Don't play the older brother card on me now. You had been talking nonstop about Lily Evans for six years now, pining after the girl unrelentlessly and whining when she rejected you for the umpteenth time, and now that you're with her, you _don't_ want to talk about it?"

James groaned. "Dezzy!"

"What?" she asked innocently.

"So, you've been talking nonstop about me, hm?" Lily said with an amused smile.

"I hate you, Dezzy," James murmured.

Dezzy just grinned. "It's what you get for not telling me your relationship gossip first."

"How long have you been talking about me?" Lily continued with a teasing smile, staring up at him with a sly expression on her face.

"Not that long. She made it up," James replied immediately, an innocent smile on his face.

Sirius and Remus burst into hysterical laughter.

James glared at Remus. "I expected more from you."

Remus shrugged and said, in between laughs, "I can't help it. That was just such a blatant lie."

"What did I ever do to you?"

"Make me listen to hours of Lily-analysis," he replied, ducking as James swung at him playfully.

"Why do I waste my time with you guys?" James mumbled.

"So if you've been 'pining over me,' as Dezzy would say, for years, then how come this is the first time you've ever really done anything about it?" Lily questioned in all seriousness.

James gave her a look. "I asked you out for like four years straight."

"And not one of them was sincere," Lily argued with a shrug.

"That's not true!"

"Alright, maybe they were to you, but they weren't to me," she murmured. "Considering you and I were on less than amenable terms."

"In other words, she hated your guts," Riley teased.

Lily glared at her. "No," she argued slowly. "I just didn't particularly like his guts."

Riley and Kay burst into hysterical laughter.

Lily glared at them. "_What_ is so funny?"

"Now, _that_ was a blatant lie," Riley snorted, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Nuh-uh!" Lily argued.

Kay shook her head incredulously. "I seem to remember countless times you stormed into our dorm room claiming you wanted to throw James off a four-hundred foot cliff where there was nothing but spiky rocks waiting for him at the bottom."

Lily hesitated. "And you think that means I hated his guts?"

"Yes," Kay, Riley, Remus, Sirius, and Dezzy all replied in unison.

Lily turned to James sheepishly. "Don't listen to them. They don't know what they're talking about."

"Yes we do!" Sirius whined, jumping off the couch in debate.

"Oh please, Sirius," Lily snickered. "You never know what anyone is talking about."

He hesitated. "Hm, valid point. Carry on then," he replied, sitting back down.

They all laughed but no one spoke up.

"Oh, did we finish the Lily-hated-James-so-James-couldn't-date-her-until-now conversation?" Sirius questioned.

Everyone stared at him.

"Or do you guys just like listening to me talk?" Sirius grinned.

"So, about this whole Lily hating James thing!" Riley quickly interrupted.

Sirius pouted and crossed his arms, feigning hurt. "I don't like you right now."

"Eh, I'm used to that," Riley teased, shoving his shoulder playfully.

Kay shuddered. "You shouldn't be," she murmured. "You two have kept this whole friendly act thing going for over a month now. It still freaks me out."

"Yeah, me too," Peter urged.

"Totally weird," Dezzy added with a nod.

"Twilight zone action," Lily spoke.

"Slightly creepy if you ask me," agreed James.

"I half expected one of you to start screaming at the other by now and go back to the way it used to be," Remus admitted. "It's way too quiet around here. First, James and Lily get together. And now you two are being overly friendly. Is something in the pumpkin juice I'm not aware of?"

"I could yell at you for a bit if you'd like," Riley suggested with a grin.

"Nah, oddly enough, I actually like getting along with everyone."

"Hm, what's that like?" she asked with a mock sigh.

Remus laughed, shrugging. "Stress-free."

"Ah, see, there's the problem. I welcome stress into my life," she spoke sarcastically.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I think we're all allowed to be slightly wary on this new friendship of yours. Because if I recall correctly, and I know I do, before Christmas break, you stormed into our room looking angrier than I have ever seen you, ready to curse Sirius to his death, and then ten minutes later, you two went off to work on your project as if nothing was wrong."

"I knew we should've listened at the door that afternoon," Peter murmured from the love seat.

"What does it matter?" Sirius asked with a shrug.

"It doesn't really," Kay admitted with a shrug. "It just makes very little sense."

Riley sighed, running her fingers through her hair cautiously. "Well, to be fair, it doesn't make much sense to us," Riley lied.

Lily gave them a look. "Okay, well how about you start with why you guys started hating each-"

"Uh-uh," Riley interrupted blatantly.

"Not gonna happen," Sirius interjected.

"Nice try," Riley replied.

"Stop asking," Sirius added.

"Move on," Riley finished.

Remus sighed. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

Awkward silence filled the room before Dezzy chimed in. "Okay, well I can't get relationship details out of my brother and I can't get the newfound friendship details out of Riley and Sirius," Dezzy pouted, shrugging hesitantly. "I'm pretty much useless here now."

"Nah, that's not true," James argued, shaking his head slowly. "You were useless when your first walked over, too."

"I hate you."

"Yeah, a lot of people have been saying that to me lately," James pondered.

"It's 'cause you suck," Sirius shot back.

"We're still having Quidditch practices at eight-thirty on Sunday mornings."

"DAMNIT!"

* * *

**A/N: **Another chapter and done. I hope you enjoyed some of the Sirius and Riley fluff. I'm trying to show the big difference between Sirius and Riley before break and after break in relation to their friends so I hope that's coming off. And it's obvious that now that Lily is with James, she's letting loose a little bit-i.e. blowing off a prefect's meeting to talk about her relationship, haha. Please review!


	5. Of Hangman, Quidditch, & Bets

**A/N:** I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to update. It's my last semester at college and I'm writing a 50-page thesis so that kinda takes priority right now. So please don't kill me! Thanks for all the reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** If I were J.K. Rowling, I wouldn't be so stressed out in college.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 5: Of Hangman, Quidditch, & Bets

* * *

Monday mornings were often uneventful at Hogwarts. Students found it far more difficult trying to remove themselves from underneath their sheets and more often than not skived off breakfast for a few additional minutes of shuteye. And those who actually made it to the breakfast table were still half-asleep that the usual morning chatter which surrounded the tables often came to a halt as the reminder that another school week was upon them.

That Monday morning, however, was not uneventful at all. In fact, it was far from it.

"Remind me why we decided hosting a Gobstones tournament to well after midnight was a smart move for a Sunday night?" Remus muttered as he slipped into the Gryffindor table across from James and Lily. Lily's head was resting upon James' shoulder as they both emitted stifled yawns every few minutes.

"You're just angry because you lost in the final round," Sirius teased, reaching for a sausage link as he sat down beside Remus, Peter quickly following behind.

"You cheated!"

"Eh, no one wanted to see you win. You win at everything. It was time someone else took the reign."

"Next time we are so playing wizarding chess instead," Remus muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Sore loser," he teased.

"_Cheater_."

"Can you two keep your voices down?" Kay whined as she and Riley approached their friends. "It's far too early for a screaming match."

"I wouldn't have to scream if Lupin wasn't a sore loser," Sirius said, waggling his eyebrows in amusement.

"Oh, Merlin, are you two still on about that Gobstones game?" Riley sighed, stifling a yawn. "It's a new week. Get over it."

Remus rolled his eyes, reaching for the orange juice. "I still say he's a cheater."

"Only on women," Lily joked, finally chiming in.

Sirius scowled. "This coming from the girl whose boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend numerous times."

James scoffed, amused by the pout on Lily's face. "I'm too exhausted to hit you, Sirius," James sighed. "Can you remind me later to do so?"

"Hm, yeah, I think I'll be accidentally forgetting to do that."

A murmur of tired chuckles filled the table, their attention being directed to the flood of owls swooping into the Great Hall.

Pickles, James' owl, swooped in and dropped the _Daily Prophet_ beside him before nibbling at Sirius' plate.

"Damnit, James! Why does your bloody owl always choose my food to swipe?" Sirius whined, shooing the owl away with little success.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Because there's not plenty of other food around?"

"It's the principle of the matter."

"Wow, I was unaware you had principles," she teased.

"When it comes to food, there are always-"

"Bloody hell, look at this," Remus interrupted, reaching over the table and snatching up the _Daily Prophet_. He quickly unraveled it and pointed at the headline:

**Pureblood Protection Act Vetoed by Ministry**

Lily's heart immediately ached with surprise anticipation, as a round of ecstatic gasps surrounded her via her friends. They weren't the only ones who noticed the headlines. Boisterous chatter immediately filled the room from students and faculty alike as all eyes grazed the newspaper. The only people that didn't look particularly thrilled were those sitting at the Slytherin table.

"What does it say?" Kay was the first to speak.

Remus cleared his throat and began reading aloud. Halfway through the first sentence, a crowd of people were formed around him by those who didn't receive a copy of the newspaper but were eager to hear what had happened. _"The Pureblood Protection Act was an Act brought forth to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement back in September of last year. From whom the Act originated from remains unknown but_-"

"A Death Eater posing as a Ministry official no doubt," Sirius snorted.

While those around him nodded, Remus merely ignored him, continuing. "-_but it seemingly made its way up the ranks to the Minister of Magic himself, somehow bypassing typical judicial practices within the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. In a public statement provided late last night by the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, Roberta Flagstein, the proposed Act was immediately prevented from being sent into the Wizengamot for an official verdict. There was no motive provided but the vetoed Act had the stamp of approval from the Ministry himself. As magical law states, the Minister of Magic has the ability to directly reject a certain number of laws, bills, and Acts put forth in front of him per year without referring to the conventional jurisdictive practices. There is much speculation that this Act has been in the hands of the Minister for nearly four months now but ignored due to the fact that he had used all of his get-out-of-jail free cards during last year prior to this Act being brought forth to him_."

"'Get-out-of-jail-free card?'" Riley snapped. "That's what they're calling it when the Minister rightfully holds off on rejecting a _heinous _Act? Who the hell is the corrupt journalist writing this article?"

James chimed in. "They're all corrupt. They have that scumbag Editor-in-Chief Jasper Malone to thank for that."

A murmur of assenting filled the table as Remus returned to the article. "_Muggleborns everywhere are now able to breathe a sigh of relief that they won't be prematurely judged for their blood status. However, the private Blood Status Registry that had been illegally released to the public back in September still remains readily available to those who have the means. While business owners do not have legal entitlement in asking potential hires for blood status identification, they have admitted to continuous checking of that registry before hiring employees_."

Lily scoffed. "Bloody hell, I don't think I can listen to any more of this," she muttered irritably, shaking her head.

Remus shrugged and his eyes quickly skimmed the remainder of the article. "There's nothing else worth mentioning anyway," he admitted.

"It's never going to get better for Muggleborns, is it?" Lily murmured, her eyes filling with despair.

James frowned, glancing warily at his girlfriend. "Doesn't the vetoing of this ridiculous Act count as getting better?"

Lily sighed, her gaze falling towards the Slytherin table. "Not really. It will just cause Voldemort and his believers to go after Muggleborns and anyone associated with them at an even more alarming rate than they do now. They're never going to let up."

"And because of it," Riley couldn't help but agree, "Businesses are going to fear hiring any Muggleborns or half-bloods even more so now than before."

Lily nodded glumly, her eyes staring angrily at that front page headline. Instinctively, she reached out and grabbed the newspaper from Remus' hands, crumbling it up vehemently and tossing it aside carelessly.

James' eyebrow arched slowly. "That's alright. I wasn't really planning on reading the rest of my newspaper anyway."

For some reason, that forced a smile upon Lily's face. "Sorry," she said with a guilty sigh.

James squeezed his girlfriend's shoulder, shaking his head. "Don't be. You have every right to be angry and upset. It's incredibly unfair what's going on in the wizarding world right now and it sucks that you're targeted due to something that was never in your control. You didn't choose the family you were born into. You can just choose the type of witch you are and hell, you're one of the best."

She shrugged awkwardly, very aware of the crowd that was still surrounding them listening intently to all of their opinions.

"They'll get what's coming to them," Sirius piped up, his voice filled with a deep growl. "One day, they'll get their comeuppance."

An amused glint sparkled in Remus' eyes. "'Comeuppance,' hm? I'm impressed with the level of your vocabulary, Sirius."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I show signs of intelligence from time to time."

"Nah, just this one time," James agreed.

Sirius glared at him. "Unbelievable. We are having a serious conversation about the downfall of the wizarding world and you and Remus still find a way to insult me." He let out an overdramatic sigh.

"Sometimes we all need a little jesting during a serious moment," Lily murmured. "We shouldn't let this war change how we live our lives."

All eyes turned to her as a chorus of nods quickly followed. "Well said," Remus murmured.

Lily met his gaze but said nothing. There wasn't much else to say. It was Dezzy that eventually asked the question on all of their minds, "What do you think is going to happen now?"

A round of silence provided a quiet hush along the Gryffindor table, something typically highly uncharacteristic. They all exchanged looks, their expressions mixed with multitudes of emotions. Concern for the future. Complacency for the vetoing of the Act. Anger towards Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Confusion over what to expect next.

Eventually, it was Sirius that spoke up. And as they all turned to him, they weren't surprised to see his eyes bearing a hole into the Slytherin table. "It's going to get worse," he said softly, slowly shaking his head as his eyes narrowed into angry slits. "Much worse."

To that, no one could argue.

* * *

Dinner had just ended that night and the seven friends were traipsing up to the library, none of them all too pleased with the prospect of doing work. But every single one of them had an essay to write, an exam to study for, a textbook to read, a star chart to make up, a spell to practice, some form of homework, or in Sirius' case all sorts of homework he had been putting off since the first day of classes in the new year.

"Isn't there a law about having to relax and lie down after eating copious amounts of food?" Sirius grumbled, trailing the group as they began to ascend the stairs.

Riley snorted. "I'm pretty sure I haven't heard of that one yet."

"Well then there should be," Sirius whined. "Homework sucks."

Remus halted on the stairs to turn around and glare at Sirius, causing Lily and Kay who were both standing behind him to almost fall over. Lily just grabbed on to Kay for balance, which caused her to jolt out of surprise and end up toppling over as James caught Lily before she hit the ground. "Warn us before you do that!" Kay cursed as she grabbed her bag as it slipped off her shoulder.

Remus gave her an apologetic look and outstretched his hand to her, which she gratefully took. "Sorry," he muttered sheepishly. He turned back to Sirius who had finally caught up to the group. "Why must you complain about homework? We all know that if you sat still for longer than five minutes and actually took the time to do it, you could compose four essays in the amount of time it takes me to write _one_. And don't even get me startedon studying."

"Oh, I'll comment," Lily interjected with a teasing grin. "If you bothered pulling out your notes just once before an exam, Sirius, you could easily pull out an O! Your memorization skills far exceed mine."

"Or mine," Kay added.

"Or mine!" Peter squeaked.

Sirius shrugged. "Yes, but you see, there's that minor detail of having to actually sit still and take the time to write an essay or study. I'd much rather put that time to better use, such as coming up with pranks against the Slytherins. I've got a whole long list now and it's come in very handy!"

Remus sighed, rolling his eyes, as he turned around to continue ascending the stairs. He muttered something under his breath which sounded a lot like 'Stupid prat.'

"You are so unbelievably intelligent and it's going to waste on pranks," Lily whined, glancing behind her to give Sirius a knowing look.

Remus reached the top of the stairs and turned the corner, swearing immediately when he saw the group of people heading towards them.

Sirius grinned. "See? If I had spent all day paying attention in class and putting my time towards, dare I say it, _homework_, I wouldn't have two great ideas of pranks in my head right now," he gleamed, immediately pulling out his wand from his back pocket as the Slytherins walked closer to them.

"Don't be stupid!" Lily snapped, hastily shoving Sirius' wand and hand downward.

Sirius flashed Lily an irritated look before crying out, "Hello, Snivellus!"

Severus grunted under his breath angrily, before glaring at Sirius. "Go fling yourself off the highest tower, will ya?"

"Oh, how original," James muttered sarcastically, giving Sirius a humored look. "Gee, did you think that up all on your own?"

"We don't waste our thoughts on the likes of _you_," Rodolphus Lestrange interjected.

"And I don't waste my _time _on the likes of _you_," Sirius sneered, gripping his wand tighter in his hand as he outstretched it towards the Slytherin gang.

"Sirius, c'mon," Lily hissed. "There's no need to start a fight in the hallway."

But it was clear that Sirius had no intention of listening to a word Lily said. He was glaring at Rodolphus with a look of pure hatred, a look of equal hatred as the hatred in Rodolphus' eyes. "Go ahead, Black," Rodolphus snapped. "Fight me in the middle of the corridor. Especially when there are not only three prefects but the Head Girl and Head Boy as well. So go ahead. _I dare you_."

Sirius took a step closer to Rodolphus. "You should know by now, _Lestrange_, that I never refuse a dare," he replied in a low, threatening voice, his bottom lip curling out of a clear detestation, as he raised his wand up, pointing it directly in his face.

"Sirius!" Lily warned, swiping it from him. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Don't let them rile you up. They're not even close to being worth it."

Bellatrix Black had a snide smirk on her face that provided Lily with chills as the Slytherins stared her down. "So, Evans," she said lightheartedly, her eyes filling with irritation. "You must be pretty pleased with yourself today."

Her eyebrow quirked, a bored expression crossing her face. "Well, yeah, I did ace our Transfiguration exam so I guess I am feeling pretty pleased with myself today. Nice of you to acknowledge that."

A round of snickers poured from the Gryffindors' mouths while the scowls on the Slytherins merely became more prominent. "Oh, another good grade for the Head Girl. How predictable," Bellatrix drawled, rolling her eyes. "But I was more referring to you dodging a bullet with the ridiculous vetoing of that Pureblood Protection Act."

Lily bit down on the inside of her lip hard to stop herself from lashing out at the smug girl in front of her. "And pray tell, what does that have to do with me being pleased with myself?" Lily scoffed. "I'm pretty sure I had nothing to do with that decision."

"It's people like you that helped make that decision," Rodolphus snarled, linking his arm into his girlfriend's.

"No, it's people like the Minister of Magic who actually have a backbone enough to realize the difference between right and wrong who made that decision," James chimed in, his eyes narrowing irritably.

"He'll get what's coming to him," Mulciber sneered. "Just like all the Mudblood and Mudblood supporters will. You all might want to watch your backs."

"Consider us warned," Lily drawled sarcastically, rolling her eyes before James could snap at him for using the M word. "Now do you mind stepping aside so we can continue to the library as planned?"

"When have we ever stepped aside for a Mudblood?" Rodolphus sneered.

"Don't call her that!" James barked, his eyes blazing with hatred.

"James, don't," Lily said softly, shooting a look towards her boyfriend. "Don't let them get to you. They're not worth our time."

"They may not be worth yours, but they sure as hell are worth mine," Sirius snarled, his glare fixated on the Slytherins.

"_Sirius_," Lily snapped, glaring at him. "Be the bigger man for once, won't ya?"

"That would insinuate he actually is a man. And last I checked, cowardly runaways are merely sissies at best," Rodolphus spoke with a smirk.

"You think it's cowardly to turn my back on a world of corruption, malevolence, and _murder_? No, I call that got-out-just-in-the-knick-of-time-you-bloody-bastards. Now if you don't want to be on the end of a nasty duel, I'd suggest _walking away_," Sirius snarled, his voice rough with anger.

"And what are you going to duel with?" Serpus Avery finally chimed in, his eyes filled with amusement. "The Head Girl seems to still be in possession of your wand."

"We don't need our wands to beat the living shit out of you, Avery," James hissed, taking a step towards the younger Slytherin.

"_James_," Lily warned, glaring at him. "Stop baiting them. Can't you ever just walk away?"

He frowned, his eyes still blazing with hatred as his gaze never fell from the Slytherins. "They don't deserve to get away with saying all of the bullshit that comes from their mouths." He turned to face Lily. "_You _don't deserve that."

"It's not about what anyone deserves," Lily sighed. "It's about knowing that picking fights makes you just like them. And why the hell would you ever want to be like them?"

"Y'know, we're still standing here," Bellatrix snarled.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Bellatrix, do me a favor and _shut up_," she snapped, nearing her breaking point. "I'm done listening to your pathetic attempts at witty insults when inevitably it's the same drab slurs you've been using since you were eleven years old. If you want to attack me or anyone else for that matter, try coming up with new material."

Lily heard the impressed snickers coming from her friends behind her but she was more focused on the rage emanating from all of the Slytherins' faces as they glared at her. She felt her cheeks heat up instinctively, seemingly embarrassed by the fact that she let them get to her for once. She was always so good at keeping her cool around them.

"What, you tell us to ignore them and now you're talking back?" Sirius whined. "I think I deserve my wand back."

Lily gave Sirius a look. "I may talk back but I'm not _stupid _enough to start a fight."

"Which will just make going after you that much easier, you spineless Mudblood," Bellatrix sneered.

James whipped out his wand before anyone could stop him and was yelling the first curse that came to mind. "_Furnunculus_!"

Bellatrix let out a gasp as boils covered her entire face.

"_JAMES_!" Lily shouted but before she could scold him any longer, the five Slytherins had pulled out their wands and were yelling out their own curses towards the Gryffindors. Lily quickly ducked as an orange jet of light headed her way and she sighed as Sirius pleaded with her to give him his wand. She reluctantly tossed it in his direction as she. Fighting wasn't the answer but she also didn't want Sirius to get attacked because he didn't have his wand on him to shield him.

Lily pulled out her own wand and was yelling out protective and defensive spells in order to stop the jets of light hitting her or her friends while Kay and Peter and Serpus Avery all quickly rushed to the floor cautiously, ducking under jets of streaming light. It was nearly impossible whose wands the spells were coming from as there were far too many people crowded in that corridor. Riley whipped out her own wand to deflect spells back towards the Slytherins while Remus held his hand on his wand in his pocket, clearly debating whether to stay out of it or join in. Eventually he sighed when James' head was engorged and yelled "_Stupefy!_" hitting Snape directly in the stomach with a red light. He was going to protect his friends the best way he could even if that meant fighting.

Spells and hexes reverberated off the walls and it came as no surprise that spectators started migrating towards the fight. Lily immediately panicked. It wouldn't be wise for her, or the Head Boy or a Gryffindor prefect, to be caught dueling in the hallway in the large-scale fight that had erupted. She snatched Riley's robes and pulled her away from Bellatrix.

"HEY!" Riley cried.

"We gotta get out of here before a professor comes hurtling along and spots us," Lily hissed, anger evident in her every word. "I don't think a professor needs to see the Head Girl _and _the Head Boy in the midst of a battle plus the entire seventh-year Gryffindor house."

Riley clearly was tempted to go back and fight, but she also knew that Lily was right as she glanced back towards Sirius and James who were still fighting back with as much effort as possible. Remus noticed that Riley had stopped and looked up to see a panic-stricken Lily.

"James, Sirius, let's get the hell out of here," Riley called out. They paid no attention to her, up against Rodolphus and Mulciber. She shouted their names again, this time louder, but they still showed no sign of listening to her.

Remus let out an irritated growl before grabbing James' robes, gesturing to Lily and Riley to grab Sirius' robes. They obliged.

"_Stup_—HEY!" Sirius cried out as he was dragged away from Rodolphus.

"We need to get out of here, Sirius, not continue fighting and risk getting expelled!" Lily barked, rage spilling from her eyes. One look at her and Sirius knew not to contest it.

James sighed, avoiding eye contact with Lily as he knew she was beyond livid at him. "Protego!" he cried out and a shield was placed between them and the Slytherins. He quickly followed is friends as they ran off towards the library.

"THIS ISN'T OVER, POTTER!" Rodolphus yelled.

All seven of them ran swiftly through the corridors, ignoring Rodolphus' cries after them. They rushed up another flight of stairs before reaching the entrance to the library.

"James, what the _bloody hell_ was that?" Lily hissed as they reached the library safely. She leaned against the wall for balance as she attempted to catch her breath.

He didn't respond, merely hanging his head shamefully.

She glared at him, the disappointment seeping from her eyes. "Scourgify," she muttered, pointing her wand at James, then Sirius who were quickly cleared of the traces of blood left on them.

"Thanks," Sirius murmured, not daring to look at Lily.

James rubbed his temple, shaking his head in defeat. "Slytherins suck."

That didn't help Lily's temper even in the slightest. Her nostrils flared, her fists clenched around her wand still in her hand as it nearly snapped in two, and her eyes widened with added rage. Lily smacked him hard on the shoulder ("Ow!) and glared at him, crossing her arms defensively. "You caused a full-fledged bloody _fight _in the middle of the bloody hallway, _which is strictly forbidden and would have gotten us all in a heap of bloody trouble_, with bloody, worthless Slytherins who aren't worth our bloody damn time all because 'Slytherins suck'?"

James bit down on his lip, searching for an answer. Sirius nudged him. "I'd say something before she decides to kill you, mate," he whispered behind his back.

James ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I'm sorry, Lily," he mumbled. "I know it was stupid. I just…I just don't like it when they call you a…a you-know-what."

"Who _cares _if they call me a…a Mudblood!" she cried out, ignoring her friends' cringes at the word. "I don't believe that bullshit and I _know _that _you_ don't either. So stop trying to protect me because I don't need it!" she shouted. The uneasy look on her friends' faces told her they were uncomfortable at the prospect of a fight breaking out between James and Lily but weren't sure what to do about it.

James snapped his head up at the last of her words, staring at her with a strange sort of curious look. "Lily," he said quietly, taking a step towards her.

"I don't want to hear it!" she cried, throwing her hands in the air. "I don't want to hear your excuses!"

But what came out of James' mouth next wasn't an excuse. "Lily, when are you going to start realizing that it's never been about protecting you," he said softly, looking earnestly into her eyes. "I know you can take care of yourself."

"Then _stop _rescuing me," she replied through gritted teeth.

James stared at her in awe. "You…wait, that's what you think I do?"

Lily gave him a look. "I know it's what you do. It's what you've always done," she snapped.

James shook his head slowly in disbelief. "I don't come to your rescue, Lily," he continued firmly. "I know perfectly well that you can handle things all on your own. You've always proven to be very headstrong and you could protect yourself against the entire Slytherin House single-handedly. You don't need me or anyone trying to come to your rescue."

"Then why do you always insist on doing it?" she muttered irritably.

"It's not about you," he repeated. "It's about them. Bellatrix is a bloody bitch and shouldn't be allowed to run her mouth like that. I didn't hex her because I was protecting you _or _because I was coming to your rescue. I was hexing her because she's a right foul prat and she believes she can get away with anything. And she can't! So I wasn't trying to…to be your knight in shining armor or whatever. I just wanted her to stop being such a hateful bitch to people who deserve more credit than that so I…I hexed her. Maybe it shouldn't have been the answer but sometimes, I feel like it's the only answer with them."

Lily's anger seemed to subside a bit. "I know she's a prat, James," she responded coolly, frowning. "But couldn't you have just walked away?"

"Yeah, prats seem to run in the Black family," Riley chimed in, trying to ease the tension.

"Uncalled for," Sirius whined. "How come when someone else is getting yelled at, somehow _I _get insulted?"

"Because it's particularly easy insulting you, that's why," Riley pointed out with a casual shrug, grinning good-humoredly at him.

Sirius grunted and trudged towards the library entrance. "Unbelievable. I'd rather be in the library than out in the hallway with my friends. Something is seriously wrong with this picture," he muttered to himself. Riley, Remus, Kay, and Peter chuckled as they quickly followed him in, using that time to escape from whatever argument was going to heat up between their two friends.

Lily sighed and glanced up at James. "Why do they get to you so much? They're _nothing_. They're _scum_. They try to provoke you, James. And you seem to always fall for their provocation."

"Lily, I don't care if they provoke me," James explained carefully. "I care if they provoke _you_."

"So you _were _trying to rescue me," Lily pointed out, glaring at him.

"That's not it at all," James argued. "They are all a bunch of sniveling, prejudiced cowards who can spew out malice and hatred all they want but can never back it up in a substantial duel. They…damnit, they can beat us with their words, Lily. And how is that fair? They can say one word to slander everything Muggleborns have ever accomplished and there's nothing we can ever say that is going to change that. So why do I bother dueling them? Because it's seemingly my only way to fight back. They shouldn't be able to get away with some of the stuff they say and do, that's all. And that includes what they say to not only you but _all _Muggleborns. I care about you, I can't help that."

"Well stop caring," Lily snapped with a childish pout.

James smiled.

"Why the hell are you smiling? Do you not realize I'm pissed at you?" Lily cried out in aggravation.

"Lily, I will never stop caring about you," he replied with a warm smile.

"No, no, no, you can't be cute right now," Lily argued, shaking her head vehemently. "I'm mad at you and you being cute is making me less angry."

"I can't help being cute," James teased, leaning into her with a suggestive look. "Just like you can't help being gorgeous."

"No, no, no, you can't be all flattering right now either," Lily whined.

James laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing the top of her head. She merely pouted but didn't stop him. He took that as a good sign. "I'm sorry about starting a fight in a crowded corridor, Lily. You were right. It was stupid. And…and I'll try to be better in the future, but I can't say for certain that I will be. They deserve to know what it feels like to get hurt. It's that plain and simple. Because I can't stand the fact that every time they call you the M word, I know how much it must hurt you."

Lily's stern look softened at the sincerity in her boyfriend's eyes. "I've stopped letting it hurt me years ago, James," she said softly. "But by you throwing a hex or a punch at them, you're telling them that it hurts. And they don't deserve that satisfaction."

"No," James mused with a reluctant frown. "They don't. Because no matter what they say or do, you'll always be ten times the person that they all are. You amaze me in a new way every day. And I'm sorry if you feel as if I come to your rescue or I try to protect you against them when it's not needed. That's never been my intention."

Lily sighed reluctantly and wrapped her around his neck. "I know," she whispered.

"But I also feel as you should know that I'm never going to stop caring about you," he spoke softly, brushing a strand of her auburn hair from her forehead to kiss her temple. "And because of that, I'm always going to be there for you. Whether you want me to be or not."

A slight blush fell to her cheeks as she rested her chin against his chest while she gazed up into his adoring eyes. "Y'know, I think I'm okay with that," she spoke softly, a smile creeping on to her face. "But how about you try and keep the fighting with the Slytherins to a minimum?"

He sighed overdramatically, earning a slap to the shoulder. He laughed and bent down to kiss her. "I'll see what I can do," he whispered.

She smiled and hesitantly glanced towards the library. "So I guess we have to do work now."

James shrugged. "Unless you wanted to fight some more."

Lily grinned. "Strangely enough, I'd rather do work."

"Me, too," he said with a wink.

They walked into the library hand-in-hand, searching the library for their friends. They found them huddled in the back of the library surrounding a large round table. Their books remained untouched, their bags still full of their study supplies, as they whispered frantically in hushed voices. James stepped up behind Sirius and said loudly, "Talking about us, huh?"

"Argh!" Sirius cried, flying out of his chair.

James laughed. "Smooth." James took a seat in an empty chair beside Sirius just as Lily took a seat in between James and Kay.

Sirius pouted as he picked himself up and slid into the chair. "Very funny," he murmured. "And what makes you think we were talking about you?"

"Oh come on, you didn't actually expect me to believe you walked into the library to do work," James snorted, giving Sirius a knowing look.

"Yes, I do expect you to believe that!"

Lily snorted. "Alright, which essay were you working on?"

Sirius hesitated, glancing towards the rest of his friends who all looked quite amused at the deer-in-headlights look on Sirius' face. "Er…that essay on animal transfiguration?"

The table erupted into laughter. "You mean the one that was due back in October?" Riley laughed. "Wow, I always knew you were slow but not this slow."

Sirius grinned sheepishly, turning back to face James and Lily. "Alright, you caught me. We were gossiping about your fight."

"Well, you can stop the gossip now. Fight's over," Lily said with a smile, reaching out for James' hand.

"Oh, you made up?" Sirius asked.

"Lily didn't hex you, James?" Peter questioned.

"You're not planning on avoiding each other for the next week?" Kay asked.

"You're on good terms?" Remus interjected.

"Uh…yeah," Lily mentioned. "Why?"

Riley grinned at the four of them and held out her hand proudly. "Pay up, suckers."

Lily gaped at her. "You _bet _on our relationship?"

"Hey, don't get mad at me. I'm the only one who had faith in you two!" Riley protested, holding up her hands innocently.

"Yeah only because you ran into Rhett and got to the table late when all of the other options were taken," Kay pointed out.

Riley threw her quill at Kay. "Okay, _they_ didn't have to know that."

Lily snorted and gave Riley a look. "Oh please. You expect me to believe you had faith in our relationship? You're the biggest cynic when it comes to commitment."

Riley smiled furtively and merely shrugged, seconds before Sirius yelped out, probably because at that moment Riley had run her foot up Sirius' leg.

They were all staring at Sirius curiously. "What?" James asked in confusion.

"Uh…er…just…uh…you know…" he dithered. "Uh…oh, I just, y'know, caught my finger on the end of the chair."

They all stared blankly at him, Riley trying very hard to suppress a smile.

"Yes, I know, I know, I'm a moron," Sirius murmured teasingly. "Can we move on?"

James laughed as he pulled out his Advanced Transfiguration textbook. "To do work? Sure."

Sirius made a face. "Not exactly what I meant."

"Sirius, you have three essays due within four days," Remus pointed out as he pulled out his _Magical Draft and Potion _textbook and a couple pages of parchment. "If you just stop grumbling about doing work, you could actually just get it over with. In fact, I bet if you start the essay now, at the same damn time that _I'm _starting it, you'll be done a whole two hours before me."

"Okay, yes, you mentioned that earlier and I'm going to reiterate that that means I actually have to do work," Sirius responded, slumping down in his chair with a whimper.

"Fine, don't do work. But I hate to break it to you, the rest of us willbe doing work," Lily pointed out giving him an apologetic look.

"I need friends who can procrastinate," Sirius murmured.

Lily shrugged as she, and the rest of the group, grudgingly took out their needed resources to do their homework.

Sirius stayed put for another five minutes, pouting and keeping his arms crossed bitterly as the others went to work, the table now covered in books and papers and quills, before finally giving in. He slowly took out his _The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection _textbook and started jotting down the countercurses to the Unforgivable Curses.

Riley glanced up from her Ancient Runes chart and shared a smile with her boyfriend before returning to studying.

They worked in silence for the next hour, the scratches of quills and the occasional conversation between James and Lily who were working on their Advanced Transfiguration project being the only sound besides Sirius' usual complaints, before Kay broke it. "How else does one know they are acting under the Befuddlement Draught? I have only two symptoms," Kay asked, rubbing her temple. "God, I hate Potions."

Lily laughed and glanced away from her partner work with James. "If you are constantly forgetting your name, have an apt of crying, can't seem to remember directions to a place you've been a millions times, words become jumbled and you can't seem to remember what number comes after 10, oh, sometimes you'll run into walls and you'll walk around with your tongue sticking out."

"Ooh okay thanks," Kay murmured, quickly scribbling all of them down on her parchment.

"Wait say those again!" Sirius pleaded, grabbing an extra parchment from Riley beside him ("Hey, get your own!") and scribbling the ones he remembered.

Lily gave him a disapproved look. "Have you even started this essay? It's due tomorrow afternoon y'know."

"Yes, I know, which is why I need you to repeat those symptoms," Sirius said with a pleading grin.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You will never learn, will you?" she laughed before jumping into the symptoms again.

Two hours later, both Sirius and Riley were tired of doing work and were playing hangman on an extra parchment. "Sirius, I'm pretty sure snackhappy is not a word! Maybe two, but not one!" Riley argued.

"It is too!" Sirius argued. "Hm, and if it's not, I'm totally going to take claim to it."

Riley threw her parchment at him. "You've been making up words for the past three rounds. Whatever happened to good old 'cat' and 'the'?"

"Those words are far too simple," Sirius pointed out.

"Yeah but they _are _in the dictionary!"

"Oh my God, I'm going to come over there and go snackhappy on your asses if you don't shut up," Lily grumbled, glaring at them in irritation.

"Um, Lily? That's not the right connotation of that word," Sirius said giving her a sheepish grin.

Lily glared at him.

"And I think that's my cue to leave," Sirius murmured, stuffing his books back into his bag.

"But you've only written one essay," Remus pointed out.

"Not true. I'm almost done with that Potions essay that's due tomorrow," Sirius corrected.

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "You wrote down the symptoms one feels under the Befuddlement Draught."

"And now all I have to do is write in really big letters and I've got an essay!"

Remus gave him a look. "You're pathetic."

Sirius grinned. "Thanks," he replied giddily. He glanced at Riley and shrugged. "You coming?"

Riley shrugged. "Why not? I'm not doing anything here."

She, too, put away her books and with a final good-bye to her friends followed Sirius out of the library as they all stared after the two of them incredulously.

"Okay, now they're playing hangman and leaving places together?" Remus murmured. "Is anyone beginning to think that perhaps this friendly stage they're going through might be more permanent than we initially believed?"

The silence that followed was answer enough.

"Is this, dare I say it, more than just a friendly stage and actually…well, a _friendship_?" Kay dared to ask when no one else spoke up.

"They're acting like the way they used to," James agreed, thinking back to when Sirius and Riley used to be best friends. "It's refreshing to see them like this."

"Refreshing, yes, and curious, too," Lily murmured.

"Oh, most definitely curious," Peter assented. "Do you think they forgave each other for whatever happened two years ago?"

"They must have," Remus was quick to agree. "I'm just wondering what they had to forgive each other for."

They all mused over the question of the century before James spoke up. "You know what's interesting? Those two are probably the worst secret keepers in the school in terms of keeping anyone else's secret private, especially Mr. Gossip King, but yet when it comes to their own secrets, none of us have a clue."

"Well, if they want to keep their secrets, I have nothing against that. Just as long as this friendship lasts," Lily sighed. "I don't want to go through what happened the last time their friendship came to a screeching halt. It was a miserable time for all of us."

A chorus of nods followed, reminded of the constant jeers and harassment Sirius and Riley provided to each other in the weeks following their fallout. At the beginning, Riley refused to even speak to him and chose to hex him every time he attempted to talk to her. Sirius begged and pleaded for her to listen to him and she barely gave him the time of day. Eventually, her hatred for him wore down on him and he started to show feigned hatred for her in return. Their blow-ups were infamous. Their hexing matches were frightening to watch. Their screams could be heard from the highest tower all the way down to the lowest dungeon. The anger was undeniable between the two of them and after a while it became second nature to them. Their friendship quickly became something in the past and their newfound status of enemies became the norm. Everyone else in the school stopped questioning it. Everyone, that is, except for their friends. Because they knew it must have been something so incredibly painful to have torn them apart. And it wasn't easy watching your friends in pain.

"Do you think this time their friendship will last?" Peter dared to ask.

"I hope it does," James murmured softly. "For their sake. I don't think they would be able to come back from another fallout."

"I don't think any of us would be able to," Remus agreed. "We're finally in a good place much to all of our surprise."

"What, you didn't think James and I would ever be in a good place?" Lily teased, resting her head on James' shoulder playfully.

"Oh, yes, of course I considered it as I was ducking during your hexing matches as Lily screamed at James to go crawl in a hole and die and James was telling Lily to do everyone a favor and jump off a building. _Obviously _the first thing on my mind was 'man, these two are totally going to date one day,'" Remus snorted.

"Hm, I'm thinking that was probably sarcasm," James suggested, stroking his chin curiously.

"Ya think?" Remus laughed. "Now, can anyone tell me what putting a gigiovitala flower in invisibility potions does? I cannot read my notes for the life of me."

"Yeah, it's hard to do when you doodle a monster eating Snape all over them," Kay teased, her eyes glancing over to his page.

Remus scowled. "Sirius did that when he borrowed my notes over the weekend!"

"Uh-huh," Kay said with a grin. "Sure."

"He spelled 'Grease Monster' G-R-E-E-S-E. You really think I drew that?"

The table couldn't help but erupt into laughter, earning a few looks from the nearby tables. "It's actually a decent drawing. Very detailed," Lily pointed out, grabbing for Remus' notes. "If only he spent that much time on his schoolwork."

"I think he'd prefer to spend his time coming up with ways to hunt down Snape," Peter pointed out.

"Can I get back my notes?" Remus whined.

"Why? You can't read them. What's the point?" James teased, ducking as Remus' quill went flinging towards him.

Remus sighed. "I think Sirius and Riley had the right idea by leaving."

* * *

"Do you think our friends will catch on?" Riley asked Sirius as they meandered through the dark corner of the castle towards the dungeons.

Sirius hesitated. "If they really thought about it, they should," he chuckled. "Considering whenever you disappear, I disappear, too. And vice versa. But I highly doubt they'll figure it out. You and I dating is probably completely ludicrous to them."

"Hell, it was ludicrous to me up until the moment you kissed me," Riley said with an amusing smile.

He smiled, reaching for her hand. "I still can't believe you came back for me," he said softly, bring her hand to his lips and kissing her fingertips. "For so long, I've wanted to be with you. And I thought I screwed up any chance of that two years ago. Do you know how hard it was for me to accept that things were over between us?"

"About as hard as it was for me to accept the fact that you had used me," she spoke in a hushed whisper.

Sirius' heart sank. "I didn't use you," he said achingly.

"I know," she responded immediately, her eyes darting towards the cracks in the stonework they were walking on. "But I thought you had at the time."

His heart ached at the vulnerability displayed on her face. He reached over and brushed her hair from her face, pressing his lips to hers in a fiery urge. "I wish I could take that day back," he whispered. "I don't typically live my life with regrets, but I will forever regret hurting you the way I did. I know you may have forgiven me, but I won't ever be able to forgive myself for cheating on you."

She didn't respond immediately, turning to glance at the desperation seeping in his eyes. "In the end, Sirius, it wasn't the actual act of cheating that had hurt me. It was the fact that for once in my life I felt special to someone. And when I heard what had happened, I had never felt so unspecial in my entire life."

"It's in the past," Sirius said pleadingly, blinking away the pain in his eyes. "That's not me anymore. Because hell, Riley, you'll always be special to me. _Always_. And I never want you to think you're not."

She felt a slight blush emerge on her cheeks at the sudden romantic side to Sirius. "You're pretty incredible, Sirius."

He offered her a lopsided smile. "Maybe now I am," he said. It was his attempt at a joke.

"It's like you said," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him close to her. "That's all in the past."

He smiled before kissing her.

* * *

"James, you have to eat something," Lily urged four days later.

"No I don't," he protested. "I never eat before Quidditch games! I'm too nervous to eat!"

"It's Hufflepuff. Why be nervous? We're definitely going to win," Sirius assured, digging into his own huge breakfast.

"You don't know that!" James cried out in frustration.

"Of course we do," Remus argued with a shrug. "When was the last time Gryffindor didn't beat Hufflepuff? Not during the time we've attended Hogwarts. That's a hell of a lot of games."

"Yeah, you're definitely gonna win," Riley agreed.

James groaned. "I wish people would stop saying that!"

"Hey guys," Dezzy greeted, sliding into a seat with her friend and fellow Quidditch player Skyler Swenson. "Ready to beat Hufflepuff?"

"ARGH!" James cried out, slumping down in the seat.

Dezzy was startled and turned to Sirius. "What's with him?"

"Besides the fact that he's an anal retentive prat?" Sirius spoke, not looking up from his food.

James flipped him off. "Just because everyone else is getting far too cocky doesn't mean _I'm _anal retentive!"

"Do I even want to know what this argument is in reference to?" Dezzy asked curiously.

A resounding "No" came from the surrounding people.

James scowled, pushing himself up from the table and standing on the bench. "Alright, that's it! Gryffindor Quidditch team to the pitch now!"

"I just started eating!" Skyler whined, shooting her Captain a look.

"Do you want to win or not?" James asked irritably.

Skyler snorted and swallowed the food in her mouth before saying, "Oh please. It's Hufflepuff. We're obviously going to-"

"I wouldn't dare finish that sentence if I were you," Sirius murmured, glancing at the irate look on James' face.

"Let's go," James said coolly, walking down to the other end of the table to grab the other teammates to head off to the game. He barely let Dedalus Diggle grab a muffin, before he was taking ahold of his collar and dragging him out.

"Someone's in a bad mood," Dezzy muttered.

"Guess he didn't get laid last night," Sirius snickered.

"Uh, _excuse me?_" Lily scowled.

"Oh damn," Sirius swore, grabbing another muffin as he stood up from the bench. "I used to be able to say that stuff at the Gryffindor table when Kristina was at the Ravenclaw table."

Lily gave him a look.

"I'm…er…I'm gonna go now," Sirius said sheepishly, running off away from Lily.

Lily snorted. "I HOPE YOU LOSE!" she cried after him.

Sirius glanced over his shoulder with a humored look, grinning at Lily.

"Hm…I'm sure James would appreciate knowing you said that," Remus snickered.

Lily gave him a look.

Remus just grinned.

* * *

The Gryffindor team all looked like a bunch of bored, exhausted amateurs. Sirius was leaning up against one of the lockers with his eyes drooping shut, Drew and Dezzy took up the length of one of the benches as they lay on their backs with their knees facing upward as they mumbled under their breath about the ungodly early hour, Skyler was sitting on the floor with her back up against Randy Cattano as they attempted to keep each other awake by pinching on another every once and a while, and Dedalus Diggle was the only one who looked remotely alert as he stood propped up against his Lightning Rod 101 eagerly awaiting James' speech.

James merely paced in front of his team, muttering strategies under his breath as he waited for the clock to strike eleven.

"Mate, why are we here an hour before the match starts?" Sirius asked for for sixth time that morning.

"It's an important game!"

"It's just Hufflepuff," Drew muttered, his voice muffled as he turned over and dug his face into his arms. "We could win with our eyes closed."

"Which at this point is quite likely," Randy pointed out, stifling a yawn. "Ow!"

"Sorry," Skyler muttered, apologizing for pinching his forearm quite hard.

"Why did you pull us out of breakfast so early if you were just going to pace in front of us without bothering to speak, James?" Randy continued, rubbing his weary eyes.

"Because you all have been walking around as if this game doesn't matter!" James snapped. "We have to treat every single match as if it is the most significant match of our entire existence even if you lot are convinced this is an easy win."

"Uh huh," Sirius muttered, slumping down further against the lockers.

James smacked his broom against one of the benches, causing every single one of his players to jump.

"Merlin, are you trying to give us heart attacks?" Dezzy whined, shooting her older brother a look. "Do you really want the alternates to play?"

Skyler shrugged. "Eh, they could still beat the pants off of Huffle-"

"Hell, it might be worth losing this game just so you all can cease with the arrogance!" James interrupted in a frustrated grunt.

"Wouldn't it just be easier to go the James Potter route and drool over a girl for seven years before finally listening to her suggestions to subside your big ego?"

As the team burst into giggles, James' face grew red. "BLACK, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!"

Sirius grinned, emitting a yelp as he rushed off while James attempted to chase after him. "Just trying to lighten this extremely dull mood!" he cried out, running into the back room where the showers were held.

"Seriously, I am going to jam this broomstick into your bloody thick skull one of these days," James muttered as he slowed his pace. "I would sleep with one eye open if I were you."

"Hm, a lot of ex-girlfriends tell me that, too," Sirius considered as he trudged back out of the back room.

Snickers escaped the mouths from the Quidditch team. "Since when did you have ex-girlfriends? I was always under the impression they were ex-playmates."

"Potato, poh-tah-to."

"As thrilling as it is to discuss Sirius' past conquests, can we get back to focusing on the game?"

"Even if we didn't focus on the game, we would still beat Huf-"

"Gilmore, so help me Merlin, if you finish that sentence I will force you to have scrambled quaffle for breakfast."

Drew chuckled, lifting his head to offer his Captain a sheepish smile.

"I don't want to be the team that this school calls safe. I want to go out there and prove to everyone why we are going to win the Quidditch Cup this year. I want to show them that we have two dedicated beaters who could pinpoint a quaffle from miles away. I want them to see how efficient and fast the chasers can be as we rack in the points. I want everyone to know that our Keeper has had the least amount of points scored against him in the history of all Hogwarts Keepers. And I want the stadium to be on the edge of their seat as our speedy seeker grasps his hand around the bloody Snitch! We aren't just a good team. We're the _best _team! And damnit, today is our day to shine!"

Six awestruck stares gazed up at him. "That was almost touching," Sirius teased.

"So don't you dare fuck it up or I swear to Merlin, I won't just be threatening to murder you all with my bare hands, I'll actually do it!"

"_Almost _being the key word," Dezzy said with a smile as she slowly sat up on the bench to face her brother. "James, we won't let you down. Mostly because I'm fairly sure none of us want to die."

James looked less than amused. "Gee, how thoughtful of you," he muttered with a shake of the head. He headed towards the exit. "C'mon. It's almost time."

She grinned, pouncing off the bench to follow him out. "Cheer up, bro. Just think of Lily finally coming to a match to cheer you on. And not because she wants you to fall off your broom!"

He glared at her. "Suddenly, I'm wishing I warmed up the alternates more," James muttered.

* * *

"And here comes the Gryffindor team!" the announcer cried, who just happened to be James' brother Jaron. "Black, Cattano, Diggle, Swenson, Dezzy Potter, Gilmore, and the Captain _James Potter_!"

The stadium erupted in loud cheers, including those coming from Remus, Peter, Lily, Kay, and Riley who managed to grab a set of front-row seats to watch their friends play their hearts out.

"And now that other team that no on really cares about," Jaron grumbled, earning a glare from McGonagall. "Er...I mean the Hufflepuff team! Here's Loughlin, Jones, Diggs, Goodhart, Witherspoon, Bennito, and the Captain _RHETT DAVIES_!"

More cheers erupted as the stands filled with exictement for the underdog team.

"Five galleons say Hufflepuff loses by exactly a hundred and fifty points," Remus suggested.

Riley shook her head. "I'm going to have to disagree," she argued. "I think it will more more like three hundred. Drew is going to put off catching the snitch until the last possible second. He likes to rack up points to give them a nice cushion."

"So how much are you betting then?" Remus asked.

"I'll go for five," she said, shaking his hand.

Lily chimed in. "Five galleons says that when we win, James will pretend like he knew we'd win all along."

Laughter followed. "I'm not taking that bet because that's exactly what he'll do," Riley agreed.

"Well, can I just go for five that James gives himself a heart attack before the game even starts?" Peter snickered.

They all nodded in agreement, smiles playing against their lips. "I'm surprised he hasn't already killed himself. Or someone else on the team!" Remus said with an amused shake of the head. "Last night, he threw a book at Sirius for even mentioning how good Sadie's gotten as Hufflepuff's seeker since last year."

"Oh my God, is _that_ what that bruise on his head was at breakfast today?" Kay snickered. "He said he ran into his bed post!"

"And the game begins!" Jaron's voice boomed over the stadium. "Gryffindor gets the quaffle first with Skyler Swenson rushing towards the hoops! Oh and she passes it off to her friend, and my lovely sister, Dezzy. And there goes—OH! That one looked like it hurt my friends. But she's shaking it off and getting right back to the match! It looks like Loughlin has the quaffle now and—YES! James Potter steals it away with a double-teaming! But look out girls, James is taken! And not by Kristina Reinhart anymore but by the one-and-only Lily Evans! Yes, you heard correctly! Who would have thought _that _would ever happen? Who thinks she's been confounded—er...sorry, Professor! Moving on!" he cried as McGonagall started scolding him.

Lily buried her head in her hands. "Please tell me he didn't just say that…"

"Oh, he did," Riley said with a laugh.

"I officially hate all Potters," she whined.

"I'll be sure to mention that to James," Remus teased.

"So where was I before I got distracted by my brother's thrilling love life?" Jaron continued. "Oh, and there goes Potter towards the hoops. He shoots—_miss__ it, Jones!_! _**YES**_! IT'S A GOAL! That's 10-0 in Gryffindor's favor!"

The stadium erupted in cheers again.

Two and a half hours later, the spectators were getting rather bored. Some had already headed back into the castle, others were dozing off, and most of the people were yelling at Drew to catch the Snitch already.

"Can this game seriously just end?" Kay groaned. "I have work to do, you know!"

"And by work you mean partying, right?" Riley snickered.

"Well, of course."

"Hm, what are the chances James won't be mad if I skip out now?" Lily questioned.

"Quite slim," Remus snickered.

Lily groaned. "I knew this whole me-and-him-dating thing would backfire on me eventually."

"I'm sure James would appreciate knowing you said that."

Lily pouted. "They're obviously going to win! The score is 410-120! Now I may not know Quidditch all that well, but I'm thinking that Gryffindor is doing pretty well."

"Why hasn't your brother caught the damned snitch yet?" Remus murmured to Riley.

"I told you he'd hold out until he felt it was the right time."

"Well the right time would have been two hours ago!" Lily groaned.

"Even Jaron is tired," Kay pointed out, nodding in the direction of the Commentator's Box. "He stopped announcing an hour ago and is now playing Exploding Snaps with his friends."

"I wish I were playing Exploding Snaps," Peter murmured. "Anything is better than sitting up here freezing our asses off. If you didn't know already, February is a cold month."

"I'll make sure to remember that in the future," Remus snickered.

Another hour passed by and the stadium had virtually emptied out, less a few Hufflepuff and Gryffindor students with scattered professors. Though Remus could have sworn he saw McGonagall's eyelids drooping.

"Okay, I've got one," Remus interjected. "Why did the blonde cross the street?"

They all shrugged and murmured, "Why?"

"Forget the street. What was she doing out of the bedroom?"

They all laughed and Kay said, "I'll take that as a compliment."

They had all stopped cursing the players long enough to exchange jokes with each other. "Okay, I've got one," Peter said. "What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?"

Kay groaned. "What's with all the blonde jokes?"

Riley gave Kay a look and turned back to Peter. "So what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?" she asked.

He grinned. "Pregnant."

They all burst into hysterical laughter except for Kay who pouted. "I _won't _take that one as a compliment."

"Okay here's one," Lily snickered. "So a man bursts into the house and yells out 'Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery!' She cries back in excitement 'Oh wonderful! Should I pack for Jamaica or Paris?' He replies 'I don't give a shit….just get the hell out!'"

They all burst into laughter again. "That's going to be Sirius when he grows up," Kay snorted.

Remus snorted. "No way. Sirius won't bother to get married at all unless the woman is _already _rich."

Laughter followed once again.

"Okay, here's one that I'm sure the guys will appreciate," Riley said slyly. "What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?"

They all shrug and Remus asks, "What?"

"Spitting…swallowing…and gargling!"

Lily and Kay drop their jaws in disgust and Remus and Peter burst into laughter.

"That's _horrible_!" Kay argued.

"I thought it was pretty funny when _Lance_ told me that joke," Riley teased, nudging her with her elbow.

Kay glared at her. "You're just plain evil."

"I can't believe you told that joke," Remus muttered, shuddering. "That's a kind of joke Sirius would say. Maybe you're spending too much time with him."

Riley shrugged. "I have a dirty streak, Mr. Lupin."

"I'm beginning to realize that," he said with a chuckle.

"What the hell?!" Lily cried, glancing over at the pitch.

The rest of them jumped up, startled by Lily's outburst. "What?" Remus asked.

"Where'd all the players go?" she asked, her head moving around frenziedly.

They all looked over and saw that the pitch and the stands were now completely vacant.

"Hm, someone must have caught the snitch," Remus mused, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"Does that mean the game is over?" Lily asked excitedly.

Riley snorted. "You've been watching Quidditch games since first-year and you're telling me you don't know that when someone catches the snitch, the game is over?"

"Hey, I think it's just as likely that both teams abandoned the pitch due to sheer boredom and exhaustion."

Riley laughed as she climbed off the bench and started leading the group out of the stands. "Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised."

* * *

They traipsed back into the Gryffindor common room, laughing at another one of Remus' jokes, and were thrown headfirst into a party.

"Good Godric, it's crowded," Lily murmured.

"That must mean we won," Kay said with a grin.

"Yeah, or we just really needed an excuse to party," Riley snickered.

Kay hesitated. "You're right. Scratch my idea."

The crowd parted and out rushed James and Sirius towards their friends. James lifted Lily off the floor immediately and twirled her around with a grin, ending with a kiss on the mouth.

Lily laughed wrapping her arms around his neck. "I guess this means you won."

James placed her down on the ground with a curious look. "Weren't you at the game?"

Lily glanced awkwardly at Riley beside her who was looking on in amusement. Lily merely grinned sheepishly. "Of course I was at the game and I was obviously watching every second of you play your heart out."

"You stopped watching after the first hour, didn't you."

"No," she was quick to argue. "It wasn't until the second hour that I stopped watching."

James pouted.

"Oh come on, it gets boring watching all of you guys flying around on your brooms throwing the thingamajigs into the whatchamacallits," she explained with a guilty whine.

Riley snorted. "Are those the technical names for it?"

Lily shot her a look. "I'm just saying, it got a bit stale."

Sirius let out an overdramatic gasp. "Quidditch will never, ever get stale!"

"Sirius, after the second hour, you started playing tag with Randy," James drawled.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Let it be known, I won that game," he joked. He shrugged at the glare James sent him. "Oh, don't give me that look. Even those damn bludgers got tired. They stopped attacking people by the second hour."

"Yeah, face it, mate, that four-hourlong match was not ideal.," Remus agreed.

"Don't tell me you stopped watching, too!" James whined.

He shrugged. "Telling jokes got more interesting!" he defended.

"Yeah, his blonde crossing the street joke really got us going," Kay pointed out with a snicker.

James let out an overdramatic gasp, glaring at Remus. "And you told _my _joke!" he cried out. "_Traitor_!"

Remus cleared his throat guiltily, shifting his weight with a sheepish grin. "I'm…er…I'm going to go get some butterbeer."

"Yeah, you better run!" James cried out after him as he rushed off.

"And you might want to get the butterbeer out of the smaller bowl!" Sirius shouted.

Lily groaned. "You spiked the big bowl, didn't you?"

Sirius shook his head. "No," he protested. "Peter spiked it. See the difference?"

Lily glared at him.

"I'm going to go follow Remus," he muttered and snuck into the crowd behind Remus.

"So the game went well?" Lily asked James once they were gone.

James grinned. "It might have been four hours, but we played amazingly well. We really showed everyone what our team was made of. Then again, it was only Hufflepuff so I knew we'd win all long."

Lily turned to Riley, Kay, and Peter who had burst into laughter. "Someone owes me five galleons."

* * *

"Hey Remus, where'd Sirius disappeared to?" James asked in a frenzy about two hours into the party.

Remus turned away from Jillian who he was mid-conversation with and shrugged. "Don't know. I haven't been keeping tabs on him."

James groaned. "Damnit," he cursed under his breath.

"Why are you looking for him?" Jillian asked curiously.

"Because we're running out of butterbeer and he's the one supposed to be supplying us. And I'm getting rather tired of people complaining that we're low on drinks," James explained with an irritated sigh. "I'd get it myself but I have no idea where he put the other cases."

"He's probably with some girl right now and not thinking about supplying the butterbeer," Remus snickered. "But why don't you check our room? The cases might be up there."

James nodded and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess," he mumbled. "I still say this is his job."

Remus shrugged. "Well, I can't help you with that."

James grunted and headed upstairs to his room.

He threw open the door and walked in to search for the cases, but he got a bit of an unwelcoming image. He cringed when he was greeted with a shirtless Sirius kissing some girl wearing only a bra on top. He quickly looked away and shielded his eyes.

"Aghhh, Sirius! What the—" James stopped short and returned his line of vision to the girl he was kissing. He froze immediately at the realization that it was Riley, who had jumped apart from Sirius immediately, a look of horror flickering in her eyes as she stared up at James. James didn't realize he had ceased breathing until a gasp of air escaped from his mouth. He blinked a few times as an eerie silence filled the room, the shock consuming them. Eventually, James cleared his throat and spoke coolly, "Next time, you should lock the door."

* * *

**A/N: **Cliffhanger! Sorry about that...I'm probably going to be getting a lot of hate mail, haha. I really liked writing this chapter and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Please review and let me know!


	6. Of Confrontation, Anger, & Numbers

**A/N: **Hey, sorry it's taken me so long to update! I've been super busy and I feel terrible that I left you with a cliffhanger and it's been a month! Here's a little recap of what happened last:

_"Aghhh, Sirius! What the—" James stopped short and returned his line of vision to the girl he was kissing. He froze immediately at the realization that it was Riley, who had jumped apart from Sirius immediately, a look of horror flickering in her eyes as she stared up at James. James didn't realize he had ceased breathing until a gasp of air escaped from his mouth. He blinked a few times as an eerie silence filled the room, the shock consuming them. Eventually, James cleared his throat and spoke coolly, "Next time, you should lock the door."_

**Disclaimer: **I think we all know by now that I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 6: Of Confrontations, Anger, & Favorite Numbers

* * *

James cleared his throat and spoke coolly, "Next time, you should lock the door."

"You have a wand," Sirius pointed out with a sheepish grin, shrugging innocently. "You could have easily unlocked it."

James glared at him, ignoring the joke. "I'm pretty sure that wasn't the point I was trying to make," he sneered.

Sirius shrugged once again, unfazed by James' clear anger.

"What the hell is this? What's going on?" James demanded to know.

Riley looked away from James as she bit down on her lip and reached down to grab her shirt, turning around to place it over her head. She stared at the ground, feeling the glare on her back she knew James was giving them. She sighed and turned back around, now fully clothed.

"I thought you guys were starting to become friends, not fuck buddies," James spoke matter-of-factly, his voice on the verge of bitterness.

"James, it's more than that," Sirius argued with a sigh.

"No, it isn't," James retaliated with a snort. "Don't try to turn this into anything it's not. Just end this...this _fling _now. Before you two turn this mistake into a disaster."

"Don't presume to tell us this is a mistake," Sirius spoke up irritably, shaking his head. "We know what we're doing, James. _You _don't. It's none of your concern."

James scowled and clenched his teeth together. "I think we all know that you two together is a _terrible _idea with a capital T! You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise. So before you guys go any further, it would just be smarter to let this whole thing go. I know you know that. I'm trying to tell you what I'm sure you already know but don't want to admit. _End it_."

James turned around to rush out of the room but Sirius didn't let his best friend get in the last word. "We won't end it."

He halted at the door, his hand on the doorknob, frustration carefully building from within. He whirled around to glare at Sirius with a smirk, a look of sly evilness spreading over his face. "So it's come to this, huh Sirius?" James snickered deviously. "You've slept with all the other girls in this school that you have to resort to the girl you've been fighting with for the past two years? That desperate, huh?"

"Hey!" Sirius cried angrily. "This isn't about desperation, you self-righteous jackass. I don't want to be with any other girl. I want to be with Riley. And of all people, I thought _you _might actually understand that."

"Why the hell would _I _understand that?"

"Oh, I don't know, because maybe you're dating the one girl you've had an ongoing feud with for _six years?"_ Sirius snapped, rolling his eyes.

James barked out a cynical laugh. "That is so different and you know it. I had a crush on Lily since the moment I laid eyes on her and we're actually _dating_. You have had a crush on every girl in the entire school since you were a horny eleven-year-old and this _thing _between you and Riley isn't considered _dating_!"

"YES, IT IS!" Sirius barked. "We're _not _just sleeping together. It's more than that!"

James' heart dropped into his stomach at the implication. He didn't say anything, his eyes grazing upon Riley who had been suspiciously quiet during the whole exchange. For the first time since he walked into the room, Riley looked up into James' eyes. James let out a strangled grunt when Riley's gaze said it all. "Oh my God," he muttered to myself. He blinked, his eyes never faltering from Riley's as shock and disgust replaced the expression on his face. "You're his new victim?"

Riley turned her gaze away from her oldest friend in defeat.

"I think the word you're looking for is _girlfriend_," Sirius spoke evenly.

James recoiled at that thought. "What the hell were you thinking, Riley?" he asked, shaking his head in pure confusion.

Once again, Riley remained silent.

"Hell, I expect this from Mr. Don Juan over here, but not from you. You deserve better!" James cried out pleadingly.

"What the hell is your problem, mate?" Sirius snapped. "When did you become such a judgmental _prick?_"

James glared at him. "I have no patience for you right now, Sirius. Do you mind getting the hell out? I want to talk to Riley alone."

Riley's head snapped up in surprise.

"What? No! This is my room!"

"_Sirius_," James snapped. "You've said all you've needed to say. Let me talk to Riley."

"So that you can yell at her and tell her she's making a big mistake?" Sirius sighed, shooting him a look. "I don't think so."

"Bloody hell, get _out,_ Sirius!" James cried, his voice on the verge of hysterics as his eyes filled with rage.

Sirius frowned, glancing towards Riley out of the corner of his eye. He was about to refuse for a third time when Riley slowly shook her h ead, whispering, "It's okay, Sirius. Go ahead."

Sirius felt his heart fall slightly when she agreed. "Are…are you sure?"

"Yeah," Riley murmured.

Sirius stood rooted to his spot, unconvinced. He didn't say anything but neglected to move towards the door.

"You heard her," James snapped.

Sirius sighed, reaching down to the floor to grab his shirt, pulling it over his head. He instinctively kissed Riley on the cheek, earning a grunt from James, and slowly strode towards the door. He stopped short, turning to glance at James curiously. "Are…are you going to tell everyone about us?"

James recoiled in disgust. "God, no. I'm already going to be scarred for life by the image I saw when I first walked in. Merlin knows that everyone else does not need that repulsive picture in their minds as well. Besides, this is clearly never going to last, so why bother involving everyone else?" He rolled his eyes and made a face. "Are you leaving or not?"

Frustration coursed through Sirius' every vein but one look towards Riley where she was pleading with his eyes for him to go made him head towards the door. "Merlin, I'm going. But just so you know, I'll be standing outside the door the whole time with my ear pressed up against the door," he snapped.

James snorted. "Thanks for warning me. I'll remember to put up a silencing charm around the room."

Sirius hesitated. "Damn!" he swore. With one last longing look at Riley, he walked out.

James turned back to Riley across the room after putting a silencing charm around the room. "What the hell is wrong with you, Riles?"

"James, Sirius is not-"

"Why the hell would you jump into a relationship with a guy you've actively hated for two years?" he interrupted, not caring for her excuses. "Why the hell would you jump into a relationship with a guy who's never had a relationship before? Why the hell would you jump into a relationship with someone who will just end up hurting you!? Why the hell would you jump into a relationship with noneother than _Sirius Black_!? Have you gone completely mad?"

"James, I just-"

"Why can't you realize that you deserve better than the guy Sirius is? Just because you've been kicked around a few times doesn't mean you're not one hell of a catch," James sighed, shaking his head slowly. "Why don't you seem to get that?"

Riley frowned. "I do get that," she said softly. "So does Sirius."

"Oh, please. He's going to hurt you like he's hurt every single girl he's ever been withi."

"No, he won't," she reacted pleadingly.

"You just don't get it, do you?" James murmured.

"No, _you _don't get it," she was quick to argue, shooting him a look. "Because you're not even trying to."

"Why would I want to try and understand something that is positively ludicrous?"

"You're judging the two of us on something you know nothing about," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling anxiously.

He frowned. "Fine. Explain it to me then."

"I-I can't," she admitted, shaking her head. "Because as much as it doesn't make any sense to you, it probably makes less sense to myself or Sirius. And yet...it works. _We _work. In some strange way, it feels like we were meant to be together."

Rigidity flickered in James' eyes. "How long?"

"What?"

"How long has this so-called relationship been going on?"

"It's not so-called," Riley argued firmly.

"Don't avoid the question," James shot back.

Riley sighed slowly and guiltily, muttering, "Five weeks."

James scoffed, shaking his head at her. "You've been keeping this secret for five weeks?"

Riley didn't respond but her eyes said it all.

"Doesn't that tell you something?" James sighed, shrugging curtly..

Riley gave him an inquisitive look. "What do you mean?"

"Doesn't it tell you something that you're keeping this relationship a secret?" James explained, his eyebrow arching knowingly.

"We're not keeping it a secret because we think it will end," Riley clarified, shaking her head determinedly. "We were keeping it a secret because we knew you'd react like this."

"Don't kid yourself, Riles," James sighed.

Riley let out an impatient sigh. "I'm not kidding myself, James. I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm dealing with. This has nothing to do with you."

"It is going to end," James said, his voice oddly soft. "You're going to get hurt, Riles. I've seen Sirius do this a million times."

Riley shrugged indifferently. "I'll take my chances."

James blinked, surprised by her determination and confidence. Those two didn't often mix well with Riley when it came to relationships. "Why Sirius?" James asked in a strained whisper. "There are tons of other guys you could sleep around with. Why the one guy whose reputation actually holds true?"

Riley glared at him. "How many times do we have to say this isn't about sex! Why can't you believe that? There's more to us than that. I like being with him and most importantly, I like the person I am when I'm with him." She glanced up at James, a look of pure desperation on her face. "This is not about sex, James. It's about the way we feel when we're with each other. _You _should understand that!" She wanted so much for James to understand. She wanted his support and acceptance. But when she glanced up into his eyes, she knew that it was a lost cause. James was stubborn, and his views rarely changed once they were established in his mind. He was never going to understand and what was worse was that it was obvious he didn't want to even try.

James shook his head firmly. "You're in the honeymoon phase, Riley. This lovey-dovey relationship bullshit you're spewing out is going to change soon enough. And then you're going to realize what an idiot you were for falling for Sirius' charm. Because it's all an act, Riles! This is what he _does_!"

"Sirius is your best friend, James," Riley pointed out, her eyes narrowing. "Why do you think so badly of him?"

James sighed. "I don't think badly of him as my best friend," he murmured. "But being my friend doesn't make him good boyfriend material. I've seen the way he treats women, Riles, and you don't deserve that."

"He doesn't treat me like he treated the others," Riley defended in a soft voice. "He treats me like I matter."

"Yeah, for now. But what about when he's ready to move on to someone else?" James asked calmly, his frustration subsiding into concern for Riley's well-being. "He has a pattern and just because you've managed to last five weeks doesn't mean that in a couple of days, he won't change his mind. Sirius has a habit of changing his mind about women. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you forever, not just for right now as it's convenient for him."

Riley frowned contemplatively. "I never thought you of all people could be so stubbornly judgmental. Must I remind you that you had a reputation of a womanizing player before you got together with Kristina? You were just like Sirius, James. So you don't get to stand there and play the Sirius'-habits-won't-change card because _you_ changed, did you not?"

"This isn't about me," James snapped.

"No, you're absolutely right," she pointed out with a shrug. "This _isn't _about you. It's about me and Sirius. We're the only people that matter in this equation. You haven't been there the past month when we've been together so how can you possibly judge us? You should just be a friend and stop critiquing us and our decision to be together. You're making rationalizations based on our reputations and our past, not based on the people we are today."

"I'm not making rationalizations at all, Riley," James shot back angrily. "I'm just trying to look out for you, Riley. That's all I've ever done."

"I don't need you to look out for me. I think I'm old enough to make my own choices."

"Or mistakes."

"No, I've made the mistake in the past," she said softly, slowly shaking her head. "I've fallen for his games before and...and I got hurt. Which is why I know now it has to be different. He's changed. I can _see _how he's changed."

James cocked his head to the side and stared curiously at her. "What are you talking about?"

"What?"

"You said you've fallen for his games before. What...what did you mean by that?" he asked slowly.

Riley froze, knowing she had said too much. She desperately tried to search for an excuse but came up completely blank. "Uh…" she stuttered. "I-I...well...er..." She had nothing.

James' eyes grew wide before he let out a shocked gasp, his hands flying to his mouth in shock. "Oh…my…God," he whispered slowly, barely audible. He leisurely put his hands down to his side and stared at her in an agonizing way. "That's why you hated him, isn't it…"

Riley didn't say anything.

"He's done this before to you," James murmured. "You fell for his trap and…and he cut you loose just after a few days. What did you do? Sleep with him and expect him to fall for you?"

Riley, again, remained silent, and averted her eyes towards the ground.

"I can't believe it," James mumbled half in disgust, half in shock. "I can't believe _that _was why you two started hating each other! Oh my God, this all makes sense now!"

"James, I-"

James interrupted her quickly, refusing to listen to her excuses anymore. "He's done this to you before and you're defending him today. Do you see how _ridiculous _that is, Riley!?"

"It's different now," Riley repeated desperately. "He's changed."

"That man will never change," James snarled. "He doesn't know how."

"I think you're wrong," Riley said firmly.

James crossed his arms and stared at her. "I can see that I won't be able to change your mind."

She shook her head, a lump forming in her throat.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair once again. "Fine," he eventually muttered. He locked eyes with hers and saw a glint of vulnerability in them. "But when he breaks your heart, don't come crawling to me. I've picked up the pieces after every relationship you've had. I've been there to keep you strong every single time. I lent you my shoulder for crying and my ear for listening and I've been there to make sure you move on. I've watched you get hurt too many times and I've built your confidence back every single time," he explained. He hesitated sullenly, a dejected sigh emitting from his lips once again. "But not this time, Riles. I won't be there when Sirius hurts you. I refuse to pick up the pieces to a relationship I already know will end. I-I can't stand by and watch you make such a huge mistake. So if you want to get way in over your head, I guess I can't stop you. But I will not be there to tell you everything's going to be okay when he dumps you for someone else. I won't save you anymore."

Riley stood there, feeling completely betrayed and hurt. She felt the tears welling up in the bottom of her eyelids. "James," she whispered. "Why...why can't you just be my friend?"

A grim frown formed on James' face. He stared at Riley anxiously, taking a few minutes before answering her question. "Because I care about you far too much to watch you get hurt."

Riley gazed warily up at him. "He won't hurt me, James."

James shook his head with a sigh. "Then you clearly don't know anything about Sirius Black."

Riley didn't say anything. She had nothing left tosay.

"And I clearly don't know who you are either," he said softly, shaking his head. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you setting yourself up to go through another hearbtreak?"

Riley contemplated the question carefully, staring up at her oldest friend. There was such confusion in his eyes and yet an icy glare rested behind it. He was frustrated, that much was evident. But why was he taking it so personally? She eventally let out a defeated sigh before saying, "You can't always help who you like, James. You're a prime example of that."

"What?"

She shot him a look. "_Lily_."

He blinked. "Oh."

"Every single person in this school has judged you and her for your out-of-sorts relationship. But I didn't judge you once for it. I accepted it and I supported you because you are my best friend and that's what friends do. Can't you extend the same courtesy to me?" she pleaded, her eyes filling with desperation.

He didn't respond immediately, his expression remaining neutral. They both stood there just staring at each other, clearly at a standstill. Riley pleaded with her eyes, James kept his cool as he pondered her question over and over in his head. It should be that easy, right? She was his best friend. It may be an unconventional relationship but if she as happy, that's all that mattered, right? He felt himself inwardly sigh. No. That's not what mattered. What mattered was that his two best friends were making a horrible mistake and were too blinded by lust and sex to see it.

Riley was watching his every move as he slowly wandered towards the door as he wondered what to say next. He carefully cleard his throat and turned to look at her. "No," he said softly. "No, I can't."

And before she could even attempt to argue with him, he was gone and Riley crumbled to the bed in tears.

* * *

Sirius stood outside the door, pacing back and forth as he desperately wished he knew what his best friend and girlfriend were saying.

As James stepped out of his room, a glare spread across his face as he saw Sirius still standing there. Without saying a word, he stepped past him and started taking the steps by twos down to the common room.

"James, you're being unreasonable," Sirius called after him.

James stopped on the sixth year landing, whirling around to glare at him. "You're the one being unreasonable, Sirius. Get _real_, will ya? You are going to crush that girl like you've crushed every other girl in this goddamned school, Sirius. I know you more than you think I do. You're blindsided by this relationship and you're in way too deep to realize the reality of this situation. You think this fling between you is going to last?" James snorted. "You're delusional if you think you can be in a relationship, Sirius. And I cannot watch you break that girl's heart. I've watched it happen far too many times in the past to stand by and watch it happen again."

"I may not have the best track record with relationships, James, but that doesn't mean you get to generalize _this _relationship because of it!"

_"Bullshit,_" James snapped. "I've let you hurt the other girls in this school because I didn't care about them. I didn't know them. But Riley is one of my best friends. I've known her since the day I was born. I've been taking care of her ever since we were kids and I won't pick up the pieces after you break her heart! I know what is best for her and it is not you, you prick!" James slammed his fist against the wall in rage, making Sirius jump back in surprise. He had only once before seen James this mad at him before. It wasn't a pretty sight. "And I _**refuse **_to let some swarmy player like you stand in the way of her happiness!"

"Did you ever think that maybe I am the one making her happy?" Sirius scowled.

James guffawed, his laugh filling with cynicism. "Oh yeah, she's been a bundle of sunshine the last two years _after you broke her heart the first time_!" He tightened his fist and forced to keep them attached to his side in fear of punching his best friend in the face with a hard right hook.

Sirius' heart plummeted. "She…she told you about that?"

"She let it slip, alright?" James snapped. "You think you've changed in the last two years, Sirius? You think you've matured? Guess again."

"You can't break us up, James," Sirius shot back. "You can insult me and you can insult our relationship all you want, but that doesn't mean anything's going to change. We're tougher than you think."

"I'm not trying to break you up," James clarified. "There's no point. I know you'll break up eventually and I'll be there to tell you I-told-you-so."

Sirius shook his head. "There will be no need."

"Just you wait," James snarled, whirling back around to descend the stairs. He halted a few steps down and turned back around. "And I hope you know that when you do hurt her, I'll be there to punch you in the face."

Sirius felt an odd twisting in the pit of his stomach, knowing this has been coming all along. "So you're taking her side over mine," Sirius spoke rather softly, trying not to show the vulnerability he knew he was feeling.

James snorted. "Of course I am. Because she will not be the one to break up this relationship. You are going to be the one to break her heart, just like the last time. It's always you, Sirius. You crush girls before they can crush you. But I will not allow you to crush my best friend's heart."

"I don't plan to, James!" Sirius shouted angrily, frustration getting the better of him. "Merlin, can't you understand that? I care for her more than you'll ever know!"

"It doesn't matter how much you care for her, Sirius!" James replied, glaring heatedly at who he thought was his best friend. "It's always the same situation with you. You're gonna get bored of her soon and find some pathetic excuse to dump her and leave her heartbroken. Why can't you just grow up for once?"

"Did you ever think _for one second _that perhaps this _is _me trying to grow up?" Sirius snapped. "She's the only girl I've ever cared about and for once, I'm doing something about it. So get off my back about my past because that's all it is: _the past_!"

"_Bullshit_!" James shouted, his face turning red with rage. "You're a honry little bastard who will fuck anything with tits! And just because Riley might be a good lay for you doesn't mean you get to string her along!"

"Bloody hell, James, you know _nothing_!"

"I know more about you than you think I do!"

"No! No, you don't. You just want Riley and me to be all about sex so you don't have to believe that we may actually have feelings for each other! That maybe your best friends have found solace in each other's arms, and that we may not need you anymore! You're mad for your own selfish reasons!"

James slammed his fist into Sirius' right cheek, sending a very stunned Sirius stumbling backwards. "What the hell?!" Sirius screamed, rubbing his cheek and wincing. His expression went from shock to anger to grief and eventually rested on hurt. He never thought James would actually reach the level of feeling the need to punch his best friend in the face, and a little bit inside of him felt so disappointed with James. Based on the overwhelming rage growing on James' face, it was obvious to Sirius that he had just lost his best friend. "You're a bloody bastard, y'know that?" Sirius murmured.

"Hell, so are you," James shot back. "I want nothing more to do with you."

Sirius blinked, his heart plummeting knowingly. "Fine by me."

James shot him one final glare before rushing down the stairs and out of Sirius' sight.

Sirius stood there stoically, massaging his cheek and his lower jawline, as he watched his best friend walk away for good. He had known James wasn't going to approve immediately but it still threw him for a complete shock as to what had just occurred. Eventually, he let out a defeated sigh before opening the door to his bedroom to find Riley.

* * *

Sirius glanced at Riley, his heart torn apart at the crumpled sight of her on his bed in a sobbing heap.

She looked up when she heard the door, quickly wiping away the tears. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. "Oh my God, did he punch you?"

Sirius cringed, his hand instinctively reaching up to his cheek, and nodded slowly. "Yeah. It doesn't hurt," he lied.

She frowned. "Still, you must be really annoyed at the idea that your so-called best friend would-"

"Whatever," Sirius quickly interrupted. He didn't want to talk about it because in all honesty, yeah, he was extremely disturbed about the whole thing. "He was just mad, that's all."

Riley nodded and turned her gaze away from him.

Sirius sighed. "We knew this was going to happen," he said, as if that justified what happened.

Riley just nodded again.

Sirius slowly walked over to her, joining her on the bed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "It's going to be alright, Riley," he said slowly and soothingly.

Riley stiffened slightly but slowly leaned her head on his shoulder. She let out a deep sigh, wiping away a stray tear from her cheek. "He really hates us being together," she whispered.

Sirius shrugged, kissing her forehead. "I know. But there's no reason for him to be."

"Yes, there is," Riley sighed.

Sirius was taken aback by her response. "What do you mean?"

"We knew this would happen, Sirius," Riley pointed out calmly, repeating what he had said seconds earlier. "We knew that if he found out he wouldn'tapprove and he wouldn't be able to accept it. We knew he wouldn't understand. We knew he'd be shocked, we had a feeling he might be angry, and we thought he'd be disgusted at the possibility. We knew this was coming all along."

"Yeah, we knew he wouldn't be able to necessarily support us, but that doesn't give him the right to make such outlandish judgments and insult us the way he did," Sirius clarified, stroking her hair lovingly. "That doesn't give him the right to be condescending and childish towards us when he doesn't know the whole story."

Riley jerked away from his hand in his hair and let out a frustrated sigh. "He doesn't want to know the whole story," she grunted.

Sirius shot her a bewildered look, thrown by her recoiling from his touch. "And that's his problem."

"No, that's our problem!" Riley blurted out, finally glancing up at Sirius with a glint of anger in her eyes.

Sirius wasn't sure if the anger was towards James or him, but he wasn't sure he wanted to find out. "How is that-"

"Because we both just lost a friend, Sirius," Riley grumbled under her breath, not letting him finish his question. "A friend I've known my whole life and a friend who has become more of a brother to you than Regulus will ever be."

Sirius frowned, his hear thumping hard within his chest cavities. He was certain he didn't like what she was trying to say. "He wasn't much of a friend today, Riley," he said cautiously.

"He was taken aback, Sirius. What did you expect from him?"

His frown stretched further across from his face. "You're defending him," he spoke in a hoarse whisper. It wasn't a question.

Riley didn't dare look him in the eye. "We knew this was going to happen," she repeated, her voice shaky.

"I know, but..."

"But what?" she murmured. "We did this to ourselves. Maybe we just..."

He felt his heart slowly began to ache, his stomach twisting fearfully as to what she wanted to say. "Maybe we just what?" he asked hesitantly. "What...what are you trying to say, Riley?"

"I'm saying that you and I should—" Riley stopped herself before she could say something regrettably. She sighed. "I don't know what I'm saying."

The breath was knocked out of Sirius, a hurt expression on his face knowing that at that moment, Riley was choosing James over him. He stood up unexpectedly, causing Riley to jerk in surprise. "You do know what you're saying," Sirius said harshly, his eyes turning to ice.

Riley's bottom lip began to tremble as her eyes filled with guilt. "Sirius, I just…James will…you and I are…I-I don't know. I just don't know," she dithered, shaking her head frantically. She let out a deep sigh. "Sirius, I just think it might be better if we don't get in over our heads. That's all."

Sirius scoffed. "So basically that's a crappy way of saying you choose James over me."

"No!" Riley argued almost immediately. But deep she knew he was probably right. "I don't want to choose. Everything's just so confusing. It just happened so suddenly. I'm still processing."

"Yeah, well so am I," Sirius snapped. "But I'm not defending the jackass that strode in and judged our relationship prematurely. He doesn't get to be mad at us. He should be supportive. He's not being a friend right now so I don't think it's very rational that you could even want his friendship back!"

"He's never going to be supportive," Riley murmured.

"He'll get over it," Sirius replied coldly.

Riley gave Sirius a knowing look. "No, he won't."

Sirius shook his head in disbelief and looked away from Riley in fear of becoming even angrier than he was at the moment. "James is stubborn, Riley," he pronounced slowly. "He's afraid that by us being together, we'll never be the same with him. That our friendships will somehow weaken with him. He's afraid of admitting that perhaps you and I actually are a plausible relationship. That perhaps we do have feelings for each other. He's hurt that we kept this a secret and he's strangely jealous that we've found happiness together. This will die out. He'll realize he's being stupid and he'll realize he was wrong. His anger will subside. It will."

Riley bit down on her lip hard and forcefully, uncertainty creeping up in the back of her mind. "He's not jealous and he's not afraid. He's just angry."

He sighed. "I don't think you know him as well as you think you do."

"I've known him my whole life, Sirius," Riley scoffed, thrown by the insult. "He's been there for me through every single challenge thrown my way."

"Well he's not exactly being there for you now, is he," Sirius declared as a statement, not a question.

Riley's heart sank, tears pooling up in her eyelids. "You…you don't understand, Sirius."

Sirius stared at her, defeat surrounding his every emotion. "No," he whispered. "I guess I don't."

Riley swallowed hard, turning her gaze towards the ground.

"I guess I don't know _you _as well as I thought I did either," Sirius couldn't help but add, his heart aching unmeasurably.

The tears slipped down Riley's face as she stared at Sirius, bewilderment and frustration and disappointment running through every crevice of her mind.

Sirius tried not to glare at her for refusing to speak, but it was hard not to. "Riley, don't do this right now," he pleaded slowly. "Just...just please take a few days before you make a final decision. Right now you're just upset about James' confrontation. And I want you to be sure you're doing the right thing. Because I don't want to lose you. But...but I also don't want to be in a relationship you don't want to be in."

Riley didn't say or do anything. She didn't know if she could. She knew she was hurting Sirius but she didn't know if she could go without being friends with James. She's known him since birth and never had so much as a single fight with him. She was stuck. 100% stuck without so much as knowing what the right answer should be. So she remained silent. Because she didn't want to say something she may regret.

Sirius grabbed his jacket off the end of his bed and turned around to walk out. He hesitated at the door, letting out a defeated sigh. Glancing over his shoulder, he spoke sadly, "Funny, he thought I'd be the one hurting you."

And with that, he opened the door and slammed it shut behind him, wishing that Riley would call out his name or chase after him or do something other than just stand there. He waited by the door for a few seconds before he realized it was wishful thinking. He knew it was a lost cause and no matter how much he wanted to fight for Riley, it was obvious that she didn't want to fight for him. He stared at the door with feelings of mixed anger and sorrow before he swallowed hard and stormed down the dormitory stairs.

And for the second time that day, Riley crumbled on to the bed in a heap of sobs.

* * *

Lily knew immediately something was wrong when she caught sight of James in the midst of the party. He looked angry and hurt all rolled into one. He tried telling her it was nothing, but it was quite obvious to Lily that he was lying. She chose not to push it but was relieved when he suggested they cut out early and head back to their room.

Silence filled the hallway as James brooded. Lily felt oddly uncomfortable with James' arm around her shoulders. She could tell every bone in his body was stiff with frustration.

"James?" Lily finally said.

"Hm?"

"Tell me what's wrong."

James hesitated, shrugging. "Nothing's wrong," he lied.

Lily sighed. "We may have only been going out for a month, but I know something's up. You've barely said a word in the last couple of hours. And I'm pretty sure the only reason you stuck around that party was because you were Captain and you felt some sort of obligation."

James glanced at his girlfriend and wanted nothing more to confide in her. However, although he was angry at Riley and Sirius then, he knew he couldn't betray them or their secret. And in all honesty, a part of him didn't want to. "It's nothing," he lied guiltily. "I…I just have a lot on my mind."

Lily knew he was lying but she didn't push it. "Anything I can help with?"

He stopped short in the hallway and she jerked forward unexpectedly. She turned to look at him, who was staring back at her with such intensity. "What?" she said, slightly embarrassed by the determination in his eyes.

He didn't respond immediately, but a sad smile broke out across his face.

"Seriously, what? Do I have something in my teeth?" she teased.

He shook his head, reaching out to wrap his arms tightly around her shoulders. She smiled as she fell into his touch, suddenly feeling so secure and cherished. A part of her had wondered if it was something she had done or said at the party, but just to feel him relax against her touch told her she had nothing to worry about.

"I know we've had our differences in the past," James murmured, burying his lips in her hair, "But you have no idea how glad I am that you and I are where we are. You make everything just...just so much better."

She lifted her gaze to stare at him, sensing a remorseful weight in his words. But before she could ask about it, his lips were meeting hers in a frenzy. As he attempted to rid Sirius and Riley from his mind, his hands tangled in her red mane. Instinctively, he guided her back against the stone wall as the kiss deepened with such intensity. Her body was pressed against the cool wall, lust igniting in both of their eyes as she slowly opened her mouth willingly. He slowly slid his tongue into her mouth in a sultry raid, the taste of butterbeer unmistakable on her tongue. Her hands gripped the back of his neck tightly as he closed the already small gap that there had been between them. He traced her teeth with his tongue and ran his fingers down the side of her face to first her neck and shoulders before perching dangerously close to the bottom of her shirt. When Lily didn't pull away, he touched her smooth stomach with his fingers and slowly inched up towards her breasts. He cupped her right breast, slowly massaging it as their lips refused to break apart, the chemistry between them hitting an all-time high.

"James…" she whispered as his lips continued to crash hungrily against hers.

He slowly pulled away, guilt evident in his eyes. "I-I know, I'm sorry," he murmured, hanging his head shamefully.

Lily smirked, reaching up to flick his hair behind his ears. "Don't be," she whispered softly. "I'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't be doing this in an open hallway where a professor could walk by any moment. I'm pretty sure PDA isn't in our job description."

James chuckled, smiling down at her. Damn, she was just so beautiful. "Well, it should be," he teased.

Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his, this time the kiss a tad more respectable. "We shouldn't be doing this in an open hallway," she repeated. "But we _could _be doing it in a private bedroom…"

James grinned at her impishly. "That's my girl," he teased.

She winked suggestively at him and she took his hand, continuing down the hallway like originally planned.

He glanced gratefully at her as they walked, so unbelievably happy that she was with him. He didn't know if he would have been able to hold it together after finding out what he had about Riley and Sirius without her to distract him. As she intertwined her fingers in his, it hit him that he was really falling for her.

But he wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

Over an hour later James and Lily were snuggling in James' bed, after moving their events in the hallway to the bedroom. Eventually, they started to drift off to sleep, their usual nighttime routine. Since the first day they got together, they had only spent one night apart and that was during the full moon. But that night, Lily was finding it nearly impossible to fall asleep. After their heavy show of affection for each other in the hallway, Lily's mind kept wandering to a topic she hadn't often focused on in the past: sex. She wasn't stupid. She knew very well that whenever she and James were kissing or heading down a dangerous path of going farther than kissing, James Potter was thinking about sex. Hell, any guy would have. But it scared her. Because she knew all about James' past exploits. And hers? Well, they were quite nonexistent. She couldn't call herself a prude. It's not like she hadn't done more than kissing with the opposite sex. But she was in no way close to being as experienced as James Potter was. And it made her nervous.

"James?" she whispered, her heart beating about a mile a minute. She was half hoping he was asleep so she could ignore the question she was afraid of asking.

"Mm?" he mumbled, his eyes still shut.

She didn't speak up immediately, biting down on her bottom lip nervously. Eventually, she cleared her throat and said, her words quite rushed, "How…how many girls have you…um…well…er…howmanygirlshaveyousleptwith ?"

James' eyes slowly fluttered open, slight panic resting in his expression. He blinked uncertainly before turning to look at her. "Are you...are you asking me how many girls I've slept with?"

She felt herself blush. "Yes. No. I don't know. Maybe?"

As much as he tried to suppress it, an amused smile crept on to his lips. "Well? Which is it?"

She sighed, turning her gaze away from him. "Yes. I'm asking," she muttered.

He wasn't surprised by the question. In fact, he had a feeling that eventually that question would have to pop up. It was inevitable based on their different past reputations. He kissed the side of her face before diving in. "Lily, you have to understand that before Kristina, I never had a girlfriend," he explained slowly. "That I…I had a pretty bad reputation."

Lily nodded, still avoiding eye-contact with him. "I know."

"And you have to understand that just because I had that reputation and just because Kristina was…well, Kristina doesn't mean I have the same expectations about us," he explained further.

"I know," she repeated with another nod. "And I'm grateful for that."

"And you have to understand that this…_number _doesn't mean anything to me now. It's all in my past," he continued.

Lily nodded a last time. "I know…" she said more slowly.

"And if I could take it all back so that you and I can experience it all together, I would. I would in a heartbeat. _Please _know that."

He sounded so desperate she actually believed him. Which just made her heart melt. "I do," she whispered.

He let out a sharp sigh. "Do…do you still want to know?"

Lily felt her heart race, wondering if she was prepared for what was going to happen next. The way he had been carrying on, she had a feeling it might not be pretty. But she had to know. "Yeah," she said softly. "I do."

He pursed his lips together, muttering reluctantly, "Four."

"What?" she cried out in disbelief.

"Lily, it's just-"

"That's _it_?"

"-a number but—wait, _what_!?" he cried out, ultimate confusion spreading across his expression.

"You've only slept with four girls?" she asked, shocked and yet oddly grateful.

James stared at her open-mouthed.

Lily finally glanced up at him. "I thought it was at least, like, _eight_, the way you've been carrying on!"

James continued to stare at her.

"Just by the sound of your reputation, I thought you were more of a ladies' man than _that_!" she teased. "Man, that's a relief!"

James blinked.

Lily kissed him on the cheek adoringly. "You're so cute."

"What…what just happened here?" he pouted slowly. "I…I think I just got emasculated."

Lily's laughter filled the room. "No," she protested, leaning over to kiss him. "If anything, it's a good thing. My favorite number is five, y'know."

James raised an eyebrow at her. "Who said you were going to be my fifth?" he teased. "I mean, you did just emasculate me."

Lily shrugged. "Fine, I guess we'll never have sex. I'm okay with that."

James hesitated. "On the other hand, I like the number five, too. It's fate!"

Lily laughed. "I thought you might see it my way," she teased, pressing her lips to his cheek.

James sighed. "Oh shit, I'm whipped, aren't I?"

Lily grinned and winked at him. "Oh totally." She kissed him again, their lips meeting in a mixture of confusion and amusement. A smile finally broke out on James' face as he ran his fingers through her hair, their tongues intertwining lustfully.

She pulled away with her own smile and snuggled up against him, throwing her arm over his bare chest. "Thank you, James."

"For what?"

She shrugged. "For being honest."

He found himself frowning, his heart aching immensely for the beautiful girl in this arms. "Lily," he said softly.

"Hm?"

"I meant what I said before," he whispered. "I would take it all back if I could. I-I don't expect you to be like the girls from my past. I don't want you to be. They were merely there. Right place right time I guess. But none of them compare to you. I care more about you than I ever thought I could care about anyone. I always have. And maybe that's part of the reason I never got close to another girl in the past. Because they weren't you."

Lily felt her heart ache uncontrollably, filling with so much adoration and appreciation for the guy James Potter turned out to be. "When did you become such a romantic?" she whispered, gripping his hand tightly.

He pressed his lips firmly to her forehead. "When you came along," he spoke softly.

She smiled, pressing her own lips to his shoulder. Instinctively, his hands scooted playfully underneath the hem of Lily's tank top. She lay her head down on his shoulder as their legs tangled together. Intimacy and comfort was something she could understand in that moment, even if sexual experience was something that would bewilder her for the weeks coming.

* * *

**A/N: **That was a long chapter with a lot going on. What's going to happen to Sirius and Riley? What's going to happen with them and James? Please let me know what you think!


	7. Of Groveling, Lavender, & Best Mans

**A/N: **Yes, last chapter was intense. I got a lot of mixed reviews about it. Some people think he's being reasonable, some people think he's being a self-righteous jerk. I have to agree with both. But how I see James is a brooding, stubborn, homonal teenager who is afraid of change. That includes this unexpected relationship his two friends have found. Anywho, moving on to chapter 7! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Hm...I'm pretty sure I'm not J.K. Rowling...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 7: Of Groveling, Lavender, & Best Man

* * *

Sirius trudged down to breakfast Monday morning feeling like he had just been run over by a fleet of giants. He wanted to go back to the way things were on Friday night when his life seemed to be going better than he ever could have imagined. He had still had his best friend by his side and the girl he was falling for didn't let that guy come between their relationship. And now? Now he had nothing.

He groaned when he saw James at the table with the rest of the Marauders, Lily, Kay and Jillian. He hesitated, debating the idea of skipping out on breakfast altogether. He pursed his lips tensely, shaking his head. There was no way he was going to let James have any sort of hold over him, not after the hold that he apparently had over Riley. He sauntered over to his friends slowly and took a seat beside Lily.

"Gotta go," James said quickly, without even looking at Sirius. He jumped up, grabbing his bag quickly, and rushed out of the Great Hall before anyone could protest.

Lily gave Remus an inquisitive look. "What was that about?"

Remus shrugged. "I have absolutely no clue."

"Oh my God, Sirius! What happened to your face?" Kay cried out in shock.

He tensed up, cringing at the reminder. He had actually momentarily forgotten that he had a large black and blue bruise shaping his eye. "I ran into a door."

"That is the oldest and lamest excuse in the book, Sirius," Remus snorted. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing."

Remus rolled his eyes. "What, got hit by a girl?"

"_No_. Can we just drop it?" His words were filled with so much vehemence, his friends were slightly thrown by it. He dug into the eggs and bacon sitting in front of him and quickly changed the subject. "What did we have to do for Charms today?"

Lily gave him a look. "Study for the exam that we have."

Sirius cursed under his breath. "Damn, that was today?"

"When are you ever going to learn?" Lily murmured.

Sirius clenched his fists, glaring at her. The last thing he needed was someone scolding him. "I've had a rough weekend. Gimme a break."

"What's your excuse for not picking up a book in the last six years?" Lily questioned, amusement in her tone.

Sirius scoffed and rolled his eyes, not taking it as a joke. "Can we not talk about this?"

Lily shrugged. "It's your future."

"Yeah, it _is _my future so please refrain from offering me your unwelcome opinions," Sirius snapped, his jaw tightening irritably.

Lily exchanged a shocked look with Remus, both of them clearly concerned with the harsh tone Sirius was expressing. It wasn't a tone you heard every day from him. She sighed before glancing back towards Sirius. "You okay, Sirius?"

Sirius shrugged indifferently. "Like I said: I had a rough weekend."

"Ahhh, so you've been with your latest victim, hm?" Remus said with a chuckle, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Sirius glared at him. "I didn't mean _that_ kind of rough," he snapped, his expression filling with disdain.

Once again, the group shared confused glances with each other. "Um...okay," Remus said hesitantly, his eyes narrowing with scrutiny. "Sirius, I may be totally off here," he sighed sarcastically, "but you seem just a tad angry."

"Oh, yeah, just a tad," Sirius snorted, glaring into his food.

Remus frowned. "What happened?" he asked sincerely.

"None of your business."

"Oh, Sirius," Remus sighed, a hint of a smile on his face. "You should know by now that your business is my business. We don't keep secrets around here."

Sirius snorted. "You don't know anything."

"Perhaps, but I can speculate," Remus mused. "Let's see here. Did you get a detention for something? Points taken off? A bad grade on an essay—no that wouldn't make sense, you were fine on Saturday. A letter from a family member? Did you end it with your latest girl? Got rejected-"

Sirius slammed his fork against the plate and glared at Remus. "What's with all the questioning?" he barked.

Remus' eyebrow arched instinctively. "Is that a yes on the ending it with your latest girl, hm?"

"That's a shut the hell up so I can finish my breakfast in peace."

"No, that's definitely a yes," Jillian chuckled.

Sirius shot her a glare. "I highly doubt you'd know anything about what's going on with me considering you've only been hanging around for a few weeks now."

"Sirius!" Remus cried out in frustration.

Jillian shrugged. "It's okay. He's right."

"No, he's an _ass_," Remus muttered, glaring at his supposed best friend. "Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"Someone just hates Mondays."

"Apparently that someone is also a liar," Kay chimed in, rolling her eyes. "This is so clearly more than just about hating Mondays."

"Did you want a fork shoved into your eye, Richards?" he snapped, gripping his fork tightly. "I'm not opposed to doing it. Just try me."

"Seriously, Sirius, _what _is going on with you?" Lily asked, her concern growing immensely. "You're not acting like yourself."

He sighed, knowing he was taking his issues with Riley and James out on his friends. He just couldn't help the anger that was bursting from every inch of his body. "Just...just forget it," he muttered in defeat, shrugging. "It doesn't matter."

"It clearly does," she urged.

He frowned, slamming his fork into his eggs and imagining it was James' head. "No," he sighed. "It really doesn't."

"Sirius-"

"Question: why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person that drives a car is not called a racist?" Sirius quickly changed the subject.

Silence followed. Which was fine. He'd take awkward silence over an abundance of questioning from his friends any day.

Finally, Kay spoke up. "Well, I don't think any of us are going to dignify that with a response."

Uncomfortable chuckles filled the table, but they were all still staring at Sirius skeptically.

He was about to ask about the Charms exam against when Riley slowly slipped into James' now unoccupied seat. She grabbed a scone without greeting any of her friends, an awkward frown resting on her face.

"Gotta go," Sirius murmured, letting his fork clammer to the plate as he quickly jumped up and rushed out of the Great Hall.

Riley watched him as he disappeared, guilty longing tugging at her heart. She had spent her entire Sunday weighing all of her options. And she still didn't have an answer. How could she possibly choose between James and Sirius? She shouldn't feel like she had to, but it was obvious it had come to that. And in realizing that, how could she choose a new relationship with Sirius over an eighteen-year-old friendship with James? There were pros and cons to both, but looking at a pro-con list wasn't going to make her solution any easier. Inevitably, it was up to her heart's desire.

Lily shot Remus a curious look after Sirius departed so rapidly. "What the hell was _that _about?"

"I have absolutely no clue," he murmured.

"Wow. You don't know your friends at all," Lily teased.

"I find it wiser to steer clear of their personal problems," Remus explained. "Otherwise, I'm stuck hearing about it 24/7 and even though it's not important to them, I find schoolwork a significant aspect to graduating."

"Valid argument," Lily joked, taking a piece of bacon off of Sirius' half-empty plate. "Whoa, and he left without finishing his breakfast. Something really _is _up."

"Well, as much as he attempted to deflect, I think we were right on the money that something went down between him and his latest fling."

Nobody noticed the sudden flinch of Riley's body, freezing her hand in mid-air as she reached for the pumpkin juice.

"Could it be, though?" Peter chimed in. "When has Sirius ever been upset over a break-up? He's normally jumping for joy as he focused in on his next victim."

"He clearly really liked this one," Kay pointed out.

Riley's hand shook as she poured herself a glass of pumpkin juice, trying not to show guilt on her face.

"You think so?" Lily mused.

Remus nodded. "I do. He's been oddly happy this past month. Too happy. It's creepy."

"Hasn't Sirius always been happy?" Jillian asked.

"Not like this," Remus muttered. "He's...well, he's like a guy in a relationship."

Shocked eyes stared back at him.

"You really think so?"

"Well, not anymore," he sighed, shrugging.

Riley felt her bottom lip tremble and she had to bring her glass to her lips to hide it.

"Why do you think they broke up?" Lily questioned.

"Don't know," Remus replied. "But it clearly broke his heart."

"I've never seen him like this," Peter agreed.

It hit Riley as she reached for a sausage link. She had caused that. She had broken Sirius' heart. Something she had blamed him for so long was now turned around on her. What kind of person was she, letting go of something because James tried pushing her in that direction? She had never once been a pushover. She wasn't about to start not.

"Riley?" Lily cried out, snapping Riley back to reality.

Riley turned to Lily guardedly. "Yeah?" she asked, barely in a whisper.

"I asked you what _you_ thought of the new Sirius," Lily explained.

Riley tried to ignore the lump in her throat and shrugged, hoping she was coming off as casual. "I don't know," she replied. "Good?"

Lily gave her an inquisitive look. "'Good?'" she snickered. "That's all you could come up with?"

Riley shrugged. "I don't know," she murmured. She glanced at her friends with a look of shame, her heart suddenly feeling what it couldn't over the weekend. Her eyes sparkled with affection as she quickly pushed back the bench and abruptly stood up, startling the rest of the group who were still in mid-conversation about Sirius. "I gotta go," she said giddily, grabbing one last piece of bacon before swooping out of the Great Hall in one big swoosh, not responding to the puzzled cries after her.

Lily turned to Remus and opened her mouth to speak.

"She's _your _friend. I have no clue!" Remus quickly replied even before Lily could ask.

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

Sirius groaned at the interruption, straying his eyes from the top of the canopy of his bed to the door. He threw back his curtain and trudged over to the door, grumbling the whole time under his breath about nothing in particular. He threw open the door and was about to yell "_What_?" when he stopped himself in surprise.

"Hi," Riley said delicately, a slight smile on the top of her mouth.

Sirius stared at her, his eyes scanning her body as if he didn't believe she was standing there. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words formed.

Riley shifted her weight uncomfortably, leaning up against the doorframe awkwardly and suddenly wishing she had thought of something to say on her way up. She glanced at Sirius, hoping he would convey his feelings first, but not only did he not speak, she couldn't even read his stoic expression. She sighed when she realized she would have to do this solely on her own. "You were right," she blurted out.

Sirius raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "I'm right about a lot of things. Would you like to clarify?" he asked coolly, his eyes dancing with anger.

Riley blinked guiltily. "I-I just needed a few days."

"It's only been a day and a half," Sirius replied dryly.

"Uh…well, then I guess I only needed a day and a half," she corrected uncomfortably.

Sirius stood there, continuing to stare at her with a curious expression. He didn't know what to think at that moment. He was still upset that Riley chose James over him but he was so relieved to know she had changed her mind. But that didn't change the fact that she had chosen James.

"You shouldn't have needed a day and a half at all," Sirius finally said.

Riley bit her lip nervously, glancing down at the ground apologetically. "I-I know," she murmured in a hoarse whispert. "But you have to understand what was going through my mind on Saturday."

Sirius merely blinked.

She let out a deep sigh, one filled with immense remorse. "I've known James since we were born. We've been there for each other for eighteen years through the good and the bad. We...we've never fought the way we did on Saturday. He's like a brother to me. He _is _a brother to me. It was hard for me to realize he was turning his back on me because he's never done that to me. Not once."

"What made it okay for him to turn your back on you this time?" Sirius asked softly.

"It wasn't okay. I never said it was."

"By you willing to break it off with me because of what he said makes it look like it was okay."

A strange onset of tears rushed to Riley's eyes. "I-I just didn't know what to do," she whispered.

"Clearly."

Riley's heart sank as she realized Sirius was angrier than she ever could have imagined. "Sirius…I've never been happier in my whole life than when I'm with you. I just...I made a terrible call in judgment because I was upset and confused. I-I don't know what else to say, except that I'm really and truly sorry for making you think I valued my friendship with James over my relationship with you. Please...please don't hate me."

Sirius' lips pursed curiously. "I stood there and I defended you, Riley. I defended _us _and you…well, you gave in. You let _him _win," Sirius pointed out. "I didn't think you were that girl."

Riley nodded and swallowed hard, well aware of the lump reforming in her throat. "I-I know. I-I don't want to be that girl. Please. I don't want to lose you," she croaked, her voice breaking. "I _can't _lose you."

Sirius didn't respond immediately, staring at the grief-stricken girl in front of him. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and tell her all the things she wanted to hear, but he didn't want to seem to eager. She made him wait. It was his turn. Eventually, he sighed, a smile tugging at the end of his lips. "I don't want to lose you, either."

Riley's head snapped up, her heart fluttering with joy. "Really?" she whispered hopefully. "Because I was getting ready to grovel at your feet."

Sirius cracked a smile and shook his head. "That won't be necessary."

"But along with groveling would have been me offering to do anything in the bedroom in exchange for your forgiveness," Riley said mischievously, eyeing him with a suggestive glint in her eye.

"On second thought, groveling might be necessary," Sirius contradicted, his eyes sparkling with laughter. "C'mere," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning in for a kiss.

Riley placed her hands around his shoulders and kissed him back, relief filling her heart. "I'm sorry," she murmured when they pulled apart. "I'm sorry that I didn't trust our relationship."

Sirius gave her a crooked smile. "You came back," he muttered breathlessly. "That's all that matters."

Riley smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

"No actually, scratch that. You told me I was right—_that's _all that matters," Sirius teased.

"Well don't get used to it," Riley laughed, wrapping her arms around him and embracing him tightly, never wanting to lose him again. She rested her head against his chest with a smile, grateful that she was back in his arms. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

She frowned slowly before whispering, "I'm scared."

"Of what?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

Riley lifted her eyes to meet his curious gaze. "I'm falling for you, Sirius," she explained softly. "And that scares me."

Sirius' smile twitched upward slightly. "You don't think that scares me, too?" he replied gently, grabbing her hands and squeezing them tightly. "I've…I've never fallen for anyone before. I've never felt like this with anyone in the apst. That's why it hurt so much to believe that you could choose James over me."

Riley cringed. "I know," she spoke softly. "I...I think that was the easier choice. The safe choice. But...but it's time I stop running and hiding from my feelings and just face them. And I want to face them with you."

His smiled grew, affection rising in his heart for the girl standing in front of him. "Good," he whispered. "Because I want to face _everything _with you."

"That can be arranged," she whispered before sealing it with a kiss.

* * *

James strolled into Advanced Transfiguration and glanced around the room to make sure Sirius or Riley weren't there, breathing a sigh of relief when in fact they were absent from the room. He walked over to his friends and took a seat beside Remus.

"Hey," Lily greeted from the table behind him. "Why'd you leave so suddenly this morning at breakfast?"

James turned around, glancing at Lily out of the corner of his eyes, and shrugged. "Uh…I just forgot a book."

The uncomfortable look on his face told Lily that he was lying, but she didn't question him. He had been acting strange since the Quidditch party but she didn't want to push the subject. "Okay," she said, leaning her arms against the table in front of her comfortably. "So I heard a rumor we might be getting our exams back."

James made a face. "Ugh, I don't think I did well on that at all."

Lily gave him a look. "Oh please, you always say that and then you end up getting at _least _an E."

James forced out a laugh, not exactly in a humored mood. "I must be naturally smart," he teased, whirling his body around on the chair so he was straddling it in order to face his girlfriend.

Lily smiled at him, causing James' heart to flutter with adoration, finally pushing the Sirius and Riley situation out of his mind. She pushed a strand of red hair behind her ears and James became engulfed by her green eyes.

Lily felt a tint of pink flush to her cheeks at the way James was looking at her. "What?" she asked in embarrassment.

He shook his head. "Nothing," he whispered. "I just...sometimes, I still can't believe you're with me."

"Trust me, none of us believe that either," Peter spoke from the table in front of James.

"Yep. Lily could do so much better," Remus agreed.

James turned to glare at his friends. "I was so not talking to either one of you."

"Sorry but being a Marauder has perfected my art of eavesdropping," Remus said with a teasing grin.

"You're like two inches away. That's not much of an art," Lily pointed out.

"It is when I've also perfected my art of tuning out your lovey-dovey mushy nonsense."

"Oh, look, and now I'm going to perfect my art of plain just tuning _you _out," James laughed, so grateful that his friends were able to pick him up out of his mood.

Until Sirius and Riley walked in, that is.

James locked eyes with Sirius, anger once again building up inside of him, as he watched Sirius and Riley pass directly by the tables where their friends sat to choose a table at the back of the room by themselves.

The rest of the group looked at each other inquisitively. "Why aren't they sitting with us?" Remus questioned.

"Most importantly, why are they sitting together?" Lily murmured.

"Who cares," James muttered under his breath.

Lily glanced at him, being the only one to hear his comment. "What happened on Saturday?" she blurted out, narrowing her eyes curiously.

Remus turned to look at James. "Wait, this has something to do with you?" Remus said incredulously.

"No. Lily doesn't know what she's talking about," James quickly argued, shooting Lily a warning look. "I have no clue what this has to do with."

Remus scrutinized James before shaking his head in disbelief. "Y'know, you and Sirius were avoiding each other all yesterday."

"We weren't avoiding each other," James protested. "I was in the library practically all day doing work."

"Yeah, avoiding Sirius," Remus pointed out with a snort.

"I wasn't avoiding him!" James cried out in frustration. "I had a lot of work to do! Two essays and an exam are coming up this week and I wanted to get a head start."

Peter rolled his eyes. "Since when did you want to get a head start?"

"Since yesterday!" James replied, an irritated tone in his voice.

"You're hiding something," Remus replied cautiously.

"Oh, I am _not_," James snapped.

"I think you are," Lily couldn't help but chime in, her eyebrow arching knowingly.

"Well, then, stop thinking because I'm _not_," he growled with gritted teeh, glaring at her.

Lily's brow furrowed. He had just snapped at her twice in just a few minutes and it didn't seem justified. Before she could question his mood, McGonagall walked in and began teaching.

While Lily spent her time wondering what was going on with James, James spent his time trying to limit the frustration surging inside of him due to Riley and Sirius. When towards the end of class, McGonagall let them get into their partnerships to discuss their projects further, neither Lily nor James were particularly thrilled.

Sirius wasn't ecstatic at the prospect of working with partners considering Riley would be working with Rhett, but considering he wasn't the jealous type he forced a smile on his face and pretended he was fine with it.

"Hey," James said warily, taking over the chair beside Lily.

"Hi," Lily muttered, still thrown by his earlier harsh tone. She didn't mention it, however, as she pulled out her wand and textbook. "So do you know how the hell to transfigure inanimate objects into animals?"

James nodded. "Yeah. I've been able to do it without forgetting a tail or an ear since last night," he explained. "I…I had a lot of time on my hands yesterday."

Lily gave him an inquisitive look. "Oh? And why's that?"

Remus swiveled around in his chair and gave Lily a knowing look. "Because he was avoiding Sirius, remember?"

"Whoa, leave me out of this," Sirius muttered, not bothering to turn around to enter himself into the conversation.

"It's true though, isn't it?" Remus questioned cautiously, shooting a look towards Sirius. He wasn't surprised when Sirius didn't answer.

James glanced down at his textbook with an irritated grunt while Sirius muttered a spell under his breath, turning a quill into a mouse.

Lily looked mildly impressed. "Nice, Sirius," she spoke as he turned it back into a quill. "What did you get on your exam? An O, I presume?"

"Nah, an A," he said.

"What?" Remus groaned. "You're so good at the transfiguring part and I gave you my notes to read the day before the exam. How could you just get an A?"

Sirius snorted. "You wrote, like, _fifty_ pages of notes!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable. You're even too lazy to cheat."

"Hey, has it ever occurred to you that maybe Sirius is too honest to cheat?" Lily pointed out.

"No, I'm lazy," Sirius snickered, muttering the curse under his breath and turning his book into a turtle.

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "Right, duh, this is you we're talking about."

"Can we get back to the assignment?" James asked irritably. "I'd rather not have McGonagall come over here and chew us out for socializing when we're supposed to be studying."

Remus gave James a curious look. "Oh, and when was the last time you didn't charm your way out of trouble?"

James lifted his eyes out of his book to glare at Remus. "Not the point," he muttered.

Sirius rolled his eyes and gestured for Remus to turn around and get back to their table, shooting a glare in James' direction who was more than happy to return the glare. Sirius' eyes drifted over to where Riley and Rhett were seemingly getting along.

"Oh c'mon, you are much worse at this than I am, Riley!" Rhett teased. "The last time I tried transfiguring a piece of parchment into a bunny, I ended up with a piece of parchment and a bit of a cotton ball for a tail!"

Riley laughed. "Yeah, well when I tried transfiguring my ring into a goldfish, all I got was myself covered in water from head to toe. I think it's safe to say that Transfiguration isn't my best subject."

"Couldn't agree more," Rhett sighed, placing his wand down on the table and leaning back in the chair. "Which begs the question why McGonagall thought it was wise to put us together as partners."

"Clearly she was going through some phase of temporary insanity," Riley teased.

"Clearly," Rhett reiterated. "So did you go to the Quidditch game this weekend?"

Riley nodded. "Yeah, but to be honest, I stopped watching after the first hour and became more entertained with the jokes Remus was telling," she admitted with a laugh.

Rhett chuckled. "Well if we're being honest here, I think I would have enjoyed sitting in the stands listening to the jokes more than I was enjoying watching our team get creamed."

Riley cringed casually. "Yeah, it was pretty brutal."

Rhett shrugged. "It's not my fault Gryffindor has an amazing team this year…and last year…and the year before that…."

Riley grinned humbly. "And don't forget the year before that."

Rhett laughed and playfully pushed her arm. "Well, someone's modest today."

Riley chuckled, noting out of the corner of her eye that Sirius was staring over at them. "Hm…maybe we should actually start working on this assignment considering neither one of us can do it and we need to know it for our next exam," she laughed.

Rhett pouted and whimpered, "Damn, I almost forgot we actually had work to do."

Riley laughed. "If it helps, I don't want to do it."

Rhett hesitated. "No, that doesn't help much."

Riley laughed again, reluctantly pulling out her wand as she shot Sirius a knowing smile. He madea face but smiled back at her.

"SIRIUS!" Remus cried out, waving his hand in front of his face.

"Hm?" Sirius questioned.

"Jeez, I've been calling your name for, like, five minutes!" Remus said, annoyed.

Sirius shrugged. "Sorry," he mumbled. "What did you want?"

Remus examined him for a few seconds before asking, "What the hell happened between you and James on Saturday?"

"Nothing," both Sirius and James replied unconvincingly.

"Yeah, somehow I think you're lying," Lily retaliated with a shrug.

James glared at her. "Lily," he warned.

"What?" she questioned crossly, slowly becoming irritated with his cross attitude. "I'm pretty sure Remus thinks you're lying, too. I'm just pointing out the obvious."

"Well, next time, _don't_," James replied bitterly. He pointed his wand at Sirius' chair, muttering the spell, and suddenly the chair as turning into a puppy.

"HEY!" Sirius cried when he flopped to the floor, earning a haughty laugh from James.

"Oops, forgot you were sitting there," James replied sarcastically.

Sirius turned the puppy back into a chair and glared at James. "Just be grateful you're not an inanimate object."

"Try me," James shot back.

"Oh right, _nothing happened_ on Saturday," Remus muttered mockingly, rolling his eyes.

James' fist tightened irritably around his wand as he shot Lily another look. "What the hell is your problem with me, James?" she growled.

"You didn't have to go and tell Remus that something occurred between me and Sirius on Saturday," James mumbled in aggravation.

"Well, it's fairly obvious," Lily shot back. "You two are acting very childish right now."

"So what? You have no clue why we're not speaking to each other so-"

"Except you guys _are _speaking to each other," Lily pointed out, giving him a knowing look. "Just not very amicably."

"Just stay out of it, alright?" James replied firmly. "It's not your fight."

Lily stared at him incredulously just as McGonagall signaled the end of class. Lily threw her book back into her bag. "No problem, James," she snapped, throwing her bag over the shoulder and storming out of the room just as class ended.

James groaned. "Great," he murmured.

Sirius snickered. "Sucker."

James turned his chair back into a puppy.

* * *

_Knock, knock_.

Lily was sitting on her bed that night studying for an upcoming Potions exam and groaned at the disturbance. She had a good feeling it was probably James and she wasn't so sure she wanted to see him at the moment. Inevitably, she sighed, knowing that she couldn't avoid him forever. "Yeah, come in," she muttered, barely loud enough for him to hear.

James creaked open the door slowly, a guilty frown spreading across his face. He stood leaning against the doorway staring at her apologetically for a few seconds before saying, "Hi."

Lily glanced up from her textbook long enough to stare at him before glancing back down at it.

"I'm a moron," James started.

Lily snorted. "I could have told you that much," she murmured.

"Oh good, you are speaking to me," James said lightheartedly.

Lily glared at him.

He gave her a sheepish grin and walked into her room, closing the door behind him. He didn't say anything immediately, letting out a deep sigh filled with remorse and guilt. "I'm mad at Sirius and I'm taking my anger out on you, Lily," he admitted in a strained tone. He didn't bother mentioning that he was frustrated with Riley as well. It was obvious his friends hadn't come to that conclusion yet and he wasn't about to spill the beans.

"Yeah, I figured that one out for my own," she said matter-of-factly.

He frowned, realizing that this was going to be harder than he thought. He forgot how stubborn she could be with him. "Lily, please don't be angry with me. I'm really sorry for being such a jerk," James continued pleadingly. Lily rolled her eyes. "You can't apologize for being yourself," she sneered snidely.

"Ouch. I-I probably deserved that," he muttered, letting out a defeated sigh. "I really am sorry. I just...I can't deal with Sirius right now and-" he stopped short.

"And?"

He frowned. "It's easier taking it out on you than admitting I was a royal prick to Sirius on Saturday," he admitted. It was the one and only time he would ever admit he wasn't necessarily proud of some of the things he said to Sirius.

"Can I ask why?"

James knew that was coming. He slowly shook his head. "Please don't," he pleaded.

She nodded, her gaze hesitant as she stared up at her clearly hurting boyfriend. "James," she said with a sigh. "It...it scares me sometimes."

He cocked his head to the side and glanced at her, leaning back against her dresser curiously. "What does?"

Lily looked back down at her quill, playing with it between her fingers nervously. "It's always been so easy for us to fluctuate between liking each other and hating each other. It's…it's just the nature of how we've always worked," she explains with a drawn-out sigh. "It…it scares me that at anytime we…we could go back to hating each other."

James' heart melted at her confession and he let out a sad sigh, joining her on the bed. She threw the textbook to the floor and patted the spot beside her as he cuddled up against her warm body. "Lily, I could never hate you. You mean too much to me."

"Well, then what do you call our feelings towards each other for the first five or so years here at Hogwarts?" Lily asked timidly, glancing over at him vulnerably.

James turned around to face her, his head still in her lap as he reached for her hand. "Extreme loathing?"

"In other words, hate?" she teased.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "No. It wasn't hate," he whispered. "I _never_ hated you. The only person I ever hated when around you was myself. For always getting so worked up. You...you stole my heart when we were just eleven years old, but it was obvious you never felt the same way about me. So was it easier pretending to hate you? Yeah. Because it was obvious you hated me."

"Not hate," she corrected. "Extreme loathing perhaps."

He laughed.

"So...you're not...I mean, you're not worried at all?" Lily asked timidly. "About us I mean?"

"Not even a little bit," he whispered, kissing the back of her hand. "This is exactly where I want to be. For the rest of my life if it means I get to be with you."

A tint of red flushed to Lily's cheeks as she smiled, relief filling her heart. "Some days I can't even believe where we've ended up."

"_Some _days? Try every day!"

Lily grinned. "You're pretty amazing, y'know that?"

"If anyone is amazing here, Lily, it's you," he spoke, gazing determinedly into her warm emerald eyes.

She smiled before leaning down and pressing her lips lightly against hers. "Well, I can't say that I disagree with that."

He laughed and, tugging on her hand, pulled her close to him. He buried his lips in her hair as she nestled up tightly beside him. "Hm," he said, glancing around the room. "This is different."

Lily's brow furrowed in confusion. "What's different?"

"We usually do this in my room," James pointed out hesitantly.

"Do what? The making up?" she teased.

James laughed. "No, I mean the hanging out," he said, poking her in the ribs playfully. "We should do this in here more often. I swear there's more light in here. And the walls are painted some sort of purple, not that drab beige color in my room."

"That's because I'm a girl and I know how to decorate," Lily laughed, rolling her eyes at him. "And it's lavender."

"What's lavender?"

"The walls."

"Oh. I'm assuming lavendar is a light shade of purple then?"

"Maybe you should just leave the interior decorating to me."

"That's probably wise."

* * *

The next morning, James and Lily walked into the Great Hall for breakfast hand-in-hand. James let out a sigh of relief when neither Sirius nor Riley were there. He was glad he hadn't had much interaction with Riley over the past couple of days. He had a feeling that the moment his friends found out he wasn't on speaking terms with both Sirius and Riley, the connection would quickly be made that it is all probably related. And James just wanted to continue not acknowledging what was going on in any sort.

"Hey guys," James spoke, slipping into a seat across from Remus and Peter.

"I see you two made up," Remus said, popping a piece of muffin into his mouth.

Lily nodded. "Yep."

"She couldn't stay away from me long enough," James teased, earning a slap to the shoulder playfully.

"Funny, most people can," Remus drawled with a smirk.

James gave him a look. "I never liked you."

"Eh, I'm okay with that," he laughed. "Besides, you have Lily now. You don't really need your friends anymore, right?"

"Like hell he doesn't!" Lily snorted. "You think I want to be with him 24/7?"

James feigned hurt. "I suddenly feel very disliked at this moment."

"Oh c'mon," Peter snickered. "Aren't you used to that by now?"

James gave him a look. "I never liked you, either."

"Yeah, we'll you're pissed at Sirius for unknown reasons, so you pretty much just lost all your friends. Tough luck you got going there," Remus spoke, shooting him an amused grin.

James pouted. "I can go sit at the Hufflepuff table if you'd like me to."

"Why? They don't like you either considering you slaughtered them in the Quidditch game on Saturday," Kay teased.

James hesitated. "Ravenclaw table?"

"You broke up with Kristina for Lily. Enough said," Remus pointed out.

"Hm. Oh, right," James mused. "Slytherin?"

Remus stared at him. "Seriously? You really wanna go down that road?"

"Well I'm out of tables!" James whined, pouting ever-so-slightly.

"There's always the professors' table," Remus teased.

James made a face. "And not be able to play pranks? No thank you."

"Well, that really leaves with have no one," Lily said, sighing overdramatically.

James paused. "Damn, I really don't have anyone."

"You have that damn owl," Remus groaned as Pickles came flying in with the rest of the Owl Post and perched beside James' plate, placing the letter down and immediately digging into James' scone.

"Hey, that's mine!" James cried out, ripping the scone out of his owl's beak. He wiped it off and tore off a piece for himself, shrugging innocently.

"Oh please tell me you're going to eat that," Lily said in disgust.

"What? I can't waste a perfectly good scone."

"It's no wonder you have no one," Lily groaned, making a face.

He grinned, putting the piece of scone in his mouth as he started opening the letter, ignoring the round of 'ewws' from his friends.

"Who's the letter from?" Peter questioned curiously.

James continued unrolling the letter and shrugged. "Brite," he responded.

"Really? What does your brother want?" Remus asked, shooing Pickles away from his plate, not very successfully.

"I don't know, I have to read it first," James snickered, skimming the letter. His eyes showed surprise as he read it. When he put it down, a huge grin broke out on his face. "Brite wants me to be his Best Man for his wedding!"

They all stared at him with different reactions, some confused and some indifferent.

"Didn't you hear me?" James spoke, his eyes lighting up.

"Is…is that a _good _thing?" Remus asked slowly.

"Hell yeah! This means I'm important!" James explained with a giddy grin.

"No, this means you're screwed," Kay snickered.

"Yeah, do you realize how much work being a Best Man is going to be, especially when you're not even going to be _home _with him for the next few months?" Lily questioned, giving him a look of uncertainty.

"I know how much work it is," James responded haughtily. He hesitated. "Er…what does a Best Man do exactly?"

Lily groaned. "You're supposed to attend all of the pre-wedding parties, you're supposed to be in charge of all the fitting sessions for the ushers and groomsmen, you have to pay for your formal wear, you're supposed to pick up Brite's formal wear a few weeks prior to the wedding, you have to attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner and prepare toasts for the rehearsal dinner _and _the wedding reception, you oversee all of the ushers at the wedding, confirm travel plans for the honeymoon on the wedding day, and you help organize the ushers and groomsmen for picture at the wedding."

James gave her a surprised look. "How the hell do you know that much about the Best Man's responsibilities?"

Lily shrugged. "When I get bored, I do research."

"On _weddings?_"

"Well I've read _The History of Magic _about four-hundred times and I needed something else to look into," Lily laughed.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're very strange?" Kay inquired.

"Quite a few times actually," Lily grinned, turning back to James. "So are you ready for all of those duties?"

"Okay, well…all of it sounds like…_fun_," James snickered sarcastically. "I can handle it! Besides, I know one thing for sure. I get to plan the bachelor party!" he said with a cheesy grin on his face.

Lily glared at him.

"Er…I mean...who wants to plan a bachelor party? Naked women and booze are so last year."

Lily glared at him.

"I mean…reading boring books and going to bed are so last year?"

Lily glared at him.

"I mean…there won't be a bachelor party."

Everyone laughed. "Man, are _you _whipped," Remus snickered.

James scowled. "Dude, I'll throw this scone at you."

Remus laughed and returned ti his breakfast with a smirk on his face.

"So does your brother and his fiancée have a date for the wedding yet?" Lily asked curiously.

"July 2," James responded.

"Are you _joking_!?" Lily found herself crying out, her fork clattering against her plate as it fell out of her hand.

"Okay, that's my ear," James whimpered. "What's wrong with July 2?"

"That's in less than _six _months, James," Lily pointed out, her eyebrow arched. "Why the hell is it in _July_?"

"Er…it's a pretty month?" James replied with a guilty grin on his face.

"That's all you got?" Remus whispered, bending over the table to lean in closer to him.

"Well, Lily's eyes are bugging out of her head right now and I'm really bad at making up stuff on the spot," James whispered back.

"Tell her Bianca's pregnant!" Remus hissed.

"I think Lily would notice in about nine months that that's not true!" James hissed back.

"And why would she notice? She doesn't even know what Bianca looks like now!" Remus pointed out.

James hesitated and turned back to Lily. "Bianca's pregnant," he stated.

His friends burst into laughter. "Somehow, I think that's a lie," Kay couldn't help but point out.

James hesitated. "Well, then I stand by my July is a pretty month theory."

"And I stand by my you're a moron theory," Lily teased, grinning flippantly.

James hesitated and pondered her statement. "Wait, was that ever a theory?"

"Yeah, it all started around the time your parents decided they wanted a third son," Remus joked, glancing at James out of the corner of his eye with a glint of humor.

"Seriously, I still have this scone on my plate," James pointed out with a pout.

"Didn't your brother tell you why the wedding was planned for July?" she questioned.

"Yeah, probably."

Lily rolled her eyes and gestured for him to read the letter again.

He grinned sheepishly, obliging. "Ahh," he said after a few minutes. "Bianca's new job starts at the end of July in France and they're moving there. They wanted to get married before they moved."

"You couldn't just have said that _before _when I asked?" Lily snickered.

"I didn't read the letter close enough," James explained. "It's, like, three pages of Brite droning on about how perfect his stupid wedding is going to be."

Lily gave a look. "Here's some advice: if you want to stay Best Man, I wouldn't call his wedding stupid."

"Hm, duly noted."

* * *

**A/N: **Hm, not much to say here. Yay for Sirius and Riley getting back together. Nay for Lily and James fighting but yay for them making up. Nay for Sirius, James, and Riley still fighting but Yay for James admitting he was a prick to Sirius. Hm...okay, no more yays or nays. Please review!


	8. Of Snooping, Treats, & Morons

**A/N: **Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I just finished my last year of college, so I've been busy with finals and my thesis and packing everything up, but I've decided to take a break to post the next chapter! Please tell me what you think!

**Disclaimer: **You should know by now I don't any of this except my own characters and plot!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 8: Of Snooping, Treats, & Morons

* * *

"So Sirius is back to being his cheerful, enthusiastic, and basically just plain annoying self," Remus murmured, plopping down his books on to the coffee table in the common room that afternoon where Lily and Kay were sitting.

Kay glanced up from her textbook. "And that's supposed to be a bad thing?"

"Well he's been grooming for hours in the bathroom lately and sometimes a guy doesn't want to have to knock on the sixth years' door just to use the bathroom," Remus explained with a groan.

"And the sixth years let you? I thought they resented you guys for your popularity," Kay responded, arching a knowing eyebrow.

Remus let out an overdramatic sigh. "Yeah, they do, which results in me having to climb down a few more stairs to ask the fifth years!" Remus claimed. "I don't exercise for a reason. I like my flabby stomach!"

Kay and Lily stared at him.

"Oh, who am I kidding. I have a washboard stomach."

Kay and Lily laughed.

He grinned. "But this is about Sirius, not my muscular abs."

"Oh, shucks, because we really wanted to continue that conversation," Lily drawled sarcastically. She grinned when he glared at her. "So dare i ask why Sirius is back to his annoying self? he's moved on to another girl?"

"My guess is yeah," Remus said with a shrug. "Why else would he be so unpleasantly cheerful?"

"Can someone really be unpleasant and cheerful at the same time?" Kay mused.

"Sirius can when he's dancing around the room singing childhood nursery rhymes."

Both Kay and Lily looked quite amused by that statement. "Dare I even ask?" Lily snickered.

"He saw one damn star in the sky last night and spent twenty minutes singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle Litter Star' in various octaves."

"I'm surprised you didn't throw him out the window," Kay teased.

"Believe me, Peter and I contemplated."

"Do you think it could just be the same girl back in the picture?" Lily questioned.

"What makes you say that?" Kay asked.

She shrugged. "He seemed deliriously happy with her. More so than Sirius has ever been. If he's really acting the way Remus said he is now, it wouldn't come as a surprise to me if whatever fight those two had has been resolved."

Remus slowly nodded. "Actually, I'm inclined to agree," he pondered. "In fact, I'm inclined to say that whoever this girl is might just be in an...dare I say it? A _relationship _with him."

Kay and Lily gaped at him in surprise. "Sirius in a relationship with a girl?" Kay said, her voice filled with skepticism. "That's like an elephant...uh…well, being in a relationship with a girl."

Lily gave her a look.

"What? I was never great with the analogies."

"Yeah and you should never attempt to make one again," Lily snorted. She turned back to Remus. "But you know, as much as Sirius in a relationship sounds extremely impracticable, he has changed a lot since the beginning of the year. Maybe you're right, Remus. Maybe this isn't just casual sex or a fling for him. Maybe it's more."

"Yeah only problem is, we have no idea who the hell this new girl is," Kay interjected.

Lily frowned. "Maybe that's for the best."

"Why?" both Kay and Remus asked in unison.

"Because clearly things are going well between them. So maybe if we start poking through his business, we'll just end up ruining this for him. There's a reason he's being so secretive," Lily explained slowly. "Maybe we should just let him have this secret. He'll tell us when the time is right."

Kay and Remus exchaged a curious gaze. "So…we're just supposed to let this thing go?" Remus asked. "Just let Sirius get away with hiding his secrets from us? We're supposed to drag the truth out of him until he wants to hex us into itty bitty pieces! That's what friends do!"

"Okay, maybe _your _friends," Lily snickered. "I clearly have more loyal friends."

"This coming from the girl whose friend, hm…let's call her May Michards, went behind her best friend's back, hm…let's call her Miley Milmore, and dated her brother, hm…let's call him Mance Milmore, and didn't tell Ri-I mean, Miley about it for three months," Remus explained haughtily. "Loyal friends, huh?"

Kay hesitated. "Wait a minute, that story sounds oddly familiar," she said, stroking her chin overdramatically. "Tell me more about this May Michards. She sounds positively breathtaking!"

Remus chuckled. "So, we sure we're going to go with the whole not-digging-into-Sirius'-private-life plan then? Because I've got a better idea. It's called the _digging_-into Sirius'-private-life plan. And it involves us sneaking around his room."

"Remus!" Kay laughed. "We can't go snooping around his room!"

"But we can be sneaky and wear black clothes!"

"And that's a selling point?" Kay snorted, giving him a look.

"You can wear those nice black leather boots with rhinestones you just bought last Hogsmeade visit."

"Oooh, now _that's _a selling point!"

Lily laughed. "No. We're better friends than that."

"But when will-" Kay started.

"You can wear those boots to class tomorrow," Lily suggested.

"Yeah, okay, being better friends it is," Kay changed her mind.

Remus pouted. "I really wish James were speaking to Sirius. He'd go snooping around the room with me."

Lily snickered. "Would he want to borrow Kay's boots for the occasion?" Lily teased.

Remus shrugged and let out an overdramatic sigh. "I guess we'll never know."

Lily laughed. "So how can one tell an Animagus from an actual animal just by looking at it?"

Kay and Remus stared at her.

"Oh, I've moved on from talking about Sirius to talking about our Transfiguration essay."

"I'd prefer to talk about my rhinestone boots," Kay muttered.

Remus and Lily merely laughed.

* * *

James was sitting in the library that night studying for a Potions exam, expecting Lily to join him at any minute. Well, James' plan _was_ to study but he was too busy thinking about how lucky he was to have a girlfriend like Lily to actually glance down at the textbook.

"Nice going," a harsh voice snapped from behind him.

James turned around and was surprised to see Grant there. "Whoa. _You _know where the library is?"

"Shut up," Grant shot back, glaring at him.

"Hm…okay, I know you're not a huge fan of me, but glaring at me for no apparent reason? That's unlike you," James pointed out. "So my guess is I did something."

"Way to go Einstein," Grant snorted.

"Whoa. _You _know who Einstein is?"

"Don't play coy with me, James," Grant spat. "You know exactly what you did."

James cocked his head to the side and saw more than anger in his eyes. There was hurt flickering back as well. "Er…do I?" James questioned awkwardly.

"Brite sent me a letter this morning," Grant growled.

James winced, a quick feeling of guilt rushing through him. "Oh."

"How could you take this away from me?" Grant asked angrily.

"I didn't take anything away from you!" James argued innocently. "It was Brite's decision, not mine!"

Grant scoffed. "Like I believe that."

"You're only fifteen," James pointed out as calmly as possibly. "You don't even know what a Best Man is supposed to do."

"Oh and _you _do!" Grant snorted, giving him a knowing look.

"_Yes_," James protested. "I have to attend all the pre-wedding parties, I'm in charge of…of the fitting sessions for all the men involve except Brite, I…oh, I pay for my own formal wear, I pick of Brite's tux a few weeks prior to the wedding, I attend to rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and prepare a toast for it…oh and prepare a toast for the wedding, I…I'm in charge of the ushers at the wedding, I confirm travel plans for the honeymoon, and…um…and I organize the pictures or something like that."

Grant looked at him. "Let me guess: Lily told you all of that?"

James gave him a sheepish grin. "Maybe?"

"You're pathetic," Grant grumbled.

"Well so are you," James pointed out with a shrug. "You don't even want Brite to get married in the first place! You'd rather be selfish and expect Brite to stay near home for the next fifty years accommodating you. You want him to yourself. You don't want to share your time with some girl."

"That's not the point," Grant argued, his glare intensifying. "We're talking about Best Man, not the future."

"That's because you're too afraid to admit that Brite might not be around in the future," James snickered with a simple shrug. "That maybe him moving to France will actually affect your relationship. But you can't stop them from marrying and you can't stop them from moving away."

"This isn't about him, it's about you!"

James sighed. "No, this is about him, you just don't wnt to admit it. You're mad at me for something I had no control over, Grant," he said with a sigh. "You should be yelling at Brite, not me."

"It's a lot easier yelling at you considering you're a few feet away and Brite is miles away," Grant drawled dryly.

James pursed his lips hesitantly, slowly shaking his head. "Grant, the reason you're yelling at me is because you don't want to place your anger at Brite," he said knowingly. "You'd rather fight with me because you don't like me to begin with."

Grant scowled. "Don't presume to tell me what I'm doing. You know nothing about me," he growled.

He frowned. He could tell that Grant felt slightly hurt by Brite choosing James over him. And James understood why. Grant had always been closest with the two older Potters, Wyatt and Brite. WHen Wyatt left, Grant felt like he lost a brother. He didn't want to lose another. "Grant, I am sorry that Brite didn't choose you," James said slowly. "But I'm not sorry that I'm Brite's Best Man."

Grant glared at him, turning on his heels to walk away from him, too frustrated to say anything else. He hesitated slightly after taking a few steps and turned around to face James. "I wish you were never my brother."

And with that, he stomped off, leaving James there in unfortunate dismay.

* * *

Lily plopped down beside James at the table and groaned. "I have so much work to do and I am really not in the mood to spend endless amounts of my time in the library today. I've definitely got a case of the Mondays."

James looked at her. "But its Tuesday…"

"And?"

"Well, shouldn't you be saying you have a case of the Tuesdays?"

Lily laughed and shook her head. "It's an expression."

"Well it's clearly not politically correct."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Just forget it," she laughed. "So what's up with you?"

James shrugged. "Not much. I've just got a case of the Thursdays."

Lily laughed and playfully hit him on the shoulder. "Oh by the way, I just ran into your brother outside," she snickered. "He seemed a bit perturbed."

James groaned and put his quill down. "What did he say?"

"Oh not much," Lily said flittingly. "Just something about you being a total crock, a waste of a brother and human existence, how you never do anything unless it's to your advantage, and how I shouldn't be feeding you answers or…or something along those lines."

"What?" James whined. "But I was…no actually, that sounds about right."

Lily laughed and with a quick surveillance of the room, leaned over to give him a quick kiss. "So you want to tell me what that's all about?"

James sighed. "Grant thinks he should be Brite's Best Man."

"Why? He doesn't want Brite to get married in the first place."

"That's what I said!" James cried out enthusiastically, causing Lily to jump and a few students to shush him. "Seems to me that he didn't care. He wanted to blame me."

"I think he was just taking his anger at the situation out on you because it's easier than being angry with Brite," Lily pointed out.

"I said that, too!" James cried out louder, causing more people to glare his way.

"Er, okay. Would you like a cookie?" Lily teased.

James hesitated. "Kinda."

Lily laughed. "Hm…" she pondered, leaning in close to him as she whispered, "I think I can give you a better treat back in your room."

James slammed his books shut. "Studying time over!"

Lily laughed again and rolled her eyes. "My studying time isn't."

James pouted. "Tease," he muttered.

"So what are you going to do about Grant?" Lily questioned curiously as she grabbed her textbook out of her bag and placed it on the table.

James sighed and shrugged. "I don't know," he muttered. "Nothing?"

Lily snorted. "What, and just hope it goes away?"

"Yep," James agreed.

Lily gave him a look. "That doesn't usually work."

"Fine, we'll call that Plan B," James murmured.

"Okay, what's Plan A?" Lily urged.

"Can't you come up with the plan? You're just so much better at it than I am," James whined, giving her a pouty look.

"First of all, that look doesn't work on me," Lily laughed. "Second of all, it's not my brother. And third of all…oh, I guess that's it."

"How about the third of all is that treat?" James whispered impishly, giving her a playful look, as he started running his foot up her leg.

"How about I get some work done?" Lily teased, winking suggestively at him.

"How about we call _that _Plan B?"

Lily burst out into laughter at the pleading look on James' face. She covered her mouth immediately, the surrounding tables glaring at them in clear frustration. "This library is my sanctuary," she whispered. "If you get me kicked out of it, there will be no treats for you for the rest of the year."

James reopened his book and just gave her a grin. "Then again, studying is always fun, too."

"'Studying is always fun, too?'" a familiar voice snorted from behind them. Lily and James turned around to witness Remus standing there with a look of disbelief. "Seriously, James, this girl has got you whipped."

"I'd ask you to join our studying circle, but for some odd reason, I'm not so fond of you right now," said James.

"That's not really a circle. It's more of a…a line," Remus laughed, taking a seat beside Lily and immediately pulling out his books.

"Why do you always have to be the logical one?" James whined.

"Well, Sirius is the prankster and the womanizer of the group and inevitably represents the overly sexual one, you're the Quidditch star and a Potter so therefore you represent popularity, Peter is the…the follower, I guess, so he represents loyalty so really the only thing leftover is intelligence and the representation of logical, which automatically goes to me," Remus grinned. "That's just how groups work."

"That's not how groups work!" James argued. He turned to Lily. "Tell him that's not how groups work!"

"No, it's how groups work," Lily laughed.

"Oh really, and who's the womanizer of your trio?" James teased.

"Riley, obviously," Lily teased back, giving him a playful look.

"Ooh, kinky," Remus muttered.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Wow, you went from representation of logic to representation of sex in about 3.5. seconds."

"Actually, it was more like 20 seconds," Remus pointed out.

"And straight back to logic," Lily murmured, snickering slightly.

* * *

"Sirius and James are seriously getting on my nerves," Remus groaned, slipping into a seat beside Lily at breakfast the next morning. "Last night they argued over who was going to prank Snape for an hour. An hour out of my time I had to listen to their ridiculous debate about who was more clever and who was more stealthy."

Lily gave him a sympathetic look. "That really sucks, I'm sorry."

"So who won?" Riley asked.

Remus gave her a look. "My whole night was interrupted by their incessant screams and that's all you care about?"

Riley shrugged. "Kinda."

Remus laughed. "Well, no one won, if you must know," he explained, stifling a yawn. "In the end, both were too tired to actually do anything but go to bed."

"Lame," Kay murmured teasingly.

"I wonder why they're mad at each other," Lily pondered out loud.

"James hasn't told you?" Remus asked curiously.

Lily shook her head. "No. He said it wasn't for him to tell."

Remus sighed. "Damn, I was really counting on you to tell the rest of us what's going on."

"Sorry, you're out of luck."

"It's really tearing us apart," Peter muttered. "James and Sirius feel like Remus and I should pick sides but how the hell are we supposed to pick a side when we don't even know what they're fighting about?"

"And they're got to be certifiably insane if they think I'm goign to pick a side based on who is more clever or stealthy," Remus murmured irritably.

His friends chuckled at the attempt of a joke.

"Lily, can't you just force it out of James?" Kay whined with a pleading grin. "I mean, just offer sex in return and it'll be golden."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to exploit my virginity just to get information out of my boyfriend, Kay."

"Why not?" she whined.

Lily snorted. "Would you do the same for Lance?"

"Ew, that's my brother," Riley cringed.

Lily chuckled. "Any chance you know anything, Riley?"

Riley snorted. "Hah! And who would tell me? Sirius, a guy who I'm barely friends with, or James, who's not speaking to me right now?"

"_What_!?" four voices chorused together in loud shock.

Riley froze as Lily hastily asked, "Why isn't James speaking to you?"

Riley desperately tried to think of something, _anything, _to say to dig herself out of the hole she just created for herself. "Er…did I say not speaking to me? I meant…er…I meant…well, he...okay, I have no idea what I meant."

Lily gave her a look. "Smooth."

Riley winced guiltily, jumping off the couch. "Oh, would you look at the time? I've got to be anywhere but here."

Kay grabbed her arm before she could take even one step. "I don't think so," she warned. "You don't get to walk away until you tell us what's giong on."

"Does it have something to do with him not speaking to Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Does it have something to do with why he's _mad _at Sirius?" Peter questioned.

"Is he mad at you for the same reason he's mad at Sirius?" Lily asked.

"No," Riley replied, reluctantly taking a seat back on the bench.

They all stared at her. "_And_?"

"And...you've got it wrong?" Riley continued with a sheepish grin.

"Riley!" Lily whined. "C'mon, talk to us. What's going on? There's no way James' frustration with Sirius isn't related to why he's not speaking to you. That can't be a coincidence."

Riley frowned. She had backed herself into a corner. She had been able to fly under the radar because unlike James and Sirius who were at each others' throats, Riley and James had successfuly avoided each other at all costs. He was too disappointed in her and she was too upset with him that any sort of conversation between the two had simply just ceased altogether. "I really don't want to talk about it. Can you please just let it go?" she pleaded.

The other four exchanged concerned looks. There was a heavy weight of desperation in her voice that made them all unwillingly nod at her request. "Is everything okay at least?" Lily asked, confused.

_No_, Riley thought. "Of course. Now we should really get to class before we're late."

"We still have, like, ten minutes, but nice try at avoiding the question," Lily snickered.

"Uh…actually, we don't," Remus chimed in, glancing at the clock on the wall behind them. "We probably should have left five minutes ago."

Lily glanced around the room. "Hm, that does explain why the Great Hall has emptied out."

Remus smirked. "Aren't you supposed to be keeping better track of class schedules, Miss Head Girl?"

She scrunched up her nose. "Being with James clearly has been a bad influence on me."

* * *

When the five friends traipsed into Defense Against the Dark Arts, Lily, Kay, Remus, and Peter rushed immediately over to James.

"Hey guys," he greeted, his feet propped on top of the table with his chair leaning back against the table behind him.

"You're not speaking to Riley either?" Remus hissed.

"That's a lie!" James argued. He hesitated. "Why, what have you heard?"

They all glared at him.

"What the hell is going on?" Peter demanded.

James glanced towardsd Riley who was doing her beset to avoid eye contact with him as she took a seat on the other side of the room. "It's nothing. Just leave it alone. Please?"

"What are you three so determined to hide?" Remus murmured, sighing inwardly.

James sighed, returning his chair to the upright position reluctantly. "Nothing."

"Right. You're mad at your two best friends over _nothing. _Somehow, I don't believe that," Kay argued. "You've got to give us something to go off of, James."

"No, I don't," he muttered, shooting his girlfriend a pleading look.

She grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I tried to stop them from bombarding you."

"Well you didn't do a very good job at it," he whined.

"Okay, there's three of them, and one of me. And let's face it, I have no upper body strength to attempt to stop them and I don't have a way with words, either," Lily sighed.

He shot her a look. "You're Head Girl. Of course you have a way with words."

She hesitated. "Hm, perhaps. But I still have no upper-body strength," she argued, slipping into the seat beside him.

"You have a wand. Conjure a lasso next time," James teased.

Lily scrunched up her nose. "Okay, fine, I was curious also."

James chuckled, instinctively leaning over to kiss her cheek. "It's nothing to concern yourselves with," he urged, glancing at all of his friends. "Just let it-"

"It does concern us when you're holding screaming matches with Sirius in my bedroom while I'm trying to finish up an essay," Remus pointed out, quirking an accusing eyebrow.

James shrugged. "Not my fault that Sirius thinks he's the brains behind our pranking operations. He's delusional if he really thinks-"

"Oh, dear Merlin, I am not getting into this argument again!" Peter whined, placing his head into his hands with a whimper.

Remus pouted and reluctantly filled the seat beside James. "I've stuck by this kid since first year and what have I gotten out of it? A screaming match in my room last night and an essay that still needs to be finished because of it," he muttered, crossing his arms with an overdramatic pout. "Just great."

"What's going on with you, Riley, and Sirius that it has to remain so secretive?" Kay asked curiously, the first time that question was ever asked.

James shook his head. "It's no big deal," he lied. "It's just…just something I don't want to talk about."

"Funny, Riley said the same thing," Lily sighed.

"Yeah, so did Sirius," Peter pointed out.

"Y'know," Remus said slowly, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "I bet we could force it out of Sirius. Let's face it, if we distract him with other details before asking him about this fight, he'll forget he's not supposed to say anything and blurt out the whole thing. He was never all that bright."

"He won't tell you," James said hastily, shrugging.

"'Course he will, he's terrible at keeping secrets," Kay pointed out with a grin.

James sighed. "He's better than you think."

* * *

"So, I'm a moron," Riley groaned, greeting Sirius later that day with a kiss in the dungeon.

He kissed her back. "Mischief managed," he murmured, wiping the Map in his hands clean. He smiled at her. "You're a moron, hm? Well, tell me something I don't know," he teased.

Riley gave him a look.

"Hm, and now _I'm _the moron," he admitted with a grin, grabbing her hand as he slid to the floor. She cuddled up beside him with a smile. "So why are you a moron?"

"Well…er…I kinda, sorta, accidentally, not on purpose, somewhat, more or less—"

"Okay, I think I get it," Sirius interrupted with a laugh.

Riley snickered. "I'm just making sure. You _did _just call yourself a moron."

Sirius pouted overdramatically. "Let's go back to talking about why _you're _the moron," he whined.

She smiled. "Well…um…I kinda told everyone today during breakfast that James and I aren't speaking."

Sirius groaned just as Riley expected. "Aren't you supposed to be the smart one in this relationship? If you're blurting out things, does that mean _I _have to be the smart one?"

"Oh honey," Riley sighed. "You'll never be the smart one."

Sirius paused. "I'd almost be insulted by that, but you're looking so gorgeous right now that it's extremely distracting."

"And I'd almost be insulted by that...but I _am_ looking gorgeous today," Riley teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at him.

Sirius smiled, pressing his lips lightly against her cheek. "Y'know, they were going to realize sooner or later that the two of you weren't speaking to each other," Sirius pointed out. "But what are the chances they haven't made the relationship between _me _and James not speaking to each other?"

"Slim to none. They figured that out right away," Riley explained. "I mean, Lily _is _Head Girl. She knows her stuff."

"Damn. Why don't we have stupid friends?" Sirius mumbled.

"Because then we'd be in Slytherin," Riley said with a grin.

"Speaking of," Sirius murmured. "James and I got into a huge fight last night about-"

"Who would prank Snape?" Riley finished with a laugh, giving him a knowing look. "Yeah, I had to hear about the rant from Remus this morning. You two are not doing a good job at staying away from each other."

"Hey, it's my room, not his! He has his own private room, y'know!" Sirius complained.

"Then what was he doing in the room in the first place?" Riley asked curiously.

Sirius hesitated. "Okay, so maybe he knew I wasn't supposed to be there, but that's really not the point."

"Hm…sounds like the point to me," Riley teased, shooting him a look of intrigue. "Why weren't you supposed to be there?"

"Detention," he explained. "But McGonagall never showed up."

"Ah, hot date?" Riley teased.

"Not exactly."

"Then why didn't she ever show up?" Riley asked curiously. She groaned when Sirius hesitated. "Oh no wait, let me guess. _You_ never showed up."

Sirius gave her a sheepish grin. "Can I help it if I got distracted by a boys vs. girls fifth year Exploding Snaps competition in the Gryffindor common room?"

"Let me guess," she said. "You tried turning it into a strip Exploding Snaps competition."

He scrunched up his nose. "You know me so well," he sighed overdramatically.

She laughed, leaning over to kiss him. "Yes, I do," she whispered, before snuggling up against his side once again with a smile. "So do you think James will tell the others about our relationship?" she asked nervously.

Sirius pondered the question before slowly shaking his head. "No," he murmured. "He's still fuming over what he witnessed between us and doesn't want to involve our friends if he doesn't have to. Especially when he's still processing the news himself. I think he knows that our friends wouldn't necessarily agree with his side of things. In fact, they would actually probably be relieved to hear why we've suddenly been so friendly with each other. They might actually welcome the idea of us being in a relationship. And then he would have to realize what an idiot he's being. And let's face it, he doesn't want to do that. He's stubborn as they come and wants to pretend as if everything he said that night was completely justified when I think we all know it wasn't."

Riley sighed, an ache in her heart protruding at the reminder of what James had said to her when he had found out about her and Sirius. "Yeah," she muttered defeatedly. "Do you really think our friends would welcome our relationship?"

Sirius shrugged slowly. "I don't know. I think they would, yeah. They'll definitely be surprised, totally caught off-guard, and a little taken aback. Definitely frustrated that we kept it a secret and a bit skeptical because let's face it, why shouldn't they be? It is us we're talking about here. But then I believe they'd learn to accept it."

"You really think so?"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe I'm being hopeful, but yeah, I really do think so."

"Mm."

Sirius looked at her inquisitively. "Why? Do...do you want to tell them?"

Riley glanced up at him, slowly shaking her head. "No," she quickly disagreed. "I like that it's just between you and me right now. The moment it's out there, this school is going to be all over us. The girls are going to be sneering at me for stealing you away from them. The guys are going to high-five you because you've finally bagged the only girl ever to despise you. And-"

"Ah, yes, because that's obviously the only reason I went after you," he teased.

She grinned. "Maybe not, but let's face it. We both know how the minds of these students work. Acceptance isn't something they often put up with. Insulting and judging is what they do best. It's what they did with James and Lily and it strained their relationship. She could barely handle it and he didn't know what to do. I-I just don't want to stress about this if I don't have to. I just want to be happy. Because I am, Sirius. _You _make me happy."

He couldn't help the smile that took over his face. He leaned over, pressing his lips hungrily to hers. Riley's heart fluttered as their tongues met in a heated frenzy. "How did we ever get here?" he whispered, tugging at her bottom lip with his teeth.

She framed his face with her hands, a moan escaping her lips at the feel of his mouth on hers. "I don't know," she whispered. "But I'm glad we did."

He smiled at her. "I am too."

* * *

James wandered into his friends' dorm that Friday night and flopped on to his bed, sliding a Quidditch magazine out from underneath his back and on to his stomach. "Life sucks," he murmured.

Remus looked up from his bed, in which he was reading notes for an upcoming exam. "That's a very general statement," Remus mentioned. "Could you specify perhaps?"

"Valentine's Day is next Saturday," James murmured.

Remus glanced at him out of the corner of the eye curious. "And?"

"It's Valentine's Day, Moony," he whined.

"So...you're saying life sucks because this is the first time you're going to have a girlfriend on Valentine's Day and now you actually have to attempt to do something romantic?" he contemplated with a cheeky grin.

James rolled his eyes. "No, actually I was going to say, I was planning to ask for Sirius' advice as of what to do but now we're not speaking which makes it slightly difficult. But thanks for that."

"Oh," Remus said, placing his notes to the side as he rolled over to face his friend. "Well, uh...that was my second guess."

James snickered. "Nice save."

"So why exactly were you planning on asking Sirius for romance advice?" Remus snickered. "I mean, I highly doubt that the King of the Sack is going to be able to help you romance Lily."

"Nonsense. All of the girls in this stupid school adore Sirius," James pointed out with an abrupt shrug. "He must have some good ideas on this romance and shit."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Step one of trying to create a romantic evening with your girlfriend: don't call it 'romance and shit.'"

"Hm, I should really write this down," he responded teasingly. "So what's step two?"

Remus hesitated, shrugging. "Don't ask me. When have I ever planned anything fo Valentine's Day?"

James groaned. "Don't you have to think of something? I mean, isn't Jillian expecting something?"

Remus blinked. "Damn, I didn't even think of that."

James snorted, rolling his eyes. "Man, you must like this chick a lot."

"Aha, step two: don't call girls 'chicks!'" Remus cried out with a chuckle. "See? We can do this without Sirius' help."

"Okay, Mr. Smarty Pants, what's step three?" James asked, his eyebrow arching accusingly.

Remus groaned, falling back against his pillow. "Okay, maybe I do need his help."

"Lucky for you, _you _can actually ask him."

"Or!" Remus cried out, sitting upright, "Here's a thought: _you _could."

James blinked. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, Moony, but he and I are not exactly on good terms at the moment. If I ask him to help me plan a romantic date for Lily, I'm pretty sure his suggestion would include flowers filled with spiders and rancid chocolate."

"Hm, so spiders and throwing up spoiled chocolate is something I probably shouldn't suggest to Jillian, hm?"

"Probably not, no."

Remus sighed and slowly climbed off his bed. "I guess I should just go find Jillian and figure out what she's expecting for Valentine's Day then."

"Yeah, that's probably a better idea," James said, stifling a yawn as he fell back against his pillow with a sigh.

Remus shot him a look as he grabbed his wand off his desk and started towards the door. "Here's an idea: you should do the same with _Lily_."

"Oh right!" James cried, jumping up and following Remus out of the room.

* * *

**A/N: **Lots of random information in that chapter. Hoped you enjoyed it! Next chapter: more tlak of Valentines' Day!


	9. Of Romance, Clubs, & Ranking

**A/N: **A lot of you keep asking me when everyone else is going to find out about Sirius and Riley, when James is going to make up with them, and when James and Lily are going to have sex. Alas, all of that is going to take some time. Be patient! When it all does happen, it will be worth the wait!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 9: Of Romance, Clubs, & Ranking

* * *

While Remus and James were contemplating Valentine's Day in the boys' dorm, the three Gryffindor girls were doing the same in Lily's private room.

"I hate Valentine's Day," Kay muttered, tapping her head with a whimper against the headboard. Lily was sprawling out at the end of the bed while Riley was straddling Lily's desk chair backwards, her arms resting on the top of the back part of the chair.

"Uh, why? You actually have a boyfriend," Riley snickered, a sly grin breaking out. "I mean, who thought that was ever imaginable?"

Kay rolled her eyes. "I'm dating your brother, Riley."

"Eh, sometimes I forget. He can do better," Riley replied with a casual shrug.

"HEY!"

"I mean _you _can do better."

"Nice save, Riley," Lily snorted, rolling her eyes. She turned back to Kay. "So why are you already claiming you hate Valentine's day when, as Riley so eloquently pointed out, you have a boyfriend?"

"Because I won't be able to spend it with him," she sighed.

Lily offered her a lopsided smile. "Oh, right."

"And it's impossible picking out gifts for guys. Flowers and chocolate aren't exactly the way to a guy's heart."

"Yeah, picking out gifts for the male species isn't fun," Riley mumbled, groaning inwardly as she realized that she, too, would have to find something for Sirius. "Valentine's Day is pointless anyway. Just a holiday for the card companies if you ask me. And what's the point in sharing your love on the same day that millions of other people are, too? I say we boycott."

Kay gave her an irritated look. "You _can_ boycott considering your boyfriendless. Me? Not so much," she whined. "So…you. Help. Ideas. Now!"

"Talk. In. Full. Sentences," Riley joked.

Kay glared at her.

"Or not," Riley laughed with a flippant shrug. "Full sentences are overrated anyway."

Lily rolled her eyes. "So, Kay, do you have any ideas on what to get him?"

She shrugged. "I have nada."

Riley's hand flew into the air. "I've got an idea!" she cried. "_You _wrapped in a bow!"

Kay glared at Riley.

"No? Too corny?"

and Riley sheepishly placed her hand back down on the back of the chair.

Kay let out a frustrated groan. "I'm not a puppy!"

Riley sheepishly placed her hand back down on the back of the chair. "Okay, okay," Riley muttered.

"How about a-" Lily started to suggest but was quickly interrupted with Riley shooting her arm back in the air.

"Oooh, no wait! I've got it!" Riley cried in excitement. "_You _with a bow on your head-"

"Riley!"

"And wearing nothing else!"

"_Riley_!"

"Ooh, even better!" Riley cried out, jumping out of the chair. "One word: WHIPPED CREAM!"

"RILEY!"

"You're right," Riley sighed, sitting back down in the chair. "That's two words."

Lily couldn't help but laugh. Even Kay was suppresing the urge to laugh. "I can't get him any of those things because he won't be around to see it," Kay whined.

"Ah, so if he _was _around, you'd totally go for my idea of a large red bow wrapped around youer perky breasts or whipped cream smeared all over your body?"

Riley wasn't surprised when a pillow went soaring at her face.

"Riley is officially not allowed to give me any more suggestions," Kay laughed, nudging Lily with her foot. "C'mon, Lily. You've got to have some ideas. You're going to have to do something for James so please, don't hold back your suggestions from me."

Lily froze, a slight look of terror quickly flashing across her face. She quickly shook her head, smiling awkwardly before her friends might catch on. "I...I forgot I'd have to do something," she muttered, her heart sinking.

"Well? Any suggestions?" Kay questioned.

"Flowers?" Riley snickered.

Kay glared at her. "You need to stop making suggestions."

"What? He's…he's kinda a girly guy."

"I don't know how that is possible," Kay murmured. "It's not like he grew up with any sisters."

"Yeah seriously," Riley snickered, yawning. Mid-yawn, she turned to Kay with a confused look on her face. "Wait a minute…"

Kay whimpered. "Do you have any more ideas than your pathetic flower suggestion?"

"Hey, I'm still a fan of the whipped cream option," Riley muttered.

"Don't make me throw another pillow at you, Gilmore," Kay teased.

"Okay, okay. How about chocolate?" Riley suggested with a shrug. "Everyone likes chocolate."

Kay gave her a look. "Your brother is allergic to chocolate."

"Really? No kidding!"

"I can't believe you opted for flowers and chocolate," Kay sighed, covering herself with another pillow from Lily's bed and letting out a short scream into it. She pulled the pillow away from her face and shot her two friends a frustrated look. "I mean, how generic can we get? We are three highly intelligent women and we cannot think of a simple Valentine's Day gift!?"

Lily sighed. "Oh Kay, this is pathetic," she murmured, shaking her head.

"I know!"

"No, I mean you just called Riley highly intelligent," Lily teased.

"Ouch!" Riley whined.

The ends of Kay's mouth turned up but she still let out a graon. "Ugh, boyfriends are way too much work. I don't have time for this bullshit."

"You know what?" Lily offered. "Screw getting him something romantic and meaningful. Just get him a card and write exactly that: boyfriends are too much work, I don't have time for this bullshit." She grinned. "Oh and of course Happy Valentine's Day."

Kay glared at her. "You've officially surpassed Riley in the 'you're not helping category."

"What? You don't think he'll fall in love with you even more?" Lily said with an innocent smile.

"Seriously, you're not helping."

"I'm telling you, he'll love you even more."

Kay let out an estranged scream and fell to her left, against the bed comforter.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Kay, Lance will love whatever you get him."

"Especially if it's you wearing just a bow," Riley murmured. "I mean, did we ever really shoot that idea down?"

Both Lily and Kay glared at her.

"I'm taking that as a yes," Riley muttered sheepishly.

_Knock, knock_.

"Come in!" Kay yelled.

Lily gave her a look.

"Oh right, this isn't my room," Kay snickered.

"How do you know it's not a serial killer?" Lily questioned teasingly.

The door opened and James stuck his head in. "Hey," he greeted.

"You were probably better off with the serial killer," Riley mumbled.

"Girls' night in, I see?" James mentioned, stepping into the room with a warm smile. "So what are you talking about? And if the answer is me, please don't be afraid to tell me how amazing I am."

Lily paused. "Hmm, no, that never came up."

James pouted, noticing for the first that Riley was in the room. His smile immediately turned into a frown and he turned to Lily. "I just came to see what you were up to, but I guess I'll catch you later at a better time."

"No, it's okay, come on in," Lily offered.

James glanced back at Riley and shook his head. "No thanks."

"Well, Riley and I will just leave. You can spend Friday with your girlfriend," Kay suggested, climbing off the bed.

"What? I didn't agree to this!" Riley whined.

"When you get a boyfriend, you'll understand," Kay sighed, shooing her off the chair.

James scowled.

All three of the girls turned to look at him.

"Uh…just something in my throat?" he said sheepishly.

Kay gave him a curious look before pushing Riley out of the door, who continued to complain.

"Hey, hon," James greeted, crawling on to the bed to give her a kiss. He pulled her towards the end of the bed and placed her in his arms. She quickly nestled against his chest with a smile. "What have you been up to?"

Lily shrugged. "Not much. I've been attempting to do work all night but first Kay and Riley interrupted and then my boyfriend came barging in here as if I wasn't busy."

"The nerve of that guy. He really needs to go!"

"I know. I've tried to get rid of him, but he just keeps coming back. I must be irresistible," Lily sighed, smiling at her boyfriend.

"That I can't argue with," James whispered, brushing her hair away from her face with his lips. "So Valentine's Day is coming up."

Lily stiffened, remaining suspiciously silent.

"In a week," James added teasingly at the note of silence.

Lily blinked.

"On Saturday."

Lily turned away from his curious gaze.

"February 14th in fact."

Lily swallowed hard, attempting to force out a joke. "Er…yeah, it usually falls on the same day every year."

James laughed, not noticing the look of detachment in her eyes. "Just making sure you knew. You weren't saying anything for a while there," he joked, clearly unfazed by the sudden tension in the air. "So I was just wondering what you wanted to do for it. Stay in? Go out? Both? It's your choice. It probably means more to you than me."

Lily shrugged. "I doubt it."

James shot her a curious look.

Lily frowned. "I don't want to do anything."

James hesitated. "Okay, that wasn't one of the options."

Lily cracked a smile. "I know, but...can we please just not do anything?"

James' eyebrows knitted skeptically. "This is a trick, isn't it?"

Lily laughed. "_No_," she emphasized. "I-I just really don't want to celebrate."

"Yep, _definitely _a trick," James murmured.

Lily forced out a smile. "It's not a trick. I promise."

"So…so you really don't want to do anything?" James asked hesitantly, staring at her with narrowed eyes. Lily hastily shook her head. "But it's Valentine's Day! And we're dating! People who are dating celebrate Valentine's Day!"

"Exactly," Lily pointed out. "There are trillions of people in the world celebrating their relationships on February 14th. Why should we follow the crowd? I don't feel the need to have to celebrate my relationship along with everyone else. It doesn't make it special, it just makes it ordinary. There shouldn't have to be a day where people honor their loved ones. People should be doing that every day. It's just a day for the card companies, the flower stores, and the chocolate factories! There's no point to it except spending useless money on someone who should already know how their boyfriend or husband feels."

James was surprised by the sudden outburst. "Okay, now I know this is a trick."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle, shaking her head at him. "James, I will care about you even more if we don't celebrate Valentine's Day."

"Well, that sounds backwards."

"Logically, yeah it probably does. But I'm really just not a Valentine's Day kind of girl."

James was more confused than ever. "But what if I like Valentine's Day and want to do something special?"

Lily snorted. "You don't like Valentine's Day. No normal guy likes to be forced to be creative and spend money on something they don't know will get the reaction they're expecting!"

"Sure we do!"

Lily gave him a look.

"Okay, well maybe not the creative part, but we love planning a romantic evening with our beautiful girlfriends," James claimed.

"James, you don't need to compliment me. You've already got me," she teased. "And you wouldn't rather be spending all of the time you will be using planning a romantic evening for me on, say…planning the ultimate prank on the Slytherin house?"

James gazed at her hesitantly. "And now you're suggesting I play a huge prank on the Slytherin House. I never thought those alien body-snatcher stories were true until right now."

She rolled her eyes. "Just forget about Valentine's Day, alright?"

James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Why do you hate Valentine's Day so much?"

"I-I don't _hate _it, per say," Lily mumbled.

James gave her a look. "You could have fooled me."

"Okay, so maybe I hate it," she snickered.

"Why?"

"Does it matter?"

"Seems to me it matters to you so yeah, it matters to me."

She frowned. She sometimes hated how perceptive he could be. "Just promise me you won't do anything, James," she murmured.

James didn't respond immediately, attempting to get a read on her but her eyes showed nothing except for pleading. He eventually turned away with a sigh. "Fine. If that's what you really want."

"That's what I really want."

James nodded. "I…I just wish you'd tell me what was bothering you."

Lily turned away from his gaze.

James sighed.

* * *

"Something's going on with Lily," James murmured, barging into the boys' dorm early the next morning.

No one responded.

"Hello!? Something's going on with Lily!" James whined.

"Shut him up," Peter groaned from behind his hangings.

James scowled and turned on the light.

"Damnit, James, what time is it?" Remus murmured into his pillow.

"Time to help me figure out what's going on with Lily!"

"No, I think the time for that would be three hours from now," Remus muttered, letting out a wide yawn as he thrust his pillow over his head to shield his eyes from the bright light.

"Agreed," Peter grumbled, turning over in his bed. "Come back later. Preferably when the sun is out."

James glanced surreptitiously towards Sirius' bed and let out a relieved sigh when he noticed it was empty. "The sun _is _out, thank you very much."

"Why are you still talking?" Peter whined.

"Because I need your help!" James pouted. "Something's up with Lily."

"Maybe she's on her period," Remus suggested, stifling a yawn.

James scoffed. "What!? You have no sense of the female mind!" James cried out.

"Hm, that does explain why Jillian threw a shoe at me last night when I asked her about Valentine's Day," Remus murmured, pulling the pillow off his face.

"Why are you encouraging him?" Peter whined.

James ignored Peter as he wandered over to his own bed. "Why, pray tell, did Jillian throw a shoe at you, Moony?"

"I think it has something to do with the fact that I told her I wasn't her boyfriend so technically I didn't have to do anything for her for Valentine's Day," Remus mused, stifling a yawn.

"Yeah, that would do it," James said with a shrug. "What the hell would you say that for?"

Remus sighed, throwing open his hangings to glance at James. "Well she claimed that she really didn't need anything for Valentine's Day, just me. And then she joked about how this would be the first year she'd actually get to spend Valentine's Day with someone other than her girlfriends. So I joked back. Apparently, it wasn't a good joke."

James snorted. "You know nothing about women."

"You don't either," Remus pointed out. "Nor do you apaprently know anything about Valentine's Day."

James made a face.

"Some people are still trying to sleep!" Peter snapped.

James glanced over at Remus. "Exactly why do you say that I know nothing about Valentine's Day?"

"You mean besides the fact that you don't?" Remus said pointedly as he climbed out of bed, searching for a clean sweater to throw on.

"Yes, besides that," James snapped.

Remus glanced up from his trunk towards his friend. "You have never had a girl on Valentine's Day. They expect big things. They expect romance, gifts, surprises, chocolate, flowers, _romance_. And you were never very big on romance."

"I was, too!" James argued.

Remus rolled his eyes. "When was the last time you cared enough about a girl to get her a gift worth giving?"

James hesitated. "Uh, I gave Kristina a gift for Christmas."

"Yeah, you bought her the first thing you saw in a stationery shop," Remus snickered. "That's not exactly a gift worth giving, but nice try. Which, again, shows you know nothing about women."

"Well, maybe I'll think of something incredibly romantic for Lily this Valentine's Day!" James pouted, specifically forgetting to mention that Lily didn't expect anything.

Remus groaned. "That's what I'm afraid of. I know that whatever you're going to do to Lily on Valentine's Day will probably be the stupidest thing you've ever come up with, and I just want to warn you ahead of time not to do it. Change your plans now while you're still ahead," Remus said with a smirk.

"I'll consider myself forewarned," James replied dryly, his eyes falling upon a crack in the ceiling molding. "What, pray tell, do you suggest I do instead?"

"Hell if I know. Haven't we already established I know nothing about women?"

"We could really use a female's opinion at this point in time," James pondered, his eyes narrowing skeptically.

"You're thinking Kay, aren't you."

"Well, I'm not thinking Riley," he drawled irritably.

Remus reached for a grey sweater and threw it over his bare chest, shooting a curious look over at his friend. "If anyone would know about being romanced, it would probably be her."

"Feel free to ask her yourself but keep me out of it."

Remus sighed. He could hear Peter let out an irritated sigh as well, though he couldn't be certain if it was because his sleep was being interrupted or because he wanted to know what was going on between Riley and James. "What the hell happened between you two?" Remus murmured.

James chose not to respond.

Remus sighed, heading into the bathroom. "I can see that you won't be answering that question."

"Nope," James muttered, turning to his side and propping himself up by his elbow. "In all honesty, Lily doesn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day so I probably won't be doing anything."

Peter finally thrust his hangings open, sitting upright. "Are you crazy!? That's just asking for a death sentence!"

Remus poked his head out of the bathroom. "Ignore my comment before. _This _is the stupidest thing you've ever come up with."

"What? Lily told me she didn't want me to do anything," James explained with a casual shrug.

Remus and Peter burst into laughter.

"What?" James whined.

"That was a test," Remus explained. "And you failed miserably."

"No, no, I thought it was a test at first, too," James argued defensively, shaking his head. "But she was dead-set on me not doing anything. Seriously, ask her about it. She is not open to the idea of Valentine's Day."

"She's a _girl_," Peter snorted. "She is definitely open to the idea of Valentine's Day, especially if it comes in the form of romantic gifts."

James shook his head. "No, no, no," he disagreed. "It's not that she's not open to the idea of Valentine's Day, it's the fact that she…hm, how do I say this? Oh yeah, she hates Valentine's Day."

Remus laughed. "Again, that was a test and you're seriously failing."

"I'm telling you, it's not a test!" James protested in frustration. "I know her and I know something's up."

Remus shrugged. "Well here's a thought: ask her and not us."

"I did ask her and she wouldn't tell me," James sighed, falling back against his pillow with a whimper. "I-I just don't get why she doesn't want me to do anything for Valentine's Day."

"That's something only she can answer," Remus pointed out.

"Well, maybe I failed her test or whatever, but at least _she _didn't throw a shoe at me," James snickered.

Remus pouted and rubbed his forehead. "Shut up, I still have a bump on my forehead."

"Well maybe you should go talk to her, Mr. You-Think-You-Know-Everything," James pointed out, giving him a look.

"First of all, I do know everything," Remus teased. "Second of all, shut up."

James snorted. "If you knew everything, then you wouldn't have a huge bump on your forehead from your girlfriend's shoe!"

"She's not my girlfriend," Remus pointed out, heading back into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"And she's not even going to be a friend to you if you don't go over to her and straighten this out," James shot back with a haughty grin on his face.

Remus didn't respond, finishing up the brushing of his teeth. He spat into the sink and returned to the bedroom with a reluctant sigh as he slowly headed towards the exit. "Damn women. Why do we like them again?"

"Because of the whole getting-to-have-sex-with-them ordeal?" James suggested with a teasing grin.

"Ahhh right, I knew there was a good reason," Remus snickered. "I'll see you later." He headed out the door while James and Peter laughed over James' last comment.

A few seconds later, Remus opened the door and walked back in.

James arched a curious eyebrow at him.

Remus shrugged, plopping himself back on to his bed with a yawn. "I think she'd throw two shoes at me if I woke her up at eight o'clock on a Saturday morning."

* * *

Three hours later, Remus threw open the door to his room and slammed it behind him, causing both Peter and James to jump up. He pointed his finger at James and glared at him. "Thanks to _you_, I now have a girlfriend!"

James hesitated and turned to Peter. "Something makes me think he's not really thanking me for that."

"_Thanking you_!?" Remus repeated in disgust, placing both his hands on his hips angrily.

"So…are congratulations in order or…or should I just throw you out the window?" Peter snickered.

Remus glared at him. "The latter preferably!" he whined. "Remember my whole speech about not wanting to get involved with someone because of this whole 'I'm a werewolf' thing? Well that just went out the window so I might as well join it!"

"Y'know, Moony, there is this thing called saying 'no' to girls," James snickered. "Granted, Sirius knows nothing about it, but I thought you had more decency than to follow in his footsteps."

"I do have more decency! After the tiny bit of yelling, I apologized, I told her that I liked her, I told her that I wanted to spend Valentine's Day with her…and then somehow, I ended up being roped into asking her to be my girlfriend!" Remus complained, throwing himself on his bed with a groan. "Damn, how do girls do it?"

"Do what?" Peter questioned.

"Go from screaming at a guy to tricking him into asking her out," Remus whined.

James and Peter exchanged looks. "Yeah, most girls _don't _do that," James snickered.

Remus snorted and gave James a look. "It happened with you and Lily," he pointed out. "Granted, that was over…well, _years_, but it still happened!"

"I didn't get tricked, I wanted to," James pointed out.

"Oh, no, no, no, I believe you had to kiss this girl four times, go off and find some girl a.k.a. Kristina in order to get over Lily, befriend her for a month, slap her in the face, and get into a fist fight on Christmas Eve before you even realized you truly wanted to be with her," Remus snickered. "And then somehow she got you to break up with your girlfriend in order for you to date her."

Peter hesitated. "Wow, that girl is good."

James glared at him. "No, no, no, I wanted to break up with Kristina!"

"And I'm sure you wanted to slap Lily and get into a fist fight with her, too, hm?" Remus snickered.

James hesitated. "Wow, that girl is good," he reiterated. "I really do need to do something special for her for Valentine's Day."

Remus groaned. "Damn, now I have to do something special for Valentine's Day. And that was always my day to laugh at you and Sirius for making fools of yourselves."

James grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. "Well, look in the mirror and have a good laugh, buddy. Welcome to the club."

Remus whimpered and let out an irritated scream into his pillow. "I hate the club."

"You'll love it when Jillian starts having sex with you," James teased.

Remus lifted his head from his pillow and grinned. "I love the club."

* * *

"Why does it seem that the only thing on people's minds is Valentine's Day?" Sirius murmured, lying in a loveseat with his feet dangling over one armrest and his back against the other in the common room. Remus and Riley were taking refuge on the couch with their Potions textbooks beside them while Kay was sprawled across the floor furiously finishing her Astronomy chart. Peter was perched at the coffee table trying to charm a candle to hover a few inches off the table.

"Hm, here's a thought: because it's next Saturday?" Kay snickered, stifling a yawn as she attempted to read the star chart in front of her.

"So?" Sirius replied, grabbing a pillow from the couch and proceeding to throw it in the air and catch it repeatedly, his boredom very clearly shining through. "It's not like a huge holiday or anything."

"That's not what you said last year," Remus pointed out, glancing over at Riley's notes. "Or the year before that."

"Don't forget the year before that," Peter added with a laugh.

Sirius held the pillow to his chest and turned to glance at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, c'mon, Sirius," Remus said, shooting his friend a look. "Every year you write a list of all eligible bachelorettes at Hogwarts worth dating and you rank them with different categories, such as beauty, brains, personality, humor, et cetera. This usually takes a few days, for you have to see the girls in action and if they have possibly changed since the last time you talked to them, and you also insist on taking a few of them out to see if they're dating material. The highest ranked girl is the one you end up courting for a Valentine's Day date," Remus explained.

Kay and Riley had appalled looks on their faces.

Kay turned to Sirius and let out a disgusted grunt. "I'm ashamed to call you my friend."

"Well, you wouldn't be saying that if you knew how high you were ranked every year," Sirius teased, winking at her, returning to his previous engagement of throwing and catching the pillow.

Kay hesitated. "How high?"

"I don't know, fourth?"

"_Fourth_? That's it!?" Kay cried out. "Who the hell is above me?"

"Probably me," Riley teased.

Remus snorted. "Actually, you were often number one, but because of that whole him-hating-you thing and vice versa, he never chose to court you."

"She was number one?" Kay whined. "How am I a lower rank than her?"

Riley threw Kay a sideways glance. "Ranking girls is a chauvinistic act done by narrow-minded, perverted pigs, Kay. What does it matter?"

Kay sighed. "Yeah, you're right," she said slowly, slumping down on the couch. "It's because you think Riley's prettier than me, isn't it."

"Kay!" Riley groaned.

"I mean, she's certainly not _smarter _than I am," Kay murmured.

Riley glared at her.

"Right, right, chauvinistic act, perverted pigs. I got it, I got it," Kay muttered with a teasing grin.

Remus snickered and turned back to Sirius. "So have you made your list yet?" he questioned.

Sirius glanced over at him, still playing with the pillow. "What list?"

Remus gave him an irritated look. "have you not been paying attention? The list of eligible girls, you dolt."

Sirius froze, just as the pillow smacked him on the chest unexpectedly. "Nah, I'm over the list. This year, I'm not making a list and I'm not courting anyone."

Remus and Peter both burst into laughter. "Liar," Remus snorted.

"It's your Valentine's tradition!" Peter pointed out. "Well that, and the end-of-the-night sex of course."

Sirius threw the pillow at Peter, smacking him square in the face. "When you actually have sex, then you can make the sex jokes."

Peter pouted.

"And I'm serious about not making a list," Sirius insisted. "It's my last Valentine's Day at Hogwarts and I'm making it special."

"By…um…courting every eligible bachelorette?" Remus asked suggestively.

"_No_," Sirius contended. "By doing nothing."

Remus and Peter exchanged looks. "Yeah, that doesn't sound so special," Remus mentioned.

"Well it will be because unlike you, Remus, I won't be spending all of my money on candy that will be eaten in a day, flowers that will die in a week, or a card that will just be discarded the next day," Sirius shot back.

Remus hesitated. "So what you're saying is you think I should buy Jillian candy, flowers, and a card?"

"Well, considering she threw a shoe at you the other day, that might be a good start," Peter snorted.

"Jillian threw a shoe at you?" Kay said, glancing over her shoulder at Remus with an amused glint in her eye.

"That's another story for another time," Remus murmured. "This is story time for Sirius and his Valentine's Day traditions."

"I'm more interested in Jillian throwing her shoe at you, actually," Kay teased.

"Well then you should also be interested in hearing that when he went to her room this morning to apologize, he got a girlfriend out of it," Sirius snickered, ignoring the glare on Remus' face.

"What!?" Kay and Riley cried out in surprise.

"You have a girlfriend?" Kay squealed.

"Again, we should be focused on Sirius' stories, not mine," Remus mumbled.

"Oh, please tell me it's Jillian," Riley snickered.

"Okay, story time is over!" Remus whined, crossing his arms over his chest with a pout.

"Finally," Sirius muttered.

"No, I meant story time about _me _is over," Remus corrected. "I'm not finished with you."

Sirius rolled his eyes and sat upright in the chair, giving Remus a look. "Why do you care what I do on Valentine's Day?"

"Because it's very unlike you to turn your back on tradition!" Remus cried out. "You love ranking women. It's your favorite pastime! And if I recall correctly, you used to dance around the room when it got close to Valentine's Day singing 'It's time to rank the girls!' over and over again. In fact, I know I'm recalling correctly because it used to interrupt my studying time."

Sirius shrugged. "Well, dance time is over. Singing time is over. Ranking time is over."

"I'll have to see it to believe it," Peter interjected.

"Do you see me dancing? Do you see me singing? Do you see me ranking?" Sirius snapped.

"No, but that's probably because Kay and Riley are here," Remus snorted.

Sirius glared at him. "Okay seriously, story time is over."

"Why are you getting so annoyed, Sirius?" Remus asked curiously. "We're just joking around."

"Well then joking time is over," Sirius emphasized, giving Remus one last a stern look before turning back towards Peter. "Can I have my pillow back? I'm bored."

"And throwing a pillow up in the air and catching it isn't boring?" Riley snickered, glancing over at him out of the corner of her eye with a hint of a smile on her face.

"Look who you're talking to," Sirius indicated, his heart skipping a beat. He wondered if she thought anything about his previous Valentine's Day traditions. He hoped it didn't bother her, but that was more than unlikely.

* * *

James knocked softly on Lily's door that evening, after it took him practically the whole day to work up enough courage to ask her once again about Valentine's Day. After talking with Remus and Peter, he felt as if he had to know whati t was about Valentine's Day that ruffled Lily's feathers so.

Lily opened the door seconds later in a towel, immediately smiling impishly at the sight of her boyfriend. "Hey," she whispered, biting down on her lip in such a sexy way, that James almost felt compelled to not mention Valentine's Day. Almost.

He smiled suggestively as he immediately leaved over to kiss her. When they pulled apart, he gave her a quick onceover. "You should wear towels more often," he declared, grinning his boyish, devilish smile that made Lily's heart skip a beat.

"I don't believe Dumbledore would necessarily appreciate that," Lily giggled, gesturing him in.

"That's probably because he's never seen you in a towel," James teased, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing his lips to hers.

"I have to say, I think I'm thankful for that," Lily laughed, enfolding her arms around his neck as she smiled up at him.

James just laughed, giving her another kiss, letting his lips linger on hers for an extra few minutes.

"So what brings you by here?" Lily questioned, closing the door behind him. "Didn't we make plans to hang out tonight?"

James nodded, biting on his lip guiltily. "Yeah, but…" he trailed off awkwardly, as he took a seat on the end of Lily's bed.

"But what?" she asked. "Do you want to cancel?"

"Oh, no, no, no," James quickly shot down. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" Lily asked in confusion, glancing back at him as she grabbed her hairbrush and stood in front of the mirror on the back of the door, brushing out her curly red hair.

James remained silent, uncertain how to bring it up.

She stopped brushing her hair to turn around and glance at her worrisome boyfriend. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," James muttered.

"Then why do you look like something's wrong?" Lily asked curiously.

James took a deep breath in and let out a sigh. "Because I have a question you're not going to want to hear or answer."

Lily hesitated, slowly placing her hairbrush back on the desk as she turned to face him with a sigh. "It's about Valentine's Day, isn't it…"

James bit down on his lip and saw the desperation in her eye. His heart ached at the pleading in her expression. "You know what?" he said, slowly shaking his head. "Never mind. If you don't want to do anything for Valentine's Day, then I'm okay with that. It's your choice and if you don't want to tell me why you don't want to do anything, I have to trust that."

Lily stared at him in awe, wondering how she got so lucky with him. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

James grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her onto his lap, pressing his lips lightly against her cheek. She smiled and he smiled back. "Okay, I'm wearing a towel so I sorta need to change," she whispered, her lips dangerously close to his ear.

"You can take it off right here. Believe me, I won't mind," James responded, kissing her bare shoulder.

Lily tucked her wet hair behind her ear and melted into the warm touch of his lips against her bare skin. "All in good time, buddy," she whispered, pressing her lips firmly to his.

"Mm," he murmured, pulling her closer to him as he slipped his tongue in her mouth.

She unexpectedly pressed her body against him as the kiss filled with unforeseen passion, their lips locking heatedly as their tongues tangled around each other. Lily eventually had to pull away, gasping for air. "Okay, now I really need to change," she muttered with an unexpected giggle. She started to climb off the bed as James turned over to his side, leaning on the palm of his hand, his elbow holding him up. She headed towards her bureau but as she opened the top drawer, she hesitated. She turned around to face James and slowly shut the bureau behind her, her heart beginning to race.

"What?" he asked fearfully at the look of hesitance in her eyes.

A smile slowly crept on to her lips as she took a careful step towards her face. "Then again," she said very slowly, hesitantly straddling James' lap. "I don't _have _to change."

James' mouth hung open in shock. Up to this point, he and Lily spent most of their intimate private moments in heavy snog sessions where occasionally they both would end up shirtless and James' hands could carress her beautiful breasts underneath her bra. He knew that it wasn't as if Lily hadn't gone further with other guys, mainly her ex-boyfriend Shane, but he preferred to take it slow with Lily. He wanted to treasure every moment with her and be sure that he wasn't putting any unecessary pressure on her. He wanted her to know that he cared so deeply about her that it wasn't always about the physical attraction they had for each other. He enjoyed the moments they shared just talking just as much as he enjoyed the physical moments he had with her. He felt no reason to rush into anything with her because he felt like he had a lifetime to spend with her. And it was very unusual for Lily to make the first move. He clearly underestimated her. "Uh…" was the only thing to come out of his mouth.

Lily chuckled slightly, expecting exactly that response. She knew James was going slow, and not necessarily for her sake, but she also knew she was ready to explore James' body and she was ready for him to explore hers. She wasn't about to go and have sex with James right then and there but there were plenty of other things they could learn with each other in the meantime. She pulled back with an amused smile. "But if you'd like to just go back to cuddling and kissing, I'm could go and change-"

"No, no," James chuckled, wrapping his arms around her back and drawing her close to him. "I-I could get used to this."

Lily laughed and tossed her wet hair gently over her shoulder, pressing her lips softly to his. "That's what I thought," she whispered.

James smiled, a sudden thought crossing through his mind that he was falling in love with Lily, as he reached out and ran his fingers through her hair soothingly. His eyes met hers and he saw confidence and determination staring back at him, knowing that this was indeed what she wanted. He led a trail of kisses down her jawline until he met her moistened lips with his throbbing ones. He slowly slipped a cool hand beneath the crease of the towel and slid it upwards towards her right breast. With a smile of pure adoration, he flipped her on to her back and positioned himself atop her. At the swift switch of positions, the towel started to unravel from her body and slowly slipped down off her succulent breasts. For the first time James was seeing a part of Lily he hadn't before; a part that was more beautiful than he could have imagined. "You are so beautiful," he muttered, bringing both his hands up to caress her breasts, loving how nicely his hands seemed to fit over them.

Lily blushed and let James' mouth trace her neckline, quickly traveling down her neck, to her collarbone and finally to her breasts. He kissed her right breast and Lily arched her back slightly, a moan escaping her lips. James let his tongue glide once more over her nipple before pulling back and staring at the adorable look on Lily's face.

Lily opened her eyes to see James staring at her and at a moment where she felt she should be blushing furiously, was surprised to realize how comfortable this all felt. No matter how self-conscious she felt in bed with James, considering their obvious differences in sexual experience, she felt such a bond between them that it erased her embarrassment and replaced it with lust. "Okay, now this isn't fair," she murmured.

James cocked his head to the side, shooting her an inquisitive look.

"I'm only wearing a towel and you're fully clothed," she whispered.

James grinned impishly. "I think I can change that," he whispered as he threw his sweater over his head on to her floor.

* * *

They both drifted off under Lily's covers, all of their clothes discarded on to the floor. Lily rested her head against James' bare chest, the smile on her face telling it all. Everything was so perfect between them. They were so connected, always one step ahead of the other, knowing what each other was thinking before they could even think it. James knew Lily had been nervous about what might occur between them and he had made sure she was completely relaxed and comfortable before delving into unchartered territory. And Lily stopped being nervous the moment James' lip ran up and down every single inch of her body. He knew every curve, every fold, every crease of her body and provided her with pleasure she had never witnessed before in the past. And the moment she was finished riding her high, she willingly returned the favor with the soothing coaching of James. They both felt truly at ease with each other that evening, letting their mouths do all the talking on behalf of their passionate relationship.

James stirred slightly and peeked open an eye to see that Lily was awake as well. "Hello there," he murmured, holding her tightly against his bare body as if he was afraid if he let her go, she would never return.

"Hi," Lily whispered, biting down on her lip with a smile.

"Now this is all we need to do next Saturday," James teased, kissing her on the forehead. "Nothing else needs to be planned."

Lily stiffened slightly and James felt it. "Actually, I was thinking of spending next Saturday night in the library. I'm expecting to have a lot of work to do," she murmured guiltily, avoiding all eye-contact with him.

"What?" James replied, confused. "We always spend Saturday nights together."

"I-I know, but...uh…like I said, I have a lot of work."

"On a Saturday night?" James accused.

Lily sighed. "What happened to 'it's my choice and I don't have to tell you anything I don't want to?'"

"That was before I found out you were blowing me off, Lily," James muttered, shooting her a look.

"James, I spend every night with you," Lily declared, giving him an equally displeased look. "I'm just planning on spending _one _night in the library next Saturday."

"Yeah, and I'm sure it's just a coincidence that it just so happens to be the night of Valentine's Day, the one night you seem to hate but refuse to tell me why," James mumbled, slowly climbing out of the bed with a frustrated sigh.

"It's none of your business," Lily snapped, bringing the blanket up to hug against her body, suddenly feeling very exposed.

"I'm your boyfriend," James shot back, searching the room for his clothes. "You're supposed to make it my business."

"I don't want to get into this with you!" Lily cried, throwing her arms in the air. "So how about you just leave my room so I can get changed and blowdry my hair?"

"Fine, whatever." James rolled his eyes, hastily throwing on his jeans and sweater before heading towards the door. He paused in the doorway to turn around and face her, a look of hurt and disappointment evident in his expression. "But just remember that you promised me you'd let me into your life the night we got together. Somehow, I believe that you kicking me out of your room because you don't want to discuss a private matter in your life isn't helping you make much progress on that."

He frowned knowingly before letting himself out of her room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Lily sat on her bed, her mouth open, stunned at his final words. She slowly climbed out of bed, her heart aching with the known fact that he was absolutely right. She stood naked in front of her mirror and wondered how someone that could have made her feel so good minutes earlier could somehow turn around and make her feel like a bad person just minutes later.

* * *

**A/N: **Well Lily and James didn't have sex yet but they are definitely well on their way, haha. I hope you liked this chapter. It was rather enjoyable to write. Please tell me what you think!


	10. Of Couples, Advice, & Birthdays

**A/N: **Okay, I'm back with the tenth chapter! I'm not going to be able to update much over the next few months because I've moved down to Washington DC for the summer to work and don't have much time on my hands to write and edit. Don't hate me!

**Disclaimer**: I'm pretty sure if I were J.K. Rowling I wouldn't have an unpaid internship...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 10: Of Couples, Advice, & Birthdays

* * *

Sirius and Riley were walking hand-in-hand down to their usual spot in the dungeon that night, the Marauder's Map safely tucked in the back of Sirius' jeans, but instead of their usual chatty selves, a silence fell between them.

Sirius constantly glanced over at Riley with a frown, noting the distress in Riley's eyes throughout their walk.

"What?" Riley asked.

Sirius was startled to hear the sound of her voice. "Huh?"

Riley smiled slightly. "What do you want?"

Sirius furrowed his brow. "I-I don't want anything."

Riley stopped and reached out to grab his arm. "Sirius, I know you. You keep glancing at me with one of your anxious yet concerned looks which means you want to say something, but you don't want to make me uneasy. So what do you want?"

"Wow," Sirius muttered. "Didn't realize I came off so transparent."

Riley smiled. "You don't. I just so happen to know you well."

"That's a good thing," he urged, smiling back.

"I didn't say it wasn't," she said softly. "Now, seriously, what's on your mind?"

"Well, actually…I was wondering what was on _your _mind," Sirius explained.

Riley cocked her head to the side. "What, are you just repeating me now?" she joked, winking playfully at him.

Sirius shrugged. "You're a smart girl. I could do worse."

Riley smiled and gave him a knowing look. "Flattery, huh? Something is up."

"What, a boyfriend can't flatter his girlfriend?" Sirius teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Sure he can. But you can't."

"I compliment you all the time!"

"And notice when you compliment me, you usually follow with an uncomfortable question or statement?"

Sirius hesitated. "I think you're overanalyzing this."

Riley raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe I just know there's something on your mind."

Sirius scrunched his nose. "No, you're definitely overanalyzing."

"Did you not just call me a smart girl?"

"Damnit, I should have flattered you in some other way. Have I mentioned how sexy you look today?"

Riley smiled, reaching over to kiss him. "Why, thank you," she teased. "Now seriously, what is it? You can tell me."

Sirius ran his fingers hesitantly through his hair, not taking his eyes off of her. Eventually, he sighed. "I'm…I'm sorry about what Remus said this afternoon."

Riley's eyebrows knitted in confusion. "Remus said a lot of things this afternoon considering we hung out in the common room for four hours. I think you may need to elaborate."

"About Valentine's Day," Sirius replied immediately, cringing inwardly.

"Ah," Riley responded. "Sirius, I don't care about that."

He hesitated, his eyes narrowing skeptically. "Er…you don't?"

Riley laughed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, drawing him close to her for a kiss. She pulled away and gave him a smile. "No," she replied. "I know that you weren't exactly Mr. Boyfriend before I came along in December. I know that you've dated around. I know that you don't exactly buy girls candy and flowers when you do date them. I know that Valentine's Day wasn't a holiday about romance for you, that's for sure. And yes, ranking girls is certainly a chauvinistic, cruel act of objectifying women, but again, that's who you were before I met you."

Sirius hesitated. "Wait, was that an insult?"

Riley laughed. "Sirius, I know you weren't exactly boyfriend material before I came along, but that's all just in your past. I can't change your past, Sirius, and I don't want to. I'm just here to change your future."

Sirius stared at her in awe.

Riley laughed. "And hell, I was number one on your ranked list so I can't complain about that."

"And if I ranked again right now, you'd be number one no contest."

"I hope I'd also be number two, and number three, and number four and every number thereafter."

"You bet your ass you are."

Riley grinned. "So go ahead and do your ranking list and your ranking dance and your ranking song, as long as I'm the one you choose in the end."

Sirius scrutinized, "Well, I haven't made the list yet, so I can't really tell you that yet. Lily is actually looking good for the number one spot this year."

Riley slapped his arm. "Oh, and I'm sure James will just hand her over to you on the most romantic holiday of the year," she replied sarcastically.

"That's what I'm hoping."

"Fine, then I guess I'll just have to spend Valentine's Day with Rhett Davies."

Sirius scowled. "Low blow."

Riley laughed.

Sirius grinned, kissing her again. "So if you didn't care about the list, then why have you been so quiet this whole night?"

"I haven't been quiet," she said immediately, shaking her head defensively.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. "Okay, we've already gone over the fact that you know me well, but I too know you better than you think. Riley, you're not a quiet girl. You have never been the quiet girl. In fact, the first adjective people use to describe you is...well, beautiful, but the second is loud!"

"Again with the flattery," Riley murmured.

"Okay, I'll stop," Sirius teased.

"No, no, flattery goes a long way," Riley laughed.

"I told you what was on your mind and I do believe it's your turn."

"What is this, a game?"

_"Riley_," Sirius warned.

"I haven't been quiet," Riley repeated.

"Seriously? We're going to go through the whole 'you know me and I know you' spiel again? I can if you want to but it might just be easier to skip to the part where you tell me what's wrong."

It was meant to make Riley laugh, but she instead frowned, biting down on her bottom lip.

Sirius brushed a st rand of hair from her face and wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her close to him. "Riley, talk to me," he said in a soft voice.

Riley sighed, averting her eyes towards the ground. "Sirius, I hope you know that I don't expect you to buy me anything special for Valentine's Day. In fact, I hope you know I don't expect you to do anything special for me for Valentine's Day."

Sirius was taken aback by her response, looking at her with a curious expression on his face. "Riley, what are you talking about?" he asked. "I _want _to buy you something special for Valentine's Day. I _want _to do something special for you for Valentine's Day."

Riley looked up and glanced at him in confusion. "Really? Why?"

"Because you're my girlfriend! Because that's what boyfriends do! Or so I'm told," he claimed, laughing lightly. "Why don't you want me doing anything for you?"

"It's not that I don't want you to do anything," Riley murmured. "I…I'm just not expecting anything."

Sirius looked at her with an intense look of confusion. "This is the part where you tell me why."

Riley bit down on her lip and turned away from him again, a slight blush creeping on to her cheeks.

"What?" Sirius asked, recognizing the hesitation.

"Er…" she mumbled, uncertain how to respond.

"Yes?" Sirius urged.

"Well…it's just that…I just don't know….well, I'm trying to say that…" Riley stuttered.

"Oh my God, just spit it out," Sirius chuckled, grinning.

Riley sighed. "Do you know what my Valentine's Day tradition has been for the past two years?"

Sirius hesitated. "Getting sick off of endless amounts of candy that all the guys buy you because they're head-over-heels in love with you?"

Riley hesitated. "Well, that's usually my day-_after_-Valentine's Day tradition."

Sirius laughed. "Then what was your Valentine's Day tradition?"

Riley deepened her frown and continued staring at the floor uncomfortably, playing with the ring on her finger. "I found a place in the school where no one was exchanging gifts, or making out incessantly, or repeatedly telling each other they loved one another, and I sat and I…I...I just...I cried. Because it was the one day out of the entire year that I truly felt lonely."

Sirius gave her a sympathetic look and grabbed her hands, causing her to look up in surprise. "Riley," he started slowly, "you don't have to feel lonely anymore because you have me."

Riley stared at him with unintentional guilt and said earnestly, "I know."

"Then…then what's the problem? What do your previous Valentine's Days have to do with me?" Sirius asked in confusion.

Riley stared into his eyes for a few more seconds, a feeling of lost and guilt hidden behind her own eyes before turning away from him, feeling embarrassed about what she was about to say. "Because the second part of that tradition was blaming you for my loneliness and all of my past failed relationships."

Sirius stepped back from her slowly. "What?" he asked in a soft, hurt voice.

Riley quickly continued, guilt surging from within. "After we slept together two years ago and you ditched me for another woman, the thought of being in a relationship scared the shit out of me. I had truly cared about you and I felt as if you just used me and cast me aside. In that moment, I felt as if I would never be able to trust anyone ever again. So at that time, I thought I never cared enough if I was in a relationship again because I was fine with just sleeping around—I thought that was who I was. I thought that it was easier than falling for someone and getting hurt again. I couldn't face the idea of being humiliated and rejected again if I _were _in a relationship. However, on Valentine's Day for the past two years, I had the realization that I-I...I don't know, that if I really wanted to, I could be in a relationship. I could have a guy bringing me flowers and chocolates on the most romantic day of the year if I just allowed a guy to get close to me. And my only reason for _not _letting a guy get close to me was you and our unfortunate incident. Valentine's Day made me realize not only that I could be in a relationship but that maybe I _wanted _to be in a relationship. Perhaps I did want to care about someone and have them care for me. Perhaps I didn't just want to sleep around. Perhaps I wanted someone to bring me those flowers and chocolate and to treat me with romance. But I was so scared of being rejected again. I was convinced you screwed me up for life, Sirius! I hated feeling lonely because that meant I wanted to be dependent on someone else, which isn't like me. I feel even worse for having blamed this all on you. I know it's not you and that it was me and my own fearful insecurities but I didn't want to admit that, so every year on Valentine's Day I would curse the day you were born. I was convinced you were the reason I had turned out the way I had. So...I don't know. It...it just doesn't feel right to turn around and spend the one day where I wished you had never been born actually _with _you!"

Sirius stared at her with a blank face. "You know you're just rambling, right?"

Riley cracked a smile. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

Sirius laughed. "Of course I did. I always listen to what you have to say."

Riley ignored his mushy comment. "So…shouldn't you be mad at me right now for blaming so much bullshit on you?"

Sirius shook his head and gave her a sweet smile. "Nah," he responded. "Because I did the same thing."

It was Riley's turn to start blankly at Sirius. "Huh?"

Sirius laughed and once again wrapped his arms around her waist lovingly. "Why do you think I ran off and slept with someone else barely a week after I slept with you?" Sirius inquired. "Because I, just like you have been, was 100% completely and utterly scared. I wanted to be with you so badly but I had no idea how to be a boyfriend. So I ran off and did a stupid thing. A very stupid thing. A stupid thing I will never forgive myself for. And for the past two years, I've blamed you every single time I ran from a girl after sleeping with her like it was your fault. Like you set me up to be that way," he explained. "However, even though I thought I was blaming you for all of my failures when it came to women, I realized along the way it inevitably turned into admiration."

Riley stared at him in confusion. "Again: huh?"

Sirius grinned slyly, pressing his lips hungrily to hers. "I never wanted to be in a relationship with those women," he explained with a sigh. "I wanted to be in a relationship with you. I admired you so much that no other girl came even close to the standards you upheld in my mind. You were always on my mind, Riley. Every single time I was with a girl, I found myself comparing her to you. Every single time I left a girl in the morning, I thought of you. Every single time I was courting a girl, I thought of you. I wanted to be with you, Riley and now that I am, I could care less about the past."

Riley smiled awkwardly. "You really wanted to be with me for that long?"

Sirius nodded, a red tint perching atop his ears. "Yeah," he admitted. "But after what I did, I knew you wanted nothing to do with me. I never thought you'd want me back. And now that you do, I want to celebrate this holiday with you more than anything. To prove to you how much I truly care for you."

Riley melted into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders and resting her head against his chest. "You're one hell of an amazing guy, Sirius," she whispered. "Sometimes I don't think I deserve you."

Sirius threw back his head and laughed. "Are you kidding? Every damn day, I ask myself how a girl like you could possibly want a guy like me."

"You mean a guy who is one of the most popular, most good-looking, most sincere guys in the whole school? Yeah, who'd want a guy like that," Riley said sarcastically, grinning teasingly.

"This coming from one of the most intelligent, most gorgeous, most down-to-earth girls in the whole school?" Sirius replied with a laugh.

Riley hesitated. "You forgot popular."

Sirius laughed and bent down to press his lips to hers, hugging her tightly to his body as their mouths explored each other's unrestraingly. When they did pull apart, Sirius found himself laughing.

"Word of advice, Sirius: laughing after kissing a girl isn't exactly a compliment," Riley joked.

"I was just wondering how the hell we got from Valentine's Day to each of us blaming each other for our failed relationships in the past two years to complimenting each other's worth?"

Riley bit down on her lip nervously. "Well, I just don't expect you to do anything for me on Valentine's Day because…well, because I was sending out horrible thoughts to you on the past two Valentine's Days! Like seriously horrible thoughts—some even included throwing you off the highest tower at school and making it look like an accident. It just seems a little hypocritical, doesn't it?"

Sirius laughed. "You are so _cute_."

Riley gave him a blank stare. "Didn't realize throwing you off a high tower made me cute. Duly noted for next time."

Sirius laughed again. "Do you know how many times I sent out horrible thoughts to you during the past two years?"

Riley paused. "What are the chances the answer to that is no times?"

Sirius gave her a look of innocence. "Oh honey. I thought you were smart."

Riley laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Okay, so…" she trailed off, uncertain where that left them. "We're good?"

"Of course, and I plan on giving you the best damn Valentine's Day you're ever going to get that you're never going to want to leave me," Sirius responded, giving her an insistent look.

"Well if you're going to give me the best damn Valentine's Day I'm ever going to get, then how are you going to top that next year?" Riley teased.

Sirius hesitated. "I guess I won't be needing you next year then."

Riley shrugged. "Eh, there's a hot guy in Ravenclaw I've had my eye on anyway."

Sirius laughed. "Phew. I was worried you'd never want to be with anyone after me."

Riley smiled. "For the record, Sirius? I don't want to be with anyone else."

"Right back at ya," he whispered, running his lips across her forehead.

She smiled, melting into his touch. "I'm sorry for freaking out, Sirius. Sometimes I'm…I'm just afraid that I don't make a good girlfriend."

Sirius burst into laughter. "Oh please. And I make a good boyfriend?" he snickered. "This is the first time for both of us. We both don't know how this relationship thing is supposed to work. We just do things as they come along. Every couple is different. We're just the couple who has no idea what's going on."

Riley laughed. "Well I'd rather be that couple than the couple who fights all the time."

"Or the couple that continues having an on-an-off relationship that you never know if they're on or off."

"Or the couple that are way too lovey-dovey you want to shoot one of them in the head just to see if the other has the ability to _cry_."

"Or the couple that is spending every single second of their life together you never get to see one without the other."

"Or the couple that never seems to hang out together but they claim they're still in a relationship just so they don't have to be single."

"Or the couple where the guy lives in China and the girl lives in America and they believe that a long-distance relationship will seriously work."

"Or the couple that is so sickeningly dysfunctional they're…well they're James and Lily."

Sirius laughed. "See? We're the couple that makes fun of all other couples."

Riley grinned. "I think I'm getting the hang of this girlfriend thing."

"Good, because I have no idea what I'm doing as a boyfriend."

Riley laughed. "Just kiss me."

"Well that I definitely know how to do."

* * *

"Damnit Moony, your advice sucked!" James complained, throwing open the door the next morning and storming into his friends' dorm.

"Damnit Prongs, why do you always choose to interrupt my sleep!" Peter groaned, turning over in his bed.

James plopped himself on to his bed. "She hates me now!" he cried out.

"_I _hate you now!" Remus grumbled, peeking one eye open. He slowly opened the hangings and glanced at James, half-asleep, half-curious. "But just for my own knowledge, what advice are you talking about? Who the hell is 'she'?"

"No, no, no," Peter interjected with a whimper. "You two can do this male bonding elsewhere! The last time you two droned on talking about your women this early in the morning, I couldn't go back to sleep!"

"You mean, like…yesterday morning?" James teased.

"Yes, and damnit, I don't appreciate you doing it two days in a row!" he whined.

"I couln't agree more," Sirius' voice muttered irritably from the other side of the room.

James was startled that Sirius even bothered to say anything. "Sorry if I could care less what you have to say."

Sirius threw open his curtain. "The last time I checked, I actually live here," he snarled, glaring at James. "So I think I get to have a say on whether or not you have the right to barge into said room at _eight in the morning_."

"And the last time _I _checked, I don't give a shit about whatever say you think you may or may not have," James snapped back, glaring back at Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes and hastily climbed out of bed. "I'm so outta here," he mumbled.

"Fine by me," James murmured, glaring at Sirius the whole way as he strolled out of the room.

Remus snickered, a playful grin on his lips. "Does he realize that he's only wearing boxers and a very see-through white wife beater?"

"Who the hell cares," James murmured, rolling his eyes.

"Seriously, what is going on with you two!?" Remus scowled.

James grunted. "Like I said, who the hell cares?"

"I do! I care!" Remus whined.

Peter poked his head out of his curtains. "Yeah, I-I kinda do, too."

"Oh, go back to sleep," James murmured.

"I'm trying!"

Remus and James both laughed. "Alright, so what's this about me giving you bad advice?" Remus asked with a stifled yawn. He crawled out of bed and headed towards the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"I talked to Lily yesterday," James sighed, falling back against his pillow with a groan.

Remus winced into the bathroom mirror. "I'm assuming that didn't go well?"

"Well…" James said, thinking back to the first part of the night, a smile creeping up on his lips.

Remus glanced at him curiously. "What did you two do?"

James grinned sheepishly. "What didn't we do…"

Remus flew out of the bedroom to stare at James just as Peter shot out of bed. "Wait, _what_?" Peter asked breathlessly, his eyes widening in shock.

"You guys didn't…" Remus trailed off.

James laughed. "No, no," he amitted, shaking his head. "We just did...hm, everything else?"

Remus made a face. "Ew, this is Lily we're talking about. I'd rather not picture her doing-" he shuddered, "-_that..._"

James and Peter both burst into laughter. "Oh, go brush your teeth!" James snickered.

Remus grinned and returned to the bathroom as Peter fell back against his pillow.

"So I'm assuming, or at least I'm hoping she doesn't hate you because of that," Remus teased. "So why, pray tell, does she hate you?"

"I wouldn't say she hates me, per se. Let's just say that she's not particularly fond of me right now," James muttered. "In fact, she threw me out of the room and ditched the plans we made to hang out this afternoon."

"Yeah, that spells out 'not fond of you' alright," Remus snickered. He spit into the sink and walked towards James, leaning against the bathroom doorframe, his toothbrush still in his hand.

"We discussed Valentine's Day again," James murmured. "She doesn't even want to hang out with me next Saturday. She just wants to spend it in the library."

Remus frowned. "She really doesn't like Valentine's Day?"

"Oh, she definitely hates it. With a passion."

Remus hesitated. "Sounds like a blessing in disguise to me."

James' eyebrow arched. "And why is that?"

"Because now you don't have to buy her anything. You don't have to come up with any plans to woo her. You don't have to be extra-romantic in order for her to fall for you all over again. You don't have to think of a cute inscription to write on a mushy card," Remus pointed out, going back into the bathroom. "Damn, I wish I were you right now."

"Except I want to do all of those things. Except for maybe the woo thing considering that word went out in the fifties. Update your slang, dude," James snickered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I'll update my slang when Lily tells you why she hates Valentine's Day."

James pouted, falling back against his pillow with a sigh. "Enjoy using the word 'woo' until you're ninety-years-old."

"So you think I'm going to live until I'm ninety?" Remus asked curiously, heading over to his trunk.

James stared blankly at Remus.

"Hm, I have a feeling that you don't care how old I live to," Remus replied sheepishly, throwing off his night shirt and putting on an undershirt and a sweatshirt over it.

"Ding, ding, ding!" James snickered. "What I want to talk about is how I can get Lily on speaking terms with me again! And that's where you come in. I need your advice."

Remus snorted. "So you come barging into my room at eight in the morning, on a Sunday by the way (you really need to learn how to sleep in) complaining about how my advice sucks and Lily hates you now because of it and now you want _more _advice from me?"

James grinned sheepishly. "I have a feeling you're not going to help me."

"Ding, ding, ding!" Remus laughed, sorting through his pair of pants for his favorite pair of jeans.

James made a face. "Well I can't go to Sirius because I'm not speaking to him and let's face it, Peter is hopeless in these situations-"

"HEY!" Peter's voice cried out from behind his curtain.

"-and I would go to Riley, but again, I'm not speaking to her, and I have a feeling Kay would side with Lily on this one, so you're the only one left," James continued, ignoring Peter completely. He whimpered. "Please help me!"

"Oh, so you're only here waking me up at eight in the morning on a _weekend (_have I mentioned that you need to learn to sleep in) because I'm the only person you can talk to?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Remus groaned. "Damn, why do you have to be speaking to me? Better yet, why am I not siding with Lily?"

"Because you're my best friend."

"Damn, I knew I shoulda made Lily my best friend in our first year," Remus mumbled.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever," James said dismissively. "So let me have it. What's the advice?"

Remus grabbed his jeans contemplatively before shrugging. "I'm afraid I have no idea what to do from here," he admitted.

James scoffed. "Are you freaking kidding me, Lupin? You're supposed to be the logical Marauder!"

"Yeah, well I'm having girl problems of my own," Remus muttered. "I'm the one who needs advice."

"Okay, but does your girl hate you?" James asked. "No? I didn't think so! Which makes my pathetic girl problems trump your pathetic girl problems and therefore you're supposed to help me by giving me advice I'm supposed to take, not have me help you by giving you advice that you probably wouldn't take anyway because, as you have already pointed out, I'm hopeless with women! So damnit, Moony, give me advice about my pathetic girl problems!" He exhaled loudly, breathing for the first time throughout that entire rant.

Remus stared at him.

James shrugged. "I'm not entirely sure what I just said," James snickered.

"Maybe we should try to figure out our girl situations out on our own…" Remus suggested.

James sighed. "That's your solution?"

"You got a better one?"

He frowned. "Damnit, I guess I'm on my own." He slowly climbed off his bed, heading towards the door.

"You're going to go talk to Kay now, aren't you?"

"Oh totally," James said with a grin.

* * *

"Still, you have to admit that you and Sirius have been a whole lot nicer than I've ever seen you, Riley," Kay murmured, leaning back in Lily's desk chair that Sunday afternoon. "It's as if you two almost enjoy each others' company."

Riley shrugged from her position on the floor. She was leaning up against the edge of Lily's bed with an old _Witch Weekly_ in her lap. "So what if we get along? Maybe we've resolved our issues."

Kay snorted. "I doubt it."

Riley gave her a look before returning to the fashion ads.

"Don't give me that look. You two have made it very apparent these past two years that you wanted nothing to do with each other. Then you leave for Christmas break while he stays here, and _boom_, you're back to being civilized human beings? I didn't think you two knew the meaning of the word 'civilized' when in each others' presence," Kay pointed out with a smirk.

"First of all, I've always been a civilized human being. He's the one that hasn't," Riley murmured.

"Somehow calling Sirius a doodyhead last Halloween doesn't sound very civilized to me."

"He wanted to dress like a potato because it's his favorite vegetable! What was I supposed to call him?" Riley whined.

"A moron? That's what the rest of the school usually calls him," Kay said with a grin.

"Why are we still talking about this anyway? Isn't this old news?" Riley mumbled, flopping her head hard against the back of the bed with a groan. She turned around to face Lily who was lying haphazardly across her bed with her arms buried in her pillow. "Lily, tell Kay to let it go."

Lily didn't respond, her gaze fixated on the peeling wallpaper in the corner of her room.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Yo, Lily, have you heard anything we've said in the past twenty minutes?"

Lily lifted her head up from her pillow and turned to face Riley. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Well I think that answers your question," Kay murmured, arching a curious eyebrow.

"Sorry, I'm just distracted," Lily muttered, sighing as she slowly sat up in her bed with a contemplative look in her eye.

"From what?"

"What else but Valentine's Day," Lily murmured. "The only thing that seems to be on the minds of everyone at this damn school."

"That's because this school craves romance just like Romeo and Juliet did," Riley murmured.

"Romeo and Juliet didn't crave romance," Lily pointed out. "That whole play was just a sexist view about the journey of two people attempting to find love within feuding families and ultimately choosing suicide under the belief that death is better than not being with the one you love. That's not romantic, that's just plain stupid."

"Ouch, what did Shakespeare ever do to you?" Kay joked.

"Ugh, it's just this whole Valentine's Day idea," Lily murmured in irritation. "I mean, what's the big deal anyway? It's just a stupid holiday for the chocolate companies, the jewelry stores, the florists, and especially the card companies. Why does there need to be a holiday for you to spend _forced _time with your loved one?"

"Damn, tell us how you really feel," Riley said, lifting her gaze out of _Witch Weekly _to scrutinize her friend.

"If you feel so strongly about this, then what, pray tell, are you planning on doing next Saturday?" Kay questioned.

"I'll be in the library of course," Lily replied immediately.

Kay's eyes narrowed in bewilderment, meeting Riley's curious eyes. "She's not serious, is she?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Of course I am."

"But it's Valentine's Day and you have a boyfriend," she pointed out dryly."

"Yes, I'm quite aware of that. I'll still be in the library," Lily insisted.

Kay and Riley exchanged another set of confusing looks. "So you're going to study a bunch of books, write a few essays, read a few textbooks, and cram your brain full of useless information while everyone else around you will be making kissy faces to their boyfriends or their crushes?" Riley questioned.

"That's the plan."

"I'm pretty sure that's not what St. Valentine intended to make this holiday about," Riley said with a smirk.

"And I'm pretty sure St. Valentine didn't intend for February 14th to be a holiday at all named after him," she shot back.

Riley frowned, sensing foreboding in her cautious tone. "Why are you getting so worked up about this?"

"I'm not getting worked up. I just don't see what the big deal is."

"You are so not a girl," Riley teased.

"No, I just so don't care," Lily muttered irritably. "Valentine's Day to me is like…I don't know, is like _Arbour _Day to you."

"What? I like Arbour Day! It's my favorite holiday!" Riley argued.

Lily gave her a look. "If you can tell me what Arbour Day celebrates, I'll give you my black sequined top you have been eyeing up since I bought it."

Riley hesitated. "Er...I want to say something to do with boats."

"And I want to say you're a moron."

Kay couldn't help but chuckle, casting Riley a look of amusement. "Boats? That sounds like something Sirius would guess. Man, you two really _are _spending way too much time together."

"Maybe I'm spending too much time with you. Why don't you go hang out with your other friends?" Riley whined, making a face. She sighed. "Oh who am I kidding, all you've got is us."

"Oh gee, some friend," Kay replied dryly. "I think it's about time to get new ones."

"Please, don't let us stop you," Riley teased.

Kay glared at her.

She grinned, turning her gaze back on Lily. "So, Lily, what does James think of you wanting to hang out in the library on Valentine's Day?"

"He's probably secretly thrilled," Lily lied. "Now he doesn't have to bother buying me anything or making sure I have a romantic Valentine's Day."

Riley frowned, recognizing the tension in her best friend's voice. "Lily, the guy pined after you for six years," she sighed. "I guarantee that he wants to buy you something and I know for a fact that he wants to make sure you have a romantic Valentine's Day. It's probably been his dream to spend this day with you and now that he gets the opportunity, you really sure you want to break his tiny heart by telling him you don't want to do anything?"

"Oh, this isn't going to break his heart," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Don't be so overdramatic."

"I'm not being overdramatic," Riley urged with a shrug. "Just because most guys prefer not to get all over-romantic doesn't mean that James doesn't want to do that for you on Valentine's Day."

"That's exactly what it means!" Lily snorted. "Guys prefer not having to be romantic. In fact, I'm pretty sure they enjoy doing stupid things."

"I don't think they _enjoy_ doing stupid things, per se," Kay interjected, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "I think it's just their human nature."

The girls couldn't help but laugh at the validity of that statement. "Hm, that's probably true," Lily chuckled. "Still doesn't mean they like being romantic."

Riley shrugged. "I guess it depends on the guy," she murmured.

Lily hesitated, glancing at Riley with a curious glint in her eyes. "Well, _you_ know James, Riley…" she said timidly.

"You mean the guy who I've known since we were in diapers? The guy whose first word to me was 'ew, cooties?' The guy who I taught how to burp the alphabet at age five? The guy who ganged up on me with my brothers to play pranks while growing up? The guy who did a little twirly dance when he got his Hogwarts letter? The guy who told me you were the biggest bitch on the planet while still secretly pining for you?" Riley snickered. She paused. "Nope, I don't think I know him."

Lily gave her a look. "A simple 'yes' would have sufficed."

Riley grinned flippantly. "What do you want to know?"

She shrugged. "Do you think he's the kind of guy that wants to be romantic?"

Riley pondered that question, knowing that the only person that James Potter would want to remotely be romantic with was Lily Evans. Slowly, she turned around to face her friend's curious gaze. "I think romance is something James isn't particularly accustomed to," she explained. "But with you, I think he wants to change that. He's never had a girlfriend before who he feels the desperate need to please in every way possible in order to earn the respect he's always wanted. And that includes getting to be romantic on Valentine's Day. He just wants to prove to you that he's not the same prat he used to be towards you in the past."

"I think we moved past that the moment I agreed to date him," Lily murmured, a smile edging on the ends of her lips.

Riley shrugged. "He's just looking to impress you, Lily. That's all. So I don't see why you're not letting him do so."

She frowned curiously. "He...he tries to impress me?"

"Of course he does," Riley agreed immediately. "He fancied you for years, Lily, and you barely gave him the time of day. You had impressed him way back in your first year when he realized that you weren't just some girl who was going to let a Potter edge you out in all aspects of life like everyone else was seemingly doing considering his surname was well-known and respected in the wizarding world. You challenged him in classes, you called him out when he was being an arrogant prick, you scolded his pranks instead of praise them like everyone else, you went head-to-head with him when you knew he was wrong, you didn't fall at his feet like he expected you to, and you were pretty much the only girl in this school who wasn't swayed by his good looks and charms. In other words, he was impressed by your every move to be bold and stand out. So now he just wants to try and do the same with you. He knows that he deserves someone like you. He's just not so sure he deserves someone like you."

Lily nodded pensively, feeling surprisingly flattered and yet overwhelmed by the truth in Riley's words. Because while he was convinced he didn't deserve her, every day Lily wondered what she had done to deserve him. She chose to change the subject. "Well, I think I impressed him a little last night," she murmured, her frown slowly turning into a sly grin.

Kay and Riley exchanged curious glances, recognizing the suggestive tone in Lily's voice. "And exactly what do you mean by that?" Kay demanded, her eyebrow arching curiously.

Lily smiled, a hint of pink flushing her cheeks as she thought back to the night she shared with James. "Let's just say that, Riley, you're sitting in the exact spotspot where all of James' clothes were," she said with a nervous chuckle.

"Uh, yeah, we are going to need more details now," Kay squealed, jumping up from the desk chair and bouncing on to the bed beside her friend.

Riley jumped up from the floor as well, her nose scrunched up as she let out a whimper. "Okay, I just realized I don't want to be sitting where James' clothes were because that meant he was naked and in bed with you and, ew, I've known that kid since he was born."

Lily giggled. "I probably know him a little better than you do now."

"I repeat: ew."

Kay laughed. "Well you might not want to hear it, Riley, but Idefinitely do," she urged.

"Oh no, I definitely want to hear it. I'm just going to have to pretend we're talking about…hm…George Clooney," she contemplated, perching on the edge of Lily's bed beside her.

A laugh escaped Lily's lips. "Okay, well when James knocked-"

"Ahem, George."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Alright, when _George _knocked at my door, I had just gotten out of the shower so I was only wearing a towel. One thing led to another, my towel was off, his clothes were off, and...well, let's just say this Innocent Head Girl isn't so innocent anymore."

"Holy Merlin, You're not saying that-"

"Oh, no, we didn't have sex," Lily quickly corrected before Kay could finish. "We just did...well, everything else."

"Oh my God," Riley said with an overdramatic sigh. "We've totally corrupted you."

"So how was it?" Kay asked, her eyes lighting up.

Lily smiled, blushing once again. "It was...perfect," she said softly, her heart thumping with adoration against its chest walls. "James was-"

"George!"

"-was perfect," Lily finished, ignoring Riley. "The guy definitely knows what he's doing."

"Be thankful for all of those women in his past," Kay said with a teasing grin.

Lily glared at her.

"Hm, something tells me I shouldn't have brought that up."

Lily laughed, shrugging. "Whatever. I don't care that he's been with so many people in the past. Did that make me nervous at first? Hell yeah. He's been with tons of girls and I've only ever been with _one_. And even then, Shane and I did nothing even remotely compared to what James and I-"

_"George!"_

"-shared last night. It just felt...right," Lily whispered. And suddenly she was realizing how big of an idiot she had been to James the night before. He made her feel so good about herself, in ways she never imagined possible, both physically and emotionally and she ripped it all apart. He had been right. She was still hesitant to let him into her life. But after the intimacy that they witnessed with each other the night before, there was no reason for her to continue being so wary with James. She needed to trust him. More importantly, she just needed to trust herself with him. Because he hadn't given her any reason not to.

"Well, I'm happy for you both. You guys really do belong with each other," Riley said with a satisfied smile. "So I'm thinking of dying my hair."

Both Kay and Lily stared at her blankly. "That's _kinda _what we were talking about," Kay drawled sarcastically.

"I've always had the exact same hair color and style since I could remember! I want a change."

Lily blinked. "So…we're done talking about me then?"

Riley shrugged. "I don't want to think of you with George Clooney. I call dibs on him, by the way."

Kay snorted. "Okay, Riley, if we ever run into George Clooney in our daily lives, then I will back off and hand him to you."

"I'm sensing sarcasm," Riley said, sticking her tongue out at her best friend.

"Aw, is that how you would greet your future husband George Clooney?" Lily snickered.

"Well, there _would_ be tongue involved," Riley said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

* * *

Lily knocked softly on James' door late that night,a sinking feeling of guilt lodged in the pit of her stomach.

When James answered the door, it was obvious to Lily that he had been tossing and turning in his bed. His clothes were disheveled, his eyes had bags lining them, his hair was sticking up in odd directions (more so than usual) and he was trying to stifle a yawn. "Oh, hey," he greeted softly. "I was...I was hoping you might stop by."

They both stood in the doorway uncomfortably, neither sure what to say next, before James finally gestured her into his room. She obliged, perching at the edge of his bed with a sigh. James slowly took a seat beside her, instinctively wrapping his arm around her as she placed her head gently on his shoulder like she was so often used to.

Eventually James spoke. "Lily, I'm sorry for being so-"

"No," Lily interrupted immediately.

When she didn't continue, James turned to look at her with an amused smile. "Er...was there more to that 'no?'"

Lily cracked a smile, looking up at him. "You shouldn't be apologizing."

"But I want to."

"Well, I'm not going to let you."

James hesitated, confusion sparking in his eyes. "So…I don't have a say in this?"

Lily shook her head, her smile playful against her expression. "James, you were right," she murmured.

"I KNEW IT!"

Lily shot him a look.

"I mean, about what, honey?"

"I do hate Valentine's Day," she sighed reluctantly. "I mean, I _really _hate it."

"I KNEW IT!"

Lily glared at him.

"I mean, that's so sad. Why, honey?"

Lily rolled her eyes, suppressing the urge to laugh. "Y'know, just because you add a 'honey' to the end, doesn't make it sincere."

James hesitated. "What are you talking about, honey?"

Lily nudged him with her shoulder, a laugh escaping her lips. "Good Godric, you make me so happy, y'know that?"

Relief filled his heart as he leaned over to press his lips to hers. "I think that's supposed to be a good thing," he teased.

She nodded, her smile slowly wavering. "James," she said softly. "I'm…I'm ready to tell you why I hate Valentine's Day."

He reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear with a knowing smile. "Lily, that's really not necessary," James mollified, shaking his head. "As much as I want you to be able to share every single aspect of your life with me, I also understand that it's hard for you to do so at times. You've been through a lot. More than people at your age should ever have to deal with. And while I look at you and see this strong and confident woman in front of me who could take the world on in an instant, I know that inside, you're really just like everyone else in this world: scared of the future and afraid of letting go of the past. I don't want to force anything out of you just because I feel like I have some sort of right as your boyfriend."

She smiled at him, draping her legs over his lap as she leaned over to kiss him. "How do you do that?" she whispered.

He kissed her back, framing her face with his hands as their tongues explored one another. "Do what?" he asked in between kisses.

Her hands made their way into his messy hair as she tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth. She slowly pulled back, locking eyes with him. "Make me feel so unbelievably comfortable in a moment where I was just feeling so scared and helpless? How...how do you do it?"

He ran his fingesr through his hair, his eyes not straying from hers. "Because you mean everything to me," he said bluntly. "And I never want you to feel scared and hopeless around me. _Never_."

She smiled timidly at him. "I don't," she whispered. "I...I told you when we first got together that I was going to let you into a part of my life that I've never let _anyone _into before. And I meant it. But...but that part of my life is what makes me feel so scared and helpless and...and _alone_. So unfortunately the first time a part of that life came up, I didn't know to not act scared or helpless or alone. It's always been second nature for me to keep that life separate from my Hogwarts life and I guess I'm still learning how to merge the two. But I want to with you. You deserve that much."

"I don't deserve anything you don't want to tell me," he whispered.

"I know. But I want to tell you," she urged.

Slowly, he nodded. "Alright. Tell me why you have an aversion to Valentine's Day."

Lily took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, her eyes still fixated on his curious ones. Eventually, she spoke. "February 14th is my birthday."

James stared at her, his eyes narrowing in confusion. "What?"

Lily found herself cracking a smile. "My birthday is this Saturday. As in February 14th. Valentine's Day."

James blinked. _"What?"_

Lily smiled sheepishly. "You heard me."

"But…but your birthday is in July," he said slowly.

Lily looked at him curiously. "Did Riley tell you that?"

James nodded.

Lily sighed. "When they first asked me about my birthday, I blurted out that my birthday was in the summer because I knew I wouldn't be with them and therefore, I wouldn't have to deal with them surprising me with…with a party or gifts or something."

"But…why? I mean, why wouldn't you tell your friends about your real birthday? Why wouldn't you want a party or gifts?"

Lily stared down at her hands awkwardly, thinking back to her childhood. "Because my birthday reminds me of my mother. And on a day where I should be happy, all I ever am is...well, sad."

Realization sunk into James as he reached out and pulled Lily tightly to him, kissing her forehead. "Oh, Lily," he whispered for lack of anything better to say.

Lily continued. "My birthday never seemed to be a big deal because Valentine's Day always managed to overshadow it when I was a kid. I mean, you tell a bunch of children that it's the day to eat tons of chocolate and they tend to tune out the fact that their classmate just so happens to be celebrating her birthday on the same day. So…so my mother would always spend the whole day with me, even if it was a school day. She'd pull me out of school and we would do anything I wanted. One year we went to the zoo. Another year we went ice skating. She took me to the movies and out for ice cream and showered me with gifts and told me about the day I was born. It always just made me feel really special," Lily explained softly, trying to furiously blink the tears now resting in her eyelids away. She frowned. "After she died, I just…I just couldn't bear the idea of spending my birthday without her. It no longer felt special. It was my mother who made me feel that way and...and she was gone." She slowly met his gaze and saw such adoration and sympathy flickering in his hazel eyes that it made her feel slightly more comfortable talking about all of this to him.

He buried his lips in her hair and didn't say anything. Lily was grateful that he didn't. She still had some explaining to do. "Valentine's Day was never a holiday in my mind, James. It never meant a single thing to me. And...and I feel like I would be such a hypocrite for celebrating it now just because I have a boyfriend. And I don't want to celebrate my birthday either because I've been fine not celebrating it for the past six—no, _ten_ years after my mother died. I feel like I can't celebrate it without her. I just want to do what I've always done on February 14th: sit in the library and busy myself with work. It's the…it's the only thing that makes me not think about any of it. It's the only thing that helps me forget."

James watched her face cloud over as she played with her fingers awkwardly and he never felt more helpless than he did at that moment. So he did the only thing he could think of and embraced her tightly to his body and kissed the top of her head. "I hope you know that you'll always be special to me, Lily," he whispered.

Her heart soared at the desperation in his tone, the tears she dad tried so hard to suppress now slipping frantically down her cheeks. She let out a choked sob as she cried into his T-shirt. "I'm so thankful to have you in my life, but..." she whispered, her bottom lip trembling as she trailed off.

"But it doesn't change what happened," he finished her silent brooding for her. "I know that, Lily. Nothing will ever make you forget your past and I will never try to make you forget. You shouldn't want to forget it. It's always going to be a big part of who you are."

Lily sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "It's not that I want to forget. It's that...it's that it's so difficult wanting to remember," she mumbled. "Because while I can sit here and tell you I remember all of the good times we shared, the only thing I ever feel like I'm going to remember is that I lost my family."

James kissed her forehead, wrapping his arm tightly around her waist and hugging her body to his. "Just because you lost your parents and sister doesen't mean you lost your family, Lils," he whispered. "You have Riley and Kay. And Sirius and Remus and Peter. And you have me. You will _always_ have me. You have friends that love and care about you and I know it's not the same. It will never be the same. But it's pretty damn close."

Lily frowned, letting out a reluctant sigh. "I should tell Riley and Kay."

"What? How…did…when…huh? That wasn't where I was going with that, Lily," James said with a teasing smile.

Lily managed to let out a weak smile. "I know," she replied. "But you're right. They're the closest thing I've got to family and I shouldn't be keeping secrets from them. I've kept them in the dark for far too long as it is."

James smiled sympathetically, nodding. "It's up to you, Lily. Please don't do it because you feel like I pushed you into it."

"I know. I'm not. I'm doing this for me," she murmured, nodding slowly. "Do you think they're going to hate me?"

James contemplated the question. "They might be a little…hm...overwhelmed at first. Maybe feel slightly betrayed. Definitely confused and probably hurt. Slightly angry, a bit heartbroken, shocked and in dismay-"

"Are you trying to convince me _not _to tell them? Because it's working," she whined.

He laughed, kissing the side of her face. "They will eventually understand and they will be there for you however you need them to be."

The smile on Lily's face came so easily. "I have the best boyfriend," she whispered, pressing her lips to his.

James grinned as their lips danced lightly against one another's. "Could you possibly say that to Remus? He thinks I know nothing about women or relationships."

Lily laughed. "I'll make sure to slip into the conversation the next time," she teased, slowly maneuvering herself so she was straddling her boyfriend. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, his lips instinctively pressing against her bare neck. "So you're sure that you're okay with not doing anything for Valentine's Day?" Lily whispered.

James reluctantly pulled his lips away from her neck to look at her, smiling with understanding. "You do whatever you want next Saturday, Lils," he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. "We'll celebrate our relationship some other day. In fact, we'll celebrate our relationship _every _other day.

She kissed his nose with a grin. "And for that, I'll mention you're the best boyfriend twice to Remus the next time I run into him," Lily chuckled, wrapping her legs around his waist and letting them sprawl back on to his bedssread.

He chuckled, his hands perched dangerously at the back hem of her sweater. "I knew I liked you for a reason," he teased, watching her shiver at his cold touch. Slowly, the sweater was pulled over Lily's head and fellt to the floor beside them.

"Thank you for understanding, James."

"Thank you for telling me, Lily," he whispered, his lips kissing her cleavage.

February 14th was soon forgotten as they fell back against James' bed with twin moans.

* * *

**A/N: **Well now you know why Lily hates Valentine' Day. I knew someone who this happened to which is why I decided to add this element into my story. She lied to everyone about her birthday because it fell on Valentine's Day and her mother would let her play hooky as a kid. But her mother died of cancer when she was really young and for some reason, it was easier telling people her birthday was in July than on February 14th due to the sentiment her birthday provided her. Anywho, one of my favorite scenes is coming up in the next chapter. Please review!


	11. Of Jillian, Aliens, & Pumpkin Juice

**A/N: **Okay, I'm a bad person. it's taken me exactly a month to update and I apologize for the delay! I've been super busy at work and I am just now finding time to read over the chapter, make the necessary changes, and update. DON'T HATE ME! Just be happy that this is finally here! Please tell me what you think!

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, yeah, I'm not J.K. Rowling and super rich. I'm just me working for a living trying to scrounge up enough money to pay for the necessities.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 11: Of Jillian, Aliens, & Pumpkin Juice

* * *

"I don't wanna get up," Sirius mumbled early the next morning as Remus attempted to drag him out of bed.

"I realize that but we have class," Remus pointed out, continually slapping Sirius with his pillow.

"School is so unnecessary," Sirius groaned.

"If I recall, school is where we learn stuff so that we may have successful futures," Remus explained with a smirk.

Sirius snorted, pulling his own pillow over his head to drown out Remus' voice. "Eh, let's face it. I'm not going to have a successful future if I pay attention in class or not. My future is probably dependent on James until the day I die…or he dies, whichever comes first. Hopefully him, though, because I'm kinda partial to my life," Sirius mumbled with a smile, groaning as Remus whacked him on his back with the pillow. "Damnit, stop hitting me!"

"But if he dies you'll have no one to depend on," Remus pointed out, tossing his pillow back on to his own bed when he saw it was a lost cause.

"Good Godric, why must you be so logical so early in the morning?" Sirius groaned.

Remus sighed, grabbing his wand and jabbing it into Sirius' side, grinning when Sirius squirmed from being ticklish. "Sirius, I am not going to make any more excuses on your behalf when McGonagall demands to know why you are not in class."

"Eh, then don't. She'll just give me detention and I'm kinda used to that by now," he muttered, throwing his pillow off of him and slappiny Remus' wand away. "Okay, don't think that the moment I'm fully awake I won't start poking you with my wand and throwing pillows in _your _face. Just warning you ahead of time."

"Bathroom's free!" Peter cried out, knowing perfectly well Sirius didn't care.

"Oh look, the bathroom's free! And Merlin knows you need to brush your teeth. I can smell your breath from here," Remus groaned, grabbing Sirius' blankets and tossing them to the side. "C'mon, hurry up, will ya? I'm supposed to be meeting Jillian in fifteen minutes."

"Well then _go_," Sirius murmured, glaring at his friend. "No one's stopping you!"

"If I leave you be, then you will be in this same damn position when I come back after _dinner_ tonight," Remus complained, shooting him a look.

"And you have now stumbled across the reason why I want you to _go_."

"SIRIUS!"

Before Sirius could once again argue, the dorm door swung open and slammed against the wall, startling all three boys. James stood in the doorway with a huge grin on his face. "HAH!" he cried out, pointing his finger at Remus with glee shining in his eyes. "I _do _know women and I _do _know relationships!"

His three friends all stared at him with confused, blank looks on their faces.

Remus eventually sighed. "It's early in the morning. I believe we need more elaboration to comprehend exactly why you look so bloody giddy."

James' grin turned into a haughty smirk. "I talked to Lily yesterday and everything is totally fine. I fixed it all by myself without the help of anyone else. And as I recall, Remus, you claimed I was hopeless and knew nothing about women _or _relationships. I have proven you wrong, m'friend!"

All three boys let out a simultaneous snort, followed by Remus sighing. "Oh please. You still don't know anything about women or relationships."

"I do, too! Didn't you hear me? I fixed it!" James grinned, doing a little dance in the doorway.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Five galleons says he screws it up with Lily this afternoon and needs your advice again," he muttered, shooting Remus a knowing look.

"Five galleons says you're an asshole," James snapped back, crossing his arms bitterly. He glanced over at Remus and Peter. "Someone owes me five galleons."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That's the best you got?"

"Oh, just get out. I'm not here to talk to you," James scowled.

"I'm thinking you can't barge into my room and then tell me to get out. Last time I checked, it doesn't work like that," Sirius snapped, slowly crawling out of his bed.

"How come you get out of bed for him?" Remus whined to himself, plopping reluctantly on to the edge of Sirius' bed with an exasperated sigh.

"And the last time _I _checked, you were a _jackass_!" James shouted at Sirius, ignoring Remus completely.

"Then check again because I'm pretty sure you're wrong," Sirius snarled, shooting his ex-best friend a glare.

James pretended to ponder the question, pensively narrowing his eyes before shrugging. "Alright, I checked again and…and yep, you are definitely a jackass."

Sirius snorted. "How mature."

"You both are acting very immature if you ask me," Remus interrupted with a scowl. "Just forgive each other and move on because I'm tired of the fighting, and the insults, and the fighting, and the avoiding each other, and the fighting, and the glares, and…" Remus paused and turned to Peter. "Am I missing anything?"

"The fighting?" Peter snickered.

"Ah, right, that too," he muttered, turning back towards James and Sirius, who were too busy glaring at each other to even acknowledge Remus' words. "So seriously, give it up because I guarantee we're all tired of this nonsense. Until you bother filling us in on this ridiculous feud, you don't get to scream at each other in _my _room. learn to coexist!"

"It's not even _his _room so he shouldn't even be here," Sirius snarled, his eyes still fixed on James.

"Oh, go to hell, Sirius," James snapped before whirling around and whisking out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Sirius rolled his eyes, slowly trudging into the bathroom.

"So…did all James want to say was brag he does in fact know about women and relationships?" Peter questioned curiously.

Remus sighed, rubbing his temples impatiently. "Who knows?"

"Who cares," Sirius muttered before shutting the bathroom door behind him.

Remus sighed again and looked over at Peter. "I really hate that those two are fighting," he muttered.

Peter nodded, searching his desk for his Transfiguration textbook. "I know. It seems so out of character for them. Those two don't fight. Ever. The last time they fought was back in December when they were fighting about Lily and Kristina."

Remus nodded, frowning. "And before that it was..." he trailed off.

Peter met Remus' gaze. "A year and a half ago after the fallout of what happened with Snape."

Remus didn't give a response, merely blinking his frustration.

"It's been a week and neither are even close to relenting," Peter continued hastily, not wanting to dredge up the past.

"And neither of us will anytime soon," Sirius snapped, slipping out of the bathroom and slipping over to his trunk. "So just stop asking us about it."

"Technically I didn't ask. I speculated," Peter pointed out.

Sirius glared at him. "Well stop speculating as well," he muttered irritably. He grabbed a pair of school robes and smelled them. "Are these mine?" he murmured curiously, glancing at the size.

"Oh, just put them on and let's _go_," Remus muttered, reaching for his school bag and impatiently hovering by their door.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You just want to get down to breakfast to meet your dearly beloved."

"I want you to get dressed so that I can go eat something before Transfiguration," Remus muttered, ignoring the pink that flickered at the top of his ears out of slight embarrassment.

Sirius rolled his eyes, throwing the robes on whether they were his or not. "How are things going with Jillian?" he asked with a teasing grin, knowing Remus clammed up every time Jillian was mentioned. over the past couple of days, Remus was quick to change the subject every time the topic of Jillian popped up. It's not that he didn't like talking about her, but he still felt slightly concerned with the situation he had put himself in. He enjoyed spending time with her but it was hard not feeling a sinking sensation in the bottom of his heart when he realized how much he was keeping from her.

Remus glared at Sirius. "It's been two days," he replied dryly.

"Hey, that's longer than most of _my _relationships have lasted!" Sirius teased, his eyes flitting to his desk curiously.

"Your wand is on the floor," Remus pointed out, his tone on the verge of irritable.

Sirius grinned.

"Has anyone seen my Herbology notes?" Peter asked.

"Merlin of Agrippa, you two are testing my patience!" Remus groaned.

Peter hesitated. "So was that a no?"

Remus glared at him.

"Good Godric, we're going as fast as we can," Sirius said sheepishly, tossing his wand into his back pocket. "If Jillian gets ticked off by you showing up a few minutes later, then-"

"This isn't about Jillian!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm sensing that you don't want to talk about her."

"Good call," he scoffed, leaning up against the doorframe. "Peter, you were in the library yesterday with your Herbology notes. I bet they're in your bag."

Peter sifted through his bag while Sirius stuffed his textbooks into his own bag.

"Seriously, go slower. It's not like my stomach needs nourishment before class or anything."

Sirius snorted and turned to Peter. "That's code for I'm late to meet with Jillian," he half-whispered across the room.

Remus glared at him.

"What!?" Sirius whined, throwing his hands in the air, as he slid past Remus and led them out of the room. "I don't get it. You have a girlfriend and you are clarly eager want to meet her at breakfast. Yet you don't want to talk about her whenever one of us brings her up. What gives?"

"Yeah, you're always so testy when we bring her up," Peter added in agreement.

Remus glared at the two of them as he descended the stairs. "This coming from two people who are _not in relationships."_

Sirius suppressed the urge to smile as he said, "That has nothing to do with it."

"You don't get to hound me about my relationship when you have no idea what a relationship entails," Remus snapped.

"Who's hounding?" Sirius snorted. "We're merely asking our friend a question! Jeez, is it your time of the month?"

Remus glared at him.

"Er...as in the full moon," he said sheepishly.

"It's Monday. I'm irritable on Mondays."

"I think it's safe to say you've surpassed irritable and gone straight into bitch mode about two minutes ago."

"I'm hungry! Haven't we gone over this already?"

"No, we've only gone over the fact that you're eager to meet Jillian."

"Stop bringing up my relationship with Jillian! I never want to be in one, remember? This is all James' fault!"

"Well, I'm glad we agree that everything at fault should be blamed on James," he snickered. He suddenly stopped at the bottom of the stairwell when a realization hit him. "Oh my God," he murmured to himself, a sly smile on his face. He gazed over at Remus. "Oh my _God_."

Remus blinked, glancing curiously at Peter to see if he knew why Sirius suddenly looked to mischievous. "What?" Remus questioned cautiously.

"You really like her," Sirius explained with a respectul glint in his eye.

Remus stared at him incredulously. "Well, yeah, I _am _in a relationship with her," he said sarcastically.

Peter snorted. "You don't have to like a girl to be in a relationship," he claimed. "Sirius is a prime example of that."

Sirius shot Peter a look. "Not now, this is grilling Remus time."

"No, this is can-we-get-to-breakfast-before-_night_-falls time," Remus muttered, rolling his eyes.

Sirius ignored Remus' very obvious aggravation and just grinned. "Admit it."

"Admit _what,_ Sirius?" Remus snapped, a little harsher than expected.

Peter winced at Remus' aggressive tone but Sirius hardly noticed. "You like her. You _really_ like her," Sirius replied in a sing-song voice, bopping his head back and forth.

"Haven't we already said '_duh_?'" Remus murmured to himself, rolling his eyes.

Sirius' grin grew. "You are such a guy."

"Yes, that's Jillian's favorite thing about me," Remus drawled.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're such a guy because you are so obviously _scared _to be in a committed relationship with her," he explained with a shrug.

Remus slid past Sirius to head through the common room. "I'm not you, Sirius," he spoke over his shoulder. "I don't run at the first sign of commitment."

"Hear me out," Sirius said firmly, chasing after him. "You're scared because you actually really like this girl. Probably too much."

"Seriously, stop talking," he muttered in an unconvincing tone, continuing to head towards the portrait hole.

Sirius stepped in front of him, blocking his way. "You've dated other girls in the past knowing it was just going to be a casual thing. Knowing it was going to end after a few months or so and knowingthere was no chance of it turning into a long-last relationship. This whole 'I'm a werewolf' thing was never a problem before because you knew they weren't going to be around long enough for it to even matter. You didn't care that they weren't going to be around because you never let yourself get close to them," Sirius explained. "However, Jillian is different. She's the first real girlfriend you've had, which I agree we can totally blame James for, but you know that she can be someone you could really care for. And that scares you. Because that means that one day, you might have to tell her about your furry little friend. And that's a day you don't know how to handle."

Both Remus and Peter stared at him with their jaws hung open, in complete awe.

Realization dawned on Sirius. "Holy Merlin of God, did I just say something, dare I say, _smart?"_ he cringed.

Remus nodded, cringing in mock disgust. "Yeah you did, and I don't think I can hang out with you for a couple of days. You're making me look bad."

Sirius shrugged. "It was bound to happen eventually."

Remus frowned, silently brooding. Eventually he said, "But you're right."

Sirius' eyebrows darted into his hairline while Peter let out a surprised gasp. "Wow. So _this _is what being right feels like," Sirius contemplated. "I don't think I've ever experienced this feeling before. It's kinda euphoric."

"Don't get used to it," Remus murmured.

Sirius clapped his friend on the back. "What's stranger is I was right about a _girl_. That's just pure blasphemy!"

Remus rolled his eyes and strolled out of the common room, his grumbling stomach leading the way. "Maybe subconsciously I didn't want to get into an official relationship with Jillian because I do like her and unfortunately for me, that's somewhat of a problem. I can't keep my...er, condition a secret from her forever. It's not fair to her and it won't be fair to our relationship. And...and what the hell am I supposed to do then? I can't just break up with her without providing her with the truth. But I can't provide her with the truth without wondering if she'll break up with me. Damn, it's one hell of a cyclical rotation!"

Sirius snickered. "I didn't mean to make you go off the deep end, Moony."

Remus glared at him. "I blame you for this, y'know."

"Nuh-uh," Sirius disagreed with a sheepish grin. "I don't think we're fully done blaming James for this."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I guess I just..." he sighed, shrugging. "I don't know. I guess I should just be with Jillian right now and…and just wait to see what happens in the future."

Sirius and Peter both shrugged. "Seems to be a good plan to me," Sirius spoke.

Remus offered his friend a smile. "Thanks, Sirius."

Sirius made a face. "I think we're getting too chummy around each other," Sirius said. "I think we should try that 'not hanging out with each other for a few days' thing you mentioned earlier."

Remus let out an amused cackle. "It won't happen. You need my brains too much."

"Hey, didn't we all point out earlier that I was smart?" Sirius whined.

"Yeah, but Merlin knows that won't last long," Remus teased, as he wandered into the Great Hall.

Sirius slid into a seat beside Lily and across from Riley and Jillian. "Guess what!?" he cried out, immediately grabbing a scone from the plate in front of him.

"What?" Kay dared to ask from the other side of Lily.

"I'm smart!"

Lily, Riley, Kay, and Jillian burst into a fit of laughter.

Sirius pouted. "That wasn't the reaction I was hoping for."

Remus shrugged. "Face it, you being smart lasted all of a _minute_," he responded with a laugh, slipping into the seat beside Jillian. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to Lily. "Where's James?"

Lily gave him a look. "Hiding from these two," she responded, gesturing towards Riley and Sirius and rolling her eyes. "What else?"

Sirius grinned. "So he's scared of me, huh?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Not so much scared of you as he hates you."

Sirius reached for a scone, unfazed by the comment. "Eh, I have hoardes of girls who hate me. I'm pretty used to it by now," he said flippantly. "So why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person that drives a race car not called a racist?"

Sirius glanced up from his scone to meet six pairs of incredulous eyes.

Remus sighed. "I told you being smart wouldn't last."

Sirius threw his scone at him.

* * *

Lily hesitantly entered Riley and Kay's room late that night, butterflies flitting around in her stomach. "Hey guys," she greeted when they both looked up from their respected desks mid-essays.

"Hey," Kay barely muttered as she continued furiously scribbling on her piece of parchment about hippogriffs.

Riley merely nodded her acknowledgment, her eyes flitting around the page of her Advanced Potions textbook.

Lily sighed as she took a wary seat at the edge of her bed. She didn't say anything immediately, the words still mulling around in her head. Eventually, she cleared her throat. "Guys, there's been something I've been meaning to tell you," she muttered.

"You had sex!" Kay cried out, not even bothering to look up from her parchment.

Lily snorted. "_No_."

"You're pregnant!" Riley suggested, glancing over at Lily to see her more-than-likely skeptical look.

"Yes Riley, I haven't had sex but somehow I am with child. Did your mother never teach you about the birds and the bees?"

Riley grinned. "Sorry, I'm making up things for Divination and I claimed that on the 14th, I'd get pregnant. It's stuck in my mind now."

Kay snorted and shook her head in disbelief. "You mean Valentine's Day? Oh sure, that's a novel idea."

Riley laughed. "Hey watch it, or I'm going to be in a big fight with a friend of mine on the 16th!" she sniggered.

Kay finally glanced up long enough to laugh with Riley before retreating back to her chart.

"_Guys_," Lily said again, this time with more emphasis.

This time, they both looked up at her, noticing the sincerity in her voice.

"Oh right," Riley said, putting her quill down and swiveling in her chair. "You wanted to tell us something?"

Lily nodded slowly. "Yeah…" she murmured. She bit down on her lip and stared at them cautiously, her heart beating about a mile a minute now that she had their undivided attention. "I've been meaning to tell you for…for a while now."

When she didn't continue, Riley rolled her eyes. "Yes, you said that part. This is typically where you would continue with what you've needed to tell us for a while."

She frowned. "I've been...well, I've been keeping a secret from you for…well, for six years and almost five months now," Lily explained slowly, instinctively twisting the ring on her right hand around to fill her nervousness.

"You could just say from the day we met," Riley pointed out, quirking an eyebrow.

Lily barely cracked a smile at Riley's joke, her heart skipping a beat as she realized there was no turning back now.

"_Well_?" Riley eventually antagonized.

Lily opened her mouth to let it out and the words froze in her mind. She simply sat staring at her two best friends with a look of panic on her face, her body shuddering in fear that they wouldn't understand.

"Lily…" Kay said slowly and considerately, getting off her desk chair and taking a seat at the end of Lily's bed. "What's going on?"

A chill ran down Lily's spine as she glanced into Kay's concerned eyes and before she knew it, she was blurting it out. "I don't have a family."

Both Kay and Riley's faces clouded over with confusion. "Huh?" Riley asked.

Lily sighed and ran her fingers through her knotty hair before explaining herself. "My…um...my parents died when I was eight. And my sister ran off soon after and I haven't seen her since."

Riley's mouth slowly dropped open, half in shock and half in confusion. She blinked furiously, trying to comprehend what her friend was saying. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Lily let out an elongated sigh, ignoring the ache in her heart. "Don't make me repeat it," she whispered desperately.

"But that's...that's impossible," Kay argued, shaking her head in pure denial. "You always talked about your family."

"I doubt it. When did I ever talk about them?"

Kay pondered that question and eventually shrugged, her eyes blinking frantically. "I don't know! I just know you must have!"

Lily frowned, shaking her head. "No, I can assure you that whenever you guys started talking about your families or you asked me about mine, I was very quick to change the subject."

Both Riley and Kay exchanged a look with each other, the sudden realization sinking in that she was right.

"How...when...I-I..._how_?" Kay whispered.

"Car crash," she murmured.

Riley looked bewildered.

"My parents weren't wizards remember. Car crashes actually can kill them," she muttered dryly, her voice filled with weariness.

"That's not why I'm giving you this look," she said, her tone on the verge of being slightly icy.

Lily glanced at her curiously, maybe even slightly fearfully, but before she could even retort, Kay chimed in, her voice filled with concern. "So...if you have no immediate family, who do you stay with? Grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Family friend?"

Lily slowly shook her head, shutting her eyes tightly in fear of erupting into some sort of panic attack. "No, not exactly," she murmured. "Like I said, I have no family."

Both Kay and Riley arched their eyebrows, urging her to provide more information.

Lily let out a deep sigh. "I stay in an orphanage in London."

Kay's face grew white, her mouth slowly dropping open. Riley merely blinked emphatically, her eyes narrowing steadily. "So let me get this straight," Riley spoke coolly. "Your parents died when you were eight, your sister abandoned you, you live in an orphanage and...and you've kept this all a secret ever sicne the day we met?"

Guilt surged through Lily's veins. "Yes," she said in a small voice.

"Why haven't you told us this _before_?" she snapped.

Lily was taken aback by the fury in Riley's eyes. "I-I don't expect you to understand it because I barely understand it. But for once, I just wanted to be a normal person. I didn't want the pitying looks and the sad comments and the judging gazes from anyone. I didn't want to be treated differently because of my tragic history. Hogwarts was my second chance to be a normal kid and I jumped on it."

"Except you're not normal," Riley snorted.

Lily blinked. "That's exactly the kind of comment I was trying to avoid."

Riley sighed. "I get you not wanting to advertise your past to the entire school, but we're your _friends_," Riley whispered, shaking her head slowly. "You've been lying to us for six and a half years."

"Not lying," Lily murmured hollowly. "Just not telling you the whole truth."

"Oh, gee, when you spin it _that _way," Riley snarled, glaring at her friend.

"Riley, calm down. If-" Kay interrupted.

"How can you possibly tell me to be calm about this?" Riley argued, shooting her a look. "Lily's supposed to be our best friend and she's kept a huge secret from us for our entire friendship. Our friendship is based on a _lie._ You-"

"Our friendship isn't contingent on my parents, Riley," Lily murmured. "Thank you for being overdramatic."

"I'm not being overdramatic, _Lily_," she snapped. "I'm just angry."

"I can tell." Lily knew she would be frustrated but she had hoped Riley would realize how difficult this was for her talking about her tragic past and at least attempt to understand.

"Riley, c'mon," Kay pleaded. "Don't be like this. Lily doesn't need this from you. Do you know how hard it must have been for her to tell us? Can't you just try and be a little supportive?"

Riley sighed, running her fingers through her thick hair. "I know," she murmured, slumping down in her chair. "I just...it's coming as a huge shock."

"You and me both," Lily murmured, a lump forming in her throat.

Riley didn't say anything immediately, gazing at Lily with a look Lily was unable to read. "Why did you tell us this now after being so determined to keep it a secret?"

Lily frowned, knowing that that question might come up. "Honestly, it's been haunting me for a while. You two are my best friends and you should nkow everything about me, even the things I'm afraid to talk about. Sirius made me realize back in December that-"

"Hold it right there," Riley interrupted, her eyes narrowing. "Are you telling me _Black _knows? You told Black before us?"

Lily cringed, realizing her mistake. "Merlin, no. He forced it out of me. He kept questioning me and pestering me and hounding me and...and it just came out," she explained desperately. "Unintentionally."

Riley rolled her eyes. "A secret you've kept for six years just _came out_?" she snapped in disbelief, hurt that her best friend told Sirius before her. And a little hurt that Sirius never mentioned it to her. "Who else knows?"

"What?"

"Who else knows about this?" she scoffed.

"My sister?" Lily suggested, hoping to get a laugh out of Riley.

No such luck. Riley just glared at her. "I'm serious, Lily."

Lily sighed and sunk further into her bed's mattress. "James, Remus, and Peter," she murmured. "But I wasn't the one who told them, Riley. Sirius did that all on his own."

Riley blinked. So Sirius told his three friends but not her? "Bloody _hell_, Lily!" she snapped, shaking her head. "The moment they found out was the moment you should have told _us_, Lily. Why were you so determined to keep this from us? _Why _did they have to know about it before us? Why the hell did you wait this long?"

"Damnit, Riley, it's not something I particularly enjoy talking about!" Lily cried out, tears rushing to her eyes. "You don't get it, Riley! You have an entire entourage of family at your beck and call. You have older brothers you get to look up. You have younger siblings you get to look _after._ You have a father who showers you with love and appreciation. You have a mother who may spend a little too much time invading your personal space but at least you get to fight with her! You have a grandmother who you may sometimes despise for butting into your life but at least she's around to butt into your life. You have _so much _that you take for granted and you don't even realize how lucky you are. I am not too proud to admit that I am jealous of it all. It's easy for you to complain about your family but it's not so easy for me to even _think _about mine. So I'm _sorry _that I hid this from you for so many years and I'm _sorry _that the Marauders found out but there's nothing I can do about it now but there's nothing I can do about that now so please just...just give me a break, will ya?" The tears that she was so desperate to keep in her eyes slipped down her cheeks and she hastily swiped them away.

The look of surprise on Riley's face was evident. "And now you're accusing me of taking my family for granted?"

"Oh _Merlin_," Lily snapped, frustration surging inside of her. "Not everything is about _you_, Riley."

"No, apparently everything is about you keeping secrets," Riley muttered, throwing her quill down on to her desk and abruptly standing up from her desk. "I thought I knew you, Lily. I guess I was wrong." She didn't even glance at Lily as she walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Lily placed her head in her hands with a heavy frown. "Well, that could have gone better," she murmured.

Kay offered her a lopsided sympathetic smile. "She'll come around Lily," she explained. "She's just...she's thrown and shocked and confused and probably just a bit overwhelmed with this information. She doesn't know how to process it so she gets riled up instead. Hence her name."

Lily cracked a smile, meeting her friend's amused gaze. "I know," she muttered. "I just feel bad because she's right. I shouldn't have kept it a secret for so long."

"Hey, you can't change what's already happened," Kay pointed out hesitantly. "But…can I ask you a question that you may get mad at me for?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't see how I could get mad right now. I'm too focused on feeling sorry for myself," she snickered.

Kay cracked a smile. "Why _did _you decide to tell us today? Right now? After all these years? What's changed where you decided to wake up this morning and tell us?"

Unexpected to both of them, a smile crept on to Lily's face as she thought of James. "Well like I said, Sirius got me thinking over Christmas break that you both deserved to know the truth. But...I don't know, I guess I was still scared and worried both to talk about it and how you would react. But yesterday, I…I told James something else about my past and he made me realize that as my best friends, you deserve to know everything about me. Keeping it hidden isn't going to change what happened."

Kay nodded. "So why exactly are you smiling about this?" she teased.

Lily's heart fluttered. "I just realized how much James has really done for me. He means so much to me and we've only been together for a month."

Kay scrunched up her nose and made a face. "How sentimental."

Lily rolled her eyes, shoving her friend playfully with her shoulder. "Kay, I really am sorry I kept it from you for so long. Even if Riley hates me right now, it was the right thing to do telling you after all these years."

Kay slowly nodded and looked at Lily curiously. "So what did you tell James yesterday?"

"Huh?"

"You said that you told James something else about your past yesterday. What was it?" Kay questioned.

"Well…" Lily started slowly, wondering if she was ready to tell Kay more than she intended. She sighed and figured why not. At least she was being supportive. "February 14th is my birthday."

Kay looked at her strangely. "No it's not, it's July 14th."

Lily shook her head. "No, that's just what I told you and Riley so I wouldn't have to worry about you guys surprising me with a party or gifts or whatnot."

Kay stared at her incredulously. "You lied about your birthday?" she asked in confusion. "But…but _why_?"

"Because it's Valentine's Day," Lily shrugged.

Kay blinked. "Yeah, I'm going to need more than that."

Lily smiled feebly. "My birthday was always overshadowed by Valentine's Day so my mom made it special. After she died, I stopped caring about my birthday and just busied myself so that I wouldn't have to think about her."

"Oh!" Kay said. "That's why you plan on spending Saturday night in the library. I knew an alien hadn't taken over your body!"

Lily stared at her.

Kay shrugged. "What? Riley was convinced something had happened to you."

"And an alien taking over my body was her prediction?" Lily snorted.

"It's Riley. I take everything she says with a grain of salt," Kay snickered.

"So true."

"So is there anything else that you're hiding from us?" Kay asked with a half-smile. "Do you have a long-lost twin sister? Are you hiding illegal immigrants in your room? Are you dying of cancer? Oooh, are you Jewish!?"

Lily stared blankly at her.

Kay grinned sheepishly. "So just the family thing then?"

"What, was that not a big enough surprise for you? Did you want me to have a long-lost twin sister?"

"No, I kinda wanted you to be Jewish."

Lily blinked. "Do I want to know your logic behind that?"

"Probably not, not."

Lily rolled her eyes and laughed with Kay, leaning back against her headboard with astrained smile.

"So now what are you doing for your birthday?" Kay questioned, hopping off the bed to wander back to her desk.

"Nothing," Lily replied. "Even though I've told you all of this doesn't mean I want anything to change. I really do just want to have Saturday to myself. So please don't plan anything or let James plan anything."

Kay turned around and gave Lily a strange look. "I think you're the first person who has wanted to do nothing on her birthday."

She shrugged. "It's what I've always done. I-I don't necessarily want to change that."

Kay nodded, plopping down into her desk chair with a curious sigh. She glanced down at her essay with a frown before slowly swiveling back in her chair to face Lily. "Lily, I hope you know that this doesn't change anything between us," she murmured.

Lily arched an eyebrow. "What?"

She shrugged. "You said you were afraid of being pitied and people treating you differently, but I want you to know that while it breaks my heart what you've had to go through, it doesn't change our relationship one bit."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "Thanks, Kay."

She smiled. "Anytime."

* * *

Riley stormed into the dungeon that night, a look of fury mounted on her face.

Sirius was startled when the door slammed against the wall. He looked up from his notes and gave Riley an inquisitive look, who was beginning to pace around the room. "I'm sensing something is bothering you."

Riley stopped pacing and stared at him, the thoughts churning inside of her head. "I'm mad at you," Riley said with a pout.

Sirius shrugged casually and returned to glancing over his notes. "Okay."

"Don't you want to know why?"

"Nah, I trust your judgment."

Riley gave him a look.

Sirius laughed and tossed his notes aside, giving her his full attention. "Okay, why are you mad at me?"

Riley sighed. "Lily just told me about her parents."

Sirius' smile was quickly erased from his face as he froze, his heart fluttering with anticipation. "Uh...what?"

Riley nodded furiously, her eyes narrowing. "Yeah, I think you neglected to tell me that part when I returned from Christmas Break."

Sirius frowned. "It wasn't my part to tell."

Riley fell against the wall, sliding to the ground with a grunt. "I know," she murmured grievously. "I just can't believe she kept this hidden for our entire friendship."

"She had her reasons," Sirius explained calmly, stroking her back.

"Maybe she did, but for _six years?" _Riley muttered. "This isn't some small secret. This is huge. This is something that you let your friends in on! This is not something you hide and hope will go away."

Sirius gave her a look. "I don't think she ever thought that by hiding it, it would go away."

Riley frowned. "Sirius, right now it doesn't matter why she hid it," Riley argued. "It just matters that she _did_ hide it. I mean, do you know how many times Kay and I, and probably you guys too, mentioned our families and parents? That gave her ample time to throw in a 'oh by the way, I don't have parents.'"

Sirius couldn't help but chuckle. "I don't necessarily think she'd want to tell you like _that_."

Riley gave him a look. "I think you get my point though, Sirius."

Sirius nodded hesitantly.

"What?" Riley snapped.

Sirius shrugged. "I didn't say anything."

"But you have a look on your face that says you don't agree with me."

Sirius frowned, turning his gaze upon her cautiously. "Riley, it's just that it was probably really hard for Lily to fine the courage to tell you about-"

"It wouldn't have been that hard if she had told us six years ago!" Riley interrupted. She sighed and slumped down further against the wall. "Look, I know that she probably needs me to be her friend right now. I _get _that. But I can't help feeling a bit betrayed. And I think I have every right to feel that way. When I start calming down and become a little more focused on _what _she told us and not on the fact that she waited six years, I'll apologize for being a bitch and I'll be her friend." Sirius cracked a smile at that. "But for now, I can't even look at her. How can I when our friendship is based on a lie?"

"Your friendship isn't based on a lie, Riley," Sirius said gently. "You didn't become friends with her because she had parents."

"Okay, stop being so logical and let me be mad!"

"Riley, you-"

"Listen, I'm going to get over it eventually and apologize. But not now. Just let me...mull it over for a bit, okay?"

Sirius nodded and smiled at her. "I think that's fair."

"Thank you," Riley said as she crawled over to him and snuggled up against his side.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast was, in a single word, uncomfortable. The Gryffindor table never dealt with so much silence before. Sure, the Marauders and the three seventh-year girls that often wend hand-in-hand with the four boys were all there so the Great Hall should have been filled with laughter and booming voices. But because James wasn't speaking to Riley or Sirius, and Sirius was pissed off at James, and Riley wasn avoiding conversation with Lily or James, and Kay was trying to stay out of the Lily-Riley situation so as not to put herself in the middle of it while Remus and Peter had no idea what was going on with anyone and therefore pretended to act as if everything was okay, uncomfortable was the only word to describe that table on that February morning.

"Pass the pumpkin juice," James grumbled at Sirius, who was sitting at the opposite end of the group.

Sirius ignored him completely.

James rolled his eyes and turned to Lily sitting beside him. "Lily, can you tell Sirius to pass Riley the pumpkin juice to pass to you to pass to me," he asked, knowing perfectly well that Sirius would pass Riley the juice.

Lily groaned but asked him anyway. "Sirius, can you pass Riley-"

Sirius grabbed the pumpkin juice and slammed it down in front of Riley beside him before Lily could even finish her sentence.

Riley let it sit there, refusing to pass it to Lily across from her.

Lily sighed and turned to Kay across from James. "Kay, can you tell Riley to pass you the pumpkin juice so you can pass James the pumpkin juice."

Remus looked up at her in confusion, clearly a tad confused as to what was going on between Riley and Lily.

Kay groaned but turned to Riley. "Riley, can you-"

Riley slammed the mug of pumpkin juice down in front of Kay who finally slid it in front of James.

"Merlin of Agrippa, that took way too much work," Kay muttered.

Remus sighed, running his fingers through his hair clumsily. "So, just for my own knowledge, is it a requirement for me to be mad at one of you guys about something that no one else knows about? Or is it still okay that I'm everyone's friend?"

All he got in return were five equally perturbed glares.

He rolled his eyes, turning towards Lily beside him. "And what the hell is going on with you and Riley? And please tell me this has nothing to do with the whole James-not-speaking-to-Sirius-or-Riley-and-vice-versa thing or believe me, I will scream."

"It doesn't," Lily quickly clarified.

"Oh, gee, that spells it out for me, thanks," Remus replied sarcastically.

Lily simply shrugged.

"Seriously, do you mind explaining to the rest of us—and of course by the rest of us I clearly mean Peter and me since James and Sirius seem to be in the know for some strange unknown reason—why you two aren't speaking?" Remus snapped.

"_You _should know, Remus. She told _you _first," Riley snapped, glaring at Lily the whole time.

"I didn't tell him! Sirius told him!" Lily defended pleadingly.

"Er...can we try and keep me out of this fight? I'm in too many already as it is," Sirius mutttered.

Remus blinked. "Er..._what _are you talking about, Riley?"

"I'm going to have to second that question," Peter chimed in.

"It's nothing," Riley murmured, returning to her plate of eggs.

Remus sighed as his friends all returned to frowning into their breakfast . "Bloody hell, I'm feeling very out of the loop right now. And usually that job is reserved for Sirius."

"HEY!"

Remus gave him a look. "Sirius, you never have any idea what's going on."

"Yeah but that's not because I'm out of the loop. It's because I'm ignorant and oblivious!" Sirius argued with a pout.

"Not going to argue with that," James snorted.

"Funny, I don't remember asking for your opinion," Sirius snapped. "Then again, you seem to interject your personal judgmental opinions often when not provoked."

"They're not always opinions. They're _facts_."

"They're lies!" Sirius snarled.

"_You're _the lie!"

"Actually, Lily is," Riley snorted.

"Oh, grow up, Riley," Lily muttered.

"Yeah, don't attack her because of your selfishness," James snapped.

"HAH!" Sirius' voice rang out. "You want to look in the mirror when you mention selfishness?"

"SHUT UP!" Remus slammed his palm against the table and stood up immediately. "All of you are acting like bratty _children_ and frankly, I've had enough of it! I have no idea why any of you are pissed at each other and hell, I don't care! Either pull your heads out of your arses, man up, and _apologize _to each other or ignore each other completely because these inane bickering quarrels are one-hundred-percent _ridiculous!_"

His friends all cowered in their seats, guilt written in their every expression. None of them dared to even speak a word.

Remus sighed, slowly returning to his seat as the Owl Post flew into the Great Hall. Pickles landed in front of James with a hefty letter attached to him.

"HEY!" Sirius cried, swatting at Pickles as he attempted to pick at Sirius' plate of food. "Goddamn your stupid owl, James!"

James snickered. "I've trained him well."

Sirius glared at James as he pushed the owl over to James' plate instead.

James grinned, handing Pickles a piece of bacon as a reward for picking on Sirius as he opened his letter.

"Who's it from?" Lily asked.

"Brite," he replied succinctly, as he scanned the letter. A few minutes later, he balled it up and threw it on to his plate with a scowl. "Goddamn it, Brite!"

They all looked at him curiously. "What does he want?" Lily asked.

"He wants me, as his _Best Man_," he mimicked, "to make reservations for him at a fancy London restaurant on Valentine's Day for him and Bianca. What kind of request is that? Valentine's Day is in five days so I can guarantee all of the restaurants are gonna be booked up! And considering I'm 1,000 miles _away _from London I doubt _I'll _do him any good. Besides, I'm pretty sure that it's not in my job description to do his damn busy work for him that has nothing to do with the damn wedding! Now tell me, is this fair?"

"You didn't even know what your job description was," Sirius snorted. "You had to get Lily to tell you."

James threw the balled-up latter, now covered in food, at Sirius and glared at him. "I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for your opinion."

"You just asked if your brother requesting you to make reservations for him was fair," Sirius replied giving him a look, grabbing a napkin and wiping down his shirt. "I'm pretty sure that _is _asking for our opinion."

"Yeah, _their _opinion," James snapped, jerking his thumb in everyone else's direction. "_Not _yours."

Sirius simply gave James a snide smirk before rolling his eyes and returning to his breakfast.

"That's what I thought," James murmured, before turning back to the rest of the group. "Now tell me, _is this fair_?" he cried out vehemently.

"Uh…I guess not," Lily admitted, glancing at James cautiously, afraid he might blow up at her if she said the wrong thing.

"Exactly!" James cried out. "I have my own damn problems. I really don't want to have to deal with his problems!"

"And what kind of problems do you have?" Sirius snorted, giving James a knowing look. "You're only seventeen for Merlin's sakes and still in school. He's twenty-five, out in the real world with a dangerous, time-consuming job _and _he's trying to plan a wedding. Sounds like he could use his brother helping him out with some of the simpler tasks, such as making a silly little reservation. You probably could have done it by now instead of ranting about it."

"Okay, now I know I didn't ask for your goddamned opinion _that_ time, Sirius!" James snapped.

"Don't yell at me for stating the obvious!" Sirius barked.

"You're not stating the obvious!" James argued, his eyes filling with rage. "You're trying to do anything in your power to irritate me and congratulations, _you win_!"

"And here we go again," Peter groaned. He grabbed his bag and shot out of his seat with a frustrated look. "When you guys start liking each other, then come find me. Until then, I'm staying out of it."

He grunted before storming out of the Great Hall.

"What's his problem?" Sirius muttered.

"_You _are, Sirius," Remus pointed out, giving him a look. "And you too, James and Riley. And apparently Lily is involved somehow, too. Merlin, you guys _do _have problems, no matter what you say, Sirius. Why can't you all just get along? Whatever petty thing you're fighting out can somehow be resolved, I guarantee. We've been through worse in the past, have we not? Let's face it, you guys can't stay mad at each other forever," Remus tried to mediate.

"I think we can stay mad for longer than you think," Sirius shot back.

"When did my friends become such immature children?" Remus sighed dejectedly.

"Remus, this has nothing to do with you, so just back off," Sirius murmured. He was tired of talking about his non-friendship with James, and just wished that Remus would stop bringing it up so much. Sirius had found James' behavior the day he found out about he and Riley so demeaning and hurtful and he didn't see himself on friendly terms with James any time soon. It was James' fight to fix, not his. And the look on James' face told Sirius that their fight was far from over.

"You don't think I'm affected by this?" Remus snarled angrily, throwing his croissant down hard on to his plate. "I'm friends with the both of you, but it's impossible to _be _friends with you two when you two are going through this petty argument."

"This isn't just some petty argument, Remus," SIrius snapped, skewering eggs on to his fork demandingly. "So stop belittling it every chance you can."

"Well how should I know what type of argument this is? You won't even clue me in!"

Lily, Kay, Riley, and James had stopped eating, so engrossed by the bickering in front of them. It wasn't common for Remus to get so heated about something and the fury in Remus' eyes told them all to back off.

"Because we don't want to get you involved!"

"I am involved!" Remus shouted bitterly, ignoring the stares he was getting from the other tables. "I always seem to be stuck in the middle between you two and I'm sick of it!"

"You put yourself there!"

"I do _not_!"

"If you don't want to be involved then stop asking us what we're fighting about! Stop trying to get us to make up! Stop trying to come to the rescue all the damn time!"

"I'm nto trying to come to the rescue, I'm trying to _mediate _because clearly that's what you need!"

"What we need is for you to _get off our backs_!"

"What the hell is your problem, Sirius?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Sirius shouted back, clenching his fists while trying to catch his breath. He let out an embarrassed sigh. "I-I just mean, it's...it's none of your business." He didn't know why he was picking a fight with Remus. Maybe it was because he was tired of bickering with James that he'd rather turn his anger elsewhere.

Remus sighed. He had a feeling Sirius had so much pent-up frustration that he would have yelled at Dumbledore if Dumbledore was the one who had questioned him. "When are we all ever going to be able to hang out again?" Remus murmured.

"We _were _all hanging out until Peter stormed off," Sirius muttered.

Remus glared at Sirius, giving him the evil eye. "Oh I'm sorry, I meant when are we going to be able to hang out again when you can actually pass James the damn pumpkin juice!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault James is a selfish prick who doesn't seem to care for the happiness of others."

James glared at Sirius. "And it's not my fault you have a reputation of a womanizing jerk."

Remus glanced at them curiously, tilting his head to the side as he examined their reactions. "What does _that _have to do with _anything_?"

"Nothing," they both said in unison, not taking their eyes off of each other.

"I'm just saying James doesn't care for the happiness of others," Sirius repeated.

"And I'm just saying Sirius has a reputation of a womanizing asshole," James repeated.

"You said jerk before," Sirius pointed out snidely.

"Yeah, well I upgraded."

"OH, MY GOD, SHUT UP!" Remus' voice carried through the entire Great Hall, the other students turning their curious gazes on to the Gryffindor table.

James and Sirius both winced guiltily as they slumped down in their chairs and busied themselves with their breakfast.

Remus frowned, letting out a sigh in an attempt to calm himself. He was grateful when they all returned to their meals in silence.

A few minutes had passed before Sirius glanced up from his breakfast, turning to James. "Can you pass the salt?"

James ignored him completely.

"Oh dear Merlin, not this again," Remus snapped, grabbing his bag and storming out of the Great Hall just like Peter had done only a few minutes earlier.

"Lily, can you ask James to pass the salt to Kay to pass to Riley to pass to me, please?" Sirius asked calmly.

Lily just sighed.

* * *

**A/N: **Hehe. I loved writing that last scene. Imagine me trying to picture how the seven of them were sitting at the table so I could figure out who needed to pas who to what. Yes, I spend too much time writing the lives of these 7, BUT I LOVE IT! Please review!


	12. Of Shirts, Dates, & Surprises

**A/N: **Look at me updating only a week later! Be proud of me! And I LOVE this chapter because IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY! And granted, I'm not a huge fan of the holiday (a.k.a. a Hallmark day!), but it was fun being romantic for once! Instead of constant fighting and bickering, you get a little bit of everyone and the different couples in this chapter. It's nice taking a break from writing fights to writing cutesy dates! Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I do. Please review!

p.s. I LOVE THE HP AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE TRAILER! If you haven't already, check it out! It looks like it's gonna be a good one!

**Disclaimer: **If I was J.K. Rowling, would I be working at an unpaid internship?

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 12: Of Shirts, Dates, & Surprises

* * *

Remus was enjoying the solitude that evening in his room, still a bit worked up over the fiasco that had been breakfast. He had barely spoken a few words to any of his friends all day, choosing to busy himself with his lessons and homework when feasible. After dinner, Peter trudged to the library with Kay and Riley, James returned to his room with Lily, and Sirius grabbed the Map and disappeared. Which meant that his bedroom was going to be empty and he had never been more grateful for that. He felt like every time he hung around his friends, a fight was bound to break out and he was exhausted from dealing with it. Especially since it was obvious he would be unable to mediate seeing as his friends preferred to keep him in the dark about the situation. He flicked on James' radio to WWN and sprawled his homework on his bed.

He was so focused on his Care of Magical Creatures essay that he jumped when the door creaked open and Sirius walked in.

"Hey," Sirius greeted warily as he trudged over to his bed.

Remus merely nodded, not taking his eyes off his essay.

"Remus, I'm _sorry,"_ Sirius blurted out.

Remus hesitated, slowly glancing up. "What?"

Sirius frowned, falling back against his sheets with a sigh. "I-I know that we're putting you in the middle of our fight and that's not fair to you. So I'm sorry."

Remus' eyebrow slowly rose. "That almost sounded mature."

Sirius cracked a smile. "I want you to know that if I could fix this feud, I would," he murmured. "I-I hate that James and I are fighting. He's always been like a brother to me. It just turns out that..." he trailed off, the words catching in his throat. _As it turns out, Riley is more of a sister to James than I will ever be a brother to him._ Sirius didn't know how to explain to Remus (hell, he barely knew how to explain it to himself) that James had hurt him more than anyone could ever know just with the judgmental accusations James had made. James was supposed to be his friend and appreciate him even for his flaws. But instead of doing that, James judged him based on the past. A past that Sirius would change if he could but he unfortunately couldn't. If James knew how much Sirius truly cared for Riley, there would be no way James could ever truly believe Sirius could hurt Riley.

"Is just turns out that what?"

Sirius blinked. "I'm just sorry, that's all."

Remus looked at his friend. _Really _looked at him. Sirius was laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling with a rather agonized, weary expression evident in his facial features. His eyes were heavy, filled with regret. His cheeks were flushed with frustration. The frown on Sirius' face was something Remus didn't often witness from his friend. It was clear to Remus that while Sirius had always been good at putting a smile on his face and pretending that life was dandy, everything at that moment was far from fine. "Sirius," he said slowly. "James does think of you like a brother. Please don't think otherwise just because you're angry."

Sirius willed himself to not look over at Remus, certain that some sort of pity was resting in his eyes. "I'm not angry," Sirius admitted in a murmur. "I'm...I'm disappointed."

Remus arched his eyebrows skeptically. "The way you two were going at it this morning seemed a bit angry," he said with a teasing smile.

Sirius hesitated. "Alright, maybe I'm a little angry."

Remus laughed. "Look, if we can all get over what happened two years ago, you two can get over this."

Sirius frowned. He prayed that that was true but lately, he was finding that quite doubtful. "I'm not so sure," he murmured.

Remus' heart fluttered at the clear agony in his tone. "What happened between you two?" he found himself blurting out, not because of curiosity like the prior times he had asked because it was obvious Sirius was hurt and all Remus wanted to do was be able to make him feel better.

Sirius sighed. "It doesn't matter," he murmured, rolling over so that his back was facing Remus.

Remus knew that was Sirius' attempt at ending the conversation and he, too, let out a sigh. "Of course it matters," he murmured, returning his gaze to his essay.

It wasn't until Remus had scribbled another few sentences before Sirius eventually said, "Yeah, I know."

* * *

The school could feel the tension between the seven Gryffindors a mile away, but the gossippers quickly learned that by asking any of them what was going on would merely earn them an extra limb. An irate Madam Pomfrey was getting quite perturbed by all of the students wandering into the hospital wing with an extra arm or leg or ear or nose. The students couldn't be sure what was worse: the wrath of the Marauders or the wrath of Pomfrey.

Kay slipped into an empty seat across from James that Saturday morning with a mere grunt.

"Good morning and Happy Valentine's Day!" James greeted cheerfully.

Kay glared at him, piling a plate with so much food James was sure she was filling some sort of void with scones and bacon and tomatoes and eggs and bagels.

"Hungry much?"

Kay grunted.

"Well, you're very talkative and cheerful this morning," James replied.

"It's Valentine's Day and I don't get to share it with my boyfriend," Kay responded irritably, stabbing a tomato with her fork, ignoring the juice that squirted out and almost hit James. "There's no need to be cheerful."

"Ah. Right," he cringed, shooting her a lopsided smile loaded with sympathy. "So, not to be the total downer of what apparently is already a down day for you, but what do you plan on doing tonight?"

Kay slowly lifted her head from her plate to glare at him. "Thanks for reminding me that I will be doing nothing while millions of other couples, including all of my friends, in this school celebrate their love for each other, throwing their stupid non-long distance relationships in my face."

James grinned sheepishly. "Er...right. Well, if it helps, it's probably not _millions _of other couples."

Kay glared at him.

"I'm assuming that didn't help," James murmured, cringing guiltily.

Kay sighed and threw her fork down, letting it clatter against her plate loudly. She slumped down on the bench and sighed. "Sorry for being so bitter," Kay apologized.

James shrugged. "It's understandable."

Kay nodded. "To answer your previous question, I have no plans whatsoever. So I'm going to stuff myself with the entire box of chocolates that Lance got me and whine in self-pity," she muttered. Shrugging, she said as an afterthought, "That, or I'll finish my Potions essay."

James chuckled. "You could probably squeeze in both if you manage your time."

"I'll keep you updated as the night goes," she teased.

He smiled. "If you wanted some company in that whole self-pity thing, I can always join," he said, his smile turning strained.

She pretended to muse it over. "Well, alright, but don't think I'm giving you any of my chocolates."

James laughed, shaking his head. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"So I guess this means that Lily is still planning on spending the night in the library?"

"All day and all night," James murmured.

Kay gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry," she uttered.

James shrugged. "I understand the situation and I'm fully supportive over whatever she wants to do, but it definitely sucks watching everyone else spend a romantic day together and I can't spend it with my girlfriend at all."

Kay pushed her large plate full of food towards James, skewering her fork right in the middle. "Join the club, buddy."

"I hate the club." He barreled a large donut into his mouth. "I can't believe that I planned more for my _brother's _Valentine's Day than I did my _own_."

Kay gave him a lopsided smile. "Yeah, that doesn't exactly sound like my idea of fun."

"Hey guys!" Remus greeted, slipping into a seat beside Kay with Peter right behind him. "Happy Valentine's Day!"

Both Kay and James glared at him.

"Whoa, what's with you two?"

Kay turned to James. "Would _you_ like to explain?"

James nodded. "Gladly," he replied, turning to Remus. "It's Valentine's Day and Kay and I don't get to spend it with our significant others. There's no need to be cheerful."

Remus pouted. "You two are seriously bringing this holiday down."

"It's not a holiday. It's a Hallmark Day," Kay whined. "In fact, they should change the name of this holiday to Hallmark Day and make it more appropriate!"

"Didn't you get a large box of chocolates and a teddy bear from Lance yesterday morning? There is no need to be bitter, woman!" Remus complained.

"You know what I'd rather have had?"

"I'm assuming you're going to say Lance."

"You always were the smart one," Kay sniggered.

"Hey sweetie," Jillian greeted her boyfriend, as she walked in with her friends. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Hallmark Day," Kay corrected with a grin.

"If you two are going to make out, please give us the courtesy of leaving the room beforehand," James chimed in dryly, arching a knowing eyebrow at his friend and girlfriend.

Remus laughed and pulled Jillian on to his lap. "I can't help where my lips go when this beautiful girl is in my presence."

"Gag me," Rachael LeBlanc uttered in disgust, gesturing for her other friends to follow her down to the other end of the table.

Jillian giggled and kissed him lightly on the mouth, hopping off his lap. "I'll see you tonight at 8," she said, as she sauntered down back to her friends.

"Gag _me_," Kay murmured.

James laughed.

"I don't know what you two are so down about," Remus started, biting down on an apple. "At least you have someone. You're better off than Peter, Sirius, and Riley."

James scowled, and before Remus and Kay could comment, he hastily said, "It just sucks that I don't get to spend Valentine's Day with Lily."

"Ditto," Kay mumbled, frowning. "Except not with Lily. with Lance."

"Gee, thanks for clarifying," Peter snickered, rolling his eyes. He turned to Remus. "And I may not have a girlfriend but at least I have a date for Valentine's Day which is more than I can say for these two."

Kay and James glared at him.

Peter hesitated. "I'm just going to go back to eating my breakfast and keeping my mouth shut…"

"Wise plan," James murmured.

* * *

Kay sighed for the millionth time that night. Seeing as Riley had disappeared somewhere and Lily was holing herself up in the library, Kay found herself venturing up to the boys' dorm for some company. She was lying on Sirius' bed with a _Witch Weekly _while Remus kept flinging clothes around the room that he considered not good enough for Valentine's Day or Jillian. Sirius was hogging the bathroom getting ready for his date and Peter was fidgeting on his desk chair having been ready for the past hour for his date considering a date for him was a rare occurrence. James was also there, scouring Quidditch strategies in order to busy himself away from thinking about Lily.

"Damnit, why do all these clothes suck?" Remus whined, throwing another shirt into the pile of 'not worthy.'

"They don't," Kay drawled. "You're throwing away perfectly good clothing! And since when did you give a shit about what you looked like?"

Remus turned around slowly and winced. "Someone's a little on edge tonight, aren't they," he said with a teasing grin.

Kay glared at him. "Gee, I wonder if there could possibly be a reason for it," she replied dryly.

James snickered in agreement, but didn't glance up from his playbook or bother to make any comment.

Kay sifted through Sirius' clothes at the end of his bed, him having already raided his own trunk, and grabbed a blue and white striped button-down shirt. She held it up to Remus. "Here, wear this. You look good in blue. It brings out your eyes."

"That's Sirius'," he pointed out, not looking up from the mirror where he was holding up a green sweater.

Kay snorted. "So what? I don't think I've ever seen him wear that."

Remus shrugged casually and gestured for her to throw it at him. He threw on a white wife-beater and buttoned the shirt over it, glancing into the mirror. "Hm…not bad."

"Not bad?" Kay scoffed. "You look good in that."

Remus smiled, a hint of red splashing his cheeks. He smoothed down the shirt before turning back around. "So how long do we think Sirius is going to be in the damn bathroom?"

As if right on cue, the door opened and Sirius sauntered back into the room, much to the dismay of James, who just ignored him completely.

"Who are you going out with tonight?" Kay asked, stifling a yawn.

Sirius shrugged. "No one," he lied, avoiding James at all costs. He glanced up at Remus. "Didn't I use to own a shirt like that a long time ago?"

Kay rolled her eyes. "Boys disgust me."

Sirius gave her a confused look. "I'm not sure what that has to do with that shirt, but sure, okay, I'll go along with that."

Kay snorted. "So seriously, who are you going out with tonight?" she urged.

He shrugged again. "Like I said, no one," he reiterated. "Just…just cruising the school."

Remus snickered and glanced over his shoulder at Sirius. "No doubt looking for single chicks."

"_Chicks_?" Kay responded in disgust.

Remus smiled sheepishly. "Girls. I meant girls," he corrected hastily.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Nice save, smooth one. How you landed a girlfriend, I'll never know," he snorted. "And I don't plan on cruising the school looking for girls."

"Then what are you doing that has to remain so secretive?" Remus asked, finally turning away from the mirror to give Sirius a scrutinizing look.

"Probably going out with his latest victim," Peter pointed out when Sirius made no effort to reply.

Remus grinned. "Oh, it's _that _serious with this mysterious girl, you're actually planning on doing something with her for Valentine's Day?"

"Shut up," Sirius replied, glancing very briefly over at James, whose frown was deepening by the second. "Let's just drop it, okay?" he suggeste, heading towards the door. "I'm leaving now before you decide to humiliate me anymore."

"And is that cologne you're wearing!" Remus mock gasped. They all, excluding James, all cried out in unison, "Ooooh!"

"Shut up!" Sirius whined, throwing the door open and slamming it behind him.

Remus, Peter, and Kay were still laughing long after he left.

"I guess it's about time for me to go meet Jillian," Remus muttered, returning to staring in the mirror, continually fidgeting back and forth with the fit of the shirt.

"Oh dear God, you look fine!" Kay eventually cried out with a laugh. "Merlin, are you always this picky about your appearance before every date?"

"No one really dates at this school, Kay," Remus pointed out. "All there is to do here with a girl is walk around the hallways, walk around the grounds, go to the kitchens, sit around the common room, or go to the Astronomy Tower."

"So I'm assuming you're going to the Astronomy Tower then?" Kay teased.

"_No_," Remus emphasized, shooting her a look by way of the mirror. "Valentine's Day is special."

"Ah, gotcha," Kay replied. "So the kitchens then?"

Remus laughed. "Lord, if you must know, I'm taking her out to a special clearing by the lake and providing a picnic dinner that the house elves were kind enough to throw together for me and topping it off with champagne."

Kay pouted. "Damn you for being so romantic."

"In other words, don't make me puke," James teased, finally glancing up from his notes.

"And on _that _note," Remus snickered. "Time for me to go."

"Me too!" Peter interjected, practically jumping up from his chair.

James and Kay groaned inwardly as the two of them traipsed out of the room,.

"Even _Peter _has a date on Valentine's Day!" James groaned. "This is just sad."

"At least your significant other lives across the common room from you!" Kay argued. "Mine lives about 500 miles away."

James grunted. "When did we become so pathetic?"

Kay shrugged. "When we turned 13 and realized the opposite sex doesn't have cooties anymore?"

"Oh yeah, that sounds about right."

Kay laughed and sat up on Sirius' bed, pondering a thought. "Y'know, James," she said slowly, "If you really wanted to do something for Lily, you should."

James snorted. "And get my ass kicked by my girlfriend? Yeah, that would be an awesome story for the morning. The guys would be making fun of me until I'm fifty."

That started another fresh wave of laughter by Kay. "She won't kick your ass. In fact, she just may realize how much you truly care for her."

"By defying her requests?" James replied sarcastically. "Yeah, that shows I care."

Kay gave him a look. "I'm serious, James. Maybe she just thinks she doesn't want you to do anything because that's what she's used to ever since her parents died. She never had anyone to help her escape her loneliness. Until now that is. Maybe you should show her she's not alone anymore. Maybe she doesn't have any parents, but she does have family. And that's you."

"And you," James corrected.

"Yeah but somehow I don't think she'd appreciate getting a romantic gesture from me," Kay snickered. "I seriously think she would be repulsed if _I _was the one snogging her, that's for sure."

James immediately sat up. "Ooh but that could be a Valentine's Day gift for _me_," he teased, grinning at her. "And I bet the guys would cancel their plans to see it, too!"

Kay gave him a look. "You're right, Lily would kick your ass," she commented with a smirk. "And I'm okay with that."

James let out a short laugh before returning to a frown. He sighed and gazed over at Kay with a curious look. "Do you really think she wouldn't kick my ass if I did some sort of romantic gesture?"

Kay shrugged. "It's Lily. She can go either way."

James nodded slowly, biting down on his lip.

"But neither one of you are ever going to know what this holiday could represent for you if you don't try, right?" she added.

James gave her a lopsided grin. "Well I can't leave you all alone on Valentine's Day," he pointed out.

Kay shrugged. "It's Valentine's Day, James," she emphasized. "You should be with your girlfriend."

James hesitated and she insisted once again. "Really, I'll be fine," she explained. "I never get the room to myself. It'll be a nice change."

"This isn't your room," James pointed out.

Kay narrowed her eyes. "Okay, maybe I'llkick your ass," she responded, the ends of her mouth curled up to show she was teasing. "Just _go_, James. I think she would love it if she came back to her room and found you there doing some sort of romantic gesture."

James bit down on his bottom lip before saying slowly, "Are you sure?"

"Oh my God, just go before I do something romantic for her!" Kay laughed.

James hopped off the bed. "Okay," he said, strolling towards the door. His hand froze on the door, turning around to stare at her. "Wait, I have no idea what to do."

Kay couldn't help but laugh. "You'll think of something."

James made a face. "Can't you just come up with something?"

"Yeah, I'm definitely kicking your ass."

* * *

"Hey," Jillian greeted, grinning at Remus who was waiting for her down in the common room.

Remus grabbed her hand and pulled her on to his lap immediately, kissing her softly on the lips. "Hey, Jilly," he whispered when their lips parted ways. "You know what I realized while I was sitting here on this couch by myself while you took your sweet time prettying yourself up for our date tonight, which by the way paid off because you look gorgeous."

She blushed, smiling shyly. She leaned over to kiss him. "What did you realize?"

Remus smiled. "I realized that technically today marks our one-week anniversary."

Jillian's look softened, as she stared at him in surprise, her heart aching with adoration for the man beside her. "You kept track?"

Remus shrugged casually. "Of course. You're important to me. I care about you so much."

Jillian's smile crept up on her face slowly. "I don't deserve you, Remus Lupin."

"Yeah, I know, I _am _a catch. It's a good thing you snatched me up before anyone else did," he joked, winking playfully at her.

"This coming from the guy who got a shoe thrown at him because he knows nothing about the way girls think," Jillian replied haughtily, wiggling her eyebrows at him in a teasing manner. "So what was that about how I should be glad I snatched you up before anyone else could?"

Remus snorted. "This coming from the girl who threw the shoe at me!"

Jillian burst into laughter. "Touché."

Remus smiled at her. "I'm glad you did, though."

"Really? I could throw another one at you if you'd like."

He laughed, brushing his lips against her cheek. "I think one was enough to make me realize how much I love being with you."

"You're not so bad yourself," she whispered. "When you're not disecting the female mind of course."

They laughed in unison as he reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "So I guess we should go spend a romantic evening together, heh?"

Jillian leaned over to press her lips to his, ignoring the looks she was receiving from the younger Gryffindors crowding the common room. "You mean you don't want to spend Valentine's Day in a common room filled with loud, annoying first years who enjoy making faces at anyone who dares to share a kiss with another?"

"Hm, tempting," Remus teased. "But I'd rather surprise you with what I've already planned."

"Ooh, surprise?" Jillian said giddily. "You're right, that sounds better."

Remus gave her another kiss before gesturing her off the couch. He offered his hand and she took it, smiling shyly up at him.

* * *

Riley stumbled into another wall. "OW!" she cried. "Damnit, Sirius! You are the worst at guiding a blindfolded person through a hallway. A rather _wide _hallway, might I add!"

Sirius grinned, though Riley couldn't see it. "Sorry, sorry, I just keep looking out for the turns we're supposed to be making."

"Well maybe you could start looking out for your girlfriend before she just becomes one huge bruise and beheads you personally, probably with her bare hands!" Riley cried out with mock anger.

Sirius snickered. "I'm just trying to be romantic!"

"By sending me to the hospital wing?" Riley snorted. "Oh yeah, totally romantic."

Sirius smiled sheepishly, only feeling a little bit guilty. What he had planned for her was going to be so worth it.

"Personally, I'd rather we be putting this blindfold to _other _use," she claimed suggestively with a low, seductive voice, to make up for her frustration.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. He's been so used to her yelling at him for causing her to crash into walls, her last comment was certainly unexpected. "Then I guess I'll just have to hurry," he replied, leaning in to whisper in her ear.

Riley's heart fluttered at the feel of his hot breath on her ear. "I've been asking you to hurry for the past hour."

"It has _not _been an hour," Sirius argued. "Only thirty-five minutes."

Silence. And then - "You've kept me blindfolded for _thirty-five minutes_? Where the hell are you taking me? The Forbidden Forest?"

"Well where else would be more appropriate for me to do _forbidden _things to you," he teased, again whispering in her ear.

Riley blushed. "Ooh, Riley likes," she teased. She hesitated. "Wait, you're not actually taking me out there, are you?"

Sirius laughed. "Oh come on. I'm not that stupid. First of all, there's a reason it's called the Forbidden Forest."

Riley snorted. "That's never stopped you before."

"Hm, okay, good point," Sirius snickered. "But second of all, the grounds are covered in lovey-dovey couples and although I'm sure they're all way too invested in themselves to notice us, if someone _did _happen to notice, it might be a little suspicious."

Riley nodded. "So inside the castle it is, then?"

Sirius nodded, before he realized she couldn't see him. "Somewhat."

"Somewhat? What do you mean—ARGH!" she cried, as she crashed into the wall again. "DAMNIT, SIRIUS!"

Sirius winced but couldn't help but laugh.

Riley crossed her arms across her chest bitterly and tapped her foot impatiently, her forehead creasing with impatience. "Okay, I hate to tell you this, but so far, Valentine's Day sucks."

That launched Sirius into a fresh wave of laughter.

Riley pouted. "And now you're laughing at my pain. That's it, I'm ready to get away from you now," she teased.

"Well fine, but then you're not going to get your surprise, which would really suck, because we're here."

Riley's head quickly jerked up. "We're here? Really? Well come on, let me see it!"

Sirius laughed. "I thought you wanted to get away from me?"

Riley shrugged. "Hm, let me see this surprise of yours and I'll decide then."

He chuckled, strategically placing her in front of the doorway and taking off her blindfold.

Riley blinked twice before turning to Sirius. "Sirius, this is the same dungeon we've been coming to since we first got together. I hate to break it to you, but that's not much of a surprise."

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly and slowly opened the door, leading her in.

Riley gasped at the sight in front of her. The room looked nothing like it usually did. Sirius had enchanted the ceiling and the walls to a dark shade of midnight blue with stars blinking overhead. The floor was covered in soft grass with roses and daises blooming amongst it. A small willow tree seemed to be growing out of the floor on the far side of the room with a tiny pond beside it. Covering the grass was a blanket lined with candles. A bottle of wine sat in the middle of the blanket.

Riley gaped at what used to be a stingy room, speechlessness overcoming her. She looked behind her at the hallway, just to make sure she was actually inside. "Sirius…" was all she could get out, her eyes showing how breathtaking she thought it all was.

Sirius came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. "I know that being stuck inside this dungeon day after day, night after night, can get a little tedious. And it would be nice to walk around outside once and a while but unfortunately we can't do that. So I brought the outside to you," he said softly, kissing her neck adoringly.

Riley couldn't dredge up the words to how surprised and yet grateful she felt towards him. She knew that a thank-you wasn't enough, but she wasn't sure what was. All she could do was stare at the room, taking in the landscape with every breath she took.

Sirius smiled. He knew she loved it. He could just tell from the expression on her face.

Riley eventually turned around in his arms and wrapped her own arms around his neck. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you," she whispered, her eyes giving her adoration for Sirius away. "I don't deserve you."

Instead of his usual arrogant, teasing reply, he stroked her hair and kissed her fervently. "Yes you do," he responded, looking her directly in the eyes. He took a deep breath and said slowly but firmly, "Riley, you deserve this every day. You are an amazing woman and I sitll can't believe you agreed to give me a chance. I-I don't ever want this to end."

She was taken aback by his overly sentimental comment. "I-I don't want it to end either, Sirius," she replied lightly.

Sirius nodded, noting the wariness in her tone. "Good. Because I need you in my life, Riley," he whispered emphatically.

Riley felt her heart start to race, feeling strangely uncomfortable with the heaviness of the conversation. "Me, too," she replied, realizing how numb she made it sound right after she had said it.

Sirius smiled awkwardly, knowing she didn't quite believe in it. But that was okay. He just wanted to let her know how he felt seeing as for two years, he had lost the chance to. He quickly gave her another kiss to ease the tension and then led her over to the blanket.

Riley glanced at Sirius out of the corner of her eye, biting down on her lip, as he poured two glasses of wine. Why was she freaking out over Sirius' simple display of affection? It's not that it scared her; it just made her realize how deep in she was getting herself. It wasn't like the first few weeks where they enjoyed each others' company and were just getting to know each other better. It was more than enjoying Sirius' company—she was constantly looking forward to being with him. When she wasn't with him, she was sad. When she couldn't show her true emotions around him, it was difficult. And they weren't getting to know each other anymore. They've been together for almost six weeks now. And she has loved every single minute of it. She was finding herself to be more of a girlfriend than she ever thought she could be with him. Her stomach burst into butterflies whenever she thought of him. A single kiss from him could make her moan. A loving shiver would run down her spine at his every touch. Their conversations were free-flowing and easy. She felt thrown off by the sudden realization that it wasn't that she wanted Sirius, it was that she, like him, _needed _her. What really threw her, however, was that for once, she didn't hate that feeling.

"Sirius," she spoke softly.

He turned to face her, handing her the glass of wine. "Hm?"

She took the wine in her hand, her gaze heavy on his. When she didn't respond immediately, he looked up at her and was surprised to see a hesitant wariness resting in her eyes. He was about to ask her what she was going to say, when she whispered, "I need you, too. More than I ever thought I would."

Incredulity resignated within every inch of Sirius' body at Riley's hesitant declaration. A smile crept up on his face and he leaned over to kiss her.

As they later lay in that dungeon as one entity, body and soul, neither felt more connected to the other than ever before. Sirius couldn't keep his lips off of her, running them along her cheek and jawline and neck and shoulder and arms. She melted into his touch, her heart aching desperately for his soft touch.

"Tell me something that no one else knows about you," Sirius whispered, his lips pressing lightly against the skin underneath her ear.

"What?"

He nuzzled his head into the nook of her shoulder, slinging his arm over her body and drawing her near to him safely. "Tell me a secret," he simplifed in a hoarse whisper.

She turned her head to look at him. "You mean besides the fact that you and I are dating?" she said with a teasing smile.

He chuckled, running his hand up her arm comfortingly. "Yes, _besides _that. Tell me about yourself, Riley," he spoke. "I want to know everything. I want to know the things about you that no one else in this world knows. I want to be the guy you tell all of your secrets to."

Her heart skipped a beat at the adoration in his voice. "I want you to be the guy I tell all of my secret to," she whispered, a smile tugging at the end of her lips.

"Go on then," he urged while kissing the top of her ear.

She didn't respond immediately, musing it over. Eventually she turned her body to face him, reaching up to run her hand along his hairline, brushing it back. "Do you remember why we became friends?"

Sirius cracked a smile. "How could I forget?" he chuckled. "We were paired together in Potions. I blew up our cauldron and the orange goo drenched you from head to toe."

She nodded, nostalgia striking her heart at the reminder of their eleven-year-old wild selves.

"Y'know," Sirius continued, frowning slightly. "I only threw the fireworks into our cauldron because Rodolphus told me to."

Riley's eyebrow arched immediately.

Sirius blinked, disappointment radiating his entire body. "At that time, I-I was still very much stuck in the middle of two worlds. The world I grew up in, the only world I had ever known, and the world I so desperately wanted to live in, a world where I could actually be proud of myself. On those very first day of classes, I-I didn't know anyone _except _for those bloody Slytherins. And Rodolphus told me that if I still wanted to be a Black at heart, even though I hadn't been sorted into Gryffindor, I could prove myself by making all of your lives miserable."

"Oh, Sirius," Riley whispered, pressing her hand to his cheek.

He shrugged, shifting uncomfortably beside her.

She smiled. "I thought I was the one who was supposed to be telling secrets?"

He cracked a smile, so grateful for her uncanny ability to know when a joke should be made. "I got sidetracked," he spoke with a chuckle. "Please, go on."

She pressed her lips to his and then obliged. "Do you remember what I did when our potion exploded?"

"Oh, absolutely," he said eagerly. "You had a look of horror on your face for all of five minutes and right when I thought you were going to give me an earful, you opened up your mouth and _laughed_."

She smiled. "Yep. I believe I said I looked like Halloween threw up all over me."

He nodded in agreement, grinning.

Her smile wavered slightly, a frown slowly taking its place. She blinked, turning her gaze away from Sirius. "If I hadn't laughed, I'm not so sure we would have become the friends we did. I could have pulled a Lily and chose that moment to hate your guts forever. I could have thought that the prank was immature and childish and hence, shunned you for the the next four years."

Sirius met her nostalgic gaze. "Why didn't you?"

She didn't respond immediately, intertwining her fingers with his slowly before saying, "My grandmother."

Sirius hesitated. "Huh?"

She cracked a smile. "I received a letter from Gran that morning. Apparently she sent virtually the same letter to all of her grandchildren when they arrived at Hogwarts."

"And? What did it say?"

She shrugged shyly. "It was a long rant about how it was those early days at Hogwarts that would determine the rest of our lives. We needed to make smart and wise decisions and make the Gilmore clan proud. She told me to get in with the right crowd and stay away from those promoting the Dark Arts."

"Enter moi," Sirius murmured.

Riley turned to look at him. "I knew my grandmother would throw a fit if she knew we got along. I-I just never imagined that it would turn into you and I being best friends."

"So basically you used me to spite your grandmother."

"At the time, er...yeah."

Sirius considered this carefully, stroking her hair slowly.

"Say something, Sirius."

He smiled, shrugging. "You sound nervous," he mused. "Did you really think I'd care how we became friends? All that matters is that we did. I guess I should really be thanking your grandmother. Who knows where we'd be without her." He grinned.

A smile broke out across Riley's face. "I guess I should be thanking her, too. Because I love where we are, Sirius," she whispered.

His heart soared at that proclamation. "I couldn't agree more."

Nearly seven years earlier the two of them were brought together by a letter and orange goo. And now they were more than either one of them thought they could ever be. They weren't just best friends. They were confidantes, lovers, secret keepers, secret _givers_, and ultimately, they were soulmates. They were exactly where they wanted to be and neither one of them would take any of it back.

* * *

Lily walked slowly back to her room that night, just after midnight, thinking about how for being in the library nearly fourteen years, she got pretty much nothing accomplished. Her mind wasn't on schoolwork during any part of the day. It was simply on James and Riley.

She muttered the password to her private quarters and walked in. Immediately, her mouth dropped open in shock and she felt a gasp of pure awe escape her lips. There were candles everywhere. The room was magnified by all of the lit candles, creating an incredibly romantic ambience. James had pushed the couch back and in its place was a blanket, where cookies, brownies, cupcakes, and champagne sat.

"What…what is this?" she whispered.

James jumped and let out a yelp. He whirled around. "Jesus Christ, woman!" he cried out, clutching his chest. "You scared the shit out of me."

Lily didn't respond, her eyes still surveying the room.

James gave her a sheepish grin, realizing his surprise was just ruined. "Er…you weren't supposed to be back for another hour or so."

Lily's eyes fell upon a single long-stemmed rose on the blanket before she met James' nervous gaze. "Is…is this all for me?" she asked slowly.

James bit down on his lip. "Uh…well…uh…yes," he said cautiously.

Lily was speechless.

James took her silence as hesitance. "Unless you don't want any of this, and then it was just...uh...for me?" he said, having no better excuse. "Because it's been a long day? And I wanted to unwind with candles and champagne?" _Okay, shut up, James, _he thought to himself.

A smile crept on to the ends of her mouth at the frantic lie, the shock still evident on her face.

"Er...alright, maybe not. But it's after midnight," he explained hastily, guilt plastered on his face. "So it's no longer your birthday or Valentine's Day. It's just a day where I wanted to do something special and show how much I care. That's all. Really, don't look that much into this."

To both their surprise, Lily felt herself tearing up, a tear slipping out down her cheek.

James cringed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done anything," he muttered, groaning inwardly. "I should have respected your wishes and acted like it was any other day. I'm really sorry, Lily, and I won't-"

Before he could finish, Lily dropped her bag of books to the floor, strode over to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tip-toes to pull him in for a kiss. When she pulled apart, she whispered, "I love it, James."

James blinked. "Huh?"

Lily smiled. "Thank you, James," she said sincerely. "I thought this wasn't what I wanted. I thought I just wanted to treat it like any other day. I thought I just wanted to spend the day in the library. And yet when I was in the library, all I could think about was you. And how I just really wanted to be with you. And how Valentine's Day isn't just about me, but you, too. Being with you has changed my attitude about everything, even my family. This day used to be about me and mom. Now it can be about me and _you_."

Relief filled James' heart as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Really? So you're not mad?"

Lily shook her head. "No. Not at all. I'm glad you decided to do something. Thank you for that."

James grinned. "Well thank Kay, not me. She told me to do it. I was set on listening to you and staying away from you on Valentine's Day. She convinced me to defy your wishes and that you wouldn't kick my ass."

Lily laughed. "I could never kick your ass. I'd just tell Sirius to start a nasty rumor about you."

James chuckled and leaned down to give her a kiss. "I guess I have to make sure and stay on your good side then," he whispered.

Lily grinned and glanced back over to the picnic. "So, I'm sensing a theme of chocolate," she spoke, glancing up at him. "What, are you trying to fatten me up?"

"Dessert is the only thing the house elves would make at ten o'clock at night!" he whined, leading her over to the blanket.

Lily joined in with the laughter as they sat down on the floor. She leaned up against him while he buried his lips in her hair. He picked up the rose off the blanket and handed it to her. "I-I know it's not much, but it's hard finding anything last minute. And honestly, one rose is enough to show how much I care about you. I could have given you a dozen roses, but like this one rose, you're unique and special. You don't blend into a crowd, Lily, you stand out in my mind. And just like you, it is absolutely beautiful."

Lily's heart melted. "I've never been so happy to receive a single rose," she whispered. "When did you get to be so perfect?" She knew she would treasure that rose forever.

James kised her lightly. "You make me want to be perfect."

Lily blushed and took the rose in her hand. "So are we going to pour that champagne or we just going to stare at it?"

James laughed, reaching for the champagne. "So how was the library today? Did you get a lot of work done?"

Lily shrugged. "Enough, I guess," she explained. "But I kept thinking about you. And Riley."

James gave her a curious look. "Riley?"

Lily sighed. "I thought she'd be over it by now," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "I understand that it came as a shock, but if she were really my friend, she'd realize that I-I _need _her to just support me. I don't need her to be _mad _at me."

James gently stroked her back, giving her a sympathetic smile. "I know," he said gently. "And she's not really mad. She's just hurt. And taking it out on you. Be patient. She'll come around."

Lily pouted. "I hate being patient."

James kissed her on the cheek. "I know."

Lily attempted to give him a lopsided grin for the support, but it fell short. She stared down at her fingers now intertwined with James' and let out a long sigh. "I…I just hate having a friend mad at me and knowing there's really nothing I can do about it."

James stared at Lily, a surprising feeling of guilt welling up inside of him due to the way he's been treating Riley. "I know," James replied. "I wish there was something I could do."

Lily smiled gently. "You being here just helps," she responded, resting her head against James' shoulder. "But let's not talk about it. This night is not about Riley. It's about you and me."

James nodded. "Okay," he said warily. He knew it was bothering Lily more than she'd like to admit, but he didn't push it. He lifted his glass of champagne and held it up. "To us," he toasted.

"To us," Lily chorused.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed Valentine's Day! I hope I'll get a chance to update more quickly throughout the summer, so here's to hoping! Please review :)


	13. Of Sissies, Neutering, & Walks

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaack! Sorry it's taken me so long to update but the story is beginning to wrap up so hopefully sometime soon I'll be able to update al ot faster than I have been. A LOT of things happen in this chapter so I hope you enjoy every minute of it!

**Disclaimer**: I am not J.K. Rowling although I am angry at Warner Bros for pushing back the release of the 6th HP movie!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 13: Of Sissies, Neutering, & Walks

* * *

"Hi guys!" Lily said cheerfully, sliding onto the bench at the Gryffindor table the next morning.

Remus glanced up at her in surprise. "You're in good spirits considering you spent an entire Saturday in the library."

Lily shrugged and smiled to herself. "I…I didn't spend the _entire _Saturday there."

"Oh I'm sorry. I guess you _did _sleep in a little," Remus teased.

Lily gave him a look. "Not what I meant."

Kay grinned, knowing what she meant. "Did James do something for you last night?"

Lily nodded, her smile widening. "Indeed he did."

Remus, Sirius, and Peter exchanged confused looks. "I thought you didn't want him to do anything," Peter inquired.

"I didn't," Lily replied.

"You didn't want your boyfriend to do anything for you on Valentine's Day?" Jillian asked, confused. "Are you feeling alright?"

Lily laughed. "It's…it's a long story," she said vaguely. "Remus will fill you in later, I'm sure."

Remus snorted. "I don't even understand the whole story. Your life is way too complicated," he snickered.

"Not anymore," Lily said with a shrug.

Sirius gasped and turned to look at Lily with an accusing gaze. "Oh God, you're happy because after he surprised you, you murdered him, didn't you…"

Lily threw a piece of bacon at him. "_No_."

"Then where is he?" Sirius asked, popping the bacon into his mouth.

"Still sleeping," Lily pointed out. "You know that guy can't wake up before 2 on a Sunday afternoon."

"He had no problem waking up at 7 AM for Quidditch practice," Sirius murmured, reaching over to Lily's plate to grab another piece of bacon.

"So what did James do?" Kay asked Lily giddily.

"Ooh, yeah!" Jillian cried eagerly.

"Well, I came back from the library-"

"Aghhh, noooo," the boys groaned together, Sirius placing his head on the table and whimpering.

Lily, Kay, Jillian glanced at them curiously. "What?" Kay asked.

Sirius sighed and slowly lifted his head off the table. "The day after Valentine's Day is a day for the _girls _to get together and gossip about what their boyfriends did for them romantically. But nowhere in that statement does it say that guys should be present during that."

The girls all stared at them blankly.

"In other words, go somewhere else," Peter suggested.

The girls all stared at them blankly.

"I have a feeling we're gonna get something thrown at us," Remus whispered to Peter sitting beside him.

"Guys are pathetic," Jillian said. Remus feigned a gasp. "Yes, even you, Remus," she laughed. "You guys do the most romantic things for us and yet the next day, you barely acknowledge that."

"Yes, because we're guys," Remus explained. "We're supposed to be manly and macho and…and…_manly_. Doing something romantic for our girlfriends puts us in a whole different category."

"Yeah, it's called the _sissy _category," Sirius sniggered.

"A guy can be _manly_ and _macho_," Lily mocked, "and still be romantic."

"Yeah, not so much in the guy world," Peter corrected.

"Guys are pathetic," Jillian repeated with a laugh.

"As long as I'm pathetic and manly," Remus teased, winking at her.

"No, just pathetic," Jillian teased.

Remus pouted.

"You're also _very _romantic," Jillian continued, enjoying the strained look on Remus' face. "It's almost sissy-like."

"I give you what I believe to be a very nice Valentine's Day and you repay me by selling me out to my friends?" Remus said, pouting. "Well, that's the last time I do something romantic for _you_."

Jillian winced and quickly turned to the boys. "Scratch that part about him being pathetic and romantic. He's as manly as they come."

Remus grinned.

Sirius snorted. "Oh hell no. You already said it!" he snickered. "Now I have no choice to tell the world that Remus falls under the sissy category."

Remus whimpered and started banging his head on the table. "Why does God hate me?"

"Probably because you're a sissy," Lily snickered, launching them all into a fresh wave of laughter.

"Come on, Lily," Kay said as she took a last sip of pumpkin juice before standing up. "Let's go, how'd you put it, Sirius? 'Gossip about what your boyfriends did for you romantically?'"

Sirius nodded. "That's the basic point, yeah."

Lily rolled her eyes as she stood up, too. "I reiterate Jillian's point: you're pathetic."

Kay laughed and turned to Jillian. "You want to come, too?"

Jillian shrugged and nodded. "Yeah sure. I definitely want to know what James was able to come up with at the last minute."

"And then you can tell us the sissy, romantic thing _Remus _did for you," Lily giggled.

Remus groaned.

Jillian grinned as she kissed Remus quickly before standing up and following them out of the Great Hall.

Remus smiled after her and turned back to the guys. "I'm glad Jillian's getting along well with the girls."

Sirius coughed, which sounded a lot like 'sissy!'

Remus threw a piece of bacon at him.

* * *

Riley was in the back of the library when the most unexpected thing happened.

James slid into the seat across from her, dropping his bag against the ground.

Riley glanced up from her work and did a double-take. She stared at him in shock, no words coming to mind.

"I need to talk to you," James said sternly.

"Er…okay."

"It's about Lily."

Riley stiffened. "I don't want to talk about her," she responded hastily, immediately going back to scribbling something down on her essay, in hopes that James would get the hint. Of course James only came to talk to her about Lily; why should she have thought any differently?

"Riley," he said unsympathetically. "She hates it that you're mad at her. She's miserable without you."

"Naturally," Riley said dryly, rolling her eyes as she glanced in her textbook beside her for another symptom of being under an Amortentia potion.

James reached across the table and slapped her quill down on to the table. "_Riley_," he warned. "You're being unfair to her. She told you about her past hoping that you'd be understanding and sympathetic."

"This coming from the guy who can't try to be a little understanding of my relationship with Sirius," Riley snapped, pulling her hand out from underneath James', snapping her quill in the process.

"It's two different situations," James protested hastily, gripping the pieces of the quill in his hand tightly so as not to throw them across the table at her.

"You're right," Riley said huffily. "Because she didn't tell us a huge secret for _six years_. You found out about Sirius and me after only five weeks."

"Oh, and you would've told me before six years if I hadn't found out?" James sneered. "And you're being completely hypocritical. You're annoyed that I'm mad at you for keeping a secret from me, yet you're mad at Lily for keeping a secret!"

"Except when Lily told me about her situation, _I didn't completely lash out at her with unnecessary judgmental insults_!"

James hadn't thought of that.

"Can we please just..." she sighed, trailing off. She gazed up at him, desperation in her eyes. "You don't get to avoid me for weeks and then swoop in to try and save the day only when it's convenient to you. I thought you were better than that."

James frowned, wincing as a sharp edge of the broken quill dug into his palm. He quickly released the quill from his hand with a sigh. "And I thought you were a better friend to Lily than you're being."

Riley snorted. "I thought _Lily _was a better friend than she really is."

"I can't believe how selfish you're being," James sighed, shaking his head at her in disappointment.

Riley didn't reply to that, mostly because a little part of her knew he was right.

"Everyone has secrets, Riley, especially when it comes to their families," James pointed out with a look of desperation. "And no one divulges them the first day of school. It takes a while for people to trust others and trust in themselves enough to tell them their darkest secrets. Sirius didn't tell us about his horrible family until days before Christmas Break of first year. It's not like-"

"Oh please, that's such a lie," Riley snapped, giving him a 'yeah right' look. "He told me within the first couple of weeks."

James' look softened. "What?" he said in a gentle, surprised voice.

Riley nodded. "Yeah. _He _didn't wait six years. He didn't even wait six weeks!"

James just continued staring at her, with a look that Riley couldn't read.

"What?" Riley snapped.

James bit down on his bottom lip and shook his head in disbelief. "He told you within the first couple of weeks?"

"_Yes_," Riley cried, aggravated.

"Hm."

"_What_?" Riley barked.

James shrugged nonchalantly and when he didn't respond right away, Riley let out a frustrated grunt and attempted to dig through her bag for another quill.

James continued to eye her. "Maybe you two are meant for each other," he said softly.

Riley lifted her eyes slowly and stared directly into James'. "What?" she whispered in confusion.

James shrugged again. "Nothing," he said, shaking his head, returning to his previous anger.

"Oh," Riley said, disappointed. "Can I ask you something, James?"

James nodded without saying a word, still wondering why Sirius had told Riley within the first few weeks of meeting her and yet didn't tell him until two months later.

"Why do you care so much that I'm mad at Lily?" she asked. "I mean, that seems like something a _friend _would care about. And you've made it perfectly clear you don't want to be my friend."

"I'm not here for me," James hastily explained, giving her a perturbed look. "I'm here for Lily. I care for _Lily_."

"You could have sent someone else. Like Remus. Why'd _you_ seek me out?" Riley asked, desperate for the answer she was looking for.

"Because Remus doesn't know Lily like I know Lily."

"He also doesn't know _me _like _you _know me," Riley responded immediately, giving him a knowing look.

James blinked, uncertain what to respond. "I'm _not_ here for me," he reiterated firmly. "Like I said, I'm here for Lily's sake. When Lily's miserable, I'm miserable."

"So by helping Lily you're helping yourself," Riley pointed out, quirking an eyebrow up.

James gave her a doubtful look. "I'm not here for me," he repeated for the third time, except this time it sounded a bit hollow.

Riley shrugged. "Okay," she said, unconvinced, sensing the tone in his voice. Her eyes lingered on his for an extra second before she asked, "Do you have an extra quill on you?"

James slowly nodded and pulled one out of his bag, handing it to her. James sighed, taking this to mean that Riley wanted to go back to work, so he slowly stood up from the table, throwing his bag over his shoulder, staring intently at her the whole time. "Okay," he echoed, also unconvinced.

Riley returned to her essay, thoughts jumbling about in her mind. She wanted to say something, but was at a loss of what. There was an awkward tension wavering in the air between them and it was obvious both wanted to acknowledge it, but neither did. She wanted him to stay there and wanted to say so, but she also knew he would reject the offer so didn't bother saying anything. She missed his friendship and just him being there _willingly _talking to her made her feel that much better about their situation.

"Make sure you take care of that cut," Riley said, gesturing towards the tiny blood stain on his palm. She mentally slapped herself. _That _was all she could think of to say?

James glanced down at his hand and nodded. "Yeah," he murmured, taking his eyes off of his hand and back on to Riley. "Bye," James said awkwardly, wondering what was keeping him rooted to the spot. He stood there lingering for a few more seconds, staring at her, before he slowly turned around.

He stopped at the sound of Riley's voice. "He really didn't tell you until Christmas Break?"

James froze on the spot and half-turned to glance at her. "The week before actually."

"But he told me…" she trailed off in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," James murmured. They both pondered that lingering question before James felt a sudden awkwardness standing there. He gave Riley one more meaningful look before walking out of the library, trying to straighten out his thoughts.

Riley watched him walk out and sighed, a poignant feeling welling up within the pit of her stomach. Were they ever going to be friends again?

* * *

Lily had just gotten out of the shower when there was a knock on her door.

"Come in!" she cried, knowing it was going to be James. She giggled, thinking of the last time he walked in while she was wearing a towel.

When Lily turned around to greet him, she froze.

"Hi," Riley greeted.

"I'm wearing a towel," was Lily's response.

"Yes, good observation. They don't call you Head Girl for nothing."

"No, I just meant I need to put on clothes," Lily clarified, wondering what the hell was wrong with her.

"Uh, okay…" Riley said in confusion. "So…do you want me to come back?"

"_Are _you going to come back?" Lily asked.

"Heh?"

"Why are you here?"

"Why is this conversation so weird?" Riley laughed, trying to ease the tension.

Lily gave her a look before walking over to her dresser. "Because you've been ignoring me for the past week and we haven't spoken a word since."

Riley sighed guiltily. "I know," she murmured. "That's why I'm here."

Lily froze as she pulled out a sweater from her bottom drawer.

Riley bit her lip nervously and walked slowly over to Lily's bed, where she took a seat on the edge of it. "I've been a bitch."

"Yeah," Lily agreed.

"I've been really selfish," Riley continued.

"Yeah."

"I didn't stop to think about how _you _were feeling."

"So far, I'm not arguing."

Riley ran her fingers through her knotty hair and sighed. "I'm really sorry, Lily. I know the last thing you needed from me was to completely shut you out. It was wrong and I know that. I…I just had no idea how to respond to a confession like the one you told us. I was shocked and surprised and I unfortunately turned that into anger. I'm _really_ sorry."

Lily sighed and turned around, leaning back against the dresser. "No," Lily argued. "You don't have to apologize because you were also right. I should have told you a while ago."

"It doesn't matter when you told us. It matters _what _you told us," Riley explained.

Lily nodded, having no response.

"I'm really sorry about your parents, Lily," Riley said sincerely, looking at her sympathetically. "I-I can't imagine what you're going through. It must be really tough."

Lily nodded. "It is. But it helps knowing my friends are there for me," Lily explained. "You included."

"So…so we're friends?"

Lily smiled and sauntered over to the bed beside Riley. "Of course. We were never _not _friends. I'm just glad you came around. I hate when you're mad at me."

"I hate _being_ mad at you," Riley explained. "I also hate admitting I'm wrong."

Lily laughed and gave Riley a hug. "Oh honey, you should be used to that by now."

"HEY!" Riley cried out, laughing. "I could easily go back to ignoring you!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "No way. You'd miss me too much," she teased.

Riley smiled. "I'm sorry, Lily. I really am."

"It's okay, Riley. I'm just glad we're friends again."

Riley grinned. "Me too," she echoed.

Relief filled Lily's heart. "And Riley, I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty for the family you have. That was never my intention. I just...I wanted you to know-"

"You didn't make me feel guilty. I was just jumping on everything you said at the time," she murmured. "Look, I know that I complain about my mother and I vent about my grandmother and I groan about the embarrassing things my brothers do, but...I couldn't imagine not being able to do any of that."

Lily offered her a sad smile. "Look, what happened happened. I-I can't change it. And it's been easier dealing with it over time. Not easy, just easier," she clarified. "And I wouldn't change the life I did have with my parents and my sister, however short it was. I wouldn't ever want to exchange it. And I guarantee that's how you feel about your family."

"Eh, I've often considered exchanging Lance with James."

Lily laughed. "Even now with you two feuding?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat as she slowly frowned. "I-I don't know," she muttered. "Y'know, he was the one who convinced me to talk to you."

Lily hesitated. "I didn't ask him to do that."

"Oh, I know," Riley reassured. "I'm just saying that..." she trailed off, pondering her next words. Eventually, she shrugged. "He's a good guy, Lily."

Lily met Riley's agonizing gaze. "I know he is," she murmured. "And I know that you know that, too."

Riley didn't offer a response immediately, blinking away her frustration. "I do know that," she muttered. "But I also know that good guys can do bad things."

Lily's eyebrow arched. "What did he do?"

Riley sighed. "Nothing," she said hastily, shaking her head. "You want to head back to the Gryffindor common room? There was a whole bunch of people convening there."

"Er...can I change first?" Lily teased.

"I'm sure James would be opposed."

"He'd be opposed to me changing so that I can walk into the Gryffindor common room in front of seven years worth of Gryffindor students in only a towel?"

Riley hesitated. "Okay, maybe he'd be for it."

* * *

Riley and Lily sauntered into the Gryffindor common room together where Remus nodded in their direction and gestured them over to where he was sitting amongst a group of people. Remus and Jillian were canoodling in the loveseat, Dezzy, Drew, and Peter were lounging on the sofa and both Riley and Kay were lying on the floor in front of all of them. Beside Kay also sat two of Dezzy and Drew's friends, Skyler and Brad, who also happened to be dating.

"No, James would probably kill you, Dezzy," Remus snickered as Riley and Lily joined them. "I'd steer clear of the 'I'm dating someone' conversation for a while. At least until his whole ordeal with Sirius and Riley blows over."

"I hate overprotective brothers," Dezzy murmured.

Remus shrugged. "What do you expect for being the only girl in a house full of testosterone?"

Dezzy just groaned.

Kay glanced curiously at Riley and Lily as they plopped down on the floor beside her. "Wait, I thought you two were avoiding each other."

"For reasons still unknown by me, by the way," Remus interjected with a quirked eyebrow.

Riley chuckled, shrugging as she turned back to Kay. "We decided friends was better," Riley argued, taking a seat on the floor beside her brother.

"_We_ decided?" Lily asked, gesturing for Peter to throw her a pillow. He obliged. "No, I'm pretty sure I decided that this entire time. You just decided friends was better about an hour ago."

"Eh, technicalities," Riley said dismissively.

The group launched into a wave of laughter.

Before Kay could question their make-up further, James stormed through the portrait hole and set his eyes on them. "God, I hate Slytherins!" James snapped, slumping on to the floor beside his girlfriend.

Lily groaned. "Please tell me you didn't get into a fight with them."

"No," James argued, shaking his head. "I just told Rodolphus he was a righteous git and walked away."

Remus shook his head. "_You _walked away? Impossible. I don't believe you for a second."

James gave him a sheepish grin. "Okay, well I...er I may have enlarged his head in the process."

"James!" Lily groaned.

"It was an accident!"

Lily glared at him.

"Alright, I did it on purpose, but he was being a righteous git!" he whined.

Lily let out a sigh. "One of these days I'm going to teach you self control."

Dezzy snorted. "Oh please, Mom and Dad have been trying to teach him that since day one, ever since he and Brite used to pester everyone with their endless pranking as kids."

James grinned. "Yeah, those were the good ol' days. Remember that time I stole his broom and he freaked out for about a week?"

Dezzy shook her head. "No, but I was probably a baby then."

"Oh yeah," James snickered. "Youngen."

Dezzy stuck her tongue out at him.

"How mature," James teased.

"Speaking of Brite, how's his wedding coming along?" Drew asked eagerly.

James made a face. "Don't remind me. He keeps sending me letter asking me to do things."

Lily snorted. "Well, you _are _Best Man."

"Yes, but I don't think making reservations for him and Bianca for _Valentine's Day _or getting an appointment at the vet to get his cat neutered falls under the duties the Best Man is supposed to perform."

Laughter filled the room. "You have to get their _cat _neutered?" Skyler giggled.

"I don't want to talk about it," James muttered.

That send everyone into another round of laughter. James merely pouted. "He wants my opinion on invitations now," James continued. "I didn't even know there were different types of invitations."

Kay sighed and shook her head. "You have so much to learn."

"I know!" James whined. "Why did I decide being Best Man was a good idea?"

"Because it gave you a title and you like power?" Riley claimed with a teasing smile.

James met her gaze and slowly, a smile crept on to his lips. This was typically the part where he would ignore her but ever since their brief conversation in the library, he had done a lot of thinking. By calling Riley selfish, by association, he was calling himself selfish. And maybe a part of him was but a larger part was probably being unreasonable towards her. Had he always approved of the people she had dated in the past? No. But he reluctantly accepted that she as with them. So what made this any different? "Hm, this is true," he mused. "It's the only reason I accepted the Head Boy position."

"AHEM!"

"Oh, yeah, and to be close to you," James teased, kissing Lily's cheek. He noticed the surprise in Riley's eye at the sheer fact that he had actually joked back with her.

"Right, because that worked so well for the first three months? Do you not remember the fist fight incident?" Remus snorted.

James scowled. "Hey, we got together in the end, did we not?"

"Most people don't give each other black eyes a week before starting a relationship," Drew pointed out.

"Yeah, is that what happened between you and Dezzy before you started dating?" Riley teased, poking her brother in the leg.

Every single one of them froze after she said it, James blinking before crying out, "Wait, _what_!?"

Dezzy groaned and buried her head in her arms in embarrassment.

"Oops." Riley grinned sheepishly.

"I always knew there was a reason I hated you," Drew murmured.

"Oh please, you never hated me," Riley corrected.

"No, I think I do," Drew responded with a snicker.

"Yeah, I think I do a little, too," Dezzy whimpered.

Riley snorted and gave Dezzy a look. "Oh please. I was the only girl you had contact with during your childhood considering our families were overcrowded with disgusting testosterone-filled brothers."

"HEY!" both James and Drew cried out.

Dezzy grunted.

Skyler gave her friend a sympathetic look. "Yes, and I bet she trusted you, Riley," Skyler said with a snicker. "Probably trusted you _not _to spill their secret relationship."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!" James cried out, glaring at his sister. "You've been keeping this a secret? Like, it didn't just happen, say, like, ten minutes ago?"

Dezzy scrunched up her nose. "Er…maybe?"

"What is the one thing that I have always told you about the Gilmores?" James said to his cowering sister, crossing his arms bitterly.

"That you look up to them immensely and if Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore would adopt you, you'd move in immediately," Dezzy replied immediately without missing a beat.

James paused. "What's the _second_ thing that I have always told you about the Gilmores?"

"Wait, let's go back to that first thing," Riley chimed in with a grin. "You actually liked us that much?"

"What, us being best friends for the past eighteen years doesn't coincide with that?"

Riley shrugged, smiling. "I'm just letting you know now that my mother is crazy and my brothers are even more so. And-"

"Hey!" Drew whined.

"-And I don't think Gran would appreciate you moving in with us considering she's convinced we'll get married one of these days."

Drew snorted. "Like James being your stepbrother would stop Gran from marrying you two."

Riley shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Yeah, the woman is stalking me," James muttered. "She sends me letters every once and a while wondering how my love life is going. You'd think she would have taken a hint when I said Riley and I are never getting married. Apparently to her, that means 'eh, it's still possible.'"

"My grandmother will never take a hint when it comes to planning out my life," Riley snorted.

"Should I feel worried?" Lily teased.

James shook his head. "I wouldn't marry Riley if Granny Gilmore paid me a million galleons to do so."

"Aw, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me," Riley said, wiping away a fake tear.

James chuckled, his heart skipping a beat at how easy it was to return to the way things used to be between them. "Yeah, I'm a sentimental guy-_wait a mintute_!" he cried out, a glare evident on his face. "How did we change the subject off of Drew and Dezzy!?"

"Damn," Drew muttered. "I thought we had bypassed that."

"How long have the two of you been together?" James demanded.

"Officially?" Drew asked. He turend to Dezzy with a shrug. "A little over a week."

James scowled. "I always liked you and then you pull something like this. Well now I don't wanna be your stepbrother."

Drew laughed. "Oh darn because I really needed a fifth brother."

James hesitated. "I have a feeling you're being sarcastic."

"I have a feeling you're right," he responded. He rolled his eyes and stood up off the ground. "On that note, I'm getting out of here before you and my sister start making fun of me."

"Aww, but I'm so good at it!" Riley whimpered.

Drew made a face and then turned to Dezzy. "You wanna go for a walk?"

"Oh hell no!" James interrupted, holding up a hand in protest. "I know what a walk means. I've taken _plenty_ of walks around this school. I'm the _King _of walking around this school. No way are you two taking a walk!"

Dezzy rolled her eyes and stood up, much to the protests of her big brother. "Unlike you, James, some of us actually know the meaning of just walking."

"Wait, I'm kinda more interested in James' kind of walk," Drew teased, winking at her.

James shuddered. "Great, now I've put ideas in his head."

"This is why you should just learn to keep your mouth shut," Riley pointed out with a hearty laugh.

Remus snorted. "_That'll _never happen."

James was about to protest, but Drew and Dezzy interrupted with their good-byes as they headed out of the common room, James making grumbling comments under his breath about them.

"I can't believe they're dating. Have I taught my sister nothing over the years?" James groaned.

"This coming from the guy who started dating at thirteen, two years younger than Dezzy is now," Remus pointed out.

"I'm a guy. We mature faster," James defended.

All of the girls burst into raucous laughter, leaving the guys to pout.

"How about _we _go take a walk?" Brad Harper finally spoke, turning to Skyler. "Preferably James' kind of walk."

"Oh look, now you're corrupting all of the fifth-years, James," Jillian joked.

James made a face.

"Oh believe me, we've been corrupted for years," Skyler joked, winking at the group as she and her boyfriend left the common room.

"So, help me come up with ideas to make Drew comatose," James complained.

"Um, excuse me, that's my brother!" Riley protested.

James stared at her blankly. "What's your point?"

"James, Dezzy is's fifteen," Riley pointed out. "I think it's time you stopped making all of the decisions for her."

"But when I don't she makes bad decisions. What are the chances I can get away with making her decisions for the rest of her life?"

"Not likely. She'd murder you in a week," Riley snickered.

James groaned. "Well I wouldn't have to make her decisions if she didn't make such bad ones! Like getting in a relationship with a Gilmore! Terrible move!"

"And what is wrong with Gilmores?" Riley demanded.

"They break hearts!" James argued, pointing her finger at her. "Every single one of them!"

"Um, excuse me?" Kay interjected. "My boyfriend happens to be one of those Gilmores."

"And _I _happen to be a Gilmore!" Riley pointed out.

"Yeah, sorry about that whole dating a Gilmore thing, Kay," James responded with a teasing smile, passing over Riley's comment lightly.

"Hey!" Kay laughed. "Lance isn't a heartbreaker!"

James snorted. "Oh please, all Gilmores are. It's their human nature. I mean, how many girls did he date before you?"

Kay gave him an irritated look. "Oh sure, and how many girls did _you _date before Kristina? Should I call you a heartbreaker, too? I'm sure Lily would appreciate that."

"Okay, this conversation has gotten awkward," Lily snickered.

"No, this conversation just got interesting," Remus joked.

"No, this conversation is _over_," Lily argued.

"Yeah okay, that too," Remus muttered. He grabbed Jillian's hands and stood up off the couch, stepping over James'. "Which is why _I'm _going to go take a walk with my girlfriend."

"Okay, but it better be one of James' kinds of walks or I'm out," Jillian giggled.

James groaned. "Damn, I'm corrupting all of the Gryffindors!"

"Not me," Peter argued as he, too, stood up. "I just have to go get tutored."

"Well, walk alone anyway," James murmured.

Lily gave him a sheepish look. "Actually, I have to head to the library, too."

"Yeah, same," Kay sighed. "Because my day isn't complete unless I write endless amounts of essays."

James groaned. "Well please tell me you're just going to walk to the library, no sexual connotation included."

"Oh damn, and I was really hoping to snog Kay, too," Lily teased, wiggling her eyebrows at her boyfriend.

James hesitated. "Hm, now _that _I wouldn't be opposed to."

Lily laughed and kissed her boyfriend before getting up off the floor. Kay and Peter followed her out of the common room.

James slowly got up off the floor and moved to the couch, avoiding eye-contact with Riley the entire time.

Riley stared at him with a curious frown, wondering how they could go from snarling at each other and ignoring each other to completely to joking around like it always used to be. An ache filled her heart at the realization of how much she had missed her best friend.

They both sat in an awkward silence before James sighed and turned to face Riley. "Riles," he said slowly.

Riley turned to meet his gaze, surprised to hear her nickname come out of James' mouth.

"I thought about what you said earlier," James explained, biting down on his lip. "I...uh...I think I did go talk to you a little bit for me."

Riley glanced up at him, a nervous feeling welling up inside her stomach. "What for?" she asked anxiously.

He didn't offer a response immediately, pondering his next words carefully. Eventually, he sighed and went with the truth. "Because I've missed you. I've missed our friendship. And because I realized that while calling you a hypocrite, I was being one, too."

Riley nodded.

"I can't stay mad at you for long. I've never been able to stay mad at you."

"But…what about all that stuff you said about me and Sirius? I mean, you-"

"I don't want to talk about him," James hastily interrupted, shaking his head angrily. "In fact, I _never _want to talk about him. You can be with him for all I care, but-"

"But…you _did _care," Riley pointed out.

James shrugged. "You're right, I did. And…and obviously I still do," he contradicted. "But I don't want to be mad at _you_ anymore."

Riley sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, glancing down at the floor. "So you're just going to be mad at him?"

James frowned, slightly thrown by the question. "I know how he can be, Riley," he murmured. "I've seen you get hurt too many times to watch you jump into this relationship with him."

"I'm not jumping into anything," Riley argued, shaking her head. "You may not believe me, but I wouldn't have agreed to go out with Sirius if it wasn't what _I _wanted. He's always been..." she trailed off, a smile creeping on her to lips.

"Always been what?" James dared to ask.

She met James' gaze and shrugged. "He's always been the guy for me," she said softly. "No matter how many times I told myself he was a jackass and he broke my heart once and therefore can do it again, I-I can't not be with him. I tried listening to my head, James. I tried being logical about the whole thing, but...but in the end, it was my heart I listened to. Because while a strong part of me may hate him for what he did two years ago, there's an even stronger part of me that just wants to be with him."

He didn't respond, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh.

Riley slowly joined him on the couch, her expression filling with earnesty. "I care about the guy. A lot. Just like you care about Lily. James, sometimes you just can't help who your heart craves."

He winced, wanting to trust Riley's instincts. But while she was able to listen to her heart, both James' head and heart were screaming at her for trusting a guy who was a pro at breaking hearts.

She sighed. "James, I hope you know that I'm not going to break up with him."

"I'm not saying you have to," James finally spoke. "I'm just saying don't talk to me about him. I don't want to hear about your relationship. I just want to go back to the way it used to be between us."

"So you just want to pretend it never happened?" Riley inquired curiously, giving James a strange look. "Like you never walked in on us?"

James shook his head. "No," he disputed. "There's no way I'm ever going to forget that. I just don't want to _hear_ about it."

She frowned and when she didn't say anything, James pressed on. "I don't think I was wrong with everything I said to you that night, Riles. Granted, I probably could have handled it a little better. I should have tried to reason with you and not just yell in your face," James admitted with an apologetic shrug. "But it's still how I feel. I do think that your relationship with Sirius isn't going to end well and I sure as hell think you should end this before either one of you get in too deep. I-I'm just trying to look out for you."

"James, I'm not that six-year-old girl anymore who you used to protect from the bullies on the playground. I'm eighteen and perfectly capable of looking out for myself," she pointed out

"I…I just...I care about you too much to watch you get your heart broken by him," James repeated pleadingly. "All of my concern is for you."

"So...you don't care about Sirius at all?"

"I can't say that I don't care about Sirius at _all, _but I can say that at the moment, I'm not particularly fond of him," he murmured. "I don't know if my friendship with Sirius will ever be the same, but I hope our friendship can be saved."

Riley didn't respond, biting down on the inside of her lip.

"Riles, I know you don't want me to tell you this, but I've seen you get hurt in the past by boyfriends and I guess I just don't understand why you would choose your next boyfriend to be someone who has hurt every single girl he's ever gone out with or slept with, _including you_," James said with an apologetic shrug. "That's...that's something that I don't think I'll ever really understand."

Riley glanced downward, wondering why she was feeling so guilty. Shouldn't she be defending herself? It was unlike her to get criticized and take it. But when Riley glanced back up she knew she wanted to be friends with James again. And if they have to disagree to agree maybe that's just the way it has to be.

"But…it's really difficult for me to be mad at you. I've known you since we were in diapers and I…I just can't deal with not having you in my life," James disclosed with a heavy sigh. "I'm still a little worried and...and concerned for you but…I want to be your friend again. And you have every right to yell and scream at me and to not forgive me and tell me I'm being ridiculous for crawling back to you after everything I said because I know I probably don't deserve your forgiveness. But I want to be your friend again," he reiterated, giving her a pleading look. "As long as you don't mention Sirius' name to me. _Ever_."

"How am I supposed to be friends with you when you won't accept a big part of who I am right now?"

James shrugged, glancing away from her accusing eyes. "That's really up to you."

Riley gazed at James pensively, not taking her eyes off of his. She knew what she wanted but she didn't know if she was going to be able to sell herself short. They sat there like that, just staring at each other, for a long time as Riley thought about his vocalizations and thought about what she wanted. Eventually she forced out a smile. "Okay," she said. "If that's what it takes."

James was taken aback by her response. "Wait…that's it?"

Riley nodded coolly. "Yeah. Because I don't yell at my friends. I _believe _in them," she retorted, giving him a cold look.

James met her eyes and suddenly felt like he was six inches tall. "We're never going to be as good as friends as we used to."

"I know," Riley responded. "It's a start, though."

James nodded. "Yeah, it is."

"Okay, I know this is against the _rules_," Riley mocked, rolling her eyes, "but what about Sirius? You still mad at him?"

James sighed, shrugging. "I don't know what I am when it comes to him. I guess...I don't know, I guess I just feel like I've been protecting you since we were kids and I-"

"I don't need you to protect me," she pleaded.

"I know, but it's just my instinct to do so," James said with a hesitant shrug. "Sirius may be one of my best friends, but...he's not you. You've been like a sister to me since the day our mothers put us together in that playpen. I love you, Riley. You know that. And-"

"So you feel like you have to choose between me and him?" she said in a small voice.

He frowned. "I don't know," he admitted. "Maybe? Yeah, I guess a part of me is."

"How is that supposed to make me feel?" she murmured. "I don't want to be the girl who gets in between your friendship with Sirius, James. I just-"

"You didn't. _He _did."

"By...by admitting his feelings for me?" she said with a pleading tone. "James, you may not think so but he really does care about me. The way he is with me isn't the same way he's been with other girls in the past. He's loyal and endearing. We can-"

"This the stuff I don't want to hear about," James interrupted, making a face.

Riley frowned, a lump forming in her throat. "Isn't this all just a little hypocritical?" Riley asked. "Making up with me but not him?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Probably. But I-I can't be _his_ friend and _your _friend at the same time, Riley. That just doesn't work. I'm not saying any of this to be mean. I'm just...I'm just trying to understand."

"Except you're _not _trying to understand. You're still making biased judgments based on Sirius' past history with girls. You're putting me in the middle of this weird triangle and I don't know if I can be in the middle, James."

His heart fluttered in defeat. "So basically you're choosing him over me," he murmured.

She quickly shook her head. "No! I'm saying that it should be all or nothing. You can't just pick when to be our friend when it's convenient for _you_. Don't you get that? Friendship is a privilege, James. Not a right based on how long you've known someone."

"I never said I was entitled to your friendship, Riles," he pointed out with a mere shrug. "I know I need to earn it back. That's what I'm trying to do."

"You're not doing a very good job at it," she admitted pleadingly.

He frowned. "I know," he whispered, hanging his head shamefully. "I just...I-I don't know how to be mad at you anymore, Riley. I just...I want things to be okay with us. I don't want to lose you over something so...so...I don't know, trivial?"

"This isn't trivial."

"Yeah," he murmured with a heavy heart. "I know."

Silence followed. Riley wanted nothing more but to tell him he wasn't being fair to either her or Sirius, and even inevitably himself. She wanted to tell him that she wasn't going to allow herself to be put in the middle of everyone's friendships. She wanted to blow him off and show him what it felt like for a friend to turn their back on him. But she didn't do any of that. Instead, she said, "I want things to be okay with us, too."

His eyebrow arched. "Really?"

Slowly, she nodded, wondering how she was going to disclose this to Sirius. "Yeah," she muttered.

James nodded. "Okay."

"Okay," she agreed.

She met his gaze and saw him smile a relieved smile. She, too, forced out a smile. "So what do you think of my brother and your sister?"

James groaned. "Oh, Merlin, I thought we moved on from that topic!"

Riley laughed. "Well get used to it. You're going to be seeing a lot of holding hands and sno-"

"I swear to God if you say snogging, I'll come over there and smother you," James interrupted, making a face.

Riley grinned sheepishly. "I was, er, going to say…er…sn…sn…snow angels!"

"It hasn't snowed in three weeks."

Riley chuckled. "Well I think it's cute. I think they'll be good for each other."

"Do you know what fifteen-year-old boys have on their mind?" James shot back. "Sex!"

"And that's why I think Drew will be good for Dezzy," Riley teased. She quickly rushed out of the chair when James jumped out of the couch and made a beeline for her, probably to strangle her.

"You take that back, Riley Gilmore!" James cried, chasing her around the room with a pillow.

The last thing the common room heard was Riley's laughter as she quickly scrambled out of the common room, James following close behind her.

* * *

Remus dragged James into his room under James' protest. "What is your problem, Remus? I was in the middle of trying to figure out when the hell I'm ever going to use Arithmancy in my everyday life."

Remus snorted. "Oh, I'm so sorry to interrupt such heavy thinking."

James scowled when he saw Sirius in the room. "I swear if you brought me up here for him, then I-"

"Everything doesn't revolve around the two of you, James," Remus scoffed, slamming the door behind him.

"Who crawled up your ass and died?" Sirius muttered.

"Well, I'm glad that I'm the only one who can remember what tomorrow night is," Remus growled, crawling on to his bed with a sigh.

James and Sirius scrunched their noses in a very similar way, trying to figure out what he could be talking about.

"I know what tomorrow night is," Peter chimed in.

Remus glared at his other two friends. "Well, I never thought I'd see the day: Peter is smarter than you two!"

"HEY!" Peter cried.

Remus shrugged. "Take it as a compliment," he suggested. "You're the only one who isn't so self-absorbed with his life and problems that he can actually think of others."

"Can someone please fill me in?" Sirius asked.

"Tomorrow night is the full moon," Remus snapped.

Sirius and James felt about two inches tall. "Oh," Sirius murmured, slinking down in his chair guiltily.

"And I don't give a rat's ass what the hell you two are going through right now. I refuse to let you guys off the hook. You both are going to be there whether you like it or not."

Neither one of them spoke. It wasn't often that Remus scolded anyone and at the moment, James and Sirius were both feeling guiltier than they ever had before. Remus needed them and they were so involved with being mad at each other, they couldn't even take the time out to recognize Remus' situation.

"Tomorrow night is my night and I'll be damned if you two ruin it. No fighting, no squabbling, no mean looks, no name-calling, no insuts, no hexing each other, no wrestling each other after transfiguring, no biting, no ignoring each other. _None of that_. You got that?"

They both nodded.

"And if you do anything to each other, I swear to Merlin I will rip a limb off your body and feel satisfied doing it."

They both nodded.

Remus smiled satisfactorily. "That's all. You can go now, James."

He sighed. "I'm really sorry, Remus. I-"

"I don't want your damned apology," Remus interrupted irritably, glaring at him. "I just want you to realize that we're still the bloody Marauders even with this ridiculous feud you two have going."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat as he met James' gaze. "I don't know if that's true," he muttered sincerely. "But we'll be the Marauders again tomorrow night for your sake."

Remus frowned. "I don't want you to do it for my sake," he said, his words strained with desperation. "I want you to do it because we've been best friends for six years and these full moon excursions are part of the Marauder tradition."

Sirius didn't respond.

Remus glared at him. "We have all been through _so much _together and you two are really willing to just throw all of that away? You're not the two people I befriended six years ago. You're acting like spoiled children. You're not acting like the guys who worked for three goddamned years to learn Animagus transfiguration because you so desperately didn't want your werewolf friend to be alone. You're not acting like the guys who were by each other's sides when one of our own brothers walked away from his family. You're not acting like the guys who let their best friend move into an already crowded family because his own family disowned him. You're not acting like James and Sirius. I want those guys back. Not the guys standing in front of me."

James and Sirius both looked at their friend in awe, sensing such pleading in his voice. "Remus-" James started.

"You can go now, James," Remus muttered, swinging his hangings closed immediately and crawling into his bed.

James snuck a peek at Sirius and was surprised to see him staring back at him. Neither said anything, too absorbed in pondering Remus' words to even attempt to form a sentence.

James slowly climbed off his bed, heading towards the door. His hand paused on the doorknob, slowly turning back around to face Sirius. "I'll see you tomorrow night."

Sirius could only nod.

The next night was almost fun. Just like the days when the four of them would cavort around the grounds enjoying each others' company, frantically searching for new secret passages, chasing whatever creature would dare cross their paths in the Forbidden Forest, and going for a swim when it was hot out in the lake. Sirius and James kept their promise to Remus and avoided any situation that would end in debate. Until the next morning when Sirius and James woke up just to realize that nothing had changed between them.

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you all enjoyed that chapter. Like I said, A LOT went on so I hope you're satisfied. Let me know what you think.


	14. Of Fun, Cupcakes, & Gossip Magazines

**A/N: **Sorry it's taken me so long to update! I started a new job and it's been nothing but chaos and exhaustion for the past couple of weeks. Hopefully, I'll be able to update regularly from now on. I've also hit a writer's block with this story, so it's been difficult trying to write. But finally, here's the new chapter! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Yeah...I'm pretty sure I'm not J.K. Rowling...but only pretty sure.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 14: Of Fun, Cupcakes, & Gossip Magazines

* * *

Sirius flew into the dungeon the following night, exhaustion seeping into every inch of his body from his full moon excursion. "Dear Merlin, you will never guess what I just heard!" he cried out, sinking into the floor beside Riley.

"What?" Riley asked with an intrigued smile.

"That Dezzy and _your _brother are-"

"Dating?" Riley finished with a laugh. "Yeah, I heard."

Sirius pouted. "Damn, I thought that was big news," he whimpered. He shrugged absentmindedly. "How'd you know?"

"Oh, I was in the common room a couple of days ago with…" she trailed off, her smile quickly turning into a frown at the reminder of her guilt. She bit down on her lip and sighed, quickly saying, "I just overheard them talking about it, that's all."

Sirius gave her a curious look as she squirmed uncomfortably. "And it took you two days to tell me?"

"You're Sirius Black. I assumed you already knew," she said with an innocent smile, darting her eyes away from his.

"Is something wrong?" Sirius asked curiously, giving her a scrutinizing look.

"No, of course not," she said hastily. "So how'd you hear about Dezzy and Drew?"

Sirius looked at her strangely, but chose not to press on it. "I didn't hear. I _saw_," he snickered.

Riley's mouth dropped. "_What_?"

"Oh yeah. They were snogging just a few hallways away from here!" Sirius snickered. "So naturally I made fun of them until they were both as red as our scarves and then I questioned them. Dezzy told me finally."

Riley shuddered. "Ew, ew, ew. My brother was snogging someone. Ew, ew, ew."

"Oh, don't ew it. He looked like he knew what he was doing," Sirius teased.

"ARGH!" Riley cried out, hitting Sirius' shoulder. "Why would you tell me that?"

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows. "For fun."

"Your idea of fun is ridiculous," Riley teased.

Sirius gave her a suggestive look. "Well I have other ideas of fun," he replied as he leaned over and brushed his lips against hers. Placing his hand on her back, he guided her to the floor and explored the inside of her mouth.

An hour later, Sirius and Riley were lying in each other's arms.

"So how was your day?" Sirius asked, stifling a yawn.

She shrugged, her mind still on her make-up with James. "Good."

When she didn't continue, he chuckled. "That's all you've got for me?"

"We had a double period of History of Magic, an exam in Charms, and a strenuous work-out in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Not much to say except for 'good."

He frowned. He sensed frustration in her voice. "Is something wrong?" he asked for a second time that night.

"No," she said a little too quickly, her gaze darting around the room timidly.

He didn't respond immediately, just watching her absentmidedly twist a strand of hair around her fingers as she fixed her stare on the stone wall across the room, guilt evident in her expression.

Sirius sighed eventually. "Riley," he said in a firm tone.

Riley was shaken away from her deep thoughts and slightly turned her head to glance up at him briefly. "What?" she asked shortly.

"Something's wrong," he said simply.

Riley shook her head. "No, I already said that-"

"You're lying," Sirius responded hastily.

Riley didn't say anything, mostly because he was right.

"Did I do something?" Sirius asked, looking at her intently, waiting for a reaction.

Riley shook her head sincerely. "It has nothing to do with you, Sirius," she mumbled.

"But there _is _something wrong…" he stated.

This time, Riley didn't argue.

Sirius sighed. "What is it? What happened?"

Riley rubbed her temple and bit down on her lip guiltily. "Sirius, I…I…I…" she dithered.

"Yes?"

"I…I…I…"

"Yes, I got that part," Sirius said, chuckling lightly.

Riley sighed and glanced down at her hands. "I just…feel guilty. That's all."

Sirius glimpsed at her with a contorted face of confusion, observing the guilt in her eyes she just admitted to. "About what?" he asked cautiously.

Riley groaned and brought her hands to her face, rubbing her eyes and shaking her head in response to the guilt that was weighing heavily on her mind now. She let out a long sigh before taking her hands away from her face and staring out ahead at the room, unwilling to see Sirius' reaction. "James and I kinda made up two days ago."

Sirius' head jerked towards her in shock. He stared at her open-mouthed. "Oh," was all that came to mind. While nothing had changed between him and James, spending last night with him was not as unbearable as he expected. And to find out that James made up with Riley before Remus' rant and before the full moon made Sirius oddly unjustifiably angry at him.

"Yeah," Riley murmured, glancing back downward at her hands.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I-I don't know," she said softly. "I think I was still trying to wrap my head around the whole thing."

"So how did you two make up?"

"He…he said he wanted to be my friend again."

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes. "So he basically came crawling back to you apologizing."

Riley shook her head. "Um, not exactly," she said softly. "He didn't…he didn't really apologize. He just had a...um...a civilized conversation with me about the matter instead of the yelling match we initially had."

Sirius frowned. "Didn't realize he could be civilized on the matter."

"Yeah."

"So...so what did he say?"

She bit down on her bottom lip hesitantly, reluctantly saying, "Nothing we didn't already know. He just...he feels like he needs to pick a side."

He blinked. "And he chose yours," he whispered hoarsely, a pang echoing in his heart.

She didn't say anything but they both knew it was true.

"James told you when he found out about us he couldn't be friends with you because of our relationship. Nothing has changed, y'know," Sirius spoke softly.

"I know," Riley sighed, cowering as she felt like a hypocrite. "I know what he said, but...but I don't know, Sirius. I just miss him." She shrugged. "He's been my best friend for eighteen years and we've never fought. _Ever_. I just...I can't be mad at him anymore."

"How can you be friends with someone who doesn't approve of such a big part of your life?" Sirius asked judgmentally.

"I-I don't know," Riley murmured. "I'm just trying not to think about it, I guess."

He hesitated, turning his gaze away from her. "I _am _a big part of your life, aren't I?" he muttered, cringing at how desperate that sounded.

"Of course you are!" Riley replied quickly, turning to face him. She reached her hand up to caress his cheek. "But so is he, Sirius."

"He's going to try to tear us apart," Sirius pointed out, giving her a knowing look.

"No, he's not," Riley immediately argued. "He doesn't want anything to do with us as a couple. He's just going to...to ignore it, I guess."

Sirius didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. In a way, he felt as if Riley was trying to have her cake and eat it, too. He felt blind-sided by the whole ordeal and didn't know what to think. He was wavering between hurt that James would choose Riley over him and anger that James even dared to make up with Riley after all that he had said and done. But in the end, what Sirius' really was, was exhausted. He was exhausted trying to hide his relationship from his friends. He was exhausted trying to ignore James completely while wanting to insult him as much as possible to get him back for the things he said to him. He was exhausted pretending to hate James. "I wish I could understand why he bothered trying to become your friend again," he eventually muttered. "And...and I wish I could understand why you bothered agreeing."

"Sirius," Riley whispered sadly. "I _know _it's immoral to be friends with him after everything he said to us. I know I should have laughed in his face for trying to make up with me. I know that what he said and did was extremely unforgivable. But I-I just don't know how not to forgive him. I don't expect you to understand. I barely understand it. I just...I don't want you to be mad."

Sirius sighed. "I'm not mad. I'm just...hell, I should have seen this coming," he murmured, mostly to himself. "He had told me he was on your side from the beginning."

Riley swiveled her head around. "What?"

"That night that he found out about us, he told me that he was on your side and he always was going to be on your side," Sirius repeated.

"He said that to you?" Riley asked in a hushed tone. She knew immediately that Sirius was probably hurt that James would willingly make amends with her and not even attempt to make them with him, but she had no idea that James had already let Sirius know that Riley came before him. She was hoping that Sirius wouldn't have to find out about that.

"Yeah," Sirius said with a sigh, nodding slowly.

"I'm sorry," Riley muttered.

"For what? You didn't do anything."

"I-I feel like I'm put in the middle of you two."

"Well, you kinda are," Sirius pointed out, shrugging unapologetically.

Riley looked away, feeling more guilty than ever.

Sirius sighed. "Look, I understand that you want to be his friend again," he murmured, rolling his eyes at the idea. "I-I get it. I really do."

Riley had a feeling there was a part of Sirius who wanted to be James' friend, too. "But you don't approve," Riley said as a statement, not a question.

Sirius stared at her with an uncertain, hesitant look. He ran his fingers through his hair nervously and ultimately shook his head. "It's not for me to approve," he protested in a soft voice. "I understand he's your friend Riley. In fact, he's been your friend for almost eighteen years. If you want to be his friend again, I'll support it. Just because I don't necessarily think highly of him doesn't mean everyone has to."

Riley smiled at him adoringly. "You're really something, y'know that?"

Sirius shook his head with a conspiring smile on his face. "No, but I might realize it if you tell me why." He winked at her.

Riley snorted. "Well for starters, you're an _amazing _kisser," she whispered, slightly fixing herself so she was facing him again, pressing her lips hungrily to his.

"What, is that all I am to you?" Sirius teased.

Riley shrugged. "Kinda, yeah. Why, you got a problem with that?" she taunted, tugging on his bottom lip with her teeth. "Because I can go find someone else to kiss, y'know."

Sirius hesitated. "Then again, I _am _an amazing kisser."

Riley laughed as Sirius guided his mouth to hers, pressing it firmly against her tender lips.

* * *

"Has anyone else noticed that Riley and James seem to be getting along?" Remus questioned a couple of days later, sliding into a round table in the back of the library with Peter right behind him. Lily, Kay, and Sirius were already sitting there surrounded by textbooks.

"Yeah, for the past week they've been back to the way they used to be," Kay agreed.

"Yeah, they're hanging out right now," Lily muttered. "In my common room, might I add."

Kay quirked an eyebrow. "Why so irritable about that? Afraid they're gonna get it on in the middle of your private quarters?" she teased.

Lily made a face, glancing up from her essay. "Okay, ew. Unnecessary mental image engraved in the back of my mind forever. Thanks, Kay."

Sirius gagged, throwing his quill down, happy to have any excuse to stop writing. "Yeah seriously. James and Riley? That's just…just…oh hell, it's just _wrong_."

Kay laughed. "And that's why I was _joking_."

"Still, did it really need to be said?" he snickered.

"You know what needs to be said? What are _you _doing in the library?" Remus snorted as he took out his books and parchment.

Sirius hesitated. "Would you believe I got lost?"

"Sadly, yes."

"Okay, then I'm going to go with that."

Remus rolled his eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "So, why do you think they made up?" he questioned, glancing at Sirius curiously. "More importantly, why did they make up but you and James have yet to?"

"How should I know?"

"Because clearly the two are related."

Sirius picked up his quill, glancing back down at his essay. He didn't want to discuss Riley and Jamesat all much less with people who didn't understand the situation. "Maybe they are but it's not like either one of them would tell me anything. James and I aren't speaking and it's not like Riley comes to me with her personal issues."

"See, I think that's a lie," Remus shot back with a scrutinizing look, his mouth in a firm line.

Sirius offered no response.

"I think Riley tells you more than either one of you are telling us," Remus continued slowly, narrowing his eyes at his friend. "I think you're actually friends. Just like you were for the first four years here. I think you share things with each other. I even think you hang out without the rest of us around. And I think that that has something to do with why James is mad at you two…well now, just you."

Sirius slowly glanced up from his essay, an unreadable look on his face, before calmly placing his quill back down on the table and leaning back in his chair. He was surprised that Remus hadn't figured the whole thing out yet. Then again, the idea of Sirius in a relationship at all much less with Riley was probably not even in the forefront of their guesses. "Alright," Sirius said slowly. "Maybe Riley and I aren't just being nice to each other. Maybe we are friends. But so _what_? Isn't that what you wanted the past two years?" he asked irritably, shooting Remus a look. He looked around the table at the rest of them, who were all faking engrossment in their work. But it was clear they were more interested in ths conversation at hand. "Isn't that what you all wanted? Why the hell have you been berating us these past few weeks for being friendly if this is what you've been asking of us for two years?"

None of them spoke. When Sirius was riled up, no one really wanted to mess with him. Eventually, Lily said with a shrug, "You're right, we did want you to be friends. I'm glad you are. We all are. But what we want to know is why. How? And most importantly, why won't you tell us why? Why won't you tell us how!?"

"Because there's nothing to tell!" Sirius cried, giving her a look. "We weren't friends. Now we are. We made up. We came to an agreement. That's all."

"That's all!?" Kay cried out, finally putting in her own word. "You guys swore these past two years that you were never going to be friends again. Clearly, something happened to change your minds!"

"Yeah, _we made up_. Do I have to say that again?" Sirius complained.

"But why?" Peter groaned.

"To tell you why would be to tell you why we stopped being friends in the first place," Sirius explained. "And we all know that's a sore subject."

"Well now that you two have made up, it shouldn't be!" Remus said hopefully.

Sirius gave him a look.

"Then again, I don't want to be turned into a pig so I'm going to stay out of this one," he murmured sheepishly.

"That would be wise," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

Peter groaned. "Oh, come on," he murmured. "This is ridiculous. Why won't you fill in a few of the blanks for us?"

Sirius sighed and glanced around at all of their curious looks. "I'm sorry but I…I just can't, okay?"

"Can't, or won't?" Lily asked.

Sirius fixed his eyes on hers genuinely. "Can't," he said sincerely. "It has nothing to do with any of you so…so please just let it go? And I don't just mean now, I mean _forever_. Can't you just...just accept it?"

The others stared at Sirius and he was more than willing to stare back. Lily was the first to break that stare, glancing around the table at the others. She eventually nodded. "Okay," she said surprisingly willingly. "If that's what you want, we won't mention it again."

Sirius cracked a smile. "That's all I ask."

"I still think it's odd," Kay muttered to get in her last word.

The rest of the group glared at her.

"Then again, what do I know?"

They all laughed.

"Okay, now that that's out of the way, the question of why Riley and James seem to be friends again was never answered," Remus threw out there.

Sirius glared at him.

"Oh, does that fall under the 'not mentioning it to you' category?"

"_Yes_."

"Oh," Remus said sheepishly. "Then how about you answer my original question."

Sirius thought back and eventually gave Remus a curious look. "What question?"

"What the hell are you doing in the library?"

"Haven't we already established that I got lost!" Sirius whined.

"Okay, yes we know you're pathetic, but not _that _pathetic," Lily teased. She turned to Remus. "I tricked him. I told him we were heading to the kitchens."

Sirius pouted. "Imagine my surprise when I got here and there were, dare I say it, books instead of _cupcakes_."

"Well, you've got a few essays out of your way!" Lily argued. "You should be thanking me!"

Sirius snorted. "Oh yeah, thanks so much for forcing me to write essays instead of ingest hundreds of chocolate cupcakes."

Kay made a face. "Hundreds of chocolate cupcakes? And that doesn't make you sick?"

Sirius gasped mockingly. "You don't know me at all."

"That's probably a good thing," Kay murmured, but showed a hint of a smile.

"So…is it time to go eat cupcakes?" Sirius asked curiously, giving Lily an angelic smile.

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. She stuffed her books back in her bag and nodded. "Cupcakes sound really good right about now."

"YAY!" Sirius cried with a childish laugh and he jumped up from the table. "Anyone else coming?"

"I just got here," Remus reminded and Peter nodded in agreement.

"And unfortunately, I still have two essays to write," Kay murmured, scrunching up her nose. "But save me one for later."

Lily nodded. "Will do." She said her goodbyes and she and Sirius walked out of the library.

* * *

Lily crawled into James' bed that night with a smile as he attempted to get some work done.

"Have you ever noticed how Herbology sucks?" James whimpered. "I mean when the hell am I going to need my study of plants in my everyday life?"

Lily laughed. "When we get plants in our flat?"

James glanced over the top of his textbook with an inquisitive look. "_Our _flat?"

Lily blushed. "Uh, I just mean that...well, I think that...maybe if we..." she dithered.

James laughed and pulled her in close to him, kissing her on the forehead. "I'm kidding. I like the sound of 'our flat.'"

"Really?" Lily asked hesitantly.

He smiled. "Of course. You don't think I think about the future? Because I do. And I hope that that sometime in the future, we will be sharing a flat."

Lily felt her heart flutter at the sincerity in James' tone. "Well, okay but it's going to have to be big enough so Sirius can have his own room," Lily spoke, letting out a dramatics igh.

They both laughed. "Good point. We'll scratch one-room flat off the list."

She grinned. "I'm glad that you can laugh at that," she said with a hesitant smile. "I know things aren't exactly going well between you two."

James snorted. "I believe that's the understatement of the year."

"I know, but-"

"But that doesn't mean that we won't make up eventually. It's just...complicated right now, that's all."

"And yet you made up with Riley?"

James scrunched up his nose. "I-I can't really explain that."

Lily sighed. "I figured. When was the last time you did explain something to me that involved Riley and/or Sirius?"

"I just explained that one day we'll be living with Sirius!"

Lily gave him a look. "You know what I mean."

James smiled apologetically at his girlfriend, throwing his books on to the floor as he snuggled up beside her. "I know. And I wish...I wish I could clue you in, but..."

"It's not really yours to tell me?"

James nodded. "Yeah."

"I had a feeling this was more to do with Riley and Sirius than it ever had to do with you," Lily murmured, stifling a yawn.

"I love that you understand," James sighed, kissing her briefly to show his adoration. "And I love that you don't ride me for it."

Lily lifted an eyebrow. "'Ride' can be interpreted in many ways," she teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

James grinned as he switched off the lamp on the bedside table. "I like the way you think, Miss Lily Evans."

* * *

Jillian knocked on Remus' door a few days later and walked right in after she heard him yell for her to come in. She smiled at Remus on his bed and walked over to him.

Remus threw his books on to the ground and patted the bed beside him. Jillian smiled and lay down beside him. "Hey there," he whispered, greeting her with a passionate kiss.

"Hi," she whispered back. She glanced around the room. "Just you and me tonight?"

Remus nodded anxiously. "Yep. Peter's getting tutored, James is doing rounds with Lily meaning they'll find dark corners of the castle to snog in, and Sirius disappeared just a few minutes ago, probably to go hook up with his mystery girl."

"Still have no idea who he's seeing?" Jillian questioned curiously.

"Not in the slightest," Remus murmured. "I've given up caring. If he doesn't want to share, I don't want to know."

Jillian gave him a dubious look. "You want to know."

"You're damn right I want to know!" Remus whined with an amused smile. "I'm his friend. He should want to tell me. He _always _tells me about his new girls. This one shouldn't be different."

"You know why this one is different, Remus," she said gently. "You and your friends talk about it all the time. For some reason, this girl isn't just some random hook-up. It's more than that."

Remus sighed and nodded, squeezing her shoulder tightly comfortingly. "Yeah," he said slowly. "Which just makes me want to know more."

Jillian smiled and nodded, glancing up at him with a serene look on her face. "He'll tell you eventually. He's just…scared, probably. Doesn't want to jinx it, I guess."

Remus shook his head slowly. "Sirius Black doesn't get scared."

"Everyone gets scared in the beginning of a relationship," Jillian explained with a knowing look.

Remus smiled unusually at her. "Are you scared?"

"Of Sirius and his mystery girl? No," she teased, giggling.

Remus snorted and tickled her side teasingly as she squealed. "That's not exactly what I meant."

Jillian laughed slightly and smiled up at him, biting down on her lip. "Yeah I am," she replied, referring to his previous question. "It's hard not to be though. In the start of relationships, everything is unpredictable. Everything is new. And as exciting as that is, it's scary, too. How do you know it's not all going to end?"

"I guess it all depends on…on trust," Remus murmured, groaning mentally. Who's he to talk about trust when he's hiding his biggest secret from Jillian?

"It's a good thing I trust you then," Jillian replied sweetly.

"Yeah," Remus replied uneasily. An overwhelming sense of guilt overcame him as he stared into Jillian's warm eyes. She was unlike any other girl he'd ever been with and he was afraid that if he didn't tell her soon about his "furry little friend," he'd never find the courage to. He needed her to know sooner rather than later. For both of their sakes. He didn't want to be the reason they both got their hearts broken.

"I need to tell you something, Jilly," he heard himself blurt out.

She raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"

He felt his heart begin to race at the realization that this was it. The moment the words were out there, he would never be able to take them back. It frightened him beyond belief. But it frightened him more _not _telling her. "You might not like it and you might break up with me for it and expose me to all of Hogwarts, but...I can't keep hiding this from you."

"Remus, you're scaring me," Jillian said, sitting upright beside Remus in the bed with a look of tortured angst on her face.

"You know how I tell you that I go home to tend to my...er...my sick mother every month?" Remus murmured.

Jillian smiled and placed her hand on his. "Remus, I know."

Remus was too distracted to recognize her sympathetic gesture. "Well, I actually don't go home-"

"No, Remus," Jillian interrupted. She looked into his eyes with a look of knowing sincerity. "I didn't mean I know that you tell me that you go home every month. I meant that I _know_. I know_ why _you tell me that story."

Remus blinked. "Wait, _what_?"

Jillian laughed. "I'm a smart girl. I figured it out. I know you're a werewolf."

Every inch of Remus' body froze. She...she knew about him? And she wasn't freaking out? "So you...but...I..._what_?"

She smiled, leaning over to kiss him. "I know about your lycanthropy. And I don't care."

"You have to care a little," he said softly.

She shrugged slowly. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little freaked out at first. But you being away for a day gave me ample time to think about it. And what difference does it make? Just because you're...you're inactive for a day or two every month or so doesn't change the fact that I care about you. _All _of you. You're still my Remus. The guy who holds my hand in the hallway. The guy who saves me my favorite muffin for breakfast. The guy who remembers when it's our first week Anniversary. The guy who knows I love it when he kisses my neck. _None _of that has changed."

Remus was in pure awe. This wasn't at all how he had expected the conversation to go. "So...how did you find out?" he asked curiously, his mind still processing.

Jillian shrugged. "The next time you and your friends go frolicking around the grounds, remember to bring the map with you."

Remus blanched. "_That's _how you figured it out?"

She nodded guiltily. "I left my books in here one night and when I came to gather them, the map was out in the open on Sirius' bed. And how could anyone _not _be curious to look at that intricate map? I was actually interested in figuring out how the hell you guys sneak into Hogsmeade, but I was so shocked when I saw your name on the map with your friends. I thought you had lied to me because you wanted to hang out with them, and I was jsut so confused. When I wandered down to the grounds to scold you, I saw the four of you in animal form out the Great Hall windows. It didn't take long for me to figure out which one you were."

Remus stared at her in awe. "So you've known all along?"

"Not all along. Just for a few days."

He frowned. "So you know about..."

"The Animagi transformations? Oh yeah. I know about it."

He didn't say anything.

"And I'm not going to tell anyone," she urged with a shrug. "It's not my business."

Slowly, a smile crept on to his lips. "You...you are an amazing girl, y'know that?" he whispered.

"Not half as amazing as you are, Remus. You go through such a tough transformation every so often and...and you still manage to be one of the most optimistic persons I've ever met. How do you do it?"

"Well, having you in my life helps," he whispered, grabbing her arm and pulling her close to him.

She cuddled up beside him and smiled, pressing her lips to his.

When they pulled apart, they locked eyes and for the first time in a long time, Remus felt safe with a girl in his arms. "Can I ask you a question, Jilly?"

"Anything."

"Why do we always seem to hang out with my friends? Why never yours?"

Jillian snorted. "Oh right. And who would you want to hang out with? Rachael, who may be prefect but is not the _brightest _crayon in the box. Besides, she has a history with Sirius and reminds us all about it every five seconds trying to find some way to win him back. Evelyn, who is also quite clueless and basically—though I'll deny it if you ever mentioned to her that I told you this—is a slut and will fuck anything that has a penis and is _constantly _talking about boys; there _are _other subjects, y'know! Kylie, who is way too smart for her own good and has been bitter ever since she found out Rachael got prefect instead of her and therefore, not a lot of fun. Or Isabelle, who would have been your safest bet but because she is so ridiculously obsessed with James she has shunned everyone in Lily and James' life ever since they got together, which includes you, and even a little bit me now that we're together."

Remus paused. "You're right. My friends are better."

Jillian laughed. "I like your friends, Remus. Granted, I feel like half the time I have _no _idea what's going on in their lives, but I still like them."

Remus let out an overdramatic sigh. "Half the time, _I _have no idea what's going on with them. Like now for example: I wouldn't be able to venture a guess as to why James and Sirius seem to, no scratch that, do hate each other and I wouldn't be able to venture a guess as to how Riley fits in."

Jillian gave him an apologetic look. "That sucks. I'm sorry," she sympathized.

Remus shrugged. "Eh, I've kinda gotten over it. I figure that when they want to tell me, they'll tell me. I can be patient until then."

"What if they never tell you?" she teased.

"That's when I kill them."

Jillian laughed and her whole face beamed. "Well, not knowing what's going on with them is better than knowing every stupid little detailof their lives," she murmured. "If I have to hear one more story about how Evelyn's hair wouldn't curl like she wanted it to or the details of how the Chudley Canons won the Quidditch Word Cup _ten years ago _or the very specific way of how James smiled at Isabelle, that's when _I _will kill someone. So why would I want to invite you to hang out with my friends who are extraordinarily crazy and a little bit annoying when I can just hang out with your more normal friends."

Remus burst out into laughter. "_Your _friends are extraordinarily crazy and a little bit annoying? My friends are _normal_?" he repeated. "Have you _met _Sirius?"

Jillian snickered. "Okay, so Sirius isn't exactly normal. But he isn't crazy. Annoying, yes, but all teenage boys are annoying."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, even _you_. Though, you not as much as most," she clarified with a glimmer of mockery in her tone.

"I've been forced to mature quickly. I mean, my friends are James and Sirius. Someone needs to be the mature one in our group."

"It seems to be that you're often in on their pranks," Jillian pointed out knowingly.

Remus wiggled his eyebrows. "Well, I do have a few wild genes in my body."

"I know what we can do with those few wild genes," she whispered as she maneuvered herself on top of Remus and leaned down to kiss him, pulling the curtains around the bed rather hastily.

* * *

"Well I think our friends might be off our backs," Sirius greeted Riley that same night in the dungeons. "Hopefully for good."

Riley kissed him lightly. "And why do you think that? I mean, they have been asking us about our friend status non-stop for the past few weeks."

"Yeah, but they asked again today in the library and-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. _You _were in the library?"

"Lily tricked me!" Sirius whined. "That bitch…"

Riley laughed. "Okay, continue."

"I just told them straight out that I was never going to tell them why and how we're friends again because it has to do with why we stopped being friends in the first place and Lily being the nice one she is, decided to let it drop," Sirius explained. "And the rest of them followed suit."

Riley smiled nostalgically and wrapped her arms around his neck adoringly. "Do you think it's going to work?"

Sirius shrugged. "I hope so."

Riley nodded. "Me, too." She pressed her lips against his with a sense of ferocity.

"How was hanging out with James this afternoon?" Sirius asked, a hint of coldness attached to his voice.

Riley glanced at him curiously. "Er…you really want to know?"

Sirius nodded unexpectedly. "Yeah, I do."

"It was fine. It was clear we were both dancing around the topic that both of us wanted to bring up but knew we couldn't or we'd go back to our ignoring each other phase."

"Ooooh, does it have anything to do with me?" Sirius asked giddily, laughing slightly to show he was okay joking about it.

"I'd have to say it has a lot to do with you," Riley laughed in good fun. When she was done laughing, she stared at Sirius curiously, who was stifling a yawn and looking over her left shoulder. "Sirius…" she said softly.

He looked at her. "Yeah?"

"Are you sure this is okay?"

"That you're looking absolutely fucking gorgeous in my arms right now? Yeah, I think that's okay," he joked, winking at her.

Riley pursed her lips. "No. Me being friends with James."

Sirius' lip curled up on one side as he nodded. "Is it weird for me? Yeah, a little. But I still want you to be friends with him. And I still want you to talk to me about him. Just because he and I are going through a not liking each other phase at the moment doesn't mean that one day he and I won't be able to be friends again."

Riley quirked an eyebrow and couldn't help but snort. "A 'not liking each other' phase? Don't you think it's more of a 'you're a fucking bastard and you better stay away from me before I punch you in the face' phase?"

Sirius brought his hand up and let it teeter into a so-so sign. "Eh. It's hard to tell sometimes. We go back and forth."

A laugh escaped from Riley's lips. "Well, you guys have successfully managed to avoid each other at all costs for the past week. That's new. Before, you guys were very good at insulting each other and hexing each other, annoying the living hell out of the rest of out friends."

"Yeah, it was fun aggravating Lily-bean, wasn't it? She sure likes to take off points, doesn't she…" Sirius mumbled with a short laugh.

"Yeah, I think she gets off from it a little bit," Riley teased.

"Ahh. And what gets _you _off?" Sirius whispered, looking intently into her eyes.

"Hm…I think you know," Riley responded in a quiet, yet enigmatic tone, bringing her lips to his as she tightened her grip around his shoulders. She pulled away and smiled up at him. "I missed you today," she murmured seductively, her hot breath skimming the surface of Sirius' ears, making the hair on the back of his neck tingle lightly.

"I was in the library. Believe me, I missed you more," he whispered, letting a shiver run down his spine not because he was cold but because Riley was touching the back of his neck sensually. This time their lips met with a sudden feeling of intimacy, just lightly touching. It was clear both wanted more as Sirius traced Riley's lips with the tip of his tongue, Riley moaning in ecstasy. The kiss was hesitant for only a second before Sirius brought his hand up to her messy hair and he pressed her against the wall so roughly, Riley gasped. He plunged his tongue into her mouth and Riley's breath shortened out of pure lust. They pulled away and Riley smiled her magnetic smile, the smile she only gave him, as Sirius' heart fluttered. He guided her to the floor, pressing his lips firmly against hers again as he leaned up against the wall, his feet outstretched in front of him. Riley laid her head on Sirius' chest, entangling her legs with his and slinging her arm across his stomach.

"I've wanted to hold you all day, Riley," Sirius mumbled, squeezing her tighter to him as he kissed the tip of her head.

"Really?" Riley said slowly, with a hint of mystery. "Because I've wanted you to do other things to me all day."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow and he glanced down at her. He noticed the suggestive sparkle in her eyes, her lips curving into a frivolous smile. "Hm…well then I mustn't disappoint," he whispered in a deep voice, smiling slyly back at her as his hand slowly grazed her thigh underneath her school skirt, his eyes still on hers the entire time.

An hour later, Riley could hear Sirius' heavy breaths, signaling that he was fast asleep. Riley turned her body inward to face him, her arm slung across his chest casually. It was comforting, sitting there with Sirius in the dark. These were the times she enjoyed the most with him. Just being in his arms, both almost completely naked, his body warming hers to keep away the cold winter night. His heavy breaths reminding her by the minute that he was there, even if he was asleep. His scent of cologne embracing her and the feel of his skin on hers alluring. She always felt so comfortable, so _safe_ in his arms.

And that scared the hell out of her.

Her gaze fell towards the only window, the only source of light and bearing to the outside world. Riley glanced towards the sky, her eyes zooming in on the twinkling stars and the bright crescent moon. There was a sliver of lake in the far corner that rippled slowly and achingly, the trees swaying with the rhythm of the breeze. She wondered how long she was going to be able to enjoy these nights with Sirius. How long was she going to be able to keep her relationship a secret? How long until someone caught them and she was forced to be the topic of humiliation on everyone's tongues? How long until she couldn't hide her feelings from Sirius and was forced to actually open up to him? Open up to _herself?_ What then? How long until she couldn't take the judging looks of James anymore and was forced to end it? With either James or Sirius? Or maybe both? How long until the fear took over and she'd come up with some reason to end this relationship with Sirius just like she had so many time in the past?

Riley swallowed hard, wondering why she had the sudden overwhelming sense to cry. She knew she was falling for Sirius. And falling for him hard. She couldn't remember ever wanting, no _aching _to be around someone so much until she gave into what her heart wanted and agreed to date Sirius. But she hated liking him this much. She hated knowing that the only thing that was getting her through her days was knowing she'd be able to see Sirius at the end. She hated knowing that every time she was in a bad mood, she wanted to run to Sirius with her problems so he'd help her out. She hated having such overpowering feelings for Sirius. She hated feeling like her independence was slipping away and she was slowly starting to depend on Sirius. She never let a guy affect her life in so many ways before and it made her so vulneraly scared that she had start letting her guard down with Sirius. Vulnerability was something Riley Gilmore never liked to associate herself with. Vulnerability meant you were susceptile to a broken heart. And Riley wasn't ready to have her heart broken again. At this point in the relationship, the point where the fear would settle into every crevice of her mind, she would normally run in the opposite direction. So why was that idea so painful to focus on with Sirius? Why was Sirius so different? Why did with every week gone by, her feelings for him just seemed to get stronger? Why was she doing this to herself?

Riley was caught off-guard by that last question. Why was she doing this to herself? Riley wished she could have wondered what that meant. But alas, she knew exactly what it meant. She constantly asked that question to herself every day. Why was she doing this to herself? Why was she falling for the one guy who would break her heart the most? Why was she falling for the one guy she had ever truly cared about and who had already broken her heart once? Why was she falling for the one guy who was going to ultimately reject her in the end, just like all the other guys, but make it so much harder for her to get up and move on? Why was the falling for the one guy who...who might just be falling for her back?

She was good at cutting her losses after a few days…weeks…sometimes months. But with Sirius it was different. He wouldn't let her get away and she didn't want him to. She couldn't reject him before he rejected her. Sirius wouldn't let her reject him. In fact, Sirius would know what she was up to and would call her out on it. Why did Sirius have to know so much about her? Why did Sirius seem to always be a step ahead of her? Why did Sirius make her feel so good, good enough to make her want to stay?

Riley felt a tear slip down her cheeks and she hastily wiped it away. Another fell, quickly followed by a few more. She tried to suppress them, not wanting to wake Sirius, but in the end, she let the tears stain her cheeks. She turned her gaze on Sirius, who was sound asleep and unaware of everything that was running through Riley's mind. She couldn't get hurt again. And she couldn't get hurt again by Sirius.

But she knew what those tears meant. At this point in a relationship, she would have broken up with the guy immediately in fear of getting in too deep but instead of breaking up with Sirius, she was sitting in a dark dungeon crying about the future she knew nothing about. But a future she knew she wanted to spend with Sirius. Which meant she was in this relationship for good. And if she got hurt, it would be her own fault. She wouldn't have anyone to blame but herself. And in a weird way, she was alright with that. This time around she was going to force herself to let her heart do the talking instead of her head.

Because the truth was, as scared as she was and as vulnerable as she felt, she couldn't remember a time when she was happier.

* * *

The next morning Remus slipped into the Gryffindor breakfast table with a huge smile on his face. "Good morning!" he said cheerfully, reaching over Lily's arm to grab a scone.

James made a face. "Good? What part of today is good? The exam first period or the Potions double period we have?"

Remus shrugged. "I'm just in a really good mood."

"Why?" Riley asked through a mouthful of biscuit.

"I-I told Jillian last night."

"Told her what?" Peter asked cluelessly.

"My secret," Remus said with a shrug.

All eyes flew up to Remus' in surprise. "Wait...your _secret _secret?" James said breathlessly.

"Well, what other secret is there?"

"Well, I'm hoping there is another one that you have conveniently forgotten to tell us considering it hasn't even been a month since you started officially dating Jillian."

Remus laughed. "There is no other one."

"Are you sure?" James asked cautiously. "You don't have a...a gay father or a long-lost brother who sadly is Severus Snape or you're having some secret illicit affair with a Hollywood actress?"

Everyone stared blankly at him.

James shrugged. "I blame Lily for those gossip magazines."

Lily threw some scrambled eggs at her boyfriend, laughing lightheartedly.

"As far as I know, my dad is straight, I don't have any brothers, and I'm almost sure I'm not having an affair with a famous actress."

"_Almost _sure?" James pondered.

Remus gave him a look. "I can add some scone to those eggs."

James grinned sheepishly. "So how did it go then? With Jillian, I mean. Not with the actress."

Remus threw the rest of his scone at James with a laugh. "Strangely enough, she didn't care. Considering she already knew."

A long shocked pause occurred amongst his friends. And then - _"What?"_ a loud chorus of voices from his friends rang out.

Heads throughout the Great Hall swiveled around to see what the commotion was and Remus glared at his friends, now all wearing sheepish grins. "This is why I don't tell you guys anything."

"Yet you'll apparently tell Jillian about your furry little friend," James pointed out.

"It's a moot point! She already knew about it."

"_How_?" Peter asked desperately.

"Apparently we weren't careful enough," he said, glancing in James' direction apologetically. "She saw the map."

"What map?" Lily asked.

Remus and Peter gazed over at James curiously. "You haven't told her about the map?"

"Er...no?"

"Oh," Remus said sheepishly. "Why?"

"What map!?" Lily demanded.

"Uh, I think you know why," James snorted, a hint of red appearing on his cheeks as he thought back to the many times he quite literally stalked Lily on the map, constantly showing up in places he knew she would be after she told him to stay away.

"_That _is also a moot point considering you two are together now," Remus pointed out.

"AHEM!" Lily whined, shooting James a look. "I'm your girlfriend. I'm supposed to know all of your secrets."

James burst into laughter and shook his head, a smirk resting on his face. "Oh, honey. If that were true, you would have broken up with me months ago."

"I tell you all of my secrets!" Lily pouted.

James gave her a look. "Oh _really?_ How is Shane, your ex-boyfriend, these days?"

Lily smiled sheepishly. "How would I know?" she lied.

"Because you write to him at least once a month."

"Ooooh," the other three said in unison.

Lily scrunched up her nose. "Hm, touché, Mr. Potter," she chuckled. "I didn't tell you because I know you hate when I mention his name."

"I do not!"

Riley chuckled. "Oh, James. When it comes to Shane, you are Jealous City."

"I am not!" he argued.

"Yes, you are."

James pouted. "Well, it's only because he's ridiculously good-looking!"

They all laughed.

"Sure, he's better looking in a more _obvious_ ruggedly handsome way," Lily teased, ruffling her boyfriend's hair. "But you'll always be more adorable to me."

James made a face, whimpering. "Adorable? That's all I am to you? Adorable is a word you use to describe a puppy!"

Lily laughed and put her head on his shoulder. "You're so cute when you're jealous."

James scowled. "Oh good, if adorable wasn't enough, now you're calling me cute. This better not get around school."

"Oh, it will," Riley and Remus said in unison, high-fiving each other with a laugh.

"Great. Well, now that I've been completely emasculated, it's time for Charms where Flitwick finds amusement in telling me that I do wand skills like a girl."

"Well, your wand skills in Charms _are _somewhat dainty," Remus laughed.

"I can tell this is going to be a very fun day," James murmured.

"Whoa, back up there," Lily argued, grabbing ahold of James' arm before he could run off. "We still have a half hour before Charms so sit tight. You stil have neglected to divulge some information about a certain map to your girlfriend."

"Oh, I didn't neglect anything. I did that on purpose," he teased.

She glared at him.

"Just tell the girl," Remus snorted. "Jillian knows about and-"

"And I know about it," Riley pointed out. "Oh yeah, and Kay knows about it."

"Kay knows about it?" Remus questioned.

"Of course she does. I told her," she snickered. "She also knows about James' Invisibility Cloak and your lycanthropy and-"

"James' _what_!?" Lily cried out, glaring at her boyfriend.

"Wait, Kay knows about me, too?" Remus interjected.

James slowly turned to glare at Riley, ignoring Remus. "Can we go back to not being friends now?"

"Holy hell almighty! Please tell me you have not snuck underneath that thing in past years and followed me," Lily spoke, her eyebrow arching knowingly.

"How did Kay find out?" Remus asked Riley.

James once again ignored Remus, turning towards Lily. "Will you accept a slightly exaggerated version of the truth?" A sheepish grin appeared on James' expression, the scarlet in his cheeks now unmistakable.

"Which is?" she asked coolly.

"No?"

Remus and Peter burst into uncontrollable laughter, earning themselves a glare from James. "By slightly exaggerated version of the truth did you mean a blatant _lie_?" Peter snorted.

"And how does Kay know about me!?" Remus demanded.

"You want to be on my shit list too, Pettigrew?" James scowled.

Peter grinned and was about to respond but was cut off by Lily. "If you ever veered yourself into the prefects bathroom while I was showering, so help me Merlin, I _will _castrate you, James Potter," she muttered, the ends of her own ears turning pink.

"What? No! I would never do that!"

"Mostly because I wouldn't give him the password no matter how many times he begged me for it," Remus spoke offhandedly. "And hello? Kay? Werewolf? Can someone give me some details here?"

James scowled, glaring at him. "That's it! All of the Marauders are officially on my shit list!"

"I really don't even want to begin to imagine how many pranks were played with the assistance of your Invisibility Cloak," Lily sighed.

"AHEM!" Remus cried out. "Can we talk about me now!?"

"Don't forget the map. That was of great assistance, too," Riley chimed in with a cheeky grin.

"NOW YOU'RE BACK ON MY SHIT LIST TOO, GILMORE!" James cried out.

"Mr. Potter! Language!"

James turned to offer his Transfiguration professor a sheepish smile. "I apologize professor. We were merely joking around a tad."

"Ah, yes, about a certain Invisibility Cloak?"

James froze, his entire face now turning red. His friends were clearly trying to contain their laughter with little success. "Er...I have nothing to defend myself with so I'm merely going to point out that you look lovely this morning."

The attempt at suppressing laughter was deemed impossible as snorts escaped all of his friends' mouths. McGonagall looked quite unamused however. "I pray that you are using your Cloak wisely, Mr. Potter, and not for complete evil?"

"Why yes of course I am."

A smile slowly crept on to the professor's face. "Why am I convinced that that's a slight exaggeration?"

"Because apparently his lies are now merely dubbed as exaggerations."

"Remus!" James whined.

Remus grinned, turning towards the professor. "I assure you, Professor, that most substantial Hogwarts rules have never been broken while under the surveillance of said Invisibility Cloak."

"I like how you use the word substantial subtly as if I wouldn't realize that probably means the less substantial rules _have _been broken," she spoke evenly, her eyebrow arching.

He hesitated. "Honestly, Professor, you really _do _look lovely on this gorgeous February morning."

Lily should have been feeling embarrassed over this display of ass-kissing, but the amused glint in McGonagall's eye simply made her laugh. "_I _assure you, Professor, that I knew nothing of this Cloak or believe me, something would have been done about it years ago."

"Ah, someone's words I actually do believe," McGonagall spoke with a smile. "Can I trust you to keep these boys in check, Miss Evans?"

"Oh, you definitely can," she said with a reassuring grin.

McGonagall nodded and started slipping past them before glancing back over at James. "Five points from Gryffindor for the unnecessary language, Mr. Potter."

As she walked away, he swore. "I thought she had forgotten about that," he whined.

"You know what I haven't forgotten about? A certain _map," _Lily argued.

"You know what _I _haven't forgotten about? Kay knowing about my you-know-what!" Remus whined.

"Honestly, Remus, think of someone else for a change," James sighed mockingly.

Remus glared at him.

"You know Kay wants to be a Healer, right?" Riley spoke, finally answering Remus' question.

He nodded.

"She spends a lot of time reading medical journals. There's a study on lycanthropy that she read earlier this year. It wasn't hard to put two-and-two together."

"Oh."

Riley shrugged. "It's no big deal to her. Don't think that it is."

Remus frowned. "I never said it was. I'm just surprised she never said anything to me."

"Why would she say something to you? Clearly you wanted to keep it under wraps and she was just respecting your wishes."

"Mm."

The group all gazed at Remus with curious gazes, wondering what was going through his mind. Eventually, he spoke. "When I came into this school, all I thought I ever wanted was to lay low, keep my mouth shut, go through seven lonely years of a well-informed education and get out before anyone figured out what I was. It...it blows my mind how differently my Hogwarts years have been spent."

Lily smiled at him. "You deserve to live a normal life just as much as anyone."

"This coming from the girl who hid a huge secret about her own life for six years," he teased.

Lily hesitated. "Laying low is the easy option. But surrounding yourself with friends and people who care about you? I have to say, I think that that's definitely the better option."

Remus nodded. "I couldn't agree more." He snuck a peek towards James in particular, his gaze full of desperate pleading. James knew exactly what the gaze meant. It meant no matter what James and Sirius were going through, a friendship shouldn't be so shattered over it. And in that moment, James knew he wasn't just hurting Sirius or Riley. He was hurting all of his friends. And for the first time since he walked in on Riley and Sirius, he actually felt guilty.

"Now," Lily spoke up, breaking into James' thoughts. "Where did we land on that whole map thing?"

He sighed, shooting a look over at Remus and Peter who were chuckling in pure amusement. "Who has it right now?"

"Sirius," they responded in unison.

He made a face, turning back to face Lily. "You have any lunch plans?"

She shook her head.

"Alright. I'll show you the map then."

"You're going to keep me in suspense for four hours?" she whined.

"Do you want to know or not?"

She grinned. "Lunch hour it is."

* * *

Lily and James ate a quick lunch before hightailing it back to their own room, the map tucked in James' back pocket. He had no idea what Lily was going to think and his heart was beating out of his chest the entire walk back in anticipation. She kept asking him questions and he wouldn't answer, his head in a fog.

"_James_," she snapped, elbowing him.

"Huh? What?"

"Wow, it's every girl's dream to find out her boyfriend is not paying any sort of attention to what she is saying."

He sighed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and drawing her close to him, kissing the side of her face. "I'm sorry, I'm just..." he sighed. "Is it weird that I'm nervous about this?"

"What could this map possibly represent that would make you this nervous?" she dared to ask. "I found out about your Invisibility Cloak and didn't completely freak out."

He shot her a look.

"Alright, I freaked out," she laughed sheepishly. "But I'm still here beside you, am I not?"

He smiled awkwardly as he muttered the password, slipping into their private quarters.

"Okay, do your thing," Lily teased, dropping on to the couch.

He stared at her hesitantly before letting his fingers linger on the map, pulling it out to face her. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good," he muttered, tapping his wand to the page.

"Oh, Merlin, anything that starts like that can't be good," she teased, her eyes slowly widening as the map slowly opened up. She froze as every inch and crevice of the castle began to display itself. She let out an inaudible gasp when her eyes became trained on dots, names listed beside them. She frowned in pure amazement as she noticed the ins and outs of numerous secret passages. Eventually, her gaze fell upon her own name resting right beside James Potter. She blinked, taking a few minutes to compose herself before glancing up at James. "Where did you get this?" she asked, her voice full of so much emotion. Bewilderment, shock, amazement, skepticism.

"Um," he said awkwardly, slowly nodding to the top of the map. Lily's eyes followed his and she froze as she read the words "Marauders Map."

She blinked, hesitating for what felt like an indefinite period of time in James' mind befor meeting his gaze. "You...you made this?"

"Yeah," he murmured. "With the guys of course."

She couldn't stop staring at him and it was making James feel slightly uncomfortable. But he couldn't turn away from her either, too afraid that that would be the moment she'd smack him. She eventually sighed. "You are nothing short of brilliant, James Potter."

He hesitated. "Huh?"

She cracked a smile. "I guarantee that this Map was the worst possible invention you boys could have come up with in terms of breaking every possible school rule and invading peoples' personal privacy. However, this might be the most extraordinary thing I've ever seen."

His mouth slowly dropped open. "Er...can you repeat that last part to me once again?"

"This is such advanced magic, James," she murmured. "Veiling and unveiling charms, stealth spells, highly advanced transfiguration knowledge, protection shields, et cetera. The list goes on. When was this created?"

He shrugged. "We started it back when we were fourteen but we update it from time to time when we stumble across a new passageway or tunnel."

"Hah," she snorted. "I highly doubt you lot haven't already found every single secret corridor this castle holds."

"You'd be surprised," he spoke bemusedly.

She smiled, still in awe, reaching down to the map and pulling it in her hands to get a closer look. The Great Hall was packed full of students, the names of their Gryffindor friends more prominent than others. Ironically, so were Severus Snape, Bellatrix Black, and Rodolphus Lestrange's dots. "You charmed their dots to stand out?" she groaned.

James grinned. "I do believe your eyes are playing tricks on you," he teased.

She smiled but it quickly faded, her eyes once again resting on her own dot. As she looked at it closer, she became aware that it wasn't actually a dot. It was a small heart. "The Map knows that we're dating?" she asked in awe.

When she glanced up at him, the scarlet in his cheeks was unmistakable. "What?" she asked shyly, sensing hesitation in his gaze.

"Er...not exactly. Sirius kinda did that on his own volition when we first started creating the map," he murmured, making a face. "And I couldn't figure out how to change it."

Lily's heart skipped a beat as she locked eyes with his. Instinctively, she leaned over to kiss him. "You really did have a crush on me back then, didn't you," she whispered, pressing her forehead to his.

He smiled at her. "I think it's safe to say it was more than just a crush," he admitted.

"And I was kinda horrible to you, wasn't I?"

He grinned sheepishly. "I was horrible back."

She chuckled, snuggling up beside him as they both continue to peruse the Map. "James?" she eventually asked, breaking the silence.

"Hm?"

"This is how you always knew where to find me, wasn't it," she murmured.

He cringed. "Er...it might have been," he mused.

He was surprised to hear a slight chuckle escape her mouth. "Bloody hell, I remember despising you so much all the damned time for always seemingly know where to look for me! I ranted about you for hours, hell for days, about how no matter where I went to get away from you, you still managed to pop up everywhere I was. There were times I wanted, no _neded _to be far away from you in fear of hexing your head off. I hid in places I never thought you'd find me. I even hid out on the Quidditch pitch once!"

James chuckled. "I remember. When I followed you down there, you threw a textbook at my head and told me you hoped I fell off my broom at the next Quidditch match."

She cracked a smile, but still looked quite pensive. "I guess it turns out it didn't matter where I tried to hide. You always managed to find out where I was. Now I know why."

"I'm sorry," he blurted out with a guilty shrug. "I-I knew there were times I should have left you well enough alone. But that was a lot easier said than done. I just always wanted to be sure you were okay."

She glanced up at him curiously. "You do realize that if you really wanted to be sure I was okay, you could have, oh I don't know, stopped doing and saying things to make me feel _not _okay?" she teased.

He grinned. "That would have been too easy."

She couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry for stalking you unequivocally," James teased, pressing his lips to her forehead.

She chuckled. "I'm not," she whispered, reaching for his hand and intertwining her fingers with his. "Because it worked out in the end, did it not? You got the girl."

He smiled at her, squeezing her hand. "I'll never be able to figure out how," he said softly.

Her heart fluttered as she tipped her head backward and guided her lips to his. "Hey, James?"

"Hm?" he whispered in between kisses.

"If this Map tells us where everyone is at all times, shouldn't we be able to figure out what girl Sirius is meeting all the time?"

James slowly pulled back from her with a disheartened glint in his eyes. "If he really doesn't want us to know and he wants to tell us on his own time, I think the right thing for all of us to do is to respect his privacy."

"So basically he's smart enough to hijack the Map every time he disappears."

"Pretty much, yeah."

* * *

**A/N: **Another chapter down! A lot of this was filler information, but at least Remus' secret is out in the open! And ta-da, the Cloak and the Map are officially out in the open as well. And I promise that James and Sirius will be making up soon. You'll just have to wait!


	15. Of Wyatt, Passing Notes, & Detention

**A/N: **I know, I know! It's taken be so long! I've been trying to edit this sequel and I've been having problems. There are a lot of things I don't like about it, so I don't want to keep posting chapters I'm unhappy with. I've finally gotten this one to a point where I finally enjoy reading it, so I hope _you _enjoy reading it as well!

**Disclaimer: **Hm...yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not J.K. Rowling. Not completely sure. Just pretty sure.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 15: Of Wyatt, Passing Notes, & Detention

* * *

Another week went by. An oddly calm and quiet week. The growing friendship between Riley and James didn't go unnoticed. And neither did the awkward tension between Sirius and James. They were no longer at each other's throats (a stern talking to from Remus probably helped that) and instead shared guilty and yet hesitant glances with each other. Remus, Peter, Lily, and Kay respected Sirius' wishes and stopped bringing up their curiosity around him and Riley but it certainly didn't stop them from speculating with one another. Meals were less awkward. Study sessions in the library went without quarrels breaking out. Down time in the common room potentially included all of them. It slowly seemed that perhaps things might be able to get back to normal someday.

James stormed into Potions class on a Monday, took a seat beside Lily, and slammed his bag on top of the table with a loud grunt, interrupting the conversation that was occurring among his friends.

Remus glanced up from the seat beside Lily, forced away from the conversation he was having with Sirius behind him. "Hm, just a guess: is something bothering you, James?"

James' reply was simply to grunt louder.

Lily couldn't help but snicker. "Oh yes, that explains it."

"I really hate my brother sometimes," he whined.

When he didn't continue, Riley sighed. "Considering you have four of them, could you possibly narrow it down?"

"Brite," James grumbled.

"Ahhh, what does he want you to do this time?" Kay questioned.

"Well, he's leaving on a training mission in a couple of weeks and-"

"A training mission?" Kay interrupted curiously.

James nodded. "As a seasoned Auror veteran, he's been helping train the Auror recruits. Scrimgeour, the Head of the Auror office, asked Brite and two other Aurors to head this year's training mission in Southeast Asia. This is where all of the recruits' hard work and training up to this point is put to the ultimate test. The recruits go through a series of tests and battles and obstacles and those who successfuly pass this training mission and pass the final written test in April graduate from the training program in May to become full-fledged Aurors. Basically, the last three years all build up to this training mission."

"You know an awful lot about it," Kay said, intrigued.

"Aurors run in my family. I probably know a little bit too much about the Auror world," James explained.

"So…what exactly does this training mission have to do with you hating Brite?" Remus snickered.

"He gave me a list a mile long to help him with the wedding plans for the few weeks he's gone," James groaned. "How the hell am I supposed to do so much coordinating for him while I'm here? I _do _have other things to worry about: I am Head Boy, I have a full classload including a strenuous project, I am Quidditch Captain and a CUp to win, and N.E.W.T.'s are coming up!"

"James," Lily said gently, "Don't fret. Clearly Brite trusts you enough to take over while he's gone. There's only a few more months until the wedding and he just wants to be sure Bianca has a little bit of assistance."

"Right," he murmured with a sigh. "I just...I don't know. I feel a bit helpless as his Best Man being so far from him. He and Bianca deserve someone to be there full-time at any given moment's notice."

No one spoke, mostly because no one knew what to say.

James sighed and stared down at his hands with a nostalgic look in his eyes. "I wish Wyatt were around," he said in a hushed voice.

Sirius wasn't paying much attention to what James was ranting about, but the moment Wyatt's name was mentioned, he snapped his head up to stare at James. It was very unlike James to mention his older brother who disappeared nearly six years earlier. Sirius knew how much it hurt James to know his brother just walked away from his family so he kept quiet about it. Mostly because he hated showing any sign of vulnerability. So when James mentioned Wyatt, he meant business.

The rest of the group also stared at James with bewilderment, also having not heard Wyatt's name mentioned in years.

"You haven't mentioned him in a long time," Sirius spoke.

They all snapped their heads away from James to look at Sirius curiously.

That was the first time since they fought that James felt a pang of sorrow that he and Sirius were on non-speaking terms. While they rarely talked about it, James was quite aware that Sirius knew exactly how it felt to be abandoned by family. James had only known Sirius for nine months when Brite turned his back on his family, but Sirius was there at Potter Manor nearly every day that summer to support James, much against Sirius' family's wishes. Actually, if he thought back to that summer, it was both Sirius _and _Riley who stayed by his side. They really had been through a lot.

James and Sirius caught each others' eyes for a few heartbreaking seconds before James broke eye contact, frowning. "I'm just saying that if Wyatt were around _he _could be Brite's Best Man and _I _wouldn't have to be. That's all," he murmured hastily.

"I seem to remember you whooping and twirling around when you found out you were Brite's Best Man," Remus teased lightly, not wanting to step on any toes.

"There was no twirling!" James argued.

Remus shot him a look.

"Alright, there might have been some light dancing."

Remus chuckled. "You wanted that title, mate."

"That was before I realized not being home while Brite and Bianca planned their wedding was a bit of a challenge," he said with a whimper. He briefly glanced over at Sirius again, who was still staring back at him. Sirius snapped out of it and quickly went back to staring at his textbook. James sighed. "Wyatt _should _be Brite's Best Man. They were only two years apart and best friends. Brite...damnit, Brite deserves to have Wyatt standing there by his side when he gets married."

"James-"

"I hate him for turning his back on all of us," he snapped, reaching into his bag for his quill and parchment. "Who read the chapter on truth serums?"

No one said anything. About Wyatt or about Potions. It was clear James didn't want to discuss it and they all respected his wishes.

As Slughorn entered the room and began to teach, James couldn't help but steal another peek in Sirius' direction. It was the first time since he found out about Sirius and Riley that he actually considered forgiving Sirius.

_Am I being selfish_? James asked himself as everyone around him scrambled to take notes except for him. He stared down at his blank parchment, carefully reassessing the situation. He eventually let out a strangled sigh, so conflicted with emotions. Confusion, frustration, agony, exhaustion. It all permeated his mind. James really did hope that nothing would go wrong in their relationship; he hoped he was wrong, for everyone's sake. But mostly he hoped that Riley wouldn't get hurt again.

Riley's had it tough when it comes to relationships, _that_ he knew. He knew that Riley was always afraid to jump into a relationship that could last more than a few weeks. She had always believed that getting out early was easier than the possibility of getting her heart broken. She didn't do well with rejection so she did the rejecting when possible. She had cried over guys too many times to fall for it again. Which is why James found it so odd that she chose to be with Sirius. A guy who, too, believed it was more painless just to break it off early with a girl than bother trying to make it last. Sirius was never good at commitment. So why, _why _would Riley choose _him _to be the one to start dating? And why would Sirius let her? And just because they both claimed to have changed doesn't mean it's actually happened—James had a feeling that they both wanted desperately to change so they were trying to do it together. James also had a feeling that in the end, it wasn't going to work.

James sighed again and glanced over at Lily's parchment to see what he was supposed to be taking notes for, pushing Riley and Sirius far from his mind.

Behind him, Riley and Sirius were also not writing down what Slughorn was talking about. Instead, they were passing notes back and forth.

_I think that was the first civilized thing I've heard u say 2 James since your fight_.

Sirius glanced down at her scribbles and shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. **_I was just shocked. He never talks about Wyatt. Never._**

_I know. I was shocked, too. I feel bad for him, tho. He misses Wyatt._

**_He always has, even though he claims he's better off. _**

_Yeah, I know…Should we be paying attention to whatever the hell Slughorn's talking about? …wait, what _is _he talking about?_

Sirius laughed out loud, covering up with a cough when Lily turned around to give him a look. "Something in my throat," he whispered with a smile making it clear it was obviously more than that. Lily made a face and turned back around.

Both Sirius and Riley held it in as much as possible, which wasn't very successful, earning a glare this time from both Lily _and _Remus.

When they both turned back around, Sirius wrote in the corner of his parchment again. **_I haven't paid attention 2 Slughorn for the past 6 years. I'm not about 2 start now._**

_I wouldn't expect anything more from u._

**:-) _My name is Sirius Black and _I'm _an underachiever._**

It was Riley's turn to laugh out loud. She quickly clasped her hand over her mouth, but Lily still turned around. "Will you two _quit it_?" she hissed.

Riley gave her a guilty, yet apologetic, look. "Sorry," she murmured, not very sorry at all.

"I'm not going to let you borrow my notes if you're just gonna pass your _own _notes back and forth, y'know," Lily mumbled under hear breath.

"Eh, I'll just borrow James'," Riley teased in a low whisper.

"Like hell you will," James interjected, not looking up from his parchment, which was only half-filled anyway.

Riley pouted and poked Remus on the back. "Remus?"

"Nice try but no," he snickered, but with a smile on his face.

Riley turned to her right slowly towards Kay with a sly smile on her face. "I suck at Potions, remember?" Kay replied before Riley could even ask.

Before Riley could complain, Slughorn announced for them to get into partnerships.

Before Sirius could move to sit beside Remus, he scribbled one last note. **_Tonight at 11?_**

Riley nodded and shared a smile with him before Sirius picked up his book and moved forward a table. Riley crumpled up the note and stuffed it into her bag before she rose from her chair to grab the ingredients she and Kay would need.

Riley returned back to the table where Kay was already creating the Draught of Living Death. She stirred the boiling water and stared at Riley curiously, which was hard for Riley to ignore. "Yes, Kay?" Riley questioned as she started chopping valerian root, choosing not to look directly at Kay's piercing stare.

Kay shrugged. "Nothing," she murmured.

Riley continued to chop up the valerian root, knowing that 'nothing' was heavily weighted, but she didn't want to press the matter. It was hard to ignore it, however, when Kay continued to stare at Riley intently.

"_What_?" Riley asked again, this time more out of annoyance than curiosity.

Kay didn't even realize she stopped stirring. "So now you and Sirius are passing notes?" she questioned with what hoped was a casual shrug. "Why not just work with him?"

Riley slammed down her knife and let out a strained grunt. "Oh my _God_," Riley whined. "How many times have we asked you to just forget it?"

Kay sighed. "It's just very nostalgic, Riley," she murmured. "You two always used to pass notes back and forth during class when you were friends."

Riley rubbed her temple and sighed. "We're...we're friends," she murmured. "It's a reclaimed friendship. Just...just accept it, alright?"

Kay frowned. "I'm happy for you two."

Riley glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. "What?"

Kay shrugged, glancing back down at her textbook. "I'm glad you guys were able to overcome whatever feud you were going through. Really, I am. The friendship the two of you shared was refreshing to all of us. We were all jealous of it. It was a friendship we all wanted. We all craved. It's about time the two of you got back to the way you used to be."

Riley sat there in awe as Kay added the lacewings to the potion.

"Doesn't mean we're all just a little curious as to why you're friends again," Kay added with a shrug. "Pass the grassroot."

Neither spoke of it again for the rest of class.

* * *

James stood hovering in the boys' dormitory stairs, his eyes trained on Sirius in the corner of the room who was flipping through an old Quidditch catalog.

"Just talk to him."

James jumped, emitting a squeak as he whirled around. "Bloody hell, Moony, you scared the bejeezus out of me."

Remus smirked. "Did you really just use the word 'bejeezus?'"

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

Remus chuckled. "James, you clearly want to talk to Sirius. So why not just do it?"

James frowned, slowly turning back around to gaze at his best friend. "I don't think he'll forgive me."

"He will."

"How do you know?"

Remus shrugged matter-of-factly. "Because we're the Marauders," he stated simply as if that answered the question. And yet it did. They had all been dealt a crappy hand from time to time, but with the help of each other they've managed to get through everything. This should be no different.

Before James could even comment, Remus was slipping past him and heading up to the dorm room.

James slowly unearthed himself from the shadows of the staircase and walked timidly up to Sirius. "Hi."

Sirius glanced over his shoulder, surprised. "Uh...hi?"

James bit down on his bottom lip, staring at the ground uncomfortably.

"Did you need something?" Sirius asked, confused.

"No."

"Then...why are you here?"

"I haven't thought about Wyatt in a really long time," James blurted out.

Sirius' confused face became even more dumbfounded. "I know."

"I always thought he was so incredibly selfish for leaving so much behind. He had a family and friends who cared deeply about him and all he could think about was himself. I-I don't want to be my brother."

"You don't want to leave everything behind?" Sirius asked with a snort. "Then don't."

"No, I'm not referring to his abandonment. I'm referring to his selfishness."

"Oh."

James didn't continue immediately, still trying to figure out why he had come over to talk to Sirius at all. He still didn't trust his intentions with Riley and he was still certain that things would go terribly awry sooner rather than later. But Wyatt rested in James' head all day. James hated Wyatt for just turning his back on all of the people he cared about. And yet that was what he was doing with Sirius.

Eventually James spoke. "I realize that I have been nothing but selfish, turning my back on both you and Riley because of my own fears and insecurities."

"Oh, so you're admitting it?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Admitting what?"

"You're admitting that you're afraid my relationship with Riley has some affect on the friendships you share with both myself and Riley?"

"What? No," he lied, shaking his head hesitantly. "I was thinking more about how when you two break up, what will happen to me. How I will be put in the middle and torn between my two best friends. That's what I meant about being selfish." It definitely wasn't the full truth, but he wasn't about to admit that yeah, he was afraid the friendships he had with Sirius and Riley would somehow be weakened because of the stronger bond they shared.

Sirius knew James was lying, but he didn't push it. "_When _we break up?"

James nodded. "Yeah. When. I think we all know it's going to happen. You can't fool yourselves for very long. You two know nothing about relationships and you sure as hell aren't going to learn with each other."

"If this is some sort of apology, it really sucks," Sirius snapped.

"This isn't an apology," James clarified with a sigh. "I still think that I was right with everything I told you the day I found out about you two, albeit a tad injust with the _way _I said it. I should have been a little bit more understanding and I know I shouldn't have yelled and jumped to conclusions, but my screams were based off my true feelings. It doesn't matter how much you two think you care for each other. Not all people that care for each other should be in a relationship."

"If this isn't an apology, then why the hell are you here?" Sirius asked, frustrated with James' biased explanations. "I already know all of this, James. You've made it perfectly clear how you feel."

"I want a truce."

"A truce?" Sirius asked, surprised.

"Yes, it's when two people come to a respectful agreement."

"I know what a truce is," Sirius scowled hastily. "I just never thought I'd hear the word come from _your _mouth, Mr. Stubborn."

"Look, was I angry in the beginning? Absolutely. But I'm not anymore. It's your life and I can't tell you how to live it. I do have the right to tell you I think you're making a mistake, but I'm not here to change anything between you and Riley. Like I said, it's your life. I'm just done being stubborn," James explained. "We're the Marauders, remember?"

Sirius glanced at James with a scrutinizing look, wondering what to believe, but James' eyes told him that James really was desperate to make amends with his best friend. "So I'm just supposed to go back to being your friend even though you want nothing to do with my relationship with Riley?"

"Riley can look past that. Can you?"

"Aren't friends supposed to be supportive, even if they can't necessarily be accepting?"

James frowned. "I don't know how to be either," he admitted.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out on my own," he murmured.

James could only sigh, not sure what else there was to even say.

Sirius stared up at his best friend with a scrutinizing gaze, a million thoughts running rampid through his mind. James was supposed to be his best friend. But what kind of best friend turned his back on his friend for a seemingly trivial reason?

"Why are you so against us being together?" Sirius blurted out.

James frowned, meeting his friend's desperate glance. "I've already told you," he muttered.

"No, you've made up numerous excuses but you're not telling me everything. What is it about us that makes you so wary?"

"You mean besides the fact that you two are going to break each other's hearts?" James snortd.

Sirius blinked. "That's the first time you've even referenced the possibility of _her _breaking _my _heart."

James swiveled his head in Sirius' direction, startled. "Don't hurt her," he pleaded.

"I could never do that on purpose," Sirius said softly.

James didn't give a response immediately, pondering those words carefully. Eventually, he nodded. "I know."

"James-"

"I-I've watched the both of you go through so many...failed relationships, hook-ups, one-night stands, crushes, et cetera. The list goes on, Sirius. I have seen both of you take a turn for the worst, and I have seen both of you hurting. I have watched the both of you sink down into a depression and I have watched the both of you pick yourselves back up and try again. Just for the cycle to be replayed. Don't you get tired of failing? Don't you get tired of losing? Don't you get tired of hurting? I don't think I will ever be able to understand why you think that this time will be different. And I will never be able to understand why you two can't see that. But what I will never, ever even begin to fathomably understand is why you two don't realize that whatever the outcome is, one of you _will _get hurt. And that's something you won't be able to come back from."

Sirius frowned slowly. "What if neither one of us gets hurt? What if...what if we're meant to be together?"

"You don't even know what that means."

"What if I do, James?" Sirius said softly. "What if _you _aren't able to understand that this time could be different? What if _you _can't see it?"

James didn't respond, blinking curiously as his gaze fell upon the embers floating in the fire. Eventually, he returned his gaze to Sirius. "Why did it take you two years to to find your way back to her?"

Sirius shrugged, shooting him a look. "Why did it take you six years to find your way into Lily's life?"

"I can't imagine what that has to do with you and Riley."

"Look at you, James," he sighed. "You've had your own bout of failed relationships and hook-ups and one-night stands and crushes. What makes you think being with Lily is any different?"

James scowled. "How dare you belitte my relationship with Lily?"

"Oh, right, because you haven't belittled my relationship?"

James cringed at the obvious truth.

"And I'm not trying to belittle. I'm just pointing out the similarities."

"Well, don't. I didn't ask you to."

"And I didn't ask you to judge my relationship but you are. A truce isn't going to change that."

James rand his fingers through his messy hair, wishing that this conversation had gone differently. "I know," he said softly. "But it's a step in the right direction."

To that, Sirius didn't have a response.

"We're the Marauders, right?" James muttered once again, his tone on the verge of pleading.

Sirius froze, slowly lifting his gaze to meet that of his supposed best friend's. "Marauders stick by each other through thick and thin," he murmured. "_Are _we the Marauders?"

James blinked. "We can try to be."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. Maybe James was sitll hesitant about his relationship with Riley, but hell, so was Sirius so could he really blame James? No. And he didn't want to anymore. "Alright."

James quirked an eyebrow. "Alright?"

Sirius sighed and patted the empty spot on the couch beside him. "You came here for a truce, didn't you?"

James lifted an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah. Look, I've hated not being on speaking terms with you and even though I think you're being unfair and I _hate _that you won't even try to understand, _I _know how to be accepting," he said, giving James a knowing look. "And to be completely honest, I am so surprised that you're standing in front of me right now that I probably would have offered you a truce if you hadn't first."

James smiled hesitantly and took the seat beside his best friend. "Thanks, Sirius."

"So, is Brite excited for the training mission?"

James grinned and started giving Sirius the details of the letter Brite sent him. It was as if nothing had changed.

Lily wandered into the common room, her eyes clearly deceiving her as her gaze fell upon James and Sirius laughing together. She blinked a few times before realizing that she really was seeing them together. She slowly headed their way. "Care to explain?" she asked.

James and Sirius exchanged glances. "Not really," Sirius said with a shrug. "We're just...we're friends again."

A smile crept on to Lily's lips. "Really?"

James nodded. "Yeah. That so surprising?"

Lily snorted. "Yeah, it is a bit. Considering you two have been going at it like two werewolves on a full moon for quite some time now."

"We were just going through a rough patch," Sirius said with a casual shrug.

"I have to disagree and say that was so much more than a rough patch," Lily muttered, plopping on to the cushion beside her boyfriend.

He kissed her cheek as Lily threw her legs over his lap, shaking her head in disbelief. "I'm just glad you two are finally friends again."

"So am I," Remus agreed giddily, walking up behind them with a grin. "Can I ask the obvious question?"

"If it's about why we're friends again, then no," James whined.

"Oh, James. I think we all know that the obvious questions is can we prank the Slytherins tonight? _Please_?"

Lily groaned. "I take back what I said. I'm not glad you're friends again."

The three boys laughed. "Oh, c'mon. You always enjoy the looks on the Slytherins faces when they trudge into the Great Hall the next morning, angry and disoriented over some prank gone terribly right."

Lily grinned sheepishly. "Well, I'm not supposed to _admit _it. I'm supposed to be impartial to all houses. I'm Head Girl."

Sirius snorted. "And you think that has _ever _stopped James?"

Lily hesitated. "Hm, good point."

"So, what's the plan?" Sirius asked, his eyes lighting up. "It needs to be really good since it's been such a long time."

Lily sighed and kissed her boyfriend gently before getting back up. "I'm going to go find the girls."

"You don't have to go," James said, grabbing her hand with a pout.

"Oh, believe me, I do. I love that your friends with Sirius again, but I'm not about to tarnish _my _good name by being associated with any prank that occurs tonight."

James pouted. "That's because you've never experienced the thrill of pulling off a prank."

Lily lifted an eyebrow. "But I think I've experienced more than enough pranks from the sidelines to know I don't need to be involved."

"You're missing out," Sirius chimed in, agreeing with his friend. "All teenagers should pull a prank at least once in their lifetime. It's what being a teenager is all about."

"It's not what this teenager is all about," Lily retaliated. "I have thrived on being Miss Goody-Two-Shoes and I'm not about to stop now."

"I think you should help us tonight," Remus agreed.

Lily scoffed. "_You _too? I figured you'd understand."

"I had yelled at these two on numerous occasions for their stupid actions. Until I finally caved and helped them plan a prank. Now, I can't help but enjoy being a little dangerous from time to time."

Lily didn't respond, crossing her arms bitterly.

"Please?" James said with a whimper.

"You really want _my _help? Why? God knows I wouldn't be any good at it!"

"You don't have to be good at it. You just have to put on a smile and enjoy it!" Sirius argued. "Besides, you have me and James to be good at it. We're pros by now. We won't get caught."

Lily stared at them hesitantly, biting down on her lip. It's not like she wanted to help them, but in a way, she was curious what went on during these infamous Marauder pranks.

"Besides," James said, grabbing her arm and pulling her on top of his lap. "I just want to spend time with you. Every moment I'm with you makes me that much happier."

"Ew," Remus said.

"Puke," Sirius muttered. "No wonder I've stayed away for so long."

James slapped him with a cushion as they all burst into laughter.

Lily sighed. "Okay, fine, I'm in. But only if Riley and Kay get to help. If I end up getting into trouble for this, God knows I need others to take down with me."

"Fine, but you _won't _get into trouble," Sirius said reassuringly. "We _won't _get caught."

* * *

They got caught.

* * *

"I cannot believe I am sitting here in the trophy room for _detention_!" Lily seethed the next night.

"Oh, Lily, these things-" Sirius started to say.

Lily threw one of the extra rags at him. "Don't talk to me. I believe _you _were the one who said we wouldn't get caught. Twice. You said it _twice_. And so convincingly."

Sirius shrugged. "Eh, so sometimes we do get caught. Sue me."

"My good name is tarnished forever. This is going to go on my permanent record and I'm never going to get a job! Oh my God, I'm going to be living in a box on the side of the highway, just like Petunia always said I would! Oh my God, I'm not even going to have a box because I won't be able to afford that! Oh my God-"

"Oh my God, you are blowing this way out of proportion," Riley snickered, shoving a half-washed award back into its spot.

"You call that clean?" Lily barked, grabbing it back and wiping it down better.

"No, that was just me not caring." Riley rolled her eyes.

"And what happens when Pringle comes back and-"

"Okay, first you complain about being in detention and now you're taking over," Kay sniggered from the other side of the room. "You need some serious help, m'friend."

"Have you ever known Lily not to be perfect at anything?" Riley snorted.

Lily furiously finished polishing the award and placed it neatly back in its spot. "I'm just irritated!"

"Oh really? We couldn't tell," Remus murmured with a smirk.

Lily glared at him. "I'm mad at you, too, Mr. It's-Fun-To-Let-Loose!"

"You know what can also be fun? Detention, surprisingly."

"Yeah, I believe you said that about the prank, _and now look where I am_!"

"Okay, calm down, honey," James sighed, throwing his rag back down on the floor. "Your good name is not going to be tarnished, I promise. It's one detention for Sirius' stupid mistake."

"Whoaaa, hold on there! How did this all become _my _mistake?" Sirius pouted.

James scowled. "Because you forgot the map, you dolt! Who forgets the map?"

"Yeah, well I wasn't the one laughing like a hyena! I'm sure McGonagall heard you from a mile away!"

"The look on Lily's face when she saw the Slytherin common room was hilarious!"

"It was disgusting and filthy. How students can get anything done in there is beyond me," Lily murmured in disgust.

"Probably why Slytherins are anything but productive," Remus said dryly.

James threw down his rag and sat Indian-style on the floor, stifling a yawn. "Remus, truth or dare."

"What are you doing?" Lily asked, confused.

"Um, it's this little game called Truth or Dare. If someone chooses truth, they have to tell the truth and-"

"I know the game, smartass," Lily murmured, shaking her head with a slight hint of a smile. "I mean, why are you playing it?"

"Because there's nothing else to do."

Lily handed him a rag. "There's what we're _supposed _to be doing."

"McGonagall put all seven of us together in the same room for detention. Do you really think she believed we would polish trophies?"

"Truth," Remus answered, throwing down his rag and leaning against the glass panel.

"Remus!" Lily groaned. "Aren't you supposed to be one of the good ones?"

Remus shrugged. "Eh. These two corrupted me. I gave up years ago trying to be good."

Lily glared at him.

"And..uh...my hand is tired," he lied, smiling sheepishly at her.

"I don't condone this," Lily muttered.

"Truth," Remus repeated with a grin.

James shared his grin. "Have you slept with Jillian yet?"

Remus blushed. "I think that's extremely personal, don't you think?"

"No," Sirius, James, and Peter said in unison immediately, breaking into laughter.

"We're the Marauders. All we're good for is playing pranks and having sex. And when we're not _playing _the pranks and _having _the sex, we _talk _about pranks and we _talk _about sex," Sirius said, shrugging his shoulders as he, too, threw down his rag and ignored the awards. Lily was the only one left polishing.

"No, we haven't had sex yet," Remus muttered.

"Even though you told her about your furry friend?" Sirius asked. "Wasn't that what was holding you back?"

Remus shrugged. "Yeah. It's not like we haven't thought about it. We just haven't...had the time. Or the place."

"A.k.a. you're planning on kicking us out of the room sometime in the near future?" Peter snorted.

"Pretty much, yeah," Remus laughed. "Sirius? Truth or dare."

"Truth I guess," he said impatiently.

"Why are you and Riley friends? And why were you and James mad at each other? And how was Riley involved? Oh, and why-"

"You only get one question!" Sirius cried, frustrated, glancing briefly at Riley.

"Okay, how did you and Riley become friends?"

"I change my mind, I want a dare," Sirius muttered.

"Okay. I dare you to tell me how you and Riley became friends again."

"I hate this game," he muttered. "Okay, I am seriously never going to answer this question again because you guys are never going to _ask _that question again. You want the truth? The truth is, is that we made up. We let bygones be bygones. We put our past stay in the past. We buried the hatchet and stopped holding petty grudges. And that's all you're going to get."

"But-"

"That _is _the truth and that's all you're going to get!" Sirius repeated hastily.

"That was awful," Remus muttered. "I'm vetoing that round. Lily, truth or-"

"What!? You can't do that!"

"Just did. Lily, truth or-"

"But-"

"Lily!" Remus barked, glaring at Sirius with a hint of a smile. "Truth or dare?"

"Neither. I'm not playing, I'm scrubbing!" she said, frustrated.

"Oh no, you're playing," James snickered, grabbing her shirt and pulling her to the ground.

"I'm with Sirius: I hate this game," she murmured.

"So truth then?" James said with a grin, kissing her on the cheek.

"Somehow I doubt picking truth is the safer option with the Marauders."

"So dare then?" he laughed, already knowing the answer.

She punched him playfully on the shoulder with a laugh. "I still think I'll stick with truth."

"Have you ever been in love?" Remus asked.

James and Sirius groaned. "That is such a mushy question!" Sirius complained.

"Besides, you already know the answer," Lily said, giving Remus a confused look. "I've dated two guys. Shane and James."

"That wasn't answering the question."

She sighed, sneaking a peek at her boyfriend, who didn't seem perturbed at all. "No," she murmured.

James simply shrugged and smiled, kissing her on the cheek. "We've been dating for, like, two months, and unlike me, you pretty much hated my guts for six years. I didn't expect you to answer yes to that question."

"I didn't hate..._all _of your guts," Lily said awkwardly, scrunching up her nose.

James gave her a look.

"Just...just the right side."

James gasped. "And what's wrong with my guts on my right side?"

"Okay, does it matter?" Sirius sniggered.

"Uh, _yes_. My right side is so much better looking than my left side!" James whined.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, glancing in Remus' direction. "Am I allowed to veto this _conversation_?_"_

_"_No, because I totally veto it first," Remus snickered. He smiled nostalgically. "This is fun."

"I'm thinking that Truth or Dare in _detention_ doesn't fall under my category of fun," Lily muttered.

"No, not the game, although I have been amused. I meant all of us hanging out. Together. Without so much as the slightest bit of yelling. This is fun. I've missed this."

Lily grinned and nodded agreeably. "I agree. Except for the all of us hanging out together part. I'd be willing to forgo that since that's what got me here in detention in the first place," she laughed.

"Oh come on, you're enjoying this," James said, poking her ribs, his eyes lighting up.

"I'm _not _enjoying you poking me," she whined, slapping his hand.

"Ow."

"You deserve it," she laughed. "Okay, Truth or dare, Riley," Lily retaliated, moving to lie her head down in James' lap.

She scowled. "Shouldn't we get back to polishing the trophies?"

"This coming from the girl who barely scrubbed the Science Award of 1413. You couldn't even see the kid's name," Sirius snickered.

Riley stuck out her tongue at him, making a face. "Well, we sure as hell know it wouldn't have been your name."

"Well, duh, I wasn't around in 1413," he teased.

"Oh, shut up."

"Answer the question," Sirius responded, smiling slyly.

"Dare," she sighed. She knew that if she picked truth, Lily would, too, ask her about Sirius.

"Oh, I'm never good at picking dares," Lily groaned.

"I know, that's why I figured it was the safest bet." Riley grinned, running her hands through her hair flippantly.

"Oooh, ooh! I got one!" Sirius cried, raising his hand giddily. "I always have good dares!"

"You can't help her!" Riley cried out, frustrated, glaring at him.

"Says who?" he shot back.

"Says me!"

"You didn't make the rules!"

"Neither did you!"

"Lily didn't even want to play in the first place!"

"Yeah, well now she is playing!"

"Unfair!"

"Tough cookies!"

"Who says 'tough cookies?'"

"I do!"

"Snog Sirius," Lily said loudly, speaking over their argument.

"Heh?" Riley said, lifting an eyebrow.

"That's my dare for you. Snog Sirius."

"No," James interrupted, frowning. Everyone turned to look at him, bewildered.

"Yeah, what is this? Second year?" Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

Lily looked away from James. "I'm just saying that you two have gone from being best friends to hating each other to sorta liking each other back to hating each other to being overly friendly with each other! The only step you've missed is the step where you make out incessantly with each other, then the next day pretending it never happened."

"What, is there a rulebook for this kind of thing?" Riley snorted.

"Oh, just do the dare," Kay giggled, interested in seeing the repercussions.

"No," James repeated, shaking his head.

"What, why not?" Lily asked, confused and frazzled.

"I just...I just don't think it's a good idea," he lied, avoiding eye contact both with Sirius and Riley. He wasn't sure if he was trying to help them or trying to help himself.

His friends were all looking at him scrutinizingly. "Why do you care so much?" Peter asked.

James shrugged. "I just-"

"It doesn't matter," Riley chimed in, shrugging her shoulders. "It's just a kiss. He kisses everything else in this school so why not me?"

"HEY! I don't kiss every_thing_," Sirius protested with a pout.

Riley gave him a look.

"Just every _girl_." He grinned sheepishly.

"That's not true. Remember that one time you kissed the knight in shining armor in the fourth floor wing?" Remus pointed out.

Sirius made a face as all the girls burst into laughter. "_What_?" Kay said.

"I may have had a little too much to drink in me," Sirius murmured, slumping down embarrassed.

"He mistook the knight for Evelyn Marx," James laughed.

"Well, I can see how one can make that mistake," Riley giggled.

"Started whispering sweet nothings in the silver ear," Peter pointed out.

"Okay, story time over!" Sirius whined.

"Started serenading it with really bad renditions of old love songs," Remus continued.

"Seriously, story time over!"

"And then chose to attempt to dance with it. Needless to say, it fell on top of him and he ended up with an enormous bruise," James added.

"I hate detention," Sirius pouted, crossing his arms.

"C'mon, Riley, just kiss Sirius and get it over with," Lily said.

Sirius grinned. "I love detention."

"Me, not so much," she murmured. She leaned over and kissed him very briefly on the mouth, blushing furiously. "So, uh, James. Truth or dare," she said hastily, hoping they would all forget it.

Remus scoffed. "That was _it_? Can I veto this round, also?"

Kay nodded. "Seriously! That was the lamest thing ever."

"Well, then call me lame because that's all he's getting," Riley said, rolling his eyes.

Sirius pouted. "I'm stuck in detention on a Friday night when I should be out cruising the school looking for some single gals, and _that's _all I'm getting? Detention sucks."

"Hey, at least you got kissed!" Peter argued.

"Aww, you missing out?" Sirius said jokingly, reaching out his arms towards Peter. "I can help you with that! Come here, Peter boy!"

Peter shrieked and jumped up. "Eww! Don't you dare!"

"Speaking of," Remus said, clearing his throat. "I believe it's Riley's turn."

A voice cleared behind them. "No, I believe it's time for you kids to get back to work."

They all turned to face Apollyon Pringle sheepishly. "Uh, we were just getting back to that. Just...taking a break," James said, grinning sheepishly.

"There are no breaks in detention," he snarled, glaring at every one of them. He sauntered away, mumbling under his breath about how he should have taken the job with Gringotts.

"Can we just finish this so we can get back to work?" Lily pleaded.

"Who is this 'we' you speak of?" Sirius whined.

"Okay, so _I _can get back to work?" Lily laughed, picking up a rag and returning to work.

Her friends reluctantly followed.

* * *

Riley and Kay were in the library late Saturday night, everyone else on dates. Or at least that's what Sirius was telling everyone. They both figured that if they lied about having dates, their friends would never find out they were together.

Riley was knee deep in her Transfiguration project, well aware that Kay continued to look up from her Herbology essay to stare at Riley with a scrutinizing, curious gaze every few minutes or so.

Riley let out a sigh and without looking up from her essay asked, "What is it, Kay?"

"What?"

"You keep looking at me so just tell me whatever it is you want to tell me."

Kay sighed. "Why is it that you got so angry at Lily for holding on to her secrets and yet you can't manage to tell any of us your own damned secrets?"

Whatever Riley was expecting, it wasn't that. "Why can't you jsut leave it alone?" she snapped, using defensiveness as her automatic reflex.

"Why can't you two start cluing your friends in every once and a while? We're not gonna be your friends for very much longer if you keep omitting huge details about your personal life."

"But that's just it," Riley replied in a soft murmur. "It's my _personal _life. It's supposed to be private."

Kay let out a drawn-out sigh and glanced briefly at Riley before packing up her essay and textbook.

Riley didn't think Kay was finished speaking her opinion but Riley wasn't about to say anything until Kay did so Riley returned to her essay.

"I just think you're being a bit hypocritical," Kay finally spoke, barely audible, as she slung her bag over her shoulder and got up from the table.

"Please, Kay," Riley spoke softly. "Just let it go. If you were really my friend you would just drop it. _Please_?"

Kay frowned, recognizing such pleading in her friend's voice. What was she so desperate to hide from everyone? She voiced this question aloud.

"I'm not desperate to hide anything," Riley murmured. "I would just like very much to keep the private details of my personal life _private_. Can't you respect that?"

"Can't you respect the fact that we're your friends and don't appreciate being kept in the dark? Can't you respect the fact that we deserve to know what's going on in your life?"

Riley glared at her. "No, oddly enough I can't respect pure _curiosity."_

Kay didn't respond immediately, fixing her stare upon her frustrated friend. Eventually, she shrugged. "Well, then I guess you just got the answer to your question," she muttered.

Before Riley could think of something to respond with, Kay whirled around and whisked out of the library.

* * *

Riley trudged to the dungeon slowly and wearily. After Kay had left the library, Riley couldn't get any work done. She thought she'd be angry with Kay, but instead she was angry with herself. Kay had been absolutely right. Riley practically blew up at Lily for her own secret and yet she was keeping something from her friends as well. It may not have been as shocking and disparaging as Lily's news, but it was still something she was holding back from them.

She couldn't help but wonder what was stopping her from telling everyone. She and Sirius had passed the point of no return. It was obvious that they cared for each other probably more than they ever imagined they could. It wasn't just a fling or a casual relationship like their previous relationships. Pure lust wasn't theri driving force. It was everything. It was the companionship and the engaging conversations and the romance and the ultimate attraction they had for one another. Nothing was missing. If Riley wasn't afraid of jinxing it, she would have said it was perfect. And if it was so perfect, why not let their friends in on it? Kay was right. They did deserve to know. They were their _friends_. She was shocked to realize that for the first time since she and Sirius got together, she actually _wanted _to tell her friends. And that's what scared her the most.

Her heart started racing as she entered the dungeon. Was she really ready to make it all real? To make the world know that she was in a dedicated and committed relationship? Was she ready to not take the easy way out? If everyone knew about her relationship, a potential break-up would be that much more devastating to her. She wouldn't just be burdened in her own head. She would have to endure the wrath of Hogwarts' female population and the I-told-you-so looks from the male population. She would be judged and mocked and she'd be dubbed the idiot who fell for Sirius Black and got her heart broken unsurprisingly.

But that would mean she and Sirius would have to break up. And as strange as it may sound, Riley not only didn't want that to happen but she didn't feel as if it would either.

Having everyone know would make it that much harder for Riley to turn back. But for the first time ever, Riley realized that she didn't _want _to turn back. She wasn't unconvinced anymore about her relationship. She was sure that she was in it for good. She was sure this was what she wanted, not just for now but for the future. The truth was, Riley had been seconds away from blurting out everything to Kay. And the weird part was, Riley wouldn't have minded. If the idea of her friends finding out didn't freak her out but in fact made her excited, maybe it _was _time to tell them. Maybe it _was _time to tell everyone.

A few more minutes passed with Riley creating different scenarios in her head about her future, many of the scenarios complete with Sirius. She never thought she'd be fantasizing about the future of a relationship; usually she just fantasized that the guy would end up dying so she wouldn't have to break up with him. Riley's frown quickly turned to a smile as she lay down on the floor, her eyes gazing outside to the sparkling night sky. The last thing she remembered before she drifted off to sleep was Sirius' face vivid in her mind.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed it! I know that a lot of stuff happened in that chapter, but I found it very fun to write. Especially the scene in detention! I can totally picture it happening! Please review and let me know what you thought about it.


	16. Of Bras, Work, & Sexiness

**A/N: **Sorry, sorry, sorry! I have been SUPER busy-BEYOND busy! It's been a while since I've uploaded but here I am! I really hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it...please let me know what you think!

**Disclaimer: **Yada, yada, yada, I'm not J.K. Rowling, yada, yada, yada, I don't own the rights to Harry Potter, yada, yada, yada, I'm not even close to being rich, yada, yada, yada...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 16: Of Bras, Work, & Sexiness

* * *

Kay pushed the door open hard and stormed into the boys' dormitory, letting out an exasperated groan before plopping herself on to James' empty bed.

"Yeah, I guess knocking is overrated," Remus teased from the other side of the room at his desk, taken aback by the forceful entry.

Kay simply groaned again, covering her face with her hands.

"Apparently talking is, too. What's up, Kay?"

"You know what I've noticed?" she muttered irritably, turning on her side and leaning on her elbow, her head resting in the palm of her hand. "That the seven of us can't manage to all be friends at once. It's as if the stupid, petty little fights we have with each other control our everyday move. As if the day isn't over until one of us says something mean and malicious. It's a little depressing that we'll find absolutely anything to argue about with absolutely anyone, generally over something trivial."

Remus placed his quill on his parchment and swiveled around in his chair to give Kay a scrutinizing look. "Okay, what have you done now?"

"What makes you think I did something?" she said with an innocent smile.

Remus shot her a look. "I think that little rant of your says it all. So spill."

Kay sighed. "I kinda called Riley a hypocrite and then stormed out."

"Kay!" Remus groaned.

"See? Stupid, petty little fights!"

Remus cracked a smile and got up off the chair, moving to his own bed with a yawn, grateful for the break from Herbology. "You know what, though? You've got a point: why can't we ever go a day without some sort of fight breaking out? I was hoping today would be a fresh start since James and Sirius are finally talking. I mean, I can't remember the last time all seven of us were getting along."

"It was January," Kay replied immediately. "And it didn't last long."

Remus shrugged. "To be fair, _I_ haven't fought with anyone in almost two years."

Kay glared at him.

"That's probably not all that fair."

Kay shook her head. "Probably not, no."

Remus laughed. "So what was this fight about anyhow?"

Kay whimpered again, and turned back on to her back, staring up at the ceiling with a complacent expression. "It's the same thing I've been asking about since January."

"Sirius and Riley," Remus murmured.

Kay nodded slowly. "Look, I realize that I'm being overly curious and a tad critical. But I can't imagine what is so secretive that those two are acting so quiet over it."

"And why James would blow up at them," Remus reminded her.

Kay nodded once again. "I just wish they would give us something. Anything to make us understand this whole thing. Maybe not the whole truth, but give us a little to go off, y'know?"

Remus shrugged, shooting her an apologetic look. "I wish I could help more, but only Sirius and Riley can do that at this point."

Kay sighed and lay down on James' bed, brooding for a few minutes about the conversation she shared with Riley. "I didn't come here for your help," she eventually said. "I just came here to vent. You're right. Only Sirius and Riley have the power to change all of this petty fighting. There really isn't anything I can do now."

"You could, oh I don't know, apologize to Riley," Remus snickered.

Kay scrunched up her face. "Yeah, yeah, I know…" she sighed. "I'm not exactly a good person right now, am I? I called her out on not being a friend but storming out of the library just because I was angry with her for keeping a secret might not have been my wisest decision yet."

Remus laughed. "Probably not, no."

"Then again, I could just let her sweat it out a bit," Kay muttered with a mischievous smile.

Remus snorted. "And we're right back to not being a good person."

Kay laughed. "Eh, it was bound to happen eventually." She let out an exasperated sigh, throwing a pillow over her face and groaning into it. She emerged from underneath the pillow, making a face. "I just don't understand why the worst two secret-keepers in the school have been able to keep something that is clearly so significant under wraps for two months. Hell, for two _years_. What could they possbily be so determined to hide? What could have happened two years ago to make them start hating each other? And how is it that they could just make up _in an instant _if things really were so bad?"

"Alright, let's be logical about this," Remus suggested, slowly sitting up in his bed. "When did their friendship start again?"

Kay frowned, gazing over at him. "Right after Christmas?"

"No," Remus said slowly. "Right before actually. One minute Riley was on a rampage and ready to kill him. The next minute, everything seemed fine."

"When was _this_?" Kay asked, her eyebrow shooting up into her hair.

Remus thought back. "The day after her birthday I think."

A sinking realization crept into the back of her mind. "So wait. Tell me again what happened?"

Remus shrugged and retold the story. "It was during lunch. Riley came pounding on our door ready to slaughter somebody, screaming Sirius' name with a rage in her eyes I had never witnessed before. Needless to say, Peter, James, and I were slightly frightened. Apparently he did something to her. I have no clue what however. Like that's anything new," he muttered. "Anyway, she pulled him into the hallway and I have no idea what happened. When Sirius returned, he looked like he would have preferred death. About...oh I don't know maybe fifteen minutes later, there was another knock on the door. Riley was back. Except she didn't look like she wanted to kill him this time. She actually looked _sorry_. She said something along the lines of 'it can be enough' or whatnot and Sirius was pulled into the hallway once again. Another half hour went by or so and Sirius popped his head into our room, said he was going to go work on the project with Riley, walked out, and I lost five galleons!"

Kay blinked. "I had you up until that last bit."

Remus chuckled, shrugging. "I bet Peter one of them would come back either dead or hexed. Neither happened unfortunately."

Kay slowly nodded, grateful that her photographic memory could come into play here. She did remember that it was that specific morning where Riley had cornered Rhett about his disappearance from her party. She remembered asking Riley about Rhett right before break and she saying that things didn't work out. She remembered Riley and Sirius spending an awful lot of time together throughout those few days working on their project. "I still don't get it," she murmured hesitantly, working it all out in her head. "Merlin, it's just a bloody friendship. What could possibly be so-" Kay halted mid-sentence, the light going on in her head that she had been waiting for since Riley and Sirius started hanging out together. "Oh, my God."

"What?"

Abruptly, Kay sat upright, her eyes widening in shock. "Oh my _God_."

"_What_?"

Kay gasped inwardly, her jaw dropping. "OH MY-"

"Don't finish that sentence unless you plan on explaining this sudden revelation!" Remus said, frustrated.

"I gotta go," Kay said immediately, climbing off the bed quickly.

"What? That's _it_? Are you bloody kidding me, Richards?" Remus cried out, throwing his hands in the air.

Kay grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Remus, but I seriously gotta go," she repeated.

"Oh well, now that everything's been cleared up," Remus whimpered, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry!" she repeated. Kay raced towards the door just as James walked in, almost running her over. "Whoa! Sorry Kay!" he said hastily. "What's up?"

"Just realized how incredibly smart I am!" she explained with a grin, continuing to rush down the staircase.

"Uh, okay, have fun with that!" James called after her. He turned towards Remus with a curious look on his face. "Do I want to know what that was about?"

Remus shrugged, shaking his head. "_I _don't even know what that was about," he whined. "So what's up? I thought you were hanging out with Lily."

"I was…well, am," he explained, walking towards his desk. "I just realized I didn't have my Potions textbook on me and I needed it. I think I left it in here somewhere," he murmured, sifting through his messy desk.

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "When was the last time you were up here doing work?"

James half-turned towards Remus and shrugged before rummaging through his trunk beside his bed. "I have no idea. But I searched both my room and Lily's room and came up empty. My next option was here."

Remus stifled a yawn and climbed off the bed to help James search. "You and Lily seem to be doing very well."

James glanced up from the trunk, a curious expression on his face. "We are. Why mention that?"

Remus shrugged and got on to his hands and knees and looked under the bed. "No reason. I'm just happy for you guys."

James smiled. "Yeah," he said slowly. "I'm happy, too."

"I mean, it took you six years, four kisses, and a fist fight for the two of you to come together. I would hope you'd be happy after going to all that trouble."

A shy smile crept on to James' lips. "It was worth the trouble," he said softly.

Remus, too, smiled at the celar adoration in his friend's voice. They returned to searching the room for James' textbook. Eventually, Remus said hesitantly with a muffled voice from underneath James' bed, "I hear Kristina has some new man."

James halted briefly before continuing to rummage through the trunk. "Oh," he simply replied. "Uh…who?"

Remus crawled ou from under the bed with a shrug. "Don't know. I just heard Rhett and Riley discussing it in Advanced Transfiguration but they never mentioned a name. I'm pretty sure neither one of them knew who the guy was, though."

"Oh," James replied, closing the trunk. "Interesting."

Remus got up off the floor. "It's not under your bed although there's a bra underneath there and I'm trusting it isn't yours," he snickered, holding up a lacy navy bra.

James gave him a look. "_No_, it isn't mine," he laughed. "It's too lacy to be mine."

Remus snickered, pretending to fling it at him. "Lily's?"

James shook his head. "Definitely not. We haven't ever hooked up in this room."

"Well, that's a relief," Remus teased. He glanced at the bra and quirked an eyebrow. Before he could say his next guess, James interrupted saying exactly what Remus was planning on asking, "It's not Kristina's either. She's smaller than that."

Remus flung the bra on to the floor. "Ew, then whose is it?"

James glanced at it and shrugged. "No idea," he responded. "Jillian's?" he teased.

Remus snorted. "No." He paused. "Wait…" he trailed off, then eventually shook his head. "No, it definitely isn't. First of all, it wouldn't be under your bed. Second of all, she mostly wears pink, black, and-"

"Too much information!"

Remus laughed. "At least I've seen more than just one of her bras," he teased.

"I've seen more than one, thank you very much," James argued with a grin. "That doesn't mean I'm going to tell you what colors they are."

Remus made a face. "Ew, that girl is my Head Girl. I really don't want to know the colors of her bras nor do I need to know that you've seen her in more than one."

James laughed. "I've seen her in _no _bra, to-"

"ARGH!" Remus cried, covering his ears quickly.

James grinned, returning to his desk and sifting through all the drawers, praying his textbook was around there somewhere.

Remus went through the messy pile on the floor in the room, wondering if the book was hiding underneath all of the clothes. Eventually, Remus spoke again. "I just thought you'd like to know."

James glanced at Remus curiously. "Thought I'd like to know what?"

"That Kristina has some new guy in her life."

"Oh," he answered. "Yeah. Good for her."

"Found it," Remus snickered, throwing off Sirius' dress robes from the book and handing it to James. "Why the hell are Sirius' dress robes on the floor? I mean, when did we even wear dress robes last?"

James snorted and pocketed the book in his bag. "Two years ago?"

Remus laughed. "Figures."

"I'll see you later," James stated, heading out the door. He paused right in the center of the doorway and turned around. "Is he her boyfriend?" he asked, wondering why Remus was simply referring this guy as 'some guy' and 'new man.'

Remus plopped on to his bed and gave James an inquisitive look. "Huh?"

"Is this new guy Kristina's boyfriend?" James clarified.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. But I don't think so. I think they've just been hanging out or whatever."

James nodded to himself and then shrugged it off. "Well it doesn't matter anyway. We've been long over," he said with a shrug.

"Yeah," Remus responded with an awkward smile, knowing perfectly well James cared a little bit.

"See you later."

"Bye."

* * *

Sirius slipped into the dungeons much later than anticipated that night, continuously thinking of ideas to make it up to Riley. He sauntered in and saw her peacefully sleeping in front of the window and he smiled at how gorgeous she looked even in a deep slumber. He tiptoed in and lowered himself to the ground quietly. He positioned himself by her side and kissed her lightly on the cheek, hoping she wouldn't awake.

No such luck.

Riley stirred slightly, making a light groaning noise in the back of her throat as she turned over. She cracked open an eye and saw Sirius laying beside her, a guilty look on his face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered.

She groaned again, stifling a yawn. "What time is it?" she murmured in a groggy voice.

"Late," he replied. "A little after one."

This time she didn't even try to suppress her yawn. "After one?" she muttered, confused.

Sirius nodded, giving her an apologetic look as he kissed her on the cheek again. "Yeah."

"You were supposed to meet me two hours ago," she murmured, cracking open the other eye to give Sirius her full attention.

"Yeah I know, I'm really sorry," Sirius sighed. "There was…well, something came up and I just lost track of time."

"Is everything okay?" she asked concerned, sitting up and leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, everything's fine," Sirius mollified. "Well, with me that is."

Riley gave him an inquisitive look.

"It's nothing. While rushing here, I ran into Rachael and…well, she-"

"Rachael who? LeBlanc?" Riley replied, trying to hide her repulsion.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, and she-"

"You blew me off for her?" Riley asked, slightly hurt.

"No, it's not like that," Sirius argued, giving her a pleading look. "She…she had a crisis and I happened to be walking by, she needed someone to talk to, and…well, two hours later, we went our separate ways."

Riley snorted. "And what was her crisis? Ran out of lip gloss? Hasn't had sex in, God forbid, _24 hours_? Got rejected by a guy? Her hair was too frizzy? Shrank her favorite tank-top?"

"Her parents died."

Riley froze. "Okay, well I'm officially a bitch."

Sirius cracked a smile, shrugging. "She was having a tough time and she…she just needed a friend. That's all."

"That's all?" Riley questioned further.

Sirius nodded. "She just needed to talk to someone and I happened to be the one passing by at the time."

Riley glanced at him, stifling a yawn. "And it took two hours?"

Sirius gave her a look. "Rachael likes to talk. You know that."

Riley frowned, her brow furrowing. "Can't she talk to her friends about this?"

"She doesn't want anyone to know. She doesn't want people to treat her any differently. She doesn't want pity," Sirius explained, slipping her arm around Riley in a comforting way, stroking her arm.

Riley cocked her head to the side. "Wait, are you saying that they don't know? Rachael hasn't told her friends about this?"

Sirius nodded.

"And yet she told _you_…" Riley murmured suspiciously.

"I just happened to be walking by at the time she was crying, Riley. That's _all,"_ he pleased.

Riley sighed. "How convenient."

"_Riley_," Sirius warned. "Come on, I know you don't like her but you could give her a little slack. Her parents _did _just die."

Riley frowned, thinking quite selfishly that that seemed convenient as well. "I'm sorry," she murmured sincerely. "It's just...I can't help but be a little wary. You have to admit she's wanted you for a long time now, Sirius. This all just seems a little suspicious."

"Are...are you insinuating that she's using the death of her parents to get with me?" Sirius questioned, a bit of coolness in his tone.

Riley winced slightly, realizing that for the first time ever, a spark of jealousy ignited inside of her. "I'm sorry, I just...never mind. I'm sorry to question it," she murmured in all honesty.

Sirius smiled down at her, pressing his lips against her temple. "No, I'm sorry for breaking out date," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and drawing him close to him.

"It's alright. We'll just have to make it up tomorrow night," she said mischievously, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

Sirius cringed. "Er…how about the night after tomorrow night?" he suggested guiltily.

Riley's eyebrows creased. "And what exactly are you doing tomorrow night?" she asked with a pout.

Sirius bit down on his lip and averted his eyes away from her accusing ones. "Er…well, Rachael asked-"

"Oh bloody hell," Riley interrupted, shooting him a glare. "Are you serious?"

"Riley, she just needs a friend right now," Sirius squeaked, cowering beneath Riley's daggered eyes.

"You were never friends with the girl," Riley muttered dryly..

"Er...okay, yes, that's true," Sirius snickered. "But she has no one else right now."

"Again, convenient," Riley muttered.

Sirius gave Riley a warning look. "We won't be hanging out for long tomorrow night. I'm sure I can meet you afterward."

She shot him a glare, scrambling off the floor. "Don't bother," she muttered. "I do not need her leftovers." She grabbed her bag and started heading out.

"Riley!" Sirius pleaded in a whiny voice. "It's not like I'm choosing her over you. Like I said, she's just in need of a friend. Someone who will listen and be there for her. I'm simply her crying shoulder. I'd much rather spend my time with you. You know that. But...c'mon, give her a break. She's going through a lot right now."

Riley hesitated in the doorway, slowly turning around to face him. She knew she was being slightly unreasonable, but there was just something about Rachael LeBlanc that made her blood boil. Slowly, she threw her bag to the floor and wandered back over to him. "Fine," she muttered, cuddling up beside him. "But I don't like it."

Sirius smiled and kissed her cheek. "You're cute when you're angry."

"I'm not angry, just annoyed!" Riley whimpered.

"Okay fine, but you're still cute," Sirius teased.

Riley smiled. "Cuter than Rachael?"

Sirius kissed her neck. "_Much _cuter."

* * *

Kay had been trying to find free time with Riley since the night before. She finally found her chance when Riley wandered off to the library by herself after lunch the following day. Kay walked slowly up behind her, wondering what to say.

Riley glanced behind her and jumped, shrieking ever so slightly. "Jeez, woman! Say something, will ya?"

Kay glanced at Riley with a scrutinizing look, remaining silent.

"Or just stand there looking creepy as all hell. Whatever works for you," Riley murmured, rolling her eyes. She returned to her essay.

Kay slid into an empty seat, not letting her eyes linger off of Riley.

Riley felt Kay's eyes penetrating through her. She threw the quill down on the table. "What the hell are you doing here, Kay? Because if you came back to call me a hypocrite, I-"

"Is Sirius a good kisser?"

Riley froze in her seat, her mouth open in shock. "Er…now, why would you ask me that?" she said hastily, panic settling into her body. "Look, there's Rachael and Evelyn sitting in that corner. Oh, and Terri over there. And there's the Jensen twins. All girls you know he's made out with."

Kay gave her a look. "Are you denying it?"

Riley blinked. "Okay, what do you know and who the hell told you?"

Kay let out a slight gasp, her eyes lighting up. "Bloody hell, it's _true?"_

Riley hesitated. "No?"

"RILEY!"

She sighed, biting down on her bottom lip. "Seriously, who told you?"

"No one told me. I figured it out on my own. Being obnoxiously nosy actually turned up in my favor."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Well, good for you."

"So you're really sleeping with Sirius Black?" Kay hissed, quirking an eyebrow. "No wonder none of us could figure this out before. This is just so…so…unlikely and weird and…and…well, and a little bit creepy."

"Well, gee, thanks for the vote of confidence," Riley drawled dryly.

Kay smiled. "I'm not saying it's a bad thing, Riley," she reassured. "I'm just saying that it's…well, that's it's unlikely! And weird! And cre-"

"Creepy. Yeah, I got it," Riley murmured, stifling a laugh. "But before you categorize this as just another fling for the both of us, you should know there's more to the story."

Kay raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?" she said, her eyes lighting up. "Do tell."

Riley pushed her books away and leaned back in her chair, a skeptical look on her face. "Sirius and I are…well, it's just that…it's a little more than…"

"Oh, just spit it out."

"We're not just sleeping together," she blurted out. "We're dating."

Kay blinked. Once and then again. She stared at Riley in shock before finally uttering, "Okay, now _that _I never would have guessed."

Riley shrugged sheepishly, gazing at Kay with a wary expression.

"Okay, last time I checked, the two of you don't date. Casual sex? Hell yes. But _dating_? I didn't know either one of you had it in you."

"Oh, gee, now that I'm a whore."

Kay laughed, hastily shaking her head. "You know that's not what I meant. I just meant that neither one of you were ever good at the whole relationship thing. So.. I think this begs the questions exactly how did this happen?"

Riley shrugged casually. There was a part of her that was thankful Kay figured it out, slight relief filling her heart. But the shocked, slightly judgmental expression on Kay's face told Riley that maybe it had been better to keep it under wraps "It just…well, it just did," she muttered.

"Well, I'm glad you're being specific," Kay replied sarcastically.

Riley sighed. She really didn't want to get into the whole thing with Kay. To get into it would mean a long explanation of why they started hating each other in the first place and that was something Riley wasn't ready to divulge to anyone yet. "It was a number of things that I...I don't really want to get in to," Riley murmured.

Kay frowned. "Why are you acting so annoyed about this?"

"There's a reason we wanted to keep it a secret," Riley snapped. "And this is why."

Kay hesitated. "Me asking questions is why you wanted to keep it a secret?"

"You asking _judgmental _questions," she snorted.

"Whoa, Riley, did I once say I was judging you?" Kay defended, taken aback by the frustration in Riley's tone. "Because I'm not. You really think I of all people have the right to judge someone's relationship choice? I'm dating your brother, a guy I barely knew before I got to go to Bermuda with your family and a guy who, let me tell you, had one hell of a reputation in prior years. I'm not judging you, Riley. I'm just...I guess I'm just trying to understand. That's all."

Riley sighed. "Just like _James _was trying to understand."

Kay didn't respond immediately, her gaze softening at the betrayal resting in Riley's eyes. "That's why he's mad at you both," she murmured, mostly to herself.

Riley could only nod.

Kay sighed. "I'm not James, Riley. I don't care that you're dating Sirius," she explained slowly. She paused. "Well, I mean, obviously I _care, _because you're my friend and this is huge news. But honestly? Mostly I care that you didn't seem to trust your friends with this information."

Riley slowly nodded again, guilt weighing in the pit of her stomach. "Kay," she said softly, placing her quill carefully down on the table. "I'm...I'm really sorry."

Kay's eyebrows knitted together. "Er...it's fine. I'm just-"

"No, not about this," she sighed, sitting back in her chair defeatedly.

Kay looked even more confused. "Then about what?"

Riley didn't respond immediately, pursing her lips together in a hesitant manner as she suddenly found interest in chipping the nail polish off her right pinky. "For..." she stuttered, swallowing hard. "For the way I acted when I found out about you and Lance."

That was not something Kay had expected her to say. "_What_?"

"I jumped down your throat and judged your relationship when I didn't even know all of the details!" she continued hastily. "I was selfish and wrong and I hate that I hurt you the way I had. It wasn't fair to you or to Lance and I betrayed six years of a friendship just because I felt weird about the whole thing. I'm really sorry. I am."

Kay frowned. "This is about James, isn't it."

Riley froze, meeting Kay's concerned gaze. "If you felt as horrible and hurt then as I do now, then sorry doesn't even begin to describe how I feel."

"It's fine," Kay said, cracking a smile. "It's in the past. You accept us now. And one day, James will accept the two of you."

Riley sighed. "I don't know about that," she muttered.

"I do," Kay urged, shaking her head. "And in the meantime, _I _accept the two of you no matter how weird and creepy it might be."

Rily shot her a glare.

Kay laughed. "I'm not here to judge you, Riley. Date whoever you want. Hell, this has probably been a long time coming."

"Er...come again?"

Kay laughed. "Oh, don't give me that innocent look. You two are virtually the same person just different genders. You're both highly sought after, you have quick wit, intelligence beyond belief, you're athletic and spontaneous, fun is a constant word in your vocabulary, and hell, you were best friends and inseparable for four years so that's got to count for something. The tension over the past two years can probably be construed as sexual tension if you ask me. Honestly, you're probably perfect for each other."

Riley blinked. "_Come again_?"

She shrugged impassively. "Clearly I'm right or you two crazy kids never would have gotten together."

Slowly, Riley frowned. "Aren't opposites supposed to attract though?" she asked curiously.

"Are you attracted to Sirius?"

"Yes," she murmured.

"Okay. Well first, _ew_," Kay murmured jokingly, flashing Riley a teasing grin. "Second of all, then clearly similarities can attract, too."

Riley nodded, biting down on her bottom lip. "So, you're...you're really okay with this?"

Kay pretended to mull it over. "Have I mentioned yet that it's weird and creepy?"

"Yes."

"Oh, then yes. I'm okay with it," she teased. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Riley smiled slowly in amazement, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards Kay's acceptance. "Because it's me dating Sirius Black. Haven't we already gone over this?"

Kay laughed. "Look, it is definitely going to take me some getting used to, but it's obvious that he makes you happy. And you clearly make him happy. In the end, that's all that really matters, isn't it?'

Riley made a face. "Don't get sappy on me, Richards," she teased.

They both laughed. It made Riley feel really good knowing that not only was her secret out in the open to at least one of her friends, but Kay didn't seem to mind much at all. Riley wondered if she and Sirius had made a mistake keeping their relationship hidden.

"Riley?"

"Hm?"

"Why have you been keeping this a secret from us?" It was as if Kay was reading Riley's mind.

Riley sighed, staring at the top of the table intensely. "Well at first it was just because it was…it was new to me and Sirius. We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into and…and we didn't want you guys to question it because that would have just made _us _question it."

"That's it?"

Riley glanced up, noticing the curiosity peaking in Kay's eyes. "Do you think there's another reason?"

Kay smiled awkwardly, folding her arms cautiously. "Well, knowing the both of you, I wonder if you thought it would be easier to keep it a secret from us because…well, because you didn't want us to be standing there to tell you 'I told you so' if the whole relationship collapsed. And I have a feeling that you both thought that that day would have come by now."

Riley wanted to be angry for the implication, but deep down she knew that Kay had hit the nail on the head. From the beginning, she was grateful that Sirius suggested keeping their relationship hidden. She knew that she wasn't good at opening up to people and she had thought that there would come a day where either Sirius would give up on her or she would have felt overwhelmed and trapped by it all and give up herself. There had been times she felt overwhelmed and trapped, but instead of giving up, she had pushed herself through it. Because she did really like Sirius. She _wanted _to be with him.

And at the same time, there was still that very small voice in the back of her head telling her she should attempt to get out now before she gets in too deep. For the most part, Riley was good at keeping that voice silenced.

Riley forced out a smile and finally answered, "I-I guess yeah, that might have also been part of the reason."

Kay was surprised to hear Riley admit it. It was then that Kay realized how much Riley did have feelings for Sirius. It wasn't like all of Riley's previous relationships. Kay was mesmerized by the glimmer of bliss in Riley's eyes as she thought about Sirius.

"You really like him, don't you," Kay said with a nostalgic smile.

Riley felt her cheeks heat up ever-so-slightly. Slowly, she nodded. "Yeah," she said with a smile. "Yeah, I do."

Kay's smile widened at the clear adoration swimming in her friend's expression. Happiness exuberated from her every move, her smile so engimatic and her eyes lighting up.

"Look, I am glad that you know the truth now, Kay," Riley said, interrupting Kay's thoughts. "But…can you please not tell the others?"

She nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"Thanks." Riley smiled and returned to her notes.

Kay smiled and leaned back in her chair. "So you never answered my question."

Riley raised an eyebrow curiously.

Kay grinned slyly. "Is he a good kisser?"

Riley threw her quill at her.

* * *

"It doesn't feel much different now," Rachael murmured that night in the back of the library, sharing a round table with Sirius. "But once I get home…" she trailed off.

"I know," Sirius sympathized, patting her hand comfortingly. "You just have to take it one day at a time."

Rachael nodded and glanced in the other direction, wiping away a tear.

"Is there going to be a funeral?"

Rachael stiffened. "Uh…yeah but not until my Easter break so I can be there," she muttered, shuddering.

Sirius nodded. "At least you can be there. Closure."

"It's just so unreal. I mean, just a few days ago I received a package from them and a nice long letter. And now…well, now I won't be getting any packages from them ever again," she murmured, choking up. "I…I just can't believe they're not going to be waiting for me at the train station when I arrive there during Easter break."

Before Sirius could respond, a familiar voice spoke up. "Hey guys."

Rachael and Sirius turned around to be greeted with Remus and Jillian holding hands. "Hey," Rachael greeted, trying to sound cheerful. "What are you guys doing here?"

Jillian gave her friend a look and held up her bag. "Uh, _work_."

"Oh right," Rachael laughed nervously.

Remus was staring at Sirius curiously but didn't ask the question he wanted to ask with Rachael there. "Mind if we sit?"

Rachael and Sirius exchanged a look, but neither could say no to their friends or both would wonder what was going on. "No, go ahead," Sirius eventually said.

"What are you guys doing here?" Jillian asked, gesturing towards the empty table where neither had books or parchment or quills placed on it.

"Work," Rachael lied, pulling out her Potions book from her bag that was resting on the floor.

"Yeah, we just got here," Sirius lied, also taking out a book.

"Since when do you guys do work together?" Jillian asked curiously, wondering what Rachael could have done to make Sirius start being her friend again. The last time she checked, Sirius was ignoring Rachael and in fact, pretty much found Rachael annoying.

Rachael and Sirius exchanged looks and both shrugged simultaneously. "I don't know," they responded in unison.

"We just do," Rachael replied with a fake grin, pulling out a quill as she glanced over her notes for an upcoming Herbology exam.

Jillian didn't accept this answer but she didn't press on, mostly because she knew it would be easier to drag it out of Rachael alone later. She sighed and she too pulled out a quill and her Herbology notes.

Remus wasn't that quick to let it go. He eyed Sirius knowing something was up. Sirius was constantly mocking Rachael and continued to claim how irksome she could make him. Granted, Remus hadn't heard any complaints for quite some time but that didn't mean Sirius just changed his mind about Rachael. Something was definitely off but he wasn't about to bring it up in front of Rachael. He reminded himself to ask Sirius about it later.

Sirius groaned inwardly, trying hard to ignore Remus' penetrating stares, knowing it was stupid of him to agree to come to the library with Rachael, even when she was persistent that she wanted to be there for reasons unbeknownst to him. He pulled out his parchment and quill, knowing it would look suspicious if he left right then and unwillingly went to work constructing an Advanced Charms essay.

* * *

"I have the best girlfriend," James said with a warm smile on his face, placing his hand in Lily's hand beside him. "I mean, you could be finishing up the work I _know _you want to be finishing up and instead you're coming with me on rounds."

"I'd rather be with you than doing work," Lily explained, squeezing his hand.

James smiled and squeezed back. "I like to hear that."

"Besides, I know you hate doing rounds and I know a few things that could make them just a little more entertaining," Lily continued impishly, wiggling her eyebrows at him with a playful smile creeping on her lips.

James' heart skipped a beat. "I'm going to need to see an example."

Lily laughed and got on her tiptoes to kiss him passionately on the lips, slipping her arms around his neck. He placed his arms securely around her waist, letting his tongue explore the inside of his girlfriend's mouth.

They pulled away and James smiled. "Hm…I'm going to need to see _another _example."

Lily threw her head back and laughed lightly, a laugh that still made James' heart flutter to this day. She leaned in and whispered impishly, playing along, "I think that can be arranged."

James smiled at her as she pinned him to the wall with an impish grin, crashing her lips hungrily against his.

Lily jerked her head back when she heard voices around the corner. "Who the hell is up after hours?"

"And don't they know it's our time to snog!" James cried out in frustration, a hint of a smile on his face.

Lily laughed. "That just means they should get extra points taken off," she teased, grabbing James' hand and walking towards the voices at the end of the hallway.

Before they could reach the end of the hallway, the two people rounded the corner and practically ran into them.

James let out a small gasp at the sight of Kristina and Zach Hamilton, Riley's ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and broke her heart, holding hands. "Kristina," James greeted.

"James," she replied.

"Kristina," Lily said with a slight nod.

"Lily," she murmured.

"Zach," Lily sneered.

"Lily," he responded as nicely as possible. "James."

"Zach," James snapped, his fists tightening out of anger.

"Well now that we got the introductions out of the way," Kristina said with a nervous laugh. "How have you guys been?"

Lily finally shook her gaze away from Zach long enough to turn to Kristina. "Good," she replied awkwardly, just realizing how uncomfortable this situation potentially could be. "Busy."

Kristina nodded. "Yeah, same."

"Are you guys dating?" James blurted out.

"James," Lily groaned at the invasive question.

James simply shrugged, staring at Kristina for an answer.

Kristina blushed and turned to Zach. "We're…uh…we're just hanging out," she responded, turning to stare at the ground praying it might open up and swallow her whole right then and there.

James gaze fell to the two holding hands. "'_Just _hanging out?'" he repeated.

Kristina quickly let go of Zach's hand unexpectedly and forced out a smile. "_Yes_," she replied.

"How's Riley?" Zach asked.

"How _dare _you mention her name," James growled.

"She's doing great now that you're out of her life," Lily snapped, crossing her arms bitterly.

"I'm sensing you guys don't particularly like me," Zach snickered, rolling his eyes arrogantly.

"I think the word you're looking for is hate. We _hate _you," James barked, glaring at him.

Zach let out an amused grunt and shrugged casually, grabbing Kristina's hand again. "That's alright," he replied. "I don't need you or Riley because now I have someone else. Worst decision of your life, by the way, mate. Beaking up with Kristina, that is."

"Zach!" Kristina cried out, appalled. "Can we just go?"

"Yes, I think that would be best," Lily sneered, glaring at Zach the entire time.

"Whatever, toots," Zach snickered, flashing his teeth at Lily.

"_Don't _call me that," Lily snapped, her teeth clenched, flashbacks to when he would use that term on Riley racing through her head.

Zach, again, rolled his eyes haughtily and pulled Kristina with him as he passed by James and Lily and strolled down the hallway and out of sight.

"God, I hate that guy," James hissed, wishing the wall wasn't stone or he would punch a hole through it.

"What an arrogant prick," Lily agreed, shaking her head in disbelief.

They stood there fuming before Lily groaned and slapped the top of her forehead. "Damnit. We were so pissed we didn't even take off points or give them a detention for being out after curfew."

James hesitated and quickly scoffed. "God, I _hate _that guy!"

"What the hell is Kristina doing with him?" Lily demanded.

James grunted. "Remus told me earlier that she had some new guy. I never would have guessed it would have been Zach. She can do so much better."

Lily nodded furiously. "I agree," she complained with a sigh, her thoughts resting on the time Riley came barrelling through the common room late one night after catching Zack with another girl in the Astronomy Tower. "Unfortunately, there's nothing we can really do about it."

"Yeah," James said, unconvinced, already trying to hatch up a plan in his mind.

* * *

"Since when did you start hanging out with Rachael again, Sirius?" Remus hissed the moment they started walking up the stairs to their room, just seconds after saying their goodbyes to Rachael and Jillian.

Sirius shrugged and rolled his eyes. "I don't know. Do you want an exact date and time because I can't exactly pinpoint it," he replied sarcastically.

"_Sirius_," Remus warned. "What happened to you finding her incredibly infuriating?"

"Things change," was Sirius' vague response.

Remus grabbed Sirius' shoulder and pulled him back before he could disregard the conversation any longer. "Please tell me that Rachel isn't the girl you've been sneaking around with."

Sirius scowled. "Merlin, _no. _That was so last year."

Remus shrugged and let go of Sirius. "Do you blame me for thinking that? You two were never exactly friends, Padfoot."

Sirius gave Remus a look. "Things change," Sirius repeated, traipsing past Remus up the stairwell.

Remus watched him go, irritation flickering through every inch of his body. "

"Why do I bother being friends with you?" Remus blurted out.

Sirius glanced behind him, confused. "What?"

"You refuse to tell me what's going on with you and Riley. You refuse to tell me why you were mad at James. You refuse to tell me who your mystery girl is. You refuse to tell me what's going on with you and Rachael. You don't tell me jack shit anymore. Why the hell am I friends with you?" Remus asked in all seriousness.

Sirius blinked, stunned by the sincerity in Remus' voice. "I'm entitled to a personal life, Moony," Sirius murmured. "There is no rule stating I have to tell you every little detail of my life."

"No, there's no rule," Remus agreed. "But we're the bloody Marauders for Merlin's sake. We know everything about each other. I just can't figure out what it is you so desperately need to keep hidden from us."

Sirius sighed. "I thought you'd understood by now to stop pestering me about Riley and James. Especially now that we're all friends again."

"I'm not pestering you about Riley and James. Rachael is a new development."

Sirius opened the door to his room, searching for an answer. Before he could find one, he was greeted with an angry James pacing the floor.

"It's Zach!" James cried out.

Remus threw his bag on to the floor beside his bed. "What's Zach?"

"He's Kristina's new guy," James replied, pacing the room back and forth.

"Oh," Remus replied. "Zach who?"

"Zach Hamilton!" James cried out in exasperation, throwing his hands in the air. "Riley's asshole ex-boyfriend!"

Remus' eyebrow arched immediately. "Are you joking?"

"Uh, can I interrupt here and ask why you care so much?" Sirius questioned, glancing curiously up at James. "Don't you have a new girlfriend? I'm pretty sure Kristina's allowed a new boyfriend."

"That's not the point. The point is she's with a cheating _bastard._"

"There's nothing you can do about it," Remus pointed out logically.

"Again, can I interrupt?" Sirius interjected. "Technically you were a cheater when Lily got involved with you, James. You had cheated on Kristina four times by snogging Lily."

James let out an irritated grunt. "Three times, actually. The first time I kissed Lily it was on the platform after sixth year, months before I got together with Kristina," he clarified. "And what does this have to do with anything?"

"You're being a little hypocritical, that's all," Sirius explained cautiously, slowly taking a seat on the edge of his bed. "You're saying Kristina can't be with a cheater and yet you're a cheater. Maybe Kristina is just attracted to cheaters," he teased.

James glared at him. "You are so not helping right now."

"There's nothing to help," Sirius said with a shrug. "I mean, what are you planning on doing with this information? You can't tell her she can't date Zach."

"That's exactly what I'm going to tell her!"

Sirius gave James a look and Remus groaned himself. "Please tell me you're kidding," Sirius groaned. "You can't go and tell your _ex_-girlfriend who she can date. First of all, she'd hate you, _her ex-boyfriend who dumped her for another girl_, for trying to tell her who she can or cannot date. Second of all, _Lily _would hate you for interfering with your ex-girlfriend's personal life," he explained. "Aren't you supposed to be the smart one? Can't you figure this all out on your own?"

"Uh, can Iinterrupt here and say I'm supposed to be the smart one?" Remus interjected.

Both James and Sirius shot him a look as James fell back on to his bed with a drawn-out groan. "Damnit, you're right, Sirius," he murmured. "I really hate it when you're right."

"Don't get used to it. It doesn't happen often."

James chuckled, staring up at the ceiling pensively. "How can I just sit back and watch Kristina make a huge mistake?"

"Because you're not her boyfriend anymore," Remus interposed. "She can't have you fixing her mistakes like you used to. You're supposed to be fixing _Lily's _mistakes now."

"But Lily is Head Girl. She doesn't _make _mistakes," James whimpered.

Both Remus and Sirius laughed. "Well, that I can't help you with," Sirius teased.

James let out a long sigh. "Well, I'm going to get back to Lily," James muttered, slowly climbing off his bed and heading towards the door.

"You just left her to bother us about Kristina and Zach?" Remus groaned.

James gave Remus a 'yeah right' look. "No, you prat, she was taking a shower and I took the opportunity to come up here and tell you who Kristina's mystery man was."

"Isn't it after curfew?" Remus stated, quirking an eyebrow.

James snorted and followed Remus' fashion by quirking an eyebrow. "And when has that ever stopped me?"

"Valid point."

* * *

Lily yelped when she heard her bathroom door open. "Who's there?"

She heard James laugh and calmed down. "Who else would be barging into your bathroom during your shower?"

"Well, I wouldn't put it past Sirius," Lily sniggered, placing her conditioner back on the ledge.

James laughed lightly.

"So are you just going to stand there?" Lily asked, crying out over the curtain.

James cringed. "I can wait in your room, if you-"

Lily snorted. "Not what I meant, you nitwit," she said with a giggle.

His heart skipped a beat. "Uh..." he stuttered speechlessly.

She peeked her head out around the curtain with a devious tint in her eyes. "This hot water isn't going to last forever."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're...but...wait...why..." he dithered.

"Y'know, a girl can only drop a few subtle hints before feeling blown off," Lily replied sarcastically.

James threw off his shoes quickly, a delighted smile on his face. "You should take showers more often." The rest of his clothes were off in a matter of seconds.

Lily laughed. "You mean, like, more than once a day?"

"Let me rephrase," James said giddily, climbing in beside her. "You should take more of these types of showers more often."

Lily grinned, kissing his mouth as the drops of water slipped down his face. "I think that can be arranged."

He smiled, running his hands down her bare back. "I have to say, I totally am liking you wet."

Lily snorted, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, _do _you?"

James cringed. "Okay, that is not how I meant it so sound. Although, I can't say I hate that either."

Lily laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're not so bad _wet _either," she teased, grinning flippantly.

"Cute. Very cute." He kissed her neck, running a trail of kisses down her arm. His hands instinctively wrapped themselves in her tangled hair as she pressed her naked body up against his. He moaned at the sensual touch and pressed his lips hungrily against hers, the water from the showerhead dripping down every crevice of their bodies. When they pulled apart, gasping for a slight bit of air, James met her shy gaze. "Bloody hell, Lily, you are so sexy," he whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead.

Lily's smile wavered, slowly averting her eyes towards the ground. "Hm."

"What? What is it?" he asked in complete confusion, noticing the difference in her demeanor.

She shook her head, shrugging slightly. "Nothing."

He ran his fingers through the end of her hair soothingly, shaking his head. "No, it's something. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she quickly corrected.

"But something's up. So tell me," he said, smiling reassuringly at her as he squeezed her closer to him.

Lily scrunched up her nose, biting on the bottom of her lip. "Okay, but you can't laugh."

James nodded hesitantly. "Alright."

A hint of scarlet appeared on her cheeks as she cringed at what was about to come out of her mouth. "It's just that...well...er...no one's called me _sexy _before," she murmured embarrassedly. "I've been called the nice, innocent one on many occasions. The sweet one? Most definitely. The cute one, yes. The adorable one, yes. The pretty one, yes. The girl who reminds someone of a dragon with my fierce red hair and bright green eyes...surprisingly, yes. You can thank Sirius for that one." That got a smile out of James. "But the sexy one? That's not something I hear every day. Any day really."

James didn't feel the need to laugh. His smile grew in pure adoration. "Well, then I'm glad that Iget to be the first one to tell you how unbelievably sexy you are."

Lily bit down on her lip.

"You are," he said with sincerity, kissing her cheek. "Just because no one's told you before doesn't make it any less true."

She nodded, smiling. "Okay."

He smiled deviously. "It helps that you have an unbelievably sexy boyfriend."

"Sirius isn't my boyfriend," Lily teased.

James gasped overdramatically. "Y'know, I could drown you in this shower without anyone knowing."

Lily grinned, a look of intense lust in her eyes. "Or we could do other things in this shower without anyone knowing."

James paused. "Yes, let's go with your idea."

* * *

**A/N: **I hoped you liked it! At least one more friends down to find out about Sirius and Riley, three more to go...I enjoyed writing this chapter because a lot was going on-with Riley and Sirius and Rachael, Lily and James getting _closer_, Kay finding out about the relationship, Kristina moving on with Riley's jerk of an ex-boyfriend...A WHOLE LOTTA INFO! Please tell me what you thought of it!


	17. Of Trust, Weather, & Scrabble

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaaack. I know a lot of you are wondering when we'll get more Lily and James. While I know I've been focusing on Riley and Sirius (I can't help but love them!), we do get a lot of James and Lily in the next few chapters. There is some of them in this one, but chapter 18 and 19 are filled with some Lily and James action! I hope you enjoy this chapter for now.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling, although I just listened to the 7th book on tape and am now wishing there were more books to read!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 17: Of Trust, Weather, & Scrabble

* * *

Kay sauntered into James and Lily's common room swiftly, charging up to James' door and knocking loudly. She heard a muffled 'come in,' and opened the door to find James' head under his bed.

"Uh, hello?" Kay snickered.

James banged his head on the bedframe. "OW!" He quickly got off the floor, glancing over his shoulder. He wasn't expecting Kay at his door.

"What exactly are you looking for under your bed?" Kay asked with a laugh.

"I think Sirius has rubbed off on me all of these years. I seem to lose textbooks by the minute."

She smiled warily, taking a seat hesitantly on his bed.

"What can I help you with?" James asked, pulling open desk drawers to continue looking for his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook.

"I know about Sirius and Riley," she blurted out.

James froze. He turned around on his heels. "Er...what?"

She nodded. "I know they're dating."

"She told you?"

"Nah, I figured it out."

"Oh. Uh, okay."

She bit down on her bottom lip, shifting weight uncomfortably. "James..." she said softly.

"Look, Kay," he said, cutting her off. "I...I really don't want to discuss this. Their relationship is just a...a farce."

"Don't you think you might be overreacting?"

James snorted and took a seat on his desk chair, rolling his eyes. "Don't sit there and tell me you're actually condoning this relationship."

"It's not like I...I understand it completely, but yeah, I condone it. I _accept _it. If they want to be together, who am I to stop it?"

"I was never trying to _stop _it," James murmured.

Kay gave him a look. "Knowing you, that's a lie."

James frowned. "Well, I didn't do anything _blatantly_ to ruin them," he explained hastily. "Yeah, I threw around some harsh words and I...I might have rescinded my friendship from the both of them, but I didn't stand in the way of them being together."

"Sometimes harsh words and telling someone you can't be friends with them anymore is worse," Kay retaliated.

James rolled his eyes. "Oh please. Don't act like you know anything about this."

"I _do _know," she replied firmly.

"How?" he snorted.

"Because I've been there," she replied almost immediately, glancing at him with an accusing look. "With Lance. Remember?"

James hesitated only slightly, before recomposing himself. "That was different," he wrote off dismissively.

"No, actually, it was pretty much the same situation," she continued, aggravated.

"No, it wasn't," he defended hollowly.

"Oh, really? You want to explain to me _how _it was different? Because I'm pretty sure that I was keeping a relationship with Riley's brother a secret from her and when she found out, she went ballistic, demanding me to end it and telling me she could no longer be my friend. Am I correct in assuming that's probably how it went down when _you _found out?"

James remained silent, trying to find holes in her explanation. "Uh...well...no one's sibling is involved in this situation."

"If _that's _the only thing you have to defend, I think it's safe to say you're acting childish. Especially since we both know you see Sirius as your brother and Riley as your sister. Just because they're not related by blood doesn't mean you love them any less."

"You really don't know where I'm coming from, Kay," James murmured, biting down on his bottom lip hesitantly.

Kay sighed, running her hands through her hair in concern. "I'm trying to. And I honestly do think that Riley is being a bit of a hypocrite. She's not even trying to understand where you're coming from when ironically, she reacted the same way with me and Lance. But that doesn't mean that what you're doing is right."

"I don't care if it's right or not," James snarled. "I have my reasons and I'm sticking to them."

Kay shook her head in disbelief. "It really sucks being in a relationship knowing that you can't be a hundred-percent happy because your best friend finds that relationship to be an abomination."

James was out of explanations no matter how much he searched his brain for some.

"You don't have to like it," Kay muttered. "But I think your friends deserve some support and acceptance on your part."

James crossed his arms defensively, sighing inwardly. "I...I just don't know if I can do that."

Kay had no reply. She got up off the bed and glided towards the door. Before she walked out, she made it a point to turn around and glance at James directly in the eyes. "You're hurting them more than you know, James. Just because they have each other doesn't mean that fills their friendship with you. I would at least try to muster up some support before those two sincerely give up on you. Because they will eventually. Is that what you really want?"

Kay strode out, leaving James with a lot to think about.

* * *

Once again, Riley was expecting Sirius and he was an hour late. This was the fourth time in six days and Riley was fuming. It was Saturday night and she wanted to spend it with her boyfriend; was that so much to ask? She wanted to tell him that Kay knew. She wanted to tell him that she thought the others should know as well. But most of all, she just wanted to _be _with him. Why was he choosing to hang out with Rachael on a Saturday night over her?

She was infuriated that Rachael was gaining some sort of control over Sirius. Rachael would bat her eyes in Sirius' direction, a sad look on her face, and Sirius would smile as if that was some sort of comfort. It was sickening to watch them during meals, always glancing at each other at every given opportunity.

Sirius whisked into the dungeon at that time, an apologetic wince on his face. "I know, I know, I'm late," he said ruefully. "I'm sorry."

Riley had her arms crossed and was leaning up against the wall. Her knees were hugged to her chest and her arms rested atop them. She glanced up at Sirius with much pent-up frustration. "If you're sorry then why do you keep doing it?"

"I'm not doing anything," Sirius argued, giving her a knowing look, as he attempted to slip next to her.

Riley slid over and glared at him. "Does Rachael know we're together?"

Sirius was taken aback by her question. "Er…no. How would she know? And why would you ask that?"

"Because keeping you from me is something Rachael LeBlanc would justifiably do," she retorted.

"She's going through a hard time, Riley," Sirius replied, giving her a distressed look. "She just wants someone to talk to and sometimes she talks a lot. I'm not about to bail on her when all she wants is someone to listen."

"She wants someone to talk to every night?" Riley questioned angrily. "How much can one girl talk about for four hours _every night_?"

"Well…she doesn't _always _just talk," Sirius confessed. "Sometimes we'll just do work in the library."

Riley blinked. "_What_?"

"I'm just there for comfort," Sirius hastened to explain.

Riley intensified her glare at her boyfriend, inadvertently biting down on her lip. "If you're just doing work in the library, then why can't you meet me on time?"

"Because whenever I tell her I need to leave, she goes into some detail about her parents from her childhood and I'm not about to leave her hanging," Sirius explained in a small voice, knowing this explanation was not going to be good enough.

Riley groaned, turning her gaze away from Sirius and on to the wall on the other side of the dungeon. "She definitely knows," Riley muttered under her breath, barely audible for Sirius' ears.

"Riley, you're not just mad that I'm late," Sirius stated. "I know that you hate me hanging out with Rachael and you're taking some of _that _anger out on my tardiness because it's easier than taking out your anger on Rachael. It's easier for you to be mad at me than to admit that you're jealous of her, but there's nothing for you to worry-"

"Oh, bloody hell, did you just say you thought I was _jealous_?"

Sirius gave her a knowing look. "Riley, look at the facts. You're angry with me hanging around a girl you know I won't do anything with."

"No, I'm angry with you for hanging around a girl who is so obviously using you!"

"What?" Sirius responded, shocked. "That's ludicrous. How is she using me?"

"She is using you to be her comfort through the death of her parents and is conveniently not telling anyone else. Every time she wants to meet you or she doesn't want you to leave, she'll bat her eyes, pretend to cry, and use the death of her parents as a way of keeping you coming back to her," Riley elucidated, giving Sirius a perceptive smirk. "She's manipulating you in every possible way and you don't even notice it."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing," Sirius murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. "Her parents just died, something horrible and tragic, something _no one _wants to happen to them, and you're telling me she's benefiting from it? When the hell did you become so tactless?"

"When the hell did you become so naïve?" she replied almost immediately, not fazed by his insult one bit.

They both stared at each other, Riley with an enraged look on her face, Sirius with a confounded look on his, neither one breaking the silence.

Finally, Riley sighed and broke the eye contact, staring down at the floor with a hurt expression. "Sirius, I'm not trying to fight with you," she explained in a soft voice. "I just want you to understand who you're dealing with. Rachael, I mean, not me. I just want you to trust my judgment. I'm a girl. I know girls. I know a lot more about girls than you do. Unfortunately, that girl is damned good at getting what she wants. She's the Queen of manipulation. And you _know _that because you were with her for three months off and on."

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. "I don't think you're giving her enough credit," Sirius admitted, glancing curiously towards the ground.

"I don't think you're giving _me_ enough credit," Riley whispered, hugging her knees close to her body. She wanted to ask him to stop hanging out with Rachael but she knew she couldn't do that. She didn't want to be that girl that told her boyfriend who he could and couldn't hang out with.

"I don't like Rachael, Riley. I don't want to get back together with her. I'd rather be spending my time with you, believe me," he muttered, continuing to avoid eye contact with her. "I'm not attracted to her at all. I only have eyes for you. _Please _know that."

"You're not attracted to her?" Riley questioned, her voice still remaining rather calm. "What about those three months in which you shagged her? What, were you not attracted to her then?"

To that, Sirius had nothing to say.

"That's what I thought," Riley sighed. "I cannot believe me you'd accuse me of being jealous of that tart. You clearly don't know me at all."

"Riley, c'mon. Don't call her a-"

"No," Riley interrupted, shaking her head furiously, her calm composure turning back into anger. "Don't tell me what I can and can't call her. You and I _both _know she's a tart. That girl will sleep with anything with a penis."

"Riley," he warned. "I don't want to sleep with her and I _know_ that you know that. And I think this argument is getting old. You just got to trust me, okay?"

Riley's heart stopped at his request as she stared at him, unable to come up with a response. _You just got to trust me…_ I think Riley found the answer to why she was so frustrated and it scared her. "I don't trust _her_," she said hollowly, the only thing that came to mind.

Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his hair, something he'd been accustomed to do when he had no answers. "Can…can we just drop this for now? Agree to disagree? We're clearly not getting anywhere with this."

Riley locked eyes with him and then turned away to stare at the wall opposite her to ponder his proposal.

Sirius couldn't read her expression and for the first time since they got together, had no idea what she was thinking. Had no idea what she was feeling. Had no idea which direction this might go.

Riley sighed and glanced down at her hands, playing with the ring on her right hand. "No," she muttered, grabbing her bag and heading towards the door.

"What?" Sirius said, taken aback. "Riley!"

"I can't sit here right now and pretend everything's okay with us. We shouldn't have to agree to disagree, Sirius. We should be able to come to an understanding because that's what couples do. So I'm sorry but...I-I just can't be here right now," Riley explained with a sigh. She was rushing out the door when she turned back around hastily, glaring at him. "Oh, and just in case you wanted to think about something other than _her_, here's something you might want to know: Kay knows about us." Without so much as a good-bye, Riley was gone.

He started to call out her name again, but she was already out the door before he could even get out the second syllable. He sighed and banged the back of his head softly against the wall in frustration. While he was interested in hearing about how Kay found out, he was more interested in figuring out how to make Riley understand. He played their conversation over and over again in his head and tried to figure everything out. He lay down against the ground, petting the spot where Riley had always slept next to him during the night and frowned.

This was their first real fight as a couple and he hated it.

* * *

Riley needed to figure things out on her own and that's why she left Sirius alone in the dungeon. Although most of what Sirius had said that night was extremely way off base, he did say something that stuck in Riley's mind.

_"I know that you hate me hanging out with Rachael and you're taking some of that anger out on my tardiness because it's easier than taking out your anger on Rachael_."

He was right. She _was _angry at Rachael and she _was _taking out that anger on Sirius. But if Sirius wasn't so thickheaded he would realize that Rachael is trying to keep Sirius away from Riley as much as possible. She didn't know how Rachael knew about them, but Riley was convinced she did. Maybe Rachael even knew where they hung out, therefore placing herself in the prime spot where Sirius would pass by and comfort her. And Rachael clearly knew that every time Sirius would attempt to leave her, he was planning on meeting Riley and therefore, cried and weaseled another hour out of Sirius. And obviously Sirius wasn't about to abandon a crying girl who just lost her parents. As angry as Riley was with the situation, Riley had to admit that at least Sirius was kind enough to stick around and comfort a crying girl. A girl that Riley knew Sirius found irritating.

Riley sighed as she strode through the halls back to her room, wondering what her next move was going to be. She found her anger subsiding a bit just to be replaced with desolation. She was upset that Sirius seemed to side with Rachael more than her. She was upset that Sirius didn't seem to want to listen to her, as if her opinion couldn't be trusted. She was upset that he called her tactless, even if a part of her knew she had been a little. She was upset that Sirius called her jealous, making her realize how much Sirius doesn't know about her. She was upset that Sirius didn't seem to understand her side even a little bit. She was upset that Sirius couldn't even realize that Rachael _was _using him. She was upset that Sirius' asked her to do the one thing she wasn't sure she could do. She was upset that Sirius just wanted to drop it, as if everything would just disappear.

But mostly, she was upset that tonight, she'd be sleeping in her own bed without Sirius' warm body pressed up against her comforting her as he lulled her to sleep.

* * *

"Rachael won't budge," Jillian sighed the next day after lunch, taking a seat on the floor beside her boyfriend. This was the third time she tried to get information out of Rachael with no success. "And she says if I ask again, she'll personally behead me."

James made a face from the couch behind Remus and Jillian, Lily's head in his lap. "I thought Sirius hated that girl," he muttered.

"Apparently 'things change,'" Remus explained mockingly, kissing Jillian on the cheek. "At least you tried, honey. Sirius also won't budge no matter how many times I bring it up. However, he did reassure me a few hundred times that he wasn't sleeping with her so I guess there's that."

James glanced towards Riley in the loveseat, a hesitant frown framing her face.

Jillian made a face. "Thank God for that. I _really _didn't want to have to comfort Rachael again if Sirius broke up with her or whatever," she murmured with a groan. "Then again, can it be considered a break-up if they technically were never dating?"

"No," Kay agreed, lying down on the floor on her stomach, her arms resting underneath her chin on a pillow. "Then again, Sirius Black doesn't know how to date so leaving a girl hanging is probably his version of breaking up with one."

James met Kay's brief gaze before glancing back once again at Riley, who was now staring off into space so as to avoid the topic of conversation.

"Maybe Sirius and Rachael just-" Peter started but was interrupted by James.

"Maybe we should drop it," he hissed as Sirius walked into the common room.

"Quick, talk about something else," Lily whispered, tapping Remus' shoulder.

"Why me?"

"You're the smart one. Change the subject!"

"Uh…" he stumbled, frantically searching for something new to talk about. "So I hear it's supposed to snow tonight."

Lily groaned. "The weather? You brought up the _weather_?"

The group laughed just as Sirius made his way over, gesturing for Riley to throw him a pillow as he plopped on to the ground.

Only James, Kay, and Sirius noticed the hesitant pause she took before finally handing him a pillow, a frown lying on her face.

"So anything special planned for your birthday next Thursday?" Remus asked Sirius.

Sirius gave Remus a look. "Isn't the planning your job?"

"So I'm assuming then you want to go into Hogsmeade, go to a bar, get completely inebriated, find some innocent Hogwarts girl, stumble back to the room, sleep with her, kick her out of the room, go to sleep, and wake up with a bad hangover to which you will then complain about it all day?" Remus said all in one breath, a cheeky grin on his face.

Before Sirius could respond, Riley finally spoke. "I wouldn't be surprised if that Hogwarts girl was Rachael," Riley interjected, shooting Sirius a smug look.

James winced as Kay glanced up at her, surprised at the hostility in her voice.

Sirius locked eyes with Riley, disappointment briefly flickering in his eyes before he turned to Remus. "I am not sleeping with Rachael."

"Yeah, yeah, that's the ninth time you've told us that," Remus muttered.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "What, you're counting now?"

"I'm counting how many times you say it until I actually believe it," Remus snickered, quirking an eyebrow.

Sirius glared at him. "I'm _not _sleeping with her," he repeated firmly.

"Ten times," James muttered, glancing in Riley's direction for a third time, surprised to see her climb off the loveseat.

"I'm heading to…to the Owlery," she lied, naming a place where she knew no one would follow, before waving goodbye and quickly rushing out of the room.

"What was that about?" Lily questioned.

James glanced over at Sirius crossly, knowing this thing with Rachael was probably killing Riley, which just made him want to strangle Sirius. It was already starting. He was already being forced to choose between Riley and Sirius. "No idea."

* * *

Riley walked out of the common room, having no idea where she was going to go. She looked right and then left, sighed deeply and started heading to the right, mostly because she couldn't stand in front of the Fat Lady all day.

Why did she have to say that? She knew Sirius wasn't sleeping with Rachael. She _knew _Sirius would never do that.

And yet, a little voice in the back of her mind said he had done it just two years earlier.

She shook that thought quickly out of her mind and reminded herself that two years ago, they hadn't been falling for each other. They hadn't been dating for almost three months. They hadn't known each other on a deeper level other than friends.

Riley smiled, remembering all of the good times they had when they were friends. When she was young and didn't have to worry about dating and relationships. They strolled the grounds on those beautiful Autumn days and held chicken contests in the lake in the Spring. They pummelled snowballs at each other and made snowmen, finishing off the days with hot chocolate by the fire. They goofed off in classes and took pride in the detentions they earned. They insulted the Slytherins and cheered the loudest at Gryffindor Quidditch matches. They had silly nicknames for each other (Not So Sirius and Smiley Riley) and passed notes back and forth during History of Magic to keep themselves awake. They had been friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Those were the good days. The _easier _days. Why did relationships have to be so complicated? Why did she have to _make _it complicated? Why couldn't they do the same thing they did as kids as that eighteen-year-old couple?

A frown returned to Riley's face as she halted in the hallway, realizing that if it weren't for Rachael, she and Sirius would be just fine. She let out a sigh, guilt surging through her body. She shouldn't have been yelling at Sirius the night before. She should have been yelling at Rachael.

She stifled a yawn and glanced up, wondering where she was. She realized that she was just around the corner from James' and Lily's room and wondered how she got there already. She continued walking towards their room, for no reason at all except it was somewhere where she could sit quietly and think, groaning at how tired she was. She tossed and turned the entire night before, eventually falling asleep around five in the morning just to wake up two hours later where she found herself crying at the fact that Sirius wasn't with her. Did she depend on him _that _much? So much that she couldn't even sleep unless he was beside her? Or was her lack of sleep because she couldn't stop thinking about their fight?

Either way, she was exhausted and still Sirius-less. Which she hated. Bottom line, she hated being without him.

And that was the first moment in her entire lifetime that she asked the question, _Is this what love is_?

* * *

James entered his room and threw down his bag on to his bed.

"Ow."

James yelped and jumped in the air unexpectedly. "Bloody Merlin, woman, you scared the living hell outta me!"

Riley laughed and shoved James' bag aside. "Sorry, James."

"What the hell are you doing here?" he questioned, closing the door behind him.

Riley shrugged. "I pretty much have no idea," she snickered. "I walked out of the common room and somehow or another ended up here."

"You've been here for the past hour?"

Riley nodded.

"Doing what?"

"Well I tried to take a nap considering I got absolutely no sleep last night," Riley murmured, "but I ended up just mostly thinking."

James glanced at Riley and took a seat at the end of his bed hesitantly, slowly facing her. "About Sirius and Rachael?"

Riley met James' gaze and slowly nodded. "I thought you never wanted to talk about him."

"I don't," James explained, scooting backwards so he was against the headboard beside Riley. She sighed, taking her pillow and placing it on James' lap.

Riley nodded into the pillow and didn't say anything. "So what did you guys do after I left?" Riley asked lightheartedly.

James shrugged. "Not much. Hung around and talked mostly. Eventually, Dezzy and her friends came over, with your brother might I add, who kept trying to sneak his arm around my sister, by the way," he whined. "But nothing terribly exciting. Remus and Peter got into a heated debate over their chess match. Apparently Peter cheated. Lily and Kay traipsed to the library soon after and I headed back here."

Riley nodded and so desperately wanted to ask about Sirius but knew it was better to keep quiet.

James was already a step ahead of her. "Sirius retreated to his room quickly after you left."

Riley let in a sharp intake. "Oh," she replied.

James sighed and for once, let his guard down, Kay's words ringing in his ears."What's going on between Sirius and Rachael?"

Riley whipped her head up to meet his gaze and cocked her head to the side with an inquisitive look.

"Yes, I want to know," he muttered before she could ask him that.

Riley shut her eyes and sighed, letting them linger there for a few seconds before opening them and staring up at James. "I wish _I _knew," she mumbled.

James frowned, cringing as he asked his next question. "They're not…" he trailed off. "They're not…you know."

Riley quickly shook her head, mostly trying to convince herself. "No, no. No, they're not," she said repeatedly.

James didn't think Riley sounded so convinced so he pressed on. "Then what _is _going on?"

Riley didn't respond immediately, trying to figure it out in her own head. "Rachael's being Rachael," Riley murmured, a hint of bitterness in her tone. "She's going after Sirius and expects to get what she wants in the end. I've warned Sirius about her but he doesn't seem to get it. He doesn't seem to want to listen to me."

James gazed at Riley and saw how much Sirius hanging out with Rachael was hurting her. If he could see it, then why couldn't Sirius? Why was Sirius so often oblivious to the troubles of women? He was so good about giving women what they wanted but when it comes to heartache, Sirius knew nothing about it. Couldn't Sirius just give one glance in Riley's direction and see how much he was torturing her by hanging out with an ex-girlfriend who was so determined to win him back? James sighed, knowing there was nothing he could do. Knowing there was nothing that Riley could do if Sirius wasn't going to listen to her warnings. So he asked the one question he's been wondering ever since he caught them half-naked in his bedroom nearly five weeks earlier. "Do you trust him?"

Riley let that question linger in the air. This question had yet to come up throughout their entire relationship and now that it needed to be ask, Riley was afraid to answer it.

If she thought she might be in love with him, shouldn't she trust him first?

* * *

When Lily walked through the door, James let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank _God _you're here," he muttered, grinning at her. He jumped up off the couch and kissed her frenziedly.

Lily dropped her bag on to the floor in surprise as his lips came crashing against hers. When they pulled apart, her eyebrow arched. "Wow. That was quite a greeting.'"

"I need a sense of normalcy."

"And you're choosing me?"

He laughed, grabbing her waist and pulling her close to him, letting his lips dance lightly across hers. "Absolutely," he whispered.

She grinned, intertwining his fingers with his. "Well, I guess I can't complain."

He wiggled his eyebrows, bringing her fingers up to his lips. "I...I love the way you make me feel, Lily," he murmured, his mind still on Sirius and Riley, grateful that he and Lily were doing so well.

Her heart skipped a beat. "I'm glad," she said sincerely. "Just knowing I'm always going to come back to this room where you'll be waiting makes my day that much better."

"You're a really special girl, y'know that?" He led her back to the couch, where they lay comfortably in each others' arms.

"Hm...well, I've been told that before, but it was Sirius and I think he was using the word 'special' with a different connotation."

James laughed, wrapping her in his arms and squeezing adoringly. "Can we just sit here forever?"

Lily nodded. "Yes," she agreed, feeling so safe in his arms. "Er...well at least until Herbology. Which starts in a half hour."

James groaned. "What are the chances we can get away with skipping?"

"Both the Head Girl and Boy skipping class? Together? Not only is that not setting the best example, but I'm pretty sure people would start a outlandish lie about why the hell the two of _us_ would be skipping."

James grinned. "Or it could just not be a lie."

"We're going to class."

"You take out the fun in everything," he pouted.

Lily glanced over his shoulder, a devious grin on her face. "Well, if that's what you really think," she sighed dramatically. "I was going to suggest having some fun for the next half hour, but we can always study if you'd like."

James smiled sheepishly. "I think I'm more interested in the fun."

"So...Scrabble it is?"

James laughed. "Well, okay," he teased, "but I don't know how that's fun. You always win!"

"And it's always fun!"

"Not when you use words I swear you just make up."

"I do not!"

"Well, then you must read the dictionary in your spare time."

She shrugged. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"YES!"

Lily laughed, snuggling into his arms. "Oh sweetie, just because your girlfriend is smarter than you doesn't mean that-"

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!" James interrupted with a laugh. "I am Head Boy, y'know. Your equal."

"Oh, honey," she sighed, patting his cheek. "Whatever makes you sleep at night."

James laughed, sitting upright. "Okay, that's it. We are so playing Scrabble and I am so winning."

"So let me get this straight," Lily snickered. "You're turning down an hour of fooling around to...play Scrabble."

"Yep!"

"Oh, just wait until I tell the guys."

"You're stalling."

Lily laughed. She quickly got up off the couch and ran off to her room to grab the game. She glanced back behind her briefly before entering her room to steal a glance at her boyfriend. She smiled before slipping into her room. She can't remember a time when she was happier. Everything about James made her feel unconditionally safe. She tried to remember why she was so scared to let him in in the first place. She's lived a really hard life and there was a part of her that wondered if finally God was giving something back to her after all these years of agony and torture. It's as if James was sent to her to let her know that maybe everything will be okay. Maybe she _did _deserve something good in her life. And she never wanted to let him go. She was so afraid that any day from now someone would realize they screwed up and that James was given to the wrong person. Because Lily sure as hell knew there was no way she could deserve such a kind-hearted, respectful man in her life.

She took the Scrabble box out from underneath her bed and found herself smiling again, thinking back on the nine weeks they have been together. It was nine of the best weeks of her life.

Lily didn't really know what love was, but this definitely had to be it.

* * *

The moment Remus and Peter came back to the room, Sirius made some excuse to leave the room. He was too bothered by Riley abandoning him the night before to make small talk with his friends. He wandered the hallways alone, trying to come up with some sort of solution to his problem. He couldn't desert Rachael when she needed someone but he couldn't (and didn't want to) desert Riley obviously. But there was a little voice in the back of his mind telling him that if he continued on the way he was, he would lose Riley. And he already lost her once to his stupid mistakes. He wasn't about to do that again. He would choose Riley over Rachael in a heartbeat. He just didn't think it was fair that Riley was in a way trying to get him to choose. What kind of person did that make him, turning his back on a girl who was so clearly in pain?

But what kind of boyfriend did that make him, not willing to listen to his girlfriend's desperate pleas?

Sirius sighed, realizing that subconsciously his feet took him to the sacred dungeon room. He stood outside, a frown resting on his face. As if taking a step into the room would potentially complicate matters further. Slowly and cautiously, he wandered into the room, reachign for blacnket stashed away in the corner and spreading it across the floor. He lay down on it, his eyes gazing towards the single window in the room. It was snowing so heavily Sirisu could barely make out the edge of the Forbidden Forest only a few hundred feet away. His thoughts rested immediately on Riley and how much time they had really spent in that room. Sharing intimate details of their lives, letting each other in on secrets, talking about their hopes and dreams, discussing their biggest fears. All of the passionate snogging, the desperate shagging, the feel of her hand in his, his fingers running through her silky hair, the sparkle in each other's eyes as they gazed hungrily at each other. That room had somehow become their sanctuary, a safe haven away from the judgment of James, away from the curious eyes of Kay, from the frustrated expression on their friends' faces. It was the place they grew to become the happy couple they were. As scared as they both were of their relationship, they had both become to depend on it unconditionally. But maybe that was the problem. Neither one of them ever had to depend on anyone but themselves. Never _wanted _to depend on anyone but themselvs. And now? Now their lives seemed to ultimately revolve around each other.

And then Rachael entered the picture and slowly, something shifted between them. Nothing terribly noticeable, but there was a crack daring to enter their once stable relationship. Sirius was thrust into some sort of triangle full of secrets and he didn't know how to get out without hurting anyone. Clearly that was the case or he never would have dared to call Riley jealous of Rachael. That was one of his major mistakes in the prior night's fight. Because hell, he knew Riley wasn't jealous. He knew that she knew it was Riley and only Riley that he truly had eyes for. Whatever Riley felt - confusion, frustration, fear, vulnerability, betrayal (it could have been any number of these) - it was when Sirius asked Riley if she trusted him that really provided him with just a slight bit of clarity. Because however Riley felt about the Rachael situation, she most definitely had doubts in her mind over their relationship. Fearful skepticism had rested in her eyes plain as day when he dared to ask the question he had been so scared to ask from day one. He had a feeling it was why she left so suddenly.

Trying to figure out a way to get Riley back, he was shaken from his thoughts when suddenly Riley appeared in the doorway. She hesitated there slightly before taking a cautious step into the room, sliding down the wall a couple feet away from him.

Sirius must have been wearing a very confused look on his face because Riley chuckled. "Don't be so surprised to see me," she stated.

"I-I am though," he admitted.

She smiled warily. "Sirius, we had a fight," she responded. "But no matter how bad it is, I'm always going to come back."

Sirius' heart soared just hearing that. "Really?"

Riley nodded.

"But…but you said everything wasn't okay with us," Sirius said hesitantly.

She frowned, averting her eyes towards the ground. "I couldn't fall asleep last night," she replied, as if that had everything to do with his previous statement. "And I have absolutely no idea if it has to do with the fact that I was thinking about our fight or if it's because I pretty much can't sleep unless your arms are around me. And I thought to myself: am I really that dependent on you that I can't even fall asleep without you beside me?"

When she didn't continue, Sirius turned to look at her. "So you came back because you can't sleep without me?"

Riley cracked a smile, shaking her head. "No," she protested, "While I couldn't fall asleep, all I had time to do was think about you. _Us_. You...you were right last night, Sirius. Maybe all we can do is agree to disagree. But in the end, it doesn't really matter. Because I trust you. I trust you, Sirius, and if I trust you, then I shouldn't have to worry about some ex-girlfriend of yours who is just looking for some extra attention." Riley let out a huge breath of air, having that been the first time she said that out loud. "I can't make your decisions for you. So I trust you to make your own decisions."

Sirius stared hesitantly at her, slight relief filling his heart. He dared to ask the next question. "So why is it that you trust me today but you didn't last night?" he whispered.

Riley swallowed hard and shifted uncomfortably. "Because…because last night I was too afraid to ask myself that question."

Sirius blinked. "What question?" he asked, knowing perfectly well what question.

Riley met his gaze. "Do I trust you?"

Sirius slowly sat up, leaning up against the stone wall with a heavy sigh. "Because of what happened two years ago," he whispered. It wasn't a question.

Riley slowly nodded. "Last night was the first time that…that the trust issue came up. I didn't have to worry about asking myself that question for the past ten weeks because it never came up. And I got mad and upset last night and I walked out because I-I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't say I didn't trust you because I didn't know if that was true. But I couldn't let it go and say I trusted you because I didn't know if that were true either. So I just did the only thing that came to mind. But I hope you know that I hated just walking out," she muttered, fidgeting nervously and avoiding all eye contact with Sirius. "And…and I know it must suck to hear me just tell you this all now because you've been with a girl for ten weeks who didn't know if she trusted her boyfriend and that's probably the worst thing you could hear. So I'm sorry, Sirius. I really am."

Sirius was taken aback by her outburst, taking his time mulling over all of the inforamtion provided. "Riley," he said softly.

She slowly looked up at him. "Yeah?" she croaked out.

He smiled. "That's not the worst thing I could hear from you. Do you know what the worst thing for me to hear would be?" he asked. He continued before she could question it. "It would be to hear you say you don't trust me now."

Riley let that sink in before letting out her own smile. "Really?" she whispered.

Sirius smiled and patted the spot beside him, gesturing for Riley to move over. "Really."

Riley smiled and crawled over to Sirius' side and snuggled in beside him.

"Riley, I realize that I screwed up two years ago," he spoke, burying his lips into her hair. "I-I didn't expect to gain back your trust in one day. Hell, I've been trying to prove myself to you every day since the day we got together. I want to show you that I've changed and I want you to believe it. But have I ever once expected you to? No. How could I when I hurt you in the worst way possible?"

His face was filled with so much agony, his eyes filling with guilt, that made Riley realize just how much he truly cared for her. Without taking her eyes off of him, she leaned over and kissed him, soft and gentle but radiating with desire. "Don't ever feel like you have to prove yourself to me, Sirius," she whispered, her nose centimeters from his. "I know you've changed. _I've _changed. You and I? We're in this together. And that's something I don't ever want to change."

Relief flooded to every inch of Sirius' body and he instinctively ran his fingers through her hair, his eyes penetrating through hers with intense devotion. It felt good hearing Riley validate their relationship. "So," he said slowly, averting his eyes toawrds the ground. "This...this whole thing with Rachael is just..." he trailed off hesitantly.

"I'm letting it go," she explained with a sigh, her body stiffening. "Like I said, I trust you. While I still believe that the girl is after you and wants you back, I do know that you don't want to get back together with her. All I ask is that when you realize I'm right - and I am right, Sirius, no matter how much you think I'm being unreasonable. But all of it is just typical Rachael. Her manipulation and her longing for you and her trying to take you from me and her overusing the damsel in distress act. But when you do come to the realization that I'm right, not jealous, just very observant, I want to hear it from you. I want you to realize that I'm not overreacting. I want you to tell me you were wrong."

Sirius wanted to argue but the determiantion in her eyes kept him quiet. Instead he smiled and nodded. "Okay," he lied.

Riley knew that Sirius thought that she was blowing this all out of proportion, but she, too, kept quiet. She laid her head down on his chest and felt Sirius' grip tighten around her. "So tell me," Sirius said slowly. "Exactly _how _does Kay know about us?"

Riley let out a light chuckle. "Apparently she figured it out."

Sirius frowned. "If _she _figured it out, don't you think the others will soon enough as well?"

"Probably."

Silence followed as Sirius considered this. "Well," he said slowly, "What if we just told them before that time came."

Riley froze, blinking furiously before whirling her head around to face him. She stared at his expression for a few minutes curiously. "You're actually serious, aren't you."

Sirius shrugged. "I-I don't know. I think I am."

"You think you are?" she asked hesitantly.

He smiled dubiously. "We're in this together, right? And nothing's going to change that," he echoed her earlier words. "If that's really true, don't you think it's perhaps time we let our friends in on the secret?"

Riley locked eyes with him and as her heart began to race she slowly nodded. "Yeah," she spoke in a hoarse whisper. "Yeah, I do."

His eyes lit up when she agreed but when they both realized the implication behind what they just agreed upon, awkward frowns filled their expression. Riley cleared her throat. "Er...exactly how do we go about it?"

Sirius hesitated. "I was hoping you'd know."

She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and bringing her lips to his. When she pulled back, she smiled shyly at the look of pure adoration in his eyes. "How did I get so lucky?" he whispered.

"I've been asking myself that since the day we started dating," she said in return, swinging her legs over his lap.

He smiled at her, sweeping her hair off her face and gazing into her bright blue eyes. "Alright, let's think logically about how we're going to tell everyone."

Riley's eyebrow arched.

He shrugged. "Alright, _you _think logically and I'll just nod along."

She laughed. "Is this going to be a let's-just-tell-our-friends kind of thing? Or a let's-just-go-ahead-and-tell-everyone kind of thing?"

"If we tell our friends, it will be around the school in five seconds."

"They're not _you_."

He shrugged. "Okay, ten seconds."

She grinned. "This still doesn't leave us with much."

"Hey, I say we just snog in a public place and let nature take its course."

"You mean Daniela Skeeter?"

"Yeah, precisely."

She laughed, brushing her lips against his. "Where the hell are we going to snog where it won't be awkward? And don't you dare say the Great Hall."

He shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. He didn't have an immediate answer, shrugging hesitantly. He merely leaned over and kissed her. "Eh, can't be sure. Let's just practice for when we figure it out," he whispered between kisses, running his fingers through her hair.

She laughed, emitting a moan as Sirius' lips trailed down her neck. Her sweater was torn off her body in seconds as their lips crashed hungrily against one another's. Her sweater was quickly followed by Sirius' shirt and tie. He led her down to the blanket, his eyes not wavering from hers. "My birthday," he whispered.

Her eyebrow quirked. "Heh?"

He chuckled, pressing his lips to the top of her breast. "I want to spend my birthday with you, Riley," he whispered. "And every day after that. And I don't mean just in this dungeon. I want to be with you in every way possible and stop hiding my feelings. I want to kiss you in the corridors and hold your hand and hell, I want to be caught half-naked in a broom closet! So I say we go for it. We publicly snog on my birthday in the common room."

Riley reached up to play with a tendril of his hair, smiling up at him. "That...that actually doesn't sound like a half-bad plan," she spoke softly, surprise in her eyes. "Except for the whole being caught naked in a broom closet. That I could probably do without."

He chuckled, leading a trail of kisses down her stomach. "So you're really okay with this?"

She hesitated slightly, her heart beating a mile a minute. She wasn't sure if it was because she truly wanted to do this or because she didn't want to disappoint Sirius, but she found herself nodding. "Next Thursday it is," she whispered.

* * *

James was tapping his quill against the table back and forth angrily and glaring at the back of Kristina's and Zach's heads who just happened to be holding hands, sitting only two desks in front of him in History of Magic.

Lily slapped James' quill down on the table. "Do you _mind_?" she hissed. "Some people are trying to pay attention."

James glanced around the room, a room full of people with their heads down on their desks snoozing, including the aforementioned Ravenclaws. "_What _people?" he teased.

"Me," Remus chimed in, not bothering to turn around from the table ahead of James and Lily.

Lily gave James an unamused look. "Stop staring at them as if you want their heads to explode."

"I don't want their heads to explode," James defended. "I just want _his _head to explode."

She sighed and placed down her quill, glancing at Professor Binns in the front of the class, who took no notice to the fact that no one was paying attention to him. "James, there's nothing you can do," she pointed out, shrugging. Only Remus took note of the irritation in her tone. "You can't stop them from being together. You're her ex-boyfriend. If you tell her she can't date Zach, that'll just push her further into his arms. So just let it go and let her make her own mistakes."

"I agree," Remus murmured, glancing at Lily with a smile. "Don't do something stupid, James."

"And what makes you think I'm going to do something stupid?"

"Because you always do," Remus snickered.

"Oh, go back to taking notes," James grumbled.

Remus laughed and did just that. "Wait, did he just say 1772 or 1782?" he asked Sirius next to him.

Sirius snorted and continued to make paper airplanes and shoot them in Fabian's direction. "You seriously think I'm paying attention?"

"Well, maybe you should figure out that date considering you'll be studying from my notes come the next exam," Remus replied humorously.

"Aw, crap!" he groaned. He inched forward in his chair and tapped Kay on the shoulder. "Did he say 1772 or 17-"

"I'm trying to nap here," she muttered, her head resting on her arms on the table in front of her.

"I need to know!" Sirius whimpered.

"Well, I don't know," she hissed back, slapping away his hand which was now poking her in the back.

"But I'm going to fail if you-"

"1782," Riley interrupted from two tables in front of them all, rolling her eyes with a slight smile on her face. She returned to her nap.

"Thank you!" Sirius whispered, grinning at her as she turned to Remus. "178-"

"Yeah, yeah, I heard," Remus murmured. "And considering that topic was five minutes ago, I've moved on."

"Then why didn't you stop me from asking Kay?"

"Because for the first time all class period, you were actually doing something productive," Remus teased, causing the rest of the group to erupt into laughter.

Sirius grunted and slumped down in his chair. "Don't you think making paper airplanes and throwing them around the room is productive?"

"No," Fabian chimed in with a laugh from the desk two desks ahead of them, as he swiveled around in his chair. "Because somehow I keep getting hit with them."

Sirius gave him a sheepish look. "Sorry?"

Fabian laughed and put his head back on the table.

James glanced over at Zach and Kristina again, who had lifted their heads off the desk and were deep in conversation. He tapped Lily on the shoulder and leaned in so only she could hear, "Should we tell Riley?"

"Tell Riley what?" she replied bitterly, in a soft whisper. Again, only Remus took notice of her aggravation. "He's dated other girls after her. How is this any different?"

James shrugged. "You're right," he murmured. Why _was _he so convinced this was different than other times?

He didn't even have to think before producing an answer: because although Kristina was his ex-girlfriend, he still cared about her, especially after the way their break-up occurred. He didn't think she deserved to be cheated on by another guy; she deserved a lot better than Zach Hamilton. It was just too bad James couldn't be the one to warn Kristina.

* * *

**A/N: **I know that this chapter was heavily filled with Riley and Sirius drama, but look how far they've come? Just wait until the next chapter. It's filled with some juicy Lily and James info!


	18. Of Saves, Bonds, & Piggyback Rides

**A/N: **Yayyy, I'm back! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but I have WONDERFUL news! I am about 4 scenes away from finishing this story! Which means that I will get to update (roughly) on a weekly basis! So I apologize to all those who hate the long wait between chapters, but the wait is now over! I hope you enjoy this chapter. While I personally enjoy both the Sirius and Riley scenes AND the James and Lily scenes, some people have been complaining that there's too much Sirius and Riley and not enough Lily and James, and for those people, this chapter is for you! Lots of heavy James and Lily action! So I hope you enjoy it and please review!

**Disclaimer**: I am not J.K. Rowling no matter how many times a day I wish I was! (By the way, just reread the 7th Harry Potter book and cried...again...and again...SO SAD!)

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 18: Of Saves, Bonds, & Piggyback Rides

* * *

"He'll let it go eventually."

Lily whirled around. She had just left the Great Hall after lunch to head to the library to catch up on some research. She didn't realize someone followed her. "Who'll let go of what?" Lily asked Remus.

Remus fell into step with her as they walked up the stairway. "This whole Kristina and Zach thing. James is just being...self-righteous."

"Not jealous?" Lily questioned curiously.

Remus snorted. "No way. He was never all that into Kristina. She just happened to be at the right place at the right time and James chose to turn her into his girlfriend. She was nothing special," Remus explained with a knowing shrug. "James is just being...well, he's just being James."

"Meaning?" Lily asked curiously.

Remus knitted his brow, deep in thought. "Well, meaning he's just trying to rescue her. Save her I guess. That's all."

Lily looked at him questionably. "You think James likes to save people?"

Remus nodded curtly. "I just don't think he realizes he's doing it half the time," he explained with a casual shrug.

"But who else has he saved exactly?" Lily asked, trying to decipher where Remus was going with this.

"Well, Sirius for once. With his whole family life. Before James came along, Sirius was completely lost and broken. James gave him life back. And then there's Peter. James was the one who always stuck up for Peter, saying he would be good in our group during our first year when Sirius thought Peter would just be a waste. And he's saved Riley numerous times-always swooping in when guys get her down. And...well, he's saved me. He accepted me for who I was. Oh, and then there's you, of course."

Lily stopped in her tracks. "_Me_? What are you talking about?"

"Well..." Remus said, shifting his weight uncomfortably. "It's not like you were looking to be saved or anything, but...I mean, you were...you were...you were...uh..." he searched for the right words that wouldn't offend her. He opened his mouth a few times, resembling something like a fish, before choosing to say, "Er...you kept to yourself a lot."

Lily narrowed her eyes, placin gher hands on her hips mechanically. "What did you _want _to say, Remus?"

"Nothing," he said a little too quickly.

She pulled out her wand, irritated by Remus' accusation. "Don't make me use this on you."

"You wouldn't. You're Head Girl and you pride yourself on your responsibilities."

She rose her wand higher placing it in line of his nose. Remus let out a disgruntled sigh. "You were just kinda drowning," Remus muttered.

"What are you _talking _about?" Lily asked angrily, waving her wand in his face, letting a few orange sparks fly out accidentally almost singing his eyebrow.

"Okay, I'm going to pretend that was an accident," Remus muttered, rubbing his eyebrow to make sure it was all still there. Remus could tell by the scowl on Lily's face and the gleam of rage in her eyes that she wasn't too happy to hear any of this. "Lily, I'm not saying that James saved you to be cruel and demeaning. I'm saying it because...well, because I know. You were a lot like me when I first came to Hogwarts. Didn't we both attend Hogwarts under the impression that we could get a second chance? Why do you think we became such fast friends?"

"Because you were a nice guy!" she cried out. She smirked and rolled her eyes. "Or at least I thought you were."

"Look, Lily, I'm just saying that you were very good at shutting people out of your life. You always looked sad and you always looked like you were trying to hide something. Join the club, Lily," Remus said with a snort.

Lily tipped her head to the side skeptically. "Go on..." Lily said, wondering what he meant by that.

"I'm saying that you, _like me_, were a little lost and you, _like me_, found a reason to stop shutting the world out when James entered your life."

Lily stared up at him, bewildered. "I'm going to need you to fill in the blanks."

"James was the first person who found out about my lycanthropy. And instead of shunning me, he...he..." Remus sighed, a hint of a grateful smile on his face. "He was the first person to ever really accept me for it. Not only did he accept it, but he and the others helped _me _accept it."

Lily glanced up at him, realizing for the first time how similar he was with Remus, both trying to hide their past from...well, everyone. "Are you saying I haven't accepted my...my past yet?" Lily asked curiously.

Remus glanced Lily over scrutinizingly, biting down on his lip. "I don't know. Have you?"

"It's not something to accept," Lily hastily explained. "It happened. It's in the past. It's over. And that's that."

"It's never over," Remus murmured. "You've been hiding your parents' death and your sister's abandonment and your living arrangements for a reason."

"Yeah, because it's nobody's business 'cept mine." Lily was getting more irritable by the second.

"Until you made it _James' _business."

Lily scowled. "No, _actually_, I made it Sirius' business and he made it James' business. And Peter's and your business."

_"_But it was James you told about your birthday. It was James who helped you realize you should tell Riley and Kay. He was the one who made you learn to accept it all."

"I told you, there was nothing to accept!" Lily cried out, whirling around and walking away from Remus.

"I'm not saying this to be mean!" Remus repeated once more, feeling guilty for even bringing it up.

"Then why are you saying it?" Lily blurted out, feeling a surge of outrage and disappointment unexpectedly. "Because it's not like my life has been perfect since James entered it! It's not like everything's wonderful and I'm going to burst out into song in any minute!" Remus was taken aback by her outburst and even from down the hall, he could swear he saw a glisten of a tear on her face. "My life is far from wonderful, Remus. My life has always been an uphill battle and it still is to this day."

"I-I'm sorry," Remus stammered.

She don't know what came over her, but she was beginning to wonder if James _did _save her unbeknownst to her. She had always been good at blending in and hiding her past, so why did it seem that ever since she and James got together, everything in her life began to change? "Do you think James was attracted to me because he likes to swoop in and save the day?"

Remus shook his head vigorously. "_No_," he emphasized. "Like I said before, he doesn't even realize he's doing it! He liked you for you, Lily."

She rolled her eyes bitterly. "For the sad, pathetic, lost and drowning me," Lily snorted, rephrasing. "Who apparently needed saving."

Remus sighed. "You didn't need saving. _I _didn't need saving. No one ever needs to be saved," he contested, biting down on the inside of his lip thoughtfully. "It's just easier living your life day to day when you have someone there to make you feel better about yourself."

Lily had no response. Mostly because he was right. James did make her feel better about herself and he made her want to forget about all the pain in her life and just enjoy the good times. She sighed, whirling around and walking hastily away from Remus.

She hadn't realized that Remus had caught up to her. "I'm sorry I said anything," Remus pleaded. "I was just trying to tell you that you don't have much to worry about when it comes to Kristina and Zach. I think a little part of James is trying to gain retribution for not only what he did to Kristina but also for Riley and how things ended between her and Zach. That's all. I-I'm sorry if I upset you."

"No, it's fine," Lily murmured. They both knew it wasn't fine. "I'm...I'm going to head back to my room."

"I thought you were going to the library."

"I changed my mind," she muttered. All she wanted to do was crawl into her bed and think everything that Remus had said over in her mind.

"Okay," Remus said awkwardly. "Again, sorry."

"It's fine," Lily repeated, aggravated. "Catch you later in...uh..."

"Arithmancy."

"Right, right."

Remus could tell how distracted Lily was and wished he had never brought anything up. He wasn't surprised when Lily didn't show up for Arithmancy an hour later.

* * *

James stormed into his three friends' bedroom angrily. "I caught them _kissing_," he spat, throwing himself on his bed.

Remus glanced up from the game of chess he was playing with Peter. "Er...hello to you, too?"

"There's no time for small talk!" James said hastily. "We need to do something!"

Sirius sighed and closed his textbook. "With what?"

"Zach and Kristina!"

All three boys groaned. "James, what is your obsession with those two? You've moved on, remember? To a girl you've been in love with for six years," Remus emphasized.

"This isn't about Lily."

"It sounds like you're, dare I say it, jealous of Zach?" Sirius chimed in, raising an eyebrow questionably.

James recoiled. "What? No!"

"You're acting the same way towards Zach that you used to towards any guy that entered Lily's life in the past," Peter agreed.

"I am not!" he argued with a scowl.

"Oh, you definitely are," Sirius agreed with a smirk. "Peter's smarter than he looks."

Peter glared at him.

"James, why do you seem to care so much about the two of them?" Remus asked cautiously.

James frowned, turning his gaze away from his friends' curious stares. He didn't respond but Remus saw a flicker of hesitant guilt flash across his eyes in slight panic.

"James?" Remus urged.

He sighed, his eyes lifting towards the ceiling defiantly. "Because...because what I did to her was horrible," he said in a small voice, biting down on his bottom lip.

"What?" Peter blurted out, confused.

"I...I broke up with her days after I told her I loved her. For another girl. I mean, could I have stooped any lower? It's...so demeaning and unforgivable. Seriously, I really don't expect her to ever forgive me for what I put her through, but that doesn't mean I'm still not going to look out for her as best I can. She...she deserves better than me and that sure as hell doesn't mean Zach Hamilton."

He could feel his three friends staring at him in bewilderment. Remus finally spoke. "Have _you _forgiven yourself?"

"What?"

Remus shrugged. "James, of course you're feeling guilty about the whole thing because frankly, you're a good person. And because you're a good person, you now feel like you have to look out for her well-being. But here's the thing. She does not need you looking out for her. She doesn't need you at all. You have to forgive yourself before you expect _her _to."

James remained silent, pondering Remus' words.

"Zach's an ass. We all know that, and she'll figure that out soon enough," Peter explained with a knowing look. "She doesn't need you to tell her that."

"I know, but..." he sighed. "I just don't know how to let it go. She is a great girl and I didn't treat her like she was great. She deserves to be happy. She deserves to find love. She deserves someone who...who's not going to cheat on her like I unfortunately did. And Merlin knows Zach will."

"That's not your place to tell her that," Remus pointed out.

James whimpered. "Why are relationships so difficult even when they're over?"

"Y'know, if it makes you feel any better, this does make you human," Remus said with a dismissive shrug. "Most guys wouldn't think twice of Kristina after finally getting together with the girl of his dreams. The fact that you're taking the time to care for her, means that maybe she really did mean something to you."

James scrunched up his nose. "Yeah, that really doesn't make me feel better."

Remus rolled his eyes as the other two laughed. "James, you've got to stop trying to save her," Remus added as an afterthought.

James blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"Stop swooping in and saving the day. She can take care of herself."

"I'm...I'm not trying to save the day," James murmured, albeit hesitantly.

"Whatever you say," Remus said with a shrug, clearly not believing him.

James sighed. "Alright, give it to me."

"What?"

"I know you're holding back and not telling me everything. So c'mon. Lay it on me."

Remus hesitated, procuring the words in his mind. "I'm just saying that you can't protect everyone. Sometimes you gotta let people go."

Even Sirius and Peter looked a bit befuddled by that comment. "I-I've already let Kristina go," James argued, his brow furrowing.

Remus shrugged. "Then stop worrying about her."

James frowned, sharing a confused glance with his other two friends. "Er...okay," he said, still taken aback by Remus' nonchalant attitude. "Well, I guess I should be getting back to Lily."

"Yes, go have sex with your girlfriend and stop thinking about Kristina," Sirius teased.

James gave him a look. "We're not having sex."

"Yeah, I hear you like to choose Scrabble over fooling around," Sirius said, ducking from a pillow being thrown at his friend.

James rolled hier eyes. "So what? I guess we've turned into an old married couple. What are you going to do?"

"Stage an intervention" was Sirius' immediate reaction.

James rolled his eyes. "Good night, Sirius," he said sarcastically.

"Now I know you're not having sex with the girl but you should be getting something."

"'Night, Sirius," James repeated, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Ever hear of second base? Or a make-out session? Blow job!?"

"GOOD NIGHT, SIRIUS!" James yelled out the door, holding his hands over his ears and whimpering.

Sirius was laughing too hard to respond.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Why must you be such a pervert?"

"Uh, 'cause I'm good at it," Sirius replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, I can't argue with the cold, hard facts," Remus snickered.

It was Remus' turn to be hit with the pillow.

* * *

Lily was unusually silent that night as James ran his fingers over the palm of her hand. She kept tuning out what James was saying and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Lily?"

Lily glanced upward. "Hm?"

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head a little too quickly. "Nothing."

"Yes, there is."

"No, it's nothing," Lily mumbled, shaking her head unconvincingly.

James placed his fingers underneath her chin and lifted her head towards his. "Lily..." he said softly, a look of extreme care and sincerity flickering in his eyes.

She sighed and glanced away. "Should I be worried?"

James' look turned into a confused one. "Of what?"

She sighed. "Us," she murmured.

"_What_?" he cried out, louder than anticipated. "What the hell are you talking about, Lily?"

"It's just that..." she let out another strangled sigh. She wondered how to go about this. "You've been so focused on...on Kristina and Zach lately," she murmured.

"Oh," he said quietly. "Lily, that has nothing to do with us."

She glanced up at him, a stony look on her face. "Really? Because it almost seems like you've been so preoccupied with the two of them that you don't realize how much talking about your ex-girlfriend can affect me, your newgirlfriend."

James remained silent, searching for the right words.

Lily looked away, seeing the hesitation etched out on his much-readable face.

"Lily, you have to know that I have never _once_ regretted the day that I broke up with Kristina for you. I know that I was meant to be with you and never Kristina. Please know how much more you mean to me than she ever did."

"But..." Lily added for him, sensing it in his tone.

He sighed. "I can't help but feel guilty for the way I treated her," he explained softly. "And I guess feeling the need to see her happy goes hand in hand with that guilt. She doesn't deserve to be left with a broken heart again and we all know that that is exactly what Zach will do."

Lily bit down on the inside of her lower lip.

James kissed her cheek, letting his lips linger longer than usual. "Lily, you have nothing to worry about," he said firmly and reassuringly.

"Did you really love her?"

James blinked, taken aback by the blurtout. "Er...what?"

She sighed. "Did you love her?" she asked again, her heart beating faster as she was uncertain she wanted to hear the answer.

"I...uh...I..."

Lily cut him off. "You told her you loved her and then two days later, you were with me. And not only that, but you kissed me on multiple occasions when you were with her. So that begs the question, did you really love her? Or did you just say it because you didn't want what else to say?" she asked, wondering why she sounded so cross. Why was she picking a fight with him?

James tensed up, sliding away from his girlfriend quickly. "I would never cheat on you and I'm a little offended that you would imply that."

"That's not what I was implying!"

"That's what is sounded like," he mumbled bitterly.

"I just want to know if you were actually in love with the girl. It's a simple question!"

"Why are you getting so mad?"

"Why are you avoiding the question?"

"Because I don't know if I was in love with her or not!"

Silence fell over the room.

And then - "You...you don't _know_?" Lily snapped. "Then why the hell did you tell her you did?"

"I-I don't know."

Lily turned away with a scowl. "Was she the first girl you ever cheated on?"

"I never really had a girlfriend before her. You know that," he said stiffly. "And if your other statement wasn't filled with accusation, that one sure was."

Lily took a deep breath in and found herself examining her fingernails, her heart beating a mile a minute at the direction that the conversation was headed. "I...I have never been in love before, James. I-I'm not even sure what it's supposed to feel like. But the fact is, I am falling for you. And _hard_. Every day I'm with you, I find something else about you that I hadn't noticed before that just makes me fall harder."

"Lily, I-"

"No, let me finish," she said hastily, refusing to look him in the eye. "I really do think I'm meant to be with you. You and I were brought together for a reason."

"But..." It was James' turn to fill in that blank.

Lily sighed. "But I...I don't want you to one day tell me you love me just because you want to say it. I want you to mean it." She took a deep breath in and added, "_If _you'll ever love me."

"Kristina is not you, Lily," James replied firmly, a hint of irritation in his voice. "I think I loved the idea of her more than I ever really loved her. But you? You're not just an idea. You're the real deal. And when I tell you one day that I love you, I will mean it wholeheartedly."

Lily swallowed hard. "I...I want to believe you."

"Then believe it," he replied harshly.

Lily sensed his frustration with her. "James, I'm not saying any of this to hurt you," she murmured, shutting her eyes with a sigh. "I'm just trying to figure out who the hell you were before we got together. Because it feels like I don't even know who you were." _Truth is, I don't even know who I was_, Lily added in her own jumbled thoughts.

"You know me now! Isn't that what should matter?" James cried out, gasped as a sudden realization hit him. He was exactly like Sirius. He had a reputation that Lily could (and apparently was) judging him for but she had been able to cling to the person he was today. Just like Riley was able to accept Sirius for who he had turned out to be, not who he _had _been.

"I-I want to say yes," she whispered hoarsely.

James frowned. "Then say yes," he pleaded, shaking his head. "I-I can't change my past, Lily. No matter how much I would like to. But I would hope you'd be able to realize that this guy standing in front of you cares more for you than he's ever cared for anyone ever before."

"Yet you told Kristina you loved her."

James threw his hands in the air, scooting off the bed quickly. "I'm not the same guy I was then," he pleaded.

Lily snorted. "Two months ago?"

James shook his head in disbelief, staring at her with mixed emotions. He didn't say anything immediately and thankfully, neither did she. Eventually, he turned to face her. "Lily," he sighed. "Why are you picking a fight with me?"

Lily was taken aback, not by the question but at the fact that it was clear he knew her better than she realized. "I'm _not_," she lied in a hoarse whisper. "I just really wanted to know if I should be worried. And by the looks of this conversation, it seems that I might have to be." She strolled towards the door ready to walk away from him.

James rolled his eyes. "If you want to be worried about us, go right ahead. But that would have nothing to do with me and everything to do with _you_."

"_Me_?" Lily repeated in disgust, trying not to sound so panicked. Seriously, how did he know her so well? "We're talking about you and Kristina!" she said, discouraged.

James shook his head and ignored his prior statement, knowing she would never allow him to condemn her. "Lily, you're nothing like Kristina. _Nothing. _I have fancied you ever since our first encounter on the Hogwarts Express where I accidentally spilled chocolate sauce all over you. I have fancied you every minute of every day since then. I have always thought that you and I were destined to be together even though you told me day in and day out that I was a despicable arse. I have always thought that if I were to get married one day, you were going to be that girl walking down that aisle. Kristina was just...she was just a girl who happened to walk into my life one of the few days I was trying to get over you. She was just a girl. But you? You're...you're this perfect woman who I have _never _been able to forget or get over no matter how hard I tried. Why...why are you so convinced that I'll never love you?"

Lily could see the agony plain as day on his face, the desperation in his voice so evident. But there was a hesitant part of her that just had to question it all. She felt the tears well up in her eyes. "Because why _would _you love me?" she blurted out. _Unless you really are trying to save me_, she added, but was too afraid to speak the words aloud. She wiped away the tears that began to fall.

James stared at her in awe. "Wh-what?" he asked in a hushed tone, not sure he was understanding her correctly.

She couldn't respond immediately, trying to catch her own breath and form her own thoughts. Slowly, she let out a deep, throaty sigh. "I am just this...this simple poor girl who lives in an orphanage because her parents died and her sister abandoned her. I'm quiet and I pretty much just keep to myself hoping that if I don't butt into other people's business, they won't ask about mine. I went six years hiding my true past and who I really was from everyone because I was afraid people would judge me. I have focused on my studies since day one because I thought that was the only thing that would ever get me anywhere. I made friends along the way, but my main priorities were doing what was expected of me and getting to the top. I'm very reserved, and for the most part, I have very little confidence in myself. Guys never really looked at me and I never really looked at them because to look at them meant having to let them in and I've never been good at that. I'm not perfect. And I am sure as hell nothing special - something you've reminded me of in the past. So why _me_, James? Why was _I _the one who stuck out to you on day one when all my life I have tried blending into the background? Why am I the one you chose to pursue? What made you think I was perfect when in reality, there is absolutely nothing perfect about me? Why, James!? _Why_ _me_?" Uncontrollable tears were streaming down her face and she didn't bother wiping them away. "James, I can't be rescued. I can't be saved. I can't be protected from tragedy or harm. This sad girl standing in front of you is me. She's all you get. And...and I don't know if that's going to be enough for you."

Her questions were rhetorical, her blunt statements almost maniacal. As James attempted to wrap his head around his clearly suffering girlfriend, she fled the room with every intention of walking out on him. "Lily, wait!"

"No," she said quickly, stopping in the doorway hesitantly. "Please, just...I-I need to be by myself right now."

"But you-"

"_Please_," she said more firmly. She hesitated before rushing past James into his room. When she came back out she held the Marauders map in her hand and the Invisibility cloak under hear arm, refusing to look him in the eye. Even when James protested, she ignored him completely. She grabbed her wand off the coffee table and grabbed her robes and jacket off the couch before leaving the common room and sauntering into the cold, dark hallways.

She had no idea what had come over her. She just wanted to know why James seemed so keen on splitting Kristina and Zach up and she ended up spilling her guts and all of her reservations she had had since the day they got together to him, no thanks to Remus' thoughts earlier that day. She had always wondered how she got so lucky with him, but always pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind because she didn't want to question it out loud just for James to realize she was right and that he _could _get someone better than her.

The truth was, Lily never really liked who she was so how the hell could anyone else?

* * *

James stormed back into his three friends' room and quickly turned on the overhead light. "Help me!"

"What the hell?" Remus voice cried out angrily.

"ARGH! Why did the light go on? Who's yelling? Where am I?" Sirius asked groggily.

James rolled his eyes at his confused friends as they both immediately swung open their curtains. When they found James standing in the doorway, it was instinctive to glare at him. "Didn't you already leave?" Remus groaned, squinting his eyes in the light.

James let out a sigh and crumpled on to his bed. "I need your help."

"At one o'clock in the bloody morning?" Sirius growled in between yawns.

"Yes," James sighed breathlessly.

"Can't you get our help tomorrow?" Sirius grumbled, shoving his pillow over his head.

"It'll be too late then."

Both Sirius and Remus heard the desperation in his voice and exchanged worried looks. "What will be too late?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Lily might break up with me then."

That got Remus and Sirius out of bed quickly. "What?" Remus asked, shocked. He kicked the edge of Peter's bed, shaking him awake as well.

"What? I'm up, I'm up!" Peter said quickly, falling out of bed in tangled sheets.

Sirius groaned, shaking his head in disbelief. "What did you do, Prongs?"

Peter looked at them all curiously, not sure what was going on.

James opened and shut his mouth a few times, resembling something much like a fish, trying to answer Sirius' question. "I...I have no idea."

Remus lifted an eyebrow, now wide awake. "How do you not have any idea what you did?"

Desperate bewilderment filled James' expression, his eyes darkening. "We were talking about Kristina and Zach, she wanted to know if I was really in love with her, she brought up my cheating past, and then...I have absolutely no idea where it turned and how it became so...bad. She wanted to know how the hell I could ever like a girl like her," he murmured. "What kind of question is that?"

His three friends all had blank stares on their faces. "Heh?" Sirius finally spoke up.

"Exactly!" James groaned. "Look, she took off. Can you just help me find her?"

"Use the Map," Sirius stated matter-of-factly, turning over in his bed.

"She...uh...well, she kinda swiped it."

All three boys groaned. "_What_?"

"Oh yeah, and my Invisibility Cloak," he said in a small voice.

"_James_!" they all cried out in unison.

"What? She's Head Girl. She's smart! She knows how to cover her tracks!" he hurriedly explained. "Don't worry, she'll bring them back to us."

Remus muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like 'stupid, smart Head Girl,' but James chose to ignore his oxymoron. "So...will you help me look for her?"

"It's nearly one o'clock," Remus stated dryly.

"And I really need to find her. I need to know what's going on."

Remus let out a grunt but climbed out of bed unwillingly. "One of these days you're really going to have to learn to figure these things out without our help." He was only helping because he had a feeling that what he had said earlier to Lily may have caused her to walk out on him that night.

"And one of these days you're really going to have to learn to _not wake us up when we're trying to sleep_," Sirius muttered angrily. "If I were Lily, I'd sure as hell break up with you."

James glared at him. "That's going to fall under the _not helping _category." He let out a strangled grunt and lay down on his bed, waiting for his friends to get ready.

Sirius shrugged, stifling a yawn as he, too, followed Remus' direction and strode out of bed. He grabbed a shirt off the floor, smelled it, and shrugged. He threw it on over his bare chest as the other two also rummaged around the room for some clothes to throw on.

Remus' voice broke the awkward silence. "Exactly how are we going to find her when she's wearing the Invisibility Cloak and we don't have the Map?"

All four of them froze, only just realizing that this search was going to be impossible. James groaned. "I clearly didn't think this through."

"It's okay," Remus said a little too quickly. He could tell James needed to hear that things were going to be fine. He had no idea what Lily had said to him, but James' expression on his face told Remus that James was beyond worried, and knowing how freaked out Lily was earlier, he had a feeling that James had good reason to be worried. "We'll find her somehow."

Sirius wasn't so sure that things were going to be okay, but he could tell by the way Remus was fidgeting nervously that perhaps he was hiding something, so he went along with it. He snuck a peek at his desperate, worried friend, and tried to lighten the mood. "So the library is closed. Exactly where are we supposed to start?"

Remus and Peter stifled a laugh, but James didn't catch the joke. "I'm not sure."

The three of them exchanged another worried look before grabbing their wands and heading towards the door. "You coming?" Peter asked.

James nodded. "Yeah," he murmured with a sigh before following his friends out, hoping that he would soon figure out what was going on with Lily.

* * *

"What do you know?" Sirius hissed at Remus as they all four strode into the common room.

"Nothing," Remus said a little too quickly.

"You're hiding something."

"Am not."

"Are too!"

"Nope."

"Uh-huh!"

"Keep your voice down."

"Tell me what you know!"

"Shush!"

Sirius made a face. "Did you really just use the word 'shush?'"

James turned around, glancing at his friends, confused. "What are you two whispering about?"

"Nothing," they both said in unison. Their fake grins told James otherwise, but he chose not to pursue it.

Remus glared at Sirius, telling him to keep quiet with a single warning look.

"We should split up," Remus suggested, wanting to get away from Sirius.

Sirius smirked. "I agree. James, you go with Peter, and I'll go with-"

"I meant all four of us," Remus said dryly, glaring at Sirius even more.

"I think that's a bad idea," Sirius disagreed with a grin on his face, enjoying the disgruntled look on Remus' face.

"And I think you should be strangled," Remus muttered under his breath as James interrupted the mini dispute.

"I agree with Remus."

Remus grinned haughtily.

Sirius scowled.

"What's with you two?" James asked, confused.

"Nothing," they both repeated in unison.

James knew they were lying, but rolled his eyes and ignored his friends. He had learned years earlier that sometimes it was better not to interrogate them. The less you knew the better.

"Alright, another question," Peter piped up. "It's after one o'clock in the morning, we don't have the Map, and we don't have the Invisibility Cloak. How exactly are we going to avoid getting caught?"

The other three friends exchanged a curious look before Sirius shrugged. "We'll wing it?" he suggested.

Remus groaned. "_That's _your brilliant idea? _Winging _it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Let's just hope we don't get caught."

"Oh, perfect, another brilliant plan," he drawled.

"Can we stop poking holes in my plan to go after Lily and just get a move on?" James snapped.

"Alright, fine, but if I get a detention because of this," Sirius murmured, leading them out of the common room.

"It will be like every other night?" Remus snorted.

Sirius grinned. "Except it wouldn't because we were sneaking out to do a prank," he pointed out. He hesitated. "Hey, while we're out, we should do-"

"More important matters at hand here, Padfoot!" James barked.

"Alright, alright," he said in defeat. "But if I happen to stumble across Pringle's bitch of a cat, don't think I won't set it on fire."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You always were an animal lover," he drawled sarcastically.

Sirius snickered. "Why do you think I became friends with you?"

* * *

Lily wasn't sure why she chose the grounds to hide out from James, but she found herself leaning against the willow tree right beside the lake. Her fingers were turning blue and she was beginning to wonder if her toes had fallen off unbeknownst to her considering she could no longer feel them. The high winds were whipping her hair into her face and she was not enjoying the taste ofof lavendar shampoo in her mouth. Her jacket was not nearly warm enough (and the Invsibility Cloak sure as hell was doing nothing to keep the wind out) and she wondered why she hadn't thought to grab her heavy winter jacket before walking out on James.

James.

She had no idea why she had stormed out of the room. She had just suddenly felt so constricted and on the verge of a panic attack being around him as Remus' words from the morning came back to haunt her. She wasn't completely insecure and naive to not realize that someone like Kristina was a far better match for James. And yet James chose her. Why did she feel so upset about that idea? Why was she convinced James chose the wrong person?

She already knew the answers even before she asked the questions. Lily had spent her life running and hiding from everything and everyone. She spent it trying so hard not to stand out and not to let anybody know about a whole part of her life she kept hidden away. Fading into the background had become second nature to her, and yet James was so determined to change that.

Lily promised James that she would try to let him in, but she knew she wasn't doing a good job of doing so. She knew that she had overreacted about Kristina. She knew that James would never cheat on her, but she wasn't so sure he would tell her he loved her and mean it. Because she meant what she said: why _would _he mean it? She was just a girl. She was nobody special. And when Lily thought about James, he was as special as they come. So why would he want to be with someone like her?

She hadn't heard footsteps, her sobs mixing with the end to overpower any other sounds, so she emitted a loud squeak when someone sat down beside her.

Lily grunted, reluctantly throwing the Invisibility Cloak on to the snow in front of her. "How did you know I was here?"

"Your footsteps. I saw them in the snow," Sirius said.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked softly.

"Well, freezing my ass off, for one," Sirius muttered with a snicker as his teeth began to chatter. He glanced over at her and saw her tear-stained cheeks. He placed his hand in hers and gasped. "Jeez, your hands are ice!"

"Oh, are they? I hadn't noticed," she lied.

"Lily-bean, _what _is going on?"

"I-I'm not sure."

"Well, can you try to explain it to James? Because he's worried sick about you."

Lily didn't respond immediately, her eyes gazing at the frosted-over lake as she struggled to find the right words to say. "Sirius, I'm just_ a _girl," she eventually whispered. "That's it. I'm nothing special. I'm nowhere near perfect. I'm _just _a girl. That's _it_. That's...that's all I know who to be."

Sirius stared at her blankly, trying to warm up her hands. "Heh?"

"I don't know who James thinks he's dating, but he's got the wrong idea. He's got the wrong person."

"Lily," Sirius said breathlessly, "You're more than just a girl."

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm-"

"To him, you are," he finished. "To him you _are _special and you _are _perfect. Even if you can't see that, _he _can. So why aren't you willing to let him do that?"

Lily sighed, shutting her eyes tightly, suddenly wanting everything to go back to the way it was years earlier when she was just a kid and her whole world didn't feel like it was caving in on her. "Sirius," she whispered, slowly shaking her head.

"Yeah?"

"How...how is it that someone like James Potter can like who I am when...when I've never really liked who I was," she admitted quietly, a single tear spilling out from her eyelid, slipping on to her school robes. "And because I never liked who I was, it...it was easier to just let myself become a nobody."

Sirius felt shivers run all over his body, and he knew it wasn't because of the cold. "Why are you so convinced you're just a nobody?" Sirius asked, confused and feeling a lot of sympathy towards the girl beside him who looked more fragile and vulnerable than he had ever seen her.

Lily sighed and swallowed hard, shutting her eyes tightly. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, letting her eyes flutter open. "I've lived a really crappy life, Sirius. _Beyond _crappy. Like, think of the crappiest life ever and multiply it by _a_ hundred and you get my life. The only people I ever really loved were taken from me and I fell apart in an instant when it happened. And ever since then, I've just been trying to keep my head above water and often failing at it. I've...I've never been very good at letting people into my life, including myself. I'm good at hiding from my feelings and running away from the slightest bit of trouble. I take everything one day at a time and I let myself just...just fade into the background. I'm _good _at blending in and I-I never wanted to stand out. So why, _why _did I stand out to James? He...he changed everything. He...he makes me feel like somebody and I-I don't know if I'm prepared for that after ten years of feeling like a nobody. After...after ten years of shutting people out, I'm...I'm not sure how to let James in unconditionally."

Much to Lily's surprise, Sirius was chuckling ever-so-slightly. Lily retracted her hand from his angrily. "No, no," Sirius said, taking it back. "I'm not laughing at you. It's just..." he sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. "You wanna talk about crappy lives? Join the club, Lily."

Lily gazed at him, the words sounding so desolate and agonizing against the usual cheerful tongue of Sirius Black.

Sirius sighed and slumped down against the tree even further. He didn't speak immediately and was thankful that Lily didn't urge him to. Remembering his childhood was one thing. That was painful enough. But talking about it? It was often impossible to do so without feeling the need to cry or blow something up. Or both.

He jerked slightly when she felt her squeeze his hand and he slowly met her concerned gaze. Finally, he began to explain. "For the first sixteen years of my life, I-I felt such like an outsider," he whispered, his words sounding so small in the dark of the night. "My own parents hated me and officially disowned me as of two years ago, they refused to even acknowledge my presence, and to make it even worse, they praised my younger brother like he was the King of the world. They treated our _house elf _better than they ever treated me. They...they told me over and over again how worthless I was and how I was a nobody, and soon I-I started to believe it." Sirius let out a strangled sigh and looked up towards the dulling moon with a torturous expression on his face. His angry frown twitched as if he was trying to hold back his emotions. Lily felt tears well up in her eyes just looking at the broken man in front of her. She never saw him look so hauntingly vulnerable in her life. She understood now why he never spoke of his family. She placed her head on his shoulder for encouragement and hesitantly, he rested his own head against hers and slowly continued, "Hogwarts was...was a big help I guess. I didn't have to live under their scrutiny as much and I was able to free myself of their biases and horrid judgments long enough to spend time with the people I wanted to. But...but they were still my family," he croaked, cringing as if admitting that crushed a bit of his heart. Based on the expression on his face, Lily had a feeling that his heart was in fact aching. "Which just meant that no matter how much I wished I could turn my back on them, I-I just didn't know how to go about doing it. So I was forced to live with their negative comments and insults and judgmental eyes every summer. They continued to call me worthless and I continued to believe I was a nobody. It was like I was trapped both in my own body and in a world I so desperately wanted to shun but I -I didn't know how to get out. Until..."

"Until James let you move in with his family," Lily murmured, remembering something he had told her months earlier. Sirius' eyes were filled with panic, a shiver running down his spine. Lily knew for a fact it wasn't because of the cold. As she lifted her head off his shoulder to look at him, she realized how uncannily similar she and Sirius were. She had a flashback to earlier that day when she realized how similar she was with Remus, too. It's as if she was similar to everyone except for James.

Sirius nodded, still not daring to look her in the eye. "He had always been my best friend, telling me and showing me in every way possible that just because my last name was Black didn't mean I had to be a Black. But it was that night when I showed up on his doorstep and he took me in without even questioning it that he really became my brother."

Lily's heart ached at the hoarse gratitude in his voice. It was slightly comforting to Lily to see this side of Sirius, a side he had often strained to keep hidden.

"Not only did James welcome me with open arms but his family did to," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "I...I was able to stop being being a nobody and I was able to stop thinking I was worthless all the damned time. I finally was able to live the life I wanted to live. In the present and not the past."

Her heart skipped a beat. She wanted to believe it was that easy.

He turned to face her, the defeat in his eyes now replaced with determination. The suffering side of Sirius Black had once again been erased. "That's what you need to do, Lily-bean," he said softly. "No matter how many times you tell yourself that the past is in the past, I-I know that that isn't always the case. Hell, it's never the case. You can't easily shun something that...that ultimately made up the person you used to be. In fact, I guarantee you'll never be able to fully do that. But you can try. You can try to accept the life you've been given and start living it. And James wants to help you."

Lily didn't even blink her acknowledgement, her eyes staring at him with a sad sort of bewilderment. It's not that she didn't want James' help. It's that she didn't know why he wanted to help.

"Don't break up with him, Lily."

Lily's eyes clouded over with shock. "_What_?"

He shrugged casually. "Well, you stormed out of his room without even giving him a logical explanation. Do you really blame him for thinking you're going to break up with him?"

Lily shook her head vigorously. "I'm not breaking up with him. I'm just...I'm just trying to wrap my head around everything. I-I want to let James in but in order to do that, I-I need to figure it out first on my own."

Slowly, Sirius frowned. "Or maybe you just need to stop running."

Lily blinked, skepticism filling her eyes.

He shrugged knowingly. "It's what you did for the weeks leading up to you and James getting together and it's what you're doing now. Running and hiding isn't going to solve anything."

Lily wasn't so sure.

"He loves you, y'know."

Lily blanched, shaking her head with a fierce determination. "No, he doesn't," she stated hollowly, mostly trying to convince herself.

Sirius shot her a look. "Yes, he does. He always has and he probably always will."

Lily didn't offer a response immediately, her heart filling with pangs of anxiety. "But...but we have nothing in common," she murmured.

Sirius gazed at her, confused by the comment. "What does that matter? Opposites attract, don't they?"

"But...but such opposites?" she said hesitantly.

He saw a spark of reluctance in her eye that made him wary. "Where is this coming from, Lily-bean?"

She frowned. "It's just that...I realized earlier today how similar I was to Remus. No need to further explain," she muttered, dismissing it as Sirius opened his mouth to question her, "And now I realize I have such a...a bond with you. So what do I share with James?"

"Besides physical and mental attraction?" he said with a lighthearted smile.

Lily merely blinked, her expression stoic.

"Well, for one," he continued when Lily showed no sign of responding, "You two are pretty much sickeningly in love. You share _that_."

"No, no we're not." Lily shook her head, refusing to believe it.

Sirius didn't respond, gazing at her pensively. "Why are you so against the idea of loving him?"

"I'm not against the idea of loving him, I'm against the idea of him loving me!" she blurted out, burying her head in her arms with a pitying groan.

Sirius let out a curious sigh, his eyes trained on the fragile girl sitting beside him. He could see her shivering and wondered if it had to do with the cold or the topic of conversation. "Lily-bean," he said softly, nudging her side lightly. "You and James just...you just work together. I can't explain why and I can't explain how, but you two make all other relationships look amateur. You two have overcome so many odds against you and it's comforting to watch the two of you fall in love with each other. I know you want to be with him and he wants to be with you. He's wanted that for six years."

"But why?" she whispered, shaking her head. "That's the part I've never been able to understand. Why me? Why did he choose me out of the crowd of girls at this school? Why not Kristina or another girl that's more like him? Why am I the one he's fancied for so long?"

"That's something you'll have to ask him," Sirius said with a shrug. "That is, _if _you choose to go back."

Lily knew all along that she would go back to James and try to explain what's been going through her mind, but she also knew she wasn't so sure he would understand like Sirius did. She told him she would let him in and she knew she wasn't doing such a great job at it. She hoped he would be able to sway her insecurities and confusion and help her find a peace of mind within herself. He had done a great job at it so far. She just hoped he would want to continue after her minor freak-out.

She felt her heart began to race as she slowly turned to gaze curiously at Sirius. "Do you really think he loves me?" she asked in a hoarse whisper.

"There's no doubt in my mind."

Lily absentmindedly twirled a strand of hair in her hand, her eyes resting upon the pure white of the snow below her feet. "So..." she said slowly, her voice barely audible through the winter breeze, "If he ever tells me he-"

"When."

"Huh?"

"_When _he tells you," he corrected with a small smile.

Lily blinked, her eyes not daring to look him in the eyes. "Okay, when he tells me," she muttered unconvincingly, fingering the ring on her hand that her mother had left her years earlier, "that he loves me, you really think he'll really mean it? Not like when he told Kristina?"

Sirius' expression struggled between shock and bewilderment and disappointment, finally resting on self-assured sympathy. "You're nothing like Kristina, Lily-bean," he choked out, shaking his head with pure determination. "Kristina was just his way of pretending he...he was getting over you. It was always about you. _Always_."

"But _why_?" Lily murmured for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

"You really don't think highly of yourself, do you..." Sirius mumbled with a slight hint of a lopsided smile. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Neither one of them answered. They both knew the answer.

"Don't convince yourself you need to be a nobody just because you've had a sucky life. You deserve better than that. You _deserve _James."

Lily's heart fluttered. She realized as Sirius said it that she shouldn't be out there trying to convince Sirius of her fearful thoughts. "I guess I should really be trying to explain all of this to him instead of sitting out here while my fingers become frostbitten," she murmured, rubbing her hands together.

Sirius smiled, relief filling every inch of his body. At least the parts that he could feel. "I would prefer it if my toes didn't fall off. I don't think I'd be half as popular on crutches with huge bandages around my feet."

Lily shook her head. "I'd definitely stop being your friend," she said with a chuckle.

Sirius put on his best sad, puppy-dog face, which only made Lily laugh. "That's all you got? Isn't Padfoot your nickname? Shouldn't you be able to look more like a dog than _that_?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and got up off the ground, brushing the snow off his pants. He outsretched his hand and Lily took it, standing up. A shiver ran up and down her spine. "Why do your friends call you Padfoot anyway?"

Sirius hesitated. "James hasn't told you?" he asked curiously.

"No. I mean, I understand Moony, but Padfoot? Wormtail? Prongs? They're a little strange if you ask me."

"They're just nicknames," Sirius laughed. "Stupid guy stuff. That's all."

Lily didn't buy it, but she didn't question it either.

"C'mon, let's get back inside," Sirius said, glad she didn't pursue the matter. He gestured towards his back and Lily smiled, wondering when the last time anyone gave her a piggyback ride. She shrugged and hopped onto his back, feeling like everything was going to be okay. She was allowed to freak out, but she knew that she wanted James in her life. Even if that meant everything was going to change.

Because the truth was, she was falling in love with him.

* * *

**A/N: **Well that's one chapter down, only about thirty more to go! Yes, it's going to be a loooong story, but it will be worth it! Lily finally deals with all of her deep insecurities, but what's going to happen next? Stay tuned!


	19. Of Bracelets, Adventures, & Hovering

**A/N: **I'm baaaack! And only 13 days after I posted the prior chapter! I don't really have anything else to add, so please enjoy the chapter!

**Disclaimer**: Hm, I'm pretty sure I'm not J.K. Rowling. But only pretty sure.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 19: Of Charm Bracelets, Adventures, & Hovering

* * *

James knew Sirius was lying when he claimed he hadn't found Lily, but when James questioned him further, Sirius refused to divulge any details. Sirius told James that she would come back eventually and everything would be fine. James wasn't sure what had happened between Sirius and Lily but he had a feeling he never would know. He was glad to hear that Lily would be back, but he wasn't so sure he could believe it. Lily looked so disgruntled and confused leaving their private quarters that he couldn't help but be worried. He knew that he was struggling with her identity, and he just hoped that SIrius helped her figure some things out.

He walked back into his room, stifling a few yawns. It was nearly two-thirty in the morning when he returned to his room and although he was exhausted, he wasn't so sure he could fall asleep. But when he walked into his rooms and saw Lily Evans asleep in his bed, looking more adorable than ever, he knew it wouldn't be difficult to fade to sleep with her in his arms. He knew she had just freaked out over something that had to do with her past and although he was curious, he didn't push it at that moment. She was back and that's all that really mattered to him.

* * *

"So what's this bond you have with Lily?" Sirius asked as he and his other two friends meandered through the common room up to their bedroom.

Remus glanced over his shoulder, confused. "What?"

"She claimed that you two were similar just like...well, just like she and I are similar. I'm curious what you said to her earlier today."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus argued, shaking his head dismissively. "But I knew you lied to James when you said you didn't find her."

Sirius scrunched his nose guiltily. "I-I didn't lie," he muttered. "I just didn't tell him the whole truth."

Remus snorted, quirking an eyebrow. "In the real world, that's called a lie."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I just didn't think James needed to hear it from me."

"Hear what?"

Sirius snorted. "You think I'm going to tell _you_?"

"Well, how did you find her anyhow?" Remus asked, getting increasingly frustrated.

Sirius gave him a look. "I thought outside the box."

Remus gazed at Sirius, confused and irritated. "You're really good at being completely evasive, y'know that?"

Sirius shrugged.

"So exactly what kinda bond did you have with her, Sirius?" Remus asked curiously, stifling a yawn.

Sirius shrugged, glancing at his friend behind him. "I thought you would have been able to figure that one out easily considering you're supposed to be the smart one."

Remus rolled his eyes, letting the insult roll off his back. Why was Sirius avoiding all of his questions? "So what did you two talk about anyhow? What makes you so sure everything's going to be fine between them?"

"And what makes you so sure things won't be okay between them?"

"I-I didn't say that."

"The look on your face says it all."

"Can I interrupt and ask what the two of you are babbling about?" Peter asked groggily, already half-asleep.

"No," they both said immediately.

Remus sighed. If Sirius was going to be evasive, Remus didn't want to act that way, too. "Look, Lily and I were just talking earlier about the whole Kristina and Zach situation, and I mentioned that James seems to like to swoop in and save people. Er...including herself," Remus said, a guilty expression flashing across his face.

"So?" Sirius said with a blank stare.

"I don't think she liked the idea that he saved her. It seems she's always fancied herself the type of girl to fade into the background."

Sirius sighed. "Yeah, she mentioned that a few times to me, too."

Remus opened their door and tumbled on to his bed, yawning profusely. He didn't even bother changing his clothes. "I think she was scared of the idea that she had to accept everything that had happened to her. She was scared of the idea that James had took her from the shadows and-"

"Changed her and her life?" Sirius chimed in, thinking back to his conversation with Lily. Little did he know that Remus was thinking the same thing.

Sirius threw off his sweater hastily and let it fall to the floor. He crawled into bed. He could already hear Peter's snores, just seconds after he fell into his own bed. "She wanted to know why he ever saw past her secrets and her nature to hide. She just couldn't figure out how a guy like him could notice a girl like her."

Remus chuckled, shutting his eyes as exhaustion overcame him. "She always was so modest."

"I think she hates playing the pity card, but at the same time, it's hard for her to let go of her past. And it's hard for her to realize that James doesn't care what has happened to her in the past. He likes her for who she is _now_."

Remus nodded slowly, stifling a yawn. "It's hard to think of her so...so shattered. She always tries to act so strong-willed and determined."

"Yeah, well, she finally broke down. Pretending to be something you're not can do that to a person," Sirius mentioned, his words trembling at the sheer magniture of his words.

Remus turned over in his bed to look at his friend, sensing distress in his voice. Sirius was staring pensively up at the ceiling, his arm propping his head up against the pillow. While there was a small smile on his face, anyone could see it was forced. His eyes gave away the agonizing suffering he felt plain as day. "We've had our share of troubles in our life, Padfoot," Remus spoke softly. "And we can't change that. We can't alter our past. We can only control our future by being the best people we can be."

Sirius' heart skipped a torturous beat as he turned to meet Remus' pleading gaze.

"And I think we're doing a pretty good damned job at that," Remus finished, confidence emanating from his words.

Sirius pondered those words as Remus slowly pulled the hangings around his bed shut. There was a slight rustle as he turned over in bed, but Sirius remained stoic, not reaching for his own hangings yet. Remus was right. They had control of their present and of their future. They had to let the past go. Shame had been something Sirius dealt with continuously being a Black and being associated with Blacks. He was tired of letting ignorance and shame run his life. It was time ot be proud of himself and the things he did.

He felt his heart begin to pound out of his chest as he said softly to his friend, "I'm dating Riley, Moony."

The only response was the sound of Remus' snores.

* * *

Lily yawned and was surprised to find James lying beside her. When she stirred, he did, too. "Hi," she whispered.

James smiled hesitantly, instinctively reaching over to kiss her forehed. "I was worried about you last night."

Lily met his gaze, guilt filling her expression. "I-I know," she said softly. "I just...I just really needed to be by myself."

"Anything I could help you with?"

"I just..." She choked out, blinking furiously so as to let the tears threatening to strike disappear. Slowly, she sat up and turned to him, clearing her throat. "James, I-I need to know that you want to be with _me_. The _real _me, not this made-up version in your head."

James gazed at her, his expression showing pure bewilderment. "Made-up version?"

She shrugged shyly. "I-I'm not perfect. You know that, James. You know all of my flaws. I just...it's really hard for me to let people into my life because I've barely been able to let myself in.

James quirked an eyebrow skeptically. "Well, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit because I think you've done a pretty good job thus far."

"Well, then, apparently I'm a good faker," she murmured, turning her gaze away from him.

There was anything but a smile on James' voice, knowing that her insecurities were clearly seeping out. "Lily, talk to me," he whispered. "What's going on with you?"

"I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest," she responded almost immediately, disregarding his question.

"Of course," he said, sensing the sincere worry in her voice.

She didn't blurt it out immediately, taking her time to negate the overwhelming concern in her head. James let her process, not taking his eyes off of her as she scrambled to find the right words. She ran her fingers through her hair and eventually whispered, "Why me? What drew you to me? I-I mean, what was it about me that...that you liked so much that you couldn't get over me for six years?" She didn't dare look him in the eyes.

James took her hand in his and started tracing the lines on the palm of her hand. "Lily, I chose you because I couldn't imagine _not _choosing you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Why are you so convinced that I chose the wrong girl?"

Lily shook her head. "I just...I just need to know, James. Please?"

The desperate look on her face told James to oblige. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. "It was...it was everything..." he sighed, remembering back. He smiled nostalgically, shutting his eyes as he thought back to the first time he laid eyes on her. He had that image vivid in his mind and he didn't want to open his eyes. He wanted to remember that moment for ever. "It was your smile. You were biting down on the inside of your bottom lip, your top lip curled up slightly. You were trying not to laugh at the backfired spell that Sirius had just uttered. It was your focus. You were reading_ Hogwarts: A History _when I first saw you. You barely paid any attention to anyone around you. It was the casual way you were dressed. You were wearing a light green ruffled shirt and a dark pair of jeans. You had on silver stud earrings and a silver charm bracelet on your left wrist. Your hair was pulled back on the nape of your neck and you had bangs spilling down across your eye. It was definitely your eyes. Your green eyes were sparkling brightly, but it was clear there was a tiny hint of nervousness and fear in your eyes. It was the casual grace about you. Every so often, you found yourself unknowingly humming a tune, I think to distract you from what Hogwarts would bring you. It was your drive and determination. When I accidentally spilled chocolate sauce all over you, you weren't scared to stand up to me. You told me exactly what you thought of me even though Riley was standing there telling you how prominent my family was. You brushed her aside and told me I was an arrogant toerag and that you weren't going to grovel at my feet just because the rest of the wizarding world was. It was everything about that moment, Lily. Don't you get it? That's the moment I fell in love with you. I-I never saw fragility and the vulnerability and the fear and the heartbreak and the pain that you're so convinced makes up who you are. I just saw _you_. And to me, that's not a made-up version. That's the real version of you whether you'd like to believe it for not."

Lily's voice broke his concentration and he opened his eyes. "You...you remember which wrist my charm bracelet was on?" She was gazing up at him in complete awe.

Jame smiled and kissed her neck. "Lily," he said breathlessly. "I-I notice everything about you. Even the things you're too afraid to see. I'm not falling for you despite your flaws. I'm falling for you because of them. I'm falling for you because of everything you are and everything you do. You may not think you're perfect, but to me, you are."

Tears sparkled in her eyes. But not due to fear or sorrow or panic. Due to sheer amazement at the man sitting beside her. "I don't deserve you," she whispered, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Yeah, well, I do hear I'm quite a catch," he teased.

She was so grateful to finally just laugh and actually mean it. She leaned over and pressed her lips to his, the hesitance fading away almost immediately. "I'm...I'm so sorry that I ever questioned this," she whispered, her forehead touching his. "I'm just...I guess I'm scared, James. Scared that everything is going to change and...and I don't know if I'll ever be prepared for that. But if you'll-"

"What's going to change, Lily? What are you so worried about?"

Lily gazed at him, trying to figure out how she could possibly explain all that's been running through her head. Lily wanted to tell him that she had always felt like a nobody and she wasn't sure she could be a somebody, especially James' somebody. She had always been a pro at fading into the background and while she thought she was uncertain if she could learn to stand out, every word that James just uttered told her she was letting the right person lead her into the spotlight. She c ould learn to be his somebody because hell, he was _her _somebody and she never wanted to question that.

Eventually, she offered him a lopsided smile and summed it all up in a single explanation. "Falling in love," she whispered.

His eyes immediately locked with hers.

"Though I think it's probably too late for that," she admitted with a nervous smile.

He wasn't sure he had ever felt so relieved in his entire life. He knew that they were both diving headfirst into a world unknown to either one of them. What did they really know about love? But while it should have feared them - and maybe it did a little - they were both ready to embrace it. "Oh it is, hm?" he whispered, quirking an amused eyebrow.

She nodded, her smile growing. "I am falling for you, James," she repeated. "And hell, that scares the hell out of me because I had always been convinced love would never be in the cards for me based on my past. But...well, I've recently learned that it's time to stop living in the past and start focusing on the future. And I really hope that my future includes you."

James didn't even attempt to hold back as he pressed his frenzied lips against hers, both of their hearts beating wildly out of their chests as all of their fears and insecurities and concerns faded away and merely left them with pure unrequited desire. "You have no idea how happy that makes me to hear that," he whispered, his lips kissing the top of her neck underneath her ear.

She moaned at the lusting touch of his lips on hers, slowly manuevering herself atop him as her hands tangled into his messy hair. James' lip continud to explore every inch of bare skin, running trails of hot kisses down her neck and dangerously close to her cleavage. In one fail swoop, Lily was pulling off her shirt and tossing it to the ground, leaving her upper body completely exposed.

James hardened immediately as the beautiful girl straddling him pulled off his own shirt, running her smooth lips up his bare chest. "Just for the record, Lils," he whispered as her lips grazed his, "I'm falling for you, too."

When their eyes met, there was no doubt in either one of their minds that they were meant to be together.

* * *

Remus was tired of reading about hippogriffs and tipkippers. He put down his textbook and leaned back against the pillow he had propped up against the couch, glancing at his six friends all surrounding him. James and Lily were lying casually on the couch together. James was flipping through the _Daily Prophet_ letting out a grunt every so often at a judgmental article, while Lily lay curled up in a cute, tight little ball beside him, resting her eyes. They never looked happier. Sirius had claimed the loveseat, a Quidditch handbook in his lap, but he was mainly watching Kay and Peter attempt to play a game of wizarding chess where neither one of them seemed to be getting anywhere even with Remus' occasional suggestion. Kay's head was lying on Remus' lap and she was getting frustrated with every turn, knowing she was awful at the game. Peter often had to ask Remus for advice, knowing he would lose if he counted on only himself. Riley was sitting on the armrest of the couch, flipping through _Little Women _after Lily had pestered her the thousandth time. It was clear Riley was bored and would lift her head out of the book at times to ask Lily when Beth would die.

A smile crept on to Remus' face. Seven years earlier he was certain he would be an outcast at school and there he was surrounded by friends that would last a lifetime. "Let's do something."

Only Sirius seemed to stir, stifling a yawn as he shut the handbook tightly. "Hm?"

"C'mon, we do the same thing day in and day out. We need a break. We need to do something different. An...an adventure, if you will. C'mon, let's go do something!" he urged.

Everyone was paying attention now. Kay was grateful to abandon the game, and Riley threw down the novel the moment Remus said the word 'adventure.' "Like what?" Riley questioned, intrigued.

"I don't know. But it's a Saturday night. There's gotta be something."

"There's always Hogsmeade," James chimed in. "You can't have too much fun on a Saturday night at a bar."

Lily tensed up. "Drinking? No way."

James looked at her pleadingly. "Oh, come on. You and I have yet to go out together. You don't know what you're missing."

"No, I'm pretty sure I do," Lily sniggered. "Downing a couple of shots of rum, dancing with some hot girls in skanky clothing, singing the lyrics to Weird Sisters songs at the top of your lungs, maybe partaking in a make-out session on the dance floor, and then when things start to get out of hand, you stumble back into Hogwarts laughing and reminiscing on the night just to wake up the next morning with a nasty hangover."

"What? I'm offended by your accusation! We don't do any-no, actually that pretty much sums it up," Sirius chuckled as an afterthought.

Lily rolled her eyes, sending Sirius an incredulous glare.

"Except if _you _come, I'll be drinking with _you_, and dancing with _you_, and making out with _you, _and reminiscing about the night with _you,"_ James whispered.

"And getting a hangover with me, too? No thanks," she whined.

He pouted. "You're mising out," he whispered, nuzzling her neck softly but firmly with his lips.

Lily felt herself smile. "Oh, no fair, not my weak spot," Lily said, moaning slightly.

"Okay, ew, some people don't want to see that," Kay murmured, smacking the bottom of their feet. "But I'm so in. For the Hogsmeade idea, not the nuzzling each other's neck idea."

Sirius' eyes lit up. "Oooh, scratch Hogsmeade, let's go for-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you," she interrupted, rolling her eyes.

He pouted.

"Besides," she added with a grin, "I think it's about time we revisited Rosmerta."

"Oooh, Rosmerta!" Sirius said excitedly. "She must be missing me by now."

Riley lifted an eyebrow curiously to go unnoticed by everyone except for Sirius who smiled sheepishly. "She gives me free drinks," Sirius said for Riley's benefit. Riley rolled her eyes, but let it go.

Kay shrugged. "I'll do anything to get me out of finishing this game," she teased. "Besides, I think it's about time I went on one of the Marauders' excursions."

"Count me out," Lily urged.

"Come on, Lily-bean," Sirius whined, sitting upright in the chair, "You've got to come."

"Won't be the same without you," Kay said, grinning pleadingly.

Lily groaned. "Isn't there another adventure we can go on? Ooh, how about a nice little stroll around the grounds?" she said half-heartedly.

The six others burst into hysterical laughter, and Lily couldn't help but join in. "Well, aren't we a wild one," Kay smirked sarcastically.

"What, not a good enough adventure for you guys?" she teased. "We can always stroll around the hallways, too. And I'll even let you meander after curfew!"

"Oh, wow, a true rebel!" Riley added with a snort.

James squeezed his girlfriend's shoulder and winked slyly at her. "You're going to have fun with us at Hogsmeade. I know you are."

"So the Head Boy and Head Girl are going to abandon the premises? What happens if something happens and Dumbledore needs us?" Lily asked, quirking an eyebrow.

James snorted. "When was the last time Dumbledore requested our services personally? We'll be back before curfew."

Remus and Sirius exchanged a doubtful look. "We're never back before curfew," Sirius stated matter-of-factly.

"Shhh," James laughed. "She doesn't know that."

Lily rolled her eyes and gave her boyfriend a look. "I have often been around when you four, sometimes five if Riley was involved or Fabian went with you, came stumbling back into the Gryffindor common room or James' private quarters with your high-pitched laughter and your silly games, and _believe me_, that was never before ten-thirty."

"Unless you mean ten-thirty in the _morning_," Sirius corrected.

"And exactly whose laughter was high-pitched?" Remus interjected, scrunching his nose irritably.

Lily rolled her eyes. "These guys are such bad influences on you, dude," she sighed. "I feel like all you guys ever do is play pranks, occasionally lift up a book, and sneak into Hogsmeade."

Sirius blinked. "Yeah, what's your point?"

Lily snorted. "You guys lead sad, sad lives."

"Or!" Sirius cried out, his eyes glinting with excitement, "We lead adventurous, fun-filled lives!"

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "No, I'm sticking with sad, sad lives."

James wrapped his arms tightly around Lily's shoulders from behind, kissing the back of her neck gently. "You're coming with us whether you like it or not so get ready to lead a sad, sad life yourself, baby."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Do I not have a choice?"

"Nope, not at all." He pressed his lips to hers and started climbing off the couch.

Lily gazed around at her friends' hopeful faces and she sighed. "Oh please, you guys knew all along I would agree even if it was somewhat unwillingly."

"Yay!" Riley and Kay cried out together, jumping up. "We didn't really need your permission," Riley added with a shrug, helping Remus off the floor. "We would have tied you up, taped your mouth, and dragged you to Hogsmeade under your will."

Lily gaped at her. She turned to her boyfriend giving him her best sad, guilty, puppy-dog face. "You wouldn't have done that, would you, baby?"

James looked at her, rolling his eyes in disbelief. "No, no. Of course not," James said dismissively. He grinned. "I just would have confounded you."

Lily hit him hard in the chest and turned to her two girlfriends. "Are we going to get ready or not?"

The four boys groaned in unison. "Can we possibly get to Hogsmeade before...well, _tomorrow?" _Sirius whined.

"Don't make me confound _you,_" Kay teased, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Meet down here at eight-thirty?" Remus said.

The girls nodded and rushed upstairs. Lily didn't know what had come over her, but she was looking forward to going to Hogsmeade for once and doing something different, especialy after the whole freak-out she had about James. They needed to get away. _She _needed to get away.

* * *

Lily was having second thoughts when she walked into the overcrowded bar where the music was too loud, the girls were over-sexed, the drinks were spilled all over the floor, and she could smell cigarette smoke already on her clothes. "Wow, crowded," she murmured.

"Go hover," Sirius directed towards Remus and Peter. "We'll grab the drinks."

"Hover?" Lily repeated, confused.

"Yeah, to get us a table. Remus is a pro at hovering over a table, telling cute girls what they want to hear, and eventually, voila! They are swooning over Remus in one second and the next second, they are giving up their table," Sirius explained.

The three girls stared at him blankly. "Isn't getting girls to do something they don't want to do _your _job?" Kay asked dryly, a hint of a smile on her face.

Sirius gasped overdramatically. "I'm going to pretend there wasn't a lude connotation behind that," he said, wiping a fake tear. He turned back towards the bar before crying over his shoulder, "Oh, and I'm going to pretend like I'm _not _going to spit in your drink."

Kay pouted. "Prat."

Sirius grinned and led them to the bar. It took him a while but he finally got Rosmerta's attention. After chatting her up for a bit with the occasional flirting, she gave him the first round free of charge.

By the time they found Remus and Peter, they already had a large round table to themselves. "Wow, I am impressed," Lily said, siding into the booth beside Remus.

"Yeah, well, there was a pair of twins who were hovering over us soon after we send those other girls away, but we saw right through them," Remus said with a grin, holding out his hand for whatever Sirius had chosen to get him.

"You sent away _twins_?" Sirius said, feigning mixture of shock and disappointment. He felt Riley's wand in the small of his back and he stifled a laugh. "We thought it would be a good idea to start with a round of tequila shots."

"Correction," Riley interrupted, _"Sirius_ thought it would be a good idea to get us a round of tequila shots. I believe there was tons of arguing, especially on Lily's part."

"Well, duh," Lily mumbled. "No one's getting me to take a tequila shot. The last time I took a tequila shot, I ended up dancing on a coffee table and making out with Shane in the corner of the Gryffindor common room for everyone to watch."

James grunted and grabbed the tequila shot that Sirius had just put in front of her. "Yeah, I'm going to take that away from you now."

The table erupted into laughter. "Why?" Sirius snorted. "It would be you she will be making out with, dude."

James hesitated, a grin spreading across his face. He put the tequila shot back in front of Lily. "Drink up!"

Again, the table was filled with a comfortable laughter.

Lily pouted. "I'm still sticking with no," she snorted, pushing the shot away from her.

Sirius quickly pushed it back towards her. "Okay, I say we make a toast before diving into these," Sirius suggested.

"Haven't we already established I'm not diving into anything?" Lily pouted.

"Oh, you definitely are," Sirius said, grinning. "It's just too bad there aren't any coffee tables around."

Lily glared at him.

"There is a bar that she can dance on," Remus sniggered.

"Yeah, and I'll be pulling you up there with me to do a strip tease for everyone in the bar if you don't shut up," Lily shot back with a suggestive grin.

Remus hesitated and glanced over at Sirius. "Yeah, I don't think she'll be diving into anything."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You people are so lame. What happened to being adventurous? I believe that was the word you used, Remus."

"I never said anything about Lily being adventurous," Remus laughed.

"It's just one shot. That's it. It's not going to kill you," Sirius pleaded, staring at Lily with a twinkle in his eyes.

Lily sighed and picked it up. "Okay, what the hell are we toasting to?"

Her friends all cheered at her.

Sirius grinned giddily and lifted his own up. "I don't know. To...to being friends?"

James glanced around at the other six at the table and couldn't help but smile. "I think toasting to our friendship is the perfect toast," he said with a nostalgic look in his eyes.

The girls smiled, but the three guys all blanched. "Someone's being a bit sentimental, aren't they?"Peter murmured.

James rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but nod. "Well, I'm sorry if that's too mushy for you, but I do think it's the perfect toast."

The guys stared back at him blankly.

James smiled at them, shrugging innocently. "Just think about it. Over the past seven years, we have been through an incredible amount of...of drama, heartbreak, feuding, dueling, fighting, hexing, pranking, and it's just...I mean, who ever imagined the seven of us would be sitting in a booth at a bar together without two of us wanting to bite someone else's head off? For six years, this beautiful girl to my right hated my guts, for-"

"Not hate. Strongly disliked."

James gave her a look.

Lily smiled, kissing him on the cheek. "But I'll let it go seeing as you just called me beautiful."

James rolled his eyes but continued with the mini-speech. "For two years, _you _guys," pointing to Riley and Sirius, "couldn't be within five feet of each other without feeling the need to scream obscenities at each other. And for the past few months...well, it hasn't been easy on any of us. I'm just saying that I think it's pretty great that we're all friends right now. We've come a long way to get here."

Again the girls all smiled sentimentally and the guys jokingly stuck their fingers into their mouth pretending to throw up. James shoved Sirius and they all rose their glasses and downed the shot in seconds.

"Hm...I think the sentiment has left the building," Remus muttered under his breath. He nodded towards the two girls walking up to their table when his six friends looked up at him, confused by his statement. Rachael and Evelyn were heading their way. It took everything in Riley not to jump across the table and slaughter the girl in three-inch heels and a tube top.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here," Rachael said with a sultry grin.

"Hey, Rachael," James greeted dryly. "What are you doing here?"

"It's a bar," she stated, giving him a look.

"So basically you're drinking yourself into a stupor because you haven't had a guy in months?" Riley replied icily, smirking at Rachael.

"Shouldn't you be hitting on some guy who's just going to dump you in the end anyhow?" Rachael sneered.

"Shouldn't you be _wallowing_?" Riley snapped. She ignored Sirius' warning glares and continued to stare Rachael down.

"Wallowing?" Evelyn asked, confused.

"It's nothing, The girl is a little loopy. When has she ever really been all there? Mind-wise, I mean," Rachael responded, not taking her eyes off of Riley.

Riley scoffed. "And where has the rest of _you _gone, _clothes_-wise?"

"Oh, cute," Rachael replied, rolling her eyes. She turned to Remus, not realizing that the group was staring at Riley, wondering where such hostility came from. "Hey, Remus, Jillian is around here somewhere."

"I thought she was studying?"

"Eh, studying, drinking. Potato, po-tah-to," she said with a derisive laugh.

Remus chose to go find Jillian mainly because he really didn't want to stick around if Rachael was planning on hanging out. And that she was, seeing as she slipped into Remus' now empty seat. "Oh look, your drink is empty. Shouldn't you go refill?" Riley said, nodding to Rachael's now empty beer bottle.

"Getting drunk isn't everything, Miss Gilmore."

Riley rolled her eyes. "I think it's time I found my way to...well, anywhere other than here. James? Wanna dance?"

He glanced at Lily briefly and Sirius scoffed. "You need to get permission from your _girl_?"

"Isn't it time _you _had a refill," James said dryly, chuckling to himself as he hopped out of the booth.

"Anyone want to dance with _me_?" Rachael said, batting her eyelashes at the boys.

Riley growled, seeing as there were only two guys left at the table and Riley was pretty sure Rachael's question wasn't directed at Peter.

When Sirius didn't reply right away, Peter spoke up with a shrug. "I will."

Rachael sent him a 'not-in-a-million-years' withering stare. "I think I will get that refill."

"I think that would be wise," Riley snapped, storming away from the table with James on her heels. "Isn't this bothering you?" James muttered to Riley as he twirled her around. James noticed that Rachael still hadn't left the table even though she just said she was going to get a refill.

Riley gave him an irritated look. "No, I'm talking back to and snapping at Rachael for _fun_," Riley snarled sarcastically. She hesitated and smirked. "Well, that is pretty fun for me, but I'd rather she wasn't around at all obviously. Of course this is bothering me! But it's not like I can do anything about it."

He frowned, looking at her furrowed brow pensively.

"Look, I trust him," Riley muttered, mostly for her own sake. "I don't think he has a clue what he's getting into with her, but-"

"Exactly what is he getting into?" he asked curiously. "Because I gotta say, I don't think he'd be hanging out with her if there wasn't a legitimate reason."

Riley glanced up at him hesitantly. "There is a legitimate reason," she muttered. "That doesn't make me feel any better about it though."

James shrugged. "Then why not tell him?"

Frustration seeped through her expression. "Oh, I have," she said, her voice on the verge of a sneer.

James frowned. "Then why hasn't-"

"I really dont' want to talk about this anymore," Riley urged, shaking her head. "You said you wanted to stay out of our relationship, James, so please just..." she sighed. "Just do me a favor and do that, will ya?"

James could tell she was so clearly aggravated with Sirius and the situation and it was easier snapping at him, but he merely nodded.

Riley glanced over James' shoulder to where Rachael and Sirius were talking. She tried to push it from her mind but everytime she could hear Rachael's high-pitched laugh, she tensed up again.

An hour later, it was only Riley, Sirius, and Kay at the table while everyone else was dancing with their significant other, Peter with Evelyn. Kay sat there staring at her friends longingly. "I wish Lance was here," she muttered with a whimper.

"I wish I was kissing my boyfriend like they all are. God, it seems like everyone is snogging on the dance floor! Well, not Peter, but that's expected," Riley muttered with an irritable grunt.

Sirius cringed and pointed towards the dance dloor. "Uh...Riley?"

"Damnit, now Peter is making out with Evelyn? This is pathetic!" she pouted. "I feel like the fat kid on the playground picked last in...in dodgeball."

Sirius looked at her curiously. "What's dodgeball?"

Kay rolled her eyes and interrupted their complaints. "Riley, just be happy your boyfriend is here with you. _I _feel like the fat kid on the playground!" Kay shot back. She glanced down at the empty mug in front of her. "Uh-oh, I'm whining. I've clearly had too much to drink. Take this away from me."

"Why would I want this? There's nothing in here," Sirius pouted, grinning teasingly.

Kay rolled her eyes. "Oh go make out in the bathroom. I'll tell everyone else you...well, I'll make something up."

"You just want us gone so you can steal my beer," Sirius said with a lighthearted laugh.

"Well...yeah. But I'm also tired of you playing footsie with me."

Sirius gasped sheepishly. "I thought that was Riley!"

"Hm...no."

"I've been running my foot up and down your leg for the past ten minutes!"

Kay shrugged and put her head down on the table. "I'm lonely."

Riley laughed. "You really have had too much to drink, Miss Wallowing in Self Pity."

"Yep. So...are you going to finish that?" she pointed to her firewhiskey.

Riley rolled her eyes and passed it towards Kay. "I'm going to go make out with my boyfriend now."

"Well...okay, but come back and drink with me when you're done," Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows jokingly.

Riley punched his shoulder playfully and rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, you idiot."

He grinned giddily.

Kay sighed as she watched them bounce off to the alley behind the bar. She really hated watching all of her friends so happy with their boyfriends when hers was miles away. She loved getting his letters and, not that she would tell anyone this, but kept them all hidden in one of her desk drawers so that when she was starting to feel depressed, she could pull them out. She could really have used his letters at that moment.

She was feeling so frustrated that she hadn't seen Rachael sneak up on her. "Where are Riley and Sirius going?" Rachael smirked.

Kay glared at her. "I'm pretty sure that's none of your business."

Rachael rolled her eyes. "You look a little lonely sitting in an eight-seat booth _by yourself_."

Kay scowled. She was good. Rachael certainly did know how to push one's buttons. And there was no doubt in Kay's mind that Rachael had found out about Riley's and Sirius' relationship."At least I have a boyfriend waiting for me somewhere. A guy who's _not seeing someone else." _

Rachael flipped her hair over her shoulder and stalked off. Kay's comment didn't bother her because Rachael was convinced that Riley and Sirius would soon be no longer. She was determined to see them broken up.

* * *

All in all, it was a fun night. Even Lily admitted it. Of course, that was after four beers and a firewhiskey, so no one can really tell if it was her drunkenness talking. By next morning, Lily was regretting it all.

She didn't know what time it was, but her head was telling her she needed another six hours...no, make that another twelve hours of sleep.

"Hey."

Lily jumped, glancing behind her shoulder. "Hey," she said irritably.

James laughed. "If that doesn't sound like a hangover, I don't know what could."

"I'm mad at you."

James laughed, kissing her bare shoulder. It was then that Lily realized she wasn't wearing any clothes. Which wasn't unusual, but... "Er...James? Fill in some blanks for me. What happened after...well, after say that first tequila shot?"

James looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

She scrunched up her nose and glanced downward, wrapping the sheets around her. "Well..."

James gasped and stared at her, with a mixture of hurt and shock. "Lily! Please don't tell me you're implying that-"

"Well, we were both drunk!" she snapped.

James scoffed. "I am not _that _guy."

"I'm just trying to fill in some blanks!" she repeated apologetically.

"I would never do that to you, Lily," he growled, giving her a deathly stare out of the corner of his eye. "I'm not about to get you drunk just so I could have sex with you. I care for you more than that and I hope you would realize that. Why are you so determined to have this relationship sabotaged?"

Lily sighed and shrugged. "I...I hate to say this, James, and _please _don't hate me when I do, but given your history, I think that was a perfectly legitimate question. I don't remember a lot from last night and I was just asking you to fill in a few blanks."

James sighed. "I...I hate that you can hold my history and...and my reputation over my head. Because the truth is, if I were you, I'm not so sure I would have even lasted this long knowing my past."

Lily crawled out of the bed and sauntered over to him, now sitting dejectedly on the desk chair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, squeezing him hard. "James, I trust you. I...I can't help but think back to who you were before, but that's not who you are _now_. I know you care about me and respect me and... and-"

"And I would never do anything you're not ready for. And I would never take advanatge of you. _Ever_."

Lily smiled and sat down on his lap, kissing him. "I know," she whispered. "And that's why you are the best boyfriend in the world." She hesitated and shrugged. "Eh, well, after Sirius, of course."

He gasped at her, biting down on her shoulder jokingly.

"Hey!" Lily laughed, jerking away from him. She kissed him again and then stood up, stifling a yawn. "I don't know about you, but I have a lot of Potions research I need to do today."

James grabbed her arm before she could head back to her room. "Or," he whispered seductively, "we could put this whole not wearing any clothes thing to good use."

Lily lifted an eyebrow and motioned for him to head towards the bed with a grin. "Potions can wait."

* * *

**A/N: **A lot of information in this chapter so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Keep up the reviewing!


	20. Of Fate, Deadly Potions, & Limestone

**A/N**: I'm back with chapter 20! This story is going to be roughly 60 chapters so you have plenty more reading to do. I have a feeling not many of you are going to enjoy this chapter, but please read and review anyway!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling...at least I'm pretty sure I'm not...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 20: Of Fate, Deadly Potions, & Limestone

* * *

"Okay, Remus. McGonagall, Pomfrey, and Pince," James said with a grin that Tuesday at lunch.

Remus made a face. "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope."

Remus sighed. "I-I guess I would ditch Pince, fuck Pomfrey, and marry McGonagall. Maybe McGonagall would go easier on me if I was her husband," he said with a laugh.

Sirius snorted. "I doubt it. I think she enjoys having a huge stick up her arse." He shuddered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh please. For some crazy and unknown reason, you're her favorite."

Sirius grinned and before he could respond, James interrupted. "Unknown?" James repeated with a snort. "It's because he flashes his infamous charming smile her way and compliments her hairstyle."

Sirius laughed. "Her bun did look quite beautiful today," he said sarcastically, fanning his face dramatically. "C'mon, Remus. It's you're turn."

"Okay, Sirius. The obvious: Kay, Lily, and Riley."

Sirius cringed. He hated this question and was hoping he could avoid it. "We ask this question every time. Can't we come up with another set of three?"

"I could, but I don't want to," Remus said with a grin.

"Fine, but it hasn't changed since the last time. I would marry Lily, sleep with Kay, and get rid of Riley," he lied.

"This better be hypothetical!" James cried out.

Remus raised an eyebrow inquisitively, ignoring James. "Even though you and Riley actually are friendly now?"

"Of course. It's not like I'm about to marry the girl. I'd be forced to live with her forever! I'd shoot myself!"

"But you have to admit, that girl is bloody _gorgeous_," Remus said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "You wouldn't even want to fuck her?"

Sirius suppressed a smile, shrugging casually as he avoided eye contact with James, who was looking seriously amused. "Okay, maybe I wouldn't mind getting a piece of her. Every other guy in this school has."

"Ouch," Remus said.

"No, not ouch. It's the truth. She would even admit that. Just like I would admit that I've slept with a lot of girls in this school."

Remus shrugged, an amused look on his face. "You two really are so similar."

"And yet, I'm not an uptight, crass princess," Sirius responded, rolling his eyes.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I still say you two are similar," he murmured, enjoying the perturbed look on his friend as he stood up from the dinner table. "Well, as enlightening as this conversation has been, I have to go tutor some second years."

"Are these the ones that giggle incessantly every time you hold their wrist to help them with their flicking motion?" Peter asked with a laugh.

"No, these are the guys that hate that those girls are into me and would refuse my help except Flitwick says they need serious help and Lily already has a full load," Remus replied, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well do you want to tutor me right now as well?" Peter asked with a hopeful look.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I guess as your friend, I'm morally obligated to help you with your Potions work."

"Oh, gee, well when you put it that way," he said dryly, waving to James and Sirius as he followed Remus out of the Great Hall, the two of them arguing about the unwritten rules in the Marauders' friendship.

"Nice cover," James said when they were out of earshot.

"Hm?"

"You wouldn't mind getting a _piece _of Riley?" James said with a raised eyebrow.

Sirius laughed and shrugged, reaching across the table to finish Remus' chicken pot pie. "What? Did that not sound like a Sirius thing to say?"

"Oh, it definitely sounded like a Sirius thing to say," he said with a laugh, glancing at Remus' half-eaten plate in disgust. "But if we are speaking of Riley…" he trailed off.

Sirius hesitated, glancing up at him. "What? I thought you wanted nothing to do with us."

"It's just that…" James sighed, and stared at his goblet of pumpkin juice searching for the right words. "Look, I have no idea what's going on with you and Rachael nor do I really need or care to know, but it's really hurting Riley."

Sirius grunted, slightly thrown by James' words. "Look, you don't know the whole story, but she does understand that-"

"It doesn't matter that she understands. Maybe she does, but it's really bothering her that you've been spending time with Rachael, and don't you think you should listen to what-"

"No, forget it, James. Don't you dare finish that sentence," Sirius snarled. His confused look was immediately replaced with anger. "You _cannot_ have it both ways," he snarled, slamming the fork down on the table as he jumped out of his seat.

"What the hell are you talking about?" James asked, taken aback.

Sirius whirled around. "First, you want nothing to do with my relationship with Riley, and now you want to butt in and put your two cents in? Why can't you just make up your bloody mind?" he said, a low growl emitting in the deep of his throat.

"I'm just trying to help Riley out," James said, shrugging at Sirius' flare for the dramatics.

Sirius scowled, throwing his hands in the air. "I know that, James! You've made that perfectly clear!"

"Why are you yelling at me?" James asked calmly.

Sirius sighed, counting to ten in his head to attempt to remain as composed as possible. He didn't respond immediately, carefully searching for the right thing to say as he locked eyes with James' curious ones. "Why did you call a truce between us, James?" he asked softly, trying to mask his hurt.

James gazed at Sirius' sudden vulnerability. He shrugged. "I guess I missed being your friend."

Hearing that answer, Sirius' heart sank. "But that's just it, James," he whispered pleadingly. "You're not being a friend to me." James opened his mouth to protest, but Sirius quickly added, "You're only really being a friend to Riley."

Looking into Sirius' eyes told James that James was hurting Sirius more than either one of them realized by choosing to be on Riley's side. "I told you it would come to this eventually," James murmured hollowly.

Sirius' entire demeanor turned helpless at the agonizing words. "Does our friendship really mean that little to you?" Sirius asked softly, not daring to look James in the eyes.

"What?"

Sirius wobbled slightly, as he was still remaining standing, ultimate agony enveloping his entire body. His smile had faded into a desperate frown, his eyes blinking with insecurity. "It's like you gave up on our friendship the moment you found out about me and Riley. And I can't figure out why. You've...you've never given up on me before," he choked out in a hoarse whisper. "Back when we first met and you knew I was a Black, you didn't shun me. When my family and childhood friends gave up on me being a true Black, you accepted me as your best friend. When I-I finally escaped my parents and my household, you invited me to move into your home in a heartbeat. When I stupidly prodded Snivellus to the Whomping Willow tree, you still stood by my side, albeit hesitantly, even though Remus and Peter refused to speak to me for nearly five months. But you choose _now_ to give up on me? Just because I'm dating your best friend?" Sirius let out a confused, hurt sigh.

James blinked, completely at a loss for what to say. He felt torn between compassion and frustration. He wanted to pretend like Riley and Sirius dating didn't bother him. He wanted to act as if it was a legitimate relationship. He wanted to be able to go abck to the way things used to be. But he couldn't do that. Too much had happened. "I would use that word 'dating' very loosely," he said dryly for lack of anything better to say.

An ache protruded in Sirius' heart at the cold words spilling from his friend's mouth. "_I _wouldn't," Sirius retaliated.

James thought briefly back to what Kay had told him. That sooner or later Sirius and Riley were going to give up on him. As it turned out, he was giving up on them before they could ever give up on him. "Look, it's more complicated that you're giving me credit for," James mumbled, ignoring eye contact with Sirius. He could tell he was hurting Sirius, but there was just something that was stopping him from reaching out.

"No, it's fairly simple, James," Sirius muttered, crossing his arms bitterly. "You see, _I_ would never give up on you no matter what the situation was. Clearly I value this friendship more than you ever have."

"It's not that I don't value this friendship, but I do have my friendship with Riley to consider," James explained, sighing heavily.

Anger struck Sirius' heart. "And how do you think it makes me feel knowing I'm always going to be second best to you?" Sirius responded immediately, staring scrupulously at the guy in front of him. A guy he barely knew. A guy he wasn't so sure he wanted to know anymore. "Because if you really are her friend and if you really are _my _friend, don't you think you would be able to figure out a way to consider us both?"

James had nothing to say to that. It was obvious that Sirius was more hurt than angry, and James knew that nothing he planned on saying was going to be good enough for Sirius. If he had to give up his best friend, so be it.

"I guess I just got my answer," Sirius snapped, shutting his eyes tightly. His flicker of hurt was replaced with angered frustration. "You really _are _selfish, you know that?"

"How does looking out for Riley's well-being translate to me being selfish?" James asked, rolling his eyes.

Sirius wanted to pommel him for acting so blasé about the entire thing. For seemingly not caring that their friendship was coming apart at the very seams. "Because it seems that you only want to be involved in our relationship when it's convenient for you," Sirius said, his fists clenching angrily. "You could inevitably care less about me and really, you could care less about Riley. Your unwillingness to accept the fact that she and I are together is pure stubbornness, plain and simple. I knew all along that our truce wast too good to be true. I am still so bloody angry at for you-"

"For _what_? For choosing Riley over you?" James interrupted with a snide sneer, giving Sirius a knowing look. "For being on _her _side? For putting _her _friendship with me over our friendship? For only giving up on you and not her? Jealous, are you?"

Sirius slammed his fist against the table and wish his goblet wasn't empty or he would have thrown it in his face. Mostly because James was right. And Sirius hated that he was right. "Go to hell, James."

Sirius stormed off as James slumped into the bench with a whimper, knowing he took it a step too far. James knew that Sirius was just being honest, trying to tell James how much he hated that James seemed to care about the friendship with Riley over the friendship with Sirius. They both knew that James' accusation was accurate, which is why they both left the Great Hall more uncertain about their friendship than ever.

James wanted so badly to please them both, but for some reason, he just couldn't scrounge up enough courage and understanding to accept the relationship between his two best friends. He did want to, but it wasn't that easy. It's not like he enjoyed hurting Sirius, but it's not like James enjoyed feeling betrayed by his two best friends either. He couldn't figure out why he was putting Riley first, except that every time Riley went through a break-up, he could see a little piece of her falling apart. And it was obvious to James that eventually, something would go wrong, and Riley and Sirius _would _break up. And for some unknown reason, he could see that Riley was falling for Sirius and knowing that a break-up was on the verge, James didn't know if Riley would be able to bounce back. So James felt it necessary to try and shield Riley away from any pain, which meant having to let Sirius down unfortunately.

And just when things were finally going well between them all.

* * *

Sirius never felt more dejected and low than he did leaving the Great Hall. This wasn't just some fight he was having with James. This really was the beginning of the end of their friendship. He wanted James to understand _so badly _how deeply he cared for Riley and yet, James was convinced it was just some sort of fling. Sirius hated that feeling of emptiness. He hated feeling like James was against him. He hated knowing that James had given up on him that moment he had found out that Sirius was dating Riley. And in that moment, a small part of him truly hated James.

The worst part was that this was all giving him flashbacks of his childhood. His parents had made him feel guilty and bad every damn day of his life until he had finally had enough and moved out. He felt empty and lonely every single minute of every single day until he was given the chance to attend Hogwarts. And his parents gave up on him the moment they found out he was friends with James Potter. They made him feel like he wasn't good enough for anyone. As if he was tainted with the Black name and he would never be able to shun it. They had instantly been against him ever since Sirius told them that Voldemort was a murderous blood-sucking demon who deserved to die for the unforgiving things he has done.

And in just a few mere minutes, James had turned into Sirius' parents, James shunned him, made him feel like he didn't matter. Sirius felt empty and lonely and cast aside like he had just a few years earlier. Sirius hated feeling that way. He hated it more that it was his best friend who did that to him.

James had been there for Sirius every step of the way. James was the only one who really knew how bad he had had it. Sirius had always been so good at putting on a smile and faking his cheerfulness around everyone. But James saw right through that. He was the only one who knew that over the summer, Sirius' parents beat him and attacked him and used him as their personal punchbag. James was the only one who knew that Sirius' heart was still trying to put its pieces back together after the torment and pain his family had inflicted upon him for sixteen years. James was the only one who ever read the letter signed by a Tom requesting Sirius' presence in Voldemort's army. He was the only one who sat off to the side in silence while Sirius tore up the room, ranting and and raving about the bullshit that was this Tom character. James was the only one who truly understood the reasoning, albeit horribly misguided, behind why Sirius had snapped and told Snape of the Shrieking Shack. James was the only one who had ever just listened to Sirius and never once judged him. He had been there when Sirius needed him most. And let's face it, when he was at odds against his parents, he had always needed James. There wasn't a doubt in Sirius' mind who he could turn to when he finally walked out of 12 Grimmauld Place forever. James had been there for him every step of the way to make sure Sirius didn't completely fall apart.

Until now.

While James had said some pretty harsh stuff the night he found out about Sirius and Riley, it wasn't that that Sirius was so angry about. It was the fact that James didn't seem to understand how much Sirius truly cared for Riley nor did he even want to understand. And Sirius couldn't remember a time when James didn't want to understand what was going through Sirius' mind. James and Sirius had been through so much together and Sirius didn't know if he could ever forgive James for just rescinding their friendship so dismissively, as if it didn't even matter. Sirius knew that James thought he had to choose between him and Riley, but it was never about choices. It was never about being stuck in the middle. It was just about James finding it easier to stay mad and frustrated towards Sirius than trying to understand. Just like Sirius' Mom and Dad.

He never felt more like his eight-year-old self hiding from his parents' oohing and ahhing over his younger brother while they continually jeered at Sirius to be more like his brother. He never felt so empty and alone than he did in that moment.

Sirius was slinking down against the dungeon room wall when he did something he hadn't done in years.

He let himself cry.

* * *

Riley knew the moment she walked into the dungeon that something was wrong. "Sirius?" she said warily.

He glanced up, vaguely wondering what time it was. He must have been sitting there for hours.

"Hey," Riley said softly and reassuringly, quickly taking a seat beside her boyfriend. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Sirius couldn't even form the words to express the way he felt as he gazed over at her, desperation seeping through his very expression. Her heart skipped a beat at the broken man sitting in front of her. It was a guy Riley didn't recognize even in the slightest.

Slowly, he placed his head on her shoulder, his bottom lip trembling. "I'm so glad that you're here," he whispered.

Riley pressed her lips to the top of his head, agonizing concern running through her mind. "I'm always going to be here for you, Sirius," she spoke in a hoarse whisper.

A shiver ran down his spine at the vulnerability behind her words. And in that moment - that heartbreaking moment where Sirius' heart felt like it had been stabbed by a thousand knives and betrayal filled every crevice of his body and Sirius wondered if he would ever be able to climb off that dungeon floor and emerse himself in the reality of the situation - Sirius knew that he would never have been able to get through it without Riley.

It was that exact moment that he would always look back on and remember as the moment he realized he was in love with Riley Gilmore.

* * *

"I did something stupid."

Lily glanced up from her textbook. She was sitting on the couch in their common room and hadn't even heard the door open. "Hey, babe."

James threw his bag aside and plopped on to the couch beside her, slumping down. "No, don't get all cute on me because I don't deserve it."

She shut her books and placed them on the table in front of her, looking at him curiously. "What happened?"

He sighed, rubbing his temples. "Sirius and I are back to not speaking to each other. Spread the word."

Lily groaned. "James!"

"It was his fault, not mine!"

"What are you, six years old?"

He slumped down further, crossing his arms bitterly. "We never really resolved our problems. We were just...hiding them because neither one of us wanted to confront them, that's all."

She placed her legs over his lap and placed his hands in hers. "You look like hell," Lily murmured.

"Oh, gee, thanks."

Lily laughed and kissed the tips of his fingers. "You guys will work it out."

"I-I don't know about that." James shut his eyes, groaning inwardly at the betrayed glint in Sirius' eyes when he had walked away. "God, I think I really hurt him this time."

"I thought it was his fault," Lily mocked.

James frowned, guilt resting in his heart. "Well, I was ust trying to have a...a civil conversation with him and...and he didn't want to have a civil conversation," he fibbed.

"About what?"

James remained silent.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm assuming you can't tell me that."

He met her gaze and shook his head.

"You will work it out, James," she whispered. "Maybe not tomorrow and-"

"Maybe not for another ten years," he interrupted.

Lily gave him a look. "_James_."

"You weren't there," he choked out.

She gestured for him to turn around and she started to massage his shoulders. He moaned and fell into her touch, shutting his eyes and throwing off his shoes. "You two are best friends," she continued, pressing her lips to the nook of his neck. "You...you'll make up. You have to. Things just aren't the same without the two of you speaking."

When James' eyes fluttered open, Lily could have sworn that his eyes were moist with the prospect of tears. But when she tried to get a closer look, he turned away from her. In a hoarse whisper he spoke words that came quite unexpected to Lily, his tone so cold and empty and filled with such a lack of confidence. All emotions that Lily wasn't used to hearing from James.

"I don't think that things will ever be the same again."

Lily's heart stopped when she realized she was afraid that that might be true.

* * *

It was fate that Riley forgot her Advanced Charms book and had to run back to the room after breakfast to get it that Wednesday morning. It was fate that she was on her own and running late to class. It was fate that she took the wrong staircase and it moved, leading her down a hallway she didn't intend to be in. It was fate because who would she run into but Rachael LeBlanc.

Riley yelped when she turned the corner and practically ran into Rachael.

"Watch where you're going!" Rachael cried out, stumbling backwards. She let out a frustrated grunt and then looked up at the person who ran into her. "Oh. Riley."

Riley tightened her fist around her bag and forced out a smile. "Hello, Rachael," saying her name with such scorn.

Neither one said anything for a good minute. They just glared at each other.

Riley knew Sirius would be extremely pissed off if she said anything to Rachael and so, she unwillingly strode past Rachael, "accidentally" bumping into her shoulder, and started to walk away.

"How was the dungeon last night?"

Riley froze and slowly turned around to stare meticulously at Rachael's smug face. "How'd you find out?" she asked rather calmly.

Rachael flung her long blonde hair behind her back and shrugged casually. "Sirius broke up with me for-" she halted, realizing too late she didn't want Riley to have that satisfaction of knowing Sirius chose Riley over her.

"For me?" Riley finished in shock.

Rachael rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever," she brushed off. "I just didn't realize you were stupid enough to fall for his charm and get into a relationship with a guy you hated for two years. But it was pretty obvious once you got back from Christmas break that you two were sleeping together."

"How was it obvious?" Riley sneered.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a bunch. It was only obvious to _me_," she reassured. "But that's because I knew Sirius had a…a crush on you or whatever and when you two went from bickering all the time to actually being _friends_, I knew there was something more to the story."

Riley remained silent, uncertain what to say to that. _So Rachael knew all along…_

"But whatever," Rachael continued, rolling her eyes again. "Because he might have broken up with me the first time to be with you but this time it will be exactly the opposite. Karma's a bitch."

Riley narrowed her eyes and glared at Rachael. "You stay away from Sirius," she warned in a deep, angry voice.

"No, thanks," Rachael replied with an innocent, sugary smile.

"He doesn't want you, LeBlanc," Riley retorted, wondering where the surname came from. "Or did you not get that from the first time he dumped you?"

Rachael opened her mouth to respond but Riley quickly continued on, "But can it really be dumping if you were never in a relationship in the first place?"

"We were together for three months," Rachael spat. "That's longer than you two will be together."

"Seriously, LeBlanc, stay away from him," Riley warned again, her eyes filled with fury.

"Not a chance," Rachael snickered, grinning wickedly.

"Are you really that pathetic that you have to steal someone else's boyfriend?" Riley remarked, crossing her arms bitterly.

"You stole mine first," she replied childishly.

"He wasn't yours when we started dating! He dumped you before that!" Riley cried out in frustration. "Besides, he was never your boyfriend."

"Eh, technicalities," she murmured.

"I cannot believe you're using the damsel-in-distress scenario just to get a guy," Riley barked.

Rachael gasped slightly and stared at Riley with a hurt expression. "I can't believe he told you." She had suspected it the night Riley asked Rachael why she wasn't wallowing, but she was annoyed that it had been verified.

Riley smirked. "He tells me everything."

"Not for long," Rachael murmured, leaning against the wall with a smug smirk.

Riley glared at her. "What happens when he finds out this whole you-using-your-dead-parents-as-an-excuse-to-gain-some-comfort is simply a ruse?"

"It's not a ruse," Rachael replied hesitantly.

Riley laughed hysterically. "Oh please!" she responded. "You haven't told any of your other friends and why do you think that is? Because you only want _his _comfort. you are totally using him."

Rachael rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Hey, if it works then I can't complain."

"But here's the thing, LeBlanc: it's not going to work," Riley said firmly, mostly trying to convince herself.

Rachael rolled her eyes again and let out an irritated sigh. "So naïve, Gilmore," she muttered as she started walking past Riley, obviously planning on walking away. "I really can't be bothered to stand in the middle of an empty hallway and argue with you anymore so I'll be going. Good luck with that whole relationship thing, Gilmore."

"Good luck with that whole being a whore thing, LeBlanc," Riley snapped.

Rachael was already halfway down the hallway so she just waved her hand in the air to show Riley she heard her comment but wasn't fazed by it. "Whatever!"

Riley watched Rachael walk around the corner and disappear. Riley slammed her bag against the wall, letting out a frustrated scream and swore Rachael was never going to be in Sirius' presence again no matter what Riley had to do.

* * *

Riley stormed into class, apologizing profusely to Professor Flitwick for being late with no excuse and earning herself a detention, which she didn't seem to care much about.

She plopped into the empty seat beside Lily and placed her bag on her desk, making no move to actually take out parchment to take notes. She simply crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, a frown crowding her face.

"Where have you been?" Lily hissed, glancing up at Flitwick as he turned around to write something on the blackboard behind him.

"I don't want to talk about it," Riley muttered, staring at the back of Sirius' head in front of her with much anger.

"Riles," James chimed in from Lily's right, "you left about forty minutes ago to get your book and it only takes you five minutes to walk back to the dorm and ten minutes to get to class. And this very unpleasant demeanor tells me something went down. So what happened?"

"I _don't _want to talk about it," she repeated through gritted teeth, her gaze not leaving Sirius.

James and Lily exchanged a worried glance but knew better than to press the matter any further, both returning to listening to Flitwick speak.

Riley's anger was quickly replaced with heartrendering paranoia. She did trust Sirius and after both of them wanting to tell the school of their relationship, she thought things were finally just going to be okay between the two of them. And then Rachael had to go an ruin it. It was Rachael she didn't trust and if Rachael was so determined to get Sirius back, there was a good chance she might get it. Rachael wasn't exactly accustomed to being said no to. In fact, she pretty much always got what she wanted, which just frightened Riley more. Would Sirius really fall for Rachael's act?

Riley sighed, knowing perfectly well that Sirius had already fallen for it. It was just a matter of time before Rachael made her move.

Which meant that Riley had to move even quicker.

* * *

Remus knew almost immediately that something was going on between James and Sirius. James walked around with a permanent frown on his face, his emotions constantly battling among guilt, confusion, and sorrow. His scrunched up nose and furrowed brow told Remus that James was having some sort of bitter war in the forefront of his mind that he didn't know would ever end. He barely paid attention in class, he had serious bags under his eyes, he avoided meals, and he could barely hold a conversation longer than a few minutes with anyone. Sirius was even worse off. He had skipped his Tuesday afternoon classes and didn't appear at dinner either, a rather huge accomplishment for the bottomless pit that was Sirius Black. When Remus finally did catch up with him at breakfast that morning, Sirisu refused to say anything. In fact, he chose most of that meal to stab his food with his fork, his mouth twisted with disappointment. He looked withdrawn and never dared to set eyes on James. In class, he stared straight ahead at the professor though it was obvious to Remus that Sirius was merely looking through the professors and not actually at them. He looked withdrawn and felt distant. Hours went by where he didn't emit a single peep, something that all of their friends took notice of. But when questioned, he merely shook his head and blamed it on exhaustion. Which made sense considering it looked like hadn't slept a single wink the night before.

He was in the common room with James and Peter that evening, his Care of Magical Creatures notes spread across his lap while James attempted to patiently quiz Peter on the five deadliest potions in the wizarding world. Remus was furiously scribbling away when the common room portrait opened up and in walked Sirius. He froze slightly at the entrance, staring over at them, before making his mind up to just head straight up to the dorm.

"C'mon, Peter, you _know _this," James muttered, slightly irritable.

Peter glared at him, his eyes lighting up at the sight of Sirius. "Sirius!" Peter cried out.

Sirius hesitated slightly at the bottom of the stairwell, glancing briefly towards Peter.

"Which is the potion created with rattlesnake venom? Ricinotis?"

"You can't ask for help!" James groaned. "Do you think you're going to be able to do that in the middle of the actual exam?"

Remus glanced over his parchment towards James. "You just don't want Sirius to come over here."

James frowned, slowly meeting his friend's face. "I just don't advocate cheating, Moony," he drawled dryly.

"Only on girls, right?" Sirius voice broke out as he slowly made his way over to his three friends.

James glared at him. "I liked you better when you weren't speaking to me."

"Well, then here's your wish," he snarled, turning his back on James. "And it's Riconitis, Wormtail."

"Aha! I was close!"

"Sirius, _stop. _Don't walk waway, Remus pleaded, shooting James a glare. "What the hell happened between you two? I thought everything was fine."

"Things were never fine," Sirius snapped, turning to set his look on a desperate Remus. "Not when James the Jackass is involved."

"Gee, did it take you all day to think of that wildly witty name?" James spoke sarcastically, rolling his eyes instinctively.

"Nah, only took me two seconds. It kinda rolls off the tongue if you know what I mean."

"_Stop_," Remus snapped again, glaring at the both of them. "This is getting borderline ridiculous. You two are _best friends_. I don't care whatever it is you're fighting about, just _stop _it!"

"It's not that easy, Moony," Sirius muttered.

Remus's frown filled his entire expression, sensing such burden dripping off of Sirius' words. He let out a deep sigh. "I'm not going six months with the two of you avoiding each other," he said softly, shrugging. "The Marauders have been down that road before. I'm not going to let it happen again."

Sirius felt Remus' desperate eyes trained on him and he knew instantly that Remus was referring to the Snape incident. And it nearly broke Sirius' heart into two. Remus didn't mention or even allude to that tense time often, if ever. So when he did, Sirius knew he meant business. Sirius frowned, thinking back to that disastrous six months. He was so grateful that Remus eventually took back his friendship, but months went by where Sirius was convinced he and Remus would never speak again. And hell, Sirius didn't blame him. He hadn't just betrayed his friendship with Remus. He had betrayed everything inside of Remus - body, soul, & mind. Every physical and mental capacity that Remus had ever striven for to hide the truth behind his monthly transformations had been destroyed in a mere pranking instant. And yet, here they were only a year and a half later and their friendship remained solid and the past had been forgiven. Would that be the case with James? Would they one day be able to look back on this and forget the stupidity behind it? Or would James hold a grudge for as long as Sirius was dating Riley? Would Sirius ever be able to forgive James for betraying everything inside of him - body, soul, & mind?

"It's nothing you can fix, Moony. Just stay out of it," James murmured, interrupting Sirius' thoughts.

Sirius turned to gaze at James, anger and sadness mixing into one as these emotions boiled up inside of him.

"I've tried staying out of it," Remus snarled. "But I'm not going to watch two people who have grown to be _brothers_ let that relationship die."

"We're not brothers," Sirius spoke hoarsely, shaking his head slowly as his gaze never left James'. "Never were. Never will be."

And before Remus could stop him or James could agree or Peter could comment, Sirius was whisking himself up to his bedroom.

Remus and Peter turned to look at James, who was staring pensively at the boys stairwell where Sirius had just disappeared up. Eventually, James turned away, a frown resting on his face. "You still have two potions left to name, Peter."

He frowned, meeting Remus' dismayed expression quickly before turning back to face James. "James, _what_ is going on?"

"What's going on is you still have two potions left to name and I'm not giving you anymore hints. Man up and start learning this shit."

Remus and Peter both knew that that was the end of the James-Sirius discussion.

* * *

Sirius was glad to get the peace and quiet in his own bedroom. He kept thinking about the conversation he had had with James, replaying it over in his mind. He kept thinking about Rachael and how heartbroken she was. He kept thinking about Riley, who he knew was irritated with Rachael but he wasn't sure what else to do. He kept thinking about his friends, all getting exhausted from the back-and-forth cat-and-mouse game that he was playing with James.

He sighed, groaning inwardly. Why did everything have to be complicated? He was so happy that James had wanted a truce, even if Sirius knew it was all just on the surface. Yes, James missed hanging out with Sirius, that was something Sirius couldn't deny since he, too, missed hanging out with James, but that didn't mean that everything could go back to the way it used to be between them. Especially knowing that James was done trying to be there for Sirius. Especially knowing that James had hurt Sirius more than James would ever know. Especially knowing that James was being selfish and unfair.

Sirius had meant what he said. James Potter wasn't his brother. He never was or he would have provided him with a bit more consideration. And he never will be because the damage has been done.

Sirius was so immersed in his thoughts, he hadn't realized how much time had gone by. When the door creaked open a few hours later, Sirius jumped, emitting a frightened squeal.

Remus chuckled. "Cute. Very cute."

Sirius shrugged and returned to staring at the ceiling.

"What are you doing?"

"Staring at the ceiling," he murmured.

Remus snorted. "And exactly how long have you been doing that?" Remus asked curiously, throwing his bags onto his desk and jumping on to his own bed with a stifled yawn.

"I don't know. Two hours? I never knew that our ceiling was made of five different types of granite."

"I actually think that's limestone."

Sirius gazed at Remus, frowning. "I don't really care what it is."

"Well, you were the one staring at it for the past two hours."

Sirius merely shrugged, his eyes once again resting on the ceiling.

Remus gazed at his friend, recognizing the ultimate dejection dimming in his eyes. He was hurting, there was no doubt about that. And once upon a time, maybe Sirius would have pretended otherwise, but it was clear to Remus that Sirius was done trying to pretend that everything was okay. Everything wasn't okay. Not even a little. "Sirius," he said softly, "What's going on between you and James?"

Sirius didn't respond immediately, his eyes growing with disappointment. "Blame James," he eventually murmured. "At least I respected our friendship. I can't say the same for him."

Remus' heart ached at the sheer vulnerability in his words. "You know that's not true, Sirius," Remus protested pleadingly.

"No. No, it is," Sirius muttered. He attempted to glare at Remus but he inevitably didn't have the energy to do so. He merely shot him a withering look before sighing. "James isn't the guy I thought he was. He's...he's not my brother, Remus. He's barely my friend."

"Don't say that," Remus pleaded. "You two have been through a lot and-"

"Yeah, but apparently none of that matters," he muttered. "You...you just don't understand."

"Well, then _make _me understand."

"I can't do that."

"I didn't think so," Remus retorted, his voice on the verge of irritably.

Sirius glanced over at Remus, whose brow was furrowed with pure frustration. "Look, Remus," Sirius retaliated with a sigh. "I am sorry to leave you in the dark. I know it's not fair to keep secrets from you. And I know it's not fair that you're stuck in the middle of all this. But please just...just don't involve yourself. It's better if you don't."

"I hate seeing you like this," Remus blurted out.

Sirius blinked. "Like what?"

Remus hesitated, staring curiously at his ally. "Hurt."

Anxiety tugged on Sirius' heart. "I'm fine," he lied.

"No," Remus said firmly. "No, you're not."

Sirius didn't respond. He knew that Remus was well aware Sirius was lying.

"What did James do?" Remus asked softly.

Sirius continued to remain mute.

"It's obvious he's mostly to blame, am I right?"

Sirius didn't say anything but met Remus' gaze. Remus knew he had hit the nail on the head.

Remus hesitated before asking, "Do you think he's sorry?"

"No," Sirius replied immediately. And he meant it. "I think he's convinced he did the right thing. But for who? Himself? Riley?"

Remus frowned. "So...basically he did the right thing for everyone but you?" he suggested.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. "I don't even really think he knows."

Neither spoke, Sirius' thoughts weighing heavily on the words that James had originally spoken to him and Riley upon finding out about their relationship. Remus' thoughts focused in on the clear crack in what appeared to be an already fragile friendship. They could hear the howling wind outside their window, the bright gleam of the stars poking through the curtains. The occasional sigh left Sirius' mouth while he continud to stare up at the ceiling.

Eventually, Remus broke the silence. "I know that you're angry with him right now, Sirius, but whether you like to admit it or not, he _is _your brother. And you are his. please don't let-"

"No, Moony," Sirius croaked, his voice trembling. "I may have been convinced that he was mine, but I was never his. He already had a family way before I ever showed up. He had brothers and a sister who he grew up with and who he loved unconditionally. He had a pseudo-family in the Gilmores who he continues to look out for and who he will willingly call his second family. Me? I was merely a friend who needed a place to stay and someone to rely on. But he doesn't rely on me. he has plenty of other people to do that with. He'll always choose them over me. Every single time."

Remus was wholeheartedly startled to hear the dejection in his voice. The waver in his voice was unmistakably grim, agony perching in his dull grey eyes. Remus wasn't quite sure what to even say to attempt to make Sirius feel better. "I hate that you feel that way," he said hollowly, shaking his head. "You two have a bond that anybody else in this world would kill for. Even me. I may be James' friend, but you're his _best _friend. Don't sell that friendship short. Please."

"Tell that to him," Sirius murmured.

"I will," Remus agreed with a shrug. "I hope you know that I'm here for you, Padfoot."

Sirius blinked, turning to gaze at Remus. "At least one of the Marauders is," he smirked, his attempt at lightening the less than cheerful mood.

Remus frowned. His smile might have been showing amusement, but his eyes showed pain. "What did he do?" he blurted out, shaking his head.

Sirius sighed. "I already told you not to involve yourself."

"I am involved! When two of the Marauders are fighting, it involves the rest of us," he muttered irritably. "And I hate that you don't trust me enough to tell me what's going on with you. Especially since it's clearly getting to you."

Sirius didn't respond. He sighed, glancing back up at the ceiling. "No, it's not," he lied.

Remus glared at him. "Go ahead and keep secrets from me, but you can't lie to me. I know you too well."

_Unlike other people I know_, Sirius thought to himself, scowling inwardly. "Fine, it's getting to me," Sirius drawled, rolling his eyes as if to feign disinterest in the situation. "I'm going back downstairs," he muttered. He didn't want to have to deal with Remus' inquiries any longer. He was through trying to make excuses for himself and Riley and James. All he really wanted at that moment was to be in Riley's arms.

Remus didn't bother trying to stop him. He was reaching his wits end when it came to Sirius and James, and if he didn't have to be around either one of them, he couldn't complain.

* * *

**A/N: **Okay, I know that James and Sirius were just finally getting along, but I thought about it over and over. Nothing has been resolved between them and until it is, they're not exactly going to be the best of friends. Their friendship is just going to be somewhat of a farce. Anyway, hope you still enjoyed the funny moments in this chapter! Believe me, things will eventually work out for the best. Just you wait!


	21. Of Stupidity, Birthdays, & Signs

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaack and so soon after I just updated! I got a lot of mixed reviews about the last chapter-a lot of you hated the fact that James and Sirius are back at each other's throats and a lot of you agreed that they never resolved anything so it seems fair. With all of this Rachael drama happening, I really do believe that James wouldn't be able to just let it go. And I know everyone is tired of the whole Rachael-Sirius drama but Sirius used to date her. He's blind to who she really is. He's a naive, innocent seventeen year old soon to be eighteen year old boy who just lives his life day to day. He doesn't see how manipulative that Rachael can be. Just watch to see how it all develops.

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. I don't own much of anything in this story except Kay, Riley, Rachael, Rhett and the plot.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 21: Of Stupidity, Birthdays, & Signs

* * *

"I _hate _that girl!" Riley claimed storming into the dungeon that Wednesday night with a livid look, throwing her bag against the floor with a loud crash.

"Uh…can you elaborate? There are a lot of girls at this school," Sirius snickered from across the room.

Riley jumped and let out a shriek. "Jesus, Sirius. You scared me. I didn't expect you to be here," Riley admitted, shocked that she got there after Sirius.

"I didn't hang out with…with her tonight," he admitted, shrugging awkwardly.

Riley snorted and continued standing in the doorway of the dungeon. "So you only show up on time when you're not hanging out with _Rachael?_" Riley sneered, harsher than intended. "That makes me feel so good."

"Riley," Sirius groaned. "Can we please have a night where her name isn't mentioned?"

"I hate that girl," Riley repeated, placing her hands on her hips, incensed.

"Oh. You hate _Rachael_," Sirius murmured, rolling his eyes considering he should have known who Riley was speaking about when she first entered into the room. "That's nothing new."

"Sirius," Riley said, her voice calm and patient, "she's using you. She's manipulating you. She just wants to get with you."

Sirius threw his arms up in the air and glared at Riley. "My God, Riley!" he cried out. "How many times do I have to tell you-"

"_Sirius_," she interrupted angrily, glaring at him heatedly. "She's _using _you. She's _manipulating _you. She wants to _get _with you," she repeated firmly, her eyes filling with determination.

"You're paranoid, Riley," Sirius murmured.

"And you're _naïve_, Sirius," Riley snapped, throwing her bag on the floor and walking into the room with an irritated grunt. "I don't think you fully understand who you're dealing with. But _I _do. She is is using this whole damsel in distress scenario to get close with you and you're falling for it. Rather pathetically if you ask me. Ask her why she doesn't want to tell anyone else. Ask her why she's constantly trying to hang out with you. Ask her for more information on her parents' death. _Ask her, Sirius_. You'll see I'm right."

Sirius frowned, sensing such pleading in her every words. He didn't bother commenting on any of her rant. "What happened to you trusting me?"

"Sirius, I _do _trust you," she admitted again with some sort of pleading look he never saw from her before. She was showing just an ounce of vulnerability to him, but he was shocked to see even that much. "I don't trust _her_. I don't trust what she'll do. She wants nothing else but to be with you and she's pulling out all the stops to get what she wants. Please stop falling for it." Riley was scared that Rachael was going to come between them even more than she had. She was afraid that Rachael was going to give Riley a reason to not trust her boyfriend. but mostly she was just frightened that trusting Sirius was the wrong thing to do.

"But I don't want _her_," Sirius whispered hoarsely. "I just want you."

"Sirius, I…" she trailed off, trying to find the words to tell him about her run-in with Rachael. And yet, she kept her mouth shut. Why couldn't Riley's word and judgment be enough for him? "How can you be so blind to Rachael's ploy?"

"Because there _is _no ploy," he responded firmly, giving Riley a stern look. "And who cares if there is? I'm not planning on falling for it."

Riley sighed, running her fingers through her hair impatiently. "You're already falling for it," she whispered.

"I'm not," he whispered, shaking his head. "But I just can't abandon her."

Riley didn't respond. She knew that that was what she really wanted. She wanted Sirius to stop hanging out with Rachael. But she could never actually ask that of him. She wasn't the type of person to offer an ultimatum just because she felt uneasy.

When she didn't reply, Sirius sighed. She looked so frustrated and vulnerable and angry and sad all at the same time. Desperation gleamed from her blue eyes as she avoided all eye contact with him. His heart sank as he spoke his next words. "But if that's really what you want me to do," he said softly, "I'll do it."

She whipped her head around to stare at him. "Er...what?"

Sirius shrugged. "You heard me," he muttered. "If this is really bothering you this much, then I'll stop hanging out with her. I'll tell her that it's time to tell her friends about her parents. I'll...I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that you and I are okay. Because hell, Riley, right now you're the most important thing in my life. I-I can't lose that. And I don't want to be the reason that I lose that. I'll just hate himself for letting you slip through my fingers for a second time."

Riley gave a feeble attempt at a smile, recognizing that he already was beginning to hate himself for letting someone else down. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Sirius frowned. "Yeah, me too," he muttered.

Riley hesitantly slid down the dungeon wall, resting her head against his shoulder. "And thank you."

He merely nodded. "I'm hanging out with her tomorrow night. I'll...I'll find a way to explain this to her-"

Riley's heart stopped as she cut him off. "Tomorrow?" she whispered.

He nodded.

"Thursday?"

He gave her a confused look and nodded again. "Uh…yeah."

She blinked, slowly scooting away from Sirius. "Are you being serious right now?"

"What? What did I do now?"

Riley found herself glaring at him, frustratin surging through her heart. "This girl really has put some sort of spell on you," she muttered, climbing off the floor and heading towards the exit.

"Riley, stop! What's going on?"

She paused in the entrance and glanced over her shoulder. "Have a happy birthday, Sirius," she spat in a hurt whisper. "Good luck telling the school that we're dating without me." And suddenly, she was out the door.

Sirius swore, punching the wall hard before taking a calming breath and slamming his head against the wall with a groan. Why did he have to be an idiot so much of the time? When he was done mentally kicking himself, he winced at the pangs of pain both in his knuckles and his head that were shooting throughout his body. He didn't know who he was most frustrated with: Rachael for screwing up something that had been going so well, Riley for being convinced that Rachael was bad news, or himself for everything that had been transpiring for so many weeks.

He groaned and rubbed his temple, swearing again at the sight of the blood on his knuckles. He had to figure out a way to let Rachel down easily and show Riley he was in their relationship for good. He still wanted the school to know about Riley and him. He was tired of hiding and he was tired of keeping secrets. He just wanted things to be stable for once in his seventh year.

A sigh emitted from his lips as he grabbed his school bag and unwillingly trudged through the hallways, holding his hand out in pain. He briefly questioned whether he should go to the hospital wing before shooting that idea down and choosing to return to his dorm room and just cleaning up the cut after himself. He wasn't in the mood for an angry rant from Pomfrey about keeping one's cool.

Sirius yelled at the sleeping Fat Lady, who jolted awake and yelled at him back for being up after hours. He rolled his eyes and muttered the password to be let into the Gryffindor house, secretly wishing Riley was still in the common room so he could apologize copiously.

He climbed into the common room and let out a sad grunt when he found the room empty. He sauntered upstairs to his dorm room and creaked open the door, praying no one would be up. He sighed a sigh of relief when he found everyone asleep as he slowly tiptoed into the bathroom, running his hand under cold water as he tried to think of ways to make it up to Riley. It's a good thing he didn't have to deal with his roommates. Glancing at the time briefly, he noticed it was after midnight. "Happy birthday to me," he muttered.

"What are you doing still up?"

Sirius quickly hid his bleeding hand behind his back as he let out a sheepish grin. "Not tired," he lied, praying Peter would return to his bed and ignore Sirius.

He knew better than to think this was likely, though. Peter pulled out his hand from his back, knowing he was acting suspicious. "Sirius!" he cried out. "What the hell?"

Sirius shrugged, running his hand under the cold water. "It's nothing. Just a little cut," he murmured, giving Peter a look.

"Where do you go every night?" Peter asked, staring at Sirius scrupulously as he took off a hand towel from the rungs and holding it out to Sirius.

"None of your business, Pettigrew," Sirius growled, thinking back to Riley again, staring at the towel in Peter's hand but not reaching for it.

Peter let out an irritated 'hmph,' and stated angrily, "You're insufferable, y'know that?"

"I get that a lot," Sirius murmured, unfazed by Peter's words.

Peter threw the towel in the sink, glaring at Sirius as he whirled around and stormed out.

Sirius silently prayed a 'thank you' to God, his eyes lifting towards the ceiling, as he grabbed the towel in the sink and held pressure to the small wound.

Sirius groaned when he saw out of the corner of his eye Peter reappear, leaning against the bathroom door. "It hurts, Sirius," he admitted in a quiet voice. "That you can't trust me…_us_ with such an obviously deep secret."

Sirius stared at the towel against his hand, unexpectedly guilty at Peter's words. He was seconds away from spilling the beans, but because of everything that was going on with Riley, ended up deciding against it. Hopefully they would all find out sooner or later. "I'm sorry," he eventually muttered.

Peter sighed and turned around again, heading back to his own bed and crawling under the covers, thinking ill thoughts against Sirius. "I don't think you are."

"And I don't think I need this right now," Sirius muttered through clenched teeth.

"I'd care more about what you needed if you actually clued me in more to your personal life."

"It's none of your business."

There was a slight moment of silence before Peter threw his curtains around his bed to avoid the irritated look he knew Sirius was giving him at the moment. Sirius thought that was the end of it, but he heard Remus' muffled voice from his bed. "See, that's what I can't figure out," Remus said into the vast darkness. "You always used to make it our business."

"Things change," Sirius murmured, barely audible.

"No. _People _change," Remus corrected, muffling his words into his pillow. He sighed. "_You've _changed."

Sirius didn't bother responding. He didn't want to argue with his friend. All he wanted from Remus and Peter was a simple 'happy birthday,' but it was obvious that wasn't going to happen. "Happy birthday to me," Sirius repeated, not remembering the last time he felt so dejected. At that moment, he couldn't think of a single person that would want to wish him a happy birthday.

He never felt so alone.

* * *

Lily kept looking up at James that night in his room, as he attempted to drift off. She wanted to ask him about Sirius, but knew it was better to steer clear of the subject altogether.

"What?"

Lily jumped, his voice surprising her. "Huh?"

"I can tell you're staring at me," James laughed, peeking an eye open. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," she muttered, turning away.

James sighed. "Why do I have the feeling this is about Sirius?"

Lily grinned sheepishly. "Because you know me so well."

"I can't explain it," James mumbled, running his fingers through her hair adoringly.

"I know you can't," Lily sighed. "That's why I wasn't going to ask."

"Let's just say that I think I hurt Sirius more this time around than the last time." James shut his eyes again tightly, letting out a deep sigh. He wanted to let Sirius know how bad and guilty he felt that he was clearly choosing Riley's side, but he also knew that there wasn't much else for him to do. He hated that he even had to pick a side, but he also knew that eventually, that was what it was all going to come down to. He was just jumping ahead. Sirius didn't understand, and he didn't have to understand, but James had known Riley since she was a baby and had been trying to protect her ever since then.

"How so?"

"I don't think Sirius realizes how important a friend he is to me," James muttered. "The worst part is, I don't think I've given him any reason to realize it."

"So fix it."

"I wish it were that easy," James murmured, thinking back to Kay's words. Even if he did try to apologize to Sirius, James knew Sirius would probably not accept it. Not now, at least.

"It can be."

James' eyes fluttered open as he stared back down at his girlfriend. "You really are the best, y'know that?"

"Er...yes?" Lily said with a laugh, thrown back.

"I know you care so much about me and Sirius that all you want to do is help, but this is one thing that I don't think you can help me with."

"I just..." she sighed. "I just hate to see the both of you hurting so much."

"We're men. We don't get hurt," James snickered.

Lily gave him a look. "And I'm a woman. I'm perceptive. It's obvious you two are hurting."

James scowled. "I hate that you're so perceptive."

"And I hate that you're fighting with your best friend," Lily said uneasily.

James sighed and looked away, biting his bottom lip. "I'm sorry," he muttered hollowly.

Lily frowned. "Are you?"

James didn't give a response, running his fingers haphazardly through his messy hair.

Lily has a feeling she just got her answer. And it was a big fat no.

* * *

It was Sirius' birthday and Sirius could count on one hand how many people had wished him a happy birthday. And none of those people were his friends.

He sat alone at breakfast, having woken up early with an excited feeling in his stomach that he was finally eighteen. He hopped out of bed, took a quick shower, and threw on his school robes, hoping that by then Remus or Peter would be up. But their beds remained completely silent. So Sirius let out a sad sigh before grabbing his school books and heading to breakfast all by himself. Just what he wanted to do on his eighteenth birthday.

"Happy Birthday."

Sirius turned around, hoping it might be Riley there to forgive and forget, but alas he was greeted by Rachael and her two friends, Isabelle and Kyra.

"Oh. Thanks, Rach," Sirius said in what did not sound like a convinced tone.

"We still on for tonight?" she asked with a smile.

Sirius' stomach lurched a bit at the thought of having to let Rachael down, one of the few persons who actually wished him a happy birthday and clearly meant it, but he forced out a smile and nodded. If letting Rachael down was the way to get Riley back on his side, he was willing to do it. "Yeah," he said hollowly.

"Happy Birthday, Sirius," Isabelle and Kyra said in unison before grabbing Rachael's arm and dragging her down to the other end of the table.

Sirius poured himself some orange juice and placed a huge stack of bacon on his plate. He stared at the bacon for a good minutes, before sighing and pushing it aside. Even bacon couldn't make that day any better. He had only been awake for a half hour and he already wanted the day to be over. His best friend hated him. His girlfriend was feeling bitter towards him.. Remus was pissed off. Peter was hurt. He should just go back to his room, crawl into bed, and sleep his birthday away.

"Happy Birthday, Sirius."

Sirius glanced up and smiled at the sight of Lily swooping into the seat opposite him. "It's so good to see you, Lily-bean."

Lily grinned and stole a piece of bacon off the plate in front of her. "Oh? And why's that?"

Sirius didn't bother going into detail about his horrible morning. "It just is."

Lily glanced up at him curiously but didn't press the matter further. "So what are you doing for your birthday?"

The brief good mood that Lily put him in was quickly replaced with depression. Considering none of his friends were particularly fond of him at the moment, Sirius' birthday was looking very depressing. "Going to class," was Sirius' eventual response.

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "That's it?"

Sirius sighed and was overcome with such an overwhelming desire to cry. he didn't respond immediately, taking those moments to compose an answer that didn't sound terribly depressing. "That's it," he repeated, smiling hollowly.

Lily saw the frustration and anguish in his eyes plain as day, no matter how hard he tried to suppress it. She offered him a lopsided smile and reached over to pat his hand. "I'm sorry."

"For what? You're one of my few friends who is actually speaking to me."

"Who else isn't speaking to you besides James?" Lily questioned curiously.

Sirius shrugged casually. "Riley. Remus. Peter."

"What? Why aren't they speaking to you?"

"Whatever. It doesn't matter. I don't care," he explained, slumping further down in his chair impatiently.

Lily could have spotted that lie a mile away. As she gazed at him, she wondered how it was she could have let his sudden change in demeanor go unnoticed. He looked like someone had literally stabbed a knife through his heart. His face was pale, his eyes void of any feeling. The frown that filled his expression had looked to be unusually permanent. He picked up a piece of bacon and nibbled on it but it was clear that even eating his breakfast had lost all meaning on him. "It sucks, doesn't it," Lily eventually spoke.

"What does?" he murmured.

She looked up at him. "Not caring."

His heart skipped a suffering beat as he slowly met her gaze. "Yeah, Lily-bean," he sighed, turning away with a sigh. "Yeah, it really does."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Lily uttered uncomfortably.

Sirius shrugged. "Not your fault," he muttered unconvincingly, chucking the piece of bacon back on to his plate.

Lily stared at Sirius helplessly, her heart wrenching with guilt, as if this was her fault that Sirius was miserable on his birthday. "Sirius," she said softly.

He didn't reply right away, too busy feeling sorry for himself and not sure he wanted to hear what she had to say. Eventually he lifted his eyes to greets hers. "Yeah?"

"_I'm _around all day," she assured with a sympathetic smile.

Sirius felt himself smile, complacent relief filling his heart. "Thanks, Lily-bean," he whispered.

She shifted in her seat and pretended to sift through her bag before cheerfully smiling and lying, "Except for right now. I forgot my book back in my room. I have to go back and get it. I hope your day gets better, Sirius. I really do. And I'm around if you want to hang out at any point during the day." She leaned across the table and pecked him on the cheek, before grabbing a last piece of bacon and swiftly leaving the Great Hall.

"Alone again," Sirius murmured, putting his head down on the table, wondering why he ever thought turning eighteen was going to be the greatest birthday ever.

* * *

"_Lily_," James whined for the twentieth time since Lily stormed into his room, forced him to get dressed, and dragged him through the hallways to the Gryffindor house. "Where the hell are you taking me?"

She gave him an irritated glance, not having spoken to him the entire way to the Gryffindor house. She continued avoiding his questions as she traiped through the common room and up the steps to the boys' dormitory. She slammed open the door, not bothering to knock, and practically threw James into the room, scaring Remus and Peter in the process. Remus was in the middle of throwing on school robes, standing in only his boxers and a T-shirt and Peter was still lying in his bed. "You _have _to plan something for Sirius' birthday!"

Remus yelped and tried to cover himself. "I'm getting changed, woman!"

"Did you hear me?" Lily demanded, ignoring Remus completely.

"Yes, but I'd rather put on my school robes than plan a celebration for a guy who won't even tell us what girl he's dating or what he's going through with James or where the hell he goes every night or how this newfound friendship with Riley began," Remus retorted, glaring at Lily as he hid behind his bed post.

"Yeah, and I'd rather go eat breakfast than plan a celebration for a guy I've pretty much despised these past six weeks minus a momentary lapse in judgment for a few days," James admitted, stifling a yawn as he climbed on to his bed and plopped his head against his pillow.

"And I'd rather sleep than pretend like Sirius deserves anything from us when he clearly doesn't extend the same courtesy," Peter grumbled, his face still planted in his pillow.

"I didn't ask what you'd rather do!" Lily snapped, stomping a foot on the ground angrily. "I'm telling you what you have to do!"

James sighed. "Lily, you can't fix-"

"James, I really don't want to hear you come up with lame excuse as to why you're bowing out of party-planning," Lily interrupted, shooting him a glare. He fell silent immediately. "I know you pretty much hate Sirius right now, James, but-"

"I don't hate him," James murmured.

Lily let out an exasperated grunt. "He's still your friend! And he's having a miserable birthday thus far, which is an impressive feat considering the kid had only been awakre for forty-five minutes. He's turning eighteen! Kinda a big birthday, don't you think? And hell, I am _not _leaving until you three agree to plan something!"

The three of them exchanged looks filled with hesitance but no one spoke up.

Lily sighed and gave them a pleading look. "Do you really want to have him look back in ten years when you are all still friends and remember a shitty eighteenth birthday just because you four were going through some sort of petty feud?"

James lifted his head out of his pillow and let out a sigh. "You really think we'll still be friends in ten years?"

Lily nodded almost immediately. "If you're not still friends in ten years, I have no reason to believe in friendship at all," she admitted sincerely. "You four are like brothers and it's really hurting Sirius that…that he's not sharing this birthday with you. Please," she pleaded. "He needs you guys. And you need him. Even if you're not willing to admit it now."

Peter sat up in bed and glanced at his two friends with a hopeful look, clearly agreeing with Lily.

Remus and James exchanged a look heavily weighted with guilt and remorse. "It's his birthday," Remus stated.

James sighed. "I-I don't know."

"So help me God, I will never have sex with you if you don't plan something for your best friend!" Lily snapped.

James quirked an eyebrow, ignoring the stifled laughter from Remus and Peter. "You're withholding sex just so I can partake in Sirius' birthday planning festivities?" he said incredulously.

Lily shrugged. "Is it working?"

James glanced over at Remus and Peter, who both were looking at him with determined expressions. He sighed. "Yeah, fine," he muttered. "He...he would do something for us."

"Oh, sure, like that's the actual reason and not because you want to hop into bed with Lily," Peter snorted. He yelped as a pillow came soaring towards him.

"But let's not do Hogsmeade," James murmured.

Remus shot him a curious look.

"I just think he'd probably want to spend his birthday with people he actually likes," James explained with a gloomy sigh.

"I'm assuming this is another one of your excuses to throw a surprise party?" Remus suggested.

James nodded, sitting up in bed and grabbing a piece of parchment off Peter's desk. "Okay, let's start planning. What do we need?"

"We need Lily to get out of the room so I can _get changed_," Remus responded, snickering as he playfully snapped his tie at her.

Lily smiled. "That's alright. My work is done here anyway."

James smiled at his girlfriend as she waved her goodbye and swept out of the room with a thank you. "Okay, so guests, drinks, decorations," he listed, marking them off on his fingers. "Food probably and a lot of it, because Sirius will eat it all." He glanced down at the list with a frown. "Who thinks skipping Advanced Transfiguration is a good idea?"

"Oh, didn't realize you wanted McGonagall to castrate you today. That would certainly make that whole having-sex-with-Lily thing a little more difficult," he snorted, ignoring the glare he then received from James. "I'll sneak into Hogsmeade during my off period while you go to class and I'll get everything we need."

"Perfect," James said.

"If need be, we can skip Herbology to plan the rest of it," Remus suggested. "And figure out a way-"

"Remus Lupin!" James faked a gasp. "_You're _suggesting we skip class? I'm Head Boy. I can give you detention for that!"

Remus snorted and gave James a look as he started placing his books into his bag for Advanced Transfiguration. "You suggested merely a minute ago skipping class yourself, Mr. _Head Boy_."

James sheepishly smiled. "Heh. Oops."

"So does this mean you're going to actually talk to Sirius?" Remus questioned. "About whatever the hell this feud is?"

James frowned, unable to answer that question. At this point he wasn't so sure talking to Sirius would help anything. It was evident not only to James but to everyone around that Sirius truly believed his friendship with James was coming to a near close. And James didn't blame him. "I-I don't know," he muttered. "I'll figure something out later."

"Ah, procrastinating the inevitable confrontation. Why am I not surprised?"

James shot him a bemused look. "How about we just focus on the party planning?"

Remus shrugged. "Can't right now. We're going to be late to class if we don't leave now," Remus explained, throwing his bag over his shoulder and gesturing for James to follow him. "But we can continue planning along the way."

"Er…I don't have any of my books," James pointed out.

Remus let out an exasperated sigh. "Well then we're going to be really late. Hurry your arse up!"

James jumped off of his bed and rushed out of the room, waving a goodbye to Peter.

* * *

"Riley!" Rhett screamed for the hundredth time that morning.

Riley broke away from her daydreaming and looked at Rhett inquisitively. "Sorry, what?"

Rhett threw down his quill. "We might as well just stop trying to figure out this transfiguration thing now. You're not paying attention to a word anyone's saying."

Riley sighed. "Sorry," she replied hollowly, not sorry at all. She was too busy staring at Sirius and wondering if she gave him too much of a hard time to bother with class. She had slid into class just as class was starting so as to avoid having to see or talk to Sirius.

Rhett followed Riley's gaze for the tenth time that morning and saw her staring at Sirius once again. He sighed. "It's about Sirius, isn't it…" he finally mentioned.

That shook Riley back to reality. "Er…no. What makes you say that?"

"Because you've been staring at him the entire class period," Rhett explained, giving her a knowing look.

"Have not," she argued, thinking fast to produce an excuse. "I'm just staring in space, in a general area, and he just happens to be in that-"

"Riley, I know," he emphasized.

Riley's heart fluttered. "Uh…know what?"

He leaned in. "I _know_," he whispered, arching a knowing eyebrow.

Riley let out a confused grunt. "How is everyone finding out?"

"Everyone? Who's everyone?" Rhett asked.

Riley let out an irritated grunt. "How did you figure it out?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"It was fairly obvious to me, Riley," Rhett explained. "Considering I broke up with you because I knew Sirius fancied you. You were furious with him that day I told you what happened. Downright livid. I was convinced the guy was going to be murdered. But then you come back from Christmas Break and the two of you were _friends_. I kinda put two and two together."

Riley nodded and leaning back in her chair, contemplating this. "Hm. Interesting."

"What?"

"Sirius broke up with Rachael to be with me," she muttered. "You broke up with me so Sirius could be with me."

Rhett quirked an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Apparently everyone knew we should be together," she murmured with a slight smile, feeling surprisingly good about that, "Except for me."

Rhett gazed at Riley curiously, uncertain how to take that. "Well, you're with him now," Rhett said with a casual shrug.

Riley sighed and rubbed her temple.

"You _are _with him now," Rhett repeated at the disheveled look of Riley, "Aren't you?"

Riley wanted the ground to open up and swallow her up as she felt a tear at the brim of her eyelid. "I wish I knew."

"Well, I don't know what's going on between you two, but it seems to me that you deserve each other. You've been nothing but blissfully happy with him," Rhett said with a reassuring smile. "And that's all that really matters, isn't it?"

At that moment, McGonagall called out to them and let them all know the homework they were to do for the next class, but Riley wasn't listening to a word she uttered. She was going over the conversation she just had with Rhett, wondering why such a short exchange with someone who barely knew anything about the situation could make her feel better about Sirius. Sirius said he was going to do what she wanted all along and break it off with Rachael. It would have been better if he had done it after the first day he wandered in late. It would have been better if she didn't have to continually prod him until he agreed to do so. It would have been better if he was doing it not because he felt forced to but because he _knew _Rachael was using him. It would have been better if Sirius trusted her judgment and opinion.

But all in all, he was going to do it. And it was his birthday. She glanced over at Sirius and smiled, slinging her bag over her shoulder as everyone sauntered out of the room.

Riley turned to Rhett and stopped him before he could join his friends, grabbing his arm haphazardly. "Thanks, Rhett," Riley said off-handedly.

Rhett looked at her dumbfounded. "Uh…for what?"

"For making me realize he's the one I want to be with."

"Er...you're welcome?"

She laughed. She really did think she was meant to be with him. And Rhett was right. She was happy with him, wasn't she? So why try and ruin that?

Maybe the time truly had come for she and Sirius to announce to the school that they were dating.

Her heart fluttered in anticipation but she quickly ignored it. He was the one she wanted to be with and if that truly was the case, she was done hiding it.

* * *

Once again Sirius was alone. Lunch had rolled around and Remus, Peter, and James made some lame excuse as to why they couldn't join him. Riley had traipsed off somewhere with Lily, though Riley did offer him a smile when she told him this so maybe he was making slight progress with her? He was scuffling the macaroni and cheese around his plate with his fork when a shadow loomed behind him.

"I hear 'Happy Birthday' is in order for a certain eighteen-year-old."

Sirius glanced behind his shoulder and smiled. "Hey, Kay. Thanks."

"Where is everyone?"

"Who knows," he muttered.

Kay opened her mouth to retort but was silenced by Rachael walking up behind them. "Where the hell are the rest of the Marauders?" Rachael asked curiously. "On your last birthday, the Great Hall ceiling had become the backsplash to a rather ostentatious 'Happy Birthday, Sirius' sign while fireworks shot out of pitchers of pumpkin juice."

Sirius cracked a smile at the reminder.

"Oh, hell, are they setting something up right now?" she snickered.

"No," Sirius said with a shrug. "I have no clue where they are. We're not attached at the hip, y'know."

"No, I don't know," she teased. "Considering I can't remember the last time any of you walked solo around this school."

"I guess there's a first for everything," Kay interjected, her eyes narrowing skeptically at the younger Gryffindor.

Rachael glanced at Kay out of the corner of her eye, a frown protruding on her face. "I guess so," she mused coolly. "I'll see you tonight, Sirius."

She waved as she joined her friends at the table a little ways down.

Kay turned to look at Sirius who was back picking at his lunch plate. "What's going on between you and Rachael?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, letting his fork clammer to this plate. "You, too, hm? What, been talking to Remus and Peter? You all trying to gang up on me?"

Her eyebrow arched in pure bewilderment. "I assure you I have absolutely no idea what you're referring to, Sirius," she said, shooting him a look as she began filling her place with pasta. "I've merely been noticing lately all the time you've been spending with her."

Sirius sighed, feeling only slightly guilty for jumping down her throat. "Nothing is going on between us. Feel free to relay that message to Riley."

Kay sensed a bit of hostility in his voice and based off the dark gleam in his eye, she had a feeling this topic had been conversed about in the past. So instead of pressing further, she merely shrugged. "Just don't do anything stupid," she said, a smile tugging at the end of her lips.

He frowned, glancing over at her. "What if I told you Riley and I were planning on telling the whole school about us today?"

Kay froze, slowly meeting his curious gaze. "I'd say it's about damned time."

Sirius blinked. "Seriously? You don't think that that might fall under the category of doing something stupid?"

Kay chuckled, shaking her head. "You guys are clearly deliriously happy with each other. I think it's time you stopped hiding your feelings from...well, from everyone - which by the way, does include yourself - and come to the realization that you and Riley have done the impossible and found a lasting, committed relationship within each other."

Sirius pondered her words, staring down at his macaroni and cheese with a curious expression. "What do you mean we've been hiding our feelings from ourselves?"

She was not surprised that that was what he picked up on most. "I think you've both been so scared to ask that age-old question 'where is this going' to each other since day one. But over these past few months you've both come to the realization on your own that you've fallen hard for the other. So you can either continue to be scared and suppress that sudden realization that you actually want to be with one another long-term or admit that you're scared and admit that that you're falling for each other by diving headfirst into a serious relationship. I-I think you both are aware that perhaps it's not a serious relationship until the world knows abouti t.

Sirius gaped at her, his mouth hanging open. He opened his mouth to say something but the words wouldn't form. She looked amused at his sudden ability to remain mute.

"You know I'm right," she said with a grin.

"I know," he said slowly. "I just don't think I fully realized it until you just said it."

She shrugged. "Tell the world, Sirius. Stop hiding."

He didn't respond and she didn't say anything else. Maybe if they both hadn't been so emersed in their thoughts over the Sirius-Riley situation, they would have noticed a pair of frustrated brown eyes staring at them, a look of contempt on her face, as Rachael overheard the entire conversation.

* * *

Lily thought she would have to force Riley to help out with the surprise party after what Sirius had mentioned this morning about Riley not speaking to him, but when Lily met up with her before lunch and started to please, Riley simply grinned and agreed wholeheartedly before Lily even got a change to beg.

Which is why Riley was in the common room helping James, Remus, Peter, and Kay put up decorations for the party, along with a handful of Gryffindor volunteers. Well not so much volunteers as people who were sitting in the common room already and James compelled them all to join in with the setting up threatening them with a weeks' worth of detention.

"Damnit!" Remus cried out as the chair he was standing on to hang up the "Happy Birthday, Sirius" sign wobbled. "Remind me why we're doing this without magic?"

"Because it'll be that much more worth it in the end!" James cried out from the other side of the room.

"Not if we're not spending Sirius' birthday with him because we'll be in the hospital wing with multiple injuries," Remus muttered.

"I heard that!" James exclaimed. He headed up the stairwell to their bedroom where the snacks were stashed for the time being.

"Where's Lily?" Riley asked Remus, who was setting up tables with brightly colored tablecloths for food and drinks beside Remus.

"Hold the chair steadier, Jillian!" he complained as it wobbled and he had to grab the wall for stability. "She's in the library, tallying up the prefect points and organizing the chart because she cancelled the prefect meeting tonight."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Wasn't this party _her _idea?"

"No, technically it was James'. Lily just forced us to do something," Remus snickered, as he tacked up the sign finally. "Is that straight?"

"That side needs to go higher!" Kay voiced from the other side of the room where she was setting up the champagne fountain which James practically had to beg Lily for.

Remus swore.

Jillian laughed. "Don't fall, honey."

"I'm trying," he murmured, groaning as he took out the tack from the wall. "I'm also trying hard not to want to kill James for taking our wands so we wouldn't cheat."

Riley gave him an apologetic look. "Is Lily coming before Sirius shows up?"

Remus nodded. "Of course. She'll probably be back within the next twenty minutes. She's also gathering some more food from the kitchens for us. Apparently the mountains of chips and chocolate in our room isn't going to be enough," he clarified with a chuckle, attempting to stretch his arm higher. "Why are you so curious about her whereabouts?"

Riley shrugged. "Just making sure Sirius has a good birthday. I hear it was rather rough this morning for him," Riley explained.

Remus stopped outstretching his hand and glanced down at Riley's concerned face. "You guys really are friends again, aren't you."

Riley was taken aback by the unexpected question. She simply nodded and shrugged. "Yeah." What she neglected to tell him was that he was soon going to find out she and Sirius weren't just friends. A smile crept on to Riley's face as she thought of the look that was giong to be on Sirius' face when she greeted him that evening at his own party with an overwhelming kiss on the mouth.

Remus smiled, sensing such sincrity in her voice. "I'm glad," he said, glancing back up at the sign and again, tacking it into the wall. "How about now?"

"That looks good," Jillian said. "Then again, I'm standing directly beneath the sign at an awkward angle."

Remus laughed. "Kay, how does it look now?"

"Looks good!" she shouted back.

The common room portrait swung open and Lily stormed into the common room with an aggravated glance, walking over to where Jillian, Riley and Remus were all gathered. She threw her bag on the food table right beside them. "God, I hate the library," she whined as she opened her bag and started placing some food on the table.

Remus' jaw dropped as he climbed down from the chair. "Whoa, that's not a sentence one hears coming out of your mouth everyday." He kissed Jillian's cheek. "Thanks for holding the chair."

"Yeah, well the library has no longer become a place to study," Lily grumbled. "Should we put the desserts on one side and the hor d'ouvres type stuff on the other?" she asked, holding up a plate of cookies in one hand and a plate of crackers and cheese in the other.

"Yeah, sure," Riley agreed.

"Why is it no longer a place to study?" Jillian questioned Lily, helping her set up the food.

"Well, a group of first years were gossiping about some new hot celebrity couple as they gathered around the latest issue of _Witch Weekly_, the Slytherin Quidditch team was going through some of their game plans—though it sounded more like gibberish to me, the fifth year Ravenclaw girls were flirting with the boys instead of finishing their essays, Dezzy and Drew were huddled in some corner definitely not doing work—don't let James' know—along with Skyler and Brad, Gideon and Marlene were playing footsie with each other and whispering sweet nothings into each other's ear, and Sirius and Rachael were making out! I mean when did-"

Riley spun around on her heels, horror blinking in her eyes. "_What_!?"

* * *

**A/N: **Oops, cliffhanger. Don't hate me! So what do you think is going to happen next? Sorry that there wasn't a lot of James/Lily in this chapter. They come back around in a few chapters. Please review!


	22. Of Anatomy, Broken Promises, & Crying

**A/N: **To make up for the cliffhanger and how short the prior chapter was, here is a loooooooong chapter with a lot of information! I was surprised by a lot of the reviews-I was certain that I would get totally screamed at for leaving it where I did and _how _I did. Granted, most, if not all, of you weren't happy about, but there was very little screaming! So without forever ado, here is chapter 22!

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, by this point, you should be pretty damn sure that I'm not J.K. Rowling!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 22: Of Anatomy, Broken Promises, & Crying

* * *

_"What!?"_ Riley's voice reverberated off every Gryffindor wall.

"I know!" Lily cried as she placed down more plates of food on the table. "When did the library become such the hot spot to hook up? Whatever happened to the good ol' Astronomy Tower?"

"More importantly, when did Sirius and Rachael get together?" Remus wondered. "That prat told me he wasn't sleeping with her. Why the hell would he lie about this? I'm so wringing his neck when he gets here."

"Hopefully after we all wish him a happy birthday," Lily snickered. She glanced down at the table. "Does everything look good?"

Remus nodded and walked over to help Peter put up more decorations.

"Okay, well I have a little more time to tally up some points and I might as well do them—Riley? Where are you going?" Lily asked as Riley whirled around and headed out of the common room. "Riley?"

Riley left everything behind, not realizing until much later that her bag and her wand remained haphazardly placed on the floor of the Gryffindor common room not to be returned to her until the next morning. The common room became all but a blur, just shadowy images of no one and nothing in particular and the voices became merely background noise. The only thing she could hear was her heart beating unusually loud and Lily's words being repeated through her mind over and over again until it just became too unbearable for her to carry on. _Sirius and Rachael were making out. Sirius and Rachael were making out. Sirius and Rachael were making out. Sirius and Rachael were making out_.

Riley didn't know how many times those six words were uttered in her head but not a single other thing entered her head as she made her way instinctively down to the dungeon. The inevitable dungeon that had brought her some of her happiest memories.

And now would provide her with the worst.

She had trusted him. She had let her guard down for the first time in a very long time and he had betrayed that. Her entire body was shaking. Was it due to anger? Frustration? Sadness? Heartbreak? She couldn't be sure. Because all she felt at that moment was complete and utter numbness as Lily's words continued to replay in her head.

Suddenly, when it all became too much to bear, a terrible scream emitted from Riley's lips, drowning out Lily's intolerable declaration. There wasn't much for Riley to ruin in the dungeon but she did what she could, tearing down the candle holders from the walls, snatching the three empty picture frames off the wall and slamming them against the floor so hard all of them shattered and the pieces dispersed throughout the room. She grabbed the unstable stones from the wall and threw them against the ground as if it was Sirius Black's head. She wrenched the blanket off the floor and just as she was about to shred it apart, her knees buckled and she crumbled to the floor, her whole body trembling uncontrollably as the tears exploded from her body and the heavy sobs filled the room. She held the blanket close to her, clutching it to her chest violently as the rage inside of her slowly dissipated into sheer agony. She slumped against the wall as he tears cascaded down her face, crying for herself and for her relationship. Crying for the broken trust and the betrayal. Crying at how stupid she had been all along. She wept for all of the lost memories, for all of the kisses she wanted to forget. For all of the times they made love she wanted to disregard. For his Valentine's Day surprise she wanted to pretend never occurred. For all the times they just sat and stared at the stars she wanted to overlook. She sobbed in hopes of forgetting all of the things she thought she had liked about him. And she sobbed in hopes of forgetting the happiness she had fought so long to grasp. She sobbed for hate. Because in that moment, she hated herself and she hated Sirius Black.

Eventually, she wiped her tears and picked herself off the floor, letting go of the blanket. And then she just sat and waited.

* * *

"**SURPRISE!**"

"What the hell?!" Sirius shrieked, jumping back as he clutched his chest in extreme shock.

Lily laughed and bounced over to him, kissing him on the cheek. "Happy Birthday, Sirius."

It took Sirius a couple of minutes to pull himself together before he realized what was in front of him. "Oh my God," he whispered, a huge smile creeping on to his face. He turned to Lily and gave her a disapproving look, placing his hands on his hips. "You didn't forget a book this morning, did you Miss Lily-bean?"

Lily shrugged innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about," she teased. "But I didn't plan any of this. It was all Remus, James, and Peter," she explained, pointing in their direction, the three of them huddled just a few feet away too timid to approach Sirius at the time. She leaned in to whisper in his ear so nobody else could hear, "But to be fair, Peter didn't do much of the planning."

Sirius laughed and embraced Lily tightly. "Thank you, Lily-bean," he whispered, kissing her on the cheek before he made his way over to his friends, as his stomach lurched nervously.

"Hi guys," he greeted uncomfortably.

James smiled halfheartedly. "Happy Birthday, Sirius. I hope it's a good one."

Sirius bit down on his lip, staring at him in disbelief. "Really?" he asked curiously.

"Of course, you dumbass," James said awkwardly, playfully hitting on his shoulder like guys always do. "It's not every day you turn eighteen."

"No," Sirius said softly, "No, I guess it isn't." Sirius glanced up at James awkwardly. He didn't know what this meant, but he could still feel the uncomfortable tension between him and his best friend.

"I'm sorry about last night," Peter apologized, giving Sirius a sheepish look. "You woke me up in the middle of the night so forgive me for being a little cranky."

"The middle of the night?" Sirius snorted. "It was barely one o'clock!"

He gave him a look.

"But I accept your apology," Sirius said with an innocent grin.

"Happy Birthday, Sirius," Remus greeted. "Sorry we've all been on your case lately."

"Happy Birthday, Sirius!" Kay chimed in, having just walked over to him, hugging Sirius briefly. "You better enjoy it because I stuck my finger three times with a damn tack trying to pin up your stupid decorations."

Sirius looked at her inquisitively. "Why didn't you just use magic?"

Kay turned to James and slapped him against the chest.

"Uh, ow?"

"And you said we shouldn't use magic," she cried out at him, glaring at him. "You said it would be more meaningful if we did it ourselves, as if we put in a lot of goddamned effort to this stupid party! As if it would make up for all the times you and Sirius fought! And now he stands here and asks us 'why didn't we use magic?' I'm so planning revenge in the near future," she grumbled.

James blushed as the group was silent.

Kay hesitated. "I wasn't supposed to tell Sirius that, was I…"

"Well, let's just say that this probably wouldn't be an uncomfortable moment if you hadn't mentioned it," James murmured.

"Hm…it's a good thing I can leave then," she murmured, sheepishly waving goodbye to them and heading off to find Lily.

"You really did this all without magic?" Sirius asked quietly.

They all remained silent for quite some time before Remus held up his hand. "Yes, and I have the numerous bruises to show you."

Sirius smiled at his friends. "Thank you," he said softly. "For everything."

James smiled back. "You're welcome," he replied back. "Now let's go get drunk."

"That's what I like to hear!" Sirius said as he bounced over to the table where the alcohol was. He needed a _lot _of alcohol at that moment. It had…well, it had been an interesting night up to that point. He glanced around the room looking for a familiar black-haired beauty and didn't see her anywhere. He wondered if she still wanted to tell everyone about their relationship. Now would be good a time as any, right?

"Hey, James?" he asked as he chugged a shot of firewhiskey, the taste burning his throat.

"Hm?" James asked, clinking glasses with Remus as he sipped freely.

"Where's Riley?"

James shrugged coldly, trying to act as if it didn't bother him, and let his eyes wander into the crowd. "Is she not here?"

"Doesn't look like it," Sirius said, pouring himself another shot.

"Hm…Lily!" he cried out, gesturing for her to hasten over.

Lily gave him an exasperated look, saying a quick goodbye to Dezzy and Drew and wandering over. "What do you want? I was having a very in-depth conversation with Dezzy and Drew about what a library should be used for."

Sirius snorted. "And I'm sure they were _very _upset when you were summoned elsewhere."

Lily was about to remark when James interrupted. "Where's Riley?"

"I don't know," she admitted with a shrug. "She left about a half hour ago and hasn't returned since."

Sirius had a good feeling she may be hiding out in a certain dungeon.

"Why did she leave?" Remus asked, having heard the last half of the conversation. "She was excited about throwing Sirius a party."

Sirius turned to stare at Remus. "Really?" _Then why isn't she here?_

Remus nodded. "Yeah. So where did she run off to?"

Lily shook her head. "Don't know. Maybe got grossed out when I told her that her brother and Dezzy were…uh…how did I put it?"

"Studying anatomy," Remus snickered.

"_What_!?" James shouted. "Oh that girl is _dead_!" He threw his hands up in the air and stormed off to go find his sister.

"Oops," Remus muttered. He sighed. "I better go chase after him before he rearranges _Drew's _anatomy." He sauntered off into the crowd.

"No, Riley thinks that Dezzy and Drew are cute together. She wouldn't have left because of that," Sirius pointed out.

Lily shrugged. "Sorry. I have no idea," she apologized. "Now I'm going to go find my boyfriend and teach him that his sister is _fifteen years old _and can date whoever she pleases. Happy Birthday, Sirius."

"Thanks," he murmured, downing another shot as Lily headed off into the crowd. He remained rooted to the spot for a few good minutes before slipping out of the common room and heading to the dungeon to meet up with Riley.

* * *

Sirius swept into the dungeon room with a smile on his face and was thrown back by the disarray the room was in. "Whoa, what the hell happened here?"

Riley shook her head, and he took that to mean she didn't know.

"Hey, baby," he greeted, oblivious to the sunken look on Riley's face as he held out his hand to her. "I snuck out of my own party for you, so let's go celebrate my birthday the way it was meant to be celebrated. Just you and me, Riley."

Riley's heart was beating a mile a minute and she didn't dare look Sirius' in the eyes. "_What_ 'you and me?'" she snapped bitterly.

Sirius' was taken aback by the hostile tone. "Riley, what's wrong?"

"You tell me."

"Er…I don't know," he muttered sincerely, slowly shaking his head. He sighed and took a seat beside his girlfriend. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night and for the way things have been between us. I was an ass but believe me, Rachael and I are over now. We won't be hanging out anymore so it's just back to the two of us."

"There _is _no us," Riley snarled, gripping the blanket in her left hand tighter as she scooted away from Sirius.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat, his eyebrows knitting in bewilderment. "Wh-what are you talking about?"

An aching pain tugged at her heart as she felt the tears well up inside of her. She blinked them away profusely, refusing to cry in front of him. She had already put herself in the utmost vulnerable position just by being with him. She wasn't about to allow him to take the little bit of dignity she felt she had left. "You weren't even going to tell me, were you…" Riley whispered hoarsely, her voice trembling in trepidation. It was a statement filled with much dejection and unhappiness, not a question. Riley already knew the answer to that question.

"Tell you what?" he asked cautiously, staring at her hollow face as his heart skipped another beat. Something was definitely wrong here and he didn't like it one bit. She clearly looked like she was fighting between sorrow and anger, her eyes squinting with anguish.

Riley exhaled slowly and muttered, "You know what the worst part of keeping our relationship a secret is, Sirius?" She didn't bother letting him get in a word. "That my friend doesn't realize that _I'm _the one who gets hurt when she blurts out that you and Rachael were _making out_ in the library," she finished firmly. She glanced up into his eyes for the first time since he entered the room.

Sirius' froze, his face slowly turning white. He met her desolate gaze, her eyes penetrating a deep hurt and much anger. Sirius closed his eyes so as not to look into hers, horror suddenly washing over his entire body. "Riley," he stated slowly, his voice raspy and filled with desperation. "Please-"

"No," she whispered, shaking her head profusely. She hastily stood up off the floor, throwing the blanket to the floor. "I really don't want to hear your excuses. Nothing could make me feel better right now. It would only make me feel worse." She gave him a sharp, cutting look before whisking towards the doorway.

Sirius was a step ahead of her though. He quickly jumped up and called after her. "Riley, _wait_. Don't go."

"_No_," she snapped, not bothering to turn around. "I have nothing to say to you, Sirius."

"Yeah, well I have a lot to say to you," he responded firmly, giving her a pleading look as he reached out and grabbed her arm to stop her, stepping in front of the doorway to block it. "Please, Riley, just let me explain."

Riley yanked her arm back and glared at him. "Don't you dare touch me, Sirius Black!" she screamed, hitting his chest angrily. The anger was back. And it was more explosive than last time, the rage filling her entire body. "You have _no _right to touch me! You're such a two-timing, backstabbin _prat_! You're the same arrogant, womanizing jerk you were two years ago, Sirius, and my life would be completely content if I never had to be in your presence ever again!" she added, slapping his chest harder at the end of the sentence. "I don't want you to give me some bullshit explanation and I certainly don't want to listen to it! I gave you my trust and you completely betrayed it! I guess once a cheater always a cheater, hm? I can't believer I ever thought you could have changed. You havent'! You never will!" she shouted, balling up her fist and smacking his chest with it. She continued to do so with every emphasized sentence. "If you had just _listened _to my warnings in the first place, this never would have happened! Why couldn't you just trust me, Sirius!? Maybe if you had you wouldn't have_ kissed another girl! _And then you dared to show up tonight and pretend like it never happened? Who the hell do you think you are? I can't believe you actually expect me to stand here and listen to you attempt to dig yourself out of the bloody doghouse. Why the hell would I listen to _you _when you never _once _bothered to listen to me!?" She continued punching him until Sirius grabbed her wrist.

Riley was breathing heavily, her heart pounding wildly inside her chest. She tried catching her breath, sharp pants escaping her mouth. The pain in her eyes and in her demeanor was evident and she refused to look Sirius in the eyes. "Damnit, why did I do this to myself again?" she sniffled softly, choking up slightly. "I knew in December that nothing good would come of this and I...I...I never should have returned to your dorm that night." She took a step back from him, hanging her head in pure shame. "I should have listened to my instincts. Then again, neither one of us were very good at listening, were we?" she sneered.

His heart skipped a beat, his expression turning feeble. "Are you done?" Sirius looked down at Riley, massaging his chest with his other hand. He asked softly, "Can I explain myself now?"

Riley avoided his eyes and pulled her arm away from his slowly, staring at the ground the entire time. "Well considering you've just blocked my only way out, I really don't have a choice, now do I?"

She stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before whirling around and moving back towards the window. She stared out at the sky, remembering all the times she stared out into the sky waiting for Sirius to show up. She crossed her arms bitterly, a frown intensifying the unhappiness in her eyes.

Sirius stood in the doorway, his brow furrowed and his eyes filled with deep regret and a repentant longing. "Rachael kissed _me_. And I instantly pushed her away and scolded her. If whoever told you about the kiss had stayed long enough, they would have seen that part."

"It doesn't matter how it happened, Sirius," Riley muttered, the pent-up anger she had just had minutes prior was quickly being replaced with a great deal disappointment. "It just matters that it happened."

"No, it matters that I didn't want that kiss to happen. At all. She's not the girl I'm meant to be with."

"Yeah, well, maybe neither is this girl," she whispered.

Sirius' heart ached at the anger behind her words. "I swear it meant nothing to me, Riley," Sirius pleaded. "I wish I could take it all back."

"Yeah, well, you can't," Riley murmured, closing her eyes and wishing this would all just be over. If Sirius wasn't blocking the doorway, she'd attempt to escape. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to see him. She just wanted to be by herself. She was too afraid that Sirius would weasel his way into her heart again and she was too afraid that if he did that, she might not have the ability so say no. "I hate myself so much right now, Sirius. Because I trusted you," she explained in a soft, hurt voice. A shiver ran down her spind. "I-I let my guard down for the first time in a really long time and went against my better judgment and I...I-I _trusted_ you. Someone who had given me much heartache two years ago. Someone who had made promises to me and broke them just a few days later. Someone who I never should have trusted again. The moment I said I trusted you, I became so vulnerable to getting hurt again. And that's exactly where I am. I'm back where I was two years ago. You claimed you've changed, Sirius, but you haven't. Not even a little bit."

Sirius was thrown back by her speech and was immensely hurt by it. "I have changed, Riley," he responded quietly. "Because two years ago, I slept with that girl. Tonight, I pushed her away."

Riley took a deep breath in, biting down on her lip in agony. "It's funny, Sirius, how things work out sometime. Because, like I said, I went against my better judgment and I trusted you. And yet, you never trusted me."

"What?" Sirius retorted, taken aback. "What the hell are you talking about? I've always trusted you, Riley. I-I've had no reason not to."

Riley shook her head furiously, her anger building up again as the guy in front of her attempted to excuse himself for his actions earlier in the night. "No, Sirius. No, you didn't. Because I warned you about her when you first started hanging out with her. I warned you at least four times since then. And yet you didn't trust my judgment or my opinion. You called me _jealous_. But all I was, Sirius, was _perceptive."_

"Riley, please don't do this," Sirius argued desperately. "I just made a mistake, that's all."

Riley's nostrils flared as she glared at Sirius. "Your mistake was not listening to me that first day," she grumbled. "Instead you...you listened to _her_," she spat in a hurt whisper. "You...you only believed it once she actually gave you the reason to believe it. You didn't believe it because you trusted me. You didn't believe it because you knew that I would never intentionally try to hurt you. You didn't believe it because you knew that I would never lie to you. You didn't believe it because you thought my opinion mattered. You...you never stopped to think about _me_. It was all about _her_.""

Sirius swallowed hard, quickly turning away from her painful gaze. "You're right," Sirius admitted in a mumble. "You're _right_, Riley. I...I should have listened to you from the start. I'm sorry, Riley. I truly am. I-I was an ass. A total ass. Please forgive me for that."

She didn't respond, turning her gaze away from him unable to even look at him. "I can't forgive a personality trait."

Ouch.

"I probably deserve that right now," he murmured, scrunching up his nose. "Look, Riley, everything else aside, you need to know that _she _kissed me. It meant absolutely _nothing._"

"You shouldn't have been there in the first place!" Riley screamed as she jumped to her feet, too agitated to sit still. She paced back and forth and eventually, turned to glare at Sirius with much hostility. "If you had just listened to what I've been trying to say for almost two weeks, you wouldn't have been there tonight for her to kiss you!"

"I _know_!" Sirius cried back in frustration. "I already said you were right! I already said I was sorry! What else can I do to make you realize that Rachael is _nothing _to me!?"

"Nothing," she retaliated immediately, the words slipping off her tongue with desperate vulnerability. She shook her head, blinking away the tears taht were threatening to form. "There's nothing else you can say or do, Sirius. Don't you get that? You ruined everything between us. You-"

"_Rachael _did that," he pleaded.

"You're still not listening to me," she whispered, shutting her eyes tightly.

"I am," he disputed, shaking his head. "But nothing is ruined between us if you don't want it to be. You have to forgive me, Riley. You _have _to." He was on the verge of hysterics as he took a hesitant step towards her.

Riley turned her back on Sirius, wiping furiously underneath her eyes to keep the tears from falling. She refused to cry in front of Sirius Black. She wasn't about to show any more vulnerability in front of him than she already had.

She heard Sirius take another step closer to her and she stiffened, but she was grateful when he neglected to reach out to touch her. "You know what the worst part of all of this is?" Riley whispered, her voice barely audible. Slowly she turned around and opened her eyes, staring at him with pure agonized desperation. "That you broke your promise."

The hurt expression on Riley's face made the guilt in Sirius' stomach grow even stronger. "What promise?"

Riley's expression once again turned to stone as she fell back against the wall and slide to the floor. "Of course you wouldn't remember."

Sirius was about to apologize and question her further but the day they got together flashed through his mind.

"_Sirius," she said slowly, his first name on her lips sounding a bit foreign._

"_Hm?"_

_"Promise me something."_

_"Anything you want, Riley," he whispered._

_"Promise me…" she paused, hoping this wouldn't ruin the mood, and then sighed. "Promise me I won't get hurt this time."_

_He embraced her close to him and breathed in her wonderful scent and whispered into her ear, "I promise, Riley. I promise that the guy I used to be is gone. I will never hurt you again. Not if I can help it."_

"'Promise me I won't get hurt this time,'" he whispered, staring achingly at the floor.

Riley's heart fluttered at his words and she simply nodded, a huge lump forming in her throat.

Sirius sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Riley, I never meant to hurt you," he whispered hoarsely. "I'm so incredibly sorry for everything that's gone on these past couple of weeks. I hate that I didn't listen to your warnings or take your opinion into consideration. But you wanted me to stop seeing Rachael and that's exactly what I'm doing."

"It's too late, Sirius," she murmured, hugging her knees close to her chest.

"What…what do you mean?" he asked cautiously.

A single tear slipped down Riley's cheek an this time she didn't bother wiping it away. She stared down at the ground so as to avoid Sirius' scrutinizing stare. "I already got hurt."

Sirius shook his head as if he couldn't believe it. "Do you remember what else you said that day, Riley?"

Riley glanced up at him inquisitively, swiping the tear away. "I said a lot of things that day, Sirius," she pointed out. "A lot which involved me yelling at you, if I do recall correctly, about spreading rumors about me to Rhett."

"I'm talking about after that," Sirius said. "I asked you why you came back and you said you messed up. You said your heart was telling you one thing and your head was telling you another."

Riley nodded slowly, that moment passing through her memory like it was just yesterday.

_"I've listened to my head these past two years and it's gotten me nowhere," she whispered. "It's time I stopped listening to my head and started listening to my heart. And my heart is telling me you're the one I want to be with."_

Riley didn't utter anything. She was too busy remembering how easy it was in the beginning of their relationship. When she fooled herself into believing that Sirius was the one she should be with. Now all that was left was a fool. A fool who wished she had never listened to her heart.

"What are you going to do now, Riley? Listen to your head?" Sirius asked softly. "Or your heart."

Riley shook her head, shtuting her eyes tightly to block out everything to do with him. "It doesn't matter," she whispered, barely audible. "Because they're both telling me the same thing."

A crack began to tug at Sirius' heart as he watched the person he no doubtedly had fallen in love with crumble in front of his very eyes. He didn't know what to do or say at this point. It was clear that no matter what he could say, she would choose to believe what she wanted. "Why are you letting her come between us?" he asked hoarsely. "Today was supposed to be our day. It was supposed to be the day where we were finally willing to tell everyone about us. Finally let the cat out of the bag and just...just _be _together. Rachael aside, why does that have to change?"

She opened her eyes forcefully, turning to glare at him. "Because I don't want anything to do with you anymore, Sirius! After being humiliated by you privately once again, you really think I need to be humiliated in front of the entire goddamned school?"

His heart stopped at her words, his entire body growing numb. He stared at her, recognizing a faraway glimmer of fear in her eyes. It was the same glimmer he had seen back when they got together in December. A glimmer that had been silenced when they agreed not to tell anyone. "This...this isn't about Rachael at all, is it. Or me. This...this is all about you, Riley," he said carefully, pursing his lips. "We have one fight and suddenly you're running scared. How typical."

"What the hell is _that _supposed to mean?" Riley spat.

He frowned. "It means that from day one you've been trying to find an excuse to get out of this relationship. You'd rather take the easy way out than admit you're actually falling for me. You can use this as your ticket out. Break it off before you get in too deep and risk getting hurt. It's no coincidence that on the same day we were supposed to tell everyone about us, you're finding an excuse to run in the opposite direction. Our relationship is just some _game _to you, Riley. And I'm merely your pawn."

The glare on her face could have killed him if looks really could kill. "You kissed another girl," she snarled, the words catching in the deep of her throat as her eyes blazing with immense fury. "That's not just some _excuse_, Sirius. That's not some game to me. If anyone is a pawn here, it's clearly me because you keep playing me! So I think I'm allowed to be legitimately angry at you for kissing Rachael!"

"Angry, yes," he whispered, frustration beginning to boil up inside of him. "Hell, I'm angry at myself, Riley, so I can only imagine how you're feeling. My chest certainly knows how you feel," he said with a hopeful smile, rubbing his sore chest from where Riley had smacked him around. "But don't give up on us. Don't...don't end the game. We have too good a thing going for you to destroy it."

"I DIDN'T DESTROY IT, SIRIUS!" she yelled. "Bloody hell, you should really burn off your ears because it's clear you don't _use them_."

"You can't blame me for this," he pleaded. "That kiss meant nothing. _Nothing_. And I can sit here and repeat that over and over again, but you'll never accept that. I could stand here and try to convince you that I had been wrong all along and I should have listened to everything you had said to me about Rachael, but it wouldn't to any good. I could tell you that I scolded Rachael and told her that what she wanted from me she wasn't going to get, but you don't care about that. No. No matter what I could possibly say or do to make you realize that I always have and always will want to be with _only you, _you are only going to focus on the bad. But what about the good, Riley? What about everything we've been through? What about the meaningful conversations and the passionate kisses? The longing looks and the nights we spent here in each other's arms? The amazing sex and the intimate secrets we shared with each other? What about all of that?"

Riley shook her head furiously, trying to rid his words from her head. "Rachael is Rhea from two years ago, Sirius," she whispered. "It's the same situation but with a different person. So who cares about any of the good when the bad is so overwhelmingly betraying? You haven't changed, Sirius. Don't kid yourself into believing you have."

"Neither have you," he spoke, the words almost callous.

"Excuse me?" she snapped.

He shrugged. "You're the same scared girl you were two years ago. You'd rather run in the opposite direction of any potential lasting relationship rather than risk the idea of love."

Her eyes blazed with insecurity as she hastily climbed off the floor. "You don't know the meaning of love," she snarled.

"At least I'm willing to find out," he retaliated.

"HAH!" she cried out, her expression on the verge of maniacal. "To do that, Sirius, you would actually have to learn how _not _to cheat on people."

"I wasn't cheating on you!"

"Kissing another girl falls under the category of _cheating."_

_"_SHE KISSED ME!"

"YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN WITH HER IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"I KNOW THAT! I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I KNEW THAT!" he shouted, slaimming his fist into the wall so as to let some of his anger subside. "Damnit, Riley, I alreayd told you I made a mistake! I-I realize that I should have listened to you, don't you get that? But hell, when are you going to start listening to me?"

"You don't deserve my ear, Sirius," she snarled. "You don't deserve any of me. You especially don't deserve my heart." She slowly shook her head, her eyes never wavering from his. She felt her bottom lip tremble as she spoke the next words. Words that tore Sirius' heart into two. "I'm done, Sirius. Game over."

What killed him the most was that she didn't even look upset or disheartened or remotely sad even in the slightest. She merely looked relieved.

"You're going to regret this," he found himself saying, hanging his head shamefully. "You're never going to find anyone who you care about more than me. And I guarantee that you're never going to find anyone who cares more about you than I do. We were meant for each other, Riley. And you may not want to admit it or even believe it, but you do need me."

"Like hell I do," she snapped. "I don't need anyone but myself."

That intensified his frustration with her, fury coursing through every vein in his body. "You want to pretend you're an overly independent person, you go right ahead. But you're not as strong and determined and confident as you would like people to think. No, you're scared and vulnerable and in the end, you fully depend on the people in your life to keep you afloat. You've always had people looking out for you. _Always_. Me on the other hand, it's always just been me. I can go on with my life without you. You need me a hell of a lot more than I need you."

He wasn't saying any of it to be mean. He just wanted her to desperately realize what she was doing before she could walk out the door and leave their relationship behind forever.

Based on the look on her face, his words had stung. "Do you often put people you care about down?" she snapped. "Seems to me all you've ever cared about was _yourself_." Her lips curled up in a haughty smirk. "You're just like James that way. You've been cursing his selfishness since he found out about us but maybe it's time you look in the mirror. You've gone after the girls you've wanted when it was convenient for _you _and dropped them the moment you found them less than useful. With me. With Rhea. With every bloody girl you've ever gone out with. With once again, me. And then with Rachael. You think I'm the one who runs scared? Who hides from her feelings? You are never satisfied with what you have in front of you, Sirius. _Never_. Turns out you're not so independent yourself. You _thrive _on flitting around. It's just your human nature. And you know what it's going to get you? A life that you'll be living completely _alone_."

A small piece of him hated her for comparing his emotions to James' selfishness. James had never had their best interest at heart and all Sirius had ever wanted was to be with her. "I'd rather live my life alone than with someone so desperately fighting against what she wants just because she's _scared_."

"It's not fighting when I'm willingly giving you up," she snapped.

"And it's not living my life alone if I'm with _Rachael_," he retaliated, an angry smirk on his face. The words were out of his mouth before he could even stop them.

The rage in her eyes was quickly replaced with shock. Quickly followed by betrayal. "Good luck with that," she snarled, though her voice held such softness to it.

He knew those last words had stung, but he was so tired of fighting for her when it was so clear she didn't want to fight back. If she was so determined to hurt him by turning her back on them, he wanted to be sure he knew what that betrayal felt like. He knew he had taken it too far but in a way, he didn't want to fix it. He knew he couldn't fix it. Their relationship had been shredded into tiny pieces that even time and patience wouldn't be able to put it back together again. Especially when it was clear she didn't want it put back together. He slowly turned around to head out of the room, knowing that there was nothing he could say or do to make her see the error of her ways. He had already seen the error of _his _ways. It was time for her to own up to hers. He hesitated in the doorway, turning his head to look at her. "I didn't want things to end this way," he whispered.

Riley slowly lifted her eyes to lock with his, her expression twisting into anguish as she recognized the regret in Sirius' eyes. "You chose this," she choked out, slowly shaking her head. She tried convincing herself that those words were true. That he had chosen another path the moment he didn't take her warnings to heed. She tried telling herself Sirius and only Sirius was to blame for the downfall of their relationship. She tried believing that her heart wasn't breaking at the thought of letting him go. And in that moment, a small piece of her hated him for ever getting involved with Rachael.

But most of her just hated herself. For knowing that her words weren't true. For knowing it wasn't just him that had chosen another path. For knowing that Sirius wasn't the only one to be blamed for the downfall of their relationship. For knowing that her heart was falling apart as she sat by and did nothing while she let him go. She hated herself for letting him go.

But she'd inevitably hate herself more if she didn't.

Slowly, she turned her gaze away from him, finding such solace in the nooks of the floor.

He could have argued. He could have told her that this wasn't what he wanted. That by Rachael kissing him initially didn't mean he had chosen her. That by not listening to Riley didn't mean he had chosen another path. He could have told her that she as the one who had chosen this. But he didn't. None of it would have done any good.

"Goodbye, Riley," he whispered.

Riley made no acknowledgement to his final statement immediately, blinking the reluctance in her eyes away. Finally, she nodded her head in one short motion, having no intention of giving him the fulfillment of saying goodbye to him.

Their eyes met briefly, Riley's dark with agony, Sirius' filled with hope, before Sirius sighed and quickly broke their eye contact, sweeping out of the room.

Riley slid back down against the wall and expected the tears to come. The entire time, she expected to find herself crying in front of Sirius for the way he treated her. She was glad the full tears never came. She really didn't want to give Sirius' the satisfaction of knowing how much this was hurting her. How much being hurt by him for a second time was torturing her inside. But she couldn't help but wonder why she had never cried in front of him? Had she cried all of her tears before Sirius showed up? Or was there a part of her that was relieved that it was over?

That thought was quickly shed from her mind as she slid to the floor for a third time that evening, wondering why she had ever trusted him to begin with. Why did she let it get this far? She knew that she was inevitably going to be left heartbroken and yet she stayed in the relationship for longer than she had ever expected.

She just sat there, replaying all of his words over in her head. Reminiscing on her own and wondering if she had told him everything she had wanted him to hear. She wondered when exactly everything had gone so wrong. She contemplated over their relationship, trying to search for an answer as to how they had managed to stay together for so long. She pondered what was going to happen next between them. What she even _wanted _to happen next. Was it truly over between them?

A chill ran down her spine and suddenly, she couldn't be in that room any longer. She hastily climbed off the floor and headed towards the exit. She paused in the doorway, turning back for just a brief moment as the memories she had shared with Sirius in that room flashed through her mind.

She swore she heard the actual tearing of her heart as it broke into two as she swept out of the room to never look back.

* * *

Sirius wandered through the hallways aimlessly, his head filled with so many different emotions. Confusion, anger, dismay, sorrow. They all swirled around in his head until he swore he was going to explode from pure had started making his way back to the Gryffindor House, but stopped before he could get even halfway. He didn't want to go into the common room and face a bunch of people who would be wishing him a happy birthday. There was nothing happy about his birthday and he didn't want to have to fake a smile when it felt like his whole world was crumbling around him.

Somewhere by the library, his knees gave out and he fell to the floor with a strangled gasp. He felt his heart pounding out of his chest, wondering who he was angrier at: Riley or himself. It was definitely a toss-up.

The hallway seemed to grow larger as he suddenly felt two inches tall. Why hadn't he listened to Riley earlier? She had been trying to warn him out of the goodness of her heart and he continued to dismiss her concern as if her opinion meant nothing to him. He had let the situation get too far. He had hung out with Rachael almost every night since he had heard about the death of her parents. He had just wanted to be there for her. But was that really what she had ever wanted? He was beginning to think Rachael had had a bigger plan all along and the kiss they shared that night wasn't just a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

Why hadn't he seen that coming?

He frowned. Or maybe he had and he had simply ignored it. Maybe Riley had been right about everything she proclaimed. Maybe he had been running. Maybe he was scared. Maybe it was easy using Rachael as his excuse to keep his distance from Riley while he figured out what it was he expected in their relationship.

He shook his head frantically. No. He had known what he had wanted all along. All he had wanted was Riley. And while he knew Riley had felt the same, it was harder for her to put 100% of her trust in him. Not that he blamed her. It was clear she was scared of vulnerability and the risk of getting hurt again. But why couldn't she realize that that was everything he was afraid of as well? Why couldn't they just be afraid together?

But no. Riley would never let that happen. The moment came where they were going to announce their relationship to the public and she jumped on the first excuse she could to get out of that. To get out of it all.

And in that moment, anger slowly began to rise up inside of Sirius. Why was he the only one willing to fight for them? He had already convinced her once that they could be together. He knew he would never be able to so again. Riley had accepted the end of their relationship the moment he had walked out the door. A relationship that had meant everything to him. And even to her, not that she would ever truly admit that. He had made a mistake. _One _mistake and she quickly turned her back on him. She ran away quicker than he ever could have explained the situation. He hated himself for giving her a reason to take the easy way out. But he hated _her _for actually taking the easy way out. Did their relationship really mean that little to her? Was he just some pawn in her relationship games? A toy she could play with and cast aside the moment she had no use for?

Well, fine. If it was games she wanted to play, he was more than willing to comply.

He jumped off the floor and rushed off towards the Gryffindor common room, his mind focused on only one thing. He had to find Rachael LeBlanc.

* * *

Riley found herself exiting the large gate doors into the cold outside, needing fresh air. And needing to be alone. She knew it was the one place that very little, if any, people would be, considering snow lay atop the ground and the trees were growing icicles.

When she pushed open the door, a big gust of cold air sprayed in her face and a chill went down her spine. She breathed in the fresh air, surprisingly grateful for the peaceful serenity the dark outdoors provided to her.

She made her way through the snow to the lake. Slowly, she leaned up against the willow tree, hugging her knees close, ignoring the brisk breeze whipping her hair into her face. And so she sat, staring at the frosted over lake as a slight bit of complacency developed inside of her heart. She tried not thinking about Sirius or Rachael but that was virtually impossible. The wind picked up and she rest her chin atop her knees, her teeth chattering slightly. She momentarily wondered if the numbness in her limbs was due to the frigid air or due to no longer having Sirius in her life.

She thought back to the moment she had returned to Sirius' dorm room to tell him she wanted to be with him. It was a day that had, at the time, provided her with so much happiness. The knot that had been in her stomach for two years slowly dissipated and the anger she had built around her heart due to him was erased. But looking back now, it just provided her disappointment. It had all just a bunch of empty words and hollow promises that just gave her more heartbreak in the end.

She was busy feeling sorry for herself when she heard footsteps behind her. She tensed up but didn't turn around.

"What are you doing out here when it's so ridiculously cold?"

Riley whirled her head around and stared at Rhett. "Rhett. What…what are you doing here?"

"I was heading to the library when I saw you rush out of the school," he admitted, shivering immensely, realizing it may not have been the best idea to walk outside without a jacket on. "Considering the wind chill factor is below freezing, I doubted you were just going for a stroll."

Riley nodded to show her acknowledgment but looked back out across the lake hesitantly.

He gestured to the spot beside Riley. "May I sit?"

Riley stared at the patch of snow he was pointing to and found herself nodding. Maybe company was exactly what she needed right now.

"Would it be too forward of me to ask you what's wrong?" Rhett asked, looking at her with a concerned look as his teeth began to chatter.

"Why are you out here?" Riley asked, avoiding his question. "It's freezing. Your teeth are chattering and I think your fingers are starting to turn blue."

Rhett glanced to his right to stare at her and saw the emptiness in her eyes, completely devoid of all feeling. As if she had already gone through all the emotions and this is what she was left with. "You looked like you could use a friend."

A tear slipped down Riley's cheek without warning and she quickly brushed it away. "Remember what you asked me this morning during Advanced Transfiguration?"

"Uh…how long does it take to become an Animagus?"

Riley cracked a smile. "_No_."

Rhett shrugged. "What did I ask?"

"You asked me if I was with Sirius," she whispered, her voice sounding hollow in the infinite open space.

Rhett glanced over at the distressed look on her face and already knew what she was going to day.

"Well, I'm not," she said in an undertone, her voice barely audible above the boisterous gusts of wind.

Rhett wrapped his arm around her shoulder instinctively, drawing her close to him, and sighed. "I'm sorry, Riley," he said, knowing it sounded like a void apology to her.

They sat there for only a few minutes of silence, both looking out beyond the lake but thinking different things. Rhett sat there wondering why Sirius would ruin something he had wanted for so long. Riley wondered what she was supposed to do now.

"I'm cold," she whispered, feeling her whole body starting to shake uncontrollably. Rhett had a feeling it wasn't because of the cold.

"Let's go inside," Rhett suggested, squeezing her arm comfortingly.

Riley could only offer a curt nod, a lump forming in her throat she was certain she would never be able to get rid of.

Rhett helped her up and together, they walked back into the school. They separated once they got inside without another word, Rhett heading to the library and Riley heading to her own room.

* * *

"I don't think they should be making out in public space! Especially a library!" James whimpered, staring at his sister and Drew in the corner of the room with their friends. He would be over there pushing his sister off Drew's lap, but Lily was sitting on his own lap, restraining him.

Lily rolled her eyes and patted James on the shoulder. "Your sister is fifteen. And Drew is a respectable guy. Wouldn't you rather she ended up with him than…than say, Zach or…or...or, say, Regulus Black?"

James recoiled and attempted to fidget underneath her, determined to get rid of Lily. "Ew! Why would you ever mention that?" he whimpered. "I'm so breaking up with you," he murmured.

Lily laughed. "You'd have to get out from underneath me first."

James grumbled but didn't answer.

"James, don't you remember being fifteen?" she continued. "Just let-"

"Oh, I remember being fifteen," he muttered, shuddering. "Why do you think I'm so protective of her? I know what's on the male mind at age fifteen."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Except the difference between you at fifteen and Drew at fifteen is that you were a horny teenager just trying to get laid by whatever floozy walked past you and Drew actually likes and respects Dezzy."

"Now, hold on a minute. I liked and respected those girls!"

Lily shot him a look.

"Alright, I was a horny teenager

"Fun gets you into trouble," James complained. "Look where it got me!"

"You calling me trouble?" Lily shot back, quirking an eyebrow.

James gave her a sheepish grin. "I'm stuck here forever, aren't I…"

"Hell yeah you are," Lily teased. "I can't believe you'd call me trouble. If either of us in this relationship is trouble it would obviously be you."

"What? How am _I _trouble?" James questioned sheepishly, grinning innocently.

Lily snorted and rolled her eyes. "Oh please, don't give me that look. I've given you about a hundred detentions and have taken off at least a hundred points from you in the previous two years from your prank wars with the Slytherins. You're definitely the troublemaker here."

James opened his mouth to argue back, but realized she was right. "Can we go back to pronouncing Drew the troublemaker?"

Lily let out an exasperated grunt. "Stop being so domineering. I'm pretty sure Dezzy doesn't need you to control her love life."

"Yuh-huh she does! Or she ends up choosing to go out with a Gilmore! What's up with that?"

"Your best friend is a Gilmore!"

"Yeah, but I don't fancy her!"

"Don't tell Riley's Gran that," Lily snickered, winking playfully at her boyfriend.

"Let me out," James whimpered, attempting to shove Lily off of him playfully. "I just…just want to talk to the boy, that's all."

Lily gave him a look.

He grinned sheepishly. "Okay, so talking may lead to an accidental murder. It's nearly the same thing," he said dismissively.

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "Do you really want to go to Azkaban for a lifetime and have Riley hate you for eternity?"

"Eh, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

Lily gave him an irritated look. "Y'know, if you end up killing Drew Dezzy is just going to move on to some other guy," Lily pointed out, wondering if she was ever going to get through to her stubborn boyfriend. "Maybe Zach or Regulus!"

"Oh please stop mentioning them," he whined. "They're not allowed within a ten-mile radius of my sister."

"Well then just remember that Drew's one of the good ones," Lily clarified, giving her a boyfriend a knowing look. "Now will you stop pestering your sister about her new boyfriend before she personally clobbers you?"

"Hell no."

Lily sighed and leaned back against his chest, crossing her arms. "I'm never going to get through to you, am I."

"I can't help but be an overprotective brother," he mumbled.

Much to her surprise, she smiled. "I guess that's nice to have."

"It is!" he agreed, nodding furiously. "Now can you tell her that?"

Lily laughed and kissed her boyfriend lightly. "Not a chance in hell."

Before James could reply with a complaint, Remus, Jillian, and Kay sauntered over to them. "Hey, where did Sirius run off to? According to Kay, he's been gone for at least an hour."

James shrugged. "I haven't been paying attention to anything but my sister."

"Oh, Merlin, just get over it," Remus whined, sitting on the couch beside them. Jillian placed herself beside him as Kay sat atop the arm of the couch. "Your sister is fifteen! Let her date."

"Sirius left his own birthday party?" Lily asked, surprised, ignoring Remus' comment. "Well, that's not very nice. We did all this nice planning and he-"

"What '_we_?'" Remus snickered, leaning back against the couch, bringing Jillian with him. "I'm pretty sure James and I did all the planning."

"I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have done any planning if I didn't get your sorry asses out of bed this morning and force you to plan something!" Lily argued.

James hesitated and turned to Remus with a shrug. "Okay, she's got a point there."

"I think the bigger question is, where the hell is Riley?" Remus questioned.

"Why is that the bigger question?" Kay asked curiously.

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. Because her stuff is still sitting on the floor by the food table, and yet she's been missing ever since Lily came into the common to let us know that not only were Drew and Dezzy snogging in the library, but that Sirius and Rachael were-"

Before he could finish his comment, the portrait slammed open and heavy steps were heard bouncing across the entranceway. The entire common room glanced towards the portrait hole to see Sirius storming through the room. He briefly searched the room and set his eyes on something in particular.

"There's Sirius," Lily mentioned, but before she could get up and walk over to him to ask him where he's been, he did something that shocked the room.

He strode over to Rachael LeBlanc, dipped her and let his lips dance passionately against hers.

Mouths dropped to the floor and confused whispers stirred throughout the room almost immediately. James, Lily, Remus, Kay, and Jillian were no exception.

"To let us know that Sirius and Rachael were doing _that_," Remus finished his sentence.

* * *

The idea of talking to her friends while pretending everything was okay with her made her stomach turn, so Riley was very happy that she did not have to force conversation with them. Riley wasn't sure how she managed to walk into the common room and slip up to her room unnoticed by all of her friends, but she was grateful that it happened.

Riley opened the door to her room and walked inside, stopping inches away from the doorway. She glanced around the room and wondered how this room could look so pristine and untouched when the rest of her world seemed to be crashing down around her. And yet Miranda's posters were still tacked crookedly against the wall, Kay's pile of books were spread out on the floor beside her desk, Justine's blankets were still half-strewn across the floor from that morning when Miranda pushed her out of bed, Lily's bookshelf was all alphabetized with her favorite novels, the window was still open a crack to let in some air, the chilly breeze cooling off the room more than usual, the bathroom door was half-open and the light was turned on, something Riley knew never would have happened last year with Lily around, and Riley's side of the room was eerily still. Her clothes were still scattered in various spots around the room, her books spread against her desk in an unorganized manner, her bedspread was wrinkled up in a ball, half on the foot of her bed and half cascading off, her pillows were randomly placed around her bed, her trunk was open with her clothes all crumpled inside in an untidy fashion, the curtain around her bed was ripped off its rungs and hanging down towards the floor. Everything was the same. And yet, the room had an entirely different feel to it.

Riley shut her eyes and took in a sharp breath, exhaling slowly. She walked into the room and shut the door behind her, suddenly greeted with the full-length mirror on the backside. She looked at herself for the first time since she broke up with Sirius. Her eyes were suffering with a grief-stricken hollowness, her cheeks blotched with tear stains. She quickly turned away from the mirror, unwilling to admit how unhappy she already was without Sirius.

Riley slid into her bed mechanically, pulling her legs up to her chest with a hefty sigh. As thoughts of Sirius threatened to fill her mind, she found herself reminiscing on herself pre-relationship. When she still hated Sirius. When she was worried about other things. Like her schoolwork, her friends, and her future. She couldn't remember the last time she actually focused on her essays and exams instead of quickly scribble through them in order to meet up with Sirius. And she couldn't remember the last time she just hung out with Lily and Kay. Just the girls. She had spend most of her time thinking about Sirius. She had never devoted enough time for her friends when Sirius was in the picture. She couldn't remember the last time she thought about those journalism internships she applied to back in October. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she actually picked up a newspaper and flipped through it thoughtfully.

Riley was trying to focus on her future outside of Hogwarts when she heard a soft knock on the door. She sighed. "Come in!"

The door creaked open and James flew in on his broom, swiftly jumping off of it and throwing it against the floor. "Hey," he greeted.

Riley turned around quickly, shocked to see James standing there. "Uh…hey, James," she said hesitantly.

"It's nine-thirty."

"I'm tired," Riley quickly replied.

James frowned, a slight chill running down his spine at the pure anguish resting in Riley's blue eyes. "Riles," he said softly. "What happened?"

With one glance at the look on his face, Riley realized that James knew. "He…he told you?"

James shook his head slowly. "No. Not...not exactly."

Riley arched an inquisitive eyebrow at him, letting the unvoiced question ask itself.

"Seriously, Riles, what the hell happened?" he asked, his voice cracking with desperation.

_"How_ did you know, James?" she demanded to know.

He fell silent, shifting his stance uncomfortably as he turned his gaze away from her. "I don't think you really want to-"

"I asked, didn't I?"

His frown filled his face, remorse flickering behind his glasses. "Rachael," he murmured.

Her stomach fell. "He...he went back to her, didn't he," she whispered, an uneasy shiver running down her spine.

James bit down on his bottom lip, ignoring her question. "Riles, what happened?"

She felt her teeth grint together instinctively. "Who the hell cares. He's a jackass. He saw something better and went for it," she snapped. "Turns out, Sirius is always the same guy he always was."

"No," James contested softy. "That's who he used to be. It's been clear he's changed ever since he started dating you."

"Oh, really?" Riley scowled. "Not even an hour after we...we broke up, he's back with Rachael. It sure sounds a lot like the old Sirius."

To that, James had nothing to say. "Riley, please just talk to me. What happened between you two?" he begged, perching on the end of her bed.

"James, please just...I-I don't want to talk about it," she murmured in a hoarse whisper. "It doesn't matter, right? You knew this was coming all along."

No response.

"You...you warned me multiple times, James, and I-I didn't listen to you," she said, a lump forming in her throat. "I really did think Sirius was a good guy. Apparently, I thought wrong."

James bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself from saying anything derogatory.

"I...I should have listened to you," she muttered hoarsely. "I...I should have trusted your opinions." And suddenly she hated herself. She got angry with Sirius for ignoring and not trusting her opinion on Rachael and yet, she had completely ignored James when he had warned her what Sirius was really like. Of course she had to learn a lesson throughout all of this.

James could only offer her a lopsided sympathetic half-smile. "I'm sorry," he said hollowly.

She shrugged curtly. "Look, you said you weren't going to pick up the pieces after we…we ended, and I'm not asking you to. You can leave. It's okay," Riley murmured, shutting her eyes to show him she wasn't willing to talk.

James picked up on the fact that this was the second time she alluded to her break up and it had been nearly impossible for her to say it both times.

She felt James lift himself off her bed and shuffle over to the door, shutting it with a soft click.

Riley wasn't sure if she was relieved or dismayed over the fact that he had left as she turned back around to face the wall.

She was surprised when she felt a dip at the end of her bed. She quickly whirled around and saw James crawling into bed beside her, leaning back against her headboard. "I-I thought you left," Riley asked, confused.

James shrugged. "I don't leave my friends when they need me."

Riley sat up, pulling her pillow upward to lean against comfortably. "But I thought you said you wouldn't pick up the pieces of this failed relationship. I thought you said you weren't going to do it again. In fact, I believe you said it approximately a hundred times in the past month."

"Just goes to show that everybody lies," James said comfortingly, patting her leg. "I'm always going to be there for you, Riley. Even when I tell you I'm not."

"Why are you doing this?" Riley whispered, staring at her hands. "You hated the idea of me and Sirius together. This is what you wanted all along, isn't it?"

James slowly shook her head. "I never _wanted_ you to get hurt, Riley," he replied in a soft voice.

"I'm not hurt," she said insincerely.

James met her eyes and saw the lie but didn't argue. He had so much he wanted to say to her. That she could do better. That Sirius was nothing but a cheater when it comes to women. That Sirius would forever be a player because it's in his human nature. That she deserved a better relationship. That she deserved to fall in _love_, not just become infatuated with a guy based on his charm. That he knew this was coming, yet he prayed for her sake it wouldn't. That he was on her side one-hundred percent and always would be. That Sirius didn't know what he was missing out on. That Rachael would never be half as good as Riley ever was. But he said none of it. He could tell Riley didn't want to hear any of it; she just wanted to crawl under the covers and go to bed in hope that the morning will bring a less empty feeling in her heart. So all he said was a heavily loaded, "I'm sorry, Riles." And he really was. He hated seeing her like this. He had seen her down in the dumps too many times to count and he hated knowing that there may have been something more that he could have done to stop it from the beginning. He was sorry. He was especially sorry that he had been right.

"Not your fault," she muttered, not realizing that at that moment James was indeed blaming himself. She let out a deep longing sigh, slumping back down in the bed, turning back on her side to face the wall. She tried to look as if she was okay with the break up, but she knew the anguish and the shame were being illustrated on her face.

James stared at her and knew she was holding back. He crawled over to her and placed her in his arms, climbing underneath the covers as he kissed her forehead and tightened his grasp around her backside. "I'm here for you, Riles."

"I-I really don't want to talk about it," she choked out, a sniveling gasp emitted from her lips with dry tears, as she tried to catch her breath quickly. She collected herself through a small exhale and shook her head at the brief moment of weakness.

"It's okay to cry, Riley," he whispered.

"No, no it isn't," Riley replied stubbornly, shaking her head furiously. "Because then that makes me like _every _other girl Sirius ever ditched. Ever dumped. Ever broke up with. It makes me vulnerable and naïve, as if our time together meant more to him than every other girl he's ever been with. Crying over Sirius Black makes me just like them. It makes me just like _Rachael_," she growled.

"Except," James intercepted guardedly, "I think we both know that your time together did mean more to him than every other girl he's ever been with." He said it mostly to convince himself of the truth behind it.

Riley remained quiet, pondering that statement before whispering, "Obviously not more than Rachael's."

To that, James had nothing to say.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, I didn't get too much yelling after the last chapter but I'm almost positive I'm going to get some hate mail now! It wouldn't be a story without a lot of drama. Besides, Sirius hit it pretty much on the nail: Riley doesn't know how to just be in a relationship and at the first sign of trouble, she is heading in the complete opposite direction. So, that's that. I really love Riley and Sirius together so this chapter might be one of my least favorites :( On a happier note, at least James got to swoop in and save the day! We all know how much he likes to do that! Please review!


	23. Of Potatoes, Secrets, & Interrogations

**A/N: **Well, I don't have much to say here. You'll get more information in this chapter! However, to those who don't think Sirius should have gone back to Rachael after the break-up, you'll find out exactly why he did that in the chapters to come. He realizes it was stupid, but in that moment, he was determined to hurt her like she had done to him by ending their relationship after overreacting. Anyway, I have a feeling a lot of you aren't going to enjoy this chapter, but I hope you read it anyway.

On a totally different sidenote, I FINISHED THIS STORY! I am officially done writing all of the chapters to this story meaning that I can update a lot more quickly than I was doing before. At least once a week if not more. It is 60 chapter as of now, so you still have 37 more chapter to enjoy of **_Kisses on the Balcony_. **And then, drum roll please, THERE'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER SEQUEL. That's right, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Riley, and Kay will be back in one last story. I'm starting to write it now and plan it out so I hope you're ready! ...I guess we should finish this story first. Without further ado, Chapter 23!

**Dislcaimer: **It's after midnight so I don't have anything witty to say besides the fact that I'm not J.K. Rowling and therefore own the rights to very little in this story.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 23: Potatoes, Secrets, & Interrogations

* * *

Kay had traipsed up to her room to see if Riley was there and wasn't surprised to see her asleep in James' arms. While James had claimed numerous times he didn't condone her relationship with Sirius and he wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces, Kay knew that there was no way James would be able to stay away. He cared too much for Riley to watch her endure a broken heart alone.

The three of them sauntered down to breakfast the next morning, Riley refusing to talk about Sirius. She was upset and dismayed the night before but when she woke up that morning, it was anger and frustration that surged through every bone of her body. And it wasn't just directed at Sirius - she was angry and frustrated with herself. At James for acting like this was meant to happen. For Kay who was incessantly questioning her. She just wanted to move on as if she had never dated Sirius Black and everyone was making that far too impossible.

Riley tensed up when she saw that Sirius was already sitting at the Gryffindor table, but she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of knowing she wanted to avoid him. It was her breakfast, too, and she was going to enjoy it.

"You are such a jerk, Sirius, y'know that?" James snarled, glaring at Sirius. His other friends all looked up, confused and surprised at the vicious tone in James' voice.

Sirius glared back at him, narrowing his eyes. "Oh, don't give me that, James," he sneered, glaring back. "I don't need your self-righteous, pompous act at the moment, you got that?"

James' eyes bulged out in complete rage. "You're calling me pompous!? You are the same bloody guy you always were, damnit!" he shouted.

"Er, James?" Lily spoke, clearing her throat. "Maybe this isn't the-"

"And why the hell do you care who I am!?" Sirius snapped back. "You've made it perfectly clear that you don't give a _damn _about me!"

"Can you _blame _me!?" James snarled, his eyes spewing hatred.

"YES!" Sirius barked. "Because when have you _ever _even bothered to listen to my side of things, James? When have you actually listened to anything that wasn't your biased judgments!?"

"Clearly those biased judgments became _fact."_

"No, no they didn't. You're just choosing to believe that," Sirius muttered irritably, daring to sneak a peek over at Riley who was finding much interest in her plate of eggs. "You have no idea what the hell happened, James, so don't you dare sit there and try to place blame on _me_."

Finally, Riley spoke. "I think it's pretty obvious who's to blame," she murmured in a hoarse whisper, refusing to look up at Sirius.

Lily, Remus, and Peter exchanged confused glances. "What the hell is going on with you three?" Remus asked.

"Nothing," James, Sirius, and Riley all spoke in unison as they attempted to bury themselves in their breakfast.

Remus rolled his eyes. "And Sirius, what the hell is going on with you and Rachael?" he asked. Only James and Kay noticed Riley's spine stiffen at the mention of her name.

Sirius stabbed his fork into his potatoes with a grunt. "I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.

Once again, Remus, Peter, and Lily were left in confusion. "Why not? Talking about girls is typically your favorite pastime," Peter snickered, his attempt at lightening the mood.

"I just _don't_. Y'got that?" he snapped.

Peter frowned. "Er...okay," he murmured, his eyebrow knitting together in bewilderment.

Lily sighed, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes as she was clearly left in the dark. "James, where were you last night?" she asked, changing the subject.

"I was in Riley's room," he admitted, shrugging curtly.

Lily cocked her head to the side and watched her boyfriend fill a plate with breakfast potatoes.

"Why?" Remus asked before Lily could.

"We were talking, I fell asleep," James said abruptly with an innocent smile. "Nothing suspicious."

His friends gazed at him and Riley to see if they indicated any signs of something apprehensive, but they both remained unruffled, so they all returned to their breakfasts and decided not to press the matter further.

"Please pass the salt, Riley," Sirius said in a very formal manner.

She ignored him.

"Riley?"

"I didn't think the potatoes _needed_ salt," she responded, a hint of hostility in her voice as she continued avoiding eye contact with him.

Sirius blinked, his heart sinking at the hostility in her voice. "I think the salt needs the potatoes more than the potatoes need salt," he replied casually.

"Why don't you just use pepper?" she snapped, whipping her head up to stare at him, a glare in tact. "I know how much your potatoes like to switch it up."

"The potatoes never wanted pepper, they have always wanted salt," he shot back, giving her an equal defiant stare, ignoring the confused looks on his friends' faces.

"What are you two-" Lily started, but was quickly interrupted by Riley's banter.

"The potatoes never should have been in the presence of pepper in the first place if they always wanted salt," she replied through gritted teeth, her whole body surging with anger.

"The pepper needed the potatoes, and the salt never should have gotten _jealous!"_

Riley flung a spoonful of her eggs at Sirius for that last comment. "You're such a _prick_." She jumped up from the table and without another word, stormed out of the Great Hall.

Remus frowned. "Does anyone else think they're not really talking about potatoes?"

"Oh, definitely not, but his potatoes are starting to look really good," Peter mused.

James, Lily, Remus, and Kay ignored Peter and turned to look at Sirius inquisitively, who just ignored them and wiped the eggs off his robes with a napkin, unfazed by his friends.

"So, you going to tell us what _that _was about?" Remus dared to ask.

Sirius stuck a potato in his mouth and slowly stood up from the table. "I'm going to go find Rachael," he murmured and headed out of the Great Hall, just so he wouldn't have to deal with the interrogation by his friends.

"Of course he's not going to tell us. Does anyone tell us anything nowadays?" Remus murmured. "He and Riley are so goddamned hot and cold."

Lily let out a frustrated sigh. "Yeah, I'm beginning to think it's time to find new friends. Ones that actually confide in us," she said sarcastically.

James sighed, knowing perfectly well that the whole potato-salt-pepper argument could easily be translated into a Sirius-Riley-Rachael triangle. He, too, stood up from the table. "Bye guys," he murmured as he stepped away from the table, planning on going after Riley.

"Whoa, where the hell are you going?" Remus questioned.

"Let me guess: you were the pepper in that scenario," Lily teased, knowing he obviously wasn't.

James sighed. "No, I'm the eggs. Salt's new best friend now that the potatoes are out of the picture."

He waved his goodbye and left his friends behind wondering what the hell he meant by that comment.

"Okay, I'm getting tired of the food analogies!" Remus cried out, meant for no one in particular.

"Yeah, what was that about?" Peter questioned.

"I was wondering the same thing," Lily murmured. "I have a feeling James knows more then he's letting on."

"James always knows more than he's letting on," Peter chimed in. "Especially when it comes to those two."

"Bloody hell, why is it so important for them to keep their goddamned secrets?" Remus asked, throwing down his napkin angrily. "It's like I don't even know them anymore."

"I'm beginning to wonder if that's a good thing," Lily murmured.

Remus sighed, stabbing his fork into his potatoes. "And what's up with Sirius and Rachael? Do we really believe that's the girl he's been seeing over the past couple of months?"

"No," Kay responded almost immediately, cringing after she said it. "I-I just mean, it doesn't seem like she'd be the girl Sirius would swoon over. Right?"

"Yeah," Lily agreed. "But that still leaves us with a lot of unanswered questions."

Silence fell as they all contemplated what was going on with their friends. Eventually, Lily let out a sigh. "C'mon, we've got to get to class. It's not like sticking around here and speculating is going to do any of us any good."

They all reluctantly obliged.

* * *

"So let me guess," James called out after Riley, who was already halfway down the hallway. "You're the salt, he's the potatoes, and Rachael is the pepper."

Riley froze where she was, still disturbed by the conversation she and Sirius just had. She exhaled slowly and whirled around to face James, clutching her bag to her side. "Scream it out, why don't you."

James gave her a look. "I did nothing of that sort."

"What do you want, James?" Riley sighed impatiently, just wanting to get away from everyone and everything.

"I just want to help, Riley," he said softly. "I want to make sure you're okay. I want to know exactly what's going on with you," he said, walking over to her vigilantly.

"Why?" Riley asked huffily. "You didn't seem to want to know what was going on when I was dating Sirius."

Unfortunately, James couldn't offer a response to that.

"So why should now be any different?" she asked, desperation seeping from her words. "Oh, I know why. Because we broke up. This is what you wanted all along and now that we did what you actually wanted, you finally want to involve yourself to...to what? Pat yourself on teh back? Congratulate yourself for being right all this time? You don't get to finally show any sort of interest in our relationship just because it's not a relationship anymore. That's not a true friend, James. That's a selfish one."

"Hey now!" James cried out defensively. "Don't be like this. You're angry at Sirius and you're taking it out on me and that is not fair."

Riley pursed her lips irritably, knowing in the back of her head that he was absolutely right. She chose to ignore that. "No, you know what's not fair?" Riley murmured. "You devaluing your friendships with both me and Sirius by refusing to speak to us when you found out about our relationship. You crawling back to me giving me an ultimatum: we can be friends again only if I don't talk about Sirius. You never _once _caring about my relationship with Sirius. And hence, not caring about _me_. Did eighteen years of a friendship really mean that little to you that you were willing to almost throw it away over something so _trivial_? You didn't care _one bit _about me over the past few months so you don't get to care now! It's too late. You can't win brownie points with me now, James."

"I'm not trying to win anything, Riley," he urged, shaking his head vigorously. "I was only trying to help last night. I'm on your side, remember?"

"You only swooped in last night to do what you do best: to attempt to save the day! Well, newsflash, James: I don't need you to goddamned save me! Stop trying to rescue me. Stop acting like you want to protect me. Just...just _stop_. I don't need you to do any of that."

James blinked his frustration. "I know you don't need my help," he said softly. "I'm just...I'm just trying to be a friend, Riley."

"But you weren't _being _a friend, James! Don't you see that? You haven't been a real friend to me since February. You've been extremely selfish throughout this entire bloody process. And I've kept my mouth shut because frankly, I missed you as a friend. But right now, you are being the farthest thing from a friend and I can't deal with it anymore. Where were you when I needed you before, James? You left me high and dry because you were unwilling to see the seriousness of my relationship. You thought it was just a fling and you wouldn't accept me dating him. And then when you did come crawling back to me, you continued to be self-righteous! You refused to hear about our relationship before and now that it's over, you suddenly want to hear about it? How is that fair to me? _How? _I don't want to talk about it, especially with _you_. Can't you understand that?"

James frowned, guilt weighing down his heart. "Maybe I wasn't there for you the way you wanted me to be there for you, but look at how this all turned out? I warned you from the beginning and you refused to listen to me. Maybe if you had, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"There you go being self-righteous again," she snapped. "Did you ever think that all of this _isn't _about you? That in fact it has absolutely nothing to do with you?"

"It does though!" he cried out urgently. "Because you both put me smack in the middle of this whole ordeal! You have-"

"YOU DID THAT TO YOURSELF!"

"I did nothing of that sort!" he responded huffily, glaring at her. "_You _were the ones who were dating. _You _were the ones who seemingly didn't understand that it was inevitably going to end. Which, newsflash, _it has_. And _you _are the ones now at each other's throats, therefore sticking me in the middle!"

"You could have just stayed out of it!"

"That's exactly what I tried doing!"

"NO YOU DIDN'T!" Riley shouted, her anger getting the better of her. She was angry at the world and it was easy screaming at James than admit it was really herself she was truly angry at. For getting involved with Sirius in the first place. For never listening to James' warnings. For falling for a guy who turned out to be the same jackass he had been two years ago. "You can stand there and tell yourself you tried staying out of it, but truth was, James, by turning your backs on us, you forced yourself to be a part of it from the very beginning. You..." she slowly trailed off, her anger seeping into disappointment. "You don't seem to understand that turning your back on the both of us _hurt_. We were supposed to be your friends and instead you cast us aside for your bloody pride."

"Pride?" he repeated with a snort, avoiding eye contact with her so as not to notice the glimmer of anguish resting in her eyes for him. "You think I was proud to blow up at you? You think I was proud that my friends were making a huge mistake? You think I was proud to know that you two were going to fail as a couple? No, I wasn't proud. I was just plain angry. Angry because you two never seemed to understand where I was coming from."

Riley frowned. "Ironic since you never once cared to find out where _we _were coming from. Hurts, doesn't it?" she spat out.

He narrowed his eyes at her, noting a flicker of vulnerable desperation hiding behind her guarded blue eyes. "Did you love him?" he asked unexpectedly.

Riley was thrown by the question, opening and closing her mouth a few times frantically at an attempt to fight back. "Th-that…that is just…just…so…so _not _the point!" she stuttered.

"Did you love him?" he repeated forcefully.

She glared at him, the vulnerability quickly being replaced with disbelief. "Why the hell would you want to know that, James? We've already gone over the fact that you have never wanted to take an interest in our relationship, so why would you even bother to ask that?" she snapped, still attempting to collect herself after the confusion question.

"I think it's an important question to ask yourself," James murmured, shrugging awkwardly.

"Or is it just a question that will leave you with important information?" she snorted, rolling her eyes. "What, if I love him it means I'm hurt more and you can be there to comfort me endlessly? And if I don't love him, it means our relationship was worthless and I got into it for nothing proving you right all along?"

"What? Don't put words in my mouth!" James defended immediately. "I was asking if you loved him because it's obvious that you have no idea how you felt about him at any point during the past three months. You never did and you never will. You know why? Because you suck at relationships! So why should I have had a reason to care about your relationship with him when _you_ had no reason to care?" Their raised voices were beginning to alert a crowd, mainly students who were leaving the Great Hall to head to class.

"You think _I _suck at relationships? At least I don't cheat on my girlfriend, then dump her for the Head Girl!" Riley snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Don't turn this around on me, Riley!" he hissed. "You're the one who's too afraid to get into a relationship!"

"And you're the one who loves picking up the pieces every time I get dumped when I do try to stick to a relationship!" she snickered. "You love doing that which is the only reason you came crawling back last night!"

"Oh yeah, I really love watching my best friend soak my sweater with her tears," he snorted sarcastically. "I was just trying to be there for you, Riley, and I'm a little offended that you don't seem to get that."

She clenched her fists in pure rage. "Why should I _possibly _get that, James!? You have proven time and time again over these past few months that you couldn't be there for me and my relationship so why the hell should last night be any different? " she repeated angrily, glaring at him. "Truth is, James, you love knowing that I fucked up! You told me numerous times that you refused to pick up the pieces when this relationship failed, and yet that's exactly what you're doing right now. How hypocritical is that? You love knowing that I screwed up yet again. That I chose the wrong guy _yet again_! That I come to you when I needed a crying shoulder yet again! You _love _it when I fail because than you get to build me back up. You love being able to come to my rescue. You love being the guy who gets to swoop in and save the day. And honestly? I'm no longer interested!" It felt weirdly good to get this all off her chest. She had been mad at James for so long but didn't bother to acknowledge it. But now that she was angry at everyone else, it seemed like the right time to finally tell James exactly how she felt.

"How _dare _you accuse me of wanting you to fail," James growled, his eyes blaring with extreme hurt. "I have never wanted you to fail a day in your life. I have always tried to be there for you whenever I could. Not because I enjoy building you back up and picking up the pieces. But because you and I have been through everything together since the day I was born. _Everything. _I have watched you grow up into the person that you are today. I have been by your side during all of the good times and the bad times. I'm sorry if you felt like I turned my back on you, Riles, but I couldn't watch you get hurt again! I just wanted you so badly to understand the huge mistake that you were making. And considering what happened, I think you can understand that all I ever tried to do was protect you. Did I go about doing it the right way? Perhaps not. But can you blame me? I knew that it could never work out. Did I want it to? Yeah, maybe a little. Because-"

"That's _bullshit!"_ Riley screeched, angrier now than ever. She ignored all the penetrating stares she was getting, her eyes focusing on James the entire time. "You never wanted it to work out and you said that from day one!" The tears were prickling her eyes, but the particular reason this time was unknown to her. "Damnit, you're so narrow-minded and selfish sometimes, Potter!"

The use of his last name stung. "I never said that I didn't want it to work out. I only ever said that it _wouldn't _work out. And look where we are now. I always knew it would end. I knew it would come down to this. I was being selfish because I didn't want you to get _hurt_!" James snapped, his attempt at being calm slowly disappearing. "Well pardon me for _caring_."

"Bloody hell, how many times do I have to remind you that you've never cared a single bit about me and him!" Riley retorted. "So don't you dare stand there and pretend you have!"

"You're right. I've never cared about you and him. But I have cared about you," James shot back, glancing at her expressively. "And I think it's rather insulting for you to tell me over and over again that I don't care. I've cared for eighteen years, Riley! All I've ever done is care!"

"Then you should have supported me and my decision to date who _I _want! I can make choices without you standing over my shoulder protecting me every single damn day!" Riley barked, noticing out of the corner of her eye Lily, Remus, Kay, and Peter forcing their way to the front of the crowd. The looks on their faces showed their shock that James and Riley were having a full-blown fight in the middle of the foyer. Riley sighed. She'd have to explain later to them exactly what they were talking about. She better start thinking of excuses. She just prayed that they were naïve enough not to realize what was going on.

"Obviously you can't make your own choices considering you guys broke up," James snorted. "Maybe I do have to stand over your shoulder protecting you!"

"You are not my brother, James," Riley warned through gritted teeth, her fists growing white as they clenched tightly. "You may think you can tell Dezzy who she can date, but you canno_t _tell me." Her eyes were exploding with fiery hatred for her supposed best friend.

"I'm not trying to tell you who you can date!" James cried out, throwing his hands in the air, incensed by the accusations Riley was calling out. "I'm trying to tell you who you can't date!"

Riley let out an irritated grunt, noticing how big a crowd was forming around them. "This is such crap. I don't want to discuss this."

James gazed up at her, still hurt and confused. "Riley, think what you want, but when you're ready to talk to someone, I will be here for you. You have to understand that, don't you?"

"No, James, I don't understand that," she said in a small voice, shaking her head. She felt the tears prickle her eyes once again and she hastily blinked them away. "I have done nothing but support your ridiculous relationship choices over the years and yet you couldn't seem to do the same for me? I'm not going to stand here and listen to you attempt to give me advice when, let's face it, you know nothing about relationships."

"Stop turning this around on me!" he snapped.

"Sucks to be thrown under the bus by your own bloody friends, doesn't it?" Riley hissed. "But don't sit there and pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. First, you claimed you were dating Kristina when we all knew that she was just a fuck buddy. You told the damn girl that you loved her only minutes before making out with another girl. You were nothing but a player for six years, claiming you were in love with Lily and yet you were sleeping around with everyone else in this school besides Lily! It took you six years to finally date the damn girl! Why she agreed to date you is beyond me. You didn't even bother supporting my relationship, so why the hell would I want to take any sort of advice from you about this!?" she snorted. "I think the only advice I'm going to listen to right now is that of people who willingly supportme!"

James glared at her, fire blazing from his eyes. She dare bring up his own relationship history as a way to deflect off herself? "Seriously? You're going to throw my past exploits in my face as an attempt to make yourself feel better about your measly farce of a relationship?"

Riley saw Lily whispering with Remus, Peter, and Kay in the corner and knew the cat was out of the bag that Riley Gilmore had been in a relationship. This wasn't looking good for her. "You're such a jackass, James. You're certainly no friend of mine," she spat out in hurt whisper. "You want to call it a farce, you go right ahead. But it wasn't a farce. It was real. It meant something-"

"_Real_?" he snapped, an angry smirk apeparing on his face. "You've got to be joking me! How could it possibly have been real when only two other people in this damn school know that you've been dating _Sirius Black _for three months and keeping it a bloody secret!?"

Riley's whole body froze, her irritation disappearing and quickly being replaced with astonishment. She didn't hear the loud gasp the entire crowd emitted. She didn't hear the whispers of shock following, mutters of disapproval on everyone's lips. She didn't see the speechless, shocked looks on her own friends' faces. She didn't hear the whispers die down, waiting to see what was going to happen next. No, she only saw James standing inches away from her, no look of remorse on his face. Only an unidentified rage. As she slowly met his gaze, she felt her whole body grow numb.

She didn't realize she was holding her breath until she let out a trembling gasp, her breathing turning heavy as she attempted to catch her breath. Her heart was beating unhealthily fast, which began to make her entire body quiver.

Neither one spoke, both staring at each other as if the other might have all the answers. Slowly, James' angry expression softened into an apologetic one. "Riley," he whispered hoarsely, not sure what to even say.

She cut him off. "I-I can't believe you just did that." The look of suffering and the feeling of betrayal was very apparent on her face as she whispered her disappointment, barely audible. So inaudible, a few people in the crowd had to ask what she had just said.

James had nothing to say to her, mostly because he knew he couldn't justify what he just did. His eyes grew weary with remorse.

"We've been best friends for eighteen years," she continued in a soft, trembling voice as she stared in disbelief up at him. "And I-I've kept every single one of your secrets. No matter how angry I was with you." She shook her head in disbelief, her eyes showing her helplessness. "And in a split second, you've changed everything between us."

James tried to form words of apology, but he knew he just messed up big-time and he had no clue what to say or do to rectify it.

"Why now, James?" she murmured, swallowing hard. "Why now would you tell everyone about...that relationship? You've had three months to do so and you've chosen now? Only hours after we broke up? If you're trying to embarrass me, well then, congratulations. If you're trying to make me feel worse about myself than I already feel, well then, congratulations. If you're trying to make this the worst week of my life, well then, congratulations. It totally worked."

A sense of pleading formed in James' eyes as he stared into her helpless, hurt eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but Riley cut him off.

"You...you really _don't _know how to be a friend, do you?" she spat out in a hurt, hoarse whisper, referring to their prior argument.

James directed his eyes towards the ground, knowing he made one of the biggest mistakes he ever could. Riley believed loyalty was the biggest quality within a friend and betraying her trust was one of the worst things he could ever do.

"You can go to hell for all I care," she whispered angrily, as tears formed pools on the bottom of her eyelids.

She turned around and gestured for the crowd to part, which they did almost immediately.

James took a step forward, finally finding the courage to speak out. "Riley-"

"No," she whispered, anticipating he might finally have something to say. She half-turned to look at him. "_No_. You don't get to speak. You don't get to talk to me ever again."

And with that, she walked around the corner of the hallway and out of sight.

The chatter started up almost immediately as the crowd dispersed except for four people who stood watching the dejected look on their best friend's face as he continued watching the spot where Riley walked away, hoping she might come back.

It never happened.

* * *

Riley walked around the corner, still feeling a sense of numbness throughout her body. The dejected feeling in her heart showed visibly on her face, her eyes still stationary with shock. She was about to open the doors to the grounds and walk out when she heard familiar voices turn the corner.

Riley froze at the door, making no movement, her eyes widening in fear as Sirius and Rachael got closer. She wanted to quickly run away, but Sirius already caught her gaze.

"Oh. Hey," Sirius said briefly.

Riley simply nodded.

"Hey Riley," Rachael said haughtily, a smirk on her face.

Riley nodded again, this time a sick feeling welling up inside her stomach.

Sirius looked at her curiously. "Are you okay?"

She nodded again.

"We heard a lot of yelling," Rachael chimed in. "So we decided to check it out. Though, it seems quiet now. The fight must be over."

"Were you there to witness the fight?" Sirius questioned, narrowing his eyes curiously at her ashen face.

This time she shook her head. "No," she whispered. Later that night when she looked back on the events of the day, she couldn't remember speaking at all. She just remembered seeing Sirius and Rachael and feeling a huge hole in her heart. "I was the fight."

"What?" both Rachael and Sirius said in unison.

"_You_?" Sirius continued with a nervous laugh. "I thought you only got into fighting matches with me."

Riley just shrugged.

"Who were you fighting with?" Rachael asked.

"James," she muttered, the hurt clearly visible in her tone.

Rachael frowned. "I thought you guys were best friends," Rachael said, confused.

Riley didn't respond immediately, her heart aching with excrutiating pain. And then she spoke words that sent a chill down Sirius' spine. Her voice was cold and emotionless, every word drawn out and carefully chosen.

"James is no friend of mine."

Sirius blinked, his instinct being to reach out and embrace her. She looked so lost and tortured, he wanted to be able to be the one to put her back together again. Except he knew that that he was partly to blame for the pain evident in her face. He wanted to ask her what was wrong but he was too afraid to. He didn't want her to suffer anymore.

Luckily, Riley continued on. She met Sirius' anguished eyes and whispered, "They know." She sighed. "Everybody knows."

His heart froze in shock. Sirius didn't even have to ask what she meant. He knew exactly what she was referring to.

"What does everyone know?" Rachael asked cluelessly.

Riley and Sirius exchanged looks.

"_What _does everyone know?"

"Us. They know about us," Riley muttered quickly, wincing as she gestured between herself and her ex-boyfriend.

Rachael suppressed the urge to burst into amused laughter. "Wow, so the school finds out about you two the day after you break up. Funny how these things work out sometime," she mused, a smug smirk on her face.

"Believe me, the irony isn't lost on me," Riley replied dryly.

Sirius let out an exasperated sigh. "Why the hell were you guys discussing our personal matters in the middle of the foyer?" he muttered, slightly irritated that he now had to deal with this aftermath.

"_I _didn't do anything," Riley snapped. "It was James. James told everyone."

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "You're joking."

"No. No, I'm not."

Sirius frowned, anger and frustration clearly evident on his face. "I can't believe he would do that."

"Well he did," Riley whispered, shutting her eyes and wishing away the betrayed, despairing feeling in her heart.

Sirius saw how torn up Riley was over this and wished he could fix it like he used to, scooping her up in his arms, kissing her all over, whispering romantic things in her ear, holding her tight to her body. But he didn't do any of that. "So…what now?" Sirius asked instead, the question sounding hollow.

Riley shook her head, having no answer to that question. She just wanted to be alone. She glanced towards the door and glanced back towards Sirius. "It doesn't matter anymore," she muttered. "It's…it's irrelevant."

Sirius knew she was referring to the fact that they were broken up and he could feel his heart sinking into his stomach at the reminder. "Yeah," he said softly. "I guess it is."

"I wouldn't head that way," Riley murmured.

Sirius nodded. "Okay."

There was nothing more to say to each other so after a few lingering seconds, Sirius grabbed Rachael's hand, a gesture that Riley was fully aware of, and without even saying a goodbye, he turned back around and headed off down the corridor.

Riley felt the tears prickling in her eyes, and she hastily hurried out the door. She felt the blast of cold air wash over her body and she was oddly grateful for it. She was already emotionally numb. Might as well make it a two-fold. She knew class was not an option for her now. There was no way she was going to go into class, pretending like everything was fine, when it was exactly the opposite. She didn't want to have to endure the gossip about her and Sirius and her and James. She just wanted to be by herself.

As she perched against the willow tree, hugging her knees close to her body, she wondered how it was possible that just 24 hours earlier, everything seemed fine. She had still been in a relationship. She still had James. She was happy. And now? Everything had fallen apart. And while she could sit there and blame Sirius or Rachael or James, a large part of her felt that that was the easy way out. Because in that moment, it was herself she truly hated. For so much. For getting involved with Sirius. For trusting him. For not telling him about her run-in with Rachael. For not hexing Rachael into a million pieces. For not listening to James. For sneering at James that morning because it was easier calling him names and insulting him than admitting that the slightest look in Sirius' direction made her heart feel like it was breaking into a million pieces. For feeling that way towards Sirius.

But just because she had sneered at James didn't give him the right to blurt out her secret to the entire school. How could he do this to her? She trusted him completely. She had never not trusted him. He was her best friend for eighteen years and she never would have imagined he would betray her like this. He had known what he was doing and he did it anyway. And now… She lt out a deep sigh, a rush of tears burying in her eyes. She blinked them away.

Now, nothing was ever going to be the same between them again.

It didn't help that she didn't have Sirius to lean on either. Three months worth of a relationship and both the people who knew the most about it, she couldn't talk to. She never felt so alone than she did right then.

* * *

Lily finally stepped towards her boyfriend. "James, I-"

"I don't want to talk right now," he interrupted hastily, not daring to look into the eyes' of his friends. He didn't know what they would think of not only the Sirius/Riley relationship but of his betrayal and he wasn't in the mood to find out. He waved them away dismissively and stalked off in the other direction.

"Okay, so can someone explain to me what just happened here…" Lily murmured numbly as she watched her boyfriend walk away.

"This…this is just…just…unbelievable!" Remus admitted, the words coming out in chokes of whispers.

The four friends stood there in overwhelming astonishment, still not able to piece together what had just happened before them. None of them spoke even as the rest of the crowd disappeared and left only them on their own. None of them were even sure what to even think let alone say. Their minds were working in overtime, not sure what to focus on first. Riley and Sirius together? James outing them? James and Riley's friendship betrayed?

"Well," Remus spoke to alleviate the shocked silence. "This would certainly explain the whole why-did-Sirius-and-Riley-start-getting-along question we've been so keen on finding an answer for."

His friends all glanced up at him, not sure whether to be amused or still in shock. "I can't believe we didn't figure it out before," Lily murmured slowly, narrowing her eyes pensively. "I mean, it was so obvious looking back."

"No, it wasn't obvious," Peter argued, shaking his head hesitantly. "Because it was Sirius and Riley. I-I mean..._Sirius and Riley._ There is no way we could have figured that out."

"I did," Kay murmured.

Three sets of eyes turned to her. "You did what?" Lily asked.

"I figured it out," she sighed. "I-I knew they were together."

Three jaws dropped open.

"_You _figured it out?" Lily whined, making a face. "How did you figure it out but I didn't? You're not the smart one. I am!"

Kay scoffed. "Hey!"

"Yeah, hey!" Remus repeated.

"Thank you, Remus," Kay said with a pout.

"No, what I meant was that _I'm _the smart one," Remus quickly followed.

"I take back my thank you," Kay murmured.

"Oh, really, Remus? You're the smart one?" Lily snorted, ignoring Kay. "Are you one of the Heads of this school?"

Remus gasped, following it up with a scowl. "You play dirty."

"Can we put this who's smarter than who debate on the backburner as we discuss more important issues at hand?" Peter pointed out.

"Whom," Lily corrected.

Peter glared at her.

"Er...never mind," she muttered sheepishly.

"So," Remus said, chewing on the inside of his lip curiously. "Why exactly is Sirius with Rachael now?"

Silence fell over the group once again.

"I'm not so sure I even want to know," Lily muttered. "I was better off totally clueless."

"I…I feel like I don't know my friends at all," Remus said sadly.

They all nodded in agreement, a feeling of uneasiness washing over all of them.

Lily glanced over at Kay. "So Riley and Sirius were...dating? Like...like..._dating_?"

"Yeah," Kay said. "And I have no idea how or when or why it started happening so don't bother asking me."

"That's just so…and why did they…and what happened to…I can't even finish a damn sentence I'm so bloody shocked!" Lily cried out, throwing her hands in the air irritably.

Remus nodded in agreement. "So this is what they wanted to keep hidden from us? But...but why? What's the big deal?"

"Oh please. Do you really think they wanted us all judging them?" Kay pointed out.

"What? We wouldn't have judged!" Peter argued.

The rest of his friends all snorted.

He shrugged. "Yeah, okay, we would have."

"Anybody would have," Lily muttered. "Because it's Riley and Sirius!"

"Yeah, I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one," Remus murmured.

Once again, silence filled the hallway. Remus felt slighted that Sirius didn't trust them with this huge news and wondered what was in store for both Sirius and Riley and inevitably James as well. Lily was hurt that they had been so determined to keep this from them and she couldn't help but realize how horrible both Riley and James must feel after their blowup. Peter was confused that he had never even considered the possibility of Sirius and Riley together and wondered what was going to happen to Riley and James. And Kay just felt guilty that she had kept the secret from her friends for so long.

"Well, we can't stand here all day," Lily murmured, shaking her thoughts from her head. "We have to go to class."

Peter frowned. "Shouldn't we go find James? Or Riley? Or Sirius?" Peter questioned.

"I highly doubt any of them are keen on the idea of seeing us right now," Remus muttered.

"And do you really think they'd tell us what was happening even if we did find them?" Lily spoke.

"Good point," Peter muttered. "Class it is, I guess." He slowly led the way to Transfiguration.

"What do you think's going to happen to James and Riley?" Lily dared to ask.

They all went silent, wishing there was some sort of answer.

"They've been best friends since the day James was born. I knew they stopped talking to each other for about a month, but for Riley to say they're through?" Lily finally spoke up. "It's just...and how the hell...and what is going...God, this is all bloody overwhelming! They did not give us enough time to process one piece of information before they sent us another bombshell!"

"Seriously," Remus murmured in assent. "It's interesting. We've been wanting to know about the whole Sirius-Riley-James triangle for quite some time now, and once we get the entire story, I'm suddenly wishing we were still in the dark."

They all nodded in agreement.

"James knew," Remus muttered. "He knew about Sirius and Riley for quite some time. That's why he was mad at them. That's why he wasn't speaking to them."

"Why was he so mad about that?" Peter wondered. "I mean, sure it's a huge shocker, but it's nothing I would get mad at them for. Just something to get used to, that's all."

"Because Sirius and Riley were his two best friends," Lily muttered. "And they were together. If they're together, that means he could lose out on his own friendships with them."

"You really think so?" Peter asked.

Lily nodded, shrugging casually. "I don't know," she admitted with a sigh. "But I wouldn't be surprised. It's why he went crawling back to them, don't you think? Because he was too afraid of losing them in the end?"

"Clearly he doesn't care much anymore about losing them," Remus snorted. "Considering he just blurted out the biggest piece of gossip this school has seen since...well, since you and James got together. They're not going to be able to forgive him so easily this time."

"I don't think they ever truly forgave him to begin with," Kay chimed in with a shrug.

Steadily, voices in the hallways began to carry as they merged with other students. It didn't come as a surprise to any of them that the words 'Sirius,' 'Riley,' and 'James,' were most often picked up by them.

"So many questions," Remus muttered.

"And no answers," Peter sighed.

"Do you think we'll ever get answers?" Lily contemplated.

"No" was the immediate response from her three friends.

They found themselves outside the Transfiguration classroom, but none of them bothered walking in. One peek inside told them that the gossip mill was running full speed and they weren't exactly thrilled at the prospect of throwing themselves into it. "Riley was dating Sirius," Lily found herself murmuring, the first to say that aloud. "You know, as strange as it may sound, that may have been a good thing for them."

"Obviously not considering they broke up," Peter murmured.

"We don't know why they broke up," Remus pointed out.

"He was so happy with her," Peter continued. "Remember? All those jokes about his latest victim when in the end, we chose not to pry because he was happy. And _we _were happy that he was happy."

"You know what's weird?" Lily mused. "That we only ever seemed to harp Sirius on his secret relationship. How did we never really notice that Riley, too, disappeared every night?"

"Uh, because Sirius was almost always attached to the hips of the Marauders if not sucking face with some girl?" Kay snorted with a teasing smile. "Riley, on the other hand, has always been good at going off on her own."

"Yeah, usually to suck face with some guy!" Remus pointed out.

"Okay, can we stop using the term 'suck face?'" Lily muttered, making a face.

"Clearly we pay attention more to our friends' habits than you two do to yours," Remus teased, smiling at Lily and Kay.

"Clearly _you_ wanted to be slapped by a girl today," Kay retaliated.

"Eh, not today. Maybe tomorrow?"

"I'll add it to my calendar," she said with a grin. "And hey, don't you guys have a Map that tells you where everyone is at all times?"

"Yeah, but before you go on insulting us for not thinking about following Sirius on it, he's pretty much taken hostage of that thing over the past few months."

"Damn, when did that kid get so smart?"

Remus shrugged. He glanced back into the room, the chatter overwhelming. "Think we could skip?"

Lily glared at him. "C'mon. Let's just get this over with," she muttered, grabbing ahold of Remus' tie and wandering into the classroom.

As the four friends walked in, the room turned bone-chillingly silent.

The four of them took seats towards the front, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling creeping up on their necks as everyone watched their every move.

Lily let out a frustrated sigh and turned around to face the other students. "Oh, keep on gossiping. We knew nothing about it."

As Remus, Peter, and Kay burst into laughter, the other students complied.

* * *

"Hey."

Riley didn't have to turn around. She recognized the voice and nodded. "Hi," she murmured.

"I thought you might be out here," Rhett said in a soft voice.

Riley simply nodded again. She was getting good at responding with just a nod.

"Funny how we're always running into each other out here," Rhett tried to ease the tension.

"It's not funny. It sucks," Riley whispered, hugging her knees close to her body.

"I'm sorry." Riley knew Rhett was sincere with his sympathy and she gestured for him to fill the spot next to her, surprisingly in desire of his company.

"The whole school is talking about me right now, aren't they," Riley murmured, staring down at the ground.

Rhett knew better than to lie to Riley. "No, not the whole school."

She shot him a look.

"Mostly because the whole school doesn't know. Give it a few hours _then _the whole school will be talking about it."

Riley was shocked to find herself cracking a smile. "Gee, you always make me feel so much better," she drawled sarcastically, staring out over the lake as the sun reflected off of it. She wished it was raining. At least then it would match her mood.

"Did you mean it?"

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes. "Did I mean what?"

"That you never wanted to talk to James again?"

Riley's heart constricted at the reminder, a frown framing her face. "At the time, yeah," she defended. "He's not the guy I thought he was. The guy I used to know would have supported my relationship with Sirius. The guy I used to know would not have been so selfish about wanting to know about our break up. The guy I used to know never would have blurted out my secrets. The guy I used to know was sweet, funny, and I loved to be around. The guy in there? Well, that was not the James Potter I know. And…and I don't know if I can be friends with thisJames."

Rhett wish he could comfort her with words of encouragement, but his mind was blank. How was he supposed to tell her it was going to be okay when he knew perfectly well that it might not be?

"I just can't believe he'd do that," Riley whispered into the dead air. "Of all the people to completely betray me, I never imagined it would have been him."

"I know," Rhett agreed. "It was wrong of him."

"And now, God damnit, now everyone's talking about how fucked up it was of me to first date Sirius Black for three months—a wasted three months and now, have a screaming debate with who was previously known as my best friend," Riley groaned. "Everywhere I go, I'm going to see people pointing and whispering at me, talking about how stupid I was to date the Hogwarts Casanova and how stupid I was to trust James with my secret."

"Ignore them," Rhett sympathized, running his hand over her back comfortingly. "They don't know what went on in your relationship."

"No, but they think they know. And that's even worse," Riley mumbled. "Because it wasn't all about sex. It…it was never about that," she choked it out, feeling the tears slip silently down her cheek and the sobs well up from deep within her throat.

Rhett embraced her tightly and stroked her hair as she sobbed into his shoulder. "I-I don't even know what I'm crying for anymore," she whimpered. "Is it for Sirius? For James?" She sighed. "For me?"

"Hey, everything will work out, Riley," he reassured.

"How?" she wondered. "I just lost two of my best friends within the span of twelve hours. So tell me, how will everything work out? How?"

To that, Rhett had no answer. He only hugged her tighter.

* * *

"Where are all my students?" McGonagall dared to ask when she arrived in class and saw it virtually empty. "Where's Mr. Potter and Mr. Black? Out planning a prank, I presume. And where is Miss Gilmore? And Mr. Davies?"

The entire room went silent, having only discussed the James-Riley-Sirius matter seconds before.

"Mr. Lupin?" McGonagall continued. "You're their friends. I would hope you would know where they are."

"Not really," he muttered.

She stared him down. "Do you mean to tell me you don't know of their whereabouts?"

He nodded.

Kay chimed in, in order to save him the agony of McGonagall's interrogation. "James is probably hiding somewhere. Oh, and Sirius is…well, he's probably hiding, too. And Riley's definitely hiding."

"Do I dare even ask why? Or is it just some more of that teenage drama I've prided myself on not getting involved with."

"Teenage drama pretty much sums it up," Remus murmured.

"Well that's no reason to skip my class. I will be giving them all detention, that's for sure."

And that's how James, Sirius, Rhett, and Riley all received detention together for Sunday night.

* * *

"Okay, I am never skipping breakfast again," Jillian said, plopping into the bench beside her boyfriend at lunch. "What the hell happened this morning? I'd rather hear it from you guys than start listening to the exaggerations of Daniella Skeeter who, by the way, is holding some sort of gossip ring in the foyer."

"Good Godric, are you for real?" Kay muttered irritably. She had always disliked Daniella but after the rumors that had been started about her when she was first dating Lance and Riley found out, Daniella Skeeter had instantly become Number One on Kay's Shit List.

"Oh, yeah, people are gathering around to listen as she retells the details of the Potter-Gilmore March Madness Matchup."

"Okay, first of all, she's already named it?" Remus groaned. "Second of all, she wasn't even there during the fight!"

"Which was obvious the moment she said James had slapped Riley across the face for quote unquote 'letting Sirius slip her Amortentia.'"

A round of angry groans filled the Gryffindor table. "I oughta give that prig a piece of my mind," Remus snapped, throwing his fork on to the table and climbing off the bench.

Lily grabbed ahold of his shoulder and pushed him back down. "How about we not start another fight in the Great Hall foyer?"

Remus scowled but slowly sat back down."

"So please," Jillian continued with a shrug, "Do tell the actual details of what happened. Feel free to not leave anything out."

The four friends exchanged looks before Lily sighed and spoke. "It…it was unreal. Riley and James were just...just glaring at each other, screaming things that no one really understood, and before we knew it, James was blurting out that Riley and Sirius had dated for three months."

"And Riley didn't exactly appreciate that and…" Remus trailed off.

"She said she never wanted to speak to him again," Kay finished with a sigh.

"Seriously, I am never skipping breakfast again," Jillian sighed, her own mind swirling with confusion. "Just...just wow."

"Wow is right," a voice behind them agreed. Dezzy took a seat with the four of them. "I-I've never seen my brother and Riley act like that with each other in the past fifteen years that I've known them. They both just seemed so...so...well, angry for lack of better word. I was scared that one of them was going to throw a punch at the other. I-I can't imagine them not being friends."

They all nodded their agreement.

"They'll work it out," Remus murmured, though the tone of his voice was hesitant.

He wasn't the only one unconvinced. The rest of his friends exchanged skeptical glances.

"So is anyone else in desperate need of a good hiding place?" Jillian murmured, glancing towards the Ravenclaw table who were finding much interest in all of them at the moment.

"Tell me about it," Lily sighed, slumping down in her chair. "It's as if just because I date James and Riley is my best friend and I'm in the same year as Sirius, I'm supposed to know everything going in their lives. I've had to tell about a hundred people today that I didn't know anything to do with the recent discovery. Most of them didn't believe me."

"Yeah, every single one of my classes this morning was devoted to gossiping about Sirius and Riley," Jillian agreed. "Is it weird that Slughorn even chimed in?"

Lily groaned as Remus chuckled. "What did he have to say about it?"

"He thinks we're all too young to fall in love and we should find solace in the prospect of being alone as we all figure out who we are and what our futures hold for us."

That earned her a bunch of blank stares.

"I think he's spent a little too much time near the Pessimism Potion," she said with a grin.

"The sad part is he probably knows just as much as we do," Lily muttered. "Damn, I really wish we knew more."

"You'd think being their friends we'd have a better idea of their personal lives than, say, the fifth year Hufflepuffs," Kay whimpered. "But apparently cluing in your friends is an improbable activity around these hallways."

"I get no insight being the sister either," Dezzy muttered. "In fact, I haven't seen James since this morning."

"He's obviously hiding," Lily chimed in with a miserable sigh. "He doesn't want to talk to anyone. Not even us."

"He did just lose his best friend," Remus muttered. "In a very public and humiliating way."

"Yeah," Lily whispered, barely audible. Still, she wanted to be there for him but she had nowhere to begin to start looking for him. She already searched his bedroom but he chose elsewhere to keep cover. She had briefly pondered on skipping class and searching for him but she knew in the end it wouldn't do her any good anyhow. He wouldn't discuss that morning or the past couple of months were her anyway. He clearly wanted to be alone and she was going to let him have that even even for a brief amount of time.

"The Great Hall was a bad idea," Kay murmured, staring down a few Ravenclaws who didn't get the hint to turn away. "Anybody up for ditching this place?"

"Yeah," Lily muttered, and the rest of them nodded as they all stood up from the table and wandered towards the exit, trying hard to ignore the pointing they were getting.

"Wait a minute…" Lily said, halting before she walked out of the Great Hall. She quickly turned to Jillian. "_You're _Rachael's friend."

"Eh, more like roommate," Jillian clarified.

"Do you have any idea why Sirius chose Rachael over Riley?"

"Is that how it went down?" Remus interrupted. "Did he really choose one over the other?"

"I don't know," Lily admitted slowly. "But...I guess that's just how I imagined it must have gone down. I mean, you've noticed the tension between Sirius and Riley this past week or so, right about when he started hanging out with Rachael again. And Riley was so excited last night to throw a party for Sirius. And after I told her I saw Sirius and Rachael kiss in the library, she was clearly astonished and very upset. And then two hours later, he stalks in and snogs Rachael in front of everyone? I-I don't get any of it really but something went down and that something includes Rachael LeBlanc."

"Rachael has been disappearing a lot lately," Jillian muttered. "I didn't even realize she was hanging out with Sirius so much. I mean, I knew they were hanging out but I thought Sirius pretty much found her annoying so it was rather odd."

"Why did Sirius start hanging out with her again?" Kay questioned. She hit Lily playfully on the shoulder. "God damnit, woman, next time get more out of your boyfriend before he splits!"

Lily made a face and exited the Great Hall. A scowl appeared on her face when she noticed Daniella a few feet away with a crowd of people surrounding her, her voice carrying throughout the hallway as she spoke of James. "Oy, Skeeter!" Lily cried out.

"Lily, what are you doing?" Kay hissed.

She ignored Kay, storming off towards Daniella with a glare on her face. The crowd parted to let Lily in. Daniella looked like a cross between petrified and amused. "Why, Miss Evans. We were just discussing your boyfriend's frequent tendencies towards screaming. Care to comment?"

"Care to stop being a gossipping _prat_?" Lily snapped.

Daniella's eyebrows shot up. "As Head Girl, is it really appropriate to be calling-"

"Don't you dare tell me what's appropriate or not, Skeeter," she snapped. "Quit spreading vicious lies about my boyfriend and friends. You don't know a thing about it so just keep your mouth shut, y'got that?"

"They wouldn't have to be lies if you gave us the honest scoop," she pointed out, whipping out her very own Quick-Quotes Quill from her bag.

"Good Godric, why am I not surprised that you own a Quick-Quotes Quill?" Lily groaned.

"My older sister gave it to me over the summer," she said proudly.

"Your older sister is a hag," Lily snapped.

Daniella glared at her. "Y'know, if you actually wanted me to listen to your request to stop talking about your friends, you might want to consider being more polite."

Lily was quick to glare back. "Do you really expect me to believe you would let up on the gossip surrounding my friends if I were polite?" she shot back with a scoff. "Keep out of our business, Skeeter. Go gossip about someone else."

"And why would I do that when people just love to hear the dish on the infamous Marauders and their long-time frenemy, Miss Riley Gilmore?"

"Skeeter, I'm-"

"Even you, am I right?" she cut her off with a smirk. "Since word around the school is you have no idea what the hell has been going on with people who are supposedly your friends and your bofriend? Turns out, you don't know them as well as you think. You suddenly wondering if jumping into a relationship with James Potter was a bad idea? I mean, what kind of boyfriend keeps secrets from his girlfriend? Oh, that's right, the kind who wouldn't know a real relationship if it smacked him on the arse."

Rage filled Lily's eyes and it was apparent to everyone surrounding the two of them. "Wow, jealousy doesn't become you, Skeeter," Lily smirked, attempting to keep her cool. "Can't quite believe that James Potter would choose to be with someone like me over you, am I right?"

"Trust me, no one can believe that," she spoke dryly. "There's a bet going around school on how long the two of you will last. Shame you two lasted longer than two weeks. That was my guess."

"You can speculate and talk about people behind their backs and be nasty all you want, Skeeter. But you're never going to be able to tear us down. We would never stoop that low to believe anything someone as insecure and malicious as you has to say."

Lily whirled around, gesturing for the group of students to let her pass as Daniella cried out after her. "_Insecure_? You think _I'm _insecure?" she shrieked. "Look in the mirror, honey! You're the one whose boyfriend is keeping things from you and it clearly bothers you!"

Lily turned around on her heel, a smug smile on her face. "No, actually, it bothers _you_. I'm not the one who needs to know the intimate details of everyone's personal lives. Maybe you should start living your _own _life than bother trying to live through everyone' else's."

Daniella stood there dumbdfounded, repeatedly opening her mouth to come up with some sort of defense with no luck. Lily flashed her a smile and stormed off. "C'mon," she greeted her friends, gesturing for them to head down the hallway towards the Gryffindor tower.

"Well, that was...interesting," Kay said with an amused smile as she followed Lily.

Lily rolled her eyes. "No it wasn't," she muttered with a sigh. "I shouldn't have said anything to her. I should have just let it go. It's not her I'm frustrated with."

Her friends all exchanged looks, sensing serious anguish in her voice.

"James _will _talk to you, Lily," Remus assured her. "He's just...right now, he's just processing."

"yeah, I know," Lily spoke quickly, shrugging.

It was clear she was just saying that to shut the conversation down so no one interrogated her further.

"Life was so much easier when we were eleven," Peter muttered.

"Amen to that," Dezzy agreed.

"We're just going to have to wait until James, Riley, and Sirius show their faces and are willing to discuss it," Remus spoke carefully.

"Or Rachael," Jillian interjected. "She was in class this morning so she's definitely around. I'll try to get some information out of her, though I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't tell me. She's been a complete mystery the past week."

Remus muttered the password to the Fat Lady and when he walked in first, he was greeted by another round of students staring over at him with inquisitive looks, whispers furiously scattering throughout the common room. He sighed. "I'm escaping to my bedroom."

"We'll follow," Lily muttered.

* * *

After Riley's and Rhett's extremities turned blue from the cold, they wandered back inside and around the halls for a good amount of time, mainly in silence as Riley continued to contemplate the past 12 hours of her life. Rhett merely walked with her for moral support until his later afternoon class of Arithmancy seeing as he unfortunately had an exam he needed to take. Riley was oddly sad to see him go as she slowly made her way down numerous stairwells until she was perched outside the infamous dungeon she and Sirius had shared together. She glanced in, noticing the complete disarray the room was still in from her rampage the night before. Trying to keep her mind off of Sirius, she pulled out her wand and began organizing the room back to the way it used to be. It wasn't until the last cracked frame was on the wall that she realized tears were streaming down her face.

She fell against the blanket that still lay there with a strangled groan, trying to tell herself that Sirius Black wasn't worth her tears. He had humiliated her. He had made her feel worthless. He had made her feel like she didn't matter. He had hurt her. He had broken her heart.

_Again_.

And that's the part that was truly behind the painful ache in her heart. She had given him a chance to prove himself and for a while, she thought she had. And then Rachael entered the picture and Riley finally realized it must have been all a ruse. It must have been. And she fell for it.

_Again_.

She knew that the whole school must have been gossipping about her. She didn't really wnat to hear what they had to say because she knew that they would all be right. And that killed her. How could she have been so blind to fall for Sirius Black's charming ways? How could she have convinced herself that his relationship with her was different than all the others? How could she have been so stupid to think he wouldn't break her heart? The whole school was probably laughing at her and hell, she didn't blame them.

And then there was James. Riley didn't even know what to think about him. Maybe she had provoked him and maybe her anger had gotten the best of her. Maybe she shouldn't have yelled at him the way she did and maybe she shouldn't have had a screaming match with him in the middle of the foyer. But there was no maybe about what he had done. He never should have outed her. It didn't matter that he had felt slighted by her. It didn't matter that he felt he was letting the friendship slip away and it was easier being able to blame it on one hearbtreaking thing he had said than a slew of things that had occurred over a few months. It didn't matter. What mattered was that he betrayed their friendship and her trust.

Just like Sirius had betrayed their relationship and her trust.

She felt another onset of tears rush to her eyes and she didn't bother wiping them away. "Why? Why did he choose Rachael?" she muttered, hugging her knees close to her body.

She couldn't be sure how long she had stayed there but at one point, she looked out the window and was shocked to see stars shining brightly in the night sky. Slowly, she climbed off the floor and headed out without looking back.

She hurried off to the Gryffindor common room and considering the hallways were vacant, she had a good feeling it was after curfew. She was oddly grateful for that or she may have run into students who would have wanted to question her about Sirius and James.

She muttered the password to an irritated Fat Lady and entered the common room. A quick survey of the room told her it was empty. She breathed a sigh of relief and made her way to the stairwell. She quickly realized that her original assumption of a vacant common room was wrong however.

"Riley."

She let out a startled cry and whirled around, searching for the cause of the voice. She squinted in the dark and saw a group of people sitting on the couch in the corner, clearly waiting someone's arrival. She had a feeling they had been waiting for her and/or Sirius. As she drew herself closer to them, she quickly noticed that Remus looked hesitant, Peter looked curious, Lily looked hurt, Kay looked guilty, and Jillian looked thoughtful. A combination of expressions she wasn't totally thrilled about being on the receiving end of.

She sighed. "Hi."

"Way to completely fall off the face of the earth today," Kay greeted with an arched eyebrow.

Riley didn't respond.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Lily asked, shaking her head in bewilderment.

There were many things Riley wanted to explain to them, but she was too exhausted to even think about what had transpired in the past twenty-four hours to relay it to them. "Can...can we not talk about this now?" she murmured. "I'm really not in the mood."

"I guess you haven't been in the mood for three months," she pointed out.

Riley frowned. "We just...we didn't want to make a big deal out of it. We knew you guys wouldn't really have understood so we thought it was best to just explain it at the time."

"And yet, you were willing to explain it to James," Remus spoke dryly.

"No," she argued immediately. "He walked in on us. We tried to explain it and, low and behold, he didn't understand."

"And Kay?" Lily added.

"She happened to figure it out and I just didn't deny it," Riley snapped, irritation flickering from within. She really didn't need to deal with the third degree from her friends. Not now.

"Well, explain to us now," Peter suggested.

"Explain what?" she murmured. "We were dating. Now we're not. End of story."

"Oh, please," Remus sighed, shaking his head. "I think we all know there's more to that story. How did you start dating? _Why_? When? Have I mentioned _how _yet?"

"Please, Remus, I-I really don't want to discuss it right now," she whispered, her voice on the verge of desperate.

"When will you want to discuss it?"

Riley let out a deep sigh, blinking away the tears that were beginning to form. "It's been a rough 24 hours. The worst actually. So I'm sorry if I'm not exactly being forthcoming right now but all I want to do is crawl into bed and pretend that these past two days never happened. And I'll probably feel the same tomorrow. And the day after that. So not only do I have no desire to talk about it right now but I doubt I will _ever _want to discuss it. _Please_ just...just let it go."

Her friends all slowly frowned, recognizing a brokenhearted girl in front of them. "Riley," Lily spoke softly. "We...we pretty much have no idea what you're going through. Nor do we have a clue as to what you've been going through over the past few months. But please know that we don't care that you were in a relationship with Sirius. Not like James cared at least. I'm...I'm really sorry that you guys broke up and he's with Rachael or whatever, but know that we're here for you. We're your friends and-"

"You're my _friend_?" Riley retorted, slowly shakign her head incredulously. "Where was this friend when I needed you all to trust me? Where was this friend when I asked you all as nicely as I could to stop pestering me about my newfound friendship with Sirius? Where was this friend when all you guys could ever ask me about was him? Where was this friend when I just needed you guys to realize that I wasn't trying to hurt you? Where was this friend when I just needed you guys to _be _there without all the questions and interrogations?"

Her friends went silent, recognizing that her frustration was not with them but with James and Sirius.

"Well, we're here now," Remus pointed out. "Without questions or interrogations."

She rolled her eyes. "Right. Like you expect me to believe that you don't have questions? That you don't want to interrogate me?"

Remus exchanged looks with the others, pursing his lips curiously. "Of course we do, but it's clear that you don't want to share, so..."

"So apparently we're letting it go," Lily muttered, slightly bitter.

"Like you let it go before?" Riley snorted, a slight glare framing her expression. "What the hell do you guys want from me? Do you want me to tell you that Sirius and I dated for almost three months and they were three of the happiest months of my life? Do you want me to tell you that we truly cared about each other more than we ever thought we could? Do you want me to tell you that I was falling for him and falling for him hard? Do you want me to tell you that we broke up because of Rachael and no, I really don't feel like going into detail about it! Do you want me to tell you that we started hating each other two years ago because we slept together one night and then he ran off to sleep with someone else over Christmas Break!? Do you want-"

"_What_!?" Even Kay was shocked to hear that one.

Riley's bottom lip trembled at all of the reminders of Sirius. A chill ran down her spine, her lower lip beginning to tremble with desperation. "What? Am I telling you too much? Am I going into too much detail? What the hell do you want from me?"

"Riley-"

Riley cut Lily off. "You guys asked for this! You guys have been bothering me nonstop about Sirius and now I'm telling you everything! This is what you wanted! Are you _happy _now!?" Her look softened as she glanced around at her friends' confused faces. "Because...because I'm not."

She attempted to glare at them but knew the pain was clearly shown in her face as she whirled around and stormed up the stairs. She threw open her door and fell on to her bed as the tears slipped down her cheeks. She still had no idea what she was crying for. She was suffering because not only did she lose her boyfriend, she lost her best friend as well, and her friends interrogating her was the last thing she needed or wanted.

"I _cannot _believe you."

Riley whirled around and groaned. "Justine, what the hell do you want?"

"I can't believe you stole Sirius away from me!"

Riley snorted and wiped her tears. "How can I steal something away from you that you never had?"

"Sirius liked me!" she shrieked. "He told me…once."

"Oh, my mistake. I shouldn't have dated a guy that said he liked you…_once_."

"Your sarcasm is not becoming," Justine replied huffily.

"Yeah, well at this point I don't really give a shit," Riley murmured, rolling her eyes.

"I can't believe you two broke up. I mean, if I had a guy like Sirius, there is no way I'd end that relationship," Justine sneered.

"Justine, I'm really not in the mood to discuss this. Especially with you. Can't you find someone else to bother?"

"And why should I do what you want?"

Riley growled. "You don't have to. But I'm turning off my lamp, closing my curtains, and heading to bed, so you'd just be talking to cloth."

Justine glared at her. "You are so obnoxious," she snapped. "Merlin knows why Sirius chose you."

"Jealous, are we?"

Justine screwed her face up in fury but had no response, so she quickly tore out of the room, running into Kay on her way out.

Riley quickly switched off her lamp and threw the curtains around her bed hastily so as to avoid speaking to Kay. Seconds later, the tears began to silently slip down her cheek into her pillow. Nothing in life was fair.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, you all finally got what you wanted. Everyone knows about Sirius and Riley. Sadly, it doesn't matter anymore. Yes, I seem to write a lot of drama into my stories. But that's what being a teenager is all about! Just let me know what you think...besides the fact that you hate Sirius and Rachael together and you hate that James and Riley are back to not speaking to each other...haha!


	24. Of Santa Clause, Butter, & Bustiers

**A/N: **I hope that this chapter will clear up some of your frustrations. I don't have much else to add so enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **If only I were J.K. Rowling. I totally need some new shoes and and I have no money.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 24: Of Santa Clause, Butter, & Bustiers

Sirius made some excuse to tear himself away from Rachael that night, even though it was Friday and she was slightly pissed at him for doing so. At eleven o'clock on the dot, he was sitting on the blanket in the dungeon. And he could smell her perfume. He knew that she was definitely there earlier that day. Hopefully she would come back.

"_Sirius, we had a fight," she responded. "But no matter how bad it is, I'm always going to come back."_

Sirius hoped she would stay true to this word.

He had to see her. He had to talk to her. He had to make sure she was okay. His heart had ached all day for her as he was retold the details of the James and Riley fight from Rachael's friend, Evelyn. It sounded intense. And who knew if that was because Evelyn was good at over-exaggerating the small details or if it truly had been as intense as she explained. But whatever it was, Sirius knew Riley must really be hurting.

He picked at the chips in the stone wall anxiously as an hour slowly passed by. He tapped his foot incessantly against the ground, the nerves washing over him. Another hour passed by. He stared out towards the dark night sky, the snowflakes falling softly against the ground. And then it was two o'clock in the morning and he knew. He knew she wasn't coming back. And he didn't blame her.

"She's not coming."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat and he glanced up, a frown creeping upon his face at his former best friend.

"How'd you know I was here?"

James held up the map in his right hand.

Sirius swore. "For three months, I've remembered to grab that thing and of course I forget today," he muttered.

"She's not coming," he repeated.

"I know."

"Then why are you still sitting here?"

Sirius didn't respond. To be honest, he had no idea why he was sitting there. Maybe he just wasn't ready to let it all go.

"You fucked up. You know that? She was the best thing that ever happened to you and you fucked it up the moment you started hanging out with Rachael. You're such a screw up, Sirius."

"Oh, blow me, James."

"Unlike every other female in this school, I'm going to say _no thanks_."

Sirius glared at him. "It's two o'clock in the morning. Don't you have better things to be doing than chase down said screw-up?" he snapped.

"You didn't see the look on her face this morning, Sirius," James snarled, his eyes blazing with hatred. "She was completely heartbroken. And _you _did that! You-"

"I'm pretty suer you had a hand in that," Sirius snorted.

James ignored him. "You let the best thing that ever happened to you slip through your fingers. And now you're sitting here as if nothing ever happened between you two! What the hell is your-"

"How _dare _you!?" Sirius interrupted, his voice filled with overwhelming anger. "How _dare_ you tell me that Riley was the best thing that happened to me and call me I'm a screw up when this whole entire time, this is what you wanted! You wanted us to break up! You wanted our relationship to end! _Not me_. I'm sitting here _mourning _for my loss, James, not acting as if I could care less about what happened!"

"I might have known this was coming, but I didn't want her to get hurt and that's exactly what-"

"I WAS HURT, TOO!" Sirius shouted, the anger and resentment that had been boiling throughout his body since the day James found out about him and Riley now seeping through every word he spoke. "Why can't anyone seem to understand that!?"

"Oh, yeah, you look terribly hurt as you prance around this school with _Rachael_."

Sirius blinked, his heart sinking into his stomach as he thought about that implication. "James," he muttered, slowly climbing off the floor so as not to be towered over by James. "Why the hell are you here?"

James glared at him. "Do you listen to anything anyone ever says to you?" he snapped. "I'm here to tell you that you screwed up. You screwed up _big time_ and you-"

"Yes, you've said that once or twice or ten times already. I get it. I'm a screw up," he snarled. "When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you can't protect Riley all the damned time? You can't make her decisions for her. You can't come to her rescue when she doesn't ask you to. So stop trying to!"

"Oh, I am _not _trying to protect her. I'm just-"

"Bullshit," Sirius interrupted. "Even after she broke off your friendship—and by the way, thanks for outing us. Truly appreciative of that, mate," he sidetracked sarcastically before continuing on, "Even after your fight this morning, you're still here trying to protect her. Don't you get it? You can't not come to her rescue. And you need to learn to let her go."

"She's my best friend, Sirius," James replied, as if that had anything to do with it. "I've…I've been looking out for her ever since the day she fell off her broom at age five. It's what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm her _best friend!"_

"Were," Sirius corrected smugly. "You _were _her best friend."

Ouch.

"You are such an asshole," James shot back.

"Maybe she needed you when you were five years old. But she's eighteen now. She doesn't always need you looking after her! You're suffocating the poor girl for your own selfish reasons!"

James whipped out his wand, thrusting it into Sirius' face. "Don't you _dare _tell me I'm selfish," James growled, flashbacks of that morning running through his mind.

"You are," Sirius responded angrily, slapping the wand away. "You were so bloody afraid of losing your two best friends that you just got angry with us instead! That is selfishness."

"That has nothing to do with why I got angry with you. I got angry because I knew this day would come. I knew you'd end up hurting Riley and I've watched her crumble too much to watch her go through it again!"

"You're such a liar. Admit it," Sirius smirked. "You were afraid of losing us. That's why you eventually went back to Riley. Because you couldn't not have your best friend around. You only ever put yourself first, James. You refused to notice how happy we were making each other!"

"Oh yeah, she's a bundle of joy now that you trekked back to Rachael!"

"Stop mentioning her!" Sirius snapped.

"Why? She's your girlfriend now, isn't she?" Jame snorted.

Sirius turned his gaze away from James. "I'm done having this conversation with you, James. Get the hell out."

James frowned, not responding immediately as he gazed at his best friend with narrowed eyes. He looked confused and broken and lost and miserable. He didn't look like Sirius. "Why'd you do it?" he croaked. "Why'd you break up with her? Why'd you let her-"

"_I _didn't break up with her," he snapped. "She broke up with me. Get your bloody facts straight."

Confusion fell over James' face as he slowly lowered his wand. "What?" he whispered.

Sirius swallowed hard. "She broke up with me, man. After hearing that Rachael had kissed me. I never would have broken up with her. Ever."

James stared at him, seeing for the first time the suffering in his eyes. And noticing, too, a broken heart. The expression on Sirius' face was one that James hadn't seen since he ran away from home. The attempt of Sirius to conceal his fear of being alone was a lost cause; his eyes were clearly illustrating the emptiness his heart was feeling. Sirius' face was devoid of any color and the glimmering spark that usually shined vibrantly behind his eyes was gone.

Sirius glanced up at James. "I didn't want to break up," he said softly. "I…I think I was in love with her."

James had a feeling Sirius was going to say that. "She…she broke up with you?"

Sirius swallowed hard and nodded, staring at the ground sullenly.

"Oh."

Sirius merely shrugged weakly, too exhausted to say anything more.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been hanging out with Rachael so much," James pointed out.

Sirius didn't say anything. He had no desire to go into the situation with a guy who hadn't been there for him at all in the past month. At that moment, Sirius just wanted to be alone. He didn't want James judging him or scrutinizing him or insulting him. He didn't even want James there at all. At least not this James. Not the James that gave up on their friendship. Not the James who put Riley first. He could have handled his best friend James who had always been there for him. This James he couldn't handle.

"Why were you hanging out with-"

"Stop," Sirius interrupted, a feeble glare on his face. "I don't want to discuss this, James. Especially with you. Please just...just leave me alone."

Slowly, James frowned. It was the first time ever that James saw pain in the form of a broken heart all over Sirius' face. "What happened?" he asked softly, shaking his head. "I-I may not have necessarily liked or approved of your relationship, but anyone could see that the two of you were happy. What happened to change that?"

"I _don't _want to discuss it," Sirius snapped, his fists clenching in pure frustration.

"Fine," James muttered. "Don't discuss it with me. But you might want to consider discussing it with her. She deserves that-"

"She doesn't want to discuss it with me, James!" Sirius blurted out, glaring at him. "I already tried having a rational conversation with her and she completely shut down! Seriously, James, _stop _trying to fix this. If I couldn't fix it, I guarantee you can't."

James frowned, staring at his friend in bewilderment. This frantic, helpless side of Sirius wasn't something James was accustomed to seeing. And in the past when this side had come out of Sirius (only twice that James could count - when Sirius ran away from home and when he realized the consequences behind sending Snape to the Whomping Willow), James was there to attempt to cheer Sirius up and out of his slump. But now, James wasn't so sure he could. More importantly, James wasn't so sure Sirius wanted him to.

"She really broke up with you?" James murmured for a third time that night.

"You can stop saying it now," Sirius muttered.

James hesitated. "Did you deserve it?"

Sirius glared at him. "Get the hell out."

"I'm not asking to be rude!" James quickly defended. "I'm just trying to get to the bottom of-"

"You don't need to get to the bottom of it! We didn't ask you to do that! And after what you did this morning we certainly are never planning on asking anything of you ever again."

James' heart skipped a beat. "Sirius-"

"Seriously, James, just get the hell out," he snapped, glaring at him with a hatred unforeseen by either one of them. "Don't stand there and try to be a friend to me or to Riley when you haven't been a friend to either one of us in two months. _Please_ just...just go."

James' heart didn't just skip a beat that time. It sunk down into his stomach. Not because the words hit him hard (which they did), but because James knew Sirius was right. "Okay," he said softly before spinning around on his heels and walking out of the dungeon.

Sirius watched him as he walked out wondering if he and James would ever be able to be friends again.

* * *

Jillian trudged up to her bedroom, a smile on her face after spending the evening with Remus. As she entered the room, she immediately turned her eyes on Rachael. "I thought you'd be with Sirius."

Rachael shrugged from her bed, a magazine on her lap. "He had something to do."

"On a Friday?"

Rachael threw her a glare. "Why do you care?"

Jillian frowned, throwing her books on to her desk. "How did you and Sirius get together?"

Rachael glanced up from her magazine and stared at Jillian coolly. "It just happened," she lied.

"Why did you have to take away someone else's boyfriend?" Jillian asked bitterly.

"Whoa, she didn't know it was someone else's boyfriend," Isabelle defended before Rachael could answer. "No one knew except for those two and apparently James."

"I think that's a lie," Jillian protested. "I think she did know." She turned to scrutinize Rachael's reaction, but Rachael just rolled her eyes.

"Can I help it if he obviously likes me better?" Rachael stated. "What does it matter anyway?"

"Because the whole school is talking about Riley and Sirius and it's as if you don't even care."

"It's because I don't care," Rachael snorted, shutting the magazine and placing it beside her. "He's with me now, so why should I start listening to the gossip around school about their previous relationship? It has no relevance to my relationship with him."

Kylie and Evelyn had stopped doing each others' nails and were now intrigued by the conversation going on in their room. "But from what I can tell, Riley and Sirius broke up just last night," Evelyn interjected. "And then you two got together also last night. So obviously those two are somehow related which makes it relevant."

"I already said he realized he liked me better. And can you blame him?" Rachael pleaded. "Riley Gilmore is a stuck-up bitch who I despise with every fiber of my being. She doesn't-"

"And that's why you seduced Sirius?" Jillian suggested with a smirk.

"I didn't seduce anybody," Rachael snapped. "Do you honestly think it would have been that easy? He was dating Riley for three months. I doubt a little seduction would change his mind about her."

"So then how was his mind changed?" Jillian demanded.

"Because I'm a better person obviously," she snorted.

"I think we all know that's not true," Jillian snickered, rolling her eyes. "Good people don't steal other people's boyfriends."

"I can't believe you're defending Riley Gilmore," Rachael grumbled, glaring at Jillian heatedly. "She's such a prissy bitch if you ask me. You wouldn't be defending her if you weren't always hanging out with her and her bloody friends."

"I'm dating Remus," she pointed out dryly. "Dating him comes with th territory of hanging out with his friends."

"I dated Sirius for three months earlier this year and you didn't see me hanging out with his posse."

"Yeah, well that's because they don't like you," Jillian snorted.

Rachael glared at her. "Sirius does. That's all that matters."

"Oh, right, and how long will that last?" Jillian smirked. "Seems to me he got pretty bored with you the last time."

"What the hell is your problem, Greene?" Rachael snarled, pulling herself into a sitting position to glare at her. "It's like ever since you started hanging around Remus, you've spent more time with his friends than your own. That group has changed you."

Rachael's eyes narrowed. "That group has changed you so much."

"Yeah, for the _better_," Kylie finally spoke.

Four pairs of eyes stared at her in shock.

"You're…you're on her side?" Rachael asked, surprised.

Kylie shrugged. "Rachael, you're the most conniving, manipulative person on this planet. I have no idea what you did to brainwash Sirius into thinking you're better than Riley, but it's not going to work in the end, I guarantee it."

"I didn't _do _anything," Rachael snapped. "He and I just get each other. More than he apparently gets Riley. Lay off, will ya?"

Kylie rolled her eyes, glancing back down at her Quidditch catalog.

"They were happy together," Jillian pointed out with a shrug. "Sirius and Riley, I mean. You-"

"And now he and _I _are happy together!" Rachael barked, glaring at her. "I don't have to sit here and listen to you defend Riley Gilmore. If you want to go off and be friends with Remus' friends, you go right ahead. But when you break up, don't come crawling back to us." She hastily threw her hangings around her bed to signal the end of the conversation.

"Like I'd _ever _want to," Jillian muttered.

* * *

"Well, I'm friendless," Jillian announced, walking into her boyfriend's room.

Remus glanced up from his book at his girlfriend. "Come again?" He looked over to Peter's bed to make sure he was still sleeping.

She laughed, throwing off her shoes and crawling into bed with him. "I just had a lovely confrontation with Rachael which basically made me realize that she's a waste of a friend."

Remus chuckled, leaning over to kiss her. "So I'm assuming you got no information about her relationship with Sirius?"

"Bingo," Jillian whimpered. "I'm getting sick and tired of everyone's secrets."

"I know," Remus muttered, stifling a yawn. "We learn about the whole Sirius-Riley-James secret this morning just to be replaced with the whole Sirius-Riley-_Rachael _secret. I seriously need to start hanging out with new people. People who actually confide in me."

"You have me," Jillian pointed out with a shy smile.

Remus smiled down at her, throwing his textbook to the floor and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "I wouldn't want anyone else."

"You don't have any more secrets I don't know about besides...well, you know?" Jillian spoke with a teasing grin. "Twin brother? Sixth toe? Illegitimate son of a candlestick maker?"

Remus blinked. "Do I even want to know where you thought up that last one?"

She chuckled. "Probably not."

"And don't you think you'd know by now if I had a sixth toe?"

"Uh-oh, you're avoiding the question. You do have more secrets, don't you?"

"The only secret I have right now is that I care for you so much, Jilly."

A slight blush appeared on her cheeks. "I think that's a secret I can handle," she whispered, cuddling up beside him with a smile. "You don't mind if I stay here tonight, right?"

Remus smiled. "Is that even a question?"

* * *

Lily knocked on James' door for a fourth time that night, hoping he'd let her in eventually. She couldn't be sure if he wasn't actually in the room or if he was avoiding talking to her (or anyone), but considering it was nearing three o'clock in the morning, she decided it was time to take matters into her own hands. She slowly opened the door and smiled sadly when she saw him sitting atop the window ledge, his eyes focused on the snow-covered grounds outdoors.

"Hi," Lily greeted.

James blinked but his gazen ever faltered from the window. "I really don't want to talk to anyone right now, Lily."

"I know," she said softly. "But I'm not just anyone."

He didn't reply, just letting out a soft sigh.

"I know you've had a rough day, James," she continued, walking into his room and shutting the door behind her. "Probably one of the worst. And that's why I'm here. I thought you could use a friend."

James slowly tore his eyes away from the window, turning to look at her. "I-I can't be around anyone, Lily. I hate myself for what I did today," he spoke, his words soft with desperation. "How am I supposed to be around others when I can't even bear to be around myself?"

Lily's heart broke at the sheer agony in his voice. She quickly walked over to him, perching herself opposite him on the window ledge, placing her hands on his knees. "I know that you're kicking yourself for what happened, but here's the thing, James," Lily said softly, expecting him to recoil from her touch. Instead, he placed his own hands over hers. "No matter how much you hate yourself, Iwill always like you. I will always want to be with you. _I_," she paused for effect, "will _never _hate you."

He stared at her longingly, not saying anything immediately. Slowly he brought his knees outwards and gestured for her to join him. She let out a sigh of relief as she folded into his lap, his arms snaking around her shoulders tightly as he kissed the top of her head. "How do you do that?"

"Hm?" she asked, glancing up at him.

"How is it a horrible day where I have wished the floor would just open up and swallow me whole so I never have to face anyone including myself ever again can be overturned just by you showing up?" he croaked. "How is it you always know what to say to make me feel even the slightest bit better, even when I don't deserve to?"

She folded her hands over his arms, kissing the back of his hand. "To put it simply, I care about you, James," she whispered. "I'll care even when you're an ass. I'll care even when you hate yourself. I'll care even when you do something stupid. I'll care if and when the day comes that you don't care. I'm never going to be able to turn it off just because you feel like you don't deserve me caring."

He stared down at her with a look filled with gratitude. "Thank you," he whispered, burying his lips in her auburn hair. "And for the record? There's never going to be a day that comes when I don't care about you."

When she gazed up at him, he used that opportunity to lean down and kiss her, his lips hesitant and wary. It was a tender kiss. One filled with so much longing adoration. Nothing more, nothing less.

When they pulled apart, James summoned a throw blanket from his bed and spread it across both of them. He didn't want to ever move from that position. He wanted to stay there forever, in the privacy of his own bedroom and in the safety of Lily's constant care. There, he didn't have to focus on his past mistakes. There, he didn't have to watch his friendships deteriorate. There, he didn't have anything to be blamed for. He just wanted to go on pretending life was still worth living without Riley and Sirius and he could fake it remaining stoic on that window ledge with Lily by his side.

"I really messed up this time," James spoke, his voice breaking.

Lily let out a sad sigh. "Everyone makes mistakes, James," she whispered. "Everyone has their bad days. Everyone does things that they're not proud of. But please know that I'm not going to judge you based on one slip-up. If that really were true, you and I would not be together today."

"Maybe you're not judging, but everyone else is," he murmured.

"Who cares what they think?" Lily whispered. "I'm sticking around. Remus and Kay and Peter? They're sticking around. All that matters is that you still have your fr-" she halted immediately.

"My friends," he finished in a hoarse whisper.

"I-I'm sorry," she apologized desperately. "I-I…I just…well, I just meant…" she dithered.

"It's okay," he interjected with a melancholy lopsided smile. "I know you were just trying to say you'd be there."

"I'll always be here, James. _Always,"_ she emphasized, tightening her grip around him. "You never have to worry about that, James."

"But why?" he whispered with a strangled voice. "Why will you be there for me? After everything I've done, after all of the pain I've caused Riley and Sirius, after being so mean and cruel and unfortunately, downright selfish, why are you still sticking around? I-I don't deserve it. I wouldn't be surprised if they never forgive me."

"They will," Lily argued immediately. "It's going to take some time, but eventually, once they are able to calm down from their own drama, they'll begin to live their lives again. And that includes you_. _Right now, they're just so caught up in everything else, with a mixture of anger and confusion and grief and pain and disappointment, that...that they don't see the bigger picture."

"But what if their bigger picure doesn't contain me?" James asked, glancing desperately out the window. "I tossed them aside so easily. What if they do the same to me?"

Lily smiled awkwardly. "It took you a while, but you realized you missed them, didn't you?"

James nodded sullenly.

"They'll realize it, too."

James wasn't so sure.

"Don't hate yourself, James," Lily whispered. "They should have told us sooner to begin with."

"But they didn't," he muttered. "And it was their secret to tell, not mine."

Lily didn't have a response to that.

"I betrayed their trust, Lily," he muttered. "I betrayed our friendship and everything we've ever been through. In a mere second, I destroyed eighteen years worth of a friendship with Riley and seven years worth of a friendship with Sirius. In a mere _second_. So...so what now?"

It was the same question Riley had asked earlier and unfortunately, Lily didn't have an answer.

"I messed up, Lily," he repeated. "Unfortunately, knowing that doesn't change anything."

"I know," she whispered, drawing his arms tighter around her shoulders. "I'm still going to be here for you, James."

A sad smile crept on to his lips. "You promise?"

"Always."

They both fell into a deep silence, just enjoying the company of one another as the stars outside their window gleamed brightly. James wondered what was in store for him next. He had pretty much lost hope of ever becoming friends with Sirius or Riley again in the near future. And he slowly realized what Sirius must have gone through two years earlier after his incident with Snape. It wasn't a good feeling. Not even a little bit.

He tried to put his mind at ease and focus on something else. A light chuckle escaped his lips and Lily glanced up at him curiously. "What's so funny?" she asked.

He smiled. "Did you hear? I have to spend an entire Sunday night with Sirius, Riley, and for some odd reason, Rhett Davies."

Lily laughed, relief filling her heart at the sound of his own laughter. "Yeah, I heard. McGonagall flipped out when the four of you skipped class."

"Why wasn't Rhett there?"

Lily shook her head. "Don't know," she admitted. "How'd you find out about detention? You've been gone all day."

"I got an owl somewhere around dinner time explaining we'll be scrubbing the trophy room without using magic," he explained. "Which means three hours spent with two people I wouldn't want to be spending any time with."

"At least Rhett will be there. Maybe he'll actually break the tension between the three of you."

"Oh, can he make people disappear now?" James teased, nipping her playfully on her neck line. "I mean, can you imagine three other people more likely to kill each other after spending, let's say, fifteen minutes with each other?"

"Hm. No, can't say that I can."

James groaned. "This is going to be the worst detention ever."

"Yeah, probably."

He pouted. "You're not making me feel any better about it."

She chuckled. "You're the one who skived off all of his classes today. I can't make you feel better about that."

"Damn, I am never skipping class again," he murmured.

Lily shot him a look.

He grinned. "That didn't sound remotely believable, did it."

"Not even a little bit."

* * *

Sirius sauntered into his room with a sullen look on his face. Needless to say, the past twenty-four hours hadn't been treating him well. Sirius didn't expect Remus , Jillian, and Peter to still be up at two o'clock and was shocked when both of their tableside lights were on, even if they were in their own beds buried under the covers. He suddenly had a good feeling that they had been waiting up for him.

"Hey," Remus greeted, staring at Sirius peculiarly.

Sirius simply nodded and trekked into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He just wanted to get to bed as quickly as possible, hoping that sleep would make him forget that the past 27 hours had occurred.

Jillian kissed Remus quickly. "I think I'm going to go. This is a conversation for the three of you."

Remus didn't want her to leave but knew she was right. He kissed her briefly before she climbed out of bed and headed out of the room.

Remus and Peter exchanged a look, waiting for Sirius to reappear. Minutes later, he did. "Where's Jillian go?" Sirius asked, not really caring.

"Back to her room," Remus said simply.

Sirius nodded. He undressed down to his boxers and threw his clothes on to the floor chaotically.

"How was your day?" Peter asked awkwardly.

Sirius frowned and didn't dignify it with a response.

"You really liked her, didn't you," Remus said softly.

Sirius froze getting into bed. "If you're talking about Rachael, then yes."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Yeah, well I hope you also know that if you ask me another question about Riley, my pillow will most likely be chucked at you," Sirius shot back, giving Remus an I-dare-you look. He climbed into bed and threw his covers over him in a frenzied manner.

"Sirius, c'mon. Talkto us," Remus pleaded, ignoring Sirius' wishes. "I can only imagine what today must have been for you. It was a whirlwind for us so it must have been even worse for you."

Sirius merely shrugged. "Whatever."

Remus sighed. "She meant something to you. We know that. You can't deny it. We had never seen you like that before. So-"

"Like _what_? Happy because I was shagging a beautiful girl? Newsflash: I have been doing that for years," Sirius snapped. He fluffed his pillow and smacked his head to it, turning his back on his friends.

"Sirius, don't do that. Don't just devalue that relationship because it's over and because we have no idea what you had gone through. We're still your friends and we know perfectly well that Riley was different from any of your past hook-ups. And no amount of denial is going to change that, Sirius," Remus responded softly. "You had feelings for her. Admit it."

Sirius stared at the stone wall, his eyes prickling with tears. He swallowed hard and bit down on his lip to get rid of them hastily. He turned back around to face his friends. "_Had _being the key word," he said, giving them a firm look.

Remus saw the faintest glimmer of a tear in Sirius' eyelids.

"You didn't get over her in just one day," Peter argued softly.

Sirius blinked, shrugging mechanically. "You know what they say: the best way to get over one person is to-"

"Get under another," Remus finished with a sigh. "So that's all Rachael is? A rebound?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I like Rachael."

"Funny, considering just a few weeks ago we were pretty sure you hated her guts," Remus said, raising an eyebrow.

"You were mistaken," Sirius drawled, shooting him a look before once again turning around to face the wall. He wanted talk of Riley to be over. He wanted it all to just be over.

"Sirius, _talk _to us," Remus said, his voice filled with pleading and a sense of vulnerability.

But it was the tone of complete helplessness that caused Sirius to turn back around to face his friend. "Maybe you're right," Sirius murmured, agonized. "Rachael might just be a…a rebound," he explained softly, his bottom lip trembling dejectedly. "In fact, she's not even that. She's just…just some random girl. Nothing special. I plan on using her until I no longer need her and then I'll dump her and find another random girl. Because that's what I do best."

"What?" Peter asked, confused. Even Remus looked dumbfounded by the lack of emotion in Sirius' words.

"That's who I used to be, right? Someone who messed with girls' minds until I got what I wanted and then I would just drop them for someone else when the time felt right. Apparently it's what I did with Riley. So...so shouldn't that be what I'm doing with Rachael?"

"Padfoot, what are you babbling about?" Remus asked slowly.

Sirius stared up at the ceiling, desperation filling his heart. "I-I don't know who I am anymore," he muttered, closing his eyes stiffly. "I-I can't go back to who I was before. I can't just sleep with girls and never talk to them again. I...I can pretend that I can but I know that none of it meant anything to me. It was just a way to fill the void. But...but it's not like Riley plans on taking me back ever. And she's the only girl I ever wanted to be in a real relationship with. So where exactly does that leave me?"

Silence filled the room as they all digested his words. Until - "With Rachael," Remus sighed, realizing where Sirius had been going with that.

Sirius nodded curtly. "Exactly. So maybe she is a rebound. And at the same time, maybe she is some random girl. If I can't figure out who the hell I am anymore then how the hell am I supposed to figure out who Rachael is?"

Remus and Peter weren't sure what to even say. Which was fine, because neither did Sirius.

"Why are you with her if you don't even know who she is to you?" Remus dared to ask.

"I-I don't know," Sirius admitted. "In a moment of frustration and anger, I-I kissed her in front of everyone. And now I feel like I have to continue with the charade or..."

"Or what?"

Sirius blinked, turning his gaze back on the ceiling with a heavy sigh. He didn't respond immediately, too heartbroken to admit it aloud. Eventually, he murmured, "Or it's all just going to come crashing down around me."

Remus exchanged a concerned look with Peter.

"I know what you're thinking," Sirius murmured.

"Er...you do?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. "You're thinking everything already has come crashing down around me."

Remus and Peter couldn't say anything because he was absolutely right.

"I...I did to Riley what I've done to every other girl I've ever dated or slept with," he murmured in a strangled tone. "I...I left her in the dungeon and...and barely forty minutes later, I was snogging some other girl."

"It doesn't sound like you're proud of this," Remus said dryly.

"Proud? No. It's a prime example of things falling apart around me."

"Sirius-"

"And then today, James has to ruin something that I didn't even think could be ruined any more by blurting out our relationship to the entire school. Another prime example of things falling apart around me."

"Sirius-"

"But Rachael? At least when I'm with her, I can just ignore everything else around me. I can ignore the shitstorm I had entered into over the past twenty-seven hours. At least when I'm with her, I can just...forget everything."

"Is that what you want?" Peter asked carefully. "To just forget?"

"I have no idea what I want," he admitted in a hoarse murmur.

Remus let out a sad sigh. "Sirius, you may not know this because you've never been in this position before," he interjected. "But this is just post-break-up anxiety that you're going through. You...you've been with her for so long that you can't figure out who you are without her and you can't figure out how to move on. You just need some time to unwind and think things over."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't need to unwind and I don't need to think things over," he muttered bitterly, his tone meant for Riley and not at his two friends. "We broke up. There isn't much else to think about."

"You don't need to be in limbo. You don't need to be the guy who sleeps around and hurts girls without caring," Peter argued. "You can be this new upbeat, commitment-ready Sirius."

Sirius scowled. "Oh, because that worked out so well for me in the end."

Peter cringed. "I didn't mean it to be-"

Sirius didn't let Peter get in a word edgewise. "Riley made me want to be a better person. She made me want to forget about everything that occurred in my past. She made me want to change my reputation and who I used to be."

Remus nodded encouragingly. "Sirius, that-"

"But everything's different now," Sirius interrupted, refusing to hear his friends' rationalizations. "I'm no longer the guy I was when I was dating Riley. Instead, I'm the guy who goes off and kisses some girl. I'm the guy who…who doesn't care whose feelings get hurt. I'm the guy who gets screamed at and insulted by the girl who think I'm nothing but a worthless prick. I've been there. A lot. Riley is just…well, she just gets to be added to the long list of girls who hate my guts."

"She wasn't the same as those-"

"She may have changed me for a little while," Sirius choked out, "but apparently I'm the same guy I've always been. And Riley made damn sure I knew that."

Remus and Peter exchanged worried glances. It was clear to both of them that Sirius wasn't doing well. Remus wondered if it wasn't the break-up taht hurt him the most, but the words that Riley may have said to him during it. "Don't revert back to the old womanizing Sirius because you think that's the only option you have left. And don't just date Rachael because you think you'll find some fulfillment in a relationship," Remus protested firmly, stealing a determined gaze at his friend who looked so lost and broken. "You'll figure out who you are. It will just take time."

"I don't need time," Sirius scoffed. "I just need to go back to the way things used to be. My life was a hell of a lot more easier to live back when relationships were far from my mind."

"And a lot less satisfying," Remus said softly.

Sirius' eyes narrowed, his whole face stiffening. "You don't get to judge me, Remus. You don't get to tell me what I need and you sure as hell don't get to give me relationship advice. Especially since you don't even know the whole story," he complained, glaring at his friend. Not because he was angry at Remus, but because he was angry at the situation.

"Then tell me the whole story," he urged.

Sirius' glare softened, the heartbreak evident in his expression. "I'm done talking about it," he said, slowly shaking his head. "I couldn't get Riley to udnerstand. I could never get James to understand. Hell, I barely understand it myself. So how can I possibly make you understand?"

"You could give us the chance to," Peter pointed out.

Sirius slowly turned to look at him. "I'm done talking about this," he repeated. "I'd appreciate just getting some sleep considering I got none last night. So could we do this whole uplifting break-up speech another time?" He thrust the hangings shut around his bed.

"Like never?" Peter muttered under his breath.

Remus knew that Sirius must be tortured over the loss of Riley and he wanted nothing more than to attempt to help Sirius through it. But it was obvious that Sirius wanted to avoid the topic altogether, and Remus didn't want to force Sirius to discuss the matter. In all honesty, Remus had no idea where to even start in making Sirius feel better. None of them had ever had any sort of break-up that meant anything. Sure, there had been girls who had come and gone in the past, but total heartbreak was something new to all of them. Especially Sirius who had never even allowed his heart to be open enough for a girl to possibly break it. But now? Well, it was obvious Riley broke Sirius' heart and Remus wished there was something he could do or say to make that okay.

Unfortunately, Remus knew that there would never be anything anyone could say to make heartbreak feel even remotely okay.

* * *

They were all hoping that Saturday would bring them a new day filled with less gossip and less speculation but as Lily, Kay, Remus, Peter, Jillian, Drew, Dezzy, and James convened at the breakfast table, it was obvious with the furious whispers and the multitudes of pointing in their direction that the school was nowhere near finished talking about Sirius, Riley, or James.

"I hate being a teenager," Kay muttered. "Drama follows us everywhere."

"Yeah, thanks for that, bro," Dezzy spoke, nudging James playfully. He merely made a face at her.

"Why did I decide to be related to Riley?" Drew sighed.

Lily laughed. "I don't think you had much of a choice."

Drew grinned. "I could have thrown her off my roof when I was three years old and blamed it on Santa Clause," he pointed out with a shrug. "It's a shame Mom caught me before I could actually follow through with it."

The eight of them erupted into laughter.

"It's interesting how we're all interrelated when it comes to yesterday's blurt-out," Jillian joined in.

"What do you mean?" Remus questioned.

"Well, think about it. The four of you," she gestured towards Lily, Remus, Kay, and Peter, "are best friends with James, Sirius, and Riley. Enough said. _You_," she pointed at both Dezzy and Drew, "just happen to be dating and interestingly enough, one of each of your siblings is involved within this weird bewildering triangle. Or I guess square if you add in Rachael. I'm Remus' girlfriend and Rachael's roommate making me somehow involved. And _you_," she pointed at James and shrugged, "Well, you _are _James. You're directly involved."

James groaned. "Can I be someone else?"

Lily smirked. "Would you rather be Sirius?"

James made a face. "You're right. I like being James."

"I thought so." She smiled at him, kissing him on the cheek.

A young Hufflepuff came up to the table nervously. "Uh…I was sent to ask you something."

Eight pairs of eyes stared glaringly at the kid.

Her eyes widened in fear. "Er…"

"Does it have to do with Sirius and Riley? Or me and Riley?" James asked, gritting his teeth.

"Well...er...yes. Daniella, the tall blonde at the-"

"Oh, we know who Daniella is," Lily snapped, turning around to glare at Daniella. Daniella quickly looked away, suddenly looking very interested in her sausage links.

"Oh, er...okay. She would like very much to know if Sirius and Riley were in love."

"You can tell Daniella to _shut it_," Lily snapped, glancing at James, whose eyes were blazing with frustration. "We don't know anything and if we did we wouldn't go and tell the biggest gossip in the school about it. So you might as well tell everyone else to stop asking us bloody questions!"

The girl ran away immediately, whimpering.

They all stared at Lily.

"I don't think yelling at some second year Hufflepuff is a very role model thing for you to do, Miss Head Girl," Kay teased.

Lily groaned. "God damnit, I should probably go apologize, right?"

"Nah, if you hadn't said it, I would have," James explained, kissing her cheek. "We can't be nice to everybody."

"I was so good at it up to this point though," she whined.

They all laughed. "I think we were _all _thinking it, Lily," Jillian explained with a shrug. "You just got to it first."

Before Lily can defend herself, another young girl came up to them.

"Can I-"

"NO!" all eight of them yelled out, earning surprised looks from all surrounding tables.

Her mouth dropped open in shock and she started to cry. "I just wanted to borrow the butter," she sobbed, quickly running out of the Great Hall.

Lily groaned and slapped her forehead. "We just made a girl cry for no reason."

The others tried not to look so amused as the Owl Post came flying in.

Pickles swooped down and left a letter in front of James. "Probably from Bianca," he muttered. "Even wedding plans sound amazing right now. Can you believe that? That's how much I hate this whole Hogwarts drama." He opened it up and read it while the others returned to their breakfasts, discussing casually upcoming exams and essays.

"Okay, can someone tell me what the hell a bustier is?" James questioned.

The four girls burst into laughter.

James whimpered. "This can't be good."

"Exactly why do you need to know?" Lily asked, trying and failing to hold a straight face. Every time she looked up at Dezzy, who was holding on to the table for support, the giggles fell from her lips.

"I need to order them for the bridesmaids."

The laughter turned hysterical.

"This really can't be good," James muttered.

"It's…hm…well, it's like a bra but it extends down to your-"

"I have to buy five women bras!? Can this get any worse!?" he shrieked. The Gryffindor table and partially the Ravenclaw table glanced over in shock. He slumped down. "Okay, it got worse."

Lily laughed and patted his hand. "I'll help you later today. It should be easy. Did she leave bust sizes?"

James quickly threw the letter down in disgust. "Ew."

"I'm taking that as a yes," Lily snickered.

"Why would a woman ask me to order these?" he complained.

"Because she has about a million other things she needs to do that require her presence while this is something you can do easily over a letter and an order form," Lily responded.

"I hate being the Best Man," James groaned. "No, I hate that Brite isn't around to do her errands!"

They all laughed and before any of them could respond, Daniella walked over. "Hey, guys."

The eight of them immediately stood up and walked out of the Great Hall.

"Well, that was rude," Daniella muttered.

* * *

Riley didn't sleep at all that night. And yet, she remained under her covers until late into the afternoon that Saturday. The idea of getting out of bed and having to endure hundreds of people did not sound satisfying to her.

The only reason she eventually appeared out of her room was because she made herself a promise. She was going to devote her whole time to schoolwork. Her future was the only promising thing in her life and she vowed to make sure it was all going to be worth it.

Which is how she ended up at a round table in the back of the library by herself late Saturday evening, ignoring all the staring, the pointing, the whispering, the marveling, the intense gaping, the questions, the speculation, etc. Hogwarts seriously needed to stop being such a gossip chain.

She was furiously scribbling her essay for Potions class when she was approached by Lily.

"Hey."

Riley murmured a quick hi back to her before skimming through the textbook again, searching for all the ingredients that went into a Polyjuice Potion.

"Doing work?"

Riley snickered. "No, I'm giving myself a haircut," she responded lightly, her eyes never leaving her textbook.

Lily laughed embarrassedly. "Sorry. Obvious question, I guess."

Riley didn't respond.

"Can…can I ask you something, Riley?"

"If it has anything to do with my previous relationship with Sirius or my broken friendship with James, then no," Riley replied almost immediately, as if she had been accustomed to saying it.

Lily sighed and filled in the seat opposite Riley. "Why do you refuse to acknowledge what happened?"

"I acknowledge it. I'm just busy right now."

"You have yet to tell me or Kay anything," Lily explained miserably. "We just...we know this must be tough for you and we just want-"

"It wouldn't be that tough if James hadn't gone ahead and blurted out my personal business for all of Hogwarts to hear. I could deal with it on my own. What I can't deal with is everyone pointing at me and gossipping about me as if I'm not a human with actual feelings."

Lily frowned. "I think we both know that it still would be tough even if James hadn't gone ahead and done that."

Riley glanced up at her briefly, twirling her quill around in her hand anxiously. "You don't know what you're talking about," she eventually murmured, returning her gaze to her essay.

"Yeah because you are still neglecting to tell me anything about your relationship with Sirius," Lily pointed out.

Riley stared at the words on the page but stopped reading. Eventually, she muttered, "What does it matter now? It's over. It's irrelevant."

"It matters to _me_," Lily emphasized.

Riley remained silent.

"Why did you keep it a secret from us?" Lily asked, clearly hurt.

Riley sighed. "I-I don't know, Lily."

Lily' eyes narrowed curiously. "You don't know?"

"Yeah. I don't know," she sighed.

Lily stared at her, her eyes filling with bewildered determination. She didn't take her eyes off of Riley for one second, waiting for Riley to provide her with some sort of explanation that made sense.

Which after an intense staring session, Riley finally did say something. "In the beginning, we thought it would be better if we were out of the public scrutiny. You can imagine what people would have said about us, the two casual daters trying to secure a relationship with each other," she muttered, rolling her eyes. "And as the relationship went on, I-I think we were just both scared."

"Scared?"

Riley shrugged. "Yeah."

"Of?"

Riley knew Lily had to ask that question, but it was a question Riley couldn't be entirely sure of the answer. "Everything?" she murmured meekly.

"Meaning?"

"We were scared to make it real. We were scared of being scrutinized and judged. We were scared we wouldn't be strong enough to take it. We were scared it would end up hurting us. But mostly, I think we were scared that once it was out there, there would be no turning back."

"And that's something to be scared of?"

Riley placed her quill down carefully on the table and lifted her eyes to gaze up at Lily. "Tell me you're not scared of your relationship with James every day."

Lily frowned. "I can't do that."

"Because you are, right?"

Lily shrugged. "Absolutely. But what scares me more is not being with him."

Riley's heart constricted within its chest walls at the implication. She felt a pit begin to form in her stomach at the conversation topic. "We were going to tell everyone," she said softly. "On his birthday."

Lily's eyebrow arched. "You were?"

Riley nodded.

"So...why didn't you?"

Riley's frown turned sardonic. "Not sure if you've heard but we broke up instead."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Thank you for the sarcasm. I kinda meant why did that break-up occur instead."

"A little thing called Rachael LeBitch."

"Hm, wasn't aware her surname changed."

Riley shot her a look.

Lily grinned sheepishly. "Just trying to ligthen the mood?" she suggested.

"This mood can't be lightened," she muttered, picking up her quill once again and glancing back down at her notes.

Lily sighed, recognizing the agony in Riley's words. "Riley, you can't avoid your problems forever by diving headfirst into schoolwork."

"Watch me," she murmured.

"Talk to me, Riley," Lily pleaded. "We're best friends. I just want to help."

"I-I don't want help. I just want to write this stupid essay on Polyjuice Potion before moving on to my Advanced Transfiguration project followed by Astronomy."

Lily frowned. "Alright, I get it. You don't want to talk about it. We don't have to. But the post break-up ice cream and gossip magazines during a Gryffindor common room sleepover has always been a tradition of ours. Why should now be any different?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat. Ice cream and gossip magazines wouldn't make the hole in her heart disappear. "I have a lot of work," she spoke dryly. "So if you want to stay and work in silence, I can't stop you. However, if you want to continue badgering me about something I _don't want to discuss_, you can leave right now."

It was hard for Lily to hide the frsturated desperation on her face. She slowly stood up. "I feel like I don't even know you anymore," she muttered.

Lily turned around and started walking away, but Riley's next words made her stop. "I feel like I don't even know myself anymore."

Lily hesitated and turned around to see Riley staring at the table sullenly, her quill dangling carelessly in her right hand. "I just…" Riley continued, shaking her head wretchedly. "I don't know. I just lost two of my best friends within twenty-four hours, y'know?" She glanced up at Lily, who was slowly walking back over to the table. Lily sat down cautiously as Riley stared desperately at her. "I just...right now, I'm just trying to keep my head above water. And that means solely focusing on work. Because that's about the only thing I have control over right now."

Lily offered her a lopsided sympathetic half-smile. "I'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now."

"Rough doesn't even begin to describe it," she murmured. She slowly gazed up at Lily and saw concern and sadness in her eyes. And suddenly, she was blurting out everything she had been holding in since Thursday. "It's like I-I don't even know what to think let alone do or say anymore. Everything that was so black and white in the past is just so grey now.

"I was with Sirius for…for three whole months. Longer than I've ever been with anyone. I…I let my guard down with him for the first time in a very long time and opened my heart up to the idea of falling for him. I…I trusted him with everything I had. He…he was different than any guy I've ever been with and so I let myself let go of all my fears and anxiety. And...and I just let myself be with him. Even though I knew if anyone could truly hurt me, it would be him. Especially after...after what happened two years ago," she muttered hastily. "But I finally got to a point where I let the past be in the past and I put myself in the ultimate vulnerable position," she spoke, trailing off. She swallowed hard, gazing up at Lily with dejection evident in her eyes. "And then he completely let me down. All of the fears and anxieties I had somehow been able to let go of were proven true. And that's what kills me the most. That I really have no one to blame but myself. I-I got myself into this." She blinked away the tears that were threatening to form.

Lily's heart literally ached for her best friend. She was clearly going through a lot more than she was willing to admit. "Riley, did you love him?" Lily dared to ask, having a good idea that Riley wouldn't answer.

"That's not the point I'm making," Riley said hastily, proving Lily right. "My point is that I lost him two nights ago because I let my guard down and I ended up doing the same with James. Except…except I don't remember when I put my trust in James. It happened over time." She hesitated, glancing up at Lily, who was looking back at her with the most sympathetic glance. "I've been—no, I _was _best friends with him for eighteen years. _Eighteen years_. He was my _best friend_ and we went through everything together. We have been there for each other through it all. Through his grandparents' deaths and Wyatt's abandonment and my Grandmother's rants and the disappearances of his father and my mother at times when they were thrust on training missions at a moment's notice and we had no clue if they would ever come home. As kids, we refused to listen to those who said a girl and a boy couldn't be best friends. James would fight the boys who would bully me and I would start rumors about the girls who would talk about James being spoiled behind his back. I grew up with him and…and there was no one else I'd rather have grown up with. And then we get to Hogwarts together and still, nothing changed even though we were both so afraid our friendship would be altered. But we continued to be there for each other every step of the way and I always expected that he'd be there no matter what. I've known him my whole life. I thought I knew him inside and out. And then yesterday…" she trailed off, letting out a strangled sigh as a tear slipped down her face. "Yesterday, I found out I didn't know him at all," she whispered, quickly wiping away the single tear.

Lily had no idea what to say. She had no words of comfort and her stomach lurched, feeling the torture that Riley was experiencing herself. She leaned over the table and put her hand on Riley's hand. "I'm really sorry," she said as earnestly as she could.

"In the end, I-I guess James was right though," she spoke slowly.

"About what?"

"Sirius and I. What the hell were we thinking?" she murmured.

Lily hesitated. "You were thinking that you had feelings for him. And you were just acting on those feelings."

"I haven't acted on those feeling in two years," Riley murmured. "Why did I have to give into Sirius' charm this time around?"

"Riley, you wanted it to mean something. You-"

"You're right, I did," she sighed. "Too bad I found out it really didn't mean anything at all. I may have…have had a really good time with him these past three months," she admitted painfully. "But that doesn't mean it was worth it. I didn't need that relationship. That was one I could have done without."

Lily had a feeling that the word 'relationship' could have been replaced with the words 'pain and suffering.' Lily knew that Riley was hurting and it was easier for her to blame Sirius and the relationship in its entirety than to recognize the good memories that came out of it. Riley didn't regret the relationship; she was just trying to forget it. Lily understood that Riley wanted to move on and part of moving on was condemning the relationship. She needed to get her mind off of the good things the relationship brought her. "You may say that now, but...but you wouldn't have been with him for three months if you didn't need him."

Rile's heart ached at the reminder that she definitely had needed him. More than she would like to have admitted. "Maybe a part of me thought I needed him. But I didn't need that relationship. All it gave me was..."

"Heartbreak?"

Riley nodded numbly. "And all I wish I could do is just go back to a time where...where everything has made sense. Where I thought I had it all. Where everything just felt right."

"Riley-"

"And now everything is just so...I don't know. Confusing. Annoying. Heartbreaking. The list goes on."

"Riley-"

She cut her off again, the words tumbling out like never before. "I want to be able to remember the good times instead of just focusing on the bad but...but I can't seem to do that."

"You'll get there."

She frowned, slowly shaking her head. "I hate him for what he did, but..."

"But?"

"But I hate him more for taking it all away from me. Y'know, I can't even remember what our last kiss was like," she whispered painfully. "I mean, if I had known it was going to end, I would have stopped time at our last kiss just to remember…remember everything about that moment. What we were saying. What we were wearing. What was going through my mind. How his lips felt on mine. Where our hands were placed. Was it long? Short? A good kiss? Mediocre? _Amazing_? I-I can't answer these questions and that's all I want. I just want to go back to that one moment in time. That _brief _moment. I-I want to remember how it felt to actually care for him." Another tear rolled down her cheek but this time she didn't swipe it away. She let it slip down her cheek on to her neck before she finished, "I want to know that it was all worth it in the end. But right now, all I can think is that none of it ever was."

It was the first time that Lily really noticed how much Riley really liked Sirius. Lily felt the agony in Riley's tone and wish there was something she could for her to just make the pain disappear.

"Do you…do you see why I can't talk about it?" Riley murmured, running her hand through her hair haggardly. "It…it hurts too much to even think about much less talk about. Right now, work is the only thing getting me through the day."

Lily nodded. If anyone can understand pain, it was her. "Alright," Lily said slowly, reaching into her bag for her notes. "Work it is."

Riley let out a sigh of relief, wiping underneath her eye. "Thank you," she whispered.

* * *

**A/N: **So James feels like a jerk, as he should. Sirius knows he screwed up when it comes to kissing Rachael after the break-up and now has no idea who he is. Riley thinks that her relationship with Sirius wasn't worth it. Lily tries to talk to Riley about it and doesn't get much information. All in all, people in this story are feeling a huge vat of emotions! Anyway, review please!


	25. Of Detention, Love, & Commitment

**A/N: **I'm baaaaack. Riley finally tells Sirius what she thinks of the whole situation. There is still more complaining in this chapter and it starts to get better by the next chapter. Please review!

**Disclaimer: **I ain't J.K. Rowling...yes I just used the word ain't.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 25: Of Detention, Love, & Commitment

* * *

Riley had done more than enough work that day to fulfill her wishes of not thinking about Sirius and was exhausted. She planned on going to back to her room and heading to bed, even if it was only ten o'clock on a Saturday night. But she could barely sleep the night before. She was hoping tonight would be different.

She was heading down the hallway towards the Fat Lady when she met the gaze of none other but Rachael LeBlanc. It was too late for her to turn around and not acknowledge Rachael considering they had already met eye contact. Riley instead froze on the spot and waited for Rachael to reach her.

"Why, hello there, Miss Gilmore," Rachael greeted, a smirk resting on her face.

"Hey, Rachael," Riley replied dryly. "If you don't mind letting me pass, I've got to be heading back to my room." She attempted to maneuver around Rachael, but Rachael stepped in the same direction as Riley. "Don't do this, LeBlanc," she snarled. "Don't mess with me. I am so not in the mood."

"Too humiliated to deal with the aftermath?" Rachael snickered, grinning wickedly.

"No, I'm just afraid that if you remain any longer you'll soon be walking without a head," Riley barked, glaring heatedly at Rachael.

Rachael guffawed. "As if I'm scared of you. You're too pathetic right now to back that statement up with proof."

Riley pulled out her wand immediately and shoved it in Rachael's face. "Are you sure you want to risk it?"

Rachael rolled her eyes and slapped Riley's wand away. She took a step to the side and let Riley pass. When Riley had her back to Rachael, Rachael spoke out again. "So I guess the whole damsel-in-distress plan did work. He chose me, Gilmore. Guess you were wrong."

Riley froze. She swallowed hard, gained composure, and turned around to glare at Riley. "Don't you wonder why in one moment he was pushing you away, yelling at you for making a move on him and in the next, he was storming into the common room to kiss you in front of everyone?"

Rachael frowned irritably.

"It was because _I _broke up with _him_. He just went crawling back to you to make a point to me."

"Oh yeah? Then why he's still with me two days later?" Rachael shot back.

To that, Riley didn't have a reply.

"Face it, Gilmore," Rachael said, emphasizing every word slowly, "_I…won_." She smirked. "_I…_got…the…guy." She winked smugly at her before turning around on her heel to walk away.

"Hey, LeBlanc!" Riley cried out.

Rachael stopped at the end of the hallway and as much as she knew she shouldn't, she turned around out of curiosity.

"You can have him," she replied softly. "I wouldn't want someone's sloppy seconds anyhow." She gave Rachael one more look before muttering the password to the Fat Lady and heading into the common room, praying the tears wouldn't start falling until she got up to her room.

It didn't happen often where Riley felt like a fool. She had always made sure she could never be put in that position. But with every word Rachael spoke to her, she felt even more foolish and stupid for ever falling for Sirius' charm. Why hadn't she just learned her lesson the first time around?

* * *

Jillian slowly walked over to Riley the next morning in the common room. Riley was alone by the fire, flipping through Astronomy notes mechanically. "Hey, Riley."

Riley was surprised to see Jillian standing in front of her. "Hey, Jillian."

She sighed. "Listen, I know that…that we haven't really talked much without the rest of the group around, but I-I just wanted to say that just because Rachael is my roommate doesn't mean I'm on her side."

Riley's stomach lurched at the mention of Rachael's name. She smiled at the nice gesture, though. "Really?"

Jillian nodded. "Yeah," she responded with a shrug. "In fact, Rachael can be quite a bitch when it comes to the things she wants. She's not used to hearing no, that's for sure. I-I'm really sorry if she got in the way of your relationship with Sirius."

A knot was forming in Riley's stomach. She was glad for Jillian's gesture, but she really didn't want to talk about this. "Thanks, Jillian. That actually means a lot."

She smiled. "Anytime." She waved goodbye and headed up the stairs to her room.

It was a very short conversation, but it was heavily weighted. Riley smiled. Remus was dating an awesome girl, that's for sure.

* * *

It was as if they were all walking to their death. All coming from different directions but feeling the same treacherous agony: _Let's get this night over with._

James couldn't even describe the dread he was feeling. With every step he took, his legs felt heavier and heavier until he could barely walk without feeling as if he was sinking into the ground. He didn't want to face Riley for he was ashamed. He didn't want to face Sirius for Sirius hated him and had every reason to. He even contemplated skipping out but knew in the end, he couldn't do it. McGonagall would have his head. And so he kept on walking, no matter how difficult he knew that night would end up being.

Riley felt like she was walking towards her death. This was going to effect her most of all. There were two people she didn't know if she could stand facing. She had yet to run into James in the past two days and although she knew it couldn't last, she was hoping it would have lasted longer than this. The idea of being forced in a room with him and her cheating ex-boyfriend made her want to cry. She could barely look at Sirius without feeling a significant amount of pain. He had really hurt her enough, but McGonagall was torturing her by putting her in the same room with him. She thought she was angry. Turns out, her anger had always been grief that she was just masking. She realized how much she was suffering when the entire school body found it necessary to come up to her and ask about the hidden affair. She had cried herself to sleep the night before and her dreams consisted of their time together. She woke up with the tears stinging her cheeks and she clutched her pillow close to her, as if that would fill the void. So the idea of being in a room with someone who made her sob incessantly and someone who she couldn't look at without feeling the utter betrayal made her want to throw herself off the highest tower.

Sirius didn't know how to comprehend the upcoming detention. Ever since his encounter with James on Friday night, things had been less explosive between them and yet still terribly awkward. He had no idea what to even think when it came to James. He wanted to hate him. And a part of him did. But in the end, he still wanted his best friend. He wanted James to help him figure out where it all went wrong with Riley. _Riley_. Sirius sighed. He didn't know what to think of Riley. He wanted to be around her because he still very much had feelings for her and yet he was angry with her. _Really _angry with her. She broke up with him not because of Rachael but because she was scared. Which made him even angrier. Because he sure as hell was scared, too. But instead of even attempting to talk to him about it, she threw up her usual defensive wall and let her heart take a beating. And in the end, his heart took an even worse beating.

Rhett, thankfully, was already at the trophy room when the three of them arrived, only minutes after each other. Rhett could feel the tension in the air and chose not to say anything for fear of being castrated.

The caretaker, Apollyon Pringle, gave them their assignment and gestured towards the room. He left quickly after and the four reluctantly went to scrubbing down the trophies and awards. The only words spoken amongst each other were James' murmurs saying they should each stick to an area and leave when they are done.

An hour went by without another word and James and Sirius were thankful for it. They were the only ones, though. Riley was going crazy with the silence and so was Rhett, both in need of some chatter in order to make the work go faster. They all jumped when Riley finally spoke to Rhett beside her.

"How was your date with Idina on Friday night, Rhett?"

The three of them halted their work to stare at Riley intensely, who acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Uh…" he stuttered. "Well, actually, we didn't end up going out."

"Aw, why not?" Riley asked rather cheerfully, hoping to liven things up.

Rhett shrugged and quickly fell back into his comfort zone. "It…it just wasn't going to work out."

"I'm sorry," Riley replied sincerely. "Why not?"

Rhett hesitated. "Well…she wasn't-"

"Excuse me," Sirius abruptly interrupted, "but some of us are trying to work and it's rather hard when you two are chattering on."

Riley snorted. "You're scrubbing awards," she snapped, throwing a glare over shoulder from the other side of the room. "You don't need quiet."

"I like quiet," he grumbled.

"Funny, since you're always talking."

"I just want to work!"

"You've never wanted to work a day in your life and you start now?" she questioned with much hostility.

"It's better than hearing your bloody voice yap on," Sirius shot back, narrowing his eyes at her.

Riley swallowed hard and due to the lump in her throat, obeyed Sirius' wishes.

Another hour went by in total silence before Sirius spoke up. "Why the hell were you skipping class, Davies?"

"I thought you wanted quiet," Riley sneered.

"I believe I was speaking to _Rhett_."

Rhett's eyes darted back and forth between Riley and Sirius awkwardly.

"So? Why were you skipping class?" Sirius questioned again.

Rhett shared a glance with Riley, who shrugged. "I…I was hanging out with Riley," he admitted.

As soon as Riley's name was out of Rhett's mouth, Sirius stopped progress of scrubbing the "Best Science Award of 1898." His heart skipped a beat, wondering how he was supposed to take that. "I thought you were hiding from the public," he stated. It was obviously directed towards Riley.

"I was," Riley agreed, enjoying Sirius squirm. "But Rhett joined me for a little while."

Sirius tightened his grasp around his rag. "How nice of him," he said dryly.

"Don't use that tone," Riley ridiculed angrily. "You don't get to act that way. You chose Rachael, remember?"

"I didn't choose her," Sirius snapped. "You pushed me towards her!"

Riley threw down her rag and whirled around to glare at him. "Don't you dare accuse me of that, you backstabbing prat!" she shouted, pointing her finger at him. "You chose her the moment you made the decision to go to her on your birthday!"

"Oh God, I so don't want to get into this again," he grumbled.

The mood in the room changed dramatically as Riley leaned up against the case of awards, an overwhelming feeling of dejection taking over her entire body. "How could you, Sirius?" she asked softly, surprising them all. The three boys looked up, wondering when the anger was suddenly replaced by agony. "I know you left that dungeon room feeling hurt and irritated and upset and angry. Believe me, I know exactly what you were feeling. But how _could _you? If our relationship really did mean something to you - _anything _to you - you wouldn't have immediately gone off to snog Rachael. It didn't even take you a half hour to get over it," she whispered. "How the hell is that supposed to make me feel?"

Sirius opened his mouth to protest but couldn't find the right words. He was shocked that Riley was bringing it up. He was sure that she would just pretend like nothing had happened. She was sure she would avoid the subject of their relationship altogether. Instead, she weas shoving it back in his face. And it was making him feel quite small.

"You did choose Rachael, Sirius," she muttered, closing her eyes. She swallowed hard and opened them again, staring directly into Sirius' eyes. "While I sat in that dungeon feeling the exact same emotions you did—hurt and irritated and upset and angry—and wondering if there was anything that could be done to fix it, you were off kissing Rachael. You were off betraying everything I ever felt towards you. Everything I said in that dungeon that night was clearly dead-on. You haven't changed, Sirius. You never will," she sighed.

He swallowed hard, turning his gaze away from her.

She sighed. "So I guess I have to thank you."

Sirius' head shot up immediately along with James' and Rhett's. "Heh?" Sirius said, confused.

"Yeah," she said, nodding incessantly, "I may have thought for a brief second that I was making a mistake, but thankfully, you proved me wrong. We're just back where we were two years ago, Sirius."

"Riley, I-"

"You chose to be the same guy you were two years ago, Sirius, which just goes to show that I made the biggest mistake of my life by giving you a second chance. So thank you for making me realize that the best thing I could have done on Thursday was walk away. Thank you for choosing Rachael and making my decision that much easier to handle," she said firmly, her eyes filled with desperate confidence. "Because you did choose Rachael, Sirius, no matter how many times you tell yourself you didn't. You did. In the sense that you, once again, didn't choose me."

The room got eerily quiet as Sirius digested everything that Riley had just said, not sure what to think about it. "I didn't think you wanted me to choose you," Sirius said coldly.

"I didn't. I _don't,"_ Riley clarified quickly. "Why the hell would I want to be with a chauvinistic Casanova who is the same guy he was when he was _thirteen years old_?"

"I have changed," Sirius argued, glaring at her. "It's you that hasn't. You're the one who is still that scared little thirteen-year-old girl too afraid to let a guy into her independent life. Ironically as it turns out, you're not so independent."

"Oh, will you quit with that?" Riley snapped. "I don't need you! I never needed you! You were convenient. That's all it ever was."

That hit Sirius' heart hard. That's all he was to her? _Convenience_?

"While we're on this subject matter, how about the two of you fill in some blanks?" James finally chimed in, glancing over at the two. "Because I still am not entirely sure how Rachael was involved in the break-up to begin with."

"You don't get to speak about our relationship," Riley scorned, glaring at him with much hatred.

Sirius nodded vigorously. "You think it's okay to talk about our relationship after blurting it out to the whole goddamned school? You don't get that privilege, James."

"I'm not talking about your relationship," James argued. "I'm talking about your break-upand exactly how Rachael fits into everything. I get that Sirius stupidly snogged her after the break-up but where does she come in before that?" He was mainly thinking aloud. He had a pretty good feeling that they weren't planning on telling him.

Riley rolled her eyes. Her vulnerability was once again replaced with a guarded wall. "You mean besides the fact that she's a manipulative, horny bitch?" Riley snorted.

"She didn't do anything!" Sirius snapped. "It was all you."

After everything she had just confessed to him, he still had the nerve to blame her. "_Fuck you, Sirius_!"

"You guys are being a little ridiculous!" James cried out.

"Oh, shut up, James! You have no right to even dare speak words at us!" Sirius snarled.

"I think you're the one that needs to shut up, Black!" Riley exclaimed, getting irritated with the sound of his voice.

"Uh, can I interrupt here and say something?" Rhett asked in a small voice.

"_NO!_" the three of them shouted back, not glancing towards him but continuing to glare at each other.

"Alright then."

James glanced at Riley's frustration and although he knew he should remain quiet, he chose to continue. "Why didn't you tell me you broke up with him?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat and her anger subsided into surprise. "What…what does that have anything to do with this?"

"You gave me, and I believe everyone else, the impression that Sirius broke it off with you. But that wasn't the case," James stated. "You ended it. And that's why you didn't want to tell me what happened. That's why you don't want to tell anyone what happened."

"I don't want to tell you what happened because you don't deserve anything from me!"

"You're being defensive. And when you get defensive, it's because you're hiding something," James pointed out with a shrug. "So c'mon. Tell us. What really happened?"

"I'm not telling you jack shit, James. Just shut the hell up."

"Why'd you break up with him?" James asked casually.

"Oh, bloody hell. Because he was with Rachael!" she shouted, giving him an incredulous look.

"No, that's not it. What was the real reason?"

"I'm not dignifying that with a response!" she said angrily, her face going red from embarrassment. She couldn't believe she was discussing this with James and Sirius was in the room. She couldn't believe she was discussing it at all. She should have kept her mouth shut.

"You were scared," James categorized Riley, staring at her intently, waiting for her reaction.

Riley scoffed. "What?"

"That's why the break-up occurred. It didn't have anything to do with Sirius. It had to do with you. You were scared."

"What the hell are you talking about? Haven't we already established that Sirius chose Rachael and that's why the break-up occurred?" Riley snapped.

"No, I believe you admitted that he chose Rachael after he had already walked out of the dungeon, hence after the break-up."

"Fine, it happened after. But she still kissed the guy in the library."

"Oh, so you admit that _she _kissed _me_," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Shut up, Black!" Riley snarled.

"Wow," James whispered, his mind spinning around in a whirlwind as he reminisced. "This...this all makes so much sense now."

"What does?" Riley asked, not really sure she wanted to hear what he had to say.

"He's the reason," James contemplated to himself in a hushed tone.

Riley quirked an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"_He's _the reason," James said in a firmer tone, shaking his head in disbelief.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Do you want to explain or just continue repeating your own words?"

"He's the reason that you're so afraid of…of love," James clarified with a shrug, like it was the simplest thing.

"Ex-_cuse_ me?"

"Isn't it obvious?" James snorted.

"Evidently it's not," Sirius chimed in dryly.

"Stay out of this," James quickly responded.

"Well, clearly this is also about me."

"Yeah, but we're not discussing it with you."

"I am in the room, y'know!"

"Stay out of this," James repeated, turning back to gaze at Riley. "You're so afraid of love because of what happened the first time around with Sirius."

Riley blanched, a chill running down her spine. "Don't say anymore."

James ignored her request. "You said before that you were right back where you started two years ago. And what happened two years ago? You put your trust in him, you let your guard down, and he turned around and completely humiliated you. Ever since then, you've been scared of relationships," he quickly continued. "You've run in the opposite direction when given the chance, too scared to fall in love. Or even be given the option of love."

"Stop," Riley said softly.

"You've never let yourself get in too deep again, afraid of ultimate rejection in the end," James persisted. Rhett and Sirius were now looking on, ignoring their trophies and awards, more interested in what James had to say. "You admitted it before, Riley: you always run at the first sign of trouble. Look back upon all your past relationships—they didn't last because you _ran_. And you know why? Because Sirius hurt you. He hurt you bad. Which is why it's ironic he's the one you chose to take it past a few weeks. You put your trust in him _again_, you let your guard down _again_, and he turned around and completely betrayed that trust."

"_Stop_, James," Riley emphasized, her voice trembling.

"You _ran_, Riley. You got scared and _you _ran. You can't blame Sirius for this one. It was _all _you."

"Stop," she whispered.

"I don't know how Rachael is involved and personally, I don't need to know. You were falling for Sirius and that scared the shit out of you. When was the last time you were dependent on a guy? When was the last time you let your guard down around a guy? When was the last time you opened your heart? Never. Until Sirius re-entered. Face it, _y__ou _ruined this. _Not _him."

"STOP!" she screamed, slamming the trophy in her hand against the concrete floor, making them all jump to the loud clattering sound. "You don't get to speculate on my personal life anymore, James! And you certainly don't get to do it in the company of Sirius!"

"Actually, I'm kind-of interested in what he has-"

"Shut up, Black!" Riley snapped.

"Did you love him, Riles?" James asked calmly.

"You can shut up, too, James!"

_"Did you_ _love him_?"

Riley didn't say anything. She felt as if the room were spinning in circles. She could feel Sirius staring at her, curious of the answer, curious if James' theory was right. She could feel James staring at her, wanting her to admit she ran, wanting to admit she loved him. She could feel Rhett staring at her, uncertain where this conversation came from and uncertain what to do or say.

She opened her eyes and stared back at the three of them, uncertain how to respond to their curiosities. "You do not get to sit there and attempt to judge me, James," she snarled. "You don't get to ask me the hard questions. You don't get to try to figure me out. You don't get to help in any shape or form. Because you, in the simplest terms I can put it, are a selfish prick," she snarled, glaring at him. "You really think you get to come in here and attempt to mediate after everything you've put us through? Hell no. You don't get to swoop in and try to resolve everything. You don't get to say anything to me, period."

James opened his mouth to say something, anything to defend himself but she wouldn't let him. "I'm not afraid of anything, James," she growled, glaring at him heatedly. "I broke up with him because he hurt me and betrayed me. He wasn't the right guy for me. Our relationship was just a huge waste of time."

Sirius was just about to protest but was rendered speechless at her last comment.

"But I'm not afraid of relationships," she admitted. "I'm not afraid of love. I'm not afraid of being with someone who actually _respects _me." And with that, she threw her rag down on the floor and impetuously kissed Rhett on the lips.

Sirius' heart froze. His whole body went numb watching her kiss another guy.

James' mouth dropped.

She pulled away from him and stood up. "I refuse to sit here and argue about my love life with the two people I would be perfectly content with _never _speaking to again," she growled. "I'm done with my trophies and awards. I'm leaving."

She sped out of the room without another glance towards the three guys.

Rhett quickly jumped up and ran after her.

Sirius' and James' mouths were still wide open in shock.

"Is…is she _with _Rhett?" Sirius asked in a hoarse voice.

James shot him a look. "How should I know? She doesn't speak to me anymore." He went back to cleaning awards, only left with a few to scrub.

Sirius let out a long, sullen sigh and he, too, returned to scrubbing the trophies.

* * *

Riley was halfway down the hallway when she heard her name being called out.

She turned around and saw Rhett jogging over to her. He smiled and they continued walking. "So, that was fun," he said lightheartedly.

Riley couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry you had to be there during it."

"It sure was…um…well, interesting," he stated. "I certainly learned a lot from you three."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Like always go to class or you'll end up stuck in detention with you three at a most inopportune time," he joked.

Riley playfully hit him on the shoulder as they rounded the corner. "Hey, I'm sorry for…er, springing that…er…kiss on you," she said, blushing.

Rhett snorted and gave Riley a look. "Riley, a beautiful girl never has to apologize for snogging me," he quipped.

Riley burst into laughter. "Fair enough."

"We probably would have been better off not speaking at all during that, that's for sure," Rhett murmured.

"Yeah, I've certainly learned my lesson," Riley snickered.

"Rhett nodded in agreement. "Can I ask you something?"

Riley had a feeling she knew what was coming, but nodded anyway.

"Did you love Sirius?"

Riley halted in the middle of the hallway, Sirius' face flashing through her mind. This was the first time she didn't try to avoid this question since she'd been asked."I-I don't know. I think I wanted to. I-I was trying to I guess. Maybe I was starting to even. But at this point, I hope not," she murmured. "I'm eighteen. How am I supposed to know what love is?"

"You just know," Rhett replied softly.

"Have you ever been in love?"

"God, no. I've never even been given the opportunity," he admitted.

Riley slowly nodded. "I-I don't think I have, either."

Rhett glanced at her. "What about Sirius?"

Riley sighed and ran her fingers through her hair sullenly. "He's not the guy I thought he was," she murmured. "Well, one thing James said was certainly true: I trusted him and I let my guard down. I didn't love him," she said hastily, changing her mind from her previous answer. "I-I think I just loved the idea of him."

Rhett had a feeling Riley was just saying it to make her feel better, but he didn't press it. "Er…can I ask you something else?"

Riley nodded.

"What were you and James talking about when you said the same thing happened two years ago?"

Riley sighed. "Just that. I slept with Sirius and he ran off to have sex with some other girl, leaving me behind. That seems to be a common theme within our relationships."

"Ouch. He really has…" he trailed off.

"Hurt me," she finished. She whimpered. "Damnit, what if James was right with what he said?"

"Er…he said a lot of things," Rhett joked.

Riley bit down on her lip. "What if I amscared of love? What…" she trailed off, afraid to ask the question out loud. She sighed. "What if I end up alone?"

"Then you'll buy a lot of cats."

Riley scowled, a teasing smile on her face, and she pushed him towards the wall humorously. "Well aren't you funny."

"I think I am," he teased, winking at her. "Look, it's just hard now. You just gotta busy yourself with work. It will get better."

"I already finished all five essays that are due within the next three weeks," she said succinctly.

Rhett hesitated. "Do you like Calico or Siamese cats?"

Riley laughed and pushed him again. "I don't see why your date on Friday night didn't work out," she joked. "You're a funny guy. Girls like a sense of humor in a guy."

"Yeah, well…it wasn't really her that broke it off," he admitted.

"Oh?" Riley glanced up at him in surprise. "You did?"

He nodded.

"Why?"

"Because," he said slowly, taking a deep breath in, "She wasn't…wasn't the person I wanted to be with." He stared at her attentively, letting his eyes linger on hers a second too long before tearing them away.

Riley's heart skipped a beat. She just stared at him as he attempted to avert his eyes elsewhere. "Oh," she said, a smile curling up on her face. The smile widened and she put her hand in Rhett's.

Rhett was taken aback and glanced down at their intertwined fingers.

Riley smiled and pushed him against the wall, bringing her lips to his mouth, touching them lightly against his. She deepened the kiss quickly, wrapping her arm around his neck, before pulling away slowly. She stared into his eyes, which were wide in shock.

"Uh…"

"That time, it wasn't for show," she whispered.

"What about Sir-"

"That's over. He's in the past," she interrupted firmly. "We never got our chance, Rhett. It was over before it started. This is our opportunity."

"Riley..."

"_Trust _me, Rhett," she pleaded. She wondered if she and Rhett would have been able to stay together if Sirius hadn't gotten in the way. "You have oddly been there for me more in the past couple of days than anyone else has. You...you really seem to get me."

"I don't want you to jump into anything too soon," he explained.

She shook her head. "I'm not," she argued, kissing the tips of his fingers.

She was making it very hard for him to turn her down. "So this isn't about getting revenge on him? This isn't about making him jealous?"

She hesitated slightly before shaking her head. "I wouldn't use you like that, Rhett. Believe me, I-I know what that feels like."

He nodded slowly, uncertain what to believe.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, staring at him directly in the eyes. "Sirius came between us the last time. You going to let that happen again?"

Rhett was a little wary, but she looked so beautiful and hopeful that he inevitably shook his head slowly and adoringly. He framed her face with his hands and let his lips dance across hers.

She ignored the voice in the back of her mind that told her she was being a hypocrite. She was blaming Sirius for being a jerk to dive into an immediate relationship with Rachael, and she was doing the same with Rhett.

Except there was one major difference. Riley really wanted to be in a relationship with Rhett.

At least, that's what she tried to convince herself of.

Riley walked hand-in-hand with him, smiling happily. A smile that wasn't fake. Happiness that didn't waver. Rhett made her feel good about herself and that was enough for her.

* * *

Riley tensed when she heard footsteps behind her. She knew who it was immediately. "Go away, Sirius."

"So you're allowed to reprimand me for going after Rachael when here you are doing the same thing with Rhett?"

Riley whirled around to glare at him. "Seriously, Sirius? You're going to stand there and play Mr. Innocent with me?" she snapped. "I wasn't the one who ran off to find another girl thirty minutes after we broke up."

He frowned. "But three days later is okay? You would have been fine if I had chosen to wait three days to date Rachael? That's supposed be more acceptable?"

"Rhett wasn't the one who tore us apart, Sirius," she reminded him.

"Neither was Rachael," he said softly. "You did that all on your own."

Riley gritted her teeth, turning back around to hastily walk away. "Whatever makes you sleep at night," she muttered irritably.

"Not denying it, hm?"

Riley frowned, pausing at the end of the hallway. Slowly, she turned around to face him as he slowly met up with her once again. "I don't want to have this same argument over and over again, Sirius. You think I was in the wrong, I think you were in the wrong. I guess-"

"No," Sirius quickly cut her off, shaking his head. "Sure, I think you were partly in the wrong. And I think you're even more in the wrong because you can't even see that. But I know that I am not completely blameless, Riley. You warned me. Numerous times. And I chose to ignore it. For that, I'm always going to be sorry."

Her heart began to race at the careful words Sirius chose to say. She opened her mouth a few times to say something. _Anything_. But she came up blank.

"Are you?" he eventually asked.

"Am I what?"

He shrugged. "Sorry that we broke up."

She blinked. Once. And then twice. A third time. He continued to stare at her with desperate eyes and it was making it impossible for her to think. "Look, none if it matters now anyway," she murmured with a shrug. "We've both moved on, right? Whatever it was that you and I had is in the past."

"It's been three days."

She frowned. "So?"

He didn't say anything, stepping past her and walking towards the Gryffindor tower. "You've really moved on?" he asked over hiss houlder.

Riley slowly followed him, much to her chagrin. "Haven't you?"

He wandered up a stairwell as he pondered the question. He knew the answer to it was no but he couldn't tell her that. "We're the same people we used to be," he muttered. "Maybe you were right. Maybe we haven't changed."

"I never said _I _didn't change. Only you," she scoffed.

"You're with some rebound three days after we broke up. Sounds an awful lot like the old Riley."

"He's not some rebound," she snapped. "If you recall, I was with him back in December. He and I actually could have been something if you hadn't annoyingly intervened."

He smirked. "You didn't think it was annoying when you came crawling back to my door in December."

She slapped him across the face and he quickly recoiled. "I didn't crawl back to you, Sirius, and I don't appreciate you insinuating that I did," she snapped. "I had a momentary lack of judgment where I actually believed I could trust you again. Turns out, I couldn't have been more wrong."

She shot him one last glare before quickly storming off, leaving Sirius there slightly dumbfounded.

He sighed. "Well, that went well."

* * *

There was a knock on Lily's door late that night.

Before she could even ask who it was, the door opened.

"Remind me never to skip class again," James murmured, rubbing his temples as he climbed on to the bed beside his girlfriend, who was finishing up some reading.

Lily grimaced. "That bad?"

"Lots of yelling. Lots of confrontation. Lots of questions. But no answers."

Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her as she threw her notes on to the ground beside her bed. "I'm sorry, baby."

He shrugged, placing his head into her lap with a sigh. "Don't be. I put myself here. I was the one who ruined everything," he muttered. "They both hate me."

Lily stroked his hair comfortingly. "They don't hate you. They're disappointed in you."

"That's even worse," he groaned, making a face.

She chuckled.

"I'm a terrible person."

"Oh, you are not."

"I am selfish."

"Not."

"Judgmental."

"Stop."

"Awful friend."

"Not reall—actually, that one I might give you."

James lifted his gaze to face her amused eyes. "I'd laugh, but alas, it is true," he muttered.

Lily smiled sympathetically. "James, you need to stop beating yourself up."

"Is that your way of saying you're tired of talking about this?"

Lily laughed. "I will always be here to listen to you vent. I just think that I'm not the one you should be venting to."

"Well, you're all I've got at the moment," James said with a curt shrug. "Because I'm pretty sure I would be hexed into a million pieces if I tried approaching Sirius or Riley at the present time. And I'd prefer not to be hexed if I can at all avoid it."

She chuckled lightheartedly. "It'll all work out in the end," Lily murmured, kissing him on the top of his head lightly. "Just give it some time."

James nodded. "Thank you for being so wonderful."

Lily laughed. "Well, that just comes naturally."

James glanced up towards her with an amused light laugh. He squeezed her hand and gestured for her to kiss him. She complied. "Did you know that Riley was seeing Rhett?"

Lily lifted her eyebrow, confused and curious. "Like _seeing _seeing Rhett?"

"Well, it could have been a make-out session to make Sirius jealous, but they were definitely getting into it."

"Hm. Interesting," Lily murmured. "Sirius can't like this."

"Why should it matter to him?" James snorted. "He did the same thing with Rachael."

Lily nodded hesitantly. "Yeah," she muttered. "I guess."

James sighed, resting his head against Lily's shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?"

He nodded, stifling a yawn.

"What do you want to do for your birthday?" she asked cautiously. It was the first time his birthday was mentioned even though it was coming up in four days. The fact that he wasn't speaking to his two best friends may have something to do with that.

He shrugged awkwardly. "Honestly? I have no idea. I just have a feeling it's going to be somewhat of a letdown," James murmured, trailing his thumb over the back of her hand soothingly.

Lily winked at him. "I'm sure we'll find a way to make it fun," she whispered suggestively.

"Ooh, just what I like to hear," James whispered back, kissing the back of her hand and running his lips up her arm. Lily leaned down and kissed him.

James smiled. "I don't know how you do it, but you make me forget all of that drama going on in my life."

"I think it's my distracting beauty," she teased.

He laughed. "Well, that's definitely a big part of it." He grinned and kissed her again.

* * *

Riley really enjoyed hanging out with Rhett. Granted, their Advanced Transfiguration project essentially got nowhere because most of their time was spent joking around and snogging. But who wanted to do work when you could snog anyway?

They were walking back after hanging out in the library the next night, where, again, they got no work done due to them chatting nonstop with the occasional snog fest. It didn't help that they were often interrupted by students' whispering and pointing towards them in surprise. No one expected Riley and Rhett to get together after what they had heard on Friday.

"Did you see the look on Daniella Skeeter's face the first time you leaned over and kissed me?" Riley giggled. "I thought she was going to have a heart attack!"

Rhett laughed and gripped Riley's hand. "Me, too. She started scribbling furiously on that stupid pad of her and I just wonder how long it's going to be before the whole school knows about us."

"Well, she left the library about an hour ago, so there's a good chance the whole school already knows."

Rhett nodded. "Oh well. We knew this was going to happen. People certainly like to talk about you," he teased.

"What can I say? I'm a popular girl," she laughed, winking playfully at him. "But you know what? I don't care what people think. I'm just glad I have you."

Rhett leaned down and kissed her. "And I'm glad we were given this second chance."

Riley smiled and nodded. "Me, too."

They turned the corner and ran smack into two bodies, all four of them stumbling to the ground.

"Oh sorry!" Riley muttered as she brushed herself off and stood up. She glanced up and her eyes narrowed out of habit. "No, actually I'm not sorry."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Riley Gilmore," Zach Hamilton smirked.

"Shove off, Hamilton," she snapped, helping Rhett off the ground. She glanced towards the girl slowly climbing off the floor and she gasped inwardly. "Oh. Kristina. Hi."

"Hey, Riley," she greeted uncomfortably, knowing the past history between Riley and Zach.

Rhett glanced at the look on Riley's face and knew something was off. "Er…hey, guys," he said to break the tension. "How are you?"

"We're good," Zach answered smugly, throwing his arm around Kristina's shoulders.

Riley glared at him. "Since when did you guys start dating?"

"Since a while ago," he replied with a casual shrug. "Didn't James or Lily tell you?"

Kristina cringed. "Okay, it's time to go."

Riley's mouth dropped. She was shocked that James or Lily never mentioned it to her.

"Yes, I agree," Rhett murmured, dragging Riley away from them before any more damage could be done.

"Later!" Zach cried out snidely before heading in the opposite direction with Kristina.

"Good Godric, I hate that jackass," Riley vented once they were out of earshot.

"Yes, that was obvious," Rhett said with a smirk. "Why do you hate him?"

"He and I used to date," Riley murmured with a sigh. "It…it didn't end well."

"I can see that. Why do you care if he's with Kristina?"

"I don't. I'm just surprised Lily and James didn't tell me. That's something I thought they would have told me."

"Maybe it slipped their minds with everything going on lately," Rhett suggested.

Riley nodded, still unconvinced. "Yeah…"

"Well, I'm heading this way," Rhett said when they hit the end of the hallway where they were to split in different directions. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Riley nodded and tilted her head up, gesturing for him to kiss her. He smiled and followed her request, kissing her bottom lip lightly and then deepening the intensity, running his fingers through her hair soothingly.

They pulled apart and said their goodbyes.

Riley rushed towards Lily's private quarters. She muttered the password and let herself in. Lily was sitting on the couch in her small common room and looked up when the door opened, surprised to see Riley there. She clearly expected it to be James. "Hey, Ril-"

"Why the hell didn't you tell me Kristina and Zach were together?"

Lily was thrown back by Riley's tirade. "Er…why does it matter? He's been your ex for a long time now."

"Kristina can do so much better."

"So? That's her choice. And since when did you care about Kristina?"

"I always liked Kristina," she defended, taking a seat beside Lily on the couch.

Lily snorted. "No actually I remember you making fun of her behind her back."

"So not the point," Riley whimpered.

"No, that kinda _is _the point," Lily snickered, placing her quill down on her notebook. "Zach is a prat and she'll realize it sooner or later. I don't think it's our place to get involved in her love life. Especially since it's been over two months since she's been with James. She's not attached in any way to our friends anymore so why should we warn her?"

"I never said we should warn her," she muttered. "I just think we should...oh hell, I don't know. I just hate the guy!" She pounded her fist against the armrest of the couch with a groan.

"I know," Lily sympathized. "Riley, you're upset because on top of everything that's been going on, he's yet another ex you feel like you're having to deal with." She didn't bother adding that running into Zach was a reminder of how screwed up Riley's relationships have always been.

Riley opened her mouth to protest but realized she was right. Zach was the last thing she wanted to be dealing with on top of losing Sirius and losing James. "Oh, hell, you're right. My life is far too complicated right now."

"It'll get better," Lily promised, patting her on the leg. "Give it a few days."

"Try a few months," Riley murmured.

"Well," Lily said slowly. "You have Rhett, right?"

Riley smiled, glancing up at Lily. "Yeah," she said softly.

"And exactly how did you two get together?" she asked curiously.

Riley's smile wavered. "I don't know. It just happened."

Lily nodded, but there was hesitation in her eyes.

"What?"

Lily's eyebrow quirked. "I didn't say anything."

"But you wanted to."

Lily grinned sheepishly. "I just...do you really think it's wise to jump into a relationship so quickly after-"

"Sirius and I are over," Riley interrupted stubbornly. "_So _over. Rhett and I never had our chance to be together. But that chance has come up again. I don't want to let it slip through my fingers yet again."

Lily nodded slowly. She had a feeling that Riley was merely deflecting her frustration with Sirius on to feigned happiness with Rhett. She wasn't so sure it could end well but she wasn't about to tell Riley that. "So," Lily said slowly. "Right around the time you stopped dating Rhett, you started dating Sirius. Would I be pointing out the obvious if I said they perhaps were interrelated?"

"Point away," Riley said with a shrug. "The two were indeed connected."

Lily gazed at her in hopes of more information but Riley left it at that. "Seriously? You're not going to give me more detail?" she teased.

Riley shrugged again. "It's...it's all in the past," she muttered. "My focus is now. With Rhett."

"It's never all in the past, Riley," Lily said softly.

Rily blinked. "It has to be, Lily," she murmured desperately. "I-I just want to be happy."

Lily smiled. "Well, I guess that I can understand."

Riley opened her mouth to thank her but the door opened up to reveal James.

"That's my cue to leave," Riley muttered, shooting James a glare. She quickly jumped up from the couch and sped out of the room, shoving into him as she headed out the door.

"Oh, I didn't make her leave, did I?" James said sarcastically, watching her rush down the hallway.

"She found out about Zach and Kristina," Lily stated.

James shut the door and looked at Lily inquiringly. "And?"

"She was a little taken aback but nothing too extreme," she explained with a shrug. "She's just realized how complicated her life really is."

James sighed and plopped on to the couch beside his girlfriend. "Join the club. I'm just thankful I have you."

Lily shut her books and placed them on the coffee table in front of her. "And I am _so thankful_ I'm not Sirius and Riley right now."

James smiled, placing his head in Lily's lap with a sigh. "Please promise me that we will never end up like them."

Lily shook her head defiantly, as she ran his fingers through his smooth hair. "Believe me, we won't. Because unlike them, you and I are able to do the whole committed relationship thing."

James gasped. "Wait, commitment?" he said dramatically. "No one said anything about commitment!"

Lily laughed and kissed his lips lightly. "I'm pretty sure by dumping Kristina and choosing me, we are officially in a committed relationship."

"So…this is _my _fault?"

Lily slapped him playfully. "This isn't a blame thing!"

James laughed and reached for her hand, kissing it slowly and traveling his lips up her arm. "Yeah, alright. I guess I can do commitment."

"Oh, gee, you sound so excited at that thought."

James laughed and turned over, placing his hand warmly on her thigh. "I know what can get me excited."

Lily lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, so that's all I am to you? A piece of meat?"

"Well, yeah. Did you expect anything else?"

"Nah. I guess I can get what I want from Sirius. I hear he's semi-single."

James gasped loudly, bringing his hand to his mouth in an overly dramatic way. "_Ouch_. Way to emasculate your boyfriend."

Lily laughed, grinning suggestively at him. "I think I can fix that." She winked playfully at him before getting up off the couch and motioning him towards his bedroom.

James' eyes lit up as he quickly jumped up off the couch, following his girlfriend quickly into his bed. "I am loving this committed relationship thing."

* * *

**A/N: **Not a whole lot to add. Just review pleeeease!


	26. Of Codes, Global Warming, & Strippers

**A/N: **Alright, am I boring you yet? I'm kinda boring myself. Sirius this. Riley that. James this and that. Yada yada. Slowly, things start to get back to normal. (I'm going to emphasize the word slowly yet again.) There's more than just James/Sirius/Riley in this chapter. So yay!

I got a question about the Order and MWPP. The Order IS mentioned eventually in this story, along with the war that Voldemort is causing. In the sequel, their jobs are just as important as the personal life drama. As for the now the Order is not mentioned. I thought that MWPP weren't involved with the Order of the Phoenix until AFTER school so that's how I wrote it. Again, this IS an AU story a bit. Please respect that!

**Disclaimer: **It's after midnight. I don't have anything creative. I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 26: Of Girl Codes, Global Warming, & Strippers

* * *

Riley ignored the idea of Kristina and Zach together. Lily was right: it shouldn't be something Riley had to worry about. Riley smiled. Besides, she had Rhett now to take her mind off of all of the complicated things in her life. The smile on Riley's face lasted the whole way back to her common room. And then everything changed.

She was heading up the stairs when she heard the portrait hole open. Glancing over, she watched Sirius walk through. She shot him a disgusted look before taking a step up the stairway to her room.

Sirius bit down on his lip. "I-I don't want to do this anymore," he said softly.

Riley halted on the stairs, turning around to gaze at him, confused. "Do what anymore?"

"Play this…this cat-and-mouse game."

She frowned. "Why are you always so convinced that you and I are playing games with each other?"

"Besides the fact that we are?" he murmured. "One minute, we're together. The next, I'm with Rachael. Suddenly, you're with Rhett. None of it makes sense."

"It's not supposed to make sense."

He stared at her in bewilderment, hesitation filling his grey eyes. "Riley," he said slowly, the sound of her name on his tongue resounding throughout the room, "I want to be friends."

Riley's heart skipped a beat, her eyes widening in confusion. "I…I don't know if I can do that."

He hung his head shamefully.

"Sorry," she muttered. She started heading up the stairs when she heard her name. She hesitated, but turned back around, greeted with Sirius' pleading look.

"I'm sorry, Riley."

The words threw her for a loop. An apology wasn't something she knew how to deal with from him. She was so used to him being frustrated with her and vice versa. That was something she knew how to handle. But the remorseful side of Sirius wasn't something she was equipped to dealing with. "Sorry isn't going to change anything."

"I know," he spoke evenly. "But I thought you deserved that much from me."

She blinked, her throat suddenly growing quite dry. "I can't be your friend right now, Sirius," she muttered. "Too much has happened."

He nodded slowly. "Can I ask you something that might be totally out of line?" he whispered.

She met his gaze and offered him a curt nod.

"Did you love me?"

Riley was not expecting that. "I didn't answer that question when James asked me on Friday. I didn't answer it when Lily asked me on Saturday. I didn't answer that question when James asked me again during that memorable detention and I didn't really answer that question when Rhett asked me last night. Do you really think I'm going to answer you?"

Sirius didn't reply, a lump forming in his throat.

She sighed and looked back down at her hands. "No, Sirius, I didn't," she responded.

His heart sunk. He knew she would never have admitted it if she did, but hearing those words out loud made him feel even worse.

"I'm sorry if that wasn't the answer you were looking for," she whispered sincerely. She quickly turned back around and headed up the stairs.

She didn't hear Sirius' next words because she rushed up the stairs as quickly as possible, slamming her room door loudly behind her.

"I miss you, Riley."

* * *

Everybody in school could feel the tension. Although Riley, James, and Sirius managed to avoid each other and not speak at all to each other, it was almost worse than if they had chewed each other out. James and Riley had been friends ever since they arrived at school and James and Sirius were inseparable since the day they met. To see them ignoring each other as if they were merely acquaintances made everyone feel a little uncomfortable. And when it was obvious that Rhett and Riley had something going on, the relationship between Sirius and Riley became even that more of a mystery. Rumor was it was all a lie. Which actually made Riley happy. If people thought it never happened, maybe she'd start believing it herself.

"Well you certainly are a hard person to find," Lily greeted Riley, slipping into the bench at the Gryffindor table opposite Riley Wednesday during dinner, only five days after the whole James' blurt-out fiasco. Which meant it was still buzzing around the school.

Riley glanced up from her notes, a a piece of biscuit halfway to her mouth. "What do you mean? I'm around."

"You seem to be around with Rhett a lot lately and not so much with me and Kay."

Riley glanced at Lily curiously. "Are you bitter about that?"

Lily shook her head. "No. I like you and Rhett together. I'm just saying I haven't seen much of you in the past week."

"Well that might be because I'd rather not run into you-know-who and if I'm hanging out with you, there's a good possibility of that happening," Riley pointed out.

"Who's you-know-who? James? Or Sirius? Voldemort?"

Riley rolled her eyes. "James and Sirius. Though I wouldn't want to particularly run into Voldemort either." Riley returned to her notes, studying for the Potions exam they were going to be given the next day.

"So, how are things with Rhett?" Lily asked tensely.

Riley smiled. "They're going really well. I _really _like him, Lily. He just...every time I think about him, he makes me smile. And yes, I realize that is such a cliche."

Lily nodded, pulling out her own books from her bag. She poured herself some pumpkin juice. "Sometimes a cliche can be nice."

Riley made a face. "Oh, dear Merlin. You've been spending too much time in La La Land if you really just said that."

Lily rolled her eyes. "If by La La Land you mean James, then yeah. I have. And I'm happy."

Riley found herself smiling, though a part of her wished that like James and Lily, she and Sirius could have lasted and been just as happy. "I'm happy, too, Lily," she pointed out.

Lily looked at her curiously.

"I _am," _Riley urged, recognizing hesitation in her friend's gaze. "Is that so hard for you to believe?"

Lily sighed. "I saw how you were on Saturday. I just want to be sure you're okay."

"I'm okay," she reassured with a shrug. "Really. I am."

Lily couldn't be sure that it wasn't just all an act but she smiled. "I'm glad that you're happy, Riley."

Riley gazed back down towards her notes, signaling the end of their conversation.

Lily nodded and slowly pulled out a quill apprehensively, anticipating her next question. "So…you know whose birthday is tomorrow?" she asked, reaching for her goblet.

Riley stiffened.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"James," she murmured. Of course she knew whose birthday it was. She and the guys had gotten together for the past six years to plan the biggest birthday bash ever seen at Hogwarts. They were constantly trying to top the previous year's birthday and every year, they did. It was the one time she and Sirius put aside their differences to give their best friend the best birthday ever. Even though James' birthday was exactly a week after Sirius, they never partied together. They both enjoyed having separate celebrated birthdays and had kept it that way since their first year.

"I have a good feeling you won't be planning the party this year, am I correct?" Lily continued.

Riley shook her head hesitantly. "What do you think?"

Lily nodded gloomily. "Which means that I will probably be planning it with Remus. And let's face it—neither one of us know James as well as you and Sirius do."

Riley glanced up at her friend, confused. "So what are you trying to say? Because I'm not helping, Lily. I refuse to help that backstabbing prat."

"I don't expect you to help. I don't even expect you to come. I was just wondering—would it be better to plan a party? Or should I just nix that idea and…and take him into Hogsmeade for his birthday. Just the two of us."

Riley remained silent. James had had a party for the past six years. If she and Sirius weren't going to be there, it almost felt worthless. He'd notice the disappearance. "The latter."

Lily knew she was going to say that. "Okay."

"Who first created the Felix Felicis potion?" Riley asked.

The topic of James' birthday was finished.

Lily sighed. "Riley, can I say something?"

Riley gazed up at her friend irritably. "I'd prefer it if you didn't. I have a good feeling what you want to say."

"I know a little thing or two about having your blood boil because of James Potter," she stated matter-of-factly, ignoring Riley's request. "Believe me, I've been on the receiving end of his insults and arguments and yelling matches one too many times."

"This isn't about insults or arguments or yelling matches," Riley retaliated with a growl. "This is about betrayal."

"And I even know a little thing or two about that," she sighed.

Riley rolled her eyes.

"Before Christmas this pats year, no one knew about my...my orphan situation," she murmured. "Sirius stumbled across the information...mostly because he was being extremely nosy and just plain petulant, but he ended up telling the guys."

"Are you going anywhere with this? I have Potions to study for," Riley said coldly.

"Remember the fist fight James and I had?"

"No, I wasn't there," Riley snickered. "And I am still cursing myself for going home for the break."

Lily cracked a smile. "Well, as you can kinda figure out by the fist fight, we had just about had it with each other. We just...we couldn't deal with each other anymore. We fought, we were stopped by Remus, Sirius, and Peter, we continued to yell at each other and I blamed his family for having him remain at Hogwarts over the break and...and he suddenly screamed out that at least he had a family."

"Ouch."

"Yeah," she muttered. "It hurt, Riley. It...it really stung. Betrayal and James Potter unfortunately have happened a few times over the years."

"But technically wasn't that Sirius who betrayed you?" Riley muttered, ignoring her friend's clear uncomfortableness. "Which, again, I might know a little something about."

"Yes, Sirius betrayed me. But so did James by blurting it out as if it wasn't a big deal," she continued. "But look at us now. We're all friends."

Riley didn't respond.

"Friendships are hard, Riley. You have to work to keep them in tact," Lily explained. "The question you have to ask yourself is, _are _you willing to work for it? _Do _you want to work for it?"

"You knew the guy for six years, Lily," Riley retaliated, shaking her head. "And you hated him for six years. So he betrayed you? Big deal. He wasn't the guy you grew up with. He wasn't the guy who shimmied up the oak tree and climbed into your bedroom window on nights when you needed him most. He wasn't the guy who taught you how to defend yourself in front of the bullies on the street. You didn't play Quidditch with his family. You didn't trust your deepest and darkest secrets with the guy over eighteen years no matter how small or big the secret was. He wasn't the guy who...who you called your _best friend_ for eighteen years." Riley turned away from Lily's scrutinizing stare. "And I really don't think it's fair for everyone to believe that it can just take one heart-to-heart to fix what he did."

Lily gazed at her friend. Riley quickly turned away, biting down on the inside of her cheek with a defeated sigh. Lily sighed, nodded curtly. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Lily shrugged. She could see in Riley's eyes how much she hated not speaking to her two best friends. But Lily could also see that Riley was hurt by both their actions. She wasn't ready to forgive either one of them. Eventually, she would work for it. But not now. "Yeah," Lily said simply. "I get it."

Riley smiled warily. "Thanks."

They both stopped discussing Sirius and James and chose to focus on their work.

"Hey guys."

Riley tensed up at the sound of Sirius' voice. She threw her notes into her bag and quickly chucked the biscuit back on to her playe. "Bye guys."

Sirius sighed and took Riley's seat as she quickly ran off. He placed his head in his hands sullenly, grabbing Riley's half-eaten biscuit, trying hard not to watch her walk away with very little success.

"How's Rachael?" Lily asked lightly.

Sirius glanced up briefly before looking back towards the entrance of the Great Hall where Riley just disappeared out of. "Huh?"

"_Rachael_? You know, your girlfriend? How _is _she?"

"Oh. Good. Fine. Yeah."

Lily didn't think he sounded convincing. "What's going on with you and Riley?"

He snapped his head in her direction. "Uh, nothing. Have you not noticed the whole avoiding-each-other process we've been going through?"

Lily smiled as he turned his head back towards the entrance way. "Then why are you still staring after her even though she's gone?"

Sirius slowly turned back to look at her. "Why must you be so perceptive?"

"I'm James' girlfriend and he doesn't like to spell out his feelings all too much. It comes with the territory. And you're avoiding the question."

"Nothing's going on," he murmured with a shrug. "Drop it, please."

Lily sighed. "Fine," she said, shaking her head defeatedly. "James' birthday is on Thursday."

Sirius laughed. "Oh man, let's see how many people who blacklisted me you can mention within a span of two minutes."

Lily shrugged. "I was just saying that-"

"I know what you were saying, but why bother? You know I'm not planning on doing anything for his birthday. He doesn't deserve it."

"He threw you a party even though he wasn't happy with you at the time. He's your best friend, Si-"

"James Potter is no friend of mine. My friends don't completely tell the whole school the private details of my personal life."

"You're just mad because now you have to deal with it," Lily shot back. "Before, you could ignore the fact that you and Riley were over. Now, you actually have to acknowledge it."

Sirius was getting tired of people assuming that. "_Or _I could just ignore the whole thing," he lied.

Lily rolled her eyes. "It's not something you can ignore."

"Sure I can," he lied.

"You're in denial."

"What, so now it's your turn to confess your opinion on my present situation?" Sirius snarled, giving her a look. "I've gotten enough of that, thank you very much. What I could use right now is someone who realizes that for once, I _don't _want to talk about her."

"I don't know enough to form an opinion, Sirius," Lily responded coldly, giving him an irritated look.

"Look, I didn't come here to discuss this, okay? I just want to...to forget about it for at least a few minutes? Is that so hard to believe?"

She shook her head. "No," she admitted with a sigh. "Riley will come around," Lily said as an afterthought.

He thought back to his previous encounters with her. "Who cares if she does or not?" Sirius mumbled. "I'm done dealing with her."

"Then why did you tell her you wanted to be friends?"

Sirius hesitated. "Well…" he muttered, scrunching his nose, "because I didn't know you knew that."

Lily smiled lopsidedly.

"That was my way of showing her I could be the bigger person!" Sirius explained. "Considering she was the one who ruined everything."

"Er, not to sound totally vicious and subjective, but didn't you technically ruin everything by kissing Rachael?"

"I didn't kiss her! She kissed me!" Sirius cried out, frustrated.

"Well, _I_ know that, but that doesn't mean that that she wasn't-"

"Wait, what? How did you know that?" Sirius interrupted, confused. "Did Riley actually tell you that-"

"No, I was there in the library that day. While I was gathering up my things, I saw you two out of the corner of my eye."

Sirius stiffened, staring at Lily with an intense look of determination. He felt his heart begin to race slowly. He cleared his throat. "Lily," he said pointedly.

"What?"

"How did Riley find out?"

"Heh?"

"That's the one thing I have been trying to figure out since Thursday night," Sirius said calmly, swallowing hard.

"_What_ is?"

"How Riley found out about Rachael kissing me," Sirius murmured.

Lily froze, replaying the events of Thursday night in her mind. "Oh no," she whispered, shutting her eyes tightly.

Sirius whirled his head around fast to stare at her angrily. "Oh my God, it was _you_!"

"How the hell was I supposed to know you two were together!?" Lily cried out desperately, giving Sirius a pleading look. "I wouldn't have said anything if I _knew_."

"You wouldn't have?"

Lily hesitated. "Okay, maybe I would have, but only because of the girl code!" she explained hastily with a sheepish grin.

Sirius raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "The girl code?" he repeated dryly.

"Yes, girls are supposed to tell each other everything even if the person might not like to hear it."

Sirius snorted. "Oh yeah? So girls are supposed to tell each other when they are secretly dating the Casanova of the school? And girls are supposed to tell each other when their parents died and they're an orphan?"

Lily glared at him. "That is _not _fair."

"I'm thinking your girl code is a sham," Sirius snapped, grunting angrily.

"And I'm thinking that you're getting angry at me when you should really be getting angry at yourself," Lily barked, glaring at him. "This is not my fault. Maybe you shouldn't have been with Rachael that night in the first place! Don't you think you should have been spending your birthday with your _girlfriend_?"

Sirius grunted. "You play dirty!"

"You played dirty first!"

"No, you did by telling my girlfriend that some girl was making out with me!"

"I didn't know she was your girlfriend!" Lily argued.

"And I didn't know you were such a bad friend!" Sirius growled, quickly thrusting the rest of the biscuit into his mouth and standing up from the table.

"Yeah? Well, you're a bad boyfriend for running off to Rachael so quickly after your break-up with Riley! Heartless much?"

Sirius reached over and threw Lily's pumpkin juice into her face. "I have always wanted to do that, and I'm so glad you gave me the opportunity." He quickly stormed out of the Great Hall.

Lily coughed, wiping away the juice from her eyes. "Pleasure is all mine," she muttered sarcastically.

* * *

Sirius stormed into his bedroom, falling back against his bed with an aggravated grunt. "Why are all girls so horrible?"

Remus and Peter exchanged confused look. Remus shrugged. "I'll take this one," he muttered reluctantly, turning to Sirius. "What girls are horrible?"

"Every single one of them!"

"Hm…yeah, I'm gonna need more specifics."

Sirius sat up abruptly, irritability flashing across his eyes. "This is all Lily's fault. Everything that's gone wrong lately is her fault!"

"I don't really think you can blame her for everything. I'm pretty sure she's not at fault for that whole global warming situation."

Sirius glared at him.

"But we can talk about global warming later," Remus said sheepishly.

"Or never," Peter snickered.

"I wouldn't be surprised if the girl was messing with global warming," Sirius grunted. "She's the devil. The devil, I tell you!"

"Really? The devil?" Remus said with a look of curiosity. "I never pictured the devil so hot. Then again, her red hair should have tipped us-"

"Seriously?" Sirius interrupted, frustrated. "You going to come back with a joke every time? Because if so, I can always leave."

"And that's supposed to stop me from making jokes?" Remus snickered.

"Fine! I'll go discuss this with someone else!"

Remus snorted. "Like who? Riley? James?"

Sirius scowled. "Do you want to be next on my list?"

"Do you actually have a list? Because I wouldn't be surprised with all of your friends dropping like flies lately," Remus said, shrugging innocently. He grinned wickedly. "Man, I'm on fire tonight with the jokes."

"Congrats. With all of that fire, you can join Lily in hell."

Remus opened his mouth to retort, but quickly shut it with a sigh. "Damnit, I have nothing. I'm out."

"Good, can we move on to insulting Miss Evans now?"

Remus shrugged. "Yeah, okay. I have no more jokes so I might as well use up some insults I have in me," he explained with a nod. "So, why are we insulting Lily?"

"She was the one who blurted out to Riley about Rachael kissing me!"

Remus and Peter exchanged a blank look.

Sirius stared at them, exasperated. "Uh, hello? Did you hear me!?"

"Well…yes," Remus said slowly, darting his eyes away from an irate Sirius. "But why does that mean we have to insult Lily? Lily didn't know at the time that you were dating Riley. She didn't know she was doing anything wrong by telling Riley. If anything, this ist just your fault for not telling her sooner."

"Oh, sure, take _her _side," Sirius grumbled, flopping back on to his bed with an aggravated grunt.

"I'm not taking anyone's side, I'm just…" Remus trailed off. "I…I don't really think you can blame her for, to use your words, 'ruining everything.'"

"Sure I can!" Sirius argued, staring up at the ceiling. "I might still be with Riley if-"

"No, you wouldn't!" both Peter and Remus snorted, bursting into laughter.

Sirius lifted himself slowly off his bed to glare at his two friends. "I'm sorry, but pray yell, why are you finding so much amusement out of my break-up with Riley?"

"Rachael kissed you in a library knowing perfectly well that there would be tons of people around to see her kissing you. I'm sure she expected and wanted this to get back to Riley," Remus pointed out. "This definitely would have been discussed through the rumor mill. Riley would have found out soon enough."

Sirius made a face. "Stop being so logical and start insulting Lily."

"Sorry, mate, you're on your own," Remus said, shrugging. "I don't think you're really all that mad at Lily."

"No, I am. Idefinitely am. I threw a glass of pumpkin juice in her face."

"That doesn't mean anything. You have always wanted to do that," Peter chimed in with a snort.

Sirius grinned. "I know. And it was so much fun. I need to get mad at people more often."

Remus sighed, rolling his eyes. "I'm assuming you've already got that one covered."

Sirius scowled, crossing his arms impatiently. "Okay, do we need to go over the rules again?" he whined. "This is insulting Lily time! If you're not here to insult Lily, you can leave!"

"Well…er…actually, we were here first," Peter pointed out sheepishly.

Sirius stared at Peter with a sour frown. "Then I better hear an insult about Lily Evans shortly."

"Padfoot, I think you just got mad at Lily because you want someone to be mad at," Remus chimed in, ignoring Sirius' request. "Truth is, you're not as mad at Riley as you want to be. As you feel you should be. You just…you don't know how to be mad at her."

"Hm, yeah, I'm pretty sure that wasn't an insult of Lily Evans, but thanks for playing," Sirius replied sardonically. "And I do know how to be mad at Riley. Believe me, it's not that difficult considering this whole break-up is her fault," he muttered irritaby.

"I thought it was Lily's," Remus said dryly.

Sirius hesitated, scoffing slightly. "Well…uh...yeah. It…it is. It's both of their faults!" he stuttered.

Remus sighed. "Sirius, did you ever think that you're really just mad at yourself and trying to place blame on anyone else to keep yourself admitting it? That maybe you're pissed at yourself for how everything went down but it's a hell of a lot easier accusing everyone else for your break up?"

"What? That…that is just...just _so _not…not _true_!" Sirius sputtered.

Remus lifted an eyebrow. "Isn't it?"

Sirius turned his glare away from Remus, pondering the statement briefly. "Fine, it's not Lily's fault. But it's not my fault, either."

"Sirius, you just-"

"But I still think it's Riley's fault!" Sirius cried out with an exasperated look. He wanted so badly to be angry with Riley and maybe if he convinced others, he'd eventually convince himself. He exhaled giddily with a satisfied smile, quickly getting up off his bed and strutting towards the door. "Thanks, Remus. That helped." He whisked through the door and out of the room before Remus or Peter had the chance to dispute.

Remus groaned. "It's like talking to a sock."

Peter shrugged. "No," he said. "Socks have more brain power."

Remus laughed. "If Sirius wants to go ahead and try to blame anyone else but himself, that's his deal. It will come back to bite him in the ass later."

Peter nodded in agreement. "Where, naturally, we will have to hear all about it."

"I'm thinking the Sorting Hat should have put me in Hufflepuff," Remus muttered.

"I wish I was a Squib."

Remus laughed.

* * *

Lily was trying to do long division in her head while going over all of the houses' point tallies when a shadow cast over her files. "Hey, Lily."

Lily tensed, knowing who the voice belonged to. "What the hell do you want, Zach?" she sneered.

Zach Hamilton took a seat across from her. "I just-"

"I don't believe that was an invitation for you to sit down at my table," she responded dryly.

Zach rolled his eyes. "What are you up to?"

She gazed at him bitterly. "It's a little thing called work and responsibilities. Now, I know that those are two concepts you'll never begin to understand, but I would hope that seven years at this school would at least give you the knowledge to recognize when work is being done."

"What did I ever do to you?" he asked, frustrated.

Lily slammed down her quill long enough to glare at him. "Did you seriously just ask me that question?" she scowled. "You went behind my best friend'sback and cheated on her with nearly five other girls in only the eight weeks that you were even dating her. She thought you were different and turns out, you're like every other guy on this planet."

"Yeah, including James," he snorted.

Lily tensed up. "Don't you dare turn this around on him. He-"

"Well, why the hell not? I believe he cheated on Kristina twice with you, am I right? And I believe in the first six years here at Hogwarts, he was prone to sleeping around, even if that meant hurting other girls in the process."

"This coming from the biggest cheater and liar on the face of the planet."

"I'm just saying that if you want to go ahead and insult me for my relationship and commitment choices, I do believe you should be targeting those insults towards your own boyfriend."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"You've seemed to forgiven him for his past. But can people really change?" Zach snorted, quickly getting up off the chair.

"_You _can't."

"Yet, James can?" he pointed out. "Don't come crying to me when he finds someone better to go after, Miss Lily Evans."

"I don't believe I'll ever come crying to you, Zach Hamilton," she sneered. "Now get out of my sight before I choose to throw you out of the library."

Zach rolled his eyes and began to walk away. "I hope you enjoy your bound-to-fail relationship."

He was already out of earshot by the time Lily's rage calmed down. She let out an aggravated sigh. "That guy is such an prick."

"Whoa, nice language there, Head Girl," a familiar voice from behind her said as he placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.

She stiffened. "Hey, James. Do you think people can change?"

He gave her a confused look, slowly taking a seat where Zach just happened to be sitting minutes earlier. "Give me a few seconds before you dive into the impossible questions, will you?" he snickered.

She shrugged. "Answer the question."

"Yes, I do think people can change," he responded. "If they have the will and maturity to do so."

Lily quirked an inquisitive eyebrow.

James laughed. "There are good people and bad people in this world, Lily. Let's take Voldemort for example. Never in his life did he have a single thought that he could one day become a better person. He was born evil and will remain that way. On the other hand, let's take Sirius. For years, he was this suave, charming, go-getting Casanova. But when someone came along that made him want to change all of his womanizing qualities, he knew it was time to grow up."

"Yet he's back with Rachael."

James hesitated. "Okay, so there's a slight flaw in that change."

"Which just goes to prove that maybe people can't change," she murmured sullenly.

"Let's take another example of Sirius," he slowly said. "He was in a family of Dark Arts supporters. They all worship Voldemort and he was on that same path. But he changed when he came to Hogwarts. He knew he could be somebody else. Somebody better."

"Yeah," Lily murmured. "I guess."

James gazed at her, sensing uncertainty. "Where is this question coming from?"

Lily frowned. "Zach Hamilton stopped by my table."

James groaned. "Oh, God, and something he said to you stuck in your craw?"

Lily snorted. "Stuck in my craw?"

"Bigger issues at hand here, Lils," he teased. "If you want to talk about evil immature guys who will never change, Zach Hamilton is certainly one of those."

"And you?" she blurted out.

"And me?" James asked, taken aback. He stared at Lily curiously before realization dawned on him. "Wait, is that what this is about? Zach doesn't think I can change?"

Lily shrugged. "It might have come up."

"Well, Lily, what do _you_ think?" he asked bitterly. "You hated me for six years and yet, here we are in a relationship. Are you going to let Zach convince you that our relationship is some sort of mistake?"

She could tell he wasn't happy with her accusation. She shook her head. "No, I'm not saying that at all. I _am _saying that Sirius found someone who made him want to change all of _his _womanizing qualities, kind of like I did for you, yet what happens when someone better comes along? Like a girl named Rachael?"

James made a face. "Ew, I would never date Rachael."

Lily gave him a look. "So not my point."

He shrugged, leaning back in his chair with a hurt expression on his face. "Well, what _is _your point, Lily?" he asked irritably. "That one day I'm going to…to cheat on you? Because you've mentioned this concern before. If you're really worried about it, then why the hell don't you just break up with me and get it over with."

Lily cringed. She could tell that she took this subject of change too far. She quickly reached for his hand and was grateful when he didn't retract it. "No, James, I don't think you'll cheat on me. I really do think you have changed or else I wouldn't be with you today. I…I just wanted to know if you thought you've changed."

James squeezed her hand, smiling shyly. "I don't think I've changed," he contested, ignoring her confused look. "I _know_ that I've changed, Lily. Like Sirius, I learned to grow up. The difference between me and Sirius is that I never, _ever _will give you a reason not to trust me."

She smiled warmly, quddenly thinking that their whole conversation was useless. "Next question," she said hesitantly. "Do you think Sirius has changed?"

James slowly sat back in his chair with a frown. "I-I don't know," he murmured.

"Mm."

"Mm?"

Lily shrugged. "Just 'Mm.'"

"There's more to that 'Mm.'"

Lily hesitated. "I think Riley gave him the will and maturity to want to change."

James made a face. "You totally just used my words against me," he muttered.

"Yep."

James sighed. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Okay."

He looked slightly taken aback. "Really?"

She smiled at him suggestively. "Let's just talk about you and me."

His eyebrow arched slowly. "Oh yeah?"

"And these prefect reports."

He pouted. "Not what I had in mind."

She grinned, handing him a stack of papers. "Start counting, baby."

"You are so not allowed to say 'baby' when you're talking about prefect paperwork."

"I'll remember that for next time."

* * *

James was glad that Lily suggested they spend his birthday just the two of them. He would be too depressed at a party in the Gryffindor common room without his two ex-best friends there. But as glad as he was to spend it with his girlfriend, he couldn't help but feel a little depressed at how much has changed over the past year.

They walked hand in hand through the streets of Hogsmeade that Thursday night, cuddled up close to each other as they watched light snowflakes fall from the sky.

"Do you feel eighteen yet?" Lily asked.

James shook his head. "It doesn't feel much different than seventeen."

"It's funny how that works out," Lily agreed. "You get older every year but when do you really feel that age? When is that change significant?"

James shrugged indifferently. "Who knows?"

Lily glanced up at James' barren face and sighed. She knew he was thinking about Sirius and Riley and the previous birthdays he spent with them. She cracked a smile at the reminder. The Marauders and Riley, sometimes even the Prewett brothers as well, would traipse into Hogsmeade for a night of drunken debauchery with birthday shots and karaoke and Rosmerta would slip them free drinks occasionally. Then they would hightail it back to Hogwarts to continue the party in the Gryffindor common room where Lily would find ample reason to scream at them for making fools out of themselves and for waking up the entire castle.

"I'm sorry, James," she murmured.

"For what?"

"I know this isn't your ideal birthday celebration."

James glanced over at her and forced out a smile. "Lily, I love being here with you," he admitted. "This is much better than pretending I'm enjoying some party."

"But," Lily added with a grin.

"But nothing," he murmured.

"James…" she said leadingly.

James frowned, slowly shrugging. "I-I just miss them. Tthat's all," he muttered.

"I know," Lily said, squeezing his hand.

"Lily, you're my best friend," he said bluntly, intertwining his fingers tightly with hers. "But, and please don't take any offense to this, you've only been my best friend for, like, eleven weeks. Riley was my best friend for eighteen years. Sirius, almost seven."

"I'm not trying to replace them," Lily quickly added.

"I know you aren't. And that is part of what makes you so wonderful," James said, kissing her on the cheek politely. "And you're doing an amazing job making my birthday feel special. However…" he trailed off and sighed. "My birthday doesn't feel right without them. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," she quickly defended. "I knew this was nothing compared to the previous years. And I know they're your best friends and they have been for far longer than I have. I get that tonight is different without them. But this is why I brought you into Hogsmeade. Because I wanted to make sure you still had a great birthday even though…" she trailed off.

"They're no longer around," he murmured, finishing her thought.

"They'll come around," Lily urged, giving him a stern look.

James hesitated. "Or maybe I just have to be the one to come around first."

Lily gazed up at him inquisitively.

He sighed. "I'm being the stubborn and selfish one, aren't I?"

Lily didn't say anything.

"I can tell by your silence, you agree."

"I didn't say anything."

"Yes I know," James said, winking at her. "And when you don't say anything, that means you don't plan on arguing."

Lily made a face. "You know me too well."

He shrugged. "Maybe I am being selfish and stubborn. But...but I've devoted my time to staying away from them. They both seriously hate me at the moment and I'd rather wait for it to blow over before intervening."

"They don't hate you. They just don't particularly like you," Lily mused.

"Gee, when you put it that way."

"Alas, she _is _throwing darts at a picture of your face."

James groaned. "Of course she is."

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds," Lily promised.

"Oh really? How is that not as bad as it sounds?"

"She has terrible aim so she's actually just nicking the wall and missing your head completely."

James laughed. "Oh gee, that makes me feel _so _good," he teased. He shook his head and turned to Lily with a smile. "Okay, let's change the subject. I didn't mean to depress us."

"Well, if it helps, Sirius isn't just not fond of you. He's not fond of me either at the moment. In fact, he threw pumpkin juice in my face last night."

James' jaw dropped. "And you waited an entire day to tell me this!?"

Lily laughed. "To be fair, I probably deserved it."

"Why is he mad at you?"

Lily shrugged curtly. "Turns out, it wasn't Sirius and it wasn't Riley who ruined their relationship. Actually, I'm the one to blame."

James' jaw dropped once again, staring at Lily incredulously. He halted in his footsteps. "Er...come again?"

"I saw Rachael lean over and kiss Sirius that night in the library. I ended up complaining about it that night right before Sirius' surprise party to whoever was standing there. Riley just happened to be there at that time."

James shook his head. "That's not your fault. You didn't know she was dating Sirius."

"That's what I told Sirius!" she cried out, frustrated.

James smiled sympathetically, squeezing her hand. "Lily, he's not really mad at you."

"He threw pumpkin juice in my face."

"Eh, he's always wanted to do that. That doesn't really exhibit anything," James dismissed.

"He called me a bad friend!"

"This coming from a guy who's not speaking to his best friend."

"He dredged up my parents death and me being an orphan!"

James winced. "Okay, maybe he is mad at you."

Lily elbowed him playfully, whimpering lightly. "Oh well, gee, that makes me feel much better."

James wrapped his arm around her shoulders, kissing the side of her forehead. "Lily, he is so glad that he has you to blame for his break-up. This means, he is off the hook."

Lily scoffed. "Well I'm glad he's taking it out on me," she murmured.

"He's just trying to make himself feel better. By putting the blame on you, he doesn't have to think about how he royally screwed up."

"Yeah, I know, but…"

"What?"

"I still feel like I am to blame," Lily murmured.

"You're not, though. Believe me, Riley would have eventually heard about it through the gossip chain. You just happened to be the first one to her."

Lily sighed. "Yeah I guess."

James pouted. "Don't be depressed. It's my birthday! Cheer up!"

"I'm feeling too guilty to cheer up," she whined.

"Well, I think I know a way I can cheer you up," he whispered, drawing her in for a kiss.

She kissed him back, letting the snowflakes dance lightly on their bare faces as theirs lips met in soft passion.

"Thank you," Lily murmured when they pulled apart, resting her head against his chest.

"For what?"

"For being an amazing boyfriend."

"Anything for an amazing girlfriend," James whispered, burying his lips in her snow-covered hair. "Now let's go celebrate my birthday like it was meant to be celebrated," James said eagerly, grabbing on to her hand and leading her towards the Three Broomsticks.

"I am not getting you a stripper," Lily said with a teasing smile.

James pouted. "Well then what's the point to turning eighteen?"

"None really," Lily admitted teasingly.

"Oh great. I have no friends and now I have no stripper," James pouted. "Worst birthday ever."

Lily cocked an eyebrow.

"Then again I have you, so best birthday ever!"

Lily laughed and kissed him again. "C'mon, Rosmerta is saving us a table in the back and welcoming us in from the cold with two hot chocolates."

"Will she strip for me?"

Lily gave him a look. "_No_. And now I won't be either when we get back to our room."

"Worst birthday _ever_."

"Well, maybe later I can get Remus in the mood to strip for you," Lily teased.

James made a face as he held the door open for Lily. "Well you've just about turned me off of sexual activity for good."

Lily glanced over her shoulder with a suggestive glint in her eye. "I think I can change your mind about that later." She winked at him as she wandered into the Three Broomsticks.

James quirked an eyebrow and grinned. "Best birthday _ever_."

* * *

**A/N: **Not much to add. Poor James. He's realizing that perhaps he made a mistake but he knows it's too late now...please review!


	27. Of Tubs, Letters, & Aurors

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaack with another fun and uplifting chapter! For those interested in more Lily and James and less Sirius and Riley this is a chapter for you! Enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: **Yeahhhhhh, I'm not J.K. Rowling. Wish I was. But I'm not.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 27: Of Tubs, Letters, & Aurors

* * *

Lily didn't know she fell asleep while writing an essay that night until she woke up to frantic knocking on her door. Her eyes flew open in surprise, and it took her a second to regain consciousness. She stifled a yawn and crawled out of bed. She opened the door and was shocked to see Sirius standing there. "Er…hi, Sir-"

"I was wrong," he whispered quickly. "You're not to blame. _Riley _is." He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "Okay, gotta go." He practically rushed out of her sight.

"Wait, _what_?" Lily said, irritated. "You think that's it? What about an apology? You said some disparaging stuff to me. And then you threw pumpkin juice in my face!"

Sirius darted his eyes towards the front door and glanced back at Lily. "Well, that doesn't mean anything. Like I said, I've always wanted to do that," he whispered, his eyes frantically searching the room again.

Lily glared at him.

Sirius grinned sheepishly once more. "Then again, it didn't need to be you for me to fulfill that goal. So I'm sorry," he murmured in a soft voice. "But can't you look at this like it's a good thing? I'll always remember you because you were the first person I ever threw a glass of juice at!" He smiled and with another wave, started heading towards the door once more.

"Oh yeah, because that's how I want to be remembered," Lily sniggered, crossing her arms.

"Just be glad I'm remembering you at all!" Sirius teased in a soft whisper, laughing lightly. "Okay, bye!"

"Hold it!" Lily cried out. "Why the hell are you whispering? And why are you in such a hurry?"

Sirius snorted. "Because I have no idea where James is and knowing you, you told him about me throwing juice in your face. Which means, he probably has a huge tub full of pumpkin juice behind his door just waiting for me to stop by so he can throw it at me."

Lily burst into laughter. "That is ridiculous!" she defended. "It's not a tub full, just a bucket."

Sirius made a face. "Oh, well, if it's only a bucket."

Lily rolled her eyes and gestured for him to come into her room. "C'mon, you can hide out in here while you apologize and actually mean it." She grinned.

Sirius scowled. "You are so obnoxiously cute sometimes. How the hell do-"

The door to the private quarters started opening, and Sirius dove into Lily's room like a flash of lightning. "Eek, hide me!" he squealed, crawling under her bed.

Lily rolled her eyes once again and shut her door quickly behind her. "You are a sad, pathetic man."

"A sad, pathetic man who refuses to be attacked by a tub full of pumpkin juice," Sirius said through a muffled cry.

Lily rolled her eyes. "A _bucket _full."

Sirius peeked his head out from underneath her bed. "Is it safe?"

"I can't believe you're hiding from James," Lily snorted, lying down on her bed with a stifled yawn.

Sirius shrugged and slowly crawled out. "You're right," he murmured. "I could so take James in a fight."

"Not what I meant," Lily muttered with a soft chuckle.

Sirius took a seat on the ground, leaning up against the bed. "It is ridiculously clean underneath your bed. Isn't there where all of your dirty secrets are supposed to be kept?"

Lily lifted her head from her pillow to stare at him. "Er...like what?"

"I don't know. A vibrator?"

"What?" Lily cried out in disgust. "And by what, I mean ew!"

Sirius laughed and glanced behind him at Lily's appalled expression. "Oh, don't 'ew' me. Lots of girls have them. In fact, most girls have them."

"I have James, thank you very much."

"You haven't had sex with him yet."

Lily glared at him huffily. "How the hell do you know? It's not like I would tell you, and I'm pretty sure James would rather throw a tub full of pumpkin juice in your face than bother to tell you anything nowadays."

Sirius pouted and turned back around, crossing his arms. "Bucket full," he muttered with a whimper.

Lily laughed and ruffled up his hair. "You're so cute."

"And you're so not," Sirius sniggered. He hesitated. "So where did we stand on the whole you-and-James-having-sex thing?"

Lily rolled her eyes, giving him a look. "Stuff it, Black."

Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "It's been nearly three months. What are you waiting for?"

"Just because you lost your virginity in 2.5 seconds doesn't mean the rest of us are as dismissive about it."

"Thank you for turning me into a whore," he snickered sarcastically.

"Oh, I think you did that all on your own," Lily laughed, shoving him slightly.

"I think you're scared."

"Of?"

"Sex."

Lily snorted and rolled her eyes.

"In particular," Sirius continued, "Sex with James."

"I'd throw you out of my room, but I'm strangely interested where you plan on going with this."

"Oh, face it, Lily. It's no secret that James has...er...well, that he...um...he's-"

"The word you're looking for is 'gotten around,'" Lily muttered dryly.

He shrugged knowingly. "That's two words." She glared at him. "Er...but yeah that's where I was going with that. And it's no secret that his last girlfriend got around."

"What's your point, Sirius?" she responded dryly, lying back down on her bed.

"I'm just saying that you feel like that puts a lot of pressure on you, right?"

She didn't respond.

"So I see you agree."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Have I said stuff it yet to you?"

"Briefly," he said immediately. "But we both know I'm right."

Lily bit down on her bottom lip, gazing at Sirius hesitantly.

"You don't have to worry about anything," Sirius reassured. He turned around, resting his elbows on the bed. "James fancies you more than he's ever fancied anyone before. You're a lot more special to him. He's falling in love with you and that-"

"I believe he told Kristina he loved her," Lily reminded.

"Kristina is nothing compared to you and you know it," Sirius argued, shaking his head. "You just don't-"

"People keep saying that," Lily murmured. "But-"

"What people?"

"You. James. Riley. And maybe I do mean more to James than Kristina. But can you blame me for being wary? She was his first real girlfriend. They dated for almost five months. He told her that he loved her. And I'm pretty sure he jumped into the sack with her the first chance he got."

"Yeah, and with you, he didn't," Sirius pointed out. "Which says a lot more about the guy than you realize."

"That he doesn't want to sleep with me?" Lily said with a teasing smile.

Sirius shot her a look. "The kid has fantasized about sleeping with you since the day he discovered sex. Believe me, he wants to sleep with you. He's just waiting for you. So you want my advice?"

"No."

He ignored her. "I say stop making excuses and just do it."

Lily snorted. "Oh, well if you say so," she muttered sarcastically.

Sirius grinned. "Take all the time you need to wrap your head around all of the pressure that you've built inside your head, but when you've finally calmed down, just know that that is all it is. Built up inside your head. James respects you more than you'll ever know. When you're ready, he'll be there."

Lily didn't respond but she didn't have to.

"And I'll be around when it doesn't work out with him."

Lily grabbed her pillow and smacked Sirius' head with it.

They both laughed. Lily placed her pillow behind her head and laid back down on it. "Hey, Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"No."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Why exactly are you blaming Riley for everything?"

Sirius turned around slowly to face her, a look of skepticism on his face. "I thought we had moved on from that discussion."

"It was never really a discussion."

Sirius made a face. "Must you be so logical?"

"Yes. It comes with the territory of being Head Girl. So, answer the question. Why are you blaming Riley?"

"Well, do you want me to continue blaming _you_?"

Lily gave him a look. "That's not how I meant it. And p.s. - you're avoiding the question."

He sighed and climbed on to the bed, leaning up against one of her throw pillows on her headboard. "This _is _her fault," he muttered hollowly.

Lily bit down on the inside of her lip, sighing inwardly. "Sirius," she said softly.

Sirius could tell by her tone she was about to tell him something he wouldn't want to hear. "_What_?" he snapped irritably. "It is! She blew the whole thing out of proportion. Don't give me that look, Lily-bean. She is to blame."

"_Sirius_," she said, warning in her tone.

He bit down on his tongue in frustration. "_What_?"

She sighed. "Don't…don't you think it's time to stop blaming everyone else involved and start…well, start looking in the mirror?"

Sirius grunted. "No thanks. I already look in the mirror enough every morning when I tell myself how good-looking I am," he said dryly.

Lily lifted an eyebrow. "Every morning?"

"Hey, my good looks are 50% genetics, and 50% built up in my head."

"Have I mentioned that you're a sad, pathetic man?"

"Yeah, I think you may have mentioned that earlier."

Lily sighed and patted his arm gently. She opened her mouth to pry more, but there was a knock on the door. Sirius squealed, but before he could dive underneath the bed again, James opened the door and walked in. James' grin quickly turned to a scowl when he saw Sirius there. "You wait here. I'm going to go grab the tub of pumpkin juice," James scoffed.

Sirius gasped, glaring at Lily. "You said it was a bucket!"

She grinned sheepishly. "Eh, I lied. So sue me."

"Maybe I will!"

"Lawyers cost money which you have none of."

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "But some of them come with hot young law clerks." He kissed Lily on the cheek and quickly hopped off the bed.

"SAD, PATHETIC MAN!" Lily cried out after him. Lily crawled out of the bed and wandered into the common room where James was watching Sirius' every move with a glare.

James exhaled once Sirius was out the door. He turned back towards Lily. "What the hell was he doing here?"

"He came to apologize. Sorta."

"Sorta?" James scowled.

She shrugged, sitting beside him on the couch as she kissed him lightly. "It's not important," she said dismissively, changing the subject. "I thought you were spending the rest of your birthday with Remus and Peter?"

"I will," James explained, kissing her hair. "But Remus is still with Jillian. I'm meeting up with them after rounds."

Lily raised an inquisitive eyebrow, sungging up beside him. "You're going to walk with me on rounds?"

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," he whispered.

She smiled warmly, letting her fingers dance across his smooth skin. "Happy Birthday, James."

* * *

Riley was mashing her fork into her eggs at breakfast when Lily greeted them the following morning.

"What did the eggs ever do to you?"

Riley skewered eggs on to her fork and practically shoved it in Lily's face. "I hate people."

Lily smirked. "Well, honey, those are _eggs_, not people. Don't take it out on the eggs."

"I don't care what I'm emaciating as long as I'm picturing it as James' head."

Lily took a seat opposite Riley. "What did he do now?"

"If you want your life spared, I'd retract that question," Kay murmured.

"Too late," Riley barked. "Do you know whose path I crossed this morning as he came down from the boys' dormitory?"

"Uh…Satan?" Lily suggested sheepishly.

"Close. _James_," Riley spat. "That jackass."

Lily exchanged a look with Kay. "She knows that I _like _James, right?"

"He tried to _talk _to me. Normally. About his birthday. As if he didn't betray me. As if he didn't blurt out my big secret to everyone. God, I hate men."

"So…do you hate people? Or just men?" Lily snickered. It was clear to her that James was attempting to make amends, even if he knew Riley wouldn't forgive him anytime soon.

"People," Riley continued. She slammed down a letter on to the table.

"Um, I'm assuming that isn't good news?"

Riley sighed and shook her head, attempting to rid herself of all the anger in her body. "Just another rejection letter."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "From who? I'm assuming it's not a guy—they all find you positively charming."

"Don't try to flatter me now after your boyfriend dared to speak to me," Riley muttered, slamming her fork back into her eggs.

"And why shouldn't they find you charming!" Lily teased.

Riley gave her a look. "Remember all those internships and jobs we applied to in November?"

Lily nodded. "You heard back from one?"

"I've heard back from a few actually," Riley explained. "All rejections. I didn't care at the time really considering I was with Sirius and happy and bad news didn't affect me. But I'm hopeful I'll get accepted into some program by the time I graduate considering I applied to all of these internships and jobs one of the weeks I was seriously hating Sirius and I vowed to get as far away from him as possible and applied to at least ten or twelve different places and now I definitely want to get as far away from Sirius as possible."

Kay turned to Lily. "Do you notice how her life seems to revolve around-"

"Don't say it or these eggs get mashed into your hair," Riley warned.

Kay grinned and zipped her mouth shut.

"You got a letter, too, Lily," Riley said, pointing to it beside Kay.

"Oh yeah!" Kay said, handing it to her. "You were a little late this morning, weren't you?"

Lily blushed.

"James keeping you, hm?" Kay teased.

"No, he stayed in the boys' dorm last night," Lily argued, averting her eyes to her plate. "Celebrating his birthday with Remus and Peter."

"Which means he ran into you this morning coming into his room and kept you occupied for a few minutes," Kay teased. Lily blushed a deeper shade of red. "Where is he anyway?"

"Who cares," Riley spat.

"Shower. He'll be here soon."

"Which means after I learn who that letter is from, I'm outta here," Riley chimed in. "So open it."

Lily was also a little curious who was writing to her. She tore it open and glanced down to the signature and smiled. "It's from Shane."

Kay and Riley exchanged looks. "Who?"

"Shane Redford."

Riley grinned. "Ah, gotcha. The God."

Lily made a face. "Oh stop it. Don't overreact," she muttered.

"Overreact? We barely said anything!"

"It was your tone!" Lily snickered, gazing at Riley.

"What tone? I just mentioned that Shane is a-"

"God, yes I know," Lily murmured, rolling her eyes.

"The guy is certainly a genius," Kay added.

"How is he the genius when I'm the one who stupidly got drunk and I was the one who asked him to dance, and I'm the one who kissed him first?"

Riley and Kay exchanged a look. "She makes a valid argument," Kay snickered.

Riley gave Kay a stern look, turning back to Lily. "It's the fact that you chose _him_ to make out with at a random part-"

"Whoa, whoa, what's this about you making out with someone?"

Lily glanced over her shoulder and blushed. "Hey, James."

"Bye James," Riley snarled, glaring at him as she swiftly left the table.

"So why did you think it was a good idea to talk to Riley this morning?" Lily question, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh, no, no, no," James said, grabbing Lily's goblet and taking a gulp out of it. "Don't change the subject. What random guy did you make out with at a party and why are we talking about it?"

"Shane last June and because he sent her a letter," Kay responded shortly.

Lily groaned and glared at her friend. "Must you have a big mouth?"

"What? He asked!"

"Doesn't mean you have to _tell _him," Lily whined.

"Why the hell is Shane writing to you? And what the hell does he want?" James demanded.

"We write to each other every once and a while. You know that," Lily explained with a shrug. "We're friends."

"No, you're _exes_," he murmured.

Lily grinned. "How cute. You're jealous."

"I'm not jealous," he argued.

Lily snorted.

He hesitated. "Okay, I'm jealous, but he got to you before I could! Unfair."

"How is that unfair? I hated you at the time," Lily laughed.

He glared at her.

"Right, not the best thing to say at the moment," Lily murmured, sheepishly grinning. "I haven't dated the guy in two years, James."

"Yet you made out with him last June," Kay reminded.

"And I thought you were my friend," Lily scowled. She shook her head and thought back to that night, the last kiss she shared before James.

James opened his mouth to complain further when Lily burst into laughter.

"Okay, I'm missing the funny part," James murmured.

Lily grinned and turned to James. "You want to hear the ironic part?"

"Uh…do I?"

"You were the reason I was making out with him."

"_What?"_

"Okay, why the hell did James just squeal like a six-year-old girl?" drawled a nearby voice.

They whirled around to find Remus standing over them. He slid into the seat next to James and glanced at the three of them curiously.

"We're talking about Lily's not-so-proud moment with Shane Redford at the end-of-the-year party you guys threw last June," Kay clarified.

"Must you tell the world?" Lily scowled.

"Oh, the good times," Remus said with a wistful sigh. "Exactly why were you discussing that event?"

"Shane sent her a letter."

Lily glared at Kay. "You have such a big mouth."

James raised his hand in the air. "Um, excuse me? Can we go back to how I was related to you hooking up with Shane?"

Lily laughed and gestured for him to put down his arm. "Do you remember that conversation that you and I had out on that balcony?"

James hesitated. "No."

"I remember that," Remus chimed in.

"You weren't even there," James whined.

Remus laughed. "Okay, so I don't remember the conversation per say, but I remember you following her out there and thinking 'this can't be good.'"

"You have good instinct," Lily said, nodding.

"What did I say?" James questioned. "Nothing good, I suppose."

Lily shrugged. "Looking back, it wasn't so bad. I just jumped down your throat," she admitted with a smile.

"Wait, was that the night you told me I like being in a crowd?" James questioned, screwing up his face to remember that far back.

Lily nodded, somewhat amazed that he could remember the conversation. "Yeah and you said I put on an act of being perfect," she continued. "And then added that you should know what it's like not to be perfect."

James nodded sullenly. "I remember now. You yelled at me, telling me I knew nothing about not being perfect."

Lily gave him a lopsided smile. "Back then, that's what it seemed like. Not so much anymore."

James laughed. "Well, I have you now so I'm closer to achieving perfection."

Remus stuck his finger in his mouth and pretended to vomit. "This conversation just got sickening."

James laughed, glancing at him briefly before returning to Lily. "I seem to remember you yelling at me that night."

Lily nodded and met his gaze. "I said people couldn't change," she muttered.

"I remember."

"Obviously I was wrong," Lily admitted sheepishly.

"Question," Kay interrupted. "How did that conversation make you suddenly want to make out with Shane?"

"I was angry," Lily explained with a casual shrug. "James got on my last nerve that night and I wanted to prove that I wasn't some…some girl putting on this perfect act. So I let loose and Shane just happened to be there."

James made a face. "Damnit, I pushed you into the arms of another man!"

They all laughed.

"Well, read the letter," Kay said when the laughter died down. "What does he want?"

Lily glanced down at the page. Her face brightened with excitement after every sentence. When she finished, she placed it on the table and grinned. "Oh my God, guess what?"

Remus was the first to ask, "What?"

"He's offering me a job!" she explained. "Well, actually he's offering me a fellowship, but it's close enough."

"What? Are you serious?" they all exclaimed.

Lily nodded furiously. "I know! I'm...I'm shocked."

"What's the fellowship for?" James asked.

"A few spots opened up in the Department of International Magical Cooperation where Shane works now, specifically in the office of the International Magical Office of Law, and he says that the Head of the Department, Nyger Lunder, is looking to get recent graduates involved in international affairs."

"So Shane suggested you?" Kay said, her face lighting up in excitement.

Lily nodded, a grin plastered on her face. "Yeah," she said hesitantly. "Which was nice of him considering."

"Considering?" Remus asked.

Lily shrugged awkwardly. "Yeah. It's not like many places are hiring Muggleborns. They're scared shitless that Voldemort will come after them. And for that alone, most people aren't referring Muggleborns. So yeah, it was nice of Shane to mention me considering the backlash this could cause him and the Department of International Magical Cooperation."

James instinctively reached over to squeeze her hand. "He knows that you're one hell of a witch. He wasn't about to pass that up. Who else would he even consider from our year? No one is even half as intelligent and talented that you are."

"Yeah, including you," Remus teased.

James scowled. "This is build-Lily-up time. Insult-James-time can be scheduled for later this afternoon."

"3:00 work for you?"

James glared at him.

Remus merely grinned, glancing back over at Lily. "So what does this job entail?"

Lily glanced back down at the letter. "Uh…well, like I said, it's mostly just a fellowship to begin with—learning the basics of international matters, including the long list of laws and regulations and the basics of our allies with other wizarding countries. And I'll be learning how to write and edit proposals and drafts and read suggested proposals from other Ministry offices, too. At the end of ten months, two of the five fellows are offered jobs within the office."

"Five fellowship positions, huh?" Kay said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"I thought you wanted be a healer?"

Kay shrugged. "You always have to have a back-up!"

"And you want this to be your back-up?" Lily teased.

"Well, some of us aren't so lucky to be handled a job on a silver platter," she whined. "A girl needs options."

Lily chuckled. "If you really wanted to apply, I'm sure you could."

"You didn't have to apply," James pouted.

"That's because I'm intelligent and talented," she teased.

"You totally just used my words against me."

"Seems to happen a lot, hm?"

James chuckled, reaching over to kiss the side of her face. "Well, congratulations. This is huge. We will have to go out and celebrate."

She nodded, a grin forming on her face.

"You got your _Daily Prophet _and a letter, too, James," Kay pointed out. "And if you weren't busy attempting to make conversation with your new arch nemesis or busy making your _girlfriend _late for breakfast or busy taking a shower, you would have received it on time."

Kay handed James the newspaper and letter. He glanced at the headline on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_, like he always did before throwing it out, and gasped loudly. "Shit. They finally caught a few of Voldemort's followers. Five of them actually."

"Really?" Lily said, intrigued, letting her fork clatter to her plate. She leaned over the table and read with James. "Oh wow. Caught just outside Bangkok."

"Thailand?" Remus said, surprised. "That's random. Last there was word of them, they were in Europe."

"Yeah but there's this little thing called apparition," James teased.

"Any names we recognize?" Kay questioned.

James glanced back down. "Uh, no. No. No. Oh wait, a Hunter Travers."

"Do you think he's related to Janice Travers in Slytherin?" Remus questioned.

"I'm pretty sure it's her uncle," Lily chimed in.

"How the hell do you know that?" Kay wondered.

"We have profiles on all the prefects," James explained. He peeked over at the Slytherin table at Janice. She was slumped down on the bench and was clearly trying to hide something.

James turned back around and threw the newspaper down on the table. "Well, good. I'm glad some of them are finally going to Azkaban. It's where they deserve to go." He momentarily forgot his other letter until Kay gestured towards it. He picked it up and immediately groaned at the inscription on the back. "Aw man, it's from Bianca. I'm too scared to open it," he grudged, thrusting it in Lily's hands. "You do it."

Lily snorted. "It's a federal offense to open someone else's letters."

"Not if I'm _asking _you," James pouted.

Lily rolled her eyes and tore it open unwillingly. She glanced it over and shrugged. "Nothing bad. She just wanted to inform you of an appointment she booked during Easter Break for you and the groomsmen. Oh, and she wants you to book an appointment with the travel agent about the honeymoon and if Brite's not back before Easter Break, she wants you to accompany her."

"Guess I'm going home for Easter Break," he muttered.

"You probably should have expected that the moment you found out you were Best Man," Lily pointed out. "It's the only time you have off before the wedding really springs up."

James groaned. "My Easter Break is going to be all about this stupid wedding, isn't it."

"We've gone over this: you can't call his wedding stupid if you expect to continue being the Best Man," Lily teased, kissing him on the cheek.

"Why does she say _if _Brite's home?" Remus questioned curiously. "Shouldn't she know when her fiancé is going to be home?"

James shook his head. "No. Although the Auror training mission has set arrangements and trials and tribulations for the Aurors-in-training, things often get pushed back and vice versa. He probably couldn't give her an exact day. These things can last a few weeks longer than expected depending on the Aurors-in-training."

"How do you know so much?" Kay asked, fascinated.

"Because he's studied Brite's every move since Brite got into the Auror training program at the Ministry less than seven years ago," a voice drawled from behind them.

Lily waved to Dezzy. "Hey."

Dezzy smiled and continued. "An Auror is what James wants to be when he graduates-"

"Okay, you can go find your boyfriend now," James interrupted, glaring at her.

It was too late, though. Lily turned to her boyfriend curiously. "You never told me you wanted to be an Auror."

"It never came up."

"Just last week I asked if you had any ideas what you wanted to do after graduation."

James grinned sheepishly. "Oops?"

"You said you had just applied to various departments in the Ministry. A very vague answer, I might add," Lily pestered on, giving him a scrutinizing look.

"Well, I just…you can never…things don't always…" he dithered. He shrugged, sighing. "I don't know. You can never really know what's going to happen, that's all."

"What do you mean?" Dezzy interrogated further.

"Haven't you done enough?" he grumbled. "Drew's down that way." He pointed to the end of the table, towards the front of the room where he was surrounded by Dezzy's friends as well as his own. "And aren't you very late for breakfast anyway? Why'd you bother showing up? We have class in, like, ten minutes."

"Stop changing the subject," Dezzy demanded.

"Stop annoying me."

"How am I annoying you?" Dezzy asked, confused. "I'm just talking."

"Yeah, well sometimes you do that too much. How does Drew even stand you?" he muttered.

Dezzy glared at him. "Jeez, what's your problem? Trying to get all the people who care for you against you?"

James' eyes filled with frustration. "Don't pretend like you know what's going on with me. You know nothing."

"And whose fault is that? You used to confide in me, James. Do you remember that? Because it was so long ago that I can't actually recall the last time you told me something about your personal life."

"There's a reason it's called my personal life, Dezzy," James snapped.

"Except the whole damn school knows about your personal life," she pointed out with a smirk.

"Doesn't mean I have to give you the meticulous details."

Dezzy glared at him. "Bloody Merlin, I'm terribly sorry for stopping by to say hi to my big brother."

"Except you never actually said hi," he snarled.

She flipped him the middle finger and stormed off.

He felt his friends' eyes all on him, but he avoided them, shoveling food into his mouth.

"What was _that _about?" Lily dared to ask.

"Nothing," James grumbled immediately. "It's time for class."

The group exchanged looks but all followed James out of the Great Hall without another word.

* * *

"Y'know, it's okay to be scared," Lily said when she and James walked into their private quarters after lunch.

James gave her an inquisitive look and closed the door behind him. "What are you talking about?" He threw his bag on to the floor and with a yawn, plopped on to the couch.

"The conversation we never finished at breakfast," Lily explained.

James continued to give her a blank stare. "Which one? We had about ten of them."

"The one about you wanting to be an Auror," she said bluntly.

James stiffened. "I thought we were done talking about that."

"It's okay to be scared," she repeated, cuddling up beside him on the couch.

"About…about what?"

"The future," she muttered. "God knows I am."

"You already have a job set up!" James pointed out. "What can you possibly be scared about?"

Lily hesitated and a frown spread across her face. "What if that doesn't work out? What if it falls through? What if I'm not good at it? What if I can't find a place to live? What if-"

"You can sit here all day asking the what-ifs, Lily, but in the end, we can never know the future until it's the present," James pointed out.

"Exactly," Lily said, glancing up at him. "The what-ifs are natural, James. Questioning the future is natural."

"Everyone's scared of the future obviously," James murmured. "Hogwarts has babied and…and protected us for seven years and the moment we graduate, we have to grow up and fend for ourselves. We have to force ourselves into the real world and who knows if we're ever really ready for that."

"You already sent in an application to the Auror training program, didn't you," Lily said as a statement, not a question.

James didn't reply.

"You and I are very alike, y'know that?"

"How's that?"

"Because when you remain silent, you, too, don't plan on arguing with my previous statement."

James glanced over at her and smiled reassuringly. "Yeah, I applied. Much earlier in the year."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

James didn't have a ready answer so he remained quiet.

Lily smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "It's okay to be scared. Remember? It's natural to question the future," she whispered. "I know what you're thinking. I know why you didn't tell me."

"Oh do you? What am I thinking? Why didn't I tell you?" James asked curiously.

"You would hate it if you got rejected. You'd hate telling me that you got rejected," Lily explained bluntly. "Not only would it be a rejection, but it'd be worse. Because not only would you be disappointing yourself, but you'd be afraid of disappointing me as well. You don't want to get your hopes up just to find out you're deferred for a year or so. You don't want to jinx it either. Because the moment you tell someone about it, it becomes real. That means the future is actually ahead of us and we have to go out there and accept ourselves for who we are. But what if you're not good enough? What if the one thing you've wanted to do practically your entire life doesn't think you good enough?"

James sat there silent, taking in Lily's every word. "You do know me better than I thought," he murmured eventually.

Lily smiled.

"But you don't know all of me."

Lily frowned, glancing at him carefully. "Er, what do you mean?"

"Yes, I've been thinking all of that. That's true. I don't want to disappoint you. Or myself. I amscared that I won't get accepted and I'll have to find something else entirely to do instead. Something that isn't my passion. Something I haven't dreamed of for my entire life. So because of that, I don't want to get my hopes up," he admitted and agreed. He hesitated. "But that's not the half of it."

Lily looked at him fearfully, her eyes asking the question she was too afraid to ask.

"Everyone else pretty much knows about this. Sirius and Remus were there when I was filling out the application in November. Riley knows, too. She's known since we were nine that I wanted to be an Auror after I graduated Hogwarts."

Lily couldn't help but feel a pang of heartache. Why did they know but James never confided in her?

"I-I was too afraid to tell you," James whispered. "Because yes, I'm scared of rejection. But I'm more scared of being accepted into the program."

Lily quirked an eyebrow inquisitively. "Huh?"

"Because if I do get into this program," he said slowly, sighing, "then what's going to happen to us?"

Lily's heart skipped a beat and she stiffened in James' arms. That's the one thing she'd been asking herself every day since they got together. What happens after they graduate?

"Do you know extensive an Auror training program is? I'd be training from seven in the morning until seven at night every day for at least a year. It just gets harder after that. Then come all the obstacle courses, the early morning runs and swims, the practice missions, the studying of past Auror accomplishments, the fieldwork, the study sessions. I'd be up at five, out until ten. I wouldn't get a break from the day I start until the day I graduate from the training program to an actual Auror. And then what? Even then, it's tough work and my schedule would be hectic and unpredictable. I'd be putting my life in danger every day I wake up and go to work. I've seen my brother do it for the past seven years and I've admired him with Bianca. But do you ever wonder why they haven't gotten married until now? Because they didn't have the time. In fact, Bianca and Brite went on a break during the last year during his training. They couldn't handle the stress. He could barely handle the stress himself, much less for two people. I watched him break down almost every day, worrying about his future as an Auror. You have to be a pretty strong person for this program and having someone else there who is also going to worry makes it that much more difficult." James sighed. "So I ask you, when would there be time for us?"

Lily was speechless. She turned away from James' apprehensive stare and looked out towards the opposite wall. "You…you've actually thought about this? About _us_?"

"Yeah," James said firmly. "I mean, haven't you?"

Lily sighed. "No."

James' heart skipped a bit. "Oh."

"But only because I couldn't," she explained further. "Every time I began thinking about it, the thought of the unknown future just got me running scared and I immediately put another thought in my head. I-I'm too scared to think about our future. I-I don't want any of this to end."

"Who says it has to end?" he whispered hoarsely, rubbing her shoulders.

Lily frowned. "What if it does?"

James rest his forehead against her hair. "Don't think that, Lily," he pleaded. "I can't think about that."

Lily nodded knowingly. "Why did Bianca and Brite get back together?"

James remained silent, thinking back to five years prior. "Because…because he couldn't live without her. She was the one."

Neither one of them had to say they were thinking because they were both wondering the same thing.

Lily eventually broke the silence. "What's going to happen to us, James?" she dared to ask.

James swallowed hard, overcome with a terribly distressing feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Only time will tell."

Lily nodded, biting down on her lip. "Yeah. I-I guess we shouldn't think about it now. We still have three months here."

"Let's enjoy it while we can. Figure out our…our graduation plans when the time comes."

Lily smiled. "I think that's a good plan."

"Until then," James said mischievously, "I know how we can busy ourselves in the meantime."

Lily gave him a prudent look. "Oh yeah? With what?"

He winked at her before lifting her chin up to his face, placing his lips lightly on hers.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed all of the good Lily/James interaction! Please review!


	28. Of Apologies, Bets, & Power

**A/N: **Hey, I'm back with the next chapter! For the past couple of chapters, I've gotten a lot of complaining reviews about the triangle between Sirius and Riley and James. A lot of people think that there is too much fighting going on and the whole Sirius and Riley break-up needs to end and they should get back together and that James should just suck it up and apologize to his friends. And I agree! I've read back the past couple of chapters and I'm bored with it...haha. I really enjoyed writing and reading **Tears on the Balcony** and I think I'm hitting a tough spot with this story. I feel like I need to give Sirius and Riley time . They have so many issues to get through on their own before they could deal with them together. Just look at everything that Sirius has done. Riley needs time _away _from him and Sirius needs to figure out who he is. Now with James...he's a stubborn ass and I couldn't agree more with what everyone is saying about him. You'll see that Dezzy analyzes him pretty acurately in this chapter and you'll get a better sense of what he's thinking. He had Lily right now so he's not focused on making up with Sirius or Riley. I did cut out some stuff within the next few chapters but there is A LOT of James and Lily in the next few chapters-I had TONS of fun writing these next couple of chapters in relation to James and Lily so I hope you enjoy them.

Also, a lot of you complain that I don't update enough. I do have a life! I'm extremely busy right now with work and I don't have a lot of time to spend on my laptop updating this story. You have to be patient!

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling = not me.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 29: Of Apologies, Bets, & Power

* * *

Dezzy was sitting in the common room that night with Drew, both of their concentration on the essays in front of them. "What's an erkling?" Drew muttered.

"I think you mean erlking," Dezzy snickered.

"I don't care how it's pronounced. I care what it is."

"I'm working on Potions in the moment so I pretty much have no idea."

"Way to be completely useless," he muttered.

Dezzy glared at him.

He grinned sheepishly. "You're cute."

Dezzy rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile as they both returned to their essays. Dezzy glanced over her shoulder when she saw a shadow looming over her. She frowned.

"Your brother's an ass," James said sullenly.

Dezzy rolled her eyes. "Well, I always knew Grant was," she said snidely. "I just didn't realize it ran in the family."

"Ouch," he murmured.

Drew gazed at the bitter look on his girlfriend's face and the apologetic look on James' face and knew it was his cue to leave. "Er…I left a book upstairs." He gathered his things.

"No, you didn't," Dezzy said with a hint of a smile. "You just don't want to encounter this uncomfortable moment."

Drew laughed and kissed her on the cheek. "Precisely."

James made a face and took Drew's seat when he hurried upstairs.

"Don't do that."

"Don't do what?" James asked, confused.

"Make that face," she snapped, her gaze not faltering from her essay.

"You know how well I feel about-"

"You have no right to hate our relationship."

"What!? I'm your big brother! I have every right!"

Dezzy slammed down her quill on to her parchment and glared at him. "I'm assuming you didn't walk over here to discuss my personal life," she barked, "Because God knows we don't share the details of our personal lives to each other anymore."

James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, scrambling to find the right words. "Like I said, I was an ass this morning."

"Couldn't agree more."

"I said a bunch of stupid and hurtful things to you because I was mad that you told everyone that I wanted to be an Auror."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

She rolled her eyes. "Why were you mad I told everyone? I thought everyone knew you wanted to be an Auror."

"Everyone except for Lily," he muttered.

"Keeping secrets from Lily, hm? Healthy relationship you got there."

He glared at her.

"Then again, you've apparently been quite good at keeping secrets recently."

He tilted his head to the side, a glare still evident in his expression.

She rolled her eyes. "Why haven't you told her?"

He shrugged.

She narrowed her eyes at him before nodding knowingly. "Let me guess. Because you were scared."

He sighed. "What if I get rejected, Dez?"

Dezzy gave him a look. "James, have you _met _you? One of the top students in this school, besides Lily that is, you got every single O.W.L. you took while barely ever picking up a book to study for them, you're the Quidditch captain, you're Head Boy. And it helps that Brite is your brother and can put in a good word. Same with Dad. I mean, who else deserves that program more than you?"

James smiled weakly. "Yeah, I guess."

"And that's not what I meant about you being scared," she clarified. "I meant that you were scared of what was going to happen between you and her if you get accepted into the program."

James gazed at his sister with admiration. "You…how…I…" he stuttered with an amazed smile. "Damn, I miss talking to you."

"_That _is not my fault," she pointed out.

"I know," James murmured. "It's mine. Like I said, I'm an ass."

Dezzy glanced over at her brother, grunting irritably. "Why is it that I can't stay mad at you for longer than five minutes?"

James grinned. "Does that mean you forgive me for this morning?"

"It means I hate that you're so goddamned smooth and charming that I can't stay mad at you for longer than five minutes."

James laughed and patted his sister on the knee. "When did we stop talking? I mean, like, really talking?"

Dezzy shrugged. "It was about the time Sirius moved in."

"Oh." His stomach churned and he frowned. "You know, I never meant to…to replace you with him, Dezzy."

"I know that," Dezzy said. "Doesn't mean it didn't happen, though."

James glanced at his sister, who was thumbing her quill uncomfortably on her essay and forcing herself not to look at James. "I guess it slipped past me unnoticed," he murmured. "That doesn't make me a good brother, does it…"

"No," Dezzy said, shrugging. "But it makes you a good friend to Sirius."

James snorted. "Yeah, and look how that turned out for me."

Dezzy smiled warily. "What happened between you guys?" she dared to ask.

"I figured you'd know that by now—the rest of the school does."

"Riley?"

"Precisely."

"Do you really hate them that much together?"

James made a face. "God, yes. Can you think of two people more wrong for each other?"

Dezzy hesitated. "Riley and Peter?"

"Even that's better than Riley and Sirius," he snorted.

"Because Peter isn't your best friend," Dezzy replied matter-of-factly.

"Heh?"

Dezzy sighed and gazed at James pryingly, biting down on her lip. She set her essay down on the table in front of her and faced James with a knowing look. "You're afraid of losing your two best friends, James. That's what it comes down to. A part of you may think you hate them together because you're afraid that Riley will get hurt and your instinct is to protect her—that's fair, considering you've looked out for her ever since the day you were born. But in the end, if Riley and Sirius are together, where does that leave you? That's why you're so against them being together. You're afraid you'll be left in the dust."

James scowled. "See, this is why I don't tell you anything. You make stupid assumptions."

"I make correct assumptions," Dezzy shot back with a haughty smile.

James scrunched his nose. "No, you don't. I lost my two best friends already and I still hate Riley and Sirius together," he pointed out.

Dezzy shook her head sullenly. "You were the one who lost them, James," she pointed out with a sigh. "You pushed them away before they could ever push you away. It's a classic James move."

He scowled. "Okay, I'm done talking about my personal life." He gave her a cutting look and swiftly got up off the couch.

"And here you are avoiding it yet again," Dezzy said firmly, shooting him a look. "You do this every time a problem comes up, James. You avoid it altogether, pretend it never happened, and go on with your life as if everything's normal."

James wondered why he didn't just walk away. "You're being way too analytical."

"No, I'm telling you what you already know but don't want to admit," Dezzy argued definitively. "You hurt them first before they hurt you."

James sighed and slowly sat back down on the couch. He gazed at Dezzy curiously before murmuring, "Like Riley did with Sirius."

Dezzy raised a confused eyebrow. "Heh?"

James sighed again, slumping down on the couch. "She and I are very similar. Too similar maybe. Riley tries to put on this act of being confident and strong all the time but deep down, she's just as scared at life as the rest of us," he murmured. "And because of that, she's been very good at running at the first sign of trouble in all of her relationships."

Dezzy looked at him curiously. "So that's why they broke up?"

James shrugged. "I'm still putting the pieces together, but I think so, yeah."

"So they could still be together if she hadn't freaked out?"

He shrugged again.

"They should still be together," Dezzy corrected, shaking her head in disbelief.

James made a face. "Eh."

"James," she murmured.

He turned his gaze away from his sister with a contemplative frown. "I think she's in love with him," he muttered.

Dezzy's eyebrow rose ever-so-slightly. "She said that?"

James snorted. "God no. She would never admit that. God knows she'll probably never say those three words to anyone. But I can see it. On her face, in her behavior. I know her."

Dezzy gazed over at her big brother curiously. "James," she murmured. "If she loves him and God knows it's evident that Sirius loves her, don't you think that they deserve to..." she trailed off, giving him a look.

"To be together?" James sighed.

Dezzy didn't have to say anything.

"God, I hate talking to you," James murmured, a teasing smile on his face. "No wonder I stopped."

Dezzy laughed lightheartedly.

"You're very insightful for a fifteen-year-old, that's for sure," James complimented.

Dezzy blushed and picked up her essay off the table. She reopened her book and continued to write her essay, not really sure there was anything to discuss further. She let James sink in all the information she relayed him.

He sat in quiet, wondering if she was right. Did he really just hate Riley and Sirius together because he was afraid of losing both his best friends? Was he that afraid and shallow? Was he unwilling to apologize to Sirius because he didn't want to admit he was wrong? That maybe he made a mistake and jumped to conclusions? Did he really push them away because he was afraid of having them do it to him? Was he just striking first?

"James?"

James glanced up. "Hmm?"

"Why do you hate Drew so much?"

James was taken aback by the sudden change in subject. "Er…so we're done talking about me?"

"I think I pretty much said everything I needed to say."

James sighed. "I don't hate Drew. You know that."

"Okay then let me rephrase it: why do you hate Drew and me together so much?" she asked.

James didn't respond, finding much interest in the pillow beside him on the couch.

"_James_."

"I remember being fifteen, Dez," he sighed, fingering the pillow nervously, not looking her in the eye. "I know what guys are thinking."

"But what about me? What about what I'm thinking?" Dezzy asked pleadingly. "I'm a smart girl, James, or at least I'd like to think so. And Drew knows me. That's what is so great about us. We fit together. We…we just work. Like you and Lily."

James made a face. "Okay, first of all, Lily and I are older so-"

"Five galleons says you haven't had sex with her."

James went into a coughing fit. "Ahem, don't think that's my little sister's business!" he choked out.

Dezzy laughed at the stunned look on James' face. "You know why you haven't had sex with her? Because you respect her. Just like Drew respects me."

"Okay, this conversation has…has turned awkward," James whined. "You…you should never be talking about sex! Ever. Seriously, the subject is taboo for you, you got that? You're way too young."

"I'm the same age the first time you had-"

"Don't say it!" James whimpered, burying his head in the pillow. "I know, I know, I _know_. And that is why the whole idea of you in a relationship scares the hell out of me."

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, it scares me, too," she murmured with a shrug.

"Really?"

"Of course. Mostly because I really like Drew. Like _really _like him. He's...he's more than a boyfriend, he's my best friend."

James sighed reluctantly. "I just don't want you to..to rush into anything," he murmured. It's something he had often wished for himself. He had given up on Lily years prior and let girls throw themselves at him. But none of it had ever meant anything. Nothing like how he felt when he was with Lily.

Dezzy smiled, offering her brother a curt shrug. "James, there are times when I love having an overprotective brother."

"Really?"

"This time is not one of them."

James pouted.

"I'm not rushing into anything," she continued with a stern look. "I promise you that, James. We're...we're enjoying each others' company for the time-being. Nothing more, nothing less."

James didn't respond, hesitance gleaming in his eye.

Dezzy rolled her eyes. "Remember that you like Drew."

"Stop saying that," he whined.

Dezzy chuckled. "We all used to love hanging out together. You, me, Riley, Grant, Drew, and Lance were inseparable as kids."

"But we were kids then. Drew wasn't plotting ways to snog you back then!"

"Oh, he is not plotting ways to snog me, Mr. Overdramatic," Dezzy snorted._ "_And nothing has changed from when we were kids except that he went from being the boy next door you used to play Quidditch with in the field behind our houses until Mom would call us in for dinner to the boy who is dating your sister."

James made a face. "Now, wait a minute. That's not right," he argued. "He didn't live next door. He lived down the block."

Dezzy scowled.

James whimpered, shaking his head sadly. "It was so much easier when we thought girls had cooties."

Dezzy laughed and shoved her brother playfully.

"What happened to you crushing on Sirius? That I could deal with!"

Dezzy snorted. "You could deal with it because you knew Sirius would never date me."

"Exactly!"

"I had a crush on Sirius the same way that the entire universe had a crush on him. It's hard not to fancy Sirius Black," Dezzy explained logically. "But I'm over that. I like Drew, James. And he likes me. Why can't you accept that?"

James sighed and gazed at his sister, whose face was glowing with such radiance. "When did he stop being that little kid that would pull on your pigtails for entertainment and become a man who…who is actually a perfect fit for you?" he asked softly.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You…you think he's a perfect fit for me?"

"The guy knows you inside and out, Dez. I don't think he could hurt you even if he tried. I can see how much he cares for you. And just like you know the guy, I know him, too. I know I can trust him," he explained in a murmur, shrugging curtly. "I'm just...I guess I'm doing the same thing to you I've done to Riley for the past eighteen years."

"Made fun of her?" Dezzy mused.

James slapped Dezzy with his pillow, laughing. "_No_."

"Protect her," Dezzy said seriously when their laughter died down.

James nodded and patted his sister's crossed leg. "Yeah. I'm your older brother. It…it just comes naturally."

"Drew is so on edge around you right now," Dezzy shared with a snicker. "He's so afraid one day he'll look over his shoulder and find you there waiting to hex him to pieces."

James grinned. "Good, he should be scared."

Dezzy gave him a look. "What happened to 'he's a perfect fit for me'?"

James sighed. "Doesnt mean he shouldn't be watching his back."

"James!" Dezzy groaned.

James scrunched his nose. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should probably apologize to him for being an ass."

"Does this mean you'll ease up a little?"

"After I interrogate the boy until he's blue in the face, yes," James replied almost immediately.

"JAMES!"

James laughed. "I'm _kidding_!"

Dezzy gave him a look.

"Okay, I'm half kidding."

Dezzy laughed and kissed her brother on the cheek. "I do appreciate having you as a brother."

"Hm. You probably won't be saying that after the talk I have with your ex-boyfriend."

Dezzy quirked an eyebrow. "Ex-boyfriend?"

"Yeah, he might break up with you after what I have to say to him."

"JAMES!"

James laughed and winked playfully. "I'm kidding."

Dezzy snorted.

"Okay, I'm half kidding."

"Sometimes I hate you," Dezzy snickered.

"Yeah, but we've already established that can't last long due to my suaveness and my charm," James said, fluttering his eyelashes for show.

Dezzy laughed and rolled her eyes. "I believe I used the word _smooth_."

"Eh, same difference."

* * *

James knocked on the fifth-years' boys' dorm.

Brad Harper answered the door and he was taken aback by who was standing there in front of him. "Er…"

"Drew here?"

Brad winced and called over his shoulder. "Drew, your assassin is here!"

James gave Brad a look. "Gee, thanks."

Brad laughed and opened the door to the room, gesturing him in.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Hello to you, too, Grant," James murmured, rolling his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Grant repeated from where he was sitting on his bed, flipping through his notes. "I don't think I've ever seen you at this door."

"I lived in this room two years ago."

"Cute." Grant glared at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm sure it must come as a shock to you, but I'm not here for you. I'm here to talk to Drew."

Drew winced and got up from his desk nervously. "This can't be good."

James laughed. "It'll be fine."

Drew followed James out into the hallway, shutting the door behind him. "Okay, but before you kill me, you should know that there are four people in that room that know I'm with you and if I end up disappearing, they could easily put two and two together and send you to Azkaban. And I'm thinking your brother would gladly do it, too. I don't know if you've noticed, but he's not your biggest fan."

James laughed and shook his head. "I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to say that…that I've been really stupid lately and I didn't mean to come off like such an ass when it came to your relationship with my sister. I didn't mean to be so hard on you guys."

Drew cocked his head to the side. "Huh?"

James leaned against the wall and gazed at Drew with a sincere look on his face. "You're good for my sister, Drew. Just...just please be sure to take care of her."

Drew blinked. "Huh?"

James laughed. "I'm sorry for being an ass."

"What's the catch?"

James rolled his eyes. "There is no catch, Drew. Go ahead and date my sister. I won't stand in your way."

"Really?"

James nodded. "Yes. I was just…just doing what I've always done and-"

"Scared the living shit out of me?"

Both of them laughed together. "I always scared the living shit out of you?"

"Hell yeah!" Drew snickered. "You were so intimidating and she has always looked up to you. I knew I'd really have to get your approval before I got serious with her."

James straightened up and narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean 'get serious?'"

Drew snorted. "Oh, calm down. I don't mean _sex_, James Potter."

James made a face. "Do me a favor: don't talk about my sister and sex in the same conversation ever again."

Drew laughed and nodded. "Deal."

James sighed and looked at Drew as his sister's girlfriend and not as the kid down the street who he used to be friends with. "You'll be good to her. I know you," he said casually. "With that said, if you _do _hurt my little sister, Azkaban wouldn't scare me away from what I'd do to you."

Drew grinned sheepishly. "Well, that's comforting," he muttered teasingly. "With that said, I really like her, James. I don't plan on hurting her. Ever."

"I know," James said sincerely.

They stood there across from each other, both thinking about Dezzy in different ways. James knew he had to let her grow up on her own and make her own decisions. That was how she was going to learn. He sighed, wondering when things changed from a carefree childhood to teenage life where hard decisions had to be made. "It seems like such a long time ago when we…we were taking our brooms back behind our houses to play some innocent Quidditch."

Drew snorted. "'Innocent Quidditch?' I seem to remember a couple of fist fights that you and Grant would get into."

James scowled. "He'd always claim I was cheating! I'm pretty sure I didn't get Quidditch Captain based on cheating."

Drew nodded, smirking slightly. He bit down on his lip. "Things were so much easier back then."

"Yeah, we didn't have to worry about girls. They always ruin everything," James whimpered teasingly.

Drew laughed. "I don't know what you're talking about but Ihad to worry about girls when I was younger. Specifically one girl."

James quirked an eyebrow. "Dezzy?"

He nodded. "Oh yeah, I've liked her for...for nearly six years," he said, his eyes glazing over at the thought of Dezzy.

James was admiring the look of adoration on Drew's face and he finally realized that Dezzy was in good hands. Drew was wearing the same look on his face that James did when with Lily. "Why did you wait five and a half years to do anything about it?"

Drew shrugged. "Partly, you."

James laughed and patted Drew on the shoulder. "Sorry, buddy."

"But mostly it was because I knew she kinda had a crush on Sirius. I-I didn't want to get rejected."

"So then what changed?" James asked softly. It was funny how Drew and Dezzy's relationship reminded him so much of his own with Lily and all the time he waited for the right time with her.

He sgrinned slyly. "Do you really want to hear about the first time your sister and I kissed?"

James made a face. "No," he murmured. "Yes."

Drew quirked an eyebrow.

James shuddered. "I mean no. In my mind the girl has never kissed a guy."

Drew laughed.

James smiled. "Well, I'm gonna head back. Be good to Dez, Drew."

"You know I will."

* * *

"How goes the apologizing?" Lily asked when James returned.

James stifled a yawn and crawled on to the couch. He placed his head in Lily's lap and shut his eyes with a content sigh. "I did a double apology actually."

Lily glanced away from _Little Women_ and towards her boyfriend curiously. "Heh?"

"Drew and Dezzy really do deserve each other."

Lily was shocked to hear James say that, considering just earlier that day he was moaning about how Drew only wanted his sister for one thing. Lily didn't have to ask James what he meant by that; she had a pretty good idea. "Okay, she clearly put some sort of hex on you."

James laughed. "No, she just made me realize I've been an idiot."

She put her bookmark back in her book and placed it on the small coffee table beside her. "Funny, considering I've been telling you that ever since you found out they got together."

"I know. I should've listened. You've always been a good source of advice."

Lily nodded and started stroking James' hair gently. "James? Exactly why did you apologize to Drew?"

He shrugged. "Because I realized that I could not only stop protecting my younger sister but that they really deserved to be together. I was just being a stubborn idiot."

Lily raised an eyebrow without replying. One look told James all he needed to know.

James gasped, glaring at her. "Wait, I take all of that back! I meant none of it!"

Lily shook her head. "Too late, Potter," she snickered. "You are such a hypocrite."

"I take it back!" James whimpered again, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Here you are apologizing to Drew and willing to accept his relationship with Dezzy and you refuse to do the exact same thing with Sirius and Riley."

"They are two totally different situations."

Lily snorted.

James scoffed, crossing his arms bitterly. "Okay, fine, it's the exact same thing."

"Except that Drew and Dezzy aren't your best friends. Dezzy is always going to be your sister no matter what. With them, you don't have the same fear of losing your two best friends."

James furrowed his brow, sighing. He didn't respond immediately, processing his words over in his head. Everyone was right about him. When he had found out about Sirius and Riley, it was mostly shock that had hit him, not anger or sadness. His instinct was to be fearful of their relationship because he knew that it would change things drastically. Not only with each other, but with him as well.

He glanced up at Lily curiously. "Do I avoid tough situations?"

Lily didn't respond.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Lily cursed. "I have to remember that silence means yes."

James silently repeated his question with just an arched eyebrow.

Lily resumed stroking James' hair, musing the question over in her head. She eventually said carefully, "James, how long did it take us to get together?"

"That wasn't entirely me avoiding us!" he pointed out. "Part of that was your fault. You told me to be with Kristina."

"That's true. It was partly my fault. But we had about two other chances before that," Lily pointed out. "And you always went back to Kristina. It was your way of avoiding the obvious sexual tension between the two of us. Being with Kristina was easy. You knew what you were getting with her. You could pretend nothing happened with me and nothing was going to happen if you ahd her by your side. You…you avoid tough situations because you're afraid of rejection and the unknown."

"Damnit, my bloody sister was right," he cursed, slamming his fist against the back of the couch with a whimper. "But don't tell her I said that. She'd never get off her high horse if she knew I admitted she was right."

Lily let out a strained smile. "Why do you ask anyway? About avoiding tough situations, that is."

James averted his eyes away from Lily's. "Just something Dezzy said."

"About Riley and Sirius?"

James scrunched his nose and looked back up at her. "Okay, I seriously need to befriend people who don't know me inside and out already."

"You gonna do anything about your stubbornness?"

"Nah, I figured I'd ride it out for a while," James said casually, shrugging offhandedly as he sat up on the couch with a grunt. He reached over her and grabbed her book of the side table. "So whatcha reading? Jeez, haven't you already read this, like, twenty times?"

"Only twelve times," Lily groaned, snatching her book back and holding it to her chest. "And we're not discussing me and my obsession with Jo March!"

"Well, we're certainly not discussing me," James argued, giving her a stern look. "I did enough of that with my sister."

"Avoiding a tough situation," she accused in a sing-song voice.

"Obsessed over a fictional character," he imitated.

Lily rolled her eyes and got up off the couch. "Well I'm going to obsess over my fictional character in the privacy of my own room, thank you very much." She headed towards her own room, smiling smugly at him over her shoulder.

James crossed his arms with a 'hmph.' "Well, I can tell I'm not much wanted."

"Not until you make up with at least one of your friends," she taunted, opening the door to her room.

"Well, then you can forget about snogging me on rounds tonight!" James warned, peeking over his shoulder.

Lily snickered. "Believe me, you'll go through more of a withdrawal than _I _will."

"Hardly! Anyone who snogs me can't go a day without wanting more of the J-Man."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "The _J-Man_?"

"It's a work in progress."

"How about the nickname Loser? Because that's what you'll be once you cave."

James snorted. "Oh please. You'll come crawling back to me hungry for my kisses within the next 24 hours."

Lily snickered haughtily. "Doubt it."

"Wanna bet?"

Lily grinned competitively. "Don't say it unless you mean it," she warned, hunger shining in her eyes.

James hopped off the couch with a suggestive grin. "Oh, I mean it, honey."

She sat upright. "Then you are so going down."

James' grin grew cheekily. "We're actually doing this, aren't we."

Lily smiled. "I'm not about to back down from a challenge, Mr. Potter. You should know that by now."

He perched himself on the arm of the couch, crossing his arms curiously. "Right back at ya, Evans," he teased, winking at her. "We're going to need some ground rules."

Lily groaned, shaking her head in disbelief. "Ground rules for a bet we're making on withholding sexual contact," she sighed overdramatically. "What have our lives come to?"

James chuckled. "You're avoiding the question."

She laughed, leaning up against her doorframe with a curt shrug. "Let's go for the holy grail. No physical contact whatsoever. We have to keep our hands off each other in all aspects."

James looked at her reluctantly. "So no…holding hands? Or hugging?"

"Precisely."

"Hm…okay, I-I can do that," James said warily. "So what do I get when you cave?"

"There's no need to discuss that considering you'll be the one to cave first," Lily shot back.

James grinned, suddenly realizine how turned on he was by her at that moment. The confident teasing was an alluring personality trait he had never seen in Lily before. He was finding her competitive side very sezy. As James watched her standing in the doorway to her room, the impish look on her face as her eyes searched him up and down, hugging her book close to her chest, he could feel himself hardening under his robes. It was a good thing his robes were thick.

"If you cave first, you have to apologize to Sirius and Riley. And I mean a-"

"No," James muttered.

Lily's eyebrow arched.

"Sirius maybe," James muttered. "But I can't talk to Riley yet. I know her. She needs more time, Lily. I-I don't want to make it any worse."

Lily frowned. "You're avoiding a touch situation again."

"No, I'm just being logical."

Lily sighed. "Fine. We'll focus on Sirius. When you lose, you'll-"

"If."

"-you'll have to apologize to him. A real, sincere apology where you literally dredge up everything youv'e said and done over the past couple of months and show remorse."

James groaned. "Then Merlin knows I will not be caving first," he muttered.

Lily sighed. "James," she said softly. "Don't you want to apologize to him?"

"I'm a man. We don't go groveling to our friends."

"But being lonely is okay?"

"I'm not lonely. I have you!"

Lily snorted. "How do you have me if we can't even hold hands anymore?"

James scowled. "Damn, you make a good point," he muttered.

"Your turn. What happens if I lose? Which we don't really need to discuss considering that will never happen."

James snickered. "Dream on," he teased. "Hm...okay, if you cave first, then…damnit, I have nothing on you. Why must you be friends with everyone right now?"

"Because I'm not a stubborn idiot who pushes the people I care about away."

James was about to whine when a lightbulb went off in his head. "Alright, if you cave first then you have to talk to Sirius for me."

"Oh, so now you want me fighting your battles?" Lily groaned. "How adult of you."

"Hey, you want us to make up, don't you? This way Idon't have to be the one to admit I'm wrong and I'm not avoiding the situation. Everyone wins!"

"Yeah, except for me who will be fighting her boyfriend's battles. Aw, damn, I've become that girl!"

James grinned. "I'm worth it."

"What the hell would I say to him?"

"We'll figure that out _when_ the time comes," James said with a shrug. Truth was, he had no idea how Lily could fight his battle for him. But he'd figure it out later.

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I'm going to agree to this."

James grinned. "Wanna kiss on it?" He winked.

Lily raised an eyebrow suggestively before shutting her door in his face.

"You know where to find me when you want to cave!" he cried loudly enough for her to hear.

What the hell did he just get himself into? God knows he couldn't last long without laying a finger on Lily's beautiful body. He sighed and slumped back to his room. It was going to be a lonely night.

Lily fell back on her bed with a heavy groan. _What did I just do_? Did she really want James and Sirius to make up this badly? Was she really willing to keep herself from James' touches in order for James to take a step in making up with his best friend? She sighed, knowing the answer was yes. If this was the only way to get James to step up and talk to Sirius, then she was willing to do it. She hated seeing how dejected and empty James was without Sirius and Riley. She was torn up inside whenever they were in class and James was completely ignored by the two people he used to depend on for everything. Lily knew that Sirius could possibly give James a second chance if James tried to patch things up respectively. And if this was the only way to do that, she'd take the sacrifice.

* * *

James stormed into the boys' dorm after he was finished was rounds. "Okay, just tell me I'm an idiot so I can go on my way."

Remus was lying on his bed on his stomach, organizing his notes in front of him. "Okay, you're an idiot," he said without even looking up.

"Do you even want to know why?"

"Nah, it's always something."

James groaned and flopped back on to his own bed. "Lily and I are seeing how long we can go without snogging each other. Actually, if we're being technical, we're seeing how long we can go without touching each other at all."

Remus burst into laughter. "But _this _is the most idiotic thing you've ever done."

"Yes, I realizethat."

"Pray tell, what in Merlin's name made you two decide this?"

"Good question. I'm not even sure how it happened," James muttered with a scowl. "I mean, it's not like we're doing this for fun. We bet each other."

"Oh yeah, sounds like real fun," Remus responded sarcastically. "What are you betting on?"

James scowled. "Sirius."

Remus burst into laughter again. "Oh man, she totally manipulated you. Let me guess: if you admit defeat first, you have to apologize to Sirius."

"Good guess," James said with a nod.

"What happens if Lily loses?"

James didn't reply. He had a feeling Remus wouldn't wholly approve.

"Oh God, what is it?" Remus whined.

James sighed. "Er...she has to talk to Sirius for me."

Remus scoffed. "Aw man, you're going to get your girlfriend to fight your own battles? Wuss."

"Hell yeah I am! I'm not about to give into Sirius and let him know I feel bad about completely disregarding him for the past three months! That would suggest that I did something _wrong. _I'm a man. I don't crawl back to my friends. I have some pride, y'know."

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "_Do _you?"

"No, of course not!" James whined. He flipped over to his side and propped himself up on his elbow. "Of course I feel bad for ignoring Sirius. Of course I feel bad for judging him. Of course I feel horrible for all that I've said to hurt him. I _should_ be crawling back to him!"

Remus glanced at James contemplatively. "Then here's a novel idea: go apologize to him."

James made a face. "I really should just so I can go back to snogging my beautiful girlfriend. My rounds tonight were depressingly lonely without her."

Remus shot up in bed. "No, no, don't apologize just to give into this bet," he argued immediately. "That's like stripping yourself and all men of their power over women."

James raised an eyebrow. "Heh?"

Remus snickered. "We're the man when it comes to relationships, right? That means _we _have all the power. Women don't realize it or recognize it because that's how slick we are. If you give into her this time, what's next? You gonna start wearing a dress and calling yourself Jamie?"

James made a face. "Ew, unnecessary mental image."

"It doesn't paint a pretty picture, I know," Remus sighed overdramatically. "Which is why you have to hold out as long as possible. if you want to apologize to Sirius, just don't tell Lily about it."

"So let me get this straight: you're subscribing to the chauvinstic view that men hold all power in the relationship and you're condoning me lying to Lily?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"When did you turn into Sirius?"

Remus hesitated. "Damn, I am spending too much time with him. Can you make up with him soon to alleviate the amount of time I'm forced to be around him?"

James chuckled. "I thought I wasn't allowed to cave on this bet."

"No, you are. You're just not allowed to tell Lily about it."

"Are you just Sirius under Polyjuice Potion?"

Remus chucked his quill at him.

* * *

**A/N: **Not much to add, but I hope you enjoy this whole bet thing with Lily and James in the next few chapters. They were fun to write! I pretty much have no clue where the idea came from, but I'm glad it did. Review please!


	29. Of Cat Fights, Practice, & Relationships

**A/N: **Hey everyone. I'm back, and so soon after I already updated! So be happy! You get more of the bet in this chapter and you do get a little more of Riley and Sirius. I hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling and I don't even bear the slightest resemblance.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 29: Of Cat Fights, Quidditch Practices & Sane Relationships

* * *

Lily skipped brunch the next day. Sitting across from James in the Great Hall would give her too much temptation and no way was she giving in before James. James had to learn to own up to his mistakes and how to fight his own battles. He had to learn that avoiding things didn't create answers.

It was after brunch had ended when she realized James had Quidditch practice and would have gone to brunch early. But this did give Lily the courage to leave her room and head to the Gryffindor house where her friends would be.

Lily pushed open the door to her old room without knocking. She walked in and fell back against Kay's bed, the closest to the door, which was unoccupied as Kay was in the shower.

"Good afternoon to you, too," Riley snickered from her own bed, reading a day-old fashion magazine. "Where the hell were you at brunch? You missed a major cat fight going down between Rhett and Sirius."

Lily sat up, intrigued. "Ooh, do tell."

"Words were thrown around, insults were made, wands were whipped out, a fist was thrown, and finally McGonagall stepped in and scolded the boys for being stupid and ignorant, specifically for stirring up a fight in front of the professors. I think she used the words 'daft, silly boys who aren't ready to graduate if they can't learn to keep their hands to themselves.'" To Lily's surprise, Riley had a smile on her face.

"Why exactly do you look happy about this?"

"Oh, it was quite amusing," she explained with a giddy smile. "They didn't even know what they were fighting about half the time."

"I'd put money on the answer to that being you."

Riley shrugged and flipped to the next page of her magazine. "That's how it started anyhow. Then somehow Sirius brought up Quidditch and Rhett's prior girlfriends—'cept I believe he used the word _whores _and even the outdated word 'call-girls.' Basically, Sirius was just trying to pick a fight with Rhett and Rhett was clearly not going to let that happen. Rhett fought back immediately with his own string of insults and shut Sirius up. Which is a huge task considering Sirius never shuts up."

The bathroom door opened and Kay entered wearing a towel, scrunching her hair with her hands. "Ooh, retelling the story of brunch, huh?"

Riley nodded and returned to her magazine.

"How did it even start?" Lily questioned.

Instead of Riley replying like Lily expected, Kay jumped in. "Rhett came over to the Gryffindor table and before Riley could even say hi to him, Sirius jumped up claiming that Rhett clearly needed a compass because his table was on the opposite side of the room. Rhett argued back, saying he just wanted to say hi to his _girlfriend_. Sirius argued that Rhett only came over to make Sirius jealous."

"Rhett asked why Sirius would get jealous considering I'm not Sirius' girl anymore and he has _Rachael _now," Riley continued.

"Actually, Rhett's exact words were 'do you remember Rachael? Or are you still tongue-tied over Riley who just happens to be my girlfriend now?'" Kay giggled. "That's when the wands were pulled out. Oh man, the whole argument was captivating! The entire Great Hall was silent as they watched on."

"Captivating, sure. But also quite embarrassing," Riley muttered. "I was hoping the gossip would have died down about the two of us by now but after this morning, it just got worse. I can't believe Sirius started a fight. What a prick."

"Just a minute ago you said it was quite amusing," Lily pointed out.

"Well, it was," Riley explained further with shrug. "Mostly because Sirius assumed Rhett would just roll his eyes as per usual and ignore Sirius. He was completely thrown when Rhett actually fought back."

"And it became totally laughable once Rachael came over to calm Sirius down," Kay explained, opening up her trunk to find clean clothes to wear. "Because he knew he couldn't argue about Riley with Rachael around."

"Yeah, that's when he started blabbing about him being a pathetic Quidditch player or whatnot," Riley explained.

"Which was quickly followed by Sirius accusing Rhett of…of being promiscuous in his past and owning call girls or whatnot. It was Sirius' clear attempt to put Rhett down." Kay threw her bra and underwear on in the corner of the room, quickly followed by her jeans.

"So basically, the whole school is buzzing about how Sirius is jealous of Rhett," Riley murmured with a sigh. "Which does not help my situation any."

Kay walked over to the mirror and threw her hair into a wet, messy bun. "Did you really expect it to die down?"

Riley sighed and flipped to the next page of the magazine slowly. "No. But I continue to be overly hopeful."

"With this school gossiping? You sure are an optimist," Lily teased.

Kay laughed and returned to her trunk to find a sweater. "So, Lily, why weren't you there for brunch? It's not like you to miss a meal."

Lily frowned sullenly. "I did a stupid thing last night."

Kay whirled around. "Please tell me you didn't break up with James."

Lily whimpered unenthusiastically. "Don't mention his name."

Riley gasped and closed the magazine immediately, tossing it to the floor. "You didn't!"

"No, we didn't break up, but we might as well have considering we'll be avoiding each other as much as possible for the next few days," Lily sighed. She propped herself up by her elbow. "We…we made a stupid bet."

"Ooh, details please," Kay asked curiously. She hurried over to her bed where Lily was lying and knelt down on the floor in front of her.

Riley nodded furiously, sitting up in her bed. "Playing games with James Potter? Intruiging..."

"We weren't even arguing. I was just explaining how stubborn he's been with you and Sirius and one thing led to another and somehow I accused him of going through withdrawal if we didn't snog on our rounds last night," Lily said hastily, embarrassed by the whole bet. "He said I'd go through withdrawal before he ever did. And that's when we dared each other not to snog the other and the first one to cave, loses. I honestly have no idea how it came down to that."

Riley and Kay stared at Lily blankly. "That's the most perverse bet ever made," Kay snickered.

"You guys have a…er…an interesting relationship, that's for sure," Riley snorted.

"This coming from the girl who dated Sirius Black."

Riley scowled at Kay as Lily moaned and fell back against the bed again, ignoring their quibble. "Why did we do that?" she whined. "He was right unfortunately: I _am _going through withdrawal. The idea that he's unattainable is making me want him even more."

"Well yeah," Riley said, shrugging matter-of-factly. "It's common knowledge that a man out of your reach, a man you _can't_ have for whatever reason, your foolish bet included, makes him that much more irresistible."

Lily whimpered.

"So basically, you're screwed," Riley snickered.

Lily sat up long enough to glare at Riley before she returned to her reclining position.

"My advice is to avoid him if all possible," Kay offered, climbing off the floor. She returned to finding a suitable sweater. "It's the only way you'll last."

"See, that was my first instinct," Lily mentioned, sitting back up slowly. "But don't you think I should try to be around him as much as possible? In order for James to cave? Don't you think it might be in my favor to dangle myself in front of him?"

Both Riley and Kay pondered that before Riley spoke up. "Well God knows that boy couldn't last a day without snogging some girl. I don't think he's gone twelve hours without some sort of make-out session ever since he lost his virginity," Riley teased.

"That is not making me feel better."

Riley laughed. "I'm just agreeing with you. Maybe surrounding him constantly is the way to go. I knew there was a reason you bagged Head Girl."

"Because I make bets on withholding physical contact with my boyfriend?"

"_No_," Riley said with a giggle. "Because you're clearly quite logical."

"If she were logical, she'd be snogging her boyfriend right now."

Lily glared at Kay. "Thanks for the reminder."

Kay grinned. "That's clearly what I'm here for you."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle as she scooted off the bed. "I'm gong to go watch his practice. Let's see how distracted he gets when he realizes I'm there."

Kay giggled. "Ooh, count me in. I gotta watch this unfold."

Lily pointed at Kay's abdomen. "You might wanna throw on clothes first."

Kay winced. "Good point." She pulled out a turtleneck and threw it on.

"You coming?" Lily asked Riley.

Riley gave her a look. "_Why _would I want to watch two people who I despise most in this world fly around on brooms for an hour or so?"

"You wouldn't be watching them fly around on brooms. You'd be watching James quickly cancel practice because he can't concentrate since I will be sitting in the stands looking positively breathtaking," Lily explained with a teasing grin.

"Well, then you're going to need to change that shirt."

Lily glared at her.

Riley shrugged and hopped off her bed. "But I guess I do want to be there to see the boy cave. Then I can laugh at him even more than I already do."

"That's the spirit. Now grab your coat, let's go!"

* * *

James was mad when he found out he skipped brunch for no good reason. He was planning on avoiding Lily as much as possible but flying around the Quidditch pitch with no food in his stomach was killing him. He probably should have headed to the kitchens before practice.

His team was looking great and he was thankful he had Quidditch to take his mind off of Lily even if Sirius was making it impossible for him to run his practice.

James ducked as a Bludger was sent his way, dropping the Quaffle in the meantime. "BLACK!" James barked for what felt like the hundredth time that night. Dezzy raced after the Quaffle before it hit the ground. "I don't believe I ever suggested that every time I attempt to make a shot through one of the hoops, you send the Bludger my way!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't do it every time. You're paranoid."

"I have the bruises to prove it, Black!"

"Baby," he muttered, loud enough for Jamse to hear.

"Stop acting like a selfish git and start acting like a member of this team or don't think I won't pull Harper up from the alternate position to play with this team!"

"You wouldn't dare," Sirius smirked. "I'm too good."

"_Try me_."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault your big head seems to be in my way at all times."

"DAMNIT, BLACK! We're supposed to be a bloody team and you're not acting like it!" James shouted as the other five players began assembling around them with frustrated sighs.

"You wouldn't know how to be a member of a team if it smacked you on the ass like that last Bludger," Sirius sneered. "Start looking in the mirror, m'friend." He shot James a glare before racing off towards the clubhouse.

"Sirius, _stop_," Dezzy snapped, zooming in front of him to stop him from leaving the pitch. "Can't we at least try to have some semblance of a successful practice?"

"Tell that to your jackass of a brother," Sirius snapped.

James glared at him but chose not to comment. "How about we try this again?" he muttered, gesturing to his sister to throw him the Quaffle. "Randy, get back to guarding the hoops and Black, get over to the other side of the pitch. Lets' go!"

"What's the point?" Drew muttered to Dezzy as they both flew back towards the middle of the pitch together. "This is the most unproductive practice ever. With Sirius and James still mad at each other, _nothing _is getting accomplished."

"Do you have something to add, Gilmore?" James called after her.

Drew glanced at Dezzy briefly befor turning around to face his Captain. "Actually, I do. I think that until you and Sirius learn to work together, practices are going to be basically useless."

"I think _I'll _make that call, Drew," he said coldly. "I'm letting out the Snitch this time, so maybe stop paying more attention to your girlfriend than the game. We don't need any more distractions."

Both Drew and Dezzy scowled.

"Then how come your girlfriend gets to watch?" Randy said with a teasing grin, pointing to the stands where Lily sat shivering with her two friends.

James' heart skipped a beat and he glanced over to where Randy was pointing. Sure enough, there was Lily looking more gorgeous than ever. He swore under his breath as she waved at him. _What the hell is she doing here_? "Er…okay, let's get back to practice! Just ignore them!"

Lily had never found Quidditch a hotter sport than at that moment. James looked positively breathtaking, flying around with much speed and elegance. And his occasional shout to a teammate made Lily realize that power was such an erotic quality. "I am so turned on right now," Lily muttered, her eyes on James the entire time as she gnawed on her thumbnail.

"No!" Riley yelled, slapping Lily on the shoulder. "You have got to win this! For womankind!"

"How is withholding sexual favors from my boyfriend going to benefit womankind?" Lily questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"It's the statement it makes," Riley clarified. "It means that we have ultimate power over men."

"Which we do. And always should," Kay chimed in.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I can see that coming from Riley, but you, Kay? Aren't you all about equality?"

Kay shrugged. "If you totally give in, the ball is always going to be in his court."

"What ball? We're just...just messing around."

_"_No, actually you're _not _messing around," Riley interjected with a teasing smile.

Lily glared at her.

Kay shook her head incredulously. "Lily, you've barely gone fourteen hours without snogging James. And most of that time, you were sleeping. You can last longer. Stand strong, Evans!"

Lily whimpered and placed her head in her hands. "God, I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

Riley sighed and patted Lily on the back. "Well, yes. But that will pass once James caves and you can control him in ever way possible."

"Forever," Kay added.

"I don't want to control him. I just want to _make out with him_," Lily whimpered.

"Yes, you're definitely pathetic," Riley mumbled, sharing a smile with Kay.

Lily inhaled slowly and lifted her head up. She glanced towards James. "Are you sure I'm the strong one?"

"Yes! Men are always weaker than women, especially the Potter family!" Riley snickered. "Their mother screwed them up for life, babying them every second of their life, especially before they leave the house at eighteen. _If _that. Brite stayed for another year during his training program. Granted, his father tried to kick him out plenty of times. Mr. Potter was constantly claiming to the Potter men when they were younger that their lives were going nowhere because they didn't work hard enough. Needless to say, Mr. Potter is a huge workaholic." She hesitated. "Okay, where was I going with this?"

Lily and Kay stared at her blankly. "I have pretty much no idea," Lily snorted. "But can we go back to my dilemma?"

"You don't have a dilemma," Kay argued. "Because you are going to win this bet of yours, no matter how ridiculous it is."

Lily made a face, but nodded, still unconvinced. She returned to watching the practice.

It was no use. Practice was just a waste of their time. Sirius was still acting like a prick, attempting to stop James in every way from reaching the hoops and because James wasn't paying as much attention as he probably should have been considering Lily was a few feet away from him, he got nearly hit twice in the face from Sirius' Bludgers. James sighed and blew his whistle. "Okay, this is virtually futile. Hit the showers and we'll just meet back here tomorrow night for an emergency practice. I'll book the field."

The whole team groaned.

"Aw, c'mon. If practice was useless today, do you really think by tomorrow night it will be any better?" Dedalus Diggle whined.

"Hey, if you want to grumble and complain about it, we can fly a few hundred laps before we head in," James warned.

"But-" Dedalus started.

Skyler elbowed Dedalus in the stomach ("Ow!"). "Then again, tomorrow night might be fun," Skyler replied sarcastically.

The entire time flew down to the ground and Sirius was the first to rush into the showers in the Quidditch clubhouse, wanting nothing to do with James or Riley. The rest of the team soon followed, wanting to get away from James before his anger caused him to make the team clean the Pitch or something to that extreme.

James flew down to the stands to meet the three girls.

"And that's my cue to leave," Riley muttered. "I saw what I came to see. See you later, girls."

Lily and Kay waved as James grimly watched her walk away.

"What are you doing here? I figured you'd be avoiding me," James said. It was weird not to greet his girlfriend with a kiss. And hell, that's all he wanted to do. She may have been bundled up in tons of layers, a thick winter jacket and her Gryffindor scarf included, but he was remembering just two nights earlier when he had last seen the beautiful curves of her body. The image was encompassing his entire mind and he rubbed his eyes, trying to rid the picture from his mind.

Lily smiled innocently and shook her head. "How were rounds last night?" she asked impishly.

James pouted. "Lonely," he admitted with a curt shrug. "How was the rest of your night?"

"Uneventful. I finished my book and went to bed." _In my own bed without you there_. She had tossed and turned the entire night, wishing James' arms were wrapped around her body.

"Fun," James replied.

"And I finished my essay for Slughorn's class. As you can see, it was a very thrilling night for me," Kay chimed in. "Thanks for asking."

Lily laughed, breaking eye contact with her boyfriend.

"Hm," James mused curiously, his eyes not straying from Lily. "If I recall, you had over two hundred pages left to that book when I picked it up last night."

"If you're trying to make a point, then make it," Lily drawled.

"Couldn't sleep, huh?"

"I don't know what you're insinuating," she replied, shrugging innocently. "I just like a good book before bed."

James smirked, the yearning in her eyes unmistakable. "So you never answered my question: what are you doing here?" he prodded.

"I just thought I'd come by and see how the team was doing," Lily replied in what she hoped was a casual tone.

"In the freezing cold March weather?"

"I like the snow," Lily lied.

"No, you don't."

"Well I thought I could use some fresh air," she protested, shaking her head. "I haven't been outside in quite some time." She smiled ingenuously.

James gazed at her until Lily's smile wavered slightly. "Why, Miss Evans, _you _are playing dirty."

"However do you mean, Mr. Potter?" Lily replied just as politely and innocently.

"You're trying to get me to cave first." He pointed an accusing finger in her face.

Lily rolled her eyes, played it off as cool as she could. "You are paranoid. Did you ever think that I just enjoy watching you play Quidditch?"

"Not at a winter practice, no. That thought did not cross my mind."

Lily chuckled, shrugging innocently. "Just because I can't snog you doesn't mean I can't support you with your talented hobbies."

"Ah, because you're missing those othertalented hobbies of his he pronounces in the bedroom?" Kay interjected with a suggestive grin.

Lily scowled, her cheeks going slightly red as James couldn't help but chuckle. "Kay?" Lily muttered.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

Kay laughed as James continued scrutinizing Lily's every move. "If you can tell me who on the team last scored, I'll believe you're here just for moral support."

Lily blinked, glancing towards Kay who was grinning in pure amusement. "Er...you?"

He smirked and leaned closer to her, so close his nose was barely an inch away from her face. "_You _are playing dirty," he repeated in what he hoped would come off as a seductive voice.

Lily's heart skipped a beat as James' warm breath erased the numbness of her nose. She leaned in another centimeter. "So what if I am?"

James stared into her eyes, not blinking. "I can't believe you think that poorly of me. Guys like me don't surrender. We tough it out. I'm a man. It's what we do."

Lily shrugged coyly. "Exactly: you're a man. You can't go a day without a proper snog," Lily indicted, lifting an eyebrow suggestively.

"Maybe you're right," James concurred with a slight nod. "But there are hundreds of other women in this school who probably know how to properly snog, am I correct?"

Lily gasped overdramatically, narrowing her eyes. "Now, who's playing dirty?"

"Yeah, did you really never want to snog Lily ever again?" Kay snorted, trying to suppress her laughter.

"Oh, you know I would never actually do that to you, Lils," he whined, pouting guiltily. "Apparently not making out with my girlfriend can make a guy say crazy things."

"Are you admitting defeat?"

"Not until I lay one on you, Lillian Evans," James said, kissing the air. He winked before jumping off the stands to the grounds. "Shower time."

Instead of heading to the showers provided for the Quidditch teams, James walked past them and into the school, planning on showering in his own shower in his private quarters. He wasn't going to give Lily the chance to blindside him again.

Lily whimpered and placed her head in her hands. "Okay, not only did that get me nowhere—actually, it got me further away from winning considering James just informed me he will be snogging other girls—but now my extremities are _frozen_ _solid_. Let's get outta here."

"James wouldn't ruin his relationship with you just because he needs a good snog. He's not that desperate and shallow."

"Yeah, I know," Lily muttered with a sigh. She hesitated. "What guys do you think would make out with me?"

"Lily!"

* * *

Sirius spent far too much time in the shower, mostly drowning himself in sorrow. He thought pissing James off would make him feel slightly better about the situation, but in hindsight it was just reminding him how much he had lost over the past few weeks. And it was when he was angry and upset with James that he found himself taking it out on Riley. He had no idea why he bothered starting a fight that morning in the Great Hall. It wasn't as if he cared that Riley and Rhett were dating (okay, that was a lie - he cared, but he wasn't going to admit it aloud) and it wasn't as if he particualrly disliked Rhett (another lie - he loathed Rhett for swooping in so quickly after he and Riley broke out), and yet when he saw Rhett chatting up Riley, it was as if his blood immediately boiled over. Maybe it had something to do with Rhett or maybe it was because of Riley or maybe it was because he knew he had to go off to practice and listen to James bitch at him, but before he knew it, he was insulting Rhett. And Rhett was more than happy to insult him back. Which he definitely deserved.

When he heard the clubhouse go quiet insinuating that the rest of his team had disappeared, he finally shut off the water and reached for his towel hanging on the hook outside the shower. He was suddenly struck with a very vivid memory of a time or two when he and Riley would sneak off to the Quidditch showers late at night together. He recalled the way her hair matted sensually against her back. He reminisced on the drops of water slipping down her cleavage. The wet kisses, their moans echoing off the shower walls, the water adding a bout of intimacy to an already intimate situation.

He quickly frowned, shaking his head of the memories from his past as he whipped open the shower curtain.

"I was beginning to think you had drowned in there."

Sirius let out a yelp, gripping his towel tightly to his body as his eyes fixed a stare on Riley who was splayed across one of the benches casually. She slowly sat up, a smirk resting in her eyes.

When Sirius was able to gain his composure, he shot her a look before slowly heading over to his cubby where his clothes were hanging. "What are you doing here, Riley?" he muttered.

She shrugged, picking herself off the bench in the corner to make her way over to him. "To tell you that the next time you want to pick a fight with my boyfriend, _don't_."

"Sound advice. Thanks. You mind leaving now so I can get changed?" he muttered coolly, reaching out for his T-shirt.

"Nothing I haven't seen before."

Sirius's hand froze on his shirt as he slowly met Riley's gaze. She merely shrugged, offering him a curt smirk. Every word she spoke, every movement she made, every expression on her face just proved to Sirius that she clearly was over whatever it was they had. "You've said what you wanted to say, Riley. I get it. I'll leave your precious boyfriend alone," he muttered. "Now please get out."

She slowly frowned, sensing the hostility in his voice. She opened her mouth a few times quickly proceeding to close it, resembling that of a fish, before sighing. "Alright," she muttered. But she didn't make any movement towards the exit.

As Sirius threw his T-shirt over his head, the towel still wrapped tightly around his abdomen, he turned to glance at her. "Was there something else you wanted?"

The question made her hesitation. She had no idea what she wanted. She understood the fighting between them. The bickering and the insults. The sneers and accusations. She could accept the angry and frustrated side of Sirius. What she wasn't prepared to handle was this cold, detached, unfeeling side of Sirius. It was like he no longer cared. Which shouldn't have bothered her because why should she care if he cared or not? But there was a strong part of her that was finding this all quite unsettling.

"No," she murmured. "No, I don't want anything else from you." She locked eyes briefly before turning on her heels to walk out.

Sirius watched her go, his heart sinking with every step she took. Once upon a time they were having intimate sex in the showers there and now they could barely hold a decent conversation. He hated how things had turned out between them. But he knew he had to start getting used to it.

* * *

Riley slid into the chair beside her boyfriend. "Hey Rhett," she greeted, kissing him briefly on the cheek. "How goes the work?"

Rhett made a face. "Herbology sucks."

Riley laughed. "Don't I know it." She pulled out her own books and placed them on the empty table in front of her. She had barely gone five minutes of reading before her mind was wandering to the fight her now boyfriend and ex-boyfriend had that morning. And then to the short conversation she had shared with Sirius in the Quidditch clubhouse. Why was everything so confusing? She frowned, wondering why she was letting Sirius take over her mind. A small part of her (smaller than she would have liked to admit) still hated him for what he had done and yet she went out of her way to seek Sirius out after practice. What was she doing to herself?

"You okay, Riley?"

Riley snapped back to reality and nodded furiously. "Oh yeah, of course. Why do you ask?"

"You just looked a little out of it, that's all," he explained with a reassuring smile.

"Just tired, I guess," she lied. She mentally hit herself. Ehat was she doing thinking of her ex-boyfriend in the presence of her actual boyfriend? She needed to rid Sirius of her mind. Forever. "Let's do something special tonight."

Rhett raised an eyebrow. "Er…like what?"

She leaned in so her face was barely a centimeter away from his. "I think you know," she whispered suggestively.

Rhett's heart skipped a beat. They've been dating for a week and Riley already wanted to jump into bed with him. That had to be some kind of record. "How about Astronomy Tower?"

Riley grinned. "How cliché," she teased, winking at him. "And yet, that might just work."

Rhett grinned, leaning over to kiss her. His tongue traced a line over her bottom lip and then he broke away, staring at her intimately. "I'll meet you outside your portrait, say, ten?"

Riley nodded and for a reason she could only blame on Sirius, she f elt guilty. But she forced out a smile anyway. "Perfect."

* * *

Jillian slid into an empty seat beside her boyfriend at one of the round tables in the back of the library. "Something is seriously up with those two," Jillian murmured, kissing her boyfriend.

Remus glanced up from his notes. "What two?"

"Sirius and Rachael, who else," she muttered, leaning back in her chair. "I was just attempting to have a conversation with Rachael and she completely blew me off in order to go run off and have sex with her boyfriend. Those two have such a dysfunctional relationahip. Sirius barely likes the girl and is just using her and Rachael is fine with it as long as he's with her. They're a mess."

"Yeah, I know," Remus said with a sigh. "This is all indicative to relationships he had before Riley. And I use the term relationship quite loosely."

"But why's back to acting like that? He can do better."

Remus frowned broodingly. "Well, for one thing, he doesn't know what else to do," he murmured.

Jillian gazed at her boyfriend, recognizing a sense of desperation in his eyes. "Both he and Riley are kinda floundering right now, aren't they."

Remus could only nod. "The only difference is, is that Sirius knows it. He knows he's using Rachael for his own personal benefit and he's fine with it. But Riley? She just hasn't yet realized she's using Rhett."

"Do...do you think Riley still has feelings for Sirius?" Jillian asked curiously.

Remus shrugged. "I think that there was more to their relationship than either one is willing to tell us," he murmured. "Damn, why do relationships seem to be so complicated nowadays?"

Jillian quirked an eyebrow. "I would hope not all relationships," she teased.

Remus leaned in close to her so their noses were almost touching. "I think our relationship may be one of the only sane ones at the present time."

"What about James and Lily?"

Remus snorted. "Oh God! They used to be one of the normal ones until they decided to withhold any physical contact with each other."

Jillian's mouth dropped. "And James Potter agreed to this?"

Remus laughed, shrugging. "I know. Shocking, right?"

"Those two are a lot more screwed up than I thought. Good to know they're the ones who ended up as Head Boy and Head Girl," she murmured with a chuckle. "I guess you were right then. We have the sanest relationship by far. Our relationship totally kicks all of their relationships' asses."

Remus smiled, his heart twinging ever-so-slightly for the beautiful girl in front of him. He leaned over, gently placing his lips to hers. "I'm grateful for that."

Jillian smiled, reaching over to squeeze his hand. "I am, too," she whispered.

* * *

Remus said his goodbyes to Jillian and headed up to his room late that night. He and Jillian had ditched the library sometime quickly after their conversation and went for a stroll around the hallways just enjoying the company of one another. With everything that had been going on between Sirius and Riley and now even James and Lily, Remus was grateful to know he had Jillian in his life to keep himself from completely going crazy around his drama-filled friends.

Remus opened the door and walked into his room, surprised to find Sirius lying on his bed flipping through the latest Quidditch catalog. "I figured you'd be with Rachael," Remus greeted, dropping on to the edge of his bed.

"I figured you'd be with Jillian," Sirius responded dryly, not taking his eyes off of the latest version of a broomstick.

"I was. Just got back," Remus claimed.

"You were gone all day. Library?"

Remus shrugged. "For the most part. But I ditched the library plans after dinner and ended up spending the night with Jillian."

"Things are serious then?"

"Er…things have been. It's been over a month now."

Sirius merely nodded and threw the catalog on to the floor, rolling over on to his back. "I've had the longest day of my life today," he muttered, thinking back to the disastrous practice, the conversation he shared with Riley, and the time he spent with Rachael in the North Tower where she kept asking him what was wrong.

"Good?"

"Bad," Sirius murmured. After he had left the clubhouse, he had immediately gone looking for Rachael, hoping to really start putting his best foot forward to move on from his past relationship. Unfortunately, it didn't work.

Remus offered him a lopsided smile filled with sympathy. "Well, I've got some hilarious news that might cheer you up."

"Hilarious news is exactly what I need right now," Sirius stated firmly. "If it's gossip, even better."

"I guess it can be considered gossip." Remus shrugged. "Have you heard the latest with James and Lily?"

Sirius made a face. "Not interested."

"_Believe me_, you'll be interested."

Sirius raised an eyebrow in shock. "Don't tell me they broke up."

Remus chuckled. "Worse."

"Oh God, Lily finally had enough sense to kill him, didn't she?" Sirius sighed and shrugged indifferently. "Eh, no complaints here."

"No, she didn't kill him," Remus argued with a laugh. He sat up. "But you're about to call them both idiots."

"One of them already is so I'm halfway there."

Remus rolled his eyes. "They are in the middle of an interesting bet."

Sirius stared at Remus blankly. "That's the hilarious news? They're betting each other?"

"Once you hear the bet, believe me, you'll be laughing so hard tears will be streaming down your face."

Sirius shrugged. "Okay, shoot."

"They're withholding any physical contact with each other: holding hands, hugging, snogging, et cetera."

Sirius' mouth dropped open and much to his chagrin, he burst out into laughter. "Oh…my…_God_!" he said in between laughs. "You're right. They really are both idiots. What the hell is wrong with those two?"

"I wish I could answer that." Remus shrugged as he climbed off his bed with a snicker. He headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth before crawling into bed.

"Does James really think he can last an hour without feeling her up?" Sirius snorted. "Jeez, this kid's a moron. He waits six years to date her. He finally gets her and it lasts a few good months. And now he's backed himself into a corner unwilling to touch his girlfriend. He's right back where he started six years ago! Prat."

Remus popped his head out of the bathroom, the toothbrush in his hand. "I know. I cracked up for a good hour when he informed me of this last night," Remus agreed.

Sirius sat up in bed. "Wait, last night?" Sirius repeated. "But wouldn't you think they'd be avoiding each other? Lily came to Quidditch practice this afternoon."

Remus grew quiet, pondering that statement. He spit into the sink and scowled, once again apeparing in the bathroom door to face Sirius. "Good God, that girl is playing dirty. She's trying to get him to cave first."

Sirius snorted. "Well played. It will be him to cave first."

"He can't cave first," Remus whimpered, exiting the bathroom. He sifted through his trunk looking for his plaid pajama pants. "He's standing up for mankind everywhere! We need to keep control of the power in relationships."

Sirius raised an intruigued eyebrow. "And you actually believe this?"

"I think I've been hanging out with you too much."

Sirius chuckled.

"I do think that if he caves, James will officially be whipped," Remus pointed out.

"Well, get ready for James Potter to become Lily's little bitch because James Potter is probably crying into his pillow right now about how he can't touch his girlfriend inappropriately," Sirius snickered, grinning wickedly. "Man, and I thought my life was dysfunctional but James takes the cake on this one."

"You are enjoying this way too much," Remus said, shaking his head. But he was smiling. "Jillian and I determined earlier today that we clearly have the sanest relationship out of anyone right now."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, you're just lucky you told her told her about your, ahem, _furry friend_. Otherwise, you'd be just as screwed up as the rest of us."

He started stripping off his sweater as he scowled. "Way to ruin my ten seconds of fame, man."

"It was more like two," Sirius teased.

Remus threw his sweater at Sirius.

"So what are the terms of this bet?"

Remus froze midway, his undershirt halfway over his head. "Uh…what do you mean?" he stalled.

"I mean, if James loses, what does he have to do and vice versa?" Sirius asked.

Remus turned his back on Sirius as he stripped off the rest of his clothing. "Uh…well…James, uh, he didn't inform me."

Sirius could tell by Remus' stammers he was clearly lying. He just didn't know why. "You're hiding something."

"No I'm not," he said a little too quickly.

"Yeah you are. What aren't you telling me?"

Remus didn't respond. He threw on his pajama pants and crawled back into bed, averting his eyes anywhere but towards Sirius.

Sirius gazed confused at his friend. "Moony, what the hell are the terms?" he asked irritably.

Remus sighed and glanced up at Sirius, who was glaring at him heatedly. "They…they involve you," he muttered.

"What?"

Remus nodded, gazing at Sirius for his reaction.

Sirius stared at Remus dumbfounded. "How so?"

Remus sighed. He had a good feeling James would injure him if he told Sirius the arrangement but at the same time, Remus was really curious to see what Sirius' reaction might be. "If James loses, he has to apologize to you. If Lily loses, she has to talk to you on behalf of James."

Remus planned to scrutinize Sirius' reaction, but it never came. Sirius' face simply clouded over with an unreadable expression. "But…but why?" Sirius asked softly. "Does he even want to apologize?"

Remus curtly nodded.

"Really?" Sirius asked, this time with surprise in his voice. "I thought he rather enjoyed being a dipshit to me considering it's all he's been good at over the past few months."

"He doesn't enjoy being a dipshit," Remus muttered. "He just found it easier pushing you away than dealing with it all."

"He didn't find it so hard pushing Riley away."

Remus glanced over at his friend, catching desperation in his voice. "What do you mean?"

Sirius didn't respond, falling back against his pillow with a heavy sigh. After the day he had, he really didn't want to get into it. But in a way, he wanted to make Remus understand that an apology wasn't going to change anything between him and James. "I just mean it's always been about Riley with him," he eventually spoke softly. "He was trying to protect her from the very beginning. He stood up for her and took her side at all times. He made all of this very clear to me numerous times. He didn't care about me and he didn't care about us. It was always about Riley. And an apology isn't going to change any of that."

Remus frowned. "So this really isn't about whatever James may have said or done to judge you and Riley, is it?"

Sirius' gaze fell on the stones of the ceiling, wondering why it was he found himself staring up at them far too often recently. "That was the old fight," Sirius muttered. "This is an entirely new Quidditch pitch."

Remus never realized the exact circumstances as to why James and Sirius stopped speaking to each other (either time) and he didn't recognize the hurt that Sirius possessed when it came down to it. But looking at a broken Sirius now, Remus was finally beginning to understand. "So that's it then?" Remus asked curiously. "James is no longer your friend?"

"He was never my friend to begin with," he muttered.

"You're right, he wasn't," Remus said softly. "He was your brother."

"You keep saying that, Moony, but that doesn't make it true."

Remus sighed. "I hate seeing you both like this."

"Look, none of it matters anymore," Sirius muttered. "What happened happened and we just have to accept that. In the end, I guess he was right about Riley and me so I guess I can't-"

"In terms of what?"

"He said from the very beginning we weren't good for each other. He knew we'd break up and…and that Riley would get hurt." He sighed and turned his gaze away from Remus. "I guess he never stopped to think that…that I would get hurt, too."

Remus was shocked to hear Sirius admit that. Sirius was usually so good about not letting his emotions get the best of him and Remus couldn't remember the last time Sirius admitted to being vulnerable. He always did a good job hiding what he truly felt and never talked about his feelings with his friends ever. Hence why he was with Rachael - being with Rachael made him forget about his problems. Seeing Sirius this down was something Remus wasn't used to. "You're…you're not over her yet, are you," he stated simply.

Sirius swallowed hard and let out a long sigh. "It's pretty hard to get over a girl like Riley in just nine days."

It was then that Remus first noticed how much Riley really did mean to Sirius. He wouldn't be surprised if Sirius had been falling in love with Riley. "Then why are you with Rachael?"

"Same reason Riley's with Rhett," he murmured.

Remus looked at Sirius inquisitively.

"Neither one of us does well alone, Remus. That's all there is to it."

"Question," Remus approached hesitantly. "If…if you're both hurting, if you're both not over each other yet, if you both don't do well alone, then why don't you-"

"Get back together?" Sirius finished with a laugh. He shook his head and sighed, frowning deeply. "We…we had our chance," he murmured, biting down on his lip. "It didn't work out. It…it wasn't meant to be. She…she'll never trust me again, that's for sure." He shrugged casually, a rueful smile replacing his frown. "It's okay, though. We'll move on, meet other people. It's over for us." He sighed and shook his head. "It's over."

That was the first time that Sirius had said those words aloud and hearing them come out of his mouth, he realized it was true. It was over. He had to stop living in the past and had to start moving on. He had to stop picking fights with Rhett. He had to stop feeling this uncontrollable need to look after Riley as if she were still his girlfriend. He had to stop seeking her out to discuss their situation. He even had to stop having any conversations with her if he really expected to let her go.

By the look on Sirius' face, Remus had a feeling it was the first time Sirius actually believed that. "I'm sorry, Sirius."

Sirius turned over in his bed to face the wall. "Yeah," he murmured. "Me too."

* * *

**A/N: **I don't know why but I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Both the James-Lily stuff and the Sirius-Riley stuff. Poor Remus being stuck in the middle. Sigh. Next chapter: more bets and what's this about a double date?


	30. Of Australia, More Bets, & Sissies

**A/N: **Yep, that's right. I'm back. Chapter 30. Boohyah! Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. The more you review, the quicker I update! Remember that the next time you choosse to stay silent ;-)

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling. It's as simple as that.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 30: Of Australia, More Bets, & Sissies

* * *

Sunday night, Riley and Kay were meandering through the hallway towards Lily's room. She had begged them earlier that day to stay over in her room. They obliged because it was always better than staying in a room with Miranda and Justine.

Lily was sitting on her window ledge staring out the window, a confused look on her face. She didn't even turn to greet her friends when she heard them walk in.

"Hey Lily," Riley addressed.

She didn't respond.

"Er…Lily?" Kay tried. "Whatcha doing?"

She let out a disgruntled sigh. "I'm trying to remember the last time James and I kissed. It must have been Friday but I can't seem to recall it."

Riley groaned as she flopped back on to Lily's bed. "Lily, what the hell is the matter with you?" she snickered. "Before January, you went plenty of days without snogging someone!"

Lily looked at her curiously, wondering if she should be insulted or not. "Hm…that's true."

Kay nodded, glancing at Lily. "This is what we call sexual frustration."

"How is it sexual frustration when I haven't had sex with him to _be _frustrated over?" Lily snorted.

Riley sighed. "Good Godric, stop thinking about him and start thinking about something else. Like schoolwork! That's always been a favorite subject of yours."

Lily whimpered. "Even school can't distract me."

"Well _make it _distract you," Kay snickered, taking a seat on Lily's desk chair and leaning back in it. "Because youare going to win this. You have to."

Lily sighed and jumped off the ledge on to the floor. She strolled over to her bed, gesturing for Riley to give her room as she fell down atop it. "I know, I know."

"Just showing up to his Quidditch practice clearly wasn't enough," Kay interjected. "We need better ideas."

"_We_?" Riley snorted.

Kay gave her an irritated glare before hopping off the desk chair and sifting through Lily's bureaus. "So, where do you hide the lingerie?"

"_Kay_!" Lily groaned.

Kay glanced over her shoulder. "You totally need to prance in front of James wearing some sexy lacy black-"

"You can just stop right there," Lily interrupted, shuddering. "There is no way in hell that I am going to strut around in anything sexy _or _lacy."

"Your loss," Kay murmured. "Literally." She gazed at Riley. "Okay, you come up with ideas now, Riley. You've snagged numerous men over the years. How do you do it?"

Riley rolled her eyes. "Dude, all I have to do is flash a guy a smile and I'm in."

Kay shrugged, looking back at Lily with a laugh. "So clearly the answer is just smile more!"

"Why did I ask you guys here?" Lily murmured, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I feel like all we ever talk about is this stupid bet," Riley murmured.

"That's because I can't think of anything else!" Lily complained with a whimper.

"Oh c'mon, you can hold off," Kay encouraged, stifling a yawn. "You're not even a sex kitten!" Kay whined. "That job is reserved for Riley."

"HEY!"

Kay shrugged. "What? It's true."

"That's not fair," Riley argued. "Based on the knowledge of recent events, do you really think that that's currently accurate?"

Kay raised an eyebrow. "Do I sense a bit of resentment on your prior reputation?"

"No," Riley lied.

Kay smirked. "Tell me this, Riley: have you and Rhett had sex yet?"

Riley winced and turned away from Kay's gaze immediately. And she couldn't even defend herself and say that the only reason she had sex with Rhett was to get her mind off of Sirius. In the end, it hadn't worked at all. Afterwards, she couldn't help comparing her time with Rhett with her time with Sirius and how different it was. Not bad. Just different.

Kay shrugged when she didn't respond. "That's what I thought."

Riley gestured for Lily to hand her the pillow that Lily was leaning against but Lily shook her head, laughing. She pouted and turned back to Kay. "Well, you don't get to judge me. That job is reserved to those who have actually had sex," she whined.

Kay let out a nervous laugh and averted her eyes towards the ground. "So, sex with Rhett, huh? When did this happen?" she asked, clearly trying to change the subject and failing miserably.

Both Riley and Lily noticed the quick change in subject and her nervous fidgeting. They both gasped simultaneously. "Merlin of Agrippa, don't tell me you've had sex," Riley said in a shocked, hushed voice.

"Okay," she said with a shrug. "I won't tell you."

"KAY!" they both cried out.

She winced, her cheeks growing hot. "What do you want me to tell you?" she asked with a sheepish grin.

"We want you to give us a straight answer," Riley snorted. "Have you or have you not had sex?"

Kay bit down on her lip and eventually nodded. "That would be the former."

"Bloody hell, you're not a virgin anymore?" Lily shrieked.

Kay glared at her. "Well, gee, yell it louder, I don't think Australia heard you."

"Why have you been keeping this a secret?!" Riley screeched in a very high-pitched voice.

"Again, Australia is missing out on the news."

"_Kay_," Lily warned. "Stop joking and start explaining."

She shrugged nonchalantly. "It…it was over Winter Break."

"THREE MONTHS AGO!?"

Kay rolled her eyes. "I take it back. Australia must have heard you by now."

"MICHAELA RICHARDS!" Lily barked, throwing her pillow in Kay's direction and missing by a few inches.

Kay laughed. She tossed the pillow back to Lily and climbed on to the bed, putting her head in Riley's lap.

"Please tell me it was with Lance," Riley said with a teasing grin, playing with end strands of Kay's hair.

Kay swung her head up to shoot her a look. "I'm not _you_. I don't sleep with anything that comes prancing my way."

"Haven't I already said based on recent events, that's not an accurate statement?"

"Haven't I already pointed out that you and Rhett have already hopped in bed together?"

Riley opened her mouth once again to argue and came up blank. "Ah, well, go ahead and call me a sex kitten. But just know that I am totally calling you that now as well."

"I've had sex _once_," Kay pointed out dryly. She hesitated. "Well actually twice, but that's beside the point."

Lily and Riley couldn't help but laugh. "So how was it?" Lily dared to ask.

A smile immediately tugged at the ends of Kay's lips. She shrugged coyly. "Perfect," she said nostalgically.

"Oh, gee, could you be less specific."

Kay laughed, shrugging. "What can I say? It was perfect. He was perfect. Everything was just...it was exactly how I had wanted it to go."

Both Lily and Riley couldn't help but smile at the beaming smile on their friend's face. "So why exactly did it take you three months to tell us?" Riley demanded to know.

Kay blushed. "Because…it was…it was…well, it was your brother, that's why," she said, shuddering. "It's awkward!"

Riley laughed sardonically. "So? The topic of sex is a regular subject matter in the conversations that Lance and I share."

Kay raised an eyebrow. "And yet he didn't tell you about us."

Riley opened her mouth to protest but found herself scoffing instead. "I'm going to have to send him a very scathing letter. No, a howler!"

Lily snorted. "Oh yeah, and where exactly will he be getting this howler? At work? Home? Because I'm sure his co-workers and your parents would love to hear about his sexual encounter with Kay."

Riley hesitated. "A letter it is. But I'm using all Caps Letters."

"I can't believe you kept this from us for three months," Lily said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Only two months and three weeks, actually," Kay said wryly, as if that made things okay.

Lily stuck out her tongue.

"Ooh, how mature. Is that how you snagged James?" she teased.

Lily whimpered and put her head in her hands. "Why'd you have to bring him up?"

Riley groaned and glared at Kay. "Yeah, why'd you have to bring him up?" she whined.

Lily made a face. "Why am I always the last one to accomplish the good stuff? I got my first kiss a whole year after you guys. I was last to get a boyfriend. I'm going to be the last to fall in love. And now I'm-"

"Whoa, _what_?" Riley interrupted, giving Lily a confused look. "Did I miss something because I don't remember ever being in love?"

Lily and Kay exchanged a fleeting look and remained silent.

"I was not in love with Sirius."

"Er…we didn't say anything about Sirius," Lily pointed out.

"But it was what you were thinking. And James and Remus and Peter. And Daniela Skeeter and the rest of the school. You all think you knew my relationship better than me? Well, I hate to break it to you, but none of you went through it with me. I was notin love with Sirius Black," she said firmly. "Feel free to spread that around."

Kay sighed. "Okay. I'm sorry for bringing it up," she murmured, still unconvinced. "We won't mention it again.

"That's all I ask," she sighed, making a face. "Let's go back to the whole Lily being the only virgin thing."

Lily scowled. "Let's _not_."

"Lily, what exactly are you waiting for?" Riley asked.

"Not all of us hop into bed seconds after meeting a guy," Lily said dryly, giving her a look.

"Once again, I've changed!" Riley whined. "And really? Seconds? You've known the guy for nearly seven years and you've been dating him for over two months. Don't you want to have sex with him?"

Lily nodded slowly. "I do, but…"

"But _what_?"

"I-I don't know," she admitted. "Something's holding me back."

"Well…stop."

Lily gave Riley a look. "Oh, gee, you make it sound so easy."

She shrugged.

Lily sighed, gazing over at Kay. "How did you know it was the right time for you and Lance?"

She shrugged. "It just…was. In the heat of the moment, I-I couldn't remember a time I felt more comfortable with anyone than I had with him at that time. So...it just happened. I didn't plan it."

Lily made a face. "But I'm a planner. I plan ahead. I schedule things in advance."

Riley and Kay couldn't help but burst into laughter. "You can't _schedule _sex, Lily!"

"Why not?" she whined.

"Because James would so break up with you," Riley snickered.

Lily glared at her.

Riley grinned sheepishly. "Don't be nervous about it, Lily. Just do it. You know you want to."

Lily nodded, remaining silent. Truth was, she did. But she was too nervous to do anything about it. It didn't help that she couldn't even kiss the guy. She frowned, just thinking about it. She prayed that James would cave as soon as possible.

* * *

Riley was getting all the details of Kay's first time the next day after dinner in the Gryffindor common room when two shadows were cast over them. They glanced behind them and saw Remus and Peter there. "Hey," Remus grumbled. Remus gestured for Kay to move her legs to give him room to sit down. She lifted them up and placed them back down on Remus lap once he sat down.

"Are you guys as tired of hearing about this damn bet as Peter and I are?" Remus muttered.

"Oh God _yes_," Kay said.

"Those two are pathetic," Peter murmured, taking over the loveseat beside the couch.

"It's been five days and they think it's the end of the world," Riley said, shaking her head.

"I can't believe they even made up the bet to begin with. What in the world would possess them to believe this would be a good idea?" Kay pointed out.

"Sexual activity is like oxygen to James Potter," Riley giggled. She sighed and shrugged. "Oh well. Once James caves, this whole thing will be over."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who said anything about James caving?" Remus asked, giving her a stern look.

"Well it's obviously going to be him," Kay chimed in. "Lily went almost eighteen full years with a bare minimum of physical contact with the male species while James on the other hand, hasn't gone a day without it since the day he found out girls didn't really have cooties."

"That doesn't mean anything!" Peter argued.

"Yeah it does!" both Kay and Riley said in unison.

"No way, Lily is definitely going to lose this thing," Remus argued with a smirk on his face.

Riley raised an eyebrow. "Want to make it interesting?"

"More interesting than watching my two friends make fools out of themselves by restricting physical contact with each other?" Remus replied, raising his own eyebrow.

"Let's make a little bet of our own," she suggested.

Remus grinned slyly. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

Riley gestured back and forth between herself and Kay. "If James loses, you owe us five galleons."

"Alright. And if Lily loses, you owe _us_ five."

"How come I get a feeling that if we lose, I'll be the one paying," Kay murmured, giving Riley a look.

Riley grinned. "Because I'm broke and you love me."

Kay shrugged. "Doesn't matter anyway. We won't lose."

Riley high-fived Kay.

"Shake on it?" Remus suggested.

Riley grinned. "Now their bet just got really interesting."

* * *

They were all getting very good at pretending nothing was wrong. James hoped that he could find the confidence and strength to talk to Sirius and Riley at some point soon and he prayed that they could find the ability to forgive him. Riley pretended as if her relationship with Rhett kept her mind off of everything else. Sirius was able to act as if Rachael was the one he really wanted. Lily pretended that she didn't want James at every second of every day. And Kay, Remus, and Peter just acted as if nothing had come between their friends.

"I'm bored," Kay murmured later that night in the common room with the rest of the Gryffindor crowd.

James glanced behind him from his position on the floor, flipping through a Quidditch magazine. "You're painting your nails. How could you be bored?" he teased.

She raised an eyebrow and waved the nail polish brush. "You wanna be next?"

He laughed. "I'm good."

"I want to do something," she whined, blowing on her fingernails.

Lily shifted her eyes from her novel on to Kay, wishing that her head was in James' lap and his hands were running through her hair. "It's Hogwarts, Kay. There is nothing to do."

"Let's sneak into Hogsmeade," she suggested.

"It's snowing out," Remus chimed in from beside her, turning away from his conversation with Jillian. He gazed out towards the balcony door. "Actually, it's blizzarding out there."

"Didn't realize you were such a sissy," Kay joked.

Lily made a face at Remus. "And I didn't realize you didn't know how to use correct English. _Blizzarding_?" she snorted.

Remus scrunched up his nose. "When did you two become such tormenters?"

"I blame hanging out with you guys," Kay responded, winking playfully at him. "Okay, what about…oh! Let's go prank the Slytherins! They haven't been pranked in weeks!"

Remus and James exchanged a look. They knew why. It was because James and Sirius weren't hanging out and it wasn't as much fun to do it with just one of the masterminds. "Er…I'd rather not," James muttered.

Lily glanced over at him. Any other day she'd say good for him, but she knew he was thinking about Sirius at that moment.

"Come _on_," Kay whined, jutting out her bottom lip and raising her eyebrows innocently. "Let's do something. It's a Friday night and we're sitting in the Gryffindor common room. I'm painting my fingernails, and not very well might I add, Lily is reading a book, James is reading a Quidditch catalog, Remus-"

"Magazine, actually," James interrupted teasingly.

Kay ignored him. "Remus is completely whipping Jillian's butt at chess, Peter is struggling to write that Transfiguration essay. Does anybody _else _feel like this is just a typical day in our lives? Don't you want to get out there and actually be entertained for once instead of through the same particularly lackluster routine?"

"I'm actually very entertained by _Pride and Prejudice_," Lily chimed in, shrugging casually.

"And I like Quidditch."

"And I like chess," Remus admitted.

"And while I don't enjoy never winning a game of chess against Remus, I do enjoy hanging out with him," Jillian agreed.

"And I'm not particularly entertained by this essay but I do have to write it and I have tons of other work to do this weekend as well," Peter added.

"Don't you guys see what's happening?"

"Yeah, you're bugging us," Lily chuckled, lifting her head out of her novel long enough to flash Kay a teasing grin.

"_No_. We have fallen into a rut," she said stubbornly. "We do the same things every damn day and we don't feel the need to spice up our lives. And I won't stand for it!"

Remus snickered and grabbed the nail polish bottle out of Kay's hand, waving it in her face. "That's because you're done painting your nails."

Kay scoffed and swiped the bottle back. "I can't believe you guys actually want to sit in the common room and do nothing."

"We're not doing nothing," James pointed out.

Kay let out a long sigh. "You guys disgust me."

"What exactly did you have in mind to spice up this evening if we had agreed we were bored as well?" Lily snorted. "Like I said before, there is _nothing _to do in this school."

Kay shrugged. "I'm always up for a late-night chocolate craving."

"You mean, the kitchens?" James questioned.

She nodded, blowing on her fingernails one last time. "Not the most exciting thing in the world, but it's always fun asking the house elves to whip us up a chocolate molten cake."

"It's a good thing Sirius isn't here," Remus sniggered. "He would have slapped you with a pillow for mentioning chocolate twice already without presenting him with some."

"Where _is _Sirius?" Jillian questioned.

"Who cares," James muttered.

"Astronomy Tower with Rachael," Peter said, making a face. "Where else?"

"Seriously?" both Kay and Lily said in unison.

"Yeah. Left about forty minutes ago."

Kay and Lily exchanged a look and groaned. "That's where Riley and Rhett went about twenty minutes ago."

James burst out into derisive laughter, quickly shutting his magazine and sitting upright. "Oh man, I figured out something we can do: watch this all unfold."

Lily smacked her boyfriend with her book. "You are so immature."

"What? Don't tell me you wouldn't find that hilarious! Sirius heading up to the Astronomy Tower just to find out it's already occupied by the girl he had just lusted after about two weeks ago? Forget the chocolate molten cake."

"James!" Lily scolded. "That is so unethical!"

"I'm in," Remus said, grinning wickedly.

"Remus!" the girls all cried together.

"What? This could be amusing and I'm tired of winning chess," he whined, giving his girlfriend the puppy-dog face.

"Oh, you can't use that face on me. I invented that face," she joked, pinching his cheekbone teasingly. "And you could always let me win a game, y'know."

Remus stared at her blankly. "But I'm a man. I don't let people win."

"No, you're a _sissy_," Kay teased. "And whatever happened to that kitchen idea? We get to stuff our faces with chocolate and no yelling is involved!"

"Unless James yells at the house elves for using the low-fat sugar again," Lily joked, winking at him.

"They say you can't tell but the chocolate tastes like sand with that low-fat crap!" he defended.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're such a girl sometimes."

"Gee, that means so much to me coming from my girlfriend," he mumbled, a slight hint of a smile on his face.

"You girls go to the kitchen, we'll go watch the awkward encounter between Riley and Sirius," Remus suggested.

"Guys, they ran into each other about a half hour ago," Lily pointed out. "By now, one couple is long gone."

James pouted and slunk down against the couch. "Damnit, she's right."

"Chocolate it is!" Kay cried out, grinning.

The rest of them shrugged and packed up their things. They followed Kay out of the common room just to run into Sirius and Rachael right outside the portrait in a heavy snog session.

"Get a room," Remus sniggered.

They pulled apart and Sirius rolled his eyes. "That was an original comment," he said dryly.

Rachael could see how unwanted she was there, the looks of contempt on everyone's faces radiating, so she kissed Sirius on the cheek and said her goodbyes. "Good night everyone," she said before muttering the password and disappearing inside.

"So…how was the Astronomy Tower?" Remus asked uneasily, biting down on his lip.

"Well, it would have been good except-" Sirius stopped and scanned his friends' guilty looks. "Oh my God, you knew and you still let me go on that date?"

"No, we just found out!" Remus defended. "The girls just informed us about Riley's plans for tonight."

Sirius made a face. "Well, it definitely was an…hm, _inteiresting _encounter," he muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Oh my God, you killed her, didn't you," Lily said dryly.

"_No_."

"You killed him?"

"I didn't kill anyone!" he argued. "In fact, it was fairly civil. Pleasant words were exchanged, a nice conversation occurred, and…well, somehow we decided that going on a double date next Friday would be a good idea. Okay, I'm going inside, I'll see you later," he said hastily, taking a step away from his friends.

"_WHAT!?_" the six of them cried out.

"Are you _crazy_?" Kay shrieked.

"Are you a complete moron?" Lily whimpered.

"You're doubling with your ex?" James whined. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

Sirius glared at him. "I have no idea where this plan came from. All I know is that for once, Riley and I were being nice to each other without a condescending undertone and the next thing I knew, she was suggesting we double! I don't know what possessed me to say yes. I don't even remember saying yes!"

"Yep, definitely a moron," Lily reiterated.

Sirius slapped his forehead. "I can't get out of this, can I…"

"No, not really," Remus admitted with a shrug. "Because no matter what excuse you cook up, she'll think you're against it because you still have some sort of feelings for her. This was obviously a test."

"Yeah, if you said yes, that means you're in the process of moving on," Kay continued, shrugging helplessly. "If you said no, that means you're not willing to accept it yet."

"So, I guess it looks like Rachael and I are going on a double date with her and Rhett next Friday," he groaned. "Awesome."

"Who thinks this can't end well?" Lily snickered. She patted Sirius on the shoulder. "It's just one night. You can grin and bear it for just one night, right?"

"Or one of you could just hex me enough that I'll need to make a trip to the hospital wing instead."

"I'll volunteer," James spoke up, a teasing grin on his face. Lily gazed at him curiously, surprised to see him actually teasing. Just the day before he would have been serious.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?" he said with a curt shrug. "So where were you guys all headed on this lovely Friday night?"

"Kitchens to fulfill a chocolate craving," Kay explained.

"Ooh, how rebellious of you," he teased.

"Yeah, well they all nixed my sneaking into Hogsmeade idea," Kay grumbled.

"There's a tornado of snow piling up outside," he pointed out.

"Jeez, who'd have thought the Marauders would all turn into sissies one day?" she muttered, grinning at them all as she shoved Sirius playfully.

"Ahem! When did I become one?" James interrupted, pouting.

"When you started dating me," Lily chimed in with a wink.

"Uh-uh!" he protested.

"You're in bed by eleven-thirty every night," Remus pointed out immediately.

James opened his mouth to argue again but found himself closing it and scowling at himself. "Damnit, I have become a sissy."

"So, Hogsmeade then?" Kay suggested once again.

"I'd rather have chocolate," Remus admitted with a shrug.

"And I don't want to run back and get my jacket," James complained.

"Yeah, and it's already late anyhow. Maybe another time," Lily chimed in.

Kay sighed. "You all have lost your sense of adventure and spontaneity. And you know why?"

"We're getting older?" Jillian suggested.

"No, because your relationships are tying you all down," she said bluntly.

Remus wrapped his arm around Jillian's shoulders. "Well what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," she said with a half-smile. "If you enjoy being a sissy."

"I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're in a relationship, too, Kay," Lily reminded, giving her a look.

"Yeah but he's not here so I still maintain my sense of adventure. I still have a life."

"I have a life!" James protested. "It just consists of Lily now."

"Except it doesn't because you can't even kiss her," Remus snorted.

"Must you ruin the moment?" James whined.

"And what moment is that exactly?" he snickered, rolling his eyes.

"The one where I tell Lily she's my life!"

"Eww," Sirius sniggered. "Gag me."

Lily playfully pushed him. "You helped us get here—you're to blame for the mushiness."

"Oh please don't remind Sirius of that. His ego just goes up every time," James whined.

"Not anymore it doesn't. I don't want to be recognized for the mushy couple you two have become!" he joked, making a face.

It wasn't just Lily who noticed that for the first time in a long time, Sirius and James were acting civilized towards each other. "Gee thanks, that makes me feel so good inside."

"You know what makes me feel so good inside? Double fudge brownies," Kay said giddily. "So can we go get some?"

"Somehow, chocolate always makes people feel good inside," Jillian stated. "I think it has something to do with the sugar high."

"Speaking of, I need some sugar!" Kay said, grinning. "You gonna come with us, Sirius?"

"Nah, I al-"

"Oh my God, he's turning down chocolate!" Remus gasped.

Sirius gave him a look. "Rachael and I stopped by to pick up some cookies on our way back thank you very much, so I'm good. Have fun. I'll see you later." He waved goodbye, muttered the password, and he headed into the common room as the rest of the group headed towards the kitchens.

* * *

Riley couldn't begin to imagine why she thought suggesting doubling would be a good idea. The looks on Rhett, Sirius, and Rachael's faces pretty much summed her insanity up. It had just come out of her mouth before she knew what she was saying. For once, she and Sirius were having a civilized conversation and surprisingly, it was in the presence of their new significant others. It made her feel good to know that they clearly had both moved on and didn't need to dredge up their past feelings. So, she suggested a double date between the four of them. Looking back, it may not have been a shining moment for her. She couldn't tell you why she had actually suggested it. Mostly because she barely knew herself. Was it because she wanted to prove she had moved on? Was it because she didn't want to let him go? Was it because she wanted to flaunt her relationship in his face? She couldn't be sure.

But when Sirius agreed, it did make her realize something she had been somewhat suppressing (not taht she would admit this to anyone): it really was over. They really had moved on. So it was time to just accept it.

She walked into the common room and saw Sirius alone by the fire, gazing into the fire pensively. She stared at him for longer than anticipated, her heart beginning to race at the prospect of what she was about to do. Slowly and hesitantly, she wandered over to him. She took a deep breath in and said softly from behind, "Okay."

He froze, knowing the voice well. He turned around slowly and gave her a curious look. "Okay?" he questioned, confused.

Her lips formed a wary thin line as she locked eyes with him. "Let's be friends."

Sirius' body stiffened almost immediately at the suggestion. He cocked his head to the side and stammered, "Oh…uh…but…that…how…why…"

"The offer still stands, doesn't it?" she prodded with a feeble smile.

"It's been over a week since I brought up the suggestion," he pointed out.

She shrugged awkwardly. "Was there an expiration date on the offer?"

Sirius sighed and met her eyes, his heart skipping a beat. When he asked her to be friends, he thought it was the only way to keep her close to him. Now, he realized that keeping her close to him might be the one thing he needed to avoid. He realized earlier that day that the best thing to do was stop holding on to the past and move on from what they had. But he wasn't so sure he'd be able to do that as her friend. Looking up at Riley's hopeful expression, however, he knew he couldn't take it back now. "No. I guess not."

She offered him a curt nod. "Listen, we've both clearly moved on, Sirius. I have Rhett and you have Rachael. I-I don't want to hold on to anymore…uh, angry and ill-favored feelings. It's in the past. None of that matters anymore."

"That's what I said the last time."

Riley nodded slowly. "I-I know. It was just…it was too soon before I guess. But now…well, we're doubling for Merlin's sake," she pointed out with a curious smile.

"Which seems a little extreme, don't you think?" Sirius pondered. "Considering I thought you hated Rachael."

"Yeah, well, I thought you kinda hated her, too, but look how that turned out."

Sirius cringed, the irritation in her voice unmistakable. "How are we supposed to be friends, Riley?" he said softly, shaking his head in bewilderment.

"Honestly?" she sighed. "I don't know. ButI'm tired of not knowing where we stand with each other. Maybe it's time to just put our past in the past and...and live our lives the way we used to."

Sirius's eyebrow arched. "When is the way we used to? When we were best friends for four years? When we hated each other for two? When we only liked each other because we were falling for each other? I don't know if we can really go back to any of those times, Riley."

Riley swallowed, recognizing the desperation in Sirius' voice. "You're right," she said softly. "We can't go back. So can't we just...just start anew?"

"As friends?"

"As friends," she repeated, nodding.

Sirius's mind began swirling with numerous thoughts. Everything came flashing towards him at once. The good times. The bad times. The times they spent as friends. The times they spent in a relationship. The times they spent at each others' throats. None of it made any sense. It was almost as if it never would. But maybe that's just something Sirius had to accept. Maybe it wasn't supposed to make any sense.

"Alright," he eventually said with a strained smile.

Riley let out a sigh of relief. "Alright." She, too, smiled.

They stared at each other hesitantly, both wary of what had just occurred before Sirius cleared his throat and said, "So...er...what now?"

She couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh. "I have no idea."

He glanced down at the couch and slowly shrugged, lifting his eyes to meet her gaze once again. "You could start by joining me."

Riley smiled. "I'd like that." And surprisingly, she meant it.

She took a hesitant seat on the couch beside him, her smile never wavering. "So what is so fascinating about the fire?"

"Hm?"

"You were staring into the fire when I first walked over."

"Oh," he said awkwardly. "Well, if I'm being honest, I was thinking about how this double date will probably be a total disaster."

Riley laughed. "Yeah, there might be a few too many enemies in this group of four. I should have started with something a little more reasonable and worked my way up to a double date."

"Like what?" Sirius snickered.

"Er...a study group?"

Sirius' eyebrow arched. "You think me in a study group is reasonable?"

Riley couldn't help but laugh, smacking him playfully with a pillow. "Or I could have strategically planned a time for all of us to accidentally run into each other where we would then be forced to hold an awkward conversation. Any chance you're going to be in the kitchens tomorrow at say nine o'clock in the evening?"

"I think our run-in at the Astronomy Tower was enough awkward for me," he pointed out with a teasing grin.

She shrugged coyly. "Then I guess we're stuck with a double date."

Sirius met Riley's gaze with a hesitant smile. "Awesome. Just what I want. More awkward."

"It won't be that bad!"

Sirius shot her a look.

"Alright, it's going to be bad."

"I'll start practicing my fake illness symptoms now."

"I'm pretty sure you've done plenty of practice over the years when skiving off classes."

He grinned. "You totally get me."

They were engrossed in a conversation about the insane ramblings of Slughorn when their friends, excluding James and Lily who went back to their own room, returned from the kitchens. They all fell into the common room, laughter on the tip of their tongues.

"Er...do you see what I see?" Remus asked, halting in the entrance.

Kay's eyebrows shot up as her gaze zeroed in on Sirius and Riley holding a polite conversation. She and Remus exchanged a curious look before she headed over to them. "Hey guys," she greeted warily. "What's...what's going on here?"

"Oh, hey," Sirius spoke, glancing up at them. "Are you all injected with enough chocolate?"

"Whoa, they went to get chocolate and you didn't go with them?" Riley interjected with mock shock.

"Apparently I was too busy becoming your friend to get chocolate."

"Priorities, Sirius!"

"Wait, what did you say?" Peter spoke up with a curious look. "Did you say...friends?"

Riley slowly shrugged, turning to look towards Sirius. "Yeah," she said with a smile. "We're friends."

Silence immediately followed. Until Remus eventually spoke. "I hate to be the face of logic here, but-"

"You don't hate it. You're always the face of logic," Sirius pointed out.

"-but you two were never exactly _friends,_" he said with an arched eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah we were," Riley chimed in dryly. "For four years."

"Two years ago," he shot back. "What do you two really know about being friends now?"

"Why are you raining on our parade, Lupin?" Sirius sighed, forcing a smile on to his face. He didn't want to hear Remus' logic because it probably matched his own wariness which he was trying very hard to suppress.

He sighed. "You can understand my hesitation after everything that's happened over the past couple of months. I just don't want this to blow up in all of our faces like everything else has."

"It won't," Riley reassured. "Sirius and I are just...we're starting anew. Turning over a new leaf. Letting bygones be bygones. Wiping the slate clean. Burying the hatchet. Making a-"

"Did you practice those idioms in preparation for our interrogation?"

Riley exchanged a look with Sirius, failing to suppress a laugh. "I think they're on to us."

"Yeah, I think you went a bit far offering five idioms. You probably should have just stuck with two or three max," Sirius sighed.

Kay found herself smiling. "You really are back to being friends, aren't you?"

"Yes," Riley said immediately. "So you can either change the subject and join us or you can go somewhere else and discuss it behind our backs. Up to you."

Kay chuckled and graciously took a seat on the open spot on the couch. She had a feeling that like Remus had mentioned, this probably couldn't end well. But for now, she was going to enjoy the fact that they weren't at each other's throats. Remus and Jillian quickly followed suit, taking a seat on the ground, and Peter shrugged and did the same. "You would have gone into Hogsmeade with me, right, Riley?" Kay asked curiously.

"If you hadn't noticed, there's a blizzard happening outside right now."

Kay coughed which sounded an awful lot like 'sissy.'

* * *

"Am I a sissy?" James asked that night, lying on the couch with Lily across from him in the loveseat.

"Hm?" she muttered, her eyes closed as she attempted to drift off.

"Was Kay right? Am I really a sissy?"

Lily peeked open an eye. "_No_," she argued. "A sissy would be if you were totally whipped by me."

He hesitated. "Yeah, I'm definitely a sissy."

Lily laughed and opened the other eye. "If you were totally whipped by me, you'd have caved days ago."

James laughed and nodded. "Fair enough."

"So I'm glad you give me that much satisfaction, but don't. You're still a tough guy and you always will be. Until you quit Quidditch and start baking cookies, you will remain your macho self."

James shuddered. "God knows if I attempt to cook something, the kitchen would go up in flames."

Lily chuckled. "Well then that proves you're not a sissy. Don't listen to Kay. She's just a little…downhearted that we all get to spend our time with our significant other and her boyfriend is miles away."

"You really think that's what it is?"

Lily nodded. "Of course. She misses him and watching us all curl up against our significant other in the commons room is like a slap in her face. It's just a reminder that she can't do that with her own boyfriend. It's hard on her, that's all."

James sighed. "Well, maybe it helps that we're not curling up with each other in the commons room," he teased.

Lily laughed. "Okay, maybe we're not the best example. But watching Remus and Jillian act all lovey-dovey in the commons room, and dealing with Riley and Rhett hanging all over each other, and Sirius and Rachael…well, they always seem to be mid-grope, so maybe they're not the best example either. But the point is, she's just a little sad that her friends get to be with their significant others practically every minute of every day and she can't."

"Damn, I don't know how she does it. I couldn't imagine being away from you for more than-"

"Six days?" Lily interrupted teasingly.

James made a face. "You'll cave eventually."

"Dream on, Pretty Boy."

James laughed.

"So," Lily said hesitantly, sitting up in the chair. "You and Sirius seemed to get along tonight."

James' body tensed. "Oh. Yeah. I guess."

Lily glanced up at his uneasy look. "I'm just saying that it's nice to see you two hanging out without throwing insults back and forth at each other."

James shrugged. "Sure."

"I think he's coming around," Lily admitted, wanting to believe that James and Sirius could make their amends soon.

"I don't know about that," James muttered with a sigh. "He's probably just exhausted being mad at everyone that he gave his insults the night off."

"Are you?"

"Hm?"

"Are you exhausted being mad at everyone?"

He met her gaze. "Of course I am," he said softly. "But I can't count on Riley and Sirius hitting their breaking point of exhaustion that they'll forgive me for my past mistakes."

"I never said you did have to count on that," she pointed out. "I'm just saying that I don't want you to wear yourself out trying to avoid the inevitable."

James frowned. "And what's that?"

"That at some point, you _will _have to talk to them."

James didn't respond, knowing that Lily was right. He absolutely was avoiding it. Because he had a good feeling that no matter what he had to say, it wouldn't be good enough for either one of them. And he didn't blame them for thinking so.

"Can I ask you something?"

He glanced up at her, nodding.

She gazed at him hesitantly, drawing her legs up close to her body. "Why did you hate Sirius and Riley together so much?"

It wasn't the question James was expecting. He frowned, wondering how he could really put any of it into words. "They're not good for each other," he muttered.

When he didn't continue, Lily prodded, "Care to elaborate?"

He sighed. "Neither know anything about how to be in a relationship. They jumped into something before thinking it through. They were in way over their heads. And look how that turned out for them. I knew it was going to end and I knew Riley was going to get hurt."

"And Sirius?"

"What about him?"

"Did you know he was going to get hurt, too?"

James rolled his eyes. "The kid has been breaking hearts for years now. He knows what it's like."

"James," she said softly, giving him a knowing look. "That doesn't mean it hurts any less."

James' expression softened almost immediately, a flicker of guilty desperation dulling in his hazel eyes. "Yeah, I know," he whispered.

Lily's eyebrow arched in surprise that he said that aloud. "You know?"

He gazed back up at Lily defeatedly. "I was just like him," he murmured. "Someone who used girls and threw them out when convenient for me. There was only one girl on my mind and that was you. And I can't imagine what I'd do if you and I ended. So everything I judged Sirius for, I could have been judging myself for, too." He sighed. "I...I was _just_ like him, Lily."

Lily nearly lost the best right then and there just to reach out amd embrace her clearly defeated boyfriend. But she remained in the chair. "Well," she said curiously. "Maybe that's it."

"What's it?"

"Maybe you've figured out why you were so quick to hate their relationship," she continued. "You saw your relationship in their relationship and-"

"Which relationship? Mine with Kristina? Or you?"

Lily shrugged. "Both, I guess," she clarified. "You say you were exactly like Sirius, right? Well your relationship with Kristina failed so you figured that Sirius would fail with his relationship and you didn't want Riley to get hurt just like Kristina was hurt. Ironically, they ended very similarly—both with the guy choosing someone else."

James made a face. "Damn, Sirius and I are too much alike."

Lily laughed.

"But how is their relationship related to us?" James asked curiously.

"Because," she said softly, shrugging casually, "you know you're like Sirius. Everyone has been telling you that since the day you two became best friends. So…" she trailed off and sighed, "You were scared. There was a strong possibility that if Sirius and Riley's relationship failed, that…"

"That our relationship might end, too," he whispered in awe. "Wow. I-I never really considered that possibility, but maybre you're right."

She shrugged. "We're all scared of rejection, James. It's what makes us human."

"Lily, I hope you know that I don't believe that anymore," James quickly clarified, giving her a pleading look. "I don't see us in them. I don't look to other relationships to define us. We had only been dating about a month when everything went down between me and Sirius and Riley. We were still in the beginning of our relationship."

"I know," Lily reassured, smiling at him. "Can I ask you another question?"

He nodded.

"Do…do you think Sirius and Riley could ever get back together?"

James met Lily's eyes and shrugged. "I-I don't know. Personally, I don't think Riley will let it happen. There's a reason she let Sirius go and it didn't all have to do with Rachael."

"What?"

He shrugged. "Riley's been afraid of love. She was always very good at getting out of a relationship just in the nick of time. Just before she was given the chance to fall for a guy."

"And with Sirius?"

"She got in too deep. She let herself become vulnerable and when the Rachael issue started taking its toll on them, she…she ran in the opposite direction. She took the easy way out and let herself escape the pain of what falling in love could do to her."

"Who says love has to be painful?"

"No one said it. It's just the conclusion that she's made on her own over the years," he explained with a heavy sigh. "Look at how many times she's let a guy get her down. It got to a point where it was easier not…not to get emotionally involved. Until Sirius that is."

"Wow," Lily murmured. "You're right. You're so right. Riley is afraid of love. How did I never notice this before?"

"You're a girl so you're inclined to believe that love is like a fairy tale. It's hard to think that other girls don't think of it that way."

Lily feigned a gasp. "What!? Love _isn't _like a fairy tale?"

James laughed. "You're too cute."

"Why thank you," she snickered. "And this would totally be the part where you would kiss me and we would go sneak into your room and do some things that your parents would never approve of, except _you _will be sleeping _alone _tonight." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she climbed off the loveseat and headed out of the Gryffindor common room, leaving James speechless and disheartened.

* * *

"So, did you hear?" Remus asked, slipping into the empty bench beside James. "Sirius and Riley are friends."

James spewed pumpkin juice out of his mouth, spraying it all over Remus.

Remus glared at him. "Thanks for that."

"You are just yanking my chain, right?"

Remus shook his head. "First of all, never say 'yank my chain.' Second of all, no, I'm not kidding. They really are friends."

James stared at Remus, confused. "But…but how?"

Remus shrugged. "I have no idea. Sirius wouldn't spill any details last night when I attempted to figure out what happened that changed their minds about each other."

James poured himself some more pumpkin juice, biting down on the inside of his lip anxiously.

Remus gazed up from his breakfast hesitantly. "What are you thinking?"

James simply shrugged.

Remus smiled curiously. "You're thinking this can't end well. That they're not really friends, they're only pretending as if they could be friends. That this is their way of getting over each other. You're thinking that-"

"I'm thinking that if they can get over all of their stupid drama, I should be able to, also."

Remus froze, staring at his friend incredulously. "Seriously? I…I just figured you enjoyed not having any friends."

James glared at him. "Do you want to stay my friend?"

Remus grinned. "So you planning on apologizing and giving in to this stupid bet?"

"What happened to men have all of the power in the relationship?" James snickered.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You don't really believe that, do you? As young adults, we should support the idea that equality represents a good relationship."

"So you talked to Jillian and she scolded you for thinking that men had the upper hand?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

James laughed.

"So what's the game plan?"

James sighed. "I have no idea," he murmured.

"A very good place to start."

James smiled lopsidedly. "I guess I'll start with Sirius and go from there. He's the one more likely to forgive me."

Remus frowned slowly. He actually believed that Riley would be more inclined to forgive him. Remus wasn't entirely sure James knew the whole story behind Sirius' feelings. It sounded like Sirius felt worthless in James' mind and considering the horrid lifestyle Sirius was forced to grow up in where he was told every minute of every day he was worthless, Remus had a feeling Sirius didn't enjoy being reminded of his past history. But Remus kept his mouth shut. "What are you going to say to Sirius?"

"No clue."

"Once again, a very good place to start."

"You're a real big help here, Moony."

"I know."

* * *

"So, is it true?" Rhett asked Riley when he met up with her outside her common room.

"Er...and a good evening to you, too," she said with a confused smile. "Do I not get a kiss before diving into the interrogation?"

He shot her a look. "Riley," he warned.

Her smile faded. "What?"

"Is it true that you're...you're friends with Sirius?"

Riley shrugged awkwardly. "Yeah, I gues. No big deal."

"No, that's actually a huge deal," Rhett protested, crossing his arms defensively. "Why would you want to be his friend? He hurt you, Riley. In a horrible way. He chose someone else over you. How can you just…just decide to be his friend after everything he put you through?"

She winced at the reminder. "Because I hate holding grudges," she lied. "I'm over it." Truth was, she was still angry with him for the whole break up. How could she not be? But she meant what she said the prior night. It didn't matter anymore. At least, she was trying to pretend as if it didn't matter. She was trying to get over it. They had both moved on to other people and she wanted to prove to Sirius that she had really let him go.

Although, in hindsight, it was mostly herself she was trying to prove that to.

"How can you be over it?"

"I'm with you now, aren't I?" she pointed out pleadingly.

"So you're using me to get over it?"

"No!" she argued frantically, shooting him a look. "I'm already over it hence why I'm with you. C'mon, Rhett. Please don't make this into a bigger thing than it has to be. Are Sirius and I friends? Yes. Are we best friends? Not even in the slightest. We're just...we're moving past our rocky break up, that's all."

Rhett still didn't look convinced.

She sighed. "I'm just…tired, Rhett. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of hating him when really, I shouldn't care. I'm ready to move on from all of that drama and I figure this was the first step to doing so." Okay, that was the honest truth. She was ready to move on and she hoped this would help.

"You're ready to move on from Sirius drama so…you go crawling back to him?"

"Who said anything about crawling?"

"Shouldn't you be staying away from him to get over him? That's usually how it's done, Riley," he said bitterly.

"Why are you putting up such a fight?"

"Because you've yet to tell me why you're friends with him."

Riley sighed and ran her free hand through her silky hair anxiously. "I just said why."

"No, that sounded like a rehearsed excuse, Riley. You've yet to tell me the real reason," he explained with a heavy sigh. He glanced down at her, a nervous glint in his eye. "Answer me one question, Riley. Do…do you still have feelings for him?"

She shot him a look. "Not even a little bit, Rhett. After what he did, that ship has sailed. That is definitely one thing you do not have to worry about that."

He frowned, unconvinced.

She reached for his hand, squeezing it. "Is…is that what you really thought?"

"I don't know what to think when I hear you're hanging out with your ex-boyfriend of only two weeks who hurt you tremendously. I thought you were crazy enough to suggest double dating. But to hear that you're friends? To me, that's even crazier."

"Look, it's not like we're about to go skipping around the school holding hands and giggling like schoolgirls. We're just going to stop acting like children around each other and be mature adults. That's _it_."

"That's it?"

She smiled and stepped on her tiptoes to kiss him. "That's it, Rhett," she whispered. "I promise you that."

He shared a reluctant smile with her. "Okay," he sighed. "I guess I'll have to accept it."

Riley nodded, grinning with relief. "You're the best, you know that?"

"Well yeah I have thought that, but I am a little biased considering it's me."

Riley laughed. "Aren't _you_ being flippant," she flirted.

He grinned and winked. "I hear the ladies like that."

"Oh, I assure you, they do," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck to press her lips tightly to his. It was amazing how much every minute spent with him made her forget all about the drama and tumult going on in the rest of her life. He made it so easy to enjoy life and she loved just being around him. She trusted him. And considering what happened with her last boyfriend, it was a relief to know she trusted Rhett with her heart. Because at that moment, it was still pretty broken.

* * *

**A/N: **Sirius and Riley are friends? Well, at least there won't be as nearly as much drama between them now! And who is going to cave first? James or Lily! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review!


	31. Of Squirming, Broom Closets, & Pigs

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaaaaack! Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews. Yes, Sirius and Riley are officially friends again. Or at least they're trying to be. I don't have much to add, so please enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling. I've never been J.K. Rowling. And I'll probably never be J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 31: Of Squirming, Broom Closets, & Pigs

* * *

Lily had been in the library pretty much all day, avoiding James at all cost. She was glad to always have work as her fall back. Once she stopped daydreaming about James' kisses, she focused on what ingredients went into Amortentia and how to block an Imperius Curse. She was glad when Riley slid into the empty seat across from her, happy to have a break from cramming. "Hey, Riley," she greeted with a smile.

Riley made a face. "I haven't started that Potions exam."

"It's due tomorrow afternoon."

"Yes, thank you, that's why I'm making this face!"

Lily grinned sheepishly. "Here," she said, handing Riley her essay. "You can use mine as a reference."

"Ooh, thank you," Riley said gratefully.

"That doesn't mean copy it!"

Riley scowled. "Party pooper."

"Don't you think that Slughorn might know you copied off of me when he sees the exact same essay twice?"

Riley shook her head. "Not when I tell him that you copied off of me."

Lily snorted. "I'm Slughorn's best student…er, besides Severus. Don't you think he would realize that was a lie?"

"Not when I bat my eyes at him and wear a very skimpy miniskirt when talking to him."

"At least you have a game plan."

Riley grinned before pulling out her own textbooks and parchment, grazing her eyes over Lily's essay. They worked in silence with the occasional irritable grunt from Riley and a stifled yawn from Lily.

"So, you're friends with Sirius, hm?"

Riley glanced up from Lily's essay with an amused smile. "Way to work up to that one."

Lily shrugged. "Just curious exactly why you decided to be his friend."

Riley sighed and leaned back in her chair, putting her quill down on the table. "Just…because," she said vaguely.

"Well, as long as you're being specific," Lily snorted sarcastically.

"We just…it's the only way we've ever really worked."

"And where did you get that idea?" Lily continued with her sarcasm. "When after four and a half years of being friends you decided you wanted to take it to the next level and while Sirius agreed with you, he went ahead and cheated on you causing you to hate his guts for two years?"

Riley hesitated. "Yeah, that part didn't bode well," she snickered. "But we did work as friends for four years before that."

Lily bit down on her bottom lip, gazing down at her essay awkwardly. "Riley?" she sighed. "Do you want my honest opinion?"

"I'm not sure," she said tentatively. "Is it good or bad?"

Lily disregarded her. "I just don't think you two ever worked well at anything. Friends, enemies-"

"A couple?" Riley added.

Lily shrugged. "I just think you have another reason," she said. "God knows that there is no way you've forgiven him for everything he's put you through."

"I haven't," Riley reassured. "But…"

"But?"

She didn't respond.

"Riley?"

She sighed. "I miss it."

"Miss what?"

"I miss the way we used to be," she admitted with a shrug. "We were best friends for four years. We knew what we were thinking, we spent all of our time making fun of the Slytherins, we snuck into Zonko's together, we had Jell-O eating contests, we finished each other's sentences, we started food fights together, we hexed Severus Snape, we had sleepovers in the common room, we played endless amounts of Truth and Dare that we knew everything about our lives as children and we knew exactly how far we would go on dares, I called him Not So Sirius and he called me Smiley Riley, we came up with excuses to tell our professors when we didn't finish our homework, we took the quizzes in Witch Weekly to see if we were a a goth or a hippie, we…" she sighed. "We did everything together and…and I just miss who we were back then."

Lily gazed at Riley with a look of sympathy. "Do you think…do you think that maybe you just miss who you used to be and the way you were because you don't have James in your life anymore?"

"No."

Lily gave her a look.

"Maybe." Riley made a face. "I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore. I just miss how easy things were back then. A fight to us was…arguing over who got to sit on the couch and who had to sit on the floor! When did we…" she trailed off with a sigh.

"Grow up?" Lily murmured.

Riley nodded.

"I don't know," she said, shrugging. "It just happened. Blame life."

Riley scowled. "Damn life."

Lily laughed. "I was joking."

"I wasn't. When did life become this hard?"

Again, Lily shrugged.

"Look, I am done trying to invite drama into my life," Riley explained, smiling satisfactorily. "Sirius and I had…well, we went through a lot. But I'm just ready to move on with my life and learn to take it all in stride. And to do that, I needed to stop holding a grudge over everything's he's done and start by being his friend. I want to be his friend."

"And James?"

Riley remained silent, thinking it over. "I-I don't know. It's not as easy with him. I've been his friend for eighteen years. Our friendship means a lot more to me than my friendship with Sirius ever did. Which just means that his act of betrayal means so much more than Sirius'."

Lily nodded. Surprisingly, she understood. "I get it."

"So, what potion do grasshopper legs go in?" Riley asked.

Lily knew that it hurt Riley to think of what James did to her, so she chose not to dwell on it. "The Gregorianth potion."

"Thank you, Lily."

Lily knew that she didn't just mean for the answer.

"So how goes things with James?" Riley asked with a teasing smile.

Lily groaned. "Why did you bring it up? It's been hours since I thought of him!"

Riley gave her a look.

"Okay, it's been twelve minutes and roughly nineteen seconds."

Riley laughed. "Hasn't one of you caved yet?"

Lily made a face. "Don't you think that if one of us did, I wouldn't be here, I'd be in his room?"

Riley snickered. "I bet that right about now, you'd be giving up your virginity."

"Betting is how I got into this mess!" Lily snickered. "And don't think I haven't thought about it."

Riley raised an intrigued eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"When a girl hasn't kissed her boyfriend in six days, anything is possible," she replied dryly.

"Well, then I hope for your sake, that kid admits defeat."

"You're telling me," Lily snorted, rolling her eyes. "If I thought talking to Sirius for James was a good idea, I'd totally cave-"

"Wait, if James loses, you have to apologize on his behalf?"

Lily froze. "Uh…"

Riley scowled. "Does he even want to apologize to Sirius?"

"Actually, yes," Lily muttered.

"Oh," she muttered. At the same time, she wondered why James was only willing to apologize to Sirius and not her. "Interesting."

"Interesting?"

"I just find it hard to believe that James actually wants to apologize to Sirius. That kid has a stubborn streak in him like I've never seen in anyone before. I've just been convinced he enjoys being without friends."

"Ahem!"

"Dude, in order for you to be friends, he would have to be able to get within a few feet of you!"

Lily hesitated. "I'm going to give you that one." She whimpered. "My life sucks."

"Also true."

Lily glared at her.

"I'm going to go back to writing this essay," Riley snickered sheepishly.

"That's probably best."

* * *

James watched Lily from a diagonal. She kept placing the tip of the quill to her mouth and was probably one of the few people in the room who was actually paying attention. Every time she wrote something down that Binns droned on about, her brow furrowed, and every time she wasn't writing, her quill was tapping against the table peckingly. Her hair was in a high ponytail, exposing her neck. He couldn't keep his eyes off her bare neck, taunting and teasing him. Her leg was twitching perpetually under the table and every time she'd cross and uncross her legs, her skirt would shift slightly, leaving her thigh bare. He kept fantasizing about running his finger up that thigh.

"Stop staring at her, you're drooling," Remus hissed from beside him.

James whimpered and placed his head down on the table. "I can't help it," he whined. "She looks like a bloody goddess!"

"It's been seven days, suck it up."

James snorted. "Seven days certainly feels like seven _years_. What happens if you couldn't touch Jillian for seven days?"

Remus smiled wickedly. "That's the difference between you and me: I wouldn't make that stupid bet because I actually enjoy snogging my girlfriend."

"I'm hating you right now."

Remus grinned. "I figured."

James lifted his head and peeked at Lily out of the corner of his eye, who was now wearing a smirk on her face. _Damn, she probably heard_.

"He is so helpless," Kay giggled, wiggling her eyebrows at Lily.

Lily smirked. "I'm so going to win this hands-down."

"Doesn't matter if you do," Sirius interrupted in a whisper from the table behind them. "I'm not going to accept James' apology anyway."

Lily dropped her quill and turned around, shocked. "What? He…he told you?"

Sirius gave her a look and leaned back in his chair. "No, you dolt. Remus did."

Lily growled and glanced over her left shoulder to glare at Remus.

Remus met her eyes and leaned in close to James, not taking his eyes off of Lily. "Okay, why is your girlfriend glaring at me?"

James glanced over at her and she did a flirty wave towards him before turning back to discuss something with Sirius. "How the hell should I know? I don't know her at all anymore considering I've tried to minimize my contact with the girl."

Remus snorted. "Have I mentioned lately how moronic you are?"

James made a face. "No, not lately."

"Well, you're a mor-"

"Yes, I got that, Remus."

On the other side of the room, Riley chimed in from the table in front of Lily and Kay. She lifted her head from her nap to glance behind her. "I agree with Sirius. The only reason that James wants to apologize is because Sirius and I are no longer together."

"Agreed!" Sirius said, nodding furiously.

"Okay, you two need to go back to not being friends," Lily whined. She returned to writing notes, trying to wrap her head around the recent updated situation.

"So you enjoyed the incessant yelling and name-calling we perfected over the two years we weren't exactly on good terms with each other?" Riley asked, smiling slyly.

Lily's quill stopped midway through a word. "I liked it better when you didn't gang up on me and agree on things."

"We're not ganging up on you," Sirius argued. "We just both happen to have the same opinion."

"Well, stop it," she snickered. "It's annoying."

Both Sirius and Riley shared a laugh, while Kay glanced up from her nap. "This time, I have to agree with Lily."

"Well, then get used to being annoyed," Sirius said with a shrug. "We're friends now whether you like it or not." When Riley approached him about a friendship, he wasn't sure. But now that he was spending time with Riley without an awkward tension, it made him feel a lot better about the situation. Instead of looking at her longingly and wondering if things could have been different if Rachael never got in the way, he was looking at her like he looked at Lily and Kay. She was just a friend and he would have to accept that.

James made a face, stealing a glance at Sirius and Riley. He tapped Remus on the arm. "Are you thinking that this whole newfound friend thing between Riley and Sirius is a complete sham?"

"A sham?" Remus repeated, confused. "No, not a sham. Weird and disturbing, yes. Slightly awkward, definitely. Confusing, for sure. But not a sham. I really do think that they're back to being friends."

James shuddered. "I think they're trying to act as if nothing happened between them and that's not the best way of going about it."

Remus shrugged. "Well, I do agree that they're just using this friend thing as their way of believing that they've moved past all of the drama and heartbreak. And God knows that that is going to bite them in the ass one day."

James nodded. "Okay, I'm done talking about Sirius and Riley. I think we've heard enough about them this past week. How are things with Jillian?"

Remus placed his quill down on the table, smiling in awe. It had been a long time since someone had even bothered to acknowledge the fact that Sirius wasn't the only one who had a relationship. "It's going really well," he explained. "Now that she knows about…about-"

"Your furry friend?" James sniggered.

Remus nodded. "Yes, now that she knows about that, I feel as if nothing is standing in our way. I know I was holding back before, but I have no reason to now."

"But?"

"What? Why do you assume there's a but?"

James shrugged. "Because I've known you for nearly seven years now."

"There is no reason for me to be holding back, and yet, I still find myself…withholding from her. I-I can't figure it out."

"Well, it probably has something to do with the fact that you've never gotten close to a girl before. Believe me, relationships are difficult when you've found yourself in the past never willing to get into one."

Remus hesitated. "Damn, and here I was, all along, thanking myself for never turning out to be like you or Sirius."

"HEY!"

Lily, Kay, Sirius, and Riley glanced in their general direction. James grinned sheepishly and slumped down in his chair.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Who knew that the two womanizers of the group and the werewolf had something in common when it comes to commitment," Remus muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.

"If it's the right girl, you'll find yourself forgetting everything in the past and just letting yourself go," James advised.

Remus scrunched his nose. "I can't believe I'm going to take relationship advice from a guy who is choosing to refuse physical contact from his girlfriend."

They both couldn't help but laugh. "She is the right girl," Remus added as a sidenote. "If she wasn't, I never would have told her my secret."

James nodded, smiling meaningfully. "I know, Remus."

Lily sighed, putting her quill down on the table as she glanced back at Sirius out of the corner of her eye. "So…this bet is pretty much futile then, am I right?"

Sirius shrugged. "Looks like it. Though, I do quite enjoy seeing James squirm."

"Agreed," Riley finally chimed in with a sly smile.

Lily chuckled slightly, glancing back towards James. "Okay, as much as I hate to admit it, so do I."

"You should stick it out," Kay giggled. "See how long he lasts."

"Except Lily is squirming, too," Riley muttered.

Lily whimpered. "Shut up, I was trying to pretend like I don't need him."

"You keep tapping that damn quill to the table and shaking your leg uncontrollably. It's so obvious you have sexual frustration," Riley shared with a teasing smirk.

Lily licked her lips. "I hate you right now."

"I figured," she giggled, turning back around and placing her head back down on the table.

Lily sighed and returned to listening to Binns. But it was no use. She kept thinking about what Sirius uttered.

When the bell rang, she didn't jump up like she had been in the past day to quickly get away from James. Instead, she put away her books slowly and "accidentally" knocked into the table where Sirius was sitting, dropping his bag to the floor in which everything fell out. When the room emptied out except for her and Sirius, she finally spoke. "Why wouldn't you accept James' apology?"

Sirius scowled. "I knew you knocked my bag over on purpose."

"Answer the question."

"He really thinks that a simple apology will get me to forgive him?" Sirius snorted. Lily got down on the floor to help Sirius put his things away. "You don't get it, Lily. It's not just about what he said to Riley and myself when he found out. It's not just about his judgment or his biases. It's so much more than that. He stopped being my friend the moment he chose Riley's side in all of this and didn't even care how that would make me feel. So yeah, I'm still pissed and I have every right to be. Right now, you couldn't pay me to forgive him."

"Not even for five hundred galleons?"

Sirius gave her a look. "Are you planning on paying me five hundred galleons?"

Lily made a face. "No. I definitely don't have that kind of money. And I believe your friendship is worth a lot more than that."

"Apparently, James doesn't think so," Sirius muttered.

Lily frowned. It was clear to Lily there was so much more going on with Sirius than just resentment towards James' hatred towards his relationship. "Sirius-"

"Apparently his friendship with Riley was all he ever strove for."

"Not now," Lily pointed out. "He wants to apologize to _you. _He wants to talk to _you_. You're the one on his mind, Sirius. Not Riley."

"Not true. He only wants to apologize to me because he thinks he has a better shot of me forgiving him over Riley." Sirius slung his bag over his shoulder and headed out of the room with Lily following close behind. They headed down the hallway towards lunch.

Lily opened her mouth to argue, but truth was, she knew that that was part of the reason James was choosing Sirius to be his apology guinea pig. "He just doesn't know what to do or think, Sirius. This whole time he's claimed he's been disappointed in you both but really it's just been himself. He doesn't exactly like the judgmental, critical, turn-your-back-on-your-friends guy he's turned into lately. He just wants to rectify that and he's hoping you'll let him."

"He doesn't deserve for that to be rectified," he muttered.

"I never said he did."

He nodded, falling silent as they turned the corner. He listened to the sound of their rubber soles hitting the stones of the ground as he contemplated what he would do if James did in fact try to talk to him. He wanted to go back to the way things used to be but he wasn't so sure it would be possible. "He gave up on me," Sirius found himself murmuring. He glanced over at Lily sullenly. "He's never given up on me before, Lily. Even when I've given him numerous reasons to do so, he always stood by my side. And he chooses now to turn his back on me? It's like he was telling me that…that I wasn't ever really worth his time _or _friendship. He made me feel lower than low. He made me feel worse in just one fight than…than the way my parents used to make me feel on a daily basis for sixteen years."

Lily swallowed hard. She had never seen such a vulnerable side of Sirius before and she knew that James would have to do a lot to get things back to the way they used to be. "He realizes that it will take a lot to earn your forgiveness, Sirius," she said, linking arms with him. "But he's willing to do whatever it takes."

Sirius was going to comment but he unexpected burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Lily asked curiously.

"Don't you see what just happened here?"

"Er…not really."

Sirius laughed and turned to Lily, shaking his head in disbelief. "You might as well go snog your boyfriend because you just upheld your end of the deal before someone even caved."

Lily's brow furrowed and her mouth dropped. "God damnit, you're right," she whined. "I blame _you_, y'know."

Sirius laughed as they walked into the Great Hall. "Why would you _blame _me? Don't you want to snog your boyfriend?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her.

Lily halted in the doorway, pondering his last statement.

Sirius grinned, nudging her playfully. "Say you love me."

Lily crossed her arms and stuck her nose up in the air. "I will do no such thing."

Sirius shrugged. "Eh, I know you do."

Lily smiled, gesturing him towards the Gryffindor table. "What are you going to do now?"

"Heh?"

"About James. What are you going to do?"

Sirius sighed and glanced over to where James was sitting. "I-I don't know," he said softly. "I can't help but still be…resentful at the things he said and the things he's done. I can't help but still feel…worthless in his eyes. He gave up on me, Lily. It's hard to forgive someone who isn't willing to support you and believe in you. I might be holding a grudge for longer than necessary, but I guess I just can't help it. It's hard putting your trust into someone again who completely let you down," he muttered. He furrowed his brow, groaning inwardly. "But…"

"There's a but?" Lily said eagerly.

He shrugged. "I think that he, Riley, and I have gone through enough shit that…that maybe it is time for me to just learn to let it go."

"Really?"

He shrugged. "We're not going to stay mad at each other forever even if everyone thinks we are. We're…well, we've all been friends for so long now and there just happened to be…be a _shift _in the dynamic. We can't just go back to the ways things used to be but we can work it out. We just have to…figure everything out on our own. That's all."

"So you'll talk to him?"

Sirius gazed at Lily's anxious face and eventually nodded. "When the time is right."

Lily smiled. "Just knowing you're going to do it eventually is fine with me. This school needs you two back together. The Slytherins haven't been properly pranked in quite some time."

Sirius laughed. "What are you going to do about James?"

Lily grinned giddily. "Just watch." She walked over to her friends with a smirk and ran her finger down the back of James' neck.

He squeaked, this close contact being the only one he's had in days. Before he could say anything, Lily was whispering in his ear. "If you know what's best for you, I'd stop eating that chicken and follow me back to our room. I have a better appetite to feed."

Kay, Riley, Remus, Peter, and Sirius were staring at them curiously.

James swallowed hard, crossing his legs uncomfortably. "You do realize this means you're caving, right?" he whispered.

"Yes, I caught on to that," she snickered.

"Which means I so win."

The girls groaned inwardly while the boys grinned foolishly, recognizing that Lily had just lost the bet .

Riley whimpered. "I can't believe you just caved."

"I can," Remus smiled smugly.

"Power has been restored to all mankind," Peter agreed.

That earned him a round of glares from the girls.

"I'm going to ignore that you said that and kiss my boyfriend," Lily sighed. She turned back to James, reaching out and pressing her lips hungrily to his. Her heart skipped a beat at the intensity behind it.

"Close your mouth. You're catching flies," Sirius snickered to James when Lily pulled away.

"So do you want to talk some more?" she whispered in his ear, her warm breath causing James' heart to leap. "Because I had other ideas in mind which excludes talking altogether."

James' fork clammered to his plate as he jumped up. "I am so outta here," he said to no one in particular, his face lighting up. He grabbed her hand and practically ran out of the Great Hall.

"I thought for sure it was going to be James to cave first," Kay muttered.

"Just admit it: men are better than women," Remus bragged.

Sirius shook his head. "Actually, Lily had already gone through with the end of her deal on the way over here so she really had nothing to lose and everythingto gain by giving in."

Remus slapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Okay, that could have been something you kept to yourself."

Sirius laughed and shrugged. "Sorry," he said, not sorry at all.

"Hm…I don't think you are," Remus pouted.

"I believe someone owes us five galleons," Peter said haughtily, grinning over at Riley and Kay.

"No way! Lily only caved because she had already gone through her side of the deal already!" Kay argued.

"So? She still was the one to cave. No where in our bet did we consider any special circumstances," Remus pointed out.

Riley and Kay exchanged a helpless look, knowing he was right. Kay grumbled, "Fine, I have it back in the room. Remind me later."

"I love it when I gain something out of James' and Lily's stupidity," Peter snickered.

"Except you owe me five galleons from last week's Hogsmeade excursion," Sirius chimed in.

Peter scowled. "So I get nothing?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I hate when I don't gain something out of James' and Lily's stupidity."

They all laughed.

* * *

James couldn't wait to take Lily back to the room. Literally. It was too far and he needed to explore her body right then and there. He opened up the broom closet down the hallway from the Great Hall and pulled her in. He pressed her firmly against the back of the closet and plunged his tongue deep into her mouth. He trailed kisses all down her cheekbone before leaving a trail of kisses up her jawline and perching his lips underneath her ear.

"I've missed this," he whispered, his breath sending tingling shivers up and down Lily's spine.

Lily's breath was heavy with intimacy when she replied. "Let's never go a day without each other again."

"Couldn't agree more," he murmured, crashing his lips against hers with a fiery passion. Their kisses were hot and heavy, their tongues intertwining with one another's with a desperate longing. James' hands entangled in Lily's auburn hair while Lily's fingers crept down James' back dangerously close to the waistband of his slacks. She slipped her fingers slowly into his pants as a slight moan escaped from James' lips. Lily smirked, placing light kisses against his neck. They had had their passionate moments in the past but neither felt so desperate for each other than they did in that moment.

James stared into Lily's determined emerald eyes as he slowly tore her robes off, discarding them on the floor. It didn't take long for him to tear off Lily's button-down shirt as well, the sound of the buttons pinging in their ears as they crashed against the wall. As James leaned over to kiss her again, Lily loosened his tie and threw it to the floor quickly followed by James' robes and shirt.

His hand came up to caress her breast underneath her bra as he sucked on her bottom lip slowly. A moan emitted from Lily's lips and she arched her back longingly as James' fingers ran achingly up her thigh, inching underneath her skirt. He rubbed his fingers over her underwear, and he could feel her contract with his every touch. Without bothering to tear her underwear off, he dipped his hand underneath the folds of the underwear and ran his fingers over her clit. He was surprised to find her so incredibly wet already. Lily's heart beat faster with every warm touch of James' hands on hers.

Lily arched her back as he dipped a finger inside of her. "Oh my God," she moaned. James left a trail of kisses down her neck and shoulder towards her breast. Every time he looked at her, he saw her as more beautiful as he remembered from the time before.

He flicked a finger over her clit before dipping that finger into her moist opening. He rubbed up against her inside and Lily gripped her leg around him tighter. "Oh!" she whimpered, her breathing getting heavier by the second. He was captivated by the desirous expression on Lily's face and he got harder just by looking at her.

His fingers were thrust further into her opening and she gasped. He quickened the pace and Lily's pelvis tightened before emitting a loud moan from deep within as she climaxed. "Oh god," she whispered, gripping James' neck. She kissed him hard on the mouth while undoing his belt, letting it fall to the floor.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, trailing a line of kisses along her neck.

She winked seductively before dipping her fingers under his waistline, ready to pull down his pants.

And that was when the door was shot open.

Lily shrieked and hid behind James, whose eyes widened in fear.

"Well, well, well. The Head Boy and the Head Girl caught half-naked in a broom closet. Not being very good role models, now are we?"

James glared at Zach, his cheeks flushing a dark crimson. "Fuck you, Hamilton."

He laughed derisively. "Oh no, I think you're doing enough of that as it is."

"We're half-clothed. Do you honestly think that is what we were doing?" James snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Don't dignify his comments with answers," Lily hissed.

"Aww, don't want the whole school to know the two lovebirds aren't having sex?" Zach smirked. "Please, Lily. It's you. We all kinda figured nothing of that sort was going on. Though it does seem to me you're doing a lot more than anyone expected." He gestured to her shirt and robes discarded on the floor.

Lily blushed and reached for them quickly.

"Zach, let's go," Kristina begged from Zach's side.

He ignored her. "I guess our Hotshot Head Boy had corrupted Miss Innocent Lily Evans more than anyone thought possible," he laughed, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"And why the hell do you care?" Lily snapped.

"Believe me, the entire school has taken an interest in the two of you. And why shouldn't they? It's not every day the quiet, studious overachiever bags Player of the Year."

"Oh, shut the hell up," James snapped. "And could you kindly shut the door before you make a scene?"

"Why bother? This is going to be around school in under an hour. Might as well get a head start."

"Zach, stop it. Let's go somewhere else," Kristina pleaded, grabbing Zach's arm.

"Oh? And why would I do that? The show's here, Kristina," he replied coyly, not taking his eyes off of James'.

If James had had a shirt on, he'd be out the door and pounding Zach into the ground defending both his and Lily's honor. Instead, he remained in the shadows of the broom closet, continuing to send evil daggers at Zach.

"Bloody hell, do you find that much pleasure in torturing anyone you can get your hands on?" James asked bitterly. "I mean, is your measly life so wildly unsatisfying that you have to find entertainment in ruining the lives of others?"

"It's not about me, it's about you," Zach snorted. "I find much amusement in tormenting your every move."

James stared at Zach curiously. "Why?"

Zach gave him a dumbfounded look. "Because I'm a petty and mean-spirited person and it's what I do," he replied sarcstically.

"No, I mean why _me_?"

Zach looked at him inquisitively. "Huh?"

"It seems that you're only really petty and mean-spirited towards me. You love to make my life miserable and you always have. When you were with Riley, you always seemed to hate me and I didn't even do anything. Then, you stole my girlfriend. And now, you want to expose my physical relationship with Lily to the school? What is it about me that makes your blood boil so?"

"Aw, upset that I stole your girlfriend, are ya Potter?" Zach sneered.

"Whoa!" Kristina interjected, surprised. "He didn't steal me away from you, James. We weren't together at that time. In fact, we were over for two months before I started seeing Zach. Don't drag our old relationship into this petty argument you two are having."

"Don't you see, Kris," James stated, narrowing his eyes at Zach. "He's up to something. He always has been."

"Bullshit," Zach spat.

"No, please, enlighten me," James continued. "What did I ever do to you?"

"Selfish much?" he sniggered.

"What did I ever to do to you_,_ Hamilton?" he barked.

"You're turning this all around on you, Potter!" he cried out. "When did I ever say I was against you?"

"You always have been!" he shouted, glaring at him. "What the hell did I possibly do to you!? What, you jealous that I snagged popularity when you could barely get anyone to ever take you seriously? Jealous that I'm everything you've ever wanted to be? Jealous that-"

"I'm not jealous of you, you self-loathing _prick_!"

"Then tell me, Zach, what the hell did I ever to do you to earn your hatred!? Why have you always found enjoyment out of tormenting me!? Why was it always about me?"

"It was never about you, Potter, it was always about Lily!"

Silence. And then - "What?" James replied.

"What?" Kristina asked.

"What?" Lily shrieked, horrified.

Zach's cheeks turned hot as he slowly removed his gaze from the two in the broom closet. "Um..." he said slowly, his tough exterior now being replaced with vulnerability. "I just...I don't know. I guess..."

"Spit it out, Hamilton!" James snarled.

He swallowed hard, biting down on his bottom lip. "It…it was always about Lily. Everyone knew that you fancied the pants off of her so I of course had to shut you down as best I could. I figured if I got close to Riley, it would help me ruin you and get me closer to Lily. Of course I cheated on Riley. I never really liked her all that much to begin with. And…and I started dating Kristina, hoping you'd get jealous which would put some strain on your relationship with Lily and inevitably end it." He sighed embarrassedly. "It…it was always about getting myself to Lily."

Lily's mouth dropped open as both James and Kristina turned to stare at her curiously. Lily scoffed, disgust flashing across her face. "You have been nothing but a pompous, overzealous, perverted, two-timing, head held high in the air as if he bloody owns the place, manipulative, lying, cheating jackass Zachary Hamilton. Why would you ever think I'd be interested in that!? Let me tell you, you have gone about it the entirely wrong way if you were trying to go after me and thank God for that! Can you imagine if I had actually fallen for that kind of sickening charm?"

Zach didn't say anything for a while, embarrassment seeping through his every vein. He tried thinking of anything to say that may save him from complete and utter humiliation with very little success. He eventually shrugged. "Well, I'll definitely be exposing your broom closet escapade now," he replied snidely.

Lily merely rolled her eyes. "Once again, you're just exhbiting your manipulative, pompous, perverted side of you, Zach," she snapped. "I don't know who the hell you think you are or exactly who has the misfortune of being responsible for your dismal existence but you might just be the most pigheaded, vile human being I have ever had the displeasure of meeting and the fact that you're only eighteen years oldmakes me feel so much more sorry for you than any of the people whose lives you have been so intent on destroying. You are pathetic. Plain and simple."

For the first time that Lily had ever known Zach, he genuinely looked remorseful. But it quickly passed. "At least _I'm _getting laid," he sneered. "C'mon Kristina."

She laughed snidely. "Are you delusional? After just admitting you were only with me to ruin their relationship you think I'm going to continue dating you? Good-bye, Zach." She glared at him before storming off in the opposite direction.

Zach rolled his eyes, a frown etched on his face. "Eh, who the hell cares. She was a lousy lay anyway. I can go find someone else to fuck."

James punched Zach in the face.

Zach stumbled backwards, holding his nose. "What the hell, man!?"

"It needed to be done," James replied dryly.

"Why Evans chose you is beyond me," Zach growled before stumbling away from them.

Lily frowned as she watched him walk away. "Nice one, James," she murmured, slowly shaking her head.

James glanced back at her. "What, you're not going to reprimand me for fighting?"

Lily shrugged. "Not this time."

James grabbed his shirt and tie from the floor and started reclothing himself. Lily quickly followed suit. "What…what _was _that?" Lily murmured.

"Zach Hamilton being a self-righteous prick. It's what he does best," James replied.

"I-I had no idea how much of a prick he could be," Lily sighed, shaking her head.

"I did."

Lily frowned, buttoning her shirt. She cursed under her breath when she realized she was missing two buttons. "So," Lily mused as she ran her fingers through her messy hair. "I'm thinking that Riley doesn't need to hear about this."

James nodded furiously. "Oh yeah. This would crush her."

Lily nodded and grabbed her bag from the floor. "Do you think Zach is still going to tell people about this…er…incident?"

James opened the door and peeked out, looking both ways for the clear. "Probably. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't take anything into consideration that you had said to him. Let's face it: he just got punched and lost his girl. He's pissed and he'll try to make up for it somehow." He pushed the door all the way open and they both spilled into the hallway.

"Where are we going?" Lily questioned.

James shrugged. "I didn't get to eat much."

Lily nodded. "Lunch it is."

"Wait," he said, grabbing her arm. "Can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"Why did you cave?" he asked curiously. "This past week you were dead-set on getting me to lose. And all of a sudden, you walked into the Great Hall and bam, you were all over me. Not that I mind of course."

Lily was hoping James wouldn't ask that. She frowned, searching for the right words to say. "I, uh…well, I kinda already went through with my side of the deal," she admitted cautiously.

James gave her an inquisitive look. "What do you mean? You already talked to Sirius on my behalf?"

She nodded slowly.

"Oh. Why?"

"Remus told him about the bet."

"I know he did," James said with a shrug. "So? Everyone knows about the bet."

"No, I mean he told him the terms of the bet," Lily clarified.

James groaned. "Bloody hell, why would he do that? He knew the terms of the bet were about Sirius."

Lily nodded. "I know."

"But what does that have to do with you?" James asked. "That still doesn't explain why you talked to Sirius for me."

"Because Sirius mentioned that…" she trailed off with a sigh.

"What?"

"He mentioned that it didn't matter who won or lost because he…he…" She averted her eyes towards the ground. There really wasn't a good way of saying this.

"Because he what?" James questioned curiously.

Lily ran her fingers through her hair, still knotty from her snog session. "He didn't know if he could forgive you now anyway," she murmured.

James didn't reply. He stared at Lily in surprise, a hurt expression on his face. "Oh."

"But I talked to him," Lily hastily continued.

"So he changed his mind?"

"Well, er…sorta," she muttered.

"Gee, that's _sorta_ comforting."

Lily winced. "He wants to be your friend again, James. He misses the way things used to be. But...he's afraid things will never be able to get back to that. He's just trying to figure out how you can go back to being friends with everything that has happened lately."

James sighed inwardly. "I know that he's still frustrated with me. As well he probably should. But that's why I want to apologize," he explained pleadingly. "He deserves an apology. Hell, he deserves more than that."

Lily nodded knowingly. "James," she said softly, reaching for his hand. "I don't know if I should be the one to tell you this but there's a lot that he's angry with you for. And some of it doesn't even have to do with Riley."

James' brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Lily leaned up against the wall with a heavy sigh, grief emanating from her stance. "He feels as if you gave up on him. He feels as if you put Riley first. And that you always would put Riley first."

James blinked. "I-I grew up with Riley," he said softly, shrugging. "I've always looked out for her. I never want her to get hurt. Ever. And...and Sirius hurt her."

"Riley hurt Sirius, too," Lily pointed out with a frown.

James didn't respond.

"Look, I don't nkow everything that's going through Sirius' head but look at this from his perspective," she sighed. "Sirius has pretty much been an outsider his entire life. He was looked down upon and insulted and heckled and beat up on by his own family for nearly sixteen years. But when you came along, slowly none of that began to matter anymore. Because even if his own family thought he was worthless, he had you to fall back on. He could take the insults and the beat downs and the heckling from them when he knew he had you to turn to to make him feel worthy of existence. You became the brother he had never thought he could have but always wanted. You were his family when his own family gave up on him. You were his _family_, James. You were all he had."

James' heart sank as he realized the implication behind her words. "Damnit. And this year, I've treated him like his own family did for so long."

Lily could only nod.

"I put Riley first. She was the only family I had protected at the time," he continued, shaking his head in guilty disbelief. "It was like I didn't even care about Sirius."

Lily didn't respond but she didn't have to.

James placed his head in his hands and groaned. "If I were Sirius, I would never forgive me," he whispered. "Bloody hell, why didn't he tell me any of this before?"

"Because," Lily said softly, stepping on her tiptoes to kiss James' cheek, "What if he did and it didn't make a difference? What if you still acted cold and distant and unforgiving towards him?"

"I wouldn't have done that," James pleaded.

"He didn't know that."

"He should have. He's still my best friend," he whispered.

Lily frowned hesitantly before saying, "Is he? Or is Riley?"

James met Lily's gaze and never felt such hatred towards himself than he did at that moment. He could see Lily's softened eyes trying not to stare at him with any accusation, but it wasn't hard to spot. "I need to talk to him," James said, turning his head away from Lily.

Lily nodded, running her fingers through his hair. "Don't beat yourself up, James," she said softly, knowing what was running through his head. "You're headed down the right path. You'll be friends again with Sirius and Riley soon. If that's what you want."

"And what about what they want?"

To that, Lily had no response.

* * *

"I cannot believe that James and Lily got caught hooking up in a broom closet," Riley giggled later in the common room. She was lying on the couch with her head in Kay's lap. Remus, Jillian, and Peter were sprawled out across the floor. Sirius was leaning up against the couch in front of Riley. Their books were sprawled out in front of them but it wasn't schoolwork they were discussing. "I mean, who would have thought that Lily Evans would sneak off to a broom closet to hook up with her boyfriend!"

"I wish I was there to see their faces when Zach and Kristina caught them," Kay smirked.

Sirius snorted, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Their faces?" he snickered. "I would have liked to be there to see Miss Innocent Lily Evans in a bra."

Riley made a face, smacking him in the head. "Has anyone called you a pig lately?"

"Hm…no, not really."

"Well, then I'm pleased to do the honors: you're a pig."

Sirius shrugged. "No, I'm a guy. Believe me, I wasn't the only one thinking it."

Jillian looked at her boyfriend inquisitively. "Were you thinking it?"

Remus darted his eyes towards Sirius. "Why must you drag the rest of us down with you?"

"Because it's so much fun to see you try to make up an excuse to your girlfriend."

Remus grinned sheepishly, turning towards his girlfriend with an innocent look. "You're pretty."

Jillian laughed. "You're such a guy."

Remus shrugged. "Eh, I would hope that's one of the things you like about me."

They all laughed.

"What do you say we get out of here and I show you some other things I like about you?"

Remus jumped off the floor and grabbed his girlfriend's hand. "Bye guys!"

Kay and Riley shook their heads and rolled their eyes. "He's such a guy," they said in unison, making the rest of them burst into laughter once again.

"Well, considering all I've been doing all day is gossip about James and Lily, I think it's time for me to get started on that essay that just so happens to be due tomorrow," Kay grumbled.

"The Herbology one?" Peter asked.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"I have to finish it, too. You want to head to the library?"

"Do I want to? No. Do I have to? Yes."

"No one is forcing you to go to the library. It's your fault you waited until the last minute," Riley snickered, sitting up so Kay could get off the couch.

Kay smacked her with a pillow as she gathered her books. "Just because you finished it days ago doesn't mean you get to ridicule my study habits."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay. Just go."

"You coming to the library, Sirius?" Peter asked.

Sirius burst into laughter. "Did you seriously just ask that?"

"Right, stupid question," he muttered. He said his good-byes and followed Kay out of the common room.

Sirius yawned and took the now empty seat on the couch. "Y'know, if I had to choose someone out of us seven Gryffindors who would have been caught hooking up in a broom closet, Lily and James wouldn't have even made the list. Peter would even be before them!"

Riley snorted. "Now, why would you say that?"

"Because Lily Evans is...is...well, she's _Lily Evans_. That girl doesn't even like to hold hands in public in fear of a professor seeing them and scolding her," he pointed out. "I would have thought for certain that she likes to keep her hook-ups in the bedroom."

Riley shrugged. "The girl went without physical contact from her boyfriend for a week. That'll do crazy things to a girl."

Sirius nodded. "I guess that's why the make-up sex after a fight is always so intoxicating."

Riley scrunched up her nose. "Okay, ew."

Sirius laughed, somewhat surprised to be sitting there with Riley and joking about sex as if nothing had ever happened between them. While he was still uncertain if being friends was what he wanted, he was beginning to realize that it was making everything easier for them. He knew that there was a chance they would never be able to go back to the way things used to be and it would be that much more difficult getting over their relationship in her presence, but he also knew that if they weren't friends, there would have been a good chance of them never speaking to each other again. And in complete honesty, he had no idea which one he preferred. Watching her act as if nothing ever happened between them nearly ripped his heart into two. But hearing her laugh with him and make jokes and talk normally without so much as a hint of anger or regret in her voice made him remember the good times they used to share as friends.

"Sirius?"

Sirius snapped back to reality. "Yeah?"

"I really am glad we're able to do this."

"Doing what?"

"_This_," she said, pointing between the two of them. "This friendship thing. I-I never would have considered trying to be your friend after…well, after everything that happened, but now that I am, I'm glad. It doesn't need to be awkward between us just because we used to date."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. She was acting as if years had passed, not just a fouple of weeks."Yeah," he said hesitantly. "Agreed."

She smiled warmly, causing Sirius' heartstrings to tug lightly. "Riley, can I ask you something?" he said, glancing over at her. "Why _did _you want to be friends with me?"

"I've already said it was because I hated the awkward tension between us."

He frowned. "But…friends should be able to forgive each other for the bad times, am I right?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat. "No, not necessarily," she said hastily. "I'm just willing to…move on. That's all." She cringed. She would probably need more than her two hands to count the many times she had used the phrase 'move on' in the past week alone.

"Oh," Sirius said, slightly disappointed. "Okay."

"Is it?"

"What?"

"_Is _it okay?"

_I guess it has to be_. "Yeah. It is," he said hollowly, forcing out a smile.

That couldn't have been further from the truth.

* * *

Both James and Lily were getting tired of the stares and the pointing, though it made James feel slightly better when he crossed paths with Zach once again to see that the guy was sporting a black eye. But only slightly better. James could really care less about what the school was saying about him, but it wasn't him he was worried about. Lily looked angrier and more embarrassed by the second as the day progressed. James stood by her side, trying to help her ignore the gossip but it didn't help much. Even their friends were finding amusement out of harrassing them, although once Lily barked at them a reminder of their own past sexual experiences, they all grew rather quiet.

Lily told James that she was going to head back to their room to attempt to prepare for that night's prefect meeting and urged him to seek Sirius out. James sat on his bed staring at Sirius' stationary dot on the Map for almost a half hour trying to figure out what he could say to Sirius that would make him even begin to forgive him before he finally picked himself up off his bed and headed to the Gryffindor common room.

His eyes zeroed in on Sirius by the fire, flipping through a Quidditch catalog. It was clear to James that he wasn't really looking through it as his eyes mainly focused in on the embers of the fire. He froze slightly when Sirius picked his head up and met his gaze. It was now or never. James slowly and cautiously wandered over to his friend, Sirius' eyes never leaving his. "Hey, Sirius," James said softly.

Sirius didn't respond immediately, skepticism resting in his eyes. "What do you want?"

"I want you to forgive me."

Sirius' spine stiffened as she sat up on the couch. "You don't deserve my forgiveness."

"I didn't say I did," James murmured. "Right now, it's not about what I deserve, it's about what you deserve. And you deserve better than the guy I've been to you. Much better."

Sirius didn't respond, hesitance flickering in his grey eyes.

"I haven't just been a jerk or a prat lately. I haven't just been an ass to you. It's been so much more. You were my best friend. My brother. And I let you down. All because..." he trailed off, cringing.

"Yeah?"

James met Sirius' gaze. "I was being 100% selfish," he said softly. "I pretended to judge you. I pretended not to care about either one of you. I didn't bother trying to understand. It was easier giving up on you than admit I was afraid everything was going to change. You were my friend first, Sirius. And...and I had this terrible fear that she was going to tear you and me apart."

Sirius let his stare linger on James' as he processed everything James had just said. "I wouldn't have let that happen, y'know."

James nodded. "I realize that now."

Sirius shrugged slowly. "Did you mean everything you said the night you found out about Riley and me?"

James frowned, blinking guiltily. He wasn't sure what the best way to answer was. He went with the truth. "I don't know," he admitted. "Is the whole concept of you and Riley as a couple weird to me? Absolutely. But hell, the concept of Lily and I as a couple is weird to me, too. So...so who I was to judge?"

Sirius was hoping that would make him feel better but it just made him feel uneasy.

"And who the hell was I to kick you to the curb over something so petty?"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat as he met James' desperate gaze. "What?"

James shrugged, slowly dropping himself on to the couch beside Sirius. "It was easier for me to take Riley's side because I've been doing it for so long. I've always looked out for her. You? You never needed anyone backing you because you've always been so good at standing on your own two feet. I didn't think about you in any of this. I only ever thought of myself and what I wanted. In the end, I lost my two best friends and I had no one to blame but myself. I'm sorry, Sirius. I don't think I've ever been more sorry in my entire life. I never meant to give you the impression that you were worthless to me. _Never_."

Sirius gazed up at James, letting his stare linger there. "Are you really sorry or are you just saying all of this?"

James' face clouded over with extreme desperation. "Sirius, nothing I say is going to change what I did. But I am sorry. For everything. I hate not talking to you. And I know you hate not talking to me."

Sirius winced. James always did know him best. "I hate that you know that I hate not talking to you."

James gazed at Sirius blankly.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't really know what I just said either." He cracked a smile.

James chuckled nervously.

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Do me a favor."

"Okay…"

"Never give up on me again."

James blinked, a smile creeping on to his face. "I think I can handle that."

Sirius locked eyes with James and nodded. "Okay," he said softly. "Then I can forgive you."

James' heart practically soared out of his chest. "Really?" he asked weakly.

Sirius nodded. "I get why you did everything, James," he admitted with a shrug. "Didn't make it suck any less."

"I know," he said softly. "And I'll do everything in my power to prove to you that you really are like a brother to me."

Sirius blinked. "So we're not just best friends again? We can be brothers again, too?"

"We never stopped."

Sirius smiled at his oldest friend as he glanced back down at the Quidditch catalog in his hands. "Now, do you think that the Lexulous 2001 would be a better broom for me or is the Tumbler a better fit?"

"That depends," James said, shrugging.

"On what?"

"Whose money you plan on borrowing to pay for it."

Sirius grinned slyly. "How much do you want to be my friend right now?"

James whimpered.

Sirius laughed and threw the catalog on to the floor, turning to face James with a mysterious glint in his eyes. "So tell me about the make-out session in the broom closet. And please don't refrain from divulging all of the graphic details."

James made a face. "Oh, I'm pretty sure the entire school knows the graphic details by now."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm pretty sure that the entire school knows the _embellished_ details from Zach's mouth. I want to hear what actually happened," Sirius corrected. "If Zach hadn't walked in, would you two have finally had sex?"

"I-I don't know," James admitted. "I think we were both definitely horny enough.

They both laughed.

"Which is often 75% the reason that girls eventually give it up," Sirius pointed out.

"What's the other 25%?"

He hesitated, shrugging. "Drunkenness."

James snorted. "So basically I have to get Lily drunk and horny and she'll give it up willingly?"

"Hell yeah!"

"You disgust me."

"Join the club," a familiar voice spoke behind them. Sirius and James glanced over their shoulders at Remus, Peter at his heels. "Can I ask the obvious question here?" Remus asked, confused.

"What's that?" James asked.

Both Remus and Peter darted glances between Sirius and James while coming around the couch to perch on the coffee table. "Aren't you two not talking?"

Sirius and James exchanged a look and shrugged, a smirk on their faces. "I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius said in all seriousness.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You mean to tell me you don't remember the past two months where you two avoided each other at all costs?"

James shook her head. "Nope, must have slipped my mind."

"The times you threw deathly glares at each other?" Peter pointed out.

"I have no idea what you're referring to," Sirius spoke.

"The insults, the sneers, the hexes?" Remus added.

James shrugged. "Still not ringing a bell."

Remus whimpered. "Why do you two insist on being difficult?"

"Difficult? How are we being difficult?" Sirius asked innocently. "Can't two best friends just sit in the common room amicably while flipping through a Quidditch catalog as James suggests he and Lily almost had sex today and ignore the fact that their other two friends aren't making sense?"

Remus and Peter exhanged an intrigued look. "I have no idea where to even start with that," Remus sighed. "The part about you two being amicable, the us not making sense part, or the James and Lily having sex part."

"_Almost_," James interjected, shooting him a glare. "Please don't add to the already exaggerated details Zach is spewing throughout the castle."

"Unless you start spilling your own details, I wouldn't put it past Padfoot," Peter pointed out. "Considering he's probably holding a grudge."

"A grudge? Holding a grudge from what?" Sirius said innocently, continuing the charade.

"ARGH!" Remus shouted. "You two are impossible."

"Why, thank you," they both replied in unison.

* * *

"So, you're back to being friends with Sirius, hm?"

James gazed up from his Arithmancy notes to gaze at Riley curiously. "Um…yeah," he muttered, wondering why Riley was standing over him willingly holding a conversation with him.

"When do I get my apology?"

James was taken aback. "Do you even want an apology?"

She shrugged. "It would be nice to hear that you're sorry for everything."

"So you could…what? Tell me that there is no way in hell you'll ever forgive me? Why would I want to embarrass myself? You know that I'm sorry. You know that I hate myself for what I did. You know that if I could I would take back everything I said and did to make you feel worthless. I'm just waiting for you to realize that I made a mistake and forgive me."

She grew quiet, a pensive look crossing her expression. "That could take a while."

"I know," James murmured. He felt guilty enough. Riley trying to make him feel bad and shameful just reminded him how much he betrayed her.

When it was clear he wasn't going to say anything else, Riley started to slowly walk away from his table. "Riley?"

Riley halted. "Hm?"

He glanced over his shoulder sadly. "I am sorry. For everything. I was a royal jerk for telling the entire school about you and Sirius just because we were in the middle of a fight. And I was an idiot for everything I ever said to you about Sirius when I barely knew anything about your relationship. I've sorry for everything I ever said or did to hurt you. You're one of the most important people in my life and I'll doubt I'll ever be able to forgive myself for the way I've treated you. So how can I possibly ask you to forgive me if I can't even forgive myself?" he said softly. He shrugged. "But for whatever it's worth, I _am_ isorry."

She nodded, pondering his words carefully. "I know you are," she admitted coolly.

He gave her a lopsided apologetic smile and turned back to his worksheet. As she started walking away again, he added, "And when you're ready to forgive me, I'll be here."

She stopped again, slowly turning around. "And…and when I'm ready to forgive you, I know where to find you." She offered him a smile. She wanted so badly to just forget everything that happened between them, but unfortunately, it just wasn't that easy. She was still very hurt from what he did and just needed some time to figure out where they stood.

Not that Riley would ever admit it, but it was a lot easier pushing her anger and frustrations on to James instead of Sirius for everything that had happened. It was easier hating the people she knew cared most about her and who she truly trusted because no matter what happened, they would never leave her. They wouldn't be able to give up on her even if they hit their breaking point. They would never let her go.

With Sirius, she wasn't so sure that was the case.

* * *

**A/N**: Yayyy, James and Sirius are friends again! And James and Riley are on their way to being friends! And the bet between James and Lily is over...unexpectedly! Please review and tell me what you thought.


	32. Of Prefect Meetings, Blankies, & Virgins

**A/N: **Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I have been super busy, but just be happy that James and Sirius are officially friends again!

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling but I am super excited for the 6th HP movie!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 32: Of Prefect Meetings, Blankies, & Virgins

* * *

By the time Lily and James had to head off to the prefect meeting that very evening, every single student in the castle knew who they were. And not because they were Head Boy and Head Girl but because they were caught half-naked in a broom closet.

"So, I'm now going to totally ignore all of the leering stares from all of the students in this school and you are going to tell me exactly how the apology went with Sirius. What made him finally forgive you?" Lily asked, smiling curiously.

James grinned. "My suave and charming personality."

Both Remus and Lily burst into laughter. "No seriously," Lily snickered.

James laughed, kissing the side of her head. "I just…I just finally let it all out. I apologized for everything sincerely from the bottom of my heart and…and I think he recognized how sorry I truly was."

Lily squeezed his hand. "Well, I, for one, and extremely glad that you two are now friends. It was long overdue."

James smiled nostalgically. "I second that," he murmured.

"And I third that," Remus chimed in. "Can we perhaps refrain from any more fighting between the two of you? I don't think I could take that again."

James nodded slowly. "I think it's time we got back to the four Marauders."

Remus grinned and was about to agree when a bunch of fifth-year Ravenclaws walked by, pointing between James and Lily.

Lily scowled, glaring at the four girls. "So am I correct in assuming that nothing will get done during tonight's meeting because everyone will be asking us questions?" Lily murmured.

Remus snorted. "Well everyone was pretty sure all you two had ever done was snog and hold hands. Imagine everyone's surprise when it turns out you two get down and dirty."

Lily glared at Remus. "You will not be partaking in the interrogation tonight, Lupin, or I will find a legitimate reason to set you up on rounds every night for the remainder of the year."

Remus snickered. "Feisty, aren't we? I guess James is turned on by a fiery temper."

Lily and James both glared at him.

He grinned sheepishly. "I'm just saying."

"And I'm just saying that I hate Zach Hamilton with an immense passion," Lily murmured.

James gave his girlfriend a sympathetic look and squeezed her hand comfortingly. "He isn't worth our time, babe. Just pretend like nothing happened."

Remus burst out into laughter. "Oh, I definitely heard something happened. In graphic detail, might I add. Not something you want to hear about your best friends."

Lily reached out her arm to slap Remus, but Remus was quick enough to jump back with a laugh. "Rounds, Lupin. For three whole months!"

He merely grinned. "That won't get me to stop poking fun at you."

"You are infuriating," Lily said with a light laugh.

Remus shrugged, grinning mischievously. "You love me."

Lily scrunched up her nose. "Not right now, I don't."

Remus wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her before turning into the meeting room. He cleared his throat and gestured towards the door, staring at the few other prefects in the room. "May I introduce the leading lady and her suitor-"

"Shut up, Remus," Lily sniggered, shoving him on the shoulder. "Go take a seat."

Remus laughed but obliged.

"You know, Remus," James said mischievously, "I wouldn't be spreading the details of my personal life around school or soon, the school may know what goes on in your bedroom between you and the lovely Jillian Greene."

"Oooh, do tell!" Fabian Prewett cried out with a laugh.

Remus blushed and glared at his friend. "Well played, Potter. Well played."

James grinned and turned to his girlfriend. "And that is how you handle a Marauder."

She laughed and took a seat, waiting for the rest of the prefects to arrive.

"So how was the broom closet?" Fabian Prewett asked teasingly.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Do you really want to go there?"

Fabian laughed lightheartedly and leaned back in his chair. "I'm sorry, but I just can't picture you two in a broom closet. You're much more the type to keep it in the bedroom, if even that."

"And in your pants," Remus murmured in jest, winking playfully at Fabian who laughed.

"Funny, just last night you had trouble keeping it in your pants when Jillian showed up at your door at eleven on the dot, Remus," James shot back with a haughty smile. "Booty call, was it?"

Remus scowled. "Touché."

James grinned.

"And round one goes to the Head Boy," Brad Harper sniggered.

It had all been fun and games until some of the rest of the prefects started trickling in.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Harlots of Hogwarts," Severus sneered, dropping his books on to the table and slipping into an empty seat.

"Aren't you cute. Did it take you the whole day to think of such a creative name?" James snapped.

"At least my day wasn't full of gossiping teenagers talking about my sexual experience in the broom closet," he replied.

"In order for people to gossip about that, you'd actually have to encounter sexual experience in a broom closet," James shot back, glaring at him.

"James," Lily warned, under her breath.

"Oh look, the slut—oops, I mean girlfriend has to step in to defend you," Snape responded, grinning slyly.

"Detention. You don't talk to the Head Girl like that," James scoffed immediately, narrowing his eyes at him.

Severus rolled his eyes but chose to keep quiet. He knew James would give him the rest of the year for detention if provoked.

"So, I heard you two had quite the interesting lunch break," Narcissa Black sniggered as she wandered into the room.

"That is none of your business," Lily snarled.

"It seems to be everyone's business," she snorted, slipping into an empty seat with a smirk.

Lily slammed her notebook down on the table with a loud 'CRASH!' "This is a prefect's meeting," Lily said sternly. "This is not a place to gossip. It is a place of establishment. My personal business will remain my personal business and you are all delusional if you think I'm going to sit here and discuss it with my…my colleagues. Just because a spiteful rumor about my personal life is spreading around the school does not mean that I am not still Head Girl and does not mean that I'm not still in charge here!" she barked. "Now, does anyone have any problems with that?"

"You're just upset because your reputation of an innocent, pure Virgin Mary is now tarnished, Slutty McSkank," Rachael LeBlanc smirked.

"_Get out_," Lily snapped, pointing towards the door.

"Er…excuse me?"

"You heard me," Lily barked. "Get out of my meeting. You don't get the privilege of staying here tonight."

The whole room went silent. No matter how angry or frustrated Lily was with someone, she had never resorted to kicking someone out. A few points had been taken off from time to time and a detention was given here or there, but never to this extreme. She meant business. She had always remained so cool and collected under the heated pressure. It was clear she was angry. And not just angry, but livid.

James glanced at his girlfriend but knew not to question it. He slid into his seat quietly, staring at the mahogany table the entire time.

"Uh. Okay," Rachael murmured, collecting her things. "It's not like I'd want to sit through an hour of you thinking you're this high and almighty authoritative figure when in fact, you're just like every other girl in this school, stealing a moment with your boyfriend in the bro-"

"GET OUT!" both Lily and James cried out in unison this time.

Rachael rolled her eyes and strolled out of the room with her head held high.

"Does anybody else have something to say!?" Lily shouted.

Not a peep was made.

"That's what I thought," she replied snidely. "Now, I need the seventh years to stay after this meeting for a few extra minutes to discuss graduation and the graduation ball. It may be a few months off, but it is time to start seriously thinking about it."

She continued on with the meeting, acting as if everything was the same as it always had been. But deep down, she knew Rachael was right and that is why she acted so hastily when she kicked her out. Her reputation had been ruined. She was supposed to be the Head Girl and now she was afraid no one would respect her as much as they used to.

When the meeting was over and the seventh years had all left, Lily plopped back down in her seat with a sigh. _Stupid bet_, she thought.

"You okay?" James asked, collecting all of the remaining papers and charts.

Lily nodded.

"No, you're not. What's up?" he asked, ceasing his gathering of the lingering papers as he pulled his chair closer to her and took a seat in it, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

Lily sighed. "She was right," she whispered. "I…I used to be this role model for everyone in the school. I used to be someone that people could look up to. And now? Everyone's talking about me behind my back. How I've become just like every other girl. What do I have now? My reputation is ruined."

"Don't you think that maybe this is a good thing?" James suggested.

Lily blinked. "How could you possibly think that?"

"Because, Lily, you being like every other girl has just made you that much more personable. Instead of this girl everyone had put up on a pedestal, you've become one of them. You used to be so…so untouchable. No one could get to know you. They only got to see you for your position as Head Girl. Now, they can relate to you," he explained, reaching for her hand. "This is all just more reason to like you, actually."

"I'm not supposed to be one of them," she argued, shaking her head defensively. "I'm supposed to be an authority figure for these students. I'm not supposed to be like every other slutty girl. I worked so hard to get where I am today and in just a few minutes it was all ruined."

"Lily, look at me: I'm Head Boy and my reputation doesn't exactly scream out 'studious overachiever' if you know what I mean. In fact, people still see me as the popular Quidditch Captain who everyone enjoys being around."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Cocky much?" she teased.

"You know where I was going with that," he chuckled.

Lily nodded, biting down on her lip. "Yeah I guess," she replied unconvincingly.

"Lily, people like Rachael LeBlanc and Snape are always going to make judgmental comments towards you because that's what they do. But the rest of the prefects didn't utter a word, unless it was in a teasing manner such as Fabian. They still respect you and probably do more now that they can relate to you. It is unfortunate that everyone knows our personal business but that doesn't change who we are," James pointed out, giving her a knowing look. "You're still Head Girl and I'm still Head Boy. Let the school gossip. It's what they do best. But we can continue doing what we do best."

"Snog in broom closets?" Lily joked, laughing lightheartedly.

"_No_," James responded, shaking his head amusedly as he reached over for her and pulled her on to his lap. He snaked his arms around her waist. "Our job is what I was going for."

Lily smiled, leaning over to kiss him. Her hands tangled desperately in his hair as he explored the inside of her mouth. When they pulled apart, Lily pressed her forehead to his with a sigh. "How did I go seven days without kissing you?"

"A question that has been running through my mind all day," he whispered. "I say no more bet. What do you think?"

Lily nodd. "Agreed. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done," she explained. "Well that, and getting caught without my shirt on by Zach Hamilton."

James couldn't control the laughter that erupted from his lips. "At least we can joke about it, right?"

Lily grinned, resting the side of her head up against his with a smile. "Thank you for putting everything into perspective, James."

He shrugged, kissing her shoulder. "I don't care what anyone else thinks, Lils," he whispered. "All I care about is you."

A smile tugged at the end of her lips as she shifted her position so she was straddling him. "If you continue saying such sweet things to me, we're going to continue being caught in compromising positions in public places," she whispered, framing his face with her hands as she swept her tongue slowly across his lips before kissing him. He traced his fingesr along the curves of her body as they snogged like the horny teenagers they clearly were.

"Let them catch us," James spoke, nuzzling his cheek up against her neck with a adoring moan. "I can't imagine being anywhere else but right here."

"How about the library?" Lily teased, pulling her head away from him to give him a sheepish look. "I still have to finish that essay for Slughorn."

James whimpered. "Well, alright," he sighed, picking her up off his lap and placing her to the ground. "But do you think we can find a broom closet on the way?"

* * *

It didn't come as a surprise to either one of them when they could barely focus on their work once they set themselves up on at one of the round tables in the back of the library.

"Stop that," Lily muttered out of the corner of her mouth with a teasing grin.

James wiggled his eyebrows and continued playing footsie with her underneath the table.

Lily slapped him with the tip of her quill. "I am trying to get work done."

"So am I. But it's hard when a gorgeous girl is sitting right next to me."

"Stop complimenting me," she whined. "I will never be able to finish my research with you leering over my shoulder like that."

He leaned in so his face was an inch away from hers and winked at her. "Yeah, that's kinda the point," he whispered, pressing his lips lightly to hers. She giggled but didn't protest, grabbing his tie to pull him closer to her.

"Aww, you going to give the entire library a preview of what I witnessed this morning?"

Lily and James unlocked lips and turned around to glare at a rather smug Zach. "Fuck off, man," James snarled.

"Oh no, it's much more fun watching the two of you squirm under the scrutiny of the school's gossip," he replied haughtily.

"Except we haven't squirmed," Lily lied, raising her voice angrily. "I could care less about what everyone has to say."

"Then why did you kick out Rachael from the prefect's meeting?"

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "How the hell did you know about that? I didn't realize you and Rachael were so close."

"She literally ran into me rushing down the hallway and chose to inform me of your ill-tempered ways," Zach smirked.

"She made a rather rude and vulgar comment in the presence of the Head Girl and Head Boy," Lily responded angrily, her fists clenched. "What else was I supposed to do?"

"Give her a detention," he sniggered.

"Don't you have something better to do?" James growled.

Lily sighed when she noticed some of the other students glancing there way to see what the argument was all about. Everyone knew it had been Zach to walk in on the Head Girl and Boy going at it so they knew there was a potential fight on the horizon.

"Not particularly," Zach replied, narrowing his eyes. "It's kinda entertaining mocking the two of you."

"Haven't you done enough?" James sneered.

"Or did you want to get another rejection from me?" Lily snapped, a smirk resting on her lips.

"What?" a voice drawled from behind Zach.

Lily froze and watched as Riley and Rhett peered out from behind the Ravenclaw.

"Nothing, Riley," Lily responded hastily, glancing back down at her notes.

"What do you mean 'another rejection'?" Riley asked curiously, narrowing her eyes in bewilderment.

"It doesn't mean anything," Lily urged, hastily.

Riley glanced at Zach. "What did you do?"

Zach grinned wickedly. "Nothing really. Just told her that-"

"_Zach_," Lily warned, glaring at him.

"-everything I've done up until now has-"

"_Zach!_" Lily snapped, her eyes blazing with fury as she jumped out of her seat.

"-been to get to her."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Zach!?" Lily barked, cringing in embarrassment.

Riley still looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that-"

"Shut the hell up, Zach!" James shouted, jumping up from the table and lunging towards him.

He jumped out of James' way quickly. "I've always fancied Lily," he continued, staring at Riley slyly. "It's always been about her. Hate to break it to you, but I never really liked you, Riley. You were a terrible lay and you were so pathetically naive. Why would I like someone like that?"

James pulled out his wand but it didn't matter. Rhett punched Zach square in the nose.

"Oh my God!" students who were watching this scene unfold cried out in shock. James punching someone wasn't totally out of the ordinary. Rhett starting a fight definitely was.

"Rhett!" Riley screeched, jumping out of the way as Zach stumbled to the floor.

Lily watched as Rhett pulled out his wand and shoved it in Zach's face. "Rhett, _no_!" Lily begged, stepping in front of Rhett before he could overreact.

"What the hell, man!?" Zach hissed, clutching his nose. "What did I ever do to you!?"

"You're talking shit of my girlfriend, that's what," he responded angrily. He frantically stepped around Lily, placing his wand directly in Zach's face. "You got something else to say, Mr. Bigshot?"

"I do!" the librarian, Madam Pinsky, shouted, stepping through the crowd. She gestured towards Rhett, Riley, James, Lily, and Zach. "All five of you, OUT!"

Lily's eyes widened. "Madam Pinsky, please know that-"

"Miss Evans, I expect more from you!" she snapped. "So help me Merlin, if that boy drips blood on my carpet, I will make you clean it out without magic!" She glared at them before whirling around to head back to her desk.

Lily gathered her things in complete embarrassment as Riley and Rhett hastily started heading towards the exit. James helped Lily while Zach staggered out slowly and rushed down the hallway out of sight. When James and Lily exited the library, they were surprised to still see Riley and Rhett standing there as if they may have been waiting for them.

"Well that's the second time he's gotten punched today," James said with a smirk. "I bet the nurse will love that."

"I can't believe I got kicked out," Lily whined, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "I've never gotten kicked out of the library! I blame you, y'know," she muttered, giving James a look.

James shrugged and laughed. "Yeah, okay. I'm too focused on the look on Zach's face when Rhett punched him to care about being kicked out."

"In hindsight, that might not have been my best move," Rhett murmured.

"You've got it all wrong. That was definitely the right move," James said with a teasing grin.

Rhett smiled nervously. "That guy has always been a bit of a wanker if you ask me," he murmured, wincing as he tried shaking out his hand. "Damnit, my hand's selling up. Remind me to let you take the punch next time, Potter. Seems to me you're more used to it than I am."

James chuckled, ignoring the glare he was receiving from Lily. "By all means, I'm more than happy to slug the guy."

Rhett grinned. "I've got to go ice this," he said, kissing Riley on the cheek. "Are you alright?"

Riley simply nodded. "Yeah, I am," she said hesitantly. "Thank you, Rhett."

She slowly shook her head. "Just…thanks."

He smiled, kissing her lightly before walking away.

With one glance towards James, Riley started heading down the hallway.

"Riles, are you really alright?" James called out after her.

She froze, slowly turning around. "Why shouldn't I be? I wasn't the one who got punched."

"That's not what I meant," he responded immediately.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I'm fine, James. I mean, why should this surprise me? Guys always seem to be choosing other girls over me," she responded bitterly.

"Riles, please don't think that. You deserve someone so much better than Zack Hamilton."

"And Sirius Black, right?"

James frowned. "I didn't say that."

"Look, none of it matters anymore anyway. It's in the past. I'm with Rhett. Just let it go," she murmured, turning back around to hurry off down the hallway.

"Riley, wait!"

But Riley was already whisking around the corner and out of earshot.

James balled up his fist and slammed it against the wall. "Damnit!"

"James!" Lily exclaimed in shock, grabbing his arm away from the wall. "What are you doing? You're going to hurt yourself."

He leaned up against the wall with remorseful eyes. "I-I hate this, Lils," he whispered. "We have…we have always been able to talk. When she was feeling down, she always came to me. I've always helped her through the tough stuff. And now? I screwed up any chance of us getting back to the way we used to be."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her chin to his chest as she gazed up at him. "It's going to be okay," she responded softly as his arms slowly embraced her. "She'll come around."

He didn't reply, resting his cheek against her hair.

"James?"

"What?"

"You've apologized to Sirius. What's...what's stopping you from apologizing to Riley?"

"I-I kinda have already," he murmured, brushing her hair with his lips. "But it's going to take a lot more than an apology to fix us."

James let out a deep sigh and drew his arms tighter around Lily, never wanting to let her go. With her, he felt safe. He felt right. With her, he could be himself. He knew she wouldn't judge him even if he deserved it.

"Riley and I go way back," James continued with a sigh, thinking about how hurt she looked when Zach admitted he never really cared for her. "It's…it's a different situation with her. My betrayal hit a lot harder with Riley than it ever did with Sirius. She and I have always had each other's back since the moment I was born. I've never once hurt her and she's never hurt me. We've never fought. Not _once. _With Sirius, he and I have made some mistakes with each other in the past. So it's easier for him to forgive me because we know what needs to be done to fix those mistakes. But with Riley? She has no idea what to believe. And I have no idea what to say or do to make her believe I never meant to hurt her."

Lily nodded, listening carefully to the broken words he spoke. "I meant what I said before," she said softly, staring up into his sad hazel eyes. "She will come around. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but she'll learn to forgive you. She loves you, James. And you may not realize it, but she knows you never meant to hurt her. And when she realized that you'll never do it again you two will be able to get back to the way things used to be."

James didn't say anything immediately, pressing his lips gratefully to hers. When he pulled back, he whispered, "I wish I could believe that."

"It's okay if you don't," she spoke softly. "Because I'll believe it for you."

He let out a small smile. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Lily."

"It's a good thing you never have to find that out."

Even with Riley still angry at him, he could find a way to be happy.

* * *

As Lily jumped into the shower, James slipped out of the room to search for Riley. He knew he could find her in the dungeons even without looking at the Map.

"I said I didn't want to talk to you," Riley snapped when he appeared in the doorway.

"I know, but when did I really ever listen to you?" he said with a teasing grin.

She didn't even crack a smile.

"Oookay, tough crowd," he muttered to himself.

"Please just...just go," she whispered, hugging her knees to her chest.

Slowly, he shook his head. "I'm not leaving when you are so clearly hurting."

"This coming from the guy who hurt me first!" she choked out, glaring up at him with tears in her eyes. "How could you do that to me, James? We were best friends. For eighteen years! We've been through everything together. You know all of my secrets and I know yours. We looked out for each other and had each other's backs. Every second of every day. You've been there for me through it all. And...and then you just threw it away."

"I know," he whispered, his bottom lip trembling in pure guilt.

"Twice actually," she muttered. "Once because you had no clue how to handle me in a relationship with your best friend and the second time because you chose to out us in front of the entire school. I know you were uncomfortable with the relationship but to scream it out for everyone to hear? I-I don't get where that came from. You've never done that to me. I trusted you, James. And in a moment where I had lost trust in myself and in Sirius, I _needed _you. And you betrayed that. You betrayed me."

"Riley," he pleaded. "I just-"

"I don't know you at all," she interrupted, James' blurring in front ofh er as the tears began to well up at a rapid rate. "And that's the worst part—not only did I lose my best friend but I just lost sight of everything that had ever mattered to me. What can I believe in anymore if I can't believe in trust? If I can't believe in who I thought was my best friend? You ruined everything, James." She tears started slipping down her cheeks slowly. "You ruined everything."

With every second of her confession, a hole got bigger in his heart. With every second of her confession, he felt like a knife was being stabbed into his abdomen. With every second of her confession, he felt his own tears well up in his own eyes.

Slowly, he took a seat beside her, his eyes never wavering from hers. "Riley, no matter what I say I realize it doesn't change anything. An apology can't turn back time and I know that. I am sorry for everything. You have to know that. I just felt like...like I was losing you as my best friend and it scared me."

"_You _lost me. Not the other way around," she choked out, trying to swipe the tears from her face with little success.

"I-I know," he whispered, hanging his head shamefully. "But I hope you nkow that I never meant to do anything to hurt you. _Never_."

"No one ever does," she said sharply, sniffling as a sob escaped her lips.

He gazed at her, frowning cautiously. "You're…you're not just crying about me, are you."

Another onset of tears slipped down her cheeks as she slowly shook her head. "Why am I never chosen first?" she bawled. "Why am I always second best?"

James patted her knee comfortingly. "That's not true."

"First, Zach. Then, _Sirius_," she pointed out, sobbing harder. "All the guys I've ever even attempted to open up to let me down. Why am I never good enough?"

"Riles, you are good enough. Zach is nothing. He's a _nobody_," James soothed. "He is the lowest of low, Riley, and shouldn't be taken seriously. Don't you even dare think he was worth anything because he's not."

"And Sirius?" she asked softly.

"I-I can't answer on his behalf because I don't know how it ended," James pointed out. "But from what I do understand, you broke up with him so-"

"Because he started hanging out with Rachael!" she explained hastily. "He chose Rachael the moment he ignored my first warning about her. It's like…it's like I'll never be anyone's first choice. I'm always just going to be the girl that fades into the background."

"You were born to stand out, Riles," he murmured, smiling nostalgically.

"Somehow, Zach and Sirius don't think so."

James nodded and thought quietly. "Then forget about them. Forget about the past. Focus on Rhett who clearly adores you."

She nodded slowly. "Except he…he didn't choose me back in December. So…so what's so different now?"

James gazed at her, confused. "What?"

"Nothing," she muttered quickly.

"What do you mean he didn't choose you back in December?" he pressed on.

Riley frowned, wiping the tears from her cheeks as she let out a deep sigh. "Just that," she muttered. "He stepped aside because he thought Sirius had feelings for me and...and that maybe I had feelings for Sirius."

"Well," James said slowly. "Clearly he was right about that."

Riley shot him a look. "Considering Sirius and I broke up and I'm back with Rhett, don't you think that in fact that wasn't the case?"

"You _did _have feelings for Sirius," James argued. "Rhett was just trying to respect that."

"He should have fought for me!" Riley defended, shaking her head. "He shouldn't have just let me go. Why...why should I expect any differently this time around?"

James grew quiet, recognizing a flicker of panic in Riley's blue eyes. "Riles," he said softly. "Don't pull away from Rhett because you're afraid he might hurt you first."

Riley blinked. "Where the hell did that come from?"

He shrugged. "It's what you did with Sirius."

"And it's what _you _did with Sirius. And me!" Riley reminded.

James shrugged, guiltily nodding in agreement. "I know," he admitted. "But I'm here now, aren't I?"

"It's too late now," Riley whispered hoarsely. "You were supposed to be the one person I could depend on, James. And just like everyone else, you let me down."

James could literally feel his heart ripping into two. He wondered then if she would ever be able to forgive him. Because he sure as hell would never be able to forgive himself. "I'm sorry," he whispered numbly. "I-I know that that doesn't change anything, but I am. I know I hurt you and after all the heartbreak you had to endure, the last thing you needed was me adding to it."

Riley didn't respond, turning her gaze away from him quickly as she contemplated her own thoughts.

James sat there awkwardly trying to figure out what else he could possibly say to her with little success. Neither spoke but neither had to.

Eventually, James slowly climbed off the floor and headed towards the door to give Riley some time alone. He paused in the doorway, turning around to face her once again. "For what it's worth, Riley," he said softly. "You were never once second best to me."

When Riley turned her head to look at him, he was already gone. Slowly, Riley let the tears fall once again. Why was she always the one getting hurt? First, Zach. Next, Rhett. Then, Sirius. And now, James.

She was beginning to wonder if it was just easier being alone.

* * *

Lily was bundled in her sweats, her wet hair combed out and sprawling down the back of her sweatshirt, when James sauntered in. "Hey," she said, glancing up from the prefect paperwork in her hands. "I was beginning to worry."

He shrugged, climbing into bed beside her. He rested his head in her lap with a sigh, curling up into a fragile ball. "I went to see Riley."

Her hand froze across the page, glancing at the back of his head. "How is she?"

"Well, I think it's official that she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you," Lily argued immediately, running her hand across his soft hair soothingly. "She's just hurt. She'll forgive you one day."

"I don't know about that," he sighed.

"_I _do," Lily urged, leaning over to kiss his temple. "She's not going to throw away an eighteen-year-old friendship-"

"Like I did?"

"You didn't throw it away," Lily whispered. "You let fear take over."

"What?"

Lily shrugged, not that he could see her. "She was slipping away from you. You were afraid of losing her. Of losing both of them. You care deeply for both of them and as Sirius sneered at you and Riley screamed insults at you, your instinct was to throw up a defensive wall. Unfortunately, you went about it the wrong way. But that doesn't mean Riley won't forgive you. Because she will."

James didn't response, slightly in awe that Lily could see his insecurities and fears inside of him even when he had always tried to hard to suppress them. "How can you be so sure?" he eventually whispered.

"Because," she spoke softly. "I forgave you, didn't I?"

Silence once again filled the room as James slowly turned around to face her, confusion resting in his expression. "What are you talking about?"

She let her fingers dance lightly across his hairline, a forced smile on her face. "You're somewhat of a pro when it comes to hurtful outbursts, James."

It suddenly dawned on him what she was talking about.

_"At least I have a family!_"

"My comment on your family," he muttered, his heart sinking into his chest at the reminder.

She nodded awkwardly. "You were being screamed at and insulted by a girl you cared deeply about. You clearly thought you were losing any chance that we could ever be friends again so you did the only thing you knew how at that moment."

"I threw up a defensive wall to protect myself from rejection," he muttered. "Bloody hell, what is wrong with me?"

Lily cracked a smile, lacing her fingers with his. "I forgave you, James," she pointed out. "Riley will, too."

James slowly frowned. "Yeah, except you and I hadn't been best friends for eighteen years."

Lily shrugged. "All the more reason she'll be able to one day forgive and forget. She misses your friendship even if she's not willing to admit it. She's just afraid of getting hurt again."

James found himself smiling, squeezing her hand and pulling her towards him so he could kiss her. "What the hell did I do before you?"

"Hexed innocent students, made fun of my clothes, pranked the Slytherins, skived off classes, served detentions, and never once picked up a textbook."

James blinked. "That answer came out far too rehearsed."

Lily laughed, running her tongue across James' bottom lip before kissing him fervently.

"To be fair, I still do most of that," James mused, running his fingers through her auburn hair. "Except for the hexing of innocent students. I've learned to let that go."

"So you still make fun of my clothes?" Lily whined.

"What, these clothes?" James spoke impishly, gesturing towards her sweats. "Oh, yeah, they're just so...er...baggy and unflattering to your beautiful curves. You should probably take them off."

Lily couldn't help but laugh, shrugging suggestively. "Well," she sighed. "If you insist." She threw her sweatshirt off and tossed it toe the floor, exposing her naked abdomen.

James' eyebrow arched. "Oh, I do," he said, pressing his lips to her bare stomach. "I definitely insist."

* * *

Sirius slid into the empty seat beside Riley Sunday night in the library. "Hey girls. Studying for the History of Magic exam?"

Lily made a face. "This whole you-two-being-nice-to-each-other is starting to freak me out," she muttered.

Sirius laughed. "Why? We've been friends before."

"I think it's a little different now," she smirked. He rolled his eyes as Lily shrugged. "It's just…I give you credit for trying to be friends with your ex."

"You're friends with Shane," Riley pointed out.

Lily glanced at her and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right." She didn't say that they hadn't been friends for a good six months after the break-up. Both she and he needed time to heal. Two weeks didn't seem enough time, especially for Riley and Sirius. Their relationship and their break-up seemed to hit them harder than hers and Shane's ever hit her. This newfound friendship seemed to come on too fast and she was very much wary of it.

"Is the werewolf battle of 1482 supposed to be on this exam?" Riley questioned, diving back into her notes. She was tired of everyone dropping hints that the idea of her friendship with Sirius seemed too hasty.

"I think so," Lily murmured. "Damn, this exam is gonna be a killer."

"Oh please, you always do well," Riley sniggered.

Lily made a face. "Doesn't mean I don't have to study."

"I haven't started so help me!" Sirius pleaded, giving them both a puppy-dog face as he reached for his books.

"You haven't started studying?" Lily hissed. "It's ten-thirty and the exam is tomorrow morning at eight-thirty! What's wrong with you?"

"Hanging out with Rachael seemed like the better idea," he murmured sheepishly.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"You could study for an hour and still pull off an O, Sirius," Riley pointed out, trying to ignore Rachael's name.

"Yeah, and I hate you for it," Lily chimed in, pouting. "Who was the Goblin of Keidlyman? I have that name written down but no description. What the hell did he do?" She began scrambling through her notes for more insight.

"He was the Founder of Gringotts Bank in Diagon Alley fsix hundred years ago," Sirius explained.

Lily growled and glared at him. "See? This is what I mean—you don't even take notes and you still know everything."

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "I have a freakishly good memory."

"Again, I hate you for that."

Sirius shrugged. "Can I borrow your notes, Lily-bean?" he pleaded. "Mine aren't exactly…erm…legible."

"You mean yours aren't written down at all," Riley sniggered.

"Shh, she didn't have to know that."

Lily snorted and pointed her quill in his face. "Believe me, I wasn't fooled."

"Sleeping during class always seemed to be the best choice," he replied, smiling sheepishly.

"And you think you can just look over my notes because you're a lazy ass?"

"That and I know you love me."

Lily gave him a look.

"Okay, you love me deep down."

Lily snorted.

"Deep, _deep_ down."

Lily sighed and handed him her notebook. "I hate being nice."

Sirius grinned and pulled the notebook over to him, flipping through the pages. "Jesus woman, there's over a hundred pages here!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I make sure I have everything written down, thank you very much. I can't miss anything."

"Then how come you didn't know who the Goblin of Keidlyman was?" he teased.

Lily swatted at him but he ducked just in time. "Do you want my notes or not?"

"Yes, sorry," he squeaked.

"Then stop complaining—ouch!" Lily complained as someone ran into the back of her chair, lunging into the open seat beside her and immediately crouching underneath the table.

"Hide me!" the muffled voice spoke.

Lily glanced under the table and rolled her eyes. "What the hell did you do now, James?"

"Uh…would you believe I did nothing?"

"I doubt you're performing oral sex on Lily down there so no," Sirius interjected with a smug smile. "Then again, the rumors around school do say otherwise. OW!"

James had slammed his bag of books into Sirius' legs.

"What did you do now?" Lily repeated curiously.

"Dezzy's looking for me," he murmured.

"Oh God, what did you do to Drew now?" Lily whined.

"How'd you know Drew was involved?"

"Why else would she be pissed at you?" Lily sniggered. "And come out from under there! You look ridiculous."

"JAMES POTTER!"

"On second thought, you should probably stay there," Lily squeaked, trying to hide him as best she could. She turned around to face Dezzy. "Hello there, Dezzy. Haven't seen your brother. Just studying. Okay, bye now!"

"Then who are your legs resting on?" Dezzy asked, fuming.

"Oh, um…well…um…" Lily dithered, furrowing her brow. She sighed. "Okay, I've got nothing."

"Damnit," James said in a muffled voice. He sighed and crawled out from underneath the table slowly. "Why are you Head Girl again? Aren't Head Girls supposed to be smart?" he whimpered, wiping the dust mites off of his pants.

"I'm pretty sure coming up with a convincing excuse to get you off the hook is not part of the job description," Lily shot back, rolling her eyes. "Though, you as a Marauder who charms his way out of anything should be pretty good at that, so why am Ithe one trying to make up excuses!"

"Because I was trying to hide from the wrath of Dezzy!"

"And failed," Sirius snickered.

Dezzy glared at him. "You want to be on my Shit List too, Black?"

"Er...no?"

"Then stay out of it," she snapped, training her eyes back on James.

James flashed her sister a sheepish grin. "Why, Dezzy, you are looking positively breathtakingtod-"

"Shove it," she barked. "I thought you agreed to give me and Drew our space and stop being my overprotective pain-in-the-arse brother!"

"Eh, I lasted ten days before relapse. That's not bad."

"You told Drew all of my embarrassing childhood stories!" she snapped, her glare intensifying. _"That_ isbad!"

"James!" Lily groaned.

He grinned sheepishly. "He thought it was funny."

"And now he can't stop bringing it up!" Dezzy cried out huffily.

"Man, you messed up big-time," Riley snorted.

James glared at her. "Ahem, not your business."

"If it helps, Dezzy, he did the same thing when I first got together with Zach two years ago and with Rhett this past December," she murmured, making a face.

Dezzy hesitated. "No, that really doesn't help at all."

"Eh, I tried."

"Look, I'm sorry, Dez," James apologized genuinely. "I ran into him and the next thing I knew, we were talking about the old days. And somehow those embarrassing stories came up."

Instead of continuing to lash out at her brother, Dezzy found herself grinning mischievously.

"Uh-oh," Sirius murmured. "She's devising a plan."

"That look in her eye tells me James is in trouble," Riley muttered in agreement.

"Hey, Lily, did James ever tell you the time he couldn't leave the house without his blankie?" Dezzy asked, grinning smugly.

James gasped. "You play dirty."

Dezzy grinned. "Oh, by the way, _he was ten_."

James gasped while Sirius, Riley, and Lily all burst into laughter. "Traitor," James murmured.

"You carried around a blankie when were you ten?" Lily snorted, laughing hysterically.

"I totally forgot about that," Riley cried, gripping the table for balance before she fell over in her chair.

James turned red. "I hate sisters."

"Oh, and he used to play tea party with me when he was younger and he would wear a tutu and insist I call him Jennifer," she continued.

More laughter.

James groaned. "Not one of my proudest moments. And I believe you insisted everyone call me Jennifer."

"You didn't try to stop it," she shot back, grinning with satisfaction.

James made a face.

Dezzy continued, turning back towards Lily at the table. "And he had this adorable stuffed pink flamingo he slept with every night. Pink was his favorite color as a small child."

"Okay, I think you're done," James pouted, pushing her towards the door.

Dezzy laughed and cried over her shoulder, "And he and Riley used to play house, except he'd be the mommy and Riley would be the dadd-"

"WHOA! Don't drag me into this!" Riley cried, jumping up from the table with a whimper.

Both Sirius and Lily burst into another round of laughter. "Best. Day. Ever," Lily teased.

"I can't believe Mrs. P never told me these stories!" Sirius whined. "Or at least Brite!"

James shoved Dezzy out the library door. "Okay, we're even. You can go now."

She grinned slyly and waved. "Just remember: I have tons more stories."

"No more messing with Drew: got it."

Dezzy grinned and walked away.

James sulked back to the table and plopped into a vacant seat beside Lily. "So, studying for History of Magic, hm?"

Lily snickered. "You think talking about school is going to distract me from your blankie and your pink flamingo and _Jennifer_?"

James made face. "Mental note: strangle Dezzy later."

Lily laughed and patted his hand. "These are the days I'm thankful I have no one around to expose my humiliating childhood stories."

James' smile wavered, uncertain how to respond to that unbiased confession. "Well, you could always inform me."

"Hah, yeah right, nice try," Lily cried out, giving him a look. "Now it's time to get back to studying."

James pouted. "I hate Dezzy."

"You technically started it," Riley pointed out, giving him a smug grin.

James groaned and banged his head against the table. "I'm an idiot."

Sirius grinned. "We all could have told you that much."

* * *

"So, which is it?" James asked the other three Marauders at breakfast the following day. "Setting bumblebees loose in the Slytherin common room or turning the brooms of the Slytherin Quidditch team hot pink?"

"I vote for bumblebees!" Sirius chimed in.

Remus shook his head. "Nah. I say go for hot pink. That way, during the next match, we and everyone else in the school can have the pleasure of watching them fly around on magenta broomsticks!"

Sirius hesitated. "Yeah, I take back my bumblebees vote."

Remus laughed, rolling his eyes.

"I know the team is practicing on Friday night. We can sneak down to the pitch then," James suggested with a cheeky grin. He was so grateful that he was back to being friends with Sirius. He had missed the everyday goof-offs he shaired with him and pranking had never felt the same without him.

"Why are we sneaking down the pitch?" a voice from behind them groaned. Lily kissed her boyfriend's cheek before squeezing in beside him at the table.

"Er…" James said frantically, gazing at Remus pleadingly.

Remus shrugged. "I've got nothing."

"To watch the Slytherin team play," Sirius said, kicking Remus in the shin.

"Hm, I have a pretty good idea that a prank is involved," Lily pointed out.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about," James said immediately, shaking his head vigorously.

Lily quirked a curious eyebrow, staring him down.

"Yeah, okay, a prank is involved," he murmured sheepishly.

"Way to hold strong, mate," Remus snorted.

"You couldn't even think up a reasonable lie as to why we were sneaking down to the Quidditch pitch!" James reminded.

Remus opened his mouth to argue but found himself without a defense so he instead shrugged and dove into his scrambled eggs.

A shadow loomed over the five of them as Riley and Kay slid into empty seats. "Can you guys settle a bet for us?" Riley asked.

Lily and James whined in unison. "No more bets!"

Riley ignored them. "Kay thinks that Slughorn is cuter than Binns."

Five pairs of eyes stared at them in disgust.

"So?" Kay urged.

"Um, Binns is a ghost and Slughorn is, like, forty years old and overweight," Lily said dryly.

"It's not like we plan on dating our professors, Lily," Riley responded, rolling her eyes. "We just need your opinion. Binns or Slughorn?"

"Pray tell, why did this question surface?"

"Oh, like you don't talk about your hot professors when not around James?"

"Neither Binns nor Slughorn is _hot_," Lily pointed out.

James' brow furrowed. "So which ones are hot that you seemingly discuss when I'm not around?"

"McGonagall," she teased.

"Oh, yeah, that tight bun really does it for me, too," James spoke sarcastically.

"Her tight _buns_?" Sirius questioned with a smirk.

He yelped as a spoonful of eggs came soaring towards him.

"Answer the question," Riley asked. "Slughorn or Binns?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I guess Binns."

James made a face. "I refuse to answer this question."

Kay glared at him. "It's just a silly question."

"If it's silly, then why should I-"

"Answer it, damnit!" Kay cried out, giving him a look.

He slunk down sheepishly. "Binns," he murmured squeakily.

"Slughorn," Sirius suggested with a shrug.

"Binns," Remus agreed.

Peter shrugged. "Anyone have a galleon to flip?"

"Way to stay neutral," Riley snickered. "It doesn't matter anyway." She grinned haughtily, flashing a grin towards Kay. "I win! You owe me five galleons."

Kay pouted, reaching for the pumpkin juice. "Why do I always lose bets to you?"

"Why do you keep betting her?" Lily snorted.

Kay hesitated. "That's a good question."

"C'mon, cough it up!" Riley said giddily.

"Oh, look," Kay said, pointing upwards. "The Owl Post is here to save the day."

Indeed, hundreds of owls flew into the Great Hall at that moment to offer the students their letters and packages and daily news and from this particular group of friends, a moment of peace. From Pickles, the _Daily Prophet _landed in front of where James was standing along with a letter from an unfamiliar owl.

"Whose owl is that?" Remus questioned.

James shrugged. "Who knows?"

"Any news on the front page of the _Daily Prophet_?" Peter asked.

James made a face. "When is there ever news besides the same usual shit. Aurors still hunting down Voldemort, an interview with Scrimgeour, the Head of the Auror office, trying to tell the world that they have a new strategy whof how to capture Voldemort, Death Eaters that are caught are still getting acquitted by giving up names." He unraveled the newspaper and read the headline, a gasp escaping his face. "Oh my God!"

"What?" Lily asked, concerned.

His face slowly drained of color. "Oh no," he whispered breathlessly, shaking his head incredulously. "Oh, my God."

"_What_?" Lily demanded again.

James sighed, swallowing hard as he skimmed the article displayed on the front page. Slowly, he placed the paper down on the table for the others to read. "The…the French Minister of Magic and his family was murdered," James muttered.

An eerie silence filled the table. Actually, it filled the room. As James lifted his head out of the newspaper he was very aware that the rest of the school had their own heads buried in the front page of the _Daily Prophet_.

Eventually, Riley spoke. "Pierre Moreau is his dead?"

"As are his wife and two sons," James whispered. "Death Eaters attacked his entire family without any sort of motive apparently."

"How old were his sons?" Lily dared to ask.

"Jean-Luc was going to enter Beauxbatons this fall and…and Tristan is a year older than us," James explained, glancing under the caption of the family together on their last vacation in the Caribbean.

"Oh, my God," Lily murmured to mimick James' earlier sentiment.

"Why were they targeted?" Riley asked in a haorse whisper, shaking her head in disbelief. She couldn't imagine what the country of France was thinking at the moment. If the British Minister of Magic was killed, there would have been an uproar throughout Britain.

James shook his head. "No one can figure it out," he said, glancing back down at the article. "Voldemort has often stuck to Brits in the past and this all seems out of pattern for him. According to this article, the attack seemed spontaneous and unpremeditated. If his mark wasn't found over the home last week, the Aurors never would have believed it was Voldemort's gang."

"Wait, they were killed last week?" Lily asked curiously. "Why hasn't this information been released to the public yet?"

"They probably wanted to have a motive first," Riley spoke with a shrug. "They didn't want to send everyone into a state of panic over a random act of unpremeditated murder."

"But they don't have a motive," Lily pointed out. "So why now?"

"The funeral was yesterday," James murmured. "It was time to alert the world."

Once again, silence fell over the table as they all said a prayer for the Minister's family.

"I wonder what they're going to do about filling the Minister position," Remus muttered, breaking silence.

"Who knows," Peter sighed.

"Bloody hell, I hope Voldemort is captured soon," Remus muttered. "He's destroyed so many innocent lives And for what? For sport?"

They all murmured in agreement. "At least Aurors are capturing Death Eaters at a higher rate now than ever before," Kay chimed in. "Maybe not enough to stop Voldemort but it's a start."

The friends continued to discuss Voldemort while James opened the unidentified letter, curious as to who was writing to him. He was momentarily shocked and confused when he saw the signature of the Head of the Auror office, Rufus Scrimgeour himself scribbled at the bottom of the letter. He flipped back to the top of the letter and started reading.

It was a good thing his friend were so consumed by their conversation or they may have taken notice to James' face going completely white and his expression growing grim. He read it through once again, all breath from within knocked out with every word on the page, before abruptly standing up. "I…I-I…I forgot something," he sputtered to his friends, a lame attempt at an excuse as he reached immediately for his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked cwith concern, recognizing the panic in his expression.

He nodded unconvincingly and waved dismissively at his friends before quickly hightailing it out of there.

"I wonder what that was about," Remus asked out loud.

* * *

Riley and Sirius were sitting in the common room corner after dinner that evening, both with textbooks propped open which inevitably ended up being a facade as they instead found much more enjoyment in gossipping about their friends' relationships.

"Jillian and Remus are too cute together," Riley was commenting.

"Yeah 'too' being the key word," Sirius muttered, making a face. "They've turned mushy. Too mushy. It's not healthy."

Riley laughed. "Just because you have the romantic tendencies of an _ant_ doesn't meant the rest of the world has to follow suit."

"Hey, I can be romantic!" Sirius whined. "If I want to. Can I help that most girls don't deserve my mushy romance?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat as she met Sirius' teasing grin. Both of them noticed the hesitation in his smile. "What about Rachael?" she dared to ask.

It was Sirius' heart's turn to skip a beat. "What about her?"

"You're not romantic with her?"

"Not even in the slightest," Sirius snorted with a curt shrug. "She doesn't care about romance and frankly, neither do I."

"Ah," Riley said with a forced smile. "Well if we want to discuss mushy couples, we can certainly pinpoint Lily and James. Those two are sickeningly in love. For two people who swore to hate each other for six years, they're certainly making up for lost time now."

"You think they've said 'I love you' to each other?" Sirius asked curiously.

Riley shook her head. "No. They would have told us."

Sirius lifted an eyebrow.

"Okay, _Lily _would have told us."

Sirius laughed. "I wonder when they're gonna have sex," he mused.

"When Lily sprouts grey hair, I'm sure," Riley teased.

"You think she's going to wait that long? Why?"

"No, I don't think she wants to wait. She's just nervous."

"What? Why?"

Riley snorted. "Oh come on, wouldn't you be nervous if you were a virgin and your-"

"Yeah, I can't remember back that far," he joked, ducking when Riley sent her quill his way. "Oh, I'm just kidding. Continue."

"This is hypothetical, you prat," she laughed. "Imagine if you were a virgin and you were dating someone who's been around the block a few times. Wouldn't you be a bit nervous having to live up to his expectations?"

Sirius shook his head. "She shouldn't have to worry. It's a known fact that guys love virgins," he explained, shrugging casually. "It makes them that much more irresistible. She's pure and undamaged and the guy will be more than happy to be the first to...hm...well, to dirty her up."

Riley made a face. "Guys disgust me. You need to be more like Remus, that's for sure. He seems to be the only respectful one out of your little group of friends," she teased.

Sirius burst into laughter and shot Riley a look. "Clearly you don't know what goes on underneath the sheets between him and Jillian."

Riley threw her hands up to cover her ears and groaned loudly. "Damnit, now I'll never look at him the same!"

Sirius grinned. "Well my work here is done."

Riley whimpered. "You totally suck."

"Eh, we still have Peter to fall back upon. God knows he won't be doing any sexual activity with any girl in the near future."

Riley joined in with Sirius' teasing laughter.

"Speaking of virgins," Sirius snickered, pointing in the direction where Dezzy trotted down the stairs of the boys' dormitory. She glanced around nervously and slithered through the common room, quickly exiting up to her own dorm room. "Looks like your brother and Miss Dezzy Potter are doing a lot more than just snogging."

"Ahem, that's my brother you're talking about!" Riley cried out with a whimper. A few minutes later, Drew headed into the common room and Riley quickly called over to him. "DREW!"

He glanced over and hesitated before walking slowly over to his sister. "Hey," he said glumly.

"You dog," Sirius teased, winking playfully at him.

"Come again?" Drew asked, confused.

"We just saw Dezzy coming down those stairs. Don't try to deny it," he prodded, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Drew glared at him. "Are you kidding me, Black? You think we were up there messing around after the hell she's been through all day? I didn't think you were that heartless, mate."

"Wait, what are you talking about? What has she been through?" Sirius asked, his impish grin turning into a concerned frown.

Drew's glare withered slowly into a soft stare. Panic rested in his eyes as he stared at his sister and Sirius. "James…James didn't tell you?" he croaked out.

Riley shook her head. "James isn't exactly on speaking terms with me right now, Drew, in case you hadn't noticed," she pointed out, rolling her eyes. "What's going on?"

Drew's bottom lip trembled as he averted his eyes towards the ground, his heart beginning to race uncontrollably.

"This doesn't look good," Riley whispered nervously as she watched her brother's expression fade to desperation.

"It's not." Drew shook his head, taking a deep breath and letting out a deep sigh. He glanced back up at them and said softly, "Last night, Brite was killed."

* * *

**A/N: **Oops. Cliffhanger. So we finally see why Riley is so hesitant to forgive James. With everything that has happened to her, it's understandable that she's fearful to put her trust into someone who tore her down. Please review!


	33. Of Deaths, Articles, & Funneling

**A/N: **Oops, sorry to leave you all with such a horrible cliffhanger but behold the chapter that explains further. I started **Tears on the Balcony **with the idea that both James and Riley were from large Auror families. I realized about halfway through that obviously the Potters wouldn't be able to survive through the years because Harry has no other family. So Brite's death may have come at an inopportune time seeing as he was getting married soon and I really hated killing him off, but I also knew I had to. Don't hate me!

**Disclaimer: **The last time I checked I'm not J.K. Rowling. But I haven't checked in a while...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 31: Of Deaths, Articles, & Funneling

* * *

"Last night, Brite was killed."

Even with the usual Gryffindor chatter surrounding them and the giggles of first years and the spells escaping the students who were studying reverberating off the walls, everything went dead silent to Riley and Sirius. Everyone faded into the background and all they could focus on was the guy in front of them giving them the worst news someone could possible hear. Neither spoke, their faces draining of color and their hearts sinking into their chest as the words replayed over and over in their minds.

"Tell me you're kidding," Riley eventually choked out.

Drew's bottom lip trembled as he shook his head.

"No," she whispered in agony. "No, no, no. Th-this can't be. _No_."

"I read the letter from the Ministry sent to Dezzy, Riley," he whispered achingly, meeting her eyes with desperation. "Twice actually."

Riley's heart fluttered with dejection. _Brite Potter was killed_. What was she supposed to make of that? She had grown up with him. With all of the Potters. The two families had merges far before she had been born and the close bond between them never broke. Both her parents had been only children. Same with the Potters. They had no cousins or aunts and uncles. And somewhere over time, that's what the Potters became to her. Brite wasn't just her neighbor. He was her family.

Sirius was speechless. His mouth formed the words he wanted to express but nothing came out except strangled noises. He wanted to ask how. Why. When. _How._

"The Dark Mark was hanging over him," Drew continued as if he were reading Sirius' mind.

"So…Voldemort," Sirius murmured.

Riley's hand clasped to her mouth as the tears welled up in her eyes. They slid silently down her cheek and she made no motion to brush them away. "No," she whispered in a hoarse hiss. "This _has_ to be a joke. It just has to. Tell me you're kidding, Drew. _Tell me_."

"I can't," he spoke in a strangled whisper. "I wish I could. You have no idea how much I wish I could say this was all just some terrible nightmare, but I can't do that."

"When...what...why...?" Sirius whispered, the words coming out in guttural spurts.

Drew hung his head guiltily, slowly shaking his head in denial. "Brite was on the Auror training mission, remember?"

They both nodded numbly.

"Death Eaters swarmed them. Voldemort, too. They...they were all caught off-guard."

"All?" Riley murmured, blinking the tears back from her face.

Slowly, he nodded. "Did you read about how the French Minister's family was killed?" he asked softly. Riley and Sirius both nodded. "Apparently, that was Voldemort's way of creating a diversion. Some of his Death Eaters were spotted in Thailand and in order to keep their cover, they had to do something drastic." The words caught in his throat and he had to take a few moment to colelct himself before continuing. "Nearly all Aurors and Ministry officials throughout the world were at the joint funeral when the group of Aurors still on their training mission were attacked. There was nothing any of them could do. Most of them either died or were seriously injured."

Everything in the room became a big blur as the tears once again took over Riley's face, wondering how Brite must have felt being so helpless.

"C'mon, let's go upstairs," Sirius whispered rather calmly, reaching for Riley's hand instinctively.

The three of them piled into Sirius' room. For the first time in a long time, the bond between Riley and Drew was apparent. Drew sat cross-legged on Remus' bed with Riley's head in his lap, stroking her back to comfort her as well as he could, trying not to shed his own tears. Sirius sat uncomfortably on his own bed, staring at James' empty bed sullenly. The room was the same room Sirius had lived in since the beginning of the year and it never looked so dark and dreary before.

After a bout of silence, Riley spoke up through her sniffling. "How's Dez doing?"

Drew shook his head and shut his eyes. "As well as she could under the circumstances," he admitted softly. "I think it's Grant that took the hit the hardest."

Sirius sighed, rubbing his temples. "Oh, Merlin, this must be crushing him."

Drew nodded. "Brite was…was his best friend. Grant looked up to Brite like no one else. I…I've never seen him shed a tear before and all day, his curtain has been closed and the only thing I could hear is his crying. This is…is _so _tough on him."

"What did he say to you?" Riley asked, wiping away her tears and glancing up at her brothers' face.

Drew swallowed hard. "It wasn't so much said as it was screamed," he muttered. "Ever since I started dating Dezzy, he hasn't exactly been buddy-buddy with me like it used to be between us. I think he used his…his grief as an excuse to finally tell me what he thought about me and Dezzy."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Drew," Riley sympathized.

"He thinks I chose Dezzy over him and today when…when I found out, I spent the entire day in one of the dungeon room consoling Dezzy and he…er, well he didn't exactly appreciate being second best," he sighed, biting down on his lip grimly. "Which is completely fair. I hadn't been there for him all day. You saw Dezzy leaving the boys' dormitories because she was there to attempt to comfort Grant. It unfortunately turned into a yelling match just making them both more upset. I think Dezzy really just wants…family right now and no one is willing to give her that."

"What about James?" Sirius whispered.

Drew shrugged. "I-I don't know. She went looking for him but when she returned, she didn't tell me what happened. She just needed me to hold her hand while she cried. I got the sense she wasn't just crying about Brite that time."

"James attended all of his classes today," Riley pointed out, sitting upright in the bed.

"What?" Drew whispered.

"At least all of the ones I was in with him. He…he seemed fine."

"Does he know?" Drew asked, confused.

Sirius sighed and rubbed his temples. "He must. I bet that's what the letter he received this morning was about," he murmured, glancing knowingly over at Riley who begrudgingly nodded in agreement.

"But...then why was he in class?" Drew questioned.

Sirius and Riley exchanged a knowing look. "I don't know, but my guess is he's just hoping that if he avoids the situation and goes on with life as normal, that it won't hurt as much," Riley spoke in a murmur.

"Which is just going to hurt more in the future," Sirius sighed.

"Does he really think he can avoid this forever?" Drew asked, his voice choking up.

Sirius shrugged. "Denial is one of his specialties," he pointed out, wondering how long it would take until James really let the tragedy sink in.

Silence filled the room as they continued to ponder the heartbreaking situation.

"What about Jaron?" Sirius eventually broke the silence. "Has anyone seen or heard how he's doing?"

"Dezzy talked to him for a while earlier today. It shook him up pretty bad, too. There's really no way to…to handle a tragedy like this," Drew murmuredd, his voice cracking at the end of his words.

"This is…this is just unreal," Riley muttered, the tears beginning to flow down her cheek once again as she thought back to Brite. "This can't be happening."

Drew reached for Riley's hand and grasped it firmly.

"I-I can remember the last time I saw him," Sirius murmured, shaking his head in denial. "He was seeing us off to Hogwarts the last day in August. I-I can't believe it's been…wow, eight months since I last saw him." Unexpectedly, a single tear fell down his cheek and he quickly brushed it away. "He was busting my chops once again for hitting on some girl and that was it. I pushed him playfully," he whispered, his voice breaking as he gestured the gentle push he executed eight months earlier. "And I got on the train. That…that was _it,"_ he choked out. "I-I didn't even say goodbye." Another tear fell followed immediately by another but this time he didn't bother wiping them away. When he moved into the Potter household, he didn't just gain James as his family, he gained them all. Brite was the older brother Sirius never had. He had looked up to Brite in so many ways. And now what? Everything was going to change.

Riley let go of Drew's hand and walked over to Sirius, holding out her hand to his as she sat down beside him.

He glanced warmly at her and swiftly placed his hand in the hand she had extended in front of him. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was just like it used to be between them. "He was...was a big brother to me for the two years I was living there and for all of the summers I stayed with the Potters," Sirius continued. He covered his mouth as a sob escaped. "Oh God."

Riley placed her hand on his shoulder and let her own tears slip silently on to Sirius' robes. "The last thing he said to me was the same thing he said to me every year I boarded the train to Hogwarts: 'Don't get into any trouble. Hogwarts is a place to get an education, not have fun.' And then he followed it up with that same charming laugh he always laughed, letting me know he was obviously kidding before telling me one of his crazy stories from Hogwarts. This year he told me about a chart he and his friends created back as immature thirteen year olds, rating girls' bodies." She bit down on her lip. "And then before we got on to the train, he'd turn to James and say, 'Watch out for this little lady, bro. She's gonna be-"

"'A heartbreaker,'" Sirius finished, meeting Riley's eyes.

Riley locked eyes with him, her heart racing. Slowly, she turned away from his gaze. "Yeah," she whispered.

"How can those be our last moments with him?" Sirius whispered. "_Eight months ago."_

_"_Oh, Merlin, what about Bianca?" Riley groaned, placing her head in her hands. "She must be so heartbroken. She's known Brite since they were eleven years old. They dated for nearly seven years. She was supposed to get married to him. She was supposed to spend the rest of her life with him."

Sirius squeezed Riley's hand. "God, and what about Mr. and Mrs. P?" he whispered, thinking of Brite's parents. Mrs. Potter was the kindest person he had ever met. She took him in even with a full house without a second thought. She didn't deserve to bury her son. "Parents aren't supposed to mourn the loss of their own son."

None of them knew what to say next. Their entire world had just been turned upside down in a single second and no words were going to be able to change that. They sat in silence, Riley's head slipping on to Sirius' shoulder in an oddly desperate behavior to feel some sort of comfort over the news. Drew leaned back against the stone wall aligned with Remus' bed, letting the memories of Brite come flashing back to him. Sirius couldn't stop remembering the last words he and Brite had shared, wishing he had had the chance to at least say good-bye.

They all jumped when the door swung open and in walked Remus, Peter, Lily, and Kay.

Remus emitted a frightened gasp when he saw the three of them in the room. "Jesus Christ, you gave me a fright!"

Drew's eyebrows arched. "Who uses the phrase 'you gave me a fright' anymore?"

Riley offered her brother a small smile and pointed towards the door. "Out."

"Oh, and that's the thanks I get for showing my brotherly love and comforting you? Uncool, sis, uncool," he muttered teasingly. But he understood that Sirius and Riley needed to tell their friends in a more private setting so he waved goodbye, whispering an 'I'm sorry' to his sister, and headed out the door.

"Thank you, Drew," Riley spoke softly after him.

He merely nodded towards her ad he exited.

"What's going on?" Lily asked in confusion. "Why was Drew comforting you? And why do you two look like hell right now? Why were you crying, Riley? And…Sirius, are you okay?" She was shocked to see stained tears on Sirius' cheeks. She knew this couldn't be good.

Riley took a deep breath in and gestured towards the beds. "You might want to sit down for this," she muttered and she told them verbatim what Drew told her.

* * *

Lily was numb as she wandered the halls, her feet leading the way as her head and heart were clearly distracted. Her heart ached unbearingly for her boyfriend, memories of her own parents' death flooding through her mind. No one should ever have to deal with losing someone so close to them. It hurt more than words could ever express and she would never wish that upon anyone. She couldn't imagine what was going through James' mind but she knew his heart must be breaking. It killed her that they had been making jokes in class and groaning about schoolwork all day when James had been dealing with something so tough. She was slightly confused why he hadn't mentioned it to her, but she also knew that James had never really been great at spilling his feelings to anyone, especially if it could make him vulnerable.

She knocked softly on her boyfriend's door when she returned to the room, slowly opening the door before he even answered.

"Hey," she greeted softly.

"Hi," James said frantically without turning around to face her. He was sitting at his desk surrounded by hoardes of books cluttering his desk, his quill scribbling away. "Is it time for rounds yet? I've been so busy, running around like a mad-man trying to finish up all of my schoolwork."

"James," she whispered.

"By the way, I finished up that research for our project we were planning on doing tomorrow night so we don't have to worry about that," he continued.

"_James_," she said once more, this time louder.

"I know we were going to do it together but I had the time and I took out the books from the library so if you want to check my references, go right ahead. I can't believe how much is written on cross-species switches. Well for whatever it's worth, we're going to have one hell of a presentation, that's for sure. Might go over the twenty minutes and the paper is going to be at least forty pages long."

"James!" she exlaimed, her voice trembling.

He glanced over his shoulder with an inquisitive look. "What?"

She stood in the doorway, playing with the hem on her sweater as she tried to figure out what she could possibly say.

"_What_?" he insisted impatiently.

She let out a deep sigh, blinking away the onset of tears. "I'm so sorry," she said softly, daring to look into his eyes, a sense of grief and compassion shining on the surface of her own eyes.

He knew what the apology was meant for. He simply pursed his lips before choosing to turn back around to face his work instead of her. He didn't want to see the pity in her eyes or hear the grief in her voice. He picked up a pile of notes to his side. "Here are all the references, if you want to go over them," he repeated coolly, as if Lily hadn't just given her condolences.

She slowly entered the room, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, ignoring his comment.

"There's nothing to tell," he said icily.

"James," she whispered cautiously. "Please talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about, Lily," he snapped with a huffy sigh, his teeth gritting together. "Brite's dead. I get that. So what am I supposed to do about it? Tell all my friends and then cry in bed, hoping for sympathy? I don't need to…to wallow or reminisce or anything like that. What is that going to do? It's not going to bring him back. It's not going to change anything. What's the _point_?" His voice was on the verge of hysterical.

"Because he's your brother and you loved him and he deserves that much," Lily offered softly.

James scoffed. "You don't know what he deserves," he snapped. "You didn't even know him, Lily."

Lily didn't respond, not wanting to show how much that stung. She just wanted to show her concern for him and he wasn't letting her do that. She was getting tired of looking at the back of James' head. Finally, she took a deep breath in and said softly, "I'm not saying you have to…to wallow or reminisce or cry or whatever but at least do the courtesy of being there for your siblings, especially Dezzy. She needs you."

"No, she needs _Brite_," he snapped. "And that's obviously not going to happen."

She felt that the person sitting in front of her was a complete stranger. He was cold and distant and his words and movements were robotic. She just wanted to embrace him and never let go, keeping him safe from tragedy and harm. But that wasn't how the real world worked. And unfortunately, James had been thrust into the real world a lot sooner than Lily would have liked for him. "I-I know how much this hurts, James," she whispered. "I've been there before. I lost my family and I was unprepared how to deal with it. I just want to help you get through a tough time."

James' spine stiffened as he lifted his quill off the page, pondering his next words carefully. "I'm fine, Lily," he said softly. "I don't need you to help me through anything. I-I just want to get back to my schoolwork."

Lily's heart sank as he continued to deflect the situation. She sighed sadly and stood up from the bed, walking over to him. She put her hand on his shoulder. "James, please just-"

"Look, are we done here?" he interrupted, hastily shrugging Lily's hand off his shoulder as he tapped his quill against his parchment impatiently. "I have a lot of work I have to get back to."

Lily took an agonizing step back, feeling as if she was putting more than just a few inches between them. But she wasn't going to force him to talk about his brother if he wasn't ready to. So she instead let out a sigh and said softly, "Sure, I understand." Slowly she retreated to his door, hesitating in the entrance. She glanced over her shoulder. "You know, James, when you do need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you."

"Thanks, but I won't need it," he responded dryly, his back still to her as he started a new paragraph in his History of Magic essay. "Close the door on your way out."

Lily wasn't sure whether to cry for him and put on a smile and pretend as if everything was alright. She wasn't sure whether to embrace him or let him be. She knew from experience that it wasn't easy dealing with death first-hand but she had never had to deal with watching someone she care so deeply about deal with a tragic death. This was a situation that was completely new to her. All she wanted was to be there for James but she knew there wasn't anything she could do at that moment to get him to open up. So she obliged and shut the door behind her, heading to her own room.

Once he knew Lily was gone and wouldn't be coming back, he put down his quill and withdrew to his bed with a heavy sigh. He crawled into bed, throwing the covers over his head in hopes of blocking out the rest of the world. Maybe then the news he had learned that morning wouldn't have to be real.

* * *

Dezzy was the only Potter at breakfast the next morning, sitting awkwardly across from Drew. Sirius didn't expect there to be any of them when he slipped into the empty seat beside her. "Hey," he greeted, patting her hand comfortingly. "I'm really sorry, Dez."

She could only nod, due to the lump forming in her throat.

"I-I didn't think you'd be here," he admitted.

She sighed. "I didn't get any sleep last night so I decided to come try and eat something. I was hoping to run into James to be honest," she muttered. She peeked down to where he usually sat in the middle of the table. Lily, Kay, Remus, Riley, and Peter were there but James was absent. "That's probably a lost cause."

"If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask," Sirius said sincerely. He reached out to squeeze her hand.

"Thanks," she whispered.

Sirius sauntered down to meet his friends with a sigh. "This is so depressing," he muttered glumly. He poured himself some orange juice and glanced over at Lily. "Did you talk to James last night?"

She frowned. "I wouldn't exactly call it 'talking.' I talked and he brushed me off."

"He'll come to you when he's ready to talk," Sirius urged.

"Yeah," Remus agreed, nodding. "We can't help him right now if he's not willing to accept our help."

Lily sighed and mashed her fork into the food on her plate, not feeling up to eat. "I just feel so…so …"

"Helpless?" Kay suggested.

Lily nodded and threw down her fork with another dejected sigh. "Exactly."

"Oh no," Remus mumbled, pointing upwards towards the Owl Post heading in. "Pickles."

"No thanks, I'm not hungry," Sirius muttered.

Remus shot Sirius a look. "_No_. Pickles, James' _owl_, you half-wit."

Sirius shot up. "Oh," he winced. Pickles stopped in front of them and dropped the _Daily Prophet_, plus another letter in front of them.

Lily handed Pickles the rest of her bacon. "Who's the letter from?"

No one moved to pick it up.

Sirius swallowed hard and reached for it, unrolling it slowly. He turned it over and froze, carefully placing it back down on the table. "It's from his mother," he whispered.

"Oh God," Riley whimpered, her hand flying to her mouth.

Lily ran her fingers through her hair. "Should we give it to him in class?"

"Do you really want him reading that in class?" Riley asked.

Lily shook her head. "No, you're right. I'll go give it to him now." She made a motion to stand up but was thrown off by Sirius' next words.

"Oh shit," Sirius murmured.

"What?" they all asked.

He reached for the newspaper and quickly unraveled it. He placed it outright on the table and pointed at the headline:

**Voldemort Strikes Again, Attacking Aurors and Auror Recruits**

They all froze as Lily slowly sat back down. No one dared to say anything. No one even made a motion to pick up the newspaper. They all merely let their eyes be emblazoned with the headline.

Finally, Remus slowly reached out and drew the newspaper towards him. He gazed at the group who all slowly nodded their support. Lily, too, grabbed side of the paper and smoothed it out between her and Remus. The two of them read the article silently as their friends gazed at them in hesitant anticipation.

"Oh my God," Lily eventually whispered.

"What?" Sirius dared to ask.

She swallowed hard. "There were twelve recruits and three Aurors, including Brite. Five recruits were killed, including the Prewetts' older brother, Darien, and one Auror," Lily explained.

"Brite," Riley murmured, slumping down sullenly.

Lily could only nod. "They were attacked by a gang of Death Eaters and apparently Voldemort himself right outside of Phnom Penh near the lakeside of…of Tuol Kork, or however the hell you say it," she muttered.

"Were any Death Eaters killed?" Kay asked.

Remus nodded. "Yeah, but their names haven't been released to the press yet. Only two of them were killed. The rest of them escaped," Remus continued, glancing back down at the newspaper. "But the rest of the Aurors and the recruits are now residing at St. Mungo's. Most of them are seriously injured. Some still in comas even. Scrimgeour is there now dealing with the repercussions."

"Why the hell was Voldemort there?" Kay muttered curiously. "Doesn't he normally just send his gang to do his dirty work?"

"It doesn't say," Lily sighed. "Although, it's a question that's hard to ignore."

"So, I'm assuming that they released the names of the deceased…" Riley muttered, her voice sounding a bit strangled.

Remus glanced up at her and noticed her glimpsing around the Great Hall. "Uh, yeah. Why?"

Riley whimpered and rubbed her temples. "Because everyone is looking over here."

The rest of the group glanced up and noticed indeed that they were in the spotlight along with Fabian and Gideon Prewett.

"Dezzy, hold on!"

The group glanced down at the other end of the table where Drew was chasing after Dezzy out of the Great Hall. She had a crumpled up letter in her one hand, one that looked similar to the letter sitting in front of them from James' mother, and the tears were streaming down her face.

"Oh God, now the whole school's going to be talking about this," Remus murmured. "Exactly what the Potter family needs."

"And the Prewetts," Remus sighed, glancing over at the Ravenclaw table where both twins were now whisking away.

Riley sighed and placed her head down on the table. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"Poor James," Lily said. It was the only thing she could think of to say but the words didn't do her sympathy justice.

"Hey."

They all glanced up to where Kristina stood hovering over them.

"Hey Kristina," Lily greeted.

"I just…well, I just wanted to come over here and give my condolences. Brite was…well, he was a great guy. I only met him a few times but I can't imagine someone who deserves this less than he does," Kristina said softly, looking down at the floor sullenly.

Lily felt a tug at her heart. Kristina had met Brite and Lily hadn't. It somehow made her feel depleted a bit. And the second she thought that, she scolded herself. How could she be feeling jealous when she needed to be thinking about James? "Thanks, Kristina," she whispered.

"Is…is he doing okay?"

Lily sighed. "He's actually doing…fairly well. Handling it the only way he knows how."

"Pushing everyone away?"

There was another pang of jealousy but Lily ignored it this time. "Well…yeah."

"Well, tell him I'm thinking about him and his family is their time of need," she said, waving goodbye to them before heading back to her own table.

Remus groaned and rubbed his temple. "We're going to be getting a lot of that, aren't we."

"Oh yeah," Sirius muttered, nodding towards Jillian and Kylie who were heading over to them.

"I don't know what to say," Jillian whispered, taking a seat beside her boyfriend and immediately reaching for his hand.

"There's nothing _to _say," Riley muttered.

"I'm...I'm so sorry," she said hollowly.

"Me too," Kylie added. "James must be…heartbroken."

"You guys must be, too," Jillian added, glancing at the boys in particular. "You knew Brite. This must be particularly hard on you guys as well."

"Yeah," Sirius murmured. He was trying not to think about it, especially since he did not want to be witnessed crying in the middle of the Great Hall. Sirius was in denial about the whole thing. It felt like just yesterday when Brite was teasing Sirius about his latest 'victim.' Brite didn't even get to find out about his relationship with Riley. Brite never learned that Sirius had shied away from his womanizing reputation and had actually lasted long enough to be in a relationship with a woman he cared about. Brite had always said that his relationship with Bianca was the best thing to ever happen to him and Sirius would someday come to realize that. Sirius never had the chance to tell Brite that he had been right all along.

Sirius glanced over at Riley and could see how much Brite's death was taking a toll on her. Riley knew Brite just as long as James did and his death must have really shaken her up.

Lily sighed. "Listen if we don't leave now, we're-"

"Gonna be flocked by the entire school?" Kay suggested as Alice Fisher wandered her way over.

"I was gonna say we're going to be late for class, but leaving now would definitely help with that," Lily muttered, straining a smile as Alice came over. She understood that these people meant well but didn't they realize it was always better just to deal with their pity from afar?

Remus glanced down at his watch. "Oh yeah you're right. We gotta get to Herbology."

Kay talked to Alice as the rest of the group stood up. Sirius folded the _Daily Prophet _and placed it in his bag and Lily put James' mother's letter in her own bag as they all headed out of the Great Hall, trying very hard to ignore the penetrating stares of all the students along the way.

* * *

The group walndered begrudgingly into Herbology, sadly not surprised to see that James was already there and flipping through his notes for a last-minute cram session before their exam.

"Hey, James," Lily greeted, taking a seat beside him.

He nodded curtly. "Hey."

They all exchanged looks but no one bothered to speak as they slid into their respective seats.

"I probably should have studied more," Sirius murmured, mostly trying to break the awkward tension.

"Yeah, well, I kinda had other things on my mind," Riley responded bluntly, glancing at James out of her peripheral vision.

If James caught the hint, he didn't acknowledge it.

Lily shot a warning glare at Riley, who simply rolled her eyes and shrugged.

The rest of them followed James' lead and took out their notes to scan them before their\\ professor walked in and handed out the exams.

James might have been staring at his notes but he wasn't reading them. He knew that his friends knew about Brite but he was glad that none of them were bombarding him with sympathetic apologies and/or pitying him. He really didn't need any of that at the moment. He glanced up at Lily and felt a twinge of guilt for the way he acted towards her yesterday. He knew that she was just trying to be a good girlfriend and be there for him and he completely brushed her aside, acting as if she didn't matter. He made a promise to himself that he'd apologized later for his curt behavior the prior night.

But when he glanced over at Lily, it wasn't she who caught his eye. It was the other students who were glancing over at him that caught his attention.

"Uh, guys?" he asked in a quiet voice.

All six of their heads flew up to face him intensely. "Yeah?" Lily said.

"Why is everybody staring over here?" he questioned with a shaky voice. He had a good feeling he knew why.

Immediately, all six faces were averted away from his penetrating stare. He sighed.

"There…there was an article about the happenings of last night in the _Daily Prophet_," Sirius explained, rummaging through his bag and taking out the newspaper. He handed it to James.

James let his stare linger on the newspaper for a few extra seconds before he took it lightly in his hands. He read the headline and chose to throw it into his bag. This was not the time to read about it. "Oh."

"You also got a letter from your mother," Lily murmured, avoiding all eye contact with James. She didn't want to see the suffering in his eyes. It just reminded her of the last time she had that suffering in her own eyes ten years prior. She, too, went through her bag and handed the letter to James.

James lifted an eyebrow. "What happened to 'opening someone else's mail is a federal offense?'" he snickered, but there was a hint of bitterness in his tone.

Lily had no response. "Uh…well…I…I…it…" she dithered.

"I looked at it," Sirius spoke up. "Sorry."

James shrugged. "Whatever. Doesn't matter," he responded in a tone that obviously meant it did. "I'll read it later. Now I need to take an exam."

"James, are you ok-" Remus started.

"Why is mallowsweet important?" James interrupted.

By the jaded look on his face, Lily could tell it was just a question to avoid answering Remus' comment, but she answered anyway. "Centaurs burn it in order to observe the flames to process their analysis of their stargazing."

"Thanks," James replied mechanically. He had already turned the page and didn't even listen to what Lily had said. His thanks wasn't for Lily answering the question but for knowing when to let him be.

James could feel Lily's piercing stare but chose to focus on his notes instead. He knew she was worried, along with his other friends, but the more he could show them he was fine and he was going on with life as everything was normal, the more they would stay off his back which is all he really wanted. He didn't want to be pitied or sympathized with or babied. He just wanted to be like he was before Brite died. Before everything had fallen apart due to one mere letter sent from the Ministry. He didn't want to think about Brite or his family or death. He didn't want to think at all.

Which was virtually impossible when he could feel the hundreds of eyes staring at him.

* * *

It wasn't until after dinner that James remembered the letter his mother had sent him. He reluctantly dug it out of his bag and placed it on his desk in his room. He smoothed it out, running his hands over it a few times in all directions. He stared at the stationary, the stationary that his mother had been using ever since he could remember and ran his fingers over the ivy at the top. He took a deep breath in and slowly began reading:

_Dear James,_

_I know that the Ministry has contacted you with the horrible news concerning your brother and I'm sorry that you couldn't hear it from me firsthand. Ministry Officials came knocking on my door two nights ago and told me and your father the tragic news. They said that Brite put up a good fight but unfortunately in the end, Voldemort got the better of him. There was nothing Brite could do. _

_I hate knowing that I sitting in a pew crying for Francine Moreau and her family when elsewhere someone was taking my son's life. Do you remember the Moreaus? They used to come to the Auror New Year's Eve Ball before Pierre was appointed the Minister of Magic for France nine years ago. I remember sitting in that church as the four Moreaus were memorialized thinking that it just wasn't fair to have people die before it was their time. And now that's going to be me._

_This must be so hard on you. I know how close you were with him and both Dumbledore and I would understand if you would like to come home for the time-being. I'm giving this option to your brothers and sister as well. No one would think less of you if you left Hogwarts for a couple of weeks. When tragedy strikes, it's not easy to handle but it might be easier to handle surrounded by family._

_The neighbors and friends of both the family and Brite's have stopped by to express their condolences. Both your father and Brite were highly well-respected Aurors so the doorbell hasn't stopped ringing since Brite's death. Even Alastor Moody, the Second in Command at the Auror Offices, popped in early yesterday morning to offer his deep, heartfelt condolences. They haven't released the names of the Death Eaters that were killed but when I find out more information, I will send it your way. _

_Bianca is staying with us for the time-being. She can't bear to stay in her apartment without Brite there. She's passing the time in one of the guest bedrooms. However, I 've barely seen Bianca since she dropped in yesterday morning. She has remained locked in that bedroom and has refused to come out. I can't imagine how she's feeling. I wish there was something I could do or say to make this all okay. _

_I'm glad that you can be there for your brothers and sisters. It's nice to know you all have family around and I only wish that your father and I could be with you. Please think about returning home._

_I love you, James. Always remember that._

_Love, _

_Mom _

There were tear stains splotched around the letter but James wasn't sure if they were his or his mothers. Maybe a combination of the both. He didn't know when the tears started to fall from his own eyes but he hastily wiped them away as he folded up the letter and placed it in his desk drawer. He didn't want to have to look at it anymore.

The specifics of Brite's death made it more real for James. Just knowing that Brite was dead kept James in denial; now there was no way he could pretend it didn't happen. Everything written in that letter made it that much more heartbreaking: Bianca's reaction, funeral plans, his mother's plea for him to return home, her gratefulness that he was with family.

James felt a huge twang of guilt welling up in his stomach. He was supposed to be looking after his siblings, especially now that he was the oldest, and instead he was holing himself up in his room. Dezzy had sought him out and he brushed her off just the same way he brushed Lily off. What kind of brother was he?

Before he could consider apologizing to her, there was a knock on his door. He made no motion to go to the door. There was another knock followed quickly by another. Then came the pounding. "JAMES POTTER I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM THE MAP!"

James sighed and ventured towards the door, slowly and reluctantly opening it to face Sirius.

"Hey," Sirius said.

James didn't reply. He had a pretty good feeling why Sirius was there. It was the only reason anyone talked to him lately.

"Can I come in?"

"You going to talk about Brite?" James grunted.

He frowned. "This must be so hard on you, James. I know how close you and Brite were," Sirius whispered. "I can't imagine what-"

"You can come in on one condition," James interrupted grimly.

Sirius was thrown back. "Er…what?"

"We don't talk about Brite."

Sirius hesitated before nodding slowly. "Alright, I can do that."

James opened the door and gestured for Sirius to enter. James plopped on to his bed and Sirius chose the desk chair, turning it around and straddling it with his arms placed on the back rim of the chair.

"So, how are you doing?" Sirius asked with a half-smile.

James cocked his head to the side and shot Sirius a look. "That question seemed heavily weighted with Brite implications."

Sirius sighed. "I can't help but want to know how you're doing, James."

"I'm _fine_," he replied. "Now can we please steer clear of the topic of Brite?"

Sirius nodded.

"How are things with Riley?"

"If we don't get to talk about Brite, we don't get to talk about Riley, either," Sirius muttered.

"Did Riley _die_?" James suggested, a torturous smile on his face.

Sirius' heart sank. "No," he said softly.

James winced. That had been a selfish question. "I thought you guys were friends. Why can't we talk about her?"

He grunted. "Because I don't want to talk about her," Sirius said, scrunching his nose.

James gazed at him, confused. "You sound a bit bitter."

Sirius didn't respond.

"What's going on, Sirius?"

He let out an enlongated sigh, unsure he wanted to burden James with yet another one of his problems with Riley.

"Sirius?" James urged.

Sirius met James' curious gaze. "As much as I do like being Riley's friend, I think we'd both be better off if we…we learned to live without each other," he admitted.

James quirked a shocked eyebrow. "Really?"

Sirius glanced out the window nostalgically, frowning broodingly. "Yeah."

James rolled his eyes. "Gee, your elaborate details are really blowing me away."

Sirius shrugged awkwardly. "Nothing to tell."

"Clearly there is."

Sirius fidgeted hesitantly in the chair, turning his gaze back on James, his eyes filled with reluctance.

"Sirius," James muttered slowly. "Don't feel like you can't talk to me right now just because...well because of Brite."

"No, that's not it," Sirius defended, shaking his head.

"Well, then, what is it?"

Sirius pursed his lips, his brow furrowing curiously as his remorseful eyes met James'. "I just know that you don't care to hear about Riley and me," he muttered. "That's all."

James slowly sat up in bed, guilt weighing in the pit of his stomach. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know," he said softly.

Sirius blinked. "Really?"

"_Yes_," James urged. "I screwed up our friendship in every way for two months. Let me try and make up for it now."

Sirius still looked hesitant so James glared at him. "If you don't start talking, Padfoot, don't think I won't tell Rachael about those wet dreams you used to have about McGonagall four years ago."

Sirius gasped. "That was one time! _One time_. And I'm still scarred for life over it!"

James grinned.

"And I'm pretty sure you swore you would never mention that again," he whined.

"Oh, please, that blackmail is just too good to keep in the dark."

Sirius glared at him. "Can we go back to not being friends?"

"Sure. And instead of telling Rachael about your love for McGonagall I'll-"

"There was no love!"

"-I'll just tell Daniela Skeeter."

"You play dirty."

"Yep. So start talking, Black. What's going on between you and Riley?"

Sirius made a face, resting his chin on top of his arms with a sigh. "I don't know. It probably just sounds silly, but...but being friends with her right now is just too weird. Difficult even. It's kinda more heartbreaking than when we were fighting. At least then I knew where she stood. Now? I have no clue at all what she's thinking. And being around her is just making it that much harder for me to let go of our time together. Every time I'm around her, I want to…to tell her I made a huge mistake. I want to apologize for giving her a reason to break up with me. I want to tell her how much our time together meant to me. I want to hold her and never let her go. I-I can't just be her friend at this point. It's too hard to go back. But…but I can't tell _her _that. She can't know any of this. So when she asked to be friends, I had to say yes. I had no other option."

James listened to Sirius and realized for the first time how much Riley really meant to him. He felt so incredibly guilty for the way he reacted about their relationship. This was the first time James really understood, and tried to understand, what the relationship had meant to both Sirius and Riley. And it was clear James had judged them prematurely and unfairly. Who was he to stand in their way? Who was he to make biased assumptions about their own relationship when anyone could have said the same about his relationship with Lily? "Damnit, Sirius, I'm really sorry," he muttered.

Sirius shrugged. "Not your fault. You weren't the idiot who agreed to be her-"

"No, not about that," he argued. "Although I am sorry about that."

Sirius glanced at him with an inquisitive look.

"I know I apologized before but I don't think it was even close to being enough," he sighed. "It's obvious your relationship with Riley meant a lot to you and I hate that I judged the both of you before even trying to get to know you as a couple."

Sirius shrugged. "I know. I get it," he said. "It's okay."

"Except it's not okay," James quickly contested. "I was a horrible friend, Sirius. No, 'friend' isn't even close to the right word! I wouldn't have been surprised if you _Crucio'd _my ass."

"I wouldn't have done that," Sirius argued.

"Really?"

"That would mean a potential cell at Azkaban," Sirius snickered. "However, I had contemplated breaking your wand into a million pieces and throwing you out the highest tower here at Hogwarts and blaming it on the Slytherins."

"How sentimental," James replied sarcastically. "Sirius, I hate the way I acted. You're my best friend and…and I didn't act like yours for so long."

Sirius shared a lopsided, apologetic smile. "It _is _okay, James. It's all in the past."

"I hope you know that I plan on making it up to you for the rest of our lives," James quickly explained.

Sirius shrugged. "I wouldn't be opposed to that," he joked.

James made a face. "Are guys supposed to be talking about their…their _feelings _like this?"

Sirius shook his head. "God no. Now we have to go funnel five beers and sit around and rate girls' asses."

James laughed. "I don't think Lily would appreciate that. Well, at least the rating girls' asses thing at least."

Sirius snorted and gave James a look. "Oh right, and she'd be ecstatic to see you funneling five beers."

James joined in with Sirius' laughter. He missed this. The past two months just hadn't been the same.

"Lily's worried about you, James," Sirius blurted out.

He shrugged awkwardly, turning away from Sirius' stare. "I know she is."

James' glance was paralyzed with guilt, which Sirius caught immediately. "James?" he said hesitantly.

"What?"

"Are you in love with her?"

James was taken aback by the random question. He stared at Sirius with a befuddled glance. "Where did that come from?"

"Don't shut her out because you're afraid of your own feelings."

"_What_?"

"This is the first girl you've ever really cared about and you have absolutely no idea how to deal with that. But don't just shut her out because it's easier lacking emotions than facing them."

James made a face. "I'm not shutting her out."

"Oh, really?" he snorted, giving James a look. "Then why won't you let her console you over what happened to Brite."

"I invited you in on the pretense that we wouldn't discuss Brite!" James cried out, frustrated.

Sirius nodded awkwardly. "You avoided my question before."

"Which one?"

"Do you love Lily?"

James didn't respond. He didn't know how to.

"Let me answer for you," Sirius snickered. "You've admired that girl from afar for so many years. You stalked her and wrote about her in your little Lily journal. You've studied her every move and you know the girl more than anyone else—including herself! I cannot imagine anyone else you deserve more."

"Uh huh," James said pensively, biting down on the bottom of his lip. "I know that I've never felt like this about anyone before, but…love? I-I said that once before to a girl and I didn't mean it," he admitted. He didn't want what happened to him and Kristina to happen between him and Lily. "You...you loved Riley, right?"

Sirius was impressed he had said it without cringing. "Yeah," he sighed.

"Well," James said hesitantly. "How did you know you were in love with her?"

A nostalgi smiled slowly broke out across Sirius' face. "I just…I just knew. It…it was everything about her," he whispered. Sirius glanced back out the window and smiled reflectively, a hint of longing whispering in his voice when he spoke. "It was that curvy smile she had that lit up the room. It was her confidence and her determination. She was sobeautiful and she didn't ever know it which made her that much more irresistible. Her eyes would sparkle with pure happiness. One look in her eyes, and I was…I was hypnotized. It was her skin. She had the softest skin. Just holding hands with her would send chills down my spine. She was smart. And funny. God, could she make me laugh. It was the way we could stay up for hours and…and just _talk_. She was the only girl I ever spent a night with where I actually wanted the covnersations to be prolonged. I loved her voice. I could listen to her talk all day. And…and…" He ran his fingers over his lips. "I can still feel her lips on mine. Her kisses captured me. They brought me away from the reality and into this fantasy world where only she and I existed. She made me feel special. She made me want to live my life to the fullest. It was…" He glanced down at his hands and started fidgeting with them. He said softly, "It was like having a best friend and a girlfriend rolled into one. It was perfect. _She _was perfect."

Sirius was glowing. That spark in his eyes that had dissipated with his break-up was back. "You're still in love with her," James commented.

Sirius was shaken from his fantasy world and placed back into the harsh reality. He put his hands back down to his side and met James' eyes. Sirius nodded. "Yeah," he murmured.

"Uh…then why, pray tell, are you doubling with her and her _now _boyfriend on Friday?"

Sirius scowled and quickly looked away. "Because I can't let _her _know I still have feelings for her. I…I wanna get to a point where I can be friends with Riley without wanting to be with her and if acting like I've let her go and I've moved on gets me there faster, I'm willing to give it a go."

"So…where exactly does Rachael fit into this whole thing?" James questioned, lifting an eyebrow inquisitively.

Sirius sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I have no idea," he admitted. "I was with her in the beginning to make Riley jealous. Then she started dating Rhett and it was clear my tactics weren't working. So why am I still with her? I'm not entirely sure. I think the only reason I've kept Rachael around is…is because I felt sorry for myself and by sleeping with her, it gets my mind off of Riley. She is my way of attempting to move on I guess."

James glanced at Sirius curiously. "You were only with Rachael to make Riley jealous?" He had always assumed that was the reason but never thought Sirius would admit it.

Sirius nodded guiltily.

"So…" James said awkwardly. "We have all been under the impression that you chose Rachael over Riley. Mostly because it's clear that's what Riley wants everyone to believe. But I got the impression that night in detention that you only returned to Rachael after your break-up."

Sirius nodded again, swallowing hard. "Yeah, that's true."

"So," James hesitated again, gazing at Sirius curiously. "Then exactly what was the cause of your break-up?" he asked the loaded question. The question that had never been fully answered. The question that everyone in the entire school wanted to know the answer to but that neither Riley nor Sirius were willing to divulge.

Sirius' eyes softened with clear agony as he was quick to turn his gaze away from his best friend. It was easy talking about why he had loved Riley. It wasn't so easy talking about where it all went wrong. "Y'know," he murmured in a hoarse whisper. "I-I haven't really thought about it since that night."

"Really?" James said, the surprise obvious in his voice.

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, I-I haven't been able to think about it. The whole night just…it went terribly wrong."

"What happened?" James asked, trying not to sound too anxious.

Sirius rubbed his temples achingly, a deep sigh building up within his throat. "Rachael did tear us apart," he admitted in a hesitant voice. "But not the way that everyone thinks."

James nodded, listening intently.

"I didn't choose Rachael over Riley," Sirius disputed firmly. "In fact, the night that Riley and I broke up, I was going to tell Rachael that I couldn't hang out with her anymore."

"Oh," James said, surprised. "Well, why were you hanging out with her in the first place?"

Sirius hesitated. "Well, Rachael was going through a…a very tough time. She simply needed a friend and Riley couldn't understand that. I was only hanging around Rachael because I was there to comfort her and Riley…she just…she…" Sirius sighed. "Riley sensed that Rachael had a hidden agenda with me. And the night of my birthday, Riley used Rachael as…well, she just…it was time to…"

"She needed an excuse to back out of the relationship," James murmured.

Sirius' head jerked up, surprised that James knew Riley's intentions. "Yeah. Exactly."

"Riley was always good at running away when given the opportunity," James explained, smiling sympathetically at his friend.

"And I gave her that opportunity," Sirius sighed. The spark that had gleamed in Sirius' eyes minutes prior had disappeared again. "I might as well have chosen Rachael over Riley. It's what Riley chose to believe and she wouldn't let me change her mind."

"Can I ask you something?"

Sirius nodded.

"I thought you and Riley broke up because you kissed Rachael right before your surprise party. That's what Lily said, at least."

"Rachael kissed _me_," Sirius corrected. "I never would have been with Rachael that night if I had known it would be the cause of my break-up with Riley. I-"

"Riley would have found another reason to break up with you, Sirius," James pointed out supportively. "Like I said, she was looking for an excuse to back out."

"I know, but I was lip-locked with another girl. That's a pretty good reason for any girl to back out of a relationship, especially with a former player," he murmured.

"How did she end up kissing you, though? I thought you said you were planning on telling Rachael you couldn't hang out with her anymore."

"I was putting it off as much as possible," Sirius muttered guiltily. "Because I felt like I was betraying Rachael." He sighed. "But Riley _had_ to come first. I know that Rachael needed comfort after the sudden death of her parents and I gave her what she needed to a certain point, but it was time-"

James sat upright on his bed. "Wait, go back," James interrupted urgently.

"Heh?"

"You said that Rachael's parents died recently."

Sirius winced. "Oh shit, I really wasn't supposed to tell anyone that so if you don't mind keeping that-"

"She told you that her parents died?" James whispered in a hoarse voice.

Sirius nodded and bit down on his lip. "Yeah, but please don't-"

"Sirius," James interrupted with a concerned look on his face.

Sirius cocked his head to the side, confused. "What?"

"Rachael's parents didn't die recently. They died when she was three."

All the color in Sirius' face drained and he felt his heart slowly sinking into his chest. Instead of a strong, vehement outburst, he remained silent and brooding, staring ahead into James' dour eyes as Sirius' eyes grew wider in distress. He hadn't realized he was holding his breath until a breath escaped from his lips.

"What?" he whispered hoarsely.

James bit down on his lip and looked away from Sirius' offended expression, nodding slowly. "They were both explorers apparently and had come across a batch of Venomous Tentacula in France, which led to their death. Rachael moved in with her grandparents soon after."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. "How…" he trailed off.

"It's in her prefect file which documents the basics of her life. Lily and I get all of the prefects' files in the beginning of the year. It's Dumbledore's way of making sure we get to know who we're working with, I guess."

Sirius slumped down in his chair and groaned. He rubbed his temple and let out a deep sigh. "Oh my God," he muttered softly. "She was right."

"Who was right?"

Sirius swallowed hard and placed his arms back down against his side. He sat up slowly and let out a sigh, a sigh that was bursting with agony. "Riley."

"What?"

"She was right," he repeated, his mouth completely dry. "She knew all along. She was right. And I…I chose not to listen."

"Sirius, it's not your-"

"It _is_ my fault," he interrupted firmly, anticipating James' next word. "Riley knew. I-I mean, she…she _knew_! She knew all along that Rachael was using me and manipulating me. She knew all along that Rachael probably suspected our relationship and she was trying to keep me away from Riley. She knew all along that Rachael was bad news and that Rachael was trying to win me back using this damsel-in-distress story. She…she told me I was being naïve. She…she warned me about Rachael and I refused to listen. In fact, I actually argued with her! I defended Rachael!"

"Sirius, it's-"

"I could possibly be the worst boyfriend ever," Sirius continued, ignoring James' attempts to comfort him. "No wonder Riley broke up with me. She…she told me I didn't trust her judgment or her opinion and…and I didn't."

"_Sirius_, she did what she wanted to-"

"Riley warned me about her at least twenty times," he repeated, interrupting James as if he hadn't even opened his mouth to speak. "Every time I saw her within those two weeks, she'd warn me that Rachael was just a snake who wanted to break me and her up in order to get back together with me. And it worked. God damnit, it worked! You know why? Because I'm a fucking moron. I'm a bloody idiot! Of course Rachael was manipulating me! It's what she does best!"

"Sirius, don't get yourself all worked up over-"

"I totally dug myself a hole here," Sirius continued, grumbling profusely. "I mean, what am I supposed to do now? There's nothing I can do! I ruined everything. I ruined my chances with Riley and now I know that…that it was all over a lie." He slammed his back against the back of the chair with a loud exasperated grunt. "Oh my God, this never should have happened. I should have listened to Riley. I broke my promise over a goddamned lie, James! I hurt Riley more than I ever thought I could and it totally could have been avoided! I…I didn't trust Riley or respect her opinions." He covered his face with his hands and whimpered into his palms. "It turns out that Rachael's not the snake, _I _am."

James went silent, nodding along sympathetically.

"Well?" Sirius asked, riled up. "Aren't you going to say something?"

James glared at him.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, that was me venting and rambling. Now it's your turn to give me advice."

"What advice are you looking for, Sirius?" James asked softly. "Because it seems to me that there's…"

"There's nothing I can do," Sirius finished.

"Well, there is something you can do. I just have a feeling you won't want to," James protested, lifting his eyebrows to give Sirius his knowing look.

Sirius gave James his infamous deer-in-headlights look. "Well, I'm definitely going to break up with Rachael."

"That's not what I'm talking about, Sirius," James argued, shaking his head.

"Clarify then."

"You have to tell Riley. She'll-"

Sirius burst into cynical laughter. "Oh God, that could possibly be the worst idea ever. What, I'm just supposed to go up to her and explain that she was right all along? That I didn't trust her opinions or judgments which actually turned out to be accurate? That in fact, Rachael was using me and manipulating me and in fact, made up an entire story just to get back together with me? That our break-up totally could have been avoided if I hadn't been the clueless, naïve moron than I am and just listened to her in the first place?"

"Uh…as a start," James suggested, knowing by the look on Sirius' face that Sirius thought it was James' turn to be the clueless moron.

"And then suddenly my body would disappear for months and a lowly fisherman would one day find me already dead cast upon some abandoned beach far away from civilization because Riley would be that good in pretending my death was just an accident."

James chuckled and shrugged, smiling apologetically at Sirius. "Maybe. But what other choice do you have?"

Sirius rubbed his temples and sighed. "I…I just can't face her with this."

"Coward."

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah, probably but the alternative sounds much better."

"Living?"

"Yes, exactly." Sirius grinned.

James laughed. "Got it."

Sirius' eyes suddenly lit up and he glanced creepily upon his best friend. "Hey, now that we're best friends again, how about-"

"I'm not going to be the one to tell her."

Sirius pouted. "Then what was the point in coming here tonight?"

"Well, if you hadn't come here you wouldn't have found out the truth about Rachael's parents."

Sirius hesitated. "Seriously, what was the point in coming here tonight?"

James shot him a look. "You're saying you'd rather still think Rachael was a good person and that your break-up wasn't based on a lie?"

Sirius whimpered loudly and placed his head in his hands. He let out an aggravated grunt and stood up from the chair. "Okay, time to go yell at Rachael."

"Ooh, I wanna come!" James replied giddily, bounding off the bed with a huge grin on his face.

"Oh gee, how nice of you to take pleasure out of my pain," Sirius said dryly.

"Oh please, you're telling me that screaming at Rachael for being a manipulative, lying bitch won't give you pleasure?" James said, pointing an eyebrow knowingly.

Sirius grinned. "You're right. This is gonna be fun."

* * *

**A/N: **Well, we learn a little more about Brite's death and James' own feelings about it...or _not _about it. Just like with Sirius and Riley, he's avoiding anything that could potentially hurt him in the present or in the future. And stupid Rachael! Naturally, Riley was right all along. She's not going to like that when she finds out...if she finds out. But at least this means that Rachael will soon be gone! Please review!


	34. Of Liars, ManiPedis, & Speeches

**A/N: **I'm back and only 7 days later! I am trying to be better at updating, but it is my summer time and I'm going to be really busy with work and vacations. So just be patient! Thank you for reviewing and without further ado, here is Chapter 34!

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling and I aren't even distantly related. Believe me, I checked.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 34: Of Liars, Mani-Pedis, & Speeches

* * *

For the first time all day, James hadn't thought about Brite. He was thankful that Sirius kept his mind off of it and was planning to enjoy the throwdown that was about to happen in the Gryffindor common room.

As the two of them meandered through the hallways, Sirius continued to seethe and wish ill-harbored feelings against Rachael. James was getting increasingly excited every time Sirius muttered "bitch" underneath his breath. Sirius was in such an irate mode, that James practically had to jog to keep up with Sirius' paces. James didn't even feel the slightest bit guilty for grinning all of the way to the Gryffindor common room. Rachael LeBlanc deserved what she was about to get.

When he and Sirius walked in, the common room was virtually silent. There were a few students finishing up some work, others were playing rather quiet games of wizarding chess, the girls were gossiping and reading the latest issue of _Witch Weekly_, the boys were talking about Quidditch statistics, and the occasional person discussed their horrendous Potions exam they had bombed that morning. None of this was unusual for a Tuesday night.

What becameunusual was the frenzied brawl that the entire Gryffindor house witnessed between Sirius Black and Rachael LeBlanc.

"Rachael!" Sirius barked from across the room.

She stopped conversing with Evelyn and smiled up at her boyfriend. She wasn't the only girl to look up at the sound of Sirius barking Rachael's name and she wasn't the only one to smile up at Sirius. Sirius already had the attention of nearly all of the girls in the room by this point. When Sirius didn't smile back and a flicker of angry rage lit up his eyes, Rachael frowned. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Don't call me honey," he snarled, his nostrils flaring like they did when he couldn't control his anger.

Rachael continued to look confused. "What?" she asked innocently.

"How dare you?" he accused in a deep, pained voice.

"What?"

"How could you do that to me?" he asked, his voice raising ever so slightly.

Rachael didn't like the sound of this. "Er…do you mind explaining?"

Sirius' fist was tightly clenched and with one look at Rachael, his anger transpired into pure loathing rage. "Everyone warned me about you. Everyone told me what a manipulative, backstabbing, bitchy little whore you were and I bloody defended you! God damnit, my girlfriend and I broke up because of you! And I just found out it was all a _bloody lie_!"

Rachael's face went white.

"How can you be such a coldhearted bitch, Rachael?"

"Whoa," Evelyn protested. "What the hell, dude? Should you be calling your girlfriend a whore and a bitch?"

"Stay out of this, Evelyn!" Sirius barked. "This is between me and Rachael."

Rachael shrugged nonchalantly. "No actually, I don't really have anything to say," she responded calmly, stifling a yawn.

Sirius' other fist tightened and his teeth clenched. A crease formed on his forehead and his eyebrows furrowed as he narrowed his eyes. "You have nothing to say?" he snapped.

"Clearly you've said it all," she drawled dryly.

He had never watned to hit a girl as much as he did in that moment. "How could you do that to me, Rachael? How could you be so manipulative? Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"

"Sirius, you did this to yourself," she argued.

Rage poured through his eyes. He counted to ten before continuing with the conversation. "Ex-_cuse _me?"

"You can't blame me for your failed relationship. You-"

"Yes I can!" he shouted. The students in the common room were starting to form a sort of circle around the two of them, though it wasn't necessary. His shouts could be heard from miles away. Which explained why students started to descend down the stairs from their rooms. A loud fight was always better than attempting to write a Herbology essay. "Riley and I were doing fine until you showed up with your sob story! Your fake sob story!"

"Whatever," she murmured, rolling her eyes.

Even James was getting ready to pound this girl into the ground. "You can't even defend yourself," James chimed in with a snort. "Because you know he's right. You know what a manipulative little bitch you are."

"Whoa!" Evelyn chimed in once more. "Should you, as the Head Boy, be calling another student a bitch?"

"Stay out of this!" both Sirius and James cried out together.

"Jeez, I'm feeling the love today," she murmured.

"Look, boys," Rachael interjected, finally getting up off the chair. "I'm glad that you've come to yell at me or whatever, but I've got more important things to deal with than your pathetic pride. So if we could move this to another-"

"How can you just say whatever and walk away from this?" James continued to back Sirius up. "You broke up a perfectly good relationship because you were jealous!"

"I repeat: _whatever_," Rachael smirked.

"Have you no remorse? No compassion? Do you even have a heart?" Sirius hissed. He cackled derisively. "Oh, who am I kidding? We all know you don't have a heart. Because if you did, you wouldn't have gone out of your way to destroy everything that was going well in my life, Rachael. You-"

"Oh, stop it," she barked, glaring back at him. Her anger was beginning to shine through. "You just want someone else to blame except yourself for your break-up with Riley. Newsflash, Sirius: if I was able to waltz into your life for barely two weeks and break up your relationship, it clearly wasn't that strong to begin with."

"How dare you judge my relationship," Sirius snarled, his eyes glimmering with hesitant remorse. "You don't know anything about it. You don't get to imput your opinion on my relationship with Riley especially after trying so goddamned hard to come between us."

"Let's get one thing straight, Black," Rachael snapped, rolling her eyes. "I could care less about Riley Gilmore. I hated that pretentious little pixy and I would have done anything in my power to destroy her. She deserved to go down. I'm glad I did what I did. She didn't deserve to be with you!"

Sirius frowned slowly and remorsefully. "And what about me?" Sirius asked calmly. "Didn't you care about me?"

"Yeah and you deserved better than that eye-batting prig!"

"Oh and look who's the pot calling the kettle black!" Sirius snarled. "You couldn't stand knowing that Riley was my girlfriend. You wanted me and you were willing to stoop to any level to do so, including the manipulative lying route!"

"Yeah, yeah, I think you've accused me of being a manipulative liar about ten times already," she responded sarcastically. "How many times are you going to reiterate that?"

"Until you bloody realize all of the damage you've done!"

"I did no such thing," she replied huffily.

"Merlin of Agrippa, I would love to pummel you into the ground right now," he scowled. "It's a good thing I'm a man of ethics. But you wouldn't know a thing about ethics if it fucking bit you on the ass, now would you?" He and James shared a curt, amused laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she murmured, rolling her eyes.

Sirius sighed and turned his gaze away from Rachael , shaking his head sullenly. He remained silent, noticing that Remus and Peter were now looking on in intrigue. He barely met their gazed before turning back to face Rachael. "You know what the worst part about this is?"

Rachael laughed cynically. "What, you haven't stated it already?"

He shrugged. "I defended you," he said softly. "No matter how many times Riley attempted to warn me about you, I told her it was all in her head. I kept hanging out with you, giving you the benefit of the doubt. I fell for your fake sob story about how your parents died recently and I-I let my guard down."

"Uh…so exactly where does the worst part come in?"

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I chose the side of a lying backstabber over the girl I loved even after the millions of warnings she gave me."

Rachael's face drained of all color. "You…you loved her?" she said softly.

"I really don't have anyone else to blame except for myself," Sirius continued, ignoring Rachael's question. The crowd was disappointed. They wanted to hear the Casanova of the school admit once again that he had changed his womanizing ways for Riley by falling in love with her. He sighed. "Riley was right. It _was _my fault."

Rachael scoffed, regaining her composure. "Funny, because it seems to me that for the past ten minutes, you've been doing nothing but blaming _me_."

"I already knew you could be manipulative before you told me that sob story," he admitted, giving her a disgusted look. "You may have played a hand in my eventual break up, but…in the end, I-I screwed it up. Me. Not you." He shrugged. "Well you a little bit."

"Uh, Sirius?" James asked, pulling on his arm. "What exactly are you doing?"

"It's true, James," he sighed, glancing down at the floor. Anywhere but at James or Rachael.

"No it's not," he hissed. "If she hadn't made up that sob story, you wouldn't have been hanging out with her and it wouldn't have put a strain on your relationship!"

"Yeah and how long until something else came up that made Riley question our relationship?" Sirius responded, pulling his arm away from James. "Look, Rachael did play a small role in my failed relationship. But in the end, I didn't bother taking two seconds out of my day to listen to what Riley had to say about Rachael. That was all my doing. She…she was right all along and I refused to believe her. I…I didn't respect or trust her opinions."

"Does this mean I can go now?" Rachael asked haughtily.

Sirius scowled. "You're still the biggest phony I have ever met, LeBlanc. I don't think there is a more underhanded, manipulative and overly selfish person in the entire world than you, and that's saying a lot considering Voldemort is somewhere out there. I feel sorry for the next person's life you decide to destroy."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of sympathy," she responded sarcastically. She glanced towards Evelyn. "C'mon, Evelyn, let's get out of here."

"You told him your parents died so you'd earn his sympathy?" she asked, shocked.

Rachael rolled her eyes. "Oh, who the hell cares?"

Evelyn scoffed. "I always knew you were talented in bringing others down but this is low, even for you." She shook her head in dismayed disbelief. "You are a manipulative bitch."

There was a slight flicker of hurt reflected on her face before an expression of cold showed up. "And you're the Gryffindor slut. What's your point?" Rachael spat. She gestured for the crowd to part and then quickly rushed upstairs, away from it all.

Remus and Peter had come up behind Sirius as the crowd began to disperse, all whispering the new accumulated gossip they had just witnessed firsthand. "That's why you were hanging out with Rachael?" Remus asked.

"Oh please don't judge me," he whimpered. "Yes, I believed her stupid sob story and-"

"I'm not judging you, I'm just glad I finally know what went down," Remus explained with a shrug. "It was a total mystery to me."

Sirius shrugged. "Sorry. It's not something I like bringing up."

Remus nodded. "I get it. You going to go find Riley now?"

Sirius shook her head. "No way."

"Coward."

"Hm, that's what I said," James snickered, gazing at Sirius.

Sirius shook his head. "I already know how that conversation would go so what's the point in telling her?" he snorted.

James quirked an amused eyebrow. "Oh really? And exactly how do you think that conversation would go?" he asked curiously.

Sirius grinned. "Hey, Riley, how are you doing tonight, how's school going, how is Rhett doing, oh by the way, you were right about everything. Rachael was lying and she was being manipulative. James told me that her parents didn't die in March, they died when she was three, so I'm sorry that I didn't respect your warnings about her. Isn't this lovely weather we're having today?" he said in a deep, macho voice, making his three friends burst into laughter. He switched to a high-pitched squeaky voice that was supposed to represent Riley. "So…let me get this straight. I'm good, schoolwork sucks, Rhett's doing fine, and you're only admitting to me that you were wrong because you found out from _James _that you were wrong? Not because you trusted my judgment and respected my opinions? Nope, you chose to listen to someone else on the matter but not your own girlfriend! And yes, the weather has been rather warm lately. Good-bye forever, Sirius Black!"

His three friends were continuing to laugh at Sirius' impression. "You do a damn good Riley impression," Remus teased. "But don't you think she deserves to know even if you do know what she might say to you?"

Sirius shook his head. "What's the point?" he repeated with a sigh. "She already hates what I did to her. We're…we're just getting back to being friends. If I told her the truth, I could lose her forever."

"I thought you didn't really want to be her friend," James said, confused.

"I don't," Sirius admitted. "I'd rather we just go our separate ways for a while until the air is cleared and we've both let each other go completely. _Then _we could go back to being friends. However, if I told her the truth about Rachael, she would never, ever speak to me again. And I-I don't know if I could handle that."

The guys all nodded, understanding Sirius' state of mind.

"I still think it's because you're too afraid to stand up to Riley," Remus snickered.

Sirius made a face. "Go ahead and insult me all you want, but I'm totally going to be walking away from you guys now," She said with a snicker. He waved dismissively and sauntered out of the room, sulking the entire way.

* * *

Riley and Rhett were in the library working on their project. Surprisingly, they were able to buckle down and get some actual work done instead of fool around like they usually found to be more productive of their time.

"Here's more information on Animagi transformations," Riley said, pushing a large encyclopedia towards Rhett.

"Thanks," he said, glancing down at the page Riley had open. "Have you written down all the registered Animagi yet?"

"Uh…yeah," she said slowly, sifting through a pile of notes. "Somewhere in here. Why?"

"I'm trying to rack up more information on William Wimblewood, the first guy to successfully transform, and I was wondering what year he first transformed. That'll help me locate him in _Transfiguration Through the Ages_," he explained, gesturing towards a textbook beside him.

She continued sifting through her piles of notes and eventually located it. "Here we are. 1202," she answered, handing him the list of names, dates, and their respective Animagus transformation.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes as they took down more notes.

"Wow, listen to this," Riley spoke up eventually. She pushed the article in between them and paraphrased. "Any wizard or witch who is caught transforming into an Animagus without registering and for unlawful activity can be sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss. A bunch of the Dark Lord followers in the beginning of time were caught."

"The Dementor's Kiss? That's extreme. That'll teach you to illegally transform," Rhett sniggered.

Again, they returned to their work and enjoyed the moments of silence.

Until loud chatter started up at various tables around them.

"Did you hear? Sirius broke up with Rachael in front of everyone in the Gryffindor common room!"

Riley was mid-sentence on her notes when her hand froze.

"He called her a manipulative bitch and a liar," the students continued.

"Apparently she had something to do with his break-up with Riley."

"We already knew that, we just didn't know why."

"We still don't know! It didn't seem to make any sense to anyone except for them."

"And Rachael acted like it didn't even matter that she was getting dumped in front of everyone."

"Even James was chiming in, calling her a bitch, too."

"It was the fight of the century! So glad I was there to witness it!"

Her eyes quickly met Rhett's gaze and she forced out a fake smile before continuing to write, trying to ignore the gossip, which was virtually impossible since the entire library was now talking about the new development in Sirius' personal life.

Rhett gazed over at Riley curiously to judge her reaction of the news. The way her eyes were fluttering around the page and the way her foot was moving back and forth at a rapid pace and the way she kept fidgeting with her hair made it clear that Riley wasn't choosing to ignore the chatter no matter how hard she was trying to make it look like she was. He felt a bit uneasy about it but tried to push the nervous feeling into the back of his mind as he, too, returned to his work. He prayed that the latest gossip would die down before it affected his relationship with Riley.

* * *

Lily was surprised to find James on a broom when there was a knock on the seventh-years' female dorm. It had been clear he was avoiding her, so she felt a twinge of gratitude when he had finally come around. "Oh my God, juicy gossip!" was James' first words. Lily hadn't even had a chance to say hi before he swooped into the room. Lily should have known he had an agenda.

"Does it have something to do with all that yelling going on downstairs?" Kay asked curiously, her eyes, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "We would have wandered down to see what the excitement was all about, but we just did mani-pedis." She wagged her fingers at him with a sheepish grin.

James laughed, rolling his eyes. "Sirius just broke up with Rachael."

Kay scoffed. "Finally," she muttered.

"He did it in front of everyone," James said giddily. "He let all of his frustrations out, screaming at her and insulting her like I've never seen before. He was...hell, he was angry."

Kay groaned. "I can't believe we missed it," she whined. "Stupid mani-pedis."

"There's more," James said, beaming. "I found out exactly why Riley and Sirius broke up."

Lily's and Kay's eyes widened as they sat upright. "Spill, Potter!" Kay said with a grin.

James went into the whole explanation about Rachael's elaborate fake sob story. There were gasps and shrieks and the occasional outburst from Lily and Kay, but in the end, they were both rendered speechless. "Wow," Lily sighed. "I know that Rachael can be a bitch but this is low, even for her. Using the memory of her dead parents to earn claim over a _guy_? That's what I call desperate."

"I hate her for standing in their way," Kay murmured, shaking her head in disbelief. "Riley and Sirius seemed to be going so well until that wench wedged herself in between them."

"Did Riley talk to you about Sirius at all when they were together?" Lily asked curiously.

Kay shrugged. "A bit here and there. I always got the sense that she was afraid to talk about it. As if something would go terribly wrong if she acted too happy. She always danced around the subject when I tried to bring it up."

"That doesn't surprise me," James interjected.

"But I definitely got the sense that she really liked him," she continued to speculate with a shrug. "More than she would have liked to admit."

"So," Lily asked curiously, turning back towards her boyfriend. "Does Sirius blame Rachael or Riley for the break-up? Seems to me he's not really sure."

James frowned. "Honestly?" he murmured. "I think he mostly just blames himself."

"Why?" Kay questioned.

"Because I think he believes that it all could have been avoided had he just listened to Riley's warnings in the first place," he pointed out. "If he had never been so willing to comfort Rachael, if he had never ignored Riley's opinion on the matter, if he had never been given Riley a reason to break up with him, then maybe none of this would have happened."

"Poor Sirius," Kay sighed. "I actually feel bad for him."

Lily hesitated. "I don't. I mean, I do, but he's right. He kinda brought this on himself."

"Because of _Rachael_," James pointed out.

She shrugged. "The girl is certainly a pro at being manipulative."

They all couldn't help but nod. "So…what now?" Kay dared to ask.

James shrugged. "Not sure. I guess we'll just have to see. I don't think he wants to tell Riley," he said dismissively.

Lily quirked a surprised eyebrow. "Is that wise?"

James shrugged. "I think the word is cowardly," he smirked.

"Yeah," she murmured her agreement.

"Anyway, I thought you two would be super interested in the gossip," he said with a dismissive smile, heading towards the door. "I'm going to head back to my room. I've got tons of work to do."

"I'll walk back with you," Lily said, giving Kay an apologetic smile.

James shook his head. "No, it's fine. Stay and enjoy your girl talk. I'm just going to be doing work tonight."

Lily's smile wavered. "I have to do work, too."

"Lily," he muttered. "I'm _fine_."

"I didn't say you weren't," she said quickly. "Can't a girl just walk back to her room with her boyfriend?"

He didn't reply. He knew he was putting up a huge wall between him and Lily but he didn't want to discuss Brite much less think of him. And being around Lily made him think of Brite. "I don't need you to do that," he eventually said with a shrug. "Enjoy your girls' night." He flashed them both a smile before heading out.

"I didn't realize it was girls' night," Lily murmured.

Kay frowned. "What's going on between you two?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't know," she sighed.

"He's acting very…" Kay mused hesitantly. "I don't know, distant perhaps?"

"That's an understatement," Lily muttered irritably.

"How is he dealing with his brother's passing?" Kay asked curiously with a good feeling that his new attitude had something to do with that.

Lily stiffened, pursing her lips sullenly. "He's not," she said succinctly. "I understand that he wants to avoid talking or thinking about it, but…he's also avoiding talking to _me _and I'm not sure I understand why."

A worried crease formed on Lily's forehead. Lily has always been good at reading people. Probably because she was such a great listener, but Kay knew that in that moment, it killed her that she couldn't read what James was thinking. "He'll come around," Kay said vaguely, praying that her words were true.

Lily wasn't so sure. "Let's talk about something else. Like Sirius and Rachael!" she gasped, not wanting to dwell on James any longer. "Can you believe it? I'm so taking advantage of the Head Girl position and giving Rachael multiple detentions."

Kay knew that James' nonchalant attitude was bothering Lily a great deal, but she chose not to belabor the subject and gossiped about Sirius and Riley instead. That was more fun anyway. "I'm not sure that's going to make Riley feel better."

Lily grinned. "No, but it will make me feel better."

* * *

Lily walked into her private quarters the next night, surprised to see Riley hanging out by James' door. She dropped her books on to the coffee table and called out to her. "Hey Riley."

Riley jumped and whirled around. "Jesus, woman! Don't scare me like that!"

Lily snickered. "Sorry for saying hi?"

"Just don't do it again," she said with a teasing grin.

"So what are you doing here?"

Riley glanced towards James' shut door, swallowing hard. She felt tears welling up inside of her and she quickly brushed them away. "His brother died three days ago and I haven't spoken a word to James since," she said in a small voice, glancing towards her friend. "How can I be so selfish and...and heartless? I mean, I yelled at James for being selfish and look at me now? I'm such a hypocrite."

"Riley, you told him you were done with him if I recall," Lily pointed out, leaning against the back of the couch. "I think you would be sacrificing your integrity if you chose to forgive him just because his brother died."

"I don't have to forgive him to talk to him," Riley murmured, desperation seeping in her voice. "I've only been thinking of myself these past few days. About…about the whole Sirius thing. And…and there is just so much other stuff going on in the world. We're in the middle of a war, Lily. People are dying, including the brother of my best friend. A brother who I actually grew up with. A guy who had become like a brother to me over the years. And I...I should be there for James. I've been there for him through everything. And even though he might not show it, he needs me. He needs all of us. He's going through a rough time even if he's trying to put on a brave smile and...and yet, I can't seem to think of anything except for James' betrayal. But now, it…it just doesn't seem to matter compared to everything else. When did I start only thinking about myself?"

"Well, you're here now," Lily pointed out with a shrug.

Riley sighed, those words somehow not making her feel any better "I…I was there for him for his entire life. Every single struggle he encountered, I was there to comfort him. When his grandparents died, I held his hand. When Wyatt disappeared, I crawled into his bedroom and slept by his side. When his father nearly died during a Death Eater attack, I didn't leave James' side for...for the entire week. I-I know when he's vulnerable and I know when he's hurting. Damnit, I grew up with him! _And _Brite. Out of anybody here, besides maybe his brothers and sister, I probably know his relationship with Brite the best. And yet, I've done nothing to help him or even attempt to help him. I'm..." she choked on her words, tears blurring her vision. "I'm such a bad person."

"You're not a bad person," Lily argued, giving Riley a doubtful look. "Weren't you the one that said we can't help him until he asks for it? You've got to follow your own advice."

Riley nodded slowly. Yes, she had said that. And she had meant it. But somehow, it had never seemed to apply to her. She could always show up to be by James' side when he needed it and he would allow it. They wouldn't talk, they'd barely look at each other. And yet, somehow, it always managed to help. "I-I could at least give him my condolences," she spoke in a small voice.

"Well, you can't do it now because he's not there."

Riley's jaw dropped. "I've been standing outside his door for over an hour and he's not even _here_? God, what a waste."

"You've been here for over an _hour_?" Lily cried. "Jeez, I wish I had time like that _to _waste."

Riley grinned sheepishly and slowly wandered away from the door.

"So…you've been standing there for an hour and you haven't knocked yet?" said Lily.

She shook her head curtly.

"In that hour, did you ever consider knocking?" Lily asked curiously.

Riley shook her head. "No," she admitted. "I was working my way up to that. I'm…I'm still so...so confused that I didn't feel like I could talk to him until I figured it all out in my own head."

"What are you confused about?"

"I-I want to run to him and tell him that everything is going to be okay even when he and I will both know that might not be true. I want to be there for him as he goes through the several stages of grief. I want to tell him that I'm always going to be there for him," she murmured sullenly, hanging her head in shame. "But..."

Lily's eyebrow shot up into her forehead in anticipation. "But?"

"A part of me is still so disappointed and angry with him that doing any of that would just feel forced," she whispered guiltily. "Have I said yet that I'm a bad person?"

Lily gave her a look and gestured for Riley to join her on the couch. She obliged. "You are not a bad person, Riley. You're just..."

"What?" Riley urged when Lily stopped short.

"You're going through your own rough time," she explained slowly. "Because you're just as disheartened over Brite's death as James is."

Riley furrowed her brow, frowning. "So?"

Lily shrugged. "So maybe a part of you wants to forgive him because you want him there by _your _side just as much as you want to be by _his _side."

Riley opened her mouth to contest but said nothing. She had nothing to say. Lily was right. Riley had been thinking so much of James recently in order to avoid her own feelings but truth was, she had grown up with Brite. He had always been there for her if she had ever needed him and even though he technically wasn't her brother, he had often felt like one. This time, she couldn't hold back the tears.

Lily reached over and embraced her friend tightly as Riley let the tears slide down her cheeks. "I'm sorry," Riley whispered.

"Don't be," Lily reassured as Riley rested her head on Lily's shoulder with a sniffle. "I know that you miss him."

A lump formed in Riley's throat. She wasn't sure if Lily was referring to James or Brite. She was about to ask but realized it didn't matter because she missed both of them. Riley brushed the few stray tears away and forced out a fake smile."Where is James if he's not here? He left the library a few hours ago."

Lily knew that Riley was just changing the subject so to avoid her inner dilemma, but she gave Riley a guilty grin and let the subject change occur. "Uh…he and the guys decided to play a prank on the Slytherins."

Riley gazed at her curiously. "You're Head Girl and you allowed this?"

Lily made a face but didn't respond.

"Ahh, you're getting good at letting him push you away, aren't you," Riley suggested.

Lily shrugged. "It's easier than fighting with him, that's for sure," she explained. "And his brother just died. I'm not about to yell at him for being irresponsible. I'm hoping letting loose will make him feel better."

"You of all people should know it won't."

Lily stared at her hands. "Maybe not, but I'm hoping the guys will be able to make him feel better considering he won't let me."

Riley peered into Lily's eyes, sensing a hint of resentment in her tone. "You're jealous." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"What?" Lily laughed lightly.

"You are. You want him to come to you when he's feeling down, not go to his friends."

"No, no," she argued, shaking her head. "I just..."

"Want him to come to you," she reiterated with a hopeful smile.

Lily turned away, sighing inwardly. ""He won't even look me in the eye, Riley. He'd rather go cavorting around the school playing pranks with his three guy friends than even be in my presence for just a few seconds. He…he doesn't want anything to do with me right now. Even earlier, when I asked him if he wanted to go to the kitchens with me, he refused. When I suggested just doing some homework together, he couldn't get away fast enough. I didn't bring up Brite and I wasn't intending on it and he still didn't want to spend the time with me. I just…" she sighed. "I just miss him, I guess."

Riley patted Lily's hand. "He's afraid to be with you, Lily. He…he doesn't want you of all people to see him so fragile."

"What?"

"He knows that when he's with his friends, he'll be distracted by pranks and jokes. With you, it's a totally different situation. You're his girlfriend. You're the one person he trusts with all of his intimate secrets and…and he's supposed to be your strong, macho boyfriend. James Potter doesn't show weakness. And…and he doesn't want you to see him when he's suffering."

Lily hesitated. "Really?" he murmured, realizing that Riley may be right.

She nodded. "Yeah. And because he's so intimate with you if he ever does start acknowledging the situation, it's going to be with you and no one else. And right now, he doesn't want to acknowledge it. And if and when he does, he doesn't want you to see him break down and become emotional. It's easier for him pushing you away than even attempt to face the reality of the situation."

Lily glanced at Riley curiously, realizing that Riley may be right. "You think so?"

"I know so," she argued. "It's not because he doesn't want to be with you, Lily. Please know that. He's just...he's trying to keep his head above water. And when he's around you, he might not know how to do that."

"He seems to be doing a lot of pushing me away lately," Lily murmured.

Riley patted her leg comfortingly. "I know you've heard this a few times lately, but he will come around. When he will want to talk, he _will _come straight to you. Just…just be patient, Lily."

Lily made a face. Patience was never a strong quality of hers.

Riley stifled a yawn and got up off the couch. "Okay, well I just wasted an entire hour so now I need to go finish my Herbology essay," she grunted. "Just give him his space right now Lily."

"How long am I supposed to do that for?" Lily said irritably. "Until I'm 30?"

"Eh, try 70," she joked.

Lily reached behind her for a pillow to throw at Riley but ended up just laughing and losing her balance.

Riley laughed and headed for the door. She said her goodbyes and walked out into the hallway, recalling the earlier conversation she had with Lily. _Would _it be sacrificing her integrity to start offering her companionship to James again? She knew that James wouldn't admit that he wanted her there for him or needed her there for him, but she also knew James well enough to know that he was suffering more than he was willing to admit. She just wasn't sure if she was the right person to heal his suffering.

She turned the corner and ran into someone, falling to the floor in one swift drop. "Ow!" she cried out as she landed on her tailbone.

"Sorry," a recognizable voice said. James offered his hand to her and Riley hesitantly took it.

"Thanks," she murmured.

He shrugged it off and stepped aside to let Riley pass.

Instead of passing she said, "Hi, James."

James didn't respond.

"How was the prank?"

She hesitated. "Lily told you?"

She nodded. "What did you do?"

"Er…redecorated the Slytherin common room," he said awkwardly. "It now is adorned with the three other houses' colors and items."

"Nice," she said.

"Not our best but still nice," he murmured.

She nodded.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Uh…nodding? It's generally something one does when one agrees with the previous statement." Riley cracked a smile.

James rolled his eyes. "Not exactly what I meant. Why are you talking to me?"

Riley bit down on her lip and didn't know how to reply. Mostly because she wasn't sure why she was talking to him.

"I thought you were better than this," James continued, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Heh?"

"You're seriously just going to start talking to me because my brother died?" James snapped, his anger slowly building. "You made it pretty apparent the last few weeks that you wanted nothing to do with me and now you're actually standing there, saying hi and making your cute jokes just because you feel sorry for me?"

"Whoa, who said anything about feeling sorry for you?" Riley asked.

James snorted. "I'm not stupid, Riley. I know perfectly well that you're only willing to speak to me right now because of what happened to Brite."

Riley quickly shook her head. "No, James. I'm here speaking to you because one, I ran into you," she muttered with a smile. He didn't look amused. "And because two, our little feud is nothing compared to the feud that Voldemort is starting with the wizarding world. What's going on between us doesn't matter compared to what's going on out there."

James clenched his teeth, his eyes filling with frustration. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't stand there and turn our fight into a...a nonentity just because you feel helpless, vulnerable, and..."

"Sad?" Riley whispered.

His heart suddenly filled with aching at the desperate expression on her face.

"I want to be here for you, James," she said softly. "Just like I was there when your grandparents died and when your father was in a coma and when Wyatt left. Let me be your crying shoulder and let me hold your hand and let me be by your side."

"Did I ever ask you to be my crying shoulder? Did I ever ask you to hold my hand? Did I ever ask you to be by my side? _No_," James murmured through gritted teeth, shutting his eyes tightly.

"You never asked before either," she said in a small voice.

His opened quickly and Riley saw vehemence emanating from within. "I don't need your pity, Riles," he snarled, glaring at her.

Riley hesitated. Him calling her 'Riles' was a good sign even if he was shooting a deathly glare her way. "Let me forgive you, James."

"No."

Riley halted, her face frozen with shock. "What?"

He shrugged stiffly. "Not that I don't want you to forgive me for what I did because I do. You know that I'm sorry for everything. But I don't want you exonerating me when we both know that you are still angry with me for my unfortunate actions," James explained dryly, his tone icy and hurt. "You were still angry with me three days ago so you don't get to come to me just because you feel sorry for me. I don't need your pity forgiveness. And right now, I don't need you."

"Seems to me you don't need anyone."

James' eyes narrowed curiously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I can see you building a wall around yourself, James. You do this every time something bad happens. Difference between now and before was that I would show up by your side and stay there for as long as I know you needed me and you wouldn't even begin to question it."

James knew she was right. He had always expected her to show up. In fact, he was a little surprised that it took her three days to find the courage inside of her to seek him out. "Things have changed between us, Riles," he murmured.

"I don't want it to, though," she whispered, shaking her head. "You're still my friend and I'm yours no matter what we've been through. Let me be your friend, James."

"I don't want special treatment because of what happened to...to Brite," he muttered, shooting her a look. "Come find me when you actually forgive me."

She swallowed hard, turning away. "I got a letter from your mother today."

James' heart skipped a beat. He had a pretty good idea what about. "That was a terrible segue."

"Your brother's funeral is on Monday and I'm going to be there even if you don't want me to be," she explained. "I might be...disappointed in you and I might still be a little angry, but I'm never going to let you go through something like this alone. No matter what argument we're going through at the time, being there for you will always come first."

"I don't need you, Riley," he said bitterly. "I have the guys."

Those words stung. For eighteen years they had been best friends and she suddenly just felt cast aside. She knew he was just pushing her away (and hell she probably deserved it a little), but his words still hurt. She felt the tears slipping down her cheeks. She tried wiping them away, but they kept falling. And she wondered if she was tearing up because of his hurtful words or because she really missed his friendship or because she just really missed Brite. Or maybe just a combination of all three. "I've been there for you through everything. And you've been there for me," she whispered. "And hell, I'm going to be there for you now even if you claim you don't want me to. That's all I'm really trying to say."

"I _don't _want you to. And I don't need you to," he snapped , aggravation building up in his tone. "Can't you get that? Can't everyone get that? I'm _fine_. Alright? And with everyone staring up at me with their stupid sad eyes and their annoying hesitant smiles and their heads cocked to the side oozing with sympathy, it's just making me angry. _Why _can't anyone get that?"

"You mean Lily?"

James froze. "What?"

"You've been avoiding her, James."

"Oh, I have not."

"We might not be the best of friends at the moment, James, but I know you. And I know that Brite's death is killing you inside, yet you're convinced it will be easier coping if you go on pretending everything is fine. But you can't fake it with her, James. Which is why you don't want to be around her."

He was growing increasingly irritated with everyone wanting to talk about all things Brite. "I'm _done _talking about this, Riles," he snapped, his eyes blazing with aggravation as he attempted to slip past her.

She reached out and grabbed his arm. "I'm just telling you now that no matter how hard you try avoiding all of us, we're not going to let you," she said with a sigh. "We'll try to keep the sad eyes and hesitant smiles and head cocks to a minimum, but we're not going anywhere. You're going to have to deal with us, because we're going to be there for you at Hogwarts, we're going to be there at the funeral, we're going to-"

"Why would we have to deal with each other at the funeral?" James snapped. "I have no intention of going home this weekend."

Riley's expression went from melancholy to shock. "Uh…_what_?"

He shrugged. "I've got other things to do. No time to go home."

Riley swallowed hard. "You have to go."

"No, I'm pretty sure I don't have to do anything."

"You need to go to get closure, James. To say your goodbyes. What happens-"

"You think going to his funeral counts as saying goodbye?" he snapped, raising his voice. "No, saying goodbye in _person _is what counts as a goodbye, Riley!" Riley cowered as James' bellows filled the hallways. "He's _dead_! And going to his funeral isn't going to change anything!"

"You can't avoid this forever, James," Riley whispered, her desperation apparent in her tone. "One of these days, you're going to have to come to terms with the situation! And when you do-"

"I have come to terms with it! And I am sick and tired of everyone thinking I'm pretending it didn't happen!" he replied. "I _get _it! Brite's _dead_. He's _not _coming back. So what's the point in going to his funeral? Like I said, it _isn't _going to change anything!" His voice was trembling.

"I know the funeral isn't going to change anything but I think your family would like to grieve with you, James," she said, swallowing hard. "Don't go home for yourself, but go home for _them_."

He crossed his arms. "They'll do just fine without me."

They both just stared at each other, refusing to listen to the other's viewpoint.

Riley sighed. "What happens when you look back in a few months and regret this decision?" she asked softly. "What happens then?"

"That won't happen," James argued. "I've already made my decision and I'm fine with it."

"You owe it to Brite."

James looked away from Riley's determined stare, taking a deep breath in and exhaling slowly. "He's dead," he spat, swallowing hard. "So I-I can't owe him anything."

"James-"

"Riley, _please_. I-I don't want to talk about this anymore," he interrupted desperately, shaking his head furiously. "I-I just want to get back to my Transfiguration essay that I have yet to finish." It was a lie. He had finished it the day before, but it was the only excuse he could come up with.

Riley smiled.

"Why the hell are you smiling?"

"I…I just miss this, that's all."

James furrowed his brow. "You miss us…arguing?" he questioned peculiarly, raising an eyebrow in question. "I don't know if you've noticed, but we've been doing that for the past few weeks."

"No we haven't. We've barely uttered two words to each other since that day which doesn't really qualify as fighting. Fighting insinuates that there is one-on-one arguing," Riley pointed out. "And we're not fighting. We're simply having a minor disagreement."

James snorted. "You call this a minor disagreement? We're having a heated debate about my brother's funeral! Nothing minor about it!"

"It's not a heated debate. Just a minor disagreement."

"Heated debate."

"Minor disagreement!"

"Heated debate!"

"Minor disagreement!"

"_Heated debate_!"

Riley smiled again.

"Why are you smiling again?"

"Because now we're having a minor disagreement about how we fight."

James stared at Riley incredulously and opened his mouth to argue but instead, he found himself letting out a short laugh. He covered his mouth in surprise but another laugh came out, followed by a few more. Suddenly, the laughter was falling from his mouth quickly and easily. And it felt good to laugh. He hadn't really laughed in three days. "It is a pretty lame thing to fight about," he chuckled. Suddenly, his smile disappeared and in place rested a hesitant frown as he let the silence engulf them once again. He gazed down at the girl that he had grown up with and sighed. "Just like the old days."

"Yeah, and I was right then, too."

"You're not right! We were having a heated de-"

"Minor disagreement!" Riley said in a sing-song voice, sticking out her tongue.

James scowled. "I recognize now why I stopped talking to you."

"Because you're a jackass?" she said with a smile.

He found himself smiling, too. "So you're back to thinking I'm a jackass, hm?"

"I never stopped thinking that," she teased.

"Good," he said softly. "Because I deserve you thinking I'm a jackass. I screwed things up between us Riley. You were right before. You've always been there for me. And on that day, I-I wasn't there for you. For that, I'm always going to be sorry. But nothing's changed. You're still upset with me and I still very much deserve it. Please don't...don't pretend as if everything is okay."

She met his gaze, frowning hesitantly before slowly nodding. "Okay," she whispered.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Riles."

She offered him an awkward smile before sliding past him and heading down the hallway. When she reached the end, she turned around and was surprised to see James still standing there watching her. "James," she said hoarsely, her voice filled with desperation. "I hope you know how sorry I am for...for what happened."

James' heart sank. "You too, Riley," he murmured. "He was as much your brother as he was mine."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she quickly reached up to swipe them away. "I know you don't want to here this again, but please know that I am always here for you."

James sighed. "I know." Without another word, he turned around and headed towards his room.

James couldn't help but smile as he walked back to his room. He knew that Riley was only apologizing because of his brother's death and while that made the moment completely tarnished, he was happy that she was willingly speaking to him again. He had missed spending time with Riley and he just hoped that after the shock of Brite's death wore off, Riley would still feel forgiving. He knew that he didn't deserve it, but he really needed her in his life again. Even though he had been doing a damn good job and putting up a front at how fine he was, truth was he was slowly dying inside. And having Riley by his side made him feel slightly stronger. It was like she had said: she had been there for him every step of the way and had encountered his tragedies as if they were her own. And although he wasn't planning on reaching out to hold her hand or cry on her shoulder or beg her to stay by his side, he still really liked knowing that she was always there for him. Even when he had been a royal ass to her.

He opened the door to the private quarters, happy for the first time in days.

"What are you smiling at?"

His smile dissipated when he saw Lily sitting in their commons room. "Nothing," he said quickly, shrugging his shoulders.

"How was the prank?"

"Fine."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yes."

Lily struggled to find something else to ask him. "Um, has Riley sought you out yet?"

"Just now."

"Are you going to continue answering my questions with only one word?"

He recalled Riley's words from earlier about his sudden desire to push Lily away. But he chose to ignore those words just like he was ignoring her. "I believe 'just now' is two words."

Lily shut her textbook. "James, I-"

"Are you done interrogating me?" he interrupted, quirking an irritable eyebrow. "I've got work to finish and sleep to catch up on."

Lily never felt so rejected and unwanted than she did in that moment. She felt the tears welling up inside of her, and she quickly got up off the couch. She refused to let James see how upset she was getting. Not because she was trying to be humble but because it wasn't fair to him that she was acting so distraught during his difficult time. "I'm here for you, James."

He froze as she disappeared into her room without another word. Why did her words cause him panic when Riley's same words only minutes earlier had caused him relief? Why was he so afraid to look Lily in the eye but he was so desperate for the knowledge that Riley still needed him?

He shook both questions from his mind, refusing to be philosophical so late at night. He just knew that he didn't want to give Lily any time to bring up Brite because he wasn't ready to discuss him with her. Not that night. Not ever. He grabbed his books and rushed back out of his private quarters. He found himself migrating to the Gryffindor common room to find his friends again, who were all sitting lazily around the dying fire chuckling about their best pranks from the past. James was more than happy to join into the conversation, pushing all thoughts of Riley, Lily, and Brite as far from his mind as possible.

* * *

The next night, Sirius wandered through the hallways thinking about the recent revelation in his lifetime. It tore him up inside knowing that everything he had gone through with Riley was all based on a complete lie. While he knew he was being cowardly, he prayed that Riley would never find out. She was already hurt by everything he put her through. He didn't need to cause her anymore pain.

When he was done being alone, he eventually decided to trickle towards the library hoping to find James, Remus, and Peter there. He saw their books and their bags off to the side but no bodies. He could only assume they had snuck out to the kitchens for a late-night snack. For lack of anything better to do and to get his mind off of Riley and Rachael, Sirius reached for James' Potions book and started on the essay.

He was nearly finished when James slid into the table beside Sirius. "You look lonely," he joked.

"Avoiding Lily still, are we?" Sirius snickered.

"Maybe I just have tons of work to do!"

"It's after eleven o'clock. You're usually crawling into bed with your beloved girlfriend at this point," he pointed out.

James groaned. "Fine, I'm avoiding her."

Remus came up behind them, chiming in with, "You're being stupid, Prongs."

"Maybe," James admitted with a sigh.

All three of his friends were giving him looks.

"Okay, probably," he corrected with a growl. "But I just can't..." he trailed off, cringing at the words he was about to utter.

"Face it?" said Sirius softly, frowning.

James glanced up at his friend and saw a glint of sadness dimming in his eyes. He hesitated, realizing that he hadn't once asked how Sirius was doing. Brite had practically been a brother to Sirius ever since Sirius had taken possession of the bedroom across the hall from James' during that first summer after Hogwarts. James hadn't even thought about what his friend had been dealing with. James opened his mouth to try and say something, but his throat tightened around the words. He took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly before changing the subject altogether. "So, Padfoot, what are the chances you've come to your senses and told Riley by now about Rachael?"

"Slim to none." The best thing for Sirius to do was to stay away from Riley and move on with his life. She deserved better than him. He returned to his essay. "When is our Advanced Transfiguration exam?"

"Uh, tomorrow morning," Peter said.

Sirius swore. "Damn. I haven't even begun to study."

"Yeah, me neither. Do you think I can pull the 'my brother died' card?" James asked with a hint of a smile.

No one said anything, sudden tension erupting among them.

"Jeez, you really need to realize when I'm joking," James sniggered.

No one said anything.

"I'm _fine_, guys. I am."

"How can you joke about that, James?" Remus asked softly.

James fell silent, his eyes migrating to a crack on the back wall in order to avoid the scrutinizing stares from his friends. "I have to," he murmured awkwardly, wishing for the overwhelming burden of sorrow that was rushing through him to disappear. "I-I can't...I don't...I just..." his words came out in a desperation jumble of unfinished sentences. He took a deep breath in and let out a heavy sigh. "It's my defense mechanism, Moony. It's how I...I deal with it."

"Except you're not dealing with it," he muttered.

"Please just _stop_," James snapped, glaring at him. "I can't talk about it. I can't think about it. All I can do right now is joke about it. So please just let me." His voice was on the verge of breaking as he attempted to keep his cool.

"James," he said softly.

The one word nearly threw James into a tailspin. "_Please_, Moony," he whispered. "I'm about two seconds away from..." he trailed off once again, not wanting to admit that he was about ready to fall apart.

Remus winced, recognizing that James just needed to be distracted. "Alright, fine, shall we just make fun of Sirius instead? That always entertains us."

Sirius glared at him. "And I call you guys my best friends."

"And I call you guys my best friends."

"Really? Because I just call you the guy that I stopped listening to the day he and Riley broke up," Remus snickered.

Sirius whimpered. "I do not talk about her that much!"

The three other boys erupted into hysterical laughter, causing Sirius to pout. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I choose to ignore the both of you and start looking at my textbook."

Three simultaneous gasps erupted. "Oh my God, are you actually going to pick up a book? This might be a momentous day in the life of Sirius Black," Remus said overdramatically.

He rolled his eyes and turned his book to the correct page.

"Damnit, where is the camera when you need it!" Peter cried out, applauding Sirius in an ostentatious way.

"I feel like a proud father watching his son ride his broom for the first time," Remus said, wiping away a fake tear.

"Speech! Speech!" James cried out with a laugh.

"I don't know if you've noticed," Sirius interrupted, trying not to show his amused smile, "but I'm ignoring you."

James hesitated. "That wasn't exactly the kind of speech I was looking for."

* * *

Lily knocked softly on James' door later that night, and didn't wait for him to yell for her to come in. She knew it would never come. She also knew there was a good chance he would still be awake.

"Hey there," she greeted, not surprised that he was at his desk frantically reading over his notes. When the library closed, he strode back to his room. While he originally was planning on sleeping, counting sheep didn't seem to do anything for him. So he chose to continue studying.

"Hi," he said, not lifting his head from his notes.

"Studying?" Lily said.

James glanced over at her. "No, I'm playing Quidditch."

Lily forced out a laugh and walked over to him, putting her hands on his shoulders. "Right, stupid question."

He stiffened at her touch. "What do you want?"

"Just…just wondering what you're up to."

"I'm studying. Haven't we gone over this?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Lily didn't respond. Mostly because she had no idea what to say.

They sat there in silence for another few minutes before James whirled around in his chair and faced her. "Is there something else you wanted, Lily?"

There was a hint of coldness in his voice that scared Lily. "James, I don't know what to say or do at this point."

James shrugged. "There's nothing to say or do at this point," he said lightly. "Unless you want to quiz me on Transfiguration, that is."

Lily sighed and looked at him keenly. "I-I can do that," she said hesitantly.

He glanced over at her in surprise. "_Just _Transfiguration?"

She nodded, even though Transfiguration wasn't what she wanted to talk about.

He stared at her, realizing the mistake he just made. He flashed her an innocent smile, shrugging. "Y'know what? I just realized that I finished with Transfiguration. I've moved on to an essay," he said hastily.

"Oh," she said, feeling hurt and defeated. There was no doubt in her mind now that James would do anything to keep her away from him. "Well, can I help you with that?"

"Not unless you really want to write it for me," he snorted, rolling his eyes.

Lily sighed and turned back around, not wanting to be in the presence of someone who didn't want her there. She thought about what Riley said earlier, telling her to be patient and wait for James to come to her. She was finding that nearly impossible but she was willing to keep trying. "Okay, well…good night," she murmured.

He didn't bother responding.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed reading the break-up between Sirius and Rachael as much as I enjoyed writing it! Ding-dong, the wicked bitch is gone! James continues to evade the subject of his brother and Lily is feeling extremely left out. More on that to come! Please review!


	35. Of Transfiguration, Pranks, & Ladybugs

**A/N: **One week later and I'm back with the next chapter. You see a lot more interaction between James and Lily in this chapter but probably not in the way you like. I know a lot of you are irritated with James and so am I! But as we have seen in the past, James is a pro-avoider (I totally just made that word up). He's good at shutting those out he loves and Lily now falls in that category.

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter, not me.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 35: Of Transfiguration, Pranks, & Ladybugs

* * *

James tried to slip out of the room the next morning quietly, but Lily heard him. "Hey," she said as he was about to head to breakfast.

He stiffened and turned around. "Hey," he said.

"Breakfast?"

He nodded.

Lily wished that their interaction wasn't awkward, but James was determined to make it that way. "Did you study for the Transfiguration exam?"

"Yes," he said, shrugging, closing the door behind them.

"It's going to be a killer."

"It's McGonagall," James said, forcing out a smile. "Of course it will be."

"Were you in the library last night?"

"Yes."

"With the guys?"

"Of course."

Lily grabbed his arm and made him stop mid-step. "James, stop doing this."

"Doing what?" he asked innocently.

She let out a sigh before saying what she had tried so desperately to avoid, "I miss my boyfriend."

"I'm standing right here."

"You know what I mean," she whispered, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

He avoided eye contact with her, choosing to fix his stare on the suit of armor down the hallway. When she glanced up at him, she saw such a vacancy in his eyes. It scared her. James Potter was a lot of things but unfeeling wasn't one of them.

He sighed and leaned against the wall, trying to figure out how he could explain to her that he ws scared to feel anything in fear of breaking down. James Potter didn't break down. He opened his mouth to respond and found that nothing would come out. He shut his eyes tightly and whispered in a strained voice, "Lily, I just..." he trailed off, not sure what the rest of that sentence should be.

She was looking up at him with hopeful eyes and he wanted to be able to talk to her the way he wanted her to but there was something blocking him from doing so. "Can you just let me deal with this in my own way right now?" he eventually asked, the desperation in his voice unmistakable.

She blinked and turned away. She wanted to argue back. She wanted to tell him it was a mistake. She wanted to let him know that by ignoring it, it's going to make it worse. She wanted to tell him that he wasn't dealing with it at all. She wanted to stand up for herself and tell him she didn't appreciate being ignored and she didn't deserve it either. She wanted to tell him that they didn't have to talk about it, that she just wanted to be around him.

Instead, she just said, "Okay."

She knew how stubborn James was. He was going to do what he wanted no matter how much Lily tried to stop him. And as his girlfriend, she realized that she had to support him even if she didn't agree with his actions. She just had to wait until he felt it was the right time to come to her. And Lily knew that eventually, he would come to her. Maybe not today or tomorrow or in a few days, but he had asked her to let him in. Now she just had to wait for him to do the same.

He gazed at her, confused. "Really?"

"Sure," she mumbled. "I get it, James. I do. But please just…just know that I'm not going anywhere. So, when you're ready, please..." she trailed off, the words catching in her throat.

"Please what?" he dared to ask.

She bit down on her bottom lip, willing to stop the tears before they could flood her eyes. She gazed up at him, her eyes filled with desperation and regret. "Please find your way back to me."

James turned his head away immediately, a pang of guilt filling his heart. "Okay," he muttered.

"Really?" It was her turn to be surprised.

He shrugged and offered her his hand. "C'mon, I could use a massive cup of coffee right about now."

Lily snuck a quick glance at him before taking his hand in hers and walking with him to the Great Hall. He looked like a different person. Lily just hoped that he would soon realize that just because his brother died didn't mean that James had to be a different person.

* * *

All seven of them were there at their respected tables at lunch that day. Lily made up an excuse to leave James with his friends. She had come to the conclusion that the more space she offered him, maybe it would give him more incentive to be with her in the end. So instead, she joined Kay, who was talking to Alice about the latest History of Magic assignment. Riley glanced up from her plate where she was sitting at the Ravenclaw table with Rhett towards Sirius, Remus, and James. They were all laughing boisterously, clearly enjoying each others' company. She was glad to hear the Marauders laughing as a group again, but hearing Sirius' laugh sent shivers down her spine. While the details of his break-up with Rachael were still fuzzy, the gossip had yet to die down. She was constantly surrounded by it and it was irritating her. Would she ever be able to get away from him?

"You're awfully quiet today," Rhett said. "What's up?"

Riley jerked her head back towards her boyfriend and shook her head. "Nothing really. Just…just feeling down about the whole Brite thing."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, kissing her cheek.

She shrugged. "It's fine," she lied.

Rhett could tell by her fake smile that she wasn't fine. "Tell me about him," he said softly.

Riley's heart skipped a beat as she snuck a peek towards James. "I-I don't want to talk about it," she murmured, trying to push thoughts of Brite and James from her head.

Rhett frowned. He had a feeling that it wasn't that she didn't want to talk about it. It was that she wanted to talk about it with James and not him. "Riley, if you really think you need to be around James, then push your way back into his life. He'll allow it once he realizes he needs you."

"I tried that," she muttered. "It didn't work."

Rhett shrugged. "Try harder," he said with a smile.

She didn't respond as the laughter of the Marauders once again rang out. She snuck another peek back over at the table but this time it wasn't James she was looking at.

"Riley, what's going on with you?" Rhett sighed, recognizing that she was clearly distracted.

"What? I already said, I'm just-"

"That's not the whole truth though, is it," he muttered.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're bothered by the whole Sirius and Rachael break-up, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

Riley cringed. "_No_," she argued. "Those two were bound to break up eventually. He was just using her to get to me. Not that it worked," she quickly remembered to add.

Rhett nodded hesitantly.

"Rhett, forget about Sirius," Riley pleaded. _If he couldn't forget about Sirius, how could she? _"He's nothing to me now. Stop worrying about it."

Rhett sighed and turned away from Riley's eager gaze. "He's not nothing, Riley," he asked softly. "He was a big part of your life whether you want to admit it or not. And you weren't even three days broken up before you started dating me. So how can I not worry?"

"I regret that you had stepped aside in December, Rhett," Riley retaliated, stroking his arm soothingly. "I regret that Sirius had been a big part of my life. But what I don't regret is my relationship with you _now_. I asked you not to make a big deal out of it because it's not a big deal. Just because he might have lingering feelings for me doesn't mean I have feelings for him. My feelings for him are way over. The moment we broke up, I had let him go. Maybe he once meant something to me, but he doesn't anymore. You…you just have to trust me."

There was a clear hesitancy in Rhett's eyes but eventually, he leaned over and brushed his lips over hers. "I can do that," he whispered.

Riley smiled. "Thank you."

If Riley wasn't so invested in making sure Rhett wasn't worried and if Rhett wasn't so invested in being worried, maybe they would have noticed that the cheerful sound of laughter from the Gryffindor table had vanished. The Marauders were listening to their conversation the entire time.

James exchanged a look with Sirius who was looking something like a deer in headlights. He smiled sympathetically at his friend. "Maybe it's really time to move on, Sirius," he muttered. "And not with a rebound girl."

Sirius nodded sullenly. "Yeah, maybe it is." He didn't add anything else and his friends knew enough to leave it at that as they returned to their lunch. Eventually Sirius smiled. "Well, you three are boring me. I'm going to flirt with Nikki," Sirius murmured as the girl walked into the Great Hall.

"Well, you bounce back fast," Remus snorted.

Sirius glared at him. "And so what if I do? People don't call me Casanova for nothing."

"No one calls you that," James said. "Besides, I said not with a rebound girl."

Sirius scoffed. "Nikki could one day be the girl I marry!"

Laughter drowned out Sirius' protests. "Might I remind you that her nickname is Hickey Nikki?" said James, rolling his eyes. "Guys don't go to her for commitment."

Sirius grinned. "Okay, fine, rebound girl it is," he snickered, jumping off the bench and joining Nikki at her table before her friends could protest.

James, Remus, and Peter all groaned as they watched Sirius rush up to Nikki giddily. Silence engulfed them as they tended to their shepherd's pie and treacle tart, their eyes never straying from Sirius and Nikki in the entrance.

Sirius came bouncing back quickly after. He grabbed his bag, ignoring the penetrating stares from his friends.

"Okay, I guess I'll ask," Remus snorted. "Where are you going? We just got here."

"Yeah, but Nikki and I have decided that a make-out session in the broom closet before our next class is a lot more entertaining than the Great Hall. And, just in case you're curious, we're going to head to the Astronomy Tower this Friday."

James rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you're willing to date that girl. Do you remember how tactless she was with me?"

Sirius shrugged and chuckled. "I'm not going after her because of her tact," he snorted. "I don't really care how inconsiderate the girl is as long as I have a…hm, _good time _right now, if you catch my drift."

James pretended to stick his finger down his throat, and Remus gave Sirius a look. "Yes, I think we all catch your drift," Remus murmured.

Sirius patted James on the back with a grin. "So how is the girl in bed?"

James rolled his eyes. "Do you even care?"

Sirius shrugged. "Nah. I'd go out with her either way."

"Well, if it helps, she does know how to give a nice bl-"

"We get the picture," Remus interrupted with a snort.

"Love the unnerved look on Rachael's face by the way," James snorted when he happened to catch a glimpse of the girl sitting just a few seats away.

"Good, she deserves it," Sirius said irritably.

"And the unnerved look on Riley's face," Remus whispered, gesturing towards Riley who was only a few feet away from them.

Sirius shrugged. "I wasn't asking Nikki out as a way of pissing off a few people. I'm doing it because it's time to move on!"

"By…by having meaningless sex?" James chuckled.

"You're judging me on my relationship choices?" Sirius snickered. "This coming from the guy who broke up with his one girlfriend just to jump into his next girlfriend on the same day."

James paused. "Okay, maybe I'm not the best example. But take Remus!" he argued. "He dated LeAnn for a few months and after they broke up, he didn't get with another girl for another three months!"

"You mean the guy who broke up with LeAnn because he couldn't get too close with her since on full moons he just happens to turn into a furry little creature? _That's _your second best example?"

James paused. "Okay, maybe he doesn't know much about relationships either."

"And please don't tell me you're going to use Peter as an example next because he's never had to get over a relationship considering the minor detail that he's never been _in _a relationship."

James paused and looked at his other two friends. "You guys are useless."

"Well, so are you!" Remus argued.

Sirius smiled. "Thanks for trying, James, but I think I can handle this," he snickered.

"She's waiting for you, y'know," James murmured, nodding in the direction of the entrance where Nikki stood with a seductive smile on her face.

"Catch you boys later," Sirius said with a suggestive grin. He quickly rushed away.

James glanced once more over at Riley, who was trying very hard not to stare at Sirius and Nikki in the entrance. "I hope this means we can finally get away from all of the Riley and Sirius drama."

Remus couldn't help but laugh, knowing it was never going to happen.

* * *

It was the first warm day of the year and after lunch, the grounds were covered in students enjoying the sunshine on their faces.

Lily, Kay, Remus, Peter, Riley, and Sirius sat underneath the willow tree overlooking the lake, but instead of their usual giddy selves, they all just looked exhausted and downtrodden as they tried to figure out what to do about James' determination to not talk about Brite.

"I just don't know what to do anymore," Lily murmured, lying down on the grass, her chin leaning on her forearm. "He doesn't want to be around me."

"It's not that he doesn't want to be with you," Sirius argued, his head resting on Lily's back. "It's just that he's trying to ignore everything he cares about right now because it's easier pretending not to care about anything at all than to admit that he cares so much it especially hurts when one of those things he cares about is taken from him in a drop of a hate."

Lily blinked. "You said the word 'care' far too many times for me to figure out what you were babbling about."

He shrugged. "He's hurting, Lily, and he doesn't want to show you that."

"He can't hide from his feelings forever," she said softly.

"We know," Riley chimed in with a sad smile. "And when he's done hiding, he'll seek you out."

"I hope so," Lily murmured. "I just want to be with him right now, not even for him but for my own sanity. And I just want him to know I'll always be there for him."

"He knows it," Sirius responded softly. "Even if he doesn't show it."

Lily wasn't so convinced as she let out a helpless sigh. She leaned her head up against Riley's crossed legs and frowned. "Honestly, as much as I would like for him to acknowledge what's happening, I'm not even sure what I could possibly do or say to him that could alleviate the tragedy of the situation."

"There's no way to alleviate that," Remus chimed in with a shrug, throwing pebbles into the lake to bide his time. "You of all people should know that."

Lily frowned, glancing up into Remus' remorseful eyes. "When my parents died," she spoke warily, "I remember feeling so lost and confused. I remember thinking that I had no one by my side to help me through it all. I just felt so alone. James doesn't have to feel that way. He has so many people who care about him and want to be by his side supporting him. I just...I don't know how to do that when he's so determined to push me away."

Remus hesitated, watching as one of his pebbles skipped atop the water. "You just have to be better at pushing back."

"That's easy for you to say," Lily snapped, shaking her head irritably. "He's not pushing you away. He's not pushing anyone away except...except for me." Seeing in James' eyes that he doesn't want her around made her feel useless and hollow.

"To be fair, he's been pushing me away, too," Riley pointed out.

"Uh, that's because you pushed him away first."

Riley grinned sheepishly. "Eh, technicalities."

Lily frowned, somehow not feeling any better with that. She had told James that she'd let him deal with it in his own way but that was a lot easier said than done. She hated seeing him so broken and lost, not that he'd admit any of that. But she could see the heartbreak in his eyes. She could see the sadness in his frowns. She could see the depletion in his expression. He may not realize it, but he was slowly falling apart. And she just wanted to be there to let him know that it was okay to fall apart. That it's expected when a close family member died. She would know. "I've been in this situation," Lily said softly as everyone turned to look at her once again. "I should know what to say. I should know what to do. And instead, I've just pissed him off and gave him reason to shoo me out the door." She sighed and rubbed her temple.

"You can never know how to handle a situation like this," Sirius said lightly, patting her hand comfortingly. "Don't beat yourself up over this."

"How can I not?" Lily whispered. "I'm his girlfriend. I should be able to handle this better than I'm handling it now. I just…I want to help."

"He'll realize eventually that he needs your help," Remus explained, countering Sirius. "Just wait until he comes to you."

"And when will that be?" Lily whined, digging her head into her arms.

"Hey guys," a nearby voice drawled.

The six of them froze at the familiar voice.

James sniggered. "Talking about me?"

"No, of course not," they chorused.

James raised an eyebrow. "Then what were you talking about?"

"Quidditch," Kay immediately responded.

"Transfiguration," Remus said.

"The weather," Peter said.

"N.E.W.T.'s," Lily said.

"Easter break," Riley said.

"Girls," Sirius said.

James rolled his eyes. "You were having a six-way conversation?"

"It could happen," Sirius said, grinning sheepishly. "We're a very talkative group and we don't always have the patience to listen to each other."

"So you talk over one another?"

"Exactly!" Sirius said giddily.

"Yeah, that, or you were talking about me," James quipped, giving them all a knowing look. His friends all quickly turned away from the scrutiny and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. "Have I mentioned recently that I'm fine?" he muttered, hesitantly joining them on the grass.

"How'd you do on the Transfiguration exam?" Remus asked.

"And now you're changing the subject and not very subtly, by the way."

"I'm not changing the subject. I'm really curious how you did on the exam," Remus said, shrugging casually.

"Since when?"

Remus sighed. "Can we just pretend there's no tension in the air and go on talking about Transfiguration?" he whined.

James cocked his head to the side and shrugged. "It wasn't too bad. I think I knew everything it was just a matter of getting it all down on paper in only an hour."

"Thank you," Remus said under his breath.

No one knew what to say next. They all sat there in silence, all trying to think of something to say to break the tension with very little success.

"Uh…so Transfiguration," Kay brought up, never one to deal well with awkwardness. "That's a fun class."

Lily couldn't help but snicker, which caused Peter to laugh. Their laughs set off everyone else and suddenly, they were all laughing and couldn't stop. "Did you really just say Transfiguration was a fun class? _That _was all you could think of to say?" Lily said in between her laughs.

"Well, no one else was speaking up!" she defended.

"That might have been the better choice," Lily teased.

"But thanks," James chimed in.

"For what?" Kay asked.

"Well, it got rid of that tension for one thing," he pointed out, smiling mercifully. "And for another, it gave us something to tease you about for the rest of the day."

Kay groaned. "Why couldn't I have just kept my mouth shut?"

Lily sighed overdramatically. "We all wonder that same thing every day."

"Don't make me throw a rock at you," Kay growled.

"You have terrible aim."

"Don't make me get Remus to throw a rock at you."

Which caused another bout of hysterical laughter. Just what they all needed.

* * *

Sirius led Nikki up the Astronomy Tower ladder and into the empty room. He and Nikki had been making a lot of small talk up to this point, most of it awkward on Sirius' part for no reason except that he wasn't into this date one bit. "Wow, the moon is pretty," Sirius said hollowly, staring out the window.

Nikki smirked. She blocked out the window and placed her hands in his pockets. "I don't think you brought me here to talk about the moon," she whispered. She leaned in slowly and kissed him subtly.

Sirius opened his mouth and let her kiss him. Kissing Nikki was unlike kissing any other girl before. It took him a few minutes of full-blown snogging before he realized what felt so wrong about it: he didn't want to be kissing Nikki. He had no attraction to her and she might as well have been a rock. He was barely aroused. He continued to kiss her, only hoping that in an instant, their chemistry would spark. His eyes were closed, and he tangled his hands up in her air as his tongue explored her mouth, but he just wasn't into it. And at that moment, Riley's face flashed through his mind.

Nikki pushed Sirius against the wall and pulled her sweater over her head. She quickly placed her fingers on his belt and started unhooking it, as she placed her lips back on his with a ferocity not foreseen.

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "Um, Nikki?" he whispered between kisses. "Are you sure we should be doing this? Anyone can walk up here and we've only been on this date for, like, twenty minutes."

She grinned playfully as she pulled Sirius' belt out of its belt loops and let it fall to the floor. "Oh, right, like that's stopped you before."

"Maybe not, but…you're different," he lied.

She snorted. "Sirius, I don't know what ploy you're trying to use here, but you can just stop the act. I know why you brought me up here, and I'm not the kind of girl that likes games. I want to fuck you, Sirius, and you won't need to tell me that I'm special or whatever to get me into bed." She smiled and straddled him on the wall, pushing her bra-filled breasts against his abdomen and sticking her tongue into his mouth.

He continued with the act for another few minutes, letting her slip his shirt over his head, until he pushed her away again. "Nikki, I really think we need to slow it down. You-"

"Oh my God," she muttered under her breath irritably, stepping back and crossing her arms bitterly. "Are you for real?"

Sirius stared at the ground, unsure what to think.

"Do you know who I am, Sirius? I'm Nikki Ventura," she said, confused. "I don't _slow things down_. My nickname is 'Hickey Nikki,' for God's sake."

"I-I'm sorry," he stuttered, not looking her in the eye. "I just…I just…" he dithered. He was out of excuses.

She cocked her head to the side. "Y'know, I've heard the gossip around school, but I didn't actually believe it until right now," she murmured.

"Heh?" Sirius shot back.

"You still have feelings for Riley Gilmore, don't you?" she smirked, her eyes dancing.

"What! _No_," Sirius quickly argued. "That's…that's not it at all." He wasn't entirely convinced.

"Sirius, you're pushing away a girl who is practically throwing herself at you. That is very uncharacteristic of the Sirius Black that everyone knows."

Sirius glanced out the window again, an overwhelming feeling of insecurity befalling him. He wasn't that Sirius Black that everyone knew anymore. That was the problem.

But he was never going to admit that.

He frowned and turned back to Nikki, a look of hunger in his eyes. "If I still had feelings for Riley, would I do this?" He grabbed her and placed his lips on her frantically, pushing her up against the wall passionately. He let his mind wander as his body took over.

* * *

Unusual to most nights, the seventh-year boys were rather quiet. James was helping Peter with his Transfiguration homework, and Remus was resting his eyes on a couch with his girlfriend in his arms, catching up on reading for Herbology. The only noises heard from the group of friends were James' quiet voice helping Peter and the pages turning from Jillian's textbook. Sirius had left for his date with Nikki over an hour earlier and the common room still smelled like his aftershave.

"You're getting much better with it," James said. "Just remember it's all about the right flicking motion of the wrist."

Peter nodded and murmured a 'thank you.'

James jumped up from the floor and plopped on to the empty loveseat with a yawn. "It's a Friday night and I'm tutoring. How did I get to be so boring?"

Remus' eyes fluttered open. "Well, last year, Friday night was devoted to cruising around Hogsmeade picking up single girls. You haven't had much chance of that this year, now have you, what with Kristina and Lily."

James scrunched up his nose. "Yeah, I guess." He whimpered. "Damnit, girlfriends really screw with a guy's mind."

"Ahem!" Jillian cried out with a subtle laugh.

James shrugged. "You can't deny it."

"Uh,_ yes _I can," she snorted, picking her head out of her textbook long enough to give James a withering look. "Your guys' minds were already screwed up way before we came along."

"AHEM!" the three replied, filling the common room with a boisterous laughter.

"Do you really want to go out to Hogsmeade and cruise around for single chicks?" Jillian asked James curiously.

"First of all, I don't call girls 'chicks.' That's degrading," James said with a teasing grin.

"Cute," she responded with a laugh.

"Second of all, maybe I don't want to go into Hogsmeade, but I would like the option!" he whined.

"Hate to break it to you, but you sorta have that option," Remus pointed out dryly. "You're not exactly letting Lily tie you down at the moment, are you?"

James lay back against the pillow with a disgruntled sigh, not responding to Remus. He knew it was Remus' way of telling him he was being a jackass to her.

Remus winced. "Sorry."

James shrugged and stared up at the stone ceiling with a longing look. "Don't be. It's true." The one good thing that arguing with and pushing away Lily brought to him was that it got his mind off of Brite.

"And why exactly is that true?" Remus asked, using that opportunity to question his recent attitude change.

"What do you mean?" James murmured, stiling a yawn.

"Why are you acting so...distant with Lily?"

"I'm not," he quickly lied.

Both Remus and Peter couldn't help but laugh. "We all know that that's not true," Peter retaliated, rolling his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about this," James said hastily, shaking his head.

"Big surprise there," Remus snorted.

James glared at his friend.

"Don't give me that look," Remus grunted, narrowing his eyes. "You're being a jerk to her and I really don't think you're being fair."

James rolled his eyes. "And like I said, I _really _don't want to discuss this."

"You can't hide behind your tragedy forever!" Remus argued, his fists clenching.

James sensed Remus' frustration and gazed at him, intrigued. "You gonna get mad at me because you think I'm being unfair?" James asked, an upturned smile approaching his face. "You going to continue calling me names? Tell me the reasons I've been such a bad boyfriend?"

Remus hesitated, glancing towards Peter. "No," he murmured, slouching down.

James frowned and turned his gaze back up towards the ceiling. Even Remus was pitying him enough that he couldn't tell James what was on his mind. It made James angry.

Remus searched frantically for something to change the subject with, failing successfully.

Thankfully, Peter interrupted. "What is unicorn blood used for again?"

Before James could respond, the portrait was thrust open, and Sirius poured into the common room. He slammed the portrait loudly behind him and immediately hurled himself on to an empty couch beside his friends, face pushed into one of the pillows with a frenzied, muffled scream.

At the sound of the portrait crashing against its frame, the four of them inside the room jumped.

"Sirius?" James asked, confused.

Sirius replied with another muffled scream into the pillow.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, sincerely concerned. "Did the date with Nikki not go well?"

Sirius dug his face out of his pillow with a disturbed look on his face. When he caught sight of Jillian, his face blanched and he turned toward the wall, his back against his friends.

"I think I should go," Jillian whispered. She took herself out of Remus' grasp. "This looks like…uh…guy talk." Remus didn't argue, and she kissed lightly. "'Night."

Remus was too distracted with Sirius' unusual behavior to even reply to his girlfriend, but she wasn't offended. She quickly walked out.

"She didn't have to go," Sirius muttered when she heard her footsteps.

"Sirius, what's going on?" Peter asked, his homework pushed to the back of his mind.

Sirius continued staring at the stone wall without a word.

The three other Marauders shared uneasy glances with each other. Remus gave James a stern look, gesturing and mouthing 'You talk to him.' James shook his head furiously and pointed to Peter to do it. Peter's mouth dropped in frustration, jerking his finger toward Remus and Sirius' bed. 'He's your best friend!' Remus mouthed. James shrugged his shoulders, confused to what Remus was trying to say, and narrowed his eyes irritably. Peter looked at both of his friend impatiently.

"Guys, I know you're gesturing behind my back," Sirius finally spoke up. "I can hear the frantic rustle of your clothing."

They all cringed sheepishly.

"Sirius, what's going on?" James asked cautiously.

Sirius gazed up at all of his friends' concerned looks and found himself holding back. He didn't dare tell him that he slept with Nikki and hated every minute of it. He'd never hear the end of it. "Nothing," he said with a fake smile, shrugging. "I was just…just thinking that we need to play another prank on the Slytherins."

"We just did one last night," Remus reminded.

"So? We ceased the pranks for months. That doesn't mean they shouldn't get the full force of the Marauders."

Peter nodded furiously. "I hate Transfiguration so I'm in."

James shrugged. "I could always use a prank to get my mind off of…well, you know."

It was clear to Remus that both Sirius and James needed to play a prank and there was no way he was going to leave them hanging. He quickly agreed and they started forming an idea in their head.

* * *

The four boys were at breakfast the next day, laughing and joking around. James didn't even glance in Lily's direction when he sat down at the table. Only seconds after they sat down at their table, a crowd of Slytherins swarmed into the Great Hall looking quite unhappy.

Sirius grinned. "Guess they woke up in their new pink robes."

"Something tells me they didn't appreciate it," James added with a haughty laugh.

Severus Snape, Rodolphus Lestrange, Bellatrix Black, Mickey Mulciber, and Augustus Rookwood strode over to the Gryffindor table where the boys were sitting trying to contain their laughter and failing miserably.

"Oh hey," Sirius said coolly.

"Don't you hey me," Rodolphus sneered. "Pink robes? Is that the best you can do?"

"I see you haven't taken them off yet," Sirius retaliated with a grin, knowing that their anti-magic charm had a few hours before it would wear off.

"Don't you have anything better to do than try and come up with charms to turn clothes _pink_?" Bellatrix scowled. "Or is pink your favorite color, coz? Not that I'd be surprised."

Sirius' fists clenched. He hated being reminded of their cousin relationship. "That's a pretty lousy insult considering you're the one wearing the color."

Her eyes gleamed with hatred. "Next time, go bother the Hufflepuffs. I didn't need to wake up just to be _disgusted_."

"Then you should probably steer clear of your mirror in the morning," Sirius shot back, flashing her a grin.

"I liked it better when you two stayed away from each other," Snape growled. "These pranks resisted then."

"Yeah, and I like it better when you stay away from us," James replied, glaring at him. "We can't all get what we want."

Rodolphus smirked and shrugged casually. "We can let this one slide."

"What?" Augustus said in surprise.

Rodolphus shot him an amused look. "After all, I think we already won in a way." He fixed a cool stare on James, a smug smiling creeping on to his face. "How's the family doing, Potter?"

James froze, chills running down his spine at the amusement in Rodolphus' tone. Slowly, he stood up from the table as Sirius, Remus, and Peter watched him carefully and curiously. "At least my family is fighting on the right side of this war," he said coolly, his voice shaky with desperation.

"Fighting? I think you mean _dying,"_ he snorted.

_"_It's better than rotting in Azkaban. How is your dear uncle doing anyway?"

"Still alive. How's your older brother doing?" he snorted.

"Which one?" Mulciber sneered, a smirk resting on his face. "The one that got himself killed or the one that walked away from his family?"

"Doesn't matter either way," Rodolphus chimed in, recognizing the blood boiling through James' every vein, "Smartest decisions those two ever made was leaving their pathetic family behind even if dying was the way one had to do it. Looks like those Death Eaters did him a favor."

James couldn't help what he did next. He punched Rodolphus in the face.

"Bloody hell!" Rodolphus exclaimed, stumbling backwards.

"Don't pretend you know anything about me, Lestrange," James said coolly, flexing his throbbing hand. He glanced back at the Head table where Dumbledore and Slughorn started flocking towards him. "C'mon, guys, let's get out of here," he sneered, glaring at the Slytherins before quickly rushing out of the Great Hall with his friends right behind him.

"Did you see the look on Lestrange's face when you punched him? He didn't know what to do!" Sirius laughed as they both continued running through the hallways. "Nice right hook you got there."

James nodded and shrugged, finally stopping at the top of the second floor stairway. He tried to catch his breath. "I've been perfecting it over the years on the Slytherins' faces. Oh, and Zach's." There was a hint of agony in James' voice.

"Are...are you okay, James?" Remus dared to ask.

"Of course. You think I'm going to let Lestrange get to me?" James said with a curt shrug. "His words mean nothing."

"And yet you punched him."

"The bloody git deserved it," he snapped.

"You're telling me," Sirius agreed, recognizing the cool anger in James' tone. He chose to change the subject. "C'mon, let's head to Slughorn's class early and freak him out a little bit."

James tried to force out a laugh with very little success. He couldn't get Rodolphus' words out of his head no matter how hard he tried. He had been able to easily avoid the implications of his brother's death around his friends, but somehow he couldn't let the frustration and anger and sorrow go when Rodolphus was taunting him. It felt like a stab to the heart with every word Rodolphus spoke. That bastard was winning. _Voldemort _was winning. And there wasn't anything he could do about it.

* * *

Lily and Riley swiftly walked through the door to class a few minutes before it started. Lily scanned the room briefly and saw the boys in the back of the room. Sirius was leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on the desk while James was busy doodling on the side of an old page of notes. Remus and Peter were actually attempting to glance over their notes, but Sirius and James kept distracting them.

Lily stormed over to them while Riley saved them a couple of seats on the other side of the room.

"What the hell was that?" Lily demanded, arching her eyebrows far into her forehead as she glared at her boyfriend.

"Uh, well this here is a ladybug," James said, pointing at his drawing. He pointed to another scribble. "And that's a dragon devouring Lestrange."

Sirius tried to contain his laughter but it came out as a snort.

Lily glared at him. "Oh you think this is funny?" she snapped. She turned back to James who had returned to his drawing of the dragon. She grabbed his quill and accidentally snapped it in half.

"Hey!" James cried out. "Well, now when I don't take notes I have you to blame for it."

Sirius laughed again, but when Lily gave him look of pure anger, he pretended to go into a coughing fit.

Lily threw the broken pieces down on to the table. "Why the hell would you punch Lestrange, James?"

James shrugged. "He was annoying me," he said casually.

"You punched a guy just because he was annoying you?" she growled. "If you used that as your criteria, every bloody guy in the school would be in the hospital wing as a repercussion!"

"I have sent many a Slytherin to the hospital wing on those criteria," James pointed out.

"How can you be so nonchalant about this? You punched a guy and you're Head Boy! I'm pretty sure that's not a very good role model."

James couldn't help but roll his eyes, a frown slowly creeping on to his face. "Look, if you want to stand there and yell at me, go right ahead. But don't use this as an excuse to do so."

She glared at him. "Excuse me?"

He shrugged. "Why don't you yell at me about what's actually bothering you?"

"The fact that you're Head Boy and you're going around punching people in front of all of the professors, including Dumbledore?" she suggested sardonically.

James shook his head and raised an eyebrow. "Try the fact that you're mad at me because I've been avoiding you."

Her heart skipped a beat. "That has nothing to do with you punching Rodolphus," she said coolly.

"But it has everything to do with why you're getting so mad at me."

"Er…I'm gonna go over there," Sirius interrupted, pointing to the corner of the room for no particular reason except to get away from the two of them. That moment happened to very reminiscent of the fights they used to have constantly and the other students who were beginning to arrive obviously thought the same thing.

"Agreed," Remus and Peter said, quickly following Sirius away from what would so obviously be an enormous fight.

"Don't you dare pretend like you know what I'm thinking," Lily snarled. "You haven't been around at all lately to know what I've been thinking."

"Sounds like you're a little bitter to me," James said haughtily, grinning smugly at her.

"Yeah and it sounds like you're a little bit of a jerk," Lily snapped.

James glanced over at the group of students who were clearly listening even though they were pretending to pull out their textbooks. He suddenly felt very awkward and uncomfortable. He sighed, turning to Lily. "You're my girlfriend and my brother just died. Aren't you supposed to be supporting me? Being there for me? Not snapping at me and calling me a jerk?"

A chorus of 'ooohs' filled the room and Lily froze, her eyes widening in hurt awe. She was finding it hard to catch her breath. She grabbed hold of the table shakily, disappointment surging throughout her body. "I-I can't believe you just said that." Tears stung her eyes and she felt a sense of betrayal emanating from deep within her body. "How dare you? Supporting you and being there for you is exactly what I've been trying to do for the past couple of days and you haven't wanted anything to do with me. So how dare you, James, try and belittle me and our relationship in front of everyone?" she whispered, her voice hoarse and grief-stricken. "That is so low. It's like you're back to being that guy in my life who tried in every way possible to rile me up. You're not…" The words caught in her throat as she let out a deep sigh. "You're not the James that I fell for."

James tried desperately not to look up at her in fear of guilt sinking in. Instead, he shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about," he replied dryly. "I didn't do anything intentionally. Just stating the facts."

She was speechless by his cold nonchalance. She blinked away the tears quickly and tore her eyes off of him. "I am not going to discuss this with you in a classroom filled with students," she murmured. "You want to talk, go right ahead, but it's not going to be with me."

"I don't want to talk! That's what I've been trying to tell you!" he snapped, his frustration getting the better of him. "_You're _the one who seems to want to discuss…things right now, _not _me."

"I haven't been trying to discuss anything with you recently except for homework and Head duties but you still have found reasons to avoid me, James Potter, so don't go giving me this bullshit about how this is all my fault!" Lily argued desperately. "I've been trying to give you what you want so you can't-"

He cut her off, glaring at her. "Did you ever stop and think that maybe all along what I've wanted has had absolutely nothing to do with you?" he said, his voice cold and unfeeling.

She froze. And she wasn't the only one. The other students surrounding the argument stiffened at James' jab. "Fine," she spat out in a hurt whisper. "I'll give you what you want." Without another glance in his direction, she spun around to go sit beside Riley.

James slumped down in his chair with a sigh, knowing that he had hurt her. But it was a lot easier hurting her than admitting he was feeling hurt, too.

Sirius slowly sauntered over to his friend. "So," he said, clearing his throat. "Er...that went well."

James shot him a look. "I don't want to talk about it, Sirius."

"Shocker."

James glared at him.

"I-I mean...a ladybug, huh? It's cute," Sirius said sheepishly, pointing to his drawing.

James sighed. "I personally enjoy the dragon better."

* * *

There was a knock on Lily's door later that night. She knew exactly who would be standing there. She swiftly opened the door and glared at James, who was wearing a sheepish lopsided grin on his face with a single rose in his hand, probably one that he had just transfigured moments before knocking on her door.

Lily scoffed. "Oh so now you want to talk?" she sneered.

James shifted uncomfortably and didn't reply.

"Well, here's what I have to say to you," she snapped, and she immediately slammed the door in his face, seething furiously.

"Okay, I deserved that!" he cried out from the other side of the door. "Now, can you let me in so I can apologize?"

Lily snorted. "Do you not know the meaning of someone slamming the door in your face?" she cried back. "Often times, it suggests that the door-slammer doesn't want to talk to the door-slammee!"

There was silence on the other side of the door. "Wait, what?"

Lily scowled. "It suggests that the door-slammer, a.k.a. _me_, doesn't want to talk to the door-slammee, a.k.a. you!"

More silence. "Yeah, I'm still confused!"

"I…don't…want…to…talk…to…you!"

"You coulda said that from the beginning!" He knocked again. "I'm going to keep knocking until you let me in!"

Lily thrust open the door once again, a glare etched on her face. "You are such a prat, James," she snapped. "How dare you make me out to be the bad guy today in class? How dare you humiliate me and make me look like a fool? How could you do that to me?"

"I know," James muttered, hanging his head in shame. "I-I can't believe I did that. I was just…" He sighed and shrugged. "It was easier for me to make you mad than for me to face everything that has been going on in my life."

Lily pursed her lips and shook her head with a scowl on her face. "You think that makes it okay? Avoiding everything is just going to make it worse, James. And I don't want to be your…your scapegoat anymore."

James winced, frowning. "I know," he said softly. "You don't deserve to be my scapegoat."

Lily sighed. "I've just wanted to be there for you, James. I don't care how. We could sit in silence doing work for all I care. I-I just want you to realize that I'm always going to be here for you. _Always_. You didn't deserve to have your brother taken away from you, James. I hate that you have to go through something like this," she said sadly, a glimmer of anxiety flickering over her eyes. "I've been trying to…to be the doting girlfriend who is sympathetic to you and your situation. I've been trying to just..._be _with you because I care about you too much to let you tear yourself up inside. But...but today, you totally turned me into this…this…this unsympathetic girlfriend who only cared about herself instead of her boyfriend who just suffered a big loss. How could you do that to me when all I've done for you was try to be there for you even if you haven't wanted me there?"

"I'm glad you're mad at me," he blurted out.

Lily blinked, thoroughly confused. "Er...come again?"

James frowned, slowly walking into her room. He placed the rose carefully on her desk and Lily was suddenly reminded of Valentine's Day when he had surprised her with a rose. Everything had been so perfect that night. How could things go so drastically wrong just six weeks later?

James sighed, turning around to face her as he leaned up against the desk. "I'm tired of everyone pitying me and feeling sorry for me," he whispered. "I'm tired of people walking on eggshells around me. For the first time since you told me about your own family, I realized why you kept your parents' death a secret when you arrived at Hogwarts. I realized why you felt so desperate to just be normal again. I don't want people to treat me like my brother just died. I don't want people to come up to me and offer me their condolences. I don't want people to treat me any different than they used to. I want people to treat me like they used to. I want people to get mad when it's earned. I want people to yell at me instead of letting things go. I know I crossed a line this morning. It was totally unjustified and…and I was letting out my frustrations on you instead of Rodolphus like I should have."

"James," she said softly. "It's not just Rodolphus that you're mad-"

"Okay, fine, maybe it's not just him. Maybe it's everyone. And everything! Maybe I'm mad at everyone for treating me differently. Maybe I'm frustrated with Remus who won't tell me what he really thinks. Maybe I'm irritated with Sirius for always trying to make a joke around me to lighten the goddamned mood. Maybe I'm tired of having the professors ease up on me when they would normally scold me for acting out. Maybe...maybe I'm angry at myself for letting all of this bother me so much," he admitted, his forehead creasing sullenly. "But I don't want to talk about it. Any of it. And I just really wish everyone could understand that."

Lily didn't say anything. Because truth was, yeah, she did understand that. She just wasn't so sure that holding it all in was the best thing for him.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said softly, shaking his head. "I should never have said what I said to you this morning. I-I don't deserve your forgiveness. Hell, I barely deserve you."

"You're right, you don't deserve my forgiveness," Lily murmured, rolling her eyes.

James nodded sullenly.

"But you've got it."

James' whipped his head up to stare at her. "Really?"

She nodded.

He frowned. "Are you just saying that because my brother died?"

Lily shook her head, slowly making her way over to him. "I'm saying it because I care about you. And you admitted you were being stupid so I-"

"I don't think I used the word stupid." There was a hint of a smile on his face.

Lily cracked a smile, leaning up against the desk beside her boyfriend. "To be honest, James," she said slowly, resting her head against his shoulder. "I think you might have been right this morning."

"About what?"

"About me not yelling at you for what I really wanted to be yelling at you for."

James cringed, wishing she hadn't brought it up.

"Why have you been acting like this, James?" she asked softly.

"Like what?"

Lily gave him a look. "Acting like you don't have a care in the world."

"I'm just…just…" James rubbed his temples and without looking at her, slowly pushedh imself away from the desk and took a seat on the edge of her bed. "I'm just so angry. And confused. And upset. And…and frustrated. And I can barely deal with one of those emotions let alone all of them. It's like I'm standing in the middle of a room and screaming at the top of my lungs but no one looks up. And I just want to stop screaming. The only way I know how to do that is if I just don't think about any of it in hopes that maybe it will make all of this easier."

"Nothing makes any of this easy, James," Lily said softly.

James gave a curt shrug. "If I don't think about it, if I focus on everything elsegoing on in my life, then yeah, that does make it easier."

Lily hung her head sadly. "Are you sure, James?" she sighed. "Are you sure that trying every single thing to avoid what is really happening doesn't just make you feel worse?"

James slowly turned his head towards the window and stared out into the darkness. "I don't think that's possible," he whispered hoarsely.

For the first time since Brite's death, Lily saw helpless sadness in his eyes instead of his usual vacant, cold look. "Oh, James," she whispered. "I'm so-"

"No, please don't 'oh, James' me," he muttered, wincing. "The pity in your voice is unmistakeable and that's what I'm trying to avoid."

"Except the only person you're really avoiding is _me_," she whispered desperately. "And what am I supposed to make of that?"

To that, James had nothing to say. Mostly because he knew she was right.

She sighed when he chose to remain mute. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"Riley told me earlier that you said you weren't going to your brother's funeral. Is that true?"

James hesitated, but eventually shrugged. "I don't know. I mainly said that because I was frustrated with her at the time. If I do go, it won't be because I want to. Or because I need closure or I need to say my…goodbyes or whatever. I'd go because…it's what expected of me. And I'll do what I'm supposed to do: I'll hold Dezzy's hand while she cries, hug my mother, say thank you to my aunts and uncles who say how sorry they are, sit still and listen to the priest when he speaks, eat the reception food, probably hide out in my room for a while, and return to Hogwarts as if nothing had changed."

Lily didn't say what she wanted to say. At this point, it didn't seem all that appropriate.

"That's…the only reason I'll go."

Lily nodded, unconvinced.

James sighed. "What?"

She shrugged. "Nothing."

"No, it's something. Come on, just say it."

Lily bit down on her lip. "So…you'll hold your sister's hand at home, but you won't hold it here?'

James let out an aggravated sigh and rubbed his temples. "At home, that will be expected of me," he repeated, frustrated. "But right now, I…I don't want to talk or think about any of it. With you _or _Dezzy. How many time do I have to say that before people actually start listening?" he pleaded defensively. "Why can't you just let me deal with this in my own way, Lily?"

She hesitated. "You're not dealing with it, though," she murmured.

James clenched his teeth. "Lily," he warned.

Lily blurted out before he could protest, "James, I don't want you to end up like me."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Lily sighed, hanging her head guiltily. "I came to Hogwarts and pretended my parents hadn't died. In fact, I avoided it for six years. And I regret every minute of it. I was hoping to be given a second chance when I came to Hogwarts. I was hoping to avoid the pity and the fake sympathy. In the end, it made no difference. I didn't get a second chance—I just became a different person. A person I didn't necessarily like because I was deliberately holding back a big part of who I am. And I didn't get to avoid the pity or sympathy because once I told Sirius and my friends, they pitied me. They still do," she sighed, running her hands through her hair with a sullen frown on her face. "Losing a member of the family is the hardest thing anyone has to deal with, James. I _know _that. I know how much it hurts. I know that the pain and suffering is unbearable. But it's even harder if you avoid it. You'll just become…lost and confused and your anger is going to build up inside of you. You're going to lash out unexpectedly and a piece of your heart is going to break every day until it becomes nothing. Until _you _become nothing. You're going to become a different person. A person that you won't necessarily like anymore. Believe me, James," she whispered, her voice shaking with desperation. "I would know."

James didn't know how to respond. Truth was, he was already feeling lost and confused. He was already angry. His heart was already broken. He didn't need Lily to tell him any of that. "Thanks for the lesson," he eventually drawled, returning to his guarded demeanor he had been a pro at holding up around him. "I'll keep it in mind."

Lily's heart sank into her stomach at her boyfriend's cool tone. She felt the tears spring to her eyes as she gazed at the cold and impassionate man sitting in front of her. "It's like I don't even know you anymore," she blurted out, wanting nothing more than to be in bed with James right beside her as if everything was going to be okay.

"I don't know myself anymore," he whispered, shaking his head. "My...my brother's dead, Lily. My older brother who I looked up to immensely is gone. So how could I possibly know who I am anymore without him in my life?"

Lily was shocked to hear him talk so openly about his feelings towards Brite's death considering he's done the opposite for the past week. "James," she whispered, slipping off the desk and joining him on the bed.

Her heart constricted painfully when he swiftly stood up so as not to have to sit beside her. "I'm going to go," he muttered. "I have a ton of work I need to do."

She stared at him incredulously, noting that he was actively trying to avoid eye contact with her. "Okay," she muttered.

James glanced curiously at her. It was unlike Lily to give up that quickly. "Really?"

Lily shrugged. "Well, what else can I do? You don't want to be around me and I'm not going to force you to."

He blinked. "Alright," he said unconvincingly.

"I just want to leave you with one last comment."

"Of course you do," he muttered.

She let his comment slide. "I'm your girlfriend and I really care about you, more than I ever thought imaginable. And it's because I care so much that it's painful to watch you force yourself go through this alone. You're _not _alone. I just don't want you to convince yourself that avoiding everyone is the way to avoid your feelings. I'm just so afraid that one day you'll wake up and suddenly live in a world of regret and cynicism. And I don't want that for you. I just want you to be…yourself."

James shook his head furiously. "I am myself," he argued. "And by you telling me to try and talk it out and overthink it, _you're _the one who's making me become someone else."

She hung her head guiltily. "James..."

_"What_?" he snapped.

She turned away from his scrutinizing stare and admitted the one thing she had been ashamed of since the day her parents' died. "I never told anyone this, but I didn't attend my parents' funerals."

James glanced up at her in surprise. "You didn't?"

She shook her head. "Nope. And I was young enough with no family member to care for me that no one forced me to go. There was so much going on that I was overlooked. No one came looking for me wondering why I wasn't there. But I wish someone _had_."

"You're just saying that so I'll go to Brite's-"

"No, I'm not," Lily interrupted sternly, shaking her head vigorously. "I'm saying it because it's true. I didn't go to their funerals and for the next couple of months, even years maybe, I was okay with that. It didn't matter to me that I didn't go. Until one day, it all hit me. And I regretted every minute that I was sitting alone in my room and not at the church. Because it was as if I didn't care about them. I didn't care enough about them to say good-bye. I didn't care enough about them to gain that last ounce of closure. I didn't care enough about them to be in the presence of their friends. And in that moment, everything changed."

James stared at her with a slight grimace on his face, hoping she'd get the hint and stop rambling.

Lily kept talking, mostly to fill the awkward tension between the two of them. "And I know you care, James. That's why it's killing me to watch you act as if you don't."

He frowned, looking at his girlfriend who was so desperately vulnerably. Seeing the tears blinking in her eyes, this was the moment that he usually reached out and embraced her. And for the first time since they got together, he didn't. It nearly broke his heart. Nearly. "I do care. But what is crying going to do about it? _Nothing_. So just...stop. Please, Lily. Just _stop_," he whispered hoarsely, shaking his head.

"I'll never stop worrying about you," she whispered in response.

"Try," James said dryly.

She sighed, wiping a tear that fell from her eyes. "I can't help it, James. I can't just leave you alone like everyone else is doing," Lily admitted. "I'm your girlfriend. I…I just need to always be sure that you are okay."

"I'm fine," he drawled, rolling his eyes.

"Are you?" she asked sincerely.

He opened his mouth to agree but nothing came out.

Lily took a deep breath in, exhaling defeatedly. "Until you tell me you're fine and I actually believe it, I'm not going to be able to leave you alone," she whispered.

"Damnit, _why _are we still talking about this?" he muttered, the frutstration burning up inside of him.

Lily didn't respond, letting out a guilty sigh.

"Can't we just...forget what happened this morning and move on?"

Lily frowned. "That's already been forgotten, James," she sighed. "That's not what we're discussing anymore."

"Can we go back to discussing that?" he muttered with a hint of a smile. "I preferred that conversation."

Lily didn't even crack a smile, watching her boyfriend mask his pain with a weak joke. She knew that this conversation was coming to a close and she so desperately wanted to hold on to it. She didn't have much to say that hadn't been said but she knew she had to lay it all out on the table. "James, you asked me to let you in when we first got together," she spoke in a small voice. "Maybe it's your turn to take that same advice."

They were the first words she spoke that actually struck a chord in James' heart. He slowly glanced at her and saw desperation and longing gleaming in her eyes. But it was the sympathy in her expression that turned him off. "I've got to go finish my work," he muttered, once again heading towards the door.

Tears prickled in Lily's eyes and she quickly reached up to swipe them away. "Fine," she spoke coolly, climbing off her bed and heading to her desk to grab her own schoolwork.

He paused in the doorway, turning to gaze back at her. "So…what now, Lily?"

Lily sighed and looked up at him. "You tell me, James," she whispered. "You're the one who is determined to tear us apart."

James sighed, glancing towards the window with a sullen frown. A million thoughts ran through his mind. Most of them told him that he was being an idiot and that he should fight for the woman standing in front of him. But when Brite popped into his mind and he felt a piece of his heart break at the mere thought, James found himself saying, "I-I don't know."

For the first time since he entered into her room, they met each others' eyes. Neither said anything. They didn't have to. The silence was enough.

* * *

**A/N: **Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise? Please review!


	36. Of Mice, Punches, & Plans

**A/N: **Yes, James is being a jackass, to be blunt. But this is exactly what he did to Riley and Sirius and unfortunately, this time, it's targeted towards Lily because she just so happens to be the one he cares the most about. They're still on edge during this chapter, but things WILL get better between them! Just be patient! For those of you who want more Sirius/Riley action, it'll come back again! Just not necessarily anytime soon. They both need their time apart in order to realize they need each other. Patience is a virtue for a reason!

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling might be my hero but I am definitely no hero. Which obviously means I'm no J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 36: Of Mice, Punches, & Plans

* * *

"Oh, you're exaggerating!" Sirius' voice could have been heard down the hallway. "I was never all that bad. It was always James who didn't seem to know to warn us when he was going to be with a girl. At least I gave you warning when I was going to up here. How many times did we unfortunately walk in on him and Nikki Ventura?"

Remus made a face. "Oh yeah. I had blocked that out." He shuddered. "But thank you for reminding me."

Sirius grinned, stifling a yawn. It was late and they had attempted to go to bed about twenty minutes earlier, but somehow got into a discussion about their tactics with girls. Peter was the only one with his curtain closed, trying to actually fall asleep. "You're not so innocent yourself, Remus."

Remus glanced up from Peter's Astronomy essay which he was willingly editing and lifted an eyebrow. "What?"

"Just last week, I walked in on you and Jillian," Sirius pointed out.

Remus snorted. "We were lying in bed talking and both fully-clothed. In fact, I believe your exact words were 'god, you two must be the most boring couple ever.'"

Sirius chuckled. "Oh, right. That was funny."

"Jillian didn't seem to think so."

Peter's laugh was heard from his own bed and he threw back his curtain to grin at the both of them. "That was when she threw her shoe at him, wasn't it?"

Remus joined in with the laughter. "And hit him square in the chest."

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in!" Remus cried out at the same time that Sirius was scowling.

"I did not appreciate that. I still have a bruise!" Sirius whined, rubbing at his chest with a sad puppy-dog face.

James entered into the room slowly, his face completely white and ashen, a vacant look apparent on his face.

"Eh, I enjoyed it," Remus laughed at Sirius.

"I didn't—whoa, what's wrong, James?" Sirius asked when he noticed the look of horror on his best friend's face.

"Are you okay?" Peter asked cautiously.

James didn't respond. He continued to stand in the doorway motionless as he tried to wrap his head around the conversation he had just shared with Lily.

"James?" Remus asked. "What's going on?"

He slowly moved to his bed and dropped down on to it with a huge sigh. He turned his back to his friends and faced the stone wall, the urge to cry suddenly washing over him. "I'm staying here tonight."

"We see that," Sirius spoke dryly. "You want to tell us why?"

"No," James said curtly.

"Let me guess," Remus responded with a sigh. "Something to do with Lily?"

James didn't reply. That was a 'yes' in Remus' eyes.

"What did you do now?" Remus remarked irritably.

James whirled around and glared at his friend. "What makes you think _I _did something?"

Remus shared a hesitant glimpse with his other two friends, who were both looking rather concerned at James' state. Remus finally said, "Because you haven't exactly been the best boyfriend to her lately."

"And she hasn't exactly been the best girlfriend!" James barked.

"Because you're not letting her be."

"Why the hell are you on her side?"

"I'm not," Remus said sincerely, narrowing his eyes. "Actually, I'm on _your _side."

"Yeah, right," James snorted. "Well you might want to pick a side soon because I have a feeling a break-up is occurring in our near future."

"_**WHAT**_!?"

Remus', Sirius', and Peter's earth-shattering screams filled the room and caused James to literally stumble backwards on his bed, totally taken aback.

"_Ow_!" James complained, throwing his hands to his ears. "I would like to keep my eardrums, thank you very much!" He winced and rubbed his ears.

"Then warn us before you tell us something like that," Sirius snapped, his eyebrows knitting in shock.

There was a reverberating sound of footsteps coming from the staircase right outside their bedroom. Before they knew it, a bunch of the younger Gryffindor boys, clad in their pajamas, reached their landing and thrust open their door. The Marauders all turned to gaze at them irritably at the interruption. "What the _hell_?" Grant asked angrily. "Some of us are trying to sleep, y'know!"

James rolled his eyes. "Not my fault. I wasn't the one who screamed."

"Well, then who did?"

Remus whistled and looked off in a different direction, faking innocence, while Sirius slunk under his covers guiltily. Peter quickly threw the curtains around his bed.

"Smooth, guys. Very smooth," James murmured, rolling his eyes.

"I think the question we really want to ask is why did the three pretending to hide scream?" Drew asked curiously.

Panic seeped into James' expression. "Uh…a mouse."

All of the guys who were crowded on the landing, about seven of them, all burst out into laughter.

"Wait just a minute!" Sirius protested. "No Black is gonna be scared over a puny little mouse!"

"Sirius, there's a mouse on your bed," James said casually.

"EEK! WHERE!?" he shrieked, jumping out of his bed immediately.

Remus rolled his eyes. "So, what was that about not being scared over a mouse?"

"Hey, _you _screamed about the…uh…" He glanced over at James and back to Remus, "the mouse, too." Sirius stuck out his tongue at Remus.

Remus scrunched up his nose. "There was no mouse, you idiot!"

"Then what was the screaming all about?" Randy Cattano asked.

"Oh, my mistake. It was a rat," James covered up, giving Remus a warning look.

Remus whimpered. "I swear if this gets back to Jillian," he mumbled under his breath.

"You guys can go now," Sirius suggested. He quickly climbed out of bed and shooed them away quickly. "Have a nice night!" He slammed the door in their faces, ignoring their protests and questions, before turning back to James. "Can we get back to the real issue here?"

James looked down at the ground awkwardly.

"So, why did you say a break-up _might _occur?" Remus asked curiously. "As in not certain and in future tense?"

"Look, I really don't want to talk about this," he admitted, swallowing hard. "I just came here to go to sleep."

"And to avoid Lily, no doubt," Sirius muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Good night, Sirius," James growled, quickly shutting the hangings to his bed and hoping his friends could take the hint.

They couldn't.

"James Potter, you are being such a selfish, stubborn prick, y'know that?" Remus snapped.

There was a long pause from James' bed before he opened the hangings and glared at his friend. "What the hell is your problem, Remus?"

Remus sighed, hanging his head regretfully. "Do you think that perhaps this all may just be a way for you to continue avoiding the unfortunate circumstances in your life right now?"

James lifted his head from his hands and raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Making Lily feel bad by avoiding her and shutting her out is your way of avoiding your own feelings about your brother's death. And by breaking up, it would be another way for you to avoid your feelings over Brite's death because you'd have those unfortunate feelings to focus on instead."

James cringed at the sound of Brite's name. "We haven't broken up," he said dryly.

"Yet," Peter muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes.

James glared at him. He came here in hopes that his friends would make him feel better and instead, they were siding with Lily.

"But here's the thing, Prongs, and I know you already know this even if you don't want to admit it," Remus continued with a curt shrug, "No matter what else is going on in your life. No matter what else you are attempting to focus on. No matter what else you're feeling anxious or annoyed or upset about. _None _of that changes what happens to your brother and none of it changes how you feel about it. It's always going to be there until you actually deal with it."

"I am so bloody tired of everyone telling me to just deal with it," James growled through gritted teeth. "You don't know what I'm dealing with or how I'm dealing with it so just _back off_."

"Maybe I don't but Lily does," Remus pointed out almost immediately, sitting upright on his bed. "Because she's been there. And that's exactly why you've been avoiding her. Because if anyone could understand what you're feeling, it's her. Only you don't want anyone to understand because the moment you deal with it, it becomes real."

James tensed up. "It already is real," he drawled, the words lifeless on his tongue. "He's gone. I've accepted it. And I've moved on."

"Do you really think that just telling yourself you've accepted it is actually accepting it?" Sirius finally chimed in, shaking his head. He knew all about pretending to accept the truth when in reality, one's heart was still holding out hope. "Because it's not. It's actually called _denying _it."

"Real insightful, Padfoot," James spoke dryly, rolling his eyes. "But let me ask you this: if _your _brother died today, would you be whining about _your _feelings?"

The room grew grave at the accusatory implication in James' tone. "Are you seriously trying to compare your family to mine, Potter?" Sirius replied coolly.

"I'm seriously trying to get you guys to shut up about Brite."

"Gee, if that's what you said to Lily-bean, it's no wonder she might break up with you."

James scowled. "This isn't all my fault, y'know! We just can't manage to meet each other halfway. She has her beliefs and I have mine and…for the past couple of days, we haven't said one civil word to each other. Every time we've been in each others' company, we would argue. And we couldn't come up with a solution. Until now. _This _could be our solution."

"Your solution is to possibly break up with the girl who you've fancied since day one here at Hogwarts?" Sirius snorted, shaking his head. "I'm thinking your solution sucks."

"Thanks man," James said dryly, glaring at him.

Sirius shrugged impassively.

"I'm done talking about this," James muttered, shaking his head. "You guys don't understand. You weren't there. You're not Lily and me. This is…is probably for the best. So just…stop asking questions and commenting on my choices because I don't want to discuss it any longer!"

"Oh, that's a surprise," Remus retorted, rolling his eyes.

James' glare intensified. "Why don't you stop being so passive and sarcastic and just tell me whatever it is you want to say to me."

He glanced curiously at Sirius and Peter who simply shrugged. Remus frowned, turning back to face his angry friend. "James, you don't need to be this…this tough, macho, resilient guy all the time," he sighed. "Your brother died. You can be vulnerable and you can be sad. No one would ever hold that against you."

"Bloody hell, I'm _fine_," James said through gritted teeth.

"YOU'RE NOT FINE! Stop holding everything in!"

"You're beginning to sound like Lily."

"Good!" Remus barked. "Because she seems to be the only one willing to stand up to you right now!"

"Remus," Sirius interrupted softly.

Remus shook his head. "No," he snapped, glaring at Sirius. "I think that James deserves to know what a self-righteous prat he's been. If you two break up, James, you have to know that you would mostly be at fault there. You'd have no one to blame but yourself."

James placed his head in his hands, groaning inwardly. "Now I know that I really didn't come here to get insulted by my friends."

"STOP BEING SO PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE!" Remus shouted.

"Why the hell are you yelling at me!?" James barked.

"Because talking to you in a calm, civilized voice hasn't seemed to work thus far!" Remus growled, crossing his arms bitterly. "You are avoiding Lily and shutting her out. You are acting like she doesn't matter. You are showing her in every way possible that you don't want her or need her! But truth is, you know that you need her right now. But you don't want to have to need her because you don't want to have to care."

"I'm always going to need her, Moony," he muttered. "But that doesn't mean I want her looking over my shoulder every five seconds!"

"Gee, what a terrible girlfriend you got that caring for your well-being."

"Merlin, and you're calling me passive-aggressive?" James muttered irritably. "You don't know what you're babbling about, Remus. You don't know what's going through my mind so don't pretend like you do."

"Okay, guys, you're getting a bit-" Sirius said anxiously.

"I'm not trying to pretend like I know what's going through your mind. I _don't _know what's going through your mind because you refuse to _tell _anyone what's going through your mind!" Remus continued, his anger getting the better of him as he watched his friend nearly self-destruct. "I'm just telling you that all Lily can be accused of here is caring for you!"

James jumped off his bed and headed towards the door. "I take it back. I'm not staying here tonight," he growled.

Remus was a step ahead of him. He jumped in front of the door, blocking James in. "_Stop avoiding everything_."

"Get out of my way, Lupin," James barked, his eyes blazing with rage.

"Not until you admit that you're upset and angry and confused about your brother's death. Not until you admit that you've been pushing Lily away as a way of making yourself feel better. Now until you admit that-"

"I'm not going to admit anything!"

"Well, then I guess you _are _sleeping here tonight," Remus smirked.

"_Move, Remus_," James growled.

"No."

"Uh, Remus?" Sirius spoke up. "Maybe you should mo-"

"NO!" Remus said. "James is being a complete idiot. You're not willing to open up to Lily. You're not willing to open up to Dezzy. So until you start opening up and talking about _something, _you're stuck here!" Remus snapped. "Your brother is dead, James. Why are you so determined to deny-"

James slammed his fist into Remus' cheek before he could finish his sentence. Remus stumbled backwards with a gasp as Sirius and Peter jumped off their beds in horror. "James!" Sirius gasped, horrified. "What the hell!?"

James stood there, horrified, before slowly shaking his head in disbelief. "I-I don't know why I did that."

Remus held his throbbing left cheek as he stared up at James in awe. He put down his hand and James winced. A bruise was already forming. "Good job," Remus said, a smile on his face, confusing them all. "Hit me again if you need to."

"Huh?"

"It got you to relieve some of those built-up emotions, didn't it?"

James didn't respond.

"You're frustrated and upset and angry and confused and hurt about losing your brother," Remus said calmly. "You don't want to talk about it? Fine. But maybe hitting something actually helps."

James, again, remained silent.

"Okay, this is painful, so if you don't plan on hitting me again, I'm going to go run cold water over my cheek." Remus smiled warily at his friend before retreating to the bathroom.

"Um, if you _do_ plan on hitting something again, can you warn me so I can be far away from you?" Sirius snickered. "I must not be as good a friend as Remus is."

James couldn't help but crack a smile. "I'm not going to hit anyone." He slowly walked over to the bathroom where Remus was wetting a towel and perched in the doorway. "I'm really sorry, Moony."

"Don't be," he said, shrugging. "Sometimes if words aren't going to do the trick, punching something might."

James smiled. "It kinda did."

Remus laughed. "I'm sorry for…for yelling at you."

"I probably deserved it," James said with a shrug.

"So, we're good?"

James smiled. "We always were, Moony."

Eventually, all four of them fell into their beds, laughing and reenacting the punch James threw at Remus earlier that night. James said his good nights to his friends before rolling over and staring at the wall. He didn't want to talk about Brite anymore. He didn't want to talk about Lily anymore. He didn't want to talk about his frustrations. He didn't want to talk at all.

A couple more minutes passed before Sirius' voice bellowed through the silence once again. "You know what might help to vent some frustration besides punching your friends?"

James peeked his head over his shoulder. "What?"

"Two words: strip club."

They all laughed. And a good laugh was exactly what James needed.

* * *

Lily slid into the empty seat beside her two friends, only minutes after scanning the Great Hall to make sure James wasn't around. She was going to avoid him as best as she could while she tried to figure everything out between them.

"Hey," she murmured, pouring herself a tall glass of milk.

"You okay, Lily?" Kay asked curiously. "You look like hell."

"Oh gee, just what a person wants to hear first thing in the morning," Lily replied sarcastically.

"Sorry, but you just don't look so good."

She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep last night."

"Ahh, the fight with James still on your mind?" Riley asked, reaching for the last cinnamon scone.

Lily sighed. "More than you know," she murmured. She glanced up and her heart sped up rapidly as the four Marauders entered into the Great Hall, all of them laughing about one thing or another. She gasped when she saw Remus' black eye.

"What the hell happened to you?" Riley asked first as Remus walked past.

Remus grinned. "Doesn't it make me look dangerous?"

"It makes you look like a fool," Kay clarified. "What happened?"

"I walked into a door," Remus said.

Lily ignored his sarcasm. "No seriously."

"What do you think happened?" he snorted. "I got punched."

"By _who_?" Riley asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "You're like the most passive person I know. Who had the guts to clock you?"

"James," Sirius interjected with a chuckle.

"_What_?" the three girls cried out in shock. Lily finally gazed up at James, a grim smile on her face. "Why did you do that?" she asked softly.

James shrugged coolly. "He was in my way," he muttered, turning away from Lily's piercing stare. He grabbed Peter's arm and wandered down to the other side of the table before anyone could ask him another question.

"It's a long story," Remus said vaguely before quickly following James down to the other end. Sirius flashed them a sheepish grin before following his friends.

"What the hell was that all about?" Riley pondered curiously.

"Probably has something to do with the fact that James and I will be breaking up in the near future," Lily muttered. She had no doubt in her mind that Remus stood up to James after he told her about their conversation.

Kay and Riley exchanged a surprised glance. "Uh, _come again_?"

"Nothing," Lily sighed.

"You're…you're breaking up?" Kay said in a hushed tone.

"No," Lily argued. "Well, not yet anyway. I'm sure it's just a matter of time before James realizes that I'm completely worthless to him."

"Don't be self-deprecating, Lily," Riley argued, shaking her head. "It's very unbecoming."

Lily shrugged. "You're right," she said, plastering a smile on her face. "There's no point in feeling sorry for myself."

"Exactly. You just have-"

"I'll wait until he actually breaks up with me to feel sorry for myself," Lily snorted.

Riley gave her a look. "If you think he's going to break up with you, why don't you _do _something about it?"

"I've tried!" Lily cried out, frustrated. "He's just...he's just not interested in anything I have to do or say. A girl can only try so hard before she looks desperate."

"So you're just going to give up on him?" Riley asked, shocked.

Lily gazed down towards James, who was laughing with his friends. "No," she said curtly. "Because it's clear _he _already gave up on us."

Riley opened her mouth to argue, but Lily interrupted quickly, finishing off her milk. "C'mon, we should head to class."

"We still have fifteen minutes," Kay pointed out.

"I like being early," Lily murmured. Truth was, she wanted to get away from the Great Hall and away from James.

Kay and Riley chose not to argue and followed her out.

James watched Lily stride out of the Great Hall with her two friends and sighed. "I am being an idiot to her, aren't I?" he murmured aloud.

Remus quirked a confused eyebrow. "Heh?"

James gazed over at Remus and the black eye that he was sporting. "You were right last night," James murmured.

"About?"

James smacked his head against the table. "It…it makes me feel better to avoid Lily and push her away because…because if _she's _hurting, then I'm not the one suffering."

"Do you realize how bogus that sounds?" Sirius snorted. "It's not like one person and one person _only _in the world suffers at one time."

"I know," James admitted.

"Well, then do something about it," Remus said matter-of-factly.

James frowned. "I-I want to want to fix it," he said softly.

It was the first bit of vulnerability any of them had seen since Brite's death. Sirius gazed over at him hesitantly. "You just don't want to fix it?" he suggested.

James blinked, finding a sudden interest in his empty plate. "I don't know what I want." His voice was hoarse, full of desperation. And he meant it. One minute, he wanted to scoop Lily up in his arms, embrace her tightly and never let her go. The next minute, he wanted to avoid her as much as possible in fear of breaking down in front of her. His mind was conflicted with confusion and it was all terribly overwhelming. The only thing he knew was that he was being an idiot. He just wasn't so sure he knew how to stop being one.

"James?"

James' body stiffened and he slowly turned around to meet his sister's gaze. She was holding a letter in her hand. He sighed. "Not now, Dezzy."

"James, please just-"

"Please nothing. I'm not in the mood to talk."

"I'm not trying to talk to you, I'm simply telling-"

"Telling is a form of talking," James muttered. "Please just me alone while I deal with my latest problem."

Dezzy glared at her brother fiercely. "I just came over here because-"

"You want me to talk to you about Brite," James interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Story of my life apparently. But here's my story: I really don't want to discuss it. I figured out last night I'd rather punch my best friend than discuss it. Go find JT because I won't be that guy! Hell, even _Grant _will be better company than me."

"I didn't come over here to do any of that, you prat of a brother!" Dezzy snapped, throwing the letter down on the table in front of him. "I came over here because Mom keeps asking me why you've gone AWOL! She hasn't heard from you ever since we found out and she would like to know that you're coming to the damn funeral!"

James didn't even cower at his sister's angry cries. "Considering I have bloody responsibilities, _yeah_, I guess I kinda _have _to be there."

"Well, word around the school is you weren't planning on going so I figured I'd get a straight answer from the man himself before disappointing Mom," Dezzy replied sardonically, eyeing James in contempt.

"What the hell? 'Word around the school?'" James growled. "How the-" he stopped short and scowled. "You've been talking to Riley."

"Well, yeah. It's not as if _you're _willing to talk."

"Stay away from _my _friends, Dez," James grunted, glaring at her. "They don't know anything."

"Uh, hello? Sitting right here," Sirius pointed out with a smirk.

Both Potters ignored his words. "So are you coming to the damn funeral or not James?" Dezzy asked.

James scoffed. "Wouldn't want to disappoint _Mother."_

"Whoop-de-do. You can tell Mom yourself; I'm tired of doing your dirty work. It's been a pleasure talking to you, like always," Dezzy sneered dryly, glaring at James heatedly before whirling around and storming out of the Great Hall with her head held high.

James didn't even care that the whole school was staring at him. It couldn't be worse than everything he was going through. He quickly stood up from his seat. "I'm outta here."

"That's a surprise," Sirius muttered sarcastically.

* * *

James ran right into someone outside the Great Hall and stumbled backwards. "Ow!"

"Ooh, sorry James," Fabian winced, rubbing his head.

James froze. "Fabian," he simply said.

"Hey," he murmured.

They both stood there in an awkward silence before James sighed and spoke up. "I'd say I'm sorry to hear about your brother, Darien, but I've bet you've heard that about a hundred times already and every person who said it to you wanted to hex them into an oblivion."

Fabian smirked. "Tell me about it."

James sympathetically smiled. "I-I am sorry though."

"You're also the one person who actually sounds sincere."

"I never thought that could be a good thing," James snickered.

Fabian laughed. "Hey, you want to blow off class?"

James shrugged. "And do what?"

"Who cares? The professors feel sorry for us and this is actually a time where we can ditch class and not get detention," Fabian pointed out, raising an eyebrow. "I say we take advantage of that."

"You're on."

* * *

"Y'know, I think I can get pretty good at avoiding him," Lily said with Riley by her side as they headed to Advanced Transfiguration.

"That's because he's avoiding you," Riley snickered. "I don't think that really counts."

"Well, whether it counts or not, I'm pretty grateful for it. I-I don't know what to expect between us after last night. Maybe James will skip all of his afternoon classes as well," Lily mentioned with a hopeful tone. He had disappeared all morning and Lily wasn't too upset about that.

"You can't avoid him forever, Lily."

"I don't plan to. I just have to avoid him until he gets back from his brother's funeral. That's only a few days. That's totally doable!"

"I think the word you're looking for is _cowardly_," Riley snickered. "And why do you only have to wait until then?"

"Because our problem right now is Brite. Once James goes to the funeral he'll be forced to recognize the…the severity of the situation and that way we'll be able to live with each other without needing to fight," Lily explained.

"You really think it's going to be that easy?"

Lily shrugged. "A girl can hope, can't she?"

"You live in a totally messed up world hon," Riley replied, stopping at the top of the stairway. "God I hate those stairs. I think the Muggles totally knew what they were talking about when the invented the elevator."

Lily laughed. "Out of shape, hm?" Lily teased.

Riley made a face. "At least I'm not cowardly."

"I'm not being a coward, I'm being realistic. All I have to do is go four days without talking to him or even making eye contact with him to avoid potentially awkward situations," Lily sighed. "I'm being mature about the whole thing."

Riley coughed, which sounded an awful lot like 'Coward.'

Lily made a face. "Shut up."

* * *

James had skipped all of his morning classes which surprisingly was fun. He hadn't thought of Brite all morning even though he and Fabian hadn't really done much except sit outside on the grounds skipping rocks and exchanging bad pick-up lines.

He arrived at class earlier than he ever had before that afternoon after avoiding the Great Hall for lunch. Not to his surprise, he was the first student there. He slumped into his usual chair and threw his bag on to the table chaotically. He pulled out his textbook and started rummaging through it, mostly for something to do. He tapped his fingers against the table and glanced up at the clock. The secondhand was moving exceptionally slow that afternoon. He pulled out a crumpled piece of parchment he found at the bottom of his bag and started making a paper airplane. When he glanced up at the clock again barely a minute had passed. He groaned and threw the paper airplane across the room.

James never felt more alone that in that moment. And he had no one to blame but himself. He pushed everyone away because he thought that if he had no one in his life, it would be easier for him to feel sorry for himself. Except now that he had pushed everyone away and he was feeling sorry for himself, he just wanted everything back to the way it used to be.

"Brite would know what to do," he murmured. He snorted, realizing that if Brite were still around he wouldn't be in the situation he was in. He jumped at the sounds of footsteps. He froze when Riley and Lily walked into the room.

Riley leaned in to her best friend. "So, you know the whole avoiding James plan you had? Um…what's Plan B?"

Lily elbowed Riley in the side. "Shut up," she hissed. She quickly walked past James without so much as a glance his way.

Riley sauntered over to James and sat down in the empty chair beside him. "So…how was your night last night?"

James glared at her.

"Right, stupid question," she murmured.

"What do you want, Riley?" James muttered, slumping down in his chair.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I figured since I'm one of the few people in this school you're actually still _talking _to, you'd enjoy my company," Riley said sardonically.

"Except we shouldn't be talking considering you haven't actually forgiven me yet."

"I told you I had."

"Yeah, you told me. Doesn't make it true."

She frowned, leaning back on her hind chair legs as she considered his words. "I have forgiven you, James," she said softly, turning to gaze at him. "And yeah, maybe it's partly due to timing. I can't deny that fact. But honestly, James, it's because we've been through a lot together in the eighteen years we've known each other. And our friendship has sustained through it all no matter the hardship. This time shouldn't be any different."

"Which time? My blurt-out or my brother's death?"

"Both."

He slowly turned to look at her which inevitably was a mistake. She looked so desperate and grief-stricken that he couldn't imagine letting her into his life again. Only problem was he wasn't exactly welcoming to those in his life anymore. "Fine," he muttered.

Riley looked surprised. "Fine?"

He shrugged. "We can be friends again."

"Gee, don't sound so excited about it."

He felt his heart flutter at the prospect of their friendship being reunited. "I am," he said softly. "You're my best friend, Riley. That never changed just because I stopped being yours."

"You'll always be my best friend, Potter," Riley responded immediately, setting her chair back firmly against the ground to give him a look. "And in the spirit of making up, you want to tell me why you won't do the same with Lily?"

He scowled. "I take it back. We can't be friends anymore."

"Too late."

"_James_."

"_Riley_."

Riley crossed her arms bitterly and glared at her best friend. "You know, James, you can continue this sarcastic, self-pity act, but no matter what you say to me, I won't walk away. I won't leave you to yourself like you expect me to or hope I will. I won't try to avoid you like everyone else. I know you too well, James. I know it's all just an act and you're actually feeling more hurt than you ever have before. But you don't want to admit that to anyone, least of all yourself."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me," Riley responded with a glare. "You know perfectly well that the way you've been acting and treating everyone you truly care about is your way of trying to get everyone-"

"Off my back?"

"In the literal sense, yes," Riley argued. "You feel suffocated and you think that the easiest way of dealing with those around you is making them mad. Because if you're alone, it makes feeling sorry for yourself a hell of a lot easier."

He frowned broodingly. "Except there's one little flaw in your little theory."

"And what's that?"

"No matter if I'm alone or if I'm surrounded by people, I still feel sorry for myself," James said firmly, staring Riley directly in her eyes.

"And whose fault is that?"

"Voldemort's!"

Riley cringed, glancing downward. "Again, this sarcastic, self-pity act isn't helping anyone," she snorted. "You know that part of the reason you're feeling sorry for yourself is your own fault."

James laughed derisively. "Yeah, you're right. This is my fault. I decided it would be a lot of fun to kill my own brother."

Riley scoffed. "Oh, don't give me that. You've been pushing away your family and your girlfriend so you can instead focus more on that pain then the pain of losing a brother!"

"Do you mind not psychoanalyzing me? I think Lily and the guys have done enough of that this week."

Riley clenched her teeth and sat forward in her chair, placing her crossed arms on the desk and glaring at him. "Like I said, say what you want. Because I plan on sticking around no matter what."

James shrugged and picked up his textbook, placing in his lap as he started flipping through it for something to do. "Fine with me. But do you mind doing it without talking?"

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she sighed, as she walked back to where Lily was sitting and saving her a seat, noticing that the classroom was now filling up with more students.

"So, what did he say?" Lily asked nervously.

Riley shrugged. "Not much. He's still feeling sorry for himself. What else is new?"

Lily bit down on her lip and started to write his name out with her finger on the table tautly. "So…uh…did he say anything about me?" She averted eye contact with her best friend.

"Unless you can count him muttering under his breath about how you, like me and everyone else, psychoanalyze him, no. Not really."

Lily glanced up in James' direction, where Sirius was now joining him. "He said I've psychoanalyzed him?"

"Well, can you blame him? You sorta have," Riley pointed out.

Lily leaned back in her chair with a loud sigh. "Yeah, I know," she muttered. "This…this all really sucks."

"If it helps, he's not exactly fun to be around at the moment. He's acting very cynical and way too glum for my taste. Maybe you were on to something with your whole avoiding him idea. I should try it."

Lily had no response so she was thankful that McGonagall chose that moment to walk into the room and start class.

"As long as we don't work in our partnerships today, I should be fine," Lily murmured, slumping further down into her seat.

"Since we just had an exam and we finished up the previous lesson, I figured I'd give you this day to work in your partnerships to further discuss your projects," McGonagall continued.

Lily groaned. "Can nothing go my way?"

"So what's Plan C?" Riley whispered.

"What are my chances I can fake sick?" Lily murmured.

"Not good. McGonagall can usually see right through that," Riley pointed out, grabbing her books off the table. "Good luck."

"Maybe if I don't talk to him, he won't talk to me," Lily suggested with a hopeful tone.

James walked cautiously over to the now empty seat besides Lily. "Hey, Lily."

Riley smiled sympathetically at Lily and leaned in to whisper, "I think you're on Plan Z by this point…"

Lily just groaned inwardly and slumped down even further in her seat with a whimper.

* * *

That night, Lily whisked herself away to the library with Riley to get her mind off of James. She had hoped that during the day, James would have come to his senses and realized what a jerk he was being to her. Instead, he blew off his morning classes, doodled during Advanced Transfiguration instead of helping Lily with their project, and played a few pranks during dinner with his friends. It seemed to Lily that she was the only one hurting.

She knew that he was just afraid of his emotions and didn't want to show any weakness in front of her. She knew there wasn't anything she particularly did to earn his silence treatment. She knew that when he was ready to admit defeat, he would come find her.

Except there was one problem. She didn't really know any of that. It was all just hopeful thinking. And how much longer could she really go along with it?

Soon after Lily and Riley were settled in at the library, the four Marauders sauntered in.

Riley glanced over at Lily, who quickly tensed up. "Do you want to leave?" Riley asked cautiously.

Lily shook her head. "No. I have too much work to do. I…I can't let him drive me out of the library. This place is my safe haven!"

Riley forced out a smile. "That's the spirit!"

Lily nodded and returned to writing her Potions essay.

"Okay, fine. Narcissa, Bellatrix, and Wynona," Remus said with a wicked grin.

Sirius blanched. "Have you forgotten that two of those people are my cousins?"

Remus winced. "Oh, right." He turned to James. "Okay, so you answer the question."

"That's not how the game works! It's Sirius' turn."

Sirius shrugged. "You might as well answer because I'm totally going to give you those three names next."

James grumbled, searching for an empty table. "Well, I'm definitely chucking Bellatrix. Any girl who can stand to snog Lestrange is not in her right mind."

"So what about the other two?" Sirius asked with a humored grin.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm beginning to think I hate this game."

"Answer the question!" Peter said with a smirk.

"Okay, fine. Who has a knut on them?"

"You're going to flip a knut?" Remus snorted. "How pathetic."

"Do you have a better solution?" James snickered.

Remus shrugged and whipped out a knut from his pocket, handing it to James. "No, not at all. I'm just saying it's pathetic."

Riley whirled around in her chair. "Do you guys mind?" she snapped, glaring at the four of them. "Your feeble chitchat is getting a little boisterous."

"This coming from the girl who thinks screaming can be considered an indoor voice," James shot back with a chuckle. He sat awkwardly, fixating on Riley and trying hard not to even glance in the slightest toward Lily, who was immersing herself in her textbook herself to avoid James at all cost.

"Do you see me screaming?" Riley barked.

"Sorry, we'll be quieter," Sirius promised, flashing her a quick, apologetic smile before scurrying over to an empty table only a few feet away from where Lily and Riley were working.

Before she could retort, someone's hand brushed up against the back of her neck, and she jumped. "Oh!"

Rhett winced. "Ooh, sorry," he whispered, kissing her cheek. "Starting without me, hm?" He winked at her and took the empty seat beside her.

"Not really," she said, plastering a smile on her face. "Working on Potions homework, that's all."

"Ah, okay." He dug into his bag for his textbook and parchment, and Riley took that time to sneak another glance in Sirius' direction. Ever since his break-up with Rachael, Riley couldn't help but feel guilty being friends with him. When they were both in relationships, it was easy being friends. Now she was afraid of being alone with him.

"So how's the post-break-up life coming?" James said, pulling out a chair and sliding into it as gracefully as he could with a bag full of textbooks he was hoping on looking over as a way of not thinking about Lily.

Sirius hesitated. "Which break-up?"

James laughed. "_Rachael's_. How's Nikki?"

Sirius shrugged curtly. "I don't want to talk about my personal life anymore. I've been doing too much of that over the past month."

"Would you rather do work?" Remus chuckled.

"Nikki is good," he responded almost immediately, causing a rift of laughter among them. "I'm good. We're both good."

"Are you both good _together_?" he asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not planning on dating her, are you?" James asked hesitantly.

Sirius burst into laughter. "In the name of Merlin's left buttock, hell no. What makes you say that?"

"Well, you've been in relationship mode lately," James explained.

"Nikki's nickname is Hickey Nikki, not Dateable Nikki."

"Probably because that doesn't rhyme," Remus said with a teasing smile.

"We might as well be dating with her inability to make a decision," Sirius growled. "That girl can't make a decision to save her life. Should we go out on the grounds? Astronomy Tower? Dungeons? You know what her response always is? I don't know. I don't care. It's frustrating! It's too much work to figure out what she wants! Girls needs to learn to make up their minds."

"What's this about us not being able to make up our minds?" a nearby voice drawled.

James flailed his arms as his chair tipped backward out of surprise to hear a response right behind him. "ARGH!" he cried, gripping the edge of the table immediately before he could crash to the ground.

"Smooth," Jillian said. She ran her fingers along the back of Remus' neck and grinned. "Hey boys. So, what's this about making decisions?"

"I'm just saying that girls are impassive and indecisive, that's all," Sirius clarified smugly.

"Oh yeah, and men excel in the department of making decisions," she replied sarcastically. She sat down lightly on Remus' lap, flashing a smile in his direction. "You guys can't even pick a restaurant without thinking it somehow is going to determine the rest of your lives."

"Well, it could! I brought a girl to an Indian restaurant once only to find out she was allergic to curry!" Sirius complained. "That was the end of that date. And who knows? Maybe she was the one."

"It's never 'the one' with you," Remus snickered, wrapping his arm around Jillian's waist.

"Wasn't that Evelyn who you brought to the Indian restaurant?" Jillian asked.

Sirius tensed. "Damn, I forgot you lived with her."

Jillian laughed. "It was the end of the date maybe, but if I recall correctly, you had sex with her in the women's bathroom."

The three guys burst into laughter.

Sirius turned red. "Okay, you officially can't hang out with us anymore."

"I beg to differ!" Remus argued with a laugh.

"Aren't we supposed to be doing work?" Sirius accused, scrunching up his nose. "Girls are distracting!"

"Hell yeah, they are," Remus said with a furtive grin, kissing her softly on the mouth.

"I'm pretty sure snogging isn't a part of our project," Sirius pointed out. "Believe me, if it were, I would have gotten a head start a long time ago with all the girls in Hogwarts."

"Oh really, when? When you were in a secret relationship with my best friend," James interjected humorously, "Or when you were in a rebound relationship with Rachael?"

Sirius opened his mouth to retaliate, but closed it thereafter. "Touché."

The whole table erupted in laughter, including Sirius, who was glad that he was able to joke about Riley. Maybe he really was moving on.

Riley's hand lifted from the parchment, and at the sound of their joyous laughter her eyes gazed over at the Marauders, who had recently been joined by Jillian. She was curious what set off the laughter and had a sudden longing to be over there with him laughing instead of being at her table doing work with Rhett and Lily.

"Riley!"

She turned back to Rhett. "Hm?"

He sighed. "Do you have the charts we made last week?"

She nodded and dove into her bag, thankful for the distraction.

Rhett glanced over at the Marauders' table and quickly returned to his research. A few seconds later, Riley handed him the charts and they went back to working in silence, except for the occasional frustrated grunt from Lily.

"So, how about you put off work for the night," Jillian whispered in Remus' ear.

"I second that!" Sirius practically screamed, earning a table of Slytherins to growl at him.

"Sirius, we did absolutely nothing today in class because you insisted on flirting with Nikki the entire time. That is why we are in the library on a Friday night," Remus explained, fixating a stern glare on Sirius.

"You make it sound like it's all my fault," Sirius murmured, slumping down into his chair.

"That's because it is," Remus retaliated.

Sirius scowled. "I want a new project partner."

"It's March. It's a little late for that," Peter argued.

Sirius whirled around to face James. "James, you can switch with me!" he pleaded, lurching forward anxiously. He had a goofy grin on his face that told the rest of them a foolish plan was in motion. "I'm sure you don't want to spend all of your time with your ex-girlfriend."

"_What_?" Jillian screeched.

Sirius offered James a lopsided grin as a dismal sort of apology. "Oops." He slinked back into his chair.

James scowled and glared at Sirius. "Thanks for that."

"When did this happen?" Jillian prodded.

"It didn't happen. We're not exes. We're just…not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. That's all!" James murmured. "Sirius lies. All lies. He's a _liar_."

"Why am I friends with you again?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Because my parents took you in when you could no longer deal with living with your psychotic parents."

"Oh, right. I knew there was a reason."

Jillian just smiled, shaking her head in disbelief at the friends. They all did know how to enjoy just being in each others' company.

"Jillian," James interrupted her thoughts. "Can you please not spread it around that Lily and I are…er…on sabbatical? That's just what I need right now: people not only talking about Brite's death behind my back but also about how I can't keep a girlfriend for longer than a couple of months."

"No, of course. I won't say anything," Jillian promised. She glanced at Remus who nodded, a way of telling her that he'll divulge the whole story later in the privacy of his own room. "But Sirius does pose a logical question."

"Wait, logical? Me? Are you sure? Those two words don't often fall in the same sentence unless the word 'not' is in front of logical," Sirius said, crinkling his nose in skepticism.

Jillian laughed. "I'm just wondering how James plans on working with Lily not only on your project but also as Head Boy and Head Girl?"

James shrugged, trying really hard not to think about it. "We'll figure something out."

No one was as unconvinced as James was.

"Can I ask you something?" Jillian asked hesitantly.

James nodded.

"Haven't you been in love with that girl since the day you set eyes on her?"

James opened his mouth to protest but eventually shrugged. "Perhaps."

"Then why are you taking some time apart?" she questioned curiously, giving him a stern look. "Whatever you're going through has to be better with Lily than without, don't you think? Unless you plan on being miserable for the rest of your life."

"I wouldn't pine over the girl for the rest of my life," James said, rolling his eyes. "That's a little extreme."

"Well it did take you six years to bag the girl."

Sirius, Peter, and Remus snorted.

James scowled, but couldn't help but realize that Jillian had a point. It did take him six years to get together with Lily. Could he really just let that slip away because of a possibly bruised ego?

About an hour later, Lily started to pack up her things. "I've come to the conclusion that I detest Potions," she murmured.

"When have you ever detested a class?" Riley snorted, snapping her head away from, once again, the Marauders', who were all immersed in work surprisingly, although by the furtive peeks Jillian (who was now in a chair of her own) kept sending Remus, it was obvious she'd rather be alone with him somewhere that wasn't full of bookshelves and hard-working students.

"Since Slughorn has chosen to bog us down with work. Does he not realize that we have other classes?" Lily whined, placing her books and parchment back in her schoolbag. "I'm going to go find Kay."

"Isn't she hanging out with Alice?" Riley asked.

"Later, I think," Lily offered. She shoved the last folder into her already bulky schoolbag. "But I think she can give me a few minutes of her times and help me waste _my _time. Wasting time sounds a lot more bearable right now than trying to figure out what a bezoar stone does."

"A bezoar stone can potentially save-" Rhett started.

"I don't care!" Lily cried, throwing her hands in the air. "I've moved on to wasting time!"

Both Rhett and Riley laughed, and said their goodbyes to Lily as she swiftly left the library. The truth was, it wasn't Potions she detested. It was sitting just a few feet away from her supposed boyfriend while it was clear he was having a good time and she wasn't. She missed him already and it hadn't even been 24 hours. It had been so easy being his girlfriend and she didn't even realize it until a wedge was driven between them. Any other day, she would have been at that table, laughing along with them to their juvenile yet humorous jokes. Now, she was the third wheel to Riley and Rhett. And it had happened overnight. What else was going to change? Was everything going to go back to the earlier years, when it was only Lily, Riley, and Kay, and the Marauders were barely in the picture? She didn't want to lose her friendships with Sirius and Remus, and even Peter, over this break-up. She didn't know how much her life had changed over the years, but now as she wandered through the gloomy hallways that matched her mood, she came to the realization that she liked who she was now better than she ever liked herself before. James had made her into a better person, and she didn't want to be forced to revert back to her uptight, rule-following, prissy self that she was before January. She quickly wiped away a tear as she crawled through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room.

"Poor Lily," Riley sighed after Lily had been long-gone.

"Hm?" Rhett took his head out of his notes.

"I just feel bad for Lily. It's obvious how much this situation with James is hurting her," Riley said, rubbing the back of her neck.

"She seemed fine to me," Rhett said.

"Yeah, Lily was always good at hiding her true feelings. But after seven years of living with her, I know it's her eyes that give her away. And instead of her usual, uh, jovial spark in her eyes, they're completely void. That, and Lily has never once complained about Potions. It's her way of scurrying off so she doesn't have to deal with James anymore," Riley explained. "I just hope that they can figure everything out before we all get torn apart." She used Lily as an excuse to once again steal a peek in the general direction of the Marauders. Both Sirius and Jillian had given up work and were now trying to see who could make the best paper airplane. The table of Slytherins who kept getting hit by the paper airplanes wasn't too pleased. Riley smirked.

"Yeah." That was all Rhett said. He had no reply, mostly because he knew it wasn't James that Riley was looking at.

"Oh, come on, you cheated!" Sirius pouted, after it was evident that Jillian's paper airplane went a few feet farther than Sirius' and James ruled that round in Jillian's favor.

Jillian rolled her eyes. "I did not."

"Remus helped you!"

"So what? He's my boyfriend. There's an unwritten rule that states he's allowed to help me make paper airplanes," Jillian retaliated, grinning impishly.

"And why exactly would that be an unwritten rule?" Sirius asked. "Are paper airplanes that crucial to relationships? Hm, perhaps I've figured out the grounds for not being able to keep a girl around."

"Yeah, that, or you have no common sense," James interjected, not bothering to glance up from his essay.

Sirius grinned garishly. "Yeah, okay, that might have something to do with it."

Remus sighed and put down his quill, clearly irritated that his work was being interrupted. "Besides, the only reason I helped her was because-"

"She'll make it up to you later by blowing you?" Sirius finished for him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Jillian threw one of her earlier attempts at a paper airplane, now just a crumpled up ball, at Sirius, hitting him square on the nose.

"Hm, I was going to say because she kept pleading with me and it was the only way I could get back to work, but thanks for the graphic details," Remus replied, rolling his eyes in disbelief.

Sirius patted Remus on the shoulder condescendingly. "Oh, please, we all know it's true. I'm not stupid. I know what goes on behind closed doors."

"Okay, this conversation just took a very peculiar turn," Jillian murmured, slinking down in her chair.

"Get used to it, honey," Sirius said haughtily, winking at her. "Bragging about our sex lives is what men do."

"Funny, I can say the same thing about women," Jillian said with a shrug. "And living with Evelyn and Rachael, I've heard _plenty _about you, Mr. Black."

Sirius' eyes grew wide and he practically jumped up in his chair, fully alert. "Oooh, what did they say? Good things, I presume."

"I believe that is none of your business," Jillian said with a surreptitious lopsided grin. "What goes on behind _our _closed doors remains elusive."

Sirius' eyebrows perked up suggestively. "Are you insinuating that girl-on-girl action is-"

Jillian burst into laughter, drowning out Sirius' last few words. "You disgust me."

"Why, thank you!" He bounced perkily on his seat, earning an irritated glare from James which was noted but ignored.

Jillian couldn't help but gaze at Sirius with a warm smile on her face.

"What?" Sirius asked, taken aback by her slyness.

"It's just nice to see you this upbeat," she said with a casual shrug. "Since your break-up with Riley to be exact, you've been a bit glum if you ask me."

That immediately brought Remus and James out of their concentration on their textbooks and into the conversation that was occurring across their table, in awe that Jillian acknowledged it out loud.

Sirius' giddy smile quickly turned into a dazed lopsided frown. "Yeah, well," he sputtered out, "It…it was time to give it all up, I guess."

"I'm sorry that Rachael drove a wedge through the two of you."

Sirius blinked, alarmed by where this conversation had turned. "I think I missed the segue."

"No segue. Just me telling you my roommate is an idiot."

"Mm, that I can agree with," he muttered.

She smiled at him, recognizing that Sirius felt uncomfortable. "Hey, look. Rachael just walked in."

Sirius made a gagging noise. "So?"

She grinned suggestively. "I know who we can throw those paper airplanes at."

Sirius leaned back in his chair proudly. "I'm beginning to think that having you around all the time won't be so bad."

She smiled modestly. "Well, I'm honored."

Remus and James both groaned and returned to their essays, thankful for the bit of distraction away from writing. But Remus couldn't help but feel secretly glad that his girlfriend got along so well with his friends.

Riley and Rhett abandoned their work quickly after Lily left, and digressed into their usual gossip about their schoolmates, after watching Trent Hemmingway and Rachael walk in together. "God, they'd be perfect for each other," Riley was saying. "Though, I don't know if their egos could handle the other."

"Yeah, and Trent is still convinced that Lily will come around and realize his relationship potential," Rhett divulged.

Riley rolled her eyes. "I assumed he gave up after Lily had kneed him in the balls last June."

"You'd think so, but that just made him want her more."

"Yeah, because she's the only girl that has ever rejected him," Riley pointed out. She quickly gathered all of her research articles together and threw them back into her folder.

"That was a blow to his ego if there ever was one," Rhett snorted. He handed her back the charts, and smiled, realizing how much he did enjoy his time with Riley.

"Why did he and Rachael come in—HEY!" she shouted, displeased by the paper airplane that had just soared into the side of her head, getting tangled up in her hair. She unraveled it from her hair, and crushed it into a crumpled ball.

"Sorry," Sirius said sheepishly, giving her an apologetic lopsided grin. "I was aiming for Rachael."

Riley glared at him. "You mean the girl who's sitting about five feet in the other direction?"

"I didn't say I had good aim," Sirius defended with a short, joyous laugh. He shrugged impulsively.

"I hadn't realized you couldn't read either, considering the plaque outside clearly reads 'Library,'" she snorted, staring him down. Why she was getting so angry was beyond her. "It's seven letters that in no way conveys the idea that this is the place that _paper airplanes should be made_! Go play in the Gryffindor common room if amusement is what you are seeking!"

"The plaque also states 'Quiet please,' and in no way conveys the idea that you should be screaming," he snickered, flashing her an amused smile.

"I am not screaming."

"Tell that to the students glaring at you right now."

"They're glaring at you for being a paper-airplane-making prat."

"Nonsense. People don't glare at me. I'm too good-looking."

"How does your head fit through doors, Black?"

"The same way your arse does I bet."

"BLACK!"

"Aha, _now _you're screaming."

"And now I'm going to _hex _you!" she snapped through gritted teeth.

Sirius grinned at her clear frustration with him. It was sadly a turn-on. "Try me, Babes."

She froze at the reminder of the chauvinistic nickname he used to call her by. She was finding herself suddenly very overwhelmed with this conversation. "Just stop throwing bloody airplanes my way and I won't feel the need to enlarge your head to its actual size."

He shrugged. "Whatever you say," he said with his usual teasing, boyish grin.

"Good," was the only thing she could think of to say.

"He can be so frustrating, can't he," Riley murmured, staring down at the old mahogany table that had inscriptions from years past.

"I forget that sometimes he can be a jackass," Rhett complied.

"I didn't say jackass," she quickly defended. "Just annoying."

"I'm not saying he's a bad person," Rhett further explained, eyeing her curiously. "Truth be told, the fact that he can go from his usual charming, magnetic self where he flashes a smile to _anyone _and gets his way to his cruel, jackass side where he doesn't care who he's hurting without much deviation is quite impressive."

"He's not a jackass. He just likes to mess around. Pranks and jokes is what he specializes in," Riley pointed out. "If that was a class here, he'd be _teaching _it."

Rhett cocked his head to the side with a disappointed frown. "I can't believe you're defending him."

"I'm defending him by calling him _annoying_?" Riley snorted.

Rhett glanced down at the table, particularly where "RG+RD" was inscribed, something Riley had done earlier that week when she was bored with the usual research, and sighed. "Riley," he said in a soft voice, running his fingers over the inscription.

"What?" she asked with a tiny laugh, wondering why they were arguing over Sirius.

"This isn't working."

She smirked. "I know. We're both so stubborn that we should drop this argument and-"

"No. Not that." He lifted his eyes from the table and met her inquisitive ones. "I mean, us."

Riley's heart skipped a beat. "What are you saying?" she asked in a hushed tone.

He looked away long enough to gaze into the bright overhead light fearfully, before sighing and turning back to his impatient girlfriend. "I mean, I think it's time to face reality."

"The reality of _what_, Rhett?" Riley asked harshly, getting increasingly agitated.

He glanced over at Sirius, his gaze hardening as he tightened his lips.

Riley followed his eyes and groaned inwardly. "Are you talking about Sirius?"

Rhett didn't respond.

"Nothing's going on between us, Rhett," she insisted. "And nothing ever will again."

"I know that, but..." he trailed off, glancing down at the initials again.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you're letting Sirius get between us again."

"You think I want to?" Rhett sighed.

"So, this _is _about him."

"Riley, I would like nothing more than to continue this relationship," Rhett explained, eyeing her apologetically as if this were his fault. "But I can't do that under these false pretenses."

"_What _false pretenses?" Riley asked, gripping her quill tightly as she pursed her lips. "Can you just spit it out?"

"You're not ready for another relationship so quickly after Sirius. You're not over him."

Riley's quill snapped in two, and a trickle of blood ran down her palm, going unnoticed to the both of them. "Please tell me that was a joke." She hurled her quill down on the table and it bounced off and tumbled to the ground where it remained.

"You know what's really disheartening? That everyone else can see how much you two still care for each other _except _for the two of you," Rhett claimed, shaking his head in disbelief. "You can deny it all you want, Riley, but I can't be with someone who is just using me to try to get over her ex-boyfriend. I can't just be your rebound, Riley, especially because I really like you."

"And I really like you," Riley retaliated. Tears were welling up in her eyes. It was clear that Rhett had already made up his mind.

"I'm not saying you don't," Rhett quickly defended. "I'm just saying that you need to take some time and be on your own right now. You're-"

"And what the hell is that going to do?" she grumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. "What the hell is _time _going to do? What is being by myself going to go?"

He shrugged. "Move on," he said simply. "Having a boyfriend is not helping you get over him. It's just something to distract you from the break-up."

"Don't do this," she whispered, reaching for his hand.

He didn't pull away like she expected. "I have to."

"Why?"

"Because not only have you been constantly looking over there at his table throughout the night, but every time you glance at him, I wonder if you will ever look at me the same."

It was a typical, cliché explanation, but Riley had no response.

"Riley, I think deep down, you know I'm right. We both know I was just the rebound guy. You weren't even three days broken up when we got together. And although, I've accepted it up until now, I can't continue like this." Rhett slipped his hand out from underneath Riley's and fixated on the maple table, too vulnerable to look at the hurt on Riley's face anymore. "You need to get over Sirius and being with me is just making it that much harder."

"I wish everyone would stop telling me how I feel about Sirius," Riley murmured.

Rhett bit down on his bottom lip. "Riley, I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"I know you are," she muttered. She really was falling for him and she hated that Sirius was messing it up without him even realizing it. She sighed. "I really do like you, Rhett, and I know you think this relationship can be strictly categorized as just a rebound, but I don't think of it as that. I really care about you and I just…I guess it was just bad timing for our relationship."

Rhett placed his hand back in Riley's. "So you're not mad at me?"

"I could never be mad at you."

"Hm, funny, but I distinctly remember you yelling at me the first time I broke up with you," Rhett teased, his eyes dancing gaily.

Riley laughed. "You know what the ironic part about all of this is?"

"What?"

"Sirius Black has gotten between our relationship twice now."

Rhett smiled. "I should really punch the guy."

"I wouldn't stop you if you chose to get up off that chair and clock him right in the face," Riley teased, winking playfully. "Maybe Nikki will be so disgusted by his black eye, she'll stop dating him."

"He's dating Hickey Nikki?" Rhett asked, surprised. "Wait, does that girl even _date_?"

Riley made a face. "I don't know what's going on between them. I just know that they went out a few nights ago. But hey, if he's able to move on then maybe there's hope for me after all."

Rhett nodded, agreeing. "I just think you need some time being single. And when you're ready for a relationship, look me up."

Riley snorted and looked at him skeptically. "You've broken up with me twice now. You really think I'm going to come back for more?"

Rhett pushed her lightly on the shoulder with a short laugh. "Well, aren't you just Miss Funny Girl tonight."

She flashed him a haughty grin. "I'm Miss Funny Girl _every _night."

He laughed and she joined them. When the laughter slowly died down, they both sat there awkwardly, glancing around the room while an immediate tension filled the air between them. Rhett quickly retracted his hand when he realized their hands were still embraced. "Uh…well…" Riley dithered. "This is normally the part where I would take off and say 'I'll see you around,' but seeing as we're in the middle of researching for our project, I'm at a standstill."

"Why don't we go our separate ways now and just vow to meet back here tomorrow afternoon. Say, 3?"

"Sounds like a plan." She kissed him lightly on the lips, a gentle goodbye, before throwing her schoolbag over her shoulder and heading out of the library, once again, alone.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, James and Lily haven't officially broken up. Both of them know they don't want that to happen but both of them are too stubborn to do anything about it. And I really liked Riley and Rhett together, but it's obvious that RIley needed to spend some time alone and single! So this just so happened to be the chapter that the two of them broke it off. Will they end up together? Will Sirius and Riley? Stay tuned!


	37. Of Ice Cream, Love, & Sex

**A/N: **I'm back with the next chapter! I don't have much to say except there is a very detailed Rated R scene at the middle of this chapter so if that makes you uncomfortable, skip over it! Without further ado, here is chapter 37.

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling but I'm looking forward to seeing the midnight showing of the sixth movie come Tuesday night!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 37: Of Ice Cream, Love, & Sex

* * *

Riley sauntered into her bedroom with a sullen look. She threw her schoolbag haphazardly towards her desk and plopped on to the end of Kay's bed headfirst into the comforter with an agonizing groan.

"Um, this might be a shot in the dark here, but is something bothering you, Riley?" Kay asked with a lighthearted chuckle, gently prodding Riley's side with her foot.

Riley swatted at her foot, but didn't look up. "My life sucks," she said in a muffled voice.

"What? Just an hour ago you were fine, Miss Drama Queen!" Lily laughed.

Riley remained silent as Lily and Kay exchanged confused looks, noticing the anxiety in their friend's eyes. Riley finally lifted her head out of the bedspread and looked at her two friends. "Rhett and I broke up."

Kay's jaw dropped and Lily gasped. "What?" Kay asked a hushed voice, retracting her foot slowly.

Riley nodded and sighed.

"But, like I said, an hour ago you two seemed fine," Lily said, shaking her head in disbelief. "What happened?"

Riley drew herself up to sit up against the stone wall with a sigh. "It's just…I don't know. It's complicated." She wasn't willing to tell her friends that Rhett broke up with her because he was convinced she still had feelings for Sirius; she still wanted them to believe she had moved on, mostly for her own sake.

"I can't believe Rhett broke up with you," Lily said sullenly, tracing soothing circles on Riley's arm.

Riley jerked back. "What makes you think he broke up with _me_?"

Lily tensed, realizing her mistake. She pulled her hand back and looked at Kay for help, who was avoiding eye contact with the both of them completely. "Uh…"

"Because they always break up with me?" Riley asked softly, a hurt look flashing across her face. "Because I can never seem to keep a guy around?"

"Riley, that's not true," Lily quickly quipped, scooting over to her and squeezing Riley's arm. Sometimes Riley's self-pity act was a bit much for Lily to handle, but it was clear that Riley was feeling really down on herself. "Don't bring yourself down because of one break-up. They happen and they suck, but life goes on."

"I just…I just don't even know why I do it anymore," she murmured.

"Do what?" Kay asked.

"The whole dating thing. It never goes my way," she complained, rubbing her temples as the tears starting welling up. "I either get hurt or am just being used. What's the point anymore?"

"You can't beat yourself up. In fact, self-pity is extremely unbecoming and so not like you," Kay urged, giving her a sincere look. "What you gotta do is eat a lot of ice cream and hold a bashing-men session. Believe me, they're more fun than crying about it and it's definitely a step towards mending a broken heart."

"This broken heart can't be mended," she retorted tragically. "For it is not just broken. It has been stomped on, wrenched, torn to shreds, pierced by the icy feel of his stupid heart, and-"

"I think we get the point," Kay interrupted with a curt laugh. "And I repeat, self-pity? Totally not worth it."

"I'm not pitying myself," Riley muttered. "I'm just...wallowing."

"Wallowing goes better with ice cream."

The ends of Riley's mouth turned up. Kay was right. What's the point of sitting there and dreaming of what could have been when she could be stuffing her face with a large bowl of brain freeze? "Do you got any ice cream?"

"Nah, but I can bring some back after I meet Alice," Kay said with a laugh.

"Everything is so much more complicated than it used to be," Riley whined, placing her head in Lily's lap with a heavy sigh. She thought back to when she was eleven and her biggest worry was tripping down the stairs and embarrassing herself in front of her schoolmates. "Why does being a teenager have to be so hard?"

Lily stroked Riley's hair like she remembered her mother doing to her when she was upset as a kid. "Not all the moments are hard, Riley. But unfortunately, life can't always be perfect."

Riley nodded and bit down on her lip. "It doesn't have to be perfect," she murmured. "It just has to be better than this." She didn't know if she was wallowing in self-pity because of Rhett or Sirius. She had a feeling it was directed more towards the latter. "I hate being a teenager. It comes with way too much complicated drama."

"Yeah, maybe," Kay interjected with a shrug, "But sometimes it all becomes worth it."

Riley let out a strangled grunt. "Maybe for you guys, but-"

"Oh, yeah, it's totally worth it when the guy you are head-over-heels for pushes you out of his life," Lily snorted. "Relationships aren't easy for anyone, Riley."

"I'm beginning to realize that," she muttered. "Damn, sometimes I wish I could just turn back the hands of time and go back to being a kid. Things _were _easy then, right? I'm not just idealizing my childhood?"

Lily frowned. "It's easy idealizing your childhood during the tough times."

When Kay and Riley glanced up at the sound of her wary voice, they both had a feeling she was thinking about her parents.

"I just wish there weren't as many of those tough times you speak of," Riley muttered and Lily nodded in agreement.

Kay smiled sadly. "So, why did you two break up, Riley?" she asked gently.

Riley's heart skipped a beat. She darted her eyes away from Kay's with a frown. "It, uh...it just...it wasn't working out." She didn't want to admit that Sirius had driven a wedge through them.

Kay and Lily exchanged a look undetected by Riley. "Riley," Lily said softly, glancing over Riley's hair and looking her in the eye. "Was it about Sirius?"

"No," she said immediately.

Lily gave her a look.

Riley glanced up at her friend and slowly, she nodded. "Yeah, okay, he might have had something to do with it," she whispered. "It's as if nowadays my life revolves around him, no matter how much I try to...to forget about how we used to be." She suddenly realized how whiny she sounded.

"Well," Lily said hesitantly, glancing curiously over Riley's head to meet the gaze of Kay. "We have some news that might make you really want to forget about how the two of you used to be."

"We do?" Kay asked, confused.

Riley shifted her position on the bed so she could look at up Lily. "What news?"

Lily cleared her throat wondering if she should be the person to tell Riley. "It's about Sirius."

Riley rolled her eyes. "I'm not sure I want to hear it."

"And Rachael."

She blinked. "I haven't been living under a rock, Lily. I know they broke up."

"It's about why they broke up."

"I don't really care why. It's none of my business and I personally-"

"Actually, it kinda is," Kay chimed in when she realized where Lily was going with this.

Riley frowned, wondering if this was the type of news she even wanted to hear. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Lily let out a sigh. "From what we understand, the reason Rachael and Sirius were hanging out so much together was because she claimed her parents had been killed, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"It was a lie," Lily murmured. "They didn't die recently. They died when she was only a baby."

Riley's face slowly began to drain of color. _"What?"_ she blurted out in a raspy whisper.

"It was all an act," Kay sighed. "She just wanted to get to Sirius."

Riley felt a shiver run down her spine at the heavy implication of those words. "And he...he found out about this." It wasn't a question.

Both Lily and Kay nodded.

"I had been right the whole time," she whispered, betrayal seeping into her heart. "I had warned him about her. Told him she was manipulating him. Told him she was using him. And he continued on as if my words didn't matter. As if my opinion meant nothing to him."

"Riley-"

"Of all the broken hearts I've had to deal with in my life, this might be the worst," she admitted in a small voice, a small knot forming in her stomach.

"Because he meant the most to you," Lily said softly.

Riley quickly blinked away the tears that were beginning to form. "I trusted him," she whispered. "Against my better judgment, I trusted him with my heart. I just wish he had done the same with me."

"He cared about you, Riley," Kay urged. "Don't ever think differently."

"He apparently didn't care enough."

Neither Lily nor Kay knew what to even say to that so Kay just let out a deep sigh and jumped off Kay's bed, holding out her hand to Riley. "Come on."

Riley's eyebrow raised. "Where?"

"We are in serious need of some chocolate ice cream with hot fudge and whipped cream."

Riley glanced at Kay skeptically. "I'm not really hungry."

Kay scoffed. "A large bowlful of ice cream isn't about fulfilling hunger. It's comfort food. Believe me when I say chocolate fixes everything."

Riley shrugged and took Kay's hand. If she wasn't going to eat ice cream, she was going to focus on whatever she had with Rhett and whatever she had with Sirius. And she really didn't want to do that. "I could use a little bit of comfort food right about now."

"Aren't you meeting Alice, Kay?" Lily said, climbing off the bed as well. She grabbed a sweater hanging off the post of her bed and threw it on.

Kay glanced down at her watch. "I still have a little time."

* * *

James was supposed to be hanging out with the guys. They were supposed to go into Hogsmeade, but the trip ended abruptly when it was clear none of them were interested in being there. Even a night with the guys couldn't get James' mind off of all of the developments in his life lately. First Brite died and now he and Lily were at a standstill. He didn't know what was happening between him and Lily. It was the only thing lately that he had been able to control, and for some reason, he was willing to cast her aside. He had no idea why he was allowing it, but he just felt that every time she was around, overwhelming anxiety filled his heart. He was so afraid of being around her and he couldn't figure out why.

Okay, he knew why. It was because she's been in his shoes before and he didn't want to associate himself with anyone else who could have ever felt as much pain as he was in lately.

James thought there was a possibility that when he returned from the funeral he and Lily may pick it up where they left off. Except that it wouldn't be the same and they both would be able to recognize the tension. James had a feeling that if he went home for the funeral and returned, he'd have to accept the break-up. He wouldn't be able to let Lily back into his life after the way they left things. He couldn't be with her knowing that she wasn't there for him. What happens the next time a tragedy happens? Would she bail on him again? James had a pretty good feeling that her fear for him had more to do with the death she had to deal with in her own life, but it still hurt him that they couldn't work things out.

Damnit, was he really thinking such hateful things towards her? Of course she was there for him. He just wasn't allowing her to be. But maybe it was her turn to fight harder. He had done that for six years. For once, it would have been nice to step aside and let her do the chasing. As he crawled into bed without bothering to change, he could hear that little voice in the back of his head telling him that he was truly the biggest idiot in the world if he was just going to let Lily slip away.

Was it easier on his heart acting as if she was bailing on him so that when this all blew up in both their faces he could pretend it didn't hurt as much? Was it easier blaming her than admitting fault in himself? How could he watch her grow so hurt at the distance he put between them and not want to do anything about it? Why was he so determined to shut her out of his life?

He knew why. His heart knew all of the answers to those questions. It was just his head that was ignoring the truth. The truth that filled him up with so much fear that it was easier pretending he didn't care about anything at all. All caring ever got him was one disappearing brother and another one dead. And if that's all caring got him, then what would falling in love get him?

Because if he was truly being honest with himself, he had fallen madly in love with Lily Evans.

Problem was, he had no idea how to be in love.

* * *

Lily and Riley headed out of the kitchens late that night, both with a large bowlful of ice cream in their hands which just happened to be their second helping. Riley took a big scoop and stuck it in her mouth with a content smile. "I do enjoy my chocolate."

Lily laughed. "You have it all over your mouth," she said with a muffled voice after having just stuck a spoonful in her own mouth.

Riley went to clean it up but stopped midway and shrugged. "Who cares? I ain't looking to impress nobody!"

Lily cringed. "If this was any other moment in our relationship then I would point out all of the incorrect grammar in that sentence, but when eating ice cream, all the rules are out the window."

Riley fake gasped. "Miss Evans, I never thought I'd see the day where you didn't use your grammatical knowledge against others!"

Lily grinned, chocolate stained on her teeth which made Riley burst into laughter. "Don't make me throw a spoonful of ice cream in your face," Lily sniggered, gesturing towards the ice cream on the spoon in her hand with a suggestive look. "Mainly because I don't want to waste this ice cream."

Riley stuck her tongue out at Lily with another laugh. It felt good to laugh considering just an hour earlier, she was feeling so depressed over her past relationships. "Y'know, I think Kay was on to something when she said chocolate fixes everything."

Lily gave Riley a lopsided grin, staring into her bowl longingly. "Not everything," she muttered.

One look at Lily's sullen face told Riley all she needed to know. "Thinking about James?"

"It's hard not to."

Riley outstretched her hand and stopped Lily in the hallway. "Lily, can I say something without you throwing that entire bowl of ice cream all over me?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You sure you're ready to risk that? I still have a lot of ice cream in this bowl."

She gave Lily a look.

Lily smiled. "Go ahead."

Riley let out a frustrated sigh. "Do you _want _to break up with James? Because I don't see you trying to do anything to fix it."

Lily gave her a look. "What can I fix, Riley? I've tried pushing my way into his heart but it's completely closed off. Right now, there's no room in there for me."

"You're letting him push you away, Lily," Riley responded, taking another spoonful of ice cream and casually looking away from her friend. "You let him get to you. You let yourself argue with him. You let him wear you down to the point where you feel helpless. You have to fight for him, Lily. He needs you to fight for him because he's not able to fight for himself right now. Don't let him push you away."

Lily rubbed her temples and leaned against the stone wall with a heavy sigh. "It's not that easy." _  
_

"I think you're making it harder than it is," Riley argued, muttering a curse under her breath to make her now empty bowl disappear.

"And I think that you don't understand."

"You're right, I don't understand. I don't understand why you can't just…just show James that you're there for him through thick and thin," Riley sighed. "You're his girlfriend. You are always supposed to be by his side even during the hard times."

"You want to look in the mirror when you say blanket statements like that?"

Riley blinked. "Excuse me?"

"One stupid mistake and you go running from Sirius, Riley. You might pretend you have such a tough exterior, but you're not tough at all. You can't handle even the slightest painful situation."

She scowled. "We're not talking about me here, Lily."

"Well, we're not talking about me, either!"

"Why are you getting so defensive? You know it's the truth. You know you're just waiting around for James to end it. Then he becomes the bad guy and you get away scot-free. Well, I hate to break it to you but just waiting around for him to take care of the deed isn't going to make you feel less guilty."

"I don't feel guilty," she snapped. "I just feel angry."

"No, you're sad. You're disheartened. You're hurt and confused. It's not anger you feel. It's grief."

"Grief? Why should I feel grief when I didn't even know Brite."

"You feel grief because your boyfriend is clearly grieving. Even if he won't do it in your presence, I know you see the pain in his eyes. And it's killing you."

Lily could feel the tears well up in her eyes. "No, what kills me is that he's hurting and he's grieving and he's in pain, yet all he wants is to go on pretending as if he's not hurting or grieving or in pain. All he wants is to put a smile on his face and pretend everything is alright. All he wants is to mess around with his friends and play silly pranks and joke around with them as if his heart isn't suffering. All he wants is to ignore me and avoid me and pretend I don't exist! All he wants is a fake world and a fake reality where everything is fine and dandy and he think he can get that by everyone else _except_ me. Don't you get that, Riley?All he wants is _everything except me_!" Lily cried out, unexpectedly throwing her bowl of ice cream against the opposite wall with an angry sob.

Riley jumped at the loud crashing sound, surprised by the sudden outburst.

"He doesn't want me, Riley," she whispered hoarsely as she fell to the ground, the tears streaming down her face. "He...he doesn't want me," she choked out in a hurt whisper.

Riley sighed and took a seat beside Lily, running her hand comfortingly up and down Lily's forearm, too stunned to reply.

"And what's worse is that I totally get it," she continued in a raspy whisper. "He's always gone to the guys and to you. You've all always been there for him. He's had to deal with a lot in his life and the four of you have always been by his side. Why should he want to deal with any of this in front of me when for six years all I did was yell and scream at him? When all I did was tell him that I hated him? I don't deserve to see the softer, more vulnerable side of James Potter, Riley. So how the hell can I possibly fight for him when for six years I did everything in my power to fight against him?"

Unexpectedly, a smile passed across Riley's face. "Because it's what he did for you, Lily."

She wiped her eyes. "What?"

"He fought excessively for you for six years. He asked you out and watched you out of the corner of his eye. He protected you as best he could and talked to you at every given chance even though he knew it wasn't what you necessarily wanted at the time. He never gave up on you. Not once. And now you're his. Maybe he's just asking you to do the same for him."

Lily slumped down against the wall with a fateful sigh, wondering how it was possible Riley could make it sound so easy. "I-I don't know how to do that when he pushes me out the door every time I try to talk to him," she whispered, her face screwed up in tortured agony. "How can I fight for a guy who doesn't want me? How can…how can I be with a guy who doesn't want anything to do with me? I feel like I have to give up on him, Riley. I…I have to let him go," Lily whispered in a strangled cry. "I have to let him go before…before he lets _me _go."

Riley realized how scared Lily looked. She clearly was afraid that James no longer wanted to be with her. "You really think he's going to do that to you, Lily?"

"He already has done that," she whispered.

Riley frowned, taking a different approach. "Lily, you have to know that it's not that he doesn't want you. He's just been so confused lately and it hasn't all been about Brite. In fact, I'd go as far as to say this past week has had more to do with you than Brite."

Lily blinked the tears away. "What?"

"He knows that you've been in this situation before," she said softly. "So there's a slight chance that he agrees with everything you've been trying to tell him but he would rather not admit he's feeling heartbroken around you in fear of breaking down. And he doesn't want to break down. I think that's his biggest fear."

Lily bit down on her lip angrily. "It's not like I've tried to talk to James about Brite to hurt him. I'm just…I'm just scared for him. That's all." Lily stared straight ahead with an unreadable expression, her cheeks glistening from her stained tears.

"I know. But right now, he needs you to find a way to fight for him as he's barely able to hang on himself," Riley continued, giving her a concerned look. She patted Lily's arm with a sympathetic smile. "Chase after him, Lily."

Lily sighed, swiping her hand across her cheek, trying to compose herself. "Accio bowl," she muttered. The bowl now of soupy ice cream returned to her hands. "Scourgify." The wall opposite her no longer had chocolate stains on it.

Riley didn't know what else to say, so the two of them just sat there in silence for the next few minutes.

Lily sighed and eventually stood up. "C'mon. Let's head back to the common room."

Riley tried not to show her confusion as Lily helped her get up. She wasn't sure if that conversation was over and she wasn't sure what Lily was going to do, but she let Lily take the lead. Lily linked arms with Riley and they started the walk back to the Gryffindor common room.

Lily broke the awkward silence a few minutes later. "Y'know, Riley, you might want to take your own advice."

She snorted. "What are you talking about? I am there for James. I forgave him, didn't I?"

She shook her head. "I'm not talking about James."

Riley cocked her head to the side. "Then what advice should I be taking?"

Lily sighed and looked away from her friend uncomfortably. "When Rhett broke up with you, you-"

"Rhett and I are over," Riley quickly interrupted, cringing. "But thanks for reminding me."

"I'm not talking about Rhett."

Rhett scowled and glared at Lily. "Then do you mind spitting out who you _are _talking about?"

Lily bit down on her bottom lip and stared at the ground, shifting her weight as she tried to word her thoughts correctly in her mind first.

"_Lily_?"

She sighed. "Please don't hate me for mentioning his name, but-"

Riley stomped her foot against the ground hard, grunting loudly. "Oh, for the love of God! If the next name out of your goddamned mouth is Sirius Black, I swear I will bury you alive."

"You brought him up," she quickly defended, stopping herself in the middle of the hallway to shoot Riley a knowing look.

Riley whimpered and slammed her fist against the wall. "What is everyone's fascination with me and Black? We've been over for almost a month now!"

Lily nodded awkwardly and didn't reply. She wasn't about to argue with an already enraged Riley Gilmore. Previous fights with Riley told Lily it was better to keep things hushed than bring them out in the open. Riley was very good at hiding her feelings and sometimes it was easier for Lily to let Riley keep those feelings hidden.

"And what advice exactly that I gave you should _I _be taking?" Riley barked. "Because I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to not be there for the guy who chose to hang out with another girl on his birthday who wasn't me! And oh yeah, it was all a bloody lie!"

"I'm not talking about being there for him," Lily quickly corrected, shaking her head. "I would not be asking that of you and you know it."

"Then what _are _you talking about?"

Lily stared at the ground longingly, a look of uncertainty hidden behind her void eyes. "Riley," she started softly, "Don't let Sirius go."

Riley scoffed. "Why not? After what you told me earlier, I have no reason not to."

Lily shook her head. "I-I don't think that's what you want."

Riley sent Lily a sideways glare. "I think I know what I want, Lily."

She furrowed her brow. "Really? Then why did you ask to be his friend?"

Riley opened her mouth to respond but found herself not able to come up with an excuse. "Because," she dithered, chewing on the inside of her lip.

Lily stifled a smile. "You've been friends for a couple weeks ago now. You still think that being friends is a good idea?"

"It's not like we're best friends," she muttered vaguely. Knowing that Sirius and Rachael broke up and why, she wasn't so sure that being his friend was the wisest decision.

"Riley," Lily sighed.

"Okay, yes, I think it's a mistake that I tried to be friends with him now that…that I don't have Rhett as my boyfriend to distract me from the past. With Rhett, Sirius was just some ex-boyfriend. Without Rhett, Sirius…well, Sirius is my ex-boyfriend who hurt and betrayed me and who I can't manage to forgive. Especially knowing I had been right all along."

"I figured as much," Lily murmured. "I-I know you both want to move on. I know you want, and need, to get over him. But I don't think the answer is letting the ex-boyfriend part of him disappear from your life entirely. It's like you told me: walking away from the problem is not dealing with it. And that goes for both of you."

"I am dealing with it," Riley scoffed.

"When did you ever deal with the fall-out from your break-up? You've been in another relationship, for Merlin's sake!"

"Maybe that's how I deal with it!"

"You and James might as well be siblings," Lily sighed, rolling her eyes. "Because you both are a pro at avoiding difficult situations. You just said that Rhett was your distraction away from all of the Sirius drama, did you not?" When it was clear that Riley didn't have a response to that, Lily continued, shaking her head in disbelief. "You and Sirius both frustrate me so much," Lily muttered under her breath. "It's so obvious how much you guys still care for each other. You guys are putting yourself through this act of being friends or whatever, but it's clear that you both just want to be together." Riley opened her mouth to fight back, But Lily hurried on. "And I'm not saying you guys should be together after all you've been through, but…just…just don't walk away from it all, Riley, because you think it's what you want. You might find out too late that that was never what you wanted from him. And until you figure it out, I don't think you're ready to lose him."

Riley clicked her tongue irritably. "None of that matters, Lily," she replied, a gigantic sigh escaping from her lips. She blinked back the tears.

Lily sighed. "Riley," she said cautiously.

"No," Riley protested, waving her finger in front of Lily accusingly. "Don't give me that apologetic, sympathetic tone with me, Lily. I am so sick and tired of everyone trying to inform me of their opinions about my relationship with Sirius when none of you were ever there to witness what we had. I know what I'm going through, and I'm the only one who knows!" Riley wasn't sure why she was yelling, but it might have had something to do with the fact that she wasn't entirely convinced of her own words. "You don't know anything about it, Lily, so why can't you just stay out of it? Why can't everyone just stay out of my personal life? This has absolutely nothing to do with you and I'd appreciate it if you and everyone else stopped trying to rehash the past!"

Lily stepped back fearfully. The defensive rage in Riley's eyes was something she had never witnessed before. She knew that Riley was yelling because Lily was making some good points, but she also knew she didn't want to continue arguing. "Okay, I'm sorry I brought it up," she muttered. "I just…I just figured we were in similar situations and I wanted to help."

Riley scoffed haughtily, her eyes growing with anger and her nostrils flaring. "'Similar situations?'" Riley repeated in a bitter tone. "What similar situations? My boyfriend and I broke up because he would rather spend time with a lying, manipulative prig than his girlfriend, and he ended up kissing her when he shouldn't have been there in the first place. You and James are on the verge of breaking up because you're a selfish girlfriend who fucking abandoned him when his bloody brother just died, a time he so obviously needed you the most even if he isn't showing that to you firsthand! Don't you dare tell me we're in similar situations, Lily, because Sirius and I broke-up for a legitimate reason, which is more than I can say for your self-centered hiatus with a boyfriend you must not care much about since you aren't even attempting to fight for him!"

The surprise and hurt look on Lily's face told Riley that she had stepped over the line, but Riley was also not one for apologies. She continued giving Lily a stony look and before she knew it, she was covered in head to toe with Lily's soupy ice cream. Lily threw the bowl at Riley and stormed off.

Riley winced, rubbing her arm where the bowl hit her. "I might have deserved that."

* * *

Lily rushed into the Gryffindor common room frantically, fixating her eyes on Remus glancing over his essay one last time before heading to bed. She breathed a sigh of relief that he was alone. "I need your advice."

Remus looked up at her. A frantic, scared look gleamed in her expression as he attempted to ease her tension. "And hello to you too. This is a lovely evening we're having, isn't it?"

Lily gave him a look. "I don't care about the weather. You're the most logical person I know and I seriously need some perspective."

"I'm no more logical than you are, Lily," Remus pointed out, shoving his paper into the middle of his textbook and leaning back against the couch.

Lily made a face, sitting down on the couch beside him. "Well, when it comes to James, sometimes logic is far from my mind."

"Ah, I had a feeling this might be about him." He could see the pain in her eyes. The confusion and the hurt in her crooked smile. Over the past few days, her strained smile didn't even come close to reaching her eyes. While everyone was more than willing to point out that James was clearly hurting and ignoring it, it was evident to Remus that Lily was doing the same.

"I need you to tell me I'm being selfish and stupid and to go back to James before we get torn apart any further," Lily blurted out.

Remus smiled apologetically to her. "I don't think you believe that."

Lily whimpered. "No, I believe that I have my own feelings about the situation that are hard to explain, but no one seems to be willing to understand my side."

"From what _I _understand, Lily, is that you're blaming him for pushing you away, when in hindsight, I think you're just as much a culprit as you are a victim."

Lily's scowled. "What? That's crazy! If I wanted crazy advice, I'd be talking to Sirius right now."

He merely shrugged. "Listen, I know you're scared that if James keeps his emotions bottled up, he'll suddenly explode one day into this pessimistic, self-pitying maniac. And I know that you're scared that soon James will wake up and realize that you're not what he wants or needs after all, but that's only half of it."

"No, that's all of it," Lily scoffed defensively.

"Lily," Remus said softly.

"_What_?" she asked irritably.

"Don't you think this might have something to do with the fact that you see a little bit of yourself in James?"

"No, not at all," she said quickly.

He rolled his eyes. "You went through a difficult time when your parents died, and now you have to watch someone else go through it."

"So?"

"You don't want to see him suffering as much as you suffered. You don't want to see him completely crushed just like you were. Looking at him just brings back all of those painful memories. You're afraid that if you're around him when he completely breaks down, you won't know how to handle it. Just like no one knew how to handle it when you completely broke down. Which is why you want him to discuss it now. Because you don't want him to wake up one day and feel the weight of the world on his shoulders _exactly like you did. _You…you completely shut out everyone and everything you had in your life at that point. So…so you're letting him push you away _now _because you're afraid he's going to start resenting you that day he wakes up and fully grasps hold of what's happened."

Lily gazed at Remus hesitantly, a look of awe coming over her face. She sunk into the couch with a defeated sigh, a part of her hating him for admitting the fears she had been so determined to ignore. "You really are the logical one out of all of us," she whispered.

"I'm just good at reading people," Remus said with an assuring smile.

"But…how exactly am I supposed to get over those feelings?"

Remus shrugged. "That I can't really help you with seeing as I have never had to deal with a death before. I think you just have to figure out what's most important to you. Holding on to the past. Or…" he trailed off.

"Or James," she murmured.

He nodded.

When Lily smiled, Remus was grateful to see that it finally filled her entire face. "I think we both know the answer to that question," she whispered gratefully. "Thanks, Remus."

"Anytime."

* * *

Riley rushed into James' room on a mission. She didn't bother knocking and yelled out quickly, "James, you are being a complete and total moron!" Riley knew she made a mistake with insulting Lily earlier and she was determined to fix it.

He sat upright, shrieking. "Jesus, Riley! Way to scare the crap out of a guy!"

"All Lily has been trying to do is be there for you and you've blown her off in every way possible!"

"No, I haven't," he lied.

Riley slid on to the edge of his bed with a sigh. "Is lying to yourself really the answers to your problems?"

"I'm beginning to think it might be."

Riley frowned, turning around to face him. The bags under his eyes were unmistakable. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days. Weeks even. His eyes were void of feeling, the frown on his face becoming far too permanent for Riley's taste. "James," she said softly. "I know you're scared. I know that you're upset. I know that you're still wrapping your mind around all of this. But you are allowed to be scared and upset and in the midst of thinking everything over with her."

"I don't need her during this, though."

"But do you want her?"

His heart skipped a beat. "I don't want her during all of this, either," James muttered. Why would he want her around to see how messed up he was?

Riley shook her head. "I didn't ask if you if you wanted her here during the fallout of your brother's death. I simply asked you if you want her."

The frown on James' face deepened around the edges. "What are you saying, Riley?"

"It's like you both are just waiting for the other one to break up with you. As if that would mean you wouldn't be to blame for the fallout. But did you ever think that you two haven't broken up yet not because you're waiting to break up but because you're waiting for the other to fight for you?"

"I've given up trying to figure out what's going through my head," he muttered.

"And what about your heart?"

"What?"

"Who cares that your head is saying, James," Riley sighed. "Right now, it's probably swimming with a million thoughts and fears and insecurities. That's what our heads are supposed to do. But can't you just _stop _listening to your head for one second and listen to your damned heart?"

The guilt weighed heavily in the pit of James' stomach. He knew Riley was right. He knew that he had always let his heart lead his relationship with Lily until his brother died. And then suddenly it was as if he had just shut off the ability to care. For a while, it made sense to him. For a while, it was easier listening to his head. But now he wasn't so sure. "You want to know what my heart is saying?" he whispered, the words so soft and vulnerable.

Riley tried meeting his gaze but he was too busy fingering the thread count on his sheets to look up at her. She could see the wheels turning in his head and she had a feeling his heart was racing a mile a minute.

"I'm in love with Lily."

Riley shouldn't have been so shocked to hear those words considering he had been pining after her for six years, but they still caused her heart to skip a beat. For some reason, a reason she would never admit aloud, it was Sirius that flashed through her mind at that time. "Well," she said, clearing her throat. "you're not doing the best job of showing her that."

"I know," he murmured.

Riley blinked. "If you know that then why aren't you doing anything about it?"

That same overwhelming anxiety he was feeling earlier filled his entire body with panic. He opened his mouth to attempt to explain. He wanted to tell Riley all his heart was feeling. He wanted to be able to talk to _someone_. But once again a barrier went up and he instead found himself saying, "I don't want to talk about this, Riles."

"Yeah, you do," she sighed with a curt shrug. "You're just not sure how."

He didn't respond, recognizing that she was right.

"You don't have to talk to me, James. I get it. Believe me, I know. Every time either you or myself has had to deal with some sort of heartbreak, we would show up at the other one's side without feeling the need to discuss it. Just because we're older and supposed to be wiser doesn't mean that's changed."

He sighed. "There's a but coming, isn't there."

She smiled sadly. "But talk to Lily," she said softly. "Because I think we both know that it's not me you want by your side anymore."

"Riley, that's not tr-"

"It is true," she argued with a shrug. "Not to say we're not always going to be there for each other because we will. But the reason you've been shutting everyone out of your life, including me, is because you're scared to let the person you love unequivocally see you at your weakest point. With me, it was easy. We've been doing it for years. With Lily, none of it is easy. Especially when there's love involved."

James could feel the tears prickling his eyes and he frantically blinked them away. He hated that Riley was right. He hated that he was so damned scared to let Lily in. He hated that Brite was dead and he hated that he couldn't even let his girlfriend comfort him. He hated that he had been avoiding this moment since Brite died - the moment when it was all coming to a head. "Is it heartless of me to say I wish I didn't love her?" he whispered.

"Not at all," Riley said softly, drawing her eyes away from his. "When you love someone, you're at your most vulnerable. And when you're at your most vulnerable, you get hurt that much more. And no one wants to get hurt. You're just trying to protect your heart, James. It's what we all want to do in the end."

It seemed so wildly impossibly protecting his heart. Lily already had such a big piece of it. "Is that why you broke up with Sirius?"

The random segue threw Riley for a loop as she turned to stare at her best friend incredulously. "Don't turn this conversation into something about me to continue avoiding your feelings and fears."

A sad smile appeared on James' face. "Kinda like how you're focusing on my relationship as a way to avoid your feelings and fears?"

She scowled. "What did I just say?"

He shrugged, leaning back against his pillow with a heavy sigh. He let it go. Any other time, he may have interrogated her further but he was too exhausted and worn out from his own problems to delve into hers.

"Can I ask you something?" Riley asked softly, lying down on the foot of the bed and propping herself up by her elbow.

He could only nod.

"What are you afraid of more?" she said hesitantly, locking eyes with him. "That Lily might not love you back? Or that she actually might?"

James felt his heart tighten within its chest walls at the inevitable question he had been trying to avoid. Slowly, a knot in his stomach formed as a shiver ran down the back of his spine. He didn't have to ask what Riley meant by that. The implication was quite clear. He unfortunately just wasn't sure of the answer. If she didn't love him, it would break his heart. If she did love him, there was a chance that one day his heart could not only be broken but shattered into a million pieces. And right now, right after Brite's death, he wasn't so sure he could deal with any more heartache. "I don't know," he spoke honestly.

She thought he would say that but didn't let up. "In the beginning of your relationship, didn't you ask Lily to let _you_ in?"

Again, James didn't respond. He had a feeling he knew where Riley was going with this.

Riley patted James on the leg comfortingly. "Now it's your turn," said she softly. "Can you let her in?"

James thought back to the day he asked Lily to be his girlfriend. He begged for her to let him into her past and all of her secrets. On her birthday and Valentine's Day, while it took a a heck of a lot of nudging, she was able to let her guard down and talk to him about her past. While she, just like him, had felt vulnerable and fearful, she didn't let that affect their relationship. And now when it was his turn, he couldn't seem to do the same.

"Tell her you love her," Riley whispered, slowly getting up off the bed. "You know that nothing will be able to change until you do."

He frowned, turning over to his side to keep from looking over at her. Telling Lily he loved her was something he wasn't so sure he could do. "Good night, Riley," he simply murmured.

She didn't bother replying. She just prayed that he would listen to her.

* * *

As Lily stared at the wood on James' door, hesitant to knock, she was very much aware that she couldn't hear a damned thing over the loud beating of her heart. It was as if the past couple of days were finally catching up to her and all she felt was fear. Fear for James of losing so much of who he was. Fear for Riley and Sirius who tried to ignore their own feelings of Brite's death while trying to be there for James. And fear for herself in being reminded of such an awful time in her past. The door blurred in front of her as tears welled up inside her eyes. She didn't stop them when they began to spill out. She couldn't be sure who or what she was crying for but considering she had been trying so damned hard to hold it all in for James' sake, it felt good to finally let go. She cried for the loss of her parents and for anyone who ever had to deal with an unexpected, untimely death. She cried for James who she wished never had to lose his big brother. She cried for him because he was so clearly suffering but was too afraid to admit that to anyone. She cried for the way he had been avoiding her and his feelings. And she cried for herself for letting him.

When she was done crying and wiped the tears from her cheeks, she finally knocked on his door.

She heard his muffled voice tell her to come in.

As her heart began to race, she opened the door. She met his eyes and before he could say anything, she was blurting out everything she'd been holding in for so long. "You can try to avoid me and ignore me all you want, James Potter, but I know that's not what you really want. You can try to hide your feelings about your brother's death but we all know you're hurting. You can put on a fake smile and go running around this school with your friends to play aimless pranks but I know it's just an act. You can conceal your heart and you can push me away, but I'm going to push right back. It doesn't matter how you've been acting or what you've been saying, James, because I _know _you need me. So I'm going to be here for you even if you claim you don't want me to be. Listen to me and listen carefully: _I am not going anywhere_. Y'got that? You're stuck with me and you're just going to have to deal with it."

James' heart was torn between soaring and sinking. He wanted to smile and cry all at the same time. A plethora of emotions - fear, confusion, sorrow - were running through his mind while another variety of emotions - guilt, remorse, and ultimately love - ran through his heart and it was filling him with a sense of dread he hadn't been accustomed to previously. He was at a loss of words for maybe the first time in his entire life.

She looked so angry and bitter and hurt, yet she stormed over to his bed and crawled in beside him. "Now, move over and stop hogging all of the covers," she scoffed, resting her head against his shoulders.

He hesitated before wrapping his arm around her. He didn't draw her close but he didn't push her away either.

"I'm staying here tonight and tomorrow night and every single night until the day you realize that I can be just as pushy and stubborn as you. I am going to hold your hand and walk to you to all of your classes until you realize that that is actually what you want. I'm going to stand over your shoulder in the Great Hall and I'm going to force you to come to the library with me until you actually feel fine. I'll even go as far as to sit on the end of your broom during Quidditch matches and that's saying something considering I hate flying! You're going to hate me so much that you're going to appreciate me for it. Do you understand me, James Potter? I'm not leaving your side, not even for a second."

He blinked. "That ought to make going to the bathroom kinda difficult."

She wanted to glare at him but she thought that his ability to joke with her was a good sign. "Yeah, well, you've made my life difficult recently so I'm just returning the favor."

He cringed. "Why do you want to be around me after all the crap I've put you through?" he asked softly. "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. You should walk back out that door and slam it in my face. _That's _what I deserve."

"Yeah, and it's also what you want me to do so you can continue this self-loathing behavior you've seemed to thrive upon. Problem is, it isn't what you _need _me to do."

He frowned, his eyes glazing over with sorrow. "And what do I need, Lily?"

"Me," she said immediately. "Just like I need you."

He retracted his arm from her slowly, hesitancy in every flicker of the motion. "You don't need me," he sighed. "You haven't needed anyone a day in your life. You're independent because you forced yourself to be. You knew that you had people you could fall back on if the time came but you were never willing to admit you needed them. You've always put up a tough exterior so that people would see you as resilient even if your heart was breaking on the inside. Whenever you felt even the slightest bit of remorse, you closed yourself off from the world. You shut yourself away in your room and waited for the heartbreaking emotions to pass. You've never wanted to need anyone. So why should now be any different?" he choked out, his voice breaking at the last of his words.

They both knew that in the middle of his speculation he had stopped talking about Lily and started talking about himself.

When Lily turned to him and saw him fighting the glimmer of tears in his eyes, her heart nearly broke. And her next words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"Because part of loving someone is needing them."

James froze quickly followed by Lily. Neither spoke, the words awkwardly dangling there in the dead of the air. Their eyes met cautiously, their hearts beating rapidly as one. Panic set into Lily's heart as shock filled James'.

"Did I just say that aloud?" Lily said in a hoarse whisper, shutting her eyes and praying that the world would swallow her whole.

"You...you love me?" His throat was dry and he was finding it impossible to say just those three words.

"I didn't say that," she argued, shaking her head.

"You kinda did."

"Er...no. I, uh...I merely implied it was a possibility."

"Oh."

She blinked. "'Oh?'" she said hesitantly. "That's what you're going to say?"

"I'm processing."

"Process faster because you're making me nervous."

"You really love me?"

"I'm beginning to think no at this point."

He chuckled at her sarcastic bluntness. Another thing that he loved about her.

"And now you're laughing at me," she scowled, glaring at him. "Just what a girl wants when she implies that love is a possibility."

"Is that seriously what you're going to go with? That you _possibly _love me? What am I supposed to make of that?"

"Nothing," she snapped, throwing the covers off her body and sliding out of bed.

"Hey, what happened to you never leaving my side?" he urged, gaping curiously at her.

"I changed my mind on the account of your prattish ways."

"Hey, _wait_," he called out after her as she thrust the door open and whisked out of the room, letting it slam behind her.

"Damnit, you weren't supposed to take that whole slamming-the-door-in-my-face suggestion to heart!" he groaned, rushing out of bed to go after her. When he caught up to her rushing out of their private quarters (at this time of night?), he gently grabbed her arm. "Hey, stop. Slow down, Lils."

She refused to look him in the eyes as she turned around. "Please let me go," she muttered.

"No."

She sighed. "And why not?"

"Because I tried letting you go these past couple of days and you wouldn't let me. So now I'm not letting you let me let you go."

She blinked.

"That made more sense in my head."

She didn't even crack a smile, whipping her arm out of his grasp and trying to rush out the door.

"Hey, _wait_," he urged yet again, this time reaching for her hand.

"_No_," she whispered hoarsely, shaking her head. James could feel her hand trembling in his. "I've already waited, James. For minutes, for hours, for days for you to just talk to me. I already waited for you to come after me. I waited for you to kick your stubborn phase and realize that you needed me. And then when none of that happened, I waited for you to just break up with me. I waited for you to just put us both out of our misery. All I've been doing is waiting, James, and you know what I realized during all of this?"

He opened his mouth to ask but she was cutting him off before he could. "That the only reason I was even willing to do all of that waiting for you was because at some point in the past three months, I fell in love with you."

She finally locked eyes with him and he saw such desperate vulnerability staring back at him. "But if this is what love feels like," she whispered in a snarl, "Then maybe we are better off without each other."

She let go of his hand and pushed herself out of the room as James stood there dumbfounded. It took only a few seconds before he realized she was probably halfway down the hallway and if he let her go this time, there was absolutely no way in hell she was going to return to him. And that was just not an option for him anymore.

"Lily, stop!"

"Why should I?" she snapped, her loud footsteps reverberating off the stone walls.

"Because if you turn that corner then I won't be able to tell you that I love you, too!"

The ringing silence filled the empty hallway. James' words echoed off the walls, just barely audible over the sounds of their beating heartbeats as the words hung between them. She slowly turned around, meeting his gaze. His smile was radiating off his expression filled with pure glee and Lily's eyes gleamed with purposeful awe. She took a hesitant step towards him, the smile on her face wavering between delight and hesitancy. "You're not just saying that to get out of a fight, are you?" she finally spoke.

If possible, his smile grew. "Considering I've done a fairly good job at pushing you away these past few days, I don't think getting out of a fight has necessarily been on my mind."

"Why does everything have to be a long-drawn our explanation with you? Is a simple 'no' just not sufficient enough?"

He shrugged, beckoning her to come closer to him. "_No_, Lils, I'm not just trying to get out of a fight."

"Now you're just trying to appease me," she sighed, the end of her lips tugging upwards, as she finally walked the remaining distance so she was standing directly in front of him.

"Merlin, I just can't win with you," he muttered teasingly.

She smiled shyly, her nervous emerald eyes meeting his anxious hazel ones. "Say it again, James."

"'Merlin, I just can't win with you?'" he said, feigning confusion.

She smacked him on the shoulder and he took that opportunity to grab ahold of her waist. She pretended to squirm, trying to wriggle free but years of Quidditch had kept his grip far too firm. "Not _that_, you silly prat," she said, trying desperately to stop the girly grin from appearing on her face. Damnit, he was just too cute.

He was finding much amusement in her attempts to act stern but it was evident she was failing miserably. "Ah, then what, my love?"

"_You _know what."

"Only if you say it first," he teased. "Considering I'm not actually confident you do love me since the last time you mentioned it, it appeared to merely be a possibility."

"You really are a prat," she said, emitting an unexpected giggle.

"Those aren't the words I'm looking for," he sighed dramatically, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.

"Don't make me hex you," she pouted.

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would and I think you know that."

"We're acting like children."

She suppressed the urge to smile. "Children in love?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"Tell you that you're being a prat?"

"If you're not actually going to hex me, can I hex you?"

"No."

"And why not?" he asked.

She slowly locked eyes with his and the amusement in the air began to dissipate into unrelenting anxiety. The nerves settled in both of their stomachs as each of the passing seconds filled their emotions with gut-wrenching determination. Lily felt her heart flutter uncontrollably and James' hands began to tremble as he slowly ran them through her silky hair. Their eyes never wavered from one another's, the sexual tension unbearable between both of them before Lily finally blurted out, "Because I love you."

His heart soared, a smile leaping on to his expression as he leaned down to touch noses with her. "I love you, too, Lily," he whispered, the words trembling on his tongue.

And suddenly they were kissing unlike they've ever kissed before, letting their every inhibition fade into nothing but pure, unadulterated love. His hands traveled up her shoulders and neck to frame her face, their tongues crashing together with a ferocity unforeseen by either one of them. Their beating hearts merged as one entity as the frustration and anger and betrayal they've both felt over the past couple of days was thrown into that single kiss. James slowly lifted Lily off the ground and she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, a moan escaping her lips as James' tongue left a trail of kisses down her neck.

James pushed open their door, his arms holding a steady grasp of Lily, while their lips never parted from each other. As Lily's bedroom was slightly closer to the door (and his bedroom was a complete disaster after the week he had), he had no problem directing the two of them through her door. With a hungry kiss, his tongue tracing her bottom lip, he practically tossed her on to the bed, immediately climbing on top of her with an impish grin. "How could I have possibly let so much time go by without kissing those beautiful lips of yours?"

She grabbed his school tie and pulled her close to him. "Less talk," she whispered. "More kissing."

"Have I mentioned recently that I love y-"

His words were cut off as her mouth made another raid towards his. She could have listened to him tell her that he loved her for hours, but that moment was about showing each other the true love they had for each other. Every kiss, every moan, every touch was their way of offering forgiveness for their lack of communication over the past few days. It was their way of showing each other that it didn't matter what either of them had thought or felt, that this moment was all they needed to move past the heartache and pain. They were only making room for love.

As James pulled away only slightly to take a quick gasping breath, he was so enthralled with how much he really loved the woman laying in front of him. Her eyes, her smile, the slight blush on her cheeks, the freckle on her shoulder, her soft touch - the list goes on. Sometimes he still couldn't believe he was with her and when he did believe it, he knew he was the luckiest guy in the world. He met her eyes filled with passion and lust, leaning down once again to press his lips to hers. Gently at first followed by a quick ravishing of the inside of her mouth. He quickly tore her robes to the side, reaching for her T-shirt as well. He led a trail of kisses down her chest and perched his lips between her cleavage. He didn't waste any time unhooking her bra, letting that fall to the floor beside them. His mind grew hazy at the sight of her beautiful breasts. He had seem them before obviously, and maybe it was because they had finally told each other they loved one another, but he had never thought she was more beautiful. He felt himself harden just looking at her.

"You're so beautiful, Lily," he whispered, as she reached for his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. Her movements were methodical, yet hasty. She never wanted him more than she did at that very moment. His warm hands massaged her breasts as she leaned down to kiss him. Lily tensed when she suddenly felt a rush of humiliating heat and wetness soaking her underwear, but continued to explore the inside of James' mouth.

James ran his hands all over her naked torso, running a trail of kisses down her stomach. They halted right above the waistband of her skirt. He ran his fingers up her inner thigh as Lily massaged her fingers through his tangled hair, moaning ever so slightly. "James," she whispered.

Even the sound of his name made his heart soar.

He replaced his fingers with his tongue, slowly sliding it up her bare thigh. Her skirt slowly hiked up on her waist as she felt herself shudder and moan at the mere teasing manner of his tongue. He grinned impishly and met her gaze as he was hasty to rid her of her skirt. She, too, pulled the rest of his clothes off and suddenly they were laying there with only a thin layer of undergarments as the only barrier between the two.

"I love you," Lily whimpered as James' lips found their way back to her own.

"Say it again," he whispered, his finger inching closer and closer to her private area.

"You first," she murmured breathlessly, bucking her hips towards him.

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to her cleavage once again before taking her right breast in his mouth. "Such a minx, Miss Evans," he whispered teasingly. "But that's just another reason why I love you."

She smiled, a slight blush filling her cheeks, and kissed him fervently, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him close to her. His fingers found the edge of her lacy underwear and he slowly pushed it aside, letting his thumb caress her numb gently. She tensed up as her natural reaction, a light moan escaping her swollen lips. He pulled the thin piece of underwear down over her legs and discarded it to the floor. When he nipped at her bottom lip once again, Lily felt her heart flutter in anticipation.

"James," she found herself saying hesitantly as his lips danced lightly against her neck.

"Hm?"

She felt her heartbeat begin to race uncontrollably as she pulled her head back to look him in the eyes. "Make love to me," she whispered.

He blinked, unsure if he heard her correctly. "What?" he croaked out.

She smiled, framing her face with her hands and pressing her lips to his cheek. "You heard me."

He ran his fingers across her hair, brushing it out of her face hesitantly. "This isn't like one of your implications of a possibility, is it?"

She chuckled, her whole body shaking with her laughter in his arms. "No, this is like one of my definite possibilities."

"Are you sure?"

She brought her mouth to his, letting it dance only slightly over his chapped lips. "I'm sure about _you," _she whispered into his ear.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up at the intimacy of that situation. "Having sex because we said we loved each other is so cliche," James teased, twirling a strand of hair in his fingers as he kissed her bare shoulder.

"Well, fine, if you don't want to, I can't make-"

"That is not what I said," he growled, pressing his fingers up against her clit to tease her.

She let out a strangled gasp, pushing her hips into his hand as a desperate plea for more.

That cry made James fervent for more, wanting and needing to hear those explicit moans escape her mouth. He was ready to watch her legs go weak at his touch and he wanted to see her cheeks flush in anticipation. He had never wanted her more than he did in that moment and was desperate to make this moment an experience neither would forget.

With a curt press of his lips to her neck, he ran his fingers down the front of her clit and inserted them into her moist opening. She whimpered anxiously and jerked slightly against his hand. She was already panting, gripping the bedspread behind her tightly as she closed her eyes and let him take over. He pulled out and then in again, and Lily's breath escaped her as she felt herself was on the verge of ecstasy. He pulled out once more, his own face mixed with desperation and desire, and in, then out and in, pushing his fingers harder against her inside folds. Lily cried out loudly as she climaxed, sinking into the bed with pure bliss.

As she caught her breath, she reached out to kiss him. "Yep, I definitely love you," Lily whispered breathlessly, glancing up at James' overexcited face.

He laughed and laid a kiss on her right breast as Lily struggled to catch her breath. He nestled between her legs, and he felt Lily tense up. He wasn't sure if it was because she was still relaxing from the last climax or if it was because she was nervous for what was going to happen next.

He gazed at her, as she stroked his arms adoringly. He hesitated slightly, which Lily caught. She lifted her back off the mattress and whispered reassuringly in his ear, "I'm sure, James," before he could even ask.

The look on her face told him that she was indeed nervous, but there was also a hint of something James had never seen before. She was lusting for him anxiously, and it made him want to give her everything she wanted. "I love you, Lily," he whispered, as he slowly entered her.

She tightened, which James' expected, but her eyes met his and she nodded slowly. He thrust further into her, causing her to cry out anxiously. James pulsated inside of her and began pulling in and out of her slowly, trying to let Lily get used to the feeling. Her heartbeat was racing faster by the second and her cries meshed with his, drowning out all other sounds. While it was a uncomfortable feeling at first, it was unlike anything she had ever experienced. The idea that she was becoming one with James made her feel so special and desired, she never wanted this moment to end.

When they both came, their cries had been reduced to strangled whispers. James let out a guttural groan as he climaxed inside of her and Lily panted forcefully. James pressed his mouth to hers quickly before collapsing beside her, their heavy breathing the only thing either of them could focus on.

She gripped the pillow as she lowered her shaky legs and tried to straighten out her uneven panting. She let out an overwrought gasp, and glanced over at James, whose eyes were closed with a jovial smile plastered on his face. His tousled hair, more so than usual of course, and his swollen lips reminded Lily of what had just occurred and she grinned. She moved to her side, propping herself up on her elbow, tracing circles on his chest with her index finger. She pressed her lips to his lightly and gazed down at him. "I love you, James," she whispered.

His eyes fluttered open and he turned his head to look at her. To _really _look at her. Beads of sweat were slipping down her neck, her cheeks were flushed with overwhelming delight, and her eyes seemed to sparkle so much more than he had ever seen before. "I love you so much, Lily," he whispered, playing with a strand of her hair absentmindedly.

She blushed slightly, turning her gaze away from him. "Hm…so that's what sex is like."

James laughed, pulling her close to him and kissing her forehead. "Do you think we could just lie here forever? Never walk out that door to endure a reality I'm not so sure I'm ready to partake in? Can't it just be me and you for always?" he whispered, his voice hoarse with remorse.

Lily nestled her head against his shoulder with a sad sigh. "Sometimes I wish we could," she whispered back, pressing her lips against his bare chest. "But then we'd never be able to experience the greatness that comes with living life."

James' eyebrow quirked, a smirk framing his face. "I'm pretty sure we just experienced some awesome greatness in here."

Lily laughed, gazing up at him. "And you called me the minx?"

He smiled, burying his lips in her hair and drawing her close to him. She tangled her legs in his and nestled beside him, resting her head on his shoulder and smiling as she realized that this was where she was meant to be. Only five months earlier she was cursing the ground he walked on and now she just lost her virginity to him. And more than that, she was madly in love with him.

Life worked in mysterious ways sometimes. But Lily was loving the mystery.

* * *

She didn't wake until hours later when she could have sworn she heard a soft sob. When her eyes adjusted to the light, Lily saw James on the other side of the room, sitting on her window ledge wrapped in a blanket with a clear twisted, painful expression on his face. "James," she said softly.

He jumped and glanced behind him at Lily, true remorse shining in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" she asked hesitantly.

He didn't respond, his eyes widening painfully in a bit of a deer-in-headlights manner.

"James, talk to me," she whispered, slowly sitting upright and drawing her knees to her chest.

He opened his mouth to say something, _anything_, and suddenly he felt everything inside of him break. Everything he had been holding in suddenly became rushing to the surface and he couldn't take it anymore. Maybe it was due to the release of finally having sex with Lily or maybe it was due to the relief of knowing Lily loved him, too, but whatever it was, he started spilling all of the emotions and feelings that he had been trying to suppress and he didn't care anymore as to who heard it.

"He was gonna get married," he spat out in a hurt whisper. "He and Bianca were going to live happily ever after. They…they were going to get married, Lily."

"Oh, James," Lily whispered. She started climbing out of bed to sit beside him, but he beat her to the punch. He climbed off the ledge and joined her on the bed, perching at the end of it hesitantly.

"But what now?" he spoke softly, shaking his head. He melted into her touch when she reached out and ran her fingers down his bare back. He slowly looked up, meeting her gaze. And suddenly tears were filling his eyes and spilling out on to his cheeks. Lily reached out to swipe his cheekbones in a vain attempt to stop the tears that wouldn't let up. "He was supposed to be a husband. He was supposed to get married and have five chilrdren. He was going to inherit the house and he and Bianca were going to live their every dream. They were going to be happy. They should have been happy! And now what?" he choked out.

He didn't bother trying to stop the tears from streaming down his face. Lily uncurled her body and sat cross-legged beside him. He immediately fell into her lap with a sobbing moan. "How is this fair, Lils?"

She shook her head in vain. "It isn't," she whispered.

His whole body was trembling, his voice shaking ferociously. "All I've been doing for the past couple of months is complaining about the wedding. The last thing I wrote Brite was that I was mad at him for going on his stupid mission and burdening me with all of the wedding plans." He tried to catch his breath.

Lily now felt so helpless. She continued stroking his hair, but watching him curl up and bawl in her lap made her feel so insignificant. "He knew you loved him, James. Never question that."

He shut his eyes tightly, trying to regain some control over his emotions with little luck. "It's hard not to question everything right now," he whispered breathlessly.

"I know, love," she urged, tracing soothing circles on his bare back.

"I mean, what about me, Lily?" he whispered hoarsely.

Lily kissed his tear-soaked cheek. "What about you?"

"He…he just left me," James said in a small voice. "I-I'm the older brother now. Grant and Dezzy and JT are supposed to look up to me now? That's not…not how it's supposed to go. I had two older brothers for a reason. They're the role models, not me. I-I can't handle this. They deserve someone took look up to. That's Brite; that's not me! They don't deserve me."

"Yes, they do," Lily reassured, whispering into his ear. "You're a wonderful brother."

"How can you even say that? I haven't been there for them at all this week," James muttered. "What makes you think I can do this?"

"Because you're already someone that they look up to," Lily explained. She twisted out of his grasp, and gestured towards her pillow. She pulled herself over to her headboard and leaned against it. James gripped her hand and he followed her, placing his head on her stomach with a breathless cry.

"I-I don't know if I'm ready to say goodbye."

"You'll never be ready," Lily said from experience. She started stroking his hair again, kissing his hair gently. "It's just something you have to do."

James didn't respond. He began to sob again, his face contorting with every tear that slipped down his cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he cried, but he knew that he was glad to have Lily holding on to him. He felt oddly safe in her grasp, as if nothing else could go wrong. "I feel so lost," he choked out.

Lily felt a tear slip down her own face as she watched her boyfriend fall apart in her arms. "I know. But I'm here for you."

"You are?" he asked hoarsely, gazing up at her expectantly.

She pressed her lips to his cheeks and nodded. "I'm not going anywhere, James."

There was nothing left to say. Lily slid down, cradling his head in her arms, until she was lying beside him. They remained in that embrace, the sound of James' tears creating a rather indicative lull in the room. James continued to weep until he had no more tears inside of him. He gripped Lily's hand tightly, wishing that he never had to let it go.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he whispered somewhere around sunrise.

"For what?"

"For the way I've been acting towards you," he murmured guiltily, wiping the stained tears from his cheeks.

"Oh, James, don't even worry-"

"I do worry," he interrupted, slowly meeting her gaze. "I could have lost you. And with all that's been going on recently, that's the last thing I need. I was just...I was so scared."

"About what?" Lily whispered, realizing that for the first time since Brite had died, James was opening his heart to her.

He didn't respond immediately, tracing shapes on the back of Lily's hand with his thumb. "I was afraid of letting someone else in that I cared about after all that's happened recently. When I heard about Brite, it wasn't Riley or Sirius I wanted to turn to like it had been for so many years. It was you. And in that moment, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I was in love with you."

Lily could hear the frantic fear in his words.

"And that just filled me with so much panic because honestly, Lily, I have no idea how to be in love," he whispered, the words trembling against his tongue. "I just feel like lately everything has been spinning out of control. First, the whole thing with Riley and Sirius and now losing my brother. I can't lose someone else I love. And apparently that turns into me pushing everyone away before they could push me away. I can't deal with any more betrayal or pain or rejection, Lily. I just can't."

"Shh," Lily whispered, kissing his cheeks and running her fingers through his hair. "James, I know what it's like to be afraid of falling in love. Why do you think I've been so willing to let you push me away? Because the idea of being in love is so remarkably scary. But you have to know something, James: I will never betray you. I will never hurt you. And I will never reject you. I'm in this for the long haul. I just hope you are, too."

"I am," he responded immediately, slowly shifting in her arms so that he could press his lips to hers. "I love you, Lily. And while that may be so incredibly scary, I'm more excited about it."

She smiled, kissing him back. "I couldn't agree more, Mr. Potter," she whispered.

Mid-kiss, James blurted out, "Come with me to the funeral, Lily."

She stiffened and glanced up at him. "What?"

"Will you come to the funeral with me?"

Lily bit down on her lip and tore her eyes away from his. "Do you really want the first time I meet your family to be at your brother's funeral?"

"I don't care about that," he quickly disputed. "I…I need you there, Lily. I don't know how I'll be able to get through it all without you by my side."

Lily's brow furrowed. "I just don't think it's my place to be there."

"My place is your place, Lily," James argued pleadingly. He squeezed her hand and sighed. "I…I need you to hold my hand the entire time. I know being at that funeral won't be easy, but I'll be able to get through it with you by my side."

"I don't want to intrude."

"You won't be," James protested. "We have plenty of room and my mom would love to meet you. Please, Lily. Please say you'll go. I don't know what I'll do without you there. With you by my side, I won't be afraid."

"Of what?" Lily asked, meeting his gaze.

He swallowed hard and stared towards the window with a distant look on his face. "Everything," he breathed heavily.

Lily exhaled loudly, staring guiltily down at her hands.

"Why are you so against going?" James asked, hurt.

She quickly looked up at him. "It has nothing to do with you, James," she defended immediately. "It's just that…" she sighed, "I'm afraid, too."

"Of what?"

She bit down on her lip, her face filling with worry lines. "I never…never attended my parents' funeral…" she trailed off with a sigh.

"Oh," he murmured. "Right."

She nodded hesitantly. "I…I just don't know if I'm ready to face it all yet."

"Face what exactly?" he asked curiously.

She squeezed his hand and looked up at him, a sympathetic lopsided smile on her face. "Everything."

"Well, how about this?" he said, taking her hands in his and fiddling with her fingers. "If you'll be there for me then I'll be there for you."

Lily made a face, shaking her head. "No, I'm being selfish. You shouldn't have to be there for me, James. This isn't about me."

"No, I get it," James said, shrugging. "You've been able to have your second chance here at Hogwarts and by going with me to my brother's funeral, it'll just be a reminder of your own past. And you'll be with the people who you hid that past from. You don't want them to see you suffering from your parents' deaths."

Lily stared up at her boyfriend in awe, cocking her head to the side curiously. "How…how could you possibly know that?"

"Because I know you," he whispered in her ear. "And I know that the only times I've ever seen you afraid of suffering is…is when you're reminded of your parents. Like your birthday."

Lily stretched her neck and kissed him softly on his lips. "You may be the most wonderful person I've ever met."

"Well, yeah, have you met your other friends?" he teased.

"Oh, and what's wrong with my friends?" Lily shot back, raising an eyebrow. "Besides the fact that I wouldn't mind if Riley came across a spell-gone-wrong."

James looked at her, confused. "What? Why? Are you two fighting?"

Lily sighed and shook her head dismissively. "It's nothing. She just said something very hurtful." Lily snorted. "Though it did get me to realize I need to be with you, so I don't know if I can be mad at her entirely."

James' confused look turned even more perplexed. "Uh…come again?"

Lily laughed. "It's nothing that you need to worry about."

"Are you sure?"

Lily nodded.

"Well, I guess I can't be mad at her if she did bring you back to me," James admitted with a shrug, snuggling up closer to her. He hesitated. "Especially since she was the one who made me fully realize I was being an idiot."

Lily stiffened, glancing up at him. "What?"

"She came barging into my room tonight and told me that I needed to let you in," he said with a shrug.

"Oh," Lily said, feeling guilty somehow.

James traced her cheekbone with the back of his hand. "I never want to lose you again, Lily," James murmured.

"You didn't lose me. We were just…just confused, that's all," Lily clarified.

"Well, then I don't want to ever be confused again," he responded sincerely in a strong, confident tone. "I need you by my side, Lily. I-I don't feel whole without you."

Lily blushed, never one for sappy compliments. "You have me, James," Lily reiterated firmly, squeezing his hand tightly.

"Good. Because I can't imagine it any other way."

Lily smiled. Neither could she.

* * *

**A/N: **Yay, James and Lily have officially done the dirty deed! They both got over their issues and gave into each other. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, especially those who have been so interested in some naughty Lily/James action! Please review!


	38. Of Hallmark, Massages, & Blackmail

**A/N: **I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to update but I've been on vacation. But without further ado, I give you the latest chapter in Kisses on the Balcony! I know a lot of you are interested in some more Riley/Sirius action but they need time to simmer before anything can happen between them. However, I have other drama to keep you busy in the meantime. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **While I am slightly obsessed with J.K. Rowling (and have seen the new HP movie twice now!), I am not her unfortunately.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 38: Of Hallmark, Massages, & Blackmail

* * *

Riley was immersed in her textbook when she saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter wander into the common room, their laughter ringing off the walls. Frustration surged throughout Riley's veins as she thought back to what Kay and Lily told her earlier. She prayed for Sirius' sake he would wander upstairs with his buddies and leave her alone.

No suck luck.

He fell into the couch beside her with a grin. "How goes the studying?"

Her lips pursed but she provided him with no response.

He gazed at her curious. "That bad, hm?"

"You're such a jackass, Sirius," she snapped, letting her anger get the better of her.

He blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

He frowned. "Is this about the paper airplanes?" he asked in confusion. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to distract you from-"

"This isn't about a stupid paper airplane, Sirius!"

"Well, then do you mind filling me in?"

She threw down her qull and glared at him. "You weren't going to tell me, were you."

"I'm still going to need you fill in some blanks here, Riley."

Her spine stiffened with irritation. "I heard about your break-up with Miss Rachael."

He sighed, shrugging. "I'm not surprised. The gossipers around here have been going to town. Are you really upset that I didn't tell you personal-"

"This isn't about the actual break-up, Sirius, it's about the contents of your break-up," she scowled.

He froze, slowly locking eyes with her. He could see a burden of betrayal resting in her expression. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Sirius Black," she snapped, glaring at him. "Did you just happen to forget to mention to me that Rachael is a complete liar, just like I always knew, or were you just purposefully avoiding telling me?"

"Well, I'd argue the former but seems to be you're pretty set on the latter."

"This isn't a joke, Sirius."

"I know," he muttered sullenly, hanging his head shamefully. He let out a heavy sigh before admitting, "I didn't tell you because I didn't know how."

"Well, tell me now," she pleaded.

He frowned, slumping down on the couch regretfully. "What do you want me to say?" he asked softly. "That you had been right the whole time? That I was manipulated and used by her? That I should have listened to you? That I let her drive a wedge between us? What does any of it matter anymore, Riley? We're not together so I shouldn't have to explain-"

"We're not together because of _her_," she snarled.

"I thought it was because of me?" Sirius snorted sarcastically, shooting her a knowing look.

"It's because you chose her over me."

"Damnit, Riley, do you just constantly say that in hopes you might actually believe it one day?" he snapped. "You and I both know that while Rachael's manipulation was the beginning of the end for us, she wasn't the sole driving factor. Should I have listened to you? Yes. Should I have trusted your opinion? Yes. Did it completely backfire against me? Yeah, I'm not an idiot. But whether or not you had been right doesn't change what happened between us. I made a stupid mistake, you overreacted, and then _you_ broke up with _me._ Do I hate myself for making that mistake, _yes_. But until you start hating yourself for overreacting and breaking up with me, why any of it happened doesn't matter and we won't be able to move past it."

She scowled. "Are you seriously turning this back on me right now?"

He shrugged coolly. "It's not like I'm going to sit here and let you attack me when I don't think I'm the only one to blame."

She frowned, turning her gaze away from him with a sigh. "It's like you don't even get it," she said softly.

He hesitated. "Get what?"

Slowly, she turned to meet his gaze. "Do you really think I wanted to break up?"

"I never said it's what you wanted," he was quick to argue. "The only thing I know was that you didn't want to fight for us."

Her frown deepened, a defeated crease forming across her forehead. She didn't respond immediately, their entire relationship flashing in front of her eyes. She swallowed hard, actively avoiding his gaze as she said, "Maybe you didn't deserve for me to fight."

He set his eyes on her, wishing he knew what was going through her head at the moment. She looked so conflicted, the frown battling with the nostalgia in her eyes. _"We_ deserved it," he blurted out.

Slowly, she locked eyes with him, sensing the desperation in his voice. She wanted to get up and walk away, but found herself saying, "Rhett and I broke up."

He blinked at the random segue. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

She smirked. "No, you're not."

He cringed. "Maybe not entirely," he said with a forced chuckle. "But all I've ever really wanted for you, Riley, was to be happy. And I know Rhett made you happy."

"Yeah. He did."

An ache pulled on Sirius' heart.

"You did, too," Riley blurted out, not removing her eyes from his. "Up until the end, I mean."

Sirius literally had no idea how to respond to that, his heart skipping a fateful beat at the nostalgic way she spoke about them.

"Well, it's late so I'm going to go up to bed," she muttered, turning to gather her things.

"Er...so that's it?"

She shrugged. "It's like you said before. None of it matters anymore anyway."

And with that, she was heading up to her bedroom and leaving Sirius there more confused than ever.

* * *

James barged into his mates' dorm early the next morning, beaming from ear to ear as he flipped on the light switch. "Good morning!"

"What the hell?" three simultaneous groans filled the room.

"Please tell me this is a nightmare," Peter muttered.

Sirius whimpered. "Why must you insist on waking us up on Saturday mornings before nine, Prongs? Didn't anyone tell you Saturday was the day of rest?"

Remus snorted and turned over. "Sunday is the day of rest, you dolt," he murmured with a frustrated whimper.

Sirius whisked opened his curtains to glare in Remus' direction. "Well, then Saturday is the day for sleeping in."

"Two Saturdays out of every month you're at Quidditch practice which means you're waking up at seven," Remus pointed out with a smirk, opening his own curtains to flash Sirius a grin.

"Okay, well todayis the day of sleeping in!"

"Apparently not since James just barged in."

"Remus, must you be so politically correct!?" Sirius cried out, exasperated.

Remus grinned, stifling a yawn. "Someone's a little testy when he doesn't get his beauty sleep."

"AHEM!" Peter cried out, clearing his throat. "As lovely as this conversation is, _shhhh!_"

Laughter filled the room.

"Are you just going to stand in the doorway looking all cocky, or can you potentially look cocky elsewhere?" Sirius murmured, digging his face into his pillow. "Say, oh I don't know, not here?"

James shrugged nonchalantly, leaning against the doorframe. "I can go elsewhere," he said casually. "But-"

"Good, and turn off the light on your way out," Peter whimpered, turning over and facing the wall.

"Fine," James said, shutting off the light and heading back out the door. "I guess I'll just have to tell you the details of me and Lily having sex some other time then."

He began to close the door behind him, laughing at the unified screech. "_**WHAT**__!?_"

"GET BACK HERE!" Sirius cried out. He jumped off his bed immediately to turn on the light while Remus hopped out of bed and grabbed James' arm before he could slip out. Peter flew open his curtains and fell out of bed head-first. And for the second time in two days, there was a sound of loud footsteps rushing up the stairwell to the Marauders' landing.

"It is eight-thirty in the bloody morning!" Drew growled.

James rolled his eyes. "Mouse again. Bye," he snapped, slamming the door in their faces.

There was a fist slamming against the door. "Get a damn exterminator!" Grant cried out.

"What's an exterminator?" Sirius hissed, earning a glare from his three roommates. The footsteps outside their door faded away and Sirius, Remus, and Peter returned to James.

"You and Lily had sex?" Peter said, his eyes widened as he rubbed the bump on his head.

James smiled, nodding. "Yeah."

"Okay, okay, awkward question," Sirius butted in. "Aren't you guys, um, not together?"

James shrugged. "I think when you tell someone you love them, not being together isn't really an option anymore."

Three pairs of eyebrows shot up. "You told her you loved her?" Remus asked.

"Technically she said it first. Sorta."

"How does one sorta say they love someone?"

"Seriously?" Sirius interrupted, shooting Remus a look. "You're focusing on the 'I love you' part when he and Lily-bean finally did the dirty deed?"

Remus hesitated, shrugging as he turned back to face James. "So please tell us all the details of you and Lily having sex."

James rolled his eyes. "You really think I'm going to divulge all of the details to you?"

"Uh, _yes_," Sirius snorted. "That's what we do."

"No, that's what you do," Remus corrected with a smirk.

"Oh, please. Just two days ago you were spilling the beans about Miss not-so-innocent Jillian Greene," Sirius replied with a suggestive grin.

Remus glared at his friend. "I believe what you're referring to as me spilling the beans was me attempting to tell you about the funny thing that happened in Jillian's Potions class and you telling me that I'm so incredibly boring because I never have any…what did you say exactly? I didn't have any gory sex details that included her?"

"Hm, yeah, and why is that again?"

"Because we haven't slept together yet," Remus murmured, shaking his head irritably.

"Yeah, I repeat: why is that again?"

Remus turned red. "I'm done talking about me. Can we get back to James?"

"I told you that I'm not going to go into much detail," James said with a shrug.

"But we're guys. Guys talk about sex. From the moment they get their first kiss, all guys can think and talk about is sex. Are you seriously going to go against the human nature of men everywhere because of a little bit of sheltered pride?" Sirius demanded. "Are you really going to let down every single man out there who is in his bed having a sex dream right now? Are you seriously telling me that you're willing to keep the details of your sexual experience with who everyone thought was _the _most innocent schoolgirl in Hogwarts? That is a fantasy every guy wants to fulfill and you're going to _keep it to yourself_?"

The three boys stared at him in shocked confusion.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "It's early. I ramble when it's early."

"What's your excuse the rest of the time?"

Sirius glared at Remus. "Can we put the insults at Sirius on hold while Jamesie gives us some details?"

Remus shrugged. "Alright. But the moment James stops talking about it, I will go back to insulting you."

"Fair enough."

James rolled his eyes. "There'y really nothing to tell. She barged into my room yelling at me that she wasn't going anywhere, we said we loved each other, we had sex, we talked for a while, and then we had sex again. All in all, a good night."

"Sounds like it," Peter snorted.

"Wow. I never knew Lily would be the type to hear 'I love you' and immediately jump into the sack with the guy," Sirius murmured with an impish grin. "If I had known that years ago, then that girl would not have been a virgin for very long."

James smacked Sirius with a pillow. "Why must you be so perverted?"

"Because he's Sirius Black," Remus and Peter said in unison.

Sirius grinned. "Hell yeah, I am."

"Why do you always assume that when we say that, it's a good thing?" Peter snorted.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Duh, because I'm _Sirius Black_."

"Can we get back to the sex now?" Peter sighed, stifling a yawn.

"I already said there wasn't much to tell!" James protested. He felt slightly uncomfortable and guilty divulging details to his friends about Lily, particularly because they were friends with Lily. At the same time, he was dying to tell them everything.

He went with the second option.

* * *

Lily was sitting in the Great Hall fairly early that morning. While she and James had attempted to drift off to sleep afterwards, neither one of them could fall asleep for a long period of time. Eventually, James had climbed out of her bed with a last kiss to hop into the shower. She quickly joined him, and eventually they went their separate ways. He claimed he was heading off to the Quidditch pitch and Lily headed down to breakfast.

"Well, good morning there."

Lily turned around. "Hey, Sirius. Remus. What the hell are you doing here so early on a Saturday morning?"

They both took a seat beside her wearing arrogant grins on their faces. "We were interrupted this morning."

Lily scowled. "James?"

"I bet you're used to saying that name," Sirius said, winking.

"Well yeah, he's my boyfriend," Lily snorted, knowing perfectly well what Sirius was getting at and she refused to show any sign of embarrassment.

"Oh yeah, is that all?" Sirius continued, grabbing a piece of bacon off her plate.

"Well, he's a good friend too," Lily said sarcastically, not looking either one in the eyes.

"Ah, so you think he's good, hm?" Sirius said, grinning giddily.

"Oh, _stop it_," Lily groaned, burying her head in her arms. "I get it. James barged in on you this morning and told you all about the intimate details. Remind me to kill him later."

"Hm, the sex that bad, huh?" Sirius teased.

Lily glared at him. "That is so none of your business," she growled.

"You slept with my best friend. Sorry honey, but this so _is _my business," Sirius grinned, winking playfully.

"I change my mind. Remind me to kill _you _later." Lily never felt more mortified in her entire life. "Can we please change the subject?"

"I can't even look at you right now," Remus murmured with a whimper. "You used to be sweet, innocent Lily Evans, and now?"

"Not so innocent," Sirius replied for Remus.

"I'm still me," Lily whined, taking her head out of her arms and glaring at him. "Still sweet, still innocent, and still about ready to hex both of you into the ground."

"What's with the defensiveness?" Sirius asked curiously. "If you ask me, it's about damned time you two hopped into bed together."

"Twice," Remus said with a grin.

Lily groaned. "Can you two just can it?" she muttered, a twinge of scarlet appearing on her cheeks. "It was…was just sex. It was nothing much." She slumped down in her chair slowly, wishing for a black hole to appear and suck her up before Remus and Sirius made any further comments.

"Usually nothing much doesn't result twice," Remus snorted.

"And I wouldn't go around broadcasting that sex with James is 'nothing much,'" Sirius laughed. "That won't sit well with his ego."

"I don't plan on broadcasting it _at all_," Lily scowled, glaring at him. "So help me Merlin, if Daniela Skeeter gets her hands on this story, I am going to castrate the both of you."

"Why are you getting so worked up about this?" Sirius asked, shaking his head in disbelief. "We're just joking around."

"I don't really consider this a joke, Sirius," Lily snorted. "And you two going on and on about it is actually very demeaning if I'm being honest."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked, shocked.

"Nothing, forget it," she muttered hastily, frustration surging in her veins.

"No, we won't forget it," Remus said softly. "Clearly we're bothering you with our joke attempts. What's going on?"

Lily sighed, guilt resting in her heart when she met Remus' concerned gaze. "This morning meant a lot to me," she murmured. "You guys don't get it because one, you're guys. You hold your virginity to an entirely different standard than girls do. And two, it's been a while since you've lost your…well, you know. And losing it clearly didn't mean that much to you guys as much as it meant to me." Her cheeks began to flush out of pure embarrassment. "But I'm not you. And I don't exactly need your savvy sarcasm at the moment." She went to grab her books, but Remus slammed his hand over them.

"Hold it," Remus said, staring at her incredulously. "Look, you're right."

"She is?" Sirius asked, confused.

Remus shrugged. "We're guys. We celebrate sex in a very different way than girls do. We don't make a big deal out of it because guys are expected to lose it. We high-five each other, take celebratory shots, and that's about it. We move on with our day as if it were nothing different. Girls are expected to hold on to it and cherish it, so it means a lot more when they lose it. It's just…it's just another day in our life while for you, it's actually a…a…a momentous occasion. That's all. Sorry if our jokes are insensitive."

Sirius nodded guiltily, glancing over at Remus with an understanding realization. "Yeah, I guess we don't really understand what it meant to you," Sirius murmured. "Believe me when I say I don't get girls at all."

"That's not very hard to believe," Lily snickered, smiling.

"So you'll forgive us?" Remus asked with a pleading grin.

"What does she have to forgive?"

The three of them lifted their heads immediately, trying to look innocent as Kay stared back at them. "Did I miss the memo?" Lily asked curiously. "Was today the Saturday everyone came to the Great Hall before nine?"

"Uh, _you're _here so clearly you got the memo," Kay snickered, taking a seat.

"Oh. Right," Lily murmured, blushing. She found a sudden interest in buttering her scone.

Kay exchanged confused looks with them all. "What's going on?" Kay asked curiously.

She shrugged, trying to glare at Remus and Sirius without being obvious. "Nothing," she said firmly.

"James was keeping her busy," Sirius said with a chuckle, ignoring Lily's warning glare altogether.

Lily smacked Sirius' arm. "We were just sleeping!"

"Wait, what? Aren't you guys on a break?" Kay asked.

"Not even in the slightest," Remus replied, flashing a grin.

"Seriously? _You_ too?" Lily groaned. "What's with the jokes, Mr. Funny? What happened to trying to be sensitive?"

"I'm a guy remember? It's hard to be sensitive. I can't help but be in a very playful mood," he responded with a casual shrug. "But you'd know all about that, right?"

"Um, excuse me?" Kay interrupted, poking Lily's arm. "You? James? Hiatus?"

"Oh yeah, by the way, we're back together."

"Oh gee, you think?" Kay snorted, glaring at her friend with a sardonic frown. "Elaboration please."

"Well, when two people have sex, that usually means they're no longer broken up," Sirius explained.

"WHAT?" the scream of Kay combined reverberated off the walls, earning her a curious look from the surrounding students.

"SIRIUS!" Lily cried with a groan, slapping him on the back of his head.

"OW! What the hell? You were going to tell her anyway!"

"Exactly. _I _was going to tell her, not you, Mr. Gossip! And I was going to tell her later, away from the crowded Great Hall!"

"Um, excuse me?" Kay scowled.

"Oh yeah, by the way, James and I had sex," Lily said with a casual shrug.

Kay glared at her. "Again I say, _what_?"

"So, anybody up for some library time?" Lily asked innocently, gathering her bag.

Kay put her hand firmly on Lily's shoulder. "So help me God, if you walk off right now, I will stop talking to you altogether."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "And somehow that's supposed to keep me here?"

Kay glared at her. "Start talking, Lily."

Lily blushed and glanced towards an eager looking Sirius and Remus. "Not now," she murmured. "Not here."

"Oh please, don't stop on our account," Sirius argued. "Considering James already gave us the play-by-play."

Lily blushed a deeper red, avoiding eye contact with the two boys. "Well, this might be the most uncomfortable moment in my entire life."

"Oh please, sex is natural," Sirius sniggered.

"Well, sorry if I'm not going to listen to your opinion, Mr. Womanizer of the Century."

He shrugged. "Sex is sex whether it's between two people who love each other or two people who just happen to be extremely horny."

"Gee, did you read that off a Hallmark card?" Lily smirked sarcastically.

"No, but that would be a good Hallmark card!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Dare I ask for what occasion?"

Sirius shrugged. "Uh, every occasion is grounds for sex. Just think about it: There's Valentine's Day, enough said. Christmas. You get under some mistletoe, one thing leads to another, you have sex. Halloween was made for sex. Why do you think so many girls dress up as slutty nurses, or Playboy bunnies, or Catwoman in very tight leather? Birthdays are perfect excuses for packages."

"I'm sorry I asked," Remus sighed.

"I'm always sorry when I dare to ask Sirius a question," Lily agreed with a shrug. "So, library anyone?'

"LILY!" Kay whined, grabbing her arm again.

Lily laughed. "Fine. God knows that we wouldn't be girls if we didn't have the losing-virginity talk. Let's go back to my room."

Sirius grinned. "Where the dirty deed-"

Lily cut him off by stuffing a piece of bacon in his mouth.

* * *

"I love Saturdays when I don't have to be in the library," Sirius said hours later, sprawled out across the only free couch.

"Isn't that every Saturday to you?" Remus sniggered, his textbook open in his lap putting on the affect that he was studying when in fact he had been holding a conversation with Peter and Sirius for the past hour.

"I was in the library last Saturday," Sirius pointed out.

"No you weren't," Peter argued. "You were on the Quidditch pitch with James."

"Damn, I was hoping you wouldn't remember," Sirius murmured, stifling a yawn.

"Shouldn't we be focusing on our studies? The N.E.W.T.s are only just around the corner," Remus pointed out.

"Oh, don't lecture us when you've barely acknowledged your Potions textbook in the past hour," Sirius laughed.

Remus shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Where are the girls? I'm bored and I want a massage," he complained.

Remus snorted. "And you think Lily, Kay, or Riley is going to give one to you?"

"If I plead, bribe them, and give them my best puppy dog face, I'm hoping one of them will fall for it."

"Why start now? They have yet to fall for it in the past seven years," Peter pointed out.

"And what would you bribe them with? You're broke," Remus added.

"A massage in return!"

"You give terrible massages," Peter snorted.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "And how do _you_ know this?"

Peter grabbed the pillow from underneath Sirius' head ("HEY! Damnit, that's my pillow!") and chucked it at Remus. "Because he's told us that on many occasions, you prat," Peter retorted.

"Unfortunately, it's true. God did not give me the heavenly touch of an angel," Sirius said overdramatically. "But he did give me my exceptionally good looks, so I can't really complain."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Has anyone told you lately that you're extremely arrogant?"

"Yes, I believe you did this morning. Twice."

The three of them laughed.

"What's so funny?"

The boys looked up to see Jillian running her fingers across Remus' shoulders.

"Sirius' good looks," Peter retaliated.

"You're right. That _is _funny," Jillian teased, squeezing into the loveseat beside her boyfriend.

"You love me, right, Jillian?" Sirius asked, his eyes lighting up.

"No."

Remus burst into laughter. "Good answer."

Sirius pouted. "These are the times I wish I had a girlfriend."

"What times?"

"He wants a massage," Peter said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Oh. Yeah, I'm not going to do that," Jillian replied.

"Aren't you supposed to be trying to impress Remus' friends?" Sirius asked, whimpering as he tried to give her his best puppy dog face.

"Nahh, you're not worth it."

"HEY! I am too worth it!"

There were snickers coming from behind the four of them. "Hardly," Kay's voice said sarcastically.

Kay gestured for Sirius to move his feet, and after some complaining, he lifted them up. When Kay sat down, he swiftly placed his feet back down on her lap.

"Kay, you love me right?"

"I have a feeling you're going to follow that up with some sort of request I won't want to oblige to, so no. I don't love you."

Sirius pouted. "And after I let you sit down. How rude."

Kay rolled her eyes, stuffing a pillow behind her head. "You were taking up the entire couch. A couch that five people can fit on comfortably, mind you," Kay pointed out.

Sirius stared at her blankly. "Yeah. What's your point?"

"My point is that you're an idiot."

"Couldn't agree more," Riley chimed in, coming up behind everyone. She had wandered downstairs after being easily bored sifting through Charms notes. She had hesitated before slowly wandering over to them, wondering where her conversation with Sirius the night before left them. She should have been livid with him. But truth was, she didn't even care anymore about Rachael. She was too exhausted by the whole ordeal to even care anymore.

She tried desperately trying to ignore the words Lily spoke to her the night before about not letting him go. She was determined to believe that she could let Sirius go in the snap of her fingers. She wanted to believe that she had all of the power in whatever relationship or friendship she was sharing with Sirius, but truth was, it seemed far too easy for him to just smile at her and cause her to go back running. She wanted to hate him. But somehow she just couldn't.

Sirius glanced up at her hesitantly, his heart beating in relief that she was willingly sitting in his presence. Maybe she did mean what she said the night before. Maybe it didn't matter to her anymore.

He just wasn't so sure what 'it' was.

He cracked a smile and ignored the confusion in his head. "Hey, Riley, you love me, right?"

Riley lifted an eyebrow and stared at him skeptically. "You really want to be asking _me _that?"

"I wish Lily were here," he whimpered, letting her comment slide past him.

Remus snorted. "Like she would give you a massage."

Sirius grinned suggestively. "I bet she's giving James a massage right now."

Kay shook her head. "If anyone should be getting a massage, it's her. She's the one that's got to be sore."

"Why?" Jillian asked, confused.

Remus, Peter, Sirius, and Kay couldn't help but giggle like a group of schoolgirls. "Let's just say that Peter is the only one out of the seven of us who still needs to be deflowered," Kay said, wiggling her eyebrows.

Riley's head snapped up. "What?"

Peter blushed, as Sirius snorted. "Deflowered? Who the hell uses that word anymore?"

"I'm not you! I don't use heavily graphic details!"

"You think the word _sex_ is heavily graphic?"

Kay shoved his feet off of her lap. "OW!" Sirius whined.

"Wait, what did you just say?" Riley repeated louder.

All of them turned to her. "What?"

"Lily and James…" she trailed off, her face white from shock and sorrow.

The rest of them shifted in their seats uncomfortably, realizing that Lily had yet to tell Riley. "Oh," Kay murmured. "Uh, yeah. They slept together earlier this morning. She didn't tell you?"

"No," she murmured. "She didn't." Riley chose not to tell them that Lily wasn't exactly on speaking terms with her.

No one said what they were really thinking: _Wouldn't Lily have wanted to tell Riley first_?

* * *

Lily and James were lying on her bed that afternoon, their textbooks sprawled out evenly around them. Truth be told, they were more engrossed with themselves than in the books. They kept stealing kisses with each other every chance they got, and were both shocked and annoyed when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" Lily said with a light giggle as James started to play footsie with her.

The door opened slowly to reveal Riley.

Lily's smile quickly disappeared. "Or don't come in."

"Lily, I-"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Lily asked sternly.

"That's my cue to leave," James muttered awkwardly, pushing himself off the bed.

Lily grabbed his arm. "You're not the one who should leave."

James shrugged. "Maybe not, but even though I am not wearing a watch, I am sure that I am late for whatever excuse will get me out of here fast enough." He shrugged apologetically, kissed her quickly on the lips, gave Riley a lopsided, sympathetic smile as he slid past her, and shut the door behind him, leaving the two girls alone.

"So you guys seem really happy," Riley said, biting down on the bottom of her lip.

"What, is that some sort of offhanded remark to let me know that maybe you may have had something to do with James and I getting back together?"

"No, it was an offhanded remark about the fact that you two seem happy because you've finally slept together."

Lily's heart skipped a beat, a twinge of guilt building inside of her. "Kay told you?"

"Yeah, she told me. Which is more than I can say about you."

"You completely attacked my integrity last night. What did you expect?"

"I don't know. That my best friend would have the courtesy of telling me she's no longer a virgin instead of letting me hear it from Kay and the guys," Riley said, shrugging. "I had to hear about it at the same time as Jillian. As _Jillian_. Who I adore, but she hasn't been your best friend for almost seven years!"

"And whose fault is it that I didn't tell you, Riley?" Lily barked. "You don't think that I wanted to rush up to your room this morning immediately after to let you know? That's exactly what I wanted to do, but after the names you called me last night, I refrained from doing so! You didn't deserve to find out first and you didn't deserve to find out from me."

Riley stared at her in surprise. "So…so you deliberately didn't tell me."

"Yes. Exactly."

Riley swallowed a lump in her throat and turned around. "I'm going to go." She placed her hand on the doorknob.

Lily could tell she was hurt. "You don't get to be mad at me."

Tears sprang to Riley's eyes. "I'm not mad," she said shakily. "It's just that…" she sighed and wiped her eyes, turning back towards her friend. "It's just that you were the first person I told when I lost my virginity to Zach, and yes, I regret sleeping with him now, but at the time, I was on cloud 9! I couldn't have been more ecstatic! And we went to go find Kay and snuck into Hogsmeade where we drank champagne and I told you _all of the details_. We sat there for hours talking about it. I guess…I guess I just hoped that you would do the same with me."

"It's not that big of a deal," Lily murmured.

"Yes, it is, and you know it," Riley said bitterly. "You not only lost your virginity but you lost it to a guy you deeply care about, maybe even love. And I know I have no one to blame but myself for the fact that you didn't tell me, but it…it just sucks. That's all."

"I didn't realize that it meant that much to you," Lily said uncomfortably.

Riley shrugged. "I didn't realize it either."

"Well…you're here now," Lily said bluntly.

"Huh?"

Lily shrugged. "I mean, I already told Kay all about it, but we can go into Hogsmeade if you want."

"But you're mad at me."

Lily shrugged again, climbing off her bed as she closed all of the textbooks. "Eh, you kinda, sorta, almost did get James and I back together which led to the sex, so I guess you're a third responsible."

"That's kinda, sorta, almost a little disturbing."

Lily grinned. "So are we hitting up Hogsmeade or what?"

Riley blinked. "So…that's it?"

Lily laughed. "I'm not going to say I wasn't hurt with the way you said some things last night, but all is forgiven."

Riley blinked. "Seriously…that's it?"

Lily linked arms with her friends, opening her door and striding out. "I'm not James. I don't hold three-monthlong grudges."

Riley laughed.

Lily grinned. "Come on, let's go get drunk at four in the afternoon."

"And people say sex doesn't change people," Riley murmured.

Lily just laughed.

* * *

"Hey Dezzy."

She stiffened at the sound of her older brother's voice. She collected her books from the library table without saying a word to him.

"Dez, could we-" Before James could finish his sentence, his younger sister slapped him across the face. "-talk," he finished, wincing as she stormed off.

He ignored his friends' snickers at the table to the left as he sat down. "Shut up."

"You got slapped by a girl," Sirius teased.

"And probably deserved it," Remus pointed out unsympathetically.

"I more than deserved it," James admitted, rubbing his cheek. "I wouldn't be surprised if she never spoke to me again."

"She'll come around eventually," Lily argued, Riley nodding in agreement. They had gone into Hogsmeade earlier with Kay and shared a few drinks and laughs before heading back up to the school to the library. Lily had to remind them that their school year was quickly coming to a close and she couldn't spend her entire day without doing an ounce of work. Somehow she suckered Riley and Kay into joining her at the library.

James shrugged. "Preferably by tomorrow afternoon before we have to floo home." He was grateful to Lily for getting his mind off of Brite's death but there was no way he could forget that his brother's funeral was in a few days.

"Hm…she probably won't come around within the next 24 hours, I hate to say," Riley admitted. "Stubbornness runs in your family."

James made a face. "I blame my father for that."

The boys and Riley all nodded. "Fair enough."

"What's wrong with your father?" Lily asked, noticing the grimaces on all of their faces.

James snorted. "Just wait until you meet him tomorrow. You'll understand. He's…he's not exactly my idea of a role model."

"He is a good Auror, though," Riley praised.

"Well, he should be. He's at the office from five in the morning until nine o'clock at night every day, plus most Saturdays and an occasional Sunday," James scoffed.

"How the hell did your mother raise six children without your father around?" Kay asked curiously. "No, let me rephrase. How did your mother raise five boys who _aren't _complete sissies without your father around?"

Riley snorted. "You clearly don't know that he used to enjoy the occasional tea party when he was younger."

"RILES!" James groaned.

"Right. That was supposed to be a secret."

It was too late. The group of friends was guffawing in hilarity.

"How did this never come up in the two years I've lived in your home?" Sirius asked with a chortle.

"I was very good at blackmailing my siblings," James explained with a casual shrug. "Apparently _not _so good with blackmailing my long-time friend and neighbor," he added, glaring at Riley.

She grinned, flipping her long black hair over her shoulder nonchalantly. "That's because you have nothing on me."

"Oh, you want to play _that _game, do you?" James said, his eyebrows lifted suggestively.

She hesitated. "I spoke too soon, didn't I…."

"Well, should I tell the story about how you flashed the entire neighborhood in your My Little Pony underwear at a neighborhood Quidditch game when you were eight? Or should I tell the story of you trying to kiss Billy Marco behind the playground and instead you fell flat on your face in the mud? Or what about the time you went through a bathing suit phase—you refused to wear _anything _except your pink, sparkly bathing suit. Oh, it was _February_!"

Riley turned bright red, ignoring the laughs of her friends. "Touché, James Potter, touché."

He leaned in to her. "Just remember: I have plenty more."

Riley pretended to zip her mouth shut and throw away the key.

"Smart move, Gilmore," James sniggered.

"Speaking of Gilmores," Sirius said, nodding his head at Drew who was walking up to James at that time.

"Hey, Drew. What's up?" James asked.

Drew sighed. "Although I told Dezzy that I refuse to be her messenger, she gave me an offer I couldn't refuse and-"

"A.k.a. a make-out session," Sirius snickered.

"-And told me to let you know that if you come to her again, there's a good chance you'll not only have a matching handprint on your left cheek but you would be sent to the hospital wing in a coma after what she'd do to you," Drew finished softly, glancing at the floor, embarrassed.

James frowned, furrowing his eyebrows.

"So…she's mad, huh?" Sirius said, trying to lighten the moment.

"Um, yeah, you could say that," Drew muttered. "Am I done here?"

James nodded. "Just let her know I won't be bothering her anymore," he muttered.

Drew whisked away and Lily patted his hand. "Don't you think you kinda need to talk to her?"

"And get sent to the hospital wing by my little sister? Hardly," James snorted.

"James, you-"

"Lily, you know I love you and I really do appreciate everything you've said and done over the past few days, but…but this is something you can't really fix. _I _can't even fix it right now. I screwed up by not being there for her this week and I'll figure out a way to get through to her," James said with a sympathetic sigh. He kissed his girlfriend on the cheek before gathering his things and standing up from his chair. "I think studying for the N.E.W.T.s can wait. I need a break."

Lily knew that James was feeling dejected that she didn't bother to berate him for not studying. "Okay. I'll catch up with you later."

James had a feeling that after he left the library, his friends would continue to talk about him.

They didn't disappoint. They were all still worried about him even though he seemed a lot more level-headed since Lily grounded him. She let her friends know that he had opened up without relaying all of the details of what he had said. They were happy to know that Lily was there to listen and console him seeing as she was the most patient and most understanding of his situation.

Lily just prayed that he and his sister would make up, preferably by the funeral. While James never said it outright, his sister meant more than anything to him and he hated that they were not only on non-speaking terms but on an outraged-Dezzy-sending-evil-daggers-his-way terms.

They all agreed that whether or not Dezzy said so, she was going to need him at Brite's funeral.

* * *

"Hey Kay," James greeted that night in the common room after dinner. "Where is everyone?"

She shrugged. "Library again?" she suggested. "Not really sure. Lily's probably back in her room looking for you if you were wondering."

"I wasn't," James said. "Actually, I came to find you."

"Oh?"

"I know you didn't know Brite at all, but I thought I'd offer you an invite to the funeral," he said, slipping on to the couch beside her.

Kay was taken aback. "What?"

"I know it's totally out of the blue, but I was thinking about it earlier, and we're all going to be gone for the next couple of days, including Lily, and I not only didn't want you to be stuck here by yourself, but I could always use some extra support."

"James, that's…that's so nice of you, but I wouldn't want to impose," she said, shocked that he was asking her to tag along to a _funeral_.

"Believe me, we have all the room in the world at our place. Besides, Lance will be there and I _know _you're probably dying—uh, oops, wrong choice of word—you probably would want to be there for your boyfriend. He grew up with Brite just like I did and he'd love to not only see you but have your support."

Kay hadn't even thought of Lance's emotions since the letter she sent him a week earlier relaying his deep feelings about Brite's death. Lance was six years younger than Brite but the Gilmores and Potters had always been there for each other and Brite was like another brother to him. Recently, Kay had only been thinking about James, considering he was in Kay's presences, and suddenly she felt guilty for forgetting about her boyfriend. "You don't have to invite me to the funeral just because you feel obligated to invite me for Lance's sake," Kay pointed out.

"That's not what I'm doing at all," James said, shaking his head. "I-I want you there for me, too."

"Well…" she contemplated.

"I won't take no for an answer. I refuse to let you sulk around here for a couple of days while all of your friends are-"

"Sulking elsewhere?" Kay suggested with a slight awkward laugh.

James shrugged and nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, if you won't take no for an answer, I guess I have no choice," she said with a sympathetic smile.

"No, I guess you don't," James said. "We're meeting here tomorrow at four o'clock to head to Dumbledore's office to floo home."

"Okay," Kay said.

James got up off the couch and was about to head out when Kay stopped him. "James, just so you know," she said slowly, "I'm not going because of Lance. I'm going because of you."

James smiled. "I know."

* * *

Dumbledore's office had never been so crowded with students, especially with students who weren't in trouble. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Riley, Kay, Grant, Jaron and his friend, Dezzy, Drew, and Riley's youngest brother, Billy, smushed into Dumbledore's office with their luggage, waiting to grab the Floo Powder and floo to Potter Manor. They were going to spend the next couple of days there thanks to Dumbledore's permission, not only to attend the funeral the following day but to also tie up loose ends and be there for Mr. and Mrs. Potter and Bianca.

James had tried to get Dezzy to talk to him with little luck.

"Dezzy, I-"

"Not now, James," Dezzy shot down, glaring at her brother.

"But I-"

"Take a hint, James."

"I just need one minute to-"

"_Stop talking to me_," Dezzy growled through gritted teeth.

James gave up, plopping onto an empty seat in Dumbledore's office with an irritated sigh.

"Smooth," Sirius murmured, grinning sheepishly.

James ignored him.

"Where's Dumbledore?" Grant muttered, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence with something.

"Well he's Headmaster so I'm assuming you want a less suitable answer than he's out trying to _head_ the school?" Dezzy retorted, rolling her eyes.

"Thanks for being a smartass, Dez," Grant replied dryly.

"Well, I learned it from you," she snapped.

"Guys, can we please not fight?" James murmured, shaking his head in disbelief.

"This coming from the guy who's been completely MIA this past week," Dezzy scoffed, glaring at her older brother.

"Why don't we just wait in silence?" Sirius interrupted. "Talking seems to be getting us nowhere."

"Wow, Sirius Black yearning for quiet. That's new," Grant snorted, smirking haughtily.

"I'm just not sure Brite would want to see his brothers and sisters fighting minutes away from returning home for his funeral," Sirius explained with a casual shrug.

"Then I guess it's good that Brite's not around _to _see," Grant snarled.

James glared at his brother. "Nice, Grant. _Real _nice."

Thankfully, Dumbledore sauntered into his office at that given time, apologizing profusely. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I had to deal with a little prank at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall." Needless to say, Dumbledore didn't miss the slight upturn of the Maruaders' mouths, but Dumbledore chose to remain quiet about the matter. He didn't say much else to the group, certain that although the Potters weren't excited to get home under the circumstances, he was sure they were eager to see their family. He verbalized his deepest apologies and told them all to not rush back to Hogwarts before handing James the bag of Floo Powder hanging over the fireplace.

In just a few minutes, the twelve students were standing in the hall of the Potter home. Dezzy quickly ran off, dragging Drew behind her. The other Potters, excluding James, rushed up to their rooms as well.

"Oh my God, this isn't a manor. This is a _castle_," Kay said in awe.

"I'm never leaving," Lily agreed, staring up at the gorgeous architecture.

Sirius snorted. "I'm sure James wouldn't disagree."

Lily hit him with her duffel bag.

"Okay, _ow_," he whined, rubbing his arm. "What did you pack in that thing, Evans? Rocks?"

Lily laughed, ignoring his question and turned to her boyfriend. "So unless you want me to continue hitting Sirius with my bag, where should we drop our stuff?"

James shrugged. "And _that's _supposed to get me to tell you where you're staying?"

Sirius gasped. "I'm not going to say that didn't hurt," he said overdramatically, wiping away a fake tear.

James laughed. "In the West Wing. Here, let me show you," James said, grabbing his girlfriend's bag and leading them all through the hallways.

Lily laughed. "You name your wings?"

"My great-great-grandfather did," James explained. "He thinks it made the family sound more distinguished." He led everyone up the winding staircase and to the right. "Well, you all have your same rooms," he explained to Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Riley.

"You have your _own _rooms?" Kay asked.

James nodded. "There are twelve bedrooms on this side of the house and six on the other side of the staircase. The other bedrooms are being used by family and Bianca. Oh, and every two bedrooms share a bathroom."

"Seriously, I am never leaving," Lily repeated with an awestruck smile.

James laughed. He waved Sirius and Riley into the first two rooms on the right. They never minded sharing a bathroom until the summer after their falling out, but both were too stubborn to want to change rooms. Many malicious pranks were played in their communal bathroom. The smoke marks in the shower were still there to prove it.

"Why do you have your own room?" Kay asked Riley. "Don't you live down the street?"

Riley shrugged. "Yeah, but I was over here so often that there were plenty of nights I'd stay over. His parents never cared. And I told my parents that I'd rather stay here for the next few nights. They understood. Lance and Drew are staying, too."

The next two rooms belonged to Remus and Peter, and then James showed the bedroom that Kay and Lily would be sharing. "I'm sorry you guys have to share," James apologized. "But with Drew and Lance staying, we don't have enough bedrooms in this Wing. They have to share a room also. You'll be sharing a bathroom with them, if you don't mind."

Lily made a face and glanced at Kay. "Ew, dirty things are going to be happening in that shower, aren't they…"

Kay grinned. "Hell yeah," she teased, throwing her bag on to the floor. "And what are you complaining about? You're probably going to be sneaking into James' room every night."

Lily blushed. "I'm still going to use that bathroom!"

"Not if I can help it," James joked, wrapping his arms around her with a laugh. "My bathroom will be just fine for the two of us," he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"You share your bathroom with Dezzy, James," Lily pointed.

"Yeah, so?"

"What do you think is going to be happening in there between her and Drew?"

"EWW!" James cried out, making a disgruntled face. "Why, why, _why _would you go there?"

Lily laughed.

"So we can't use _my _bathroom. We can't use _your _bathroom. Where the hell are we supposed to mess around?"

Lily sighed. "Your house is bigger than the Queen's castle. I'm sure we'll find a place."

James grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. "Okay."

* * *

Maya Potter stared out the kitchen window, staring into the vast acres of land behind the Potter Manor as she attempted to clean the dishes the muggle way that were piling up in the kitchen sink. While she could have gotten their house elf to do it and she could have used magic, she liked the idea of having to focus on one thing. She hated that she kept getting distracted thinking of Brite.

James quickly slipped down to the kitchen to greet his mother. "Hi, Mom."

She jumped, dropping a coffee mug into the sink where it broke into pieces. "Oh no!" she cried out.

James pulled out his wand and made the shattered pieces disappear. "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

She pulled her son in for a long embrace. "Don't be sorry. I just wasn't expecting you so soon. I thought you weren't coming until later."

"We weren't, but Dumbledore figured we would want more time with you today."

"What a good man Dumbledore is to let you all leave school for so many days. And right before exams!"

"I don't think exams are as important as family right now, Mom," James pointed out, sliding into one of the kitchen table chairs. "Is Bianca around?" he asked hesitantly.

Maya nodded slowly. "She's down by the stream. She's been there for hours."

James sighed. "This must be so hard for her. I couldn't even imagine if Lily died and I've only been with her for three months."

Maya smiled slyly. "When do I get to meet this girl you're so smitten with?"

James made a face. "Please don't use words like smitten around her," he teased.

"Well, is obsessed a better word?" his mother joked, playfully smacking him with a kitchen dishtowel.

"I am not!"

"Is this not the same Lily you've been swooning over since you first arrived at Hogwarts? I believe there was a chocolate sauce incident."

James hesitated. "Okay, one, avoid the word swoon around Lily. Two, you should probably avoid that story also. And three, bringing Lily here was a _bad_ idea."

His mother laughed and shook her head. "No, no. I promise to be good!"

"Mother, you have scared away many-a-girlfriends of Brite's and Wyatt's in the past. And I'd like to keep Lily, thank you very much."

"I didn't scare away Bianca!"

"The first time you met her, you asked her if she had sex with Brite yet."

His mother shrugged, returning to the dishes. "A mother can't help but be curious what goes on in her children's sex lives."

"Exactly why bringing Lily here was a bad idea!"

"So did you have sex with her yet?"

"MOM!"

Maya laughed and glanced over her shoulder. "You're right, you don't need to tell me. I'll just ask Lily."

"What about me?"

James jumped out of his chair to Lily, pushing her out of the entrance. "You don't want to meet my mother," he said hastily. "She's certifiably insane."

"Huh?"

"Hold it right there, young man!" Maya cried out with a laugh, throwing down the dishtowel and rushing towards the door.

"I am so confused," Lily whimpered.

"Just remember, she's insane," James whispered in his girlfriend's ear.

"I am not!" his mother reacted, grabbing Lily's hand and bringing her over to the kitchen table. "Hello there. I'm James' mother."

"Uh, I'm Lily Evans. But I'm assuming I've already been discussed," she said, throwing James an inquisitive look, who remained in the entrance warily.

"Nonsense," Maya said, waving her hand dismissively. "James is the insane one."

"Well, finally someone agrees with me!" a voice boomed loudly as a clamor of footsteps wandered into the kitchen that consisted of James' friends.

"Sirius, you haven't changed at all!" Maya said, rushing out of her chair to hug her pseudo-son.

"Neither have you, Mrs. P," he said, kissing the only mother he ever really knew on the cheek.

"And don't tell me this is Riley," Maya said in shock. "You have grown up way too fast. I remember when you were in diapers!"

Riley blushed. "Gee, that's a memory that should be suppressed."

"Hm, do you have pictures of her in diapers?" Kay asked jokingly.

Maya laughed and bear-hugged Riley. Maya was happy to finally have the house full of people. It had been so unbelievably quiet for the past couple of days that it was unbearable.

"And I'm assuming you're Kay?" Maya asked, raising an eyebrow.

She nodded and smiled awkwardly. What were you supposed to say to a grieving mother you were meeting for the first time?

Maya shook Kay's hand. "Lance is popping over soon. I'm sure you're excited to see him."

Kay blushed and nodded.

Maya winked at the new girl and returned to the dishes. "So, how goes the dating scene at Hogwarts these days?"

James snorted, taking his seat once again at the table. "Considering there is very little to do at Hogwarts, it _could _be better."

"Oh, and I'm sure you guys never sneak into Hogsmeade," Maya giggled sarcastically, glancing over her shoulder with a sparkle in her eye.

James and Sirius exchanged a look, both suppressing a laugh. "No, of course not. Now why would you assume that?" Sirius said dismissively.

Maya laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "So do you two ever double date, now that your girlfriends are friends-"

"Uh, Mom?" James interrupted with a hint of panic in his voice. "Can I…uh…talk to you for a sec?"

Sirius and Riley both glanced at each other uncomfortably. "No, it's alright," Sirius murmured, hitting himself on the inside. Of course James would have told his mother about him and Riley. Riley quickly looked away, choosing to stare out the window instead. "Uh…we're not together anymore, Mrs. P."

Now it was Maya's turn to mentally hit herself. "Oh. I-I'm sorry. James didn't inform me of the recent changes," she said, giving her son an irritated look.

James shrugged, giving her a sheepish look. "Well, I've kinda had other things on my mind," he muttered.

Maya chose to quickly change the subject. "Well, Ralphie will be cooking dinner in a few hours and the Gilmores will be joining us," she said, talking about one of their house elves.

"Oh goody," Riley muttered, now sure if she would rather talk about Sirius or see her mother. That was definitely a toss-up.

Maya raised an eyebrow. "Not excited to see your mother?" she laughed.

"Why do you think I'm staying here for the next few days?"

Maya smiled warily at the girl she always thought of as a daughter and knew to change the subject. "Well, dinner won't be ready for a while," Maya explained, "so that gives you ample time to unpack and get to know the estate."

Lily snorted. "Doubtful. This place would take years to explore."

Maya smiled. "Longer than that. I've been living here for thirty years and rooms still continue to pop out of nowhere! It always reminds me of Hogwarts in that sense." She glanced at her son curiously. "Although I suppose you've found all the tunnels and secret rooms at Hogwarts due to your late-night rendez-vous with your friends."

"I don't know what you're talking about," James quickly replied with a slight teasing smile.

"I write to Dumbledore once a month, James. I know all," she said, giving him a look.

James laughed. "You wished you knew all."

"I heard that you got caught in a broom closet earlier this month with this lovely girl," Maya retorted immediately with a sly smile.

Lily and James turned beet red, ignoring the laughs from Kay, Riley, Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"Aaand _this _is why it was a bad idea to bring you here," James murmured, giving Lily an apologetic smile. "Mother, as much as I would love to stay, I think it's time for us to part ways."

"Go, go," she said, shaking her head with a laugh. "Have fun. Dinner is at 6."

The friends all stood up and headed out of the kitchen, the boys still chortling.

"Your mother's great, James," Kay teased.

"Shut up."

* * *

**A/N: **Not a whole lot to say here. A lot of this chapter was filler but I still hope you enjoyed it anyway. Please review!


	39. Of Showers, Rooms, & Wine

**A/N: **Sorry that it's taken me so long to update but I've been on vacation for the past few weeks. Not much to say here--there is some Riley/Sirius action in the upcoming chapter so be patient! Meanwhile, I have some fun Lily/James action for you! Please just read and review!

**Disclaimer: **I am definitely not J.K. Rowling....at least I'm pretty sure I'm not...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 39: Of Showers, Rooms, & Wine

James fell back against his bed with a sigh. He thought it would make him feel better to be at home, to be around family. Instead, it just brought back all of the memories. Every step he took, a flashback burst through his head about Brite sliding down the banister every morning when he was a kid and Brite cramming for O.W.L.s during Easter break and the hiding spots Brite used during the endless childhood games of hide-and-seek. That house would forever be a reminder of the brother he lost. James gazed up at his ceiling, shutting his eyes slowly as if reopening them would cause Brite to reappear. He didn't know if he was ready to see Bianca or all of his relatives. James had always loved his family and Bianca, but he couldn't be in their presence and know why they were all gathering.

He saw a shadow out of the corner of his eye step into his doorway, and he lifted his head.

Lily leaned against the doorframe with a wary smile. "I know how hard this must be for you."

James sat up, crossing his legs. "Having you down the hall helps."

She smiled and threw her duffel bag on to his floor. "I don't need to be down the hall."

James grinned, his eyes lighting up. "I thought for _sure_ you'd be against that."

She shrugged. "This isn't about me. It's about you. All I needed when my parents died was a hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on. How am I supposed to give you my hand and my shoulder if I'm down the hall?"

James climbed off the bed and placed his girlfriend in his arms, kissing her forehead lovingly. "You are the most amazing girlfriend, Lily," he whispered, burying his face in her hair with a sigh. "I love you."

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, sensing the sadness in his tone. "I love you, too."

They held each other in the doorway, keeping time still as they savored the moment.

"I'm still in denial."

Lily jumped at the voice in the hallway. She glanced in the voice's direction. "Lance, right?" She obviously saw him at time at school but not nearly enough to know which Gilmore he was.

"And you're Lily Evans. A.k.a. the girl that this boy had pined over _for years_. When Riley told me you two got together, I didn't believe it. Until now."

"Uh…thanks?" Lily laughed.

"I'm just saying that after hearing your name over and over and _over _again over Christmas breaks and Easter breaks and summer vacation, I was ready to play cupid just so this boy would shut up about how perfect your silky, red hair is and how sparkling your bright green eyes are and how-"

"And you think that now that we're together, I _won't _be mentioning those things?" James teased.

"Not if I can help it," Lance said, winking playfully. He glanced over their shoulders. "So, is that _her _bag on _your _carpet?" He gave James an inquisitive look.

"Okay, you can go find Kay now," James murmured.

He laughed. "I'm on it." He started rushing down the hallway.

James rolled his eyes.

Lance turned back around. "Hey, man, I know you're tired of hearing this, but…I'm really sorry. You didn't deserve this. No one did."

James nodded, glancing down at the floor. "Thanks." He sighed as Lance disappeared. He pulled Lily in towards him, embracing her tightly as she kissed her lightly. "Okay, I'm going to go take a shower. You can unpack if you want. The closet has plenty of room."

"I _can_ unpack," Lily said, biting down on her lip slyly. "Unless, that is, you want company."

James looked at her, confused. "Company? For what?"

Lily gave him a look. "Did you seriously just ask that?" she snorted. "I don't think your reputation precedes you nearly as much as people think."

"Huh?"

Lily rolled her eyes, and walked towards him slowly, a suggestive sparkle in her eye. She grabbed his loose Gryffindor tie and pulled him towards the bathroom. "You _were _going to shower, weren't you?"

James' heart skipped a beat. "Are…are you suggesting what I _think _you are suggesting?"

"Hell yeah."

"Wow. I have sex with you once—okay, _twice_," James chuckled, "And you're completely corrupted, willingly hopping into the shower with me in my own home with multitudes of people in my house, including _your _friends and _my _family. We should have had sex weeks ago."

Lily laughed, kissing him quickly as she followed him into the bathroom, kissing him along the way.

* * *

"Knock, knock."

Kay looked up from her duffel bag and shrieked louder than she could ever remember, jumping into her boyfriend's arms as she kissed him passionately on the mouth. "I missed you so much."

"Back at you, kid," he teased, lifting her off the floor. "Life isn't nearly as much fun without you around."

"Hogwarts hasn't exactly been so merry without you, either. Considering all of my friends were taken and on dates every Friday and Saturday."

"Peter has a girlfriend?" Lanced asked, putting Kay back on the floor.

Kay snorted. "Let me rephrase that: all of my friends that I_ want_ to spend time with on Fridays and Saturdays were taken."

"I forget how beautiful you are when I don't get to look into your luminous eyes every day," he whispered, showering her with kisses.

She giggled and blushed a scarlet red. "Such a romantic, are we?"

"Can't help it when I'm around you."

Kay smiled, the kind of nostalgic smile that made her wish she could be around Lance all year round. Her smile wavered when she remembered the circumstances under which she was seeing her boyfriend.

"What's wrong?" Lance asked, stroking her hair.

"I am _so _glad to see you, Lance. You have no idea how much I care about you, but…" she trailed off.

"You feel guilty for being happy?"

She nodded, sighing inwardly. "Yeah."

"Honey, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. And I am unbelievably psyched that I get to spend time with you, but…" he bit down on his bottom lip, taking a seat at the edge of her poster bed, "if I could take this moment back with you and bring back Brite, I would."

She nodded. "So would I."

"Y'know, when I was six, there was this stupid bully always pushing me around—I mean, stupid kid stuff like calling me a girl and taking my lunch away from me—but, still. I was six and this kid was seriously getting on my nerves. When I asked Dad what to do, he told me just to walk away. That violence wasn't the answer." Lance couldn't help but break into a smile.

"Uh, where is this story going?"

Lance laughed, motioning for her to join him on the bed. "Well, I tried that. And he not only called me a girl but he called me _Daddy's Little Girl_. And then I cried. And he called me Daddy's Little _Sissy_. I was sitting outside the school on the steps crying when Brite stopped by. It was June, right after Hogwarts let out."

Kay nodded, realizing where he was going with the story.

"He taught me how to fight. He taught me how to block a punch, where the best places to punch a guy were, how to look and act tough. He spent the afternoon with me. I mean, _all _afternoon. From two-thirty until dinnertime. And not only that, but he stopped by the next day and told off that bully. I never forgot that." Lance stared down at his hands, shifting uncomfortably. "Granted, my dad grounded me for a month for getting into a fight, but it was totally worth it."

Kay laughed, patting her boyfriend's hands. "So what you're telling me is…is that you were a scrawny little kid that needed someone else to stick up for you?"

Lance grabbed Kay's pillow and flung it at her, both of them ending up in a giggling fit. "No _actually_, the point of that story was that Brite really was one of the best guys I have ever met. He didn't deserve to be taken from us so unfairly."

Kay leaned in and kissed him lightly. "I know," she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder. She wished that she could have met him.

Lance sighed, wrapping his arm around her waist. He missed touching her. He squeezed her close, smelling the lavender shampoo of her hair. He missed that scent. He missed the feeling of her silky hair in his hand. He missed just being able to hold her. He had missed everything about her.

They just sat there like that enjoying each others' company, talking and laughing with each other, stealing kisses from each other and just loving the feeling of the other's arms around their bodies until it was time for dinner.

* * *

"Hey, Mrs. P."

Maya jumped at the voice, taking her out of her thoughts of Brite's childhood and back to reality. "Sirius? What are you doing down here? Oh, do you need a snack?"

Sirius chuckled, sliding into one of the kitchen wooden chairs. "No, I was just…" he trailed off. Truth was, he was in his room and all he could think about was how Riley was just two doors and a few feet away. He hadn't seen Riley break down or get over-emotional since the day they found out about Brite, but Sirius knew that she was holding back. Riley grew up with Brite and all Sirius wanted to do was be there for her and tell her that it's okay to let it all out. It ached Sirius to know that she was hurting and he couldn't do anything about it.

"Thinking about Riley and wanted to get your mind off of her?"

Sirius gawked at her. "What? How…"

"A mother knows all, Sirius," she said mysteriously, grabbing a box of chocolate chip cookie mix and throwing it into a bowl.

Neither had to correct her, for Mrs. P was the closest thing to a mother Sirius ever had. "Do you believe in love at first sight, Mrs. P?"

She gazed out the window, stirring the batter hastily thinking back to the first time she laid eyes on her husband. She avoided the question. "Did you fall in love with Riley the moment you saw her?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in the chair. Looking back, he was certain that the moment he set eyes on her he had overwhelming feelings for her. Mrs. P always did know how to ask the hard questions. "I asked you a question first!"

Maya laughed, glancing over her shoulder. "What happened between you two?"

Sirius was quiet for a long time. "It just didn't work out," he said evasively.

"She'll come around."

Sirius blinked, confused. How did she even know he wanted her to come around? "I'm not so sure."

"That girl has been through a lot," Maya explained, placing cookies on to a few cookie sheets. "Guys walking all over her, breaking her heart. Her mother and her grandmother breathing down her neck, striving for her to get married. That's enough for any girl to run in the opposite direction. I'm surprised she hasn't turned gay yet just to get them off her back!"

Sirius snorted as Maya grabbed her wand, quickly throwing two batches of cookies into the oven. "No way. That girl loves…guys too much," he said, catching himself before he said 'sex.'

Mrs. P had a feeling she knew what Sirius wanted to say, but pushed that thought from her mind. "Sirius, I was _not _surprised in any way when James wrote to me to tell me that you were dating Riley. Granted, there were a lot of…_colorful _words and the letter could have been summarized into a few sentences, but I wasn't surprised."

"How could you not have been surprised? _I _was surprised when we got together!"

She laughed, throwing the bowl into the sink to deal with later. She washed her hand and turned around, leaning against the sink. "Sirius, do you remember speaking to me about her two years ago?"

Sirius gazed at her, confused. "Huh?"

She chuckled lightly. "You came into this house for winter break two years ago, positively glowing!" she said brightly. "And you told me that you were in love. Granted, you were fifteen and it was obvious you were being a bit overdramatic, but I knew who you were talking about. It didn't take a genius to figure out who you cared for."

Sirius smiled, thinking back to that winter break, being reminded of the talk he had with Mrs. P that evening.

"It also didn't take a genius to figure out what happened with you and my niece, Rhea, only a week later."

Sirius froze, tearing his eyes away from Mrs. P as a scarlet blush filled his cheeks. "Well, this just got uncomfortable."

"I know that's why the two of you stopped speaking, and how you won her back, I'll never know. But that's what you do, Sirius," she said smiling reassuringly at him. "When something goes wrong, you fix it. This time it's no different. You'll win her back, Sirius. It will just take time."

Sirius smiled guardedly, a jumble of thoughts running though his mind. Mrs. P really was the only mother he ever knew and he wouldn't have it any other way. He found himself standing up from his chair, walking over to Maya and embracing her tightly. "I wish I had something better to say, but I'm really sorry about Brite," he muttered.

Maya's heart skipped a beat but she smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I appreciate that," she said, feeling herself getting choked up. She stepped out of his embrace and plastered a fake smile on her face. "Now go get James so he can help me with dinner."

"Thanks, Mrs. P," he said for her advice. He kissed her cheek quickly before hurrying out.

How does Mrs. P seem to know everything going on in his mind, things he was too afraid to think himself?

* * *

There was a pounding on the bathroom door.

"Uh, _I'm in here_!" James shouted, aggravated that someone would dare interrupt his alone time with his girlfriend. His _naked _girlfriend looking even more beautiful with the water cascading down her every curve.

"Yeah I know!" Sirius voice boomed. "You've been in there for nearly forty-five minutes! And your mother was hoping for some help downstairs!"

"I'm drowning myself in complete misery!" James said dryly, rolling his eyes. Lily giggled, holding her hand over her mouth quickly.

"I'm thinking you're _pleasuring _yourself in misery," Sirius snorted.

Both James and Lily couldn't help but laugh at how on target Sirius was, James thrusting his hand over Lily's mouth as they both cringed. They both would never admit it, but that risky feeling was keeping them both entertained in that moment.

"I am not!" James cried out hollowly, giving Lily a look.

Sirius pounded again. "Well, that's what I'm planning on telling your mother if you don't get out soon!"

"SIRIUS!" James groaned.

He continued slamming his fist against the door, hoping to give James the hint.

Lily shrugged. "We have been in here for an awful long time," she whispered. "I think that it might be time to—AGHHH!" she screamed, as the door from the other side of the bathroom opened.

"DEZZY" James shouted angrily.

"Oh my _God_!" Dezzy screamed, shutting her eyes tightly. "That was so something I didn't need to see!" She quickly ran out, muttering 'ew, ew, ew' repeatedly, whimpering in horror.

"NO WAY!" Sirius cried, hearing the sound of Lily's scream. He rushed into the bathroom quickly, a look of ecstasy on his face.

"GET OUT!" James cried, shielding both his body and his girlfriend's. "Why the hell would you storm into the bathroom, _knowing _I'm in here naked!"

Sirius grinned. "It was totally worth the risk, knowing that I might see Miss Lily-bean Evans clothes-less."

"_Sirius!_" Lily shrieked, her cheeks tinted a deep scarlet, the deepest kind of red partnered with the worst feeling of embarrassment she had ever had. She made a mental note that riskiness was not on her side.

Sirius leaned against the linoleum of the kitchen countertop. "Okay, just stay where you are while I go grab a camera. Ooh, and Remus and Peter!"

Lily slunk down against the tile of the shower with an irritated grumble. "I am so going to go Avada Kedrava on your ass when I get out of here."

"No one's stopping you from getting out of-"

"SIRIUS!"

"Okay, okay, okay. I'm leaving. My year was totally made. Thanks, Lily-bean."

"SIRIUS!"

Sirius chuckled, heading out of the bathroom yelling, "Hey, Remus! Guess what!?" at the top of his lungs.

"Well, then. Karma's a bitch," Lily muttered.

"Karma?" James asked, pulling her back up as they both climbed out of the shower.

"Yes, Miss Innocent Head Girl decides to stay in her boyfriend's room _and _climb into the shower with him while his entire family _and _his friends and even some of the neighbors are under the roof at the same time! I'm thinking, _yeah_, karma's a bitch."

"In a couple of days, _you _are going to find this story so hilarious," James said, laughing as he wrapped a towel around her.

Lily glared at him.

"Months?"

Lily snorted.

"Okay, maybe we'll hold off to retell this story until a couple of decades go by."

Lily laughed, climbing up on her tiptoes to kiss him. "I seriously didn't need Sirius to be holding this over my head; however, the scarred look on your sister's face may have totally been worth this."

James cringed. "I don't know if you want to be saying that right now. My sister pretty much despises me at the moment; there's a good chance she'll accidentally-on-purpose mention this at dinner."

Lily turned completely white.

"So…karma's a bitch, huh?"

Lily glared at him.

James grinned sheepishly. "I'm going to go pummel Sirius now."

"You're wearing a towel."

"I'm going to go put on clothes _then _pummel Sirius."

Lily laughed. "Give him a black eye for me, will ya?"

James nodded, dashing into his room quickly. "Will do!"

"But please kill him while refraining from mentioning this incident to others!" she yelled after him, realizing that he was too far to hear her.

* * *

Maya was glad to have a full house again, even under the circumstances. She loved having the kitchen hustling and bustling with people, all just looking for a snack or wondering when dinner would be ready. She loved that Sirius had come down to sit at the kitchen table and just talk to her to get her mind off of Brite. And she was thrilled when Riley's parents walked in. She had always been so close with them, even if they could be a little pretentious sometimes. Rich families were often like that. She should know.

"Maya!" Jared Gilmore said, kissing her cheek. "How have you been holding up?"

Maya shrugged awkwardly, as she attempted to set up a nice dinner table. "Okay, I guess."

"Why are _you_ setting the table?" Nora asked, confused. "Don't you have house elves for that?"

While Maya knew that her house elves could do it, it was something to keep her busy. "Oh, I don't mind."

Jared smiled warmly at his friend. "Here. I'll help."

Nora stared, shocked, at her husband, but she, too, grabbed some napkins and started folding.

"Where are the boys?" Maya asked.

"They all ran upstairs to torture their younger sister. What else?" Jared joked, getting a laugh out of all of them.

Maya laughed even louder when a sudden yelp came from one of the bedrooms. "I think he found her."

* * *

"_**WHAT THE HELL**_?"

"Hiya, sis!"

Riley whimpered loudly, struggling to get underneath her two oldest brothers, Rafe and Caleb, who found it amusing to sit on top of her. "I am so going to smack you around when I get out from under you."

Rafe, age twenty-four and one of Brite's closest friends, snorted. "That _would _sound kinky, except you're my sister, so, _ewww_."

"Has anyone told you that you have an extremely perverted, twisted mind?" Riley sniggered.

"I do, every day," Billy snorted, the youngest of the Gilmore clan, who stood off to the side and watched his brothers crush his sister.

"Where's Lance?" Riley asked.

"He left the house a while ago. To look for Kay, I'm assuming," Caleb said, making a face.

"What's with the face?"

"Kay is _all _that kid has been talking about for _days_. I never wanna hear that name again," he complained, shoving his head into a pillow and screaming lightheartedly. He looked up at his sister. "Why'd you have to make friends with her seven years ago, anyhow?"

"Oops, my mistake." Riley rolled her eyes. "Can you guys get off of me now?"

Before one of them could respond, Sirius suddenly ran into the room with a high-pitched squeak, slamming the door behind me. "Hide me!" he shrieked, diving under the bed.

"Uh…hello, Sirius?" Rafe laughed.

"Shhh! I'm not here!" he hissed.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" James thrust the door open, barging into Riley's room.

"Um, _hello_? I could be naked in here!" Riley whined.

"Don't talk to me about naked!" James grumbled, rushing to the closet and opening it, slamming it again the wall.

"He's not in there," Caleb announced.

"Why can't I talk to you about naked?" Riley confused.

Lily walked into the doorway with a full head of wet hair, clothes thrown on haphazardly. "It's nothing. He meant nothing by that comment. James, could I have a _word _with you?"

"Oh my _God_," Rafe and Caleb said in unison, giggling profusely. They were pointing back and forth to both James' wet hair and Lily's. They clearly knew what was going on. "Oh my God!"

"What? What?" Riley asked. "What about God?"

James glanced under the wooden desk in the corner for a body.

"He's not in there," Caleb repeated, earning another glare from James.

"So, am I to assume that you are Lily?" Rafe asked. He had seen her before at the platform, but he never had officially been introduced to her.

Lily nodded vigorously. "It would be nice to meet you, except I really need to have a conversation with my boyfriend about _keeping secrets_." She stared at her boyfriend impatiently, who was completely ignorant. "_James_," she whined. "Can we _not _mention this anymore?"

"Mention _what_?" Riley asked irritably.

"Yeah, mention what?" Kay and Lance suddenly appeared in the doorway, having heard all of the commotion from down the hall.

"_Nothing_," Lily said.

James rushed into the bathroom, throwing back the shower curtain, and opening and closing the linen closets.

"He's not in there, either," Caleb continued.

James glared at him. "Hey, Caleb. How are things going with you? Nice to see you again," James said sarcastically. "Can you help me a little more than just '_he's not in there_?'"

Caleb pointed under the bed.

"Thanks, dude. I always knew I liked you."

James ran to the bed, throwing up the dust ruffle, where Sirius yelped and wiggled to the other side, slipping out from underneath the bed. "SIRIUS!" James yelled, jumping up and rushing towards him.

"_What _is going on?" Riley barked.

"Yeah, really. You guys can be heard a mile away." Another two shadows loomed in the doorway, belonging to Remus and Peter. "Why is Sirius being chased by James?" Remus asked, confused.

Sirius jumped over the bed, James right behind him.

"Ow, ow, ow! Okay, this room is too small for this many people," Riley muttered, after being stepped on by one of the boys. "_My _room, might I add."

"No, technically it belongs to _us_," Dezzy said, showing up right behind the two boys.

"JAMES AND SIRIUS!" Riley shouted, completely ignoring Dezzy. "Will you _please _tell us what you two are doing?"

"No, no, no. It's nothing. It's _really _nothing. You don't want to know," Lily said, turning bright red.

Dezzy rolled her eyes, unperturbed by it all. "It might have something to do with the fact that Sirius saw Lily naked in the shower. Oh, and the fact that her boyfriend was in there, too."

Lily tensed up, shutting her eyes in complete and utter embarrassment as the whole room suddenly burst into a mixture of shocked gasps and amused laughter, excluding James and Lily who stood there dumbfounded and mortified. "Well then," Lily muttered. "I think I may have completely overstayed my welcome. Anybody else ready to head back to Hogwarts?" She smiled hopefully.

"Where you and James can share a shower _without _ten thousand people around?" Sirius said, grinning from ear to ear.

James jumped on top of Sirius, tackling him to the ground.

"On that note," Remus said, chuckling amusedly, "I think I smell dinner."

* * *

The family room filled up late that night after dinner. The Gilmore brothers were all there, the Potter kids were all there, excluding Grant who Lily could hear raiding the refrigerator in the kitchen, refusing to hang around any of his own family members. And of course, the Marauders and the three girls were there as well. Lily was grateful that Dezzy chose not to mention the shower incident to everyone at the table, but she had a feeling that that topic wasn't finished being discussed.

They all sat in comfortable silence, doing their own thing. Some were thinking of Brite, but most were trying _not _to think about him. Lily was lounging against the back wall, with James' head in her lap; Jaron was in the corner flipping through an old photo album, his frown becoming more sullen with every sight of Brite's smiling face; Caleb and Rafe were sprawled out on the carpet lounging on pillows discussing Quidditch moves, multitudes of Quidditch magazines spread out in front of them; Lance was lying on the couch with Kay in his arms, both talking softly to each other, catching up on the past; Dezzy and Drew attempted to lay out the foundation for a house of cards in the corner with little success; Peter and Sirius had taken over the other couch, and Peter was throwing popcorn in the air to Sirius who was trying to catch it in his mouth; Riley tampered with the grand piano softly; Billy was humming to himself, lying on the floor while sketching cartoons on a notepad, while Remus has his head bent over a hardcover book in the lounge chair. There was no evidence that the day was coming to a close and that the inevitable of the following morning was imminent.

"Well, I'm going to go take a shower," Dezzy murmured loud enough that everyone picked their heads up from what they were doing to glance her way.

Caleb snickered. "Well, thanks for telling us. We'll send Sirius up in a few minutes." He grinned mischievously as Dezzy laughed loudly.

Sirius sat upright, getting hit in the eye unexpectedly with a piece of popcorn. "Hell yeah! Two girls in one night!"

James scowled, making Dezzy's grin just widen. She enjoyed seeing her brother squirm.

Lily groaned, burying her head in her hands. "I thought we were finished with that topic."

"You clearly don't know us very well," Rafe snickered.

Caleb rolled his eyes, throwing his pillow at Sirius. "I was joking, Sirius."

"I wasn't!"

James glared at his friend. "If you go anywhere near that bathroom-"

"I believe I already did that today," Sirius smirked.

Lily made a face, sitting up. "Okay, you know what? I am just going to go back to sleeping in my _own _room."

"No, you're not!" both Lance and Kay said in unison, both sitting upright on the couch.

They blushed as everyone around them laughed.

"That's my room!" Lily pointed out.

"Yeah…not anymore. You've been replaced," Kay said with an apologetic shrug.

"That's what I like to hear," Lance said, a sparkle in his eyes.

"Well, then where the hell am I supposed to sleep?" Lily pouted.

Sirius shrugged, slumping back down against the couch. "You can sleep on my floor," he said quickly.

Lily looked at him. "Really?"

"Wait for it," James murmured, having heard this suggestion numerous times.

"Oh, just to warn you, I sleep naked," Sirius joked, wiggling his eyebrows. "And it's required that anyone else in my room has to, too. Which shouldn't be a problem since I've already seen-"

"Okay, I think I'm _not_ staying in your room," Lily shuddered, glaring at him.

Sirius shrugged, a grin still on his face. "Suit yourself."

"And does that mean that you expect your _roommates _to sleep naked when you're at Hogwarts?" Kay laughed, raising an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Um, can I interrupt here and say, _ewwww_?" Remus shuddered.

Sirius rolled his eyes, throwing up a piece of popcorn and missing it in his mouth. "Let me rephrase: any _girl _in my room has to sleep naked, also."

"Okay, as stimulating—and by stimulating I mean _disturbing_—as this conversation is, I'm still without a bedroom! What am I supposed to do? Sleep out in the hallway?" Lily whined.

"We have sleeping bags," Jaron chimed in with a teasing grin.

Lily whimpered. "There are a hundred million rooms in this house and I'm sleeping in a hallway."

Dezzy rolled her eyes. "You can stay in my room, Lily."

"_What_? Says who?" Drew pouted.

"Says me!" James barked, glaring at the Gilmore. "You stay outta there!"

Dezzy rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. After what I witnessed today in my bathroom, you really don't get to have a say in any of the decisions concerning Drew."

"So, this does mean that Drew and Lance's room just opened up," Riley said, laughing uncontrollably.

James glared at her. He let out an exasperated sigh, throwing his hands in the air. "Okay, that's it! I live in this house, and I say that everyone goes back to the room they originally were assigned to!" he grumbled. He hesitated, taking a short glimpse at Lily. "Except for you. I give you permission to stay in my room."

"Isn't that how this all got started?" Lily pointed out with a snicker.

* * *

Dezzy was brushing her teeth in the conjoined bathroom later that night with her brother when James walked in through the other door. "I'm in here!" she said, muffled because of the toothbrush in her mouth.

James sighed and was about to walk out, but turned back around. "Dezzy, I-"

"Don't talk to me," she snapped, spitting in the sink and running her toothbrush under water.

"Please just-"

"What did I just say?" she growled, rushing towards her own room.

James grabbed her arm and blocked the door to her room hastily. "Just hear me out and then you can go back to not talking to me."

"Why should I hear you out?" she asked. "You didn't seem to want to hear _me _out when I came to you during these past few days."

"That's because I'm a selfish moron."

"Well, I'm glad we're on the same page."

"Dezzy, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I know that I completely shut you out when you needed me. There is absolutely no excuse for what I did and I am ashamed for turning my back on my family," James said. "Especially you. You know I love you, Dez."

"Yeah? Well you have a lousy way of showing it," she snarled, crossing her arms bitterly.

"I just…I was just so afraid of talking about Brite," he murmured. "I became the older brother in an instant and I-I panicked. I suddenly became this guy that you were supposed to look up to and idolize and I-I didn't know how to be that person. That was always Brite's forte."

"James, have you ever thought that I _already_ idolized you _before _Brite died? Did you ever just think that you were _already _that person?"

James bit down on his lip. "Uh, no. I was nowhere near as good of a role model as Brite was. He was so much better at…at being better."

"James, you and Brite were two different people with two very different personalities. I looked up to you guys in very different ways. Yeah, Brite had a handle on life. He knew what he wanted and he went after it and most of the time, he succeeded. He was…he was the fatherly type. But _you_, you're only two years older than me. You and I lead more similar lives than Brite and I ever did. _You _were the fun older brother. _You _were the friend. You were just James. And 'just James' was always perfect no matter who he was."

James opened his mouth to comment, but Dezzy cut him off. "Until this week. The James I saw this week was not only not perfect but he was an ass. He wasn't my brother. He wasn't my friend. He was just an ass. And for the first time in a long time, I not only didn't idolize you but I didn't even _like _you."

James could tell by the pained glare in his sister's eyes that he had hurt her more than he had expected. "If it helps, _I _didn't even like me."

"Why did you completely shut me out? We didn't even have to talk about it. I-I just wanted to be with you."

"I didn't know how to deal with it, Dez," James said, leaning up against the countertop with a sigh. "I didn't know how to react, so I just…didn't."

"That's the understatement of the century," she murmured, rolling her eyes.

"It was easier to make everyone else mad at me than have to deal with the pain of losing a brother," James said softly. "I pushed everyone away because-"

"That's what you do best," Dezzy finished with a snort, the harsh tone now gentler.

"No! Because-"

"That wasn't a suggestion, James."

"I don't always push people away."

Dezzy laughed and started numbering on her hand. "1—you pushed away Lily about a million times when you were with Kristina and you were afraid to actually take a chance and be with the girl you were pining over for six years. 2—Sirius, when you found out he was dating Riley. 3—_Riley_,when you found out she was dating _Sirius_. 4—Riley, when she was calling you selfish in front of the entire school. 5—Drew, because you didn't want to admit that your younger sister was growing up and ready to date. 6 and 7—me and JT, when all we wanted was to be by your side. 8—_Lily_,when all she was doing was trying to help. Am I missing anyone?"

James made a face. "You are annoyingly perceptive for fifteen," he muttered.

Dezzy crossed her arms bitterly. "And you are annoyingly _naïve _for eighteen."

"So maybe I do make a habit of avoiding tough situations by pushing people away. And unfortunately, you were one of those people. But if you recall, everything worked out between the rest of those people I pushed away," he said with a sparkle of hope in his eye.

"Yeah, because your brother died and they felt sorry for you," she snorted.

James sighed, running his hands through his hair wearily. "I know I've been the worst brother lately. Just…just please don't hate me, Dez."

Dezzy's look softened and she sighed. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you."

"I'm really sorry for abandoning you, Dez, when all you needed was for me to sit by your side and hold your hand. I think that perhaps I'm not such a good role model after all."

"Not all role models can be perfect at all times," Dezzy clarified. "You just happen to one those role models who is _never _perfect."

"HEY!"

Dezzy laughed. "Take it as a compliment. I called you my role model."

James pouted. "And imperfect."

"That was my way of accepting your apology."

James shrugged. "Then I guess I'll take it."

"G'night, James."

"G'night, Dez."

* * *

It was fitting that everyone in the Potter Manor woke up to rain the next morning, especially since it hadn't rained that entire month. Dark clouds fit the moods of everyone that morning. Maya had placed a bunch of umbrellas in the doorway, trying to be considerate. She placed extra rain slickers on the coat hanger, and put galoshes outside on the front stoop. She checked the limos when they arrived to make sure the windshield wipers were in mint condition. She called the local news station to ask how long the rain was supposed to last. She did everything in her power that she could control.

Because unfortunately, she had no control over her son's death.

She would be burying her son prematurely that day. She would be looking into the hollow, glazed-over eyes of her son at the church as everyone attempted to express their condolences. She would be listening to a priest praise her son of all of his accomplishments while Bianca sat by her side, never getting his biggest accomplishment of all. She didn't have the power to changes these things.

But she did have the power to track the weather.

There wasn't a single smile on anyone's face that morning. Maya couldn't remember the last time breakfast had been so quiet at her long kitchen room table. It made her that much more aware of the horrendous situation.

At a quarter to eleven, the guests and family members in the Potter manor grabbed a rain slicker and an umbrella and ran to the limos that would be taking them to the church.

Again, those car rides were the quietest anyone had ever witnessed.

At first, no one moved when they reached the church. They all just sat staring up at the big, white building in complete and utter distress. It wasn't until Maya took initiative, that people started to follow.

Lily stared to follow the crowd of people into the church, but James pulled her back. "No, wait." He didn't open his umbrella. He stood there in the light drizzle, letting the drops soak into his suit

"What is it?" she asked, concerned.

"I just…I just want to stand out here for a few more seconds."

She opened her umbrella and placed it over the both of them, gripping his arm with her free hand. Lily didn't bother asking why, but he answered her silent question.

James sighed and stared at the ground. "The moment I go in there, it means that Brite is really gone. Everyone is going to talk about him in the past tense and I-I still just want to remember him in the present tense for as long as I can."

She smiled, and gripped his arm tighter, squeezing it comfortingly. "Take as much time as you need."

People passed them, but James didn't walk through the doors into the church until the parking lot emptied out and he and Lily were the last remaining people outside.

"Hey, James," a soft voice spoken behind them.

James stiffened, knowing who that voice belonged to. He turned around and smiled warily. "Hi, Bianca."

Neither knew what to say to each other. So James grabbed Bianca's hand with his free hand, and all three of them stood outside, staring up at the building that they would never forget.

"James?" Bianca whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I know Brite and I never married, James, but I wanted nothing more than to be a part of your family," Bianca said, a tear slipping down her cheek.

James turned to look at the woman who should have been his sister-in-law, wishing that he could somehow shield the pain she was feeling. "You already are a part of our family."

She smiled slightly and let go of his hand. "I-I'm going to go inside."

He nodded. "Okay." He kissed her on the cheek and smiled sadly as he watched her join the crowd mulling into the church.

Lily glanced at her boyfriend, who clearly was still not ready to go inside and face the facts. She wanted to say something to him, but it was clear to her that he just wanted to stand there in silence, soaking up every minute remaining that he didn't have to watch his brother disappear from his life. So she just stood there, gripping his arm even tighter.

"Okay," James said.

Lily glanced over. "Okay?"

He shrugged. It was a sort of angry gesture, a frustrated snarl replacing his frown. "I guess I have no other choice."

Lily gave him a lopsided, sympathetic smile. "James, just so you know, I wouldn't think you were a bad person if you wanted to turn around and not face the past tense."

A lump formed in James' throat as he turned towards her with a dazed look on his face. "I know. That's why I love you so much," he said, kissing her sweetly on the lips. "But I do have to do this."

But he remained rooted to the spot.

"James?" Lily said with as much encouragement as she could muster.

He took a deep breath in. "Just hold my hand."

Lily slid her hand into his. She didn't let go for the entire funeral. She didn't let go when they watched Brite's casket slide past them. She didn't let go as Maya gave her speech through choked tears. She didn't let go when she heard James' own tears slip down his face. She didn't let go as they watched Brite's casket being buried in the rain. She didn't let go when they headed back to the Potter manor for the reception.

And James couldn't remember a time where he loved her more.

* * *

The reception at the Potter household was unbearable. Lily could tell that with every person that came up to James conveying their condolences, he was getting irritated by the second.

"That guy didn't even know Brite!" James hissed after a short, round, squished-face man came up to him. "He was JT's piano teacher five years ago!"

Lily patted James' arm. "I know how much you're hurting."

"If I have to hear the words 'I'm sorry' one more time, you're going to be scraping my body off the pavement of our driveway."

"Yes, I'm sure what your mother needs right now is another death in the family," Lily said accusingly, giving James a knowing smile.

James sighed and slumped down in his chair. "I'm sorry, that was insensitive," he muttered. "I'm just-"

"Annoyed?"

"That's an understatement."

"Where is everybody else? Our friends I mean."

"I have no idea. Ever since mom told me to park my butt in this chair to let all of our family members express their pity, I lost track of them all."

"How long did your mother ask you to sit here?"

James shrugged. "I don't know. Why?'

"Because I'm thinking that right now, we need to find a good hiding place and park our butts _there _instead."

"I couldn't agree more," James said, jumping off the chair. He followed her through a crowd of people, successfully avoiding any long confrontations, and headed to the open bar. "Only my mother would include an open bar at a funeral reception," he muttered. When the bartender was distracted, he grabbed a bottle of wine. He gestured for Lily to follow him through the set of curtains out of the large ballroom overstuffed with people he barely knew.

"James, shouldn't you tell your mother you're leaving?" Lily asked, being the responsible one.

"I'm through making small talk with people I hardly know and if I let Mom know I'm leaving, that's exactly what she'll continue to make me do," James sighed. "All I really want to do right now is spend time with my friends."

"Drinking wine," Lily sniggered.

"Hell yeah. Where the hell is Sirius?" James muttered.

Lily nodded her head in Sirius and Remus' direction by the back door.

James eventually met Sirius' eye across the hall and gestured with his head through the large curtains that led into the Main Hall.

Minutes later, the Marauders, plus Riley, Kay, Lily, and Lance all assembled together, each of the boys carrying a bottle of wine, waiting for James to tell them where to go next.

"Let's go to the library. It has a lock on the door," he explained with a shrug.

An hour later, two bottles of wine were already finished and Sirius had already escaped and returned with a few extra more.

"How do you get the bartender to give you _that_ much alcohol?" Lily asked.

"Easy, I pretend like I've been crying and tell him I'm James Potter. Handing over a bottle of white wine is easier than he trying to scrounge up some sympathetic words about a guy he didn't even know to that guy's brother who he doesn't know," Sirius explained, hopping on to the floor, scowling at Kay for taking his seat when he had left.

"That's so heartless," Lily groaned.

"Hey, I stole you wine!"

"I never said it wasn't a good tactic, just heartless," Lily snickered, using her wand to open another bottle of wine. "At this rate, we're going to be blackout drunk in another fifteen minutes."

"So?" Sirius snickered. "I've always wanted to get wasted in the Potter household."

"You _have_ gotten wasted in the Potter household," James interjected. "At every Auror Ball since we were thirteen."

Sirius grinned. "Oh right."

"Thanks to Brite," Riley chimed in with a sympathetic sigh. "He always stole us some champagne or rum or firewhiskey."

They all got quiet.

"I'm sorry," Riley murmured.

"I-I wish I had met him," Lily said warily.

"I wish you had gotten the chance to meet him, too," James sighed, taking a swig of wine. "You would have gotten along with him so well. _Everyone _gets along with him."

"Y'know, I always had a tiny crush on him," Riley admitted with a snicker. "He had this most amazing charm to him. He had always been so suave. So…so genuine. He cared about everyone and everything. He was always so passionate."

"Yeah, I know," James said with a sly smile. "I inherited all of that too."

Sirius let out a nervous laugh and the rest of them soon followed. Soon the library was filled with boisterous laughter. It had been a while since they had heard laughter and it brought a bit of optimism to the group.

"He was such a good guy," Sirius continued, smiling warily. "Always knew how to lighten the mood."

"Yeah, remember a few summers ago when your Dad forgot his wedding anniversary and he and your mother sat in the kitchen yelling at each other for hours?" Remus snickered, shaking his head in disbelief. "We all sat at the top of the stairs listening and betting how long it was before someone threw a vase at the other, while in the back of our minds wondering what was going to happen to them." Sirius, Riley, and James thought back, remembering it clearly in their minds. "It got quiet for a few seconds when suddenly Brite broke the silence, smiling and saying 'I call living with Mom when they divorce.'"

They all laughed. "He always knew how to turn a grave moment into something to laugh about," Riley murmured. "Y'know, he tried to teach me how to ride a bike."

"You learned how to ride a bike?" Lily said, surprised.

"Oh yeah! We all learned how to ride bikes. Mom was always dead set on us learning some Muggle things. She never wanted us to feel left out. Caleb taught all of my brothers, but-"

"Brite only helped you because you kept yelling at Caleb!" Lance laughed.

"He kept dropping me!"

"And Dad had no idea what the hell a bicycle even was," Lance snickered. "So Brite offered, right? He taught himself, and then taught both you and James at the same time, remember?"

James nodded solemnly, trying to join in with the reminiscing. "Yeah. I believe I gave up quickly thereafter. But Riley refused to give up."

"Yeah," Lance continued. "She wanted to be the one at school making fun of the other boys who couldn't ride a bicycle."

"What can I say? I've always been a tomboy. I have all of my brothers to thank for that," she murmured teasingly.

"And mine," James added softly.

Riley nodded, biting down on the inside of her lip. "Yeah. I always felt like I fit in with your family. When mine was driving me crazy, I had yours to go to."

"I can agree with that," Sirius murmured. He sighed, downing a glass of wine. "One thing's for sure, no one will ever be able to replace Brite Potter."

James swallowed hard, feeling the unexpected welling up in his eyelids. "I…I'm gonna go get fresh air," he murmured quickly, jumping up out of his girlfriend's arms and out of the library.

"James-"

"No, I'll be fine," he assured. "Please don't follow me."

Lily knew to respect his wishes, but Riley wasn't so accepting. She got up, too, hoping to have some time with James.

* * *

James knew exactly where he wanted to go. He rushed up the winding flight of stairs, past his bedroom and his brothers' and sister's bedroom and found himself right outside of Brite's bedroom. He hesitated ever-so-slightly at the doorknob, but quietly and slowly opened the door. He expected it to look different. He expected there to be something that would make Brite's death real. And yet, it looked exactly the same way as it did the last time James was in there. He walked in and breathed in the room. He felt the tears rush to his eyes almost immediately. He quickly brushed them away, too afraid that if he started he may never stop.

He found himself walking over to Brite's old desk. He brushed his hand over the oak lightly, collecting the dust that had formed over the past week. He swallowed hard, staring at the quills that sat haphazardly on the desk and the ink spot that must have been there for months.

There was a glimmer from behind him and he turned around, spotting the many Quidditch awards on the shelf and mounting the walls. He sauntered over, reading "Most Important Player" and "Gryffindor, Winner of the Quidditch Cup." He choked up again, remembering the many times he would throw around a quaffle down the street with his older brothers.

He had to turn away. He didn't want to remind himself how similar he was with his brother. James made his way over to the picture frames, a lump forming at his throat at the picture of he and Bianca, looking happier than ever. But it was the picture frame holding a photo of the entire family that James picked up. It was at Wyatt's graduation ceremony, the day before Wyatt had just up and left. All eight of them stood there with smiles on their faces. Brite's arm was slung around Wyatt's and James' shoulder, while Dezzy stood in front of them, gazing up at the three of them with a goofy smile on her face with the other two brothers smushed on both sides of her. There wasn't much movement, just the occasional laugh or someone looking over their shoulder at the rest of the family. James' eyes focused in on Brite, grinning like a fool at his younger brother graduating from Hogwarts. Brite never looked more proud in his life. Tears filled James' eyes once more, but this time James let them spill out. James would never get to see his older brother look at him the way that Brite was looking at Wyatt.

"Hey."

James put down the picture frame and wiped away the tears, but didn't bother to turn around.

"I-I wish there was something I could say or do, James, to…to make this all okay," Riley murmured, stepping into the room with heavy sigh, taking it all in.

He stared back down at the happy faces in the picture frame, wishing he could turn back time to that exact moment. Then, he would get not only Brite back in his life, but also Wyatt. "Unless you could bring him back from the dead, there is nothing left to do or say that can make this all okay," James retaliated.

"Oh, James," Riley whispered. "I…I really wish I could. I-I hate seeing you like this."

James didn't respond. He sat down on the bed, fingering each thread of the sheets, remembering the many times James had sat in that exact spot getting advice from his older brother…usually about Lily.

Riley sighed, the tears forming in her eyes just looking at how vulnerable James looked. "Say something," she murmured.

"There's nothing _to _say," James muttered, swallowing hard.

Riley nodded dejectedly, taking a seat beside her best friend.

"Except," James continued, a glint of anger now replacing the agony in his eyes.

"Except what?"

"He's going to get it," James growled angrily.

"Huh?"

"I don't care how long it takes but I'm going to see to it that Voldemort pays for what he did."

Riley was shocked to hear the rage in James' voice. "James, revenge isn't like you…"

"He deserves to be killed just like he killed Brite. Just like he kills multiple people on a weekly basis as if they don't matter. He doesn't _get it_, Riley. He doesn't get how this affects people. He…he just doesn't care."

Riley placed his hands in hers. "James, I don't think you'll get what you're looking for by going after him."

James snorted. "I know I won't because all I want is Brite." He sighed, staring down at the floor. "And Wyatt," he whispered.

"What?" Riley asked, surprised.

"Wyatt would know what to do right now. He would know what to say. And…and he would…well, he would _be here_. He _should _be here."

To that, Riley had nothing to say. She knew that she could never replace either one of his brothers. "Look, I…I know I'm not Brite and I know I'm not Wyatt, but I'm always here for you, James. You know that I love you, right?"

"I-I know," he muttered. "But right now, I just need to be by myself." He quickly retracted his hand from hers and headed towards the door.

Riley sighed. She wasn't surprised that James wanted to be alone. He was always good at shutting people out when he needed them most.

* * *

**A/N: **A lot of information in this chapter. Dezzy and James make up. James replaces sorrow with anger. Sirius talks with Mrs. P about Riley. I don't know where I got the idea of the shower incident in the beginning of this chapter but I definitely enjoyed writing it. I just thought you guys would want some James and Lily action and I wanted you to get to know Riley's family a bit. It all tied in. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	40. Of Shirts, Waffles, & Brothels

**A/N: **Okay, okay, I am FINALLY back with the next installation of **Kisses on the Balcony**! Yes, I realize that it's a little later than expected but when I went home to retrieve the documents I had previously written, I only then realized how much I had changed between then (December) and August...While I have some usable writing, most of it was old and needed to be upgraded. Furthermore, going back over what I had written, I didn't really like a whole lot of it. So while I realize that this took longer and the next chapter may take longer than usual, I feel that you deserve better than so-so writing. In fact, I guess I should look at my stolen laptop as an opportunity to better my creative inspiration and instead of trying to recreate what I had originally planned, just go with the flow and write about where I feel this story is going _now_. But with that said, please enjoy chapter 40!

**Disclaimer: **I am definitely not J.K. Rowling. She probably would have been smart enough to back up her files on a hard drive....

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 40: Of Shirts, Waffles, & Brothels

Sirius wandered upstairs after Peter spilled wine on his shirt. According to Lily, he better soak it in warm water with bleach if he plans to have his shirt returned to its original state. Little did Lily know that he was planning on throwing it on to his floor and just grabbing a T-shirt from his duffel bag. He had other dress shirts and could always wear those when necessary in the future; in fact, Mrs. P insisted he buy three two summers earlier and you never argue with Mrs. P.

Sirius started to head downstairs when he heard a noise a few doors down. He glanced behind him, pausing and straining his ear to make sure he heard right. When he heard another sigh, he changed his plans and walked down the corridor in the other direction. His heart fluttered when he saw Riley standing in the doorway of Brite's room, or at least what used to be his room. He knew it was best to leave her alone, but as he turned around, the floorboard creaked. She whirled around, her eyes wide like a deer in the headlights.

His heart ached for her at the sight of her cheeks glistening with tears. "Sorry," Sirius murmured, feeling as if he had just walked in on something.

"What are you doing up here?" she asked hastily, running her fingers across her cheeks.

"Peter spilled wine on my shirt so I was just grabbing a new one."

"Isn't your room down there?" she asked, pointing down the hallway.

"Yeah, but I…I thought I heard something so…" he trailed off, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

She shrugged, having no reply. Neither one of them could ignore the heavy tension in the air.

"It's as if nothing has changed," Sirius sighed.

"What?"

Sirius stepped forward and glanced around Brite's room. "His room still looks exactly like he left it. It's as if Brite is still on that mission and he'll be popping in tomorrow morning for a bagel and some eggs."

Riley turned back around to gaze into his bedroom as a tear slipped down Riley's face. "I-I can't believe he's gone," she whispered, a loud sob escaping from her lips. She quickly covered it with a sigh, refusing to cry in front of Sirius.

Sirius' initial instinct was to reach out and embrace her, telling her that everything was going to be okay. Under the circumstances, he thought it best to keep his arms rooted to the side of his body. "I know." It sounded hollow even to him.

"Why him?" Riley asked in between a hiccup. "Why did he have to be at the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"I don't know, Riley. I wish I did, but at least he will be remembered for all the great-"

"He shouldn't have to be remembered. He should be here!" Riley cried. Anger was welling up inside of her, bringing along a wave of hot tears. She blinked them away, shaking her head incredulously. "He should _be _here! I should be talking to _him _instead of you! He should be sitting on his bed with Bianca by his side just like he always is!" She paused only to catch her breath, the hysteria taking over control of her body. "He should _be _here!" She didn't try to deny the tears this time as they cascaded down her face. She turned away from Sirius, hoping he would turn away and pretend like he hadn't witnessed her breakdown.

Sirius didn't hold back this time. He breached the gap between them and embraced her tightly, wanting nothing more than to comfort her.

She fought him immediately. "Stop it," she grumbled, trying to shove him off. "I don't need you. You hugging me isn't going to bring him back."

"I know that," he said, stroking her back soothingly, an aching in the pit of his stomach. He held her more tightly, refusing to let her break away from him. "But you have to stop holding back, Riley. Just…just let it out."

"No," she sniffled softly, wiping away her tears quickly. She struggled from his grip, but he wouldn't let her go. "What is crying going to do? It's not going to change what happened."

"It doesn't mean you can't cry over the memories you shared with me. You grew up with the guy, Riley. He meant a lot to you. He was practically a brother."

Riley opened her mouth to argue, but found that she was out of disputes. She gazed up into Sirius' eyes and for a split second, remembered why she used to care about him so much. "I miss him," she whispered as the tears spilled from her eyes. She buried her head into Sirius' shirt and succumbed to all of the agony and heartbreak and sadness and anger that had been building up inside of her. She cried for Brite and she cried for James. She cried for Maya and she cried for Dezzy. For Bianca and for Jaron and Grant. She cried for Sirius, Remus and Peter, who knew Brite almost as much as James did. She cried for her family who grew up with Brite as if he were one of their own. She cried for all of the people who loved him and for all of the people who never received the pleasure of getting to know him.

She didn't know how long they stood there for, but eventually, she lifted her head from Sirius and turned away from his concerned gaze, feeling embarrassed.

"I just changed my shirt, y'know," Sirius joked.

Riley chuckled and wiped away a stray tear. "You always did know how to lighten the mood."

"Not always," he blurted out.

Riley gazed up at him, startled. It was unlike Sirius to elude to how their relationship was torn apart. While she attempted to summon up the correct words, an uncomfortable silence fell over them as they stared in each other's eyes hoping that the other would say something and soon.

"I'm going to go change my shirt again," Sirius eventually murmured, pulling away from Riley. He didn't need to change. It was only a few tears on his shirt, but he couldn't find any other words to say in order to lighten the tension.

Riley simply nodded. She followed him down the hallway and slipped into her own room without another word from Sirius.

He was in the middle of sifting through his bag for a clean shirt, when Sirius felt a presence behind him. He whirled around and saw Riley hovering in the bathroom door that opened up to his bedroom. Riley blurted out, "Why does it have to be like this between us?"

"What do you mean?"

"One minute it's as if everything is going to be okay with us and the next moment, it's awkward. You've been so…distant lately, acting as if I don't even exist. Why are you being like this?" she blurted out curiously.

"I thought that was what you wanted," Sirius murmured, shaking his head in disbelief.

Riley thought back to the conversation she had with Lily only a few days earlier. _Did _Riley want Sirius out of her life completely? She wished that she had a definite answer to that question, but whenever Sirius was around, she wanted him gone and whenever he was away from her, she wanted him near her. "I'm not so sure what I want," she wholly admitted, her voice trembling.

"Well, when you make up your mind, let me know," Sirius said sarcastically.

She sensed his irritation and sighed. "You're right. I-I don't know what I want between us. In the beginning, I thought it was better that we stayed away from each other in order to make things easier. And this friend thing? Well, I'm not so sure that's the way to go either. I-I think it's hard for us to be friends after what we had."

"Then do you mind telling me what it is you want from me?" Sirius grunted, perching on the edge of his bed.

"I already told you. I-I don't know."

Sirius let out a derisive scowl. "So let me get this straight. First, you want nothing to do with me. Then, you want to be friends. And now, you're not sure what you want from me?"

She slowly nodded, sensing that anything she said may be held against her.

"Why is it _always _about you, Riley!?" Sirius exploded, an unforeseen ferocity in his eyes. "Why do _you _get to decide the future of our friendship?"

"Because _you're _not the one who was replaced with a perky blonde-haired prefect leaving _me _completely and utterly heartbroken!" Riley blurted out angrily, her eyes flickering with resentment.

Sirius frowned, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. "Riley," he said softly, swallowing the lump in his throat, "When are you going to realize that I, too, was left heartbroken that night?"

She made the mistake of looking up at him, noting the rigid distress in his eyes. "Sirius, _I_ was the one who was humiliated. You left me feeling…so worthless and-"

"Back at ya!" Sirius grumbled, jumping up from the bed, cowering over her. "I made _one _mistake—and I realize that it was a big, _stupid _mistake—but you…you refused to even acknowledge the fact that _I_ took responsibility for that mistake. You refused to listen to me that night. You refused to let me get a word in edgewise. You didn't want to listen to anything I had to say. You didn't care about what I felt. For _days_, Riley, you claimed that I didn't listen to your opinions or concerns. But that night, you didn't listen to _mine_."

"It didn't matter what you had to say," Riley scowled, glaring at him. "You had nothing to say that I needed to hear."

"That you _wanted _to hear," Sirius scoffed.

"_What_?"

"You didn't _want _to listen to me. You didn't _want _to hear what I had to say. I could have listed off the ingredients to shepherd's pie that night and you would have found a reason to break up with me!"

"Except shepherd's pie wasn't involved. You and _Rachael _were." The sound of Rachael on her tongue sounded like a disease.

"Oh, God, don't make it sound like she and I were _together_," Sirius spat, rolling his eyes. "We weren't _'involved.' _I just stupidly chose to believe her fake sob story. That's _all. _Damnit, Riley, _I made a bloody mistake_!"

"You chose Rachael," Riley said calmly. "By taking her side over my warnings, you chose-"

_"_I am _so_ sick and tired of you saying that, Riley," Sirius spat. He threw his hands in the air, walking away from her. He rushed through the door into the hallway, just wanting to get away from the situation once again. "I didn't choose Rachael. And you know it," he said over his shoulder.

"No, you did. You _did_ choose her the moment you stopped listening to my warnings about the bloodsucker," Riley retaliated. "She seemed to be more important than you than I ever was."

Sirius spun around, a look of sheer determination on his face. "When are you going to realize that it was _always_ you, Riley!" he said abrasively, a look of hunger in his eyes. "You were _always _the one I was going to choose."

"Oh, yeah? Then how come you ended up with Rachael the very night we broke up?"

"Because I was _mad _at you!"

Riley stared at him, confused. "What?"

"I can't believe you really think I wanted to be with Rachael," Sirius murmured. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"Clearly we don't really know each other at all," she snarled.

He glared at her. "I _never_ wanted to be with her. I _always_ wanted to be with you," he expressed passionately. "But…but you made me so angry that night and I wanted to get back at you. So I did the one thing that I knew would hurt you. I went back to Rachael."

"You had me, Sirius," Riley whispered, the tears welling up inside of her. "And you let me go."

Sirius sat back down on the edge of his bed with a defeated sigh. "No, Riley," he muttered, shaking his head. "You let yourself go."

She hesitated, sensing his desperation. "What?" she whispered.

"I may have physically walked out on us that night, Riley, but _you _had checked out way before that moment. You needed a reason to give up on us and you used Rachael as your way out. So _don't _blame me for what happened between us," Sirius mumbled, a pleading urgency in his voice. "Because while I was _fighting _for us that night, you were doing everything in your power to stop me from doing so."

Riley opened her mouth to argue but couldn't find the words to protest.

Because a part of her knew that he was right.

Sirius noticed the shocked, overwhelmed look on Riley's face and realized that he had unexpectedly made an impact on her. He stood up slowly and shared an awkward, lopsided smile with her. "I'm heading downstairs," he muttered.

Riley grabbed his arm as he slid into the hallway. "You really just chose her that night because you were mad at me?"

"It's like I said," Sirius whispered, noticing how close he was standing to her and feeling the heat radiating between them. "_You _were the one I wanted. It was...it was _always_ about you," he choked out, his voice soft and vulnerable.

Riley slowly shifted her gaze upon his heartbroken face. Sirius was staring at her with a look that told her everything she needed to know. It was the same look she had when she found out about Rhea. It was the same look she had when she found out he was kissing Rachael. He was heartbroken and grief-stricken, much more than she ever realized. It was clear to her that a little part of him died inside the night they broke up. And in that moment, she never felt closer to him. "Kiss me."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. "Er…what?"

Riley didn't wait for him. She grabbed him and kissed him passionately on the lips. Sirius' brain was telling him to stop, but his heart was urging him to continue.

"Riley," he said, pulling away. "What are you doing?"

She shrugged. She had no idea. She knew she couldn't forgive him for all of the pain he put her through, but she still really just needed him in that moment like she never needed anything before. "I'm half-drunk, Brite's dead making me vulnerable and in desperate need of comfort, and you're standing in front of me looking sexy as hell, but that might be the wine talking. I'm asking you to take advantage of me, Sirius, so just do it," she said all in one breath.

Sirius shrugged. He wasn't about to turn down sex with a beautiful woman he happened to be in love with. He knew nothing had changed between them, but that didn't stop him from kissing her back. "Okay," he whispered.

He pushed her against the wall and cupped her breasts gently. She moaned slightly and ran his fingers through his hair. Their kisses had more ferocity than either had foreseen. She slipped off his tie and he ran his lips down her neck, the passion igniting between them by the second. She untied her dress in the back and started to pull it over her head when Sirius pulled back.

"Wait, wait, we-we can't do this," he said breathlessly.

Riley hesitated and pulled back down her dress. "I'm throwing myself at you and you're pulling away?"

"No, I just meant we can't do this in the hallway," Sirius said with a teasing grin. He grabbed the tie on the dress and dragged her into his room, quickly closing the door behind him.

* * *

"So, that's what comfort sex feels like," Sirius murmured, throwing on his dress shirt. "I have to say, I don't hate it."

Riley giggled. "Our friends are probably wondering where we are."

"They have three bottles of wine," Sirius pointed out. "I'm thinking they're happy they have more wine for themselves."

Riley cracked a smile and they both busied themselves by searching for their remaining clothing. Sirius felt her eyes on the back of his head and he gazed over his shoulder curiously. "What?" he asked hesitantly.

"Er…do we have to talk about this?" Riley murmured awkwardly.

Sirius reached for his shirt and threw it over his head. Eventually, he shrugged. "No," he replied curtly.

Riley gazed over at him, surprised. "Really?"

Sirius forced out a lopsided, weary smile. "Why bother, Riley?" he said sincerely. "Nothing has changed. You haven't forgiven me or forgotten everything that has occurred between us. I…I still don't know where we stand and have absolutely no idea what our label is. I know that I can't be your friend but…but the idea that our only option is to become mere acquaintances doesn't sit well with me. Nothing has changed between us, Riley. Let's just call this what it was: a one-time thing between two people who desperately needed comfort."

Riley wasn't sure what type of response Sirius expected so instead she busied herself by zipping up her skirt. Eventually, she said with a nonchalant shrug, "Okay."

Sirius gazed behind him inquisitively. "Okay?"

"Yeah. Comfort sex between two people taking advantage of each other sounds just about right."

"Hey, you _gave _me the advantage!" Sirius chuckled.

She grinned flippantly. "You didn't seem to be too put off by it."

"Who am I to turn down hot sex with a sexy girl who was stripping for me?"

"One thing is for sure, you wouldn't be Sirius Black if you did so." They shared a smile. A smile without contempt or regrets. One without anger or sorrow. They still hadn't come to an understanding, but they were finally on their way to just moving on with their lives.

"C'mon, I have a glass of wine with my name on it," Riley said, heading towards the door.

"Uh, Riley?"

"Hm?"

"You might want a shirt."

* * *

Sirius returned to the library, hoping no one would notice how long he was gone for. It was clear to him that by the looks on their faces, they were too drunk to acknowledge his disappearance.

He swiped the wine from Peter, who was attempting to read a book upside-down. "Either you're looking at dirty pictures from a different angle…or you're completely wasted," Sirius sniggered.

Peter grinned, glancing up. "Huh?"

"Yep. Completely wasted." Sirius took a swig, trying not to look up as Riley reentered the room.

"Where have you been?" James asked from the other side of the room, stirring slightly. Lily's head was in his lap with her eyes closed.

"I just needed to step out," Riley murmured, sliding down against the burgundy wall. "And…and I got caught by my Gran," she lied.

James cringed. "Ouch. How did that go?"

"Not good, of course. She still wants to know if you're dating 'that Muggleborn floozy.' Her words."

James snorted. "When will that woman give up?"

"Try never."

"What time is it?" Lily murmured, peeking out of one eye. "Asks the Muggleborn floozy," she teased.

James smiled and ran his fingers through his hair. "Nearly seven o'clock."

"I need food."

"Do you _seriously _want to go out to the buffet and bear that crowd?"

"No. I was thinking your _kitchen_, actually."

James hesitated, sitting up with a guilty grin. "I don't know how to cook."

Lily laughed and stood up slowly, grabbing his hand. "I do, you smartass."

"Oooh, does this include the rest of us?" Remus finally spoke up, sitting upright with a hopeful look on his face. "I could go for some food. That sound you just heard? My stomach."

As everyone chuckled slightly, Lily groaned. "Do I look like a personal chef?"

Remus shrugged. "No worries, I can help."

Sirius and James stared at him in awe. "_You _can cook?"

"Yes, unlike you two, I didn't grow up with house elves. I actually _learned _how to cook," Remus snorted, smiling smugly.

"I can learn!" Sirius pouted.

"You would burn down the kitchen in five seconds," Kay interjected with a giddy smile.

"I would not!"

"Okay, fine," Kay sighed. "_Ten _seconds."

Sirius rolled his eyes, sticking his tongue out at her. "Thank you for being more accurate," he joked. "So are we going to go eat or what?"

"Oh, fine," Lily muttered, leading everyone out of the library. As an afterthought, she grabbed a bottle of wine and thrust it into James' hand. She couldn't recall if wine tasted good with waffles, but she was willing to try it.

* * *

"What are the chances you know where to find flour?" Lily asked, glancing behind her shoulder at James. She started sifting through the cabinets.

James gazed at her with a blank stare.

"Eggs?"

He shrugged.

"Butter? Sugar? Baking soda?"

"We have Sprite."

"Not that kind of soda!" Lily groaned, earning a laugh from the friends.

James grinned sheepishly, reaching over and kissing her on her cheek. "I swear I'm not that spoiled."

Again, that earned an uproar of laughter.

James pouted. "Why are we all just standing around laughing at my inability to produce simple ingredients when we can actually be _looking for_ those ingredients to make waffles?"

Riley snickered. "I think it's best if you sit this one out, James. I really don't want Sprite in my waffles."

He shrugged, sliding into an empty seat at the round kitchen table. "I don't think I'm going to argue with _not _helping."

"Have I mentioned lately that you're spoiled?" Riley teased, winking playfully at him

Sirius pounced into an empty seat besides James with a grin. "Well, then get me a house elf and call me spoiled because I am _so _with James on this one."

"How about I get a book to smack you over the head with and call you _lazy_?" Lily retorted, flashing him a smile. With the help of Remus and Riley, Lily started pulling out all of the ingredients needed to make waffles. As she was pulling down a large mixing bowl, she hesitantly glanced over her shoulder at James who was engaging himself in a thumb war with Sirius and losing. "What are the chances you know if you own a waffle maker?" she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"We have a waffle maker!" James protested with a cheeky grin. He briefly gazed over at Riley and lowered his voice. "I own a waffle maker, don't I?"

Lily laughed. While Riley looked around for the waffle maker, Lily started throwing together the ingredients in the large bowl. Everyone else gathered around the kitchen table, finishing off the bottle of wine she had swiped. She wondered if six bottles of wine for eight people was over-excessive. While she normally wouldn't be the one advocating drinking away the pain, she was willing to let it slide just this once. James needed to be around friends and if a little illegal consummation was involved, it wasn't going to hurt anybody. She gazed over at James and was surprised to see that there was a genuine smile on his face. Not the kind he had been used to wearing lately, the kind that was masking the suffering he was feeling. It was the kind that made Lily realize how lucky she was to have him.

James caught her staring at him and his smile brightened. He winked playfully as he got up out of his chair (it was Peter's turn to be losing to Sirius at thumb war) and walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled his lips into her neck. "I could get used to you cooking for me."

Lily gave him a look but couldn't help but let out a light laugh. "Well, don't," she teased. "You're going to have to learn how to pull your weight."

James pouted. "I know how to order pizza."

She chuckled and planted a kiss on his cheek. "It's a good thing I like pizza."

He stuck his finger into the batter. "Mmm," he muttered. "You make one helluva waffle, Miss Evans."

"It's not a waffle yet, Mr. Potter," she joked. "It's just batter."

He shrugged. "Well, then I guess you make one helluva waffle batter."

She chuckled and placed the spoon down on the table. She rotated around in order to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You're so cute."

"I prefer macho," he said, sticking out his chest with a playful grin.

"Okay, we'll compromise and say that you're adorable."

James slowly raised an eyebrow. "How is adorable a compromise between cute and macho?"

She simply smiled and responded by pressing her lips to his softly.

James kissed her back, gripping her closer to him, feeling the heat radiate from her body. He had no idea if he would have been able to get through his brother's death without her by his side. She had been there for him even when he tried to get rid of her. She pushed her way back into his life when he tried pushing her out. She had refused to be offended by the insults he threw her way. She loved him despite the things he has put her through and for that, he would be eternally grateful.

"Get a room!"

Lily and James broke apart, a hint of scarlet atop their cheeks. "Oh, please, Sirius," Lily snorted, rolling her eyes. "How many times have you snogged a girl around other people?"

"I don't care where you snog and with who around. I just care about the fact that you're just slowing up the waffle-making process!" Sirius whined, shooting Lily an amused grin.

She gave him a look. "Gee, I am sorry to be an inconvenience," she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Eh, it's alright. Just as long as you get back to work," Sirius joked, propping his feet up on the table. He wasn't surprised when Kay tipped back his chair, causing him to go flying towards the ground. "I think I deserved that."

The kitchen erupted into laughter as Remus dug through the cabinets for cooking spray. He sprayed the waffle maker that Riley had earlier found and Lily poured some of the batter into the pan.

"You know what this reminds me of," Riley said softly, glancing subtly over at James.

James met her gaze and he frowned. He knew what she was referring to and sighed in response. "Yeah." He almost felt guilty for laughing one minute and then feeling the need to cry in the next minute.

"Sunday morning all-you-can-eat pancake buffet," Lance chimed in, earning a few confused glances from the rest of the group.

Riley and Lance gazed over at James who explained, even with the lump forming in his throat. "One day after Dad had promised to take all of us to the zoo and of course, backed out, Brite did everything he could to try and cheer Dezzy up. She was really looking forward to seeing the-"

"Elephants." All heads turned towards the kitchen entrance where Dezzy stood with a grim look on her face. "Ooh, yum, waffles." She crossed the room to where James was sitting and squeezed his shoulders.

"Want me to add you to the list of those who want a waffle?" Lily asked sympathetically.

Dezzy nodded and turned back towards the curious people at the kitchen table. "So in order to make me forget about Dad's empty promise, Brite decided to make pancakes, knowing that they were my favorite. He asked me what I wanted in them and being…what, five-years-old? Well, I said I wanted chocolate chips, gummy bears, and sprinkles. So Brite went to the store and came back with-"

"Oh my god, he made pancakes with all of that candy?" Kay interrupted with a laugh.

Dezzy and James shared a smile. "It doesn't end there," Dezzy corrected. "He didn't just buy chocolate chips, gummy bears, and sprinkles. He _bought out _the _entire _candy aisle! He said that he wanted to make sure we had enough ingredients for the next time we made pancakes."

"Needless to say," James jumped in, "Sunday became known as all-you-can-eat pancake buffet for the rest of that summer." A grin passed over his face and he stood up, heading towards one of the kitchen cabinets. He pulled out a half-empty bag of chocolate chips and handed them to Lily. "He would have wanted us to use these."

They all shared a smile, some of them forcing it out and some of them genuinely smiling in Brite's honor. Lily finished pouring chocolate chips into the bowl and sprinkled some on to the waffle already resting in the waffle maker before glancing over at James. She asked softly, "What was he like?" She didn't have to say who 'he' was; they all knew who she was referring to.

A pensive look crossed James' face and all eyes in the room fell on him. He hoisted himself on to the kitchen counter and snacked on a few chocolate chips before murmuring, "How do you describe someone as generous as Brite in just a few words?"

A sullen silence filled the room. Eventually, Sirius chimed in. "Well, for one thing, he had one hell of a sense of humor. He was always cracking jokes and playing pranks on people. I would give you one guess as to who James inherited his marauding from."

Dezzy smiled nostalgically, thinking back to her childhood. Whoopie cushions and fake wands had always been strewn around the house thanks to her eldest brother. "He was one hell of a student, too. Always striving for perfection. Barely had any down time with his Quidditch schedule, his job as a prefect, and all of the hours he put into his schoolwork."

"Yeah," Riley said, a mischievous smile on her face. "Unlike James here," she started, poking James in the ribs and earning a glare from him, "Brite actually took a lot of time out of the day to _study_."

"I study!" James argued, pouting.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You would much rather cavort around with your friends playing pranks on Slytherins or make out with your girlfriend in the broom closet than do work."

"_Anyone _would rather do that," James protested, giving her a look.

"Amen to that!" Sirius chimed in with a frivolous grin.

"Brite was one of the kindest men I have ever met," Riley continued. "He was always putting others before himself. Everyone that knew him loved him. He was eight years older than us and yet, it never crossed his mind _not _to include us in his plans. He planned all sorts of fun things for us all to do—endless games of Quidditch, water parks in the summer, going to the movies during the rainy days, trips to the beach, trips to a ski resort. We were all content just playing hide and seek and yet he went out of his way to make sure we had a well-rounded childhood."

"Yeah, because he knew we wouldn't get it otherwise," Lance snorted. Their father was always away on business and their mother rarely spent time with her children.

"Which just goes to show how kind he was," Sirius added with a shrug.

"He wasn't just kind. He deeply cared about everyone from the bottom of his heart. He was the last person on earth who deserved this." The kitchen got eerily silent as they all turned their heads towards the voice in the doorway. A single tear was running down Bianca's cheek. It was clear she had overheard the whole conversation. "I hate that you didn't get to meet him, Lily. He would have loved you."

A lump formed in her throat. Bianca looked traumatized and disheveled and Lily wished there was something for her to say. Lily busied herself by taking out the waffle and placing it on a plate.

"For what it's worth, Lily," Bianca continued when it was clear no one else was going to speak. "_I'm _glad that I got to meet you."

Lily was at a loss for words so she instead blurted out, "Would you like a chocolate chip waffle?"

They all had to bite down on their bottom lip in order not to laugh which turned out to be a waste of time because after surprise registered on Bianca's face, she cracked a smile. Her smile turned into light laughter and she shook her head. "I don't think I could eat another thing. I cleaned out the buffet earlier. But thank you for that. I don't remember the last time I laughed."

Lily shrugged, blushing furiously. She didn't mean to come out so frenzied. "Well, this is awkward."

Bianca shook her head, giving Lily a reassured look. She changed the subject for Lily's sake. "I just wanted to say good night before heading up to bed." It was barely nine o'clock, so they all had a pretty good feeling that Bianca wasn't escaping because she was tired but because she couldn't deal with any more people offering their condolences.

James strode from the table over to Bianca and embraced her tightly. "I know that you have probably heard this one too many times tonight, but I'm sorry for your loss," he sighed. "You're too young to be handling this sort of tragedy."

"Back at ya, kid," Bianca murmured, offering him a sullen lopsided smile as comfort. She briefly waved to everyone else in the room before disappearing.

No one knew what to say at that point. Silence filled the room as they all searched for the right words to say with little luck.

Eventually, Sirius broke the silence. "Is anyone going to eat that?" he asked, pointing to the waffle on the counter.

The room broke into hysterics and they were all grateful for Sirius for easing the tension in the room. Lily handed it over to Sirius with an amused smirk. "You can get your own maple syrup out of the fridge."

Sirius frowned. "What about the butter?"

"You are such a lazy piece of crap," Lance snickered.

"Yeah, that's what my business card is going to say when I grow up," Sirius teased.

"So, when you're, like, fifty?" Dezzy retaliated with a smirk.

"Oh, you want to play that game, hm?" Sirius retaliated, his eyebrow raising mischievously.

Before Dezzy could ask him what he meant by that, Sirius had chucked a piece of waffle at her shoulder.

Dezzy gasped followed quickly with a laugh. Before Lily could stop her, Dezzy reached for the flour on the counter and sent some Sirius' way.

Remus ducked, barely missing some of the flour ricochet. "HEY! Watch it! Don't get me involv-" Before he could finish his sentence, Dezzy crammed flour into Remus' hair. "Involved," he finished. "Lily, hand me that spoon."

"I'm trying to make waffles, here!" Lily argued, who tried keeping the spoon out of Remus' reach. Considering he was about six inches taller than her, she failed. She shrieked as Remus scooped some of the batter out of the bowl, splattering a bit on her as he sent it Dezzy's way.

"You better run, Lupin!" Dezzy cried out. With a large protest from Sirius, she grabbed the waffle out of his hand and started throwing pieces at Remus.

Lance and Riley had both reached for the brown sugar at the same time and while fighting over it, not only got most of it on themselves, they ended up smacking James and Lily with some of the recoiling sugar.

"You two are so dead!" Lily laughed, reaching for the batter and hurling most of it towards Riley and Lance, covering them with the gooey mess. Flour, sugar, pieces of waffle, and chocolate chips were flinging all around the room and Kay had had enough sense to go for the retractable sink faucet, soaking most of the people in the room as they all laughed and for once, just lived in the moment.

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" a voice boomed from the kitchen entrance.

Everyone in the kitchen froze, all sopping wet and sticky and guiltily glanced over at the two other Gilmore brothers who looked angry and disappointed in the group of people that had just destroyed the kitchen. "Hey, bro," Riley said hesitantly, just noticing the mess they had made in the kitchen and feeling a bit ashamed for playing around during a memorial.

Instead of yelling at them like most of them had expected, a smile crept onto Rafe's face who replied with, "So why wasn't I invited to the food fight?" he asked teasingly. He grabbed the faucet out of Kay's hand and started spraying whoever was in front of him, earning a few squeals as they all tried to hide behind their friends.

It felt good to laugh and it felt good to do something as spontaneous as starting a food fight. They needed to have a little fun and while they knew it would be a pain in the ass cleaning up the kitchen, it was worth every minute of it. While Brite's death will remain a tragedy forever in their eyes, they were still allowed to live the life that they were intended to live. They were still allowed to be the carefree teenagers that they were and were still allowed to laugh and be frivolous. If the turned into different people who were over-affected by Brite's death, Voldemort won. He would have captured their souls. And none of them were going to allow that. It was something that Brite would have blamed himself for. Brite would have wanted them to be happy and in that moment, while they would never forget Brite for the heroic, kind man he was, they were happy just living in the moment with the best friends someone could ask for.

* * *

After they had cleaned up the mess they had made in the kitchen and hosed themselves off in the garden, they all went their separate ways with their separate significant others or friends or siblings. James stole Lily away and escaped to his room refusing to deal with yet another distant relative, Kay and Lance claimed they were going for a walk outside but everyone knew that they were just planning on fooling around in the deep of the woods, Remus and Peter returned to the ballroom and engaged themselves in small talk with Mrs. Potter, Riley was _actually _seized by her Gran who felt the need to introduce her to all of the eligible men at the reception, Sirius swiped a six-pack of beer and sat outside on his balcony trying to wrap his head around the happenings of earlier that evening, Drew, Dezzy, Jaron, and Grant made the rounds at the reception, and the Gilmore brothers retreated to the library where they were quickly joined with the preceding four and they all ended up playing multiple rounds of Exploding Snaps.

It was a nice break for them all to go their separate ways. Although he couldn't thank his friends enough for getting his mind off of his brother's death, he just needed to be on his own for a while. But he was grateful for Lily's company. He was always grateful for her company. They ended up just lying down on James' bed talking about anything that came to mind. Some conversations included Brite, but most didn't. It was easy to talk to James and he struggled to remember who he shared his most private thoughts with before he was dating her. That was what James loved most about Lily: their conversations were often about nothing and yet they were the most meaningful conversations he had ever had with anyone.

Eventually, they drifted off into a deep slumber and when they came to, it was after midnight. Lily, although begrudgingly, decided to wander downstairs in order to save Riley from her grandmother. Not so surprisingly, Riley was still forced into making small talk with some desperate men.

James' original thought was to fall back against his pillow and go to sleep, but another part of him was afraid that if he drifted off again, it would be Brite he would dream of. He needed someone who he could share a beer with and talk nonsense with and pretend as if his life hadn't drastically changed. James knew that Sirius would help him accomplish all of those things. James found Sirius drowning himself in beer on the balcony off his bedroom.

Sirius turned around at the sound of a slight rustle and gave James a sympathetic, lopsided grin.

James took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, rubbing his temples as he took a seat beside Sirius.

"Riley and I had sex," he blurted out.

James gave him a look. "Okay, I was going to start with hello, but let's start with that. _What_!?"

"About three hours ago."

James groaned, shaking his head in disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you? What happened to staying away from her and moving on?"

"I tried that!" Sirius retaliated immediately, a desperate tone in the deep of his voice. "But she was throwing herself at me. What was I supposed to do?"

James shrugged harshly. "Uh, turn her down?'

Sirius guffawed. "Oh, right. And _you _would have had the willpower to impede sex with a gorgeous girl?"

James shrugged slowly. "Maybe not, but I'm pretty sure this could be classified as a dumb move on your part."

"I _know _that, Prongs," Sirius snapped, giving him a look. "I never said it _was _a smart choice. I'm just telling you what it is."

James cringed. "Hey, I'm not judging you, Sirius. Believe me, I know all about the comfort sex. Hence the shower incident from last night," James snickered. "You want a way to forget the tragedies in one's life? Put a wet, naked girl in front of you. It really does the trick."

Sirius cracked a smile. "Sorry," he muttered. "As you can see, I'm a bit tense."

"I thought sex was supposed to _relieve _tension."

Sirius gave him a look.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist," James chuckled. "What were you two think—oh, ew, where did you two have sex?"

Sirius made a face, guilt slowly creeping up. "Well it started in the hallway, but we ended up in my bed."

James made a face. "Eww, in my house."

Sirius snorted, sipping his beer slowly. "You didn't say ew when I slept with that hott lifeguard from the beach here."

"She wasn't my best friend of eighteen years! I so have to bleach the whole room. No wait, that's too much work. We'll just move," James muttered as if he were seriously considering it.

Sirius smirked, gazing over at his friend. "Where do you think Wyatt and that girl Ginger had sex when they were dating over the summer? And Brite and Bianca for the first time? And I'm sure Lance and Kay will be using their alone time to their advantage tonight. And when Dezzy and Drew do it, they'll-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" James cried, covering his ears quickly.

Sirius laughed. "It's so much fun to wig you out."

"I'm glad you take so much pleasure in it."

"And you don't think I know what's going to happen between you and _Lily _tonight?"

"Okay, okay, I get your point. But this isn't about me," James said dismissively. "Mind me asking what was going through your mind when you decided to sleep with her?"

Sirius shrugged slowly. "I-I don't know. Every fiber of my being was telling me to walk away from her, but I didn't exactly have the willpower," he muttered, regret briefly flashing across his face. He traced the letters on the beer bottle, thinking over the last few weeks. "I thought that I had lost her for good and...I-I just wanted that last moment with her, James. I-I didn't want to give it up. Call me weak, but...it's been hard letting go."

James nodded slowly. "I don't think you're weak, Padfoot," James said firmly, giving his friend a look. "I just don't want you to suffer any more than you already have."

Sirius shared a look with his friend, silently thanking him for caring so much. While there had obviously been moments in the past when James and Sirius didn't agree and found themselves butting heads, Sirius knew that James was first and foremost his concerned best friend.

"Look, it was just a one-time thing," Sirius murmured defeatedly, chugging the rest of his beer. "It didn't mean anything."

"You mean that it didn't mean anything to _her_."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. "Yeah," he sighed. "And I knew that. The entire time I knew that she just needed some pity sex after Brite dying. Everything's been so bottled up inside of her and this was her way of letting it all out. I knew the entire time that it…it was going to mean nothing to her and it was just…just sex, and yet I did it anyway." He glanced down at his hands with a sullen look. "Because I'd rather have that one time than…than not have it at all."

"Even though it means so much more to you?" James asked.

Sirius didn't respond. He chucked his empty bottle over the balcony ledge and reached for another. He offered one to James who reluctantly accepted it.

James wrestled with the beer cap, gazing in scrutiny at his friend. "So where do you two go from here?" he asked cautiously.

"Don't know," Sirius muttered with a deep sigh. "I-I guess we're kinda back where we started."

James gazed at his friend hesitantly. "Which was where?"

Sirius was at a loss for words. James was right. Sirius couldn't be back to where he started because he had no idea where that was. It was impossible to define the relationship he shared with Riley. They had already been through so much that there was almost nothing left for them. "Okay, I'm officially done discussing this," Sirius murmured. It wasn't because he didn't appreciate James' insight. It was because until he could answer James' questions, Sirius would have to answer his own.

James noted the sincerity in his voice and sipped his beer. A slow chuckled quickly escalated into a full-blown hysterical laughter, earning a confused gaze from Sirius. "Ican't believe that you and Riley were getting busy up here while the rest of us were downstairs reminiscing about Brite. You know, the guy whose funeral we were at this morning? The guy whose reception you should have been at _instead _of getting it on with my best friend of eighteen years?"

Sirius gave him a look. "Oh please. Don't think you can guilt me when you were hiding out in the library getting trashed so you wouldn't have to think about Brite."

James pouted. "Touché."

"Why the hell are you out here anyhow? Shouldn't you be having sex with your girlfriend?"

"Ahem! My brother just died!"

Sirius snorted. "And that's supposed to stop you? For six summers, you had wet dreams about the girl in that bed-"

"I did not!"

Sirius gave him a look.

"It was only for the past _three _summers."

"Okay, whatever. My point is that you are not going to take advantage of the fact that the girl you've lusted for since you've set eyes on her will not only be in your childhood home but _in your bedroom_?"

"You may have a point."

Sirius grinned haughtily and stared back out into the many acres of the Potter household.

James unexpectedly started laughing, earning a confused look from Sirius. "What's so funny?" Sirius asked, knitting his brows in aggravation.

"When did my house become a…a brothel?"

"Well, your great-great-grandparents owned the house and _they _had kids, so I'm assuming that they had sex at one-"

"Okay, ew, that was supposed to be rhetorical but thanks for the graphic details," James said, shuddering.

Sirius grinned, clinking bottles with his oldest friend. "That's what I'm here for."

* * *

If Riley had to introduce herself to one more guy in the ballroom, she may have clobbered her grandmother. Thankfully, Lily had pulled her away claiming to not be feeling well. Riley told Lily that she was eternally grateful and she would be Lily's slave for life. As tempting as that sounded, Lily just told Riley to save _her _the next time it looked as if she needed it. Lily slipped back into James' room as Riley returned to her own. Alone.

As she brushed her teeth, she found herself gazing into the eyes of the girl staring back at her in the mirror. All night, she could do nothing but compare the eligible bachelors to Sirius. While her grandmother often took notice of the pretentious goody-two-shoes, there were a few guys that not only were good-looking and charming, they had made her laugh. And yet, she had no desire to dance with them.

Sirius awoke to his bathroom door creaking open. He turned over. "Hello?"

"Hi."

Sirius sat upright. "Er…what are you doing here, Riley?"

"I-I think you know." She turned on the lamp on Sirius' bedside table, revealing nothing but her bra and panties.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "This is what you call a one-time thing?"

Riley shrugged. "I'm still vulnerable. I'm still half-drunk. And I _still _want you to take advantage of me. You got a problem with that?"

Sirius only hesitated slightly before quickly shaking his head.

"Good," she whispered. She crawled on top of him and turned off the lamp.

* * *

**A/N: **Things are getting a little heated between Sirius and Riley! I loved writing the scene in James' kitchen. You get a lot of different sides: the nostalgic, reminiscent side, the lighthearted, carefree side, and the emotional, heartbroken side. I hope you enjoyed it and please tell me what you think!


	41. Of Charades, Fathers, & Biscuits

**A/N: **I'm back! I didn't think I'd be able to get this chapter up so quickly, but I've been writing vigorously since I returned home from my Christmas vacation. I'm a bit stuck with a portion of the next few chapters, but hopefully I'll get over my writer's block and those chapters will be up as well. I hope you all enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Oh, if only I was J.K. Rowling...sigh...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 41: Of Charades, Fathers & Biscuits

* * *

Sirius was never the first one up in the morning. In fact, James usually had to play loud, obnoxious music in Sirius' ear before Sirius would get out of bed. So James was tremendously surprised to find him awake, showered, and dressed at the kitchen table early the next morning. He was nibbling on a leftover blueberry muffin, a pensive look on his face.

"What the hell are you doing up?"

Sirius jumped and yelped. "Jeez! Way to scare a guy!"

James stifled a yawn. "Sorry. So why are you up? It's barely eight o'clock. Shouldn't you be sleeping for at least another three hours?"

Sirius sighed and gave James an expression of extreme confusion and doubt, telling James all he needed to know.

"Oh," James said. "Riley."

"What else?"

James gave him a sympathetic look, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. "Sirius, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are not helping yourself by thinking about her all the time."

"Is that your way of telling me you never want me to mention her name to you again or you'll scream?"

James laughed and took a seat opposite his best friend. "That's my way of telling you that for the past couple of weeks, it seems that you haven't talked about much else but her. And by doing so, you're just getting yourself worked up."

"Well, since you couldn't help me last night, I had to come to my own conclusions. And while sitting here at the table hoping Dezzy would come downstairs soon to make me my favorite banana pancakes, I have a lot of time to think about the whole Riley-me situation."

James snorted. "No one's going to make you pancakes, Padfoot. What did you need to think about?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted. "I think I just…just need to let things happen. Stop overanalyzing every single thing and just…just let it all go."

"How are you supposed to let it all go if you're _sleeping _with her?"

"First of all, I'm letting the past go and just living in the present. Second of all, I'm _not _sleeping with her," Sirius said firmly, his gaze fixating on James' intrigued face. "It was just a…well, two-time thing. It's not going to happen again."

James snorted, pouring himself a bowl of Frosted Flakes. "Oh, please. I think we both know that it _is _going to happen again."

Sirius pouted. "I do have _some _willpower, y'know."

"Yeah, but I also know that _she _doesn't," James argued, shrugging nonchalantly as he slid into an empty seat beside his friend.

"What do you mean by that?"

"She's unstable right now," James explained hesitantly, shoveling his cereal into his mouth. "She's still dealing with the aftermath of the breakup between you and her _and _the breakup between her and Rhett and on top of that, she's dealing with Brite's death. She's…she's looking for something familiar and something she can depend on. And there you were, standing in front of her, probable telling her all of these things that at that moment, she needed to her, and…well, she had no reason but to throw herself at you."

Sirius snorted. "You really think she believes that she can _depend _on me? After everything I've put her through."

"Well, she can certainly depend on you for sex, exhibited by your _two-time _deal," James snickered, wiggling his eyebrow suggestively.

Sirius didn't respond, pondering James' new theory. It did put things into perspective. It also made Sirius wonder how long Riley would _need _a familiar fixation before finding the self-control to throw him aside. "Well, if sex is all that Riley is willing to give to me, I'm just going to have to accept that."

James stopped mid-bite, sensing frustration in his friend's voice. "Or maybe it's time to accept the fact that you two really are growing apart and it's time for you to stop being around her. For good."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat and he turned his gaze away from James, fixating on the crumbs from his muffin on the table instead. He mumbled, "I know you think I'm a complete arse for giving into what she wants, but…"

"But you're not ready to give her up," James finished, realizing how much Sirius still loved her.

Sirius simply nodded.

James shrugged. "Okay."

Sirius' eyes met his. "Okay?"

"I only think you're going to get more hurt in the end this way, but…but I'm not going to stop you from living your life. It's yours to live."

"You think I'm making a mistake." It was a statement, not a question.

James nodded slowly, his eyes filled with skepticism and concern.

"Well, then, that makes two of us," Sirius muttered. "But it's like you said…"

"You're not ready to give her up," James said resolutely. James gazed curiously at his friend, noticing just how vulnerable he looked. "Well, if it's something I understand, it's the difficult of letting someone go." Both knew that he was talking about Brite.

Sirius shared a sullen lopsided smile with his friend. He finished up his muffin as James continued digging into his cereal, both of them thinking about the girls they fell in love with.

Eventually, Sirius shook Riley out of his mind and chose to change the subject. "So how was the sex with Lily last-"

"SHH!" James said, groaning. "Don't you know that my entire family is staying in this house right now? I don't need one of them overhearing and telling everyone else, a.k.a. _my mother_!"

Sirius laughed, grabbing James' bowl of cereal out from under him (much to James' protest) and scooping a spoonful into his mouth. "Oh, please. It's eight-thirty in the morning. They're all sleeping."

"I'm not," a tired nearby voice drawled.

The two boys whirled around to be greeted by a disheveled Dezzy in a bathrobe.

"YAY!" Sirius said, sliding the bowl back to James. "Pancakes?" he asked Dezzy with a hopeful smile.

She snorted. "Do I look like I want to make you pancakes? There's a perfectly good box of cereal sitting out on the table."

Sirius made a face. "Cereal? You're forcing me to eat cereal?"

"I'm not forcing you to do anything," Dezzy pointed out with a shrug. "You can starve for all I care."

Sirius gasped overdramatically. "You wouldn't even serve me pancakes if I was on the verge of starving _to death_?"

"Sirius, you wouldn't let two hours go by without wolfing down any resemblance of food," Dezzy teased, taking a seat beside her big brother.

"She's got a point," James added through a mouthful of food.

"Oh, shut your mouth before you speak," Sirius pouted.

James raised an eyebrow.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Yes, I realize that didn't make sense."

"Which isn't unusual when it comes to you, Sirius," Lily said, gliding into the kitchen with her hair wrapped in a towel.

Sirius glanced curiously at James. "I see your hair is dry."

James made a face as Lily blushed. "Yes, after that scarring experience two nights ago, I think it will be a long time before I hop back into a shower with my girlfriend whenever you're in close proximity."

Dezzy shuddered. "Ew, ew, ew. Terrible mental image."

Sirius grinned. "Ahhh, you visualizing the shower scene, too?"

"EW, EW, EW!"

* * *

An hour later the Potter kitchen was overflowing with kids and adults. Some were sitting at the kitchen table, others were leaning against the kitchen counters with a plate of food in their hands, and some were standing waiting for someone to move away from the refrigerator so they could dig in. Every so often, one of the Potters or the Gilmores would glance toward the door, expecting Brite to come swooping in at any moment. Were someone to look through the window, one might think the group of people were spending this morning like any other morning—laughing, catching up, throwing grapes into each others' mouths, enjoying the morning drizzle, gossiping about the prior night's pastimes, never noticing the downcast looks on their faces.

Every few minutes, Maya Potter would have a tendency to drift off into space as a tear would well up in the corner of an eye. Riley would lean over and ask if she were okay, but Maya would put on a fake smile and continue to tell the chef how to prepare that morning's breakfast. It was in those moments, those short moments that Maya would gaze off into space, where she remembered that nothing was normal. Nothing would ever be normal again.

"I'm off to work."

Everyone in the room all turned to Mr. Potter, who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen eating a slice of bacon. This was the first time he had really surfaced since everyone returned from Hogwarts.

"But we have so much to do this morning!" Maya cried out in alarm.

"And I have so much work to catch up on."

"I think your boss would understand," Maya said calmly.

"Yes, he probably would, but I don't want to get behind, Maya," he said impatiently. "Can we discuss this later? I'm already fifteen minutes late."

"Jonathan," Maya said, wiping her hands on a dishtowel with a composed expression on her face, something she had perfected over the strenuous years of being Jonathan's wife. "Your son just died. We have funeral bills to be paid, thank-you notes to be written, flowers to pick up from the church, phone calls to be returned, a ballroom that needs a major cleaning, gifts to unwrap, and family and friends to take care of." With each item in her list, her voice steadily rose until her calmed self quickly turned into irritated.

"Can't you just hire people to do that?"

"That would entail _another_ phone call!" She glanced towards the kids. "Dear," she quickly added with a feigned smile.

"Mom, we'll help you," James quickly chimed in.

"See? The kids want to help, and God knows I'm no good with any of that stuff. Better let them handle it," Jonathan pleaded.

It was obvious that Maya didn't care who helped her, but that she just wanted her husband with her the day after the funeral. "Jonathan," she said sternly, "Are you really choosing work over your own family?"

James sighed. That was a question he heard daily in the Potter household.

"I'm not choosing work over family. I would just be completely useless around here. In fact, I'd just be a nuisance."

And that was the excuse that James heard daily.

Before Maya could argue, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and headed out the door to apparate to work with a short good-bye.

"Well, I'm meeting Gary and Mike down at the movie theater. Catch you guys later," Grant said. He grabbed another scone and jumped out of his chair.

"Grant," James warned.

"What? I already made plans. I didn't realize I'd be playing Dad for the day."

"Just let him go," Dezzy interrupted, glaring at her twin brother. "It'll be a hell of a lot more fun without him there complaining anyway."

"Post-funeral arrangements aren't fun, honey," Maya said firmly.

Dezzy turned red after realizing what she had just said. "I-I know that."

Maya sighed and ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I-I'm just not too pleased with your father right now."

"Well you have twelve of us instead of just one of Dad," Dezzy said, smiling up at her mother. "It'll go a lot faster and we're willing to help."

Maya was grateful she had the kids around. She didn't know what she'd do without them. "Sounds like a plan," she said, smiling serenely at her only daughter.

* * *

"So…that was your dad," Lily said with a rueful smile minutes later as she and her boyfriend left the kitchen, snickering at the quarrel between Jaron and Dezzy as to whose turn it was to take out the trash. That was really the first time she encountered Mr. Potter. She was introduced to him the first night she arrived, but he was finishing up work in his office during dinner that night. And during the funeral reception, he had disappeared quickly. James had told her that most likely he had holed himself up in his office like he often did. Jonathan had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to be bothered lately. Lily thought it was because of his son. She quickly wondered if it really was about business.

James nodded. "That was my dad."

"He seemed…nice," she said.

James snorted. "I don't think I've ever heard that word used to describe my father. Overbearing, intimidating, strict, authoritative, commanding, _de_manding, ruthless, abrasive, yes. Nice? Never."

"I didn't want to be mean," she said with a shrug.

"I know. That's why I love you."

"I finally see where Grant got his personality traits. I never understood how he could be so rude and selfish when you, Dezzy, and JT seemed exactly the opposite."

James laughed. "I seem to remember a good six years when you called me selfish at least twice a day."

Lily grinned flippantly. "That's only because I knew how much you hated being called selfish."

James laughed again and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I'm really glad you're here, Lily."

"I am, too," she said as he kissed her forehead. "Mostly because I love this house."

James pushed her playfully, glad that he was able to smile under the circumstances of why he was home. "And what else do you love?"

"Your mother. She is so wonderful and kind to let this many people roam her house—oops, I mean _manor_."

"Hm, not the answer I was looking for," James sniggered, taking a seat at the bottom of the staircase, gesturing for Lily to sit on his lap. She obliged. "I think she likes the distraction that so many people can give her."

Lily nodded, running her fingers through his hair lovingly. "Yeah, I didn't think of it that way."

"Mom's used to a full house. She grew up with three sisters and four brothers and she had six children of her own to take care of. She likes it better when there are people around. I think she gets lonely during the year when we're all away at Hogwarts. She loved it when Brite was able to stop by the house when he could. And she loved helping him and Bianca plan their wedding. It was something for her to do to keep her busy." James stifled a yawn. "C'mon, let's go get changed so we can help Mom."

Lily nodded and planting a soft kiss against his lips, headed up the stairs. She glanced over her shoulder. "Oh, and just for the record? I love you, too."

James grinned.

* * *

All of them had piled into the ballroom to help with clean-up duty. With everyone's helping hand, it didn't take very long and they all enjoyed telling old stories of Brite. The day before was a day to cry and remember all of the things he missed out on but this day was a day to remember the person he was and all of the great memories he gave to the people who loved him.

They had eventually gone in their separate directions in order to finish up the necessary clean-up duties around the house.

"This is so strange," Riley murmured as she and James helped take down the buffet table together. She muttered a spell to dismiss all of the dishes on the table. "Everyone is here. My family, your family, and…"

She didn't have to say it. James knew what she was referring to. "My father isn't here either," he said, a hint of a smile on his lips.

Riley forced out a chuckle. "That's no different than usual. You know what I was referring to."

James nodded slowly and felt compelled to glance over at Lily and Kay in the corner. "I wish more than anything that they got to know him."

"I know," Riley agreed immediately.

"He would be standing behind us trying to make a game out of clean-up duty," James snickered, placing the utensils into a box. "He would pull out his wand and say the person to put the most silverware into their box in just one minute gets ten galleons."

"And no matter how hard you and I tried, he would still win," Riley added, sharing a sympathetic lopsided smile. She shared a meaningful gaze with her friend. "He _always _won."

"He always cheated," James chuckled softly.

Riley nodded and turned away from him, her thoughts resting on Brite.

They both worked in silence, moving around the table quickly. Eventually, James turned his gaze upon Riley and blurted out, "What exactly do you think you're doing?" He was glad that his mother asked the two of them to take down the buffet table together.

"Doing what? Folding the tablecloth?" she asked with a laugh.

"No, this…_thing _with Sirius."

Riley's heart skipped a beat. "He told you?"

"Yes."

She could sense the tone of disapproval in his voice. "I thought girls were supposed to be the gossipers."

"Answer the question."

"Well, it's not really any of your business, is it?"

"I've never known you to be the type for a friends-with-benefits relationship," James pointed out, raising an eyebrow. "One night stands, sure. But friends with benefits? That's not you."

She handed him the tablecloth for him to finish folding. "Maybe it is me. How would you know?"

"Give me a little credit, Riley," he snorted. "I know _you_. I _have _known you for over eighteen years. You're…you're hiding from something."

Riley sighed and turned away from James' scrutinizing eyes. She took out her wand and took down the lighting around the table before saying, a hint of disappointment flaring in her eyes, "Look, I've…I've been hurt so many times in the past. It only takes so much heartache for a girl to realize that relationships just aren't worth it."

"So you're just giving up?"

She shook her head and when she gazed up at James, he could tell that she wasn't even trying to mask her agony anymore. "That's not what this is," she retaliated softly. "I'd just rather feel _nothing _than feel bad _all the time_."

James took so long responding, Riley wasn't sure if he heard her. She turned around to glance his way, and she could tell he was holding back. "What?" she asked impatiently.

"That's really sad, Riley," he said softly.

Riley stared at him awkwardly.

"You…you're trying to mask any feelings with…with _nothing_? Doesn't that just make you feel empty inside?"

She gave him a look, a flicker of agony in her eyes before being replaced with frustration. "It's better than always having the urge to cry," she muttered.

"So what about love, Riley?" he said softly. "Do you never want to experience that?"

"Not everyone can have the _perfect _relationship with the _perfect _person like you and Lily, James."

"I'm not talking about perfection," he responded immediately. "I'm talking about love."

"I guess love just isn't for me," she muttered.

"And how would you even know that?" James asked with a sigh. He stopped folding down the tables long enough to look at her. "You're not even giving yourself the chance to find out."

Riley rolled her eyes, ignoring his words.

"And by _just _having sex with the guy that could _change _that, that could _help _you realize that perhaps loveis worth it, is not helping you _or _him. You're just-"

"Hey!" Riley cried out irritably, whirling around to glare at her friend. "Sirius and I were _never _in love. We were…we were just in…well, _infatuated _with each other. That's _all_."

"Maybe _you _were infatuated," James murmured. He intended to say it only to himself, but it came out louder than expected.

Riley froze. "So was _Sirius_," she responded through gritted teeth.

James didn't have to say anything. The look on James' voice told Riley all she needed to know.

* * *

"Let's go, Sirius," Riley said determinedly minutes later, walking past Sirius towards the staircase.

Sirius glanced at Lily and Remus, confused. They had been helping move furniture back and was taking a break when Riley had stormed by.

"She looks…angry," Lily muttered. She glanced towards her boyfriend on the other side of the room, and could tell that something just went down between them.

"Wonder what she wants," Remus pondered curiously.

Sirius shrugged. "I guess I should go find out." He already knew what she wanted, but he wasn't sure why she looked so angry in the process. He headed up to his room where he was attacked by Riley almost immediately.

Riley shut the door and pushed Sirius against the bed.

"Uh, Riley? Is there something wrong?"

"_No_," she said, tearing Sirius' buttoned shirt off. While she would never say it aloud, Riley was determined to prove to herself that Sirius was okay with just having a physical relationship with her. He was never in love with her. That was impossible. Love just wasn't something Riley came across every day.

"You seem a bit…tense," he said, not complaining when she pressed her lips to his hard.

"Nope, just horny," she joked, winking playfully before ripping off his belt.

"Oh," Sirius said, not convinced. "Okay," he said with a shrug. He ignored the voice in his head that said that something was clearly amiss with her and chose to just let her have her way with him.

"Just kiss me," she mumbled, swallowing hard.

"Okay," he said hesitantly.

Even though Sirius could feel the physical connection with her that afternoon, for the first time in a long time, Sirius never felt more alone.

* * *

That night after a quiet dinner of Chinese take-out, the gang had convened in the library. It was their last night before heading back to Hogwarts and it was clear on everyone's face that they weren't ready to go back. Not because of the mounds of paperwork waiting for them on their desks or the classes they would be forced to return to but because no one was ready to go back to their daily routine in fear of overlooking Brite and the commemoration he deserved. But while they were still at James' house, they always had a constant reminder. Whether it be Bianca's presence or the many photos donning the walls or the cinnamon bagels in the breadbox that he loved so much.

"You can't go wrong with Spin the Bottle!" Sirius cried out, a cheesy grin on his face.

"Why must you _always _insist on playing that game?" Kay groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Especially when you know there are _six _of us in committed relationships," Drew added with a laugh. "Which is almost half of us in this room, by the way. In case you couldn't do the math." There were thirteen of them in the room with James' friends, Dezzy, Jaron, and the Gilmore brothers. Not so unexpected, Grant opted out of the sleepover. Since Drew and Dezzy had started dating and especially since Grant thought that Drew had appreciated his relationship with Dezzy over his friendship with Grant, Grant had stopped hanging out with the group altogether.

Sirius grunted. "I'm just trying to ignite a little fun in this dull get-together."

"Well then, we could always play Pin the Tail on the Donkey," Dezzy suggested, a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "And _you _could play the donkey."

"Are you calling me an ass?"

"Yes," Dezzy, along with most of the others in the room, immediately replied.

Sirius pouted, slinking down in his lounge chair. "Fine, then, you guys come up with something to do." They were all trying to come up with something fun to do to bide the time on their last night at Hogwarts with very little success. As tradition had it, the last night of summer vacation before they headed back to Hogwarts, the Gilmore and Potter siblings had one large sleepover together. Most of the time, they stayed up all night playing stupid board games, watching old movies, telling scary stories, and eating tons of junk food. Even as Brite, Rafe, and Caleb got older, they still always returned to home for these infamous sleepovers. When Dezzy reminded everyone of those nights during dinner that evening, it didn't take long for Rafe to suggest a sleepover in Brite's honor for that night.

"Why don't we watch old Quidditch matches on WiziSports?" Rafe suggested.

All of the girls groaned. "I watch that sport enough at school," Lily whined. "I really don't need to endure hours of you men whining about which seeker is better and what team deserved to be Champions in a certain year."

James pouted, lightly massaging her shoulders. "But you _enjoy _watching my Quidditch matches, don't you?"

Lily hesitated. "Let's just say, honey, that the only reason I go to watch your matches is because you look bloody good in your uniform."

James gasped, sitting upright on the couch that the two of them had coveted quickly upon entering the library earlier. "That's the only reason you come to my matches?"

"Uh, James?" Riley sniggered, rolling her eyes. "She just called you hot. Are you really complaining?"

He grinned sheepishly and slunk down, gazing back over at Lily. "Duly noted," he laughed.

"I think she comes to watch me in _my _uniform," Sirius argued, puffing out his chest haughtily.

Riley threw her pillow at him. "That's a reason for people _not _to come."

"So, question," Kay piped up, ignoring the pillow fight that aroused between Riley and Sirius. "Lily, you've been going to all of the Quidditch matches since first-year. If the only reason you go is to look at James, what is your excuse for going all of these years?"

Lily hesitated. "I might have been wishing for him to fall off his broom."

"HEY!" James pouted, the room erupting in laughter. "Can we stop making fun of me and go back to figuring out what hell to do to stop our boredom?"

"You all know what I want to do," Sirius joked.

This time, everyone threw their pillows at him.

"Or not," he muffled under the mound of pillows.

With much debate and Sirius' useless input of Truth or Dare and strip poker, eventually, James and Lance disappeared to search for some leftover alcohol. They found three bottles of champagne and brought them back for everyone, hoping that by the time they had returned a solution would have been made. Clearly, James and Lance had high expectations.

"_Charades_?" James groaned, handing one of the bottles to Lily. "That is what you all came up with?"

"Well, do you got anything better?" Rafe grunted.

James opened his mouth to argue and came up blank. "So, charades, hm? That could be fun."

"How about _dirty _charades?" Sirius suggested.

"Why are you so perverted?" Lily snickered, shaking her head incredulously, passing Sirius the bottle after taking a quick swig.

"Because it's fun," Sirius teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He gazed over at James who was still standing in the doorway, looking perplexed and amused. "You couldn't have grabbed glasses?"

James shrugged. "Just be happy I was able to steal this without Mom getting suspicious. She was in the kitchen."

"How is she doing?" Kay asked, concerned.

James offered her a sympathetic lopsided smile, climbing back on to the couch beside his girlfriend. She kissed his cheek lovingly. "As good as expected," he muttered. "She's…she's handling it. I think she'll be sad to see us all leave."

"We'll make sure to check in on her every once and a while," Lance assured.

"She'd like that," Dezzy added, sharing a sullen glimpse with her brother.

The room got eerily quiet as they all were once again reminded of the reason they were spending the last few days together. While they had for the most part come to terms with the fact that Brite was forever gone, it was still difficult thinking about him. It was going to be a long time before they thought of Brite without feeling pain.

"So, charades, hm?" James interrupted to break the tension.

They all started nodding slowly, trying to rid the thoughts of Brite from their mind.

"Let me go find some pen and paper in Dad's office," James suggested. He stood up from the couch and with a quick kiss on the top of Lily's head, he disappeared from the room. He wandered the halls slowly, silently thanking his friends and family for being there tonight. He wouldn't have wanted to spend that night with anyone else. He didn't know if he was ready to head back to Hogwarts , to a place where he was afraid Brite would be surely forgotten with all of the distractions, including upcoming N.E.W.T.S. and essays to write and his duties as Head Boy.

He slipped into his father's office in a search for parchment and quills. As he started to glance around, he gasped at the sight of his father in his chair, clinking ice against the empty walls of his glass. "Oh, sorry, Dad," James murmured guiltily. "I thought you were still at work."

His father didn't respond. James followed his father's gaze towards the outdoors. A light rain had begun to drizzle, splashing gently against the window pane. James had a feeling that his father wasn't staring outside because of the rain. "Er…Dad?"

His father barely stirred, but he did slowly meet his son's gaze. He looked frazzled and distracted and went to take another sip of his drink, realizing too late that it was empty. It was then that James noticed the glisten in the bottom of his father's eyelids.

Jonathan continued to clink the ice against the glass, but his eyes made a subtle move towards the framed photo on the wall. It was a photo of the entire family on the beach only a few years after Jaron was born. James racked his brain trying to place the photo. He couldn't remember a time that they had taken a family vacation that included all of them. And if they had taken a vacation, his father was often holed away in a room continuing to do background checks and schedule trainings. But in this particular photo, they all were together and the first thing that James had noticed was that they all looked happy.

James wasn't sure what to make of his father's recent apprehensive, anxiety-ridden attitude. His father was always so forceful and composed, refusing to show any sign of weakness. The father he was staring at looked like a totally different person.

All he could really do was back out slowly and pretend like he never saw his father in this vulnerable state. It was probably what he would have wanted.

"James."

James froze in the doorway and glanced over his shoulder. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry," he choked out, shaking his head shamefully.

James raised a confused eyebrow. "About what?" he asked cautiously.

"I really did try to be a good father," he murmured, swallowing hard. His eyes never left that photo on the wall.

James was taken aback. "I-I know, Da-"

His father didn't even acknowledge that his son spoke. His voice choked up into a scared whisper. "I-I thought that by pushing my sons to be better people, I was helping them. I never meant for Wyatt to have so much pent-up resentment that he would walk out on his family. On his brothers and sister. On…on his _mother_. I-I failed him and I have no one to blame but myself…" he trailed off, a moan catching in his throat. "And I failed Brite. I don't know if it was his idea or if it was mine for him to be an Auror, but I pushed him into doing it. I wonder sometimes if he only went through with it to make up for Wyatt's absence. I always…I always thought that it was Wyatt who failed me, but…but it was me. It was all me. And now Brite's dead and it's all my fault. _Everything _is my fault."

James was shocked, his eyes widening in confusion. His father continued to ramble about how he let down his two eldest sons and James had no idea what to make of it. It wasn't like his father to admit weakness. This behavior was very uncharacteristic and James didn't know what to say to console him. "Dad," he interrupted, "You can't-"

"James, promise me something," his father murmured, ignoring his son's words. He finally glanced up into James' eyes. James wondered how much his father had had to drink, looking at his father's dilated pupils and red cheeks. "Don't become an Auror."

James stiffened in shock. "But…but that's what I want to-"

"No, it isn't," he argued, shaking his head vigorously. He reached for the bottle of scotch and poured it into his empty glass. "You're going to lose everything and everyone around you. Just like Brite did and just like I did."

Confusion overpowered James, wondering what his father meant by that. He may have lost Brite and possibly Wyatt, but he still had plenty of people in his life. "You didn't lose _everything_. You-"

"You can go now," his father murmured. He whirled around in his chair to stare out the window, turning his back on James.

"But, Dad-"

"Good night, son."

James knew that his father wasn't going to listen to anything he had to say. His father had his mind made up and until the day he died, James had a feeling that his father would blame himself for everything that went wrong within their family.

It was the first time that James ever heard his father allude to Wyatt in a way that wasn't accusatory. For years, his father would blame Wyatt for walking out on the family, swearing that he was no longer a member of the Potter family. And it turns out that he was only angry at Wyatt for leaving because it proved that Jonathan might be a bad father. For the first time in years, James didn't question his father's sentiments towards his family. It was clear that Jonathan Potter loved his children. And in that moment, James never felt closer with him.

* * *

They all returned to Hogwarts the next night with a promise that they would all write to Maya on a routinely basis, especially her own kids. James hated leaving his mother alone in the house with no more kids to distract her, but he knew he had to return to Hogwarts eventually.

The walk back from Dumbledore's office was a quiet one. It was late at night so most students were either cramming their brains full of spells and potions in the library or in their beds procrastinating the mounds of work expected of them. It wasn't the time of night that was keeping James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Riley, Lily, and Kay silent, however. It was the realization that even though they were back at Hogwarts, back to their regular routine, nothing had changed. None of them would ever see Brite ever again and because of it, no one knew what to say.

Eventually, James broke the silence. "I just wanted to tell you all how much I appreciate you coming home with me. It…it meant a lot."

Lilt squeezed his hand, offering a semblance of a smile. "We wouldn't have let you go alone, James."

He nodded slowly. "I know." He muttered the password and they all returned to the Gryffindor common room.

"Home sweet home!" Sirius said with a grin, diving onto a couch giddily, stretching himself out.

"Or Hogwarts sweet Hogwarts," Remus corrected.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting the two aren't the same?"

Remus gave him a lopsided grin. "Fair enough."

"It's like we never left," James murmured, glancing around the empty Gryffindor common room at eleven o'clock at night.

"Or everyone else just left," Kay sniggered. "Okay, I'm exhausted and unfortunately we have this little thing called class tomorrow. I'm heading to bed."

"Aren't you going to unpack first?" Lily asked.

Kay snorted and gave Lily a look. "Oh, Lily. I'm so glad you're not my roommate anymore."

Lily scowled. "Don't make me stomp into your room tomorrow morning and rant about wrinkled clothing, Miss Richards!"

Kay laughed and with a quick "good night" to the group, she took the stairs up to her room by twos.

'I'm going to follow suit. I'm not looking forward to having to go to class tomorrow morning," Remus said, stifling a yawn. "Good night, guys." Peter followed him up the stairs.

"I guess it's time to get back to reality," James murmured. He wrapped his free arms around his girlfriend and led her out of the common room back to their own private quarters.

Which left Sirius and Riley alone.

Sirius stifled a yawn and stretched his arms over his head.

Riley took a seat on the edge of the couch that Sirius' body wasn't completely covering. "It's weird to be back. It's as if nothing has changed. As if our lives are going to continue like they used to. Except Brite's still dead."

Sirius sat up and smiled awkwardly at her. "Nothing can change that, Riley. Being back doesn't mean we're all going to forget about him."

"No, I know, it's just…weird. That's all."

"We may not spend every waking second thinking about him, but he's still very much a part of our lives."

"I can think of other things we can be doing with our time," Riley said suggestively, turning towards Sirius with an impish look.

Sirius cocked his head to the side and frowned.

"That was an invitation to kiss me, you dolt," Riley laughed.

Sirius sighed and glanced towards the ground. "I can't, Riley."

Riley's heart skipped a beat but she remained silent.

"We need to figure out exactly what we're doing before I can kiss you," he admitted.

Riley gazed up at him, confused. "We're having casual sex. What more do you need to know?"

Sirius shrugged awkwardly, never taking his gaze off of her. "I guess nothing," he muttered, shifting uncomfortably on the couch.

Riley sighed and skirted away from him slowly. "Look, Sirius," she sighed, running her fingers through his hair. "You and I probably never should have tried the relationship thing. For years, casual sex has been on our side. _That _is what we're good at so…so we should just continue doing what we're good at. But we have to draw the line somewhere."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius asked, a curious look coming over him. "Where does that line have to be drawn?"

She shrugged. "Well, if there is anyone in the world who knows the rules of casual sex, it is both you and me. We can do whatever the hell we want with each other, but…but we can also do whatever the hell we want with others. If someone asks you out, you date her. Woo her. Fuck her. I don't care. Do whatever the hell you do with women. And vice versa. I can do anything I want."

Sirius nodded slowly, wrapping his mind around her words. He knew exactly what casual sex meant. Like she had said, he had been doing it for years. But while she seemed to thrive upon it, he knew that casual sex was something of his past. But he knew that he had to play by her rules or it really would be over between them. "So, that's it?"

Her heart skipped a beat as his eyes penetrated through hers. She felt exposed as if he could see right through her soul, which right now was feeling a bit shameful. But she would never admit that to anyone. Glancing up at him reproachfully, she knew that there was a part of her that felt as if she were testing him. She wanted so desperately for him to agree with her, for him to say that whatever they had in the past had to stay in the past. She didn't know why she felt compelled to continue some sort of relationship with him, but one look at him made her realize that a part of her needed to be with him. She knew that he probably had feelings for her that weren't returned but she also knew that he used to be a big part of her life. And she wasn't ready to escape the part of her that felt special and appreciated. Guys had always taken her for granted and when Sirius looked at her, she finally felt comfortable with herself.

"Yeah, Sirius," she said softly. "That's it."

There was a flicker of fear in her eyes that Sirius wanted to ask her about, but he bit his tongue. It was clear she was hiding something, but he couldn't blame her. He was hiding his feelings as well. "Okay," he eventually said with a brisk shrug. "Sounds like a plan."

"Really?" Riley said hesitantly.

"Yep," he said with a sly smile. "Want to seal it with a kiss?"

She grinned, not realizing that she was holding her breath until she was exhaling in relief. She crawled on top of him, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "You know I do."

* * *

James fell back on to his bed with a loud sigh, throwing his duffel bag on to the floor.

Lily smiled warily, leaning up against his desk chair. "You okay?"

He sat up, looking more worn down than Lily had noticed before. "I just…" he sighed. "I just want everything to go back to normal."

She gave him a sympathetic look. She strolled across his floor and took a seat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I know, honey," she whispered, leaning her head on to his shoulder. "Unfortunately, it's not that easy."

"I had a feeling you might say that," he murmured, kissing the nape of her neck.

"It _is _going to take time," she explained. "But eventually, things _will _go back to normal. You'll feel much better about yourself and…and although, Brite will never be forgotten, you'll learn to live again."

"How long did it take you?"

Lily cringed. "Er…until Hogwarts?"

James whined, throwing his head backward. "Great. Well, I'll see you in three years."

Lily couldn't help but laugh, but she pulled him back towards her. "It's not going to take you three years. Because unlike me, you have a large support group. We will _help _you get through it."

He lifted an eyebrow suggestively. "Hm…exactly _how _will you do that?"

She giggled and kissed his bottom lip, shortly and sweetly, just enough to leave him wanting more. "I think I have an idea."

His eyes lit up. "I'm liking this whole support group thing."

Lily just laughed, quickly pulling off his tie as they both crawled further into the bed.

The morning had gone by slowly, all of them exhausted from the three days away from Hogwarts. Without classes and the time to do schoolwork, they hadn't realized how behind they had gotten. Lunch was spent frantically finishing the essays that were supposed to have been finished before they left for Potter Manor.

"Does anyone have the notes on the Fire Protection Potion?" Kay asked, quickly stuffing a biscuit into her mouth while writing with her free hand.

Riley dug them out of her bag frantically and threw them towards her, all the while staring at her own essay, feeling discouraged and overwhelmed.

Kay grabbed them and skimmed her eyes over the page, not finding what she was looking for.

Lily sensed her frustration. "Here," she offered sympathetically, handing Kay a few pages of parchment. "You can just take a look at my essay."

All eyes glanced up from their respective textbooks and essays. "Are you actually giving Kay the advantage to cheat?" Sirius said, surprised.

"Yes," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Potions starts in twenty minutes. I figured that would be the best way."

"What do you want in return?" Kay joked.

"Some biscuits." Lily grinned, reaching over and grabbing the plate from her friend.

"If you're just handing out essays, I could use the Advanced Transfiguration essay on Circe," Sirius chimed in, his eyes beaming suggestively.

"How about I just give you some of my biscuits and we call it even," Lily teased, pouring herself some pumpkin juice.

Sirius shrugged. "I do like my biscuits."

Lily smiled and pushed the plate over to him.

"So, raise your hand if you're _not _ready for today's Herbology exam," Remus muttered.

All seven hands shot up.

"Okay, just making sure," Remus sniggered, shaking his head incredulously.

"Y'know, the best way to prepare for an exam is to make sure you're relaxed," Riley said slyly, her eyes fixating on Sirius.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat, as he slowly put the quill down on the table. "Hm, exactly what are you suggesting?" He yelped lightly as her foot started running up his leg.

James rolled his eyes at their exchange, not noticing the confused looks on everyone else's faces. "Can you guys get it on _elsewhere_?"

"Er, comeagain?" Remus blurted out.

Riley ignored him. "Broom closet, five minutes?"

Sirius shrugged, smiling mischievously. "Sure."

"I repeat: _come again_?" Remus said, his eyes darting back and forth between the two.

"I'm sure James will explain," Riley teased, a hint of hostility in her voice. Only James noticed it, however. She grabbed her books and with a quick good-bye to the group, she skipped out of the Great Hall.

"How about _you _explain, Sirius?" Peter suggested, his eyebrows rising out of curiosity.

Sirius wasn't sure how to explain, so he simply shrugged and said, "Casual sex." Much to the protests of his friends, he didn't give any other explanation. He, too, stuffed his books and papers into his bag and rushed out of the Great Hall.

As he was meeting up with Riley in the nearby broom closet, Kay, Peter, and Remus were all staring at James with curious eyes. "Well?" Kay asked.

James shrugged, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he fixated on Circe. "What's there to explain?" he murmured. "It's like Sirius said: they're having casual sex."

"So basically, they're digressing," Kay sniggered. She stopped trying to understand Sirius and Riley a long time ago.

"Yes, exactly," James retaliated immediately. "This won't last. Just like their friendship never lasted. Just like being enemies never lasted. Just like their relationship never lasted. Those two can't do anything right."

They all exchanged a quick glance with each other. There was a hint of anger in James' voice but it was obvious he was attempting to suppress it.

"What are you saying, James?" Lily chimed in. She had remained fairly silent throughout the conversation, not sure what her opinion was about the recent relationship status between Sirius and Riley. All she wanted was for them to be happy and she had a feeling that they were simply good at pretending to be happy.

James shrugged, slowly sipping on his pumpkin juice. He knew that Riley was doing everything possible to grasp at straws, afraid of losing Sirius but even more afraid of not losing him. She was stuck in this cyclical motion and until she dug deep down in order to figure out what was the source of all of her fear, she was never going to be happy with the way things were with Sirius.

Instead of saying that, James simply sighed. "Is anyone else incredibly tired of talking about those two? We have no idea what's going through their heads and they won't tell us anything, so I say we just let them do their own thing and pretend like we know nothing."

"We _do _know nothing," Peter pointed out.

"Exactly," he murmured. "Does anyone know where Aeaea is located?"

Lily sighed and returned to her own work. She had a feeling that a part of James felt responsible for Riley's well-being. She was fading slowly and James had no idea how to save her. "South of Greece," she responded.

Although they all had numerous questions, they knew enough to keep them to themselves. The subject of Riley and Sirius was over and the subject of Herbology was the only thing spoken of.

* * *

Remus glanced up from his Potions textbook that evening when he heard the door creak open. He broke out in a grin when he saw Jillian there. He hadn't had the time to spend with her all day and was grateful she had sought him out finally. "Hey, girl," he said, quickly throwing his book on to the floor. He jumped out of bed and rushed over to her, welcoming her with an excited kiss. "Ohh, I missed you."

"You were gone for barely three days," she said with a giggle.

"And all three days, I missed you."

"Well, I guess I can't complain," she replied. She crawled into his bed with him. "So how…how was it?"

Remus sighed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and drawing her near to him. "It was…a funeral. Very depressing. A lot of family crying, a lot of people offering their condolences, a lot of drinking, and a lot of sex happening on the side."

"_What_?"

Remus laughed, squeezing her tightly towards his body. "Vulnerability really takes a toll on people."

Jillian snickered. "So, these people having sex…might you be one of them?"

Remus made a face. "Of _course _not!"

"Well…I think it's a reasonable question considering you're not getting it from _me_," she murmured embarrassedly.

Remus stared at her, confused. "_What_?"

She shrugged, biting down on the inside of her cheek. "Well, it's true," she muttered uncomfortably.

Remus sat upright, her gaze lingering on hers cautiously. "Jillian, where is this coming from?"

She sighed, and averted her eyes away from her boyfriend's. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. "Remus, there's something I need to tell you."

"Okay…" he replied hesitantly.

She remained silent for a long time, uncertain how to bring it up without being completely humiliated.

"Jillian, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," she quickly explained. "I just…I just…"

"_Yeah_?"

"I'mavirgin."

"Heh?"

She sighed. "Remus, I'm a virgin."

Remus was taken aback for a few seconds, but composed himself quickly. "_That's _what you were worried to tell me?"

"Well, yeah," she replied, shrugging. "I mean, no offense, Remus, but everyone at this school knows the reputations your two friends hold. And I don't know if you've noticed, but you're not exactly Mr. Innocent yourself."

Remus pressed his fingers to her chin, lifting it up so she was looking into his eyes. "And I don't know if _you've _noticed, but I am _not _James or Sirius. I don't…sleep around and I don't have casual sex. I am _not _that guy. I like to know the girl on a deeper level, Jilly."

Jillian gazed up at him slowly. "Really?"

"Yes, really," he whispered, kissing her cheek. "Jillian, I am falling for you. And I am falling for you hard. And I don't need sex to tell me that."

A sly smile formed on her face. "You are so wonderful, Remus."

"Yeah, I get that a lot," he teased.

She punched him playfully, but was grateful he understood. She had never met another guy like him: kind, understanding, forgiving, but most of all, he was someone she could really see herself with.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, Sirius' and Riley's relationship has been defined, but as James pointed out, who knows how long this will last? James and Lily are thankfully going really well! I love those two together! And you get a little insight into Remus' and Jillian's relationship as well. This chapter was filled with a lot of information so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review!


	42. Of Truth or Dare, Sushi, & Boats

**A/N: **I'm back!! I think I have moved past my writer's block and am in the process of rewriting the rest of this story. And surprisingly, I'm liking this version better than the one I had before. I guess someone stealing my laptop was a blessing in disguise! There is a ton of good Lily/James fluff in this chapter so I do hope you enjoy Naturally, I have some good Riley/Sirius, too, though it will be a few more chapters until their new relationship is questioned. I have nothing else really to add except please tell me what you think!

**Disclaimer: **Man, oh, man, do I wish I was J.K. Rowling. But sadly, I am not. Maybe in my next life....

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 42: Of Truth-or-Dare, Sushi, & Boats

* * *

James stirred slightly as he slowly opened his eyes, smiling at the sight of Lily sleeping beside him. He had been finishing up with an essay about Mystical Maladies of Dandelion Root and Pepper Flakes when Lily had snuck into his room, distracting him for the words on his page. His book was thrown to the floor along with their clothes. His essay had remained discarded as they made love under his tangled sheets. They had soon drifted off to a dreamless sleep, lying tightly in each other's arms. Neither of them would have wanted anything else.

He started stroking her hair, careful not to wake her, and bent down to kiss her lightly on the cheek. He winced when he heard her whimper quietly.

She cracked one eye open and glanced at him with a dreamlike smile on. "Hi," she murmured.

James smiled and pressed his lips to hers firmly. "Hi there," he whispered. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

Lily yawned. "What time is it?" disregarding his statement.

"Past 11," he responded.

Lily scrunched up her nose and stretched her arms over her head, slightly knocking James on the shoulder. She grinned sheepishly, kissing him lightly. "We're late for rounds," she pointed out.

"I know."

"I don't want to move," she said with a feathery laugh.

James smiled and nodded. "I know," he repeated.

Lily stretched out again before pulling herself upwards, shifting so now she was on top of James, resting her arms on his bare chest and her chin on her arms. "Do we have to go?" she whined, giving him her best pouty look.

He smiled and the butterflies started up at the sight of her beauty now resting on top of him. "Three months ago, you'd be kicking me out of bed to force me on rounds with you," James pointed out, giving her a knowing look as he placed his arms behind his head with a yawn.

"Yes, and I blame you for my laziness now," Lily admitted, grinning lightheartedly. "We spend _way _too much time in bed, that's for sure."

James raised a suggestive eyebrow. "Don't go saying things like that around Sirius, y'know. He might start spreading rumors."

Lily leaned in to him with a conspiring smile, running kisses down his jawline. "They wouldn't _all _be rumors," she whispered impishly.

James heart skipped a beat at the feel of her hot breath against his face and the provocative tone in her voice. He quickly thought of his grandmother in underwear before replying, "It's saying things like that that is going to get us into trouble."

"I don't mind trouble," Lily replied, inching forward a bit in order to kiss him delicately, letting their lips dance playfully with each other. "I mean I _am _with you, aren't I?" she teased.

"Touché," James muttered, but he couldn't help but laugh, Lily moving up and down with the laughter in his stomach. "Well, rounds are a good way to find trouble," he pointed out, gesturing his head towards the door.

Lily laughed lightly and gave him a suggestive look. "You're choosing doing rounds over spending time with me in your _bed_? I never thought I'd see the day."

A grin befell on James' face. "It's because on rounds, I can find _other _places to _spend_ _time _with you," he iterated, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Lily giggled and nodded knowingly, but hesitated from climbing off of him. She loved just lying with him. It was those moments where she was with him that made her realize how lucky she was to have found him. James made her feel like she was the only person in the world that mattered and she loved him for it.

Her heart skipped a beat at the roguish smiling creeping on his face, his smile always making the nerves from the first time she kissed him come back.

He ran his fingers through her tangled hair. "You're beautiful," he whispered when she didn't rush to get up.

A red tint flushed to Lily's cheeks as she smiled embarrassingly. She kissed him quickly before saying, "Okay, let me go throw on some clothes that _aren't _yours, you actually _throw _on clothes, and I'll meet you in the common room in two minutes," she suggested as she slowly climbed off James and headed towards his door.

James groaned, smiling at the sight of her in his extra large T-shirt. "But I like how you look in my clothing."

"Yeah, well I like how you look with _no _clothing, but I don't think you're about to go roaming the hallways like that," Lily fired back at him with a mysterious smile on her face.

James looked upward, pondering this last statement, rubbing his chin. "McGonagall might have my head, wouldn't she."

"She'd not only have your head, but she'd have the rest of you, too," Lily giggled. "Probably implanted in the back of her mind for the rest of her life."

James burst into laughter. "Oh man," he sighed. "Okay, okay, go put on your own clothes. Preferably something with a low-cut neck and a high hemline."

Lily snorted. "I have to leave _something _for the imagination."

James' quirked an eyebrow. "Oh believe me, I already have every shape and curve of your body memorized. There is _nothing _left up to my imagination."

Lily's cheeks turned pink and she pouted. "Okay, well since you obviously have it memorized, I guess you never need to see it again."

A gasp emitted from James as he quickly sat up and pouted back at her. "Take that back," he whined.

Lily couldn't help but laugh at how helpless he looked. She shrugged casually. "I guess I'll have to see how I feel when we get back," she teased, winking at him as she slipped out of his room.

James grinned. He was in love, there was no doubt about it.

* * *

They were wandering the halls but instead of looking for students out after curfew and being on the lookout for unusual behavior, they found ways to steal kisses from each other and share a few laughs about their friends.

"I think it's about time we find Peter a girlfriend," Lily suggested. "He's the only one unattached at the moment."

James gave her a curious gaze.

"Well, besides Riley and Sirius, but those two are so screwed up they don't deserve significant others," Lily snickered. "Whatever happened with Peter and Teresa?"

"The fifth-year Ravenclaw?" James said, narrowing his eyes inquisitively. "Hm, I don't know. I don't think they ever really _dated_. Just hung out a few times-"

"Snogged a few times," Lily laughed.

"Yeah. Last Peter told me, she was moving on to some other fifth-year."

Lily made a face. "Aw, that's-"

"Shhhh," James said, squeezing her hand. There was a commotion up ahead. "Did you hear that?"

Lily groaned, shaking her head incredulously. "It's coming from the broom closet."

"Oh, I pray it's two Slytherins who I can take a lot of points from and give a lot of detentions to," James said, beaming.

"Uh, can we pray that whoever it is, they only just began their…ahem, activity?" Lily asked, blushing slightly as they slowly headed down the hallway.

James winced. "I take back my Slytherins comment. I really don't want to see that."

Lily laughed, wrapping her arm around his waist as they continued rushing down the hallway. She pulled her wand out and knocked three times on the door. "Hello? Who's in there?" she asked loudly.

"That's not the way you catch them off-guard!" James teased. He pulled out his wand and muttered a spell. The door swung open and suddenly, all four of them were gasping in shock.

"_What the hell_!?" James blurted out, shielding his eyes.

Lily couldn't help but snicker slightly. "Um, Dezzy? I would put on a shirt."

Dezzy rolled her eyes but her cheeks were as red as a tomato. She quickly threw on her shirt and walked out of the closet, glancing guiltily behind her at Drew. "Hey, bro. What's up?"

"Oh, _don't _do that," he groaned, shaking his head ferociously. "Don't play cute with me. What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Well, nothing now," she muttered.

"_Stop_," James whined. "Broom closets were meant for cleaning supplies, not people!"

"I don't think you're allowed to lecture me after I found you and Lily in the shower together."

It was James' turn to become red. While most of it was due to embarrassment, the red twinge in his cheeks was also related to rage. "That doesn't make it okay for you! You're fifteen!"

"And how many times have I heard that one?" Dezzy muttered, rolling her eyes. "You are a hypocrite. Besides, didn't you tell me that you would let this go? Do you not remember giving us your blessing?"

James glared at her. "That was before I got this sort of visual," he whimpered. He shuddered. "I'm done talking to my younger sister who I just caught half-naked in a broom closet. Ew, ew, ew," James grunted, shoving her out of the way. He was now standing over Drew, who was cowering and blushing furiously.

"Hey, James," he said hesitantly, a sheepish smile forming on his lips.

"What the hell, dude!?" he cried out, his eyes narrowing with rage. "That is my _baby sister_."

"Who the hell you calling baby?" Dezzy scoffed.

"James," Lily sighed, grabbing his arm before he suddenly started swinging at the boy in front of him, who was slipping further into the broom closet in fear of being pummeled. "Give them a detention and then let's go."

"A _detention_?" James snorted, giving Lily a look. "I think a lecture is in order!"

Lily gave him a look. "How about _not _in the middle of a hallway where a professor can come walking by and hear the tail end of a conversation I'm sure they don't want to be involved with."

"I can yell when I want where I want!" James cried out, shuddering as he thought about the two of them in the broom closet. "Oh, God, I just had another thought."

"I advise you not to share it," Dezzy argued.

James ignored her. "What would you two have done if I _hadn't _come along?"

"I hope that that was rhetorical," Drew muttered.

"As I mentioned, that could have remained unspoken," Dezzy snickered, rolling her eyes. "C'mon, let's get back to the Gryffindor house," Dezzy said, grabbing her boyfriend's arm and pushing past her big brother without a second glance.

"Wait a minute, I'm not done with you!" James argued, chasing after them much to Lily's protest.

* * *

Sirius was resting his eyes, tired of trying to catch up on Potions, when a light knock was heard on the door. He stirred slightly and glanced toward the door as he heard the creak of it opening. He smiled when he saw Riley there, looking sheepish and mischievous. "Hey there," she whispered. "I saw Remus downstairs and decided to come find you." Peter was in the hospital wing after a prank backfired.

"Well, you found me," Sirius said. He closed his textbook and threw it against the floor recklessly.

She leapt up on to the edge of Sirius' bed with an awkward smile. "So how long do you think our friends were talking about us today after lunch?"

Sirius chuckled. "I'm sure they analyzed our recent situation for hours and came up completely blank with any sort of sensible motivation for us having casual sex."

"They always do end up completely in the dark."

"That's because we don't tell them anything," Sirius reminded her, smiling nostalgically.

"It's better that way," Riley argued, a hint of resentment in her voice. "They wouldn't understand anyhow."

"Do _you _understand it?" Sirius asked cautiously.

She hesitated and said honestly, "No. But…I don't think we need to."

Sirius nodded slowly, never taking his eyes off of her. "I think that's one thing we can agree on." For him, it was more about him not _wanting _to understand their situation. Because if he did, he'd realize that he was making a huge mistake. He needed to sever ties with her completely, not get even more in over his head. But, at this point, he was okay with not understanding it. At this point, he'd take any form of connection with her. Before she, too, realized they were making a mistake.

"Just _one_ thing?" she retaliated, a suggestive grin on her face. She crawled over to him and whispered, "Kiss me."

He obliged, sucking on her bottom lip seductively before leaving light, little kisses on her mouth. Sirius turned over so he was on top of her, opening his eyes to stare at her gorgeous face, before letting his lips touch hers again. She opened her mouth and Sirius slipped his tongue in a sultry raid, wanting to taste her; _needing _to taste her. He let his fingers dance on the bottom of her tank top before slipping his hand underneath it and slowly making his way up to her left breast, massaging it comfortably. Riley moaned beneath him as he let his lips travel down to the hollow of her neck, kissing it gently before he let his hand slip back down to the bottom of her shirt and with the help of both hands, he slipped it over her head and threw it in an unknown direction.

Riley quickly followed suit as she grabbed his shirt hurriedly and dropped it to the floor. Riley bent her knee up as Sirius traced her stomach with little kisses, moaning again at the feel of Sirius' lips on her skin. She shut her eyes and let Sirius take control, slipping her hands into his hair as he slid a hand underneath her skirt, tracing her thigh with his fingers before getting dangerously close to her private area.

Running his finger up her thigh, Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He quickly unbuttoned and unzipped her skirt and flung it off, leaving her with only her bra and underwear, enough to make Sirius harden.

Before Riley could unzip Sirius' pants, the door flung open. Riley emitted a squeak, before diving underneath Sirius' sheets.

"I didn't expect to see my sister _on top of_ Drew, that's for sure!" James argued, tumbling into the room with Lily, Remus, and Jillian right behind him.

Lily was about to respond when she realized there was another presence in the room. And another one clearly trying to hide behind Sirius underneath his covers and not doing it very well.

"Aw jeez!" Lily cried out, shielding her eyes.

"Why does tonight seem to be the night for walking in on my friends in compromising positions?" James groaned, holding his head in his hands incredulously.

"Get a room!" Remus groaned, as he lifted Riley's tank top of the ground and started spinning it on his finger.

"This _is_ a room," Sirius replied dryly, grabbing his T-shirt off the floor and throwing it over his head. "And what the hell are you all doing here anyway? It's after midnight and Remus, you said you were planning on going to Jillian's room tonight."

"Well the whole common room was filling up with people as James insisted on screaming at the top of his lungs at his sister for doing a little more than making out with Drew in a broom closet, so we made a strategic move into this room," Jillian explained. "But you would have heard their arguments if you weren't…hm, _busy _up here."

Sirius rolled his eyes, not fazed by them walking in. He grabbed Riley's skirt off the floor and handed it to her underneath his covers.

"Oh _Riley_!" James said in a sing-song voice. "Come out, come out wherever you are."

Lily made a face. "Do you honestly want to see her half-naked?" she questioned James as she sauntered over to James' bed and lay down on it.

James shuddered. "You're right. Riley, you stay hidden," he murmured as he sat on his bed, too, placing Lily's head in his lap.

Riley just let out a groan as she peeked her head out from underneath the sheets. "Hey guys," she greeted with an embarrassed grin and a dismissive wave. She tried to slip on her skirt under the covers, and managed it after a few attempts. She glanced around the room for her shirt and looked up at the sound of Remus' voice.

"Is _this _yours?"

Riley glanced at him and gave him a look, as he continued swinging Riley's shirt around his finger. "Yes, do you _mind_?"

"No, not at all," he teased, giving her a suggestive eyebrow quirk.

"Blow me," she mumbled, glaring at him.

"Ohhh no, I think you and Sirius have done that enough for the rest of us," Remus replied, causing the room to erupt in laughter, excluding Sirius and Riley who simply glared back at him. Remus gave a sheepish grin before throwing Riley her shirt. He grabbed Jillian's hand and led her to his bed, lying down on it with Jillian in his arms.

A knock was heard on the door before someone quickly walked in. "Hey guys," Kay greeted, the first thing she saw being Riley putting her shirt back on. Kay looked at Riley wryly. "What, you've already experimented with everything else sexually that now you feel the need to have an audience?" she teased.

Riley glared at her.

Kay grinned, entertained by the looks on everyone else's faces in the room. "I'm thinking this has already been mocked," she murmured with a snicker, plopping on to Peter's empty bed. "So what's this about Drew and Dezzy being found-"

"Argh!" James cried out, quickly throwing his hands up to his ear. "Why are we still talking about this?" He plopped on to his bed with a groan. Lily quickly joined him, a smirk on her lips.

"So, who wants some rum?" Sirius suggested. "Or whiskey?"

"Are you trying to get us all drunk so that we'll potentially forget about the disturbing sight we saw here tonight?" Remus replied, grinning playfully.

"That, or he's trying to get Riley drunk so he can take advantage of her," Jillian added, glancing shyly over at Riley, whose cheeks were still a bit red.

The room burst into laughter, excluding Sirius and Riley, who looked less than amused. "He doesn't have to get me drunk to do that," Riley responded with a knowing chuckle.

James made a face. "On that note, I can definitely use that drink."

That earned another chorus of laughter and James had a sudden moment of déjà-vu. It was as if nothing had changed and they were all back to being friends. It was as if Sirius and Riley never went through a horrible break-up. In fact, it was as if they were back together. They were sitting close enough on the bed that anyone could speculate so.

Glancing around the room, James hoped that one day, things couldgo back to the way they used to be.

"Truth or dare, James."

James snapped out of his nostalgia at the sound of Sirius' voice. "You've got to be kidding me, right?"

"Nope," he said, handing James a glass of rum and Coca Cola. "C'mon, it's tradition to get drunk and play stupid, childish games." Sirius glanced around the room, silently asking the group if anyone else wanted a drink. A few hands went up.

"Since when was that a tradition?" Remus snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Since now," Sirius said with a grin, pouring a few drinks. "So, James, truth or-"

"When did hanging out with friends and _talking _go out of style?" James groaned.

"You need to stop avoiding the question and just get it over with," Sirius snorted. He handed the few drinks out to those who requested them.

"Truth," James sighed, feeling defeated.

"You are such a girl," Sirius snorted, shaking his head shamelessly.

"You told me to choose one and I did!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll play along: how many girls have you slept with?"

"You know the answer to that question!" James responded with a snort, giving his best friend a look.

"I'm not the one who's interested in hearing the answer," Sirius said, flashing him a grin.

"Sorry to burst your bubble," Lily chimed in with a sheepish smile, "But I already know that answer, too."

"Oh," Sirius said. "Then I take back my question."

"No way!" James snorted. "It's your fault for asking a stupid question!"

"I can't believe you guys are having an argument over a dumb game of Truth or Dare," Remus sighed, shaking his head incredulously. "Now, _I _need a drink."

"If I have to listen to macho talk all night, including how many girls that you have all slept with, I'm going to need that drink, also," Jillian murmured, a hint of an amused smile on her face.

"Drinks all around!" Sirius said, his eyes lighting up. He dove into the trunk with the harbored alcohol. "Answer the question, James, and move on."

James sighed. "Five. Truth or dare, Remus?"

"If you ask me that same question, I'm throwing you out the window," Remus warned him.

James grinned sheepishly. "Then you should probably go with Dare."

Remus groaned. "Yeah, I'm definitely going to need that drink."

* * *

Lily stirred hours later, stifling a yawn. She glanced around the room, confused, before realizing that she must have fallen asleep in the boys' room that night. Letting her eyes adjust to the light, she saw that she wasn't the only one. Jillian and Remus were cuddling in his own bed looking so adorable that Lily couldn't help but smile, Kay was curled up in a ball in Peter's bed, Riley had taken refuge on the floor with Peter's quilt and Sirius was sprawled out over his own bed, his covers slipping off the bed towards the floor. Slowly sliding out of James' arms, she tiptoed into the bathroom in need of a glass of water, rolling her neck with a groan the entire way. She was so used to the Queen-sized beds in their private quarters that the twin bed in the dormitories was far from lavish.

After pouring herself some water, she snuck back out into the bedroom and found herself staring over at James, who looked so peaceful in his sleep. She smiled instinctively, a wave of happiness surging through her. In fact, she couldn't remember a time when she was happier. He made her feel like no one ever has before. She had always been so used to fading into the background and James made her realize that she was better than that. It had been a long time since she could remember being happy, and not just _telling _herself she was happy to make herself feel better. She had always been good at plastering a smile on her face and pretending that everything was fine, but with James, there was nothing fake about it.

Either James could feel someone staring at him or he was jolted awake by a nightmare that included Lord Voldemort torturing his family. He stirred slightly and felt the empty space beside him. He gazed behind him and saw Lily loitering in the doorway of the bathroom. She smiled down at him warmly. "Hi," she whispered so as not to wake anyone else.

"What are you doing over there?" he asked in a soft voice, glancing around the room so as not to wake anyone.

"Just grabbing some water." She put the cup back on the bathroom sink and climbed back into bed with her boyfriend.

He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer to him. "What time is it?" he muttered.

"Nearly five."

James groaned. "Great. We have to get up in two hours."

She made a face, nuzzling her face into his warm body. "Can I ask you something?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course," he murmured, kissing the side of her face.

"When are you going to stop being so overprotective over Dezzy and just let her live her life?"

James was taken aback. He stared down at Lily, his mouth open in surprise. "Er…what?"

"You have admitted that you think Drew and Dezzy are good together and you told Dezzy that you would back off. Yet, you've gone back to being the domineering older brother that Dezzy has made clear she doesn't need. And you _know _that she doesn't need it."

"I found her half-naked in a broom closet after-hours!" James groaned. "I don't want to even imagine what they would have done if we hadn't caught them."

"And so what if they did have sex?" Lily asked curiously.

His hands flew to his ears. "Oh, jeez, why would you even say that?"

"Your sister is a bright, mature young girl, James. She wouldn't have sex with someone until she was absolutely ready. And when that time comes, you won't be able to change her mind."

"Why are you telling me this?" James grumbled, frustrated.

"I'm not telling you something you don't already know," Lily said gently, giving him a look.

James opened his mouth and found himself unable to respond.

Lily smiled lopsidedly. "You want to tell me what made you revert from being understanding back to yelling at the two of them in the middle of the hallway like you used to?" she asked, already having a feeling she knew the answer.

"Brite," James blurted out.

She raised an inquisitive eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue.

"His death changed everything," he whispered, turning his gaze away from his concerned girlfriend. "First, Wyatt left. Then Brite died. I-I don't know what I'll do if…" he trailed off, looking frazzled and suddenly very frightened.

"You lose Dezzy next?" Lily filled in the blanks.

James didn't respond.

"Wyatt's disappearance and Brite's death _wasn't_ your fault, James," Lily said softly, running her fingers lightly over his arm in a soothing manner. "You didn't have any control over that."

"No, but maybe I could have a little control over the rest of my family," James murmured.

"Is that what this is about?" she asked curiously. "You're trying to control Dezzy because you didn't have any control over the other situations? Or…are you trying to do what Wyatt and Brite would have done if they caught Dezzy with Drew in a compromising position?"

Again, James didn't have an answer.

"James," Lily said firmly, forcing him to glance at her. He gazed at her, stiffness shining in his eyes. "You _can't _fill your lost family's shoes. And Dezzy doesn't expect you to."

He sighed. "I know," said James painstakingly, swallowing hard. "I-I can't lose anyone else, Lily."

Lily glanced up at him and saw the tortured look on his face. "Well, unless you loosen the reigns a bit around Dezzy, that might just happen."

"I know," he repeated, gazing upwards towards the ceiling. "I _do _know that...that I'm being stupid and irrational. I just…I don't know how to stand by and watch my family fall apart."

"James, just because tragedy has struck your family more than once doesn't mean that your entire family is going to fall apart. Your family loves you, James," Lily reminded him. "And you love them. Right now, that is _all _that matters. _That _is how you are all going to stick together through not only the good times but _also _the bad times." James nodded slowly, but Lily could tell he wasn't convinced. "You can't go around living in constant fear. Just…just let life run its course."

"I don't know if I can do that," he whispered, looking more scared than Lily could ever remember. He suddenly reminded her of a child in the corner of a room being chastised for eating a cookie right before dinner time. He looked six inches tall.

"Well, _I _know you can," she said, kissing his neck and wrapping her arms tighter around his torso.

"Why are you always so insightful?" James murmured, a hint of a smile forming on his lips as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "Why can't I for once just do something unethical without you telling me I'm wrong?"

"Because I love you," Lily said matter-of-factly. "Enough to tell you when you're being thick-headed."

James chuckled. "I know that Dezzy is smart and I know that she would never rush into anything. And most importantly, I know that Drew wouldn't pressure her into rushing into anything. I _know _that I have nothing to worry about. I just…I can't help but worry. That's all."

"I know. That's what makes you such an awesome older brother. But I think it's time for you to stop carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and start just being…well, _you_. And not you _and _your entire family."

"Okay," he murmured, knowing she was right. She always was.

They both settled into a comfortable position, enjoying the warmth of being in each others' arms. "Thank you," he whispered, closing his eyes with a stifled yawn.

"For what?"

"For not being afraid to tell me when I'm being thick-headed."

Lily smiled. "I love you, James."

James didn't hear her. He had already drifted off to sleep. But Lily didn't care. She knew that he felt the same way, too. She knew she was only eighteen-years-old, but she also knew that she had found her soulmate. She wouldn't be surprised if she and James were together forever. And she wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

Breakfast was quiet. They had all been up late the night before reminiscing on the pranks they pulled during their first few years at Hogwarts and gossiping about Rachael's latest new conquest and discussing the graduation ball that occurred at the end of the year and laughing about the times they snuck into Hogsmeade and sang Karaoke. As Lily had noticed earlier, they all drifted off one by one and it was Remus and Jillian who fell asleep last, around three in the morning. Considering they all had trudged to breakfast at seven-thirty in the morning leaving them with very little sleep during the previous night, they were all yawning, their eyes were drooping, and their bodies ached with exhaustion.

"Is anyone else regretting that last conversation about sushi?" Sirius murmured, letting his head rest against the table.

"We had a conversation about sushi?" Lily questioned, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"You had conked out by then," James chimed in. "But may I ask exactly _why _we were talking about sushi?"

"Because Kay was craving it," Sirius reminded.

"Which somehow caused us to delve into a conversation about yellowtail versus California rolls," Kay murmured, stifling a yawn. She shoved a scone in her mouth, hoping that if her mouth was forced to move, she wouldn't fall asleep on the spot.

"Definitely yellowtail," Lily said.

All heads turned to gaze at her.

"Oh, was that just a conversation for last night?" she said with a hint of a smile on her face. "You're right, it's too early to be talking about sushi."

"What the hell did I miss last night?" Peter groaned, shaking his head sullenly. It seemed that his friends always had more fun without him.

"A lot of nonsense chit-chat," Remus said. "Believe me when I say you were better off in the hospital wing. At least _you _don't have bags under your eyes."

"Yeah, I only have boils in very awkward places," he murmured, suppressing a smile.

"So do the Slytherins," James joked, glancing over at their table. Most of the students at that table looked uncomfortable and in pain due to a somewhat successful if not spontaneous prank that they had played at dinner the night before, much to the protest of Lily.

They couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the unpleasant Slytherins shifting in their seats.

"I still don't condone it," Lily giggled, shaking her head. As stern as she tried to look, her amusement shone through.

James quickly leaned across the table and kissed her cheek. "That's why you make an awesome Head Girl."

Lily was going to retaliate with a comment on his not-so-responsible behavior as Head Boy, but was interrupted by a slew of owls rushing into the Great Hall, including two landing in her vicinity. Pickles dropped a letter off to James and quickly hobbled over to the bacon on Sirius' plate.

"Damnit, why does he _always _eat _my _bacon?" Sirius whined, glaring at the owl. He was too busy fighting off Pickles to notice that there was an owl sitting in front of him holding a letter. He pecked at Sirius' fingers to get his attention. "Ow, ow. Alright, alright," Sirius murmured. He picked up the letter, gazing around at his friends, confused. "Who would be sending me a letter?"

Both James and Sirius opened their letters at the same time while the other attempted to liven up with a bit with coffee.

"Oh, my God," a moan emitted from both James' and Sirius' mouths.

"My father left," James said softly.

"My Uncle Alphard is dying," Sirius said, shaking his head sullenly.

"Bianca gave up her flat."

"Alphard is giving me his yacht."

"Mom's moving into that flat and…and giving me the Manor."

"And I'm inheriting his summer home."

"I-I can't believe he left."

"I-I can't believe he's dying."

Lily leaned over to the rest of the group, whispering, "Which one are you listening to?"

Remus gazed between his two friends. "Do you guys mind slowing it down a bit and _not _talk at the same time?"

James and Sirius shared a grief-stricken look. Sirius gave a short nod to James, gesturing for him to explain first.

James sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "My father left my mom," he murmured.

Lily felt her heart breaking. Not only did he just lose his brother, but his father was adding injury to insult. She cringed, thinking about their conversation last night. She prayed that this wouldn't cause him to become more territorial around Dezzy. She stroked his arm comfortingly. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."

A sly, sympathetic smile crept on to James' face. "It's okay," he murmured. "He's just doing what he feels he needs to do."

"Which is…what?" Sirius asked curiously. "Abandoning his family at a time they need him most?"

James shook his head slowly, quickly changing the subject. The look on his father's face that night in his office kept with James. He knew that his father left in fear that if he stayed, his family would be torn even farther apart. He had no idea why he was letting his father get away with desertion, but a part of him understood his father's motive. "My mother's giving me Potter Manor."

Lily groaned, trying to lighten up the situation. "As if your ego wasn't already huge."

James grinned. "Hey, you're dating a multimillionaire. Could you imagine the money I would receive if I sold our estate?"

"I think your mother would kill you if you tried to do that. It's a family home," Riley reminded him. She knew that Maya had given up the Manor for two main reasons: she could never imagine living in such a large home all by herself and most of all, she wasn't born a Potter and that house deserved to remain in a Potter's possession.

"Did I hear you say that your mom is moving into Brite's old flat?" Lily asked curiously.

James nodded slowly. "Yeah, she thinks that she would feel better off in a smaller place and…and this leaves her with a piece of Brite."

Lily offered him a sympathetic lopsided grin, squeezing his hand. "When is she moving?"

"Soon," James muttered. He gazed over at Sirius, who was interested in hearing James' story but was clearly struggling over his own bad news. "So, Sirius, why don't you start by explaining who the hell Uncle Alphard is."

Sirius cracked a smile. "About the only member of my entire family who I can tolerate. I was always his favorite nephew and he was my favorite uncle. He was half-Muggle and married a Muggle. He pretty much lives a Muggle life now. Needless to say, he was pretty much shunned from everyone in my family. He…he's dying."

"I'm sorry," Riley said, knowing how empty that phrase sounded. "Of what?"

"Cancer," he murmured. "They gave him until the end of the year."

Lily reached over and grasped his hand. "That must be tough. I'm so sorry, Sirius."

Sirius shrugged it off, trying not to show his discomfort. "Eh, I haven't seen the guy in nearly eight years, since his marriage to Fiona. He lives in the States. New York, I think. I guess he does write occasionally, but…" he trailed off.

"Doesn't make it any less difficult," Remus argued.

"He's giving me everything he has," Sirius said, quickly changing the subject.

"Everything?" Kay asked in awe.

"All of his money, his yacht, and his summer home in Armaine, which apparently has a hot tub. So, yeah, everything."

"And here I thought getting Potter Manor was an incredible feat," James joked. "Why isn't his wife getting anything?"

"She was murdered by Voldemort three years ago," Sirius murmured, hanging his head sullenly.

"Oh," James cringed. "Sorry."

"What the hell am I supposed to do with a yacht and a summer home?" Sirius changed the subject, shrugging his shoulders harshly.

"Use them," Remus suggested in all sincerity.

Sirius furrowed his brows, leaning back in his seat inquisitively. He sensed the gravity in his friend's voice. "Go on."

"Well, I don't know about the rest of you," Remus said slowly, glancing around at his friends' faces, "But I could use a fun summer away."

Some looked confused, but James quickly caught on. "I am seeing nights of partying and frivolity, skinny-dipping in the hot tub, and drunken all-nighters in our near future."

Lily gave her boyfriend a look. "How about nights of quiet serenity, a dip in the hot tub _fully clothed_, and nights where we drink juice and milk?"

James hesitated, scrutinizing her words. "I'm missing the fun part in your description."

Lily laughed, planting a sweet kiss on his lips. "Then again, I could be convinced of a few parties and drinks now and again. But I draw the line at skinny-dipping."

"Um, do you all mind telling me what you're talking about?" Sirius asked, confused.

"What are the chances your summer home is on the beach?" Riley chimed in, her eyes lighting up.

"Uh, it's not."

"Damn," she swore, shaking her head. "I guess it could still be interesting."

Sirius cleared his throat. "Well, it is on a lake."

They all cheered. "Nice!" Riley said, high-fiving James. "How many rooms are in this place?"

"Uh…from what I remember, it has about five."

"Hm, we could make that work," Kay said, making a quick deduction in her head.

"Who wants to be the one to explain what you're all planning?" Sirius said, raising his voice.

"We're taking over your summer home this year," Lily said, grinning. "I hope you don't mind."

Sirius' confusion was quickly replaced with understanding. "Oh!" he said, beaming. "Hm, no I don't mind at all. Can…can we actually do that?"

"Well, Lily's job doesn't start until the end of August, if I get into the Auror training program that doesn't start until September, if Kay gets into the Healer program that doesn't start until September and it's not like we have any other plans. Why wouldn't we able to do it?" James asked hastily, hoping not to step on anyone's toes. He couldn't help but notice the reservations on everyone's face around him, all being reminded that they are still waiting to hear back from jobs they had applied for.

"Well, then I say let's go for it," Sirius said, interrupting all of their thoughts. "I'd be glad to offer up my new home as a diversion from reality."

No one had to ask him what he was talking about. After graduation, they would all be forced to live in the real world and they all breathed a sigh of relief that for just three more months, they could still put off the inevitable. And a part of Sirius felt proud and glad that for once in his life, he could give something back to his friends for all of the help they had given them. They all shared a smile with each other, knowing that a summer by themselves was exactly what they would all need.

"C'mon, we have class," Lily said, breaking all of them away from their deep thoughts. She downed her lukewarm coffee and abruptly stood up from the table. She couldn't help but feel guilty for being the only one with a job post-graduation, especially because she hadn't exactly earned it. She was given it out of the blue by someone who she doesn't speak to on a regular basis. She knew that she shouldn't feel guilty for being remotely ahead of the game, but looking at all of the dejected looks on her friends' faces, she couldn't help it.

Her friends gathered up all of their things and reluctantly followed her out of the Great Hall, wanting nothing else but to crawl back into their beds.

James wrapped his arm around his girlfriend, resting his head upon her shoulder with a yawn. "So…what do you think about you and me, the broom closet near the dungeons, say in about five minutes."

Lily gave him a look, a flicker of hesitance flashing across her eyes. "_No_, James," she chuckled.

James gasped, his eyes lighting up in surprise. "Oh my God, you considered that, didn't you? You did! I saw it in your eyes! You, Lilliana Angelina Evans _actually _considered skipping class to instead engage in sexual activities with your boyfriend. In a _broom closet _no less. In an open, public place where anyone could just walk in! Naughty girl."

Lily made a face, trying hard to suppress a laugh. "How did you know that my middle name was Angelina?"

James blinked. "That's what you got out of that?"

Lily laughed, pressing her lips against his. "As much fun as skipping class to be with you would be, I can't do that. I'm Head Girl. I have to have some self-control."

"Who says?" James whined.

Lily winked playfully at him, following her friends up the staircase. "Good things come to those who wait."

"I hope that the key word in that sentence is 'come,'" he murmured, earning a shameful snicker from Lily.

Lily grabbed his arm, keeping him behind his friends. "James, you don't have to go to class, y'know. I think Binns would understand."

"Understand me and my girlfriend playing a little nooky?" James snorted, confused.

Lily shook her head slowly. "That's not what I meant," she said softly, giving him a look. "I'm sorry about your father, James, but you don't need to use _me_ as your excuse to skip class and grieve."

James sighed, squeezing Lily's hand. He lifted her hand to his and kissed the back of it. "I love that you're so concerned, but surprisingly, I'm fine."

She raised an eyebrow.

He laughed, drawing her near to him and kissing the side of her head. "I am. I-I don't know how to explain it, but...but I get why my father did what he had to do."

Lily was taken aback by his response. She opened her mouth to respond and found no words to retaliate. "Er...really?"

James shrugged. "Like I said, I can't explain it," he sighed. He didn't know how to explain it and at that point, all he wanted to do was get to class. He didn't want to think about his father and the implications on the future of his family. He didn't want to think what was running through his father's mind when he made the decision to leave. He didn't want to think about his mother now roaming Potter Manor, now completely alone. He just wanted to think about schoolwork. He just wanted something to take his mind off of everything else going on in his life. He drew Lily into his body to a tight embrace, letting his lips linger on the side of her head. "Let's go to class."

Lily nodded, sensing that at that moment, that is exactly what he needed to do. "Okay."

Lily and James slipped into the classroom for History of Magic and took their respective seats beside their friends, who knew enough not to question why they had lagged behind. Sirius immediately propped his feet up against the table, stifling a yawn. "Aaaaand, nap time," he said, flashing a grin towards all of his friends.

"N.E.W.T.S. are coming up," Remus reminded him. "And I'll be damned if I'm going to let you glance through my notes one more time. It's about time you pulled your weight around here."

"Eh, I'll borrow them from Lily," Sirius argued.

Lily lifted a doubtful eyebrow.

"Or maybe from James."

James laughed and shrugged. "That's if I stay awake long enough."

"Damn," Sirius swore, shaking his head. "Eh, how important is history anyway?"

"Fairly important," Kay snickered. "I hear it repeats itself."

Sirius chuckled lightly and dove into his bag for some parchment.

"Don't tell me we actually knocked some sense into you," Lily gasped, her eyes wide with shock.

"No, actually, I was planning on making paper footballs," he said sheepishly, folding up a few pieces of parchment and earning a few eye rolls from his friends. "Five points if you knock Binns with one."

"I say ten if you smack a Slytherin in the face," James chimed in almost immediately, grabbing a football from Sirius and starting to aim it towards the other side of the room.

"James!" Remus groaned, shaking his head shamefully.

"Oh, sorry," he muttered, a mischievous grin on his face. "Did you want to flick the first football?"

Remus smacked him with his textbook, a laugh on the end of his tongue. As James and Sirius started furiously folding paper, Remus pulled out his quill and some parchment. Lily followed Remus' lead while Riley and Kay exchanged glances, pondering the difference between what they should be doing and what they wanted to be doing. Naturally, they both ended up resting their heads against the desk just as Binns entered in and started lecturing them.

Even Lily had a difficult time keeping her eyes open so early in the morning and during an especially boring lecture. They had an exam coming up so it was mostly discussion of past lectures, most of which she already knew. Eventually she threw her quill into her bag and leaned over the desk, poking James in the back.

He stirred slightly, glancing over her his shoulder. "Why are you interrupting my nap?" he whined.

A gleam of lewdness sparkled in her eyes. "Because I have decided that I'd rather be naughty than uphold my reputation of Head Girl," she giggled.

James froze, sitting upright in his chair. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

She nodded slowly, smiling suggestively at him. "I'm saying that I think that broom closet is totally calling our name."

It didn't take more than ten seconds for James to throw his books and parchment in his bag haphazardly and jump up from his chair.

"I cannot believe you two," Remus chimed in from the other side of James, shooting them a glance. "You are actually going to engage in sexual activity instead of pay attention in class? You have become the epitome of every teenage couple in this school. I never thought I'd see the day."

"You're just jealous that Jillian is in another classroom and therefore, you cannot convince her to do the same," Lily teased, winking at him. "Enjoy class."

"Enjoy getting it on," he snorted, flashing them a grin.

"Whoa, who's getting it on?" Sirius was wide awake.

"No one," Lily whispered furiously, shooting an irritated glare at Remus. Lily and James rushed out of the room, claiming that they had responsibilities as Head Girl and Boy to attend to. Not that it mattered; Binns wasn't paying attention to them anyhow.

"Hm," Sirius said, leaning back in his chair with a pensive look. "Why didn't I think of this?" He kicked the back of Riley's chair hard and she yelped, practically jumping out of her seat.

She whirled around. "This better be good. I was dreaming about flying on a magical unicorn and I was about to be named princess of Unicorn Land."

Remus and Sirius stared at her blankly.

"All girls like to be princesses," she sniggered, fixing her stare on Sirius. "So, what do you want?"

"I kinda want to hear more about this dream," he joked, ducking from Riley's swatting hand. "Nah, I was actually thinking more about you and me having lots of hot sex in the privacy of my bedroom."

She cocked her head to the side. "Right now?"

"Well, that's what James and Lily are doing. Except in some random broom closet, so I'm trying to be more of a gentleman."

Remus snorted. "A gentleman skips class to have casual sex with a random girl?"

"Hey, who you calling random?" Riley pouted. She grabbed her bag and claiming that she needed to go to the bathroom (again, not necessary, but she was covering all of her bases), leaned down and whispered in his ear, "C'mon, let's go."

"You are all going straight to hell," Remus chuckled, shaking his head as his other two friends quickly rushed out of the room, randy smiles on their faces the entire time.

"Like you wouldn't be doing the same thing if you had the choice," Kay interrupted, stifling a yawn and stretching her arms over her head. She had clearly heard the tail-end of that conversation. "Just be glad that your girlfriend is within a few miles of you and you have the chance to snog her later today. I don't really have that choice considering my boyfriend is hundreds of miles away."

"Hey, just be glad that you _have _a boyfriend," Peter piped up. He hesitated, cringing. "Yes, I realized how that sounded."

The three of them shared a laugh while Kay and Peter returned to their naps and Remus returned to furiously scribbling notes.

* * *

Riley searched the room for her shirt. She found it buried underneath the bed and started to button it up. She glanced behind her and with a smirk said, "Why haven't we been doing this all along?"

Sirius was lying comfily on his bed, completely naked under a thin sheet thrown messily across his body. He was glancing up at the ceiling, his arm propped behind his head. He stirred slightly to gaze at her after her question, a look of dread forming in his eyes.

She chuckled, noticing the fear. "You don't have to actually answer that."

"That's probably wise," he said, forcing out a smile.

While reaching for her skirt on Sirius' desk chair, she asked unexpectedly, "Do you know how to drive a boat?"

Sirius hesitated, gazing over at her in complete confusion. "Uh, is this some sort of backwards form of small talk?"

She cracked a smile. "Answer the question."

"Yes, I do. Alphard taught me when I was a young child. We used to take his yacht out every summer. Er, before it was believed that he betrayed the entire family and I was banned from seeing him," Sirius murmured. The summers at his uncle's summer home were some of his most memorable childhood times. Probably because it was the only time he ever felt appreciated by someone in his family.

"Mm." Riley finished zipping up her skirt and threw on her Gryffindor tie haphazardly.

"Why do you ask?" Sirius asked casually.

Riley glanced in the mirror and patted down her knotty, untidy hair before turning around to stare Sirius directly in the eyes. "I think you should take that boat and go see your uncle."

Sirius blinked, surprised. "What?"

"After this summer, you should take that yacht and sail it to you New York," she said matter-of-factly.

"I-I can't do that," he argued, sounding rather hollow.

"And why not?"

Sirius opened his mouth to respond and found no words.

"I don't say this to sound mean, but what do you have keeping you here?" she asked gently. "A job? A home? A plan for the future?"

"I have you," he blurted out, cringing after the fact. "Uh, and my other friends."

"You'll always have…your friends," she said quickly, her cheeks turning a slight tint of red. Sirius noticed a flicker of skepticism in her eyes that quickly passed. "But right now, your uncle needs you. You said so yourself that you haven't seen him in about eight years. Maybe it's time you reconnected with him. Especially considering the unfortunate timing."

Sirius sunk into his bed, feeling somewhat defeated. "You're right."

She smiled, finding her way into his lap and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "I'm always right," she whispered. She kissed him quickly, a little too quickly, offering him a seductive smile before heading towards the door. "Thanks for the shag. I'll see you later."

"Yeah," he murmured, lying back against his pillow. He stared up at the stone ceiling and sighed. A little part of him died inside every time she walked out after sex with him. It just reminded him of what he didn't have with her. And he hated every moment of it.

* * *

**A/N: **Poor James. Yet again, his family is turned upside down. But at least James seems to be coping with the recent news better than he had with Brite's death. He's slowly coming to terms with the fact that he has no control over what tragedies affect him in the long run. Thankfully, he has Lily to get him through the day. I don't have much else to add, except...please review!


	43. Of Bacon, the Order, & Tweezers

**A/N**: Sorry, sorry, sorry! Sorry that this has taken me so long to update! I had to go back to the beginning, I mean the _way_ beginning, back to **Tears on the Balcony**. I wanted to get a better grasp of who my characters were since it has been so long since I first wrote this story. So I hope that you like this chapter and the rest of the story as much as I do!

**Disclaimer: **I want to be J.K. Rowling. But I was told at a very young age that you can't always get what you want...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 43: Of Bacon, the Order, & Tweezers

* * *

"Are you sure you're the same girl who gave me detention for arriving to Potions _two minutes late_ just last year?" James asked as they skipped out of class with sheepish grins.

"What can I say?" Lily giggled, wrapping both of her arms around his waist and leaning into the side of his warm body. "The day I agreed to date you is the day I loosened up a bit on the rules around here."

"Clearly," James snickered. He intertwined his fingers with hers, nibbling on her neck succulently. He pinned her to the wall and let his lips trail up her jaw towards her mouth. She laced her fingers in his hair, moaning slowly as his lips touched hers.

"I love you, James," she whispered, her breath hot on his ear. "But I think we would better off _not _in the middle of a public hallway."

He chuckled and with one last quick kiss, grabbed her hand and started scuttling down the hallway. A childlike grin sported his face, his lips swollen in longing and his cheeks red with passion.

As they turned the corner, Lily ran smack into another student, stumbling backwards towards the ground. "Oof, sorry!" Lily cried out sheepishly, her face red with embarrassment.

"Shouldn't you two be in class?"

Both James and Lily froze guiltily and gazed up, their eyes meeting James' sister's. "Hey, Dezzy," Lily said, wiping away the dust on her pants and gathering her books that fell out of her bag when she toppled to the ground. "How are you?" she asked innocently, avoiding eye contact with Dezzy.

A sly smile crept up on her face and soon that smile led into a chuckle. "Oh, my God, you two are _totally _skipping class!"

Lily winced, gazing over at her boyfriend. "See? This is why I never do anything like this. Because I always get caught!"

"Oh, come off it, Lily. I won't tell anyone," Dezzy laughed, helping her up from the ground. "Besides, if I recall correctly, you two have History of Magic and right now and everyone skips that class now and then."

James lifted a curious eyebrow. "_Everyone_?"

"Yes, James, even me," Dezzy replied, rolling her eyes. "Except the two times I did skip that class, neither were to play hussy with my boyfriend."

Lily's cheeks turned bright red. "Well, this is embarrassing," she murmured.

James gave his sister a look. "Yeah, you only do inappropriate things with your boyfriend _after_ _hours_," he shot back.

Dezzy scrunched up her nose. "Touché," she muttered.

"I actually wanted to apologize for the way I reacted last night. While I do believe that you should keep your…er…relations in the bedroom, I can't lecture you for…er…being with your boyfriend," James aid calmly, shifting his gaze to the ground awkwardly.

Dezzy's mouth dropped open. "Heh?"

James chuckled. "Look, you are old enough to make your own decisions. I trust Drew and I trust you. Just…just please promise me you won't do anything until you're ready," James pleaded.

Dezzy nodded slowly, sharing an apologetic smile with him. "You know that I won't."

"I know."

"Okay, you want to explain why you're acting so…nice?"

"I'm always nice!" James argued.

Both Dezzy and Lily snorted.

"Eh, I knew you wouldn't buy that," James murmured with a chuckle. "I just…I just wish I had control over the future and I think I took a little of that uncertainty out on you. I thought that perhaps if I could control _your _life that…that everything would turn out alright."

"Well, clearly that didn't work," Dezzy sighed, her thoughts on her father. "Did you get a letter from Mom?"

James stiffened and shared a sullen gaze with his sister. "Yeah," he murmured, shaking his head. "I feel so bad for her."

"I know," Dezzy said, a hint of anger in her voice. "First she has to deal with losing a son and then two days later, her husband walks out on her! What kind of jackass does that?"

"I'm sure he was only doing what he thought was best for the family," James said rather calmly, earning a confused glance from both girls.

"You really believe that him _ditching _his wife and children was his way of doing what was _best_ for this family?" Dezzy snapped. "All of these years he has been reprimanding Wyatt for the way he left things with his family and then he goes and does the exact same thing. He is a coward, unable to be there for Mom when she probably needs him more than anything. She doesn't even have a son who can pop in every other weekend to have brunch with her now that we're all in school. _Dad _is supposed to be the one taking care of here and instead, _he leaves her_? In what crazy world is that 'doing what is best for his family?'"

The rage in his sister's eyes caused James to take a step back, frowning sullenly. "Dezzy," he started softly, "His two oldest sons are gone. Not only is Mom suffering, but he is, too." He hesitated, trying to search for the right words to explain, but Dezzy interrupted his thoughts.

"Why are you defending him?" Dezzy demanded. Lily nodded subtly, curious where James' sudden change of heart came from. He had often chastised his father for his behavior over the years and here he was, taking his father's side.

James pursed his lips, but remained silent on the subject. He knew his father wouldn't want him repeating what he had heard that night in his study. "Dezzy, I hope you know that Dad loved you. He loved all of us."

"Well, he has one hell of a way of showing it," she spat. She didn't even try to hide the hurt she felt. "He might not have been the best father, but he was still our father. He never should have abandoned us." She glared at James before storming off.

James grabbed her arm quickly, pulling her back. "You're right, he wasn't the best father," he said softly. "But he was a better father than you'll ever realize."

She squirmed away from his grasp, an inquisitive look on her face the entire time.

"He left because he felt he had to," he murmured, releasing his sister's arm. "He left because he felt he had no other choice. In order to…to keep our family aboveground, he had to bow out."

"What are you rambling about?" Dezzy asked curiously, seeing a flicker of awareness in her brother's eyes.

James swallowed hard and turned his back against his sister. "Nothing," he whispered. "Just…just don't hold a grudge against him."

"That'll be difficult," Dezzy said in all honesty.

"I know," James said, nodding slowly. He, too, knew that it would be hard not to resent his father for his actions, but he also knew that he had to accept his father for who he was. His flaws might be a big part of his character, but he also knew what love was. He knew the importance of keeping his family from falling apart. In fact, his father sacrificed his family for that reason alone.

With one last reproachful yet sympathetic glance his way, Dezzy said her goodbyes and walked off. James reached for his girlfriend's hand and squeezed it, smiling down at her. One thing was for sure, he would never take her for granted. "I love you, Lily. Don't ever forget that."

Her heart skipped a beat, confusion forming in her eyes. "Why _were _you defending your father?" she asked cautiously.

James hesitated, but found him turning to Lily, an explanation on his tongue. He described to Lily the day he ran into his father in his study and he looked helpless and vulnerable. He went into detail of all of the things his father had blurted out and the timid look in his eyes while he rambled. James expressed the way he understood his father's words and for once, felt connected to his father. James explained why he thought his father left. When he got to the part about his father advising James not to become an Auror, James clammed up and chose not to mention it. But he was suddenly reminded of the consequences that his father was forced to deal with by letting his work consume his life.

James was grateful that the entire time he spewed, Lily remained quiet, letting him talk and sort it all out.

"Wow," Lily muttered once James had clearly finished. "Your father is a noble man."

"I know," James said guiltily, a deep frown forming on his face. "Whoever would have thought?"

Lily cracked a smile. She was certain that he was still holding back a bit, too afraid to admit that he may miss his father being around. James certainly was a pro at keeping his emotions bottled up. But Lily also knew that James didn't want to discuss the matter any further so she threw in words of encouragement. "I'm glad that you were able to see that side of your father." And she meant it. She was glad that James was able to recognize his father's strengths for once instead of his flaws.

"Yeah, I am, too," James murmured. "I-I just hope that my mother understands."

"If she doesn't now, I think she will eventually," Lily explained.

"Yeah," he said half-heartedly. James shared a strained smile with her and with a weary gaze on his face, headed down the hallway without another word. He couldn't get his father's recommendation that he not become an Auror out of his head. If James followed his heart and entered into the Auror training program, would he have to give up the big, happy family that he had always wanted? Would it have to be one or the other? James didn't know if he was prepared to choose. At the end of the hallway, he stopped abruptly, causing Lily to ram into him. "Maybe…maybe we should head back to class," James muttered, suddenly the idea of fooling around with Lily sounding clichéd and too forced.

Lily gazed up at him, surprised. "What?"

"Yeah…don't want to be caught by someone else," James muttered.

"What are you talking about?"

He didn't respond, shrugging awkwardly. He started to head back down the hallway they had just come from.

Lily recognized that an unrecognizable tension formed between them, but couldn't explain it. She wondered if she had said something wrong but couldn't figure out what could have been mistaken as inappropriate. She grabbed his hand. He didn't let go, but she felt him resist. "James?" she asked softly, sneaking a peek up at him.

"What?" he asked, the word sounding harsher on his tongue than he expected.

"Okay, you want to explain the sudden attitude transformation?" Lily asked cautiously, cutting in front of him so that he wouldn't blow her question off.

He halted, glancing guiltily down at her. "It's nothing. I just had a…a stupid thought."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be stupid," Lily argued, giving him a stern look.

James simply shrugged.

"_Talk _to me, James," Lily pleaded.

He was going to change the subject, but the concerned tone in Lily's face showed him that he could trust her. He knew she wouldn't laugh at him, but he was certain he was being irrational. "What if I end up like him?" James asked softly, a pained expression on his face. "I-I want to be an Auror, but I want a family, too. What if I can't have it all?"

Lily was slightly caught off-guard, not expecting his trepidation. "James, you've seen the struggles of having a family and a demanding job firsthand. You can learn from your father's mistakes."

"What if I can't?" he murmured, shaking his head slowly. "What if I try to be different and…and I fail? What if I become just like him? What if I can't handle both?"

"You _can_," she urged, reaching for his hand. "Your brother could. Brite was an Auror _and _he was planning a wedding."

James was quick to respond. "He and Bianca also broke up for eight months during his last year of training."

"And they got back together," Lily reminded him gently. "It's probably going to be tough, but if you fight for what's right, it _will _work out in the end. You just have to be determined to fight for what you want."

James nodded but his hesitated told Lily that he wasn't quite convinced.

"He told me not to be an Auror," he muttered.

"Hm?"

"My father," James sighed, hanging his head shamefully. "He told me not to be an Auror. He warned me that I might lose everything and everyone."

Lily gripped his hand tightly and with her free hand, placed her fingers underneath his chin. She forced him to look her in the eyes. "You _won't _lose _me_," she said sternly, her voice firm and her eyes filled with determination.

He squeezed her hand. "How can you be so sure?" he asked.

"Because I love you," she said matter-of-factly with a curt shrug. "And no matter what happens, no matter how hard it is to stay together and no matter how much our work bogs us down, I am _always _going to love you. And I am going to remember that you love me, too."

She sounded so tenacious, James almost believed her. He wanted so much to believe her, but he couldn't get the picture of his disgruntled, shattered father only two days before he left his family. "I _do_ love you, Lily. More than anything," James said softly, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and drawing her in close to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist tightly and let him ponder the future. She knew he was still uncertain, but she didn't question it. They just had to trust each other and trust the love they had for each other. It was the only thing they could do.

"Thank you for…for standing by me through everything," James whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I don't know how I'd get through everything without you."

Lily shared a momentous gaze with him before stepping on her tiptoes and kissing him gently. "Well, lucky for you, I'm not going anywhere," she whispered. She nuzzled her head into his chest as he buried his lips into her hair.

Lily didn't know how long they stood there in that hallway. They both just wanted to hold on to each other, knowing that there was a chance that in the future they wouldn't have time for sweet, simple moments like this.

Eventually, James took her hand and they walked towards their private quarters. Instead of fooling around like they had intended, they lay in James' bed, just enjoying each other's company. It was exactly what he needed.

* * *

"How much bacon do you think I can stick in my mouth before I want to throw up?" Sirius asked the next morning, surrounded by just the guys that morning. Lily had slept in Riley's and Kay's room last night for an apparently necessary sleepover according to her. They hadn't had a girl's night in a long time (and of course, Sirius interjected a comment about a naked pillow fight) and they felt it was time to forgo the guys and have a little fun on their own. Chances are they were still passed out from their sugar coma.

"I don't know but I don't really want to see you try," Remus snorted, grabbing the plate of bacon away from his friend.

"What if I aim my projectile vomit James' way?" Sirius said, flashing James' a grin.

"Well, then I have nothing against this," Remus joked, but continued shielding the bacon from his friend.

"Gee, thanks for that," James said dryly, stifling a yawn.

A shadow cast over the four of them and before Sirius could contemplate the actual consequences of shoving unnecessary amounts of bacon into his mouth, Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Whenever you four get a moment, do you mind meeting me in my office?"

The four of them, sharing a succinct glance with other simply nodded, running through the reasons to why Dumbledore would want to talk to them privately, all of the ideas more unrealistic than the next. "Of course," James eventually choked out, feeling it was his responsibility as Head Boy to respond to the Headmaster.

"Enjoy your breakfast," Dumbledore said before sauntering out of the Great Hall.

Remus smacked Sirius' shoulder earning a yelp from him. "What the hell did you do, Padfoot?" he hissed.

"Now why do you look at me when you ask that?" Sirius demanded to know, rubbing his shoulder delicately.

"Because _you're _always the one getting us into trouble," Remus snorted, giving him a look.

"That's not true! I have mastered the art of being stealthy. I never get caught!" Sirius argued.

Peter piped up. "Just last week, you received a detention for attempting to enlarge Narcissa's head."

Sirius hesitated, grinning sheepishly. "Oh, right," he said guiltily. "Well, I swear I didn't do anything this time." He paused, leaning back in the seat contemplatively. He eventually shook his head. "My guess is James got caught having sex in a broom closet somewhere."

"And _why _would he be dragging all of us to a meeting in his office if that was true?" James scowled, throwing a piece of a scone at him.

Sirius ducked. "I don't know! I just know it wasn't me!"

"Over the years, I have unquestionably concluded that when a professor needs to speak to us, it's something that you did," Remus said with a casual shrug.

"I am suddenly feeling a very large, sharp, pointy cooking utensil in my back," Sirius pouted.

"A knife isn't really a cooking utensil. More like a chopping utensil," James corrected him, earning a glare from his friend. "C'mon, let's finish breakfast and head to Dumbledore's office. It's the only way we'll really learn why he wants to speak to us privately."

They all shoveled large amounts of food into their mouth in a matter of seconds and were rushing out of the Great Hall only a minute later, smack into Lily, Riley, and Kay.

"ARGH!" Lily cried as Sirius slammed into her. She rubbed her forehead irritably and glared at him. "Hasn't anyone told you not to run in the hallways?"

"No."

"Oh," she said sheepishly. "Well, don't run in the hallways!"

Sirius laughed. "I got that, thanks," he said quickly, sidestepping past her. He tried running off without so much as an explanation, but he was forced to stay put when Kay grabbed the back of his robes.

"Hold it! Where are you guys off in such a hurry?" Kay asked curiously.

"Dumledore's office," Remus said vaguely.

The three girls stared at him in confusion. "Isn't that something you should be rushing _away from_?" Riley sniggered.

"That probably _would _be wise," James pondered, shrugging curtly. "We're not really sure what he wants but I'm pretty sure we haven't done anything unusually stupid lately so I don't think he wants to scold us."

"He asked Sirius to be there," Lily said dryly. "I'm pretty sure he _does _want to scold you."

"HEY!" Sirius pouted. "Okay, I'm officially out of here."

Lily laughed, shoving him playfully. "Oh, just go. See you in class."

"Unless he's expelled," Riley muttered under her breath, only audible to the girls, who burst into laughter.

* * *

The four of them were sitting in oversized chairs, fidgeting uncomfortably as they stared into Dumbledore's eyes, hoping that whatever they were there for, they would receive a week's detention, a slap on the wrists, and be sent on their way.

"I know that you are probably wondering why I asked you here this morning," Dumbledore said, clearing his throat.

"Well, I'm pretty sure it's not to congratulate me for turning the Slytherins' pitchers of pumpkin juice into jet fuel and putting a dung beetle in Severus' eggs," Sirius mumbled under his breath, earning a kick to the shins by Remus and a glare from James and Peter.

If Dumbledore had heard, he let it go unnoticed. "What's that, Mr. Black?" he said, a sly smile on his face.

"Nothing," Sirius replied almost immediately. "Just…just agreeing with you."

"As you know, Lord Voldemort is on the rise," he started slowly, leaning back in his chair. "He is a danger to the wizarding world and kills whoever he pleases in order to get what he wants. Until he has everyone in the wizarding world on his side, he'll never stop. And that's where I come in."

If the Marauders were confused as to why they were there, Dumbledore's opening statement threw them all for a loop. "Uh…" was all James could utter.

Being the logical, cool-headed one he was, Remus interjected, "What does this have to do with us?"

"I'm glad you asked that," Dumbledore said in all sincerity. "I have decided that it's time someone takes control of the situation. I am forming a group called the Order of the Phoenix that will be solely committed to conquering Lord Voldemort. If you are interested, I would like the four of you to be a part of that group."

Shock and awe registered on all four of their faces. They would have sworn on their lives that they were in trouble for something and instead, Dumbledore was asking them to join a Voldemort-hunting organization.

"Sir?" James spoke up cautiously. Dumbledore nodded, giving him the go-ahead. "Why are you forming this organization? I mean, aren't Aurors supposed to be dedicated to destroying Voldemort?"

Dumbledore smiled smugly, expecting that question from him. "Aurors protect the wizarding world from harm. They go after Death Eaters, but no one has a clue how to go after Voldemort. I hope that with some of the best young minds of the wizarding world, we have a chance of finishing him off."

"And you're asking us?" Sirius said, his heart beating faster in astonishment.

"Yes, Mr. Black, that is exactly what I'm doing. I need strong, determined, selfless people in this organization, who are willing to put others before themselves and put their necks on the line for the good of the wizarding world. I think you four would be ideal," Dumbledore said, nodding curtly. "But I want to warn you all, this won't be easy. You will be putting yourself in imminent danger and putting your own life at risk to save the humanity of our world."

"I want to do it," James replied almost immediately.

Dumbledore didn't look surprised at James' instant participation. "I don't need an answer now," he explained. "Like I said, this will be a very dangerous organization to be a part of."

"I don't need to think about it," James said firmly, shaking his head. "That man murdered my older brother and tore our family apart. I want to help destroy him."

"Revenge shouldn't be your motivation for joining," Dumbledore replied, gazing at James with a hesitant look.

"I'm not joining out of revenge," James retorted, trying to disguise his anger with Voldemort. "Killing is some sort of sport for Lord Voldemort. He ruins innocent lives and doesn't care. He is unstoppable and I'd like to part of the organization that shows him what it's like to be destroyed."

Dumbledore gave him a curt nod, knowing that while it was partly revenge, James was joining for the sincerest of reasons. "I understand," he said simply.

"I want to join, too," Sirius piped up, sitting upright.

"Your parents would totally send you to military school if they hadn't already disowned you," James snickered.

Dumbledore's gaze shifted from James' defiant look to Sirius' determined one. "When was the last time I have cared about what they thought?" Sirius snorted. "I have heard for my entire life that Voldemort is a godsend. That he is this amazing person who is finally trying to eradicate those who don't belong in our world. I'm ready to show them that they are _wrong_. That killing _innocent people _is wrong. That Voldemort _needs _to be stopped." His eyes were glaring with frustration. "This isn't about my parents. This is bigger than them. This is about those poor people that have died at the hands of Voldemort."

Dumbledore was gazing at Sirius like a proud father. He had had a feeling that Sirius would agree to join. Dumbledore had known that Voldemort has attempted to recruit him in the past and Dumbledore also knew that Sirius would never accept the offer. He may have been born into the Black family, but he had distanced himself from them ever since. "I didn't ask you four up here to get a final decision. I do think that it is important for you to think it over. After graduation, your lives are going to change and I don't want to add more pressure and strain on your lives. When the Order meets, we will need your undivided attention. I need a full commitment, so I will not feel offended if you take the time to contemplate the offer. And I will not feel offended if in the end, you choose not to join."

"I'm with James," Sirius said, shrugging curtly. "I don't need to think about it."

"Me, neither," Peter chimed in, his voice shaking. "I-I want to join." He was so honored that Dumbledore asked him to join, he never would have had the nerve to turn him down.

Dumbledore simply nodded, surprisingly flattered that the three of them agreed so quickly. While he would have liked them to think about it, certain that they don't realize what is ahead of them, he was proud of them for being so willing to help the wizarding world.

James, Sirius, and Peter fixed their stares on Remus, who looked overwhelmingly uncomfortable. He avoided eye contact with his three friends and gazed up at Dumbledore. "Are…are you sure you want me?" he asked in a small voice.

Dumbledore smiled. "I thought you might have that reaction," he said. "And I assure you that anyone in this organization will not judge you based on your lycanthropy. And if they do, they aren't someone I want in this group."

"Wait, that's why you don't want to join?" James asked, confused.

Remus didn't even glimpse his way. "Can I think about it?" he murmured, slumping down in his chair.

Dumbledore nodded reassuringly. "Of course. That's what I want you to do."

"Thanks," Remus said for lack of anything better to say.

"Is…is that all, sir?" Sirius asked hesitantly, continuously glancing towards Remus. He wanted to get out of the office in order to talk to Remus.

"I do have on more request," Dumbledore said, sitting up taller in his chair, taking a second to fix his stare on each and every one of them. "I have asked Severus Snape to join the Order of the Phoenix." The flicker of surprise didn't go unnoticed. "He has agreed. So I would appreciate you four leaving Severus Snape alone for the sake of the Order."

The four of them all turned a slight shade of red, suddenly feeling very guilty and embarrassed. They were eighteen-years-old and still picking on people they felt inferior. "Of course, sir," James finally spoke up, sharing an apologetic smile with him.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said, sharing a proud smile with the Head Boy. When he had appointed James Potter as Head Boy , he had been hesitant. He knew that James could step up to the responsibilities but he was surprised at how far he had come. Dumbledore had a feeling it may have to do with a young redheaded girl who just happened to be his partner not only at that school but in life. "You can go to class now. Thank you for your time."

They knew when they were being dismissed. Glancing at the clock, they still had plenty of time to get to class but were smart enough to jump up from their seats, offering awkward smiles at their Headmaster before slipping out of the room.

James hesitated at the door and glanced back towards Dumbledore, who was staring back at him. He gestured his friends out the door. "You guys go on ahead. I'll be right there."

They didn't question it and headed out the door without James.

"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked, seeing his inquisitive look.

"Are…are you going to ask Lily to join?" he asked curiously, shuffling his feet awkwardly.

Dumbledore smiled, not surprised by the question. "Do you think I should?"

James swallowed hard, knowing what he wanted to say. Instead, he nodded. "Yes," he muttered. "She would be the perfect candidate. She is the smartest most determined person I've ever met. She is so strong-headed and puts everyone before herself. You couldn't have anyone better than her."

"Yet, you don't want me to ask her?" Dumbledore asked, sensing his hesitance.

"You said it yourself, sir," James sighed, hanging his head shamefully, "The Order is going to be dangerous and…and I-I have this overwhelming obsession to keep her as safe as possible. I know she doesn't need my protection—Merlin knows she has told me that enough times throughout our lives—but…but I can't help but do whatever I can to shelter her from harm." James sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Is…is that selfish of me?" he asked guiltily.

Dumbledore sat back in his chair, a curious glint in his eye. "I would call it noble," he said after a long bout of silence. "It's a natural inclination to protect your loved ones. Especially when you just lost one."

James jerked his head up, words caught in his throat.

Dumbledore had nothing else to say. He knew James would do the right thing. While he had made bad decisions in the past, he had matured greatly throughout the years. Dumbledore had faith in his Head Boy.

"You _should _ask her," James murmured. "She will be the best damn member of the Order you'll ever have." He ignored the fact that he just cursed in front of the Headmaster.

Dumbledore ignored it, too. "I was already planning on asking her."

James forced out a smile even though he was screaming inside. He didn't say anything else, waving dismissively at Dumbledore before walking out of the office, thoughts of Lily on his mind.

* * *

"What was that about?" Sirius was quick to ask James after he had rejoined their group. James wasn't surprised that they had waited for him, knowing it was mostly due to their own curiosity. They started heading towards Herbology.

James shrugged awkwardly. "Just wondering if Dumbledore was going to ask Lily."

Sirius raised a curious eyebrow. "And?"

"He probably is," James murmured with a sigh.

"You don't sound so enthusiastic," Remus noted, his eyes narrowing into inquisitive slits.

James didn't respond. He thought about everything that Dumbledore had said and knew that he was right. "It's not something one becomes enthusiastic about," he explained with a casual shrug. "It's putting your life in immense danger and possibly risking death. That's not something to be enthusiastic about."

Remus and Sirius shared a meaningful glance, knowing that their friend was scared for his girlfriend's life.

James thought it was best to change the subject. "Remus, why did you say you'd think about it?"

Remus pursed his lips, afraid that question might come up. "I think the obvious answer here is because I need to think about it," he said dryly.

"But why?" Peter chimed in, curious himself. If anyone should have thought about it, it would have been him. Taking risks wasn't exactly his forte; he often left that to his three friends.

"You guys really don't understand," Remus said, his frustration growing. "Just because you didn't care about my condition, doesn't mean that others won't. It's a _big deal _in the wizarding world. I don't want to detract from anyone else joining this group because of me. Can you just drop it?"

The three friends exchanged a confused glance, uncertain as to why Remus was acting so cross.

They walked in an awkward silence, all thinking of the implications of joining the Order.

As they rounded the corner towards their classroom, James spoke up again. "Moony, I understand why you're hesitant," James said, offering him a sympathetic lopsided smile, "But it's like Dumbledore said. The people that Dumbledore asks to join this organization _will not care_. They are-"

"Like Severus?" Remus snapped.

James glanced slightly over at Sirius, who winced at the implication. "Dumbledore trusts him," he said hesitantly. "And so should we."

Even Sirius glanced at James as if he were crazy. "Please tell me you didn't just say that," Sirius grunted.

"I did, although I don't know if I'm quite at that stage yet," he murmured, shaking his head incredulously. "I'm still working on the whole 'don't hex him in the hallways' detail."

Even Remus cracked a smile.

"Remus," James said softly, earning a look from Remus. Remus was hoping that the conversation about him had come to an end. "I am not trying to encourage you to join, but I think you're hesitant for all the wrong reasons. You need-"

"And how the hell would you know if they were the wrong reason?" Remus retaliated, glaring at him. "You have _no _idea what is going through my head and I would appreciate you not trying to analyze me."

James opened his mouth to reply, but Remus' deathly glare gave James enough reason to close his mouth tightly, though the tension in his lips showed them all that he had plenty more to say.

Herbology was nothing special that day. They were just practicing how to care for hellebores and flitterbooms, something that the professor had hinted might be on the N.E.W.T.s. It gave James ample time to try and figure out what was going through Remus' mind, much to Lily's irritation.

"James, you keep overwatering the flitterboom!" Lily cried, glaring at him.

James whirled around, turning his gaze off of Remus who was clearly commanding his two plants with Peter looking overwhelmed by his side. "Sorry," he muttered.

"What's with you?" she asked for the third time.

"Just…distracted," James sighed. "I'm going to go see if Remus has extra tweezers."

"We have three pairs!" Lily whispered frantically, but James had already stalked over to Remus' and Peter's station. "Peter, be useful. Grab an extra handful of dirt for Lily."

Peter obliged. He rarely argued with his friends.

"If you came over here to-" Remus started but was unexpectedly interrupted by James slamming his hand over Remus' mouth.

"At least hear me out," James said irritably. James didn't remove his hand until Remus slowly nodded, clearly not pleased about it. "Dumbledore said that he needs unselfish, strong people in the Order. I don't know anyone that better fits that description." James could tell he got Remus' attention. "You have always put others before the sake of your own happiness. You are one of the most moral human-beings I have ever met and why you are still friends with me after all of the mistakes and errors that I have made throughout the years is beyond me. And you are stronger than anyone I know. I-I have no idea how you are still the person you have become with the tragedies that you have dealt with. You have had to deal with a hell of a lot more than anyone should at your age and yet, you have overcome everything that has been thrown at you. You are so incredibly level-headed and you don't quit until you finish what you started. I have all of the confidence in the world that you would be the best person to fight Voldemort and I know that I would be alright with you by my side. I would trust you unquestionably with my life," James said sincerely, fixing his stare on Remus', whose jaw was hanging open by James' compliments. "If you're hesitant because you're afraid what people might think of you in the Order, I think you have nothing to worry about. If you're afraid because this might be the most dangerous thing we'll ever do with our lives, that I can totally understand. But if you're afraid you wouldn't be up to the challenge and that you wouldn't be good enough for the Order, I think you're a complete moron."

Remus was speechless, unexpected by James' speech. He opened his mouth to respond and found that he didn't have the words to counter.

"Just…just think about it," James said, slowly turning around to head back towards Lily. As an afterthought, he grabbed a pair of tweezers off Remus' station.

Lily glanced at James scrupulously as he handed her the tweezers. "Want to tell me what that was about?"

James shook his head, pulling her towards him to kiss her on the side of the head. "It's nothing," he said. "So what the hell is a hellebore even good for?"

Lily let it go but he could tell that something was really nagging at him. He continued to be distracted throughout the lesson and was making tiny mistakes, mistakes that James would have never usually made.

Remus, too, was distracted throughout class, depending on Peter to fulfill the professor's expectations. He pondered James' words, doubting himself. He wondered what he was so cautious about. He had blamed it on his lycanthropy and there was a definite part of him that couldn't help but think how his lycanthropy would affect his role in the Order. How could he not? It had been controlling his life ever since he got bitten. Dumbledore had mentioned that that group needed his undivided attention, but how was he supposed to do that when once a month, he wouldn't be able to be a part of the Order? When once a month, he couldn't even give _himself _that kind of attention?

He sighed, knowing he was just making excuses for himself. Truthfully, he was scared out of his mind. And it had more to do with the future in general than it did with the Order. He had no idea what his plans were after graduation. Being a werewolf made it very difficult to search for a full-time job and it's not like he had his parents to fall back on. They had given up on him years earlier. He didn't know if he could give Dumbledore an answer about the Order having no idea what he was planning on doing or where he was planning on going.

Stealing a peek towards James, Remus couldn't help but smile. He had been completely lost when he arrived at Hogwarts and it was James, Sirius, and Peter that helped him realize that his lycanthropy didn't define him. It may be a part of him but it wasn't all of him. He owed everything to his three friends for not only accepting him but for going above and beyond the call of duty to become Animagi. It meant everything in the world to him that James had the utmost confidence in him. Because the truth was, Remus rarely did. He was constantly worrying about post-graduation and rarely spoke about it to his friends. And if James believed in him, maybe it was his time to believe in himself also. Because even if his future was hazy, he knew he could always depend on his three best friends. And if they were going to put everything on the line to destroy Voldemort, than he knew he could, too. They had risked everything to be by his side and it was Remus' turn to return the favor.

Remus stalked over to James and Lily who were having a dispute about hydration. "It's three drops of liminoda!"

"I clearly remember it being five," Lily argued, shaking her head.

"It's actually five and a half," Remus chimed in. He grabbed the pair of tweezers out of James' hand with a look. "Thanks." He smiled, gazing at James. "I mean it. Thank you," he said softly.

James knew that Remus wasn't referring to the tweezers. He smiled back, silently accepting his gratitude.

"Uh, they're just tweezers," Lily interrupted with a snicker, knowing perfectly well that they were sharing a moment that Lily was not a part of. "I have three others right here if you'd like another pair."

Remus laughed and playfully shoved her. He grinned and sauntered back to Peter, who seemed to have doubled the amount of hydration that the hellebore was supposed to receive. Remus groaned and attempted to fix the problem with very little success, knowing that when class was dismissed for lunch, he would go find Dumbledore.

* * *

**A/N: **So finally the story is more than just relationships! Their last year at Hogwarts is soon coming to a close and I knew it was time I started focusing on their futures. I have a lot up my sleeve when it comes to my seven main characters-some good, some bad, some happy, some sad. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Hopefully the next one will be following soon! Please review!


	44. Of Hot Dogs, Pumpkins, & Love

**A/N: **Sorry that this has taken me so long to update! I've been having a bit of a dilemma with this story, specifically Riley and Sirius. I know that everyone wants them do desperately to get back together and I had considered doing that sooner rather than later. Except when I sat down and wrote it, it felt too rushed and uncharacteristic of Riley. She is scared out of her mind to just let her guard down and accept him into her life and it will take more than Sirius to convince her otherwise. I promise that it won't be long until they're back together! Patience is virture. On another note, I love James and Lily! They are slowly becoming too cute for words and I love every scene I write between the two!

**Disclaimer: **Oh how I wish I was J.K. Rowling. Alas, I am not.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 44: Of Hot Dogs, Pumpkins, & Love

After Herbology came a double period of History of Magic that they all surprisingly could stay awake for considering that Binns was teaching them about the recent war. While Binns' monotonous voice was often difficult to listen attentively to, they were all interested in Voldemort's past and his rise to power. But he had only taken twenty minutes to discuss Voldemort and his deatheaters and refused to give out any names due to fear of a riot occurring in his room seeing that the Gryffindors shared History of Magic with the Slytherins.

"Did you see Lestrange's face when Binns started droning on about the capture of wizards performing dark magic?" Sirius said, grinning giddily. "I thought he was going to burst with anger!"

"Everyone knows that his father's in Azkaban for life," Riley snickered, nodding vigorously. "And I don't know why Binns didn't bother mentioning Gerard Rookwood as an example of a Death Eater and the disasters he's caused. He's killed more people than any of Voldemort's other followers."

Even Lily couldn't help but snicker. "You guys are so cruel," she chuckled, shaking her head guiltily.

"It's not considered cruel when you're bad-mouthing the Slytherins," Kay jumped in. "It's considered fun."

Lily didn't bother contesting. She had six people around her who would have immediately retaliated with all of the malicious things that the Slytherins have done to cause them frustration and pain. Lily couldn't help but be reminded of the many times that they called her a Mudblood and chose just to keep her mouth shut.

"I have to run back to the room and grab my Charms textbook," Kay murmured. "I'm nowhere near prepared for our exam later."

"I'll come, too," Riley said, frowning. "I'm pretty sure I left my Defense Against the Dark Arts essay on jauntrays and gellyprags up there."

"I'm pretty sure you never did it," Kay snorted, giving her a look.

"Shh, I stole Lily's when she wasn't looking and hoped she wouldn't notice," Riley joked, gazing at Lily out of the corner of her eye with a hint of a smile.

Lily gasped. "I thought my bag felt lighter!"

All of them laughed and James patted his girlfriend on the shoulder. "Honey, that's really pathetic," he said, winking playfully as he kissed her lightly on top of her head.

Lily pouted as Kay and Riley rushed back to the Gryffindor house.

"Well, I'm off to Dumbledore's office," Remus stated, a nervous smile on his face.

Sirius' raised his eyebrows attentively, his face lighting up in anticipation. "Well?"

Remus blushed. "I'm saying yes to his offer."

Sirius whooped in delight, pumping his fist into the air. He, Peter, and James high-fived.

"Oh, stop," Remus murmured, embarrassed by their show of affection. But he, again, was grateful that his friends cared so much. Just goes to show how much his life had changed with his invitation to Hogwarts. He waved at them dismissively, telling them all that he would catch them at lunch, and headed in the opposite direction.

"So what was that about?" Lily asked James curiously, gripping her boyfriend's arm. "What does Remus need to talk to Dumbledore about?"

James hesitated, not wanting to tell Lily before Dumbledore was able to. He shared a glance with Sirius and Peter. "Er…you'll find out soon enough."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "And what did you need to talk to Remus about this morning in Herbology?"

James offered her a sheepish grin. "You'll also find out about that soon enough."

Lily's curiosity rose. "And what did Dumbledore need to discuss with you guys this morning?"

"You'll find out about that soon enough."

"And _why _did you go up to Severus in class and _apologize _for putting a dung beetle in his food?" Lily asked. She cut James off before he could speak. "And don't say I'll find out soon enough!"

"You'll find out…eventually," he said, flashing her an innocent smile.

"That is just a synonym of soon," she retorted, playfully placing her hands on her hips.

James shrugged. "I'm a man of many words."

"No, not really, considering you've repeated the same five words to me to my past four questions," she laughed. She shrugged, letting him off the hook with a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Sorry I can't be more help," he replied sincerely, leaning into her soft touch. "Dumbledore will explain everything."

"Dumbledore?" Lily asked inquisitively. "You have unquestionably intrigued me, Mr. Potter."

He just grinned. "One needs a little bit of mystery in their life."

Lily shrugged. "I guess I can hold off for a while. But can you please let me know if you plan on apologizing to any more Slytherins in the near future?"

James snorted. "I won't, but why do you want to know?"

"So I can get the camera ready. That's a moment that needs to be commemorated for life."

James playfully shoved her away from him, but joined in with her laughter.

"I'm going to have to agree," Sirius chimed in. "Just because Dumbledore asked us to be nicer to Severus, didn't mean you had to _apologize._ Our prank was pre-Dumbledore's request and therefore, acceptable."

"I don't think pranking is ever acceptable," Lily snorted.

Sirius gasped. "You don't know me at all," he said overdramatically.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I know you enough to know that I should probably avoid lunch today."

Sirius quirked a confused eyebrow. "Why?"

A grin slowly formed on Lily's face. "Don't tell me you forgot what they're serving at lunch today."

Sirius gazed at her confused before a sudden realization hit him and he shouted in glee. "It's Hot Dog Day!"

Lily nodded, making a face. "I should have remained quiet and come up with a good excuse to skip lunch."

Sirius gasped. "There is _never _a good enough excuse to skip out on lunch when it's Hot Dog Day!"

"Oh, really? Because I'm sure Kay, Riley, and Remus would think differently," Lily sniggered, gesturing towards the empty hallway where their three friends had recently abandoned.

Sirius halted, causing Lily to slam into him. "OW!" she cried, rubbing her forehead. "Warn me before you do that, will ya?"

"Oh my God, they all walked away to get out of participating in our contest!" Sirius said, frustrated.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Believe me, none of them are that smart," she sniggered. She hesitated. "Except maybe Remus. But I don't think he would go to see Dumbledore just as an excuse to not watch you drool hot dog remains all over yourself."

"I don't do that!" Sirius pouted as they sauntered into the Great Hall.

James snorted. "I'm going to have to agree with Lily on this one."

"Dude, you participate in the contest just as much as I do," Sirius pointed out, giving James a look.

"I try to avoid the drool as much as possible." James slid into an empty seat at the Gryffindor table beside his sister. He pointed to the tray of hot dogs in front of him. "Go to town, Sirius."

Dezzy groaned. "Aren't you guys old enough to know that those contests _never _turn out in your favor?"

"Nonsense. They _always_ turn out in my favor," Sirius argued. "Mostly because I always win."

Drew chimed in. "Not true. The last time you did this silly contest, Riley won."

Sirius scowled. "Well, that was a fluke."

"Uh, _how_?" Lily snorted.

"Because it is a _Marauder's _game. A.k.a. _only _Marauders can play!"

"You're just upset that you got beaten by a girl," Dezzy giggled.

Sirius glared at her.

She grinned sheepishly and suddenly became very interested in her shepherd's pie.

"You'll still participate with me, right?" Sirius asked James and Peter sitting across the table from him, a pleading look on his face.

James groaned. "I agree with Dezzy. Aren't we too old for this?"

Sirius shook his head sullenly, reaching for a biscuit to stuff into his mouth. "No," he said, a grim look on his face instead of his usual teasing one. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair anxiously as he reminisced. Ever since he could remember, he and his three friends had been participating in the silly little contest on days when hot dogs were served. He couldn't remember exactly how it started, although he had a feeling he probably started it, but he was glad it did. It was something that reminded him of how easy it often was to get so caught up in the drama and activities of the everyday. Silly little contests were a way to relax and let loose. "We're too old when we leave this school and don't have Hot Dog Day to look forward to."

Peter and James exchanged a look, sensing the uneasiness in his voice.

"_I'll _participate."

Four heads turned back to see Remus slip into the seat beside Sirius with a smile, soon followed by Jillian who he had run into right outside the Great Hall. "Granted, I'm not as much competition as James is, but I'm always up for a hearty Marauder tradition," said Remus.

Sirius grinned. "That's the spirit."

James groaned. "Okay, fine. But I don't know what you're moaning about, Sirius. I'm pretty sure you'll find a way to continue Hot Dog Day out there in the real world."

Sirius gazed over at his best friend and shrugged. "It won't be the same."

"I know," James said, offering him a sympathetic lopsided smile. He knew exactly what was running through Sirius' mind. Nowadays, it was hard to ignore the fact that graduation was looming closer. He reached for a plate of hot dogs and started separating them out.

Lily made a face. "I don't want to watch this," she whined.

"Oh, you won't be," James assured her, a suggestive glint in his eyes. "You'll be participating."

Lily scoffed, giving him a look. "I most certainly will _not_."

"When are you ever going to have this chance again?" he pleaded, giving her his best puppy-dog face, his lip curled innocently and his eyebrows raised assertively. She just shot him a look, refusing to give into him. "Oh, c'mon. This is potentially the last time Hogwarts will be serving hot dogs. Look at this silly contest as a symbol of our childhood. We will soon be entering adulthood and-"

"Oh, I assure you, I entered adulthood a long time ago," Lily chimed in with a snort.

James sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He didn't know how to explain how important it was to him. They all knew it was just a silly little contest. And yet, to the Marauders, it wasn't. It was tradition. It was something that kept them feeling young, naïve, and vibrant. And with everything that had been happening—from the harsh break-ups to the death of Brite—feeling young and alive was something they all needed. "Please?" was all James could think of to say.

Lily was about to turn him down again when she noticed the desperate faraway look in his eyes. She gazed over at the other three who had fixed their stares on her as well, pleading looks of anxiety on their faces. She could tell that the contest meant something more to them than a contest and she found herself moaning. "Fine!" she gave in, whimpering. "But only if Dezzy and Jillian participate."

Dezzy spit out the biscuit she just stuffed in her mouth and Jillian glanced up, horrified. "Don't drag me into this!" Dezzy shrieked.

"Too late," Lily said with a grin. "You can make Drew play, too."

Drew made a face from beside her. "I'm not one for making a fool out of myself in front of the entire school. Count me out."

"You two are such party poopers," James snorted, giving his sister and her boyfriend a look. "And sidenote? Drew, you pretty much are the King of making a fool out of yourself. I have stories from our childhood that would make any sane person horrified, including a story about you streaking down our street wearing blue body paint during the Quidditch Cup semifinals when the Canons won."

Lily's eyebrows shot up and Dezzy fell into a fit of giggles, remembering well Drew's excitement that night. "How mature of you," Lily sniggered, sharing an amused glance with Dezzy.

"I was eight years old!" Drew whined, giving James a look. "Okay, okay, I'll participate in your contest if you keep those stories at a minimum."

"Mum's the word," James said with a grin, pretending to zip his lips.

"Okay, no fair, I don't have any embarrassing stories from Jillian's childhood to blackmail her into playing," Remus whined.

"If I try to shove ten hot dogs in my mouth, I'm pretty sure you'll break up with me," Jillian snorted. "That wouldn't be a pretty picture."

Remus shrugged. "But it's okay for you to watch _me _shove ten hot dogs into _my _mouth?" he laughed.

"Well, I've been watching you for seven years do that," Jillian reminded him.

"And you still pursued him?" James said, shaking his head incredulously. "Are you nuts?"

"Shouldn't you be asking Lily the same thing?" Remus snorted, giving him a look.

He glimpsed over at Lily who was smiling knowingly. "Believe me, I ask myself that question every day," she teased. James pouted earning a slight laugh from Lily, who leaned over and kissed him briefly. "I guess one can't help who she falls in love with. Even if that person is someone who likes to stuff ten hot dogs down his throat for _fun_."

"I guess you can't blame a guy for wanting to have fun," Jillian sighed. She groaned, realizing that she was caving. "Okay, fine, hand me a plate of hot dogs."

The guys all erupted in cheers, Remus planting a kiss on her giddily.

James quickly stood up and walked over to the Ravenclaw table. With his usual charming smile, he reached over and grabbed a plate of hot dogs, knowing that they would need more than just the two plates that were in front of them.

"I knew I should have stayed up in the Gryffindor tower," a grim voice came from behind James. Riley gave him a look as she slid into an empty seat beside Lily. She offered Lily a sideways glance. "You couldn't have warned me what today was?"

"I thought you had rushed upstairs to escape this debacle," Lily murmured, making a face. "I was beginning to think I should have joined."

"Oh, c'mon, these contests may be so completely disgusting and juvenile," Kay chimed in with a shrug, "But they also happen to be fun and light-hearted. And with N.E.W.T.s quickly approaching, we could all use a little bit of fun and light-heartedness."

"Hear, hear!" Sirius cheered, clinking glasses with Kay. "I always knew you were my favorite."

Riley sighed. "I don't know what you're so excited about, Sirius," she responded with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "You sure you're ready to be beaten by a girl again?"

"I've seen you eat when you're ravenous," Sirius snorted, "You're no girl, you're a beast."

"A beast you happen to be sleeping with," Remus reminded him.

"I didn't say she wasn't a sexy beast," he retorted, sharing a furtive gaze with Riley. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Riley just rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the slightest bit of pink that was forming in her cheeks. "Okay, let's get this thing started!" he said, grabbing ten hot dogs from the plate in front of him and piling them all on to his own plate.

Needless to say, they all had fun and enjoyed the light-heartedness that the contest provided them. Even Lily had to admit that while she had lost miserably and kept calling the contest stupid when the others mocked her loss, it was something she wouldn't say no to doing again. With all of the fights and break-ups that had occurred since the beginning of the year, the fact that they were all able to be in a room together without so much as a snipe from someone made her remember what was important in life. While Sirius' and Riley's situation was far from perfect and Lily and James couldn't help but wonder what the future would bring them and Remus and Jillian had no idea how they were going to make a long distance relationship work in the following year and Kay questioned if she was going to be able to go from being a long-distance girlfriend to being the girlfriend that actually lives in the vicinity of her boyfriend, none of that seemed to matter at that moment in the Great Hall. All that mattered was enjoying the young and frivolous moments given to them.

Because they all knew that those moments wouldn't last forever.

The Gryffindor table was a mess. Hot dog pieces and buns had been strewn around the table haphazardly and boisterous laughter surrounded the students. It was the most participants during the contest ever and in the end, the most fun. But more people equaled more mess. Riley reached over and plucked hot dog remnants out of Sirius' hair with a chuckle while Remus tried wiping ketchup off of Jillian's upper lip. Lily was chugging water by the glass and James was holding his arms over his head in victory, having beaten them all by a mere few seconds. Peter was being mocked for only getting down one and a half hot dogs by onlookers and Dezzy and Drew were holding their sides in excessive laughter, trying to remember the last time they had had that much fun.

When the laughter died down and stragglers had returned to their own table and Lily, being the most responsible one, forced everyone to clean off the table, reality set in. "Okay, I have to head to the library to finish the paperwork for tonight's prefect meeting," Lily murmured, making a face. "After I go throw up, of course."

James laughed and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

She smiled. "The things I do for you," she snickered, blushing slightly. She grabbed her bag and stood up quickly, brushing her lips lightly against James' lips. "I'll see you guys in class."

Once she had headed out of the Great Hall, Riley pulled out Lily's essay and the beginning of hers. "Okay, who else can tell me how jauntrays attack their prey?"

James snorted. "Haven't you read through Lily's essay?"

"It's four feet long!" Riley complained. "I don't have the time to read through her babble."

"So you thought you'd interrogate us instead?" Kay laughed, pulling a stray piece of hot dog bun out of her shirt with a look of disgust.

Riley shrugged. "I thought this might be faster."

"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I haven't started that essay," Sirius chimed in with a sheepish grin. "So I'm of no help."

"That doesn't exactly come as a shock," Riley drawled impishly, giving him a knowing look. "You do realize that this essay is due first thing tomorrow morning."

"Eh, that gives me twenty hours to pull something together." He flashed Riley his usual charming grin.

"Would you mind pulling together an essay for me, too?" Riley said hopefully. "Believe me when I would say I would _definitely _find a way to repay you." She winked at him suggestively.

"What has this world come to?" Remus sighed, glancing furtively between the two. "Are you really trading sexual favors for _schoolwork_?"

Riley laughed, shrugging coolly. "You're just aggravated that I thought of it first."

Remus shook his head. "Nah, my girlfriend gives it up willingly."

"Remus!" Jillian groaned, smacking him on the shoulder as she blushed furiously.

Remus grinned sheepishly. "My bad?"

"Good luck digging your way out of that one," Riley snickered, patting Remus on the back. "As much as I despise the library, I think I need to pull a Lily and head there to finish this essay. I'll catch you guys in Charms." She grabbed her bags and with a quick wave, she skipped out of the Great Hall and straight into Nikki Ventura. Riley stumbled backward, clutching her forehead. "Ow!"

Nikki swore, using the wall to keep her from stumbling towards the ground. "Watch where you're going, Gilmore."

Riley rolled her eyes. "Sorry," she drawled insincerely. She sidestepped her, planning on heading to the library when Nikki's next words made her freeze.

"Are you and Sirius dating?"

Riley slowly turned around, trying to search for the right explanation. "Um…not exactly. Why?"

"Because everyone in this school wants to know," she snorted. "Let me rephrase: all the _girls _in this school want to know."

"Is that code for _you _want to know?" Riley scowled.

Nikki shrugged, leaning against the wall coolly. "Maybe."

Riley opened her mouth to tell Nikki to back off. She wanted to say that Sirius had better girl to spend his time with. Riley wanted to tell Nikki that she had claim over Sirius. But she stopped herself before she could blurt any of it out. If she told Nikki what she had wanted to say, then that would no longer make her Sirius' casual sex partner. That would make her something more. And she refused to believe that she and Sirius were anything more than casual sex buddies. She was determined to remain neutral when it came to her relationship with Sirius. She _had _to be level-headed and _had_ to be the one in control because a part of her knew that if Sirius had his way, neither one of them would be given the chance to date other people. And it was in that moment that she knew she needed to find out the truth about Sirius' feelings once and for all. Not necessarily because she wanted to know, but because she wasn't sure she was going to be able to let go of their past until Sirius did.

"No, we're…we're not dating," she eventually said softly. Riley gazed over Nikki's shoulder towards the Great Hall, a heavy sigh emitting from her lips. "In fact," she said slowly, biting down on her bottom lip. "I need you to do me a favor."

* * *

Riley found herself alone in the Gryffindor common room that night after dinner. She tried immersing herself in her Transfiguration textbook, knowing that McGonagall was preparing to throw at them a N.E.W.T.s pre-test in the upcoming weeks. Riley wasn't nearly prepared for Transfiguration as she should have been. The pillow she kept trying to turn into pumpkin still had tassels lining the inside of the orange squash. She couldn't seem to work with inanimate objects must less the mice that McGonagall had been forcing them to work with recently. While Transfiguration had never been her best subject, Riley had a feeling that her inadequacy to improve her Transfiguration skills had more to do with her recent distractions of the events of her personal life.

"Hey," Kay said, plopping on to the couch beside her. "Why is that pumpkin stuffed with cotton?"

Riley groaned, throwing down her wand on to the table in front of her. "I give up. I am never going to be good at Transfiguration."

Kay aimed her wand at the pumpkin and quickly turned it back into a pillow. "You just have to have complete concentration on the object you are trying to transfigure."

"Ahh, see, that's my problem," she muttered irritably. She crossed her shoulders bitterly and propped her feet up on the coffee table. "And what are you doing back? I thought you were out with Alice."

"I was," Kay said, giving Riley a look. "But it's nearing eleven o'clock."

Riley's attention was quickly diverted to the grandfather clock on the other side of the room. "Oh, jeez, I didn't realize it was that late."

Kay gazed at her curiously. "You have been jumpy all afternoon. Mind cluing me in?"

"I'm just…anxious," Riley said, shrugging. "About upcoming N.E.W.T.s," she lied.

Kay raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Or maybe you heard about Nikki and Sirius."

Riley's heart skipped a beat. She averted her eyes towards the coffee table and not at Kay, hoping to not arouse suspicion. "What do you mean?"

Kay stared at Riley with intense scrutiny, waiting for a flinch or a slight waver in her demeanor. Surprisingly, it never came. "Oh. I guess you didn't hear," she muttered, embarrassed. "Er…well, Nikki asked him out today at lunch."

Riley let out a forced chuckle. "Oh, that's all? I thought you were going to tell me he…he knocked her up or something the way you just carried on!"

Kay shrugged bitterly. "I just didn't think you would take well to that news."

"And why not?" Riley asked. "We have an agreement. He can date whoever the hell he wants and so can I."

Kay sighed, shaking her head suspiciously. "Yes, that's what you said. I just didn't know if it was actually how you felt."

"It is how I feel," Riley retaliated almost immediately, giving Kay a stern look. _It's how I have to feel_, she thought. "And it's how he feels."

Kay opened her mouth to argue, but decided against it. She knew what was best for her. If she tried pressuring Riley into opening up, the whole thing would blow up in her face. And she was too exhausted and too happy with the way things had been going between all of her friends to cause another rift. "Well, then, I guess you have nothing to worry about," she said evasively. "I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to head upstairs. You coming?"

Riley hesitated and shook her head. "Nah, you go ahead. I'm determined to transfigure this pillow into a pumpkin the correct way."

Kay nodded, forcing a strained smile on her face. "That might take you all night," she teased.

Riley pounded Kay in the face with the pillow. "Be glad it wasn't in its pumpkin form."

Kay laughed and trotted upstairs to her room, hoping that Nikki asking Sirius out wouldn't blow up in either Riley's or Sirius' faces. She was beginning to like the idea of them all getting along and couldn't stand if something destroyed them yet again. Kay was afraid that if something tore them all apart that because graduation was approaching so rapidly, their friendships might be lost forever.

Kay was right. At this rate, Riley was going to be stuck in the common room all night. She tried hard to push Sirius and Nikki out of her mind and to focus solely on the pillow. Unfortunately, all she could think about was him.

"Hey there."

Riley glanced up, startled at his voice. "Hey," she said awkwardly as Sirius took Kay's now empty seat on the couch. "Please tell me I'm not the only one who can't transfigure this stupid pillow."

With one flick of the wrist, the pillow in Riley's lap was a pumpkin.

"You officially suck."

Sirius chuckled. "Transfiguration is one of my easier subjects," he said, as if that made any difference. He hid a smile thinking back to his fourth year when he had successfully transfigured into a dog for the first time. It had been an amazing accomplishment and now nothing in Transfiguration was too difficult.

"Oh, please, they're all easy to you," Riley snorted, giving him a look. She placed her wand in her pocket, no longer feeling the need to practice transfiguring inanimate objects. She stifled a yawn and stretched her feet out over Sirius' lap with a sly smile, her heart starting to beat faster in her chest. "So…I hear Nikki asked you out today."

He hesitated and cocked his head over in her direction. "Yeah."

"You say yes?" she asked.

Sirius sensed a bit of aloofness in her voice. He pursed his lips and thought about her question. _Really _thought about it. Per her requirements, he was supposed to date, woo, and fuck whoever asked him to. He had told Nikki he would think about it earlier, mostly because he was curious about Riley's reaction. And the way she was shifting uncomfortably and avoiding his gaze, he had a feeling that she was testing him. "Yes," he lied.

"Cool," she said indifferently.

"Yeah."

If anyone was listening on to their conversation, they would have thought that Riley and Sirius were mere acquaintances or people who have just met, uncertain how to spark small talk. They both looked awkward and both looked as if they wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

They both breathed a sigh of relief when James and Lily sauntered into the room, back from their prefect's meeting. They had scanned the room and wandered over to Riley and Sirius when they caught sight of them. "Hey, guys," Lily greeted. She pushed Riley's feet out of the way and joined them on the couch. She transfigured the pumpkin back into a pillow and placed it behind her head, earning a groan from Riley.

"Why does everyone have to be so good at Transfiguration?" Riley whined, making a face.

Lily grinned sheepishly. "I thrive on being the best, Riley. You shouldn't compare yourself to me."

"What about to Kay or to Sirius. Apparently, they're also good at transfiguring inanimate objects into vegetables," Riley explained.

"Hm. Yeah, I can't help you there," Lily responded with a light chuckle. "So where is Kay anyway? And Peter?" Remus had decided to meet up with Jillian in the Astronomy Tower after the prefect meeting.

"Kay's up in her room and I believe that Peter is off with Teresa," Riley responded.

"What?" Lily said, confused. "I thought she dumped him for someone else."

Sirius shrugged. "Apparently that Dedalus kid wasn't a good kisser," he snickered. "That kid is doomed for life."

"Oh, don't be a jackass," Lily argued, smacking him with the pillow she was resting on.

"I'm not!" Sirius argued, pouting. "That guy could have the best personality and the best looks in the world, but if you don't know how to snog, no girl is going to want you long-term."

James chimed in with a chortle. "And that's the best-case scenario. Let's face it: Dedalus Diggle neither has the greatest personality nor the best looks."

"You two are so malicious," Lily snorted, giving them both stern looks.

"We're young men. Making fun of guys less significant than us is what we do best," Sirius sniggered. "Speaking of, your sister is about two seconds away from snogging Drew in the corner."

"What!?" James exclaimed, whirling around to see his sister sitting on her boyfriend's lap, her arms wrapped around his shoulders. It was clear they were having some sort of intimate conversation due to the occasional giggle from her mouth and the anxious look on his face. "Eh, I guess it's harmless."

Sirius' mouth dropped open. "Seriously? You're not going to bust his chops?"

"Who says 'bust his chops?'" Lily snorted, giving him a look. "Besides, they're just talking. That is exactly how James and I look most of the time we're together."

Sirius' right eyebrow rose slowly. "Yeah, and what do you always end up doing afterward?"

Lily hesitated, grinning sheepishly, trying to get the naughty thoughts of out of her head. "Good point."

"But I am trying this new thing called letting Dezzy live her life," James explained with a shrug.

Sirius snorted. "Lily totally got to you, didn't she."

"Oh, yeah, definitely."

Lily smacked James on the shoulder. She turned her gaze over to Sirius, wishing to change the subject. "But speaking of girls on top of guys, I hear Nikki asked you out at lunch, Sirius."

He tensed up but nodded curtly. He didn't dare glance Riley's way. "Yep. But it didn't come as a surprise," he joked. "I hear the girls love me."

Lily rolled her eyes at his cockiness. "Not _all _girls." She flashed him a grin while James snuck a peek over at Riley, wondering what she thought of the topic of Nikki. While she had a smile on her face, there was tension in her neck that made James realize she wasn't comfortable.

He shrugged. "Eh, that's alright. I don't need James' sloppy seconds."

"Uh, you _have _had my sloppy seconds before," James snorted, giving him a look. "How about we start with _Nikki_?"

Sirius hesitated. "Oh, right."

A round of laughter ensued.

"So, when are you going out with Nikki?" Riley asked after the silence died down.

"Uh…not sure. We haven't picked a time and place yet," Sirius said awkwardly.

James shot a look over his shoulder to Sirius. "You said yes? I thought you told her you would think about it."

Sirius cringed, sensing the disapproval immediately from Riley. "I was going to say yes."

"You told me that you already had," Riley shot back, trying hard to suppress her irritation.

"I was planning to," he retorted.

"Why didn't you say yes to begin with?" she asked immediately.

"Because I wanted to think about it," Sirius responded, rolling his eyes. "Haven't we gone over this already?"

She glared at him. "Don't be cute," she growled. "Why did you need to think about it? Taking out slutty girls is what you do best."

"Well, _you _would know."

Both James and Lily gasped inwardly. Riley just pursed her lips, her eyes blazing with disappointment.

"Uh…I think I hear my mother calling," Lily said, sensing that she didn't want to be there for the argument that was about to ensue.

James leaned over to her and whispered sheepishly, "You don't have a mother."

"Well, then, I hear _your _mother calling," she hissed, rushing off the couch. "Let's just get out of here."

"My mother isn't—arghhh!" he cried as Lily snatched him off the floor and away from the quarreling couple.

Neither Sirius nor Riley said anything in the immediate silence following their friends' departure, but both were feeling frustrated. Sirius because he knew that whatever they had together was officially over and Riley because he had lied to her and betrayed their deal.

"Why didn't you say yes?" Riley murmured. "We had a deal."

"No, _you _had a deal. I just went along with it."

"Well, you didn't really do a good job," she snorted. "So, fine, you didn't say yes to her, but why did you _lie _to me?"

"Because I knew that you wanted me to say yes!" he argued, giving her a look. "You told me to go date other girls. Woo them. Fuck them. I was afraid that if I told you I said no to Nikki that you would realize that…" he stopped himself before blurting out something that would scare her off even more.

"That I would realize what?" she asked cautiously. She had a feeling she already knew the answer.

"Nothing, never mind," he murmured with a sigh.

She locked eyes with his, sorrow showing in her face. "You were supposed to say yes."

He was taken aback by the anguish in her voice. "I-I know, but…" he trailed off, not having an excuse. He kept what he wanted to say inside. _I don't want anyone that isn't you, Riley_.

"You were supposed to say yes and we were supposed to continue just fooling around aimlessly. I-I wanted things to go on the way they were. I wanted to continue just having fun with you. I had hoped that…that we could remain_ casual_," she murmured, hanging her head shamefully. "We…we had a deal, Sirius. You…you ruined it."

Sirius froze, sensing guilt in her voice. There was a flicker of remorse in her eyes that quickly faded into disappointment. And suddenly, Sirius realized what she had done. "Oh, my God," he murmured. "You…you set me up, didn't you."

Riley's silence was answer enough.

"You sought her out?" Sirius said, hurt. "You _requested_ that she ask me out?"

"I didn't seek her out," Riley quickly defended. "I ran into her and…and I just needed to know. I needed to know that you and I were…were just fooling around. That it didn't mean anything. I needed to know that casual sex was enough for you."

"Well, it wasn't," Sirius retaliated immediately, his gaze penetrating through Riley's sunken eyes.

"I know," Riley admitted in a small voice. "I-I kinda knew all along. I just…I just wanted so desperately for us to be okay that I ignored the truth."

Sirius sighed, not having anything else to say.

"Why couldn't you just say yes to her?" Riley pleaded, hanging her head.

"Why did you want me _so badly _to say yes to her?" Sirius asked rhetorically, sensing desperation in her voice. "Because you, yet again, needed another out?"

She whipped her head up to glare at him. "_What_?"

Sirius swallowed hard, turning away from her scrutinizing stare. "When are you going to stop running away from me?" he asked vulnerably.

Riley didn't reply. Mostly because she had no good response. Truth was, every time she felt herself get too close to Sirius, she found some excuse to run in the opposite direction. He was absolutely right.

He ran his fingers through his hair anxiously, taking her silence as a form of defeat. He muttered, "I'm tired of you playing games with me, Riley. And...and I'm tired of _letting_ you play games with me."

"I don't play games," she argued softly, knitting her brows.

Sirius gave her a skeptical look. "Oh, really?" he said, shaking his head. "Three days after we break up, you're in the arms of a man who I told you back in December made me jealous. Next, you decide it would be a good idea to go on a double date with me and Rachael, _a girl you despised_. After a few weeks of pretending to hate me, you suddenly tell me that you want to be my friend. When I decided that perhaps it was time I walk away from you for good, you reel me back in by sleeping with me at James' house. Next, you realized that maybe I was getting to close to the situation and you requested toNikki that she _ask me out _in order to _test my feelings_. These all sound an awful lot like _games_."

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, _just maybe_, it's been hard for me to move on?" Riley retaliated immediately, tears glossing over her eyes. She quickly blinked them away, refusing to not only show Sirius how vulnerable she was but refusing to show everyone in the Gryffindor common room how much Sirius affected her.

Sirius froze, surprised by her outburst. He never would have thought she could have admitted that. His heart started to beat faster as he gazed at her with hopeful eyes. "Then why are you trying so hard to?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Because I've been down this road with you before, Sirius and…and I just don't know if I can do it again," she whispered.

"You can," Sirius argued. "You just too scared to."

To that, Riley had nothing to say. "What's left for us, Sirius?" she murmured, shaking her head. "We've done the friends thing. We've done the enemies thing. We've done the relationship thing and…and we've done the casual sex thing. I just don't know if there's anything left for us."

"There is," he argued, cutting her off at the end of her sentence. "I just don't know if you want to hear it."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What?" she asked anxiously.

"Love."

Riley froze. She tried hard to turn away from him but found her eyes locked with his.

Sirius shook his head, gazing at Riley determinedly. "You want the truth, Riley? I wasn't going to say yes to Nikki. I had _no _desire to say yes to her. I have no desire to go out with _any _girl that isn't you," he murmured softly, never taking his gaze off of her. Her cheeks were flushed with frustration, her mouth in a thin line. Her eyes were narrowed curiously, her stance cautious. Everything about her showed exasperation and yet all he could see in her was her clear beauty. The way the light was hitting her head made her auburn highlights sparkle and her gorgeous blue eyes were entrancing. He loved everything about her. He took a deep breath in and before losing his nerve, he continued. "I wasn't going to say yes because I am in love with _you_, Riley." He paused, letting those words sink in. "And going out with some random girl isn't going to make my love for you go away."

A flicker of surprise crossed her face as a short gasp caught in her throat. All she could do was stare at him, repeating his words back in her head. Riley searched for the right words to say and came up blank. She was completely thrown by his profession of love and she had no idea how to handle it. She averted her eyes towards the ground and away from his scrutinizing look. Her heart sped up unevenly and she found herself having a hard time trying to catch her breath. She could feel his eyes piercing through her and she suddenly felt very overwhelmed. They had been through so much together it had all suddenly just come crashing down on her unexpectedly. The room started spinning in front of her and her hands began to shake. She wondered if that was what a panic attack felt like. She closed her eyes tightly and counted to ten, taking a few deep breaths in and exhaling slowly. When she opened her eyes she had hoped that she would feel calm and composed. But with one look at Sirius, she felt her body stiffen uncomfortably. She swallowed hard and eventually choked out, "You don't mean that."

Sirius shrugged curtly, unfazed by her response. He wasn't surprised by her panic attack. He had caught her off-guard and if it was one thing Riley hated, it was not being in total control of a situation. Since their break-up, Sirius had let her manipulate and influence the relationship between the two and it was his turn to step up and make her realize that she deserved more than that. She deserved to have someone fight for her in any way possible and here he was, finally doing what he had wanted to do all along. It had taken him weeks to build up the courage, but he was relieved that he finally told her how he truly felt about her. "Yeah, I do mean it and you know it," Sirius replied pointedly, giving her a look. "And that scares the hell out of you."

She grimaced, a chill running down her spine. A lump formed in her throat and she tried to swallow it away with very little success. She darted her eyes around the room in order to avoid Sirius' scrutinizing stare and searched for anything to say. Anything that could get her out of there the fastest way possible. "You…you don't understand, Sirius," she muttered. She tried getting up off the couch to walk away from the situation, but Sirius grabbed her arm tightly.

"No, I don't," he muttered irritably, narrowing his eyebrows. "Because you won't _talk _to me. Every time it seems like you're about to open up, you put up this huge wall. You are so closed off from the world. When are you going to start letting people in? _Talk _to me, Riley. Just...justtalk to me," he said softly. He never wanted anything more in his life than to know what has been in Riley's head and heart recently. He knew that she was wary and cautious of being with him and he just wanted to know the real reason why. He had always been good at reading her and lately, she's been nothing but a brick wall. He knew that if he could get her to open up, he would begin to realize what was really bothering her and help her get over her fears. Because with one look in her eyes, he could tell that it wasn't just him that was causing her to be so guarded. He sighed, rubbing his temples. "Just…just tell me what you're thinking, Riley," he said softly. "For _once_, just…just please let me in."

Her heart was beating a mile a minute. Looking at his pleading gaze, she wanted to be able to open up to him. But every time she felt herself slowly wearing down, she was reminded of all of the people in her past who had walked all over her and suddenly, she was throwing walls up just like Sirius said and acting as if he didn't matter to her.

But he was right: she _was_ closed off from the world. She rarely let people in and she rarely let her guard down. She tried doing that with Sirius twice and look how that turned out? She didn't want to hurt him any more than she already was by pushing him away and regrettably, by playing games with him, but she didn't know how else to protect _herself_. She wanted to be able to tell him that she still had feelings for him and she wanted to be able to tell him that she hated what had happened to them and she wanted to be able to tell him that she did run at the first sign of trouble in fear that she had gotten in over her head. Instead, she shook all of those thoughts out of her head. "I-I think…I think that…" she dithered, her heart racing. She swallowed hard and said softly, not daring to look him in the eyes, "I think that you should go on that date with Nikki."

Sirius' heart sank. No matter how much he opened up to her, he had a good feeling she would never be able to do the same with him. And that killed him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered guiltily. She stood up off the couch slowly without another word. She barely glanced his way before gradually heading towards the stairs up to her dorm, not because she wanted to go to bed but because she needed to think everything over. Specifically the part where he told her that he loved her.

Sirius let her leave mostly because he didn't have anything left to say. He fell back against the couch cushions, feeling defeated. He wanted to be hopeful, but he had done everything he possibly could have and he still lost the girl in the end. He had nothing more to say or give to her. It was about time he realized that the ball was in her court. He couldn't wait for her anymore. It was killing him to remain hopeful and he just needed to escape the past. Maybe it was time for him to give up and move on.

For good.

* * *

Riley tossed and turned all night. Every time she started drifting off to sleep, Sirius' words echoed in her ear and she was wide awake again. When the clock blinked 7:00, Riley knew it was a lost cause. She quietly climbed out of bed and headed to the shower. After the third time she had shampooed her hair, she realized that she needed to stop letting Sirius distract her. She was certain that that was exactly what he tried to do with his sudden confession. She didn't believe a word of it. She _couldn't _believe a word of it. Sirius Black was not known for falling in love and while she couldn't come up with a good reason as to why he would suddenly profess his love now, she knew him well enough to know that it was a ploy. And she refused to fall for it.

Well, at least that's what she was telling herself. It was a lot more difficult getting him out of her head than she thought it would be.

She slid into the bench at the Gryffindor breakfast table across from James. "You're here early," she muttered, reaching immediately for the coffee.

James nodded, gazing curiously at her. "You look like crap."

She glared at him. "Gee, that's the nicest compliment I've ever received. Way to be blunt."

James shrugged, handing her the sugar cubes. "Sorry," he said, clearly not all that apologetic.

She frowned. "James, can…can I ask you something?" she asked, peeking over at him.

He nodded. "Of course."

She sighed, biting down on her bottom lip. She took a quick sip of her coffee before bringing it up. "How did you know that you loved Lily?" Riley asked hesitantly. "And don't you dare give me that 'I just did' crap. There _has _to be a rhyme and reason to it."

James gazed over at Riley curiously and thought back over his time with Lily, staring with the first day he met her. He scrutinized over every minute with her. Every time she fought with him and every time she thrust her wand into his face in anger. Every time she smiled cheekily at him and every time she was forced to partner with him during Potions. Every time he watched her walk into the Great Hall, her head held high, and every time she stormed out of the room, most probable angry at him. He thought back to those few times when he held a genuine conversation with her and those times she sat hunched over her desk, contemplating a tough question on an exam. Those times he had caught her mid-laughter and her face was completely lit up. Those times she had helped a younger student, exhibiting her overwhelming sense of kindness. All of the kisses that they have shared and the times that he ran his hands down her naked body. And he sat there thinking back to one of the most frightening moments in his life: when he told Lily that he loved her.

A sheepish grin formed on his lips and he gave Riley a sly look. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I can't give you a definitive answer on that one. I fell in love with Lily over time. It just happened."

Riley made a face. "Gee, thanks for that," she muttered, glancing over her shoulder. "Any ideas when Lily will be down for breakfast?"

James chuckled and shook his head. "She won't be able to give you a definitive answer either."

Riley slumped down in her seat, shoving a biscuit in her mouth. "Then you're both completely useless."

"At least I'm useless and in love," he teased. They both sat in silence, eating their meals in peace as they contemplated different people. James continued to think about Lily, grateful that he had her in his life. He didn't know when he fell in love with her but he was glad he did.

Riley, on the other hand, was contemplating Sirius' words once again. She wondered how anyone could know they were in love, especially at a young age. She had learned that love was for suckers and she didn't need any part of it.

"Riley?"

She jerked her head up. "What?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Hm?"

"Why do you want to know when I fell in love with Lily?"

Riley tensed up, averting her eyes towards the table. She suddenly became very interested in moving the crumbs on her plate around with her fork.

"Oh, my God," James murmured, half of him groaning and half of him in awe. "He told you, didn't he."

Riley's heart skipped a beat, but she attempted to look puzzled. "Told me what?"

James snorted, giving her a look. "We both know what I'm talking about."

She averted her eyes towards the ground, refusing to let James' analytical eyes wear her down. "It doesn't matter anyway," she argued. "He didn't mean it."

"Yes, he did," James accused almost immediately.

Riley gave him a stern look, her nostrils flaring defensively. "No, he didn't. He only said it as a last resort. He had no other tricks up his sleeve. _He didn't mean it_."

James pursed his lips and sat back in his chair reproachfully. "You _really _think that he said those words to you as a last resort?" he said, bitterness on his tongue and resentment flaring in his eyes.

She didn't respond, sensing his disapproval.

"You don't get it, do you," he sighed, shaking his head slowly.

She was scared to ask but did so anyway. "Get what?"

"You really don't know him at all," James sighed, running his hands through his hair as he often did while perturbed. "How many times his in his life do you believe that Sirius has said those three words? In fact, how many times in his life do you believe he has been on the receiving end of those words? That kid has been through the worst of it. He had to deal with a crappy childhood and had to learn to depend on no one but himself. His parents _never _uttered those words to him and his brother certainly never did. Not only has no one said that to him, but he was never even close to knowing what it felt like to be loved. Do you know how difficult it was for him to even admit to himself that he loved you? Do you know how difficult it was for him to say those words aloud to you? Don't do you dare take those words for granted, Riles," he grunted. "He meant what he said. He meant every word of it."

Riley hung her head shamefully, wondering why she never even considered that. Probably because she was too determined to refute his confession. "How _could _he?" she asked softly. "We're only eighteen. What could he possibly know about…about love?" The word sounded like a disease on her tongue.

"_I'm _eighteen and Lily's eighteen. And what about Remus and Jillian? They're young. And Kay and Lance? Dezzy and Drew? You saying that none of us know the meaning of love?" James retaliated, furrowing his brow.

"I am saying…" she said, drawing out each word as she searched for the right explanation, trying to be careful not to step on any toes. "I find it hard to believe that he has had enough life experience to know the magnitude of those words."

James' eyes narrowed slowly, letting his gaze linger on her nervous eyes. He looked at her, _really _looked at her. He saw her squirm uncomfortably under his scrutiny, trying to fixate on the crumbs of her plate with very little success. It was in that moment that James knew there was something seriously immense holding Riley back. James knew that Riley still had feelings for Sirius and he knew that the break-up had little do to with Rachael and everything to with Riley. She was scared, but of what, James wasn't so sure. It seemed that only Riley could answer that question. "There isn't a science to falling in love, Riley. There's no need for any life experience. It happens when it happens. And in his case, it happened now."

"Maybe life experience _is _necessary, James," Riley retaliated, her lips pursed and her fists clenched. "One look at your parents' failed marriage can prove that much."

James' eyes glared with shock. "That's a low blow," he spat in a hurt whisper.

She winced. "Sorry," she said sincerely, offering him an apologetic lopsided smile.

He didn't let her get away with it that easy. "Yeah, perhaps their marriage _did _fail," he continued, his nostrils flaring irritably, "But at least _they _were willing to give love a chance. At least they grasped the opportunity to be young and in love. And that's more than I'll ever be able to say about you. And that just makes me _so incredibly _sad for you. Because being in love is the best feeling anyone could ever experience."

Riley suddenly felt two feet tall. James had every right to scold her because there was a part of her that knew she was letting go of an opportunity. Sirius was the first guy that had ever made her feel special and important. Unfortunately, there were times that he made her feel hollow and meaningless. She just wasn't sure which side she was supposed to be listening to. She sighed, moving the crumbs around on her plate with her fork as she attempted to clear her muddled thoughts.

"Riley," James said, breaking her concentration. She gazed up at him wistfully. "In all honesty, I think your problem isn't that you _don't _believe Sirius meant what he said, but that you _do._"

Her heart skipped a beat.

"Because then you're forced to deal with it. And if there's anything you hate doing more, it's handling a sticky relationship head on. You'd rather run in the opposite direction. That's all you've ever been good at. Maybe it's time you just...you stood still for once and _really_ faced what was happening in your life."

Riley had nothing left to say on the matter. She couldn't possibly cram into her head anything more he or Sirius had to say. She just needed to figure it all out on her own. "Pass me a scone," she murmured, slumping down in her seat.

He wanted to find some way to convince her that Sirius did truly love her. He wanted to fix all of her problems. He wanted to show her that maybe it was Sirius who could help her find herself. He wanted to tell her that she was going to lose Sirius forever unless she did something about it. He wanted to encourage her to talk to Sirius. He wanted to find a way to show her how much loving someone could empower you.

Instead, he passed her a scone.

* * *

**A/N: **Ooooooh, Sirius finally told her he loved her! And Riley isn't ready yet to open up. She needs to digest his words and really accept that he loves her before she can face everything head on. But just be patient! It will all happen in due time! On a sidenote, I loved writing the scene in the Great Hall. I feel like I've been so bogged down with the relationships in this story and haven't focused enough on the friendships and the fun they all have. It was time to show that life isn't all about drama. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and hopefully, I'll have the next one up and running soon!


	45. Of Gamp, Cheetahs, & Kids

**A/N: **Sorry it's taken me so long to update. I've been debating about where to go with this story next so it's taken me some time to outline everything out. But without further ado, here's chapter 45! I have some mushy Lily/James action in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Um, yeah, I'm not J.K. Rowling. No matter how much I wish I was...

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 45: Of Gamp, Cheetahs, & Kids

* * *

By the time the guys trudged to Advanced Transfiguration, Sirius had put Riley in the back of his mind. Probably due to a bit of spite, he was enjoying splitting the bottoms of the first-years' bags who walked in his path, much to Remus' protest. James was attempting to read up on the Animagus register, knowing that McGonagall's pop quiz was looming closer, and Peter was constantly asking James questions about Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration. James may have had his book open and Peter may have had his mind on Gamp, but they shared a laugh with the other two when ink had fallen out of a Slytherin's bag and poured all over himself and what James could only assume was his roommate. At that last second, James sighed and muttered, "Scourgify." He figured as Head Boy, it was his responsibility not to be a complete prick.

They were still laughing at the look on the Slytherins' face as they sauntered into class. They quickly took four empty seats towards the front of the class, which may have been unusual, but seeing as Riley had taken refuge in the back of the room, the guys knew enough to sit as far away from her as possible.

Lily gave James a confused look, who shrugged, before she turned her gaze on Riley. "What the hell is up with them?"

"Hm?" Riley asked, tensing up at the sight of Sirius.

"Why are they choosing to—oh, God, what the hell happened between you and Sirius last night?" Lily groaned, noticing the nervous look on her face.

Riley was alarmed at Lily's outburst. "I don't want to talk about him. The only thing I am discussing is Hester Gamp and her laws."

"You realize that she married _Sirius_' great-grandfather," Lily said dryly.

Riley glared at her.

Lily slumped down in her chair with a sheepish grin. "What's the fourth law? Love or money?" She knew it was best to remain quiet. She returned to glancing over the five laws, not letting the furtive glances between Sirius and Riley go unnoticed. She just wondered how much damage had occurred this time. She was grateful when McGonagall had only taught for half of the period before splitting them up into their partner pairs, knowing that their presentations were due in two weeks.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Lily asked James curiously as they pulled out their respective textbooks. She stole a glance towards Sirius and Remus who continued to work in the beginning of the room.

James sighed, leaning back in his chair. "To be perfectly honest, not really." He was tired of scrutinizing over Sirius' and Riley's situation. At this point, he could only leave it all up to Riley and Sirius to figure out.

Lily raised a curious eyebrow, shock registering on her face.

"I just…I don't think speculation is going to solve anything."

"I never said it would," Lily corrected him hastily.

James took off his glasses, wiping them on his robes slowly. He placed them back on his face and quickly glanced around to make sure no one was listening before saying, "He told her that he loved her."

Lily nearly fell off her chair. "_What_?" she screeched.

"Shh!" James cried out, giving her a look.

She shared an apologetic, sheepish grin with him. "Sorry," she hissed, "But way to ease into that one."

"Like I said, I don't really want to discuss it," James sighed, guilt forming in his face.

Lily gazed at him hesitantly, sensing that there was something he was holding back. "May I ask why?"

James tried to change the subject, but his girlfriend's concern was so overwhelming, he couldn't form any words but the truth. He aimed his gaze towards the window, though it was obvious to Lily he wasn't staring out the window at the gloomy clouds. His gaze was unfocused and his mouth was in a thin, tight line. He turned his gaze back on to Lily, sighing deeply. "Because who am I to judge them or reflect on their relationship after everything I had said and done to them," he said softly.

Lily's heart skipped a beat out of admiration. "You're their best friend, that's who," she responded, placing her hand over his.

"But for months I wasn't."

"Yes, you were," Lily quickly corrected. "No matter what you three have gone through will never change the fact that you guys are friends. We both know that your quick accusations and biased judgments was your way of looking out for the both of them. Yeah, it didn't exactly work out in your favor and yeah, you probably handled it the wrong way, but they both understand why you did it."

"Because I'm a selfish prick who put my own happiness before theirs?" James murmured, hanging his head shamefully. He turned his gaze back towards the outside, suddenly feeling very regretful and wishing that he had a time-turner to go back in time and fix the mistakes he made with both Sirius and Riley.

"_No_," Lily assured, her eyes narrowing cautiously. "You may have been afraid of losing them, James, but I think you were more afraid that they would lose themselves."

James didn't respond, pursing his lips sullenly. He knew she was right. He sighed deeply, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, turns out they're more lost _without _each other."

Lily searched the room for McGonagall, grateful to see her hovering over Kristina in the corner and leaned over to kiss James. He was taken aback by the gesture, raising a curious eyebrow. "I love how much you care about them," she whispered, squeezing his hand. "You have such a big heart."

A shade of pink topped his ears and he suddenly became very invested on flipping through their notes. Lily smiled and pulled out her quill, changing the subject to partial vanishment.

It was when Lily was in the middle of trying to splinch a pillow given to them that James leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, whispering, "Thank you, Lily."

She gazed at him, confused as a red tint formed in her cheeks. "For what?"

He shrugged curtly. "For giving me a chance I probably didn't deserve."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Are you drunk or something?"

James laughed and shook his head. "It's barely nine o'clock in the morning."

"Oh, right, like that's stopped you before?" she snorted.

He opened his mouth to protest but found himself grinning sheepishly.

"So why are you thanking me?" she asked curiously.

He smiled nostalgically at her. "Just looking at how difficult it is for Riley to let Sirius in is making me feel really grateful that somehow you were able to do it with me. After everything that you've been through in your life, you have more reason to run scared than even she does, and that's saying a lot. So thank you for opening your heart to me."

Lily blushed, shrugging awkwardly. "I think you're forgetting New Year's Eve. I completely pushed you back into Kristina's arms instead of taking a chance on you like I so desperately wanted. I pulled a major Riley that night."

James chuckled, shaking his head shamefully. "Oh, dear. Is that what it's going to be called from now on?"

Lily laughed before frowning earnestly. "James, you didn't give up on me like most guys would have. You broke up with Kristina for me and in that moment, that was enough. I put the past in the past and focused on the future I could have with you if I let myself be with you. And over these past few months, you've made it pretty easy to fall in love with you."

"And I think _you _are forgetting all the times I pushed you away," James reminded her gently.

"What relationship doesn't have its challenges?" she asked. "What matters is we got through it all and are still together." A bashful smile formed on her face. She turned her gaze away from James and said, "I love you, James. Thank you for not giving up on me."

"And thank you for not letting me," he whispered. He wanted nothing more than t scoop her up and kiss her passionately on the mouth. But he had a feeling that McGonagall probably wouldn't approve so he busied himself by muttering a spell under his breath to splinch the pillow in front of him. After watching everything that Sirius and Riley were going through, it was hard not to suddenly feel very grateful with how his love life turned out. He's definitely had his share of tragedy and his heart skipped a beat at the thought of Wyatt, Brite, and his father. He had always thought that his family was normal and conventional and it turned out, his family was as screwed up as the next.

But with a woman like Lily by his side, it was hard not to feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

"I feel like my head is exploding," Sirius moaned as the gang headed out of the room after a double period of Advanced Transfiguration.

"That's what _actually _doing work feels like," Remus snickered.

"Yeah, well no wonder I've been avoiding it all these years," Sirius retorted, stifling a yawn.

"You do realize that N.E.W.T.s are coming up," Lily chimed in, rushing up behind them with James on her arm. "Get ready to cram seven years worth of magic into your head." She gazed behind her at Riley who had chosen to lag behind with Rhett, out of earshot of the five of them.

Sirius whimpered, shaking his head frantically. "Don't remind me. I've already scoped out my table in the library for Easter Break." While Easter Break was often a time for them all to take a much-needed breather from schoolwork, they all had wrapped their head around the idea that this year, Easter Break would be devoted to nothing but cram sessions.

"Impressive," James snorted. "I didn't even know you knew where the library was."

Sirius pouted as the rest of them burst into laughter, Remus high-fiving James.

"Won't matter how much time you spend in the library. You'll still come out a moron," a familiar sneer boasted, the mob of Slytherins rounding the corner of the hallway ahead of them.

Lily gripped James' arm tightly, silently warning him to not let Rodolphus get to him. "Gee, is that the only insult you can come up with? They've certainly gone downhill over the years," James responded wryly, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, well, at least it's not my _life _that's gone downhill," Bellatrix chimed in, an evil glint in her eye.

James glared at her. "I assure you I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, well, then let me rephrase," she said eagerly. "At least it's not my _family_ that's gone downhill. I hear that your father finally came to his senses and dumped your mother's sorry ass."

"James, don't," Lily pleaded, gripping his arm tightly as she sensed James' anger well up inside of him.

Before James could do any vocal damage, Sirius chimed in with a loud "Hah!" He gave Bellatrix a look of condemnation saying, "Your family isn't exactly perfect either! The last I checked, your parents were sleeping in different wings in the house. And I'm sure everyone would love to hear about your older sister who, from what Uncle Alphard has told me, _just married a Muggle_!"

Bellatrix' eyes blazed with hatred, ignoring the shocked stares she was earning from the Slytherins around her. "Well, at least my father was man enough to stick around," she snarled, "Which is more than I can say about the Potters."

"And I wouldn't be chiming in to save the day considering you're a disgrace to your entire family, Sirius," Rodolphus sneered.

"No, actually, my family is a disgrace to me," Sirius snarled before Rodolphus could throw in a few of his own insults. "Just like you're a disgrace to the entire wizarding world, Lestrange."

"Mudbloods are the disgrace, Black," he grunted, his eyes narrowing.

James attempted to rush Rodolphus, but Lily grabbed the back of his robes, giving James a quick warning glance before turning back towards Rodolphus. "Is that really the best you can do?" she snorted.

Rodolphus' eyes burned with fury, refusing to be reprimanded by a muggleborn girl. "Spoken by a true Mudblood."

"Take that back!" James cried out, attempting to rid himself free of Lily's tight grasp with no success. Remus stepped in front of James to help ward Rodolphus from James' rage.

"How does it feel to be emasculated by a _girl_?" Augustus Rookwood chimed in as Rodolphus cackled at James' attempt to attack him. "You can't even fight your own battles with her around holding your robes like a lapdog. Then again, you might as well enjoy her while you can. She probably won't be around for much longer."

"What the hell does that mean?" Sirius shot back. James' face was turning red with rage, too irritated to form a coherent sentence.

"You need to stop your pureblood rant and realize that the wizarding world is expanding," Remus retaliated, fed up with the Slythering gang always hinting towards muggleborn killings.

"Get it through your thick skull, Lupin," Serpus Avery sneered, "We're not talking about the pureblood race anymore, we're talking about the _Potters_. Anyone around them is completely doomed. Death is inevitable for them!"

It was Sirius' turn to grab hold of James' shoulders in fear of him lunging at Rodolphus.

"You have one brother who escaped the insanity of your family as soon as he had the chance—best thing that kid ever did," Bellatrix snarled. "Then one drops dead—again, best thing he ever did—"

"Fuck off, Bellatrix!" Sirius shouted, his voice echoing through the hallways.

"And next I hear your _father _has walked out on you!" she cried out in glee.

Riley finally chimed in, walking to the front of the crowd. "Go to hell, Bellatrix!" Riley refused to listen to the Slytherins slander her friends any longer.

"I guess your father has family realized that you weren't worth having as a son," Rodolphus continued, ignoring their insults and warnings. "It's no wonder you and Sirius are such good friends."

"Can we please just get to class?" Remus pleaded, suddenly realizing that if this continued any further, a bloodbath might occur.

Everyone acted as if Remus didn't even speak. Rodolphus grinned maliciously, sending a haughty look towards Sirius. "Let's face it, Black. Your parents would rather _die _than admit that you're actually their offspring. In fact, they'd probably be better off _dead_ than with _you _as their son."

A frown spread across Lily's face, Rodolphus hitting a nerve with her. "Shut up, Lestrange," Lily sneered, her fists clenching tightly.

Bellatrix chuckled maliciously, ignoring the Head Girl completely. "Yeah, Merlin knows that death would be a step up for your parents, Sirius," she sneered, trying to get back at him for outing her sister's marriage. "What's it feel like to be completely estranged by those who birthed you and brought you into this world?"

Lily's eyes blazed with a mixture of disappointment and rage. "_Shut up, Bellatrix_," Lily urged, the onlookers shocked by Lily's sudden ability to stand up to the Slytherins.

"What's it feel like to have a sibling who is _completely _ashamed to be related to you in any way, Black?"

The Gryffindors were all yelling in protest, telling Bellatrix to go to hell and shove it and fuck off and to shut her yap. Lily couldn't remember the last time she let her emotions getting the best of her but Bellatrix's words were hitting a little too close to home. "_Shut up, Black!" _she barked, her voice booming over her friend's with much hostility.

Bellatrix cackled. "I guess it's a good thing you have the Potters to fall back on or you'd be stuck living on the streets!"

No one was as surprised as Lily was when she let go of the back of James' robes and lunged herself at Bellatrix, ramming her into the stone wall. "I told you to _shut up_!" she snarled.

The whole corridor erupted in gasps and shrieks, quickly followed by utter chaos. Remus and Rhett tried to break up the fight over the sound of hexes and curses sent in every direction, but they didn't stand a chance. Peter stood off to the side, cowering awkwardly, grasping his wand defensively. Lily and Bellatrix were locked in a slap-fest in one corner while James was muttering stinging hexes and engorgement charms when he had the chance while successfully ducking from the hexes Rodolphus was sending his way. Sirius and Severus took a similar route to Lily and Bellatrix and ignored their wands; Sirius punched Severus in the face as he attempted to kick Sirius in the shins. Riley and Kay were hexing Augustus Rookwood and Serpus Avery as best they can, avoiding jets of light sent from wands around them. The crowd of people around them started to disperse, knowing that with the screams emitting, a professor was bound to be drawn to that hallway.

They weren't wrong.

"What the hell is going on out here!"

Everyone all froze immediately, turning around slowly to face an outraged Professor McGonagall, her hands planted firmly on her hips and her mouth in a thin, straight line. Lily had blood pouring from her nose, Bellatrix had a start to a black eye, Rodolphus' head was growing three times its size while James was scratching the red welts that had formed on his arms, Sirius had bruises down both legs and Severus had scratches all over his face, Riley had Serpus Avery trapped in a headlock while Augustus had Kay pinned up against the wall.

No one had the audacity to respond to what they could only hope was a rhetorical question by McGonnagal. They all averted their eyes towards the ground uncomfortably, hanging their heads shamefully, attempting to separate from each other. Lily and James in particular felt humiliated having McGonagall witness the Head Boy and Head Girl in a full-fledged fight with the Slytherins.

When no one responded, McGonagall pointed firmly to her classroom down the hallway. "All of you, in my classroom _now_," she dictated, her eyes blazing with rage.

None of them were about to disobey direct orders from Professor McGonagall. They all slowly trudged over to her classroom, plopping themselves shamefully into an empty seat, shifting their gaze to anywhere but McGonagall's angry face.

"I am sorely disappointed in all of you. You are in your seventh and final year at Hogwarts and are supposed to be setting a good example for all of the younger students. Instead, I find some of my best and brightest students in a brawl in the middle of a public hallway! What were you thinking?" she barked.

Lily felt all of two-feet tall all of a sudden. She couldn't believe that she had let Bellatrix get to her. For six years, she had scolded James and his friends for fighting with the Sytherins and not ignoring their slanderous comments and here she was, older and wiser, doing something she knew was wrong. McGonagall has every right to be disappointed in them.

"This feud between the two houses has _got _to stop!" she continued. "I don't care what someone says or does to provoke you, fighting is absolutely unacceptable! I will not tolerate _any _more fighting in my corridors or you will have to face the consequences through the Headmaster! Twenty points from Slytherin and from Gryffindor and I think a week's worth of detention is sufficient."

Lily sunk lower in her chair, trying to suppress a groan.

"So who wants to be the one to explain how ten mature young adults broke out in a full-fledged war in the middle of a public hallway?" McGonagall demanded. It was a good thing that she didn't actually expect an answer because no one even spoke a peep.

Lily gazed around the room filled with shameful students and sighed. She took charge of the situation, being what she had believed to be the most responsible student in the room even with the error she had made earlier. "I'm sorry, Professor," she spoke up timidly. "I realize that it was unprofessional and wrong of us to be fighting in the hallway. I hope you know that that will never happen again."

"Speak for yourself," Rodolphus sneered under his breath, barely audible. Lily cast him a disgusted look, which McGonagall was keen enough to notice.

"Anything you'd like to share with the rest of us, Mr. Lestrange?" McGonagall raised her voice.

Rodolphus simply shook his head.

"I appreciate you speaking on everyone's behalf, Miss Evans, and I do sincerely hope that I never have to witness what I just witnessed ever again. You are all dismissed. Please refrain from killing each other while on your way out of my classroom," she sneered, narrowing her eyes condescendingly.

The students slowly straggled out of the classroom and as the Marauders reached the doorway, James halted when McGonagall called out his name. "Mr. Potter?"

He slowly turned around, grimacing.

"Would you mind staying back? I have something I'd like to discuss with you."

He groaned but gestured for his friends to leave without him. "I'll catch up with you guys later," he murmured. He turned back towards McGonagall and slumped down into an empty chair, glancing at her hesitantly.

"If I recall correctly, didn't Professor Dumbledore request that you leave Mr. Snape alone?"

James froze uncomfortably, shifting his gaze slowly upwards until he met McGonagall's eyes. He could have sworn she had a hint of a smile on her face. "Er..." he stuttered guiltily. He quickly cocked his head to the side, realizing what she had just said. "Wait, a minute..."

She nodded curtly. "That's right, Mr. Potter. I hope you don't mind spending any extra time with me because we will be seeing a lot of each other after you graduate. Dumbledore has asked me to join the Order as well."

James smiled awkwardly, not sure how to respond. He was too curious about why McGonagall had asked him to stay back but not his three friends. "Professor," he started slowly, "Dumbledore had asked Sirius, Remus, and Peter to leave Sniv-er, Severus alone as well. Why...why am I the only one here?"

McGonagall smiled warily, leaning back against her desk. "I just wanted to know how you were doing."

"How I'm doing?" James repeated, confused. But before McGonagall could explain herself, he noticed a flicker of sympathy pass over her eyes. "Oh. My mother wrote to you about…about Dad."

She nodded. "Well, I am the Head of Gryffindor, where her four rem-where her four children are."

"You were going to say remaining," James sighed deeply, slumping down further into his seat.

She sighed. "I was surprised to see you in class today," she admitted.

"I'm Head Boy. It wouldn't be right for me to skive off classes."

She raised an amused eyebrow. "Like that has stopped you before."

James winced, a tint of pink creeping upon the top of his ears. "Professor, I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. Really."

She nodded, her gaze penetrating through him with scrutiny. He could tell she didn't believe him. "Y'know, Mr. Potter, it's okay to be angry at your father," she said softly.

He shook his head. "I'm not, though," he muttered awkwardly. "I understand why he thought he had to do what he did. I'm _fine_."

"You're allowed to be understanding and mad at the same time," she said sympathetically.

"I'm not…not mad. I'm…" he stuttered, the word 'fine' catching in his throat. He swallowed hard, slumping further down in his chair.

"James?" she urged, her voice filled with concern and agony.

James didn't respond immediately. He brooded silently, thinking of his childhood. He had always focused on those times when his father had broken promises or skipped out on family outings for work. But the truth was, it was those Christmas morning James had spent with the entire family and those few times that James and his siblings piled into the car and their father drove them to the local ice cream shop after dinner that James remembered most. Those were the moments that James knew his father had loved every single one of his children. "How can I not be mad at him?" he muttered distressingly. "He…he abandoned us. I know why he thought he had to do it, but…but that doesn't make it right. We're better off with a sucky father than having no father at all. My family is falling apart in front of my very eyes. He saw it. We all saw it. And he…he's just causing us _more _pain. How can someone be that heartless? How can someone just give up on his family when they so obviously need him? How can he leave barely days after…after Brite's death?"

McGonagall knew that his questions were rhetorical. She knew that all he needed was to stew and rant without so much as a response. She found herself walking over to him and patting him on the knee. "Your father loves you, y'know."

James nodded, sighing as he turned away from McGonagall's concerned eyes. "I know," he muttered awkwardly. "Doesn't make it any easier." He had always been so good at pretending his father was worthless. James had always acted as if his father was better off at work than at home with his family. And now that his father was really gone, James wished he had bothered to spend more time with him when he had the chance. "Professor?" he murmured. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Do you still think I'd make a good Auror?" Two years prior during his career talk with McGonagall, she had recommended the occupation to him with his high marks in all of his classes and his ambition.

She nodded immediately. "Of course I do," she responded. "I know you, James. When you put your mind to something, you don't stop until you earn it. It took you nearly seven years to get to Lily." A coy smile spread across her face.

James blushed. "Well, this just got awkward."

McGonagall couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't let your father's mistakes in his life affect _your _life. You can—and _will_—do great things."

James could only nod, feeling grateful that the people around him seemed to believe in him when he was finding it impossible to believe in himself. "Thanks," he said hollowly.

She smiled and jerked her head towards the door. "I think it's about time you headed to Charms."

"What happened to letting me skive off classes?" said James, flashing her a smile to show that he was joking.

Her eyes narrowed. "I never said I would have _allowed _it. You would have received a detention."

James opened his mouth to respond, but she was a step ahead of her. "Then again, detention seems to be your second home around here."

A tint of red spread across his cheeks. "Er…I'm going to head to Charms now."

McGonagall nodded firmly, although James could have sworn she saw a hint of a smile on her face. "That would be best."

He threw his bag over the shoulder, wincing when his bag hit a bruise that was just beginning to form, and sauntered towards the door.

"Mr. Potter?"

He glanced over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"I hope you know that I'm here if you ever need to talk."

He smiled. With so much tragedy occurring in his life, he often forgot to appreciate the good things in his life, including the fact that there were so many people in his life that cared for him. And for the first time in a long time, he felt good about himself. "Thank you, Professor," he said tellingly. They shared a meaningful smile before James whisked himself out of the room.

He knew that he had just promised McGonagall that he would head to class, but the moment he walked out the door, an overwhelming sense of grief spread throughout his body and he found himself gravitating towards his room for the remainder of the morning.

He had been so good at acting as if his father's abandonment was fine. He had been so good at understanding why his father did what he did. He had been so good at knowing why his father did it. And because of it, he had been so good at smiling and pretending everything was going to be okay. And he did understand.

But McGonagall was right. No matter how understanding he was didn't change the fact that he was still angry at his father for thinking that leaving was the only option. James was beginning to think that it was part of the Potter genes to think that running away from your problems would somehow solve them. And James was determined to change things around. He refused to grow up and turn out exactly like Wyatt or his father. He deserved better.

And most importantly, so did Lily.

* * *

It was unusually quiet as they all attempted to head to a double period of Charms without so much as speaking about the fight that had just occurred. It wasn't easy. Lily looked exhausted and confused, as if she were debating between being livid with the Slytherins and being disappointed in herself. Sirius and Riley were ignoring each other completely, acting as if the tension among the group was due all to the fight with the Slytherins and very little to do with their awkward situation. Kay continued opening her mouth to try and say something, being the mediator that she was, but couldn't find anything to switch the subject to and eventually clamped it shut. Remus was pretending as if the Slytherins' words didn't matter, but truth was, they hurt him just as much as they must have hurt Lily and Sirius. He, too, considered himself family-less. His parents had given up on him soon after the werewolf bit him and the truth was, he had given up on them too. Peter wasn't sure how to react. He hadn't involved himself in the fight, which wasn't unusual. He was usually the first one to be pummeled and found it much easier to distance himself from any situation that would cause him pain.

At the end of the corridor, when it was expected of them to turn right to head to the Charms classroom, Lily broke off and headed in the other direction.

"Er...Lily?" Sirius asked with a slight smirk on his face. "Did that punch to your cheek screw with your brain cells? Charms is this way."

She shrugged coolly. "Yeah, well my hand feels like a truck just ran over it so I think heading to the hospital wing is a smarter move on my part."

The rest of them shared a quick glance, knowing that she wasn't being entirely truthful. "Well, the hospital wing is this way, also," Kay reminded her.

Lily shot her an irritated glare. "I need to stop by my room first," she lied.

They all knew not to argue with her. Her cold stare was reason enough to pretend like everything was fine. "Er...okay. See you at lunch?" Riley suggested.

Lily nodded curtly. "Sure." She rushed away from her friends in hopes that they wouldn't interrogate her any further. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sit through a double period of Charms, too many emotions running through her. She would have been distracted throughout the entire class and considering she was the top of her class in Charms, she felt that that was a good enough reason to skip class so close to N.E.W.T.s.

"Lily!"

She groaned inwardly, turning around at the sound of Sirius' voice. "Shouldn't you be getting to Charms?"

"Shouldn't _you_?" he snorted, raising a curious eyebrow.

"I have never received anything below an E in Charms. What about you?" she shot back immediately.

He cringed. "Okay, fair enough."

She quickened her pace, hoping that Sirius would take a hint.

He reached out and grabbed her arm. "Don't let them get to you."

"What?"

"The Slytherins. Bellatrix. Rodolphus. Don't let them get to you," he said softly, offering her a sympathetic smile. "That's what they want."

"Oh, I don't care about them," she said dismissively, shrugging curtly as she hastened her step a bit so that Sirius had to practically jog to catch up with her.

Sirius frowned. "Lily-bean," he said in a soft voice.

She opened her mouth to tell him she had no idea what she was talking about, but the agonized, understanding look on his face shut her up. She stopped at the end of the hallway with a sigh. "It's hard not letting them get to me," she admitted in a hoarse murmur. "It's just...it's so unfair."

Sirius gazed at her curiously. "What is?"

She rubbed her temples, backing herself up against the stone wall with a heavy sigh. She didn't speak for a bit, letting her thoughts run systematically through her head. She swallowed hard, crossing her arms defeatedly as a grief-stricken frown spread across her face. She exhaled slowly, a grave sigh escaping from her lips. She fixated on her shoes and finally spoke. "Why is it that good things happen to bad people and…and bad things happen to good people?"

Sirius had no idea what she was talking about but he could tell that something was seriously bothering Lily. He was taken aback by the sudden vulnerability she was exhibiting and he felt the need to grab her hand and squeeze it comfortingly. "What do you mean?" he asked cautiously.

She swallowed hard and ran her fingers through her matted hair. If anyone was to understand her feelings in that moment, it would be Sirius. "Bellatrix," she spat in a hurt whisper. "Who cares if her parents are sleeping in separate wings? At least…at least they're around."

Sirius' heart nearly broke into two, seeing the anguish clear on her face. She looked about two seconds away from bursting into tears, except Sirius knew her better than that. She wasn't about to let a tear out in front of him. He embraced her tightly, knowing that no words would be able to comfort her.

"And so _what _if her older sister married a Muggle?" she muttered, wrapping her arms around Sirius' waist and resting her head on his shoulder. "Why does there have to be so much animosity between the Muggle world and the wizarding world?"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. "When was the last time you talked to your sister?" he asked, knowing exactly where her question was coming from.

She quickly pulled away from him, startled. How did he know what she was thinking? "The day I left for Hogwarts was the last day I ever spoke to her," she murmured. "I-I think she was a tad jealous that I was given a second chance to live a…a normal life. She…she was shipped off to a foster family a few months later and…well, that was that."

"You don't even know where she is?" Sirius asked, shocked.

Lily shook her head sullenly, trying to ignore the tears that were welling up inside of her. It had been a long time since Lily thought of Petunia. The moment that both of her parents died was the moment that everything in her life changed. And she hated that the Slytherins had one more thing to hold over her head. Just because their families weren't perfect didn't change the fact that at least they had _families_. Lily had no one. And she had learned to deal with it over the years. But there were still moments in her life that she became so overwhelmed with grief and angst that she didn't know how to handle it. And with Bellatrix spewing her condescending insults just happened to be one of those times. "I-I watch James crumble in front of my eyes as his family slowly falls apart and…and I feel _so _terrible for him. I want to…to scoop him up in my arms and protect him for the pain that has been inflicted on me. No one deserves to go through all of the tragedies that he has been through. I can't stand seeing someone I love so broken and lost. And yet…" she whispered, her voice strained. She trailed off, too afraid to say what she wanted to say.

Once again, Sirius knew exactly what she was thinking. "Yet at the same time, you can't help but think that even with the loss of his two brothers and his father, at least he still has family to fall back on."

A lump formed in Lily's throat as she hung her head shamefully. "I am _so_ ashamed to admit that I think that," she whispered guiltily. She glanced up at Sirius hesitantly. "Does thinking that make me a bad person, Sirius?"

Sirius shook his head slowly. "Well, if it does, I'm just as bad as you are because I definitely know the feeling, Lily," Sirius chimed in. "Even with everything that he's gone through, he's…he's one of the lucky ones."

A tear slid down Lily's cheek as she nodded. "And…and as much as it pains me to say it, so is Bellatrix," she spat out bitterly, harshly wiping away the stray tear.

Sirius winced, embracing Lily tighter in his arms. While he couldn't give Lily a family, the least he could do was offer her comfort. He knew what it was like not to have a family to fall back on and he hated seeing Lily suffering so greatly. No one deserved to have their childhood ripped away from them in one single moment.

"Do you ever miss it, Sirius?" Lily murmured, taking a step back from his grasp.

"Miss what exactly?"

"I don't know," she said with a dismissive shrug. "Your childhood. The past. The way things used to be. Your family."

"No," Sirius responded immediately, shaking his head vigorously. "But if you knew my family, you'd understand."

She nodded solemnly, a twinge of sympathy tugging at her heartstrings for Sirius.

"I didn't have a good childhood, Lily," he explained further. "I-I tried so hard to please my parents and...as I grew up, I learned that nothing I ever did would be good enough. I wasn't into the Dark Arts and I certainly wasn't advocating for Voldemort's cruel killing sprees. And...and in my family's minds, that was the biggest sin I could possibly commit as a Black."

It was Lily's turn to return the favor as she squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged it off. "Eh, no big deal. I got over it a long time ago."

Lily gazed at him skeptically. "I don't think someone can really get over losing a family."

Sirius didn't respond. She knew him well.

He nodded awkwardly, finally muttering, "C'mon, let's get out of here." It was clear that they both needed to just get away from reality for a bit and Sirius was determined to make Lily feel better about herself.

She gazed up at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, let's…let's sneak into Hogsmeade," he suggested. "I think we both need to…to get away from the castle and get away from the people in it."

Lily nodded knowingly. "Okay," she said, glancing hesitantly over at Sirius. They fell into the same step as they quickly decided to head back to her private quarters in order to grab James' Invisibility Cloak.

Lily had vanished into her room in order to freshen up, refusing to stroll around Hogsmeade with scratches across her face and her eyes puffy from the tears.

With one last quick glance in the mirror, she returned to the common room where Sirius was waiting for her and they both headed out of the room, falling silent.

"Can I ask you something?" Lily asked hesitantly once she was able to strike up the courage.

He nodded.

"Those people in the castle you want to get away from," she started hesitantly. "Might Riley be one of them?"

He pursed his lips, glancing over at her out of the corner of his eyes. He wasn't surprised that James had spoken to her. "You're trying to escape the Slytherins' words and I…well, I am just trying to escape my own," he sighed.

Lily offered him an apologetic, grim lopsided smile. "I'm sorry."

The look on her face warned him that James told her about his confession the night before to Riley. "I'm not," he admitted with a shrug. "She needed to know. She _deserved _to know. And if she never wants to speak to me again, that's her prerogative."

"I don't think she'll never speak to you again," Lily argued. "It just may take…time until she realizes how much you mean to her."

"I don't exactly have a lot of time, here," Sirius snorted. "We're graduating in less than three months. And I-I really don't want to talk about her. Like I said, I need to get away from Hogwarts and…and everything associated with it."

Lily sighed. "I'm thinking that we both need a large glass of butterbeer right about now."

"More like firewhiskey," Sirius muttered.

Lily gave him a look.

Sirius laughed and linked arms with hers. "Okay, butterbeer it is."

* * *

Neither Lily nor Sirius realized how much they needed a morning away until they were playing practical jokes on each other at Zonko's or shoving chocolate down each other's throats at Honeydukes. They didn't mention Bellatrix or Riley again and it turned out to be a morning neither would ever forget. Unfortunately, it couldn't last. Lily knew that she had to return to Hogwarts to run over her notes once more before the Defense Against the Dark Arts quiz that was to be held after lunch and even Sirius knew that he couldn't avoid Riley forever.

"Hey," Lily greeted, grabbing James' fork and shoveling a piece of his treacle tart into her mouth. She noted that Riley had successfully disappeared during lunch in a desire to stay away from Sirius. "Mm, yum."

"How can you still eat sweets?" Sirius groaned, making a face.

Lily grinned, her mouth full of food.

"Where the hell have you two been?" Remus demanded to know, quirking an intense eyebrow.

Lily and Sirius shared a knowing look, smiling contently at each other. "Nowhere," Sirius eventually said evasively, turning his gaze away from her. "How was Charms?"

"Nice try," James snorted. "You guys went to Hogsmeade, didn't you."

Lily shrugged, kissing his cheek. "Yeah," she muttered. "We…we needed a break."

"Did this have anything to do with the Slyther-"

"Let's not talk about that," Lily interrupted. When James glanced over at her to make sure she was okay, he was surprised to see her sharing a furtive smile with Sirius. James had no idea what they had talked about or why they felt the need to escape, but he was grateful that Sirius had been there for her while he had been hiding away in his own bedroom. It seemed like they had all needed a morning away from the stress of what had become their lives and even if James couldn't be there to help Lily forget about the tension in her life, he was glad to see that she seemed a little more relaxed. James smiled and kissed the side of Lily's head, stealing his fork back. "What did McGonagall want to discuss with you?" Lily asked curiously.

James hesitated, thinking back to the meaningful conversation he shared with his professor. He had spent two hours locked away in his room to ponder his recent family situation and wasn't sure he wanted to get into it again. "Let's not talk about that."

Lily chuckled slightly and nodded. "Deal."

"James, want to lend me your Charms notes?" Sirius pleaded, grinning guiltily.

James cringed and opened his mouth to respond, but Remus interrupted. "He could but you'd be looking at a blank page," Remus snickered.

Lily gazed at her boyfriend curiously.

"I might have skipped," James mumbled, grinning sheepishly.

Lily laughed, shrugging. She couldn't exactly scold him seeing as she wasn't there either. "Was there anyone in Charms?"

The rhetorical question went unanswered as Sirius turned to Remus to beg him for his notes with little success. Sirius attempted stealing Remus' fork away in hopes that Remus would trade his notes in for it, but it ended up in a quibble between the two, causing the rest of them to chuckle at the playful fight.

Lily turned her gaze away from Sirius' swatting Remus' hand away long enough to steal a peek at James. She couldn't remember the last time he had such a sincere, comfortable smile on his face. Lately, the smile was strained and forced and she was glad to see that a few hours away from reality put true happiness on his face. She wrapped her arm around his and leaned her head on his shoulder. She was so grateful to have him in her life. "I love you, James," she found herself whispering, tuning out Remus' shouts to Sirius.

James glanced towards her in surprise. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and kissed her forehead, not questioning the unexpected affirmation. "I love you, too."

* * *

The afternoon went by a little too slowly for Lily's taste, which could be because she was forced through a double period of History of Magic, but Lily had a feeling it had more to do with her desire to once again whisk herself off to Hogsmeade in hopes of forgetting all of the pressure of schoolwork. For nearly seven years, she had been focused on academics and her future and now that the inevitable graduation was looming forward, she wanted to find any way to slow it down. She wasn't ready to make such life-altering decisions and be forced into a world of adulthood. Sometimes a morning away from reality was just what she needed.

She sauntered into the common room that evening after a tutoring session and saw Sirius and James in the corner in the midst of what seemed to be a heated debate. She couldn't help but smile.

She sauntered over to them and flopped on to the couch beside them. They barely glanced her way before returning to their argument.

"Oh, c'mon, you're telling me that you think a _monkey _would win a in a duel with a cheetah?" Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes.

"A monkey has opposable thumbs!" James cried out. "He has the ability to actually hold a wand!"

"I'm thinking that the cheetah could just use this thing called _his teeth _and rip the monkey apart," Sirius argued.

Lily stared at the two of them incredulously. "Are these the things you two normally discuss when there aren't girls around?"

"Well, it's either that or sex," Sirius snickered.

James rolled his eyes, giving Sirius a look. "I'd like to think we're more profound than that."

"Eh, speak for yourself," Sirius teased.

"I don't think I will ever understand what goes on in that pretty little head of yours," Lily sighed with a hint of a smile, ruffling up his hair.

He swatted her hand away quickly. "But you agree that my head is pretty?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "I have yet to figure out why James, Remus and Peter choose to hang around you."

"Uh, I hope that's rhetorical because we both know that I'm the shit," Sirius said, giving her a look as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Lily smacked him on the shoulder, earning a groan from Sirius. "Well, to be fair, Remus and Peter aren't choosing to hang around me at the moment. I'm pretty sure they're avoiding me right now, most likely trying to plot ways to kill me without anyone knowing."

"Oh, Merlin, what did you do now?" James groaned.

"Now why would you assume I did something to them?"

James and Lily snorted in unison.

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "A hex backfired. Let's just say that I don't believe Jillian would enjoy kissing someone with fish as lips."

"Sirius!" Lily groaned. "Haven't you learned by now not to experiment with charms you don't know?"

"Hey, at least I knew the countercurse," he argued.

"I have a pretty good feeling that you waited at least twenty minutes before consoling Remus with that information," said Lily, an eyebrow quirking knowingly.

Sirius simply grinned, shrugging guiltily. "It was thirty actually."

Lily chuckled. "You will never learn, will you."

"Nah, I prefer to spend my time thinking up how to make the Slytherins' lives hell than bother attempting to absorb boring lectures," Sirius admitted with a grin.

Lily bit down on her bottom lip, gazing at Sirius curiously. "I thought that Dumbledore told you not to mess with Severus anymore?"

Sirius scowled. "That is an impossible task!"

"Wait," James said, interrupting their quibble as he gazed over at his girlfriend, who was staring up at him with a sheepish look. "How did you know that?"

"Well, I was talking to Dumbledore after my tutoring session and I think he was under the impression that I might be able to straighten the four of you out a bit," she explained with a casual shrug.

"Hm," James said impatiently, "Is that the only thing he mentioned?"

Lily rolled her eyes at his attempt to be subtle. "No," she snorted. "He asked me to join the Order."

Sirius nearly fell off the couch at the casualness in her voice. "Seriously?" he said. He figured it was coming, but to be perfectly honest, with everything that had been occurring with Riley, he nearly forgot about the big plans Dumbledore had for him and his friends post-Hogwarts. "Well?"

She couldn't hide her smile, Sirius so keen on knowing the answer. "I said yes."

Sirius tried suppressing the joy on his face with little success. Lily felt flattered that he was so ecstatic for her help with the Order, but she wondered if there was an underlying reason why. "Are you sure that's a wise decision?" Sirius joked, winking playfully at her. "This is going to be dangerous business. You sure you can handle that?"

"HAH!" Lily cackled, shooting him a look. "This coming from the guy who shrieked like a little girl and leaped up on to the couch because he thought he saw a scorpion scurrying across the common room floor."

Sirius scowled. "You clearly have not been attacked by a scorpion's pincers before," he pouted.

James ignored their teasing quarreling and turned his attention back on to the Order. "So you said yes?" he asked curiously. "Did you even think about it?"

Lily scowled. "Did _you_?"

Sirius snickered. "No," he answered for his friend.

James scowled while Lily hastily asked, her eyes piercing through James', "And what's there to think about? I think we've come to a point in our lives where we need to make the decision between just complaining about you-know-who's actions and actually attempting to do something about it. And he has caused so much pain to too many innocent people and families that it's about time I retaliate. If Dumbledore thinks I'd be a strong asset to the Order, then I trust his judgment."

James could only nod. He was proud her for taking a stand, but an uneasy feeling still washed over him.

Lily recognized his wary smile and reached for his hand. "I can take care of myself, James."

"That's not what I'm worried about," he murmured immediately.

She gazed at him curiously, sensing the burden in his voice.

He offered her a sullen lopsided smile and squeezed her hand, turning away from her gaze. "Everyone I love seems to be…disappearing. I don't want that to happen to you."

A chill ran down Lily's spine.

"If and when it comes down to it, I-I would probably save you before I save myself," James muttered, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. "And that scares the hell out of me."

Lily's heart skipped a beat and she kissed James on the cheek, while Sirius looked away, suddenly feeling like he was imposing. "You need to stop thinking that you can fix everything. You're not God. You're just James."

"Yeah, being God is my job," Sirius chimed in with a grin. James shot him a look and he slumped down sheepishly. "James, worrying about the future isn't going to solve anything. I think the best thing any of us can do right now is just live in the present."

"I'm not trying to solve or fix anything," James murmured with a defeated sigh. "I just…I don't want anything to change."

Lily shot James an apologetic look. "I don't either," she murmured, swallowing hard. She was really beginning to hate all talk of the future. "But unfortunately, I think change is inevitable. Once we walk out the doors of Hogwarts, things _are_ going to change. There's…there's nothing we can do about that," she said in a soft voice. She hated admitting that but fear of the future wasn't going to change anything. She cuddled up beside him, suddenly yearning for his warm body and the feel of his soft touch.

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in close to him, frowning at the thought of an unpredictable future. "Sometimes I just wish I could…just stop time and enjoy being young," he admitted wholeheartedly, his heart skipping a beat.

"You and me both," she muttered. "But…but I think our childhood is pretty much over once we graduate. We…we won't be kids anymore."

James could only nod slowly, a lump forming in his throat. "Well," James started, forcing out a smile as his eyes locked with Sirius, "Sirius will probably still be a kid."

Sirius scowled. "How is it that we can go from talking about a serious subject matter to you poking fun at me?"

James grinned. "Blame it on the fact that you're an easy target."

Sirius forced out a wary smile. "And that's my cue to leave," he laughed.

"That's probably a good thing since I'm about to snog Lily," James teased, flashing his friend a grin, winking slyly at his girlfriend in his arms.

Sirius pretended to gag. "Yep, definitely my cue." He climbed off the couch and headed towards the boys dormitory stairs. After only a few steps, he gazed back at his two friends. "I'm glad that Dumbledore asked you both to join the Order. It gives me hope that maybe not _everything _has to change after graduation."

Lily knew exactly what he was talking about. With all of the ups and downs that the seven friends have gone through over the year, it felt a bit gratifying knowing that they would be working together towards a similar cause once graduation came. Lily had a feeling that he was thinking about Riley in that moment, knowing that once graduation hit, there was a good chance it would really be over between them.

She didn't mention any of this. Instead, she simply smiled. "Right back at ya."

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed the chapter. We dive a little more deeper into Lily's fears of the future and James' insecurities with all of his family problems. More James/Lily mush on the way, plus some good Sirius/Riley action. Please review!


	46. Of Pickles, Amortentia, & Randy Jokes

**A/N: **Please don't hate me! I know it's been a really long time but I've been debating about where this story was heading. I had my original story line but with my laptop stolen, I had the chance to reevaluate, which in the end I think is a good thing. So this story might be a bit longer than I expected but there is also going to be a lot of good plot lines headed your way. I have made this chapter extra long for your enjoyment, so please tell me what you think

**Disclaimer: **Who got CHILLS just watching the trailer for the first half of the 7th movie! I love J.K. Rowling...but sadly, I am not her and therefore own virtually nothing.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 46: Of Pickles, Amortentia, & Randy Jokes

* * *

Lily didn't bother even attempting to finish her Potions essay. James kept distracting her and to be perfectly honest, she didn't mind it. With so little time left before graduation, she was willing to take every free minute of her time and spend it with James. Because she knew that there wouldn't be a whole lot of free time once they enter the real world.

They were lying in James' bed, their bodies entangled beneath the sheets. James had out his History of Magic notes and was attempting to peruse them while Lily left her Potions essay haphazardly on his bedside table, choosing to take that moment to rest her head against James' chest contently. Those were the moments she cherished more than anything. Those stolen moments in James' arms.

"What are you thinking?"

Lily jumped slightly, James' voice interrupting her thoughts. "Hm?" she murmured, turning her gaze upon him.

"You just looked very deep in thought," he pursued. "I was just wondering what was on your mind."

She shrugged. Her first instinct was to tell him that it was nothing, but she found herself blurting out, "I don't want to end up like Sirius and Riley."

James was taken aback. Whatever he thought Lily was pondering, it definitely wasn't that. "What do you mean?"

Lily hesitated, lifting her eyes to meet his. "One minute those two are dating, the next minute they're fighting, another minute they're friends, then they're at each other's throats, next they're having casual sex, and now they're completely estranged. I-I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want to go from loving you to…to playing silly games with you."

James wasn't sure how to respond. He had no idea she was worried about the state of their relationship in relation to Sirius and Riley's. "Where is this coming from?" James asked curiously.

"I love you, James," she whispered, shifting uncomfortably. "But what happens if this…um, doesn't work out?"

James' heart skipped a beat and he fixed his intense stare on her, his mouth hanging open in shock. "I…but…why do you think it wouldn't work out?" he dared to ask.

Lily pursed her lips. "We're graduating in a few months," she explained slowly. "And…and then our lives are a huge question mark. It's easy being together here at Hogwarts but…but what happens in the real world when our daily routine is going to drastically change?"

James felt a tug at his heart at the concerned tone in Lily's voice. He swept back the stray hairs that had fallen into Lily's face, kissing the top of her head lightly. "Lily," he said gently, "Looking at how Riley and Sirius have been acting, I _never _want to go through that with you. _Especially_ since we've already played our games, Lily. For six and a half years, we played games. And don't even get me started on the beginning of this year before we got together in January. You and I have already done the back-and-forth cat and mouse game and…and it was hard dealing with it then. Throw love into the mix and…and that would just make it so much more complicated. And I don't want complicated. _Especially _with you. I love you, Lily. And there's nothing complicated about that." He squeezed her arm tightly, drawing her closer to his body. He gazed down at her, his look softening as she locked eyes with him. Neither said anything for a few minutes, James slowly running his fingers through her hair adoringly.

James' tone was so confident and assertive, Lily almost felt guilty for thinking of what could happen to them in the future.

Eventually, James broke the comfortable silence. "Lily, I never want you to think about what would happen if we didn't work out. Because that…that thought kills me. I am so in love with you and I-I can't imagine my life without you."

Lily blushed, smiling shyly. "I know," she whispered, letting her lips dance lightly over his. He deepened the kiss, cupping her face with his hands and letting his tongue explore the inside of her mouth. "I don't _like _thinking about it," Lily clarified after they pulled apart. "I just…I hate the unknown. And right now, come June…" she trailed off.

Her vulnerability only made her more desirable in James' eyes. "I know," he said softly, brushing his fingers up and down her arm comfortingly. "But worrying about the unknown isn't going to change the fact that it's going to remain unknown."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle. "So profound," she joked.

He laughed, loving the melodious sound of her chuckle. Every minute he spent with her, he found yet another thing he loved about her, starting with the crinkle of her eyebrows when she was concerned about something. "Let's make a deal, Lily," he said firmly. "Right now, let's not think about the future. Let's just…let's just live in the present."

Lily knew that it was James' way of trying to be reassuring and comforting, and she really appreciated it. The future scared her beyond belief, and she had a feeling that James' determination to live in the present just proved that he was scared of the future as well, but somehow James' words really did soothe her. Or maybe it was just the intense concern in his eye as he gazed down at her that made her realize she was blowing things out of proportion. He was right: she needed to not think about the possibility of them breaking up and just focus on their relationship in that moment. Because if she did that then she would realize that their love for each other had to be strong enough to handle anything that the future brought them. "Okay," Lily whispered, nodding curtly. She slowly rolled her body on top of his, crossing her arms over his chest and resting her chin on them, her eyes not straying from his. "It's a deal."

A feeling of immense comfort passed over Lily at the look of relief and content on James' face. His fingers slowly slipped under the back of her shirt, causing an electrifying chill to run down Lily's spine and a slight moan to escape from her lips. Even after so much time spent together, James still took Lily's breath away.

She smiled nostalgically at him and he pulled his face down to plant a subtle kiss on her lips, biting down on her bottom lip. The kiss sent a warm feeling of security through Lily, chasing away the chills that had originally settled over her body. She shifted her weight upward and intensified the kiss, wanting—no, _needing _to keep her lips intertwined with his.

They made love to each other that night and their passion for each other had never been so overwhelming. All thoughts and worries of the future disappeared from Lily that night. She loved James so much, her heart ached.

She couldn't remember the last time she was that happy. And it was all thanks to him.

* * *

Breakfast was quiet the next morning. James had a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with Sirius avoiding Riley and Riley avoiding Sirius, meaning that Sirius was taking Remus and Peter hostage and Riley was detaining Kay. That left James and Lily at breakfast on their own. Which honestly, neither minded. Sometimes it was nice to remain under the drama radar. And after the previous night, neither had felt so close with each other as they did right then.

Only minutes before class was to begin, Kay swept into the Great Hall and took a seat across from the two of them, quickly shoveling food on to a plate.

"Whoa there, slow down," Lily sniggered.

"I am starving!" Kay argued through a mouthful of food. "Riley did everything in her power to keep me in the room and I quickly took my chance to get away when she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth so I probably have about three minutes before she comes after me angrily," she said hastily, running all of her words together. "Pass me a scone!"

Both James and Lily couldn't help but laugh and Lily passed her the plate.

"KAY!"

With a face stuffed with a scone, Kay slowly turned around to face Riley. She grinned sheepishly, bearing her mashed up food guiltily.

"Oh, that's attractive," Lily snorted.

"Unlike you, my boyfriend is miles away. I could care less what I look like as long as I get something to eat before class," Kay snickered, her mouth still full of food.

"Way to leave me hanging in the room," Riley grunted, plopping on to the bench at the Gryffindor table, briefly letting her gaze search the room. James took notice of this and had a feeling she was looking for Sirius.

"I couldn't wait for lunch to stuff myself with food and the way you were droning on this morning about the terrible twosome, you weren't going to let me leave! So I took matters into my own hands," Kay argued, giving Riley a look.

"Why Justine and Miranda feel the need to take an hour-long shower is beyond me!" Riley shouted.

"I am so glad I have my own room now," Lily sniggered.

Both Riley and Kay glared at her and Lily was saved by the Owl Post.

Pickles swooped down in front of James, dropping a letter off for him and quickly started to nip at a scone.

Lily scowled. "That owl seriously needs to go," Lily whined, fighting with Pickles for the last scone.

James gasped. "He can hear you!"

"Isn't Pickles a she?"

James shrugged. "I don't know."

Lily rolled her eyes. "What does the letter say?"

James skimmed briefly before gasping loudly. "Oh my God!"

"What?" Riley asked.

"Oh my _God_!" he repeated, his voice getting higher and his eyes getting wider.

"What, James?" Lily asked anxiously.

"OH MY-"

"I'm going to need more words here, James!" Lily cried out, giving him a look.

A grin spread across his face as his eyes lingered on Lily, a look of awe on his face. "It's from the Bigonville Bombers!"

Lily stared at him blankly. "Again, I'm going to need more words."

James laughed. "It's a Quidditch team, Lily. They're offering me a position starting in September!"

"Like on their team?" Kay asked.

James snorted and rolled his eyes. "No, they want me to be mascot," he responded sarcastically. "Yes, like on their team! They want me to sign a three-year contract to be a chaser. Lorenzo Myler is leaving the team."

Lily found herself frowning. "Is this what you want?" she asked curiously. "To play Quidditch?"

James shrugged and glanced over the letter. "I never thought I was good enough for it to even be an option, but can you just imagine? I'd be getting _paid _to play Quidditch!"

Lily nodded slowly. "Well, this is great, James. Congratulations," she said unconvincingly.

"I'm going to go tell the guys. They'll be ecstatic!" he said giddily, kissing her quickly on the cheek and jumping out of his chair. "We'll have to go into Hogsmeade sometime and celebrate."

Lily could only nod, forcing a smile on to her face. "If we're not too busy studying for N.E.W.T.s," she said warily.

James gave her a look. "You can _always _make time for a little Hogsmeade excursion."

"No, _you _can always make time for a Hogsmeade visit," Lily corrected with a snicker. "Some of us pride ourselves on our schoolwork."

"Eh, I'm sure I can find a way to change your mind," he said suggestively, winking at her. "Does last night ring a bell?"

She chuckled politely, blushing. "Go find your friends."

He kissed her again, smiling contently down at her before whisking out of the Great Hall.

"Wow," Riley could only say, gazing curiously at Lily who was looking a bit downtrodden at the moment.

Lily nodded, swallowing the lump from her throat. "Yeah. Big deal, huh?"

"It's not every day someone gets offered a Quidditch contract," Riley agreed with a shrug.

Lily turned her gaze away from Riley's scrutinizing eyes. She was thrilled for James obviously. She knew that Quidditch contracts came far and in between, but there was a strong part of her that felt dejected. And she couldn't figure out why. "C'mon, we're going to be late to Charms," she murmured, finishing off her orange juice and standing up abruptly.

Kay and Riley exchanged a curious glance, but fell in line behind Lily. Lily quickly changed the subject to upcoming N.E.W.T.s and her friends knew enough to not bring up James or Quidditch again. While Lily jabbered on about studies, Riley felt her thoughts return to the only thing that had been on her mind since two nights earlier: Sirius. She had been feeling overwhelmed and panicked for the past thirty-six hours due to Sirius' outburst and all she wanted was for everything to go back to normal. Or at least as normal as things could possibly get. She was tired of being distracted by the words he said, but every time she glanced Sirius' way, she was immediately reminded of their conversation they had where he professed his love to her. But it wasn't the words that were running through her head; it was the look of admiration in his eyes when he looked at her. It was the vulnerability in his voice when he talked about her. It was the desperation she sensed when she pushed him away. It was the intense spark she felt when he reached for her arm. And it was the look of pure frustrated defeat when she walked away from him.

She wanted to be with him. She would never be able to admit that to anyone, least of all herself, but she knew deep down that it was the truth. Unfortunately, in the end, she had about a million reasons as to why she shouldn't be with him that were keeping her in control of the situation and what he wanted didn't seem to be good enough. She needed to stand her ground because she knew that being with Sirius had to be a big mistake.

And it was easier pretending to be frustrated and angry with him than show him how much she cared.

She was grateful when she walked into Charms and saw that Sirius had yet to turn up. It was easier being annoyed when she didn't have to see his sullen face. She gazed towards Lily who dove into her bag to pull out her textbook. Riley sighed and decided to follow suit. Maybe Charms would be able to distract her from the drama she called her life.

Lily was immersed in her Charms textbook the moment she sat down. With N.E.W.T.s rapidly approaching, she was getting more nervous by the second. She promised herself that she would start taking any free moment she could to run through all of the different theories and concepts. Before bed every night, she would mutter curses and hexes and every morning she woke up, her mind would run through all of the different Potions ingredients in the cupboard. Her mind _had _to be constantly on her classes or how else would she ace her exams?

"Hey," drawled a nearby voice.

Lily glanced up from her textbook and smiled. James leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before scooting into the seat beside her.

"So how did the guys take it?" Lily asked curiously.

"Well, Sirius started squealing like a little girl excited that he can now get free Quidditch tickets; Remus started asking me all these questions like how much practice time there was, how much on-the-road time, how much money did I get, did I received any benefits, and any other logical question to put a damper on my mood; and Peter…well, he just wet his pants," James teased.

Lily laughed. "So basically they took it well?"

James nodded, a goofy grin on his face.

She quickly changed the subject. "Where are the guys anyway?"

"Sirius claimed he hadn't washed his face yet that morning. A.k.a., he is waiting until the last possible second to whisk into class," James murmured, stealing a glance towards Riley, who was gazing at her textbook. James had a feeling that she had it out in front of her in hopes that it would be a distraction, but it was obvious that while she was staring at the page, she wasn't really reading the words.

"Those two need to stop avoiding each other and just start _talking_ to each other," Lily murmured irritably. Her gaze fell upon Sirius, Remus, and Peter who swept into the room full of laughs and chatter.

James sighed as Sirius stiffened with one look at Riley. He found a seat as far away from her as possible and sunk into it, pretending to listen to whatever Remus was droning on about. James glanced back towards Lily. "Yeah, well don't hold your breath."

* * *

"Well, the schedule will be hectic," James explained. He was chattering about the Quidditch contract at lunch, weighing his many options. "I'd only be home for about four months out of the year and the rest of it on the road playing at many different venues. And during those four months I'm at home, I'll be at practice six days a week and I will be constantly doing promotional tours."

"Yeah, but you'll be a professional Quidditch player!" Sirius cried out, his eyes beaming with enthusiasm.

James grinned. "I _know_. How can I pass something like this up?"

"How much money are they giving you if you don't mind me asking?" Jillian asked curiously.

James told them the large amount and they all whistled and gasped in excitement. All except for Lily, who remained silent.

"Holy crap, you could buy a…a…a _country _with that," Sirius muttered, shaking his head incredulously.

"Yeah, maybe a _tiny _country," Remus teased, giving Sirius a look.

"Not like he needs anymore money," Lily chimed in with a shrug. "He did just inherit a million-galleon mansion."

"Yeah, but with this money, I could take my pretty little lady on a lot of classy dates," James clarified, kissing her cheek.

Lily smiled, glancing back down at the plate in front of her.

"Damn, and I'm stuck with this lug?" Jillian whined, gesturing towards Remus.

"HEY!"

Jillian laughed and grabbed his hand, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"I didn't realize that Dumbledore let lying jackasses into the Great Hall."

They all stiffened at the familiar voice behind them.

"Clearly, his standards have decreased," Riley continued, rolling her eyes as she hesitantly took a seat beside James. Kay offered Sirius an apologetic smile and took a seat beside Riley, finding a sudden interest in buttering a biscuit. Based off the guilty look on Kay's face, Lily had a feeling that she and Riley were discussing the matter that Riley now insulted.

Sirius remained silent. He was beginning to think he should have skipped lunch.

"Riley," James warned, giving her a look.

"What?" she asked innocently, shrugging casually. "A girl can't speak her mind around here?"

Sirius scowled. "Oh sure, but when a guy tried to do that the other night, that girl refused to acknowledge-"

"Hey, Sirius."

Riley had never been more thankful for Nikki Ventura interrupting.

Sirius stiffened slightly, not daring to look Riley in the eye, who was busying herself with moving around the mashed potatoes on her plate.

"So are we going out soon, Sirius?" Nikki said, flipping her hair behind her shoulder and batting her eyelashes at him. It was enough to make Riley want to gag.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. He couldn't help but let his gaze settle on Riley who was looking more uncomfortable by the second. She slowly lifted her eyes to lock with Sirius'. Neither said anything but neither needed to. She was pleading with her eyes for him to just say yes and Sirius was giving her a look that told her to fight for him.

The rest of the group was exchanging looks and glancing back and forth between Riley and Sirius trying to come up with anything to ease the tension with very little luck.

Eventually, Riley broke eye contact with Sirius and stared sullenly at her plate in front of her, suddenly not so hungry.

Sirius sighed and slumped down in his chair, wishing he knew what to say. More importantly, he wished he knew what Riley wanted him to say. All he needed from her was an explanation and he would back off. But he wasn't ready to stop fighting for her. He wasn't ready to go back to sleeping around with meaningless girls. He wasn't ready to return to a reputation he had never wanted in the first place. He wasn't ready to lead girls on knowing that deep down, he would have any true feelings for them. He wasn't ready to go back to being a womanizer. He wasn't ready to go back to dating girls with names like "Hickey Nikki." Not if he felt he had the slightest chance with Riley.

"I can't go out with you, Nikki," Sirius eventually said.

Nikki's face registered surprise, as well as the faces of all his friends. Riley stiffened slightly but tried not to show any sign of acknowledgement of his statement. "_Can't_?"

He shrugged as if it was no big deal, his gaze returning to Riley. "Yeah, I can't go out with you," he repeated firmly, frowning slightly. "Because I'm in love with Riley."

Riley whipped her head up in completely shock, ignoring the gasps coming from her friends surrounding her.

Nikki couldn't help but burst into laughter, giving Sirius a look. "Oh, please, Sirius. If you don't want to go out with me, fine. But don't go making up lies."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. "I wouldn't lie about that, Nikki," he snapped.

Her amusement quickly turned into irritation. "Whatever," she murmured, staring at him intently, "Your loss." She stormed off, trying not to let the rejection get to her.

"I think that's my cue to go, too," Riley murmured awkwardly, refusing to look Sirius in the eye as she gathered her bag and stood up abruptly.

"Riley, _wait_," Sirius pleaded.

"For what? For you to embarrass me in front of my friends some more? I don't think so," she retaliated immediately, keeping her eyes on her textbooks.

"Do you want me to embarrass you in front of the entire Great Hall then?" Sirius snorted. "Will that get you to realize that I really _do _love you?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, her body stiffening. "And ruin your reputation?" she snickered. "You wouldn't dare."

A smile slowly crept on to his lips, accepting the challenge she just put in front of him. He didn't take his eyes off of her as he gently lay his fork on his plate and started to get to his feet.

"What are you doing?" she demanded hastily.

He stepped up on to the bench he was standing, a sly smile breaking out as he put a _sonorus _spell on himself.

Riley gasped loudly and attempted to scramble away from the table before the inevitable happened.

The others all shared a frantic look before James spoke up, grasping Sirius' arm. "Oh, Sirius, please don't do anything-"

Sirius shrugged James off, his eyes on Riley the entire time who was already halfway to the Great Hall door. "I, SIRIUS BLACK, AM IN LOVE WITH RILEY GILMORE!"

"Stupid," James finished with a sigh, cringing.

Riley felt her entire body go numb at the sound of his words and her hands flew to her face in horror. Seconds later, she felt his presence behind her. She slowly turned around to face him, her heart tensing at the sight of desperation in his eyes. A determined frown formed her face.

"You can't hide anymore," Sirius said firmly. "I know you'd like to pretend like I never said those words, but I did. I meant them the other night and I mean them now. They're out in the open. Everyone in this room knows how I feel about you. Are you ready to accept that?"

"Accept what? The fact that you just humiliated both me _and _yourself in front of the entire school?" Riley murmured, her cheeks blushing a deep shade of scarlet.

"It's not the entire school," Sirius argued. "Quite a few people have skipped lunch today."

Riley scowled. "Oh, sure, tell me you love me and then turn it into a joke. And I'm supposed to believe you?"

"Yes," Sirius responded immediately. "Because I don't care that I just embarrassed myself in front of everyone in the Great Hall. I don't care that my reputation is ruined. I don't care that everyone thinks I'm crazy. I don't care that they're all going to laugh at me for weeks," Sirius argued, shaking his head frantically. "I don't care what people think, Riley. All I have ever cared about was _you_. When are you going to realize that?"

Riley shook her head defiantly, her eyes gazing over the crowd of people staring at her with curious looks and shocked expressions. "I'm done talking about this," she muttered bitterly. She tried walking away from him, but Sirius grabbed her arm tightly.

Sirius wasn't surprised she was trying to back out. It's what she did best.

She tried pulling away from him, but his grip was firm. "Please, just...just let me go, Sirius," she whispered in a remorseful tone.

Sirius never felt so helpless and desperate before. Riley made him feel things he never knew he could feel. In one minute, he was hopelessly in love with her, then the next minute he was angry with her, and the next minute he was depressed over her. He wanted to help her in any way he could possible and she was refusing to let him in. It could make a guy crazy. He was beginning to think his life would be a hell of a lot easier if it was another girl he was in love with. But he guessed you couldn't always choose who you fall in love with. "I don't know how to let you go," he said vulnerably.

Riley knew he wasn't just talking about her arm. She felt her heartbeat speed up as she felt the electric charge run through her veins at Sirius' slight touch. She had never felt so strongly about another person in her life before meeting Sirius and here she was, trying everything in her power to pretend like they had never existed. And in that moment, she couldn't figure out why. "Well, then, _join the club_," she whispered.

He was startled by her confession. "What?" he asked, not because he hadn't heard her, but because he wanted to hear it again.

"Nothing," she quickly argued, shaking her head vigorously. "I'm going to go before you say something else to embarrass me."

His grasp on her arm tightened. "Why is it that I can only get a slight glimmer into what is running through your mind? Why can't you just…just _talk _to me? All I want from you, Riley, is for you to cut the bullshit so that I can figure out why you and I can't seem to let each other go. But in order to understand I _need_ you to talk to me," he pleaded. He gazed up into her eyes and waited until she locked eyes with him. "_Please_, Riley," he whispered. "Just…just help me understand."

She didn't know what else to say. He was trying everything he could and she could feel herself slowly giving in, much to her chagrin. She wanted to open up to him, but every time she did, she was reminded of all of the people in her past who had walked all over her and suddenly, she was throwing back insults and acting as if Sirius didn't matter to her.

A part of her had a good feeling that Sirius really loved her, as much as she didn't want to think about it, and a part of her had a good feeling that she wasn't able to accept that. He was right: she was closed off from the world. She rarely let people in and she rarely let her guard down. She tried doing that with Sirius and look how that turned out? She didn't want to hurt him any more than she already was by pushing him away and regrettably, by playing games with him, but she didn't know how else to protect _herself_. She wanted to be able to tell him that she still had feelings for him and she wanted to be able to tell him that she hated what had happened to them and she wanted to be able to tell him that she did run at the first sign of trouble in fear that she had gotten in over her head. And she wanted to tell him the reason that she felt so strongly about the two of them not being together. Because truth was, it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her.

She turned away from his pleading eyes. "I can't talk to you," she whispered hoarsely.

He swallowed the lump from his throat. "You can, you just don't want to."

She was taken aback by the agony in his voice. Looking at the creases in his forehead and the bags under his eyes, the flushed tint of his cheeks, and the deepened frown on his face, the way he was shifting his gaze towards the floor and the way his hands were shaking, Riley suddenly realized how much she was hurting him. She had never stopped to think about him. She had solely been focused on the way he made her feel and never the other way around. Maybe he was right: maybe it was time for her to open up and admit what was on her mind. "No, Sirius," she retaliated immediately, slowly lifting her eyes to meet his. Her heart was beating faster than she could ever remember. "I _can't_ talk to you."

"Why not?" he asked.

Her heart ached, seeing the desperation in his eyes. She wanted to tell him everything, but she had never been good at revealing her insecurities and fears to Sirius. He had always known that she was scared but never knew exactly what she was scared of because she was never willing to tell him. But maybe that time had come. Sirius had shown his persistence and she had a feeling that he wouldn't stop going after her until she told him what was running through her mind.

Suddenly, it didn't matter that she was feeling a bit humiliated by Sirius' outburst. It didn't matter that everyone was waiting for her to make a decision. It didn't matter that she was too afraid to talk to him. All that mattered was telling Sirius what she so desperately didn't want him to know.

For the first time in months, she found herself admitting the truth.

"Because if I tell you what's going through my mind," she said softly, "You might just understand. And then I'll have no excuse _not _to be with you."

His heart skipped a beat, his stomach fluttering in awe. "What?" he whispered hoarsely.

She turned her gaze away quickly, feeling too vulnerable to look him in the eye. "You're right, Sirius. I _am _scared. I am _so_ scared of being with you because you make me feel things I've never felt before. But what scares me more," she mumbled cautiously, taking a deep breath in and out before finishing the sentence she has been so desperate to hold back from him, "Is _not _being with you. Because no one has _ever _made me feel the way you make me feel when we're together."

Sirius froze, shocked by her confession.

Riley swallowed hard and continued. "For…for some odd reason, you are the _only _person who seems to completely get me. And _that_ is what ultimately scares me most of all. Because…I'm not even sure _I _get me," she whispered softly, her voice filled with passion and her body trembling. "Sirius, when I'm not with you, I-I feel so alone and empty. Because while there are times that you have let me down and there are times that you have hurt me and made me feel lower than low, in the end, those times were outweighed by those moments where you made me feel so incredibly special."

He was taken aback by her response. If he had attempted to say anything at that moment, he would have guaranteed that it would have come out as gibberish. He slowly let go of her arm, taking a cautious step back in order to really grasp what she was saying. "But then why…" he let his question trail off.

She knew what he was going to ask. He was going to ask why she was so determined to keep them apart. And that was the part she was so scared to say aloud. "Because the problem is, Sirius, is that I don't know _how_ to be special."

Sirius' heart ached with one look at her. He could have sworn there was a glimmer of a tear in her eyes before she quickly shielded them. She didn't look like the strong, determined woman that she pretended to be. He suddenly saw the timid, frightened little girl in Riley that she had been so determined to conceal. He had always known that part of her existed but she had never let anyone see that vulnerable side of her before. He had been so determined to figure out what was bothering Riley and now, he wasn't so sure he wanted to know. Not for his sake, but for hers. He could tell she was feeling overexposed and torn apart and he never wanted to be the one to make her feel so horribly uncomfortable.

"I am _so_ used to feeling like a nobody," she started quietly, shifting her gaze towards the floor. "I-I am good at being worthless, Sirius. My mother and my grandmother has taught me from day one that unless I follow their very specific plan, that I-I am not good enough. My dreams and my life don't matter unless they're premeditated by the two of them. I've always had to put all of my hopes and desires on hold in order to please them." She swallowed hard, grateful to herself that she has learned over time to not let them get to her in order to strive for happiness. Unfortunately, she couldn't say the same about her relationships. "And not only has my mother and my grandmother showed me that…that I'm insignificant, but I-I didn't matter to Zach who cheated on me, I didn't matter to Rhett who gave me up in December not wanting to get in _your _way, I didn't matter to you two years ago when you slept with Rhea, and I didn't matter to you last month when you replaced me with Rachael. I've learned that with men in the past that I'm _easily_ _replaceable_. How do you think that makes me feel? I am really good at pretending like I don't matter because _everyone around me _had made me feel that way. It has unfortunately shaped the person I've become today," she muttered, her eyes void with unpleasantness. "Sirius, I don't know how to be better than worthless. I don't know how to be a somebody. I can't give you what you inevitably want and need. And…and I care about you _so much_, enough to know that you should just _let me go _and _find someone else to be with_.You deserve someone better than me. You deserve someone who's going to tell you every minute of every day that she loves you. You deserve someone who's going to fight hard to stay in a relationship with you, not find excuses to _not _be in one. You deserve someone who can not only make you happy but who can be happy herself just by being with you. You _deserve_ someone that _isn't_ me." She took a deep breath in and let out an overzealous sigh. "Don't you get that, Sirius? My running away from you and hiding under a pile of excuses isn't me trying to help myself. It's me trying to help _you_."

Sirius had never felt so speechless before. It had taken her a lot of courage to speak her mind for once. He commended her for being so forward and honest with him for once when he knew that deep down, he probably didn't deserve it. He had screwed things up with her so many times that her vulnerable honesty was making him feel guilty. And yet, at the same time, Sirius couldn't help but smile. He felt so grateful that he finally knew why Riley has been trying to push him away. It wasn't for selfish reasons and it wasn't necessarily because she was scared to be with him. She honestly thought that he was better off without him. And that just made him love her even more.

"Riley, you…you were right, Riley. I _do _understand," Sirius eventually said when he could wrap his mind around her words. "I _know_ what it's like to feel like you don't matter. Like you're worthless. For sixteen years, that's how I felt in my own household. For sixteen years, my mother told me every bloody day that I was a waste of life. I know what it's like to believe that...that at the end of the day, love is just a word that doesn't mean anything." Sirius sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Except that it does mean something. It took me eighteen years to figure that out and it's all thanks to you. You make me realize that I _can_ matter. That at the end of the day, I have something and _someone _to live for. You're right, Riley; you _do _have a lot of baggage, but I don't care. I know what I'm getting myself into, but _I don't care_. I _don't_ _care_ that you may never be able to tell me back that you love me and I _don't_ _care_ if I have to fight for our relationship every damn second of every damn day when you get scared and try to run again. I'll do anything I have to, Riley. Because for once in my life, you make me feel worth it. And I _like_ feeling that way," he said, his voice full of desperation. "Don't you think it's your turn? What about what _you _deserve?"

Riley felt a tear escape from her eye, quickly followed by another. There was something inside of her holding her back and she didn't know how to just let go of it. She bit down on her bottom lip, choosing to remain silent.

His hand migrated slowly to her face, caressing her cheek lightly. "Riley, you deserve to be happy, Riley. You deserve to be with someone who will love you forever," he said softly. "I know that I make you happy, Riley. And I know that I am head over heels in love with you. And most importantly, _you _know that I make you happy and _you _know that I love you. No matter how much you try and deny it."

She shook her head slowly. "But…why do you want to be with me?" she muttered skeptically, her bottom lip trembling. She wasn't saying it to be self-deprecating; she truly couldn't figure out why a guy like Sirius would want to be with a girl like her.

Sirius was startled by the utter desolation in her voice. He wondered if she was actually breaking down or she was just feeling overwhelmed by his words. Either way, he reached out and grasped her arm firmly, tighter than he had before. Riley froze, gazing up at him in shock, feeling the frustrated determination in his single touch. "Everything I know about you is worth loving, Riley," he argued, squeezing her hand tightly. "I know that you love your family more than you let on. I know that Lance is your best friend and you guys tell each other everything. I know that you are really intelligent but that sometimes you feel inferior with friends like Lily and James. I know that you love to write and when you have the time, you're scribbling poems down. I know that you used to love writing in a journal, but once Miranda divulged the secrets in it to the school, you've been too afraid to write anything else down in fear of your private thoughts being exposed. I know that you love to sing, especially in the shower, and although you'd never admit it, you love singing Madonna songs the most. I know that you want to become a journalist, but you're afraid to admit it because your mother and Gran are desperate for you to become an Auror. I know that when no one is around, you blast the music in your room and dance wildly on your bed." He took a step close and his eyes met hers, hers filled with fascinated awe. "I know that you love fashion magazines and when you were a kid, you wanted to grow up and be a supermodel. I know that you claim black is your favorite color because you want everyone to perceive you as a tomboy, but that baby blue really is your favorite color. I know that you hate the taste of toothpaste and you sneak a piece of chocolate right before you hop into bed to erase that taste from your mouth." He was taking her breath away with every sentence he was relaying to her and she tried to ignore the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She quickly brushed them away and started twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Sirius smiled, and gestured toward that strand of hair. "I know that when you feel nervous and put on the spot, you play with your hair." Her hand immediately flew down to her side. He laughed. "I know that you bite on your nails when you get stressed out. I know that when you were growing up, _Sesame Street _was your favorite show and you'd run around the house talking like Elmo. I know that you love watching Saturday morning cartoons with your brothers when you're home. I know that Halloween is your favorite holiday because you love pumpkin seeds. I know that you put three sugars in your coffee and no milk. I know that you love taking pictures, not necessarily to capture the moment but because you're afraid that one day, your friends might not be there and the photographs will remind you of the past. I know that you hate the taste of orange juice. I know that bananas make you sick because when you were five, you ate six whole bananas and then proceeded to throw them up. I know that you like anchovies on your pizza."

She was in complete awe of him. Everything he was saying was really intuitive and intimate, as if he were reading right through her soul. Her heart sped up quickly and although she tried to turn away from his gaze, something was keeping her eyes locked with his. It was as if she was powerless to his words and it frightened her. A single tear slid down her cheek, wondering when Sirius Black suddenly became such a romantic.

He brushed his thumb across her damp cheek. "Riley, I know that I've hurt you in the past. I know I don't deserve a second…well, er, third chance. I know that you're afraid to open up and let me, or anyone else, into that part of your life. I know that you are terrified of love and may never say 'I love you' to anyone as long as you live. But I also know that you have feelings for me, and that's partly why you're so scared." Riley's vulnerable look quickly faded into a guarded one, her eyes glazing over with fierce intensity, and Sirius expected that. He took a deep breath and leaned in, whispering in her ear softly, "But the one thing I know the most is that I love you. And I will wait for you, if that's what it takes. You can walk out that door right now, but nothing will change. You're still the one for me. I just hope that one day you can love me back." He sighed, reluctantly letting go of her hand. "Because _I _know that you can love me if you let yourself."

Riley didn't know what to say. She wiped away the remaining tears and dropped her hands immediately to her side. She tried wrapping her head around his words, trying not show how vulnerable she was feeling in that moment. He knew the personal details of her life, some that she didn't think anyone knew. Some that she certainly never told him.

Riley shut her eyes, letting the tears slip down her cheek one by one as she tried to catch her breath. Her close proximity to Sirius was making that nearly impossible. She took a deep breath in and slowly opened her eyes, letting her gaze linger determinedly into Sirius' vulnerable eyes. Her heart was beating out of her chest as she locked eyes with Sirius. "Why is it that...that 90% of the time, you are this arrogant, haughty, stuck-up jackass?" she muttered, watching as Sirius' heart sank. Another sigh escaped her lips, a smile creeping up. "And yet, 10% of the time you turn out to be this sweet, romantic, compassionate guy."

Sirius smiled warily, gazing at her with a curious look on his face. "Which one are you going to listen to?"

She swallowed hard, blinking away the tears that were beginning to form. "My head's telling me to follow that 90%."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat, his smile wavering. "And your heart?" he asked softly.

The tone of despair in his voice made her stop and look at him. Her heart was beating wildly inside her chest, her look softening as she locked eyes with Sirius. She could tell that he knew exactly what her heart was telling her even if she was so afraid of admitting it. Not only did he seem to know the silly little things that make up who she is, but he knew her intimately, unlike anyone else she had ever met. She had always been good at remaining guarded; she wasn't used to someone forcing himself way into her life. And now that Sirius was, she didn't know how to stop it. And a part of her didn't want to. She wanted to detest it, yet somehow Sirius was making her feel desired. And no one had ever made her feel that way before. She reached for his hand, unexpected to both of them.

"My heart is telling me things I'm not sure how to deal with," she said quietly, swallowing hard. "Because…because from everything you've put me through, I should want to turn in the other direction and run from you immediately. And yet…there's something holding me back. Because I don't want to walk out that door," she admitted softly, her heart skipping a few beats as she saw a hopeful look spread across Sirius' face. "I-I…I don't want to walk away from you. There…there is something in you that is keeping me rooted to this spot and…" she swallowed hard. "And rooted to you."

"Really?" Sirius whispered.

"Truth is, I'm not over you, Sirius," she admitted in a hoarse whisper. "I haven't moved on and…and I don't know how to let you go. I…I still have feelings for you and…and yes, I want to be with you."

He stared at her in awe. He nodded in anticipation, a smile creeping on to his face.

"I…I'm just not sure I know _how_," she finished, hastily wiping away a stray tear with little success.

"You don't need to know how, Riley," Sirius said firmly. "You think I know how to be in a relationship with you? No, but…but I _want _to figure it out. And I want to do it with you. And maybe, _just maybe_, if you can let go of all your insecurities and fears and break down that wall that you've worked so hard to build up, you'll realize that perhaps I am the person that you're meant to be with."

Riley felt a tear slip down her cheek. He looked so hopeful and positive, Riley wanted to believe him. She _was _scared to be with him. But she was more scared of moving on.

"Just…just stop trying to do what you think is easy. Stop acting as if I don't matter to you. Stop pushing me away and stop pushing yourself away. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop thinking that you don't deserve to be loved. Stop hiding and stop running. Stop selling yourself short. Stop giving up on yourself. _Stop _trying _so _hard to listen to your head," he pleaded, a glimmer of pure desire twinkling in his eyes. "And for once, just listen to your heart."

She shut her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the warning signs in her head and do exactly what he asked her to do. For the first time in eighteen years, she let her heart do the talking. She ignored the fact that he had hurt her in the past and she ignored that feeling of fear. She stopped thinking that she needed to run away from him and started thinking about just giving into her every inhibition. Her heart was pounding inside her chest at the thought of Sirius' lips on hers and his hands caressing her thighs lightly. It was rare that a guy ever made her giggle or blush and every time she remembered the way they were together, she felt like a tiny schoolgirl.

When she opened her eyes, she found that everyone in the Great Hall had disappeared, leaving only she and Sirius. All of the people faded into the background, all of the pointed stares had vanished, and the whispering had diminished into nothing. For the first time, none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was him. All that mattered was _them_. Because although it scared her more than anything in the world, she liked knowing that someone loved her. More importantly, she liked knowing that _Sirius _loved her even after all the crap she put him through. It gave her hope that maybe they _could_ be together. He _would _fight for her no matter how difficult she made it be. She was always going to have fears and insecurities, but it was time to have a little faith in him. Because no matter how many excuses she made, she _wanted _to be with him. Shouldn't that be enough?

She wrapped her arms around his neck, a smile spreading across her face. "Okay."

Sirius froze, his whole body numb with happiness. "Really?"

"I might be the biggest chump ever or…or you slipped Amortentia in my pumpkin juice, because for once in my life, instead of believing in that 90% jackass you can be, I'm...I'm willing to take that 10%."

There was nothing left to say. Sirius scooped Riley up in his arms, instinctively pressing his lips firmly and passionately to hers for all to see. "Just don't ever break my heart again, Black," she whispered when he planted her back on the ground.

He danced his lips playfully against hers again, smiling confidently. "I wouldn't dream of it," he whispered back, embracing her tightly.

The rest of the student body came back into focus, everyone's mouth dropping open as an eerie silence filled the air. Neither stuck around long enough to hear the Great Hall erupt in gasps and frantic whispers. Sirius grabbed Riley's hand and walked them out, choosing to spend his time alone with her than in the limelight.

* * *

"You might be the biggest moron ever!" James squealed, rushing into the common room to find Sirius and Riley wrapped up in each other's arms on the couch near the fireplace. His friends quickly tumbled into the room after him.

Sirius and Riley shared a chuckle. "Me? Or her?" Sirius asked, a smile creeping up on to his lips.

"Well, you're the idiot who screamed out your undying love for a girl in the middle of a packed Great Hall, and _she's _an idiot for taking you back," James explained with a laugh, perching himself on the arm of the couch, giving them both accusatory looks.

Sirius grinned, shrugging curtly. "What can I say? I'm irresistible."

"That, or you slipped Amortentia in her pumpkin juice," Lily teased.

"Hm. People keep saying that," Sirius sniggered.

Riley laughed and tossled his hair, much to Sirius' chagrin. He tried ducking away with very little success. "Maybe I am a moron," Riley admitted, pulling her hand away from Sirius' hair with a laugh. "But don't people deserve second chances?"

"Second chances, sure. But third chances?" Remus chimed in with a snort. "Haven't you ever heard the phrase: fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me?"

"Yeah, well, fool me a third time, and you're going to be dead in a ditch on the side of a dark, deserted road," Riley warned, giving Sirius a look. Sirius grinned sheepishly.

Kay shook her head. "I'm pretty sure that's not how the phrase goes."

They all laughed as the rest of them took seats around Sirius and Riley.

"So, should we be taking bets on how long this is going to last?" Lily asked hesitantly, quirking a curious eyebrow.

Sirius and Riley exchanged a warm smile and Sirius kissed Riley on the cheek.

Riley blushed and glanced back at Lily. "I don't think that will be necessary."

Lily smiled and leaned back against the couch with a satisfactory sigh. "Good. I'm glad to hear it."

Riley's smile widened and she felt ready to burst. She didn't realize how miserable she had been without Sirius until she realized just how happy he made her. The possibilities of where their relationship could take her may scare her, but it _excited_ her more. She _wanted _to be with Sirius and he never let her forget it. She leaned over and kissed him, forgetting about her friends who were surrounding the two of them.

"Okay, this is just weird," Remus mumbled, shuddering slightly.

Riley pulled away and blushed. "What is?"

"You two!" he laughed, making a face. "We didn't get to see this lovey-dovey crap from you guys before and it's creeping me out!"

"Crap?" Sirius snorted, giving his friend a look. "Do I call it crap when you and Jillian make out in front of me?"

"Oh, that's different," Remus argued, shrugging apathetically. "Jillian and I have never had the love-hate, emphasis on the word _hate_, relationship that you and Riley have had for seven years. We didn't have a history before we started dating. You guys cuddling and kissing is a little weird for me."

Sirius shrugged. "Well, then get ready to feel weird all the time."

The group of friends all nodded simultaneously, smiling up at the happy couple. None of them could ignore the wide blissful smiles on their two friend's faces. They were positively glowing and James hoped that Riley had finally come to terms with everything she was afraid of. He hoped that Sirius would continue fighting for her every step of the way. But most importantly, he hoped that neither one of them ever gave the other a reason to leave.

* * *

It was as if Riley and Sirius were making up for lost time. Their hands were practically glued together, they were sneaking off in between classes to snog in empty classrooms, Sirius cold be found brushing strands of hair out of her face just to feel the softness of her skin, and Riley would massage Sirius' shoulders in class, loving the sound of the slight moan erupting from his mouth when she kneaded him in the right places.

To everyone but Riley and Sirius, it was sickening.

"Oh, jeez, get a room!" James cried out across the room from his place on the couch, scrunching his nose as the two of them trudged into the Gryffindor common room, their arms wrapped around each other as they walked and snogged in unison.

Riley popped her head up from Sirius' long enough to flip James' off. She settled into Sirius' arms and steered them over to James. "Oh, shush," she snickered to James, "Would you rather us be yelling at the top of our lungs or avoiding each other?"

James hesitated. "That wasn't as nauseating as watching my two best friends grope each other at every spare moment."

Riley couldn't help but blush. "Okay, you're shutting up now."

James chuckled, flashing her a smile.

"I'm going to go grab a quick shower before we all head to dinner," Riley changed the subject. Sirius quickly opened his mouth to chime in, but Riley slapped her hand over his mouth. "That wasn't an invitation!"

Sirius pouted. "No fair."

Riley grinned shyly. She let her lips dance lightly against Sirius', not wanting to let him go for even a second. "I'll be back," she whispered, ignoring the gagging noises that were coming from James and Remus. As she started to walk away, she smacked James on the back of the head, smirking slightly as he yelled out, "OW!"

Sirius heaved himself on to the couch beside James and propped his feet over James' lap, a curious smile on his face. James pushed Sirius' feet out of the way, earning himself a glare. "Hm," Sirius muttered.

"Hm?" Remus repeated. "Oh, no, that sounded like you were thinking. And nothing good can come of you thinking."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm just wondering when we became _those _guys."

The two friends stared back at him blankly. "Yeah, we're going to need some elaboration," James snickered.

Sirius shrugged, grabbing a pillow and propping it behind his head. "The kind of guys who are in committed relationships. The kind of guys who want to spend every waking minute with their girlfriends. The kind of guys who fall in love! When...when did this happen?"

"Is that such a bad thing?" James wondered, shrugging.

Sirius shook his head, a dazed smile on his face. He knew it would be different this time. It _had _to be different. "No," he said with a curt shrug. "Not at all."

James and Remus shared a furtive smile, seeing the look on Sirius' face. As strange as it was to see Sirius Black completely enamored, they were so happy for him that it finally worked out between he and Riley.

Sirius turned back towards his friends. "How are things going with Jillian anyhow, Remus?"

Remus quirked a curious eyebrow. "Do you really care?" he snorted.

Sirius made a face. "Just because I've been so wrapped up in my own personal life doesn't mean I don't care about the personal lives of my friends!"

"Wrapped up?" Remus sniggered, giving him a look. "That has got to be the understatement of the year."

A scowl formed on Sirius' face. "I take back my care for you."

Remus chuckled. "Things are going just fine, Padfoot. Probably because you haven't had the time to butt in and make randy jokes."

"I don't butt in or make randy jokes!" Sirius argued.

James broke out into boisterous laughter while Remus gave Sirius a look of pure skepticism. "I think we all know that that isn't true," Remus snorted.

"Jeez, I ask one simple question and I get ganged up on," Sirius pouted, slumping down on the couch. "Do I even dare ask you, Prongs, how things are going between you and Lily?"

James shrugged, plastering a smile on his face. "Fine. But again, that probably has something to do with you not butting in or making randy-"

"I'm thinking I would have been better off in the shower with Riley," Sirius whimpered, shaking his head incredulously.

Both James and Remus snorted. "Well, it is what you two do best," James teased.

"Shower?" Sirius retorted, rolling his eyes. "Yes, I do enjoy personal hygiene."

"Oh, yeah, because if you and Riley were in the shower together, _cleanliness _is what you would focus on," Remus snickered, exchanging a humored look with James.

"I don't know what you're insinuating," Sirius replied huffily. "Our relationship isn't solely based on sex, thank you very much. You'd be surprised to find that Riley and I _do _happen to connect on a deeper level."

Remus and James shared another glance before bursting into another round of hysterical laughter.

Sirius scowled and slumped down on the couch. "I don't know why you're mocking me," he argued, shaking his head, "Considering you two happen to be in _committed relationships_ as well."

Remus gave Sirius a look. "Yes, but the difference is, is that my relationship really _is _based on a deep connection."

"Yeah," James agreed with a snicker, "Lily and I connected emotionally before ever getting to the sex part."

"Now, that's not fair!" Sirius argued. "Riley and I were together for a month before we slept together!"

"You're forgetting that two years ago you two hopped into the sack seconds after believing that you two could be in a relationship," Remus pointed out, shrugging apologetically. "And look how well that turned out for you."

Sirius hesitated, making a face. He knew that Remus had a point.

"And how long did it take you two to sleep together after professing your love to her yesterday?" James asked curiously.

Sirius didn't respond. He didn't feel the need to tell him that he and Riley whisked away to the Astronomy Tower quickly after lunch which resulted in a passionate round of sex, barely forty minutes after they got back together. It still didn't change the fact that Riley was the one girl he ever cared enough about to get to know her not just physically but emotionally as well. "Y'know, I've heard that one _can _have a relationship based on both sex and an emotional connection," he argued sarcastically. "In fact, one look at both of your relationships proves that."

James nodded slowly, wondering if Sirius was feeling insulted by his and Remus' accusations. "I'm not saying that you don't have both, Padfoot," he defended guiltily, "I am simply making the argument that you did things a little backwards. Most people wait to fall in love before ever connecting sexually."

Sirius made a face. He knew that James was simply stating an opinion and he wasn't trying to offend Sirius in any way. He let his gaze fall upon Remus. "Moony didn't do it that way."

"Heh?" Remus said, his eyes darting between James and Sirius, confused.

"You haven't told Jillian you loved her yet, have you?" Sirius asked curiously.

Remus didn't respond. No, he hadn't gotten to that point yet. But he and Jillian hadn't slept together yet either, not that James nor Sirius knew that. In fact, Remus got the impression that James and Sirius assumed that he and Jillian had indeed slept together and Remus never felt the need to correct them. His relationship was his business and he didn't feel it was necessary to drag his friends into it. "No," Remus eventually muttered hesitantly.

"See?" Sirius said, flashing a haughty grin towards James. "So how is the dear Jillian Greene in bed anyhow? You always manage to successfully change the subject when we try to bring it up."

Remus frowned. "That's because it's none of your business," Remus argued, stiffening slightly.

Sirius snorted, giving his friend a look. "You clearly must have us confused with another group called the Marauders because the last time I checked, gossiping about sex is what we do best."

"Yeah, I _must _have you confused with other Marauders because the last time I checked, the Marauders didn't have committed relationships and fall in love," Remus retaliated almost immediately, a cheeky grin on his face.

Sirius hesitated and glanced back towards James. "Y'know, the werewolf does have a point."

James couldn't help but laugh. "You realize that he successfully changed the subject again, Sirius."

Sirius scowled and turned back towards Remus. "How are you so good at that?"

"Years of practice," Remus mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"C'mon, just give us a little something," Sirius whined.

"I already said it wasn't your business," Remus said huffily, giving him a look.

"Yes it is!" Sirius protested. "I'm your friend and as your friend, it is my duty to make sure that your girlfriend is fulfilling your sexual desires."

Remus snorted. "Does Peter know that? Because I'm pretty sure you're not fulfilling your duties towards him."

Sirius made a face, rolling his eyes. "Oh, please, Peter is going to be a virgin until he's thirty."

Both James and Remus couldn't help but laugh.

"Why are you so determined to avoid the question, Remus?" James questioned curiously, sensing a bit of panic flickering in Remus' eyes.

Remus rolled his eyes and knew enough not to respond.

"Wait a minute…" Sirius said hesitantly, staring at Remus with a scrutinizing gaze, his eyes narrowed out of curiosity. "You and Jillian _have _had sex, right?"

A pink hue formed in Remus' cheeks as he glared at his friend. "Again, I'm pretty sure that's none of your business."

"Oh, Merlin of Agrippa, you _haven't_, have you?" Sirius exclaimed in surprise.

Even James couldn't help but be a little surprised. "It's been four months!"

"No, actually it hasn't even been three," Remus responded huffily. "We didn't officially get together until right before Valentine's Day."

James gave him a look. "That was when you put a title on it, but you two have pretty much been together since New Year's."

"Are you trying to make a point?" Remus scoffed impatiently.

James shrugged. "No, not particularly," he admitted. "But Lily and I got together right about the same time that you and Jillian did and she and I slept together two weeks ago."

"Yeah," Sirius chimed in, "And it's a completely different situation considering Lily was a virgin when they met. There was a reason they waited!"

Remus averted his eyes towards the ground, his lips forming a thin line. A guilty look spread across his face and he felt his ears grow hot.

James and Sirius caught the hesitation in Remus' actions and they both gasped loudly. "Jillian's a virgin?" Sirius hissed.

"Shhh!" Remus cried out, not sure why he was trying to quiet his friend considering the common room was virtually empty around. "Yeah, so what? What's it to you?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm just surprised, that's all."

Remus' eyes narrowed irritably. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Sirius said sincerely. "I just…I didn't get that impression, that's all."

"You calling her a slut?" Remus snorted.

Sirius gave Remus an annoyed look. "_No_, but thank you for putting words in my mouth," he scoffed. "I guess it's just hard to believe when she had roommates like Rachael LeBlanc and Evelyn Marx."

"And _I_ have _you two_ as roommates," Remus retaliated immediately. "Doesn't make me a horny prick who has slept with the entire school just to add a notch to his bedpost."

A flicker of hurt spread across both Sirius' and James' faces. They both stared at Remus in shock, too stunned to attempt to think of a response. "Gee, tell us how you really feel," James spat out in a hurt growl.

Remus winced, realizing he went too far. "Sorry, that was uncalled for," he murmured guiltily. "I just don't think it's a big deal."

"We never said it was," James argued, giving him a look. "Lily was a virgin up until a few weeks ago, remember? I'm just surprised you didn't tell us. Here I was thinking that we tell each other everything."

Remus shrugged. "To be fair, I didn't find out until last week," he murmured.

"Do you love her?" Sirius blurted out.

Remus froze. "Er…_what_?"

"I'm just wondering."

"What does that have to do with her being a virgin?" Remus asked curiously, quirking an eyebrow.

"It was just a simple question," Sirius said with a sly smile.

Remus bit down on the inside of his lip as he slowly slumped down in the couch. "I don't know," Remus murmured honestly. "I'm…I'm not you two. I didn't fall in love at first sight seven years ago as a naïve eleven-year-old just to have seven years go by before I actually did anything by it. I've only really known Jillian for a few months now."

"You don't have to know someone for seven years in order to love them," James pointed out, shrugging.

"I know that, but Jillian and I are still learning a lot about each other. I don't want to rush into things any time soon," Remus replied defensively, giving him a look. "Is it time for dinner yet?"

James could tell that Remus was uncomfortable. "Sorry to harp on it, Moony. We'll talk about something else," he reassured.

Remus forced out a grateful smile. "That's all I'm asking," he muttered, his voice full of rigidity.

They dove into a conversation about the Weird Sisters, who had just agreed to be the entertainment for the graduation ball. Remus nodded and murmured in agreement when he needed to, but he couldn't help but turn Sirius' question over and over again in his mind. Truth was, there was no doubt in his mind that he did love Jillian. But he also knew that he couldn't tell her. Because the moment he did, things would drastically change between them. It would no longer be a fun teenage romance; it would be a serious relationship with the intention of a future together. And Remus knew that while he would love to be with her forever, it would be better not to for her sake. Because Jillian deserved to be with someone who would always be there for her. She deserved to be with someone who was reliable. She deserved to be with someone who she could one day marry and have kids with. She deserved to be with someone who _didn't_ turn into a werewolf on the nights of a full moon.

Telling her he loved her would end in disaster. Because there would come a time when Jillian would realize she couldn't handle his lifestyle anymore.

He, more than anyone, knew all about not being able to handle his lifestyle. And he would never wish it upon anyone.

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you enjoyed that loooonnnngggg chapter! A lot going on in it, I know. For all of you who were waiting for Riley and Sirius to get back together, that wait is over. And for all of you who wanted more James and Lily, that first scene was for you. And for all of you who wanted more information about Remus and Jillian, I threw some of that in there as well. Hopefully, I'll get the next chapter up and running within the next couple of weeks. Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews!


	47. Of Nakedness, Letters, & Ceilings

**A/N: **I'm back with yet another chapter! This story is coming quickly and for those who have asked, yes there will be another sequel! I debated about ending this with graduation, but I have a lot of ideas scrambling through my head for a sequel that once I put an outline on paper, I decided that there will definitely have to be more of James, Lily, Sirius, Riley, Remus, Peter, and Kay! So even though this story is coming to a close (okay, not for at least another 15 chapters!), you'll have more to look forward to.

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling is amazing. I am not. Therefore, I am not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 47: Of Nakedness, Letters, & Ceilings

* * *

James was trying to keep his eyes on his Potions textbook, but he kept nodding off. No matter how hard he tried, Potions was never going to be his best subject. The only reason he was bothering to glance through it was because he was waiting for Lily to return from rounds. He laughed out loud, wondering when he became the guy who waited up for a girl. Normally, the girl did the chasing and he played hard to get. He would have been in bed ages ago, claiming to be worn out from a hard day at classes. Now, he was eagerly awaiting Lily's return willingly opening a Potions textbook. And just when you thought that was strange, James wasn't even waiting for her return so they could fool around. All he wanted to do was be with her even if that meant cuddling up beside her and drifting off to sleep. Every second he spent with her was exciting. He loved the way her hands felt in his and he loved the way she smelled and he loved the way she bit on the end of her quill when she was thinking hard. He couldn't imagine his life without her.

He was busy daydreaming about their future together, when he was suddenly interrupted by someone throwing open the door.

He emitted a scared squeak, practically falling backwards off the bed. He glared at Riley. "Don't you ever knock? I could be naked in here!"

Riley grimaced. "Why you be studying in the nude? That is so disturbing..."

"I wouldn't be studying, I'd be waiting for Lily," James argued, rolling his eyes.

Riley winced. "That is even more disturbing."

James made a face. "Sorry for thinking that my _girlfriend _would be the one coming into my room at eleven o'clock at night. You do realize it's after curfew, right?"

Riley snorted, giving him a doubtful look. "Like that has ever stopped _you._"

James flashed her a grin and gestured for her to join him. She hopped on to the bed, grabbing his Potions textbook and throwing it on to the floor. "So, how's everything going between you two anyway?" she asked, stifling a yawn. She reached for one of his pillow and propped it underneath her head, lying backward to gaze up at the stone ceiling, letting her eyes barely glimpse in James' direction.

It was hard not to notice the goofy grin that formed on James' face. "Things are going well," he murmured, trying not to blush. "But I'm pretty sure you didn't come here to ask about that."

"I didn't come here with an agenda," she argued, a little too hastily.

James opened his mouth to respond, but quickly shut it, no response on the tip of his tongue. He gazed at her in scrutiny, his eyes narrowing with curiosity.

Riley scrunched up her nose, knowing that James saw right through her. "I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay with me and Sirius," she said hesitantly.

James winced, realizing that he should have known that that question was coming eventually. "Riles, I really am sorry for the way I acted when I first found out about your relationship. I-I was an idiot before," he started. "I may not have been happy with the two of you together, but I went about it all wrong. I judged you two prematurely."

"No, you didn't," Riley argued, shaking her head. "You were right, James. We were in over our heads. We...we needed to figure a lot of things out on our own, _not _together. I think we jumped into things a little too quickly. I believe that our time apart was exactly what we both needed."

"I couldn't agree more," James said immediately, smiling apologetically. "But that doesn't mean I should have pushed you away and told you I couldn't be your friend. I just...I didn't know how to…to explain."

Riley gazed over at him curiously, propping herself up on her elbow. "Explain what?"

"How worried I was for you," he muttered, the top of his ears turning pink. "Riles, I know how hard it is for you to trust people. I know how difficult it is to let your guard down. And Sirius...as much as he is one of my best friends, I have seen firsthand the trouble he has caused for women in the past. I-I just didn't want you to become one of those women. I-I didn't want you to put your trust into him and…and have it backfire. I hate seeing you so crushed and broken all the time. You deserve someone who's going to treat you right all the time. I was just too blind and stubborn to see that perhaps that person was Sirius. I was too busy focusing on the negatives that I didn't stop to even think about the positives. I was just trying to protect you I guess."

"I know you were only trying to look out for me," she murmured, smiling sheepishly. "And I do appreciate it. I just hope you know that as much as I love you and as much as I enjoy the many things you do for me, I do know how to take care of myself. You won't always be around to protect me, James."

He cringed. "I don't like to think about that," he admitted. "We've been together every step of the way since the _day_ I was born. I don't know how _not _to be there for you, Riles. And I hope that I never have to learn that."

"I hope so, too." She smiled warmly and shifted positions, placing her head on his stomach with a sigh. "You never actually answered my question, though," she said cautiously.

He started stroking her hair, giving her an inquisitive look.

"Are you okay with me and Sirius?"

James nodded, smiling shyly. "Yes, Riley, I am. You guys clearly need each other," he said. "You two were drowning without the other. Even I can't ignore that. I thought that the worst thing for the two of you was being together when it turns out that it was _not _being together that really tore you guys up inside." James' expression turned soft and he slowly let his gaze linger over his best friend's nervous expression. "Before I was scared of losing the both of you and...and I was scared that you were going to lose yourself and Sirius was going to lose himself. But while I was convinced that he was going to hurt you and while I was convinced that he was the wrong guy for you and while I was convinced that he was just going to make your fear of commitment even worse, it turns out that...that he might just be the one guy who makes you realize that you're worthy of love."

Riley twirled a strand of hair around her finger, a soft pink tint forming on her cheeks. "He makes me feel special," Riley said softly. "No one has ever made me feel that way."

James pouted.

Riley laughed. "Okay, yes, _you _have as my best friend for eighteen years, but I think you know what I mean."

He grinned. "Yes, I do," he said after a long pause, thinking about Lily at that moment.

"I hope that it works out this time," Riley murmured, frowning slightly. She knew that she wanted to be with Sirius but she also wasn't sure if that was going to be enough. She had wanted to be with him in the past and look how it turned out?

James gently kicked her leg, causing her to glance up at him curiously. "Riles, if you want it to work, it _will_. You just have to put in the effort."

She nodded slowly, smiling as she thought back to earlier that day. It seemed unreal that less than ten hours earlier, Sirius had been professing his love to her in front of the entire Great Hall. It already felt like they had been together for months, not just hours.

When she turned her gaze back up towards James, she saw his eyes lingering on the letter on his bedside. She had been so wrapped up in her own problems that she hadn't even asked James about what was going on in his life. "So what are you going to do about the Quidditch offer?"

James was startled by the change of subject. He glanced up and Riley nodded towards the letter on his bedside. A slight frown formed on his face. "I have no clue," he admitted with a sigh.

"Are you going to take it?"

"I don't know."

"Are you still considering being an Auror?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you're just full of answers, aren't you," Riley snickered, smiling apologetically.

He sighed and tapped his head lightly against the headboard with a whimper. He stared at the ceiling deep in thought, biting down on his bottom lip. "It just caught me by surprise," he said honestly.

"Well, I think it's time you pull a Lily."

James gave her an inquisitive look.

"Write a pro-con list," she explained.

He laughed, but a frown returned quickly thereafter. He had been so thrilled to read about the offer but now that the excitement had slightly worn off, he realized that he had an important decision to make. He had always thought that he would graduate and go into the Auror training program and now that another offer came up, he wasn't so sure what he wanted anymore. "What do you think I should do, Riles?" he asked curiously.

Riley offered him an apologetic smile. "It's hard to say, James," she admitted. "Because it all depends on…well, _you_. You have to determine what you want more: to…to have fun and become famous as a Quidditch player or to save the wizarding world from a war."

James snorted. "Oh, well when you put it that way."

Riley laughed. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm not saying they're both not worthy professions. I'm simply saying that…that…"

"That I need to write a pro-con list?" James groaned. "I just need to talk to Lily about it, is what I need to do."

"She's not going to make the decision for you, James."

James shook his head defensively. "I don't expect her to. She's just…she's helped me through so much this year and I can't imagine making this decision without at least a bit of advice from her."

Riley smiled. "You are so whipped."

James smacked her with a pillow as they both fell into a fit of giggles.

Before James could dispute her comment, he heard his door slowly creak open. Both Riley's and James' attention shifted to the door as Lily popped her head in. "I thought I heard voices," she greeted.

"Don't you knock? We could be naked in here!" Riley cried out, earning a burst of laughter from James and a look of frightened curiosity from Lily.

"I think you two spend way too much time together," Lily said, shaking her head incredulously.

James gestured for Lily to join him on the bed, but she shook her head. "No, thanks. I can only imagine what you two have been doing in here."

Riley snorted. "If anyone should be scared of sitting on these sheets, it should be me. I don't want to know about all of the nasty things you two do in here."

Lily turned bright red as James made a face. "This coming from the Queen of Kinky," he teased. He hopped off the bed and rushed over to Lily, kissing her on the cheek. "C'mon, ignore Riley. She was just leaving."

"Says who?" she pouted as Lily reluctantly sat down on the edge of his bed, followed by James.

Before James could respond with a witty retort, his bedroom door was once again thrust open and a booming voice cried out, "Hey, James!"

"Don't you _knock_? We could be naked in here!" Lily cried out with a grin, earning a boisterous round of laughter from the three on the bed.

Sirius' eyes grew wide in excitement. "Oooh, sexy!"

"You do know that that included me," James said dryly.

"Right now I'm only picturing the two hot girls naked and you're just a mere fly on the wall," Sirius said dreamily. He wasn't surprised when he was hit in the face with a pillow. He _was_ thrown off balance when the second pillow came soaring at his face, earning a chuckle from the peanut gallery. Sirius pouted, tossing the pillows aside. He grinned slyly and pounced on to the bed beside all three of them.

"Okay, this bed wasn't made for four people," James whined as he was trampled over by Sirius. James shoved Sirius off the bed, earning a shrieking yelp from him and a scowl.

Riley rolled her eyes as Sirius attempted to scramble to his feet. "It's okay, I was_ 'just leaving_,'" she mocked in a high-pitched voice as she slid off the bed with a playful grin. "I'm about five hours overdue on writing that essay about Salpindraught."

Lily groaned. "It's due tomorrow morning at 8:30."

"Which gives me about nine hours to complete it," she joked, quickly moving out of the way of Lily's swinging foot. She leaned over and kissed Sirius briefly, earning a teasing groan from both James and Lily. Riley rolled her eyes, turning her attention back on Sirius. "I'd say walk with me, but I'm pretty sure you have better things to do than watch me write an essay."

"Yeah, like watch paint dry," James chimed in with a snort.

Riley shot him a look, but a hint of a smile spread across her face. Her gaze lingered on him cautiously. "Thank you, James," she said softly, offering him a furtive smile, one that told James she wasn't thanking him for the joke but for his approval.

Lily and Sirius exchanged a curious look, knowing full well that that gratitude was meant for something beyond their knowledge. Riley kissed Sirius again before whisking out of the room, grumbling about Potions.

"What was that about?" Sirius asked curiously, climbing off the bed and giving the two lovebirds room. He turned James' desk chair around and straddled it so that his arms were leaning on the backrest.

James shrugged. "You," he said innocently.

Sirius quirked an alarmed eyebrow. "Heh?"

James laughed. "She just wanted to make sure that I was okay with everything."

"Ah," Sirius murmured, gazing at his friend carefully. "And are you?"

"It's like I told her," James admitted with a sigh, "I was an idiot before. I-I knew that something was going to go wrong and I didn't want either one of you to get hurt. I'm just glad that Riley finally realized that it wasn't the pain you had caused her she should focus on but the happiness."

Sirius made a face. "That sounded way too mushy for my taste."

Lily gave him a look. "You're in a committed relationship, dude. You might want to start getting used to 'mushy.'"

"Never," Sirius replied immediately, shaking his head, a grin spreading across his face.

"I hate to break it to you, bro, but you just confessed your undying love to Riley in front of everyone in the Great Hall. I think you surpassed mushy and have gone into disgustingly lovey-dovey mode," James snickered, earning a dirty look from Sirius.

"I knew that I would one day regret that decision," Sirius joked.

"It didn't take long, did it," Lily snorted.

A calm look spread across Sirius' face and he smiled warmly. "It was worth it," he said softly.

Lily saw a glint of pride in Sirius' eyes and she had never felt so happy for him. She knew that Riley and Sirius were going to try hard to remain strong together and she had a feeling that this time would be different than the other two times beforehand. They had both faced so much together and dealt with so much apart and it was time for them to just let the past go and be with each other. And Lily knew that Sirius would fight every second of every day for Riley and that's what she needed.

"Okay, well it's late and I can tell that I'm intruding," Sirius teased.

"Uh, _yeah_, this is make out with Lily time!" James joked, winking at his friend.

Lily snorted, giving her boyfriend a look. "I hate to break it to you but I have a Transfiguration pre-test I need to finish tonight."

"Ouchh, shot down," Sirius snickered.

Two glares were directed at him.

"Uh, I mean…er…I've gotta go?" Sirius said sheepishly, hopping off the chair and heading towards the door. He waved dismissively at them and quickly disappeared out of the room.

"I hope things work out with Riley this time," James said softly once the door was closed tightly behind Sirius.

Lily glanced up at him, sensing the desperation in his voice.

"I don't think he needs any more big changes in his life," James murmured.

"I don't think any of us need any more big changes," Lily agreed immediately, biting down on the inside of her lip, her heart beating faster. "I think stability is something we can all wish for from this point on."

James nodded. "What are the chances that's actually going to happen?"

Lily's silence spoke louder than words. She quickly changed the subject. "I have to go finish that pre-test now," she groaned, making a face as she scooted off the bed.

James quirked an eyebrow. "You were serious about that?"

Lily chuckled. "N.E.W.T.s are coming up, James, and I don't think anyone can really be prepared for them. But I can at least try."

"Lily, if anyone in this school is going to be fully prepared, I guarantee it will be you," James urged. "You've probably already studied five times more than anyone else in this school."

Lily shrugged curtly. "Well, I guess I'm going to make it six times tonight."

James grabbed her arm gently. "Can't you just…lie here with me for a few minutes before returning to work?" he asked with a hopeful lopsided smile.

Lily's heart skipped a beat as she glanced towards the door, a desperate look dimming in her eyes. "I-I just have so much work," she muttered, hanging her head guiltily.

"Well, then bring it in here," James suggested.

Lily snorted and gave him a look. "I'm pretty sure it wouldn't get done."

James frowned, wondering why Lily seemed so adamant on getting away. "Is…is everything okay with you, Lily?" he asked cautiously.

She nodded vehemently, a lump forming in her throat. "Of course. And everything will be even better once I finish this pre-test. Good night, James," she said, slipping out of his grasp.

James sighed, noting that she didn't even try to give him a good night kiss. "Good night, Lily," he said softly as she snuck out the door.

She didn't know why she was choosing to spend the night in her own room away from James, but she felt drawn to finishing her schoolwork instead of spending the time with James. She dove headfirst into Transfiguration the minute she climbed into her bed that night. For the first time in a while, it was exams that Lily dreamt about that night and not James.

* * *

The four Marauders and the three seven-year Gryffindor girls probably should have been used to people gossiping about them. They should have been used to people staring at them and pointing at them. They should have been used to the furious whispering behind their backs. They should have been used to people coming up to them and asking them all sorts of random questions. But the next morning brought overwhelming persecution by the rest of the school and all seven of them were irritable because of it.

James and Lily slipped into the breakfast table where the rest of their friends were already sitting, looking miserable.

"If that Daniella hag asks me one more bloody question, Azkaban wouldn't scare me away from what I'm going to do to her," Lily scowled, pouring herself a large cup of coffee.

"You're grouchy in the morning," Remus teased.

Lily shot him a glare and he found himself suddenly interested in the sausage on his plate.

"I have to say, however," James chimed in, "I'm just glad that this gives everyone an excuse _not _to gossip about me and Lily."

Lily smiled. "Hm, good point. I didn't think about that."

When she met the irritated looks on Sirius' and Riley's face, she flashed them a sheepish grin and she, too, invested herself in her sausage. "Mm, the sausage is good today," she sniggered.

"Would you like to wear it in your hair?" Riley shot back with a smirk on her face.

The group of friends laughed.

"Why does it seem that the seven of us is all anyone wants to talk about nowadays?" Kay grumbled, glaring at a few Ravenclaws who were staring over at them with intense curiosity.

Remus snorted and let his haughty gaze linger on all of his friends before saying in what sounded like a well-rehearsed speech, "Hm, well it could be because Sirius, the King of the Sack who rarely lets his emotions get the better of him, just announced that he was retiring his womanizing ways because he had done the unthinkable and _fallen in love_. With a girl, by the way, who all the guys have secretly pined after for years and who will now never get the chance to date her. Or it could be that James Potter, one of the most if not _the _most popular guy in the school threw away his reputation to date someone that the entire school considered to be out of his realm of popularity, no offense whatsoever, Lily. A girl, by the way, who people were convinced barely _held hands _with a guy much less snog in a broom closet just to be caught with her shirt off by Zach Harrison. Or it could be the fact that Kay had been secretly dating her best friend's older brother behind that said best friend and that said best friend acted as if she hated Kay and did the unthinkable by befriending her two roommates from hell. Oh, and that older brother is noneother than Lance Gilmore, a guy who had _never _had a girlfriend before and here he was dating Kay Richards, one of the more innocent girls in this school. Or it could be that James Potter and Sirius Black who were inseparable for seven years had stopped speaking to each other for over a month. Or it could be that two people who had known each other since birth and grew up down the street from each other were yelling at each other at the top of their lungs right outside the Great Hall where James blurted out a huge secret of the girl he practically called his sister."

Six pairs of shocked eyes were staring back at Remus, their mouths hung open and their eyes wide in awe.

Remus shrugged, chucking a piece of bacon in his mouth casually. "Or it could be because the students in this school are never satisfied until they're talking about other people. Take your pick."

"Yeah…_that_ must be it," Sirius snorted, shaking his head incredulously. Remus couldn't help but laugh at the blank stares on all his friends' faces.

Sirius tried suppressing a smile, but the ends of his mouth twitched. Eventually, he was joining in with Remus' laughter and couldn't stop.

One by one, they all joined in. The eruption of hysterical laughter that filled the Gryffindor table earned stares throughout the Great Hall.

Lily gazed around at her six friends and couldn't contain her happiness. A smile spread across her face as she thought of everything had had to overcome to get to where they were that morning. Everything seemed to have finally fallen into place and Lily hoped that these were the people she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

"I'm suddenly noticing how well _you've_ managed to stay out of the gossip radar," Lily scrutinized, staring at Remus intently.

Remus shrugged, wiping away a tear that had slipped from his eye during his bout of uncontrollable laughter. "What can I say? My life doesn't appear to be nearly as interesting as my friend's lives. And I have to say, my boring life is suddenly that much more satisfactory."

"HAH!" James blurted out, giving his friends a look. "I didn't realize that transforming into a furry creature on the night of a full moon made you _boring_."

"Hm," Remus pouted. "Touché." Before he could find an argument to retaliate with, a swarm of owls flew into the Great Hall carrying letters from home and news of the deteriorating wizarding world and parcels from mother missing their children.

The seven friends were all taken aback when seven owls swooped down and placed a letter on each of their plates.

"Since when did I get letters?" Peter snorted, gazing at the unfamiliar owl in front of him.

"This is a first," Lily chimed in. It was rare that any of them received Owl Post, much less _all seven _of them. They were all too busy wondering who was writing them to observe Sirius stiffen at the sight of the large exotic bird that had landed in front of him. Only Riley took notice of his ashen face and his shaking hands. He quickly took the letter from the bird and shoved it into his pocket.

Lily was the first to rip her letter open as the rest of them fed the owls that were nipping at the various breakfast foods. "Oh, it's from Shane."

James scowled as he wrestled the letter from Pickle's claws. "Why is Shane writing to you?"

Lily gave him an amused look. "Jealous, are we?"

James only responded with a scrunched-up nose. "No?"

Lily laughed, unconvinced. "Calm down, green-eyed giant," she joked. "He's just writing me with some details about the apprenticeship. Nothing to be jealous of."

James made a face. "Anything interesting?"

Lily shrugged. "It's all beginning to become a bit too real," she admitted with a sad smile.

None of them had to ask her what she meant by that. The first ten minutes of each class nowadays was spent being lectured about the importance of N.E.W.T.s and how the rest of their lives were going to be shaped by how well they do on their exams. Needless to say, they were all becoming a bit overwhelmed.

"Yeah, well at least you have a job post-graduation," Riley murmured. She had just opened up her letter to find, once again, a rejection. She crumpled up the letter and threw it into the pitcher of pumpkin juice.

"Well, I hope no one was thirsty," James joked, offering Riley a sympathetic smile. "Who was that from?"

Riley sighed. "The _Daily Australian Record._"

"Wow, how prestigious," Kay chimed in, looking impressed. While Australia wasn't a heavily populated country of wizards and witches and had one of the smallest Ministries, it made up for it by being considered the number one wizarding country in journalism.

"Yeah, well I'm apparently not good enough for their annual fellowship. I'm on the waiting list. Like that matters. No one turns down the _DAR_ fellowship," Riley said, shrugging awkwardly. She glanced over at Sirius with a nostalgic smile. "To be fair, I only applied back in November because it was during one of those times where I wanted to get as far away as possible from Sirius and his torturous antics. So in the end, I guess it's a good thing I didn't get in because now that I'm back with Sirius, I wouldn't want to go halfway around the world in June anyway."

Kay snorted. "Have you ever noticed that your career decisions seem to revolve around Sirius?"

"And why shouldn't they?" Sirius retaliated immediately, forcing a grin on his face while trying to ignore the letter in his back pocket. "If anyone should have decisions revolved around him, it should be me."

"Do I even want to know your logic behind that?" Lily replied, shaking her head incredulously.

Remus chimed in before Sirius could respond. "I'm thinking it has something to do with Sirius, his big head, and his belief that the world centers around him." He snickered as he tore open his own letter.

Sirius hesitated, scrunching his nose as if he were pondering that statement. "Hm…yeah, you pretty much covered it," he said, smiling warily.

Only Riley noticed the hesitation in both his voice and smile and chose to change the subject. "Who's your letter from, Remus?" she asked curiously. It was a rare occurrence when Remus received a letter.

Remus shrugged curtly. "The parental units."

Lily quirked a concerned eyebrow. "And?"

"Well, it's not as if they wrote to me to see how I was doing," he snorted, giving her a look.

Sirius and James exchanged glances. Remus rarely discussed his parents; he had always been a pro at changing the subject whenever they came up. James, Sirius, and Peter often forgot that he even had parents in his life. They all knew that his parents weren't really a part of his life. Ever since he got bit by a werewolf, it was as if they were afraid of him or something. They drifted apart from each other to a point where Remus barely spoke two words to them when he returned over the summer. He frequently found himself crashing at James' place.

Remus continued before any of them could speculate. "They just wanted to let me know that the house will be rented out starting in May. They're taking a yearlong leave of absence and traveling the world. That's nothing new," he added hastily. "Whenever things get tough at work or in life, they pick up and leave."

Lily held her tongue, wondering what that meant towards Remus' graduation. She knew that his parents weren't exactly the best mother and father figure in a son's life but having nonexistent parents in her life, it broke her heart to know that someone's parents could care so little about their own child. "I'm sorry," Lily said, locking sympathetic eyes with him.

He offered her an apologetic lopsided smile in return. "Nah, I'm used to it by now," he said with another awkward shrug. The wary smile on his face told his friends otherwise but they knew to keep quiet. He turned his gaze upon Peter. "Was that your dad writing you, Peter?"

Peter nodded. "Naturally. Still wants me to take over his pub down the road." His family owned a popular pub frequently serviced by wizards and witches and it was expected of him to become a part of the management team post-graduation.

"Hey, at least you have options!" Riley joked, pointing to the rejection letter now floating in the pumpkin juice.

Peter couldn't help but laugh. "Ooh, it's what I've always wanted. To be a _bartender_."

"Yeah, well at this point, that gig even sounds entertaining," James murmured with a sigh.

"What are you talking about?" Remus snorted, giving his friend a look. "You're going to be a famous Quidditch player."

"No," James argued. "I haven't accepted it yet."

"Well, are you going to?" Lily hastily asked, biting down on her bottom lip.

Silence followed. Eventually, he shrugged. "I don't know." He held up his letter. "But this is more information on touring and practice schedule. They're giving me a week to give them my answer."

Lily could only nod due to the lump in her throat.

Sirius took the lull to interrupt all of their job worries. "Sorry to run, but I…I have to head back to our room," Sirius said, standing up abruptly. "I…I left my essay there. And when I actually put in the effort to do the work, it would be a complete waste to not hand it in."

"I'll come with," Riley said quickly.

He hesitated but slowly nodded.

Remus groaned immediately, giving them both a look. "Is this how it's going to be from now on?" he joked. "Every free moment you get, you're going to rush back to the room and get it on?"

"Must you be so crude?" Riley snickered, stealing a piece of sausage off his plate and popping it into her mouth.

"I think you guys are crude enough for the rest of us," Remus retaliated, flashing her a grin.

She rolled her eyes and waved at them, catching up with Sirius who was already halfway towards the entrance.

She grabbed his arm in the doorway. "Hey, you okay?"

He nodded awkwardly.

She gave him a look. "I think we both know that's not true, but I'm not going to push it," she said softly, squeezing his hand. She knew exactly who the letter was from in his pocket, but she also knew that he didn't want to discuss it. "If you want to be alone, I understand."

He gazed at her in awe, surprised by her reaction. "No," he said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and drawing her close to him. "Honestly, I just want to head to class."

"Are you sure?" she asked, gazing up at him curiously.

He smiled lopsidedly, nodding. "Yeah."

She gazed at him hesitantly, but he simply kissed her cheek and said, "I have no desire to read this letter right now. No good can come from it."

Riley nodded slowly. "Okay," she said with a reassuring smile as she led them both towards Herbology, arguing about the different uses of alihotsy and Screechsnap.

Back in the Great Hall, the gang was discussing what caused Sirius to leave the room in such a hurry, coming up with no logical explanation.

"I wonder who had written him," Kay asked curiously.

"Well, it's someone who would cause him to rush off in such a hurry," Lily chimed in. She knew that Sirius would tell them eventually and found it best to change the subject. "Kay, you're the last of us. Who's the letter from?"

She sighed guiltily, glancing at the seal on the back. "Well, I've been putting off opening it," she murmured. "It's from St. Mungo's."

Lily's eyes widened. "Is it about the Healer training program?"

"I don't know, I haven't opened it yet. But thanks for making me more nervous," she whined. She glanced back down towards the envelope with a frown. "What if I didn't get in?"

Lily offered her an apologetic smile, patting her hand. "You won't know until you open it."

When Kay glanced back up, four pairs of eyes were staring inquisitively back at her. She took a deep breath in and slowly opened the letter. Her eyes skimmed the page while her friends held their breaths in anticipation. Kay was certain they could feel her heart beating out of her chest.

Lily grinned when a smile spread across Kay's face and she inched forward on her chair, holding up the letter. She hesitated, leaving her friends waiting in anticipation, before crying out, "I got accepted!"

Her friend erupted in cheers as Lily jumped up and embraced her best friend, shrieking excitedly. She ignored the looks she was getting from the surrounding tables. "Congratulations!" she squealed. She grabbed her glass of pumpkin juice and held it up. "This calls for a toast!"

"To Kay," Remus chimed in, "Who is one step closer to achieving her dreams."

"To Kay!" they all agreed.

Kay was beaming as she gripped the letter tighter. Being from a Muggle family, she had always found herself interested in wizarding medicine from her first trip to the hospital wing after a spell gone wrong. For the next six years, she spent her time and energy into learning everything she could about medicine and healing. And upon her entrance into her seventh year of Hogwarts, she had had one thing on her mind: applying to the prestigious St. Mungo's Healer training program. Ever since she applied back in October, she had gone to bed at night wondering if she was good enough and woke up every morning wondering if that was going to be the day she received the letter, whether it be an acceptance or rejection. She could finally go to bed happy and content and wake up without a heavy weight on her shoulders. "Thanks, guys," she said, blushing lightly.

The three guys were more than ecstatic for their friend but all of them had a very similar thought. While Kay was one step closer to a successful future, they were all completely at a standstill. James was in the midst of trying to figure out the rest of his life: the life of Quidditch or the life of an Auror. Remus was nowhere closer to finding a job and now he had nowhere to go after graduation either. Peter was being forced into working at the family pub by an overbearing father and wasn't sure that that's what he wanted to do with his life.

James gazed up at Lily who was animatedly chatting with Kay, asking about all of the many different course loads and hands-on patient opportunities that she would have in the next two years. And he couldn't help but notice that Lily looked ten times more excited for Kay's acceptance than for James' Quidditch offer. And he couldn't figure out why.

* * *

At lunch, Sirius was nowhere to be found. He stammered some excuse after History of Magic and rushed off in the opposite direction of the Great Hall. Riley shrugged, acting like she didn't know why Sirius had been so quiet that morning or why he seemed so distant, but Remus was certain she had some sort of knowledge of the thoughts running through Sirius' mind. Riley was fidgeting all during lunch, unusually silent while Lily and Kay went back and forth with details of their jobs starting in September. James chimed in with meticulous information about the Quidditch offer as well. Remus was grateful to use N.E.W.T.s as an excuse to scoot out of lunch early and head back to his room. Besides Sirius, it looked like Remus was the only one within his group of friends that not only had no clue what he wanted for his career but wasn't even close to having a job offer. And while he was thrilled for his friends, it was hard listening to them.

He was expecting Sirius to be back in their room but was grateful when he found it empty. He pulled out the N.E.W.T.s schedule to glance over before diving into his History of Magic notes as a distraction from the letter he received that morning and all of the chatter from his friends about their futures.

There was a soft knock on his door and he jumped slightly, his attention entirely on the pages in front of him. The door creaked open and Jillian stood in front of him in the entranceway.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile. He threw his textbooks on to the floor haphazardly, gesturing for her to join him in his bed.

She simply smiled back and said, "Hi there."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Are you just going to stand in the doorway or join me over here?"

"I was just talking to your friends in the Great Hall," she said, disregarding his question. "Seems like they all have post-graduation on the brain."

Remus nodded slowly, cocking his head in confusion. "Yeah…" he urged.

She frowned, biting down on the inside of her lip as she stared up at her boyfriend hesitantly.

"You okay?" he asked curiously.

"What's going to happen to us?" she blurted out apprehensively.

He sat upright, his mouth dropping with the unexpected outburst. "What are you talking about?"

"When you graduate," she asked in a small voice, "Where does that leave us?"

Remus opened his mouth to protest but found him unable to speak words of reassurance. He didn't even know what was going to happen to him much less his relationship post-graduation. He swallowed hard, his heart tugging lightly. "Where is this coming from?" he avoided the question.

She let her gaze linger on him unwavering, her heart speeding up. Up to this point, she avoided thinking about the future but hearing Remus' friends discuss post-graduation during lunch made her realized she couldn't put off thinking about it any longer. Even if she wouldn't like what Remus had to say, she at least had to know where her future with him stood. "I think it's a necessary question," she muttered.

He bit down on the inside of his lip, feeling the seconds tick away as he attempted to figure out what to tell her. "I do, too," he admitted. "I just…I just wish I had an answer for you."

"Oh," she said, her heart sinking.

"Because truth is, I have absolutely no idea where my future is heading."

"Oh."

"I-I don't know what I want to do with my life and…and even if I did, there aren't many jobs out there for werewolves."

"Oh."

A smile spread across his face. "But I do know that wherever my future takes me, I want you there by my side."

She jerked her head up to stare at him in awe. "Really?" she whispered.

He tapped the space beside him on his bed and Jillian slowly crawled into bed beside him. "Yes, really," he whispered, kissing the side of her head. "I'm not going to lie and say it's going to be easy. Truth is, I know that it's going to be difficult next year when you're here and I'm…well, I'm elsewhere, but I want to try and make it work. If you want to."

"I do," she said eagerly, gazing into his eyes. Her heart still fluttered at the way he looked at her.

"I just wish…" he trailed off, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.

She twisted her body to face him, a curious gaze on her face. "Wish what?"

"I just wish there was a way to know that everything was going to work out," he murmured. He wasn't just talking about his relationship.

Jillian felt a sense of insecurity in his voice, a hint of trepidation, that worried her. She gazed up at him and noticed a look of discomfort spreading across his face and she wondered why he was suddenly filled with so much distress. Remus had always been good at taking every day one at a time and living in the moment, knowing that the future would always remain unpredictable. With everything that has happened to him in his life, he had grasped the concept of living in the present. And she could tell in that moment that it wasn't the present he was thinking about. "What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, grabbing his hand comfortingly.

He frowned slightly. There were too many thoughts in his head for him to count. He wouldn't have known where to begin. He simply shrugged. "Nothing," he lied, kissing the side of her head. "Just…just lie here with me."

Jillian's heart skipped a beat and she nodded slowly. His uneasiness was making her feel concerned, but she shook it off, not wanting to stir up trouble. "Okay," she said instead.

* * *

Riley excused herself from lunch, quickly after Remus did. She sauntered into the Gryffindor room hesitantly, gazing around the room for Sirius. She saw the back of his head as he slipped out towards the balcony. She started heading over there herself. She wasn't able to be with him for over a month and she was determined to rectify all of the mistakes she made.

She was so focused on going after him, that she jumped when someone came up and placed their arm on hers. She whirled around to see James there. "Hey, hold up a sec."

"Where'd you come from?" she snickered, her eyes darting over James' head to the balcony door.

He ignored her question. "Do you know what's going on with Sirius?" All morning, James noticed that something was off with Sirius. He had been unusually quiet and hadn't cracked a joke in hours. He had been so distracted in Herbology that he caused stinksap to blow up on himself, Riley, James, and Lily who happened to be in his near vicinity. At another time James would have thought it would have been intentional seeing as Sirius was always doing goofy things to get a laugh out of people, but Sirius didn't bat an eye or force out a laugh when it happened. When Riley had rushed out of lunch, James had a feeling she might be going after him and he quickly followed.

She hesitated at his question and eventually shrugged. "No, not really."

James frowned. "Does it have anything to do with that letter he received this morning?"

Riley offered James an apologetic, lopsided smile. "Probably," she admitted.

James quirked a confused eyebrow.

"Why don't you just ask him yourself?" Riley murmured, gesturing for James to follow her outside.

Sirius barely glanced up from where his eyes were rooted, on the willow tree down by the lake that he and his friends always seemed to claim when the nice weather returned in Spring. Sirius wondered if they would get much chance to fool around out there with N.E.W.T.s coming up. "Hey," he eventually murmured, balling up the letter that was clenched in his hand tightly.

Riley sighed apologetically, taking a cautious step towards him. "The letter was…was from your mother, wasn't it," she said gently. Sirius gazed at her in surprised, a grim frown on his face. "I-I recognized the bird," she explained.

James felt a burden of guilt surge through him. He had been so wrapped up in his own life lately he hadn't stopped to think about those around him. He should have known that the letter dropped off that morning was from his mother but he was too busy worrying about his future to even give a second thought to his friends. And it made him a horrible friend.

Sirius nodded slowly. "Yeah," he muttered. "Just wanted to remind me what a disappointment I am."

"Sirius-" Riley started.

"It doesn't matter," Sirius interrupted immediately, shaking his head vigorously. "It's not like I should have expected anything more from her."

James and Riley shared a pained glance. "What did it say?" Riley dared to ask, putting her hand on his arm comfortingly.

"Not much," Sirius admitted. "She told me that Regulus has accepted an invitation to join the Dark Side."

James' heart skipped a beat. "He's so young," he murmured. Regulus was the same age as Dezzy and Grant. He couldn't imagine them joining such a dangerous group at such a young age.

Sirius shrugged. "Well, he wants to make the good ol' parental units proud of him."

"You think that's the reason?" Riley asked curiously.

"Regulus is an idiot," Sirius snorted. "He wouldn't choose to throw his life away if he didn't' get something out of it. While I gave up on getting his parents approval years ago, Regulus has yet to stop and won't stop until the day he dies." Sirius smirked, rolling his eyes. "Which ironically will be _because _he was trying to please his parents."

Neither James nor Riley knew how to respond. They shared a furtive glance with each other, hoping that the other might have some words of comfort. Eventually, Riley laid her head on Sirius' shoulder, reaching for his hand. "That really sucks, Sirius," she said sincerely.

He glanced at her curiously. "What does?"

She shrugged curtly. "All of it."

"Yeah, well I've had years to get used to it," he admitted.

"Doesn't make it suck any less," James pointed out.

Sirius shrugged, offering them both a lopsided smile. He gazed down at the letter in his hand wistfully before tossing it over the edge of the balcony. He watched it plummet through the air and disappear out of sight. "Whatever," he summed up, turning back towards his friends. He didn't want to talk about the letter, much less think about it. "C'mon, let's go back inside."

James and Riley shared another concerned glance but knew enough not to mention anything. Sirius had too much pride to admit that it hurt to have a mother who literally wished he was never born, but both James and Riley saw a flicker of vulnerability hidden behind his determined eyes.

James and Riley both knew enough not to push the subject, so instead, Riley simply wrapped her arm around Sirius' waist and steered them inside, followed quickly by James.

Riley said her goodbyes to her best friend and trudged off to the library where she had promised Lily earlier she would meet her and Kay. James wasn't surprised when Sirius followed her there. With all of the lost time between the two, James was convinced he would see Sirius and Riley attached at the hip from then until graduation.

James sauntered up to the seventh-year dorm room, cringing guiltily when he saw Remus and Jillian alone on his bed. He couldn't help but roll his eyes when he realized that he wasn't interrupting anything. They both had their books out and were discussing chimaeras, porlocks, and nogtails. James was thankful that he had chosen to drop out of Care of Magical Creatures when provided the chance three years earlier.

"You two are so boring," James joked, plopping on to his own bed.

Remus gave him a look. "It's the middle of the day. Sorry that not all of us are like you and Sirius, going at it like animals whenever given the chance."

"Lily and I do not _'_go at it like animals,'" James responded huffily. "We're classier than that."

Remus shrugged. "Maybe _Lily_ is," he said, a hint of a smile on his face.

James pouted, scrunching his nose. "And doesn't dating a classy girl make me a classy guy?"

"No, it makes you whipped," Jillian chimed in with a giggle.

James couldn't help but laugh. "How goes the studying?"

"It sucks," Jillian responded immediately. "Exams should be banned from existence."

"Don't go saying that around Lily," James snickered. "I think she secretly lives for them."

"Yeah, that's because she's _good _at them," Jillian laughed. She started packing up her books, stifling a yawn. "I think it's time for me to take a break and grab some ice cream from the kitchen. Anyone interested?"

Remus hesitated, but groaned. "If I don't finish this essay now, I'll never do it," he pouted. "Go ahead without me. We'll do something tonight."

Jillian smiled shyly, nodding. She snuck an awkward peek at James, who turned away from the two as she leaned in towards Remus for a kiss. "I'll see you later," she said. She casually waved goodbye to the two of them before throwing her bag over her shoulder and whisking out of the room.

"Wow, I enter a room and she flees," James joked. "Do I smell bad or something?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "We've been studying for the past hour. I think she just really wanted some ice cream."

James shrugged and glanced down at his own bag. "Do you think if I stare long enough at this pile of work that it will disappear?"

"I think the longer you stare at it, the more will pile up," Remus retaliated with a laugh.

He groaned and begrudgingly pulled out his textbook and essay and attempted to finish it. Unfortunately, the essay on Grindelwald was the last thing on his mind. His thoughts were everywhere but work. He would write half a sentence and the Quidditch offer would come back to haunt him. He couldn't hide his enthusiasm about the offer, but there was definitely a part of him that was hesitant. Being accepted into the Auror three-year training program had been a goal of his for nearly seven years. Was he now supposed to forget about that and follow his passion for Quidditch?

When he tried shaking thoughts of Quidditch out of his head long enough to put his thoughts into the Werewolf War of 1250, Lily popped into his mind. She seemed to have become distant recently and James couldn't figure out why. She had stammered some excuse about N.E.W.T.s during lunch and fled from the Great Hall after only a few bites of her meal. With Lily rushing off to the library and Sirius dashing away from his friends, quickly followed by Riley and then James, one would have thought that they were back to the way things had been during the infamous fight between James, Sirius, and Riley only months earlier. Kay and Peter were probably left confused over all of the sudden departures.

When he stopped analyzing Lily and started focusing on the ingredients in Amortentia, the letters that his friends received that morning would pop into his head. He hadn't given them much thought until Sirius reminded him that James wasn't the only one with problems. Sometimes, James forgot how much Sirius and Remus must dwell on their nonexistent family lives. Even with his family falling apart in front of his very eyes, he had to admit that he had it better off than them. And maybe it was time he showed them that he was always there for them.

He was shaken from his thoughts when he heard Remus' voice on the other side of the room. "Sorry, what did you say?" James said guiltily.

Remus snickered. "I asked if you were writing an essay on our ceiling since that's what you've been staring at for the past twenty minutes."

James scrunched his nose. "No, I've just been…" he trailed off, his gaze moving off the ceiling and out the window to the grounds below.

"Just been what?" Remus asked, knitting his brow in concern. James suddenly looked very overwhelmed, worry lines spreading across his forehead and a grave frown on his face.

James bit down on the bottom of his lip, glancing up towards Remus with a curious expression.

"You okay?" Remus wondered, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah," James replied, shrugging. "I've more worried about…well, you."

Remus was taken aback. "Er…come again?"

"Listen, I found out about a half hour ago that lately, I've been a bit…er…self-absorbed and have been paying too much attention to my own problems to even notice what was going on around me."

"I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I don't really have any problems," Remus chimed in, giving his friend a look.

James nodded slowly, a guilty frown spreading across his face. He sighed, searching for a good way to bring it up. "I hope you know that Potter Manor will always have a room waiting for you."

Remus froze. His eyes slowly rose to meet with James'. He didn't say anything. He didn't have to though.

"Not to be completely blunt, but it sucks that your parents are jetting around the world and leaving you behind," James said in all sincerity. "And it sucks that the future is coming faster than any of us would probably like. But our worlds don't have to come crashing down because of it."

James could tell that Remus was feeling a bit uncomfortable so he quickly continued, "Potter Manor has over fifteen bedrooms and one has your name on it starting the day we graduate."

"James, I don't need the pity room or-"

"That's not what it is," James quickly interrupted, sitting upright. "Remus, do you really think I want to live in a large mansion all by myself? I would go crazy! I'm used to…to living with my brothers and my parents and _Sirius _and even the Gilmores when they've crashed at our place. I've never lived on my own before and I don't really want to start now. So I'm telling you that that room down the hall from mine will always be known as yours. And you would be doing _me _a favor by moving in."

"Oh, well, if it's to help _you_," Remus said sarcastically, a teasing grin on his face. "Mr. I'm Trying Not to be Selfish."

James chucked his pillow at his friend, earning a laugh from both of them. "Just think about it," he added, slowly gathering his books and tossing them into his bag. It was obvious that doing work was a lost cause. He climbed off the bed, saying. "Okay, I'm going to go see if I can help Lily's problems."

Remus snorted. "You really think that _Lily Evans _has problems?" He hesitated. "Well, besides the fact that she chose you as a boyfriend."

James made a face. "I retract my offer. You're no longer allowed to move in."

Remus burst into laughter as James started to make his exit. His hand was on the doorknob when he heard Remus' voice behind him.

"Thank you, James," he said in all sincerity.

James gazed behind his shoulder with a smile. "Anytime."

* * *

**A/N:** Aaaand chapter 47 finished. Just a lot of talk of relationships and the future. More of that to come. Please review!


	48. Of Nightcaps, Index Cards, & Nepotism

**A/N: **Ok. I'm a horrible person. It has taken me way too long to update. But I'm here now so I hope you will all forgive me. Especially since this chapter is extra long. Not a whole lot to say and let's face it, you just want to get straight to reading the chapter anyway. I hope you all enjoy couples because this chapter is filled with them. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. I own very little in this story. In fact, I own very little in life.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 48: Of Nightcaps, Index Cards, & Nepotism

Remus had his textbook on his lap, but he felt his eyelids drooping heavily. Care of Magical Creatures was the last thing on his mind and he was fine with putting it off as he waited for Jillian. At dinner that night, James had suggested that they all venture down to the grounds after dinner for a much-needed study break. Lily disputed it at once and eventually, so did the others. Remus felt that he and Jillian needed some time alone, so he was grateful when Lily said she was unavailable. He and Jillian made simple plans to get away from schoolwork and thoughts of graduation and the fear of what their future may bring them and just spend some time alone for once.

A light knock was heard on the door before it swung open slowly. "Hey," Jillian greeted Remus. "You ready to get out of here?" Jillian was ecstatic that Remus had suggested getting away from it all because God knows it was exactly what she needed. She was tired of being so distracted lately by all of the what-ifs and she prayed that tonight, Remus would know exactly what to do and say to change that.

Remus hesitated, shoving his textbook to the ground and patting the spot in his bed beside him.

She quirked an eyebrow. "What happened to getting away from the dorms and going for a stroll around the grounds?" Jillian joked, stifling a yawn as she willingly nestled in beside Remus.

Remus grinned sheepishly. "This is more relaxing," he argued. "And more private," he added as an afterthought, leaning down to plant a soft kiss upon her lips. She slowly opened her mouth, letting his tongue explore the crevices of her inner mouth. He ran his hands up the side of her body, slowly inching towards her breast. She moaned inwardly as she climbed on top of him, her hands making a raid towards his hair. Jillian had never wanted Remus more than she did in that moment. A voice in the back of her mind told her it was because she knew their time together was quickly going to fade after graduation. Remus had invited her to Sirius' lake house, but she almost felt it was because he knew it would be their last moments to really spend together before she had to head back to Hogwarts in the fall and not necessarily because he desired her presence there. There was an underlying worry between them that soon, things just wouldn't be the same. And a part of her fervor for him now wasn't just because she wanted to seize any opportunity she could with him but because she was desperate to hold on to him as much as she could.

She emitted a squeal and quickly fell to Remus' side as the dormitory door was thrust open. "Well, so much for private," she muttered, a hint of a smile on her face.

Remus couldn't help but laugh, his gaze falling upon Sirius and Riley who grinned sheepishly as they beelined for Sirius' bed. "Sorry to interrupt," Sirius said with a laugh, shrugging.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you sound so broken up about it."

"I can't help but realize that privacy is hard to get around here," Riley murmured, making a face.

"We had that until you two barged in," Remus retaliated, quirking an eyebrow.

Riley slumped down in the bed, flashing them a sheepish grin. "There aren't a whole lot of other options. It was either this or some stingy broom closet and Merlin knows I'm tired of having sex on a cold, damp floor surrounded by old mops and buckets."

"Has anyone ever told you that you share a little too much about your private life?" Remus snorted.

"Surprisingly, yes," she snickered.

"That isn't so surprising," Remus shot back with a grin.

Before Riley could retort, Jillian chimed in. "We were just heading out anyway," Jillian spoke up, giving Remus her best come-hither look.

"What, and give up the room to these two horny teenagers?" Remus cried out, feigning shock.

Jillian forced out a smile. "Don't you think we could use some alone time?" she urged.

"Yes," Sirius answered for him.

"Absolutely," Riley agreed.

Remus shot them a look. "I'm pretty sure that question wasn't directed towards you."

Sirius shrugged. "Haven't you left yet?"

Remus rolled his eyes but reluctantly obliged. Squeezing Jillian's hand, he led them off the bed. "Please don't completely defile the room with your dirty deeds," Remus cried over his shoulder as he headed out the door with Jillian quickly behind him.

Sirius and Riley didn't bother acknowledging his last comment; they were already engrossed in a heavy snogging session the moment Remus and Jillian's feet hit the ground.

"They seem happy," Remus muttered once he and Jillian had left the common room and were meandering through the halls.

"Riley and Sirius?"

Remus nodded.

Jillian bit down on the inside of her lip. "Yeah. They do," she muttered. She cracked a smile. "It's weird, huh?"

Remus laughed, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "Yes, they're definitely an unusual pair," he teased. He let out a relieved sigh. "And yet, oddly enough, they just seem to work together."

"How so?"

"I don't know," Remus admitted. "But their relationship isn't…awkward like we had all expected. They can't manage to keep their hands off each other for longer than a few seconds and…instead of it being sickening, it's actually quite endearing to see. He really does love her and I can almost guarantee that in time, she'll be able to love him back. It just seems so effortless between them."

Jillian found herself lowering her gaze towards the ground hesitantly. "Effortless how?"

"They just seem so…" Remus trailed off, searching for the right words, "So perfect together. It's a relationship that no one ever would have been able to predict and it seems so far-fetched, but when you see them together, it's like…"

"They were meant to be," Jillian finished, her heart skipping a beat.

Remus turned to gaze at her and slowly nodded. "Yeah."

"Just like James and Lily," she said softly.

Remus smiled nostalgically. "Yeah. I guess love's contagious."

A lump formed in Jillian's throat and she quickly turned away from Remus' curious stare. She didn't respond, not sure how to.

Remus was surprised to see a flicker of defeat in Jillian's eyes and he wasn't sure why. "Hey, you okay?" Remus asked, kissing the side of her head.

Jillian nodded curtly. "Of course," she said, forcing out a smile. "So what do you say we get to that stroll around the grounds?"

Remus sensed a bit of hesitancy, but he didn't question it. After their talk about their future, he knew that they were both feeling cautious and tentative. He was terrified of putting in an enormous amount of effort to be with Jillian that might end up wasteful in the end. He was terrified of getting hurt in the end and based on her jittery behavior, he had a feeling she might be thinking the same.

* * *

The next evening started similarly for Remus. He was unfortunately heavily immersed in his textbooks, grumbling about the upcoming N.E.W.T.s under his breath. He would have much rather been spending his time with Jillian or his friends but seeing as Jillian was busy enjoying the warmth of the outdoors with her friends and Sirius and James were at Quidditch practice and Peter was off somewhere with Teresa, the next best bet was to force himself to finish his Care of Magical Creatures essay. He had spent enough time the previous night procrastinating so he knew he had to finish it that night in order to start on the other mountain of schoolwork he had had to even glance through.

He was grateful for a minor distraction when he heard the portrait door open to reveal Lily. He waved her over, throwing his textbook on to the coffee table in front of him.

She swiftly joined him on the couch, stifling a yawn. "Where is everyone?"

"Jillian is off with her friends, Sirius and James are still at Quidditch practice, Peter is, I think, off with Teresa, and last I checked, Riley is in the library working on her project with Rhett, and Kay is there attempting to study for our Potions exam with Alice."

Lily nodded curtly, propping her legs up on the coffee table in front of her. "How is your Transfiguration project going?" Lily asked curiously.

Remus made a face. "We're pretty much done. And by 'we' I mean _me_," Remus snickered.

Lily laughed. "Sirius not too helpful?"

Remus shook his head guiltily. "Nah, I'm kidding," he argued. "As much as he likes to come off as a slacker, that kid can pull his own weight." He hesitated, grinning sheepishly. "Just don't tell anyone I said that. He would murder me with his bare hands if I tarnished his reputation."

Lily snickered, holding up her hand innocently. "The secret is safe with me," she teased. She glanced down at her bag filled with books and parchment, groaning inwardly. "If I have to read one more sentence about the Duke of Salazaria or the ingredients found in Veritaserum or the dangers of illegally transforming into Animagi, my head is going to explode."

Remus sniggered. "I highly doubt that. Reading is your forte."

"Yeah, well maybe it's about time I make laziness my forte," Lily retaliated with a smile. "It seems to work for Sirius."

Remus roared with laughter. "And you're really counting on Sirius to be your role model?"

"Did you not just point out that he's far from being a slacker?" Lily snickered.

"I did," Remus agreed, nodding. "Still doesn't mean you'd want him as your role model, am I correct?"

Lily laughed. "Fair enough. Potions essay it is," she groaned, grabbing her book out of her bag with a grunt.

"Here," Remus offered, as he dug through his bag for his finished essay. He handed it to her. "I've already finished it if you want to glance over it."

Lily smiled and grabbed it from him. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

He laughed and he reluctantly pulled his textbook back on to his lap. They worked in silence for the most part, except for the few irritated comments directed at crups and porlocks from Remus and the questions from Lily about Veritaserum.

Lily was proofreading her finished essay when the portrait door slammed open and Sirius was trudging through the common room, leaving trails of mud behind him.

Lily snorted. "Have you heard of this new invention called a shower?"

"There was no way I was going to stand there and listen to James drone on about how important this upcoming match with Slytherin is. He already did that for two hours during practice. I like peace and quiet during my shower!"

"And Riley," Remus joked.

He quirked an eyebrow, giving Remus a look that said bring-it-on. "Don't make me hug you."

Remus smiled sheepishly and returned to perusing through his textbook. "Sirius, you never told us who that letter was from yesterday morning," Remus said curiously as Sirius flopped down on to the floor, trying to wipe up the mud from his shoes. To be fair, Remus had barely spent a minute alone with Sirius since the morning before; they had both been engrossed with their girlfriends.

Sirius hesitated, his eyes fixated on his shoes. "Um…it was from my mother," he said casually.

Remus and Lily exchanged a look of surprise. Neither knew how to respond.

Thankfully, Sirius answered their silent question. "She just wanted to brag about Regulus. He's joining the Dark Side, y'know."

Lily gasped. "No way! He's too young!"

Sirius shrugged. "Apparently someone named Tom didn't think so."

Remus and Lily exchanged another concerned look.

"I can just imagine what my mother would say if she found out I was joining the Order, an organization built on the sole hope of destroying Voldemort and his minions," he said, a lopsided smile on his face. It was meant as a joke, but both Remus and Lily could sense the gloom in his voice.

"You're not just joining to spite her, are you?" Lily asked curiously.

Sirius gave her a look. "_No_. You think I would put my life in danger just to show up my mother?"

"I think there's not a lot you wouldn't do to prove her wrong in every way possible," said Lily in a casual tone.

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but found that he couldn't fully oppose her statement. He frowned. "You're right. Maybe there is a part of me that's joining the cause because of her and her outlandish notions about the Dark Arts," he admitted. "But it's not like I have many other options."

Remus and Lily exchanged an inquisitive look. "What do you mean?" Remus asked.

"I mean that..." Sirius started, trailing off hesitantly, "That the fact I'll have something to do with my time once Hogwarts lets out is reason alone to join. I have nothing else lined up unless you count aimlessly sailing the seas to New York in the fall."

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Er...come again?"

Sirius sniggered. "Guess I didn't mention that to you guys, did I."

"You're going to New York?" Remus asked curiously. "What for?"

"My uncle," Sirius said matter-of-factly. "Riley suggested I take the boat he left me and sail it to New York to see him before he dies. So that's what I'm doing."

"Do you even know how to sail?" Lily asked warily.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Do you think I would _sail _to NY if I didn't?"

Lily shrugged. "You've done some stupid things throughout your life," she teased.

"I do know how to sail," he explained, giving her a look of amusement.

"Hm...have you ever heard of the Titanic?" Remus joked.

"Have you ever heard of _dying uncle_?" Sirius shot back, a slight hint of a smile on his face.

Remus cringed. "Touche."

"Sirius," Lily said in all sincerity, glancing at him curiously, "Do you really think that the best reason to join such a dangerous group is because you have nothing better to do with your time?"

Sirius offered her a sullen lopsided smile. "It's not that I don't have anything better to do with my time, Lily," he said slowly. "It's that I'll have something to give me a sense of accomplishment for _once _in my life." There was a sense of desperation in his voice that caused concern in both Lily and Remus.

Lily gave him a look. "Sirius," she said in a sympathetic tone.

"No, I don't mean for that to make me sound pathetic," he quickly clarified. "It's just nice to have some sort of purpose for once, y'know? And I appreciate that Dumbledore believes I'd make a noble member of the Order. If I thought anyone would understand, it would be you two."

Lily and Remus both looked alarmed at an accusation. "What do you mean?" Remus asked, his eyes narrowing curiously.

Sirius' gaze fell upon his fidgeting hands and he slumped down awkwardly. "I don't mean to offend you or anything, it's just that...I think we're all in similar situations post-graduation. We...er...don't exactly have a whole lot to fall back on. Our family lives are somewhat nonexistent."

Lily's heart skipped a beat and Remus' stomach fell. They had been so good at pretending that getting a job was the only thing they had to worry about that it caused a sense of panic in the both of them to hear Sirius mention the fact that it wasn't the only thing their future offered. Truth was, once they left the halls of Hogwarts, their lives were a complete blank slate. "Oh," Lily murmured, biting down on the inside of her lip.

"Sorry," Sirius said guiltily, cringing.

"Don't be," Remus murmured in all honesty. "It's true."

"Doesn't make it suck any less," Sirius argued.

Neither Lily nor Remus responded knowing that he was right. Leaving Hogwarts probably meant something different to the three of them than it did anyone else. Lily had tried hard not to think about it but with talk of jobs and graduation and their summer vacation, it was all becoming a bit too real. She never realized how grateful she could be to a person until Sirius offered up his summer home to all of his friends after graduation. It gave her more time to figure out exactly what she was going to do shelter-wise. "Well," she muttered, breaking the awkward tension that had formed among them, "I guess it gives me comfort knowing that I'm not the only one stuck in this boat. And I don't mean that to sound offensive."

Remus shook his head. "No, I get it. Having no family or having one that doesn't care about you isn't easy. But it makes it easier when you have friends who know exactly how you feel."

Lily nodded. She never realized how similar she, Remus, and Sirius were before that moment. While Remus' and Sirius' families were still technically alive, they might as well not have been. They were both estranged from their parents and knew that nothing would ever change that. She smiled lopsidedly, feeling slightly guilty for even thinking how grateful she was that she had friends who really understood her precarious situation. "Our lives might suck, but...but at least we can share those sucky lives with great friends, right?"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "And hey, if all else fails, the three of us can find a flat together!" Sirius chimed in.

Lily and Remus exchanged amused glances. "Hm, I'd rather live in a box on the side of the street," Lily teased. She ducked as a pillow was flown at her head. "I'm kidding!" she laughed as Sirius pouted. "Besides, I'd thought you'd want to live with Riley," she added as a teasing afterthought.

Sirius shuddered. "Oh, jeez. Don't go saying things like that around Riley. We just got back together. I don't need to give her another reason to break up with me."

Both Remus and Lily chuckled.

"Well, then I guess it's a good thing that you're whisking away to New York via the deep blue ocean," Remus continued with a shrug.

Sirius' smile wavered. He hadn't thought about the trip in perspective to Riley. When she had suggested it a week earlier, he had grasped at the chance for a number of different reasons. The obvious reason was that he hadn't seen his uncle in nearly ten years and this would be his last chance to get to know him. Another reason was to put off figuring out his future and continue focusing on being carefree and spontaneous like he had mastered over the years. But the last reason, a reason he had tried so desperately to quiet knowing it made him sound and look pathetic, was to get away from Riley and the drama that had ensued from her. During that time, he had thought that a few months away from her would be the perfect remedy. He thought that being on his own was exactly what he would have needed. And now that he was back with Riley, he wondered if a few months away would actually just make it worse between them. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. For a split second, he reconsidered the idea of sailing to New York. He mentally slapped himself with that very thought, however, knowing that his uncle needed him and Sirius needed his uncle.

Lily and Remus sensed the hesitance in his voice but knew better than to question it. However, they had a pretty good feeling that he was thinking about Riley. They were all grateful when the portrait hole opened and James tumbled through with his sister and Drew. Both Drew and Dezzy were looking rather bored and irritated and Lily couldn't help but smile, a sneaking suspicion in the back of her mind that James was discussing Quidditch gambits.

"Hey there," Lily greeted when they sauntered over to their whereabouts.

"Please tell me you have anything exciting to say that doesn't involve broomsticks and bludgers," Dezzy pleaded.

James scowled. "Well, maybe you should start getting used to hearing a lot about Quidditch, Dez!"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Made a decision, did you?"

James slowly dropped to the carpet, gesturing for Remus to throw him a pillow, who obliged. "No," James said eventually. "Not yet." He propped the pillow up against the couch and outstretched his legs, biting down on the inside of his lip the entire time. "It's a big decision to be made."

"Well, have you written a-"

"No, I haven't written out a pro-con list yet!" James interrupted, anticipating Dezzy's question.

She flashed him a sheepish grin. "Why not?"

He furtively glanced at Lily, whose smile looked too fake for Jame's taste, and sighed. "I still have a week until I need to respond," he muttered. "Give me time to think, would ya?" Truth was, he was waiting on Lily. She had yet to have an opinion on the matter no matter how many times he asked her and it was beginning to bug him. As his girlfriend, he had hoped she might have been able to help him through his thought process but she kept repeating that it was up to him. He was confused as to why she wouldn't give him any advice whatsoever. It was the first time since they started dating that she didn't seem to have an opinion.

Dezzy nodded. "Sure," she said eagerly, quickly changing the subject. "Okay, please tell me all you know about O.W.L.s and don't leave anything out. I already feel like I'm going to fail."

Drew groaned and placed his head in his hands. "Don't remind me that they're coming up. I can't even make my rat sing yet!"

Lily gave them sympathetic looks. "Been there, done that," she murmured with a whimper. "But you'll be fine. Believe me when I say that you're going to go in there feeling like a failure and come out feeling successful."

"Yeah, maybe _you _do but not all of us spend our lives with our nose stuck in textbooks," Dezzy teased, shooting Lily an amused look.

"Hey, guys," Riley and Kay both greeted in unison, joining their friends. "Anything exciting happening here?"

"Studying," was the chorused response from Remus and Lily.

"Hm, I did ask if anything _exciting _was happening, did I not?" Riley snickered, coming up behind her boyfriend and kissing him gently on the cheek.

"It's Hogwarts," Remus replied dryly. "Nothing exciting ever happens here."

"Duly noted," Riley laughed.

"Congratulations, James!" a group of giggling girls chorused behind him.

James turned around, gazing at the third-years (second-years? They all looked so young to him!) curiously. "Er...for what?"

"We heard the Bigonville Bombers offered you a position on their team!" the tall one said.

"They're, like, my favorite team!" the one with dimples added. "Well, after the Vratsa Vultures. And the Chudley Canons. Oh yeah, and the Wimborne Wasps. But after them, the Bombers are my favorite!"

James slowly fixed his stare upon Sirius. "Sirius, are you blabbering my personal business around school?"

Sirius glared at him, knitting his eyebrows. "James Potter, I am ashamed that you would even ask me that! I would hope that by now you would have realized that I wouldn't go around chattering my mouth away about your important news. That Quidditch offer is personal and does not need to be shared with the entire student body."

James quirked an eyebrow, his stare unwavering.

Sirius slumped down with a sheepish grin. "I'm thinking you didn't buy that," he snickered. "I _may _have let it slip once. Or twice. Or ten times."

James playfully threw his pillow over at him, giving him a look. "You are the worst best friend ever."

Sirius could only expand his smile, shrugging guiltily. He let out a sigh of relief that he didn't have to come up with a good excuse when Jillian, Evelyn, and Kylie walked in to the common room and over to them.

"Hey, I hear congratulations are in order, James," Evelyn said, flipping her hair over her shoulder flirtatiously.

"Sirius!" James whined, burying his head in his arms. The rest of the group couldn't help but laugh as Evelyn gazed at them in confusion. When she realized that she clearly wasn't in on the joke, she simply rolled her eyes and grabbed Kylie's arm, dragging her away.

"I take back my congratulations," Evelyn snickered as she headed up to her room. Jillian joined Remus on the couch.

"Isn't it enough that I'm enduring my own inner debate without having half the school come up to me congratulating me on a position I don't even know I'm taking?" James groaned, lifting an inquisitive eyebrow in Sirius' direction. Sirius' smile wavered when he realized that James' frown was sincere. "I'm going upstairs to get away from the peanut gallery," he mumbled. "Anyone else with me?"

Lily hesitated slightly as the rest of the group all started to stand up to join James upstairs. "I don't know, I have a lot of homework," Lily murmured.

James frowned, reaching for her hand. "You can't hang out for just a little while?"

Lily wasn't sure why she felt so compelled to get away from the crowd of people and immerse herself in homework, but she felt herself giving into James' requests and followed him upstairs.

James tried to ignore the panicked look on Lily's face as she slowly climbed into the bed with him, outstretching her legs in front of her with a stifled yawn. James couldn't help but laugh as his gaze lingered on the others, just noticing how many people there were trying to stuff in the room.

Remus fell against his pillow with a sigh, opening his arms up to Jillian who snuggled up against him. Sirius and Riley followed suit, trudging over to Sirius' four-poster bed and plummeting into the sheets with conjoined sighs. Dezzy and Drew dove into Peter's bed cheekily, flashing Kay a guilty grin.

Kay pouted, standing in the middle of room, looking quite abandoned. "Not fair. I think this is prejudicial towards people without their boyfriends around," she whined.

They all laughed politely and Lily quickly sat up, patting James' legs so he would move them out of the way. "C'mon, Kay, you can join us," she offered.

Sirius' eyebrow perked up. "Sexy."

Lily and Kay both shot Sirius a look. "Are you ever going to grow up?" Kay joked.

"And what's the fun in that?" he snorted. He slowly scrambled off his bed and dug into the trunk beside it. "Anyone up for a nightcap?" he said, grinning as he pulled out a bottle of half-empty vodka.

Dezzy quirked an eyebrow. "You're harboring alcohol in your room? Why am I not surprised that you're partaking in illegal activity up here."

Sirius snickered. "It's not illegal until you get caught."

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" a voice boasted from the entrance to their room.

Sirius turned to Dezzy with a sheepish grin. "Looks like it's illegal."

Dezzy snorted, shaking her head at him. "I'm pretty sure Peter already knew the alcohol was here."

Peter laughed, shutting the door behind him. "I don't think there are enough people in here," he said sarcastically, earning a laugh from his friends. Dezzy offered to give him his bed back, but he shook his head. He swung his desk chair around and straddled it instead.

"So let's get back to that nightcap," Sirius suggested. "And I think this one deserves a toast."

"What kind of toast?" James asked curiously.

Sirius hesitated, not even sure where to begin. In that moment, he felt that he has so much to celebrate and be thankful for. After everything that all of them have gone through just within the past few months, he was so grateful for how everything turned out. He was not only happy for himself but he was incredibly happy for his friends. And more importantly, he was incredibly happy for _having _his friends.

He shrugged and simply said, "To us."

A smile grew on all of their faces. "I think that's a toast we all can make," Riley chimed in, staring at her boyfriend in amazement.

"Shots all around!"

Lily made a face. "Why is it that you guys can't seem to have any fun unless alcohol is involved?" she groaned.

Sirius stared at her blankly. "Uh, because we can't?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Eh, whatever. Pour me one."

"Hear, hear!" Sirius said excitedly. He summoned a bunch of shot glasses and poured the vodka while Remus levitated them to each person.

James raised his glass and his friends all followed his lead. "To us," he said softly.

They all repeated his words and drank up.

"Well, now that that's done, it's time for another tradition," Sirius chimed in with an impish grin.

"I swear to Merlin if you say the words Truth or Dare or Spin the Bottle, I _will _chuck this shot glass at your head," Kay responded almost immediately.

He gave her a look. "I find it insulting and condescending that that is _all _you think of me. Do you honestly believe that I am _that _shallow and one-dimensional to suggest Truth or Dare or Spin the Bottle?" he pouted, shaking his head overdramatically. "I was simply going to say strip poker."

A round of groans and laughs filled the room, and Sirius ducked from a few flying pillows sent his way.

"You should never suggest things _ever_," Drew chimed in, shaking his head incredulously.

"You guys are just afraid to lose," Sirius argued, smiling mischievously.

"It's more the losing _clothes _part I'm against," Lily snickered, a teasing smile growing on her face.

James kissed her shoulder adoringly. "You shouldn't be. You have a nice body," he joked, ducking as Lily swatted at him with a laugh.

"So why hide it!" Sirius cried out, earning a slap to the stomach by his own girlfriend.

"Oh, sure, we've only been back together for two days and you're already hitting on other girls," Riley said sarcastically, giving Sirius a look. "Not only that, you're hitting on my best friend and _your _best friend's girlfriend. I think you have more problems than you think."

"I have a feeling the word 'threesome' is running through his mind right now," Remus snickered, earning a burst of hysterical laughter to fill the room.

Sirius pouted and slumped down. He thought it might be best to change the subject. "So am I pulling out the playing cards or what?"

"Are you seriously still on that?" James snorted, quirking an amused eyebrow.

"Oh, come on," Sirius pouted, giving them all a hopeful smile. "We're leaving Hogwarts in just a few short months. Strip poker is an important milestone in a teenager's life. Don't you think we will eventually _regret _this opportunity if we don't grab at our only chance now?"

"No," Lily responded.

"Not at all," James agreed.

"Of course not," Peter argued.

"That's horrible logic," Remus snorted.

"You can't taunt us into playing," Jillian snickered.

"No way," Kay declared.

"You're nuts," Dezzy said.

"You're seriously using the word regret?" Drew defended.

"Eh, I've already played," Riley said casually.

All eyes fell upon Riley immediately. "Er…come again?" James choked out.

"With _who_!" Sirius shrieked.

Riley hesitated. "Oh, did I say that out loud?"

"Yes, now explain yourself," Sirius whined.

"I'd rather change the subject," she said sheepishly. "So how about those playing cards?"

Lily snickered, giving her a look. "You'd rather play strip poker than talk about your previous encounter with the game?"

Riley grinned. "Yes."

"I'd argue, but…well, I want to play," Sirius said, sitting upright in his bed with a chiding smile.

"I'm going to need a lot more vodka before I do that," Lily snorted, shaking her head incredulously.

"That can be arranged," Sirius responded almost immediately.

Lily smiled lopsidedly, finding herself shrugging. Maybe it was time to be impulsive and live in the moment. Merlin knows that it wouldn't last forever. "Well, why the hell not? Pour me another shot and pull out the cards."

A round of gasps spread throughout the room and James shot upright, his eyes widening in shock. "That was a joke, right?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I can be rebellious at times. It's like Sirius said—graduation is upon us and when are we ever going to have the chance to just be young again?"

"I think the word you're looking for is _foolish_," Kay snorted, gazing at her friend with scrutinizing eyes. Something had definitely come over her; it wasn't every day Lily was advocating a strip tease.

"Foolish?" Sirius argued. "Or _fun_?"

"I'm going to stick with foolish," Kay teased.

"Ooooooor _fun_?" Sirius urged, his eyes widening with amusement. His comment earned a smack upon the back of his head by his girlfriend. "Ow! Hey, you're not off the hook yet, Riley. I still demand to know who you've played strip poker with."

"So how about those playing cards?" she snickered sheepishly.

"Why don't you guys just skip straight to the sex now?" Remus snorted.

"Well, why not?" Sirius argued, throwing his arm over Riley's body and pulling her close to him. "_Someone _should be. No offense, Mary." He winked playfully at Remus, flashing Jillian a sheepish smile.

Remus rolled his eyes, not noticing his girlfriend tensing up beside him. "Mary?" Jillian asked curiously.

Sirius winced. "Never mind," he said, shaking his head guiltily.

Jillian's face went white when she realized what Sirius was referring to. It was the type of joke Sirius had used all the time as a young teenager. "Oh my _God_," she gasped, a glare spreading across her face directed towards Remus. "You _told _him? Let me guess, you told James and Peter, too!"

Remus stared at her, shocked, while the others in the room attempted to look elsewhere, trying not to show their discomfort at what was inevitably going to be a fight breaking out. "What are you talking about?" Remus asked calmly and curiously.

"Are you seriously that daft? You can't make the connection between Sirius' crude sex allusion by way of his _Mary _joke? As in the _Virgin _Mary? You are _such _a prat," she snorted, quickly climbing off his bed and rushing towards the door. Before Remus could even lift his head from the pillow, she whirled around and barked, "Don't follow me!"

Remus was completely awestruck, a twinge of red shining in his cheeks with embarrassment. He could tell he wasn't the only one, seeing as all of his friends were doing everything in their power to avoid eye contact with him. "Do you think I should go after her?"

Riley couldn't help but laugh. "No, Remus, I don't think that would be wise. Give her time to cool off. In the meantime, you might want to write your game plan down on 4x6 index cards."

"Game plan?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"Yes," Dezzy chimed in, nodding vigorously, "Perhaps a detailed _word-for-word_ script as to how you're going to dig yourself out of that hole."

"I'm not even sure what hole I'm in!" Remus whined, grabbing his pillow and smothering it over his face.

"Jeez, you're as bad as Sirius when it comes to understanding women," Kay muttered, shaking her head.

"HEY! When did helping Remus time become insulting Sirius time?" he pouted.

Kay rolled her eyes and turned her gaze back on Remus. "Remus, what I understand from her rant before she stormed out of e is that you _may _have let a few intimate details slip to your three male cohorts."

Remus stared back at her blankly.

Kay hesitated, trying not to be too blunt. "Perhaps the _private _and _personal_ details of your sex life, or apparently lack thereof."

Remus quirked a dumbfounded eyebrow. He glanced over at James, Sirius, and Peter hoping they might have an idea of what she was hinting at.

"Maybe even the level of her…um…sexual experience?"

"Huh?"

"You told the guys she was a virgin!" Riley blurted out straightforwardly, rolling her eyes.

Remus turned bright red. "Oh," he muttered sheepishly, slumping down on the bed with a groan.

"Yeah, you're definitely going to need those scripted index cards," Lily sighed, earning a snicker from the girls.

"To be fair," Remus interrupted, "I didn't really tell them anything. They kinda, sorta, almost, pretty much figured it out on their own."

"Yeah, and my guess is you kinda, sorta, almost, pretty much didn't dispute it," Dezzy pointed out.

Remus opened his mouth to argue, but found himself shutting it with a sigh. "Yes, okay, true. But that doesn't necessarily give her the right to storm out without so much as trying to let me explain!"

"Dude, you didn't even know what she was talking about so I doubt you would have been able to defend yourself then," Riley snickered. She quickly invested her focus on the ceiling when Remus sent her a deathly glare.

Remus groaned, rubbing his temples. "Damnit, you're right. Anyone have index cards?"

Peter dug into his desk and threw a handful of index cards to Remus.

"Thanks," Remus muttered. He hesitated. "Anyone have a quill?"

"You're pathetic," Peter blurted out with a snicker, throwing his friend a quill.

"Yeah, I know that," Remus whimpered. He glanced around the room at his friends, a sheepish grin forming on his face. "Now, anyone have any idea what I should say?"

A round of groans filled the room and Remus couldn't help but laugh.

"I would start with 'I'm sorry,'" Riley suggested with a snicker.

"And an explanation would be nice," Dezzy chimed in with a shrug.

Remus nodded slowly, chewing on the end of the quill. "And pray tell, what should my explanation consist of?"

"Wow, you need more help than I thought," Kay groaned, hanging her head shamefully. "And here I was thinking you were the most logical, level-headed of the Marauders."

"It's hard to be logical and level-headed around women," James argued, shrugging innocently. "They make us slowly go insane."

"Gee, that just makes me feel so warm inside," Lily drawled sarcastically, the ends of her mouth turned up ever so slightly.

James kissed her cheek, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "Well, I mean that in the nicest way possible."

"Is there ever really a nice way to tell someone they make you go crazy?" Drew pointed out, grinning apologetically at James who shot him a glare.

Remus cleared his throat loudly. "Well, I am clearly not going to be able to sort through my thoughts long enough to write out an apology in a room full of crazies," he muttered, slowly climbing off the bed. "I am heading downstairs for some peace and quiet. And when I choose to head down to a common room full of screaming first-years challenging each other to a tournament of Exploding Snaps and a bunch of giggling, gossiping fourth-year girls rating the cuteness of all the guys in their year based on their muscle index and a group of fifth-years shouting hexes and spells at each other in anticipation of their O.W.L.s, that's saying a lot."

Dezzy winced. "Speaking of," she said slowly, glancing sideways at Drew, "we should probably get down there. Those essays aren't going to write themselves."

"Unless you have a Quik Spell Quill," Riley pointed out. Dezzy simply responded with an unamused glare.

"I'll follow you out," Kay piped up, giving Remus a concerned look as she pulled herself off the bed with a stifled yawn. "God knows you're going to need all the help you can get with that apology, Remus."

"I don't need your help!" Remus argued. "I can do this all on my own, thank you very much!"

Kay quirked an eyebrow and lay back down. "Okay, fine, if you really-"

"No, no, no, that was just an act," Remus pleaded. "I really do need help."

Kay laughed and slowly followed him out of the room, saying her goodbyes and good nights to her friends. Dezzy and Drew quickly followed.

Lily bit down on her bottom lip, sighing deeply. "I should probably pull a Dezzy and Drew and get back to work," she said hesitantly, offering James an apologetic look."

James groaned, whimpering lightly. "No," he whined. "No more work." He buried his head under his pillow in protest.

Lily snickered, gently pushing him playfully. "I'm pretty sure hiding under your pillow doesn't make the work go away. In fact, I can almost guarantee it," she explained. "Believe me, I tried that last week."

James peeked his head out from under his pillow. "Maybe you just chose the wrong pillow?"

Lily chuckled, shaking her head. "Well, _I'm _heading out to do work. Feel free to stay up here."

"Nah," James argued. "I don't need to witness any Sirius and Riley snog sessions."

"Hm," Sirius said slowly. "Then you probably _should _go."

Riley giggled. "And the sooner the better."

James stifled a yawn and slowly crawled out of his bed. "That's okay. I much prefer the Lily and James snog sessions, anyhow."

"What about the Lily and James _study _sessions?" Lily quickly chimed in, a frown forming on her face. "Because that's about all I'm going to have time for tonight."

Sirius gazed at Lily curiously. It was the second night in a row she had blatantly said aloud that she would not be fooling around with her boyfriend. When he looked closer, he couldn't help but notice an uneasy expression on her face that he hadn't noticed before and wondered what it might be in reference to.

James' heart skipped a beat at Lily's assertion towards education over a make-out session. He understood that academics were nearly everything to her, but he wondered why it suddenly was taking such a toll on their relationship. He waved goodbye to Riley and Sirius as he trudged out of the room, a cluster of questions running through his mind.

That left Peter alone with the new lovebirds. He took one glance at Riley and Sirius and quickly said, "I wonder if Remus and Kay need any more help with that apology."

Riley and Sirius both laughed and were grateful that Peter could take a hint.

After the door shut behind Peter and Sirius made sure to lock it, he turned his full attention on to Riley. "Looks like we're all alone now," Sirius whispered, letting his fingers dance at the hem of Riley's shirt, placing kisses on her neck.

Riley smiled, a chill running down her spine at his soft lips. "My favorite part of the day," she whispered, climbing on top of him with a lustful gleam in her eyes.

"So we never got around to playing strip poker," Sirius said suggestively, running his fingertips through the hair outlining her face.

A mischievous smile slowly spread across Riley's face, her eyes locking with Sirius'. "Something tells me we wouldn't actually partake in the _poker _part."

Sirius hesitated, a curt snicker escaping her lips. "That's not true," he whispered, his eyes beaming. "There will definitely be some _poking_."

Riley couldn't help but burst into laughter, sending chills down Sirius' spine. He could find comfort in spending the rest of his life finding ways to make her laugh just to hear the joyful sound over and over again. "That was a horrible joke," she teased.

"You gonna hold it against me?" he said, quirking an eyebrow.

She pressed her lips to his, an intensity brewing between them that had Riley never wanting to pull apart. She pulled off her shirt and discarded it on to the floor, saying mid-kiss, "Not a chance."

* * *

Remus had no desire to go to breakfast the next morning. He still had no idea how to talk to Jillian because the truth was, she had every right to be mad at him. He shouldn't have talked about the personal details of his relationship with Jillian to his friend. Especially something that was so intimate to Jillian. But truth was, he didn't care that his friends knew. They were his best friends and they told each other everything. He just wasn't sure how to balance his girlfriend and his best friends.

Remus knew that if he didn't crawl out of bed for breakfast, he would never get up that day. And hiding didn't fix anything. When he walked into the Great Hall, ignoring the discussion of celebrity gossip being held between Sirius and Peter, he briefly locked eyes with Jillian who was sitting squished in between Evelyn and Kylie, looking miserable. She quickly turned away from his gaze and shoveled eggs into her mouth.

He sighed and followed Sirius and Peter to where James was sitting alone, his head dug in a pile of prefect paperwork.

"Being Head Boy sucks," James greeted, furiously scribbling down point tallies and trying to organize what appeared to be a sloppy pile of detention slips. "Remus, please tell me you finished writing up your detention slips."

Remus grimaced as he slipped into the empty seat beside him. "I kinda had other things on my mind last night," he muttered.

James frowned. "Right," he murmured guiltily. "Sorry."

Remus simply shrugged. "So, where's Lily?"

"Last I saw, she was drowning herself in the shower."

Sirius stopped chatting about Mike Tyson's latest fight, hearing the irritation in his best friend's voice. "Er…and you didn't think to check up on her?" he joked.

James shrugged curtly. "She told me to go ahead and she'd catch up later," he murmured. "I think we should go to Hogsmeade tonight."

"I'm ignoring that subject change," Sirius argued. "What's going on between you and Lily-bean? You sound bitter."

"Probably because I need a Hogsmeade trip!" he whined.

"HAH!" Remus snorted, willingly let the subject change occur. He didn't want to have to talk about girlfriends. "I have a pile of homework that I successfully ignored last night while bullet-pointing my apology to Jillian. I don't have the time for a Hogsmeade trip."

James nodded. "Okay, so Remus is in. Sirius? Peter?"

Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius gave James a look, a cheeky grin on his face. "Please, James. Have you ever heard of me turning down a Hogsmeade visit?"

James grinned. "Peter?"

Peter hesitated. "Well, I have to fill out an Astronomy chart, finish an essay on Veritaserum, study for a Transfiguration pre-test, and attempt to charm my textbook to light up," he listed, making a face. "So yeah, I'm in."

James chuckled and returned to organizing detention slips.

"I'll…I'll be right back," Remus spoke up as he saw Jillian slip out of her seat and out of the Great Hall, ignoring James' demands to finish his prefect paperwork.

"Jillian!"

She froze, knowing whose voice it belonged to. She whirled around, a glare planted on her face. "I really have no desire to talk to you right now."

"Let me explain," he pleaded, grabbing her arm before she could storm off.

"What's the point?" she sneered. "It's not like you'll have an excuse worth hearing."

Remus' heart skipped a beat. She was clearly angrier than he anticipated her to be. "I just-"

"Remus, how would you like it if I blabbed your most intimate secrets to _my _friends?" she interrupted huffily. She narrowed her eyes at him. "And I think you know what those secrets might be."

A gasp froze in his mouth, his stomach knotting. He gazed at her in shock, wondering where her intense animosity suddenly came from. "That's not fair," he said hollowly. "My...my secrets could destroy me."

She sighed, running her fingers through her hair, knowing he was right. "You're right, I'm sorry. But...but I can't help but feel betrayed. And I don't think I have to justify that to you," she muttered coolly. "Now if you don't mind, I have class to get to." She seized her arm back and tried to stalk off.

"Jillian, wait," he said softly, his voice full of desperation.

The tone in his voice made Jillian stop in her tracks. She sighed and slowly turned around. "What?" she asked calmly.

"I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings," he said. "I'm sorry that you felt betrayed and I'm _really _sorry that I screwed things up between us. Maybe you're right; maybe I had no right telling my friends about our personal life. But...but I did and I can't take that back."

"You wouldn't want to anyway."

Remus hesitated, confused. He wasn't sure what she meant by that. "What are you talking about?"

Jillian frowned, a sigh escaping from her lips. She hated confrontation. She avoided it at all costs. And at that moment, she just wanted to blow Remus off and stew in silence. But she realized that it wouldn't be fair to Remus and even though by discussing her embarrassing personal details with his friends he made her irritated, he deserved the truth. She bit down on her bottom lip like she did when she was nervous. "Remus," she started slowly and cautiously as she started awkwardly playing with the stone of her ring, "I love that your friends are so important to you, but I'm tired of feeling second best."

Remus was completely taken aback. He tried opening his mouth to argue and couldn't even find the words. "But I...what are...how…_what_?" he dithered.

"They are _always_ going to come first to you," she explained, a desperate tone in your voice.

Remus paused, trying to choose his next words carefully. "Jillian," he started, the sound of her name on his tongue sounding hollow. "It's not a contest between you and my friends."

Jillian swallowed hard, turning her gaze away from them. "Maybe it's not supposed to be, but it is," she whispered. "And I'm losing. I think a part of you will always care about them more than me."

Remus shook his head vehemently. "That isn't true," he said firmly, tilting her chin so that she was forced to look at him. "I care about you, Jillian. More than you think."

"I'm not disputing the fact that you care about me," she murmured. "I'm simply saying that your friends mean the world to you. And…and I don't know if there's room in that world for me also."

Remus' heart skipped a beat at the implication. He took a step back in hurt awe. "There will always be room for you," he said, a lump forming in his throat.

Jillian didn't respond. He was trying so hard to convince her to forgive him and have everything go back to normal and truth was, that's all she wanted too. But there was a huge part of her that was still hesitant.

"You want the truth, Jillian? You're probably right," Remus continued when she didn't respond. "My friends mean a whole lot to me. They've done things for me that...that have gone above and beyond the call of duty as a friend and for that, I will be eternally grateful. But that has nothing to do with you and me."

"Remus, I know what your friends have done for you and it's incredibly noble," Jillian said softly, reminding him that she knew all about his friends' secrets. "But how is that fair to me?"

Remus didn't realize it was possible to get more dumbfounded by this conversation. "What are you talking about?" he asked, hiding his frustration.

She swallowed hard, rubbing her temples. "I don't think I should be penalized just because _I _wasn't the one who put my neck on the line and risked imprisonment or…or _paralysis _to help you through a rough time. Because don't you think that if I were given that chance, I would?"

"I-I haven't penalized you for anything, Jillian," Remus replied, shocked by her reaction. "I don't expect you to…to, how'd you phrase it, 'put your neck on the line and risk imprisonment or paralysis' for me. I just expect you to be the…the best girlfriend you can be, that's all."

Jillian hung her head guiltily, a sense of overwhelming anxiety spreading throughout her. "I-I just feel like I'm never going to measure up to your friends," she continued, shaking her head sullenly. "And I…I _hate_ that feeling, Remus."

Remus' face showed agony, wanting her to stop looking so vulnerable and insecure. "I-I don't want you to feel that way," he murmured, biting down on his bottom lip. "Because as much as I care about my friends, Jillian, it's you that…" he hesitated, his heart beating a mile a minute. "Jillian, it's _you_ that I've fallen in love."

She froze, her mouth forming an O shape, contorted with awe. She exhaled loudly when she realized she had been holding her breath. "Remus," she said for lack of anything better to say.

Remus reached for her hand, holding it gently in his own. "And I'm not just saying that to get out of a fight. I really _do_ love you," he said hoarsely.

"I know," she said softly, tears glossing over her eyes. "But…but I'm afraid that you love your friends more."

Remus didn't know how to answer. Truth was, Jillian would probably never understand the gratitude that he owed his friends. Just because she knew that they were Animagi didn't mean she understand the severity of the situation. Remus owed his life to them. They helped him realize that his life was worth living and he knew that no matter what the future brought, they would be in his life. They weren't just his best friends. They were his confidantes. "I want you in my life, Jillian. I-I _need _you in my life," he said matter-of-factly. "How can I prove that to you?"

Tears spilled out over her cheeks, her bottom lip wavering slightly. "I don't think you can," she whispered.

Remus' heart stopped, his whole body trembling in fear. "Don't do this," Remus whispered hoarsely, a gasp catching in his throat. "I don't want to lose you, Jillian. I-I love you."

"I know," she responded gently. Her heart skipped a beat as she took a step back, away from Remus' smoldering eyes. A discomfited silence fell over them and a knot grew in Remus' stomach, afraid for Jillian's next words. "But love isn't always enough," she said softly.

She locked eyes with his and they both knew that it was over. No matter what Remus said, Jillian wouldn't change her mind. And it was then that he felt his heart breaking into two.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely, squeezing his hand tightly before trying to turn away from him.

Remus' pulled her back towards him impulsively and placed his lips against hers lustfully, the passion between them overwhelming. He ran his fingers through her hair as he plunged his tongue into her mouth. She couldn't help herself; she kissed him back with an intense desire, gripping his neck tightly and lustfully.

Jillian had rushed off the moment their lips parted, trying to hide the tears pouring down her face. When she turned the corner, she fell against the stone wall with a sob, wondering if she just made a huge mistake.

Remus watched her run off, rooted to the spot. He felt his heart beating out of his chest and his hands tremble anxiously. He replayed their conversation in his head, trying to figure out where they went wrong. He had run after her in the Great Hall in hopes of apologizing so she may forgive him. He never expected that Jillian would break up with him. A horrible, sinking feeling suddenly spread throughout him as he realized that her walking away signified the end, and he had absolutely no idea what to do. He didn't know if he should call out after her or accept defeat. He didn't know whether he should let it go or break down into tears. He didn't know if he understood even why she broke up with him and he didn't know if that even made a difference. He didn't know if they would one day get back together or if it was time to admit it was over. He didn't know if he should crawl back into bed and pretend like the day never happened. He didn't even know what he was really feeling in that moment.

So he did the only thing he knew how to do. He went to class.

* * *

The Marauders trudged into Advanced Transfiguration, Sirius, James, and Peter laughing about the livid look on Lestrange's face when they bleached his hair and made a matching moustache grow on his face. Remus couldn't help but shake his head at how easily amused they were.

Sirius plopped down in the seat beside Remus, propping his feet up on the table with a chiding grin. "Personally, I think Lestrange should keep the mustache. It covers up that ugly face of his."

"Nonsense," James argued, shaking his head. "Nothing could cover up that ugly face." He fist-pounded with Sirius, earning a few rolled eyes from Remus and Peter.

"Where's Riley, Padfoot?" Remus asked curiously. "Shouldn't she be attached to your hip?"

Sirius gave him a look. "We are two separate people, y'know."

"That's a hard sell considering you've barely spent a few minutes apart from the moment you two got back together," James snorted.

"We're making up for lost time!" Sirius argued immediately. "Is it such a bad thing that I _want _to spend time with my girlfriend?"

Remus felt his stomach tighten at the word 'girlfriend,' and he frowned, an overwhelming feeling of distress spreading throughout him. "No," he murmured, sighing deeply. "That's not a bad thing."

His three friends all glanced up curiously, sensing an uneasiness in his voice. "Have you talked to Jillian yet?" James asked cautiously.

"Yeah," he mumbled vaguely. He pursed his lips sullenly, slumping down in his chair. "I…er…I told her I loved her," he admitted.

His three friends cried out in surprise. "Wow, you did!" Peter said, his heart beating out of his chest. Here was another thing he could feel left out from when it came to his friends.

Remus simply nodded.

"You really love her?" Sirius said, encouraging Remus to say something.

Remus gave him a look. "What, did you think I told her in hopes she wouldn't be mad at me anymore?" he said harshly.

Sirius' eyes narrowed, slightly offended. "That is not what I meant and you know it," he accused. "I was simply expressing my surprise that you told her, that's all."

Remus didn't bother asking him what he meant by that. It wasn't every day Remus was telling girls he loved them. In fact, he was always very good at keeping his feelings to himself, afraid of the implications that love could bring. The great thing about Jillian was the fact that she already knew about his deepest, darkest secret and accepted him for it. Unfortunately, it backfired. The first girl that he actually loved and the first girl he ever said those three words to, and she rejected him. He suddenly wondered if it was the fear of getting hurt that had kept him so closed off in the past. "Yeah, I know," he muttered.

There was an unusual awkward calmness about Remus that caused a bit of concern for his three friends, who exchanged confused looks with each other.

"So…what happened after you professed your love to her?" James asked curiously,

A frown formed on Remus' face. "We were…uh, already downward spiraling at this point. The fact that I admitted I loved her didn't make any different."

James hesitated. "So she's still mad at you?" he asked.

Remus didn't respond immediately, avoiding eye contact with his three best friends. "You could say that," he sighed. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and murmured, "She broke up with me."

His friends gasped in surprise. "She _what_?" James cried out in shock. "Over one argument?"

Remus nodded sullenly.

"Damn," Sirius swore, shaking his incredulously. "That sucks, Remus. I'm sorry. I know how much you liked her. We all did."

He shrugged awkwardly. "She dumped me because of you guys."

"That bitch, I always hated her," Sirius snarled.

Remus cracked a smile. "Thanks for the words of comfort, Padfoot."

"So what did _we_ have to do with your break-up?" Peter asked curiously.

Remus sighed hesitantly. He didn't want to get into the whole ordeal at the moment. He just wanted to forget about it and go on with his life as if he didn't love Jillian. "It doesn't matter," he argued with a curt shrug, reaching into his bag for his quill and parchment. While Transfiguration was never one of his favorite subjects, he was depending on McGonagall and their upcoming projects to distract him from his personal problems.

Sirius gave him a look. "Of course it matters, Moony," he said softly.

Remus glanced at Sirius, sensing the intense empathy in his voice. "You're right, it does," he sighed. "But it's not like I can change anything. She…she's convinced that I put my friendship with you guys before her. She…she sees herself as second best in my eyes. And…and no matter how much I try to tell her it's not true, she's going to continue having that idea in her head."

His three friends gaped at him. "She…she thinks we come first?" James broke the ice in surprise.

Remus nodded slowly.

"I-I don't think that's true," Sirius argued, shaking his head.

"It doesn't matter if it's true or not," Remus retaliated, his lips forming a thin, tight line. "It's already over."

Peter shrugged dismissively. "Moony, if she really broke up with you because she can't handle your friendship with us, maybe you're better off."

Remus pursed his lips, biting down on his tongue as he chose to remain silent. McGonagall walked in through the door and Remus never thought he'd be so ecstatic to see a professor.

Sirius nodded slowly, ignoring McGonagall's presence in the front of the room. "You deserve someone who's willing to accept you and understand you wholeheartedly. Maybe…maybe this is some sort of blessing in disguise."

"You guys don't get it," Remus retaliated coolly, shaking his head incredulously.

A look of sullen respect passed over Sirius' face, a twinge of sorrow aching in his chest. "You don't think _I_ get heartbreak?" Sirius said softly. "You don't think I understand what it's like to be dumped by a girl you're madly in love with?"

"It's different for me," Remus responded, his blood starting to boil. He appreciated that his friends were trying to cheer him up, but by trying to do so, they were failing in every way.

Sirius slumped down in his chair with a sigh. "Heartbreak is hard for everyone, Remus," he said, a sense of calm in his voice.

"I know that," Remus snapped, giving him a look. "But it's a hell of a lot easier for you to move on than me. I-"

"Oh, and where'd you get that idea?" Sirius replied, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "From the way I pined after Riley weeks after we broke up? From the way my rebound relationship with Rachael backfired? From my willingness to have a casual sex relationship with Riley even though I still was in love with her? Let's face it, Remus, it's hard letting someone you love go no matter how much you try."

Remus couldn't help but glare at him. "Gee, thanks for the consoling words."

Sirius winced guiltily. "I just meant that-"

"I know what you meant, Sirius," Remus interrupted, his voice full of frigidity. "But you're wrong. It _is _easier for you," he snarled, letting his gaze linger on all of his friends before continuing. "You guys can date whoever the hell you want and not just because you're wildly popular and charming. You don't have to be picky. _I _do. I not only have to _like _the girl but I have to trust her completely. Do you know how difficult that is for me? Jillian was the first girl I ever even _considered _telling about my lycanthropy. That's not easy for me and now…now I have to start over. And honestly, it's not even worth it. I can't go through this again. So you guys _don't _get it. I'm not better off without her and I can't do better. _Stop_ trying to make blanket statements about my relationships because it is _totally_ different from yours. Now if you don't mind, I have some Transfiguration notes to glance over and unless you don't want my notes to copy from, I'd consider remaining silent on the matter."

Sirius, James, and Peter exchanged shocked looks, going unnoticed by Remus. It wasn't like Remus to get worked up and his long-winded speech told them that not only did Remus really love Jillian but that there was a good possibility he had no desire to attempt to date another girl ever again. They obviously had all known how difficult life must be for Remus, but they didn't even acknowledge the fact that love might be even more difficult for him.

All three of them opened their mouths a few times, trying to figure out a way to console Remus with very little luck. They never had even considered how the break-up with Remus really affected him and his lifestyle.

McGonagall started class and Remus was grateful for the distraction. All four of them reached into their bags to grab their quills and parchment.

Eventually James spoke up, his voice barely above a whisper, with the only words that came to mind. "I'm sorry, Remus. That really sucks."

Remus' quill halted mid-sentence and he glanced sideways at his friend. He offered James a sympathetic withering smile. "Yeah," he murmured. "It really does."

James knew enough to let the subject go. He went back to listening to what McGonagall had to say. Not necessarily because he felt inclined to do so but to show Remus that he was going to respect his feelings and drop the subject.

And Remus couldn't have appreciated it more.

After an hour of McGonagall reviewing the material for N.E.W.T.s, she broke them up into their project partners.

While Remus worked in silence, Sirius took most of his time to stare over at Riley who was working awkwardly with Rhett.

And it didn't go unnoticed by either Riley or Rhett.

"So, you're officially with Sirius now?" Rhett asked, breaking their uncomfortable tension.

Riley hesitated and slowly nodded. "Yeah," she winced, offering him an apologetic smile.

Rhett laughed. "Don't look so guilty, Riley," he urged, glancing over Riley's head at Sirius, who was frowning sullenly, his stare fixed on the back of Riley's head. "I pretty much knew that you two were going to get back together at some point."

"I know," she murmured. "But I still can't help but feel guilty at the way I handled things."

Rhett simply shrugged. "Look, Riley," he said curtly, "I knew going into our relationship that I was most likely a rebound. And I-I broke it off because I knew that you still had feelings for Sirius. So there is no need for _you _to be guilty because I knew exactly what I was doing the entire time and I did it anyway."

Riley stared down at her notes, biting down on her bottom lip awkwardly, trying to find the right words to say. She came up blank and prayed for a subject change.

Rhett didn't disappoint. "So, do you have any plans after graduation?"

It seemed like all anyone could talk about nowadays was the future. Half the people Riley spoke to had their careers planned out and the other half were beginning to panic. She was definitely a part of the second half. "Um," she said awkwardly, wondering if she was better off with the prior conversation. "No, not exactly."

"Do you still want to write?" Rhett asked curiously.

Riley's heart skipped a beat and she glanced up at him, surprised he remembered. "That's the plan. But the key word is plan," she snickered.

"Someone will hire you," Rhett argued. "They would be stupid not to."

She blushed and turned back towards her textbook skeptically. "Well, what about you? You have any plans?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said, shifting in his chair uncomfortably. He always felt bad bragging about his career opportunities to those who didn't have any options. "I'm…I'm going to be the Junior Associate to the Australian Minister of Magic."

Riley's jaw dropped. "_What_? That's awesome!" she cried out in surprise. "How did you land that gig?"

He laughed at her choice of words. "My brother's in Australia right now. It was his job before he got promoted."

"To…Senior Associate?" she joked.

He rolled his eyes. "No," he laughed. "He's becoming the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

"Jeez, I'm clearly with the wrong ex-boyfriend," she teased.

Rhett snickered, his heart skipping a beat. He turned away from her gaze, refusing to comment. "It…it helps that my grandfather is the Australian Minister of Magic and half of the Ministry there is somehow related to me. Which isn't saying much considering the Australian Ministry is a fourth the size of the British Ministry."

Riley shook her head in awe, glancing up at him curiously. "Hm, nepotism. Nice," she joked.

Rhett laughed. "Oh, please. If you wanted to be an Auror, you would have it handed to you on a silver platter."

"Ah, the catch: I have no desire to be an Auror," Riley reminded him.

"I know," he agreed, shrugging. "And that's what makes you one hell of a girl."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Because I'm defying my family's wishes?"

He didn't laugh. Instead, he let his gaze linger on her, sensing her fearful hesitation. "No," he said softly. "It's your willingness to defy them in order to pursue your _own_ dreams that makes it noble."

Her smile wavered and she returned her eyes to her notes quickly, sighing internally. "Yeah, well, that was clearly a wise decision," she murmured sarcastically.

Rhett slammed his hand over her noted, causing her to jerk her eyes up towards him. He said firmly, "Don't feel like you need to prove anything to him. Even if pursuing journalism doesn't go your way, which I have every confidence that _it will_, you're still doing what _you _want. And it takes a lot of courage and integrity to stand up to your own family."

Riley couldn't help but smile at the vast compliment. She wasn't sure how to respond, so she chose not to. "Thanks," she simply murmured before asking, "Do you have those notes on the Homorphus Charm?"

He nodded and after digging through his bag, handed them to her. They worked in mutual silence for much of the rest of class, finishing off their respective parts of the project, including the essay and the presentation points. They only had a week until the projects were going to be presented, so most of the class was deep in thought, finishing up on the last-minute touches.

When class was over, Rhett began to gather his things, but before he could walk out, Riley stopped him. "Rhett, wait," she murmured softly.

"Hm?"

"I-I hope you know that you weren't _just _a rebound," she said, referring to his earlier comment.

He froze in surprise, slowly offering her a lopsided smile. "I know," he said gratefully. "And I hope that _you _know that I've only ever wanted the best for you."

"I know," she responded.

"I'm just sorry that I wasn't it," he blurted out.

She slowly locked eyes with his. "I know."

He glanced over at Sirius, sensing his looming presence, and then offered her a farewell smile and a wave before traipsing out of the room.

"Hey," Sirius greeted, helping Riley pack up her notes. "How is dear ol' Rhett?"

Riley gave him an amused look, sensing his displeasure. "Jealousy doesn't become you," she teased.

Sirius scowled. "I'm not jealous."

"Yes, you are," Riley snickered, throwing her bag over her shoulder and linking arms with Sirius. "And it makes me like you even more."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "How much more?"

She leaned in, whispering, "Enough for me to want to skip Herbology and head back to your room."

His eyes lit up. "Well, then I can say for _certain _that I am jealous," he joked.

She laughed and led them out of the classroom, her conversation with Rhett suddenly that of the past.

* * *

**A/N: **Poor Remus. I know that I haven't spent a whole lot of time on Remus and Jillian in the past, but they were a favorite couple of mine. I love Remus and he deserves to be with someone as much as everyone else. It just sucks that it's ten times more difficult. And I felt it was necessary to give both Rhett and Riley some closure. That last scene was kinda whimsical, but when I started writing it, I couldn't stop. Not a whole lot of James and Lily but there will be more of them to come-you'll soon learn why Lily is so distant. And I will reiterate for the thousandth time, I LOVE SIRIUS! Please review!


	49. Of Stockings, Tequila, & Action Figures

**A/N: **I'm baaaaaaack! Nothing too conclusive to say here. Thank you for all the reviews. I've nearly put all of the finishing touches on this story and have already started outlining the sequel which is super exciting! Lots of Lily/James in this with a small portion of Sirius/Riley. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 49: Of Fishnet Stockings, Tequila, & Action Figures

* * *

Lily was buried in a mound of schoolwork that evening at her desk, chewing on the end of her quill as she attempted to remember which goblins were involved with the Goblin Brigade. That usually wouldn't be so difficult except she felt very distracted by James' presence.

James was spread out on her bed. He had just finished his essay on moonshine and had pushed his books aside, choosing to rest his head against her headrest with a whimper. He yawned. "I'm so bored."

"Then do something," Lily murmured, flipping through her notes frantically.

James made a face. "Like what? Everyone's busy."

"Yeah, doing work," she responded immediately, glancing at him just briefly before returning to her notes. "N.E.W.T.s are coming up, James. What do you expect?"

"I expect someone to be able to take a break for a little while," he said with a pleading grin.

Lily shook her head. "There's no time for breaks. The only break time is when I sleep."

James snorted. "And when exactly do you sleep, Lily? When you're pulling all-nighters in the library? When you're frantically running through the hallways to class because you lost track of time studying? When you're wolfing down meals in less than a minute? You're going to make yourself sick if you continue like this."

"Sick is okay. Failing is not."

James sighed and climbed off the bed, placing his hand on her notebook.

"HEY!"

He turned Lily's chair so she was facing him and gave her a look. "You're not going to fail. You're Lily Evans. The word fail has never been in your vocabulary. But if you continue working yourself up like this, your mind is going to go into overdrive and it'll explode. And I'm pretty sure the professors aren't going to accept an exam that has brain guts all over it."

She gave him a look. "Okay, I know you're trying to be funny, but I'm finding you less than charming right now."

"Because you know I'm telling you the truth?"

"No, because your hand is blocking the Goblin Brigade of 1867 and I can't remember if they attacked werewolves or banshees."

"Banshees," James quickly replied. "See? You don't need to study, you have me." He flashed her a grin.

She couldn't help but chuckle, quirking a critical eyebrow. "Oh yes, the guy who refuses to study."

He pursed his lips, her tone sounding a bit too accusing for his taste. "I have studied, Lily. For multiple hours. But I, unlike you, know when it's time to put the books down and just give myself time to relax."

"James, if I put the books down and attempt to relax, the only thing I'm going to think about is the Goblin Brigade of 1877!"

"1867."

Lily threw her hands up in the air, whimpering. "See? I need to study!"

James shook his head vehemently. "Lily, you know this stuff. The only reason you're misplacing information is because your mind is too crammed. C'mon, take a break from studying and come with me and the guys to Hogsmeade tonight."

Lily quirked a curious eyebrow. "Remus is taking some time to go into Hogsmeade?"

James shrugged. "Yes, because _he _knows that not every minute should be devoted to studying."

Lily gave him a look, a sly smile on her face. "So basically you're planning on tying him up and dragging him to Hogsmeade under his will?"

James hesitated. "See, you don't need to study. You're already smart!"

Lily couldn't help but smile. She pulled James down to her and kissed him lightly. "The moment I'm in need of some free time, you will be the first person to know," she explained. She offered him one last quick grin before whirling around in her chair and putting her quill to the paper rigorously.

He ran his fingers through his hair curiously. "I don't get it," James murmured. "You already have a job. Why are you so worried about all of this? It's basically futile to you."

Lily gave him a look. "Because this job is _not _going to be my job for life, James," she responded irritably. "Other opportunities are going to come knocking and when they do, I need to be able to not only show them but _tell _them that I did my absolute best. Unlike _you_, James, some of us don't have the next three years planned out."

James frowned, gazing at Lily sullenly. "I don't have the next three years planned out," James argued softly. "I never said I was agreeing to the Quidditch contract."

Lily simply shrugged, trying not to show her discomfort. It wasn't just the Quidditch contract she was referring to; if he chose the Auror recruitment program, it would be three years of training. No matter which he chose, the next three years were planned for him.

He tried gauging her reaction, but she didn't appear to have one. "What do you think I should do?" he asked.

"About what?" she asked, distracted.

James' heart tugged lightly. All he could think about was the Quidditch contract and it was obvious she wasn't at all, which wasn't necessarily her place to. A little piece of him had just hoped she would realize how important this decision was for him. "The Bigonville Bombers," he muttered.

Lily tensed, glancing briefly up at him. "I don't know, James. It's your life."

James sat back down on the edge of her bed, an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Funny," he murmured, "I was beginning to think of it as _our _life."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. She didn't dare look him in the eye. "Let me rephrase: it's your career."

"So you don't have any advice for me on what my future holds?" James bated curiously, his eyes gazing at her intensely.

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat. All she wanted for his future was the two of them together. And slowly, it looked like that dream could be fading. She was just trying to protect herself from getting hurt.

She turned her back on him, afraid he could read her fear in the expression on her face and she refused to show him how vulnerable she was suddenly becoming over the unpredictability of their future. She clenched her fist tightly around her quill. "What you want your career to be is a huge decision to make, James. And you shouldn't base that decision on anything but yourself."

"I'm not trying to get you to make my decision for me, Lily," he found himself snapping. "I'm just…I have so many thoughts swirling through my mind and I-I need you. You are the most level-headed, logical person I know and I was hoping you could help me sort through everything before I go absolutely crazy." He found himself pleading, needing some sort of sign from the girl he was in love with that he had her blessing no matter what he chose.

She gazed slowly back down at the essay in front of her, her heart beating a mile a minute. She pursed her lips, no words coming to mind to comfort him. "It shouldn't matter what I think. Whatever decision you think is right for you is probably going to be right for you. Just…just make a decision, James. It's that simple," she muttered guiltily.

James couldn't figure out if he was angry or disappointed or upset or frustrated. Lily was a stone wall all of a sudden and he absolutely hated it. What made him feel worse about the situation was the fact that he couldn't figure out _why_ she was acting so cold all of a sudden. "You think this is simple?" he spat out in a hurt whisper.

She could feel the tears of remorse prickle her eyes and she quickly blinked them away. She chose to remain mute, hoping he would drop the subject altogether.

"Let me get this straight, Lily…" he said softly, swallowing hard in anticipation, "For months, even _years_, you have done nothing but offer up your advice to me, whether it was you screaming at me to get my life together or telling me to grow up. Since we've gotten together, you have helped me through every tragedy possible. When my brother died, you were there telling me all of the things that I was too afraid to think about. It nearly cost us our relationship but you gave me all the advice I needed to get through it. My father left and you were there to help me through my thought process. You were there to squash my father's advice through advice of your own. You were there when I was angry at Sirius and Riley and you helped me realize that I was being selfish and that they needed each other. For _months_, I was convinced that their relationship was the worst mistake they could ever make and you and _only you _were the one who taught me that…that you can't always help who you love. You have given me a _whole lot_ of unsolicited advice and now when I am asking you, the _one time _that I am asking you for advice, you're…you're not going to say anything?"

The agony in his voice was overwhelming. Lily knew that by leaving him hanging, she was hurting him, but no matter how much she wanted to tell him that she needed him to stay, the words wouldn't form. She was afraid she would hurt him more by telling him the truth and that wasn't pain she was willing to inflict upon him. She wasn't surprised when a tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed it away. She couldn't tell him what she thought because she knew she was being unfair in thinking it. And she didn't want him hating her like she hated herself at that moment.

Lily didn't dare look him in the eye. She opened her mouth a few times, trying to find any words that would make the situation easier, but came up blank. "I'll…I'll support whatever decision you make," she responded hollowly.

That was nowhere near the answer James was looking for. He slowly climbed off the bed. He was fresh out of persuasion techniques and frankly, he wasn't sure he could be around her anymore at that moment. With his hand on the doorknob, he muttered, "Lily, I already know that I have your support. It's your opinion I'm looking for."

"I'm sorry," she blurted out before he could storm out.

James could tell she really meant it, making it even harder for him to be mad at her. "I know," he said softly. "I just wish you'd talk to me."

Lily lifted her gaze so that her eyes locked with his and she prayed that he couldn't see the regret and the guilt she was trying so desperately trying to hide. She said the only thing that sprang to mind and she hoped he could see how much she meant it. "I hope you know how much I love you, James."

His look softened. He knew she meant it, but it was also a copout of their argument. All he wanted to know was why she was shutting him out and it was obvious he wasn't going to get an answer tonight. "I know," he whispered.

He gave her one last look before pushing the door open and rushing out of the room.

* * *

James stormed into his friends' room, slamming the door against the wall, causing his friends to jump. "I hate girls!" he whimpered, falling backwards on to his bed with an irritated groan.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter shared brief confused glances, before shrugging and reburying their heads in their notes.

"Who headed the Giant Revolt of 1573?" Peter murmured, crinkling his eyebrows.

"Dornlock," Remus replied without looking up.

James grunted, poking his head up. "Um, hello?" he said, poking his head up. "Did you hear me?"

"And who was Dornlock?" Peter asked.

"The son of the Chief Giant at the time," Sirius chimed in. "Who Dornlock quickly beheaded in the revolt."

James stood up quickly and grabbed Peter's books, throwing them on to the floor.

"HEY!"

"I hate girls!" James shouted again.

Remus sighed and put down his quill. "Fine. I'll amuse you. Why do you hate girls?"

"Because they're good at acting mysterious," he scowled.

"That's probably because they are," Sirius laughed.

"No, only when they strive to be," James grumbled, bouncing on to his bed again.

"What did Lily do this time?" Peter asked curiously.

James scoffed, hesitating. "I don't want to talk about it," he grumbled angrily.

Remus shrugged and returned to his notes. "Fine by me."

"Who was the Chief Giant?" Sirius asked.

"Rundaveld."

"Who was he mating with?"

"Marsella."

"How do you know all this stuff?" Sirius whined, scribbling down what Remus was spouting.

"Because I actually take notes in class," he snorted, glancing up long enough to give Sirius a smug look.

Silence filled the room except for the occasional sigh and the sound of quills running across parchment. Eventually, James blurted out, "She just seems to be fixating on exams and graduation, but won't tell me what's _really _bothering her! Academics aren't _everything_, y'know!"

His friends rolled their eyes. It wasn't surprising to them that even though he claimed he didn't want to discuss it, he actually did.

"Well, Lily is Head Girl. She didn't get there by being lazy," Peter pointed out.

"Well clearly being lazy can be a prerequisite for being a Head of the school. Just look at James," Sirius sniggered.

"We're not talking about me right now!" James said hastily.

Sirius rolled his eyes, tapping his quill on his notes impatiently. "Well, considering about two minutes ago you said you didn't want to talk about Lily, who else am I supposed to talk about?"

James glared at him. "Let's talk about how you're going to fail your History of Magic N.E.W.T.s."

Sirius pouted. "I don't like you when you're bitter."

"Lily's the one who's bitter," James scowled, narrowing his eyes just thinking about their conversation. He covered his face with his pillow, groaning inwardly. "But I don't want to talk about it."

"Of course you don't," Sirius murmured.

"And what the hell are you doing with a book in your hand?" James said through a muffled voice.

"Um, N.E.W.T.s are coming up," Sirius pointed out with a chuckle. "If you didn't know that, then you are really behind."

James quickly threw his pillow at Sirius. "I know that, you prat!" he argued. "That hasn't made you want to study in prior years."

"We never had to take N.E.W.T.s in prior years," Sirius snorted.

"If I had another pillow, I'd throw it at you," James drawled.

"Just because you're mad about something to do with Lily doesn't mean you get to take it out on me."

"I don't want to talk about her!"

"Can you two argue elsewhere?" Remus sighed. "It's hard concentrating on the rise of the Ministry with you two carrying on like that."

"Studying isn't everything!" James shouted. "Academics aren't going to get you everything you desire in life! People matter, too!"

The three boys exchanged shocked glances. "My guess is this has something to do with Lily," Remus murmured.

"I don't want to talk about it!"

The three guys just rolled their eyes.

The room returned to quiet, much to Remus' appreciation. Unfortunately, it didn't last long.

"Why is she so determined to shut me out?" James complained. "Why won't she at least try and talk to me about what's running through her head. All I want is a little advice and she's…she's such a stone wall!"

"Why do I get the feeling he _does _want to talk about it," Remus asked Sirius sardonically.

"You're right, you're right. I don't want to talk about it," James sighed, staring up at the ceiling contemplating his next move with Lily.

Remus and Sirius held their breaths, waiting for James to bring it up again. They didn't have to hold their breaths for long.

"What is she trying to hide from me!"

They exhaled irritably, all rolling their eyes and slamming their quills down on the table and shutting their textbooks. They knew that they wouldn't be able to get any work done with James rambling. His long-winded rants often took longer than necessary. "I have an idea. Go talk to her and not us," Sirius said, diving on to his bed, secretly glad for the break.

Remus whirled around in his chair. "I second that motion." Unlike Sirius, he felt restless and anxious to return to his studies. His mind was constantly centered around his studies. But that could also be his way of not focusing on his recent break-up.

"Nah, she made it pretty clear she didn't want to talk to me," he muttered. "I just badly need a Hogsmeade break," James added, sitting up eagerly.

Remus' mouth dropped open. "You were _serious _about that earlier? Exams start in just a couple of weeks!"

"Precisely why we need a break," James suggested.

"I don't have time to cavort around Hogsmeade and get drunk when I need to be spending all of my free time in the library catching up on the Ministry uprising of 1803!"

"A lot of people were killed and the Ministry building was destroyed," James said flatly.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Well gee, that's specific," he murmured sarcastically. "I'm pretty sure writing that in an essay would earn me a T."

"Come on," James begged, "A Hogsmeade trip is what we all need right now. God knows that I need a Guys' Night Out!"

Sirius cringed, glancing up at his friend guiltily. "Tonight was supposed to be a guys' night? I invited Riley who invited Kay."

James glared at him. "When have we ever gone into Hogsmeade with _girls_?"

"Two weeks ago," Peter said.

"Last month," Remus said.

"We usually come _back _with girls," Sirius grinned.

James snorted, rolling his eyes. "And I will be telling Riley about all of those nights you came back with girls if she is to accompany us tonight," James blackmailed.

Sirius shrugged. "Eh, she pretty much already knows."

"She knows about Ginger Riker, the Ravenclaw girl who was a year older than you that spent her Fridays and Saturdays moonlighting as an exotic dancer in that old rustic tavern up on the hill?"

Sirius gasped. "You bitch."

James grinned. "I know."

"Being mad at Lily has made you heartless," Sirius whimpered.

"I know."

"Look, _they _probably need a break, too, James," Remus chimed in. "Riley and Kay, I mean. Not Ginger. Although she might. I haven't heard a thing about her since she dropped out of Hogwarts for getting pregnant."

The three guys glanced at Sirius, amused.

"What? That wasn't me! That was that bartender at the Sex Kitten's club in London!"

"It's sad that you know details," Peter snickered.

"What? We were close friends," Sirius said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

His friends snorted.

"Okay, we were sex buddies, but we were _close _sex buddies."

"Come again?"

The four friends turned their heads toward the doorway where Riley stood with her hands on her hips and Kay by her side.

"Hi, honey," Sirius said sheepishly.

"Do I even want to know who you're talking about?"

"_No_," he said firmly, glaring at his friends not to say another word.

"Ginger Riker," James said with a frivolous grin.

Riley and Kay gasped. "You slept with that whore?" Riley said. "And by whore, I _literally _mean whore."

"She didn't get paid for sex!"

"No, but she got paid to dance naked up on bars," Kay snorted.

"Not naked. She had a bra and fishnet stockings."

"Oh, my mistake," Kay drawled sarcastically.

Sirius glared at James. "I can't believe you sold me out."

"I can't believe you sold out Guys Night!"

"I didn't sell it out! You pronounced tonight Guys Night about five minutes ago!"

"You should have anticipated it!"

"How the hell am I supposed to anticipate that!"

"Tonight better not be Guys' Night," Riley interrupted their bickering, leaning against the doorframe. "I spent far too long perfecting my appearance tonight to have it go to waste on Kay."

James quirked an eyebrow curiously. "Really? And that's the outfit you decided on?" he joked.

Riley scowled, crossing her arms. "What crawled up your ass?"

"Lily," Sirius responded immediately. He hesitated, snickering. "Well, not literally."

James fixed his glare upon him. "Be glad I already threw my pillow at you."

"So are we invited or what?" Kay asked curiously, quirking an eyebrow.

James sighed, shrugging. "Fine, under one condition."

She gazed at him curiously. "Okay?"

"I don't want to talk about Lily tonight."

Before Kay or Riley could question his condition, Sirius snorted and blurted out, "That's what you said when you first walked in here and yet, you've continued to rant about her."

James scoffed. "Ok, _you're _uninvited to Guys Night Out."

"It's not a Guys Night."

"Can we just go drink now?" Riley pleaded.

James sighed. At this point, he didn't care who came. He just needed to get away from the castle and away from thoughts of Lily. "Yeah, let's go drink," he murmured dispassionately.

Remus sighed. Everything inside of him was screaming to blow off a Hogsmeade visit and get back to the mountains of essays and paperwork he needed to do. But then there was a sliver of skepticism in his mind that told him a Hogsmeade trip was precisely what he needed to get his mind off of Jillian.

He eventually threw his quill on to the bed and quickly followed his friends out of the room. No matter how much he was probably going to regret it the next day, in that moment, he didn't care.

* * *

While his friends chattered away about schoolwork and the latest gossip, James sat quietly in the corner of the booth, chugging his beers in self-pity. No matter how much he tried joining in the conversation and forgetting about Lily's comments earlier, he found himself tuning his friends out and overanalyzing the situation instead.

"JAMES!"

He broke out of his coma, startled, and glared at Sirius. "No need to yell."

"Yes need to yell," Sirius snorted, giving him a look. "I've been trying to get your attention now for over five minutes."

"Oh," James murmured. "Sorry."

Sirius sighed. "What happened to not thinking about her?"

"I said I wouldn't talk about her. I never said I wouldn't think about her," James argued.

"Do I even dare ask what the hell happened?" Riley chimed in curiously.

"I believe _you _promised you wouldn't talk about it," James retaliated, giving her a look.

Riley shrugged. "Sorry," she winced.

"There is another way to solving your problems that don't include fixating on them," Sirius said with a suggestive grin.

James quirked a curious eyebrow. "Do I even want to know?"

Sirius placed a double shot of tequila in front of his best friend.

James snorted. "Do you really think a tequila shot are going to make me forget about our fight?"

"A single shot, perhaps not. But I'm thinking a double shot could do the trick," Sirius joked, flashing James a lopsided grin.

James sighed, slumping down in the booth.

Sirius shrugged. "And a part of me is hoping that if you get drunk enough, you'll shut up about Lily and start having some fun."

"Gee, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me," James drawled.

"Do you really want to continue complaining about Miss Lily-bean?"

"Yes."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Fine, but for every mention of Lily, I'm forcing you to take a tequila shot."

"Great," Remus groaned. "He'll be passed out in ten minutes."

James scowled. "I don't talk about her that much."

The three boys and two girls burst into laughter.

James sighed. "You're right; I'll be passed out in five minutes," he muttered irritably. "Just give me the damn shot."

Sirius pushed the shots closer to James, who downed them within seconds. Riley and Kay exchanged a worried glance. They hadn't really noticed that anything was happening between Lily and James, but they could both tell that James was seriously bothered by something in their relationship.

James threw the limes on to the table with a sigh. "Okay, that didn't make me feel any better about the situation."

Remus finally chimed in, murmuring softly, "James, shoving tequila down your throat isn't really going to make Lily stop shutting you out." It wasn't meant to sound harsh, just honest. "Believe me, I would know."

"Didn't realize Lily was shutting you out, too," Peter joked, clearly trying to lighten the mood up a bit.

Remus shot him a glare. "I'm talking about Jillian, you prick."

Peter offered him an apologetic lopsided smile. "Jeez, it was a joke."

"Sorry," Remus murmured guiltily, wincing. "Being dumped causes one to be slightly bitter."

"Wait, you and Jillian broke up?" Riley interrupted, shocked.

Remus' heart sank, wishing he hadn't brought it up. "Yeah," he muttered, sighing.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kay said, patting his hand. "I guess my index cards didn't help."

"Not so much," he muttered. "Let's go back to commiserating James' relationship."

James groaned. "Let's not. Isn't there a _happy _conversation we can have?"

"Who knew that my relationship with _Sirius _would ultimately be the sanest one?" Riley snickered, resting her head on Sirius' shoulder.

"Aww, I think we all know that will never be true," James teased, flashing her a grin before grabbing the firewhisky from Riley's hand and finishing it off. Riley didn't even bother berating him. It was clear he was really hurting, and if chugging firewhisky made him feel slightly better, she was going to let him do it. She made a promise to herself that she would get to the bottom of what was really bothering Lily before she hurt James any further.

* * *

The pounding headache from all the alcohol earlier that night was keeping James from being able to sleep. At least, that's what he was telling himself. Truth was, he had so many things running through his mind, it was impossible to drift off. James had never felt more confused and frustrated in his life. He had to make one of the most important decisions of his life and he was nowhere near figuring out what he really wanted. He had thought that the Quidditch offer was something to celebrate and now that he had had time to really think about it, he was completely torn. He loved playing Quidditch and more importantly, he was _good_ at it. Why shouldn't he continue to play after he graduated?

On the other hand, he had wanted to be an Auror ever since he could remember. Was he supposed to stick with something he knew or take a chance on being extraordinary? He hadn't even been asked to join the Auror program yet while the Bigonville Bombers were offering him a sweet deal. But a part of him seriously wondered if he was only considering the Bigonville Bombers because of what his father said. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. But if being an Auror cost him his friends and family and more importantly, his life, how could he possibly want to pursue that career? He just wished that there was an obvious answer because this back-and-forth questioning was going to cause him a panic attack soon.

All he wanted was someone to tell him what to do. And he realized that that was probably taking the easy way out, but he needed some sort of advice. _Anything _that could help him determine what would be right for him. In situations like this, he always used to go to Brite who would talk him through it and make him realize what was most important to him. Brite wouldn't make the decision for him, but by just talking to him, James would inevitably realize what he needed to do. And then Lily came along and was remarkable at following in Brite's footsteps. Except for now, when he seemed to need and want her the most. She was doing everything in her power to act like she didn't care what decision he chose. And that was making it ten times harder for him. She had always been there for him even during Brite's death when he went out of his way to pretend as if he didn't want her there. During that time, she had persisted and made him accept what he was too afraid to accept. He just couldn't figure out why this time, the one time he _asked _her for help, she was ignoring his request. It was making a difficult time that much more difficult. Not only did he have to worry about his future with his career but he had to worry about his future with Lily.

James tossed and turned for another hour before giving up the attempt to fall asleep. He had hoped that slumber would take his mind off…well, _everything _but the stress was overwhelming, causing him to lie awake contemplating his future instead.

He slowly crawled out of bed with a sigh and grabbed a throw blanket from the end of his bed, slowly heading towards his window ledge. He curled up on the ledge, wrapping the blanket around him, and he suddenly felt so small. His gaze shifted out the window with another sullen sigh. The stars glimmered back at him and his eyes were drawn to the crescent moon shining brightly above. There was a slight breeze rustling the treetops and causing a light ripple to skim the lake surface. Everything looked so peaceful. It was in those moments that he wished he could just close his eyes and apparate to a whole new location where he could just ignore the difficult decisions and stop worrying about the future. He just wished that things could be easier: life, love, the present, the future. The list went on. It was all just putting too much pressure on him. He was shocked when he felt a tear slip down his face. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so overwhelmed and confused.

In that moment, all he wanted was the stability of having Lily beside him wrapped in his arms. He didn't need advice from her and he didn't need to argue with her. But what he did need was her comfort. And she wasn't even there to do that.

* * *

The moment Potions got out, Lily stammered some excuse about how she wasn't hungry for lunch and rushed off. Her haste to flee didn't go unnoticed by any of her friends, but they knew not to fixate on it for James' sake.

Riley wasn't surprised when she found Lily in the library. While Lily's eyes were fixated on the page in front of her, Riley could tell by her faraway glance that she wasn't focusing on work at all.

"Lily, stop pretending like you're doing work and talk to me," Riley urged firmly, slamming her hand down in the middle of Lily's textbook.

"I don't have time to talk," she mumbled.

"Yeah, I know, you've made that perfectly clear lately. It seems all you've been interested in recently is work."

"Work is what I do best," she replied with a sigh.

"Yeah, because it's clearly not maintaining your relationship."

Lily glared at her. "You want to tell me what your problem is?"

"I'm here to ask you the same thing," she admitted with a guilty shrug.

Lily quirked a surprised eyebrow.

"You just seem to have become very…consumed with work lately and while I understand that that's what you're good at, to me, it just seems like you're hiding from something."

Lily didn't respond. Mostly because she didn't know what to say.

Riley sighed, leaning back in her chair. James was right; Lily _was _being distant and it wasn't just towards him. "Did you know that Kay and I went into Hogsmeade last night with the guys?"

Lily groaned. "Is it even worth reprimanding you?"

"No," Riley quickly argued, giving Lily a warning look. She bit down on the inside of her lip, her eyes filling with inquisitiveness. "Lily, James spent the night talking about you. And about how you haven't exactly seemed willing to talk to him recently," she said softly. "You want to tell me why?"

Lily froze instinctively, but quickly shook it off. She glanced back down at her notes. "I'm not sure what you're referring-"

"Don't play dumb," Riley interrupted firmly. "You've been shutting him out. I'm just not sure why."

"I'm not shutting him out," Lily argued unconvincingly, twirling her quill in her hand nervously. "I'm just...busy."

"_Lily_," Riley warned desperately, giving her a look

Lily hesitated, slowly lifting her eyes to meet Riley's. She slowly placed her quill down on the table and leaned back in the chair with a sigh. "Riley, don't you get it?" she said softly. "I _can't _talk about it. I can't _think _about it. I-I can't have any reminders of the fact that the guy I am hopelessly in love with is…is in the middle of figuring out the rest of his life and I have no idea where I fit into that."

Riley was shocked at her reaction. "Is that what you're so afraid of?" she asked, confused. "That…that his future won't include you?"

Tears welled up inside of her out of nowhere, an overwhelming feeling of fear spreading throughout her. "I don't want to talk about this. To you or…or to him," she argued immediately, shaking her head. She picked up her quill again and started glancing through her notes. She could feel Riley's eyes staring keenly at her. "Riley, I can't make his decision for him," she murmured.

"He is not _asking _you to," Riley argued, her eyes sending a determined look Lily's way. "He simply wants an opinion. Some _advice_. Hell, he needs you to be his pro-con list!"

"Well, I can't help him because all I have are cons!"

Riley was taken aback, her mouth forming an O shape in awe. "What?" she whispered hoarsely.

Lily swallowed hard, slowly putting her quill down on the table in front of her. "I know what he wants from me," she said softly. "I know that he doesn't expect me to tell him what to do and I realize that all he wants is for me to talk it out with him. But I-I just can't do that because I can't think of a single good reason for him to _accept _the Quidditch offer."

"What do you mean?"

Lily bit down on her bottom lip, panic surging through her. "Look, Riley, I'm afraid that...that if accepts that offer, he would be doing it for all the wrong reasons."

"What are you talking about?" Riley urged.

Lily sighed, running her fingers through her hair nervously. "Did you know that his father told him not to be an Auror? He said the rewards weren't worth the consequences. He told James that if he became an Auror, he might lose everything he worked so hard for up to this point. Don't you think that James would just be settling for the easier choice if he chooses Quidditch? I don't want him to give up his dream because of a silly comment from his father."

Riley leaned back in her chair curiously, gazing at her best friend. There was definitely more to her story. Lily wouldn't get so scared at the idea of James choosing Quidditch for the wrong reasons. Glancing into Lily's nervous eyes, Riley saw a flicker of vulnerability that was a rare occasion for her best friend. "Lily, is the real reason you're so hesitant about James taking the Quidditch contract because you think he'd be doing it for the wrong reasons?" Riley asked, quirking a knowing eyebrow. "Or are you just afraid that if he chooses Quidditch, you'll be left behind?"

Lily frowned. She should have known that Riley would see right through her excuses. "I don't know what you're talking about," she lied.

Riley placed her hand on her friend's hand, her look softening sympathetically. "Yes, you do," she said slowly, her eyes not once straying from Lily's.

Lily opened her mouth to argue, but found the lump in her throat taking over. She tried swallowing it as a small pool of tears welled up inside of her. She quickly blinked them away. "Riley," she said softly, choking on her words. "If…if he takes the Quidditch offer, our relationship is going to change drastically. We are rarely going to see each other. Instead of…of being home, he's going to be jetting around the world as he becomes really famous and little action figures are made of him while he acquires a large fan base, mainly women who are going to fawn over him, and he's going to go out with the team every night and have those fawning women buy him alcohol and get him drunk and…and he's going to forget all about me. I'm just…I'm going to become this girl in the past. Just like every other girl he's ever been with."

Riley shook his head. "Lily, that's _crazy_," Riley argued. "They're not going to make James Potter action figures."

Lily threw her quill at Riley, glaring at her. But the ends of her mouth did turn up.

Riley smiled, knowing that Lily needed a bit of humor. "What I really meant was that it's _crazy_ to think that James could ever forget about you. He is madly in love with you. In a way that he has _never _felt about anyone else he's ever been with."

Lily could only nod, a sense of hesitance washing over her.

Riley sighed. "I don't know if you knew this, but many Quidditch players have girlfriends," Riley teased. "In fact, _some _are even—get this—_married_!"

"I'm not finding your comedy very amusing at the moment," Lily said dryly.

"Yes, you are," Riley joked, smiling. "Because you know I'm right."

Lily wasn't entirely convinced. Maybe she was being slightly overdramatic, but she couldn't help but be afraid she was going to lose him. "So my fears are irrational?"

"Not at all," Riley argued, shaking her head. "In fact, your fears are incredibly normal. But I think the person you should be discussing this with is _James_."

"I can't," Lily said immediately, shaking her head vigorously. "I-I can't be the one who tells him what to do. I wouldn't want him to turn down a great opportunity just to make _me _happy."

"But from what I'm hearing, you're not exactly advocating the idea of him taking this offer," Riley reminded her.

"It's not that I _don't_ want him to take it," Lily murmured, sighing. "I'm just…scared. That's all." She rubbed her temples, slumping down in her chair. "If…if he takes the Quidditch offer, I'll be the most supportive girlfriend ever. I-I'll go to every single match I possibly could and I'll cut out all of the newspaper articles of him and attach them to our fridge. If being a Quidditch star is what he wants, I'll be there for him however I can."

"But you'd still rather he choose the Auror recruitment program?"

Lily sighed, shrugging. "No, and…and that's the reason I can't talk to James," she muttered. "Because even if he does choose the Auror program meaning he would still at least be in London, being an Auror is the most dangerous profession in the wizarding world. He…he could die at the hands of a Death Eater or worse, _Voldemort_, at any given moment. So…so I'm kinda stuck."

Riley gazed at her curiously.

Lily swallowed hard and said the words she had been so afraid of admitting. "Because I'm not sure I want him to be a Quidditch player _or _an Auror," she whispered. "And that makes me a horrible girlfriend."

"It makes you horrible that you want your boyfriend around and safe?" Riley snorted. "No, I think that makes you a girlfriend who's head-over-heels in love."

"It also makes me a bit selfish," Lily murmured, slumping down guiltily.

"Don't you think that perhaps James has the same fears and worries about both his career possibilities?" Riley asked.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know."

"You're right, you don't know. Because you won't _talk _to him."

"I can't!" Lily blurted out. A tear slid down her face. She swallowed hard, taking a deep breath in and exhaling. "Riley, I know you think I'm being ridiculous. Even I know that I'm being a bit ridiculous. But I just…I don't know what to say to him," she whispered. "I know what he wants from me and…and I can't give it to him. I can't help him, Riley. I can't be the one to tell him to give up on his dreams. His father did it once and it…it crushed him. It left him questioning his future for weeks. He's probably still questioning it. So what am I supposed to do? Tell him that I can't stand the idea of him choosing Quidditch _or _being an Auror? And what is he going to think then? What is he going to think of _me_? I _will not_ tell him not to follow dreams he's had since he first climbed on a broom and he first realized the difference that his father and brother make in the wizarding world. After all the pain he's already gone through, I _will not _be another person in his life to hurt him. I love him too much to do that." Lily swallowed hard, shaking her head shamefully. She bit down on her bottom lip to stop the tears from failing.

Riley sighed, leaning back in her chair defeatedly. Truth was, Lily's argument was a good one. Riley didn't necessarily agree with Lily's reasons but she understood them. She wasn't even sure if there was anymore she could say to convince Lily she was making a mistake.

Riley's face was so full of concern and hope, but Lily had nothing left to say on the matter. "May I have my quill back?" she eventually asked.

Riley sighed and obliged.

Lily dove headfirst into Ancient Runes, but her mind was elsewhere. It's not that she didn't want to talk to James. It was simply the fact that she was feeling overwhelmed by his career prospects and she wasn't sure how to tell the guy she was in love with that it wasn't her future that scared her; it was his. What person tells her boyfriend not to follow his dreams?

She didn't want to shut him out; she was simply taking some time to herself to figure out how she was going to handle whatever James throws her way. Whichever career he chose, she was going to be supportive. She just had to figure out exactly how to do that when she couldn't think of a single good reason for him to be a Quidditch player _or _an Auror full-time.

She knew that she wasn't handling it very well. But diving headfirst into her schoolwork is the only way she knew how to deal with it at all.

* * *

The common room had become a popular place to study due to the overflowing tables in the library. But while everyone else was running through Potions ingredients and muttering charms under their breath and memorizing the different stages of transfiguration, James was focused solely on Lily.

James tuned out his friends' discussion of dittany and alihotsy, replaying the argument he had with Lily from the previous evening in his head over and over again. He couldn't figure out why she was acting so cold and distant when all he wanted from her was a bit of help sorting through his jumbled thoughts. He wasn't asking her to make the decision for him; he was simply asking her to talk to him and she couldn't seem do that. And what kind of girlfriend shuts the love of her life out? And what kind of boyfriend lets her?

He blurted out, "I think I have to take it."

Peter, Remus and Sirius glanced towards their friend who had just interrupted their argument about what eating the leaves of alihotsy can do to a wizard. "What?" Remus eventually asked James, confused.

"The Quidditch offer," James murmured, rubbing his temples. He had spent all day writing out a pro-con list, but in the end it was Lily's unwillingness to talk to him that led him to the ultimate decision. "I'm going to take it. I can't wait around for Lily to give me her advice anymore."

"So you're only taking the offer to…why are you taking the offer again?" Sirius asked with a sigh.

"Why shouldn't I?" James asked, exasperated. "Lily clearly doesn't want me here."

Remus snorted, giving his friend a look of pure distaste. "So this isn't even about Quidditch. It's about Lily?" Remus asked.

James shrugged.

Remus groaned, smacking the palm of his hand against his forehead. "That is the stupidest reason to accept a job I have ever heard of!"

"Well, what easier way is there to get over a girl than travel?"

"Uh, be a man and stand up to her?" Remus suggested.

James snorted. "No, seriously."

"Why are you even trying to get over her?" Sirius asked curiously.

"Because she clearly doesn't care about me or what my future holds. She has remained mute on the subject altogether. So why should I care about her?"

"Here's a thought," Remus snorted, rolling his eyes. "Because you love her?"

"Yeah, well apparently that doesn't seem to matter to her," James muttered.

"Okay you need to stop sulking in self-pity," Remus argued, giving him a stern look. "I think we both know that there is something deeper going on with her beyond the outlandish notion that she can't possible care about you."

"Well, until she starts talking to me, what else am I supposed to believe?" James demanded, frustrated.

Remus shrugged apologetically. "Give her the benefit of the doubt, Prongs. Something must seriously be bothering her to be acting this way."

James scoffed. "Maybe it's her turn to realize that something is seriously bothering _me_. Why should I give her the benefit of the doubt when she's not willing to do the same with me?"

"I repeat: _because you love her_," Sirius said determinedly, giving his friends a look.

James swallowed hard. "You just don't get it," he muttered, shutting his eyes tightly. "You don't get what I'm going through right now and…and all I want is for Lily to be there and she hasn't been." Agony flickered slightly in James' eyes and Remus suddenly noticed how distressed his friend really looked. "And it sucks. It _really _sucks."

"James-" Sirius started.

James didn't let Sirius get in a word because he knew that Sirius would probably say something logical and right now, James didn't want to hear it. He was alright with being a bit irrational at that moment. "The girl that I am madly in love with is doing everything in her power to shut me out of her life. So fine, if she wants me out so be it."

Sirius sighed, sharing a glance with Remus. "May I say something?"

"No."

Sirius gave him a look. "_James_."

James let out a disgruntled sigh. "Fine."

"If…if you're only planning on telling her that you're taking the Quidditch offer in hopes that she might finally speak her mind, _that _is just undermining and heartless," Sirius argued, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

"Gee, thanks for the words of reassurance," James muttered, slumping down on the couch. Truth was, a part of him did hope that by incurring an ultimatum in her perhaps she would finally tell him what was bugging her and he knew that that was probably a bit shallow, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "C'mon, Remus, we're going to be late for the prefect's meeting."

Remus furrowed his brow, glancing at his watch. "We still have a half hour."

James glared at him.

"I guess we're leaving now," Remus murmured, casting a suspicious look towards Sirius. He slowly gathered up his things and followed James out of the common room reluctantly. He knew that the only reason James was leaving early was he was hoping to catch Lily at the prefect meeting. No matter how angry or frustrated or upset he was with Lily, he still was overly hopeful that maybe she'll cave and tell him what's going on.

Unfortunately, Lily was the last to arrive to the meeting, so it didn't make any difference that James showed up twenty minutes early.

James absolutely knew something was up with her when she barged in two minutes late to the meeting. She barely glanced his way before directing the room of prefects.

"We have a lot on our agenda today so let's try to be productive and keep the side chatter to a minimum," she greeted curtly, pulling out her notebook and folder and spreading them out on the table in front of her. For the next hour, she discussed the keeping of a curfew even with graduation looming forward and she talked about the extended library hours during the weeks leading up to exams and she scolded the prefects for slacking on their paperwork and she described the agenda for the day of the graduation ball and she ran through all of the details of that night from the band to the food and she gave them all a list of to-dos and not-to-dos on the last day of school. Lily did most of the talking while the prefects listened intently. James, on the other hand, kept focusing on what he had to after the meeting and was distracted throughout the entire meeting.

Remus kept glancing between the two of them and it soon became evident that James was right. He wasn't being overanalytical about Lily's recent behavior adjustment. She barely glanced James' way all night and did everything in her power to not have to say anything to him directly. Remus had a feeling her uneasiness had a lot to do with James' recent Quidditch offer, though he couldn't put his finger on why she'd be acting so cautious. He expected her to be happy for him; he thought that playing Quidditch would be a step up from risking death with a career as an Auror.

He was surprised when Lily was wrapping up the meeting less than an hour later. Prefect meetings usually lasted at least an hour and a half, but when the Head Girl and Head Boy aren't really talking to each other, Remus figured it made sense that it was shortened.

Normally, Remus waited for James and Lily, but it was obvious to him that those two needed to talk. So he quickly slipped out of the room after handing in his recent paperwork, using upcoming exams as an excuse to cut out early.

"I can finish looking these over, James. There's no need for both of us to do it," she said with a forced smile.

James frowned, sighing deeply. He was torn between arguing with her and just doing what she asked. He went with the latter, gathering his things together. She sat looking over the reports while he headed for the door, an eerie silence filling the room.

"I'm taking the offer," James said.

Lily's hand froze halfway through her sentence on the page, her back turned to him. She didn't have to ask what he meant. "Oh," she murmured, swallowing hard. She slowly returned to her notes. "Congratulations."

"Gee, that sounded heartfelt," he muttered.

She sighed, putting her quill down on the table and turning her heads to greet his disappointed eyes. "What else do you want me to say? You said it yourself—this is a big deal. It's something to congratulate one over."

James shrugged awkwardly, leaning against the doorframe. "Yeah, I guess."

"Why are you acting so hesitant?" she asked curiously, yearning to hear the answer she was looking for.

"I'm not the one acting hesitant," James snapped, perhaps a bit too harshly.

Lily was taken aback by his tone. And what's that supposed to mean?"

James shook his head in disbelief when she didn't respond. "I-I have no idea why you've been shutting me out, Lily, but…well, it worked," he said desperately, his voice full of sorrow. "I won't be in your way for very much longer."

"Don't put that on me," Lily quickly defended, her eyes blazing with agonized determination. "Don't act like you're basing your decision around me."

James cocked his head to the side, surprised by the vulnerability in her voice. "I just assumed that this is what you wanted," he snorted.

Lily swallowed hard, an overwhelming feeling of guilt welling up inside of her. She felt tears pool up inside of her eyelids and she had to bite down hard on her bottom lip so they wouldn't all spill out. "I…I don't know what I want."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out when you refused to talk to me," he murmured.

She felt her heart beating wildly out of her chest. "I'm…I'm..." she trailed off, choking on the intended apology as a tear slid down her face.

He turned his gaze away from her quickly, a sudden anger surging through him. She couldn't even half-attempt an apology. And that felt like a slap in the face. He knew accepting the Quidditch offer was the right thing to so.

James was unclear as to why Lily was tearing up, but he wondered if she had expected him to take the offer all along and that's why she hadn't come forward to talk to him about it. "I love you, Lily," he said softly.

Her heart tightened at the desperation in his voice. "James, I love you, too," she whispered.

He swallowed hard. "I know you do," he replied slowly.

She turned her back on him quickly for a last time, refusing to let him see how upset and disappointed she was. That sounded like a dismissal and she let it be one.

The tears poured down her cheeks and due to the large lump in her throat, she was unable to respond. She wouldn't have known what to say anyway. She simply nodded for lack of anything else to do.

She finally heard his footsteps fade behind her and she knew that he had walked away. She immediately chucked her quill across the room angrily and broke out into overwhelming sobs, wondering why she was so determined to remain mute.

Her hope had been all along that James would realize on his own that the Quidditch offer wasn't good enough for him, but by pushing him away, he came to the exact opposite decision. And she wasn't sure she had anyone else to blame but herself.

* * *

Remus was staring at the back of Jillian's head in the library when Lily slipped into an empty seat beside him. He was shocked to see her there, convinced that she and James would be mid-fight. When he took a closer look, he noticed her splotchy cheeks and her swollen eyes and could only presume she had been crying.

Lily didn't even bother saying anything to Remus. She swiftly pulled out her notes and immediately went into furiously outlining an essay that wasn't due for another week.

If she noticed Remus' scrutinizing stare, she pretended not to.

She let out an irritated grunt when Remus suddenly pulled out her parchment from underneath her hand, causing her quill to etch a long line of ink across the page. "If you wanted to copy off of me, you could have just asked," she scowled, somehow knowing that wasn't the reason he had forced her eyes off her studies.

Remus gave her a look, thrusting the parchment in between two of his textbook pages. "What happened?"

"You made me get ink all over my page, that's what happ-"

"Stop trying to be so tough all the damn time," Remus said firmly, his voice rising slightly.

She was silenced by the determined frustration in his voice. "What are you talking about?"

"You and James."

She felt her body stiffen, choosing to remain silent.

"You don't always need to act like the strong, determined, overconfident person all the time," Remus explained softly, giving her a perceptive quirk of the eyebrow. "Especially around the person you love."

"It doesn't really make a difference anymore," she responded almost immediately, furiously blinking away the tears that were glossing over her eyes. "He's…he's leaving."

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"He's accepting the Quidditch offer."

"I know he's considering it," Remus replied, his eyes narrowing curiously. "But why are you comparing him accepting a job offer to some sort of…of eternal _departure_?"

"Because that's what it is," Lily snorted irritably, clenching her fists. "He is going to be on the road for months at a time playing matches all over the world. The Bigonville Bombers are based out of Florence so even when he isn't on the road, he's going to be in Italy for most of his time. London…it's not going to be his home. It's barely going to be a stomping ground." She bit down on her bottom lip hard, drawing some blood unexpectedly, all to stop the tears from falling. She refused to show her vulnerability. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly, saying determinedly, "So, yeah, Remus. I am comparing it to a departure. What would you call it?"

He offered her an apologetic lopsided smile. "A job."

She pursed her lips defensively. Remus was right about one thing: she was good at trying to remain tough all the time. She met his eyes and conveyed her objection with a single stony gaze.

Remus sighed, knowing she wouldn't back down. He ran his fingers through his hair and leaned back in his chair. "You're going to lose him if you keep acting that way."

"Haven't you been listening?" she muttered. "I already am losing him."

"That's because you haven't even attempted to fight for him."

She hesitated, knowing it was true. "It's…it's not my place to tell him what to do," she murmured.

"But ignoring him is okay?" Remus snorted, giving her a look.

Lily hung her head shamefully. If Remus was trying to make her feel guilty, he was doing a good job at it. Why is it that everyone felt the need to involve themselves? First, Riley and now, Remus. She wished they'd butt into someone else's life.

Remus' eyes unconsciously drifted over to where Jillian was sitting, his heart fluttering slightly at the very sight of her beautiful brunette hair cascading down her back. "I don't know much about relationships, Lily, but I do know that love is worth fighting for," he said softly, his heart aching. "I have no clue what's going through your mind, Lily, and I don't expect you to tell me. But James deserves more than you've been giving him. And if you have to break down whatever wall you are so determined to keep up, then _do _it. Because if you don't, James isn't going to stick around for someone who won't even talk to him. "

Lily's heart stopped at Remus' lecture. Mostly because everything he was saying was right on. She was just too afraid to admit to herself and her boyfriend that her heart was breaking at the very idea of James not being around as much as she would like. And that wasn't exactly fair to him.

He cocked his head to the side, sensing her guilty hesitance. He leaned over and placed his hand on her arm gently. "Lily, didn't you once tell James that you would let him in?" he asked curiously. "Because I hate to break it to you, you're doing a lousy job at it."

She had never realized how insightful and sensitive he could be and with a quick glance over at Jillian, Lily knew that Jillian had made a big mistake letting Remus go. Just like she would be making a big mistake by letting James go.

Her bottom lip trembled. "It's not easy for me," she confessed softly.

"I know," Remus agreed.

"I want to let him in."

"I know."

"I'm…I'm just not good at it."

"Well, then get ready to lose him."

Lily jerked her head up at his brutal honesty. He shrugged, an apologetic smile tugging at the ends of his mouth. "The least you could do is try, right?" he murmured,

She turned her gaze away quickly, her heart racing. "What if it's too late?" she whispered.

Remus cracked a smile, reaching over and squeezing her hand. "It's not," he said firmly. "James loves you. He wouldn't accept the offer until you talk to him. And I think he deserves to know what you're thinking before he makes his final decision, don't you think?"

She furiously shoved her books into her bag and hopped up from the library. Before she could rush out, she embraced Remus tightly. She wasn't sure if it was because she was grateful for the unsolicited advice or if it was because she was feeling sorry for him, but she felt he deserved a hug. "Thank you," she said resolutely.

"Yeah, well, it was about time I saved one relationship," Remus admitted with a frown, slumping down in his chair.

Lily's stomach tightened at the dejected state he was in. Anyone could tell he was hurting. "She's an idiot for letting you to," Lily spoke aloud.

Remus shook his head, his way of telling Lily he didn't want to discuss it. "Go talk to James."

She nodded slowly, biting down on her bottom lip. "And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

He was grateful for the support, but didn't acknowledge it. "I think that that talking would be better put to use with your boyfriend."

She smiled and impulsively, kissed him on the cheek. "You're one hell of a guy, Remus."

And before he could retort, she swiftly rushed out of the library. And once again, Remus was all alone.

He couldn't help but sneak one last peek over at Jillian.

* * *

Sirius was grateful for prefect meetings. It kept Remus away from the room for over an hour and it was easy for Sirius to persuade Peter to go elsewhere during that time, which left the room all to himself with just the company of Riley.

He stroked Riley's hair that night, kissing her bare shoulder. She stirred slightly, moaning inaudibly. "Mm," she whispered, peeking open one eye. "I can't believe I passed that up with you for the past month. I must have been crazy to let you go."

Sirius chuckled, pulling her close to him. "I can't believe how much I love you," he whispered, pressing his lips against hers.

Riley smiled shyly. "Now what's so hard to believe? I hear I'm a catch."

"And who's saying that?" Sirius teased.

"Hm," she said with a snicker, "I think Rhett might have said it to me once or twice."

Sirius pouted. "I thought we agreed to hate him."

Riley laughed. "I think you're the only one who agreed on that."

Sirius smiled nostalgically, thinking back on all of the drama they had been there. He had never thought they'd be back together. Not only that, he never could have imagined how happy he was and how perfect they were together. "Come with me to New York," he blurted out.

Riley froze in his arms, slowly letting her gaze linger on his. "What?" she asked cautiously.

He kissed her forehead. "I've been thinking that…that perhaps you can do something else with your time in the fall besides look for a job. I-I want you to sail with me to New York."

She opened her mouth to attempt to respond but was unable to find the right words.

Sirius smiled at how taken aback she looked. "I don't want to spend any more time apart, Riley, but…but my uncle needs me right now. The problem is, is that I need _you _right now."

"And the compromise is taking a two-week sailing trip in the middle of the vast ocean with nothing but ourselves and our thoughts to keep us company?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Sirius murmured.

Riley pursed her lips, uncertain how to respond. "What happens if…if we spring a leak or we run out of food or the engine dies or a storm hits or god forbid, a shark attacks the boat?"

He furrowed his brow, confused. "Well, for one, we have _wands_. We can fix all of that."

"Right," she murmured.

Sirius hesitated, sensing the uneasiness in her voice. "Are you really worried about the possibility of a problem happening with the boat? Or…or are you more worried about the possibility of a problem happening with _us_?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I would want nothing more than to spend two weeks alone with you, Riley," he whispered, kissing her hair back away from her face. "But I can understand why you're hesitant. I know we just got back together and…and spending two whole weeks together without any interruptions probably is a lot for me to ask."

"Yes," Riley murmured, nodding slowly.

"And I think you're terrified of…of the possibility of us fighting or breaking up on that boat," Sirius explained hastily. "But what I think you're terrified of _more _is the possibility of us growing even closer on that boat."

"Why would that terrify me?" she asked curiously.

"Because our relationship already scares the hell out of you," he pointed out knowingly. "And spending two weeks _alone _with, like you said, just ourselves and our thoughts to keep us company, doesn't give you a whole lot of options when your want to run or hide."

Riley swallowed hard, turning away from his gaze. "Why is it that you seem to know everything I'm thinking? Even when I don't always know that I'm thinking it?"

"Because I love you," he said immediately.

Those three words would always make her heart melt; but they also frightened her. She felt her heart start beating out of her chest and she had to take a deep breath in and exhale slowly before blurting out, "You were right that day in the Great Hall."

Sirius was taken aback. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed, shifting uncomfortably in his Sirius' arm. When her heart started slowing down, she let her eyes gaze up towards Sirius' concerned look. "You were right," she repeated slowly, swallowing hard. "There's a…a good chance that I will never be able to say those three words to you. No matter how much I care about you. I-I don't know if I can ever put myself in such a vulnerable place. Especially with someone who has…" she trailed off.

"Who has hurt you in every way possible in the past?" Sirius finished reluctantly.

She nodded guiltily.

"I never expected to gain back your trust in one day, Riley," he said anxiously.

"Just in two weeks on the open sea?" she snickered.

Sirius couldn't help but laugh. He knew it was meant as a joke, not as a threat. "All I would do during those two weeks and during the time I'm actually in New York with my uncle is think of you," he whispered, pressing his lips against her shoulder after every few words. "It would make thinking of you a whole lot easier if you were actually _there_."

Her stomach was turning circles and her heart was beating wildly out of her chest. Because she really wanted to go with him to New York and she wasn't sure where that feeling came from. She was always so guarded and overly cautious, and for the first time, she wanted to be impulsive and let her heart do the talking. "Well, it's not like I have a job keeping me here."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up in shock. "Was that you actually considering my offer?"

"No," she argued, shaking her head. She smiled slyly. "That was me acceptingyour offer."

A grin spread across Sirius' face. "Really?"

She snickered. "Gee, don't sound so surprised."

He shrugged guiltily. "Well, do you blame me?"

She shook her head slowly, her eyes fixated on him. "No," she admitted heavily. "I-I have done so many things wrong in the past with you, Sirius. I-I have been stubborn and I didn't listen to my heart. I pushed you away and I made excuses as to why we weren't a good fit. I blamed Rachael for our breakup and I ran at the first sign of trouble. I shut you out and I-I played games with you."

"Y'know, you're not painting yourself in a very good light," he snickered, planting his lips lightly on her neck.

His lips tickled, but she smiled excitedly. Every single touch of his made her feel warm and safe. She never wanted to stop feeling that way. She intertwined her legs with his lustfully and draped her arm over his stomach, placing her chin gently on his chest and gazing up at him. "I'm determined to do everything right this time, Sirius," she whispered, her eyes locking steadily with his.

"I don't expect you to make up for lost time, Riley," he murmured, kissing the strands of hair out of her eyes.

"But I expect it from myself," Riley retaliated immediately, her eyes never straying from his. "In simple terms: I want to be with you, Sirius. I don't want to be apart from you for one second if I don't have to be. And that will be hard to do if I'm here and you're elsewhere. I have no reason to stay and every reason to go."

He smiled shyly. While his offer had been a simple unexpected outburst, he was glad he asked. More importantly, he was glad she was agreeing.

He knew to seal it with a kiss before she changed her mind.

Riley had no idea what had come over her but instead of looking for excuses as to why two weeks on a boat together was a bad idea, she found herself succumbing to the idea. She already lost so much time with him due to her stubbornness and she wasn't going to let that happen again. She was determined to make her relationship with Sirius work this time, to prove not only to him but to herself that she was capable of love.

* * *

Lily was sitting on her common room couch that night waiting for James to come back from wherever he was. She didn't know what she was going to say to him. She wanted to tell him what was really running through her head, but every times she attempted to find the right wording, a reason not to tell him crept up in the back of her mind. She was afraid of being let down and ultimately, getting hurt. She had been hurt enough times in her lifetime by the ones she loved that she was frightened beyond all belief that James was going to turn around and turn out to be as big a disappointment as everyone else.

He sauntered into their private quarters, shocked to see Lily sitting there. "Hey," he greeted, surprised.

"Hey," she murmured, taken aback by his soaking wet clothes. "Where were you?"

He hesitated, taking a deep breath in and exhaling slowly. He locked eyes with her and said guiltily, "At the Owlery. Did you know there's a thunderstorm brewing out there?"

Her heart skipped a beat. "The Owlery?" she whispered.

"Yeah," he said, swallowing hard. "I-I knew that if I waited to send the letter, I might not do so."

Lily gasped lightly and she felt her stomach drop. "So…so you actually accepted the offer?" she choked out frantically.

He gazed at her with scrutinizing eyes, trying to gauge her reaction with little luck. He wasn't so sure what to say. Truth was, the letter was still in his pocket. But he didn't know if she deserved to hear that after everything he had been putting her through. "And so what if I did?" he muttered guiltily. Did it make him a bad person that he wanted to hurt her the way she had been hurting him lately?

Her heart stopped. He had accepted the offer. Remus was wrong; turns out, she _was_ too late.

Tears filled her eyes immediately. She felt panic envelop her and she had to shut her eyes tightly in order to catch her breath. No matter how hard she tried to force a smile out, a grim frown remained plastered on her face. Feeling lost and abandoned was the worst feeling in the world. She could barely choke out a simple, "Okay."

He frowned. "That's it?"

She forced herself to look him in the eyes. All of the things she wanted and needed to say were on the top of her tongue, but her fears and insecurities had suddenly become irrelevant. He had made his decision without her and she had no one to blame but herself. She wanted to apologize and she wanted to explain. She wanted to tell him she was scared and she wanted to tell him that he had every right to choose Quidditch without hearing her out. She wanted to say that it had been easier shutting him out than letting him in and she wanted to say that she supported whatever path his future brought him.

Most of all, she just wanted to tell him that she loved him. But the words wouldn't come out. "Yeah," she whispered. "Okay."

He narrowed his eyes. "Just _say _something, Lily!"

She was taken aback. "Wh-what?"

"Damnit, you're holding back," he said firmly, biting down on the inside of his lip. "And I hate that you are. Whatever the hell you feel you need to say to me, just say it. I think you owe me that much."

Her heart sped up. His eyes were piercing through her, making it impossible not to feel nervous and overwhelmed. She crossed her arms, suddenly feeling very exposed. She blinked away the tears. "James," she said slowly, the butterflies in her stomach swarming. "Is Quidditch what you really want to do?"

He quirked a confused eyebrow. He wasn't sure why she was asking. "Why? Do you not think that it is?"

"I'm asking _you_."

There was a waver in her voice that told him she was hiding something and it was irritating him beyond belief. "I hope you don't suddenly have an opinion," he found himself sneering.

She was taken aback by his hostility and found the need to be defensive. "_Come again_?"

He was torn between letting it go and confronting her about it and while he would have preferred just to walk away and cool off a bit so as not to attack her, his anger overrode what his head was telling him to do. "I don't know what your problem has been, Lily, but you have done nothing but push me away for a week straight. You've been distant and you have dove headfirst into your schoolwork as some sort of excuse to get out of hanging out with me. You have refused to talk to me about anything tangible and you've refused to even look me in the eye. You refused to acknowledge the fact that I had a huge decision to make and what's worse, you haven't given me an _inkling _into what you've thought about the Quidditch offer." Fear and confusion registered on Lily's face and if James knew what was best for him, he would have stopped there. But his anger was growing and he chose to continue, "If you had lifted your head out of your books long enough than maybe you would have realized how much I have needed you lately. You have simply become a brick wall and frankly, I don't even know who the hell you are anymore. You are certainly not the girl I fell in love with. If I wanted someone to succumb to me and act submissive, I would have stayed with Kristina." He snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. "And at this point, I probably would have been better off with her."

Shock registered on Lily's face, quickly replaced by pain. He had hurt her. That much was obvious. She quickly blinked away the angry tears and found herself glaring at him, immense betrayal surging throughout her bones. Lily's eyes quickly clouded with pure vehemence. "Screw you, James," she spat out in a hurt whisper. "It's like you said last night: I have been there for you every step of the way, even during a time when you acted as if you didn't want me. For _weeks _during Brite's death, you made me believe that I wasn't loved or needed by you. I have put up with a lot of your crap because I am so in love with you. But not now. Not this. You don't get to berate me and put me down when _you're _the one packing up his life and _leaving!_"

James' jaw dropped open in confusion. _Leaving?_ What was she talking about?

She continued her rant, ignoring the look on his face. If he wanted to hear her talk, then so be it. "How the hell am _I_ supposed to be there for you when the moment you start your first Quidditch practice, you will no longer be there for me? Don't you dare turn this around on me," she warned, her eyes stewing with anger. "Because the only reason I've been so hesitant to be around you is because I have been preparing myself for the day you will no longer be around! So _screw you_, James, for making me feel guilty when you're the one who should be feeling guilty for giving up on us so fucking easily!"

James was speechless. He had never even considered the idea that she was seeing his Quidditch offer as a sense of abandonment. She hadn't been avoiding him because she didn't care; she had been avoiding him because she was ironically afraid of losing him.

"You want the truth, James?" she snarled, her eyes smoldering in dejectedness. "Do you _really _want my opinion?"

He stared at her in shock. "There's more?" he muttered rhetorically. He was still reeling from her original tirade; how was he supposed to handle more of the truth?

Her anger subsided into disappointment and it didn't go unnoticed by James. "You're choosing Quidditch for all the wrong reasons," she snapped, her voice even and firm. "You're choosing it because you are listening to your father's advice. You're choosing it because it's easier taking your father's advice than trying to listen to your own thoughts. You're choosing it because you're so afraid of not being good enough and because it's the safer choice. You're choosing it because it's the first job offer you've received and because you know you'd be good at it. You're choosing Quidditch to get back at me and while I have no one to blame but myself for that one, you don't deserve to make a career decision out of spite. You're choosing it because you want everyone to be proud of you and you just want to give your mother some good news and something to have hope in once again. You're choosing it because you get to have _fun _and continue just being _young_. You're choosing it because you're afraid being an Auror is going to cause you to grow up faster than you'd like to. You're choosing Quidditch because your friends think it's cool and…and you are afraid of failing as an Auror. It's not _rejection_ you fear, James; it's failure. What happens if you can't hack it like your father and brother could? Or what happens if you turn out to be great at it but you lose everything you've worked for in the meantime?" Her voice shook with frustration, her lips trembling in guilt. "You want my opinion, James? You chose Quidditch because you are _so damn afraid_ of becoming an Auror. It's that plain and simple."

James was in awe. He slowly staggered to the couch, feeling the need to sit down and take a breather. He shut his eyes slowly, trying to wrap his head around everything she had been saying. One minute, he was upset. The next minute, he was feeling defeated. And ultimately, he was angry. As the seconds pass, he found himself becoming angrier. Here he had thought she didn't have an opinion and it turns out, she was just holding back the entire time. After all of his begging and pleading, she had remained silent. And for _what_? Why had she been so determined to hide her feelings from him? "Well, then I guess you'll be glad to hear that I…I haven't chosen Quidditch," he muttered, frustrated.

Her eyes narrowed in skepticism. "What are you talking about?"

"I…I lied. I didn't send in my acceptance letter. It's still in my pocket." He knew to expect that she would feel betrayed that he had deceived her.

What he was not expecting was a slap to the face. By the time he realized his cheek stung, she had whizzed past him without another glance or word. She knew that he had every right to be angry with her for not telling him how she really felt (and it didn't go unnoticed by either of them that she still hadn't really told him what was bothering her), but the fact that he deliberately lied and for just a few minutes she thought she'd be losing him to Quidditch made her feel that her anger was justified.

He knew that he had deserved that slap. He lied knowing very well she would be furious. And she had every right to feel that way. By keeping the truth from her, he had hoped that perhaps she would confess what had been really going through her mind. He knew Lily and he knew her well. There was a reason behind her recent evasiveness. He just didn't realize it had to do with her fear of him leaving and he wished he could talk more to her about it. How could he be so stupid to not realize she was feeling abandoned? He was her boyfriend and he was in love with her and he should have known what she was thinking without bullying her into it.

The entire time, all he wanted was for her to talk to him, and now that she did, he wondered why he was so desperate for her opinion. Was she right? Was he choosing Quidditch for all the wrong reasons?

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. He already knew the answer to that question. He wouldn't have been so hesitant to send the acceptance letter out if he didn't. She was right about everything. She understood him completely and he apparently didn't understand her at all.

By the time he realized he needed to go after her, she was already long gone and he wasn't sure where to start looking for her.

He did know that he needed the Marauders' map.

* * *

**A/N: **Loooooooong chapter-longest of the entire story! So I hope you enjoyed every minute of it. More drama to continue!


	50. Of Abandonment, Ceiling Stones,& Animagi

**A/N: **I'm back with chapter 50! More importantly, I'm back with a LOOONNNGGG chapter 50! This is the longest chapter I've written but once I started writing, I just couldn't stop. You learn a lot in this chapter about each of the characters. It took me a while to perfect each of these different scenes so I hope you enjoy them.

**Disclaimer: **Hm, not much to say. Last I checked, I wasn't J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 50: Of Abandonment, Ceiling Stones, & Animagi

* * *

James barged into the boys' dormitory and immediately shielded his eyes at the sight of a half-naked Sirius and Riley on his bed. "ARGH! Haven't you guys ever heard of this new invention called _a lock_."

"You could have used Alohamora to open it," Riley muttered dryly, pulling the sheets up to her chin. She wondered if there was anywhere to go to find privacy in Hogwarts.

"Yeah, but at least that would have given you a few extra seconds to cover yourselves up," James whined, shuddering.

Riley rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"

"The last minute and a half of my life back."

Riley gave him a look.

"I'm looking for the Marauder's Map," James clarified with a shrug.

"I thought you had it," Sirius said, confused.

"Remus borrowed it earlier today," James explained. Remus didn't say why he needed it, but James had a feeling it had more to do with Remus following a certain ex-girlfriend's dot along the map than it did with any purposeful reason.

"Oh," Sirius said, shrugging. "Well, then my guess could only be that he still has it."

"Where is he?" James asked eagerly.

"No clue," Sirius admitted with a shrug. "If anyone should know where he went off to, it's you. You saw him last at the prefect meeting."

James didn't respond. While it was uncommon for Remus to disappear on his own, the fact that he had a recent heartbreak was reason enough for Remus to abandon his friends for much-needed brooding.

"Why do you need the map?" Riley chimed in curiously.

James stiffened, plopping on to his bed with a depressed sigh. "I need to find Lily," he muttered.

"Weren't you just with her?" Sirius snorted.

James grimaced. "Yeah, but…" he trailed off, not wanting to discuss it.

Sirius and Riley shared a knowing look and Sirius sighed. "Let me guess. You had a fight?" he asked.

James nodded sullenly. "A big one. And I have no idea where she went off to and…and I really need to find her before…" he trailed off.

Both Riley and Sirius sat upright, sensing the depravity and desperation in his voice. "Before what?" Sirius asked curiously, his voice full of concern.

James shrugged. "Good question," he muttered. "But she slapped me before I left which, to me, isn't a good sign."

Riley groaned, shaking her head in disbelief. "Do I even want to know what brought that on?"

He sighed. "Where do I start?" he muttered, suddenly feeling very foolish. "I-I purposefully deceived her by telling her I sent in my acceptance letter to the Bigonville Bombers when I didn't, I scolded her and made her feel guilty, and to make matters worse, I told her I would have been better off with Kristina." He grabbed his pillow and stuffed it over his face, crying out guiltily into it.

Riley and Sirius both exclaimed in protest, groaning inwardly. "I warned you about that!" Sirius defended, giving him a look. "Only a few hours ago, I'm pretty sure I was the one who said you'd be an idiot if you were planning on telling her about taking the offer just so she would speak her mind."

"I believe the words you used were undermining and heartless, not idiotic," Jams clarified in a soft mutter.

Sirius gave his best friend a look. "This isn't the time to be using your photographic memory," he warned flatly.

James ignored him. "It worked, y'know," he sighed, staring up at the ceiling.

"What did?"

"She…she spoke her mind."

Riley quirked a surprised eyebrow. She was convinced that Lily would never tell James what she was thinking. "And?"

"And I'm an idiot," he muttered.

"Yes, I believe we've already established that," Sirius snickered, earning a look from both his friend and girlfriend. He shrugged apologetically.

"I was thinking about me the entire time," James murmured. "I didn't even attempt to see how my future career would affect her. Would affect _us_. And I feel guilty beyond belief. Because the entire time I was mad at her, she was just as mad with me. And I didn't even see it."

"Probably because you didn't want to," Riley blurted out, shrugging matter-of-factly.

James lifted the pillow off his face, glancing curiously at her. "What?"

"You were so busy trying to figure out what you're going to do after graduation, you didn't realize you had to figure out what you and _Lily _are going to do after graduation," she pointed out. "Whatever career decision you make affects her, James. It affects your life together. And that scares the hell out of you."

James pursed his lips, unsure he wanted to hear Riley's theory any longer. Mostly because he knew she was right.

She continued. "You've never had to base any decision around anyone else. Everything you've ever done was for you. Why do you think this decision has been so difficult?"

James sighed, shutting his eyes tightly. Truth was, he wasn't sure if he was ready to base such important decisions on a girl. Not because he didn't love her. But because he didn't want to disappoint her. "Uh, because it's going to be my _career_," he snorted.

"And so what? You can always change your career down the line if you want to," she pointed out with a shrug. "Face it, you're not afraid you're going to make the wrong decision for you. You're afraid you're going to make the wrong decision for the _both _of you. Ironically, it's exactly what Lily has been afraid of, too."

James cursed. Maybe she was right. Had he been ignoring what was right in front of him this whole time? His own fears had been pushed aside as he tried to get down to the bottom of Lily's distance lately.

However, even if he had subconsciously been thinking about their future together, that didn't change the fact that Lily shouldn't have been so evasive with him. Seeing as he was her boyfriend, she should have realized that she could tell him anything and he wouldn't get angry. Sure, he was a little frustrated with everything she said to him and who wouldn't be after she blurted it all out the way she did, but he was more frustrated that she hadn't told him any of it sooner. The bottom line was she kept her feelings bottled in because she felt she couldn't talk to him. And what kind of relationship was that?

James let out a long sigh, slowly opening his eyes. "She still didn't feel like she could talk to me, Riley," he murmured. "Regardless of what was going through my own head."

Riley glanced at him, suddenly realizing how disoriented and lost he looked. He had been seriously affected not only by the big decision he had to make but by Lily's sudden disappearance from his side. She wondered if he was going to do something rash because of it. "You're right, she didn't," Riley admitted with a shrug. "But what are you going to do about that now?"

James opened his mouth to respond but didn't say anything. He didn't know what to do. He didn't even know what to say.

"Well, you're not going to figure this all out by hanging out here," Sirius chimed in with a shrug.

He sighed, lightly smacking the back of his head against the headrest. He knew that he was stalling while he struggled through his own thoughts. "I know, I know. I-I just needed some time to straighten out my thoughts." He gazed over at Riley and Sirius with a coy smile. "I didn't mean to interrupt your sex marathon. One of us around here might as well be getting some."

Riley scowled. "Oh, is that the only reason you would make up with Lily?" she joked.

James' smile wavered. "_No_, but thank you for being so unbelievably uncouth."

Riley offered him a lopsided, apologetic smile. "Sorry," she cringed. "If you plan on finding her without the map, you might want to start soon. It may take you a while."

James could only nod. "Yeah," he simply muttered. He climbed off the bed and headed towards the door. "When did relationships become so hard?"

"It's _love _that's hard," Sirius quickly corrected, shrugging sympathetically.

James scrunched up his nose, nodding slowly. He reached down and grabbed Riley's bra from the floor. "I believe this is yours," he teased, flinging it towards her. "You kids have fun."

Riley rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at the end of her mouth. "I hope everything works out, James."

"Yeah," he muttered, heading out the door. "Me, too."

* * *

Lily chucked a pebble into the lake, biting down on her bottom lip. She sighed, shivering as the rain slipped down her back. She had found herself pushing open the large front door towards the Hogwarts grounds and slipping outside, hoping the chilly rain would bring her more focus as she thought of the way she handled the situation with James earlier.

Truth was, she was screaming inside to tell James all that she was thinking. She wanted to tell him that she wanted him in London with her because she couldn't imagine him not being around. Maybe she was a bit spoiled, having him by her side every day since the day they got together, but she was desperate to hold on to him if she could. She was in love with him. She had never experienced love and finally understood what people meant when they said love made you do crazy things. In her case, crazy was referring to her fear of talking to her own boyfriend. What happens if she asked him not to take the Quidditch contract and he still chose to leave? She would be devastated.

She was being unreasonable. She was being ridiculous. She was being childish. She knew all this. This was James. This was her _boyfriend_ who she loved and who loved her. Why was she finding it so difficult for her to just tell him what was on her mind?

A sob escaped from her lips, already knowing the answer to that question. Because there was no way that James could let her down if she didn't give him the chance to. And that's why opening up to him and letting her guard down was so difficult. She's had her share of disappointment over the years. And over the years, she had learned that it was a hell of a lot easier disappointing yourself than it was to have others disappoint you. It was a lot less painful that way.

When James finally found Lily underneath the willow tree by the lake, she was soaked from the rain. She was hugging her knees to her body and resting her chin on the top of her knees, looking helpless and pitiable. Her soggy hair stuck to the side of her face and rain drops fell from her eyelashes every time she blinked. He wasn't sure if her stained cheeks were mostly rain or tears, but the contorted look on Lily's face told him that she had been crying. She was shivering slightly and her gaze was fixated on a single blade of grass, her eyes unfocused and glossed over.

He peeled off his raincoat and threw it over Lily's shoulders before taking a seat beside her on the grass. Neither spoke at first. A bit of meditative silence was just what they needed.

Eventually, Lily muttered barely audible over the mix of the rain and the warm breeze rustling the trees, "I'm an idiot."

When she didn't continue, James couldn't help but smile lopsidedly. "Is that all?" he chuckled. It was a nervous chuckle.

She didn't even crack a smile. She was feeling too ashamed to be amused. She stared at the wrinkles on her hands determinedly, as if they were going to tell her how to apologize. "You don't deserve the way I've been acting, James. I'm sorry that I slapped you and I'm sorry that I walked out on you like that. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier what I've been thinking and I'm sorry that I blurted it out the way I did. I'm sorry that...that I'm such a horrible girlfriend."

James nodded slowly. "I'm sorry, too, Li-"

"No, stop," she interrupted quickly, shaking her head vigorously. "James, you have no reason to be sorry whatsoever."

He cringed. "You mean besides the fact that I deliberately deceived you about accepting the Quidditch offer and then said I'd be better off with my ex-girlfriend?"

Lily hesitated. "Okay, maybe you do have some reason to be sorry."

He didn't smile. He found himself crossing his arms, shivering slightly. He wasn't sure if it was because of the cold or of the impending thoughts running through his head. He wanted nothing more than to reach over to her and pull her close to him. He wanted nothing more than to believe that everything between them was going to be okay. But looking at reality, it wasn't okay. And he wasn't sure it ever was going to be.

He took a deep breath in and said slowly and cautiously, "Lily, I am…so much in love with you. And I know you know that. But…"

Lily could feel her heart in her throat. "But?" she choked out, refusing to look him in the eye.

His stomach tightened, his heart speeding up in anticipation of the words he felt were necessary to say. He swallowed hard, slowly lifting his gaze until he was staring at her with a defeated, apologetic expression on his face. He took a deep breath in, exhaling unevenly as he tried to catch his breath. "Lily, I...I feel like I'm the only one fighting for us. I feel like for most of our relationship, it's been one-sided," he whispered, his voice hoarse and shaking with vulnerability, his eyes tracing every line on her face. "I broke up with Kristina for you, Lily. And...and on the balcony on New Year's Eve, you didn't even attempt to fight for me. I had to be the one to make the ultimate decision on us. And it took a lot of urging from Sirius to make you realize that you even wanted to be with me. It was the same with after Brite died. I-I realize that you _tried _fighting when...when I completely pushed you away, but ultimately, you gave up. It took come convincing from Riley and...and for me to break down and come to you before you let me back in. And do you remember that huge fight back in early March? You refused to believe that I could love a girl like you and I had to reassure you excessively that you were worth loving. And it wasn't until _both _Remus and Sirius talked to you that you realized you were being unreasonable. It's like...it's like everyone else has to do the convincing for you, Lily. Even…even _I _can't seem to seem to make you realize how much I love you," he trailed off, his voice breaking. He hadn't realized how distressed he was until he started admitting the truth. A sinking feeling built up inside his stomach and he dropped his gaze from her, watching a puddle of mud form in front of him. He took a deep breath in, asking cautiously, "So who had to convince you tonight?"

She was on the verge of tears, not because she felt reprimanded because she knew he had every right to feel what he did. She was, however, confused by the last question. "What?"

He hung his head knowingly. "Who had to convince you tonight that I was worth it?" he asked softly. He was praying vehemently for the answer to be no one even though in his heart, he knew it never would be.

Her bottom lip trembled, the tears spilling out. He was right. She did let everyone else do the thinking for her.

She didn't want to answer. She wanted to avoid the question. She wanted to make him realize that she did love him. She wanted to lie and say it was no one. But one look in his eyes told her that all she had on her side at that moment was the truth. "Remus did," she mustered up the courage to whisper, her eyes blurring with tears.

James nodded slowly, his stomach sinking. He felt an unexpected raid of hot tears rush to his eyes. He blinked them away, blaming the rain.

They both sat there lost in their own confused thoughts, staring at the ripples in the lake that the raindrops were creating. Neither of them spoke, too afraid of what they might say. It was easier sitting there in a comfortable, soothing silence than attempting to admit defeat.

Eventually, James' voice broke through the still air. "I'm...I'm exhausted, Lily. I'm...I'm done being the one who puts in all of the effort. I-I just don't know if there's anything else I can do to prove to you that I am completely and utterly in love with you."

A lump formed in Lily's throat, chills running down her back as she realized that James' words sounded an awful lot like a good-bye. "So…so what are you saying?" she muttered, swallowing hard.

He was completely torn. His head was telling him one thing but his heart was telling him another. He tried opening his mouth but there were no words to explain how he felt. He needed more time. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted before he got hurt. "I don't know," he finally admitted, shrugging solemnly. "I was hoping you'd have something to say."

Goosebumps formed on her arms. It wasn't because of the chilly rain. It was because she knew what James was trying to say. She thought about he said and she realized that he had every right to feel the way he did. Her eyes filled with desperation, knowing he was right. She needed to start fighting for them. She couldn't just let him walk away until she told him what was on her mind. Her heart skipped a beat, trying to figure out even where to start. Or even how to start. Or even if she could start. She had been so good at hiding her true fears not only from everyone else in her life, but herself as well. And maybe a part of her was afraid that James either wouldn't understand or he'd feel offended.

When Lily fell silent, James took that to mean she was accepting defeat. And she was accepting goodbye. His heart sunk deep into his stomach, a shiver running harshly down his spine. He tried looking away from her with little luck, his eyes absorbing every inch of her body. He meant every word he said; he was tired of feeling like he was in a one-sided relationship. But that didn't mean he wasn't completely in love with her. That didn't mean he didn't want to have to say goodbye. When was she going to start fighting for him the way he'd been fighting for her?

He slowly averted his eyes away from her, suddenly feeling a stinging sensation in the bottom of his eyelids, feeling overwhelmed with sorrow. He slowly lifted himself off the damp grounds, wiping away the stray grass from his pants. He didn't know what to expect, but he felt a slight bit of hope as he heard her speak beside him.

"James, wait," she croaked, her voice filled with desperation.

There was a part of him that wanted to walk away, knowing that if he didn't do it then he wouldn't do it all. He was afraid he would take one look in her eyes and realize he still wanted to be with her. But for how long would that last? How long until she questioned their relationship again? Would he be able to be strong then?

But another part of him, the part that was keeping him rooted to the damp ground, wasn't ready to leave her behind. Wasn't ready to leave _them _behind. He slowly turned around, his heart skipping a beat. She was looking at him with wide eyes, a scared frown on her face. He quickly wiped away a tear that fell from his eyes, taking a hesitant step towards her. "I'm tired of waiting, Lily," he whispered hoarsely. "I want to be with you, Lily. I _do_. But…but right now, I feel like I only have _half_ of you," he explained distressingly, ruffling his hair anxiously, the rain spraying from it in the many different directions. "I need you in my life, Lily. And…and sometimes, a guy needs to feel needed, too."

Lily bit down on her bottom lip, guilt welling up inside of her. "I need you, James. I do. More than…more than I ever thought I would," she whispered. "And…and that's part of the problem."

His heart skipped a beat, his eyes narrowing. "I didn't realize falling in love with me was a _problem_," he snapped, shaking his head sullenly.

"It's not," she contradicted guiltily, gazing up at him poignantly. "It's just that..." she trailed off, the words catching in her throat. It was easier pretending that everything was fine until you were forced to talk about it. But he was right; if she didn't start talking to him, she deserved for him to walk away from them. "James, you were right. I…I _have _been acting distant and I have been avoiding you," she whispered guiltily, hanging her head in shame. "But it wasn't _you_ I was avoiding. I…I was avoiding my own fears and insecurities."

He wasn't surprised. He nodded slowly, eager for her to continue. "Which are?" he dared to ask.

She hesitated, not sure where to begin. Her heart beat wildly out of her chest as her gaze fell on his curious one. She swallowed the lump in her throat and found herself explaining everything that she had been too afraid to admit before. She let it all out and didn't stop until she said everything that was on her mind. Everything she had kept bottled in since the day she heard about the Quidditch offer. "Ever since my parents died, I have striven for independence. I didn't want to become dependent on anyone else ever again in fear of my whole life once again crashing down around me if something bad happened and…and then you came along and suddenly that changed. When I heard you might be taking the Quidditch offer and disappearing for months on end, something in me snapped and I realized that...that not only do I love you enough to _want _you around, but it turns out that I-I desperately need you. Somewhere over the past five months, I became hopelessly dependent on you and…and I had no idea how to deal with that. So I hoped that by...by avoiding you, I'd be better prepared for a life without you. I-I was trying to prove to myself that I didn't need you as nearly as much as I thought you did. I was preparing myself for a time when I wouldn't be able to spend every day with you. I was preparing myself for a time when you might no longer be around. I was preparing myself for...for goodbye," she murmured in a small voice, blinking away the tears. She let out a deep breath, not realizing that she had been holding it during her rambling speech. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet his and admitted her biggest fear, a fear she has had since the day she and James got together. "I...I'm tired of feeling abandoned by those I love."

Her shaky voice and the way her bottom lip trembled told him how hard it was to admit that. His heart skipped a beat, taking a quick glance at her. She hugged her knees even closer to her body, and she suddenly looked ten years younger, like a scared little girl who just found out her parents were dead. James had a sudden urge to reach out and pull her close to him, but he could tell she had more to say. So he stayed put.

"First, my parents died without giving me a chance to say goodbye," Lily murmured softly, tears slipping on to her knees. No matter how hard she tried brushing them away, they kept coming. "And then my sister disappeared without so much as an explanation. Everyone I love keeps slipping away from me and...and I'm scared that once graduation comes and a new routine comes with it, you'll realize that...that I'm not worth keeping around. And I realize that…that sounds stupid and foolish and if I had only come to you sooner, you would have squashed these thoughts immediately. I realize that you're different. That you're not my parents and you're definitely not my sister. But I am always going to have that fear with me. I am _always _going to be afraid of…of being let down by those I love."

James didn't realize he was holding his breath until he was letting it out in relief. She was finally talking to him. More importantly, she was talking about weakness which Lily rarely admits she had. Her family troubles have caused her a lot of pain, but she never showed it. James always had a feeling it was because she was afraid of admitting defeat but turns out, she was more afraid of admitting fear. He wasn't surprised that she continued talking. Once she got started, she wasn't going to feel any type of closure without finishing.

Lily sighed, glancing out towards the lake nostalgically. She thought back to the beginning of their relationship when everything seemed easy and content. When did everything suddenly become so difficult?

She gazed up at him, her expression contorted with guilt and insecurity. "What made it worse was…it seemed like I was the only one worried about us when it came to the Quidditch contract. Ironically, you had been so damn worried about what being an Auror would do to us, James. You panicked when your father warned you about becoming an Auror because you were afraid you might turn out like him. You didn't even tell me about your Auror apprenticeship application because you were afraid what the apprenticeship could do to us. So why did you seem so concerned then but...but not concerned now with the Quidditch contract? Did you ever even stop and think what being a Quidditch player could do to us?" she whispered. James' look softened, realizing how much he had really hurt her by not acknowledging the challenges that would present in their relationships if he has become a professional Quidditch player. She swallowed hard and didn't even try to wipe away the tears anymore. "I love you, James. And I don't want you to go to Italy. I'll…I-I won't let you go without a fight. I'm just sorry I haven't realized that before now."

He was grateful that she had spoken her true insecurities aloud to him instead of keeping them bottled up inside. And she had every right to accuse him of not acknowledging the future of the relationship because it's true. He didn't. And thinking about what Riley said earlier, he realized that he, too, pulled a Lily: pretended not to notice their relationship could change in hoping that he didn't have to admit his own fears.

She looked so lost and confused. James found himself finally giving in to his instincts and pulled her close to him, desperate to make her feel better. He stroked her wet hair, kissing her tears away. He probably should have been angry with her for the things she has put him through, but it was hard staying mad at her when she looked so helpless. Perhaps nothing had changed between them. Perhaps he was still going to be the one fighting the hardest for him. But she finally put forth the effort he needed. And right now, she needed him. He wasn't going to not be there for her just to be spiteful.

"Wow," he said speechlessly, trying to figure out how to even respond.

She offered him a lopsided, apologetic smile. "Just wow?" she murmured. She sensed hesitance in his voice, but his look was soft and adoring and she took that as a good sign. She knew that she needed to divulge her deepest fears to him if she was going to have any chance of his forgiveness for the way she had been acting. She had nothing left to lose and everything to gain.

He shook his head, kissing her forehead instinctively. "I want you to know, Lily, that I _never _plan on abandoning you intentionally and I will _never _think you're not worth keeping around. I-I am so in love with you and even if I go off and become a famous Quidditch player, that's not going to change. It breaks my heart that you think I would just drop you because of…of a _job_. I would choose you over any job any day of the year. You are…you're always going to come first to me. I-I'm just…" he trailed off, running his fingers through his hair haggardly. He locked eyes with hers, frowning. "I just hate that you didn't realize that."

She turned away from him guiltily, playing with a blade of grass in her hand haphazardly. "It wasn't that I didn't realize that, James," she said softly. "It was that I was afraid of realizing that. I don't want you to have to choose between a job and me. That's not fair to you. Hence why I haven't spoken my mind until now."

He nodded unfalteringly.

Lily reached for his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Like I said, I know that I've been acting foolish and ridiculous. And I know that you would never hurt me intentionally just like I'd never hurt you intentionally. And I meant what I said: I-I never want you to have to choose between a career and me," she murmured. "But I-I still can't help but hate the idea of you going off to Italy to play Quidditch," she whispered guiltily. She slowly lifted her gaze until she was staring up at him, biting down on the inside of her lip hesitantly. If he wanted her to be honest and let him into her heart, he probably deserved to know the one thing she was scared would backfire on her. "And…and in the spirit of true honesty, I can't help but hate the idea of you being an Auror either."

James' heart skipped a beat. "That doesn't leave me with much." It was his attempt at a joke.

"It leaves you with me," she whispered, choking on her words. She realized that that sounded selfish. She realized that that sounded desperate. She realized that that contradicted her very statement that she didn't want him to have to choose between her and a career. But she didn't want to lose him like she lost her parents and her sister. She needed him. And if she had to wear her heart on her sleeve to keep him, she would do it.

James couldn't help but offer her a somber smile, her vulnerability shining through for once. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her close to him, kissing the top of her soaked hair. He ran his hands up and down her arms to try and warm her up. He was so used to seeing Lily act brave and tough and it broke his heart to see her crumble in front of his very eyes. "You're _always_going to have me," he said softly.

She hung her head shamefully, sensing the determination in his voice. She was feeling guiltier by the second. Here he was comforting her irrationalized fears when she should be comforting him. "Stop," she whispered.

He quirked an alarmed eyebrow. "Er...stop what?"

"Stop being so damn nice to me," she demanded. "I don't deserve it. _You _should be the one slapping me and _you _should be the one who gets to storm out and _you _should be the one who should be getting comforted. I have been nothing but cold and distant and I have showed absolutely no appreciation for you for over a week. You…you should have walked away when you had the chance."

James cracked a smile. "I wouldn't hit a girl."

Lily whined. "Stop," she pouted.

He laughed and threw his arm over her shoulder comfortingly. He threw his head backward and let the rain slip down his face. There was something peaceful and comfortable about the way the rain poured down around the two of them. It made him feel safe. "I'm…I'm not mad at you," he eventually said. "If anything I'm mad at myself."

Lily didn't say anything. She conveyed her confusion with a single glance upwards.

Maybe she was right; maybe he didn't deserve her. But no matter how much his head was telling him that it might be easier to walk away from her, his heart wouldn't let him. He reached for her hand, squeezing it comfortingly. A lump formed in his throat. "Lily, maybe I'm at fault, too. Because you were right. I didn't think about the consequences of playing Quidditch and how it would affect our relationship. I...I simply thought about myself. I'm not used to thinking of _my _future as…as _our _future." He hesitated, muttering guiltily, "I-I did mean what I said before. I'm afraid that you might never be able to let me in one-hundred-percent. And…and maybe I have to fight a little harder for us because you won't always know how. But I'm not ready to walk away from you. I'm ready to start thinking of my future as our future."

She nodded. "I want to think of my future as our future, too," she whispered desperately, still wondering what their future had in hold for them.

He read her mind. He brushed her curly, wet tendrils away from her face and kissed the side of her head. "I just wish you had told me…well, _all_ of this before. All I wanted from you was...was _you_. And you couldn't even give that to me. Here I was thinking that you didn't care about me and the entire time, all you ever did _was _care. More than I even did apparently."

Lily shook her head. "How could you ever think I didn't care about you?"

"Well, can you blame me? You've used every excuse in the book to completely avoid spending any time with me, even trying to convince Sirius to hex you enough that you would have to go to the hospital wing during the prefect meeting!"

Lily grinned sheepishly, not realizing he had known about that. "Yeah, that may not have been my shining moment."

James chuckled and wrapped his arms around her tightly, never wanting to let her go. He kissed away her tears and brushed away the strands of hair matted to her face. Her fears about their future only made him love her more. He liked knowing he wasn't the only one with fears.

Lily broke their comfortable silence with a long, drawn-out sigh. "I won't make the same mistake again by not talking to you, James. If you want me to fight for you, I'm going to do it."

"I want you to fight for me," he whispered, pressing his lips firmly against hers.

"Then I will," she responded, smiling reassuringly. She hesitated, grabbing his arm to wrap around her shoulder and sinking into his warm touch.

He smiled warily. "I guess we just have to get used to how weird it's going to be when we leave Hogwarts. Since the day we got together back in January, we've barely spent a few _hours _apart from each other. We have never gone a day without spending time together. It's...it's going to be drastically different when we're living in the real world with _jobs _and busy schedules and when we're not living across the hall from each other. It's...it's going to be so surreal not having you by my side every night."

"I know," she whispered, kissing him lightly. "I don't really like thinking about it. Life was so much easier when we were eleven and the only problem I had was...was trying to get chocolate sauce out of my hair," she joked.

James laughed. They had certainly come a long way since then.

Lily nestled her head into his chest, pulling James' arms tightly around her. "I wish I could go back to being eleven and just freeze time. Just be a kid again."

James stared at Lily with an eager smile. "I don't," he said calmly. "I never want to go back to a time where you and I weren't together."

Lily's heart stopped as she locked eyes with his, a lustful chill running down her spine. She smiled shyly, wondering what she ever did to deserve a guy like James. She nestled into his arms and threw his jacket around the both of their shoulders, huddling up beside him for warmth. She didn't mind the rain; it definitely brought her closer to James. She found herself smiling contently, wondering what had made her so crazy. Why did she think she couldn't talk to him? They hadn't even yelled or scolded each other; he understood where she was coming from and that's all she ever wanted. She didn't know why she had been afraid of him not understanding. Because she knew that even if he hadn't, he would have tried to. And he would have loved her even if he didn't understand. And that's what it really was all about: love. She was determined to make it up to him in the near future.

He was so close to letting her go. He was so close to walking away. And if she hadn't finally spilled all of her fears and insecurities to him, there was a good chance they would have broken up. And he didn't know if he ever would have been able to forgive himself if he _had _walked away. He loved her and he wanted to be with her.

"I'm going to turn down the Quidditch offer."

Lily's heart skipped a beat and she slowly lifted her gaze to his. "James, please don't turn it down because of me."

"I'm not," he quickly argued. "You were right about everything you said to me tonight about why I was choosing Quidditch. I was choosing Quidditch because it was easier than attempting to follow my Auror passion. All because of a few words from my father. I'm afraid of letting everyone down. I'm afraid of becoming him. And I'm afraid that I'll lose everyone I've ever loved because of it."

"You won't," Lily quickly argued, shaking her head.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I won't let that happen."

He smiled shyly and kissed her neck. A shiver ran down her spine and he wondered if it was because of the rain or if it was because of her sudden vulnerability. "Playing Quidditch was never my passion," he continued. "Since I could remember, I have striven for that Auror recruitment apprenticeship. And even though I-I have no idea what to expect from it and even though I know it will be dangerous, it's still what I want to do with my life. Not only to prove to my father that I am a better man than he is, but to prove it to myself."

"Well, I already know it," Lily retorted, letting her lips dance lightly against his. She pulled away from him and laughed as a raindrop got stuck on his eyelash. She kissed it away and said casually, "You'll make an incredible Auror." And she really did believe it. Even if she was afraid for him. Afraid for _them_.

James sensed her hesitance and offered her an apologetic smile. "At least this means that I'm going to stay in London," he reminded her sheepishly. "And to be fair, it sounds to me that being an Auror will be a cakewalk compared to what Dumbledore has in store for the Order."

Lily swallowed hard. "Oh, great. Double the danger for you." She cracked a smile.

"You're right," James said honestly, shrugging guiltily. "It is dangerous. It's the price I have to pay for…for justice."

"I know," Lily responded. She shook her head quickly, letting the hair splash from her hair as she searched for the right words. "You are just the…the…" she trailed off, too many words springing to mind.

"Just the what?" James asked curiously.

She held her palm against his cheek, running her hand down his rain-soaked face with a smile of content. She brought his lips to hers, lingering the kiss for a few extra seconds. "You are the kindest, most forgiving, gentlest, and…and _the_ _bravest man_ I know," she whispered, her voice filled with adoration. "You _are _going to be accepted into the Auror training program and every day, you're going to fight hard for what you believe in. You are going to be the best damn Auror that Britain has ever seen. And I just hope that when that day comes, I will be there by your side to remind you just how absolutely wonderful you are. Because I believe in you and that will never change," she whispered, happy tears gathering in her eyes. She reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly, resting her head on his shoulder. "James, I _am _going to tear down all of the walls I have built up around my heart and I am going to break down all of the barriers I have created. I know I've said it before but if the price to pay is losing you, I _am _going to let you in. Because I love you, James. It's that simple."

His heart skipped a beat as he gazed down at her. She sounded so scared and determined at the same time. He didn't intend a potential break-up to scare her, but maybe she did need a wake-up call. Maybe they both did. Life wasn't worth taking for granted. Lily's parents' deaths and her sister's disappearance and Wyatt's disappearance and Brite's death and his father's abandonment

all proved that. They had both been through a lot but it just brought them closer together. Sometimes, those similarities caused barriers between them that were built on fears, but at least they were both determined to knock them down. They were allowed to fight; couples do that. The problem was that every time a fight came up, one of them pushed the other away resulting in more damage than necessary. It was easier for both of them to close themselves off from each other than deal with confrontation and the vulnerable possibility of getting hurt. They were used to getting hurt from others they loved that being _in love_ put them in the ultimate vulnerable position. But they both knew that in order for their relationship to be strong they had to believe that the rewards were bigger than the risks.

"I know," he whispered. He brought his thumbs up and wiped away her tears, kissing the raindrops off her nose. "And I hope you know that _I_ love _you_."

Lily chewed hesitantly on the inside of her lip, her eyes darting guiltily away from his. "After all I've put you through, I would be stupid not to know that," she said softly.

James' look softened. "You are anything but stupid," he said, kissing her cheek. "Strong, yes. Resilient, yes. Loving, yes. The person I want to spend the rest of my life with, yes. Stupid? Definitely not."

She nodded slowly. "Thank you for understanding," she whispered. She knew in that moment that she was one lucky girl. She had had her share of tragedy and heartbreak and she definitely had had her share of disappointment. But looking at James who was gazing at her with warmth and passion, she knew that those days were over. A shiver ran down her spine as a sudden through crept into her mind: he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, too. And that didn't scare her anymore.

"Oh, are you cold?" James winced. "Should we go back inside?"

"No," Lily quickly argued, laying her head in his lap as she drew his jacket over her shoulders as the rain started to come down harder. "I think I'm exactly where I belong."

James knew she wasn't referring to the location. "Me, too," he whispered.

* * *

When Remus walked into the Great Hall the next morning, early as usual without his two cohorts by his side, he was surprised to see James and Lily sitting amicably with each other in the middle of the Gryffindor table. James was attempting to throw grapes up in the air and catch them with his mouth and Lily was shaking her head in disbelief, a shy, cunning smile on her face that showed Remus how much she adored him even when he was acting like a fool.

He slowly traipsed over to them and took a seat across the table. Remus reached out and grabbed a grape before it fell into James' mouth, popping it into his own.

"Hey!" James whined. "I was going to catch that one!"

"You haven't caught the last six so I doubt you would have caught that one," Lily snickered, flashing her boyfriend a teasing grin.

"Well, I guess now we'll never know!" James pouted, sending Remus a look.

Remus rolled his eyes and reached for a scone. "So am I to assume that you crazy kids made up after last night's prefect meeting?"

James and Lily shared a complacent look before shrugging. "Yeah," James said vaguely. "You could say that."

Remus nodded curiously, but didn't pry. He was happy for them, even if for the slightest second the previous night during the prefect meeting he had the guilty thought that it didn't suck that James and Lily were fighting. It was difficult being recently single and it made him feel better, _only for a second_, that his wasn't the only relationship that seemed to be failing. "Well, I'm glad to hear it," Remus said.

Lily pretended not to notice the somber tremor in his voice and thankfully, Riley and Sirius swooped in, looking a bit too cheerful for an early morning. Riley had spent the night in the boys' dormitory, which Remus was getting increasingly used to, so it wasn't a surprise that they arrived together. Glancing at their wet, disheveled hair, Remus prayed silently that Sirius and Riley had had the decency to use the shower separately.

"You guys are sitting quite close together," Riley commented, narrowing her eyes in scrutiny at Lily and James.

Lily rolled her eyes. "What's with all the speculation?" she snorted. "I don't know if you realize this but couples fight and, _gasp_, they even make up!"

Sirius shot them a cheeky grin, quirking a suggestive eyebrow. "Hell yeah they make up!"

Lily threw a grape at him. "I don't appreciate the implication."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Tell me you didn't have make-up sex."

Lily blushed furiously and averted her eyes towards the table as James attempted to hold in a snicker. "That's none of your business," Lily muttered.

Sirius and Riley high-fived, grinning foolishly. "That's a yes," Riley snickered.

"You two are so unbelievably crude," Lily murmured, slumping down in her seat. "You were definitely made for each other, that's for sure."

Riley gazed over at Sirius with a warm smile. Lily meant it as a joke, but Riley couldn't help but agree.

Remus caught the shared furtive smile between Sirius and Riley and sighed, stuffing the rest of his scone in his mouth. He couldn't have been happier for his friends that they had fallen in love and even better, they had girls who were head-over-heels for them. But it was hard being happy for his friends when he was so miserable. Watching Riley and Sirius share wide-eyed loving glances with each other and seeing James' face light up every time Lily's hands brushed his skin was just a huge reminder that he no longer had the girl he loved in his life anymore.

"I-I left my Potions notes back in the room," Remus murmured, chugging the rest of his pumpkin juice. "I'll catch you guys in class?"

It was hard not to notice the clouded expression on Remus' face, but the four of them simply said their good-byes and watched him saunter out of the Great Hall.

"How's Remus doing?" Lily asked, glancing back and forth between James and Sirius.

A grim silence filled the air. "He's resilient," James chimed in eventually, smiling sympathetically. "He'll bounce back."

"Of course he will. But that doesn't make it any easier," Riley quickly piped up with a sigh. "It's hard watching your friends succeed in a relationship when you can't manage to keep a hold of your own."

Sirius frowned. "Sounds like you're talking from experience," he muttered. He didn't know why he suddenly felt guilty; he wasn't the one who broke up with her.

Riley placed her hands over his, smiling lopsidedly. "I think if anyone can understand heartache like Remus is experiencing right now, it's us," she reminded him, scrunching her nose guiltily.

"Why are we talking about heartbreak so early in the morning?" Kay's voice boomed over the four friends, slipping into an empty seat besides Riley.

"Just speculating about Remus' break-up," Lily sighed sullenly.

Kay nodded, frowning. "Does anyone know what happened?"

James and Sirius shared a quick glance, but quickly looked away. They didn't feel it was necessary to tell the girls that Jillian felt second-best to them. They probably wouldn't understand anyway not knowing the ultimate consequences and risks they had put themselves in by becoming Animagi for Remus' transformations. "No," James said curtly, shrugging.

"I feel bad for him," Riley sighed. "Break-ups really are tough."

"Yeah," Kay murmured. "Been there, done that."

Riley hesitated, making a face. "Wow, I've not only brought heartbreak on myself and Sirius, but I've also brought it upon you and my brother. I'm officially a horrible person," she whined.

Her friends couldn't help but laugh.

"How is my brother anyway?" Riley asked curiously. It had been a while since she had spoken to him. She wasn't entirely sure he actually knew that she and Sirius got back together, unless Kay told him.

"He's good," Kay said, beaming. "Only six weeks left until I get to see him."

"Not that you're counting or anything," Lily drawled sarcastically, snickering.

Kay rolled her eyes. "If you really wanted to know, it's actually six weeks, two days, five hours, and twenty minutes. If I had a watch, I could probably tell you the seconds, too."

"That won't be necessary," Sirius snorted, sighing inwardly. He was glad that Kay would be able to see her boyfriend in six weeks, but that just meant that their days at Hogwarts were coming to a close.

"Wow," Lily murmured, slightly panicked. "Do N.E.W.T.S. really start in three and a half weeks?"

Kay grimaced. "Don't remind me. I still can't perform a good _Priori Incantato _spell," she muttered. "It keeps telling me I performed the _Obliviate _charm and I'm pretty sure I've never used that charm. Unless of course someone is using my wand without my knowledge."

Sirius shrugged sheepishly. "Well, what other charm am I supposed to use on the Slytherins when I don't want them telling McGonagall about my latest prank?" he teased.

"And why, pray tell, would _my _wand need to involved?" Kay snickered.

"Well, I wouldn't want any trace of it to get back to me!"

Kay stared at him blankly. "Did you ever think that all of that cunning scheming would be better put to use on your academics?"

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Don't tell me that was an actual suggestion?"

Kay rolled her eyes. "Must be nice to have a photographic memory."

Sirius grinned. "Yes, yes it is."

Kay reached over and grabbed a few grapes from James' plate, chucking them at Sirius.

"AGHH!" he cried out, ducking immediately.

Riley snickered, shaking her head at her boyfriend, who definitely provided an element of entertainment for the group. "On that note," she laughed, "How about you use that photographic memory of yours in Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

Sirius scrunched up his nose. "I'd rather not."

Riley shoved the rest of her muffin in her mouth and stood up from the table. "Well, you don't have a choice considering class starts in ten minutes."

He hesitated. "I'm thinking it would be a good day to-"

"Don't say cut class," Lily interjected, giving him a look.

Sirius slumped down in his chair. "Somehow I didn't think you'd allow that."

"You have _six weeks _left of school and then you never have to sit inside another classroom again," James pointed out. He reached for Lily's hand, slowly getting up from the table as he flashed his friend a teasing grin. "Do us a favor and actually be useful for once."

Sirius gulped down his pumpkin juice and reluctantly followed his friends' suit and climbed out of his seat. "Now why would I start being useful now when I have perfected the art of being lazy and invaluable over the years?"

"Well, at least he knows his place," Lily giggled, ducking as a grape soared towards her head.

Sirius grinned. "I'm going to pretend that wasn't an insult."

* * *

As Sirius was rushing out of the common room, late for Quidditch practice as per usual, his eyes zoned in on Jillian sitting alone in the corner and he halted immediately. The wise choice would have been to ignore her presence and hurry off to practice before James chewed him out. That was his initial instinct. But as he attempted to make a hasty exit, the frustration welling up inside of him was too overwhelming to ignore. He threw out all instincts and made his way over to her. "You're an idiot."

Jillian glanced over her shoulder, her eyes clouding with irritation. "Gee, that might be the warmest welcome I've ever received."

Sirius shrugged indifferently. "If anyone deserves to be called an idiot, it's you."

Jillian sighed, turning her gaze away from him guiltily. "I already know that," she said softly.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Heh?"

Jillian shook her head, another stern look spreading across her face. "Sirius, if all you did was come here to berate me, call it a job well done. You can go now."

Sirius was shocked to hear her cold dismissal. "_Excuse me_?"

She didn't respond, pursing her lips.

Sirius didn't have much else to say. He started to turn her back towards her when he hesitated, blurting out, "You're not going to find a better man than Remus, Jillian. You lost out big-time and you made a huge mistake by dumping him. You are never going to find _anyone _who loves you as much as he did."

When she turned her head towards him, he was surprised to see tears glistening her eyes. "You don't think I know that?" she spat out in a soft whisper. "Sirius, if you really want to stand there and reprimand me for…for breaking up with Remus, go right ahead. But believe me, anything you have to say to me, I already know."

Sirius hesitated, not sure if it was some sort of trick. "What?"

"It wasn't easy," she whispered, swallowing hard. "I didn't…I didn't love doing it, Sirius."

He was beginning to feel sorry for her and he certainly wasn't expecting that. "Then why did you?" he asked curiously.

He wasn't surprised when she didn't answer. He knew then that there was something deeper going on with Jillian that she wasn't sharing with Remus. "Sirius, please just…" she said, desperation in her voice, "Please just don't make me feel worse than I already do."

Sirius nodded, biting down on his bottom lip hesitantly. He sighed. "I'm sorry you're hurting," he said sincerely.

She glanced up, surprised by the authenticity in his voice. "Thank you," she murmured. "I appreciate that."

He added, "Maybe if you talked to Remus about whatever was bothering you, you wouldn't be hurting so much."

Sirius could have sworn he saw a flicker of guilt pass through her eyes before she glanced back down at her essay in front of her. It signaled the end of the conversation and Sirius obeyed. With one last lingering glance at her trying to pinpoint the expression on Jillian's face, he walked out of her sight, more confused about Jillian and Remus' break-up than before.

* * *

Sirius was the last one in the Quidditch showers, like usual. It was often because he and James stayed a bit later after practice to continue flying around the pitch for fun and that night was no different. Since he had gotten back together with Riley, he hadn't spent more than a few minutes with his friends. When James had suggested throwing a quaffle around for a bit longer, Sirius agreed almost immediately. They spent the next hour reminiscing on all of the good times they had shared throughout the year, from the pranks on the Slytherins to the Quidditch matches they had helped Gryffindor win to the summers spent cannonballing into James' pool. They spent the hour discussing the past and ignoring the unpredictability of the future, something they both felt they needed.

Sirius yelped slightly when the shower curtain was drawn slowly behind him, but grinned when he saw Riley's face peeking in. "Hey there, sexy," she drawled, grinning cheekily.

She leaned over and kissed him lightly. "What the hell are you doing out there when you could be in here?" he whispered.

She giggled and attempted to turn back around to shed her clothes. Sirius, however, had a different plan for her. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the shower fully-clothed.

She shrieked as the water cascaded down her jeans and white T-shirt, clinging to her body. She gave him a look, wringing out her T-shirt. "You could have asked me to hurry," she said, the ends of her mouth turning up.

He stuck his fingers into her belt loops and pulled her close to him, running his hands over her soaked hair and letting his lips dance lightly against hers. Sirius always thought she looked more beautiful every time he looked at her, if that was even possible. "This seemed like a more entertaining option," he joked. "Have I mentioned how much I like you in white?"

Riley snorted. "You mean how much you like me in white while I'm _soaked_," she retorted, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

Sirius grinned. "I like you better in nothing," he whispered as he proceeded to lift her soggy T-shirt over her head. He dropped it beside him, not even bothering to throw it outside the shower. It was already soaked and it wasn't like he was concerned about keeping them dry. No, he was more concerned with getting Riley to peel off her clothes.

In a matter of seconds, Riley was pressed up against the cold shower stone wall, Sirius' lips making their way up her exposed neckline. She moaned as Sirius' fingers slowly slipped down her waist and lingered lightly over her private area. There was something so sensual and intimate about hooking up in a shower.

Before Sirius could dip his fingers inside of her, which she was silently begging for, there was a noise from the entrance of the clubhouse and the two of them froze instinctively.

"Sirius!" James' voice boomed out throughout the clubhouse, causing both Sirius and Riley to cringe at the untimely arrival.

Sirius pressed his finger to his mouth, telling Riley to remain quiet. "What the hell do you want?" he cried out over the sound of the water. He prayed that James would just turn around and leave.

James didn't bother answering the question. "Are you intentionally drowning yourself in the shower? Because I'd appreciate it if you waited until _after _the match next week since your alternate's game play isn't even comparable to yours!"

Sirius grinned, accepting the compliment. Riley, too, smiled and slowly wrapped her hand around his cock in response, kissing him quickly as Sirius struggled to respond. It was hard listening to James when all he wanted to do was kiss his beautiful girlfriend.

"I'm not drowning myself in the shower," Sirius argued, his voice hoarse and shallow due to Riley's hands stroking his cock. If she was trying to turn him on, it was definitely working. "I'm thinking. I do my best thinking in the shower!"

James snorted. "_Riiiight_, 'thinking,'" he said slyly. "Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?"

Sirius recognized the insinuation and so did Riley. Riley couldn't help but let a giggle slip, throwing her hand over her mouth immediately.

James gasped and Riley cringed, realizing that he had heard her. "Oh my _God_," James groaned. "_Riley_?"

She exchanged a guilty look with Sirius, who was chuckling in pure amusement over the entire situation. She sighed and said reluctantly, "Hey, James."

James shook his head in disbelief. "What, this clubhouse is the only place you can go for privacy?"

Riley mouthed 'yes' to Sirius, earning them both a chuckle. "Yeah," Sirius cried out to his friend. "So could you please _leave _so we can return to our…ahem, _privacy_?"

James shuddered, praying that they hadn't been in the middle of anything too graphic when he walked in. "Ironically, I totally could use a shower after that revelation. I feel dirty just being in your presence," he murmured teasingly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You're just jealous because my girlfriend is standing in front of me all wet and naked while you're girlfriend is probably studying a book right about now."

There was a light high-pitched giggle that Sirius was surprised he even heard. "Oh my _Merlin_!" Sirius gasped. "Lily-bean?"

There was a long pause before a reply was heard. "Hey, Sirius."

Both Riley and Sirius gasped, trying to contain their own amused laughter. "James Potter, I'm ashamed of you! You only wanted to get rid of me so you and your girlfriend could get it on!" Sirius cried out.

"I don't think you're allowed to guilt trip us when you're the one in the shower with your girlfriend," Lily finally chimed in with a snicker.

"Oh, right," he murmured, the ends of his mouth turning up as Riley kissed him again, mouthing 'Get rid of them,' with a sly, yearning smile.

He offered her a pleading look, wishing for some help.

Riley sighed and shouted out to the twosome, "You two are more than welcome to stay but be warned, in about three seconds, I am totally throwing this shower curtain back and exposing my naked self in all its glory."

"Ew," James shuddered.

"Gross," Lily added.

"Gag me."

"_Kill_ me."

"We're out of here," James caved, grabbing his girlfriend's hand and quickly departing from the clubhouse.

Riley grinned, wrapping her arms around Sirius' shoulders. "Those two are so predictable," Sirius snickered.

"Hm, and what, pray tell, do you predict for _our _future?" Riley whispered.

He grinned suggestively and responded by pressing his lips firmly against hers.

* * *

Riley and Lily were sitting in the common room the following day. Their textbooks were on their lap but they weren't talking about school. Lily was explaining some of the details for the upcoming graduation ball while Riley listened intently. It was more fun thinking of an annual dance than thinking about Potions ingredients or countercurses of the Dark Arts.

"Hello ladies!" Sirius greeted, bowing graciously with James right behind him, shaking his head incredulously. "Your men have arrived."

Riley strained her neck, searching behind him. "Well, will you move so I can _see _them?"

Sirius pouted, plopping on to the loveseat beside them. "Ouch."

Riley laughed, reaching over and tapping him apologetically with her foot. "You know I'm kidding," she snickered.

He nodded, stifling a yawn. "So what are our plans on this happening Friday night?"

Lily glanced down at her textbook. "Well, we have a _very _exciting night planned. It starts with reviewing over 500 potions and then we're going to practice our transfiguration skills and probably end with star charts. It's possibly the most fascinating Friday night I've ever had here at Hogwarts," Lily said, grinning.

James smiled sympathetically and wedged himself between Lily and Riley, earning a smack to the shoulder by Riley as she attempted to scoot over. "Remind me how many days we have until N.E.W.T.s start?"

"24 days," Lily responded immediately.

James shrugged, stretching his legs out on to the table in front of him as he placed his arm around his girlfriend. "So I have about 23 days until I need to start studying."

Only Sirius laughed. Lily smacked her boyfriend with a pillow, giving him a look. "Must I remind you that you have to get a certain number of N.E.W.T.s in order to keep your acceptance into the Auror recruitment program?"

"First of all, I _need _an acceptance for that even to be true," James murmured, making a face. "Second of all, I need to get 5. Must _I _remind _you _that I received 10O.W.L.S. two years ago?"

Riley whined, glancing curiously towards Sirius. "Why do all of my friends have photographic memories?" Sirius could only flash her a sheepish grin.

Lily ignored Riley's comment. "I didn't realize that arrogance and modesty were two of the N.E.W.T.s exams."

James laughed. "I would grab O's in both of those, hands-down."

"And the modesty keeps on coming," Lily snickered.

Before James could retort, a loud slam was heard coming from the portrait door. Everyone's heads turned towards the entrance where an irate Remus suddenly came into view. "SIRIUS BLACK!"

Sirius grimaced, shutting his eyes guiltily as everyone's eyes switched targets.

"What did you do now?" Riley hissed.

Remus stormed over to his friends, a deathly glare frozen on his face as his eyes narrowed intensely at Sirius. He glanced at his other friends out of the corner of his eyes anxiously before returning his glare back on Sirius. "May I have a _word _with you?" Remus grunted, his lips forming a firm, straight line.

Sirius sighed, but nodded as he followed Remus back out of the Gryffindor common room, all eyes on the two of them.

Once the portrait closed on them, Remus whirled around. "Who the hell do you think you are, talking to Jillian on my behalf?" he barked.

Sirius frowned, running his fingers through his hair guiltily. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I-I shouldn't have done it and that's what my instincts were telling me, but…I couldn't help myself. I think it's really crappy what she did to you and…and I was just trying to stand up for you."

"I can stand up for myself, thank you very much," Remus snapped. "You do realize you just added fuel to the fire, right?"

Sirius quirked a confused eyebrow. "Fuel? Fire?"

Remus let out an irritated grunt, throwing his hands in the air. "Damnit, Sirius, are you ever going to pay attention in bloody Muggle Studies? It's just a damn Muggle phrase."

Sirius simply shrugged, knowing that Remus' anger had very little to do with Sirius' study habits.

Remus shook his head angrily, crossing his arms bitterly. "Jillian already thought you guys were invested in my life too much. She knew that you guys were more than just my best friends but that…" he trailed off with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair haggardly. "But that you were like my family. She didn't need any more reason to believe that you guys stick your neck out on the line for me on a monthly basis and then you go ahead and prove her damn point by sticking your nose where it didn't belong!"

Sirius hung his head shamefully, not even bothering to see it from that standpoint. "You're right," he muttered guiltily. "I-I should have just stayed out of it. But…" He pursed his lips, wondering if it was best to remain silent on the matter.

"But what?" Remus hissed.

Sirius sighed, gazing at Remus hesitantly. "Personally, I think she's holding something back from you," Sirius muttered, shrugging. "If it were me, I'd want some answers."

"Well, it isn't you even if you have decided to involve yourself," Remus said dryly, glaring at his friend.

Sirius wasn't fazed by Remus' irritability. He was almost certain that Remus' frustration and dry sense of humor was more directed at Jillian than it was with him. "You want my advice?"

"No."

Sirius gave it to him anyway. "Talk to the girl. She's clearly not telling you everything and-"

"I don't _want _to talk to her, Sirius!" Remus cried out, frustrated. "She _dumped _me. I told her that I loved her and she _dumped _me. Why the hell would I want to talk to her?"

"Because you still love her."

Remus' heart fluttered, but his eyes clouded with irritation. "And so what?" he snorted. "I'm in love with a girl who doesn't love me back. If that alone doesn't teach me not to talk-"

"She loves you," Sirius blurted out, wincing.

Remus froze. "No, she doesn't," he said hollowly, trying to convince himself of those words.

Sirius shrugged awkwardly. "Well, she didn't say it out loud, but the way she was talking told me so."

"You shouldn't have been talking to her in the first place!"

Sirius sighed, leaning back against the stone wall defeatedly. "You're right, I shouldn't have. But I did it anyway. And I guarantee she's not telling you the whole truth."

"Well, that's her own bloody problem," Remus grunted. "Just because I still have feelings for her doesn't mean I can forgive her."

Sirius bit down on his bottom lip to keep from arguing further. It was clear Remus had made up his mind. That was the different between him and Remus. When Sirius realized he was losing Riley, he did everything he could to fight for her. Remus was more complacent and probably a bit more proud than Sirius ever was. He accepted things at face value in fear of rejection. Confrontation was never something Remus' thrived upon. "I know," Sirius sighed.

"Do you mind just staying out of it?" Remus murmured. His anger had subsided. He knew that Sirius got involved because he knew that Remus never would. In a way, Remus knew he should have had some gratitude considering Sirius had no malicious intent and Remus knew he would never have the guts to say something, but honestly, Remus just wanted to pretend as if everything was okay and continue living his life.

Sirius shrugged. "Yeah, of course," he said sincerely. "Sorry if I made it any worse."

"I don't think that's really possible," Remus muttered. When Jillian had bombarded him in the library that night to tell him to keep his friends out of their business, he had blamed Sirius for making an already awful situation even shoddier, but there was a part of Remus that wondered if it was just an excuse for Jillian to come up to him. The more he thought about it, the more he knew that Sirius was probably right: Jillian was hiding her true reasons for breaking up with him. There was a sense of hesitance and a deep longing in her eyes earlier that proved that much. But if she would rather keep those secrets hidden and break up with him, he wasn't ready to forgive her for that.

Sirius sensed a heavy hopelessness in his voice and immediately flashbacked to the days after he and Riley broke up. He remembered trying to put up one damn good front for everyone so as not to admit how much he was hurting and it was clear that Remus was doing the same. "Are you okay, Remus?" Sirius asked determinedly. He had a feeling that Remus wouldn't answer but at least he'd show Remus he was there for him.

Remus plastered a fake smile on his face, no surprise to Sirius. "Yeah, of course," he said dismissively. "Look, I left my books back in the library so I'm going to head back there."

"Are we good?" Sirius blurted out guiltily.

Remus offered him a sympathetic smile and nodded slowly. "Yeah, of course."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but Remus bit his tongue and said instead, "I'll see you later."

Remus wandered down the hall and turned the corner without another glance towards Sirius. Once he rounded the corner, he propped himself up against the stone wall and slid down towards the ground with a deep sigh. He had no intention of going back to the library at that moment and having to face Jillian again. He was initially mortified at the thought of Sirius talking to Jillian on his behalf, but truth was, Jillian probably deserved it. Even if he was still in love with her, he couldn't help but feel a little angry at her for hiding behind her own damn fear of vulnerability. There seemed to be a lot of that going around lately.

"Remus?"

Remus froze and glanced upward, grateful to see it was only Kay. "Oh, hey," he said, plastering on yet another smile. "Where are you coming from?"

"I was outside by the lake with Alice studying Herbology," she said, gazing at him peculiarly. "You okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Remus repeated for the second time that evening. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Kay quirked an eyebrow. "Because you're sitting on the floor in the middle of a random hallway."

Remus hesitated. "Oh, right."

She debated briefly about whether to leave him alone or offer him some much-needed company. She wasn't surprised when she found herself sliding down against the wall beside him.

Neither spoke for some time nor was Remus ungrateful for that. He even cracked a lopsided smile when Kay leaned her head over on his shoulder. He knew it was her way of showing any kind of comfort.

He took the allotted silence to literally not think about anything. All he wanted to do was count the cracks in the opposite wall in hopes of forgetting that he was miserable. It worked for a while. Until he ran out of cracks. It was only then did he finally speak up. "Thanks, Kay, for…for not interrogating me."

She lifted her head from his shoulder and gazed up at him. "You just looked like you needed a friend."

He nodded unfalteringly.

"And considering I haven't exactly been a good friend to you recently, I felt like I owed you," she murmured, hanging her head shamefully.

He jerked his head in her direction, startled. "What are you talking about?"

"I just…I wonder if I hadn't convinced you to give Jillian some time and if I hadn't tried convincing you to…to write out your argument on stupid index cards that maybe you wouldn't even be sitting here," she blurted out guiltily, biting down on her bottom lip.

Remus shook his head immediately. "Believe me, Kay, she made up her mind the second she walked out of my room."

"Maybe," she said unconvincingly. "I still can't help but feel slightly responsib-"

"Don't even say it," Remus argued, nudging her shoulder lightly. "And don't question the status of your friendship with me again. I've never doubted our friendship and neither should you."

She nodded slowly. "Okay."

He chose to count the stones in the ceiling but lost count after 89. He wondered if Jillian had left the library yet so he could return to gather his things. He mentally kicked himself for leaving the Marauder's map in the library as well.

He sighed, massaging the back of his neck that had been strained from counting tiles. "You were lucky, Kay," he murmured.

She glanced up at him, quirking an eyebrow. "Was lucky? As in past tense?" she teased.

He loved that she could make him chuckle when he was feeling so down. "Yeah," he established. "Obviously being in a long-distance relationship sucks, but…but when you and Lance broke up, it was probably a blessing in disguise. You didn't have to see him everywhere you went just to be reminded that he was no longer yours. You didn't have to…to hear his laugh and wish you were the one causing it. You didn't run into him and try to make a clean getaway without any awkwardness. You didn't have to see the look in his eyes every time you happened to lock eyes." Remus sighed, slumping further down against the wall. "For claiming to be such a large castle, this place feels pretty damn small."

Kay instinctively reached out and squeezed his arm reassuringly. "But I do know what it feels to lose someone you really care about for a reason that doesn't seem fair."

He nodded hesitantly. "I guess I'm not ready to move on," he realized, running his fingers through his hair apprehensively.

"I happen to know what that feels like, too," Kay agreed, shrugging sheepishly.

"She was the one girl who…" Remus trailed off, shutting his eyes tightly. He didn't know why he was showcasing so much of his vulnerability to Kay except for the sole fact that he didn't know how to hide it anymore.

"Who what?" Kay nudged.

Remus was silent for a long moment. "Who I felt I could trust completely. I've never felt half as comfortable with any girl before," he murmured. He gazed down at Kay, guilt surging through him. "You want the truth?"

She nodded slowly.

Remus took a deep breath in, exhaling slowly and feebly. "I'm scared that I might never find another girl that I'm willing to share all of my secrets with," he started hesitantly. He offered her a reluctant apologetic smile, muttering, "She…she knows things about me that even you don't know. Things that Riley and Lily don't know."

Kay wasn't offended. It took seven years before he felt comfortable telling them about his lycanthropy. She wasn't surprised that Remus had more secrets. "It might not be easy, but you _will _find someone, Remus," Kay said determinedly.

She sounded so confident that Remus wanted to believe her. But all he could think about was the trust he put into Jillian who ended up tearing it all to pieces. "I hope so."

They shared a smile, a slight acknowledgment that they were ceasing the conversation. "Want to continue counting the stones in the ceiling?" Kay snickered.

Remus gazed at her, startled. "How did you know that that's what I was doing?"

She smiled perceptively, thinking back to the days following her break-up with Lance. "There are approximately 206 stones in the Astronomy Tower ceiling."

Remus chuckled, shaking his head in amazement. He glanced briefly up towards the ceiling, but ended up standing up from the floor abruptly. "How about, instead, you accompany me to the library so I may retrieve my books that I left there earlier?"

She nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

He extended his hand, offering to help her up and she willingly took it.

* * *

Remus and Kay ended up spending the rest of the evening together. When they arrived at the library, they found that Jillian had evacuated it, so they took that as their opportunity to quiz each other on the different constellations and their interpretation in the wizarding world.

It was close to curfew when they finally left and returned to the Gryffindor house. They parted ways, with a final thank you from Remus, and Remus trudged up to his dorm room. He wasn't surprised to see that James and Sirius were there with their respective girlfriends by their sides. A twinge of jealousy ached inside Remus, but he shook the thought out of his mind.

Remus threw his books on to his desk haphazardly, which was piling up with mounds of schoolwork and textbooks, and plopped on to his bed with a sigh.

James briefly glanced up from his essay. "Where have you been?"

Remus hesitated. "Library."

Sirius jerked his head up in surprise. "Really?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Jillian wasn't there, Sirius."

"Oh," he said, sharing a sideways glance with James that as good as informed Remus that during his absence, his friends had discussed his break-up and more than likely, Sirius' recent encounter with Jillian herself.

Remus stifled a yawn and lay back on to his bed, staring up towards his ceiling. He couldn't help but wonder how many stones there were on his dorm room ceiling.

"Well, we should be heading out," Lily spoke up, gesturing towards Riley.

Remus rolled his eyes. "You don't have to leave."

"I know we don't _have _to," Lily explained with a shrug as she slowly sat upright from James' warm arms.

Remus turned over to his side, propping himself up by his elbow. "I'm _fine_," he said almost convincingly. Truth was, after his night with Kay where she had done a great job of making him focus on everything except for Jillian, he was fine. Or at least for the first time since Jillian broke his heart he felt as if he _would _befine. Which was enough for him at that moment.

"We didn't say you weren't," Riley argued, offering him a sympathetic smile.

"Yeah, but you're doing that annoying thing where you cock your head to the side and give me a…an uneven smile trying to make it seem like you're being supportive but really, you're just feeling sorry for me."

Riley hesitated, sharing an amused glance with Lily. "Is it that obvious?" Riley snickered.

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "Yes," he replied almost immediately. "And I appreciate the concern, but like I said, I'm fine."

Lily nodded. "I know," she urged. "But I have an essay that certainly isn't going to write itself." She gestured for Riley to follow her out and with one last lingering kiss to James, she said her goodbyes and the two of them traipsed out of the room.

Once the girls left, James took that as his excuse to throw his textbook on to the floor. He outstretched his arms over his head and yawned. "Oh, man, I thought she'd never leave."

Sirius snorted. "Well, that's a very sweet thing to say about the girl you love."

James rolled his eyes. "I finished my essay about a half-hour ago and I really didn't want to start another assignment. Which would have been Lily's suggestion."

"So what have you been doing for the past half-hour?" Sirius snickered.

"Polishing my essay," James said, shrugging. "It's probably the best damn essay I've ever written."

"Is it the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay on the Unforgivable Curses?" Sirius asked curiously.

James nodded.

"So you're probably an expert on Unforgivable Curses by now," Sirius said slowly.

"I'm not giving you my essay to copy."

Sirius swore and returned to his own work.

James gazed over at Remus who seemed rather distracted and unusually quiet during a conversation of cheating. "Moony?"

Remus slowly turned his gaze on James. "Hm?"

James hesitated. He knew that the last question Remus wanted to hear if he was okay. He had probably had enough of that the last few days. "Would _you _like my essay to copy?" he said, a teasing grin on his face.

Remus cracked a smile. "I finished that yesterday but thank you for thinking I needed to cheat in order to complete my work." It wasn't a harsh statement. Au contraire, it was Remus' way of telling James that everything was okay without having to actually answer the unvoiced question. "What I could use is a shot of something, _anything _right now."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow but didn't question it. He cascaded over the side of his bed and rummaged underneath it. The first thing he touched was a bottle of firewhisky so he pulled that out. "Firewhisky?"

"Sounds good," Remus said with a shrug. He was about to tell his two friends something that he never thought he would give the green light for and he thought he perhaps could use some loosening up beforehand.

"Want any?" Sirius asked, glancing over at James.

James' eyes were still curiously perched on Remus, but he nodded hesitantly. "Sure, why not?"

After they downed the shots, James finally spoke up. "You gonna tell us what's going on, Remus?"

Remus slowly sat up, maneuvering himself so that he was leaning up against the back of the stone wall that his four-post bed was pushed up against. "I think that…" Remus started, taking a deep breath in as he glanced between his two friends with an apprehensive gaze. "Look, I know that when you guys mastered your Animagi transformations we said that we would never tell anyone. That it would be a secret that would go to our graves. But I think that perhaps it's time you two told Riley and Lily."

They both froze in shock. They didn't know what they were expecting Remus to say, but it certainly wasn't that. During their third year when they had finalized the Animagi transformations, the four of them had made a pact that no one other than the four of them would ever know that three of them had the ability to turn into Animagus form. When Jillian had found out, it shook them. But seeing as she found out by sheer accident made it easier to accept it. It made them nervous, but Remus had promised that Jillian would never tell a single sole knowing it could jeopardize them. And now, Remus was sitting in front of them giving them permission to outright tell others about the biggest secret they all shared.

Remus couldn't help but laugh at the awestruck looks on his two friends' faces.

Sirius glanced over at James curiously, whispering, "Is he joking?"

James gazed at Sirius dumbfoundedly, shrugging. "I don't know. He _looks _serious."

"But he can't possibly be," Sirius murmured. "We promised we would never tell anyone."

"I know. I wonder what changed his mind," James muttered.

"Maybe he's dying."

"I think that's a little over the top," James snorted.

"Well, you come up with a reason that would change the entire foundation of the pact we made five years ago!"

Remus cleared his throat, rolling his eyes. "_Ahem_!" he cried out. "You could just ask me."

James turned back towards Sirius. "Maybe we should just ask Remus."

"James!" Remus barked.

James grinned sheepishly. "Seriously, Moony, could you at least have eased your way into that one?" he murmured. "What the hell brought this on? I never would have even _imagined _you'd agree to this."

"And why not?" Remus asked curiously, shrugging. "It's not like they don't already know about my lycanthropy. This is _your _secret to tell, not mine."

James and Sirius remained silent, their hearts speeding up at the implication.

Remus cocked his head to the side. "Which is probably why you're so hesitant."

"Heh?" Sirius retorted.

Remus furrowed his brow, pursing his lips inquisitively. "It's your own lies that you have to catch up with."

James' heart skipping a beat, knowing exactly what he meant. Since the day that he and Lily got together, James would make up an excuse roughly once a month as to why he couldn't be with her so that he could frolic the grounds with Remus and his friends during the full moon. He would have to do a lot of explaining if he was completely straightforward.

He picked up the shot glass from his bedside table and gestured towards Sirius. "I think I'm gonna need another shot."

Sirius snickered and quickly obliged. He poured himself one, too.

"You want to tell us exactly what brought this up?" James repeated his earlier question.

Remus sighed. "Well, I was talking to Kay tonight and-"

"Oh, my God please tell me that you didn't tell her," Sirius groaned, smacking his palm against his forehead.

Remus glared at him. "I am not that much of an idiot, Sirius. Did I not just say it was your secret to tell?"

Sirius slumped down on his bed sheepishly. "Right. Sorry."

"Look, she just made me realize that it would only be fair if you guys told your respective girlfriends," Remus explained hurriedly. "I told mine, didn't I? So why shouldn't-"

"Right, and look how well that turned out for you," Sirius pointed out.

Remus' heart skipped a beat and he frowned, turning his angry gaze away from his friend.

Sirius winced, realizing how harsh that may have sounded. "Sorry, Moony. I didn't mean it like that," he quickly corrected. "I simply meant that…that our Animagi transformations are not exactly a tiny secret. It's a big deal. And to tell someone else is…well, it wouldn't be easy. Because who even knows how long these relationships could last which again you're unfortunately a shining example of. And who knows how they would react. Who…who knows what they could do with the information."

"This isn't a random girl we're talking about, Sirius," Remus said softly. "It's Riley."

"Jillian wasn't exactly a random girl, either," Sirius murmured.

Remus was silent for a long moment. "You're right," he finally spoke up with a sigh. "But you two have known Riley and Lily a hell of a lot longer than I knew Jillian when I told her."

Sirius pursed his lips, falling silent. He wasn't sure what to do and at that point, he felt he was probably better off not responding.

Remus shrugged and slowly climbed off his bed. Remus started removing his school robes and headed towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. "It's up to you. I'm simply telling you that you can. If you want, of course."

Sirius responded by pouring himself another shot. With another glance at his shot glass, he discarded it and simply took a swig from the bottle. "What about you, James?" Sirius eventually asked when Remus was out of earshot.

"What about me?"

"Are you considering telling Lily?"

James didn't reply. Truth was, he didn't want to. But it was because he was frightened out of his mind. A lot of things could go wrong. A lot of things probably _would _go wrong. Lily was a moral person, anyone could tell you that. The fact that James was an illegal Animagus could affect their relationship in a big way. And as Remus pointed out earlier, his lies would certainly cause an argument. As well they should be.

In short, James was terrified that telling Lily the biggest secret of his life could possibly destroy them. But he was possibly more afraid that if he didn't tell her soon, it would destroy them even more.

"I don't know," James said sincerely. He deflected the question on to Sirius. "You sound like you've made up your mind, though." He knew he had his reasons, but he was curious what Sirius' were.

Sirius hesitated, smacking the back of his head lightly against his headboard. He rubbed his temples, sighing deeply. "This might sound incredibly stupid, but…" he murmured trailing off.

"Try me, Sirius," James said firmly.

He bit down on his bottom lip and met James' gaze. "I don't want to give Riley another excuse to run."

James wasn't expecting that. "What?"

"Apparently, lying and cheating are what I do best according to her," Sirius murmured. "And I don't-"

"They _were _what you did best according to her," James interrupted, giving him a look. "Past tense. But I think we both know she never really believed that. It was just an excuse of hers in order to-"

"To break up with me?" Sirius snorted. "To run from our relationship? To not trust me?" He didn't want to keep secrets from Riley, but he didn't know if telling her about his illegal Animagus transformations would be wise. He just wasn't sure if it was because he was scared she would run off again or because he wasn't ready to let her into that part of his life. He and his three friends had a special dynamic, separate from the dynamic he had with her. Was he really willing to merge the two?

James winced guiltily, realizing exactly what Sirius meant. "Relationships are all about risks, Sirius."

He snorted. "You're preaching to the choir on that one. Do you not remember me climbing on top of a long table in the middle of the Great Hall to profess my love to the one girl who would have been totally willing to reject me?"

"Except she didn't," James reminded him softly. "And she wouldn't reject you just because she finds out you're an Animagus."

Sirius couldn't help but think differently. "You really believe that?"

James gazed at him curiously. "Stop psyching yourself out. And stop coming up with excuses and reasons why you shouldn't tell her. You're becoming her."

Sirius laughed. "This coming from the guy whose girlfriend refused to talk to him for a week straight about anything substantial."

James hesitated. "Touché."

"Okay, how about we make a deal," Sirius suggested.

James quirked an eyebrow. "I'm listening…"

"If you tell Lily, I'll tell Riley."

James gave him a look. "This isn't like telling someone you…you bought an owl. This is a thin line between right and wrong!"

"Thin line?" Remus' voice boasted, trudging out of the bathroom. "No, there's no line. It's definitely wrong. As in _illegal_."

"Well, gee, this is making me want to run out now and tell Lily," James snorted.

"Look, I never meant to make this into such a big deal," Remus argued, falling back into his bed with a sigh. He stifled a yawn and rested his head back against his pillow. "I simply wanted to let you know that it was up to you. You no longer have to worry about me. I'm taking myself out of the equation. Now I'm going to bed so I can wake up an hour earlier tomorrow to finish studying for that Herbology pre-exam. Feel free to contemplate your decision as much as you want but it would be great if you could do it in silence." He flashed them a smile, shrugging, before closing his curtains around him.

James had a feeling that Remus didn't want to discuss the matter further because it just reminded him that his relationship went south even after he put his entire trust into her. He shared a knowing glance with Sirius and sighed. "Fine," he muttered. "It's a deal."

Sirius grinned as James waved his goodbyes and headed back to his own room hesitantly.

He wasn't surprised when he chose making love to Lily that night over divulging his biggest secret to her.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, at least James and Lily are back on track even if Remus is slipping further and further into break-up depression. Which sucks because he totally deserves someone! Stay tuned to see how James and Sirius handle the whole tell-their-girlfriends-about-a-secret-they've-been-keeping-for-years deal...


	51. Of Bludgers, Mocking, & Rooftops

**A/N: **I'm back and with chapter 51! Sadly, this story is coming to a close :( But that's alright because a sequel (the final installment!) will be on its way soon after! I don't have much else to say but that's okay because let's face it: you just want to go ahead and get to the story anyway! Please read and review :)

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling. I'm not even slightly related to J.K. Rowling. Which means I only slightly own this story.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 51: Of Bludgers, Mocking, & Rooftops

* * *

James had been so focused on his future with Lily and the bomb that Remus sprung on them the night before that he had forgotten to worry about the Quidditch match coming up. He would have much rather spent that Saturday morning with his arms wrapped around his beautiful, naked girlfriend, but glancing at the clock, he knew he should get out to the Quidditch pitch for practice.

Some of the most relaxing moments in his life were those early Saturday mornings when all felt at peace with the world. He enjoyed grabbing his broomstick and looping around the pitch a few times before anyone even showed up. It felt like he was the only one in the world and he used that alone time to reflect on his life.

He was theorizing the best way to tell Lily that he was an illegal Animagus when he suddenly heard his name being yelled out. He gazed down towards the ground and saw his sister waiting anxiously there for him, tapping her toes impatiently.

He quickly flew down to her and hovered over the grass. "What are you doing here so early?"

She shrugged, stifling a yawn. "I couldn't sleep," she admitted. A smile crept on to her lips. "Drew was kicking me all night."

James face grew hot, his mouth dropping open angrily. "I'm going to kill him."

Dezzy burst into laughter. "I'm totally kidding, James!" she snickered, her smile growing. "He doesn't kick. He actually doesn't squirm in bed at all."

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!"

Dezzy chuckled. "You're pathetic."

"Why would you give your older brother a heart attack?" he whined.

Dezzy rolled her eyes. "Oh please," she snickered. "Tell me you and Lily don't sleep in the same bed every night."

He hesitated awkwardly, opening his mouth to retort, but realizing he had no good response. Especially considering the fact that Lily was asleep naked in his bed at that moment.

She grinned wickedly. "That's what I thought."

"We're older," James said hollowly.

"By two years," she snorted.

"Must you be so evil and crude?" James murmured, making a face.

"It runs in the genes."

James shrugged. "Can I go back to flying and ignore you?" James asked, flashing her a smirk.

She winced, offering him a lopsided smile. She hopped on to her broomstick and gestured for him to fly around with her. "So, are you going to miss this?" she asked curiously, rapidly looping around James in a jagged manner.

He gazed at her, confused. "Miss you giving me a headache from your frantic flying? Hm, no, I can't say that I will miss that."

"If I had a bludger, I'd chuck it at you," she replied almost immediately, rolling her eyes.

"Well, then be more specific next time," he laughed.

She shot him a look, her gaze softening. "Are you going to miss...well, _everything?_" she asked softly, her voice blending in with the slight morning breeze.

He snorted. "You call that specific?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm going to take your active desire to avoid the questions as a yes."

He chuckled, smiling slyly at his sister. She always was perceptive. "Of course I'm going to miss it, Dez," he murmured, his mood suddenly becoming very somber. Nearly half of his life was spent within the Hogwarts wall and he didn't know how long it would take to adjust to living in the real world. He loved Hogwarts and all that it had provided for him. It had helped him become the person he was today.

Truth was, he had been coddled by Hogwarts and he was afraid that he would never be as happy as he had been for the past seven years. He had found friends that he would stay friends with for life. He had learned the importance of teamwork and healthy competition through Quidditch. He had studied his ass off and he prayed that it would have been worth it all as he waited to hear back from the Auror recruitment committee. He had broken some rules along the way and ended up with memories he would never forget. And he found the girl that he one day would hope to marry. So of course he was going to miss it. Who wouldn't miss the freedom he experienced with Hogwarts?

He had snapped out of his own thoughts when Dezzy's voice rang through his ears. "You know you're going to do great things, right?"

"What?"

"No matter what you end up doing with your life, you're going to be great," she explained, offering him a knowing smile.

James gazed over at his sister, awe glimmering in his eyes. "I can tell you one thing," he said slowly. "I'm definitely going to miss you once I leave."

She blushed. Anyone could see how proud of her brother she was. "I'm going to miss you, too, bro," she said with a nostalgic smile. "Hogwarts sure won't be the same without you."

"Yeah, but now you'll be the eldest Potter and by association, your popularity is going to skyrocket," James teased, winking playfully at her. "Especially if you continue dating Drew."

Dezzy raised an eyebrow. "You're actually advocating that?"

James laughed, rolling his eyes. "He's a good kid. At least the rest of the school seems to like him. But I'll definitely be keeping my eye out on the two of you and Merlin knows I will be kicking his ass today at even the implication that you two have slept in the same bed, but so far, he hasn't done anything to make me completely despise him as your boyfriend. Oh, besides the fact that he had his hand up your shirt in the broom closet after hours."

Dezzy had no shame in kicking the end of his broom, causing him to spiral slightly. He scowled at her and she simply just grinned. "I can count on one hand how many times I've snuck into a broom closet. I can say for certain that you wouldn't be able to do that."

"If I had known years ago that you would throw all of my sexual conquests back in my face, I would have remained celibate until marriage," James mumbled.

Dezzy burst out into a boisterous laughter, earning another scowl from James. "I'm going to miss your jokes when you're not around."

James rolled his eyes. "And I'm going to miss beating you in a flying race."

Dezzy scoffed. "You can_not _beat me! I'm the fastest one on the team!"

"Yeah, and I'm the one who just received the Quidditch contract."

"_Which _you turned down."

James waved his hand dismissively. "Minor details."

Dezzy laughed and zoomed forward, flying in circles for a few minutes before returning back to James' side. "So, does this mean that you're focusing solely on the Auror apprenticeship?"

James frowned. He was nervous just thinking about it. Considering he didn't have much of a fall-back option, the Auror recruitment apprenticeship was pretty much what his future was riding on. "Don't put any more pressure on me than I already have," James muttered, slowing down.

Dezzy shook her head guiltily. "That wasn't me pressuring me, that was me asking you," she said matter-of-factly. "Besides, you have nothing to worry about. You _are _going to be accepted into the program."

"Not if Dad has anything to do with it," James snorted.

Dezzy halted mid-air, a surprised look forming on her face. "What are you talking about?"

James sighed, slowing down on his broom as he ran his fingers through his hair. "He doesn't want me to be an Auror."

Unexpectedly, a smile crept on to Dezzy's face. "It's probably because he knows you'll be ten times the Auror he ever was. And who wants to be upstaged by their son, right?"

A tint of red formed on James' ears and he smiled shyly at his sister. "I appreciate you saying that but I think we both know that's a bit of a stretch."

She shrugged. "James, let's face it, for eighteen years you have defied and disobeyed Dad. Why bother trying to make him happy now? Especially when you consider the fact that _he left_. He's no longer around to criticize. Hell, he's no longer at the Britain Auror offices to even attempt to sway the decision to a rejection for you."

"He was Second-in-Command for the past five years, Dez. And he had been with them for thirty years," James murmured. "He _did _have a say in who should be accepted into the program."

"Not anymore he doesn't," she urged, giving him a stern look. "Stop beating yourself up. You're going to get in. I have every confidence in the world that you will. And that you'll be one hell of an Auror. Like I said, ten times better than Dad!"

James hesitated. "Dezzy, just because he was a crappy father doesn't make him a crappy Auror. He didn't become Second-in-Command at the most prestigious Auror office in the world for nothing."

Dezzy frowned, biting down on the inside of her lip. "Fair enough," she muttered, slowly lifting her gaze towards James. She veered her broomstick closer to his and said with all sincerity, "But you _are _ten times the _man _he is."

James smiled, a tint of red splashing his cheeks. Thankfully, he didn't have to come up with some sort of grateful retort because glancing down towards the pitch, he saw the remainder of the team arriving grudgingly. "C'mon, let's go start practice," James said, swooping down towards his teammates. He ignored their stifled yawns and set a determined look on his face. "This is our last Saturday practice before the game and I am going to make damn sure that we are ready to pommel Slytherin next week. We should have no reason not to! We are a better team as a whole and I hope that we can end the year on a positive note. So first thing's first," he said firmly, giving them all one his stern look before fixing a glare on Drew. "Drew, you're a dead man!"

Drew emitted a squeak before quickly rushing off; he had no idea what he did but he had a feeling it had something to do with Dezzy.

Dezzy groaned, slamming the palm of her hand against her forehead.

Sirius grinned. He shook his head incredulously as he stifled a yawn. "It's always easier getting through these Quidditch practices when there's a bit of drama-filled entertainment."

"Speak for yourself," Dezzy whined.

"Well, yeah, it's not nearly as much fun when you're the one involved in the drama," Sirius teased.

"HAH! Of all people, _y__ou _would certainly know all about drama-filled entertainment," Dezzy shot back, earning a roar of laughter with the rest of the team.

Sirius couldn't help but grin, shrugging casually. He knew what she was referring to. "Hey, I got the girl in the end, did I not?"

"Yeah, by professing your love to her in the middle of a crowded dining hall knowing there was a good chance she would reject you," Randy Cattano chimed in with a quirked eyebrow. "If that doesn't scream drama-filled entertainment, I don't know what does."

"Why must we pick on me all the time?" Sirius whined, flashing his teammates a teasing grin.

"Because you're an easy target," Dezzy reminded him, glancing out of the corner of her eye as Drew made his way back towards his team.

"Save me!" Drew squealed desperately, hiding behind Sirius, who was easily the largest guy there.

Sirius snickered. "Do I even want to know what you did?"

"_I _don't even know what I did," he whined.

Sirius yawned, shrugging casually. "Well, then you're shit out of luck."

"Gee, thanks for the words of comfort," Drew pouted.

Dezzy held out her broomstick, ready to poke James in the stomach with the handle. He stopped short, glaring at his sister.

"Can we just start practice now?" she asked, bored.

James narrowed his eyes, his gaze still fully focused on Drew. "Fine, but I have a new practice target for our Beaters."

"I'm not going to let you force Sirius and Randy to slam bludgers into my boyfriend all morning because you want them to," Dezzy snorted.

"Eh, I'll do it," Sirius chimed in with a chuckle as Drew whimpered behind him. "He's my best friend. I don't need to know what new grudge he has against Drew. I'll stand by his decision."

"No, you'll just use any excuse to slam bludgers at someone," Dedalus Diggle joked.

Sirius grinned. "Yeah, that's true."

Dezzy gave James a look. "How are we going to have a chance of winning next week's match without our _seeker_?"

"I don't plan on murdering the kid," James explained matter-of-factly. "Just roughing him up a bit."

Drew whimpered. "Damn, I wish I never got out of bed this morning."

Dezzy winced. "I wouldn't mention your bed if I were you."

James made a face. "Maybe I _should_ plan on murdering him."

Dezzy sighed and rolled her eyes at her brother. "I take back what I said earlier. I'm not going to miss you."

James simply grinned and gestured for them all to mount their brooms.

* * *

Riley and Rhett finished off their last-minute touches on their Advanced Transfiguration project, celebrated with a quick visit to the kitchens for a commemorative cupcake, and parted ways. Riley knew she probably should have returned to the library to finish a Potions essay and study up on her Charms wand skills, but she found herself migrating towards the Gryffindor common room for a much-needed break.

Her eyes zoomed in on James in the corner of the common room, chewing on the end of his quill as he anxiously stared at a piece of parchment on his lap.

She plopped down on to the couch beside him. "Hey, there."

James simply grunted, too involved with his Quidditch playbook in front of him to acknowledge her.

"Well, gee, that might be the warmest welcome I've ever received," she snorted. She slammed her hand down on to the parchment in front of him, earning her a look from James.

"If we don't win the next Quidditch match against Slytherin, I'm going to blame you," James said dryly.

"You can't take five minutes out of your strategizing to talk to your best friend?" Riley pouted.

James gazed at her curiously. "Funny, you don't look like Sirius."

Riley pretended to be offended, slapping him with the couch cushion. "Hah!" she argued, giving him a look. "He didn't save your life when you were eight-years-old."

James groaned. "You will never let me get over that, will you?"

"I'm sorry, but all eight-year-olds should know how to swim!"

"And all eight-year-olds shouldn't _push _their friends into a lake under the assumption that they know how to swim!" James argued.

Riley grinned sheepishly. "At least I jumped in after you and pulled you out," she argued. "I could have left you there to drown."

"And miss out on the chance to mock me for life?" James snorted. "I don't think so."

Riley leaned back on the couch with a knowing chuckle. "I do enjoy endlessly mocking you," she contemplated. "And to be fair, it's terribly easy."

"Don't you have someone else to bother?" James pouted, giving her a look as he glanced sideways towards his playbook.

"Well, considering I can't find anyone else, no, probably not," she sniggered, pulling her knees to her chest and leaning back against the armrest with a stifled yawn. "Where is everyone anyway?"

"How should I know?" James shrugged. "My head's been buried in this playbook all afternoon."

Riley snickered. "You really need to get a life. Didn't you and Lily just make up? Shouldn't you be having tons of raunchy make-up sex right now?"

James lifted his eyes long enough to give her an unamused look. "I didn't think it was possible, but I'm pretty sure dating Sirius has made you more foul-mouthed."

Riley grinned. "Probably." She groaned and nudged him with her sandal when he attempted to return to the parchment on his lap.

He made a face. "Sorry if I'm being unsocial," James apologized, shrugging curtly.

"I have been working on our Transfiguration project all day and right now, I just need a break from it all," Riley explained, pouting. "And I think it's your turn to take a break, too."

"I can't," he murmured. "This is important."

She gazed at him, confused. He seemed awfully invested in his Quidditch playbook. "I'm not saying it's not," Riley murmured.

James winced, realizing the accusation in his voice. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He slumped back down against the couch, frowning broodingly. "Sorry, Riles. But we absolutely _have _to win this match."

She noticed the somber glaze in his eyes and cocked her head to the side curiously. "Why?"

James quirked an eyebrow. "What do you mean why? It's a game with the goal of _winning_."

Riley laughed. "I just mean you sound so determined. Why is it _so _important that you have to win _this _match?"

He got eerily quiet, pursing his lips curiously. "Because," said James, his voice filled with pride. "It's our last year and it would be nice to go out with a bang. Besides, it's Slytherin. If we don't beat them hence giving them the Quidditch Cup, I'll never hear the end of it."

"Well, that's true," Riley snickered. "I would mock you for years to come. Remember, I'm really good at that."

"Gee, thanks for all of your support," James said dryly.

Riley shrugged. "James, it doesn't matter what happens on Saturday's match. You will still be remembered as a great captain and more importantly, a great teammate."

"I'll be remembered _more_ if we win the Quidditch Cup for a third year in a row," he pointed out.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Are all guys this arrogant, or just you?"

James flashed her a smile. "Mostly me," he teased. "Now can I get back to strategizing or would you like to continue insulting me?"

Riley quirked an eyebrow. "I think we both know what my answer is to that." She laughed and started climbing off the couch. "However, I'll instead just write down a list of insults and use them against you after the Slytherin match."

"As long as you're using your intelligence for good," he snorted.

She laughed and waved dismissively, heading off to her own room to take a much-anticipated nap.

"Hey, Riley?"

She glanced behind her. "Hm?"

"Have you talked to Sirius recently?" he asked.

She narrowed her eyes skeptically, quirking a curious eyebrow. "He's my boyfriend so I'm going to go with the obvious answer of _yes_. Anything in particular I should have been talking to him about?"

James shrugged. "Nah," he argued. If Sirius had told her about his Animagus transformation, he would have seen some sort of reaction on her face. "It's nothing. Never mind."

She clearly wasn't convinced. "What's going on, James?" she asked determinedly.

"It's nothing," he repeated, shaking his head. "Er...Quidditch stuff."

She snorted. "Don't you think that after knowing you for eighteen years I can spot a lie a million miles away?"

James made a face. "I'm going to get back to strategizing."

"_Should_ I be talking to Sirius?" she urged, ignoring his attempt to let it go. "Is something wrong?"

"No," James was quick to argue. "Riley, it's nothing."

"But-"

"Riley, I was merely wondering if you two have been as busy as Lily and I have been lately," he said with a shrug. "I _swear _it's nothing."

His firm tone told her that he was being honest. She was absolutely baffled by the last few seconds of conversation, but there was nothing on James' face that told her she needed to worry so she didn't interrogate him any further. Truth was, she had been so engrossed by studies that it had been hard finding any sort of alone time with Sirius. She wondered if Sirius had mentioned something about their lack of alone time to James. "Okay," she said hesitantly.

"What do you think is harder to master?" James asked curiously. "The Wronskei Feint or the Bobbling Helmel?"

Riley knew it was a way to change the subject, but she accepted it. "Definitely the Wronskei Feint."

"Now, which one is more practical?"

"Bobbling Helmel."

"Well, that's helpful."

She laughed. "You know that my brother will be willing to master either one of those if you tell him to."

"So I should suggest both?"

She gave him a look. "You have a week until the match against Slytherin," she reminded him.

"Hm, point taken," he muttered. "The Bobbling Helmel it is."

She laughed, rolling her eyes. "Have you always been this cutthroat?"

"Yes."

"Okay, just making sure," she snickered. She stifled a yawn and turned back towards the girls' stairwell. She hesitated, glancing over her shoulder one last time. "For the record, James, even if you don't beat Slytherin next week, I'll remember you as a great captain. More importantly? I'll remember you as one hell of a best friend."

James glanced up from the playbook with a tender smile, spewing gratitude. "Back at ya, Riles."

* * *

James was exhausted. Between cramming multitudes of wizarding information into his brain during every spare minute of his day and strategizing the best plays for his teammates and of course, worrying over what Lily would possibly think about his illegal Animagus activity, he was convinced that his brain was going to explode at any given time.

He had been in the library for three hours after dinner that evening muttering transfiguration spells with Lily. He didn't even realize that it was nearly eleven o'clock until Lily pointed it out. She stayed back to finish Astronomy with Remus and he took the opportunity to take a break from studying.

His eyes fell upon Sirius in the common room, a virtually empty common room seeing that it was a Saturday night, and he trudged over with a stifled yawn. He fell back against the couch with a heavy sigh. "Let's make a new deal, Sirius."

Sirius lifted his eyes slightly from the Quidditch catalog in his hands, confused. "Heh?"

"This whole you tell Riley, I tell Lily deal," he clarified.

Sirius tensed. "Oh, right."

James slowly sat upright, biting down on his bottom lip. "I know you haven't told Riley, so I propose that-"

"What makes you think I haven't told her?" Sirius interrupted.

"Because I asked her," James said with a curt shrug. "So, listen, maybe it's-"

"You _what_?" Sirius cried out huffily. "What did you ask her exactly? Oh, hey, Riley, has Sirius told you yet that he's an illegal Animagus and he cavorts around the grounds for hours during the night on a full moon breaking about a million school rules?"

James snorted, rolling his eyes. "I didn't quite word it that way, you prat."

Sirius chuckled. "Well how do you subtly ask someone if they've talked to their boyfriend recently?"

"I asked her if she talked to her boyfriend recently," James replied bluntly.

Sirius gave him a look. "Cute."

James grinned. "Face it, you're too much of a coward to tell her."

"Join the club, Mr. I Want a New Deal!"

James frowned. "Oh, right," he murmured. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I just…I just can't stand admitting to Lily that I've been lying for all of these months, Sirius."

"You do realize that the longer you wait to tell her, the longer you'll be lying to her for."

He whimpered, slumping down on the couch. "Why must all conversations these days revolve around the _future_? Why can't we all just live in the present?"

"It was merely an observation," Sirius pointed out.

James simply nodded, not bothering to retort.

"James, maybe you shouldn't really think of it as lying," Sirius argued. "Think of it as protecting your best friend. It wasn't our secret to tell, Prongs."

"No, it's like Remus said," James murmured. "It was our secret to tell. It _is _our secret to tell. He was just merely telling us that he didn't mind if it we did. They already know about Remus so this isn't really about him."

"You're right, they do know about him," Sirius speculated with a shrug. "And it's not like they freaked out when they found out."

"Yeah, but what he's doing isn't really considered illegal. Us, on the other hand..." he trailed off.

Sirius gazed over at James in scrutiny, narrowing his eyes curiously. "Y'know, it just kinda sounds like a bunch of excuses, James."

James' heart skipped a beat and he fixated his stare on the coffee table in front of him.

"What's really going on?" Sirius asked cautiously.

James sighed a lengthy sigh, shutting his eyes guiltily. When he opened them again, he turned slowly towards his best friend. "We _just _made up," he murmured. "And...and I told her that she needed to start _really _letting me into her life. I told her she needed to stop shutting me out just because it was easier for her. And...and here I am shutting her out of a large part of my life. Here I am not letting her into...into one of the biggest secrets I've kept from anyone. She has told me so many of her secrets from her past and the tragedies she's had to endure and I can't even muster up enough courage to tell her the truth about my secrets. And that just makes me one hell of a hypocrite."

"You need to stop beating yourself up," Sirius quickly interjected, shaking his head. "You're just putting extra unnecessary pressure on yourself. She loves you and sure, she might get freaked out at the idea that her boyfriend is an illegal Animagus, but in the end, do you honestly think she would break up with you over that?"

James fell silent, pondering the question.

Sirius scoffed. "Please tell me you didn't just seriously think about that!"

"Lily's unpredictable! You never know what she's going to do!" James defended.

"_Stop_," he argued, giving him a look. "Listen, if you don't want to tell Lily, that's fine. I won't tell Riley either if you'd like. But do _not _tell me it's because you're afraid she's going to dump you. Because we both know that Lily is not that cynical and heartless. The worst thing she would do is turn you into the Ministry and get you sent to Azkaban."

James snorted, his eyes narrowing. "Well, that's comforting."

"But I think we both know she wouldn't do that."

James sighed, knowing that it wasn't fear he was hiding from but his own cowardice. "I don't know what to think," James murmured.

Sirius didn't know how to respond and thankfully he didn't have to because Riley took it upon herself to swoop into the common room and rush her way over to them.

She didn't bother taking a seat, kissing Sirius quickly and grabbing his hand. "May I steal my boyfriend away from you, James?"

James quirked an eyebrow. "But he's clearly incredibly busy," he drawled sarcastically, pointing to the Quidditch catalog on his lap.

Sirius chucked the catalog at his best friend and eagerly climbed off the couch.

"You crazy kids have fun," James chuckled, waving them off.

Sirius assumed that Riley was going to drag him up to his own room so he was surprised to see that she was leading him out of the common room altogether. "Where are we going?" he asked.

It was clear that Riley wasn't entirely sure, but she knew that she didn't want to spend another night with his friends or her friends or have a chance to be interrupted. She simply responded by cornering him against the wall and letting her mouth dance playfully on his. The kiss started passionate and continued to escalate, neither caring that anybody could walk by in an instant and ruin the moment. In fact, neither were too engrossed at the thought of anyone but themselves. Sirius wasn't sure where the sudden fervor came from, but her lips were so full of lustful determination, he wasn't about to stop it.

He framed her face with his hands and maneuvered himself so that it was she that was pushed up against the cool stone of the wall. In one swift movement, he picked her up off the ground and she wrapped her legs around him tightly. He broke the shameless kiss and trailed his lips down her neck to a spot where both knew a hickey was bound to form.

She could feel him smile into her neck as he nipped her gently again, desire emanating from within. He hoisted her up so that she was resting comfortably on his hips and he cupped his hand around her right breast, his lips trailing down her neck and plunging dangerously close to her cleavage. She was wearing a low cut T-shirt and Sirius couldn't help but wonder why she was wearing it at all. He was ready to lift it up and discard it, but he abruptly broke off his lips from her smooth skin, gazing guiltily up at her. "You do realize we're in the middle of a public hallway, right?" he muttered, slowing letting go of her so she could stand on her own two feet again.

She frowned. "Right," she murmured.

He kissed her sweetly on her neck, smiling shyly. "Riley, not that I mind it at all, but why the sudden seduction?"

She shrugged, offering him a guilty lopsided smile. She reached for his hand and he gladly took it, squeezing it comfortingly. They continued their walk down the corridor. "I just think we needed some alone time," she admitted. "Between upcoming exams and finishing our Transfiguration projects and your Quidditch practices and dealing with James' and Lily's almost break-up and helping Remus through _his _break-up, we…we haven't exactly had a lot of time apart from everyone else. I just want to spend time with you and_ only _you. I-I missed this."

He stared at her in awe, surprised that she was willing to admit that. "I missed it, too," he whispered, letting go of her hand and wrapping his arm around her shoulder to pull her in closer towards him. He kissed the top of her head. "It's scary to think that in just a few weeks, this will all be over."

She fell silent, frowning. "I don't want it to be over," she eventually said, her voice small and vulnerable. "I…I don't want _us _to be over."

He gazed at her, startled. "Just because Hogwarts will be over doesn't mean _we _will, Riley," he urged determinedly.

She nodded, somewhat unconvinced. "I hope so," she admitted.

He sighed guiltily, not surprised that she felt their relationship would be forced to change after graduation. She had never been able to really look at the long run for _anything_ much less a relationship. He'd do everything he could to convince her that graduation didn't mean an inevitable, drastic change. "C'mon," he said, steering her to the right at the end of the hallway.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked, confused.

"To the dungeon room that brought us closer together in the first place."

Her heart skipped a beat and she smiled. "That sounds perfect."

She knew that the future was going to be unpredictable. But she hoped that whatever was thrown her way, she'd have Sirius there by her side.

Sirius nearly told her that he was an Animagus, having never felt closer to her than at that time. But he wasn't sure where he and James left things and he wanted to respect James' wishes. He wrapped his arm around his girlfriend and drew her in close to him, kissing the side of her head. Just being with her was enough for him at that moment.

* * *

The week went by slowly. Every morning the seventh-years woke up, they worried about the essay they needed to finish on the Unforgiveable curses and their impending N.E.W.T.s and they couldn't go to sleep every night until they perfected the Drabetian Charm or they could successfully name the twenty ingredients in the Amortentia potion. On top of exams, James and Lily were running around trying to make sure everything was perfect for their graduation ball and graduation itself. Everyone was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed so they were all grateful for the last Quidditch match of the year as a break from the stress and a reminder of fun.

"I am so nervous!" Lily whimpered. She knew how important winning this game was to James.

Remus laughed. "You do realize the match hasn't even started yet, right?"

She shrugged. "I'm nervous in anticipation."

"It's just a Quidditch match," Kay pointed out, rolling her eyes. "Let's face it, even if they don't win, there will still be a party in the Gryffindor common room."

"It's a lot more fun to party when you have something to celebrate," Riley argued. "Besides, we need to win this match if we're going to win the Quidditch Cup."

"Winning isn't everything," Remus argued.

Everyone's eyes turned on him.

Remus sighed. "Merlin, you'd think I just said someone died."

"Oh, just watch the match," Riley chuckled as the players all sauntered on to the field, announced by James' youngest brother, Jaron.

"Let's welcome the Gryffindor team!" Jaron's voice boomed out over the stadium. "Gilmore, Black, Cattano, Diggle, Swenson, Dezzy, and the Captain, noneother than my older brother, _James Potter_!"

Remus smiled, clapping and cheering along with everyone else for the team. He may have just said that winning wasn't everything but even he was desperate for a win. It was their last year at Hogwarts and he wanted to end the year on one hell of a good note. And he certainly wasn't the only one; all of Gryffindor was out there cheering their team on along with the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. It wasn't a surprise that no one wanted Slytherin to win. Their tactics had always been dirty and it's the only reason they ever won a single match.

"And here comes the…the other team," Jaron's voice spoke dryly. McGonagall shot him a look and he sighed, citing out their names as well. "Here comes Rookwood, Mulciber, Black—as in Narcissa and not Sirius, Travers, Rosier, Black—as in Regulus not Sirius…or Narcissa, wow is it me or are there a lot of repeat surnames in this game. Can anyone say nepotism?"

"POTTER!"

"Speaking of repeat surnames," Jaron murmured guiltily, flashing her a sheepish grin. "And last but not least, the captain, Rodolphus Lestrange." His voice was less than thrilled.

As the match match started, Lily threw her hands over her eyes immediately. "Oh, I can't watch. Just tell me when we've won."

"Why are you suddenly so worried about the match?" Remus asked curiously, grabbing her hands away from her face. "You were never this invested before."

"Because I'm pretty sure if we lose this game, my boyfriend is going to kill himself," she snickered.

Riley couldn't help but roar with laughter. "Sad, but probably true."

"He deserves some good," Lily murmured, smiling lopsidedly. "He's already been dealt a pretty crappy hand. I think a Quidditch win will make him feel a little better."

Remus gazed at her curiously. "Just because he wins a game doesn't mean he's going to forget about all of the crappy stuff."

Lily shook her head. "No, I realize that," she sighed. "I just…"

"Want to see him happy?" Riley chimed in.

Lily cracked a smile and nodded slowly. "Yeah," she said matter-of-factly. She knew that a party in the Gryffindor common room to celebrate a win wouldn't change any of the past, but they all deserved to just have a bit of fun for once and forget about everything else that was going on in their life. A little bit of alcohol, a lot of dancing, and sharing the night with good friends was exactly what they all needed.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud cheer from the stands and she was grateful to see that it was the Gryffindors who were cheering. Instead of worrying about schoolwork, they cheered on their fellow teammates and watched one of the more exciting games of the entire year. Gryffindor and Slytherin were evenly matched and Gryffindor was only the top contender for the Quidditch Cup by forty points so it was really anyone's title to win.

Lily sat on the edge of her seat, biting her nails the entire time while Riley was constantly rolling her eyes and swatting Lily's fingers out of her mouth. Kay and Remus were jumping up and down, shouting at the top of their lungs. Neither were surprised when they awoke the following morning with hoarse voices. Peter had his hand on the airhorn the entire time, much to his friends' dismay, and it wasn't until Lily finally grabbed it out of his hand and chucked it on to the pitch that he was forced to stop.

And James and Sirius loved every minute of it. They were constantly stealing glances towards their friends and it made them even hungrier for a win. It was one of the best feelings in the world when an hour after the game had started, Drew's hand finally made contact with the snitch and earned Gryffindor not only a win for the game but a win for the Quidditch Cup. The pitch was suddenly covered in red and gold, all of the houses supporting Gryffindor except for Slytherin who had astutely snuck back to Hogwarts refusing to get swept up in Gryffindor cheer. The members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team were hoisted on to other students' shoulders and gratefully carried back into the castle.

James took one last glance back at the pitch and smiled, punching his fist into the air proudly, before a sport that had become a significant piece of his youth disappeared from his eyesight.

* * *

"And here's a toast to the captain of the winning Quiddich team!" Sirius cheered, high-fiving his best friend and raising his goblet up with a grin. The Gryffindor common room was packed full of students of all ages from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff, all raising their glasses with Sirius as they toasted the perfect end to a successful year.

"To James!" the room erupted, all chugging whatever was left in their glasses.

Even Lily was getting swept up in the festivities and took a large swig of beer. She was proud of her boyfriend immensely and was so happy that he could end his seven years at Hogwarts with a huge win. There wasn't a person in that room that didn't want to congratulate James for annihilating the Slytherins for a third year in a row.

The music was loud, the drinks were disappearing, the students were slowly forgetting about upcoming exams and choosing to dance instead, and the team was being congratulated for another great year.

Sirius and James were torn between being elated that they won and devastated that their Quidditch years have come to a close. Sirius chose not to dwell on it and enjoyed exactly what that night was supposed to be: a celebration. Somehow, Riley had convinced him to join her on the dance floor (alcohol was probably involved) and they spent most of the evening there, enjoying each other's company.

Eventually, they both trudged off the dance floor, sweating and panting. "I need another drink!" Riley cried out, giggling as Sirius wrapped his arm around her shoulder and dragged her over to where the rest of their friends were hanging out in the corner. James was sitting on one of the loveseats with Lily draped over his lap. Kay and Peter were standing around the chair, Peter with a butterbeer and Kay with a firewhisky. Remus was leaning against the armrest, his gaze following Jillian on the dance floor. He tried not to let his jealousy show as she danced with Randy, a grin on her face the entire time. It made him frustrated that she clearly could have a good time while he was miserable. He chugged the rest of his firewhisky as he attempted to turn away. He usually stuck with beer, but watching Randy inch closer to Jillian made him feel in desperate need for something stronger.

"Why are we all hiding out in the corner of the room?" Sirius asked curiously, bouncing over to his friends.

"Just reminiscing," James spoke up. "Do you remember the party that was thrown during our first year on the team? Do you remember how shocked even Wyatt, _a seventh-year_, was when we showed up with butterbeer and firewhisky?"

"If I remember correctly," Riley interjected, "That was when the Marauders first earned their fame for being some of the most cunning and devious people in the entire school. And you were only twelve-years-old! Even _my_ brothers were impressed. But don't tell them that I said that."

"That was the night we decided it was time to start composing some sort of map," Remus pointed out with a sly smile. It was so much easier being a twelve-year-old kid. It was at that age he realized he had made friends for life.

Lily groaned. "You guys were such rowdy, unmanageable twelve-year-olds as it is. The fact that you created a map that basically gave you free range to the entire castle just made you that much more riotous."

James grinned, kissing her cheek, but before he could retort, Kay chimed in. "I personally think it's remarkable what you were able to create," she admitted with a shrug. "It must have taken a lot of dark and advanced magic to make the map that you did."

"And I reiterate: you were only _twelve-years-old_!" Riley snickered.

Lily laughed. "I never said I didn't think it was remarkable," she argued, gazing at Kay. She turned back towards her boyfriend with a sly smile. "I was simply saying that it escalated your rowdy penchant to break school rules."

James chuckled. "School rules were never my thing."

"And yet, here you are as Head Boy six years later," Sirius snorted. "Dumbledore clearly doesn't know about _all_ of the rules you've broken over the years." He dove into a detailed explanation of some of the adventures the four of them had taken when they started out as unruly eleven-year-olds.

Lily found herself tuning Sirius' out as she glanced around at the group of friends she had acquired over the years. Reminiscing just reminded her how far they had all come. When James was that disobedient twelve-year-old, Lily couldn't stand him for his cockiness and his determination to constantly mess with her, and now here she was as his loving girlfriend. And with James came three more friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who she knew that she'd be friends with forever. She loved each of them for different reasons and she couldn't help but smile at how lucky she felt. She may have had a rough childhood but somehow, her life worked out in a way she could be proud of. And she couldn't remember a time she was happier.

She just wished that she could freeze time and keep everything exactly the way it was. Chances are, something was bound to go wrong soon. It always did with her friends. And she wasn't ready for another disaster to hit. She already had too much on her mind. She didn't know what the future was going to bring them and she prayed every night that it would all work out, but she knew that was asking a lot. In September, Riley and Sirius would be traveling to New York and Peter would be working in southern France with his family's pub and who knows what the future would bring to Remus while herself, James, and Kay would embark on the next chapter of their lives in London as they invested a good portion of their lives into their careers. She just prayed that they would all still be able to remain friends even if though she knew it would be a lot more difficult to get together.

Lily jumped slightly when James' lips brushed against her cheek. "What are you thinking about?" he whispered.

She sighed, smiling nostalgically. "Nothing," she said, gazing up at him. She kissed him lightly, snuggling comfortably into the nook of his shoulder.

James knew she was lying, but didn't push it. They were all being a bit nostalgic and he wondered if she was feeling the same. "I love you," he whispered firmly.

"What are you two lovebirds yapping about over here?" Sirius' voice broke their private moment.

Lily and James glanced up towards him, both of them rolling their eyes. "About how it's time for us to get our arses on to the dance floor," she said, giving James a sheepish grin.

He groaned. "I'm pretty sure that wasn't what _I _was yapping about."

Lily pouted. "For me?"

James sighed, shaking his head incredulously. "The things I do for love," he murmured.

She grinned and hopped off his lap, extending her hand to him.

"I think I need another drink before I attempt to wow you with my dance moves," he teased.

"I'm pretty sure _wow _isn't the right word," Sirius interjected. He ducked as James attempted to swat at him.

James flipped Sirius off playfully as Lily dragged her boyfriend away where they spent a good portion of the night dancing. Quickly after they joined the students on the dance floor, Riley and Sirius returned. It didn't take long for Remus, Kay, and Peter joined as well.

It was the last Quidditch party that they would ever attend and all of them were grateful for the distraction from their everyday lives. It had been a long time since any of them had that much fun. Lily stopped worrying about the graduation ball and enjoyed spending time with her boyfriend. James stopped wondering if he was going to be accepted into the Auror recruitment program and had fun showing off his terrible dance moves. Sirius stopped being afraid of his nonexistent career opportunities and enjoyed twirling around the girl he was in love with. Riley stopped being afraid of the endless risks she was taking by traveling to New York with Sirius and had fun snogging her boyfriend in front of everyone, not caring who was judging them. Peter stopped fearing that his friends would stop hanging out with him once graduation passed by and had fun with his friends now. Kay stopped wondering how her relationship with Lance was going to change and relaxed while Remus spun her around. Remus stopped thinking about Jillian and enjoyed being able to put all of his energy into having fun dancing with Kay instead.

They all needed to have a good time and that's exactly what that party brought them. No one could predict the future so spending time with their friends in the present was all they could hope for.

* * *

The party went on all night, much to McGonagall's chagrin. She had stormed into the common room to tell the Gryffindors to quiet down and go to bed three times before she realized it was a lost cause and just pleaded with James and Lily to make sure the room was clean before she straggled through the next morning. Half-drunk, James just grinned and nodded before McGonagall whirled around and headed out for the last time that night.

James snuck out of the common room soon after McGonagall had left. James had enjoyed being praised to a certain extent, but after endless hours of people relaying every move of the match and telling him that he would go down in history as one of the greatest Quidditch players and captains at Hogwarts, he found his smile fading slowly. He was used to being surrounded by other people, but after Kylie reminded him of the last goal he had thrown so gracefully through the middle hoop, James found himself migrating away from the crowd of people and felt himself being pulled to the Quidditch pitch for some much needed alone time. It wasn't necessarily grief he was feeling, but he did know that he would miss being a chaser on the Gryffindor team and their Quidditch Captain. He wanted to fly around the Quidditch pitch one last time before he put yet another Hogwarts experience to rest as he embraced his future.

He quickly grabbed his broomstick from the shack and was up in the air within seconds, a smile immediately spreading across his face. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning, but instead of the dark from the night making him nervous, he welcomed it. He closed his eyes and let his broomstick do all of the work, loving the warm breeze brushing up against his cheeks and the powerful sound of rustling trees as the broomstick zoomed past the tall oak trees and that dropping feeling in the pit of his stomach as he sped up. He knew that he had made the right decision by turning down the Quidditch offer, but it was still nice to fantasize about the person he could have become if he had been a member of the Bigonville Bombers.

He was steering himself back towards the grounds nearly an hour later when he saw a flash of fiery red hair out of the corner of his eye. He smiled and changed his direction mid-air. He flew over to the bleachers, kissing his girlfriend quickly before hopping off his broom and taking the seat beside her. "What are you doing here?" he asked curiously.

She threw her legs over his lap, smiling up at him. "I saw you attempt to sneak out earlier and considering I'm not much of a party animal, I chose to follow you instead."

"You've been here the whole time?" James asked, surprised. Clearly he had been too engrossed with his own thoughts to notice his girlfriend watching him.

She nodded, offering him a sheepish lopsided smile. "It's okay to miss it, y'know."

James didn't have to ask what she was referring to. He started running his hands up her leg comfortingly, gazing back out towards the pitch nostalgically. "It's not the sport I'm going to miss," he admitted sullenly.

She smiled curiously. "What is it exactly you're going to miss?"

He didn't respond automatically. His thoughts were reverted back to the many matches he had played in, most of them ending in a win for Gryffindor. While he had always been competitive and the few losses he had encountered over the years, especially the loss against Slytherin that ended up costing them the Quidditch Cup during his fourth year, had made him feel dejected and angry, it had always been more about his actual time on the pitch than it did about the outcome. "The thrill of it all."

Lily tilted her head back, eyeing him curiously. "Care to elaborate?"

He smiled nostalgically and leaned over to kiss her cheek, squeezing her hand. "It's the rush of adrenaline I get before every match and the satisfaction I get when I score ten points for our team. It's the feeling I get when I lose my voice because I'm screaming so much as I cheer on my teammates. It's the pride I feel when I see Drew catch the snitch or I see Cattano make a fantastic save or I see Dezzy and Swenson work together to score a goal or I see Sirius and Diggle watching out for their teammates by making sure they don't get pommeled by a bludger. It's the...the camaraderie I feel when I'm surrounded by my team members. It's not only fun but it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Even when we lose, I know we did our best and that's enough for me. I've loved this team and the many different teammates for six years and I've loved leading them this year. Our teamwork is undeniable and...and we're all watching out for each other. Who knows if I'm ever going to feel that way again?"

Lily's smile grew as she watched his eyes light up. It was clear how passionate and proud of his team he was and he wasn't prepared to leave it all behind. Lily had never been into playing sports, but just listening to James speak, she understood that members of a sports' team had a sense of connection and camaraderie that most people don't get to experience in their entire lifetime. She was grateful that she was able to share that with him in that moment. She brought his hand up to her mouth, kissing his fingers adoringly. "I hope you know that your team appreciates you just as much as you appreciate them," she said reassuringly.

He smiled lopsidedly, a sullen faraway glint in his eyes. "Does it make me a complete wuss that I'm not ready to leave Hogwarts?" he asked softly.

She reached up, running her hands through his hair, a warm smile on her face. "I guarantee, James, that you _are _ready to leave Hogwarts," she urged. "You just don't want to."

James chuckled lightly. "And does that not make me a wuss?"

Lily shook her head immediately, knowing exactly what he was feeling. "Not at all," she argued. "You're not the only one feeling that way. And if anyone tells you differently, they're lying to make themselves feel better."

"Are you ready to leave?" James asked curiously.

Lily hesitated, thinking about his question more intensely than she probably needed to. She chose her words carefully, gazing up at him vulnerably. "I'm scared to leave."

James wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. "I know," he said, nodding lightly in agreement.

Her heart skipped a beat, her stomach filling with butterflies at the idea of leaving in just a few short weeks. "Hogwarts has been more than a school to me for the past seven years," she whispered. "It's been my home. It's been the place that I felt the most at ease and where frankly, I've felt like I've most belonged. It's going to be really difficult leaving behind the one place that gave me the...the chance to just be me again."

James kissed the side of her head, his heart aching slowly. He wished more than anything that she had been given a life she could be proud of. "Hey," he said gently, running his fingers through her hair affectionately, "Even though we won't have Hogwarts to fall back on anymore, I know that a part of you will _always _belong with me."

Lily smiled, thinking about how lucky she was to have found someone as sweet and nurturing as James was. Leaving Hogwarts was like leaving her comfort zone but she knew that James would always be there for her and somehow, that made her feel calm and secure. "I love you, James," she whispered. She grabbed James' face lightly and pulled it towards her, caressing his lips with hers.

His heart ached again but it wasn't due to overwhelming sadness. He didn't realize that he could have so much love for one person. He brushed her hair out of her face, gazing intimately into her sparkling green eyes. "Come fly with me," he whispered.

She froze, giving him a look. "These feet were meant to be planted on the ground."

James chuckled. "What do you have against flying?"

"You mean besides the fact that one could plummet to their death?"

James gave her a look. "I have been flying since I was five-years-old and have never once fallen off my broom," he argued.

"And you just jinxed it!" she complained. "There's no way I'm flying with you now."

James couldn't help but chuckle and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, drawing her near to him. "I'm not letting you graduate without letting me take you on one quick, little flying expedition."

"I'm pretty sure you don't have the authority to graduate me or not," Lily teased.

"Stop stalling," he said with a pout.

She sighed and glanced upward at the night sky, watching the stars glitter brightly. Her heart fluttered at the idea of getting on to a broomstick. She hadn't tried flying since she was eleven-years-old and the cheap broom broke in two as she hovered on it. "You really want me to go flying with you?"

He nodded eagerly, kissing the spot behind her ear. He whispered, "Do you trust me?"

Her heart skipped a beat nervously, but she nodded. "You know I do," she whispered back. No one else would have convinced her to get up into the air, but she felt safe with James and she wanted to show him that she felt anything was possible when she was with him. She slowly climbed off the bleacher and held out her hand to him. "Just try not to kill me."

He chuckled lightly and grabbed his broom. He climbed on first and gestured for her to climb on behind him. "Hold on tight," he said firmly, glancing behind his shoulder nervously. He was so excited to share with her what had become a big part of his life and he only hoped that she would understand the ultimate power he truly felt while flying through the air.

He took off and Lily yelped slightly as he soared through the air. Her nerves empowered her for the first five minutes, her eyes shut tightly and her grip taut around James' body. She felt her heart beating wildly out of her chest, but her fear slowly turned into awe. While she was still scared out of her mind from being a hundred feet off the ground without so much as a safety net to fall into, she let herself open her eyes and embraced the freedom that came with flying. James was right: it was certainly an adrenaline rush. It was as if everything in the world disappeared, leaving only her and James in it. She smiled and rested her head on his back, loosening her grip as she put her entire trust into James.

Lily couldn't tell you how long they had been up in the air, but James eventually landed on the flat portion of the North Tower roof. Lily's eyes widened as she gazed over all the grounds, the view exceptional. She could see the crescent moon reflecting brightly in the still lake and she could see the Whomping Willow looking almost peaceful as it slept by the lake's side. Hagrid's hut looked untouched, as if she was gazing at it in some sort of Impressionist painting and even the Forbidden Forest looked immobile. Everything looked to be so pristine and immaculate and Lily felt awe for the beauty that was laid out in front of her, as if it was there for only her to enjoy. She wondered why she hadn't bothered to observe the Hogwarts grounds in the middle of the night before and she felt slightly saddened that there wasn't much chance left for her to appreciate it.

James pulled her into his arms, kissing the side of her neck. "I've come up here from time to time," James explained. "Whenever I-I needed some time to myself."

"Do you always come in the middle of the night?" Lily joked, smiling up at him.

James knew it was meant as a joke, but he nodded slowly. "Usually," he murmured. "Whenever I couldn't fall asleep, I always found myself migrating to this spot."

She didn't comment, but she didn't need to. She pulled his arms around her, longing to feel safe.

"This is where I did all of my thinking," he murmured. "I came here for two weeks straight when Wyatt left. I-I showed up here the night Sirius and Remus got into their huge fight at the end of our fifth year. I came here the last night of our sixth year after the big argument you and I got into. I…I was here a lot in the beginning of the year when I was trying to figure out what…what _we _were. I spent the whole night here on New Year's Eve. I came here every night for a week when Brite died. Whenever I need to be alone, I inevitably find myself here. It's…it's…"

"Peaceful?" she finished, running her fingers up his arm comfortingly.

He nodded, kissing the top of her head. He neglected to tell her that he had been up there a lot recently in order to think about his fear of telling Lily about his Animagus transformation. "I've never brought anyone else up here."

Butterflies fluttered in Lily's stomach out of admiration. She rested her head up against his chest and smiled. "Well, thank you for sharing this with me."

"I want to share _everything _with you," he said breathlessly.

She turned to face him and saw fiery passion in his eyes that took her breath away. "So if you've never brought anyone up here before you've probably never had sex up here," she whispered suggestively, a coy smile on her face.

A shocked look perched on James' face before a sly smile began to spread and Lily's heart skipped a beat at the way he was looking at her. _Really _looking at her, his eyes filled with love and lust. They both slid down slowly until they were lying down beside each other, neither tearing their eyes off each other. James pulled her close to him, brushing her hair out of her face and pressing his lips firmly against hers. His fingers danced playfully underneath her shirt and around her back, leaving a trail of fire where his skin touched hers. He led a small line of kisses along her jaw and down her neck and started to caress his lips against the soft skin between her cleavage. He pulled away only briefly in order to tear her T-shirt over her head.

A cool, light breeze moved through the air, but Lily only felt the warmth that was created from their bodies intertwining. James unhooked her bra, slowly sliding one of his hands underneath it and leaving his other free hand pressed against her back as he led his lips back to hers.

In a matter of minutes, the Contraception Charm was muttered and all of their clothes were discarded. James slipped his fingers inside the waistline of her underwear, pulling it slowly down her legs, touching her intimately in her private area. He drew back quickly, surprised and yet turned on at how wet she already was.

The fervor between them was overwhelming and Lily blushed at the humiliating rush of warmth between her legs. Maybe it was the new intimate setting, maybe it was the seductive way he was looking at her, or maybe it was the fact that she was the first one he had ever showed his private rooftop, but they had never needed each other as much as they did in that moment.

They made love to each other that night that surpassed all of their past sexual encounters, both with each other and with past lovers. Their love for each other had escalated that night on the rooftop and James suddenly knew that no matter what happened after they left the comfort of the Hogwarts walls, he and Lily would still stay together.

He didn't know when he climbed off of her, but he found himself sliding towards her side, pulling her body close to his. They laid there comfortably, covered in sweat and breathing unevenly, their lips swollen and their hair disheveled. They didn't bother speaking. They didn't need to. They allowed themselves to bask in the glory and triumph of the most amazing sex either one of them ever had.

Neither knew how much time had elapsed after that and neither cared. Another hour must have passed and they stared up at the stars in a comfortable, peaceful silence, neither even bothering to reach for their clothes. They were up there alone, knowing they would be uninterrupted.

Lily was tracing little circles on James arm, his arm draped across her waist. Eventually, she broke the silence. "Y'know, next time we should bring a blanket," she teased, giggling. She had a feeling that the rough shingles on the roof were going to leave marks in the morning.

James chuckled. "It's not like we planned that."

It was exhilarating for Lily to know that while the rest of the school slept soundlessly, she was having wild, passionate sex with the man she prayed she'd be having sex with for the rest of her life. It almost felt scandalous and considering she was only weeks away from parting from Hogwarts forever, it felt good to let loose and go crazy for a change. She was still a teenager and she was determined to hold on to that for as long as she could.

James let everything else go and just focused on the beautiful girl in his arms. He was so lucky to have her and couldn't help but reminisce on all the moments they shared before their seventh year, those moments where he was throwing curses her way and she was screaming at him and they were sending death glares at each other. He couldn't help smile as he recognized how far they had come. And suddenly James frowned, guilt surging deep from within. His heart skipped a beat, knowing that there was still a big part of him that she didn't know about. And that wasn't fair to her seeing as he had been so determined to get her to let him into her own life. It was time he returned the favor.

She was surprised when she felt James' grasp loosen as he sat upright. She circled her body towards him, gazing up at him curiously. "What's wrong?"

"Lily, I need to tell you something and…and I'm not really sure how," James murmured.

Her heart skipped a beat. She could sense fear in his expression which was making her nervous. "Just say it," she said, her voice shaky.

"I don't know how you're going to react," he murmured.

"Try me," she urged curiously.

"Just…just try to understand," he continued, his voice hoarse.

"You're frightening me, James," she whispered, slowly sitting up. She suddenly felt very exposed and hugged her knees to her bare body.

"It's nothing to be frightened over," he reassured with a sigh. "It's just…" he trailed off, his mouth suddenly going dry. It was either now or never. "Maybe it's better if I show you."

She was sorely confused. "What are you talking about?"

He swallowed hard and let his gaze fall upon hers, seeing the anxiety in her eyes. He let go of her hand and slowly stood up, never straying his eyes from hers.

Lily was about to question him again when suddenly in replace of where her boyfriend had been standing was a beautiful, large stag. His fur was gleaming in the starlight and he stood so proud and determined. He barely moved, but she could see it staring back at her with familiar hazel eyes.

She scrambled away slowly, standing up instinctively. "James," she said in awe, her voice barely above a whisper.

The stag was only there for mere seconds before James reappeared as himself.

Her hands flew to her mouth in shock, speechless. She was floored, not sure if she was angry or upset or hurt or confused. Her mind was spinning with questions, but when she attempted to open her mouth, nothing came out.

He reached out to touch her shoulder and grimaced when she felt him stiffen beneath his touch.

She could only force out one sentence. "What just happened?" she croaked. She had a good feeling what just happened but she needed to hear it from him.

He sighed deeply, tearing his hand away from her as he turned his gaze on to the sparkling moon. "We did it for Remus," he explained slowly. "When we found out he was a werewolf, we wanted to help. We didn't want him to have to go through it alone. No matter how much he tried convincing us everything was fine, we knew it wasn't. He told us there was nothing we could do but we were determined to figure out a way to…to make his own transformations that much easier. I realized that if we could transform into Animagi, we could be with Remus without putting ourselves in danger. Thus began our yearlong difficult journey in becoming Animagi."

"_Illegal_ Animagi," Lily murmured. She wasn't surprised that he said 'we.' If James was an illegal Animagus, Sirius and Peter were definitely ones too.

James hung his head shamefully, wincing. "Yes, illegal Animagi," he muttered.

"So that's what you do during every full moon," Lily muttered. "You…you frolic the grounds with Remus?"

"I wouldn't use the word frolic," he scoffed.

Lily gave him a look.

"Then again, frolic is probably a good term for it," he muttered sheepishly, offering her a guilty lopsided smile.

She turned away, still in shock. She tried straightening out her jumbled thoughts with very little luck. Her eyes caught sight of their discarded clothing off to the side. "Did you bring me up here with the objective of telling me your secret?"

James' face clouded with horror. "God, no, Lily!" he argued quickly. "I brought you up here because I couldn't imagine _not _bringing you here. I wanted to share this rooftop with you because I'm in love with you. That had nothing to do with why I'm telling you my secret now."

She nodded, the sincerity in his tone making her believe him. Even before she asked that question, she subconsciously knew he wouldn't have used sex as a way to reveal his darkest secret. "You do realize that not only have you broken probably every single school rule but you could be sent to _Azkaban_ for what you did, right?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, shifting his weight awkwardly.

"And you do realize that you've been lying to me once a month since the day we got together, right?"

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. "Yeah."

"And you realize that just last week you begged me to let you into my life and my heart and here you are, keeping your own secrets from me?"

"I know," he muttered, cringing guiltily. Everything he was afraid she would think she was.

"And you do realize that Remus never once _asked _you to commit such illegal activity to help him out, right?"

"Yeah, Lily, I know that," James said sincerely.

"And you realize that you are putting yourself in danger every time you transform, right?"

"Yes," he murmured.

She slowly walked towards him, her expression void of any recognizable emotion.

James shielded his face overdramatically. "If you want to slap me, please try and avoid the face. The last time you punched me, I was sporting two black eyes for nearly two weeks."

Lily gave him a look and tugged at his hands, pulling them down from his face and holding them firmly at his two sides. And then she kissed him.

When she pulled away, James was completely in awe. "What was that for?" he managed to choke out.

"If I ever have a friend who's _half _the friend that you are to Remus, I would consider myself very lucky," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head against his bare chest.

"You're…you're not mad at me?" he asked, confused.

Lily quirked an eyebrow, glancing up at him. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"

"Uh, for all the reasons you _just _iterated?" James murmured, hanging his head shamefully.

Lily shrugged. "Okay, maybe I could be mad," she admitted. "But I'm not. Because when I look at the…the generosity that you have shown Remus, I can't help but feel…feel…" she trailed off, searching for the right word. She gave him a quick kiss and said, "I'm proud of you, James."

Whatever he was expecting from Lily after revealing his secret, it certainly wasn't pride. "Er…_what_?"

She laughed and framed his face with her hands, pulling her lips towards hers slowly and gently. "What you did for Remus is probably the bravest, most honorable and noble thing I've ever heard anyone do for a friend. A year of your life was devoted to learning every risk and consequence and yet _reward _of illegal Animagus transformations all because you didn't want to have your friend go through a difficult time alone." She cracked a smile, realizing the irony of it all. "Here I was, calling you selfish for six straight years and…and you were far from it. I don't know if I ever would have been able to go through such a rigorous process. Remus is lucky to have you as his friend."

He could only stare at her, dumbfounded. "I repeat: _what_?"

She laughed and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "I love you, James," she whispered. "Maybe now more than ever."

He nodded slowly, still hesitant.

Lily frowned, sighing. "What were you expecting me to do? Break up with you because you were deceiving me?"

"I don't know," James said honestly. "I can tell you that I didn't honestly think you'd be…_proud_." He snickered.

She fell silent, gazing at him timidly. "James," she said softly. "You and your friends have kept this secret for nearly five years. I'm just grateful that you included me in it at all."

"Of course," he said immediately. "No matter how you would have reacted, I knew that you deserved to know. It was _time_ for you to know."

She smiled, glancing away hesitantly, a curious expression spreading across her face.

"What?" he asked, sensing her apprehension.

She didn't look up at him, staring at the shingles of the roof with much intensity.

"Lily," he said softly, running a finger through her silky hair.

"It's just that…" she trailed off, swallowing hard. "It's like you almost thrive on danger."

James froze, completely taken aback by the statement. "_What_?"

She smiled warily, her eyebrows narrowing guiltily. "I do think that what you did for Remus is noble and honorable, but…but you put yourself in immediate danger. And you do every time you transform. I…I wonder if you may have been a bit naïve."

"Er…come again?" he asked, a bit insulted.

"Just because Remus is this sweet, generous, caring person doesn't mean that during a full moon he is sweet, generous, or caring. Werewolves are vicious and brutal animals that enjoy tearing apart the limbs of humans. And I realize that that was the whole idea behind the Animagi transformations but he can be..be spooked by the slightest thing and turn on you guys. So I guess I'm just grateful that that opportunity never presented itself," she rambled nervously.

James automatically felt guilty, thinking back to the time Remus nearly killed Severus Snape.

"And now with the Order and you potentially being an Auror," she slowly continued, biting down on the inside of her lip. She lifted her gaze to meet his, fear inevitable in her eyes. "I'm just…I'm afraid that it's going to be a matter of time before…"

He reached for her hand instinctively. "Don't think like that," James whispered, shaking his head. "I don't thrive on danger, Lily. It's just that..." he hesitated, not sure how to finish the sentence. He sighed. "Did you know that seven years ago, Remus had to be in the hospital wing for a span of six days to recuperate and now he's only there for twelve _hours_?" James pointed out.

"No, I didn't know that," Lily muttered.

"And did you know that since we came along with him during his transformations, he's been less violent? All he needed was to…to not be alone. All he needed was…was _company. _And perhaps a bit of fun and frivolity," James explained with a shrug. "He needed to get out from the confinement of that Shrieking Shack. And we gave him that opportunity."

She nodded, chewing on the inside of her lip. Lily turned her gaze away from him, suddenly feeling like she was being scolded by a parent. "You are one hell of a friend," she smiled shyly.

James sighed. "Maybe a part of you is right. Maybe we _were _slightly naive. Maybe we were thinking about Remus as our friend and…and not thinking about Remus as the werewolf."

She gazed up at him, her eyes flashing with somber guilt.

"But," James continued, furrowing his brow, "No matter who or what Remus is, he will _always _remain our friend first. And we will always remain his. So yeah, maybe we were naïve, but first and foremost, we wanted to help our friend out. When my friends and family need help, I'm always going to be there. And being an Auror and an Order member, I have a chance to do that."

James was silenced by Lily's lips pressing against his. "What was that for?" he asked when she pulled away.

"I have no reason to berate you," she explained with a shrug. "I have absolutely no idea what he or…or what _all _of you have been through. I honestly am proud of you for the generosity you have provided to him. And I'm really glad that you have helped Remus really endure his transformations. I can't imagine how painful it is and I think that you guys have really helped him through it all. And if you bring that generosity and ultimate camaraderie to your job as an Auror and to the Order, those around you will be better people for knowing you." She gazed up at him warily, going against her better judgment and adding, "Just please be careful."

"I love you that care," he whispered, drawing her close to him.

"Of course I care," she said immediately, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I love you, James."

He grinned, running his lips along her jawline. "I'm gonna marry you one day," he blurted out, surprising the both of them.

Lily's heart skipped a beat as she stared up at him, not able to provide him with a response.

"I don't mean today and I don't mean tomorrow," he continued when she didn't respond. "But one day, I will stand up in front of all our friends and family and declare my eternal love to you as you become my wife. And on that day, I will be the luckiest guy in the entire world."

She leaned closer until her nose was merely a centimeter away from his. "You certainly know how to make a girl feel special," she whispered, and then she kissed him. Really kissed him. Because she knew that he was right. One day she would be married to him. And that didn't scare her. It only made her love him more.

They spent the remainder of the night on that rooftop, drifting in and out of sleep and talking about absolutely everything. They reminisced on the past, laughing about all the awful things they used to do to each other as young teenagers. They discussed upcoming N.E.W.T.s and graduation. They fantasized about their future together, which felt surprisingly comfortable for both of them. It was the perfect evening, a night that neither of them would ever forget. In the years to come when a fight would erupt or a tragedy would strike or they felt like they were slipping away from each other, they would recall the love they felt for each other on this exact evening and somehow, all would be fine.

They watched the sunrise together before climbing back on to James' broom, forced to return to reality.

* * *

**A/N: **Some good James and Lily drama and of course some good Sirius and Riley fluff. Personally, my favorite parts in this story are when all of the friends are together and just enjoying the time they have. There's something so comfortable and encouraging when the seven of them get together...okay, now I'm just getting too mushy. Keep on the lookout for the 52nd chapter where some more fun awaits you!


	52. Of Kinkiness, Checklists, & Photos

**A/N: **Next chapter up and running! A lot of fun stuff in this chapter AND some serious stuff so please enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling but one week and counting until the first part of the 7th movie comes out!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 52: Of Kinkiness, Checklists & Photos

* * *

"Ow, ow, ow," James murmured as he slowly slipped onto the bench at breakfast the next morning.

Riley quirked an eyebrow. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she snickered.

Both Lily and James blushed furiously, only causing a smile to spread across Riley's face.

Even Sirius couldn't help but laugh, glancing amusedly at Lily who was determined to avoid eye contact with anyone. Instead, she reached for the sausage links and shoveled them on to her plate. Sirius fixed his stare on James when Lily refused to crack. "Well, I can only assume that your discomfort _isn't _related to the Quidditch match yesterday."

"Oh, shut up," Lily muttered, chucking a sausage link at him. "How was the rest of the party?"

Sirius grabbed the sausage link and threw it into his mouth. He shot a cheeky grin her way, Sirius argued, "Don't you dare change the subject, Miss Lily-bean. We're going to need details."

The red tint in Lily's cheeks grew. "No way. Whenever you get your hands on details, somehow the rest of the school knows all of my business as well," she argued huffily, shaking her head. "Pass the scones."

"Oh, look, another subject change," Riley snorted, giving her a look. She pushed the scones out of Lily's reach. "Details first. _Then _scones."

"That's just mean," Lily scowled, slumping down on the bench as her stomach growled at the very smell of the scones.

"And I highly doubt that we're the only ones who had sex last night," James snorted, glancing between the two of them.

Sirius shrugged, popping a grape into his mouth. "Yeah, so? We're not ashamed to admit that. It's what couples _do_."

Riley chimed in, grinning cheekily. "Of course, not all couples show up to breakfast the next morning appearing _sore_. There must be some good juicy details on the subject."

Lily reached over to grab a grape from Sirius' plate and chucked it at Riley. "Is this conversation over yet?" Lily whimpered, trying to reach over Riley and grab a scone with very little luck.

"Not even close," Sirius snickered.

James rolled his eyes. He shared a look with Lily who blushed but shrugged. "We had sex on the roof and let me tell you, having sex on scratchy shingles isn't all it's cracked up to be," he said hastily. "Now give the girl a scone!"

Sirius and Riley burst into laughter, both wondering when Lily and James became so adventurous. Riley obliged and handed the scone platter over to Lily, who was blushing furiously. She was grateful that Kay, Remus, and Peter chose that moment to join the four of them at breakfast.

Until Remus had to open his mouth, glancing at Lily and James. "Where did you two go off to last night?" While Riley and Sirius had also escaped, to their private dungeon, they had returned within two hours while James and Lily seemed to have vanished for hours.

Lily shot Sirius and Riley a look, wishing them to keep their mouths shut, but she wasn't surprised when Sirius blurted it out. "They were busy having raunchy rooftop sex."

Remus rolled his eyes as Kay and Peter snickered. "That was probably a question better left unanswered," Remus murmured.

Sirius shrugged. "You asked."

"Yes, well that will keep me from asking questions ever again," he snorted.

"How exactly does one have rooftop sex?" Kay asked, giggling.

"Painfully, that's how," Riley retorted, earning an eruption of laughter between them all except for Lily and James, who had suddenly wished he had never spilled the beans.

"I'm officially mortified by our choice of breakfast conversation," Lily muttered, slumping down on the bench, emitting a painful groan when the bench rubbed up against a large scratch on her arse. Which naturally caused another round of laughter. She stuffed the scone in her mouth and said, "I think it's time that I trek to the library. Has anyone finished those essay questions for Defense Against the Dark Arts yet?"

Sirius snorted, giving her a look. "Talking about essay questions isn't going to stop us from gossiping about your hot rooftop-"

Lily stuffed a scone into Sirius' mouth. "Oh, shut up." She grinned sheepishly as he went flying backwards towards the ground, coughing up scone.

He ignored the laughs that were coming from the surrounding students and slowly stood up, bowing for everyone glancing over at him.

"You are such a drama queen," Riley snorted as he reclaimed his seat at the table.

"Might I remind you that you're dating that drama queen," Remus snickered.

"Hm, I'm drawing a blank as to why I ever thought that was a smart idea," she teased.

Sirius rolled his eyes, returning to the bench. "How can someone 'draw a blank?'" Sirius asked curiously. "How does your mind just draw a blank? I mean, the last time I checked, your mind wasn't the one that drew anything anyway. And if you had a piece of paper and someone asked you to draw a blank, what would you do? How would you draw a blank?"

They all stared at him impassively. "Are you still talking?" Kay snorted.

Riley sighed. "Yeah, I definitely can't recall my reason for dating you."

"You're just jealous that _you _didn't have rooftop sex," James teased, climbing out of his seat slowly. "I'll follow you to the library, Lily. I finished the essay questions if you want to borrow them."

"No, that was just her way of changing the subject," Sirius reminded him. "Keep up, Prongs!"

Lily found herself gasping unexpectedly, suddenly realizing the correlation between the Marauders' nicknames.

"What?" Riley asked, concerned.

Lily smiled slyly. "Nothing," she lied. "Just realized I hadn't started the Herbology essay." She gestured for James to follow and led him out of the Great Hall, much to the confusion of their friends who knew that Lily had already finished the Herbology essay. When the two of them were out of earshot, she turned towards him. "Prongs, hm? I never thought I'd know what those bizarre names were in reference to," she snickered. "What does Sirius turn into? Padfoot can mean a number of different things. A dog? Tiger? And Peter? A rat?"

James nodded hesitantly. He didn't know if it was right to bring down his friends with his own secrets but seeing as she already knew about their transformation, he didn't see how it could hurt. "Yeah, Peter turns into a rat. Don't mention it to him, though. It's a touchy subject," he snickered. "Sirius turns into a black dog."

"How superstitious," Lily joked. She took his hand in hers, drawing him close to her. "Does Riley know?"

James shook his head. "No," he admitted. "Last week, Remus said it was alright for us to tell you, but Sirius hasn't said anything to Riley yet. He'd probably appreciate you keeping it a secret, too, until he has a chance to tell her."

Lily nodded. "I understand," she said, but her heart sank slightly. Big news like this was something she wished she could share with her two best friends. "Why hasn't he told her yet?"

James didn't offer a response immediately. While he felt that Sirius' fears were slightly irrational, they were his fears to explain. James couldn't help but wonder if Sirius was even going to find the courage to tell Riley anytime soon. "You'd have to ask him that."

Lily wasn't surprised that James didn't give her any details. That's what made him such a good friend. First to Remus and now to Sirius. She was lucky to have him on her side, that's for sure.

She smiled, squeezing his hand comfortingly. "C'mon, let's get to the library."

James made a face, quirking an eyebrow. "Or I hear there's a rooftop with our name on it."

Lily pointed to the scratches on the back of her leg. "I think we should lay off the rooftop for a while," she snickered.

He placed his hands in hers, kissing her cheek. "I think you're probably right."

* * *

The rest of their friends quickly joined James and Lily in the library soon after they finished their breakfast and soon after they gossiped about their two friends' rooftop sex. They worked in silence for a good portion of the morning except for the occasional question or comment. Eventually, James decided it was time to sneak to the kitchens for a much-needed snack and Sirius jumped at the chance to get out of the library for a while.

"How did you even get her up to the roof?" Sirius chuckled. He had hoisted himself up on one of the empty kitchen counters while the house-elves bustled around him throwing together a mini pizza for the two boys.

"We flew up there."

He quirked an eyebrow. "I thought she hated flying."

"She did," he retorted. "Until last night."

"The sex probably helped," Sirius sniggered.

James rolled his eyes. "Why are you still on this?"

Sirius grinned, thanking a tiny house elf that handed him a cup of hot cocoa. "It's unlike Lily to be so adventurous, that's all. I'm finding it very sexy."

"Ahem, stay away from her," James teased, flashing his friend a grin.

"I have my own very sexy girlfriend thank you very much," Sirius snorted, smiling slyly as he thought back to his own night with Riley. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary but every moment he spent with her was special to him.

James made a face, trying not to think of his best friend, the girl who used to eat worms on a dare, as sexy. "Subject change, please," he snorted.

Sirius couldn't help but laugh as he blew on his hot cocoa to cool it down, taking a quick sip.

James leaned back against one of the counters, gazing at Sirius anxiously. "I told Lily about me being an Animagus last night."

Sirius spewed the hot cocoa from his mouth, inadvertently spraying James, who was looking very disgusted. "Way to lead into that one," Sirius snorted, as he attempted to wipe down the table that now had hot cocoa all over it. "I'm assuming it went well. Or as well as it possibly could considering she's still talking to you."

"It went better than well," James corrected with a curt shrug. "She said she was proud of me."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow, the ends of his mouth turning up. "Are you sure you told her you're an illegal Animagus? Are you sure she heard you right? I mean you did _just _finish seducing her. She probably would have said anything at that point."

James chuckled, giving his friend a look. "Your sarcasm is unnecessary."

Sirius snickered. He fell silent, turning his focus back on the mug in his hand. He could feel James gaze on him and Sirius sighed. "You think I should tell Riley. That's why you told me."

James shrugged. "No, I think you should do whatever you want to do. I'm simply telling you that I told Lily and it didn't backfire."

He didn't respond. Truth was, Sirius had hoped all along that James would keep his mouth shut so that it wouldn't influence his decision. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell Riley. He just didn't know if he was ready to invite Riley into that part of his life. Maybe if he told her he was an Animagus she wouldn't find that to be a reason to bail on their relationship but he wasn't entirely convinced she was sticking around for the long haul no matter how determined she seemed. How long would it take this time until she found some other reason to bail? Every time he told her he loved her, he saw hesitance. Every time he drew her close to him, he felt guardedness. Every time he looked in her eyes, he noticed apprehension. Maybe he was being foolish and maybe he was being paranoid, but he wasn't ready to let her into his darkest, deepest secret until he saw certainty, felt assurance, and noticed comfort. Most of all, he needed to believe that she loved him.

Sirius was ready to go to New York with Riley and spend some much-needed alone time together, away from everything and everyone. He was hoping that that time together would show both of them how much they needed each other. He was hoping that the intimate setting would make Riley finally let go of all her defenses and just let herself be susceptible to loving someone. And maybe it would be during that time that he could tell her about his Animagus transformation.

"I'm hungry," Sirius finally spoke. "Where's our pizza?"

James gazed at Sirius hesitantly, but didn't bother pressing him further. He had no idea what was going through his friend's mind but he could tell it was something he didn't want to share. "Not sure," James said with a shrug. "But in the meantime, we should totally dig into that bag of chocolate chips behind you."

He was grateful that James didn't press the matter further. It was Sirius' turn to figure things out on his own.

Sirius grinned and grabbed the large bag of chocolate chips on the shelf behind him, grasping a handful himself before tossing the bag to his best friend.

* * *

Sirius' eyes zoomed in on his friends in the corner of the Gryffindor common room the next night. He jumped over the back of the couch and landed swiftly onto the cushions beside James with a grin. "Please tell me you guys aren't doing work. I can't look at another countercurse or Potions ingredient or my head will explode."

James and Remus exchanged amused looks. "I didn't realize you took the time to actually look at countercurses and Potions ingredients," Remus joked, shooting him a look.

Sirius made a face. "Riley made me do it after lunch today for over an hour."

James guffawed. "Oh, man, you're totally whipped already."

Sirius sat upright and quirked an eyebrow. "I hope you've looked in the mirror recently."

James pouted. "I'm not whipped!"

Even Remus couldn't help but break out into hysterical laughter.

James grunted and slumped down on the couch. "I don't think you guys believe me."

Remus shot James a sheepish grin and shrugged, knowing enough to remain quiet on the matter.

"If I recall correctly," Sirius continued, a sly grin forming on his face, "Lily flashed you her come-hither look and you were spilling your Animagus secret to her."

James rolled his eyes. "You make her sound like a prostitute propositioning me."

Sirius tried to contain his laughter. "Did you or did you not have sex with her on the _roof_?"

James blushed.

Remus intervened. "How does having sex on the roof turn one into a prostitute?"

Sirius laughed. "Ok, fair enough, that might be taking it a bit far. But it is particularly kinky. Especially for Lily-bean!"

"I think you're jealous," James shot back, a sly smile spreading across his face curiously.

Sirius snorted. "Of what exactly? The scratchy shingles? The cold breeze? The rash you got on your arse?"

"Believe me, we didn't exactly notice those in the heat of the moment," James retorted, grinning suggestively.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And here I thought all of the kinky sex was going to be left to me."

James gazed at his friend peculiarly, cocking his head to the side. "Believe me, it is. I'm not the one who has had sex in every nook and cranny of this school!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Broom closets, empty classrooms, cold dungeon rooms, Astronomy Tower, Room of Requirement, _Great Hall table_."

Sirius gasped. "How did you know about that?"

"Evelyn Marx has a big mouth, that's how," James snorted. Even Remus couldn't help but laugh at the embarrassed look on Sirius' face.

"Hmph," Sirius exhaled sharply. "I still think rooftop sex is worse than Great Hall sex."

"And I think this conversation is getting a bit disturbing," Remus murmured, shaking his head incredulously.

Naturally, Remus was ignored. "No way!" James argued with Sirius, shaking his head vigorously. "At least the rooftop is _private. _Anyone could have walked in on you and Evelyn!"

"Did you not hear me say shingles? Cold breeze? _Rash_?" Sirius snorted.

"Seriously, guys. _Disturbing_," Remus muttered, shuddering.

"Well, then settle this argument or we're going to continue this debate," Sirius suggested, shrugging.

"I am not going to settle an argument about which one of my friends is the kinkiest!" Remus cried out, giving Sirius a look. "Not only do I have no idea how I'd even begin to settle that argument, I don't _care _which one is kinkier!"

Sirius shrugged. "Fine, we'll ask Kay," he said, nodding his head towards the common room entrance where Kay just appeared. "Oy, Kay!"

She glanced up and strolled over to them, looking exhausted. She plopped down on the couch with a sigh. "What's up?" she murmured.

"We need you to settle an argument," James explained.

"I'd run if I were you," Remus muttered.

Kay glanced back and forth between Remus' uncomfortable expression and James' and Sirius' eager ones. "This is an argument that I probably don't want to settle, isn't it."

"Nonsense," Sirius dismissed. "Who's kinkier: James or myself?"

Kay's ears turned red and she groaned inwardly. "Well, that answers my question," she muttered. "You do realize that you two are dating two of my best friends, right?"

Sirius and James stared blankly back at her. "Uh...so?"

"It's disturbing!"

"Thank you!" Remus agreed with a chuckle.

She gazed at him, confused, but was interrupted by Sirius. "The faster you answer, the faster you can escape," Sirius explained.

She sighed. "Well, it's hard to say. We have rooftop sex on the one hand," she teased, giving James a look. He turned bright red, wishing he had never brought it up at breakfast. "And then we have _Great Hall _sex on the other hand."

Sirius scowled. "How does everyone know that!"

"Evelyn Marx has a-"

"Let me guess," Sirius murmured. "A big mouth?"

Kay laughed. "Bingo."

"I'm going to have to have a little chat with her later," Sirius murmured, scrunching up his nose.

His three friends all laughed, amused with his discomfort.

"How about we just say that you guys are equally kinky and call it even?" Kay suggested, a bit too hopeful.

"Way to be diplomatic," James snorted.

"May I ask why we even got on the subject of kinky sex?" she asked curiously, a twinge of jealousy surging through her. She had only had sex with one person obviously and even with him, they've only slept together four times. The first time, while amazing, was awkward seeing as it was her first time, but the times following blew her mind. He definitely knew what he was doing and it was the only time she felt remotely grateful for all of the women he had previously been with. "Or would I be better off not knowing?"

"I'd go with the latter," Remus snorted. Maybe he, too, was jealous seeing as he was getting absolutely nothing from any girl at that moment.

James rolled his eyes. "You're right. It's time to drop the subject."

"Does that mean I win by forfeit?" Sirius said, grinning.

"I'm not exactly sure _what _you're winning, but sure," James snorted. "I forfeit. You win."

"Admit that you're kinkier than I am," Sirius urged determinedly.

James snickered. "My mother told me never to tell a lie," he shot back with a mischievous smile.

Sirius pouted, crossing his arms bitterly. "Seeing as we are both in committed, loving relationships, I don't think our _past_...erm...sexual history should be a factor in the determining of who's kinkier."

James narrowed his eyes curiously. "Well, I hardly think that's fair. I've been with Lily longer than you've been with Riley."

"I've probably had more sex with her than you've had with Lily."

James hesitated. "Hm, good point."

"Have I reiterated yet how disturbing this conversation is?" Kay whined, covering her ears.

Sirius grabbed a parchment and a quill from the table and glanced back over at James. "I think the only fair thing to do is make a list and count it out fairly."

"I'm not helping you make a list of all the places we've had sex!" James argued, glaring at his friend.

"We will start with rooftop," Sirius murmured, scribbling it atop the parchment.

"Well I am _certainly _not going to stick around while you objectify yourselves and all of the unfortunate women you have tainted over the years," Remus groaned, smacking a pillow over his face with a whimper. He glanced over at Kay. "How about we ditch these two and do something on our own."

"How about a late-night chocolate run?" she suggested.

"Just what I was going to suggest," Remus said with a grin.

"Wait, I want in on that!" Sirius cried out.

Remus chucked his pillow at Sirius and climbed off the sofa. "No way," he argued, linking arms with Kay. "It's about time I got my estrogen-fix. I've been spending way too much time with you guys."

"I feel affronted," James huffed.

Sirius hesitated. "I don't know what that means, but I feel offended."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yep. Definitely need to spend some time away from you two."

"I'm feeling more offended!" Sirius cried out after them as they meandered out of the common room with one last wave.

James rolled his eyes. "Let's just finish this checklist."

* * *

It seemed that exams were all anyone could talk about. In the hallways, the students were tripping over their own feet because their heads were buried in their textbooks. Food stains were attacking students' notes during meals because they couldn't be bothered to let their eyes stray from their studies for more than a few minutes. Students were forcing themselves to pull all-nighters in fear of failure. The hospital wing was filling up with students who had come across a spell gone wrong or needed help coming down from a panic attack. The tables in the library were filling up by the second and the shelves were looking sparse due to students double-checking their notes. Classes were devoted entirely to the professors refreshing the students on all they had learned. Fifth-years were breaking out into tears over the idea of taking O.W.L.S. Seventh-years were cramming so much information into their brains that a simple spell such as _Alohamora _seemed liked a difficult task. James and Lily were constantly finding students after curfew, curled up in a ball in a corner of a hallway, too tired to walk back to their rooms.

Kay groaned, placing her head down on the round library table where she was surrounded by all of her friends. "I don't think I could cram any more information into my head even if I tried."

Lily offered her an apologetic lopsided smile. "Just think. In three weeks, this will all be over."

Kay lifted her head long enough to glare at her. "Three weeks sounds like an eternity."

"Just think," Lily replied, the ends up her mouth turning up slyly. "In three weeks, you'll be reunited with Lance."

Kay hesitated, shaking her head slowly. "Three weeks sounds like an eternity!" she whined, earning a laugh from her friends.

James put down his quill and leaned back in his chair. "I think it's about time we take a break."

"Like a let's sneak down to the kitchens break?" Sirius suggested, his eyes lighting up.

"I was thinking more of a let's get drunk break."

Sirius grinned. "You're right. I like that idea better."

"I don't," Lily groaned, giving her boyfriend a look. "When will you learn that alcohol is not the way to solve your problems?"

"I don't want it to solve any problems. I merely want to forget about the fact that I'm about two seconds away from killing myself and everyone around me if I have to transfigure another pillow or if I have to read anymore about the Troll Revolution of 1732."

Lily snickered. "That sounds like a problem to me," she teased.

"And a word of advice," Remus chimed in. "I would start with killing everyone around you otherwise it might be difficult if you start with yourself."

James stared at him blankly. "Gee, thanks for the comforting words."

Remus grinned sheepishly, letting his eyes avert back to his essay. "And all of your studying thus far would be a complete waste."

"As would ours," Riley snickered, stretching her arms over her head and stifling a yawn. "So if you plan on killing us all before exams, would you mind letting me know now? Because I'd rather not be spending my last days on Earth studying for exams I wouldn't end up taking."

"Even if he killed you after exams," Kay chimed in logically, "you probably wouldn't need to study now. Because what good would those exams be for anyhow?"

James rolled his eyes, smacking his palm against his forehead. "That will teach me to try and make a joke during high-stress time."

Remus snickered. "James, don't you think after doing no work last night, you need to spend tonight cracking down?"

Lily spun her head in her boyfriend's direction. "You told me you spent all last night on that Potion's essay."

James glared at Remus. "Thanks for that."

Remus snorted. "I wasn't the one lying to my girlfriend."

"Ahem!" Lily cried out, placing her quill down on the table anxiously. "Someone mind telling me what's going on?"

Kay couldn't contain her laughter, bringing her textbook up to cover her face as Lily sent a deathly glare her way. After she and Remus had escaped to the kitchens for over an hour, they returned to the common room to find James and Sirius still knee-deep in making a list of their past experiences. "I just learned a whole lot more about James and Sirius last night than I needed to."

Riley jerked her head up from her essay to glance at Sirius curiously. "You also told me that you were working on your Potion's essay!"

Sirius grinned sheepishly, slumping down as he gazed over at James guiltily. "We need to come up with better lies."

"Or no lies at all," Riley snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Believe me," Remus chimed in, "You're better off with the lie." He and Kay shared an amused glance, bursting into another bout of laughter.

"Are you feeling as left out as I am?" Lily pouted, staring over at Riley.

"Oh, most definitely," she murmured. She turned back towards Sirius. "Mind filling us in?"

Both Sirius and James blushed, looking shame-faced.

They didn't have to respond, however. Kay chimed in for them slowly. "I am certainly never going to look at Greenhouse 4 the same again," she snickered. "And I am never going anywhere near the women's bathroom in the dungeons. And of course I have no idea how I'm ever going to be able to pay attention in History of Magic again staring at Binns' desk."

Lily looked completely dumbfounded and Riley shook her head hesitantly. "What are you—oh my God!" Riley cried out as her hands flew up to her mouth out of sheer embarrassment. She glanced at Sirius curiously, a red tint forming on the top of her ears as she realized what her friend was referring to. "What the hell were you talking about last night?"

"What? What's going on?" Lily whined, more confused than ever.

Remus and Kay were too busy bursting into laughter and James and Sirius were too busy looking guilty, attempting to bury their heads in schoolwork, to respond.

Riley slumped down in her chair, shaking her head. "Remus was right," she whimpered. "You're better off not knowing."

Lily narrowed her eyes irritably, crossing her arms. "What the hell is going on!" she repeated.

James shrugged sheepishly, feeling bad that Lily was clearly feeling left out. "Oh, just show her," he snickered, nodding towards Sirius.

As Sirius reached into his bag, Remus let out a loud groan. "You _kept _it?"

"We still haven't settled the dispute!" he argued with a laugh.

Lily reached over and grabbed the parchment from his hand, glancing over at it. Her face registered confusion before giving into shock and finally disgust. She glanced up at her boyfriend, giving him a look. "You spent the night writing out all of the different places that you and Sirius had sex over the years?"

James offered her an apologetic, lopsided smile. "I'm thinking the Potions essay would have been a better way to spend my time," he muttered guiltily.

She gave him a look and Riley snorted. "Ya think?" Riley said.

"It's pathetic that half of these on Sirius' list belong to you, Riley," Lily chuckled, running her eyes down the list.

James quirked an eyebrow. "You're not mad?"

Lily laughed, shaking her head. Actually, she found the list amusing. "No, I'm…I'm a little disappointed."

James cringed. "I know, it was stupid, but-"

"No, I'm not disappointed in _you_," she corrected, shaking her head. "I'm disappointed in _us_. I'm only listed three times on this thing—bed, shower, and rooftop! I deserve more credit than that!"

Everyone's jaws dropped in unison.

"Sadly enough, even Riley and Sirius have had sex on our common room couch—thank you for the warning by the way. I plan on sterilizing everything the moment I get back—while you and I have kept it completely safe!" Lily continued, pouting at James. When she glanced up at the others, she couldn't help but laugh at their shell-shocked faces. "Oh, close your mouth, you're all catching flies."

"So you're not only not _mad _that they spent the evening objectifying women, but you're _jealous_?" Kay snickered, shaking her head in complete disbelief. "I don't even know you anymore."

Lily shrugged sheepishly and didn't bother responding. Riley turned back towards the list, mocking Sirius.

Lily used that distraction to turn her gaze upon James curiously, a mischievous glint in her eye. She leaned in closer, running her foot up his leg seductively. "I think it's about time we spiced up that list of yours," she whispered.

James' mouth dropped even further. He was certain that Lily would feel disgusted and offended. Instead, she was now propositioning him. His heart skipped a beat. "Er…"

Lily laughed at his sudden speechlessness. Her foot slowly crept higher on his leg and he tensed. He quickly shut his textbook and thrust it into his bag, jumping up from the table immediately. "Gotta go," he murmured, his voice cracking.

The rest of his friends glanced up at the two of them in surprise. "Where are you going?" Remus asked, shocked.

"Elsewhere," Lily said vaguely, giggling.

Riley groaned, catching the suggestive tone in her voice. "You're going to try and top this list, aren't you." It wasn't a question.

James only shrugged, chuckling lightly.

"Well, two can play that game," Sirius argued, jumping up from the table himself. He glanced down at Riley. "Two _can _play that game, right honey?"

Riley snickered and nodded vigorously, chucking her books into her bag haphazardly.

"Why are all my friends so bloody horny?" Remus murmured in disgust, shaking his head.

"Because we're eighteen years old?" Sirius suggested sheepishly.

"Ah, that does explain it," Kay snorted, rolling her eyes. Once again, she was jealous that her friends were getting it on while she was forced to sit by and watch from the sidelines considering her boyfriend was hundreds of miles away. "You crazy kids have fun."

The four of them quickly rushed out of the library, giggling and laughing like children. Lily couldn't remember the last time she had enjoyed just being an eighteen-year-old teenager. They had all been so caught up with their futures that the present had somehow been pushed aside. But Lily was determined to recapture it with an evening of frivolity with her boyfriend.

And she was determined to prove to Riley and Sirius that she knew how to be adventurous.

Lily ran out of the library and nearly ran smack into another student. If James hadn't grabbed her arm and pulled her backwards, a collision definitely would have ensued. "Oops!" Lily said guiltily. "Oh, hey, Alice. Sorry I almost ran into you."

She quirked a curious eyebrow. "Where are you four off to in such a hurry?"

The four of them exchanged awkward glances before Sirius shrugged. "Word of advice," he snickered, grabbing Riley's hand. "Don't head out to the Quidditch clubhouse."

Lily, James, and a slightly confused Alice all cringed as the two of them disappeared down the hallway. "Is Kay in the library?" Alice asked, choosing not to question it. She was too excited about her own news to bother trying to figure out what the hell Sirius and Riley were up to.

"Yeah," responded Lily. "She's at the round table off to the right. In the back corner."

She grinned, nodding gratefully, before turning her gaze upon James. "Did you get a letter from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?"

He knew she was referring to the Auror recruitment apprenticeship. She had applied back at the same time that he did. "No, not yet," he murmured. "Why?"

She guiltily held a letter up. "I got accepted into the program," she said, trying to hide her enthusiasm. "I mean, I still have to submit my N.E.W.T.s scores and go through a bunch of preliminary tests and obstacles in July, but if everything goes well, come September, I will officially be an Auror apprentice," she explained, shrugging bashfully.

James' heart skipped a beat, a slight sinking feeling dropping in the pit of his stomach. "Oh, that's great!" He prayed he sounded sincere. He _was _happy for her. Being accepted into the program was a huge honor.

"Have you told Frank yet?" Lily asked curiously, talking about Alice's boyfriend who was a year out of Hogwarts and full-fledged into his own Auror recruitment program.

She nodded. "Yep. I just came back from the Owlery. And now I'm on my way to tell Kay."

"Well, congratulations," Lily urged, glancing over at James out of the corner of her eye. She knew that James was now probably quietly freaking out that he hadn't received anything yet.

"You'll get accepted, James," Alice said reassuringly. It sounded a bit hollow even if it was sincere. "I certainly wouldn't want anyone else by my side through all of the grueling trainings."

"Thanks," he said with a lopsided smile. "I appreciate that."

She offered him another smile before skipping into the library to search for Kay.

Lily squeezed James' hand as he led her down the hallway. "Want to talk about it?" she asked.

"Talk about what?" he asked, a little too quickly.

She gave him a look and grabbed his arm, halting them before the end of the hallway. She glanced at him determinedly and didn't say anything until he reluctantly locked eyes with her. "Listen, James," she said softly, "No one can predict what will happen. But whatever _does _happen, I'll be here for you."

His heart fluttered at the overwhelming admiration in her voice. He leaned down to kiss her lightly. "Thank you," he murmured. "Now, c'mon, I hear the…the teacher's lounge calling our name."

Lily snorted, giving him a look.

"No? How about the Potions cupboard?"

Lily laughed, shaking her head. "Try again."

James hesitated. "Forbidden Forest?"

"Yes, I was planning on _dying tonight_."

James wrapped his arm around her shoulders, grinning sheepishly. "We'll figure something out."

* * *

James sighed, slipping into an empty seat at lunch the next day. "Well, it's official," he muttered. "They're rejecting me from the Auror recruitment program."

Lily's heart sank as she shut her Potions textbook and pushed it out of the way. "You…you got your letter?"

He shook his head. "No," he argued, shrugging. "But Fabian just received an acceptance so that's another position filled."

Lily glared at him, smacking him on the shoulder. "Ow!" he cried, pouting. He rubbed his shoulder. "What the hell was that for?"

"Do you not know the real definition of the word '_official_?'" Lily retaliated. "You nearly scared me half to death!"

"Ok, fine, it's not _official_," James mocked, making a face. "But why haven't I received an acceptance letter if Alice and Fabian have?"

"Has Gideon heard back yet?" Lily asked curiously. "Or Trent? Or Fabrice? Or Kyra?"

James hesitated. "No."

She smacked him again.

"OW! Domestic abuse!" he whined.

"Don't scare me like that again, James Potter!"

He sighed, rubbing his shoulder. "You're right, you're right. I'm blowing this way out of proportion."

Lily nodded. "Just a tad," she teased. She leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Don't fret, James. It will just give you worry lines on your forehead and I don't want to be dating an old man."

He cracked a smile, but Lily knew it was strained. He felt obligated to smile at her joke. He sighed. "I can't help but fret a little. I did just realize that…" he trailed off.

"That what?"

"I don't exactly have a backup plan," he pointed out. He reached for a roll, tearing pieces off of it as he formed his thoughts. "I mean, I-I didn't even think to apply to any other programs or jobs besides the Auror recruitment apprenticeship. What happens if-"

"Stop," she interrupted immediately, her tone firm and determined. "Don't think like that, James. Don't worry about it until you have to."

He bit down on the inside of his lip, clearly still brooding on the subject. "Uh-huh," he murmured, unconvinced.

She reached over and squeezed his hand. After everything he had been through, he deserved some good in his life. She wasn't surprised that he wasn't exactly optimistic. He didn't have a lot of reason to. "Well, _I'm _certainly going to stay positive on your behalf."

He smiled, feeling slightly reassured. He leaned over and kissed her instinctively.

"Aw, jeez, this is a public place," a voice spoke behind them.

James and Lily pulled apart and grinned at Remus.

"Besides, I'm pretty sure the Great Hall table has already been crossed off the list," he joked, earning a groan from Lily as he slid into an empty seat beside them. He plopped a piece of shepherd's pie on to his plate, digging in immediately.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Lily snorted, shaking her head in disgust. She glanced up at James. "I pray that it was Sirius."

James gave her a look. "Of course it was!" he scoffed.

"Where did you two end up running off to last night?" Remus snickered, a pang of jealousy scouring through him.

Lily blushed. "That is so none of your business." While they had intended to rush off to the Divination classroom, they didn't make it past the fifth floor corridor. Their kisses were intense and so much passion had been ignited between the two, they ended up sneaking into the girl's bathroom instead. Lily never realized how intense sex could be with the overwhelming risk that they could be walked in on at any given time. It was in these stolen moments with her boyfriend that she felt the most free and safe with him.

Remus chuckled and shrugged, not bothering to interrogate any further. He probably didn't want to know anyway.

James and Lily shared a sly smile and returned to their lunch. Lily glanced slightly at her textbook but left it untouched. She would return to Potions later that evening. Instead, the three of them delved into a conversation about the latest incident described in _The Daily Prophet _earlier that week. Once again, Voldemort had struck. His Death Eaters had attacked certain Ministry Officials outside their homes, thankfully with little success. The rumor in the newspaper was it was the Death Eaters' intentions to cast Imperius Curses against these officials as to establish some sort of infiltration into the Ministry.

"Do you think they've tried before?" Lily asked curiously.

James shrugged. "Who knows. I hope not. I don't want to even think what could happen if high-end Ministry Officials were under the control of the Death Eaters."

Neither Lily nor Remus offered a response. That notion was too frighten to even think about.

"We need people willing to combat Voldemort now more than ever," a consenting voice agreed from behind. The three of them whirled their heads around at the sound of Sirius' voice, who was sliding into the bench with Riley right behind him.

Lily wondered if he was talking about Aurors or the Order. He answered the silent question, turning towards James. "Did you hear that Fabian and Gideon received their letters?"

James' stomach tightened. "Gideon heard back, too?"

Sirius nodded, grimacing. "Not with good news unfortunately."

James fell silent. While this could be good news for him—it meant there was still room for another recruit—it could also mean bad news. It meant that all letters were being sent out in similar stages so there was no way James could tell just by the timing of the Ministry owl. And it just made him more nervous.

"Oh, no," Lily murmured. "Poor Gideon."

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know if 'poor Gideon' is necessarily the right sentiment. Being an Auror was never his intention. It was more his father's and his brother's. He was discussing a job with the Magical Law Enforcement Patrol last I heard as we headed out of the library."

James nodded, pretending to be listening to the speculation, but he was more focused on the knot forming in his stomach. At this point, he just needed to know what his future held for him.

As if the Auror Office had heard his pleas, an owl flew into the Great Hall, heading towards James himself. He wasn't the only one that noticed it. His friends' eyes followed the owl's flight path as he soared through the air and eventually made his way to James. The chestnut owl didn't stay long. He dropped the small envelope in front of James, nipped at a piece of his roll, and took off once again.

Silence fell over his friends and James wondered if they could hear his heart beating out of his chest. Four pairs of eyes stared at James while he fixated his gaze on the letter, now lying on his plate in front of him. He didn't pick it up immediately. He tried telling himself that if it was a rejection, it wouldn't be the end of the world. But he knew he would be crushed. Like he said to Lily earlier, he didn't have a back-up plan. He knew that with his inheritance he could probably be without work for a long time but he didn't deal with boredom well. He was born to work and even though he knew that with his grades and potential he could probably do anything he put his mind to, he wanted to be an Auror. He's wanted to be one since he was five-years-old and he didn't want his dream to end there.

"Well?" Sirius urged.

James sighed and reluctantly tore the letter open. His eyes skimmed the page. A smile first broke out, causing his friends to smile reactively. "I got accepted!" he shouted almost immediately.

Lily's jaw dropped open ecstatically, throwing her arms around her boyfriend, as Riley shrieked in enthusiasm. Sirius whooped in delight and Remus' gave a congratulatory pat on his friend's back.

It was as if James didn't even notice his friends' congratulations. His eyes were still fixated on the letter in front of him, a confused smile expressed on his face. James' elation slowly faded into shock and then into skepticism. He reread the letter a few times, particularly the second paragraph, and ignored Sirius as he cried out over and over "He got accepted!" while Lily and Riley were cheering excessively. Remus was just grinning foolishly, trying to get Sirius to quiet down.

Lily's eyes migrated over to James and saw hesitation. She recognized that while the ends of his mouth were turned up in joy, his eyes displayed astonishment and guilt. "James?" Lily asked softly, placing her hand on his arm.

"Why are you suddenly so quiet?" Riley asked curiously, her grin showing just how proud of her best friend she was. "Shouldn't we be celebrating?"

"My father...he…erm…he…I can't…I don't…" he dithered, words spewing confusedly out from his mouth.

Lily's heart sank. "Wait, I thought you were in."

James quickly shook his head. "No, I am, it's just…"

"What?" Lily said encouragingly.

James pointed to the letter and started quoting. "'Due to your father's glowing recommendation and endorsement, we have every reason to believe that you would make an ideal candidate for our 1976 Auror Recruitment Apprenticeship,'" he read. He lifted his eyes from the letter. "I thought my father didn't want me to be an Auror. Why would he offer them a recommendation on my behalf?"

"Because he knew it was what _you _wanted," Riley pointed out with a shrug. "For once, your father listened to what his son wanted. Just because he hoped you'd choose another career didn't mean he wasn't willing to help you in any way he could before he fled to Italy."

James' head spun around to stare at her, his face frozen with shock. "Wait…Italy? He's…he's in Italy?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat. She hadn't realized he didn't know that. "Er, yeah," she murmured guiltily. "He…he just became the Second-in-Command under Palantir Lorenzo in the Italian Auror Office. It was in yesterday's _The Daily Prophet_. I thought you read it."

"I was more or less focused on the article about Voldemort's attempts to infiltrate the British Ministry," James drawled flatly.

Riley opened her mouth to retaliate but said nothing. She knew it wasn't meant to be a dig towards her.

"Did it mention anything about…" he trailed off, his mouth going dry.

Riley shook her head. "Not really. It mentioned his family, mostly giving background information about Wyatt's disappearance and Brite's death, and explained he had a family back in Britain, but no mention that he had left your mother."

"Oh," said James for lack of anything better to say.

"I'm sorry," she cringed guiltily. "I shouldn't have mentioned anything."

"Nah, it's alright," he responded with a shrug. And truth was, he meant it. He had wondered where his father had gone off to not having heard anything from his mother, so it gave him a slight sense of closure.

"You know what else is alright?" Lily said, the ends of her mouth turning upwards. "The fact that you just got accepted into the Auror program you've been dreaming of since you were _five_."

"Yeah, your father did a respectable thing for once and it turned out in your favor!" Riley pointed out, her tone filled with delight.

"Do you think I would have gotten in even if he-"

"Yes," a chorus of four voices interrupted.

James laughed. "Alright then."

"Stop questioning it," Lily said firmly, giving him a look. "And start accepting our congratulations!"

"Yeah, shouldn't you be jumping up and down screaming like a little girl right about now?" Sirius snickered.

"I don't do that!"

"Uh, how about the night you found out you were Quidditch Captain?" Remus snorted.

"The night you got together with Lily?" Sirius added.

"Just last week after winning the Quidditch Cup?" Riley teased.

"Uh, _every _year you've won the Quidditch Cup?" Lily snorted. "P.S., you jumped up and down and screamed like a little girl the night we got together?"

He hesitated. "I don't recall the screaming part. The jumping part probably involved my springy bed mattress."

"_Well_?" Riley urged.

"I am _not _going to jump up and down and scream like a little girl!" he argued.

Four pairs of skeptical eyes stared back at him.

He grinned, pushing all thoughts of his father to the back of his mind. He was probably still in shock over the fact that he was accepted. His future had finally been decided and he couldn't help but realize that for once, something was going right in his life. "Well, I'm not going to do it in _public_," he added, rolling his eyes.

They all laughed and Lily couldn't help but embrace him tightly, squeezing his hand. "Well, I, for one, am proud of you."

James blushed, grinning foolishly. "You're right. This calls for a celebration."

Sirius sat upright, his eyes lighting up. "What are you thinking? We still have some leftover firewhisky in our room. Or maybe a quick Hogsmeade run tonight? Or-"

"I was thinking more like a me-and-Lily celebration," James said suggestively, slinging his arm around Lily's shoulder.

Lily laughed and nodded enthusiastically, kissing his cheek. "That's my kind of celebration."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That list has corrupted you."

"Or maybe it's just me," James teased. He stuffed a final roll into his mouth, leaving the one the Ministry owl bit into untouched on his plate, and stood up quickly. "We'll see you guys in Potions."

The two of them rushed out, leaving their three friends shaking their head in disbelief.

Sirius broke the momentary lapse of silence. "If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?" Sirius asked curiously.

Remus and Riley slowly turned their blank gazes upon him.

Sirius shrugged. "It's just a question."

"I can tell you one person who's just _possessed_," Remus snorted, smirking in Sirius' direction.

"He's probably talking to you," Sirius said off-handedly to Riley, earning a slap to the back of his head. "Ow!"

Riley gave him a look.

"Yeah, I probably deserved that."

* * *

The end of the year was coming quickly. A little too quickly for some of their taste, but it was inevitable. Exams were less than a week away and while the stress continued to overwhelm them, it had simply become an expectation by that point. The cool spring days had formed into the beginning of a humid summer. The grounds were often scattered with students trying to enjoy the trace of summer with their textbooks in their hands. They may as well attempt to enjoy something while studying.

The Great Hall was becoming scarcer with each passing day. Some skipped meals altogether while others merely rushed in to grab a biscuit and a handful of bacon before hurrying to the library to perfect a Stunning Spell or a Bubblehead Charm.

Riley stifled a yawn as she slipped into breakfast on an early Tuesday morning. The ceiling was hazy, large grey clouds forming above them. "I was up so late last night trying to charm my lamp to whistle," she murmured grumpily. "And now if I never hear anyone whistle again in my entire life, I will be perfectly content."

James flashed her a smile and formed his lips into an O shape. Before he could taunt her, Riley glared at him. "Don't!" she argued.

He laughed, nodding. "Fine. Just so long as you never mention the term cross-species switches to me ever again."

Riley hesitated. "Are you able to turn a caterpillar into a butterfly with two antennae? For some reason, I'm always missing an antenna when I try it."

He narrowed his eyes at her.

She grinned. "Right, right, not mentioning it," she said sheepishly. She changed the subject. "Should I even bother asking where everyone is? Or is taking a quick peek through their notes before class the obvious answer to follow?"

"As far as I know, they're either sleeping or studying," James retorted with a shrug. "Most likely the latter. I can't recall the last time I got more than five hours of sleep per night."

Riley snickered. "Five sounds like a lot to me."

James grimaced, nodding perceptively. He returned to running down the list of ingredients in a Blood-Replenishing Potion while Riley helped fill in the blanks when necessary.

She got distracted when the Owl Post flew in and a small spotted owl dropped an envelope off in front of her. The owl pecked around the muffin plate in front of him, nibbling the crumbs that had already fallen to the plate. She opened the letter and let her eyes scan the page.

She sighed, ripping the letter in half twice before chucking it into her empty glass of water.

James quirked an eyebrow, a hint of a smile creeping up. "Not good news?"

Riley gave him a look. "Just another rejection from a wizarding publication. Story of my life," she said. She smiled, shrugging. "I guess it's a good thing I'm sailing to New York, hm?"

James stopped his fork midway to his mouth, jerking his head up to stare at her. "What are you talking about?"

She offered him a confused expression. "What?"

"No, I asked the question," he snickered. "Since when are you going to New York?"

She looked even more confused. Not because she didn't understand the question, but because she didn't realize James had no idea. "Er...I don't know. Since two weeks ago when Sirius asked me to come with him."

"Whoa, _what_?" James cried out, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Sirius is going to New York? Since _when_?"

Riley's heart skipped a beat. She was more shocked that James didn't know Sirius was leaving. "I don't know. Since a few weeks ago?" she murmured. "Did you really not know about this?"

James was too shocked to even shake his head. "Where was I when all of these decisions were being made?" he muttered, slumping down on the bench.

She shrugged somberly. "Why do you look so distraught?" she asked.

He didn't immediately respond, frowning. He sighed and glanced back down at his plate awkwardly, moving eggs around with his fork. "I guess it still hasn't really hit me that after graduation, everything's going to change."

"What are you talking about?" Riley asked, furrowing her brow. "What has to change?"

He gave her a look, softened with remorse. "Everything," he repeated. "We're all so...so used to being together _all _the time. We rarely get any alone time, not because we don't want it but because there's nowhere to go to _be _alone. Ironically, knowing that it's going to be hell of a lot harder to spend time together get in the real world, I'm…I know that I'm going to miss it." A nostalgic frown spread across his face. "It's going to be...weird when we're all off doing our own thing. When…when we won't see each other every minute of every day."

"It's not like you're never going to see me again," Riley murmured.

"No, I know," James quickly said. He fell silent, brooding for a few seconds as he moved the eggs around on his plate with his fork. He sighed, glancing up towards her with a lopsided smile. "It's just...you and I haven't spent more than a week apart since the day I was born. So it's going to be weird that you're not going to be around. That's all."

She cracked a smile, lightly punching him on the shoulder. "Don't get all sentimental on me now, Jamesie."

He shrugged, trying to force out his own smile with very little luck.

She frowned, concerned. "What are you thinking?" she asked.

He chewed on the inside of his lip hesitantly. "The truth?"

She nodded. "Of course."

He sighed, throwing his fork onto his plate with a clatter. "I…I don't know if I'm ready to grow up," he explained vulnerably. "And I don't know if I'm ready to have my friends grow up, either. It might be a bit selfish of me wanting all of my friends around, but…I'm not ready to let go."

"What do you have to let go of?" Riley asked, surprised by the somber desperation in his tone.

He shrugged curtly. "Hogwarts," he said bluntly.

She furrowed her brow curiously. "It's just a school."

"No," James quickly argued. "It's the…it's everything that Hogwarts taught us. It's the fun we had and the lifelong friends we made. It's the knowledge and the wisdom that the professors passed down to us. It's the mistakes we made and the lessons we've learned from those mistakes. It's the… the _innocence _and ignorance we possessed that we'll have to shed in the real world."

Riley stared at him, slowly quirking an eyebrow. "Did you rehearse that speech?" she teased.

James gave her a look. "I'm trying to say that…we're not just leaving behind a school," he said softly. "We're leaving behind the…the people we've become at this school."

Riley frowned. "Why do we have to leave it behind at all?" she argued with a shrug. "Maybe the people we've become _here _are the people we can be out _there_." 'There' referring to the real world. "Who says we have to change?"

James didn't respond. He glanced back down at his plate hesitantly. Change was inevitable and he was beginning to realize that he hated change.

"I'm not going to come back from New York a changed person, James," she said softly.

"I know," he murmured. "And...well, if I'm being perfectly honest, I think you _should_ go," he said sincerely.

"Really?"

He nodded slowly. "It'll be good for you guys," he explained. "But the selfish part of me wants you to stay."

She fell silent, the curious look in her eye telling him to continue.

He smiled nostalgically, a flash of their five-year-old selves climbing on to their play brooms for the very first time with the help of Brite and the time they had a fake wedding when they were seven so that they never had to be apart from each other and the cake that his mother made for he and Riley the moment they received their Hogwarts letters scrolling through his mind. He thought back to the day he found out he was going to be Head Boy. It wasn't Sirius or Remus or even his mother he had told first even though they had been staying at his house during the time. It was Riley who he confided in first. It was Riley who he told he was nervous to have such a high leadership role within the school and it was Riley who reassured him he would be one of the best Hogwarts had ever seen. He thought back to when Brite left for Hogwarts; he had only been four-years-old but he remembered crying and Riley was there to let him know that at least she would always be there for him. And she always had been. Every single thing that he's ever had to endure, he had Riley by his side. It didn't occur to him that she would change their dynamic with a move across the Atlantic Ocean.

"I'm going to miss you, Riles," he said sincerely, shrugging awkwardly.

She blushed slightly, her heart skipping a beat at his vulnerable confession. "I'm not going to be gone forever," she said. "Just for a few months or so. And we'll still have the summer."

"I know," James assured. "Still won't be the same without you."

She opened her mouth to argue but didn't say anything. There wasn't much left to say.

"Can I ask you something?" James said curiously, his right eyebrow raised ever so slightly.

She simply nodded.

"Do you love Sirius?"

She jerked her head up, alarmed by the unexpected question. "_What_?"

He shrugged guiltily. "Sorry, but I had to ask."

_"Why_?

"Because I'm surprised that you agreed to go," James defended quickly. "That's very uncharacteristic of you so I can only deduce that you realized you love him."

She frowned, remaining silent. She glanced upward and noticed that fake raindrops were now falling from the dark clouds looming above them in the Great Hall. "I don't know," she eventually said in complete sincerity. "But I guess going with him to New York is one way for me to find out."

James realized how much she had grown up in just a few short months. He meant what he said; he didn't want her to go because he was going to miss her too much. But he was proud of her for realizing it was the right thing to do for her and for Sirius. "Good for you," he said, putting an end to the conversation. He averted his eyes back to his notes.

Riley's voice broke his concentration. "James, just so you know," she reassured. "I'm going to miss you, too."

He smiled. He didn't know what he was going to do without her come September but he had to realize that at some point, they were all going to go their separate ways. It was inevitable with growing up. He just never realized that it would be so soon. "C'mon," he urged, shoving his books into his bag. "Let's get to Defense Against the Dark Arts."

She nodded and obliged.

* * *

Lily was chewing on the end of her quill that afternoon in the Gryffindor common room, trying to finish the prefect's paperwork on top of studying her Potions notes when she heard footsteps behind her.

"Say cheese!"

She glanced up and only saw a large white flash of light. "What the..." she trailed off, blinking furiously. "Gee, thanks for blinding me, Sirius."

He grinned flippantly and hopped over the back of the couch. "Sorry, but I like my shots to be candid."

Lily shut her eyes, squeezing them tightly as she attempted to obtain her sight back. "Why are you taking an up-close and personally invasive photo of me?"

He shrugged. "It's the end of the year and I am trying to capture every moment possible here at Hogwarts before we inevitably pack up our lives and start the next chapter."

"And you really want to commemorate me studying Potions?" Lily snickered, quirking an eyebrow.

He hesitated. "Maybe I'll delete that photo."

Lily laughed, nodding. "I, for one, would appreciate it."

"Then again, 90% of your time here at Hogwarts _was _spent with your head buried in a textbook, so this photo is only portraying your Hogwarts lifestyle accurately. You can't blame the photo for that one."

Lily cocked her head to the side, narrowing her eyes curiously. "There's nothing to blame the photo _for_. You're right: academics were a huge part of my Hogwarts lifestyle."

Sirius nodded, turning his gaze away from her. He couldn't help but gaze over at a group of first years in a corner, who looked frazzled and overstressed at the idea of upcoming exams. There was a part of him that missed his eleven-year-old self, gullible and naïve to the impending future that lay ahead of him. "Do you regret any of it?"

"Any of what?"

Sirius shrugged. "Any of it," he repeated. "Anything you did here. Or didn't do."

Lily hesitated, slowly putting her quill down on to her textbook and placing it on the coffee table in front of her. "I try not to live my life with regrets," she said softly, her thoughts reverting back to the two days her parents died. For three years, her head was filled with what-ifs and unanswered questions. When she received her letter to Hogwarts, it was her chance to strive for a future that would one day be worth something. Sure, she had made mistakes since then, but she knew that living with regrets was just a simple way of saying you didn't like the person you had become. And looking at all of the accomplishments she had made over the year, she couldn't say that at all. "Why live in the past, right?"

Sirius smiled knowingly, thinking back on his own travesty of a childhood. The moment he had walked on to the Hogwarts Express and sat down in James' compartment, his life changed. Instead of being known as a Black and all of the implications behind that surname, he had simply become Sirius. He had lived his life to the fullest and even though his parents and his brother and the people he grew up with would never understand his decision to betray their trust and beliefs, he would never regret the day he decided he was no longer going to try to please his family. "Exactly," he said firmly, sharing a smile with her. "Say cheese!"

"_Sirius_!" Lily whined as yet another flash went off in her face. "And what the hell was that photo capturing?"

He glanced back down at the first years and grinned, knowing that while his future was a huge question mark, he'd rather have that than go back to his wide-eyed, confused eleven-year-old self. "Seizing the moment."

She stopped rubbing her eyes and glanced over in his general direction. "Oh," she said with a smile. "Well, then that's a moment worth capturing."

He responded with a grin.

James walked in and plopped on to the couch beside his girlfriend. Before he could even say 'hi' a flash went off in his face. "Damnit, Sirius!" he groaned. "I thought Remus hid that from you."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "He didn't hide it well," he snickered.

"He thought hiding it in your_ History of Magic textbook_ would be a good hiding spot considering you haven't opened it since you were eleven," James snorted, giving him a look.

Sirius shrugged. "To be fair, it was Peter that found it and tossed it my way."

James scowled, slumping down on the couch. "I'm going to have to have a talk with him later."

Even Lily chuckled as she shut her textbook. "I have to get to the library. It's my last tutoring session with the second-years."

James pouted. "I came here for you."

"Well, you saw me," she said, grimacing. "And now you're going to see me walking away."

"Do I at least get a kiss?" he pleaded.

Lily chuckled and leaned over to plant a gentle kiss on his lips, squeezing his arm. "I think I can definitely find some time for us later," she whispered seductively in his ear.

James' eyebrows perked up. "I like the sound of that."

She laughed and started to head out.

"Oooh, now _there's _a photo!" Sirius cried out, zooming in on her long, slender legs and her tight arse. He instead got a photo of Lily flipping him off, earning a guffaw from James.

Sirius shrugged, grinning. "And everyone thinks she's so innocent," he teased.

"Not me," James chimed in with a snort.

Sirius rolled his eyes, not bothering to retort.

James sprawled out on the couch, propping his feet up on the coffee table in front of him with a stifled yawn. He peeked over at Sirius out of the corner of his eye and found himself blurting out, "Are you taking all of these photos so you'll have good memories when you leave?"

Sirius quirked a confused eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"When were you going to tell me you were moving to New York?" James retaliated, his tone stiff and slighted.

A curious expression came over Sirius' face. "I'm not _moving _there. I'm just _traveling _there. For an indefinite period of time."

James pursed his lips, not responding.

"Why does it matter?" Sirius continued, shrugging. "Why do you seem so irritated at the idea of me going to New York?"

"I'm not irritated," James said a little too quickly. "I'm just…surprised."

"That I'm going to New York?" he asked, confused

"_No_," James argued, giving him a look. "That you're going to New York and didn't bother to let me know."

"I didn't realize I had to run every little decision past you," Sirius snorted.

James glared at him. "Well, I'm sorry if I was under the assumption that you were moving into Potter Manor come September," he retaliated, his tone full of impatience. "Considering that's what you've done for the past two summers."

Sirius was amazed and yet touched by James' words. "It's not summer anymore," he said slowly. "When I moved in two years ago, we both knew it had to be temporary. We're graduating now, James. I can't depend on you forever," he murmured, embarrassed.

"I don't expect you to," James said softly. "I just…" he trailed off. If he was being completely honest, he wasn't exactly sure what he expected from Sirius.

"Just what?" Sirius urged.

"I guess I've gotten so used to having you as my roommate, it's going to be way too quiet at Potter Manor without you," James explained with an awkward shrug. He had never really considered the possibility that Sirius wouldn't be moving into Potter Manor with him come September. He had just expected it and never questioned it.

Sirius cracked a smile. "Of course it's going to be quiet. It's a mansion with nearly twenty rooms and you're going to be by yourself."

"Not exactly what I'm talking about, Padfoot," James argued. He didn't bother pointing out that most likely Remus would be moving in the following year.

"Well," Sirius said slowly, "What _are _you talking about?"

James hesitated, furrowing his brow in scrutiny at his friend. "Why are you going to New York?"

Sirius wasn't expecting a question in return. Especially not that one. "Because of my uncle."

James offered him a curt nod, a frown forming on his face. "Uh huh."

"You don't believe me?"

"No, I do," James urged. "I just think there's more to it."

Sirius' eyes narrowed, sensing an accusing tone. "Well, do you mind telling me what more could possibly motivate me to up and move my life to New York for a few months than a dying uncle?" he snapped.

"Don't patronize me," James argued, giving him a look.

Sirius snorted. "Who's patronizing whom?"

James winced. "You're right," he murmured. "I'm sorry. I just think..."

Sirius pursed his lips irritably. "Just tell me whatever the hell it is that's on your mind, Prongs."

James swallowed hard, biting down hard on the inside of his lip. He probably should have remained silent. He probably shouldn't have bothered to answer the question truthfully. But he did. "Honestly, Padfoot, I think a part of you is running away."

"From _what_?"

James hesitated before saying, "The future."

Sirius' heart skipped a beat at the blunt response. He smirked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Not everyone knows what they want to do for the rest of their life, James. Not everyone realizes at age _five _what they want to be when they grow up. No, some of us were told we'd be joining the ranks of the greatest dark wizard of all time when we grew up. So unless you want me to go ahead with that plan, I prefer the sailing to New York plan instead."

"I never said you needed to have a childhood dream to follow," James retaliated, giving him a look.

"No, you simply said I needed to have a _present_ dream to follow," Sirius murmured.

James clenched his teeth, choosing to remain quiet. He didn't expect Sirius to have a dream. Not everyone needed to know what they wanted to do. But by going to New York, Sirius could put off even attempting to think about it. He was just afraid that if Sirius went to New York, he might find a reason not to return to England. Sirius had always been spontaneous, choosing to go wherever the wind brought him. "This isn't about having dreams, Sirius. It's about _hiding _from them."

"James, we can't all be as lucky as you," Sirius sighed. His tone was more subdued, soft and vulnerable. "We're not all accepted into the program of our dreams, securing our future. And…and we all don't inherit fancy mansions that rival the _Queen's_ _castle_. And we don't have families to fall back on, who would support us through any decision we make. And we all don't have trust funds that we've had access to since the day we turned eighteen that are worth…_twenty _times more than the measly amount of money I have in my bank account. We all don't get everything we want and we all don't get our lives handed to us on a silver platter. We don't have anything but…but ourselves." He had turned his eyes away from James' shocked, hurt ones. "You don't get it, James, because you don't have to. Your worries are…are nothing compared to what I have to worry about. So…so maybe you're right. Maybe a part of me is going to New York to run away from it all. But seeing as I have a _reason _to go to New York and absolutely _no reason _keeping me here in England, it's the only option I have."

James swallowed hard, running Sirius' words over and over in his head. He didn't realize that he should feel guilty for all of the things he was lucky to have, but it sounded like Sirius was accusing James of the things he had come to be proud of. James felt compelled to walk away, too stunned and upset to stay there in Sirius' presence. He slowly stood off the couch and offhandedly, glanced towards Sirius, who was brooding quietly. "I'm sorry that you feel there's nothing keeping you here in England," James murmured.

Sirius sighed, giving his friend a look. "That's not what I meant, James," he urged.

James shrugged. "I know," he muttered. He grabbed his bag from the floor and headed towards the common room entrance.

"Prongs, wait," Sirius pleaded.

It was the nickname that caused James to hesitate. He remembered the evening they perfected their transformations. It was three days before the full moon and they had all gathered in the Shrieking Shack as a pre-celebration, enjoying their first moment of true rebellion. It was Sirius who suggested they needed nicknames and it only took a few minutes before Moony, Wormtail, Prongs, and Padfoot had been born.

James turned around, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't mean to make you feel guilty for the good you've accumulated in your life," Sirius murmured awkwardly. "I just…I just want you to realize how lucky you really are."

James nodded slowly. Truth was, when he reminisced on the neglected lives that Sirius and Remus and Lily lived, James couldn't help but realize he was fortunate for everything his life represented. Even with Wyatt's disappearance and Brite's death and his father's abandonment, James still had more to be thankful for than his three best friends did. "I know that," he murmured.

"And maybe a part of me is jealous of it all," Sirius admitted with a sigh.

"Sirius," James said softly. "Just because you weren't born a Potter doesn't mean you're not a part of the Potter family."

Sirius shrugged, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the compliment. Because even though he knew that James' family was like his own, he hadn't been born a Potter and that _did _make a difference. If not to James, to Sirius. And no matter how much he appreciated the encouraging words, he still knew that going to New York was the right thing to do. "I need to go to New York, James," he muttered.

James nodded. James knew that Sirius needed to figure out what it is that he needed and wanted and he needed to do that without the sheltering of others around him. And he knew that Sirius needed to do something for himself for once. "I know," James said sincerely as he made his way back to the couch. "Doesn't mean I didn't wish you were staying here."

Sirius cracked a smile. "I'll be back. Believe me, you can't get rid of me that easily."

James laughed and fell back on to the couch with a sly smile. "So how'd you get Riley to go with you? Bribe her with endless sexual favors?"

He wasn't surprised when he was smacked with a couch cushion.

That night as James snuggled into his bed beside Lily, he couldn't help but smile. For the entire afternoon, he had fretted about his two best friends leaving. But taking one look at his gorgeous girlfriend made him realize that he had plenty to be thankful for. And even though his two best friends would be leaving in September, he still had Lily by his side. And he knew that she would always stay by his side. If he had to choose between keeping Lily around and keeping Sirius and Riley, there was no question in his mind that he would choose Lily. He knew one day he would end up marrying her. He couldn't imagine his life without her.

She stirred slightly as he kissed her forehead and he cringed guiltily. "I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered. He glanced towards his watch, noticing that it was nearing one o'clock in the morning.

"Where have you been?" she asked curiously. Lily had returned to the Gryffindor common room, expecting him to still be there but much to her surprise he and Sirius had disappeared.

"Out with Sirius," he murmured. 'Out' was simply spending quality time with his best friend in the kitchens. Most of the time they gossiped about their relationships and talked about their anxieties with the future. They laughed about all of the pranks they had played over the years and reminisced about the first time they met on Platform 9 ¾. It had been a long time since they had hung out just the two of them without the worry of school or the future on their minds. They just had fun with each other and it reminded them of the friendship they used to share as young twelve-year-olds when falling in love was far from their minds and getting a job felt so far in the future that it was nonexistent. They simply enjoyed a night away from everything and everyone. It was nice being the Terrible Twosome again.

But it was even nicer having Lily wrapped in his arms.

"How specific," she snickered, stifling a yawn.

He slung his arm over the side of her body and pulled her closer to him, kissing the back of her neck. "I love you, Lily."

She had no idea why James was suddenly being so mysteriously deep, but she knew not to question it. Something in James' voice told Lily that he and Sirius had talked about something important that night, something that clearly James wanted to keep to himself. And that was okay with her. She knew that James had been friends with Sirius far longer than he had been with her. They had a history that she was still building with James. And she wasn't about to get in the way of that.

* * *

**A/N: **Awww sentimental moments between James and Riley and James and Sirius and even a mini-sentimental moment between James and Lily. I love them all! I realize that James never becomes an Auror according to J.K. Rowling but this story IS an AU so I'm allowed to change things if I want to. I have the whole sequel to this story (yes there will be another sequel!) outlined and planned out and I've had it planned out ever since I started the original story. Which I began prior to the fifth book where we learned a lot of the backstory. So if you don't enjoy reading AU fics, I suggest not reading this one. Only a few more chapters left of this story!


	53. Of Maps, Travesties, & Memory Lane

**A/N: **I am indeed back and only 15 days later! I had a few questions about my AU comment-first of all, AU stands for Alternate Universe which means that the fanfic doesn't necessarily follow the original story plot. If you can actually believe it, I started writing the outline to this story back in 2003 and began writing the early chapters, only a few months before the fifth book came out. So there was and still is a lot in my story that don't necessary follow all of J.K. Rowling's plots and story lines. I have tried to change what I can, but there is a few things that are going to remain different. Most of these differences are going to be evident mostly in the sequel to this story so beware of them. For example, James' career-J.K. Rowling had mentioned in an interview that he didn't work due to the inheritance he received from his parents and due to his focus on the Order. But I have always seen him as an Auror so I'm going to keep him as one. However, there were other things that I have changed in the story in order to follow J.K. Rowling's original ideas. I guess you'll just have to continue reading just to see what I come up with next!

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling but I certainly enjoyed going to see the midnight showing up HP7 last Thursday!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 53: Of Maps, Travesties, & Memory Lane

* * *

"Is it scurvy grass or knotgrass in the Befuddlement Draught?" Sirius asked, his mind swarming with all sorts of Potions ingredients. He had been sifting through seven years worth of Potions notes for twenty-four hours straight and it was beginning to take a toll on him. There were only three days left until their first exam and it was causing a lot of stress on all of them.

"Scurvy grass," James relayed from the other side of their dorm room. The library and the Gryffindor common room were overloaded and crammed with students shooting pillow cushions around the room to practice for their Charms exam or yelling disarming spells at each other, so the four Marauders inevitably ended up in their own dorm room. The three girls eventually traipsed up the stairs to join them and while that dorm room was crammed in its own essence, at least they didn't have to worry about anyone else's distractions except for their own. While James took claim over his desk, Lily had sprawled out over his bed. Sirius was leaning up against the wall on his own bed with Riley's head in his lap, both of them skimming over Potions ingredients. Remus and Kay had taken hostage over the floor, notes and textbooks spread out across the rug as they tested each other. James had tripped over them twice already trying to get to the bathroom. Peter was at his desk, his brow furrowed and his eyes crazed with anxiety as he glanced over Defense Against the Dark Arts notes.

Any time a mouth was opened, which was infrequent, it was usually asking a question about their studies or muttering a spell under their breath. Eventually, Kay cried out in frustration and threw her quill across the room. "Is anyone else in desperate need for a break?"

Lily shot her hand up. "I think I've read the same paragraph four times, but I can guarantee I haven't grasped any of it."

"Ice cream?" Riley suggested, grinning.

"I'm in," Kay responded immediately. She offered Remus a sheepish grin. "Sorry, you're on your own."

"Who said I didn't want any ice cream?" he responded huffily.

"Do you?"

"No," he replied with a snicker. "Doesn't mean I don't want to be asked."

"I asked, did I not?" she replied pointedly, smiling flippantly. She playfully chucked her quill at Remus with a cheeky smile, who ducked and shot her an amused look. She crawled off the floor, outstretching her arms over her head with a stifled yawn. "What time is it?"

"Nearly midnight," Riley responded immediately.

"We'll be breaking curfew," Lily pointed out with a quirked eyebrow.

"What's more important?" Kay chimed in, taking a seat on the edge of Remus' bed. "Ice cream or following the rules?"

"Definitely ice cream," Lily snickered, glancing sideways towards James with s scrutinizing look. "I think you've been a bad influence on me."

"Says the one who's sneaking out to the kitchens in the middle of the night to the guy who's planning on staying and finishing up his studies," James shot back with a pleased smile over his shoulder, winking at her.

She furrowed her brow but before she could retort, Sirius chimed in. "So really _she's _a bad influence on _you_."

Lily responded by chucking James' pillow at him, which winded up smacking Riley in the face. "Hey!" Riley groaned. "Do you want me to come with you or not?"

Lily laughed and rolled off James' bed. She tapped Riley's foot, urging her to get up off the bed. "Oh, c'mon. We could use some girl bonding time. All of this testosterone is starting to make me go slightly insane."

"Um, _ouch_?" James snickered.

She laughed and strolled over to him. She plopped herself on his lap and kissed him quickly. "Not _you_. You're different. I was mostly referring to the other three."

"Um, _ouch_!" Sirius whined.

"Oh, ignore her," Riley giggled. "_Your_ testosterone isn't making _me _insane one bit." She pressed her lips to his gently.

Kay quirked an eyebrow, glancing back and forth between Remus and Peter. "Sorry, boys. You ain't getting a kiss from me."

The room erupted in laughter, their laughter exactly what they needed to distract themselves from the thought that exams were only three days away. The three girls traipsed out of the room with one last dismissive wave, leaving the four guys all on their own.

Remus immediately placed his quill down on the floor and retreated to his bed hesitantly. "You know what tomorrow night is?" he eventually spoke.

James glanced up from his textbook and nodded. "Yeah. Full moon."

Remus nodded curtly. "Last full moon of the school year."

Sirius' eyes darted up from his textbook in awe. "Wow," he uttered, uncertain what else to say. "I…I guess this means our Marauding time really is coming to an end."

Remus gave him a look. "I don't think graduation is going to put an end to our troublemaking."

Sirius smiled slyly. "Still," he said with a shrug. "Tomorrow is…is going to be the end of an era, don't you think?"

The dorm room fell silent, the question being silently answered. Seven years earlier they had all come together to become what would eventually be known as the Marauders. And to them, Moony, Wormtail, Prongs, & Padfoot. They weren't just best friends. They were like brothers, brought together by not only a devoted camaraderie but by a fistful of secrets. Secrets that could have destroyed them or tore them apart but only brought them closer together.

Remus cleared his throat, smiling awkwardly at his three best friends. "Look, not to get all…er…sentimental and corny, but I just wanted to…er…thank you guys. For…well, for everything," he muttered, red developing on the tip of his ears. "I wouldn't have been able to get through the past seven years without you."

"Yes, you would have," James reassured firmly.

Remus furrowed his brow, remaining silent as he pondered his next words. "Okay, maybe so," he agreed hesitantly. "But…but it wouldn't have been the same. I came to Hogwarts figuring if I just fly under the radar, do what was expected of me, and graduate without attracting any attention to myself, I'd have a pretty satisfying experience at Hogwarts. I never _once_ thought that I…I would actually find friends here. And not only friends, but friends who have put their neck on the line for me in numerous ways. So…again, thank you."

The three of them were staring at Remus with a deep admiration and respect. Here he was thanking them for putting their necks on the line while he was the one who had to go through a horrible and dangerous transformation every full moon. James quickly shut his textbook and scrambled to get up from his desk. "C'mon," he urged as he grabbed his jacket off one of the post of his bed.

"Er…where?" Peter asked, confused.

James rolled his eyes. "I have an idea that involves us leaving this dorm room. Sirius, grab the map," he said firmly, pointing to the map in Sirius' desk at the moment.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked curiously, climbing off his bed slowly.

"_Out_," he said vaguely, giving them all a look. "Unless of course you'd much rather hang out here and study."

"I'm in," Sirius responded immediately with a snicker. He jumped off his bed and grabbed the map from his desk.

Remus asked, "Don't you think the girls are gonna wonder where we've gone off to when they get back?"

James shrugged. "Yeah, probably. But we shouldn't be long if _we go now_."

"You are being extremely vague," Remus argued.

James shot him a look. "Fine, then you can stay here."

"No, I want to come!" he whined.

James snickered and strode to the door. "Then c'mon!"

Peter grinned and jumped off his bed. "Well, I'm certainly not going to be the only one left behind."

They all filed out of the bedroom, Peter slamming the door behind them.

* * *

"Is anyone else a tiny bit creeped out?" Sirius muttered as James led them all out of the castle and hurriedly headed towards the Forbidden Forest.

James shot him a look over his shoulder, increasing his stride.

"Prongs, you gonna tell us what's going on anytime soon?" Remus barked, wrapping his scarf around his neck tightly. For a June day, the air was brisk and the wind was blowing harshly across their cheeks. He would have much preferred the comfort and warmth of his own bedroom.

James halted in front of the Whomping Willow. "Peter, do your thing," he requested.

"Er...you do realize that _tomorrow _is the full moon, right?" Remus snickered, earning a glare from James.

"Seriously, James, why so secretive?" Sirius demanded, glancing curiously at his friend.

"Oh, sure, because the four of us _never _have secrets," James snorted. He returned his gaze upon Peter. "Wormy, immobilize the tree."

"You expect me to do you a favor when you won't even tell me what I'm doing it for?" he snorted, giving his friend a look.

"I expect you to want to get out of this cold wind," he shot back.

"I do, too," a voice boomed from behind them. "_Inside the school_."

The four boys froze and whirled around to face the caretaker, Apollyon Pringle, who was glaring at them with his hands on his hips.

"Oops," James murmured.

"Gee, this was a great idea," Remus said sarcastically.

* * *

"I can't believe he took our map!" Sirius whined as they headed back to their room.

"Oh, please. We know this school like the back of our hands," James argued, shrugging. "We don't need it."

"But we put _years of our life _into that map!" Sirius continued, shaking his head incredulously. "How can you be so blasé about it?"

James shrugged. "Because I was planning on getting rid of the map tonight anyway."

His three friends stopped in their tracks to stare at him in shock.

James hadn't realized they stopped until a few steps later. He whirled around, confused. "What?"

"'_What_?'" Sirius repeated, snorting. "You just said you were planning on getting rid of the map!"

"I felt like it needed a proper burial," he said with another nonchalant shrug.

Sirius and Peter still looked confused, but Remus found himself smiling slyly. "The Shrieking Shack," he murmured in awe. "Smart move, Potter."

James smiled shyly, shrugging awkwardly.

"Uh, someone mind filling in the dumb Marauders?" Sirius asked, gesturing between himself and Peter.

"Hey!"

"Do you know what they're talking about, Wormtail?" Sirius accused.

He hesitated. "No."

"Then my insult stands."

"I just thought that…the map deserved to stay here at Hogwarts," James explained with a shrug after Peter smacked Sirius on the back of the head. "It deserved to stay with our youth and our innocence and-"

"I hardly think we were ever innocent," Remus interrupted.

James snickered. "Okay, fair enough," he agreed. "My point is, is that the map would be pretty useless outside these Hogwarts walls, would it not?"

Sirius and Peter still looked dumbfounded.

"And what better place to bury the infamous map than in the place where the map had virtually been created and formed," James finished. "The Shrieking Shack."

They were all nodding in understanding now. "Ohhh," Sirius said in awe, smiling lopsidedly. "Did you have a speech all prepared? A memorial service perhaps? A eulogy? Candles and a hymn? Bible verse?"

It was James' turn to smack Sirius across the back of the head. "You are insufferable, y'know that?" James groaned, shaking his head incredulously. "Sorry if I'm being too _sentimental _for you, Padfoot. But I think that Shrieking Shack has given us a lot of pretty unforgettable memories. I merely thought that a piece of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, & Prongs and our legacy deserved to be embedded there forever."

"Or until the next werewolf came to Hogwarts and found the map hidden there," Remus snickered, lightening the mood.

James laughed, punching Remus lightly on the shoulder.

"To be completely fair," Sirius chimed in, narrowing his eyes curiously as they rounded the top of the stairs towards their portrait, "A piece of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, & Prongs and our troublemaking legacy probably suits the caretaker's office as well. Pringle has probably given us more detentions and taken more points away from Gryffindor than anyone else."

Remus snorted, nodding in agreement. "Except for maybe Lily. Before she linked up with this guy," he joked, gesturing towards James. "Hm, I've finally discovered why you courted her all these years."

James rolled his eyes and grinned, wrapping Remus' head in a headlock. Remus groaned, struggling to get away from his gasp. "Ah, yes," James said sarcastically, laughing as he let Remus go. "When I was twelve I knew that one day Lily Evans would become a prefect and inevitably Head Girl. So I thought 'hm, I should really fall for this girl now so that years down the road, she doesn't cause Gryffindor to lose the House Cup due to _my_ blatant disregard for the school rules.'" The three guys couldn't help but burst into laughter at James' overwhelming sarcasm. James flashed them a smile. "Wouldn't it just have been easier for me to stop getting into trouble?"

"Easier, perhaps," Remus responded. "But I highly doubt you ever would have even attempted to stop causing trouble."

James grinned in complete agreement as he muttered the password, earning an irritated mouthful from the Fat Lady as to why students were out past their bedtime and waking her up from her deep slumber. It wasn't a surprise that the Gryffindor common room was still crowded with students, however late it was. With exams only three days away, students were using any time they could get to study up on their wand techniques.

The four of them avoided bright jets of light from numerous wands as they attempted to weave in and out of clusters of students. As James shoved open the door to their bedroom, he was met with a loud, "Where the hell have you guys been?"

James grinned sheepishly and sauntered over to his girlfriend, trying to kiss her on the cheek with little success. She pulled away, giving him a look. "Answer the question," she pouted.

He joined her on his bed with a shrug. "We went out."

"Gee, how specific," Kay chimed in from Remus' bed. Her textbook was placed on the bedspread in front of her but remained unopened.

"We thought you were kidnapped!" Lily cried out overdramatically.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "From our own bedroom?"

"To be fair, she uses the term 'we' loosely," Riley snickered, gesturing for Sirius to join her on his bed. He gladly obliged, kissing her cheek as he snuggled up against her, throwing his blanket over the two of them.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Okay, so maybe I didn't think you were kidnapped," she contested. "But we were a bit confused when we returned to an empty bedroom. What happened to studying?"

"Eh, it's overrated," Remus snickered. He crawled on to the end of his bed, leaning up against the wall with a stifled yawn. Kay maneuvered herself in order to leave enough room at the end of Remus' bed for him.

"Seriously, what were you guys doing?" Kay asked curiously.

"Getting twenty points taken away from Gryffindor and earning a detention," Sirius snickered, grinning sheepishly.

The three girls groaned in unison. "We have two weeks left here and we're in the lead for the House Cup. Must you feel the need to ruin it for the rest of us?" Lily whined, shaking her head in disbelief.

"We didn't do it on purpose," James argued, slumping down guiltily.

"I'm pretty sure you _never _do it on purpose," Lily snickered. "And if you do, I'd be concerned on a number of levels."

James chuckled, kissing the side of her forehead. "Y'know, it could have easily been you guys who were caught by Pringle."

"Yes, but we didn't," Kay pointed out, flashing him a grin.

"Besides, aren't _you _the one who owns an Invisibility Cloak?" Riley snorted, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

The four guys froze, exchanging a look with each other. "Why _didn't _we bring that with us?" Sirius finally spoke up in disbelief.

"And don't you own a map that reveals where all faculty are?" Kay chimed in.

The four guys burst into laughter, suddenly realizing the irony of the situation. They had brought the map to hide it in the Shrieking Shack and they hadn't even bothered to use it on their way down to the grounds. "We're pathetic," Remus murmured, shaking his head incredulously. "You'd think that seven years of sneaking around this school would have helped us perfect the art of being stealthy."

"Apparently not," Peter snickered.

"Apparently we need more practice!" Sirius said, sitting upright.

Riley grabbed his arm, pulling him back down towards her. "Sit tight, pretty boy. You're not going to lose us anymore points for us tonight."

He pouted but slumped down on the bed, slinging his arm over her waist with a content smile.

Even though James' ultimate plan failed, it seemed fitting that they ran into Pringle. The four of them shared a detention the following evening, their last detention of their Hogwarts career, and ended up reminiscing on the first time they had gotten caught by Pringle as they attempted to sneak off to the Slytherin common room to play a prank on their least favorite people in the school. While they pretended to shine up the awards, medals and trophies in the trophy room without the use of magic that night, they spent the entire time musing over their past accomplishments as successful marauding teenagers. Since their very first prank, they had made a name for themselves and it was a little sad knowing that they would leave that legacy behind once they graduated. Perhaps their prankster ways were a bit childish at times and they probably could have used their intelligence towards academics than troublemaking and maybe they had lost more points for Gryffindor in a single year than any other student had gotten taken off for their entire Hogwarts career, but in the end, it was some of the most fun they had at Hogwarts. And for that reason and that reason alone, they didn't regret a single minute of it.

* * *

Nearly two weeks later, the seventh years all rushed out of the Great Hall, most of them cheering ecstatically. Kay threw her textbook into the air with a goofy smile on her face, nearly dropping it as it came bouncing back towards her while Sirius and James high-fived each other. Lily gazed at them, shaking her head amusedly, while Peter plastered a wide grin on his face. The only two that didn't look happy were Riley, who looked uneasy and distracted, and Remus, who was glaring at all of them.

"Thank God N.E.W.T.s are over!" Kay cheered.

"Speak for yourself," Remus muttered. "I still have Care of Magical Creatures this afternoon."

She offered him a sheepish, lopsided smile. "Oh, right. Sorry."

He shrugged. "Don't be," he muttered. "I'd be celebrating, too, if I knew I'd never have to take a school exam again in my life."

"Hallelujah!" James agreed, wrapping his arm around Lily's shoulder. "I think tonight, after _everyone's _exams are over," James snickered, shooting a look towards Remus, "would be a perfect night to celebrate."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You think every night is a perfect night to celebrate," she reminded him.

"Yes, but tonight I actually mean it," James joked.

Remus made a face. "Well, you go ahead and plan your celebration, but unfortunately I have to head to the library to finish studying. In just a few short hours, I promise I will be ready to scream 'Hallelujah' myself."

James snickered. "Have fun, man."

"Hm, definitely not my word of choice," he snickered, giving them a curt wave as he headed in the opposite direction.

James stifled a yawn, stretching his arms over his head. "I feel so free! I'm not even sure what to do with my time now."

Lily poked him in the ribs. "We have to put the final touches on tomorrow's graduation ball."

James rubbed his side, pouting. "I'd rather celebrate the finishing of exams."

Lily quirked a suggestive eyebrow, leaning in closer to him. "I promise I will make graduation-ball planning worth your while," she whispered in his ear, her breath warm and inviting.

James grinned. "Graduation-ball planning it is."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You do realize that the common room couch has already been crossed off the list, right?" He flashed a smile over at Riley who w as clearly not paying attention to the conversation. Sirius frowned slightly and turned his gaze back on James and Lily.

James gave his friend a look but before he could speak up, Lily chimed in with a cheeky grin. "Still doesn't mean we can't have fun."

Sirius' eyebrows shot up. "Whenever did _you _become so seductive?"

"I blame that list of yours," she snorted.

"I _thank _that list of ours," James corrected with a goofy grin.

Lily smacked him on the chest, a hint of a smile creeping up on her face. She grabbed his school tie and started tearing him away from his friends. "C'mon, let's get out of here." They flashed their friends a dismissive smile and disappeared down another hallway.

Sirius glanced over at Riley curiously. She was being unusually quiet during a time that should have been a celebration and he could tell that something was bothering her. He had noticed since breakfast the morning before that she had been acting quite distracted and confused. He thought it might have had something to do with the Potions exam, definitely not one of her best subjects, but she had continued to act on edge ever since then without so much as a smile or a laugh. If he didn't know any better, he'd believe she was avoiding all of them.

As Kay and Peter started discussing all of the Charms questions they thought they may have missed, Sirius grabbed Riley's arm and slowed his pace, pulling her away from the other two.

She gazed up at him, confused. "What's wrong?"

"I was hoping you could tell me," Sirius said warily, quirking an anxious eyebrow.

Riley's instinct was to tell him she was fine and let it go, but one look in Sirius' concerned eyes and she knew she couldn't lie. They had already been through so much together. "I will," she said softly. "Just...not yet."

He wasn't so sure he liked the sound of that, but he didn't press the subject. To be honest, he wondered if he was better off in the dark. "Okay," he said, kissing her cheek. "But when you're ready to tell me, I'm ready to listen."

Riley nodded and found herself smiling. "Thank you, Sirius," she whispered. She was so grateful that he was being patient and understanding. She needed him to be that way because she was still wrapping her mind around the recent news. And she felt guilty because she knew he deserved to know what she was thinking, but until she knew what to do she couldn't talk to him about it.

"No need to thank me," he replied, brushing the hair out of her face to kiss her forehead. "I'm always here for you, you know that."

She winced, somehow feeling worse. She swallowed hard and reached for his hand. "I know you are."

* * *

The Gryffindor common room was crowded with people that night, all celebrating the end of exams. The younger students were chatting animatedly about the following day's end-of-year banquet, excited that they were in first place for the House Cup. Barring no serious offenses, they were most likely going to clinch the House Cup. The sixth years were envisioning ultimate power when they claimed the top spot of the school as seventh-years in the following year. Other students were prattling on about their summer plans, putting that year behind them for good. Fifth years were worrying about their O.W.L. scores and trying to busy themselves with nonsense chitchat with their friends. Other students were reminiscing on that past year, sad to leave their friends for over two months. And Lily, Riley, Kay, James, Sirius, and Peter were simply enjoying living in the moment.

The girls were talking about their dresses for the graduation ball, much to the guys' chagrin.

"Mauve?" Sirius asked, wrinkling his brow. "What the hell is _mauve_?"

"It's a color, you dimwit," Lily groaned, her eyes glancing over towards Riley. "Why do you date this thing?"

"Hm?" she murmured, her mind clearly elsewhere.

Lily snickered. "Ah, you can't think of a reason either?" she joked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I hear the sex is good," he drawled jokingly.

Riley snickered, nudging him with her foot playfully. "Ah, yes, now I remember," she joked. She shared a smile with him, who squeezed her foot comfortingly. Riley had disappeared all day and Sirius had willingly given her the space she clearly needed, but he was grateful when she finally showed up in the Gryffindor common room earlier that evening. He didn't ask her where she went and she didn't tell him, but it was making him slightly uneasy. He couldn't figure out what could possibly be so troubling, but at the same time, he wasn't so sure he wanted to know.

"Why do our conversations inevitably lead us to Riley and Sirius' sex life?" Peter groaned, earning a laugh from his friends.

Thankfully the rhetorical question was interrupted by Remus' hopping over the back of the couch with a cheer. "Hallelujah, exams are over!"

James high-fived Remus with a grin. "How did Care of Magical Cre-"

"I have no desire to relive any of the exams we've taken over the past two weeks," Remus interrupted flatly, giving James a look. "They're over. That's all I care about."

"Hear, hear," Kay snickered with a supportive nod. "So now that we're _all _finished with exams, what are our plans for the next twenty-four hours?" Lily opened her mouth but Kay shot her a look, hastily adding, "And don't you dare say the word 'pack' or I might have to come after you." Lily quickly shut her mouth, grinning sheepishly.

"Well, I don't know about you lovely ladies, but us guys have a list of annual end-of-year traditions which this year include having to come up with a series of pranks for our graduation ceremony that will wow the entire student body, faculty, and families," Sirius explained with a shrug.

Lily groaned. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because we're the Marauders," Sirius responded matter-of-factly. "And if we _didn't _plan any pranks for graduation, it would be considered a travesty. People would wonder what the hell happened to us."

"It's true," James added. "It's expected of us."

"Oh, yes, and God forbid you guys go against what's expected of you," Lily snorted, the ends of her mouth turning up.

"Did I not just mention the word _travesty_?" Sirius teased.

"I can't believe that we have two days left before we leave Hogwarts forever and you four want to spend it _planning_," Kay chimed in with a chuckle. "Aren't the last two days supposed to be designated to all of the things we've never had a chance to do before?"

"Like what?" Peter asked.

Kay opened her mouth to retort but found her mind coming up black. "Hm, I guess we've done everything we've always wanted to do," she snickered.

"Which I guess resorts us to doing all of the things we _have _done that we love to do one last time," Remus suggested.

Lily snickered. "Hm, does your annual end-of-year bash somehow come into play?"

James glanced over at Sirius, Remus, and Peter and shrugged. "Not this year."

Riley finally perked up, quirking a surprised eyebrow. "You guys aren't throwing your annual end-of-the-year bash?"

James shrugged again, slowly shaking his head. "Nah, it's about time we pass along our skills and knowledge to the younger generation."

"A.k.a. your sister and my brother?" Riley snickered, gesturing towards the two of them in the corner surrounded by their friends. They had their heads buried in a stack of parchment and Riley could guarantee they weren't finishing up any last-minute extra-credit assignments.

James grinned. "Naturally," he laughed. He gazed over at his girlfriend and pulled her in close to him, kissing the top of her head. He lifted his gaze from her and let it linger on all of his friends before saying, "Besides, I'm already with the people I want to spend my last day at Hogwarts with. No need to throw a party."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Are you getting mushy on us?"

"Mushy, no," James argued. "Nostalgic? Perhaps. But just seven months ago, we wouldn't have been caught dead hanging out as a group."

Remus chuckled. "Seven months ago, you and Lily hated each other. Come to think of it, so did Riley and Sirius."

Lily shook her head, making a face. "I don't know if hate is the right word. Strongly despised is a better term. Loathed, perhaps. Abhorred beyond belief even. But hate? Nahh."

James feigned hurt while Sirius snickered, amused. "Ah, yes because strongly despising, loathing, and abhorring beyond belief sound less severe."

Lily grinned sheepishly, kissing James' cheek quickly. "Yes, but look where we are now? We're-"

"Disgustingly in love?" Kay chimed in.

"Overly affectionate?" Remus added.

"Sickeningly mushy?" Sirius continued.

"Way too romantic for my taste?" Peter murmured.

"Not sure what else to say except _gag me_," Riley snickered.

Lily rolled her eyes, lightly grabbed James' Gryffindor tie and pulled him towards her so she could kiss him, just to spite her friends. She wasn't surprised when a round of 'ewwwwws' followed. "You are such children," she chuckled, wrapping his arm safely around her as she snuggled up against him. "Besides, I've seen more snogging from Sirius and Riley in the past few weeks than I'm sure you have all seen from me and James in the past few _months_."

Sirius grinned, puffing out his chest as if he were proud of that. He yelped slightly when Kay smacked him in the chest with her arm, earning a shared laugh among the rest of the group. "We're making up for lost time," Sirius snickered, squeezing her shoulders affectionately.

Riley's heart skipped a beat as she forced out a smile. "Yeah," she said. "Wouldn't want to lose any more time, right?"

Sirius' smile slowly faded as he sensed somber concern in her voice. He simply kissed her cheek and tried not to let it bother him. He had meant what he said to her earlier that day; he would be ready to hear it when she was ready to tell him. But he wondered if a part of him wasn't interrogating her further because he was afraid he wouldn't be ready to hear it. Whatever was going through her mind was seriously draining her mood and he couldn't imagine what she could possibly be hiding that might cause her so much anxiety. He squeezed her hand, hoping she would realize that that was a sign of his adoration towards her. She offered him a small smile which was enough for him.

"So if you guys aren't going to spend your time planning a party and I pray you won't be spending a whole 48 hours planning _pranks_," Kay argued, quirking a hopeful eyebrow, "And Merlin knows you won't be spending the next two days packing, that only leaves us with one option really." Sirius opened his mouth to chime in, but Kay quickly shut him down. "And I'm not talking about Truth or Dare, strip poker, or Spin the Bottle!"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Well, then I'm out of ideas."

A sly smile spread across Kay's face. "Well, considering you guys have perfected the art of breaking the rules over the seven years, it would only be fitting to use one of our last night's here to break every single rule possible."

"Let me guess," Lily snickered, holding up her hand and counting down, "One, leaving school property. Two, illegal activity probably involving alcohol. Three, breaking curfew. Four, girls sneaking into the guys' dorm."

"You are taking all the fun out of a Hogsmeade excursion," Sirius murmured, shaking his head incredulously. "At least, I think you're insinuating a Hogsmeade excursion."

Lily shot him a look. "Yes, that is what we're discussing. And I didn't once say I didn't want to partake in said Hogsmeade excursion. I was simply pointing out all of the consequences."

"Eh, I can live with those," he said, waving his hand dismissively. He hesitated. "Wait, so did we decide that we're going to Hogsmeade tonight?"

James groaned, slumping down on the couch. "When did just hanging out and talking go out of style?"

Six pairs of shocked eyes turned towards him.

He grinned. "I'm totally kidding. I'm in."

Riley nodded slowly. She needed to get away from the castle and her own thoughts. Alcohol, loud music, dancing, and a blatant disregard for the school rules was the answer. She slowly pulled herself off the couch, glancing at her girlfriends. "Shall we all meet back in an hour?"

The guys all groaned in unison. "How about we compromise: ten minutes?" James teased.

"You call that compromising!" Lily snorted, smacking him lightly on his arm. "How about forty-five minutes?"

"How about eleven minutes?" Sirius retaliated.

"One minute? You went up by a single _minute_?" Riley groaned, shaking her head.

"Okay, okay, fine," Sirius murmured with a slight hint of a smile. "Fifteen minutes?"

"I'm sticking with forty-five," Lily argued, grabbing Kay's hand and pulling her off the floor.

"Eh, guess we can start our prank planning for the next half hour," Sirius suggested, stifling a yawn as he leaned back against the couch.

James, Remus, and Peter couldn't help but laugh as the three girls trudged up to their room.

* * *

The seven friends walked into the bar and were faced with a crowdful of people, a healthy mix between locals and Hogwarts students.

"Looks like everyone else had the same idea for tonight," Sirius murmured, quirking a curious eyebrow.

Remus' heart skipped a beat as his gaze fell upon Jillian at a table in the corner with her four roommates. She was laughing, clinking glasses with Rachael and Evelyn clearly over some sort of joke Rachael had just told. Remus' blood boiled at the thought of them laughing together. Just a few months earlier Jillian had loathed Rachael for her betrayal against Sirius and now she was sharing a few drinks and a few laughs with the girl. "I need a drink," he muttered, tearing his eyes away from Jillian immediately. He glanced back at his friends. "You guys go find a table."

Remus wasn't the only one who noticed the five sixth-year Gryffindor girls in the corner but Remus was grateful that his friends didn't bring it up. Riley quickly volunteered herself and Kay to help Remus with the drinks, partly because she wanted to change the subject for his sake and partly because she needed to get away from Sirius in order to not feel guilty for being so distant lately. The other four attempted to find a table with very little luck. They ended up running into Fabian and Gideon who were there with Marlene McKinnon and Alice and attempted to squeeze into their already small table.

"Is the entire school here tonight?" Fabian snickered, glancing around the crowded dance floor.

"Wouldn't be surprised," Sirius said with a shrug. "Only two days left until we go our separate ways. Everyone's just trying to cram in one last-minute Hogsmeade outing before summer comes back around."

Fabian raised his beer glass and nodded. "I'll drink to that."

"How about we drink to the Auror recruitment program?" James suggested with a grin.

"Oh, sure, rub it in," Gideon teased, rolling his eyes. He leaned in closer to everyone at the table, glancing suspiciously behind him. "Besides, I think it would be better for us to drink to the Order."

Peter, James, Sirius, and Lily all froze in surprise, their mouths dropping open. Lily's glance hastily swept back and forth among Alice, Marlene, Fabian, and Gideon who were all smiling slyly. "Dumbledore asked you guys?" she said in awe.

Alice nodded. "Frank, too," she added.

James and Sirius exchanged an impressed look and almost simultaneously grabbed the glasses out of Fabian and Gideon's hands to raise them up much to the twins' protest. "Well, let's drink to the Order then," James said in a soft voice so as not to be overheard.

"Here's to destroying Voldemort and his followers in whatever way we can," Marlene chimed in with a vigorous nod.

James found himself smiling as he clinked glasses with Sirius, laughing as Fabian grabbed the beer back out of his hand. He had recently been so focused on not being able to move on from Hogwarts. He had been afraid of leaving the comfort and the sanctuary that Hogwarts had given him and he hadn't been ready to let his youth go. But as he glanced around at the determined looks on the faces of his friends and classmates, he suddenly realized that it didn't matter if he wasn't ready to move on and it didn't matter if he was afraid of the future. The undeniable truth was that Voldemort needed to be stopped. And working as an Auror and a member of the Order gave James the power to do just that. He was ready to embrace his future if it meant being one step closer to taking Voldemort down.

On the other side of the room, Remus was attempting to push his way through to the front of the crowd around the bar. "Jeez, you'd think it was some sort of holiday the way people have flooded to this bar," Remus murmured irritably.

Kay snickered but Riley didn't even crack a smile. She was clearly not paying attention to her two friends and it didn't go unnoticed by them. Remus pushed his way up to the front of the bar, glancing behind him. "Riley, what will you and Sirius be having?" Remus asked.

She didn't respond and Remus felt it necessary to tap her shoulder. She jumped. "What?" she asked, confused.

Kay and Remus exchanged a look. "Are you okay, Riley?" Remus dared to ask, narrowing his eyes curiously.

"Yeah, of course," she lied. She nodded towards the table that was filled with Jillian and her friends. "I think that's a better question for you."

There was a flicker of irritation in his eyes that Riley knew wasn't directed towards her. He shrugged. "Yeah, of course," he lied.

Riley sent him a furtive smile, sharing in with the blatant lie. "Just get us two firewhiskys," she said, changing the subject.

Remus nodded, welcoming the subject change. He forced himself not to glance out of the corner of his eye to Jillian's table and focused instead on Rosmerta as he ordered the first round of drinks.

* * *

An hour later, everyone had separated to do their own thing with Lily lagging behind to hold the table.

Riley grabbed her beer from Rosmerta, leaving a tip, and headed back to her table. She was thankful that Lily was the only one there. "Where's everyone else?" Riley asked curiously, slipping into an empty seat beside her friend.

"Gideon and Marlene are snogging in the corner," she snickered, nodding to the pair hiding out by the bathrooms. "Fabian and Alice ran into Kristina Reinhart and are sharing a few drinks with her and her friends. James is determined to stop Sirius from singing karaoke tonight. Kay and Peter are grabbing more drinks and Remus is on the dance floor talking up some girl."

Riley quirked an eyebrow.

"My guess is, he still has feelings for Jillian and is trying to get over them by trying to find another girl who can fill her place for the night," Lily elaborated.

"So I probably only have a few minutes left until someone get back to the table," Riley murmured, mostly to herself.

Lily sensed a nervous shake in Riley's voice. "Er...everything okay?"

"No," Riley said immediately, sighing deeply. "Do you remember that fellowship with the _Daily Australian Record_?"

Lily nodded slowly, remembering back a few months. "Yeah. You were placed on the waiting list, right?"

"Well, not anymore."

Lily's eyes widened. "Oh my God, have you been holding back?" she squealed. "Don't tell me they offered it to you."

Riley nodded weakly.

Lily screeched out in delight. "Riley, that is _fantastic! _Congratulations!" she cried out. She hesitated, finding it odd to her that Riley was frowning. "Why do you look so apprehensive?"

Riley swallowed hard, her heart skipping a beat. She suddenly knew exactly what James was going through when he needed to make a decision about Quidditch or the Auror program. "It starts in a week."

Lily's heart sunk. "What?" she whispered hoarsely.

Riley nodded. "I would have to leave in seven days," she murmured.

"For Australia."

Riley couldn't help but smirk. "Yes, ironically enough the _Daily Australian Record _is headquartered in Australia. In Melbourne."

Lily felt a lump forming in her throat. She knew that one of her friends was bound to move away after graduation, but she wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. "What has Sirius said about it?"

Riley frowned, averting her eyes towards the table instead.

"Oh," Lily murmured. "You haven't told him yet."

"No, I was hoping for some advice."

Lily sighed. Why did it seem like everyone wanted her advice? "Advice on what exactly?"

"I-I have no idea what to do," Riley admitted, swallowing hard.

Lily placed her hand on Riley's comfortingly. "Riley, I think the problem is you know what you have to do but you're just too afraid to tell Sirius."

Riley shook her head. "No, Lily," she murmured, shutting her eyes tightly. "I don't know what to do. Because I...I am finally happy with the way my life is and Sirius has a lot to do with that. So how can I possibly tell him that I may be leaving?"

"If he really loves you, Riley, he'd _want _you to go."

"I know," she responded immediately. "That's the problem."

Lily took her hand off of Riley's in awe, leaning back in her chair. "Wow," she murmured. "It's pretty big of you to admit that you'd rather stay here versus going to Australia."

"Big how?" Riley asked, confused.

Lily smiled apologetically. "It's just unlike you to choose a guy over...well, anything else."

Riley nodded slowly, recognizing Lily's surprise. "I know."

Lily and Riley locked eyes, both showing a look of uncertainty and confusion. "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to help you, Riley," Lily admitted, offering her a sympathetic quirked eyebrow.

"Tell me what to do."

Lily snorted. "Riley, I wouldn't tell my boyfriend what to do when he needed to choose between staying in London and going to Italy so no offense, I don't think I can tell you either."

Riley sighed. "It's the age-old question, isn't it," she murmured. "Should one choose love or work?"

Lily cocked her head to the side, gazing at her curiously. "What do you _want_ to do?"

Riley was silent for a long time. And if it wasn't for her crinkled eyebrow and the faraway look in her eye, Lily may have wondered if Riley heard her question.

Riley took a swig of her beer and slowly placed it on the table. "Honestly? I have no idea."

Lily winced. "Well, I think you know my next advice."

"Pro-con list?"

Lily nodded sheepishly.

"Yeah, I thought you might say that."

Lily shrugged knowingly. "Which is why I think you came to me."

Riley hesitated. "What do you mean?"

Lily sighed, offering Riley an apologetic look. "I think we both know that this is a conversation you'd normally have with James. He has always been your go-to person when you needed some advice. And considering just a few shorts weeks ago, he was deciding between staying and going, he's a much better person to ask than me. He would probably have a strong opinion on the matter."

Riley frowned, choosing not to comment.

"I, however, am always the first to suggest a pro-con list," she pointed out. "You don't want me to make this decision for you. You just needed someone to talk to."

She swallowed hard, knowing that her friend was right. When she first received the acceptance letter the day before, she immediately wanted to talk to James like she had always done when she needed help through something. But as she made her way to his bedroom, she found herself slowing down trying to weigh the risks with the rewards. She didn't want anyone to make the decision for her; she needed to figure this all out on her own. "Yeah," she murmured. "I know."

Lily added, "Riley, I think we both know that the DAR fellowship would be one hell of an opportunity for you. You will make an amazing journalist one day. But I think we also know that you might have to leave a lot of things behind. And…and a lot of people."

Lily was shocked to see tears well up in Riley's eyes. "I…I think I might be falling in love with him."

Her words were barely audible but Lily was shocked nonetheless. She never would have imagined Riley admitting even being on the verge of love. Lily wasn't sure how to respond. Thankfully, Riley chimed in.

"And I'm afraid that if I leave..." she trailed off.

"Things will never be the same between you?" Lily suggested.

Riley nodded slowly. "We've already lost so much time together, Lily, because of my stubbornness."

"This isn't stubbornness. It's ambition."

Riley sighed, taking a slow sip from her beer. She glanced up at Lily skeptically and saw a twinge of determination on her friend's face. "You think I should go." It wasn't a question.

In any other situation, Lily would have said yes. A career had to become before any guy if you were choosing it for the right reasons. While that might sound hypocritical considering she didn't want James going to Italy, truth was she never thought he really even wanted to even play Quidditch. You could never guarantee that a relationship would last while taking career opportunities could lead to ultimate success. But Lily couldn't help but hesitate. Riley was right; she and Sirius had already lost so much time together. And Lily wasn't so sure that she and Sirius would have the chance to continue to grow if Riley leaves. Lily had a feeling that they still had so much to learn about each other. "I think you should do what feels right."

Riley pursed her lips together. Problem was, she didn't know what that was.

She didn't have to respond to Lily's comment, however, because Kay and Peter came bouncing back to the table. "What did we miss?" Kay asked.

Riley and Lily exchanged a quick, furtive glance that Kay and Peter might have noticed had they not been intoxicated.

"Nothing," Riley murmured with a shrug. "Just the usual gossip about the boyfriends."

Kay pouted. "Gee, thanks for reminding me."

"Hey, he'll be here in two days," Lily reminded her.

Kay grinned, raising her glass. "I'll drink to that!"

"And I have to warn you," Riley chimed in, pushing all thoughts of the DAR fellowship from her mind for the time-being, "That snogging him in front of my family will be highly detrimental to you. Especially when there will be cameras around. Unless of course you enjoy being endlessly mocked."

Kay rolled her eyes. "Why is it that the Gilmores are never satisfied unless they're making fun of someone?"

"Mocking's in our blood," Riley said with a teasing shrug. "I think Gilmores start teaching their children how to mock even before they teach them how to walk."

Kay groaned. "Any other rules I should be aware of?" she snickered.

"No rules," Riley shared. "I just advise you to keep away from my brothers except for Lance as much as possible. If you're not around them, they can't mock you."

"Alone time with Lance, hm?" Kay laughed. "That's not something I mind."

"Me neither," Sirius' voice spoke up from behind them. He grabbed Riley's beer and took a quick swig. "What do you say we practice some of that alone time now?" he whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek.

Riley's heart skipped a beat and she smiled. She had absolutely no idea what to do about the _Daily Australian Record_, but she did know that if she ended up going to Australia she was determined to spend every minute between now and then with Sirius. She finished off her beer and grabbed his hand. "That sounds perfect."

* * *

Remus eventually retreated back to his table where he found it empty. He hadn't been getting any enjoyment out of flirting with the girl on the dance floor and wasn't surprised when she ended up finding someone else to flirt with. She could tell that flirting with Remus was going to get her nowhere.

Glancing back towards the dance floor, it looked like most of his friends had found themselves there and he debated for a split second about joining them. In the end he chose to return to the table. Lily and James looked happy with each other and Marlene and Gideon were so engrossed with each other that Remus had no desire to feel like a fifth wheel.

Remus sighed and slowly sipped his beer, suddenly wishing he was back at Hogwarts.

"Hey there."

Remus glanced behind him as Evelyn Marx unexpectedly slipped into an empty seat across from him.

"Hey," Remus said warily, quirking a confused eyebrow.

"Just so you know, Riley and Sirius are totally holed up in the women's restroom right now having sex," she snickered.

Remus made a face, shaking his head in disbelief. "Un-freaking-believable. We can't even go out for a few hours without them feeling the need to go at it like rabbits."

"Any particular reason they can't wait until they get back to the privacy of their own _bedroom_?" she snorted, rolling her eyes. Not that she was one to talk. She's certainly had her share of awkward sex in strange places.

Remus sighed, rolling his eyes at the very thought. He didn't know why he was bothering to tell Evelyn about the checklist if not for the sole reason that he didn't want to be left alone. Being alone was just another reminder that while his friends were off having awkward bathroom sex and snogging contently on the dance floor, he was stuck by himself at a large table in a crowded room. If that didn't scream pathetic he didn't know what did.

He delved into the story of the sex checklist. When he finished, Evelyn looked highly amused by the whole ordeal. "Typical teenage boys, hm? Competing with one another to see who can ultimately have the most random sex in the most random places for the remainder of the school year."

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "I pray that that's not typical teenage boy behavior," he groaned.

She laughed, grinning guiltily. "Maybe just typical James and Sirius behavior."

"Well, you would know," Remus blurted out, realizing a bit too late how that sounded.

She shrugged, knowing it wasn't meant as an insult. "True. If only I had the Marauder trifecta," she argued, giving him a curious look.

"What?"

A sly smile spread across her face, her eyes filled with lust. "Why aren't you included in that stupid bet of theirs?" Evelyn asked.

Remus stared blankly at her. "I'm missing a key ingredient, Evelyn," he snorted.

She leaned in closer to him, whispering, "You don't have to be."

Remus' heart skipped a beat, recognizing the proposition. He turned away, pursing his lips. "You're friends with Jillian," Remus pointed out for lack of anything better to say.

Evelyn quirked a suggestive eyebrow. "Yeah, your _ex_-girlfriend," she reminded him.

Remus fell silent.

She grinned slyly. "It was merely a suggestion," she said, shrugging nonchalantly. She reached over and grabbed his beer, taking a long swig from it. "You just looked a bit lonely."

Remus froze and slowly locked eyes with her. He didn't bother saying anything. They both knew she was right.

She winked at him and handed his beer back to him, hopping off the stool. "I'll be at the bar if you need me."

He hesitated. "I won't," he murmured.

She shrugged curtly, her eyes sparkling with lust. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me," she said softly, quirking a suggestive eyebrow.

He didn't respond. It was unusual for him to be propositioned so outright. That job was usually directed towards Sirius and James. He quickly finished off his beer, his heart starting to race. He had no desire to have casual sex with Evelyn Marx. Casual sex was not something Remus did and he wasn't about to change that now even in the aftermath of his and Jillian's break-up.

And yet, there was this nagging voice in the back of his head that told him there was no harm in having a bit of fun that night. Especially considering it seemed that his friends were having fun as it was. Why did he have to be left out? Why did he have to succumb to his loneliness when someone was willing to amend that for the time-being? Maybe he was tired of being lonely. Maybe he was tired of feeling bad all the time. And maybe he was just determined to forget about Jillian for once.

He knew that he was just coming up with excuses and he knew that he was probably better off sitting alone at the table. He knew that no good could come out of having sex with Evelyn Marx.

But the lonely part, the more vulnerable part, found himself climbing out of his chair and sauntering over to Evelyn.

* * *

Remus later slowly meandered back to his table, trying to forget about what he just did. He knew that it had been a mistake but for once in his life, he enjoyed being just a tad rebellious.

He slowly slid into an empty seat at the table where James, Lily, Sirius, and Riley all sat.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sirius asked curiously.

Remus snorted. "Not having sex in the bathroom, that's for sure," he shot back, smirking.

Riley's cheeks grew hot as all of their friends erupted into a fit of laughter. "I wasn't aware you knew about that," she murmured, slumping down in her chair embarrassedly. She didn't know what she was thinking when Sirius convinced her it would be a good idea. Alcohol was probably involved. And perhaps she was just trying extremely hard to push the DAR fellowship to the back of her mind.

Remus forced out a smile, trying to look amused. He knew that he was probably far from successful but due to the fact that his friends were all tipsy, no one took notice to his uneasiness. He tuned out the debate that had ensued between James and Sirius over their checklist and tried to focus on drowning out his misery and guilt with the beer in front of him. He wondered if perhaps he needed something stronger.

"Remus!" Lily shouted, waving her hand in front of him.

He jerked his head up in surprise. "Hm? What?"

She quirked a curious eyebrow. "Riley and I are heading up to the bar. Want anything?"

He gazed down at his beer and nodded. "A shot of tequila would be nice."

She looked surprised, knowing that Remus would be the last person to order hard alcohol. But she didn't question it. "Sure," she said as she grabbed Riley's arm and disappeared into the crowd.

"You want to tell us what's going on, Moony?" Sirius asked the moment the girls disappeared.

While his original thought was to simply shake his head and pretend it was nothing, he also felt compelled not to lie to them. He knew that his friends wouldn't judge him considering some of their past sexual encounters. He slumped down in his chair and murmured in a small voice, "Well, you can add Hogsmeade alley to that list of yours."

While Sirius looked slightly confused, James gawked at him. "Wait, _what_?"

Remus groaned, rubbing his temples. "You heard me," he muttered, shrugging.

Sirius' eyes grew wide as he realized what his friend was referring to. "With who?" Sirius treaded carefully. "Jillian?"

Remus glared at him. "_No_. Do you honestly think she's going to lose her virginity in a dark, disgusting _alleyway_?"

Sirius shrugged. "Sorry to jump to conclusions," he said regretfully, sensing the hostility in Remus' voice.

"I shouldn't have brought it up," he muttered, wondering why he bothered to tell them. He realized that while it was fun and exhilarating while it had lasted, he regretted it. He didn't want to relive what was one of the stupidest decisions he had made in a long time. He knew it would get back to Jillian and then he'd have absolutely no shot of getting back together with her. Not that he really had a shot before. "I'm going to go help the girls."

Before James or Sirius could protest, he disappeared into the crowd.

Sirius glanced over at James. "Okay, what just happened?"

James shrugged. "He's clearly still hung up over Jillian."

"So he has sex with another girl?" Sirius snorted. "That's not very logical."

"He's just trying to get over her," James pointed out. He gave Sirius a look. "If I recall correctly, you ran right into the arms of Rachael after your break-up with Riley."

He hesitated. "Oh, right." He grinned sheepishly. "This just seems slightly out of character for Remus, that's all."

"I know," James sighed. "Heartbreak's tough."

"Well, he only has two days left in her vicinity. Maybe the summer will be a blessing in disguise for him?"

"Or maybe it will be a reminder that he probably will never see her again," James pointed out with a shrug.

Sirius sighed, knowing that James was probably right.

* * *

While Remus' intentions were to head to the bar to help Riley and Lily, he found himself migrating towards the front door instead for some much-needed fresh air. He thought he had wanted to busy himself with his friends so as not to think of the colossal mistake he made, but at that moment, he couldn't deal with their celebration of the end of the year. He wasn't prepared to leave Hogwarts. A part of a him, a large part of him, wanted to stop time and stay an eighteen-year-old Hogwarts student forever. Because the moment he received that diploma, he was completely and utterly alone.

He knew that that probably sounded dramatic. Even in his own head it sounded a bit over-embellished. But the truth of the matter was, his friends all had plans while he was completely lost. And the one thing he thought he could count on to keep his world afloat was Jillian. And she let him go.

"Remus!"

Remus cringed and turned back to glance at Kay.

She jogged over to him. "Where are you going?"

He wasn't even sure. He glanced up and saw that he had been heading back to Hogwarts. "Back to Hogwarts," he responded.

She glanced up at him curiously. "Why?"

He shrugged. "I'm not in a celebratory mood."

"Does this have something to do with Evelyn?"

He knew that shock was registering on his face, a guilty feeling emerging from within. He swallowed hard. "Er...what makes you say that?"

"I saw you sneak out the back entrance with her."

"Oh," he murmured guiltily.

"Snogging," she added.

"Oh," he murmured, embarrassed.

She didn't say anything else. She knew that if Remus wanted to tell her, he would. And if he didn't, it wasn't any of her business.

Remus sighed and traipsed over to an empty bench. He slowly took a seat and put his head in his hands with a groan. "We...we did a bit more than snogging," he admitted.

"A bit?"

He gave her a look.

"_Oh_," she said, realizing the implication. She couldn't help but be a little surprised. Sleeping around was very unlike Remus. But she knew that he was vulnerable at this time so she bypassed judging and went to sympathy. "I see."

She watched as his expression went from remorse to frustration. "Jillian is going to kill me."

"She can't kill you," Kay defended immediately. "Technically, you didn't do anything wrong."

He lifted his head from his hands long enough to stare doubtfully at her. "And you think that's going to stop her from killing me?"

Kay grimaced. "You're right. You should probably plan your escape from England now." She knew that he needed a laugh.

He didn't laugh, though. He didn't even crack a smile. He wrinkled his brow solemnly. "Great. Thank you for the words of encouragement." His tone was dripping with flat sarcasm.

She offered him a lopsided, apologetic smile. "Sorry. You're probably not in a joking mood right now."

He shook his head, sighing deeply.

She cringed guiltily. "Remus, why'd you do it if you knew that it would get back to Jillian?" she asked curiously. "And please don't say it was to make her jealous because you're better than that."

"No, it had nothing to do with that," he reassured quickly, giving her a look. "I'm just..." he trailed off, sighing heavily. A sigh filled with remorse and irritation, but most of all agony. "I don't know," he murmured, not sure he could even explain.

"I don't mean to sound patronizing, Remus, but this isn't like you," she said as nicely as possible with a curt shrug. "It's who Sirius and James used to be, but...you always used to be the good guy."

"Maybe that's the problem," he blurted out. "Maybe I'm tired of being that good guy. Maybe for _once _in my life I-I just wanted to do something bad. Be a bit rebellious. You know what they say: good guys always finish last."

Kay shook her head, sensing a strong hint of regret in his tone. "Remus," she said, her tone firm and stern, "Girls might _think _they're attracted to the bad boy, but _believe me_, they almost always end up choosing the good guy."

"Right, and look how well that turned out for me," he snorted. He shook his head. "I'm just so tired of…" he trailed off, swallowing the words.

"Tired of what?" she asked softly. "Of feeling alone? Hurt? Betrayed? Empty?"

He slowly turned his head to her without bothering to nod. They both knew she hit the nail on the head.

Kay furrowed her brow, gazing at him with scrutinizing eyes. "Remus," she said, this time her voice soft and understanding as she placed her hand on his to offer him some condolence. "I hope you know that bad guys get hurt, too."

He quickly turned his gaze away from her, refusing to let her see the more vulnerable side of him. "Look, it was a mistake, alright? I recognize that. Can we just…just let it go?" he pleaded.

Kay nodded, knowing that ignoring the subject was something he so desperately felt like he needed in that moment. And she felt obligated to give him at least some sort of good news that evening. "You want to head back to Hogwarts?" she asked.

Remus gazed up towards the castle in the far-off distance, staring at the bright lights in the stained glass windows. He did want to head back to the castle but he felt a twinge of guilt as his eyes felt drawn to the crowded bar. He only had two days left at Hogwarts and they deserved to be spent with his friends.

Thankfully, he didn't have to make a decision. His five other friends had all tumbled out of the bar, laughing and giggling as they each linked arms to scuttle down the street towards Kay and Remus.

"We've already discussed it and we think a sleepover in the Gryffindor common room is in our near future," Sirius cried out when he noticed Remus and Kay sitting on the bench.

Kay quirked an eyebrow. "I didn't realize we were six-years-old," she snickered.

"Well, what's more appropriate than spending one of our last nights at Hogwarts than in the comfort of the Gryffindor common room which has ultimately become a place where we can all call home?" Lily agreed. Normally, she would have invited them all back to her private quarters. But seeing as they had all grown to be friends in the comfort of the Gryffindor house, she felt it was more appropriate to end the night there. And none of them wanted to separate that night; something about it felt wrong.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Remus chimed in, standing up from the bench and linking arms with Peter on the end. Kay followed suit and linked arms with him. The seven of them started the long walk up to the castle, laughing as they reached a narrow path and realized that they all wouldn't be able to continue the walk with linked arms.

As he, Kay, and Peter broke off, Remus found himself smiling. Really smiling. He stopped thinking about Jillian and he stopped thinking about Evelyn. He stopped fixating on his break-up and he stopped focusing on his loneliness. With friends like the ones he has acquired over the years, he knew that he could never really be lonely.

* * *

James muttered the password and they all sauntered into the common room, all slightly buzzed on alcohol and laughing about Sirius and Riley's sexual encounter in the girl's bathroom that evening. They were grateful that the room was quiet. Only a few stray fourth years were in the corner and they looked about ready to conk out.

Lily and James fell on to a couch in the corner with Peter right beside them. Remus moved the coffee table out of the way to offer more room. Sirius leaned up against the back of the couch and Riley placed her head in his lap with a stifled yawn. Remus summoned pillows from another couch and propped himself up on the floor as Kay took the loveseat.

"Can you believe how far we've all come?" Remus murmured. He glanced around at the six friends he had made over the years and was forever thankful for everything they had all given him. "From friendships to enemies to relationships to break-ups to falling in love and to inevitably making friendships that will last a lifetime. It's incredible that we've all made it to this point in one piece."

Kay laughed. "It sounds like that progression is targeted towards a certain raven-haired beauty and former Don Juan."

Before Riley or Sirius could retort, Remus piped up. "Yes, true, most of us don't fall into that progression _precisely, _but you get my point. The fact that we're all friends now is pretty incredible. Maybe this is the alcohol talking, but I know that I wouldn't want to change a thing." He neglected to add that he wished Jillian was there with them now to round out the group to an even eight. He quickly pushed her out of his mind, choosing to just enjoy that moment as it was.

Riley plastered a smile on her face, a twinge of guilt surging throughout her. Remus was right; they had all been through so much and she was grateful for where they had all ended up. And here she was, considering bringing on yet another change. Why was she so determined to screw everything up?

"What's everyone's favorite Hogwarts memory?" Lily asked, a prying smile on her face. They all groaned.

"Do we really have to take a trip down memory lane?" Remus whined, making a face.

"_Yes_," Lily urged, giving him a look.

Remus snickered, shrugging. "Well, then I would have to say…" he trailed off. Truth was, his favorite Hogwarts memory probably was the time that James, Sirius, and Peter told him that they were going to become Animagi to help him through his own transformations. But he knew that Kay and Riley didn't know about that, so he tried thinking of a close second. One that didn't include Jillian. He fixed his gaze upon James, Sirius, and Peter and smiled awkwardly. "Probably when I told you guys about my lycanthropy and…well, you didn't freak out."

"Awww!" all of his friends chorused and Remus blushed, burying his head in his pillow with a groan.

"I knew I should have kept my mouth shut," Remus whined, shaking his head incredulously. "Someone else say something now. James?"

James smiled, gazing down at his beautiful girl. "Well, that's easy. The day I said 'I love you' to-"

"Kristina?" Sirius interrupted with a snicker, causing them all to burst into hysterical laughter and James smacking him in the back of his head.

"_No_," James said firmly, the ends of his mouth turned up slightly. He kissed the side of Lily's head. "The day I said 'I love you' to this beautiful girl sitting right here."

She smiled shyly and leaned over to kiss him politely.

"Ewww," all of their friends chorused and Lily couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"Oh, shush," she chuckled, snuggling into his warm touch as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"If I recall correctly, didn't you guys have sex right after he professed his love to you?" Sirius snickered, grinning impishly.

James glared at him and Lily blushed. "Gee, way to ruin the moment," she snorted. "But if we're continuing along with the sentimental route, I'd have to say my favorite Hogwarts moments was the day James broke up with Kristina and chose me."

Their friends all exchanged looks. "I'm not sure whether to say 'aw' or 'ew,'" Kay joked and she wasn't surprised when James smacked her with a couch cushion.

"Well, what about you, Kay?" James snickered, shaking his head with a chuckle.

Kay hesitated. Truth was, her best memory in the past seven years also had to do with her boyfriend. But seeing as the day he showed up on her doorstep wasn't actually a Hogwarts memory, she chose to say, "The day Riley surprised me and had Lance show up on the platform this past Christmas." She couldn't help but smile over at Riley.

"Is it our turn to say 'ew' now?" Lily teased, shooting her friend a look. "And technically that was off Hogwarts grounds."

Kay gave her a look. "Well, I can say for certain that my favorite Hogwarts memory had absolutely nothing to do with the day I met you and Riley."

The four guys couldn't help but burst into laughter as Lily pouted and slumped down on the couch.

"Sirius?" Lily questioned, quirking an eyebrow. "What about you?"

He squeezed his girlfriend's arm. "That's easy. The day Riley and I got together."

James snorted. "Which time? The time you ran off to sleep with another girl? The time that you hid your relationship from your friends? Or the time you humiliated yourself in the Great Hall?"

While his friends all snickered, Sirius made a face. He paused. "Okay, you're right, bad examples. I'd have to choose Hot Dog Day then."

Riley's mouth dropped open, feigning shock. "_Hot Dog Day_? Your next best Hogwarts memory is _Hot Dog Day_? You're choosing a day where you stuff ten hot dogs into your mouth and pray you don't throw it all up afterward over _me_?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "I really like hot dogs."

She rolled her eyes. "I can't figure out why I took you back," she joked, kissing his cheek.

"You still have some time to get out of it," Peter chimed in, earning a laugh from his friends.

"What's your favorite Hogwarts memory, Peter?" Lily asked.

He shrugged. "Probably every single prank we've played on the Slytherins over the years," he said, grinning.

Sirius high-fived him as the four boys broke out into goofy grins.

James opened his mouth to retort but Lily smacked her hand over his mouth. "Please do not use this time to relay every single prank you have played on them. I guarantee I do not want to know."

James couldn't help but laugh and kissed the palm of her hand. She slowly tore it away, giving him an amused look. "Your wish is my command, m'lady," he teased, running kisses down the side of her neck.

Riley coughed into her hand, which sounded an awful lot like 'whipped,' earning a shared laugh between the three girls.

"Well, Miss Jokester, what about you? You have yet to tell us your favorite Hogwarts memory," James pointed out, giving her a look.

She hesitated, glancing around at her six friends. Truth was, she didn't know how to pick just one. Because she had favorite moments that pertained to each and every one of the six people staring back at her. She could relay the first time she had met Lily back on the Hogwarts Express before they had even become roommates. She could talk about all of the times that James had been there for her when all she needed was a friend. She could tell them about the deep, meaningful conversation she had with Remus out on the balcony back in November about his lycanthropy when she had found out. She could mention the study breaks she had taken with Peter to the kitchens for chocolate. She could reference the three hour-long chats she shared with Kay back in February about Lance when Riley realized that Kay loved him. Or she could tell her friends about the moment she realized that Sirius Black was her soulmate back as a naïve fifteen-year-old.

She finally spoke. "It might sound cheesy and it might be somewhat of a copout, but I think this moment right here might top them all."

Yes, it was a bit cheesy. And yes, it was a copout. But no one bothered to argue because they couldn't help but agree. It was often those stolen random moments with friends that people inevitably ended up remembering in the future. None of them would end up forgetting that night for a long time. Not because it was momentous in any particular way. But because they were happy.

A smile crept on to her six friends' faces as they glanced around at each other, marveling at their close friendship. A friendship that really only blossomed that year. They couldn't imagine living their lives without each other and that was just one more thing they could thank Hogwarts for.

"Well, I think that's definitely an 'aw' moment," Remus finally spoke and his friends all couldn't help but nod.

* * *

One by one, the seven friends slowly drifted off into a deep slumber. They had spent most of the night reminiscing on all of the other great memories that hadn't made the list. And they spent a good portion of the night reminiscing on some of the not-so-great memories that were still easy to laugh at. Not so surprisingly, the story of James and the chocolate sauce incident was once again retold. Once from Lily's perspective and once by James'. Needless to say, the two stories were quite different from each other but seven years had clearly muddled some of the details.

Eventually, Riley was the only one left awake. Not because she wasn't exhausted, but because it was impossible for her to even attempt sleep. Especially in the arms of Sirius, the one person who was making it difficult for her to make an important decision. She slowly wriggled out of his arms and tiptoed towards the balcony on the other side of the room, grabbing a free blanket on her way there.

She was surprised at how cold it was and felt a shiver run down her spine. She pulled the blanket tightly over her shoulders and rested her arms on the balcony edge with a sigh, closing her eyes. She could smell the crisp spring air, the breeze dancing through her hair. If she listened really carefully she could hear the ripples of the lake below her, gently lapping up against the grounds. But it wasn't the air or the breeze or the lake she was thinking about.

Her eyes fluttered open, stinging with the hint of tears. She pulled out the napkin that she had stuffed into her pocket hours earlier with the heading of "PRO-CON LIST" and sighed. The list hadn't done any good. She was still completely torn and wished that there was an easy answer. She crumpled it up and threw it over the edge, watching it as it leisurely soared towards the Hogwarts grounds. It looked like she'd have to make the decision on her own.

She heard the door open behind her but kept her gaze out on the lake. A few seconds later, Sirius appeared beside her. He didn't say anything. He knew he didn't have to. He simply mimicked her by resting his arms against the balcony railing in front of him, following her gaze to the lake. He didn't know what was bothering her, but he knew enough not to ask her if she was alright.

Riley didn't know how long they had stood there in silence, but eventually she turned towards him, her heart beating a mile a minute. "I'm ready to tell you what's been bothering me."

He simply nodded.

She had practiced in her head earlier that night how to slowly ease her way into it, but found herself blurting it out instead. "The _Daily Australian Record_ offered me one of the spots for its annual fellowship."

Sirius' immediate reaction was to smile proudly, but he quickly realized what she was implying and his smile faded slowly. "Shouldn't this be good news?" he asked hesitantly. He _was _happy for her and he was certainly proud of her. But he wasn't dumb. He knew that it would mean a move to Australia for her.

She shrugged feebly. "I-I don't know," she admitted in a small voice. Her heart skipped a beat and she turned her gaze away from him, her bottom lip trembling guiltily. "Sirius, I'd have to be there next Saturday."

Sirius froze, wondering if he possibly could have heard her correctly. He would have thought he'd at least have the summer with her. And now she's telling him they barely had six days left to spend together. "Oh," was all he could muster up.

She couldn't help the tears that slipped down her cheek at the very thought of having to let him go. And as she forced herself to glance over at her boyfriend, she saw the unmistakable glint of regretful agony in his eyes.

Sirius took a deep breath in and asked the question he was most afraid to ask. "Are you going to accept it?"

She didn't respond immediately. She sniffled, trying to catch her breath. "I don't know," she whispered, her voice sounding hollow in the night.

Sirius was finding it hard to breathe. Her indecisiveness was making him fee slightly uneasy and nervous. They had just gotten back together and now he might have to say goodbye to her again. He didn't know if he was ready to do that, but he also knew that Riley couldn't let go of such a great opportunity.

He swallowed hard, trying to wrap his mind around her sudden announcement and leaned down over the railing, tearing his eyes away from her. "Well, neither do I," he eventually choked out.

She could tell he was disappointed, which was making her decision that much more difficult. The tears started welling up inside of her and she instinctively reached for his hand. She gazed up at him, feeling lost and confused. "Can…can you just hold me, Sirius?" she whispered vulnerably.

He slowly nodded and quickly wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She fell into his arms and rested her head against his chest, thinking about all that she'd be giving up if she left for Australia. She quickly shook the thought from her head. She didn't want to think about her future and she didn't want to think about a job. She just wanted to hold on to Sirius and count that moment for what it was: a time to be with Sirius.

* * *

**A/N: **Busy, busy, busy chapter! A lot going on-some good, some not so good. But all necessary. Please review!


	54. Of Public Places, Gifts, & Cockroaches

**A/N: **I'm back with chapter 54! We've got everything in this chapter-drama, love, heartache, uncertainty, fun, and a whole lot of laughs. I've got an interesting mix of James/Lily, Sirius/Riley, and even some Remus/Jillian so I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling and therefore own very little in this story. You should know what she owns and what I own. And if you don't, then go ahead and reread the Harry Potter books!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 54: Of Public Places, Gifts, & Cockroaches

* * *

Riley didn't know how long they had been standing on that balcony with their arms wrapped around each other, but she was slightly heartbroken when she felt him loosen his grasp around her and take a step back.

His heart was racing as he stared into her bright blue eyes. "Make a decision," he pleaded. "I…I just need to know what you're going to do."

His voice was soft, filled with desperation and she felt her bottom lip tremble guiltily. "I don't know what to do, Sirius," she murmured.

Sirius nodded slowly, not surprised by that. He instinctively reached for her again, drawing her into his arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders and buried his lips in her hair. He felt his heart constrict at the thought that come a week, he may not have the ability to hold her so close to him anymore. He swallowed hard.

Riley couldn't stand the quiet. She eventually spoke up. "I-I did write a pro-con list," she admitted.

Sirius froze, stepping out of her grasp. His eyebrows shot up. "You talked to Lily?"

Every other time, Riley would have been amused at the assumption. But this wasn't every other time. "Sorta."

He didn't question it further. It wasn't Lily he was thinking about at that moment. "Well, what did the pro-con list tell you?"

Her heart skipped a beat. "Honestly?"

He nodded.

"There was a long list of pros and a very short list of cons," she said softly, hanging her head shamefully.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat. He tried catching his breath. "Oh." He was beginning to sound slightly pathetic.

She glanced up at him and saw futility and disappointment staring back at her. And she knew in that moment what she had to do. She took his hand in hers and he was surprised to see that there was a smile creeping up on her face. "But the list tells me not to go."

He furrowed his brow, confused. "What?"

She leaned over and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him lightly. He didn't kiss her back, too puzzled to respond. She smiled sadly. "Sure, there are about a million reasons for me to go, Sirius, but the one reason I have to stay is _you_," she explained. "And that's worth a million times more than any reason I can think of to go. Because it's these moments right here, these simple moments where you're just holding on to me, that…that I can't imagine leaving behind."

His heart jumped. "You're choosing me over journalism?" he asked in awe.

She shrugged. "We've already lost so much time, Sirius," she explained, her voice desperate and vulnerable. "I don't want to be the reason we lose any more time together."

"Are you sure?" Sirius said hesitantly. Inside, he was jumping for joy but he couldn't help but feel slightly off about the whole thing.

She nodded, grinning. "I want to be with you, Sirius," she said firmly, giving him a look. "Don't question that."

"I'm not," he retorted immediately, shaking his head. "I just…I don't want you to give up a dream for…for _me_."

"Well, I have a new dream," she said softly. "And it includes you and me _together_. Which would be quite difficult if I'm in Australia."

He cracked a smile. "Are…are you sure?"

"Stop asking that," she laughed.

"I want to make sure it's what you really want, Riley," he said, his voice strained with desperation.

"Do you want me to stay or not?" she teased, wrapping her arms tighter around his neck.

Sirius hesitated, words of reason on the tip of his tongue. But he eventually just smiled and instead of bothering to answer the question, he leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to hers. Maybe he was being selfish and maybe he wasn't letting her reach her full potential, but he was somehow alright with that if it kept her with him. She could still be an amazing journalist when they returned from New York. And the fact that she was practically begging to stay with him was a huge leap for her. He wasn't going to fight that. Not after he spent so many weeks fighting for _her_. "I think we both know the answer to that," he whispered eventually, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

She smiled and responded by kissing him. He pressed her hard against the balcony banister as his hands made a raid towards her tangled hair. Their kisses were slow yet fierce, their lips igniting an overwhelming lust for each other. They repeatedly had to break apart of catch their breaths. To even remember to breathe. There was no one else in the world but the two of them, the still of the night reminding them that they were probably the only two people awake at Hogwarts. She pulled away slightly to gaze at him. Really gaze at him, her look hard and yet affectionate. Sirius playfully nipped at the spot below her ear and she smiled at the warm touch. She kissed him again, her hand reaching out to grasp his as if she never wanted to let go. And Sirius knew that he never wanted to let her go either.

* * *

Remus was massaging his neck the next morning, wondering why he thought sleeping on the hard floor would be a good idea. He had woken up early, before any of his friends, and had toyed with the thought of staying and waiting for his friends to all rouse or slipping off to breakfast on his own. He decided on the latter, choosing to use the quiet of that early morning to gather his jumbled thoughts. There weren't many other students in the Great Hall to no surprise to Remus. Most likely they were all still recovering from late-night adventures and long chats with their roommates and using that morning to sleep in, and Remus was grateful for that. He was in no mood to be around anyone else at that moment, using that time to reflect on his stupidity from the night before.

He was trying to figure out what he could possibly say to Jillian if she attacked him about the happenings of the previous night when another presence slipped into the bench across from him. He was surprised to see that it was Sirius.

Remus quirked an eyebrow, slightly curious where Riley was. "I thought sleeping in was your favorite pastime."

Sirius shrugged curtly as he filled a plate with scrambled eggs and sausage. "Couldn't sleep." He had heard Remus climb off the floor and head out of the Gryffindor house and while Sirius' initial intentions were to drift back to sleep, he suddenly found himself very awake. And he knew he could use some time to think, time away from Riley.

Remus furrowed his brow curiously, sensing distress in his voice. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. It…it actually couldn't be better," Sirius murmured, forcing a smile out. He took a bite out of his eggs, chewing them slowly as he thought back to the conversation he had with Riley only a few hours earlier. He dropped his fork to his plate and sighed, gazing up at Remus who was staring back at him curiously. "Riley got offered one of the _Daily Australian Record_ fellowship positions."

Remus' mouth dropped open in shock. "Seriously? That's awesome!" he said in awe. "That's one hell of a prestigious fellowship."

"She's not taking it," Sirius blurted out.

Remus cocked his head to the side, seeing the guilt on his friend's face. "Why wouldn't she take it?" he asked hesitantly.

Sirius gave his friend a look. "Don't ask a question you already know the answer to," he murmured.

Remus offered him an apologetic, lopsided smile. "It's pretty notable that she's choosing you over journalism."

"Yes, it has been noted," Sirius said dryly, sighing.

Remus sensed hesitance and discomfort in Sirius' voice and demeanor. It was clear Sirius didn't want to talk about it but it was also clear that he probably needed to. "What's going on, Sirius? Do you want her to go?"

"No," Sirius replied firmly, glaring at him. "Why the hell would I want my girlfriend to move halfway around the world?"

Remus winced apologetically. "Maybe 'want' wasn't the best word."

Sirius sighed, rubbing his temples. "Do I _want _her to go? No," he repeated slowly. He swallowed hard, picking up his fork again and stabbing his eggs. "Do I think she should go?" He didn't actually answer the question, but Remus knew that Sirius didn't utter the word because Sirius didn't want it to be real.

"Sirius…" Remus said in a soft voice.

He stared at his plate pensively. "She'd have to be in Australia next Saturday."

Remus grimaced, patting Sirius on the shoulder for lack of anything better to do.

Sirius let out a soft sigh, moving the eggs on his plate around with his fork. He couldn't remember the last time he wasn't hungry, but the food in front of him didn't look terribly appetizing at that moment. "We _just _got back together five weeks ago," he murmured. "I can't let her slip away from me again, Remus. I just can't. Aren't I allowed to be a tad selfish?" he whispered. "After everything that Riley and I have been through, I think I'm entitled to that."

Remus nodded slowly, understanding his thought process. He smiled lopsidedly. "I know."

Sirius whipped his head up. "You know?"

"Yeah," Remus repeated with an awkward shrug. "Why should you have to let her go now when for so long you struggled to hold on to her? Why shouldn't you be stubborn now when she felt so desperate and determined to be stubborn for weeks? Why should you lose any more time with her when you already lost so much?"

Sirius' eyes narrowed hesitantly. "But?"

Remus wasn't surprised that Sirius saw right through him. He locked eyes with Sirius and saw a cold, submissive look staring back at him. "Do you think that maybe, _just maybe_, this time it isn't about you? That maybe it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her?"

Sirius pursed his lips tightly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Remus fell silent, busying himself with a sip of orange juice before turning his gaze back on Sirius. "I'm not saying she doesn't want to be with you. I'm just wondering if perhaps this is Riley's way of taking the easy way out. She doesn't exactly revel in change," he murmured. "But journalism has been a dream of hers since I had met her back as an eleven-year-old. And the _DAR _isn't just some random newspaper. It's one of the most prestigious wizarding newspapers in our world. That fellowship is only offered to _two people_ and she was just chosen as one of those two. One hell of an opportunity was just presented to her, yet she's not going to take it? I think she's scared if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you," Sirius retorted hollowly.

"I know," Remus agreed. "Because I think you already know all this."

Sirius turned away with a sigh, nodding. Riley had always followed the path that was easy and uncomplicated. It explained why she had always been so hesitant to date Sirius. And Sirius had fought through her stubbornness and her desperate need to keep her life simple then, so why should this be any different?

He sighed. Because this time it was taking her away from him and not pushing her towards him. "Yeah," he murmured. "I do."

Sirius was grateful that the Owl Post arrived at that moment, wanting to get his mind off of Riley for once. A Ministry owl came flying towards them, dropping off James' _Daily Prophet_. Sirius unraveled it, earning a lifted eyebrow from Remus.

"Don't tell me you're going to read that," Remus said with a cheeky grin on his face.

Sirius gave him a look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"When was the last time _you _picked up a newspaper to read _willingly_?" Remus joked.

Sirius frowned. "There's always a first time for everything."

Remus cringed, realizing that Sirius needed a distraction from Riley. "Oh, sor-"

"Oh, shit." Sirius' eyes were wide as he stared in horror at the headline.

Remus leaned over the table immediately and followed Sirius' eyes to the front of the paper. "Another attack," he muttered, shaking his head.

"A big one," Sirius muttered. They both fell silent as Sirius skimmed over the article, his heart breaking with every word he read. "A Muggle attack in Italy."

"Oh, jeez. How many?" Remus asked.

Sirius paused. "Twelve deaths already accounted for."

Remus sighed, rubbing his temples. "Was this Voldemort?"

"By way of his minions," Sirius snorted, referring to the Death Eaters.

"Why Muggles?" Remus groaned. "Why is it that when some plan of their goes terribly wrong they take it out on poor, innocent people?"

"What do you think went wrong this time?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't know. But…" he trailed off, reaching for a scone to distract him from his thoughts.

"But what?" Sirius urged, sensing discomfort in his friend's demeanor.

Remus nibbled on the scone hesitantly before placing it back down on his plate. "I just hope it wasn't a diversion for something else awful. I…I don't want what happened to the Potters to happen to another family."

Sirius frowned, his heart skipping a beat. He had momentarily forgotten that while Brite and his fellow Aurors and recruits were being attacked, the rest of the wizarding world was attending the funerals of the French Minister of Magic's family. "Oh, shit," Sirius repeated. He peeked a glance over at the Slytherins who looked a bit too smug for his taste.

"Except I'm afraid this might be worse," Remus muttered. "This sounds a lot like the Executioner all over again."

"Who?"

"You remember Voldemort's right-hand man about…five years ago? It was right before Wyatt disappeared, I think," Remus said, pondering the past. "Giovanni something or rather. Fevriello? Farvello? Otherwise dubbed as the Executioner. Lived a double life. Killed for pleasure and then went home to his wife, his daughter, and his son as if he wasn't a mass murderer. Until one day it all seemed to catch up with him. He went crazy. In the middle of the night, he killed his wife and son and-"

"Then attacked the nearest Muggle town," Sirius finished, sighing. "I unfortunately remember. Whatever happened to him? Azkaban?"

"No," Remus argued. "After about the thirtieth Muggle death, Aurors finally caught up to him and had no choice but to kill him. It took ten Aurors to take him down I think."

"Jeez," Sirius murmured.

Remus could only nod as they both reflected on the past tragedies that had struck the wizarding world.

Sirius glanced back down at the article. "Why…why are there so many bad wizards out there?"

Remus shrugged, his own eyes lingering over at the Slytherin table. "Who knows?" he murmured. "Born into bad families, I guess."

"No," Sirius argued immediately, shaking his head. "Not everyone born into a bad family turns bad." He stabbed his fork into the sausage on his plate, gritting his teeth.

Remus grimaced, reaching over and grabbing Sirius' fork before he stabbed something other than food. "Sorry, Sirius," he said genuinely. "I-I wasn't thinking. I-"

"It's no big deal," Sirius murmured, crossing his arms.

Remus knew he was lying. He gazed over at Sirius sympathetically, who was trying very hard to ignore eye contact with Remus. "I'm sorry that you're always going to be associated with the Black family," Remus eventually said.

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe whoever I marry, I'll just take their name."

It was his lame attempt at a joke and Remus couldn't help snicker. "You'd have to actually marry for that to happen."

Sirius swore. "I knew there was a catch."

Remus cracked a smile and Sirius followed suit, but the awkwardness was still lingering. Silence fell between them as they consumed their breakfast, both glancing up at each other every few minutes without bothering to say a word.

Sirius finished off his plate and slowly rested his fork down on it carefully. "You know what's weird?"

Remus was startled by the break in silence. "What?"

"If I had never defied my parents and their world and…and actually accepted the burdening status of being a Black," Sirius murmured hesitantly, gazing upward at his friend, "I wouldn't be going off to my uncle's lakehouse tomorrow with people who I never would have befriended. No, I'd be traipsing off to whatever Death Eater's Manor hosts You-Know-Who and be trained to be a skilled murderer. I could have one day been…well, the Executioner."

There was a hint of panic and angst in Sirius' voice and Remus placed his hand on Sirius' arm. "But you're not that guy," Remus argued firmly. "You _did _defy your parents and you _did _defy the world of Dark Arts. You're better than the person you could have become, Sirius." Remus pursed his lips, glancing over to where Bellatrix and Narcissa sat. He jabbed his thumb in their direction. "You're better than _them_."

"I hope so," he muttered.

"No, there's no hope about it," Remus argued immediately. "You _are _better than them."

A hint of red tinted his cheeks. "Maybe," Sirius said with a shrug. "Although to be perfectly honest, my life may have been easier. My future and my…fate would have been chosen for me."

Remus scoffed, glaring at his friend. "Don't you dare think about the what-ifs and the could-have-beens. Don't start feeling sorry for yourself now, Sirius."

He furrowed his brow, remaining mute.

"This isn't about not having a job or your uncle's lakehouse or You-Know-Who or the Executioner or this unfortunate article," Remus argued, balling up the _Daily Prophet _and tossing it to the side. "This is about Riley."

Sirius cringed.

"You know that you might have to let her go and you don't want to do it. So you're instead getting inside your head and wondering what would have happened if you had never fallen in love with her. You're wondering if your life would have been easier without her even if that life would have consisted of you being a Slytherin and a Death Eater."

His words were crammed with understanding and determination, and Sirius felt slightly ashamed. Remus was right; Sirius was pitying himself because that was easier than facing the truth.

"But, Sirius," Remus said softly. "Can you really imagine what your life would have been without her?"

Sirius hesitated before shaking his head. "I'm going to have to start imagining it," he murmured. He sighed. "When she goes to Australia."

Remus stared at Sirius, who was busying himself by pouring himself a large glass of orange juice so as not to look Remus in the eye. "When she goes?" he repeated

Sirius shrugged. "She has to go, doesn't she." It wasn't a question.

Remus shot him a look, offering him a lopsided, apologetic smile. "I can't tell you what to do, Sirius," he sighed. "Only you can figure it out."

Sirius swallowed hard. "I hope you know, Remus, that I didn't ask her to choose me," he said softly.

"I know that," Remus admitted. "But you also didn't ask her not to choose you."

"I don't know if I can do that," Sirius murmured, his voice hoarse and full of vulnerability as he slumped down on the bench.

Remus offered him a curt shrug. "You can," he urged. "You might not want to, but you can."

Sirius didn't respond, but he didn't have to. Truth was, he knew that Riley deserved the chance to go. She was an amazing writer and the _DAR _would only make her a better writer. She deserved to follow her dreams and he knew that he couldn't hold her back. It wouldn't be fair to her. And it wouldn't be fair to him. Because every day they would spend together, he'd constantly be thinking that she had given up her dream for him. And he didn't know if he could live with that. He'd be too afraid she'd one day regret her decision and end up blaming him. She had the opportunity to follow her dreams. He should be encouraging her to do so. "I hate that you're right," Sirius muttered.

"I hate that I'm right, too," Remus admitted. "Because I think you two truly deserve each other. But…"

"But she also deserves to go to Australia," he muttered.

"She also deserves to go to Australia," Remus repeated, nodding slowly.

And Sirius knew that she needed to know that he would still love her even if she goes to Australia.

A shiver ran down Sirius' spine as he realized that he hadn't followed Remus earlier to get away from Riley. He followed Remus because Sirius knew Remus would give him the advice he needed to hear. Advice he didn't _want _to hear. But nevertheless, Sirius knew he couldn't just let Riley stay without telling her he would support her decision to go. He knew that he was supposed to have told her that last night; however, he wanted so desperately to believe that Riley's real reason to stay would be for him and not because of her own fears. But he couldn't pretend anymore. It was time to told Riley what he knew she needed to hear. What she deserved to hear.

* * *

Remus felt like one hell of a hypocrite. He had pretty much pushed Sirius into believing that the best thing for Riley was for her to take the fellowship when in total honesty, he really thought that Sirius should hold on to her as long as possible. Love didn't last; love was fleeting. And the girl that Sirius loved wanted to be with him. The girl that he loved was willing to put her dreams on hold for him. That was a girl worth keeping around because that girl didn't always exist.

And maybe a part of Remus had told Sirius what he did because he didn't want Sirius to be disappointed or hurt when somewhere down the line, something went wrong in his relationship. Maybe Remus was just trying to spare his friend the pain that he was feeling every day since Jillian had walked away from him.

Eventually, the others had joined Remus and Sirius at breakfast. They all discussed the unfortunate Muggle killings, James trying hard not to think about Brite too much. After breakfast, they had all gone their separate ways. Riley and Sirius needed some alone time, which Remus couldn't help but agree, although Peter ended up crashing that alone time as they all headed up to the boys' dormitory. James and Lily took Riley's and Sirius' departure as a way for them to retreat back to their own room with the pretense that they had to finish all of the final touches for the ball that night. Remus had a feeling that they would more or less fool around instead. He had hung out with Kay for a while but was grateful when she chose to return to her own room for a quick powernap. He was grateful that he had the opportunity to sneak away from his friends for a bit.

He wandered the halls alone trying hard not to let the guilt from the previous night overwhelm him. He ended up on the grounds out by the willow tree beside the lake, one of the Marauders' popular hang-out spots over the years. The sky was gray and a storm cloud was headed their way. While it was a sad way to finish one of the last days at Hogwarts, it depicted his mood perfectly.

He was so deep in thought, he hadn't realized that someone had come up behind until she was sitting down beside him.

Remus tensed. "What are you doing here?"

Jillian didn't offer him an answer immediately. Truth was, she didn't know why she was there. "I saw you walk over here and...and I followed."

"Why?"

She swallowed hard, her eyes narrowing. "I think you know," she growled.

Remus shut his eyes tightly, not in the mood for a lecture. He already felt bad about it; he didn't need Jillian scolding him. "Jillian," he started, but she didn't let him get in a word.

"How dare you?" she seethed, glaring at him. "How dare you sleep with my roommate? My _friend!"_

Remus shook his head in disbelief, pursing his lips angrily. He was expecting this, but wasn't in the mood. "You don't get to scold me, Jillian. And you certainly don't get to tell me who or who _not _to sleep with. You broke up with _me_, remember?" he scowled. "For a reason I'm not entirely sure I understand. But whatever the reason is it doesn't matter. The fact is, is that we're not together anymore and I can do whatever the hell I want, which includes sleeping with whoever I want. And you don't get to make me feel guilty about that."

She cocked her head to the side curiously. "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Feel guilty about...about sleeping with Evelyn," she murmured, blushing.

He stared at her coldly, his eyes clearly filled with agony and a mixture of irritation and sadness. "No."

She knew he was lying but it still stung. The fact that he wanted to intentionally hurt her made her feel that much worse. Because even though she knew that she had hurt him in the past, it was never intentional. She swallowed hard. "You're such a jackass, Remus," she murmured. "Everyone thinks you're this moral, upstanding guy and it turns out you're a player just like your two buddies used to be. Ironically, now _they're _the ones in committed relationships and you're the one sleeping around."

"Not by choice, Jillian," Remus snapped. "I'd rather be the one in a committed relationship but the girl I want to be with doesn't want to be with me."

Jillian's stomach tightened and she winced guiltily.

Remus turned his gaze away from her, anger spewing from his eyes. "Did you ever think that my one-time ordeal with Evelyn was my attempt at moving on from you? My way of trying to let you go?" he scowled. He swallowed hard, murmuring in a hurt whisper, "You broke my heart, Jillian. I was in love with you and when I toldyou that, you...you walked away and left me in that hallway all alone. So I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way, I really am. Because I know a little thing or two about feeling betrayed."

She hung her head shamefully, tears welling up in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away.

Remus sighed when she didn't bother to respond. He ran his fingers through his hair haggardly and dared to ask the one question he felt so desperate to find an answer to. "Why'd you really do it, Jillian?"

She swallowed hard and continued to remain mute. She had come out here to scold him for sleeping with her friend and now she was the one feeling guilty. How did things get turned around on her all of a sudden?

He pursed his lips, a scowl burying in his throat. He was becoming increasingly discouraged by her lack of words. "We had _one _fight, Jillian," he said firmly, enunciating his words with anguish. "_One_ fight and you bailed. Couples are allowed to have disagreements, y'know. It's what shapes them as a couple. But you just gave up on us. And I can't for the life of me figure out what I did to deserve that."

"I gave you a reason," she responded. "It's not my fault you don't like that reason. I meant every word of what I said, Remus, so don't patronize me."

"I'm not saying that you didn't mean it," he scolded. "I'm saying there was more to it."

"There wasn't," she retorted immediately, clenching her teeth defensively.

He quickly turned away from her, grabbing a pebble from the ground and chucking it into the lake. "Then why the hell are you here?" he grunted. "You shouldn't care about what I do and who I do it with. You shouldn't have cared enough about me to seek me out. You should instead be shooting darts at a photo of my face and trashing me to your friends. But you're not doing that. Instead, you're talking to me. Because you _wanted _to talk to me." He gazed at her, quirking a hopeful eyebrow.

"What makes you think I didn't already shoot darts at a picture of your face? What makes you think I didn't already trash you to my friends?" she growled. She slowly stood up, brushing the stray pieces of grass from her bare legs. "I simply came here to tell you that you're a jackass for what you did last night. And I'm not going to sit here and listen to you accuse me of-"

"Then go!" Remus cried out, discouraged. He could tell that she was afraid a part of him might be right which was why she was, once again, scurrying off. And if her answer to everything was to run then maybe he was better off without her. "You did what you came here to do. You told me I was a jackass. So just leave.I didn't ask you to come here, Jillian! I certainly didn't ask you to insult me and call me names. I'm sorry for making an error in judgment last night, but that doesn't give you the right to yell at me! Perhaps we were better off not talking at all."

"You _slept _with my _friend_! You told me you loved me just a few weeks ago and then you went off and slept with my friend! How did _I _get turned into the bad guy here?" she growled, her teeth clenching and her fists curling up tightly. She tried blinking back the tears prickling in her eyes. "You don't get to be the one screaming at me, Remus! I'm the one who gets to be angry. I'm the one who gets to yell at you and…and _I'm_ the one who gets to feel hurt, Remus."

"I wouldn't have been with her if you didn't break up with me in the first place!" Remus growled.

"Oh, so now this is _my _fault?" she snorted, laughing cynically.

He offered her a curt shrug, sighing. He didn't want to sound like he was blaming her because even though he would like to place all of the blame on her, he knew that it was himself he should be pointing the finger at. "What do you want from me, Jillian?" he grunted solemnly, shaking his head. "Do you wantme to tell you that I hated doing it? That I hate myself for hurting you? Do you want me to tell you that it was a mistake and that I never should have even considered Evelyn's offer? Do you want me to tell you that I feel guilty? Do you want me to tell you that…that I thought of you the entire time? That I had wished it was you? Do you want me to tell you that I miss you every single day and I hate that we broke up? Do you want me to tell you that…" he trailed off, his words catching in his throat. He swallowed hard, staring at her determinedly, a hint of regret glimmering in the back of his eyes. "Do you want me to tell you that…that I still love you, Jilly?"

She was staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth half-open in shock, sensing a true weight of vulnerability behind every one of his words. A pang of longing surged through her heart at the nickname. No one's ever called her Jilly before Remus and she loved the way it sounded rolling off his tongue. It sounded intimate, doting even. And she missed that feeling of comfort and security she had had with Remus. Her heart was beating a mile a minute as she realized that he really did still love her. She slowly slid back towards the ground, her legs shaking too much to hold her up.

Neither said anything for a while, not knowing what to say. They both let their gaze linger on the scenery laid out before them, Remus knowing it was one of the last times he could appreciate it with graduation on the immediate horizon.

"You…you really still love me? After what I put you through?" Jillian asked softly, her voice barely audible over the cool breeze.

He looked up at her, nodding hesitantly. "How could I not be in love with-" But the end of his sentence was cut short by Jillian reaching over and kissing him without warning. And suddenly he was kissing her back. Her lips felt so familiar to her even though he hadn't kissed them in weeks. He drew her to him tightly, his hand smoothing down the curve of her back. She pulled back, gasping for air, as Remus' lips made a hungry raid down her jawline towards her neck.

She eventually pulled back, gasping for breath. She didn't say anything and Remus was grateful for that.

"What was that for?" Remus said lamely.

She quirked a suggestive eyebrow. "Does it matter?"

It did, but she was giving him a very seductive look that he didn't care. He had missed kissing her and if she was going to throw herself at him, he was going to accept it. So he quickly shook his head and pressed his lips firmly to hers. She shut her eyes and parted her mouth gently as Remus pressed his lips to hers, a fiery passion igniting from within the both of them. She melted into his touch and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, drawing him closer to her as their lips moved as one. His kisses became more rapid and hungry and she moved her hands to his chest as his lips found their way to her neck. She let out a guttural moan from deep in her throat and he smiled, wishing to hear that sound again from her. He placed his hands on her cheeks and moved his mouth back to hers, kissing her wildly like she deserved. He gladly let his tongue slide into her mouth hungrily. His lips didn't stray from hers as she leaned back until she was lying flat on the cool grass, pulling him on top of her.

"Jillian," he whispered, kissing her ear. "You do know that we're in a public place."

She blushed. She had been so engrossed with him that she had indeed forgotten she was outside where other students were scattering the grounds. She glanced around and was grateful that the other students out on the grounds seemed engrossed in their own worlds. "Well, we should change that immediately," she muttered.

"We could always steal away to the Astronomy Tower," he suggested lamely.

She smiled suggestively, shaking her head. "I don't think the Astronomy Tower is the best place for me to have sex with you."

Remus' heart skipped a beat and he stared at her, a sense of hesitant longing stirring within. "Er…what?"

She laughed, kissing him again. "You heard me right, Remus J. Lupin."

He frowned slightly, slowly climbing off of her and turning his gaze away from her. "Jillian," he said hesitantly, but the words were caught in his throat.

"Look, don't give me a speech about how you weren't pressuring me into it and you don't expect anything from me except me, yada, yada, blah, blah. I want to be with you, Remus. And I mean _really _be with you."

His heart skipped a beat and he didn't dare look her in the eye. "I wasn't going to give you a speech," he murmured. "I was…I was going to say that I think I should go."

She froze, completely taken aback by his words. She stared at him in shock. "_What_?" she croaked out.

"I…I'm sorry, Jillian, but I can't do this," he muttered, hanging his head guiltily. He tore his eyes away from her, sensing a feeling of betrayal.

She was humiliated and her eyes blazed with anger. She quickly scrambled away from him, jumping up off the grass. "So you'll have random sex with my _roommate_, a girl you could care less about, but when I offer myself to you, you refuse?" she spat out in a hurt whisper. "You really are the biggest jackass of all time." She wanted nothing more than to hex him but she held her head up high and started storming off.

He raced after her, grabbing her arm. "No, Jillian, wait," he pleaded.

When she whirled around he could see the tears streaming down her face. "Is this some sort of payback?" she whispered, her voice rough and vulnerable. "I broke up with you so now you taunt me and then kick me when I'm down?"

Remus gave her a look, softened with guilt. He opened his mouth to try and explain himself and found it difficult to find the right words. He felt her stare on him so he dithered, "Jilly, it's…it's not like that. I just…I don't know…I can't…I-I might still love you, but…"

She hung her head, grimacing. "But what?" she whispered, her heart skipping a beat.

"I-I don't know if I can go back down this road without knowing…" he trailed off.

"Knowing _what_?" she said desperately.

He gazed up at her, finding himself brushing a few tendrils out of her face nostalgically. "Without knowing what I really did wrong in the first place," he finished firmly.

Jillian's heart fluttered as she sensed desperation in his tone. She was finding it impossible to tear his eyes off of him, as if their eyes were locked together by a subliminal force. She fell silent, crossing her arms guardedly. A shiver ran down her spine and she knew it wasn't due to the cold.

Remus finally looked away and she let out a sigh of fear, realizing for the first time that she needed to stop hiding from her feelings. Remus deserved the truth. She slowly dropped back down towards the grass and Remus followed, sensing her defeat. She reached for his hand instinctively and was grateful when he didn't resist. Jillian thought back to all of the many strolls they took hand-in-hand around the grounds, giggling childishly and stealing kisses in the shade of the trees. Remus brought out the kid in her and she had loved that about him. Even with the scary idea that they were all growing up a little too quickly than they would have preferred, Remus had given her reason to just remain young at heart and live in the present. She had unfortunately taken the extra step and agonized about their future. She had stopped living in the moment. She had stopped letting him make her feel young and spontaneous. She was the one who ended it and she was the one who was so determined to see them fail.

She stared out over the lake, frowning guiltily. "You have to know that it wasn't because I didn't want to be with you, Remus," she whispered, squeezing his hand. "I did it because…because I was scared."

"Of what?" Remus asked hoarsely.

She bit down on her bottom lip as her heart skipped a beat. "Of us. Of our future. If…if we even had a future."

Remus eyes narrowed in confusion. "Jillian, I had told you before that I wanted a future with you."

"I know," she whispered. "You were telling me that you _wanted_ to be with me and you _wanted _to make it work after graduation."

"But?"

She swallowed hard and turned away from him, blinking back the tears. "But you were also saying it was going to be difficult. You were also saying you had no idea where your future was going to take you. You were also saying that you _wished _there were some way to know it work out between us. Not that you _knew_ it would work but that you _wanted _it to. There's a big difference, Remus. And it was that difference that scared me." She sighed, staring up at the cloudy sky with remorse, tears prickling her eyes.

Remus' faced clouded with shock, finding it hard to catch his breath. He knew that when Jillian had broken up with him, she had been hiding something. He just didn't realize she had been thinking about the unpredictability of their future together. "So…so you made up some excuse to dump me?" he murmured, suddenly feeling betrayed and used. He had told her that he loved her and she still looked him in the eye and said goodbye.

"No," she quickly denied, shaking her head. "I meant what I said. It…it just wasn't the whole truth."

He gazed at her curiously, wishing for her to explain.

She obliged. "I was afraid that you'd inevitably end up going wherever your friends were going to go and put me second because…well, because I'd be here. I wouldn't be with you and they would be. You…you're going to follow them wherever they go because they're your family," she murmured, dropping his hand from hers and pulling her legs towards her body.

"You could be my family, too," he blurted out desperately.

She slowly turned her head to him, frowning solemnly. "But…Remus, it's like I said before. They…they probably do mean more to you than a girl ever will. And honestly, why shouldn't they after all they've done for you. Those guys are practically your entire life, Remus. I _wish _I had friends like them." She sighed, cracking a smile. "Instead I get friends who hook up with my ex-boyfriend and reject my proposition."

He thought it was probably a good sign that she was smiling. "Believe me when I say that turning you down isn't what I really wanted to do," he murmured. "I just…"

"What?" she asked when he trailed off.

He sighed. "I didn't want to lead you on, because…"

"Because?" Jillian croaked.

"Because I have no idea where we stand," he muttered.

She swallowed hard. "Well, neither do I."

"There lies in the problem," he muttered, shaking his head solemnly. "If we get back together, how am I supposed to know that you're not going to get scared again and run off? How am I supposed to know that you won't break my heart again? It wasn't easy letting you go the first time and I don't think I can handle it again."

She nodded slowly, squeezing her knees tightly to her body. "You have no reason to trust me," she whispered. "You're right. You're probably better off without me. I don't deserve your forgiveness. And…and if you get up and walk away from us for good, I wouldn't blame you."

A lump was beginning to form in Remus' throat. He had spent so many weeks agonizing over their break-up and wishing he could just have her back. And now that that opportunity was presenting itself, he was contemplating turning her down. Had he really wanted to be with Jillian? Or had it just been closure he was so desperate for?

"But before you do," Jillian interrupted his thoughts slowly, her words being carefully articulated, "I just need you to know something."

Remus nodded instinctively.

She smiled, placing the palm of her hand on his cheek. "I love you, Remus."

Remus froze, his eyes locking with hers immediately.

"I've loved you for a long time. And if…if you do get up and walk away, I'll probably still love you for a long time," she whispered. "When you told me you loved me, I should have said it back. But I let my fears take over. I-I thought it was better for the both of us if we went our separate ways."

Remus was staring at her with a look of bewilderment and awe, and she wasn't sure whether to take that as a good thing or a bad thing. But she figured that he had laid his heart on the line for her and it was time for her to return the favor. "But I was wrong. I've been miserable without you and it took a while for me to realize that I need you in my life. I-I don't know what to expect from our future, Remus, but…but maybe that's okay. Because we can figure it out together if…if you still want to."

She gazed up at him slowly and swallowed hard. "I know that I said before that love isn't always enough," she whispered, biting down on her bottom lip vulnerably. "But I really hope you'll help prove me wrong."

Remus finally spoke. "You really love me?" he croaked.

She cracked a smile, nodding. "It's like you said: how could I not be in love with-"

It was her turn to be interrupted by Remus' lips pressing against hers firmly. He tangled his hands in her hair as she wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing him close to her. She dangled her legs over his lap as he made a lustful raid towards her jawline, leading his lips towards her neck as she gasped for breath.

"Haven't we already pointed out this is a public place?" she whispered hungrily.

He pulled his lips away from her and immediately jumped up from the grounds. "Let's go back to my room. No one should be there."

She quirked a playful eyebrow. "Your room, hm? What kind of girl do you think I am?"

He hesitated, furrowing his brow. "Er…"

She laughed. "I'm totally kidding. Let's go back to your room."

He extended his hand to her and helped her off the grounds, squeezing it tightly once her two feet were planted on the grass. They quickly headed inside the castle, ignoring everyone else around them. They were the only two people in the world at that moment, rushing through the hallways with cheeky grins. When they couldn't wait to get their hands on each other, they would halt in an empty, dark corridor to snog each other senseless. By the time they reached the Gryffindor common room, they were feeling desperate for more.

Jillian pressed her lips to his firmly right outside his bedroom, pushing him up against the door. Remus fumbled with the doorknob behind him and they both tumbled into his bedroom, their lips united in a fiery passion.

It wasn't until they heard someone clearing their throat behind them did they jump apart from each other.

Remus groaned, furrowing his brow as Jillian blushed furiously, hiding herself embarrassedly behind Remus. "I thought you two were planning on escaping to the dungeons," Remus murmured.

"Yeah, and I thought _you _two were broken up," Sirius snorted, quirking a curious eyebrow as he glanced back and forth between Remus and Jillian. "So clearly we were all mistaken."

"Get out," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"This is my room, too!" he whined.

Remus narrowed his eyes at him. "Don't make me hex you."

Riley elbowed Sirius in the ribs, giving him a look. "Can't you see the two recently reunited lovebirds could use some time _alone_?"

"What about _our _alone time?" Sirius shot back cheekily. He grinned, glancing amusedly over at Remus and Jillian in the doorway. It was clear that he was just trying to get a rise out of them.

"It's like Remus said," Jillian finally spoke up, flashing both Sirius and Riley a playful grin. "Don't make me hex you, Sirius."

He chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. He reached for his shirt at the end of the bed and threw it on. Truth was, he had intended to drag Riley down to the dungeon earlier in order to talk about the _Daily Australian Record _fellowship with her, but he had chickened out and instead remained rooted in their bedroom when Peter was there earlier. Once Peter had left the room, no longer wanting to be the third wheel, Riley had immediately kissed him and within minutes, their clothes had been discarded and they were making love. And Sirius didn't want to ruin that moment. But now that Remus was standing in front of him, Sirius was reminded that Riley deserved to hear his thoughts just like Remus had suggested.

Riley and Sirius finished dressing and climbed out of bed, not nearly fast enough in Remus' and Jillian's minds. "You crazy kids have fun," Sirius teased as he slipped past them. "But not too much. Let's leave the kinkiness to me and Ril—_ARGH_!" he cried as Remus jokingly shoved him out the door, slamming the door behind him. He ignored the laugh coming from Riley behind the now closed door.

"Now," Remus whispered, running his fingers through Jillian's hair, "where were we?"

She smiled suggestively, quickly lifting her shirt off her body and discarding it to the floor. "I think we were right about here," she whispered, pressing her lips passionately to his.

* * *

Sirius was unusually quiet as they took the long walk to the dungeons, taking comfort in the quiet nature of the cold hallways. Riley was smiling, thinking about the impending trip to New York with Sirius. Ever since she had made the decision to stay with Sirius, she couldn't help but continuously think about what her future with Sirius could hold. Sometimes she psyched herself out, wondering if she had made the right decision, but most of the time she didn't have a second thought about it. Once upon a time, being with Sirius would have been the hardest thing for her to do and now she was choosing to be with him. There was a tiny voice inside her head telling her that maybe because being with him was easier than uprooting her life for the unknown, but she quieted that voice by reminding herself she deserved to find out if Sirius was the man she could fall in love with.

Ironically, Sirius was also thinking about the New York trip but probably not in the same way she was. He didn't want to go alone; he wanted Riley by his side. But he knew that he'd be wondering the entire time if Riley was regretting her decision.

Riley nudged Sirius with her arm, giving him a curious look. "You are awfully quiet today. What's up?"

Sirius shook his head. "Just...just thinking."

Riley quirked an alarmed eyebrow. "Well, no good can come of that."

Sirius cracked a smile, kissing her cheek. His smile wavered slightly, a twinge of guilt surging from within. He wanted to be able to lean over and kiss her whenever he wanted to and that wouldn't be possible if she were 15,000 miles away. He reached for her hand, drawing her close to him as they entered into the stingy dungeon. As far as Sirius knew, no one else had entered that particular dungeon in years. Dust had collected on the candlesticks and cobwebs lined the corners of the walls. The old picture gold frames still mounted the wall but the photos that used to adorn them had long disappeared. That dungeon room had become something of their sanctuary over the months they had been together; they felt safe and comfortable there. Sirius frowned, suddenly feeling guilty that he was considering betraying that setting.

Riley guided them to the floor, squeezing his hand as he clearly was off in his own world. He shook the thoughts from his mind and turned to her, smiling adoringly. "I have something for you," he blurted. "A...a graduation gift, I guess."

She was taken aback. "A gift? For me?"

He chuckled at the startled look on her face. "What, a boyfriend can't give his girlfriend a gift?"

She blushed, shrugging. "I just wasn't expecting it," she explained. "Besides, isn't graduation _tomorrow_?"

His heart skipped a beat and he nodded slowly. "Yes, but I wanted to give it to you now before..." he trailed off, wincing.

She gazed at him, confused. "Before what?"

He frowned, shaking his head. "Just before everything has to change I guess," he said vaguely.

There was a waver in his voice that made Riley hesitate, narrowing her eyes in confusion. "What has to change?"

He chuckled lightly. "I said I have a gift for you and you're harping on the topic of conversation. You're not like most girls, are you?"

She laughed, squeezing his hand. After all that they have been through, she was so grateful for the couple they had turned into. "Okay, okay," she sniggered, sitting upright as a grin spread across her face. "What is this gift you speak of?"

He smiled and pulled out a small box from his jeans pocket.

It was obvious to Riley that it was some sort of jewelry box which definitely intrigued her. She reached for it and opened it up, her heart skipping a beat as a small, intricate gold locket stared up at her. Riley gazed at the locket in surprise, a flattered smile slowly spreading across her face.

"Open it up," he urged.

She picked it up and opened the heart-shaped locket. She was surprised and yet impressed to see that he had filled the locket with photos of themselves back when there were eleven years old, foolish grins plastered on their faces and eyes filled with such naïve eagerness. "When did you become such a romantic?"

He chuckled and gestured for her to turn around so he could put it on her. She obliged. "You deserve the best, Riley," he explained, kissing the nape of her neck. He pulled back hesitantly, frowning. "But...I can't always give you that."

She glanced behind her shoulder, confused at the strained tone of his voice. "What are you talking about?"

Sirius felt his heart beating wildly out of his chest as he gazed into her eyes. He saw confusion, but her eyes were also filled with tranquility and comfort. He didn't know if he could disrupt that.

His eyes zoomed into the necklace that he had recently bought for her and felt his heart sink. After everything they have been through, he felt like he would be betraying her by giving her such a wonderful gift one minute and then breaking her heart the next. Instead of telling her what was really on his mind, he leaned over and kissed her cheek, shaking his head. "Nothing," he whispered, his voice feeling faint in the dungeon silence. "Just…just know that I love you."

He sighed. He never considered himself to be a coward until that moment.

* * *

Remus smiled as he glanced down at the beautiful, naked girl in his bed. He couldn't believe his luck. Just that morning, he was living a miserable life and now he had the girl of his dreams back. He kissed the side of her head and she stirred, pulling the sheets up over her body, shivering slightly. "Hey," she murmured.

"You're so beautiful, Jilly," he whispered, running his fingers lightly up and down her arm.

She smiled, but he could tell it was strained.

"What?" he asked cautiously.

She swallowed hard and locked eyes with him. "Where…where does this leave us?" she dared to ask.

He hesitated, a warning light going off in his head. He knew he should be afraid of starting their relationship up again and particularly that Jillian seemed to know that she could hold their future in her hands. And he knew that if he really loved her he should spare her the complications that came with being a werewolf's girlfriend. But as he gazed into her eyes, he knew he couldn't let her go again. "I hope that this leaves us with each other," he said, putting it all out on the line. His heart was beating a mile a minute, praying that she would return the affection.

She pulled him in for a kiss, tangling her hands in his hair. "I was hoping you would say that."

He grinned, wrapping his arms tightly around her shoulder and pressed his lips firmly to hers, a fervent spark exploding between them. "I love you, Jilly."

"I love you, Remus."

* * *

Gryffindor ended up winning the House Cup by only fifteen points and naturally, all of the Gryffindors spent the end-of-the-year banquet feast as a time to rub their win in the Slytherins' faces.

"Snivellus looks like he's about to explode with anger," James said, as Dumbledore neared the end of his usually speech.

"I could speed up the exploding part," Sirius added with a glint of mystery in his eyes, gesturing towards his wand in his pocket.

Remus smacked Sirius' arm with his own wand. "Oh, put that thing away. Don't give Dumbledore any reason to revoke Gryffindor's win of the House Cup."

Sirius rolled his eyes but did as he said. Since his recent reconciliation with Jillian, Remus' mood had been uplifted immensely. And no one was complaining about it. They had all been incredibly surprised when the two of them showed up to the banquet hand-in-hand but no one questioned it. It might not have been obvious to them, but the rest of them knew that they were meant to be together.

The Great Hall fell silent as Dumbledore's speech came to a sudden halt. Seconds later, a feast of roast turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts, shepherd's pie, beef casserole, steak and kidney pudding, and green beans adorned all of the house tables. Immediately all the students in the Great Hall started shoving food on to their plates.

"It's too bad there aren't any hot dogs at the feast," James murmured as he reached for the potatoes in front of him. "We could really go out with a bang."

"Yeah, instead we have to go the mature and grown-up way," Lily teased, flashing her boyfriend a smile. "What a bummer!"

"I sense your sarcasm and am ignoring it," he retorted, filling his mouth with a spoonful of mashed potatoes.

Lily couldn't help but laugh as she reached over and squeezed his hand. It seemed unreal to her that a year ago, she had sent him angry glares and made a pact to hate him until the end of eternity and here she was, squeezing his hand to show her overwhelming affection towards him. Only a year ago, she had insulted James' lifestyle on the Gryffindor balcony enough to cause him to rudely retaliate, forcing her to get drunk and snog Shane Redford in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. And a year ago, James had taken her by surprise and kissed her on the train platform. Their first kiss. And now she couldn't imagine not being able to kiss him.

"What are you thinking?" James asked, poking her in the ribs.

She jerked away quickly, surprised by his voice interrupting her thoughts. "I'm thinking that life works in mysterious ways sometimes."

He cocked his head to the side. "How so?"

She smiled slyly, a curious gaze spreading across her face. "For one, a year ago I was snogging Shane Redford," she mused, grinning as James' face contorted into aggravation.

"I always hated that guy," James pouted.

"Well, you might want to start getting used to the guy considering he'll be my coworker."

James scowled. "I always hated that guy!"

"What guy?" Remus chimed in from across the table, overhearing their conversation.

"No guy," Lily quickly argued, rolling her eyes.

"Shane Redford," James responded, ignoring Lily.

Remus snorted. "You need to get over that. It's been a year!"

Lily groaned, slumping down on the bench. "Why did I have to bring him up?" she moaned.

"It's too bad that no one got a photo of that," Sirius sighed, shaking his head in disbelief. "That was an epic, momentous occasion in Lily-bean's life."

"Snogging the Head Boy on display in front of everyone in the Gryffindor common room is an epic, momentous occasion?" retorted Kay, trying to hold in her laughter. "I don't think I got that memo."

"That's because being out in the open isn't your thing. You'd prefer to sneak behind your best friend's back with her boyfriend," Remus retaliated slyly, ducking as a piece of bread got chucked at him.

Kay gave him a stern look, trying to ignore Riley's laughter from beside her. "This is make fun of Lily's past poor decisions, not make fun of mine!" she whined.

"I'm perfectly content making fun of Kay's," Lily said dryly, making a face.

Jillian grinned, feeling guilty for missing out on all the good times with Remus' friends. She can't remember a time she laughed as hard as she did when she was with the Marauders and the three girls. "I totally forgot about you made out with Shane in the common room last year," she snickered, glancing over at Lily.

"Oh, well, I'm glad we could dredge up the past for you," Lily murmured, slumping down in her chair.

"I do remember being jealous," Jillian mused, earning a glare from Remus. "All the girls were."

"Ahem!" Remus cleared his throat, pouting.

"Eh, you're cute, too," she teased, kissing his cheek.

Riley glanced around at her friends with a nostalgic smile, feeling a tad sentimental. She couldn't imagine her life without them. Turning down the _DAR _fellowship had to be the right thing to do. "I think this calls for a toast," Riley finally chimed in, holding up her glass of pumpkin juice.

"To cuteness?" James responded cheekily.

Riley rolled her eyes. "I was going to suggest a toast to seven wonderful years with good friends and good memories," she contested. "But if you'd like to toast to cuteness, go right ahead."

James hesitated, shrugging curtly. "Yeah, let's go yours."

Riley laughed, grabbing the pitcher of pumpkin juice and refilling her friends' glasses. "To seven wonderful years?" she suggested once everyone had their glasses raised.

"With good friends and good memories," they all chorused, clinking their glasses together.

"Especially epic, momentous memories," Sirius added in the aftermath, winking playfully at Lily. Seconds later, he was dripping in her leftover pumpkin juice and his friends all burst into laughter.

Lily grinned. "I'm going to miss this place."

Riley shrugged. "We all are," she said. "But we're going to have plenty of time to make memories in the future. Even epic, momentous ones." Sirius felt his heart constrict in his body at the mention of their future.

James scowled. "Except maybe Lily should cool it on the epic, momentous occasions."

"Unless they're with you," Remus teased.

James hesitated, glancing surreptitiously over at his girlfriend. "Okay, I give you permission to snog me in public on an open couch after downing a few shots and dancing on the coffee table."

Lily glared at him.

Kay offered James a lopsided gaze. "Good luck trying to get her to snog you at all now."

While the others laughed, James simply groaned.

* * *

While the girls used the time after the end-of-the-year feast to prepare for the ball, the Marauders were choosing to use that time to finish up their list of pranks to play at graduation the following day. Remus was attempting to cross half off the list being the moral one he was while James was attempting to keep the list out of Remus' grasp. Peter was sprawled out across the floor, watching the two of them interact with no sincere attempt at coming up with pranks. His friends wouldn't listen to his ideas anyway. And Sirius was lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling thinking about literally nothing. Because the moment he let his mind wander, thoughts of Riley and the future swarmed inside his head. He knew that the closer graduation loomed the harder it was going to be to try and do the right thing.

"Why cockroaches?" Remus groaned. "Are you _trying _to scare away the girls at graduation?"

James hesitated. "Lily would probably kill me," he murmured. "Okay fine, butterflies it is."

Peter snickered. "The opposite of cockroaches is butterflies?"

"I'm trying to be sensible!" he argued. "What would you say the opposite of cockroaches is?"

Peter grimaced, pondering the question. "Er..." he dithered. "Butterflies?"

James laughed, quickly jotting the idea down on the parchment in front of him. "Anything _else _you'd like to complain about, Remus?"

"I, for one, am _not _streaking across the grounds," he said huffily.

James shuddered. "Yeah, that was Sirius' idea. Lily would _definitely _kill me if I did that. Crossing it off the list," he snickered, running a line through it as he glanced over at Sirius, who looked lost in thought as his eyes glazed over the ceiling stones. "What, you're not going to argue, Padfoot?"

Sirius quirked an eyebrow at the mention of his nickname. "Hm?"

"Are you even listening to us?" Remus snorted, giving his friend a look.

"Of course I am," he said, shrugging.

"Oh really? Then what did we decide to transfigure the leaves on the ground to at graduation to set loose during the ceremony?"

Sirius cringed, making a face. "Bumblebees?"

"That wasn't even one of the suggestions!" James whined. "What the hell is wrong with you, dude?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nothing. Should we start getting ready for this ball thing?"

James snorted, giving his best friend a look. "'This ball thing?'" he repeated. "That's what you're going to call it? I spent _months _planning a _fabulous _event with great food and entertainment and decorations and you're just going to belittle it by calling it 'this ball thing?'"

Three blank stares gazed back at him.

"Okay, fine, _Lily _planned it, but I don't think she'd appreciate you belittling it either!" James hastily argued but his last few words were drowned out by the sounds of his friends' laughter. "You are all totally uninvited to the ball," he pouted, slumping down on his bed.

"I don't think you have the authority to do that," Remus teased. "Besides, you wouldn't have any fun without us."

"Yeah, without Sirius, the punch might not get spiked!" Peter joked.

James made a face. "We're coming up with too many ways Lily would kill me."

Remus and Peter couldn't help but laugh and even Sirius forced out a smile. He slowly fell out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. "I'm going to shower," he muttered, mostly because he was finding it near impossible to pay attention to his friends' dialogue and because he didn't even want to pretend to laugh with them anymore. How was he supposed to find enjoyment in the little things when he was trying to find the courage to tell the girl he loved to move halfway around the world?

"What's his deal?" James murmured curiously, glancing between Remus and Peter for assistance.

Peter shook his head, shrugging. "I never know what's going on with any of you," he snickered.

"It's probably best that way," Remus snorted, shaking his head.

"Speaking of not knowing what's going on," James chimed in with a sly smile, "Do you mind filling us in on what caused you and Jillian to reconcile?"

The tip of Remus' ears turned pink, a smile spreading across his face. "We made up. What else is there to add?"

"That's it?" Peter argued, giving Remus a look. "That's all the details you're going to give us?"

Remus rolled his eyes but the smile was unwavering. "What details would you be interested in?"

"Anything more exciting than 'we made up!'" said James.

Remus hesitated, wondering if it was worth going into the whole story. He eventually shrugged. If Jillian could make up with him after making a mistake like sleeping with Evelyn Marx, he wouldn't expect his friends to judge him. He sighed, frowning. "Well, she kinda, sorta, almost found out that I…uh…did a stupid thing last night."

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we're going to need more information than that."

He slumped down on the bed sheepishly. "At the bar last night, I had sex with Evelyn."

The looks on James and Peter's faces were priceless. James' mouth dropped open in shock and Peter's eyes widened, neither able to speak or even make a gasping noise due to complete and utter disbelief. "Er…come again?" James finally choked out. While he had known that Remus slept with someone, he wouldn't have guessed Evelyn Marx.

Remus shrugged. "You heard me."

"Okay, this might be a dumb question, but I certainly think it's necessary," James spoke up, gazing at his friend curiously. "How is it that you got back together with Jillian if she had found out about you and Evelyn? It seems to me we should all just be grateful you're still alive!"

Remus chuckled. "Well, I think her finding out about…er…_that_ gave her reason to actually have a conversation with me. And…" he trailed off, smiling as he thought back to the conversation he had with her earlier today. It obviously started off poorly but he was so grateful that Jillian finally told him what had been bothering her. It was the necessary step in order to rectify their relationship. And he was thankful that she even wanted to rectify their relationship. "We talked," Remus said vaguely, shrugging. "And talking led to…to kissing which led to us making up which led to us both saying we loved each other which led to us…" he trailed off, not able to hide the smile creeping on his lips.

"Led you to what?" Peter asked curiously.

Remus blushed. "We slept together," he said, shrugging awkwardly.

Once again, Peter's eyes widened and James' mouth dropped open in shock. "You're starting to sound like a man whore," James joked. He wasn't surprised when a pillow was chucked at him.

"You're starting to sound like _Sirius_," Peter corrected, earning a laugh from all of them.

"Okay, okay, okay, awkward question: isn't she a virgin?" James asked, grinning.

"Not so much anymore," Remus chuckled, shaking his head.

"Wow," James said, staring at his friend incredulously. "You've really been a busy guy these past twenty-four hours, haven't you? And by busy, I mean _horny_."

Remus glared at him. "Are you done with the jokes yet?"

James shook his head. "No, I still have more," he grinned cheekily. "I didn't realize that sleeping with a girl's best friend was the way to her heart. I would have slept with Riley years ago!"

"Er…_come again_?"

James winced and turned around to face Sirius, who was standing in the bathroom doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist and a very shocked, bewildered looked on his face. "Did you hear that Remus and Jillian slept together?"

"Yeah, he kicked me out of the room to do so," he snorted. "What's this about you sleeping with Riley?"

James quirked an eyebrow. "Remus Lupin kicked _Sirius Black _out of the room to get it on with his girlfriend? Okay, I've officially entered the Twilight Zone." He ducked as Remus' last pillow came soaring towards him.

"Stop changing the subject. Why should you have slept with Riley years ago?" Sirius snickered.

James laughed. "In true fashion of the Twilight Zone, Remus slept with _Evelyn Marx _last night in that Hogsmeade alley. And on top of that, he got back together with Jillian barely twelve hours later!"

Sirius burst into laughter, shaking his head in complete disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with that girl?"

"Be glad I don't have any more pillows," Remus huffed.

James chuckled, gripping tightly on to the two pillows that Remus had already sent his way. "Can you believe that everything has finally worked out for the better? I mean, the three of us are in happy, healthy relationships all at the same time! I'm rather proud of us. No offense, Peter."

Sirius' stomach tightened and he suddenly wondered why he had bothered to slip out of the shower. He probably should have just drowned himself there why he had the time.

"Eh, better you than me," Peter snickered, interrupting Sirius' depressing thoughts. "I don't plan on being completely whipped anytime soon."

"I am not whipped!" both Remus and James argued.

"Uh, James, you are doing everything in your power to bore us tomorrow with pranks so that Lily doesn't _Avada Kedavra _your ass. And Remus? I think I heard a few times over the past month that you wouldn't get back together with Jillian after the way she broke your heart, but the minute she comes crawling back to you begging for sex, you cave. Enough said," he snickered. "However, I do think it's rather revealing that Sirius didn't bother speaking out against my comment."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I don't feel the need to protest a guy who's never had a girlfriend in his life," he said. He flashed Peter a smile when he realized how cruel he sounded.

Peter made a face. "Touché, Mr. Padfoot. Touché."

Sirius simply shrugged and went digging through his trunk for a clean dress shirt with very little success. "Why can't I find a dress shirt?" he complained. "I can't even remember the last time I wore one."

"You wore them that week in February…or was it March?" Remus mused. "When you and James were on non-speaking terms and playing silly pranks on each other. Including one where James shredded all of your school robes and left you only with your dress robes."

James grinned sheepishly. "Er…oops?"

Sirius glared at him. "You owe me dress robes!"

James laughed. "Fine. I should have a few extra in my trunk. Go ahead and borrow one."

Sirius trekked over to James' trunk and pulled out the first dress shirt he saw, throwing it over his bare chest. "These are too big," he whined. James' build was definitely more robust than Sirius and he was slightly taller.

James rolled his eyes. "Do you own a wand or not?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly and murmured a spell to decrease the size of the shirt to fit his own body.

"Can you believe how far we've all come?" Remus blurted out, smiling nostalgically as he gazed upon his three friends' faces. "We have certainly been through our share of fights and arguments over the years, but we've managed to come out on top."

"Must we always get sentimental at the end of the year?" Sirius groaned. He had no desire to relate the memories of the past at that time. There was no need to delve into the good or the bad; he wasn't in the mood to remember the happy times they all shared and he was already miserable enough that the unpleasant times over the years would just sink him straight into a depression. He knew that before the night was over, he had to talk to Riley about the _DAR _no matter how much he didn't want to. "We don't have much time before the ball starts. Why don't we get ready now and go crash your sister's party downstairs, Prongs?"

James snickered, shrugging. "It's not really considering crashing when all Gryffindors are invited."

"Are you in or not?" Sirius asked anxiously.

"Eh, what the hell," he said with a shrug as he jumped off his bed and towards his trunk. "Let's go."

* * *

**A/N: **A lot of good fluff so I hope you enjoyed it! It's hard for me to determine which couple is my favorite at the moment! Although, I will naturally always be partial to James and Lily. Only a few chapters left! I'm still editing the last few chapters so hopefully they should be up as soon as I'm happy with it all. I can't believe this is coming to an end soon. I guess I can't be too sad-I am in the process of writing the sequel! Something else to look forward to! Please review...


	55. Of Punch, Dances, & Rain

**A/N: **I'm back with the latest installment! There are only TWO more chapters left! There's a lot of Sirius/Riley in this chapter plus some cute James/Lily moments! I probably went a little overboard on the "cute" moments actually...eh, but that's probably just me feeling sentimental that this story is coming to an end soon!

**Disclaimer: **Trust me when I say that I'm not J.K. Rowling. She owns most of the characters in this story and a very small part of the plot.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 55: Of Punch, Dances, & Rain

* * *

The four guys spent a few extra minutes lingering at the party in the Gryffindor common room with Sirius praising Dezzy for spiking the punch early on and James torn between his curiosity as to how she got her hands on alcohol and his obstinacy, knowing he was probably better off in the dark. He had always been adamant about not telling his sister all of his secrets, mostly because he did not want her to follow in his footsteps. He cringed at the thought of her sneaking into a pub in Hogsmeade after hours surrounded by alcohol, loud music, and the opposite sex. But when he saw Drew's arm draped comfortably over Dezzy's shoulder James knew that Drew would always be there to protect Dezzy when James couldn't be.

The four Marauders drank a single glass of champagne in the common room, toasting to each other and their last night at Hogwarts, before James dragged them all down to the Great Hall, feeling the need to make sure that everything had been prepared and in place for the big event. Granted, his three friends all knew that he just wanted to appear responsible for Lily, but they didn't bother teasing him about it. They had gotten used to the sappy, sensible side of James and although it was a complete 180° from the James they knew in previous years, they had no complaints considering Remus and Sirius were in happy, committed relationships themselves and knew the importance of romance.

Lily had to practically force Kay and Riley out the door that evening. Riley would have stood in front of the mirror for another hour making sure every hair was in place and Kay was content just strewn across her bed with an old _Witch Weekly _in her hand. But Lily was determined to guarantee one of the best nights ever spent at Hogwarts to each and every single seventh-year student.

As the three girls entered the Great Hall, their eyes immediately zoomed in on the four boys by the punch bowl. Lily quickly bounced over to them with Kay and Riley right on her heels.

"This place looks great!" Kay complimented, greeting the four boys. "Can you believe it's our last night here?"

"No," Remus chimed in, shaking his head. "I think I'm still in denial. It's not going to hit me until September 1st when I don't return to Hogwarts."

James nodded. "Well, it's our last night here, so let's make sure we have one hell of a night." James poured the three of them a glass of punch and handed it to them.

Lily gave him a curious look.

James rolled his eyes. "It's not spiked."

"_Yet_," Sirius chimed in, winking playfully.

Lily snickered, giving him a look. "You are graduating tomorrow, Sirius Black. Don't screw it up now and give Dumbledore a reason to expel you."

"Nah, the big guy loves me!" Sirius argued, grinning. "He would never really expel me."

"If you got the entire seventh-year student body drunk, I think he might," Riley teased, wrapping her arm around his waist and kissing his cheek.

"Well, then I just have to make sure I don't get caught."

"Or, and here's a novel idea, _don't spike the punch_," said Lily firmly, crossing her arms authoritatively.

Sirius groaned. "You're just lucky I left my flask back in my room."

Lily nodded in agreement as the rest of her friends chuckled.

Remus used that moment to change the subject, fixing his gaze on the three girls. "Well, on a completely different note, have I mentioned that you three look amazing?"

Kay and Riley blushed but Lily nodded her gratitude as James outstretched his hand to his girlfriend. "I couldn't agree more," James said, twirling Lily around in her mauve gown. He drew her in to him, kissing her on the cheek. "You look beautiful," he whispered in her ear.

She squeezed his hand and as if she wasn't surrounded by her friends, she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips ardently to his, passion igniting between them.

"Can't you save that for later?" Remus chimed in with a snicker, his voice breaking their moment.

Lily blushed and glared at Remus over James' shoulder. "You're just jealous that Jillian isn't around," she snickered.

Remus pouted. "Low blow," he whined.

Lily winced, flashing him a sheepish grin. "Sorry. But you should invite her to the lakehouse for the summer."

"Yes, because I'm sure her parents would love for her to spend an entire summer away from home in the presence of her older boyfriend with no parental supervision," Remus retaliated, giving her a look.

Lily shrugged. "Maybe for just a week then."

Remus laughed and nodded. "Yes, let's just start with that."

The Weird Sisters started a new slow-paced song and Riley grinned, turning to her boyfriend with a hopeful look in her eyes. "I love this song. What are the chances I can convince you to dance with me?"

While Sirius would normally groan and argue, he found himself nodding. Mostly because he knew that at some point that night he had to tell Riley to take the fellowship with Australia and he wanted her to remember him as the romantic, lovable boyfriend before he did. "Sure," he said, leaning in closely and kissing her cheek.

"What, that's it? No complaints? No arguments?" Peter asked in shock. "Since when do _you _dance?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Since she showed up looking a like a knockout in that dress," he whispered, smiling at the hint of red that appeared on Riley's cheeks. He glanced briefly over at Peter. "Besides, it's our last night here. We only live once, right?" he urged, grabbing Riley's half-empty punch glass out of her hand and putting it on the table.

"Right," Riley agreed with a shy smile. Sirius reached for her hand and led her out to the dance floor, ignoring their friends' teasing catcalls.

He twirled her around swiftly before leading her straight into his arms, pressing his lips to the side of her face. She wrapped one arm around his shoulder and gripped his right hand tightly as he led his left hand slowly down the curve of her back. They danced like that for a few minutes listening to the melodic voices of the Weird Sisters, neither wanting to spoil the moment. "Can you believe it's all coming to an end tomorrow?" Sirius finally murmured, swallowing the lump in his throat. "We've been through a lot this year. The past seven years actually," he continued.

"I'm just glad that it's all ending where it is. On a good note," she whispered, glancing up at him, her eyes lighting up with enthusiasm.

Sirius' heart fluttered. "Right." She rested her head against his chest and his arms tightened around her, a pang of guilt surging through him. "Sometimes I wish we could just stop time," he blurted out in a whisper. "Stay like this forever."

If she noticed the waver in his voice, she didn't show it. "Life would certainly be easier, hm?"

Sirius could only nod.

"But if we stopped time now we wouldn't get to experience an entire summer away at your summer house together. And we wouldn't get to enjoy two weeks on the open sea together," Riley reminded him with a teasing smile.

Sirius froze, the color draining from his face. He tried finding the right words to respond but they all caught in his throat. So he chose not to say anything at all. The song ended and not a moment too soon in Sirius' mind. "Let's go for a walk," he murmured, grabbing her hand and dragging her off the dance floor.

She looked puzzled by his sudden determination but didn't question it.

As they exited out to the courtyard unbeknownst to their friends, Lily was gazing up at James with a hopeful look. "What are the chances you'll pull a Sirius and come dance with your girlfriend?"

James groaned. "I'm a horrible dancer. Why would you _want _to dance with me?"

"Because as much as I like Remus and his impressive dancing skills," said Lily, flashing a teasing look towards Remus beside her, "You're the guy I fell in love with and hence, the guy I want to dance with."

"Oh, sure, play the 'I love you' card," said James sarcastically, earning a laugh from his friends and a pout from Lily.

"And you're totally going to be missing out on my awesome moves," Remus argued to Lily in a sing-song voice, grinning goofily.

She made a face. "I'll take my chances." She turned back towards James, a look of hopeful pleading on her face and James simply groaned inwardly.

He reached for Lily's hand and shrugged. "Eh, what the hell. Just don't laugh at me."

"Nah, that's our job," said Remus.

James flipped him off with a grin and dragged his girlfriend on to the dance floor, passing by Gideon and Marlene on the way and stopping to say hello quickly.

Lily couldn't help but chuckle as James attempted to twirl her around a few times to the beat, tripping over his own feet. He scowled. "You promised you wouldn't laugh at me."

"No, you just asked me not to laugh. I never promised anything," Lily pointed out.

He frowned. "Damn those technicalities."

She grinned and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him as the Weird Sisters started to play a peaceful soft song. James slowed his pace and outstretched his hand to hers. "Now I think this is a song I could dance to," he whispered, pulling her into his arms.

Lily smiled and nodded, resting her head against his chest comfortingly. There wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be.

"I could probably get used to this," James whispered.

"I thought you didn't like to dance," Lily responded with a hint of a smile.

He shrugged. "Eh, dancing isn't so bad when it's with you. But I was more referring to this," he said, pressing himself tighter to her, "Of never having to let you go."

"Ah," she said with a smile. "I could probably get used to that, too."

She tilted her head up to kiss him. An intense kiss that started slow but continued to build. As if they were the only ones in the room. It was their last night at Hogwarts, just a few hours of their time to reflect on the past and embrace their future and kissing James was just a reminder of what her future was.

Lily had forgotten entirely where she was until she heard Kay's voice cry out behind them. "James! Lily! Dumbledore is asking for you two!"

They both felt a brief flicker of irritation for the very untimely interruption. James' eyes fluttered open and shot a terse glare Kay's way before his lips continued to press down on Lily's, more urgent than before. It was the last night he was going to be able to kiss his girlfriend at the place that had brought them together. He was determined to enjoy it.

"Do you really want to blow off Head duties to snog your girlfriend? I'm sure Dumbledore would totally understand that," Kay snorted, right behind James now.

James turned his face slightly to murmur, "Go away, Kay," and then pressed his lips to hers again.

"Lily, you're the more sensible one. Don't you think you can do this later?"

She wasn't paying any attention to Kay's voice. At that moment, she was content just being in James' arms. "I agree with James. Go away," she chuckled, wrapping her arms tighter around her boyfriend and letting him continue to kiss her in front of her friend.

Kay growled quietly, placing her hands on her hips. "I'll tell Dumbledore all of the pranks you plan on playing at graduation tomorrow, James."

James froze, scowling. He finally lifted his face from his girlfriend's and glared at the now smug Kay. "You're awfully small to be so incredibly evil."

Kay grinned. "I get that a lot. Dumbledore's off to the right behind the stage."

"What does he want?" Lily asked curiously.

Kay shrugged. "I dunno. Something about thanking you or congratulating you or…or something to do with putting together the ball."

James groaned, glaring at her. "You interrupted a perfectly good snog session because Dumbledore wanted to _thank _us for arranging a successful ball? That couldn't have waited?" he said.

Kay simply smiled.

Lily shook her head in disbelief. "You really are evil."

* * *

Sirius didn't bother strolling around the courtyard like he had suggested. He slowly strode over to one of the benches and took a seat, Riley quickly behind him with a curious, confused look on her face. He had a deep frown on his face and his eyes were glazed over with a sort of forced determination. "Sirius, what's going on?" she asked.

His heart fluttered as he moved his gaze from the ground towards the sky. He was willing to look anywhere but in Riley's eyes. There were clouds looming in the distance threatened with rain and every few minutes, there was a slight rumble of thunder and a ripple of lightning, filling the sky with a flash of light. He zoomed his gaze in on a few of the twinkling stars off to the right, fighting to gleam even through the impending rainstorm.

"Sirius," she whispered, reaching for his hand.

He didn't flinch or even pull his hand away from hers. He grabbed her hand tightly and squeezed it before he slowly dropped his gaze upon her, noting the distress in her eyes. He was planning on telling that he loved her. He was planning on saying that he would always be there for her. He was planning on reminiscing on all of the wonderful memories they shared. He had planned on easing into the eventual speech he prepared. But with one look into her eyes, all was forgotten. He blurted out, "I think you should go to Australia."

She froze, feeling surprised and slightly dumbfounded. She had no idea what to expect from his sudden uneasy behavior change but it certainly wasn't that. "What?" she croaked.

He swallowed hard and turned away, not bearing to look at the contorted expression on her face. "I think you should take the fellowship with the _Daily Australian Record_."

Her heart skipped a beat. "But…I-I…you…" she dithered, pulling her hand back from his slowly. "We…we already agreed that I'd stay here."

"No, _you_ agreed," said Sirius. "And I didn't-"

"So you _want _me to go?" she murmured, slightly hurt.

He shook his head vehemently, reaching for her hand again. She pulled it back from him slowly, crossing her arms bitterly. He sighed. "I don't _want _you to go, Riley," he urged. "But...but how can I possibly not support the idea of you going? The _DAR_ is one of the most prestigious newspapers in the wizarding world ever since the _Daily Prophet _started being manipulated by the British Ministry. And the _DAR _wants to help you achieve your dreams. Who am I to stop you?"

"The guy who supposedly loves me," she muttered.

"I _do_ love you," he muttered, slightly hurt. "And because I love you, I have to let you follow your dreams. I have to let you live your life. I have to…I have to let you go."

She grunted but remained silent.

"I know a part of you wants to go, Riley," Sirius continued.

"You don't know that," she argued.

He smiled lopsidedly. "My guess is that you haven't sent in your rejection yet."

She pursed her lips. "It hasn't even been eighteen hours since I made the decision," she said dryly.

"Yeah, but that's not the reason you haven't sent it in yet," Sirius contested almost immediately.

"Enlighten me," she murmured, her voice rigid and irritated. "What are the reasons I don't want to accept it?"

"You're scared," he said immediately. "You're doing what you do best: running from opportunity. You're taking the easy way out by…by staying. You don't want to fail and you don't want to let anyone down. Least of all yourself."

"You think you have me all figured out, don't you," Riley growled, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Yeah, I do," he said in all honesty, gazing sullenly at her. "Riley, you're allowed to be scared of the future. But don't run from it."

She turned her head away, knowing he was right. "And what if I want to stay, Sirius?" she asked softly. "What if I _want _to be with you?"

His heart skipped a beat, a lump forming in his throat. He didn't know what to say or do. Because he was dying for her to stay. He wanted nothing more than for her to stay and for her to follow him to New York. But that wasn't fair to her. "Only stay if you're doing it for the right reasons," he urged.

"And you don't think staying for you is…is the right reason?" she whispered, feeling slightly anxious. She bit down on her bottom lip when he didn't respond. "I already know that my future is with you, Sirius. We have a plan, remember? To sail to New York come September."

"But that's all it is," he murmured, shaking his head slowly. "A _plan_. The _DAR _would be more than that. It would be stability and security. It would be a _job _and…and a _future_. I don't want you regretting your decision later down the road. I can'tbe the reason you stay, Riley. I _can't _have you…you blaming me in a few months when reality sets in and we realize we have no jobs."

"We'll have each other," she whispered hoarsely.

"I'll still be here in a year," he explained, reaching for her hand again. He was grateful when this time she held on, squeezing his hand cautiously. "We can still be an us in a year, Riley. I'm not going anywhere. I'm still going to love you even if you're 15,000 miles away." He lifted her hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.

She melted into his touch. "Come with me, Sirius," she blurted out.

Sirius froze, gazing down at her. "What?"

"Come with me to Australia," she urged, her voice fill of pleading.

Sirius swallowed hard, sighing. "I have to go see my uncle, Riley," he whispered.

"I-I know." A lump formed in her throat. "But I had to ask."

"I know," he said softly, burying his lips into her beautiful chestnut hair.

"You do realize that if I go, we…we won't really be able to see each other," she whispered. "It's too far to apparate and…and we'll both be busy doing our own thing."

Sirius had to look away from her pleading eyes. "It's just for a year," he reminded her. "It took us nearly seven years to get to where we are today. We can wait another year to be with each other again." He gazed into her eyes vulnerably, brushing her hair out of her face and kissing her on the forehead. "I love you, Riley. That's not going to change when you go to Australia."

She swallowed hard, noting the 'when' that was no longer an 'if.' Her heart fluttered softly in her chest as she laid her head on his shoulder. She didn't have anything else to say. She had no more arguments or disputes. She was out of excuses and pleas. He continued to come up with good reasons for her to go—ironically, all of the worthy reasons she had had on her pro-con list but ignored—and she was coming up blank.

She blinked back the tears, shutting her eyes tightly. She slowly let go of his hand and stood up off the bench, needing to get away from him as she wrapped her mind around the words he had spoken. She didn't know what to think. She had expected him to be happy that she was choosing him and yet here he was telling her that she should go to Australia. She knew that it was difficult for him to tell her to go. She saw the hesitance and the vulnerability in his eyes and she knew that he didn't _want _her to go. He just thought she _should _go. He was so selfless and considerate; another reason she cared so much about him. But none of it meant that she was ready to go. Probably because she was scared, which he recognized. He had seen right through her. It wasn't necessarily him she was running to but herself she was running from. He had been right; it was easier settling for what she knew than taking a risk. And ironically, the last risk she had taken had gotten her the best, most unselfish boyfriend in the world.

She slowly wandered down towards the lake. Riley fixed her eyes on the ripples in the water, the echo of the lake lapping up against the grounds sounding soothing and peaceful in contrast to the turmoil in her head. She thought her decision had been made and now Sirius was giving her the go-ahead to accept the program if she wanted to. Problem was, she had no idea what she wanted.

She wasn't surprised when she heard footsteps behind her. She continued to stare at the lake as she heard him nestle on the grass behind her. Finally she spoke. "If you think I should go, then I'll go," she said, her voice hoarse and wary. "And if you think I should stay, then I'll stay."

"You're putting the decision on me?" Sirius asked in a strained murmur.

"Yes," she conceded.

"I can't choose your future for you," he repeated, shaking his head.

"Well, I can't choose either," she whispered, trying to blink away the tears that were forming. She wiped them away and finally glanced over her shoulder towards Sirius, her eyes filled with solitude and confusion. "I-I don't know whether to listen to my heart or my head. So right now, I need you to be both for me."

He locked eyes with her, his heart fluttering at the utter uncertainty he saw staring back at him. She turned her gaze away quickly, fixating on the lake. She tried not to think about Australia or Sirius. She tried not to think about the _DAR _or the decision that needed to be made. Instead, she suddenly and unexpectedly thought back to the photos that were displayed in the locket around her neck. Photos of the two of them when they were only mere twelve-year-olds, young and unaware of the adversities that came with adulthood. Life had been so much easier back then.

She didn't know how long she had been staring intently at the lake when she heard Sirius' soft footsteps behind her. He had gotten up off the grass and wandered over to her, lightly resting his hand on her shoulder. She instinctively reached over and covered it comfortingly, smiling sullenly.

"I think you should go," he whispered, swallowing hard.

She froze, slowly removing her hand from his and returning it to her side limply. She had hoped that he would tell her to stay. She had hoped he wouldn't be able to be strong enough to let her go again. She had hoped that she wouldn't have had to make the decision because he'd make the right one for her.

The lake blurred in front of her as she felt the tears pouring from her eyes once again. She didn't bother responding. She didn't know how.

He embraced her from behind, kissing the nape of her neck. She stiffened. "Riley, you _have _to know that what I _think_ you should do and…and what I _want_ you to do are two completely different things," he whispered desperately. "But it's your head you should listen to, Riley. Don't let me stand in the way of you following your dreams."

She didn't fight the tears that slipped down her cheek this time. She folded her hands over his arms that were wrapped around her waist and rested the back of her head against his shoulder, not bothering to retort. They both stood on the edge of the lake, both speculating on what their future was going to bring them without the other in their life. It may have been an uncomfortable, discomfited circumstance for their being together, but in a strange and comforting way, neither was willing to break away from each other. They couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

Her eyes drifted up towards the few stars peeking through the clouds, choosing to focus on the splendor of the sky and not the dark thunderstorm on the horizon. The air was crisp, perfect for a cool June evening and there was a warm breeze in the air. She could hear the distant music from inside the Great Hall threatening to break through the stained glass windows.

"Riley, nothing can tear us apart forever," Sirius whispered, sweeping away the hair off of her face lovingly.

"But what if this does?" It was a question both were wondering but neither had spoken out loud before.

Sirius stiffened. "It won't. Because I love you," he protested defensively, as if love fixed everything. He grasped her hand tightly, staring into her eyes with a helpless, lost sense in his own eyes. "And that's all that really matters right now."

If there was any a time to tell him that she loved him, too, it would have been that moment. But she was leaving in a week and she was afraid that her love might just cause him more pain at the reminder of her abandonment. Or maybe that was just yet another excuse she made up in her head in fear of admitting that maybe after all of her fighting, she had gone and fallen in love.

Instead, Riley swallowed hard and turned away from his gaze sullenly, resting her head against the side of his body. He reached his arm around her and pulled her in close to him. They stood there for few more silent seconds with Riley staring off into the distant sky and Sirius with his eyes shut as he took in a sniff of her perfume.

Inside the Great Hall, they both heard the faint fast-paced music fade into a slow beat. The noise in the Great Hall diminished greatly as the cheers and screams from the students singing along decreased. Sirius took a step back and outstretched his hand to Riley. "May I have this dance, Miss Riley Vienna Gilmore?"

Riley sniffled and smiled, placing her hand in his. "Always," she whispered, never letting her eyes off of his as she stepped into his arms.

They were the only ones that existed in that moment. Sirius and Riley swayed together to the slow beat of the song, fitting in each others' arms like a perfect puzzle. Their inevitable goodbye withered away as Riley placed her head on his shoulder comfortably. Sirius stared down at Riley with a mesmerized smile on his face, melting into the comfort and warmth of her body. It didn't feel like the last time they'd be together; it felt like they were meant to be together forever.

As the song came to an end, Riley placed her hand on his cheek and guided his eyes to hers. "Tell me not to go and I won't go," she whispered firmly and yet vulnerably.

He bit down on his lip and shuffled his feet. "I-I won't do that," he mumbled. "You deserve to live your life. I can't be the reason you stay."

"I _want _you to be the reason I stay." Her voice was barely audible.

"I know," he sighed, stepping back and letting her hands fall from his. "But I've had you since December, Riley. It's the world's turn."

"I-I don't want to belong to the world," she whispered, letting the tears slip down her face and on to her iridescent dress without wiping them away. She exhaled slowly, holding on to her stomach, letting herself catch her breath. She didn't care that her vulnerability was clearly shining through. "I don't want to belong to anyone but you." She couldn't understand why he was not only letting her go but _pushing _her to go. They had had a second and _third _chance to be with each other and he wanted to take that all away?

Sirius ran his finger across Riley's face and wiped away her tears. Riley's hand covered his and she melted into his touch, collapsing into his chest. He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat growing with every tear that fell down Riley's face. "You'll always belong to me," he whispered softly, his voice rough. He kissed the top of her hair, letting his lips linger on her silky strands of hair.

The ball was forgotten. The music and the laughter from inside faded into the background, as the two of them stood there embraced as if they were the only people on the planet, hearing nothing but the beating of their own hearts. From a distance, it wasn't anything peculiar or out of the ordinary, but at a closer distance, an onlooker would have seen the tears not only sliding down Riley's face, but also Sirius'. Riley and Sirius knew this was it; this was going to be their final goodbye.

"Please," Riley broke the silence, "just tell me not to go." She didn't know if she was testing him or if she really wanted to stay, but she wanted more than anything for him to lift her off the ground in a passionate kiss and tell her that he wouldn't let her walk out of his life. She wanted nothing more than to hear the resounding 'don't go.'

It didn't come. He didn't say a word. He had said everything he needed to say. There was only one thing left to do. He cupped her face and kissed her softly on the lips, letting all of their entwined sorrow, frustration, and regret merge into a simple and yet elegant kiss. It lasted barely a minute but it was filled with passion and everlasting adoration, leaving both their lips tingling, wanting more.

They both recognized it as a goodbye kiss.

Riley quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry," she repeated. Without another glance at him, she rushed past him. As soon as the kiss began, she had ended it and Sirius was watching the girl he loved walk away from him. Probably for good.

* * *

It was nearing the end of the night and Riley and Sirius were nowhere to be found. Lily dragged James off the dance floor over to where Peter and Kay were sitting and laughing with Alice and Fabian. "Have you seen Riley and Sirius lately?" she asked, her exasperation showing.

All of them shrugged and shook their heads. "Not recently," Kay replied on behalf of them all. "Why?"

Lily frowned. "No reason," she murmured solemnly. She fell into an empty seat, James following close behind her, and stole a sip of Kay's punch. The conversation returned to them all mocking the horrible dancers but Lily tuned them out. She couldn't help but think back to the first time she had met Riley and Kay, both under different circumstances. Lily had met Riley initially on the train; she had been traipsing about with James and Sirius and had been the only one not to laugh at Lily when chocolate sauce oozed down her new clothes. Lily had despised her briefly just for being James' friend and wanted to cry when she found out that she was going to be her roommate, but that night they stayed up for hours just talking and Lily suddenly realized she had found her first friend at Hogwarts. And maybe because of the bond she created with Riley, she was hesitant to let anyone else in. She was friendly with Kay but it took a month until Lily felt comfortable letting her guard down with someone else. But the Three Musketeers was eventually created and had been inseparable for seven years, excluding the few arguments that inevitably broke out over the years. But even with the few rifts they've had, they had always known that their friendship would remain unbroken. Lily thought back to a particular June night during their fifth year, the night before they were going home for the summer. The three of them camped out in the Gryffindor common room (after an infamous Marauder party that Lily eventually broke up with the help of McGonagall) and stayed up until nearly four o'clock in the morning reminiscing on the past five years. They had all promised that no matter what happened in the future they would remain best friends forever. Lily just prayed that that pact could stay intact.

Lily was broken from her train of thought by James nudging her side. "What are you thinking?" he asked softly, sensing a look of solitude on her face.

She sighed. "I just wish Riley and Sirius were here, that's all."

"Why?" he asked curiously, squeezing her leg comfortingly.

"It's our last night here," she murmured. "It doesn't feel right not sharing it with them. Riley was the first friend I made here and Sirius was yours."

James grinned goofily, thinking back to the first time he had met Sirius. James and Riley had been sharing a compartment, chatting animatedly about the upcoming year, a hint of nervousness in both of their voices. The compartment door slid open and in strolled Sirius. This was probably only one of two times that James had ever seen him look scared and apprehensive. The second was the day Sirius showed up at James' doorstep with his trunk in hand after his parents had kicked him out of the house.

Sirius had asked if it was alright to take a seat and while James was still trying to size him up, Riley nodded and said yes almost immediately. Seconds later, a Filibuster firework had soared past their compartment and Sirius couldn't help but grin, admitting that he had set a few off in front of the Slytherins a few compartments over. It was then that James knew he was alright.

James draped his arm over Lily, letting his eyes search the room. While he couldn't have been happier spending that moment with his girlfriend, he had spent that day on the train mostly with Sirius and Riley and he should have been spending one of his last nights with them as well. "I wonder where they ran off to," James murmured.

"Sirius and Riley?" Remus' voice drawled as he came up behind them. "They were out in the courtyard before. But last I saw, Riley was rushing through the entrance back towards the Gryffindor Tower."

Lily scowled. "Can't those two wait until _later_ to get it on?"

James laughed but Remus shook his head. "I don't think Sirius wasn't with her."

"Well, then where'd he go?" Lily asked, frustrated.

"I don't know," Remus admitted. "Still outside?"

"It's raining."

"I'm just venturing a guess," he murmured. "I have no clue what the hell those two are up-" He stopped short, his conversation that morning with Sirius suddenly flashing through his mind. Could that really have been that morning? After everything that had happened that day it seems unreal that he was talking to Sirius about Riley's future barely twelve hours earlier. He suddenly felt guilty for pushing Sirius' predicament so far from his mind. He wondered if Sirius had already talked to Riley or if he was ever going to talk to Riley about it. It certainly would explain Riley fleeing to her room without so much as a sign of Sirius behind her.

"What?" Lily asked when she saw his gaze fade to wonder and awe.

Remus tried shrugging it off. He wasn't going to jump to conclusions. "Nothing."

James narrowed his eyes, noting the shifty expression on his friend's face, but Lily's words interrupted his curiosity. "I'll be damned if we don't get to spend our last night here with all of our friends. If they don't want to join us here, then we'll just have to join them wherever they are," Lily said determinedly. She glanced over at Kay and Peter, who had stopped their conversation with Fabian and Alice and were now gazing over their shoulders at Lily curiously. "You coming?" Lily asked them.

Kay and Peter shrugged. "Sure," they said in unison, slowly getting up from their chairs. They didn't particularly care where the spent the evening but the look of determination and desperation on Lily's face told them that she cared. So they were willing to do it for her.

"What if they just want to be alone?" Remus suggested.

Lily froze, pursing her lips. She glanced over at him and saw a flicker of desperation hiding behind his hazel eyes. The same desperation she was feeling. And she wondered briefly if he could possibly know what she knew. Because ever since Riley had mentioned to her that she might be going to Australia, Lily had been trying so hard to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Maybe she was being a bit hasty and controlling and maybe that night didn't have to be about them all. But knowing that they only had one more night to be young and impulsive before their worlds were going to change, Lily was determined to spend it with the few people she wanted to be young and impulsive with. She had no idea what Riley was going to do about her fellowship and she had no idea what Remus was going to do in the future or where he was going to go and she had no idea what was in store for her or James at the Ministry or what Kay was going to encounter at St. Mungo's or what to expect from Peter working at his father's pub. Uncertainty and unpredictability had become somewhat of a given but Lily was certain about one thing. When the clock struck midnight, bringing in the day that would tear them from Hogwarts forever and throw them into that unpredictable world, Lily wanted all of her friends right by her side.

"They can be alone tomorrow," Lily murmured. "Tonight belongs to us."

"How poetic," said Kay. She started to laugh but quickly stopped when she saw the determined look of pure irritation on her friend's face. "I mean...let's go."

"Er...should we be leaving the Great Hall?" James asked curiously, glancing back towards the table of professors in the corner. "Being Head Boy and Girl, I mean."

Lily hesitated, following James' gaze to where Dumbledore was seated with McGonagall and Slughorn. It was very unlike her to blow off her Head duties, but she felt compelled to go seek out Riley and Sirius. "I think he'd understand," she said softly.

James nodded curtly. "I think he would, too," he replied, reaching for her hand as Lily headed towards the exit, her friends all on her heels.

* * *

Lily and Kay poured into their dorm room while the three guys summoned brooms, needing them to access the girl's dormitory. But this gave Lily plenty of time to see what Riley was up to.

"Riley, I pray that you still have that gown on and you and Sirius aren't mid-hump!" Lily cried out, stalking across the room and over to Riley's bed, where her hangings had already been closed shut. Lily wrenched open the curtains and was surprised to see Riley on her own, curled up in a ball facing the wall. It was obvious to Lily that she had been crying.

Lily winced guiltily, taking a step back. "Riley?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"What are you doing here?" she murmured barely above a whisper, her voice strained and hoarse. "Go back to the ball. You...you worked so hard on it."

"You're more important," she urged. She took a seat awkwardly at the end of her bed. "Riley, what's going on?"

Riley could only shake her head as the tears silently began to cascade down her cheeks.

Kay felt the beat of her heart start to speed up, knowing that something bad had clearly happened. Considering Sirius was nowhere to be found, she could only assume it included him. She couldn't explain it, but Kay suddenly felt rage grow from within. Sirius and Riley had already been through so much together and if Riley had once again screwed it up for some inexplicable reason and crushed Sirius' heart for a _third _time, Kay didn't know if she could watch Sirius go through that again. So Kay chose to keep her mouth shut.

"It's nothing," Riley finally murmured. "Seriously, go back to the ball. Have fun tonight. You deserve it."

"And you don't?" replied Lily.

Riley shut her eyes tightly, refusing to respond. Thankfully, she didn't have to as the three guys came suddenly barreling through the door. They knew immediately that something was wrong. While Riley's back was turned to them, they could see her shaking as she silently sobbed and Sirius was nowhere to be found. There was a forced complacent look on Kay's face but her jaw was tight as if she was clenching down on her teeth with irritation. James glanced over to where Lily was sitting. She met his gaze and his heart skipped a beat, sensing a disturbance in her eyes.

"What's going on?" Peter dared to ask. "Where's Sirius?"

Riley felt her body stiffen at the mention of his name. She slowly gazed over her shoulder, not sure how she felt about the presence of the guys. "What the hell is this? An ambush?" she murmured. It was her attempt to snap at all of them but it only came out as a mere whimper.

"It's our last night here," said James defensively. "We wanted to spend it among friends."

She frowned. "Sentimentality is overrated," Riley muttered, rolling back over to face the wall.

James furrowed his brow, confused, and exchanged looks with Kay and Peter. Lily and Remus, on the other hand, were fixated on Riley, having a good idea of what caused Riley to feel so downtrodden.

"You're going to Australia, aren't you," Lily blurted out.

Riley froze, her whole body stiffening at the reminder of her predetermined future. She only gave a curt nod, but Lily noticed it.

"Australia?" James blurted out, his eyes narrowing with confusion as he glanced over at his girlfriend. "Why is she going to Australia?" Lily lowered her gaze from his and he turned to Riley's back. "Why are you going to Australia?"

"He...he told me to go," she murmured, not bearing to utter his name.

"Who told you to go?" James responded immediately, his gaze moving frantically between Riley and Lily. "Who told her to go?"

The room fell silent, Riley filled with too much sorrow to explain and Lily too speechless to comment. They were all surprised when Remus opened his mouth. "Sirius," he murmured. "Sirius thinks she should go."

"What are you talking about!" James cried out, his voice rising with obvious frustration as he narrowed his eyes in Riley's direction. "_What _is he talkingabout?"

Riley slowly sat upright, turning her head in Remus' direction, her face void of any feeling. "How'd you know that?"

Remus disregarded the question. "Where is he now?"

"Last I saw, he was still down at the lake."

"It's raining."

"Why the hell do you all keep focusing on the _rain_?" snapped James.

_ Because I can't focus on the fact that I was the one who ultimately sent Riley off to Australia_, Remus sadly thought. "I'm going to see if I can find him," Remus murmured, desperately hoping he could somehow fix it.

"STOP!"

Remus froze, turning to face James, who was now blocking the door.

"No one leaves until someone tells me what the hell is going on!" he cried out, his eyes blazing with anger.

No one spoke up as Riley, Lily, and Remus found a sudden interest on a small stain on the carpet.

Kay eventually shrugged, plopping on to her bed with a grunt. "Well, if it helps, I'm completely clueless as well."

"Me, too," Peter chimed in.

James peeked at them out of the corner of his eye, a frown forming on his face. He wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse. On the one hand, he wasn't the only one in the dark. On the other hand, Riley and Sirius were two of his oldest friends who had apparently made sure he was one of the last people to know about Riley's move. He shouldn't have been surprised; he was the last person to find out about their trip to New York.

James just prayed that for whatever reason Riley was leaving for Australia, it was merely a weeklong vacation and she'd be back shortly. Based off the looks on Riley, Lily, and Remus' faces, James had a feeling his prayer wouldn't be answered. "No, that doesn't really help," he muttered.

Riley's eyes filled with tears when she saw the nervous look on James' face. She slumped back down on her bed, shutting her eyes tightly. This wasn't exactly the way she had wanted her best friend to find out she was leaving for a year.

"Riley?" James whispered hoarsely.

She sighed, swallowing hard. "I'm...I'm moving to Australia," she muttered. "In a week."

"A _week_?" he shrieked.

"For a year."

James felt his heart stop. "A...a year?"

Riley rubbed her temples and dove into the story, explaining about the _DAR_ and her original decision to stay but Sirius' eventual wish for her to take the job. As she spoke, she saw the confusion in James' eyes fade into sadness and eventually futility. When she finally finished, she was surprised to a see a hint of coldness in his eyes.

James remained mute while Kay and Peter exchanged a shocked, confused glance with each other. There was an eerie silence in the air that was finally interrupted by James clearing his throat. "So you're moving away," he murmured, his voice cold and distant.

Riley nodded guiltily.

James shrugged indifferently. "Well, have a good time." His smile was strained as he turned around and headed for the door.

"'Have a good time?'" Riley repeated dryly.

He glanced over his shoulder, disappointment and frustration showing on his face. "You've already made your decision and you clearly don't want my opinion on the matter, so yeah, Riley, have a good time."

Riley frowned. "That's all you have to say?" she murmured.

He whirled around, crossing his arms bitterly. "What the hell do you want me to say, Riley?" he grunted. "Do you want me to say that I think you're making a mistake? Do you want me to say that I think you're going to lose him if you go? Do you want me to say that I think you're a coward, hiding behind Sirius' requests and not sticking to your own guns? Do you want me to say that I think you're in love with Sirius and that scares the crap out of you which is why you're considering going? Do you want me to say that I think you're going to regret this decision for the rest of your life?"

Riley was taken aback by his flurry of words and she wasn't the only one. His six friends were all staring at him with a mixture of shock and regret. "James, I-" Riley started.

"But like I said," he interrupted, shaking his head because he had no desire to listen to her try and defend herself. "You have a good time." He glared at her and shot an equally angry look in Lily's direction before ripping open the door and storming out without another word.

"I'll talk to him," Lily said apologetically, slowly climbing off the bed. She didn't think he was acting fair to Riley who was going through a rough time. Plus, she wasn't sure why James had directed a glare her way before stalking out, but she was determined to find out.

"Wait," Riley pleaded before Lily reached the door.

Lily paused, glancing back towards her friend.

There was a hollowness in Riley's eyes that scared Lily. "Do you think it's a mistake for me to go?" she asked.

Lily didn't respond immediately, repeating the question in her head. She eventually pursed her lips and shook her head curtly. "You going to Australia for a job isn't a mistake, no," she murmured, swallowing hard.

Riley sighed. "But?" she urged, sensing the hesitance in Lily' voice.

Lily met Riley's gaze and frowned. "Having Sirius make the decision for you is the mistake."

Riley's heart sank. "I couldn't choose."

"You could have," Lily argued. "You just didn't want to."

Riley was surprised to see a bit of resentment in her best friend's eyes. "You don't get it," she said, crossing her arms defensively. "You don't know what it's like, Lily. James was the one who had to make the choice between staying and going, not you. You've only ever been on the other side of this. And you're lucky that's the side you were on."

"And James was the one who made the ultimate decision, not me!" Lily defended. "Do you think Sirius _liked _having to make that decision, Riley? Do you think he _wanted _to tell you to go? Believe me, he didn't."

"I never said he did," Riley said dryly.

Lily shrugged her comment off. "I think James was right. You're too cowardly to face the decision alone so you forced it on Sirius," she murmured.

Riley was getting increasingly angry. Who cares why the decision was made or who made the decision? In the end, she was going to Australia for a year. "You think I'm a coward for...for what? For finding it nearly _impossible _to choose between a relationship and a career? Gee, sorry you don't know what that could possibly feel like."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "Don't patronize me," she growled. "This isn't about me and it's not about Sirius. It's about you. You're too scared to make the decision yourself, Riley, just face it."

"Face _what_?" she snorted.

Lily's eyes blazed with frustration. "If you're the one who makes the decision to go and somewhere down the line lost Sirius because of it, you would have blamed yourself for years to come for giving up on the only healthy relationship you ever had. But if you make the decision to stay, you would be _so _scared to be with the man that you ultimately _love_ by sacrificing a _dream job, _that you're afraid you would inevitably screw it up anyway! And even if you don't screw it up and the relationship goes awry on its own, you'll hate yourself for not taking the job that could have catapulted your career! "

As Lily continued to seethe, all shocked eyes were on her.

"So either way, you'd have no one to blame but yourself!" Lily continued, glaring at her best friend. "Instead, you'd rather blame Sirius!"

"Why are you getting so angry?" Riley cried out.

"Because damnit, Riley, I'm not ready for you to leave!" she shouted, her look softening.

Riley's mouth hung open in surprise, feeling guilty for not even considering her friends' feelings. "Lily, I-"

"I'm not ready for everything to change," she said softly, avoiding eye contact with her friends by attempting to peel off the pink nail polish on her fingernails. She slowly stumbled back over to Riley's bed with a defeated sigh. "I thought I'd at least have the summer to...to get used to the idea of us not being together all the time."

Riley slowly climbed underneath her bedspread and over to where Lily was perched on the edge of her bed. "Not everything has to change," said Riley slowly. "Just because I might be moving to Australia for a year doesn't mean you're not going to still be my best friend."

"I know," Lily argued. "It's not that. It's just..."

"Just what?"

She sighed, offering her friend a lopsided smile. "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you, too," Riley responded immediately, resting her head against her best friend's shoulder. There was a somber heaviness in her tone that Lily had a feeling Riley's sentiments were only half directed her way.

"I'm sorry. For yelling at you and insulting you," said Lily guiltily. "And for being so selfish. Because here I am focusing on how I'm going to miss you and you're dealing with your own situation with Sirius."

Riley winced, his name hitting her like a ton of bricks. "Yeah," was all she could think to say.

"I think we have to start thinking about this differently," Remus finally chimed in, slowly seating himself in Riley's desk chair. "Instead of reminiscing on the past and worrying that we won't all get to be together like we have these past seven years, perhaps it's time to embrace change. Perhaps it's time to realize that not being around each other 24/7 is a blessing in disguise. That our reunions will be that much more special."

A hint of a smile crept on to Peter's lips. "How very debonair of you."

Remus rolled his eyes. "We're only eighteen! We're still in our prime! We still have the best years ahead of us! Perhaps we should be focusing on that!"

"Well, sure when you say it like that," Kay teased.

Remus scowled. "I am simply trying to put a positive spin on the future. Which is somewhat ironic coming from me considering my future is basically nonexistent."

"Maybe, but just think about this: you're only eighteen! You're still in your prime! You still have the best-" The rest of Kay's words were drowned out by the boisterous laughter that suddenly filled the room and the pillow that Remus had grabbed from Justine's bed and chucked at her.

Riley felt the tears brim in her eyelids. Originally, it was from laughing so hard. But as her laughter subsided, she realized the tears were still forming. "I'm going to miss this," she whispered, running her knuckle underneath her eye to keep the tears from falling.

"Believe me, we'll keep you updated on how we poke fun at Remus," Kay chimed in immediately.

Remus scowled. "We most certainly will not!"

"Sheesh, if the girl wants to know how we make fun of you and she's 15,000 miles away, it's the least we could do!"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Not exactly what I was referring to."

"And not exactly what _I _was referring to either," said Riley, drawing her knees up to her body, hugging them to her chest as she rested her chin on top of them. A few tears escaped and slid down her cheeks. "You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for."

Lily wrapped her arms around her friend tightly. "Riley," she said slowly. "If you're so distraught about going, then..." she trailed off, not sure if she should be asking the inevitable question. While Lily did think that the _DAR _fellowship would be perfect for Riley, she also knew that staying with Sirius would probably be perfect also.

Riley sighed, noticing that Kay, Peter, and Remus were looking at her just as eagerly as Lily was. She didn't know how to respond. Because the truth was while she had told Sirius to make the decision for her, she knew that she still could change her mind. She could send a letter to the _DAR _turning their offer down and stay with Sirius. And maybe that's what he really wanted her to do. But she knew that she wouldn't do it. She knew that until he gave her the word, she would listen to what he told her to do. She was too afraid of the rejection and pain that often came with relationships. She couldn't put herself out there; she couldn't let her guard down. Even with Sirius, she had always kept her defenses up. And if he really thought she should go, then she would go. But she didn't want to tell her friends it was all because of Sirius. It would make her seem too dependent and needy and she would never be willing to portray herself in that light.

For a few minutes there, she had made a fairly successful attempt at pushing Sirius to the back of her mind. "I have to go," is what she eventually said, a lump forming in her throat.

She didn't have to admit she was going because Sirius told her to go. All four of her friends were thinking it.

Lily cringed, recognizing that she just brought the mood way down. She thought that might be a good time to make her exit. "I know," Lily murmured. She patted Riley on the knee and slowly stood up from the bed. "I think I should go find James."

Riley simply nodded. She wasn't so sure she wanted to know what was going through James' head.

Lily hesitated briefly before hugging her friend again. Not necessarily for Lily but because it looked like Riley needed a hug.

As Lily walked out, Remus was torn between staying with Riley, wondering if she wanted to be surrounded by friends, and going to find Sirius to talk to him about the whole situation. Thankfully, Riley chose for him.

"Guys, if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone," she pleaded, crawling back towards her headboard.

Kay, Remus, and Peter exchanged hesitant looks, not sure if that's what s he really wanted or just what she thought she wanted.

"I'm fine, guys," Riley said, noting the looks of concern on her friends' faces. "I just...don't really want to be around anyone right now. I'm sorry."

Remus nodded, sensing her sincerity. "You know where to find us if you're in the need for company."

Riley smiled. Jillian taking him back was the smartest thing she ever could have done. "Thanks."

The three of them departed from the room as Riley threw her quilt over herself, praying that sleep would come so she could forget about everything else.

* * *

Lily knocked lightly on James' door, but when she didn't hear a response, she slowly opened it. James was lying on his bed facing the other direction with a quill and his graduation speech in front of him. Lily had a feeling he hadn't really been editing it.

He didn't stir as she made her way over to his bed. "James?"

He didn't respond.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He snorted. "I didn't realize you cared." His tone was rough, bitterness spewing from his words.

Lily blinked. "Er...what?"

He simply shook his head, his eyes still focused on the parchment in front of him.

Lily had never felt so uncomfortable around James than she did in that moment. He was clearly frustrated with her and she had no idea what she had done to deserve that. "Why wouldn't I care, James?" she asked cautiously.

He threw the newspaper on to the floor and whirled around to glare at her. "When were you going to tell me that Riley was moving to Australia?"

Lily grimaced. "James," she said softly, dropping her eyes from his guiltily. "I just didn't-"

"Were you _ever _going to tell me?" he interrupted with a scowl, sensing her discomfort.

She fell silent, swallowing hard. "Honestly, James?" she eventually said. "No, I wasn't going to tell you."

There was a flicker of surprise on his face.

"Because it wasn't my news to tell," she repeated with a sullen shrug. "When she had talked to me yesterday, she didn't know what she was planning on doing. She hadn't made a decision yet. Was I supposed to freak you out when it could have been nothing?"

"_Yes_!" James responded immediately. "Word to the wise: when a friend is _potentially _moving, let me know!"

Lily shook her head slowly. "So you can try and stop them?"

James froze. "What?"

Lily shrugged awkwardly. "I didn't tell you about Riley because I knew you'd try and stop her."

James grunted. "And is that such a bad thing?"

"Depends what your reason for trying to stop her is."

He narrowed his eyes. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, James, it does," Lily retaliated immediately. "Because if you think she should stay for Sirius then I'm all for it. But if you want her to stay for _you_, I think you're being a tad selfish."

He pursed his lips angrily. "And so what if I am?" he grunted.

She leaned against the doorframe, frowning. "You're better than that."

He scowled. "You don't get it, Lily!" he cried out irritably, clenching his fists. "You don't get what it's like to feel abandoned _willingly_. First, my brother disappeared without so much as an explanation, and then my father up and leaves. And now, maybe Riley? Three people I have spent my entire life with are now…now giving up on me. Do you know how that feels, Lily? To have so many people close to you leave you behind?" He shook his head, crossing his arms bitterly. "Your parents weren't given a choice when they died, Lily. You're lucky that they didn't _choose _to give up on you."

Lily froze, her face frozen with twisted agony. She was right back in her private quarters on the night of Christmas when James shouted at her that at least he had parents, a complete slap in the face and catching her completely off-guard.

She tore her eyes away from his. "Yes, James. 'Lucky' is the word that I would use to describe my parents' death," she murmured coolly.

James knew that he had probably taken a bit too far. There was no need to mention her parents, but his anger was clouding his judgment. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No, you're not," Lily snorted, sensing his insincerity.

"Why are you here?" he said demandingly, his teeth clenching in stubbornness. "There's no point trying to make me feel better or trying to convince me she should go. There's no point in you being here right now, Lily! I'm not in the mood to talk to you!"

She glared at him, crossing her arms. Lily didn't pull her eyes away from him, knowing that the only way to counter his own stubbornness was with icy determination. She knew that James' anger was all just a cover for his overwhelming feeling of sorrow. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that not everything's about you? I don't care that you're not in the mood to talk to me and I don't care if you feel there's no point in me being here. You're clearly hurting and seeing as I love you for some reasons I can't seem to think of at the moment, I'm going to be here for you whether you like it not!"

James quirked a surprised eyebrow. He was torn between ignoring her by returning to his speech and telling her what was on his mind.

Lily recognized his inner debate, his eyes darting around the room and his lips pursed curiously. "Talk to me, James," she pleaded.

She saw James' anger subside and fade into helplessness, sensing the desperation in her voice. He was using his frustration with Riley against Lily and that wasn't fair to her. She was just trying to help.

He swallowed hard and tossed the quill and parchment to the side. He fell against the back of his headboard defeatedly, dropping his gaze from hers. "Riley's been my best friend since the day I was born, Lily," he muttered. "She's been through everything with me. She was there to hold my hand on our very first day kindergarten when I nearly broke out into tears because I didn't want to go. She was there when all four of my grandparents died, knowing that I didn't want her to say she was sorry. That all I wanted was a crying shoulder. She was there when my father landed himself in St. Mungo's after he nearly died from a battle with some Death Eaters. She never left my side for an entire week. Riley was there when I first got my letter to Hogwarts and we stayed up all night dreaming of the endless possibilities that a wizarding school would provide for us. She was there when I got into fights with my older brothers and needed someone to vent to. She was there when…when Wyatt left." His voice cracked as he knitted his eyebrows together in fear of breaking down. "She crawled into my bedroom that night and…and just lay there with me. She didn't say a word and I didn't, either. It was exactly what I needed. She…she always knew what I needed and what I wanted. She has _always_ been there for me."

Lily fell silent. Her boyfriend looked lost. Broken, even. And she wanted to say something to help, but it was in that moment that she realized she had no idea what to say. That maybe she wasn't the one who James wanted in his bedroom at that moment. That maybe what he wanted and what he needed right then was Riley. She glanced up at James and noticed the frantic panic in his eyes. A part of her, a small part of her, couldn't help but wonder if he had to choose between keeping her around or Riley around, if he'd choose Riley. She shook the idea from her head, not wanting to depress herself in lieu of James' own clear depression.

"You were also there the day she decided she wanted to be a journalist," Lily said softly.

James' heart skipped a beat. "Yeah. I was," he murmured sullenly. She had been nine-years-old and they were doing the crossword puzzle in the _Daily Prophet_. Her eyes had strayed to one of the articles and as she was reading it, she pointed out two typos and a grammatical error. She then convinced James that they should start their own neighborhood newspaper and they wrote a monthly edition from then until they left for Hogwarts. It was sometime in writing those monthly newspapers that Riley realized she wanted to be a journalist when she graduated Hogwarts.

James gazed up at Lily, frowning. "What am I going to do without her?" he whispered. "What am I going to do when the next…tragedy pops up? And the way things have been going lately, I wouldn't be surprised if it happens soon."

Lily grimaced, suddenly feeling helpless herself. "I'll be here for you," she said softly.

James lifted his eyes to gaze into hers. He hesitated, his heart beating a mile a minute. "Will you?"

Lily was taken aback by the question. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"No, it's something."

A chill ran down James' spine and he had to turn away from her scrutinizing gaze. He was so used to people leaving, it had almost become second nature to him. What would keep Lily around? Maybe it was better for the both of them if they went their separate ways. Maybe it was better for _her_. "What's keeping you around?" he muttered. "Everyone else leaves. Why shouldn't you?"

"Self-pity?" Lily snorted. "You're going to go with self-pity?"

James snapped his head up, surprised by her smirking tone.

"You're better than that," she argued, giving him a look.

He sighed, slumping down on the bed. Maybe he was sounding a tad pathetic and slightly whiny, but he wasn't ready to lose his best friend. Especially not in a week. He knew it had nothing to do with him, but he still felt dismayed.

Lily slowly meandered over to James' bed, crawling over to be beside him. They both sat there awkwardly before Lily finally reached over and grabbed his hand, interlocking her fingers with his. She brought his hand up to her and kissed the back of it, noting the brief flinch he offered in response. She glanced up at him and didn't speak until he finally turned his head to meet her gaze. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered. "I know that I'm not Riley. I know that we've only been together for nearly six months and you've known Riley for eighteen years. But I do know that I love you. And I hope that's enough for you."

James bit down on his bottom lip, feeling guilty for accusing her of potential abandonment. "It is," he whispered, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and drawing her close to him. He flashbacked to the night they spent out by the lake when she had practically begged him to stay in London with her and not take the Quidditch offer. "I shouldn't be pushing away the one person who actually fought to keep me around."

A smile tugged at the end of her mouth. "Self-pity again?"

James chuckled. "You're right. I'm being pathetic."

"Yes."

"I'm just…"

"You haven't been away from her for longer than a week in eighteen years?" Lily suggested. "And you're afraid that you might find out you need her more than you think you do?"

James fell silent. Maybe she was right. Maybe he was afraid of letting her go. "She should go to Australia."

Lily simply nodded. "I know."

"I just don't want her to go."

"I know." Lily draped her arm over his stomach with a sad smile.

He pulled her into him and kissed her forehead, brushing the tendrils out of her face with a soft sweep of his fingers. "I love you, Lily," he whispered.

"I know."

James snickered. "Not the answer I was looking for," he said, kissing the tip of her nose. "But considering I was a royal ass to you earlier, I'll let that slide."

Lily shrugged. "Was that your backwards way of apologizing?"

James offered her a smile before letting it fade. "I'm sorry."

Lily smiled, slowly climbing on top of him and letting her lips dance against his. "I know," she whispered. "And just for the record, I love you, too."

"I know." He grinned, kissing her. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life, Lily," he said softly, running his fingers slowly up her arm soothingly. "Thank you for dealing with all of my bullshit."

Lily furrowed her brow curiously. "What are you talking about?"

James shrugged awkwardly. "I haven't exactly been the best boyfriend to you these past six months. I pushed you away and nearly broke up with you after Brite died. I-I didn't even consider your feelings when I got that Quidditch offer and I lied to you about sending in my acceptance letter. And _again_, I nearly broke up with you because of it. And tonight, I was quick to blame you and insult you when really my irritation was directed at Riley. Why do you put up with me?"

Lily offered him a smile and cuddled up close to his body. "Because I love you. And I can't imagine my life without you," she whispered. "And because you put up with my bullshit."

"You don't have any bullshit," James argued softly.

Lily fell silent, frowning. She didn't respond immediately, her eyes fixated on the beige carpet of his room. "Yes, I do," she murmured. "I have a lot of baggage and you pushed your way through it all, making me realize that...that letting my guard down around you was the best thing for me. For _us_. You're the first guy I've ever loved, James." A weary smile crept on to her lips. "And I hope you'll be the last."

James brushed away the few hairs that had slowly fallen into her eyes, staring down at her in awe and adoration. "Thank you for letting me in," he whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Thank you for making it easy."

There was nothing left for James to do but kiss her.

* * *

Remus stopped momentarily right outside the iron door that led to the grounds. The rain was pouring down in sweeping gushes and Remus had to squint in order to barely make out a lone figure sitting by the lake. He pushed the door open and walked out into the rain. He picked up a small damp branch from the grass and transfigured it into an umbrella before slowly walking over to where Sirius was huddled.

He dropped down beside Sirius, who barely glanced his way. He offered Sirius the umbrella, who just shook his head. He barely even noticed the rain. Remus sighed. "How are you doing?" he asked lamely.

Sirius swallowed hard, tossing a pebble into the lake. "She told you?"

Remus nodded.

"I don't really want to talk about it," he murmured, a sudden overwhelming feeling of regret pouring through him.

"Sirius, don't do it," Remus pleaded eagerly.

Sirius' eyebrows shot up. "Don't do what?"

"I was an idiot," he explained quickly, his voice sounding hoarse and desperate. "I shouldn't have ever tried convincing you to let Riley go. If you love her, then keep her around. Don't let her go to Australia."

"No, you were right, Remus," Sirius responded immediately. "She deserves to take the fellowship. She deserves to be amazing and she deserves to follow her dreams. I-I can't hold her back."

"You can," Remus argued, shaking his head. "If you love her, I think you have a right to keep her by your side."

Sirius shook his head slowly but before he could respond, Remus chimed in.

"Love is fleeting, Sirius," Remus said pleadingly. "You need to hold on to it if you can."

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat, shivering as a raindrop slid down his neck. "She's going, Moony," he muttered solemnly, his voice firm with determination. "She asked me to make the decision and I…I-I told her to go."

Remus glanced over at his friend. He looked jaded, his eyes swollen and his face pale. His hair was matted to his forehead and a permanent frown rested on his weary face. "If you had told her to stay, Sirius, there's a good chance she would have stayed."

"I know," Sirius murmured. "Which is why I didn't tell her."

Remus opened her mouth but said nothing. He felt to blame and he wasn't sure what to say to try and fix it. "Don't let her slip away, Sirius."

"I have to," he said, a lump forming in his throat. He tried clearing his throat which only made it worse. "She…she deserves this opportunity, Remus. I can't stand in her way. I can't be _that _guy. I can't ask her to stay just for me. What happens if we end up breaking up? She'd hate me for taking her dream away."

"What happens if you _don't _break up and you end up staying together forever?"

"That can still happen a year from now."

"You sure about that?"

Sirius turned towards Remus, whose eyebrows shot up beneath his hair. "What do you mean?"

"A year is a long time, Padfoot," said Remus softly. "You're both going to change. And you won't be together to witness those changes. What happens then? What happens if she returns in a year and you both find that you're not the same people you fell in love with?"

Sirius' heart raced, his face paling. "Then I guess it wasn't meant to be."

"I don't think you really mean that."

He shrugged. "No, but it's easier than facing the fact that I'm letting the girl that I'm in love with leave me behind as she…she faces the world."

Remus swallowed hard. "You don't have to let her go."

Sirius shook his head, an overwhelming sense of the desire to cry burdening him and turned to face Remus. "I do, Remus. She deserves this opportunity and I…well, I deserve to sail around the world with absolutely no ambitions whatsoever."

Remus hesitated, confused. "Is _that _what this is about? You don't want to…to fail in her presence?"

Sirius frowned. "This isn't just about me. It's about _her_.I can't ask her to throw away what will so obviously be an unbelievable opportunity for a great future for…for _what_? To sail to the States with absolutely no plan whatsoever? Impulse is _my _thing. I'm not about to drag her down with me."

"She doesn't need a plan, Sirius. She-"

"Yes, she does!" he cried out, frustrated. "I…I have _no _idea what I want to do with my life. _She _does. And here's her chance to live that dream. Her…her dream was never to get away from reality by traveling to the States to visit _my _uncle. Her dream was never to live her live one day at a time with no goals for the future. Her dream was never to follow me wherever I go, hoping it would all work out."

"Her dream was you. It _is _you. Why don't you see that?"

Sirius shook his head frantically. "Would it still be me when the…the honeymoon is over? When our sailing trip is over and she realizes she's stuck with someone who has no plans for the future?"

"Sirius, you could be living on the side of the road somewhere in a _box _and that girl would still love you."

"I've hurt her twice, Remus," said Sirius, his voice cracking. He took a few deep breaths, swallowing the lump in his throat. "If…if she stays and I hurt her again, I…I could never live with myself."

Remus shut his eyes, shaking his head guiltily. "Sirius…"

"I won't ask her to stay," he whispered, the words trembling. "I-I _can't _ask her to stay. Not for me."

A soft sigh escaped from Remus' lip and he slowly nodded, accepting and understanding Sirius' words. Remus stared at Sirius for a long time, unable to find the right words to comfort him. He opened his mouth a few times but nothing came out. He eventually turned his gaze on to the lake, finding a sense of stability with each raindrop that pinged the surface of the water.

Silence engulfed them, neither having anything to say. Sirius pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them close. Saying goodbye was always hard, but after losing her twice already in the past, this time it was especially painful. This time he was letting her go. He knew that he had the ability to change his mind but he also knew that he couldn't do that. She had the chance to really go places and succeed in the journalism field and he couldn't let her aimlessly flit around with him. He had absolutely no idea what he wanted to do with his life and with his uncle's money, Sirius didn't need to figure it out anytime soon. But he wasn't going to drag Riley down with him. It wasn't fair to her.

The rain slowly let up into a light drizzle and Sirius gazed out over the lake towards the Forbidden Forest, his eyes meeting pure blackness. His heart tightened, sometimes wishing he could just take off into the black abyss and never look back. Life would certainly be easier that way.

Over the rain, Remus could hear the distant chimes of the music from within the Great Hall walls telling him that the graduation ball was still going strong. It was discouraging knowing that others could be having such a great time when it was clear that his friend was suffering.

He didn't know how much time had passed, but eventually the cold that came with the rain was causing him to shiver. "Can I ask you something?"

Sirius jumped slightly, almost forgetting that his friend was sitting by his side. He nodded curtly.

"If she's leaving in a week, what the hell are you doing out here?"

Sirius' stomach tightened, his heart fluttering regretfully. "Because..." he said softly. "Because I don't know if I can spend the next six days with her knowing we have an expiration date. It's...it's already difficult knowing I have to let her go. I don't need to be reminded of it every day."

Remus pursed his lips in disapproval, narrowing his eyes curiously.

"What?"

Remus shook his head. "I didn't say anything."

"I know you wanted to, though."

He sighed, shrugging. "Padfoot, take it from someone who knows that...that you can't take things for granted."

"What are you talking about?"

There was a long pause. "You can't take love for granted," Remus finally said. "Do you really want to spend Riley's last six days here without her? Do you really think that saying goodbye now is going to be any less painful than saying goodbye next Saturday? Do you really want to wait until she's...she's gone for you to realize what you could have had with her?"

Sirius shit his eyes, remorse welling up inside of him. He had a feeling that Remus was speaking from experience. Remus had spent a lot of time without Jillian to dwell on what could have been and what could be. Except the difference was, Jillian realized what she was losing and claimed him back. Sirius didn't think Riley was planning on changing her mind anytime soon. At least not without a little help from him. "For now, I just want to sit here," said Sirius softly.

Remus glanced over at Sirius curiously. "It's freezing out here, Sirius, and you're soaked. Sitting out here isn't going to…" he trailed off.

"Change anything?" Sirius finished, frowning. "I know that, Moony. I just…I can't go back in there yet." He swallowed hard, glancing back towards the castle. "I'm…I'm not ready to go back in there yet."

Remus nodded, understanding his desire to remain rooted to the spot. Remus remembered propping himself up against the willow tree after his break-up with Jillian and sitting there for nearly three hours. Sirius didn't want to turn it into something real. He wasn't ready to enter a school that no longer had a reason for him to stay. And if anyone could understand that, Remus could.

Remus took off his raincoat and placed it over Sirius' shoulders. "Don't stay out here all night," he pleaded.

Sirius didn't respond. He'd eventually go back inside. But he wanted to be alone to reminisce and to think without anyone else influencing him. He needed time to himself. And he needed that time outside. He couldn't go back inside the castle. Not until he knew that he wouldn't cave and beg Riley to stay. Not until he knew that he had done the right thing. "I won't."

Remus shrugged. "Doesn't matter anyway. I'll be checking on you in a few hours."

Sirius glanced up at his friend. "No, you won't."

Remus frowned, nodding. Sirius was right. He wouldn't check up on him because he knew how important that alone time was. And he knew that Sirius would eventually come back inside when he felt the time was right, not because Remus could persuade him to. "Everything's going to work out."

Sirius ran his fingers through his stringy hair, untangling some of it on the way. He wanted to believe Remus, but he was finding it difficult. "Go back inside, Remus."

Remus had nothing else to say so he obliged.

* * *

**A/N: **Chapter 55 completed! While Riley and Sirius are being torn apart, Lily and James draw even closer to each other. What could possibly happen next! I guess you'll just have to stay tuned and find out. Please review!


	56. Of Optimism, Speeches, & Photos

**A/N: **Well, not only is the end of Hogwarts nearing, but so is the end of this story. After this, there's just one more chapter! Yep, I said it: ONE MORE CHAPTER. All of your questions and concerns will be addressed (hopefully) and I am now in the midst of writing the sequel. So far, I'm enjoying where that story is going. I haven't been able to stop writing! I hope you enjoy the end of this story as much as I do.

**Disclaimer: **Sigh. I'm not J.K. Rowling. Such a disappointing thought.

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 56: Of Optimism, Speeches, & Photos

Remus wandered into the Gryffindor common room feeling slightly discouraged for not being able to persuade Sirius to change his mind about Riley. Remus knew that in the end, Riley going to Australia was probably the right thing for her. He just wasn't so sure it was the right thing for Sirius.

His eyes focused in on Kay, who was huddled in one of the loveseats by the fire despite the fact that Dezzy and Drew's party was still going strong. It looked like it had cleared out a bit from earlier, most of the younger students trudging up to bed with every stifled yawn and drooping eyelid, but the older students were still enjoying what was left of the night. He weaved his way through the small crowds and perched on the end of the seat in front of her. "Hey there."

She locked eyes with him briefly, offering a curt smile, before returning her gaze to the flames.

"You okay?" Remus asked curiously.

She hesitated before shrugging. "Yeah."

The orange and red flames from the fire danced in Kay's dark brown pupils. "That didn't sound very convincing."

She pulled her knees up closer to her chest, giving him a bit more room at the end of the seat. "Why am I always the last to know everything?" she blurted out, shaking her head.

Remus didn't have to ask what she was referring to. "You're not. You knew about Sirius and Riley dating before we-"

"Because I found out on my own," she interrupted hastily, giving him a look. "Not because anyone bothered to tell me anything. Which seems to be a common occurrence around here."

He felt the bitterness spewing from her words. "Kay..."

"I'm not saying this for pity, Remus," she argued immediately.

"I know that."

"I'm just saying that it's…it's disheartening," she murmured. "They're supposed to be my friends and sometimes..."

"It doesn't always feel that way?" Remus finished with a sigh. There were times he felt that way, also. And he knew that he could be partly to blame for the way she felt. He often kept things to himself. Granted, his secrets were slightly more monumental compared to his friends' secrets.

She clenched her mouth shut, dropping her gaze from his.

He shifted his weight guiltily. "Kay, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you upset over the fact that you were one of the last to know?" he asked, frowning. "Or are you just using that as a front because you're upset that Riley is leaving?"

Kay froze, slowly lifting her gaze to meet his. His eyes were filled with compassion and empathy. She eventually sighed. "You always see right through me," she murmured.

Remus shrugged halfheartedly. "That's what friends do."

She nodded grimly. "I realize that graduation is tomorrow and things are going to be forced to change. But I have been holding my breath for a long time hoping that nothing will tear the seven of us apart. Especially since..." she trailed off.

"Since it took such a long time for it to actually become the 'seven of us?'" Remus finished, quirking an eyebrow.

She locked eyes with his and slowly nodded. "We're finally-"

"Happy?"

She shrugged. "Yes, and-"

"In a good place?"

"_Yes_, and-"

"You're afraid this is just going to tear us all apart again?"

"Okay, stop that," she said with a hint of a smile.

"Stop what?"

"Reading my mind."

Remus smiled, ignoring the comment. "She'll be back in a year, Kay."

Kay frowned, biting down on the inside of her lip as her eyes migrated back over to the dying fire. "Are you sure?"

Remus hesitated. "No."

She sighed and slumped down further on the seat with a sigh.

Remus gestured for her to scoot over so he could squish beside her on the loveseat. He draped his arm around her shoulder comfortably. "But I have to believe that everything will work out." His voice was firm and rigid.

She gazed up at him, noting the stern tone of his voice. "Because you're an optimist?" she teased.

He cracked a smile before letting it fade. "No," he murmured. "Because we've already had our share of-"

"Problems? Troubles? Drama? Heartache?"

"Those are understatements," Remus snickered. "And now who's finishing whose sentences?"

She laughed and he continued. "We have dealt with a whole lot this year with James and Lily getting together and Sirius and Riley getting together and breaking up and getting back together and James' family tragedies and all of the long-term fights and the job rejections," Remus murmured. "Our life is a bloody soap opera."

"No, if our life was a soap opera, you'd somehow turn out to be my long-lost brother and Lily, Riley, or I would most definitely have become pregnant by now."

"With twins!" Remus added with a laugh.

"Where naturally one ends up dying during childbirth," Kay giggled.

Remus smiled sadly. "Okay, a soap opera might be exaggerating when it comes to the seven of us, but-"

"It's still been tough," Kay finished.

"In short, yes," Remus agreed immediately. "We've all been through a lot. So I'm thinking it's about time something actually worked out in our favor."

"So, that's what you're basing your confidence that everything will work out on? That the tides are about to change?"

Remus nodded.

"I'm going to stick with my original hypothesis: _optimist_."

Remus cracked a smile, shrugging. "Perhaps. But we could probably all use a bit more optimism in our lives these days."

Kay's heart skipped a beat, frowning. "Yes, probably."

He sensed anguish behind her words and knew she was thinking about Riley. And unfortunately, there wasn't anything for him to say to cheer her up no matter how much he struggled to find the words.

Kay interrupted his thoughts. "Do you ever wish that you could just…just go back in time-"

"And tell our younger selves to enjoy being young and carefree while it lasts?" Remus murmured, not even realizing he was speaking aloud.

"Yeah," she exhaled. "And I told you to stop doing that."

He smiled sheepishly and yet jadedly.

She sighed wearily. "When we were only eleven-years-old, life was just-"

"So much easier?"

Kay nodded slowly, not bothering to chastise him for finishing her sentence once again. "Everything was cut and dry. Black and white. Boys had cooties and the three of us, Riley, Lily, and myself, were going to be best friends forever. We dreamed of forming an all-girl band and traveling the world eating nothing but twinkies and nachos and drinking caffeine until our brains fried. We dreamt of meeting the Queen and journeying to exotic countries like Fiji and New Zealand. We were going to marry famous Italian princes and have children who were going to be best friends and one day, get married themselves."

Remus couldn't help but smile at the elaborate plan.

"But as time passed and we realized that Lily and I had no singing voices and living off only twinkies and nachos and soda would only be appetizing for a day and the likelihood of us all marrying Italian princes was slim, we…"

"Started to grow up?"

Kay frowned. "Yeah," she whispered. She glanced up at him. "I started dreaming of becoming a Healer and Riley started focusing on becoming a journalist and Lily…well she just dreamt of getting away from James." Remus cracked a smile. "Back then, we lived in a dream world. It was…nice. It felt safe."

"But now those dreams are becoming a reality."

Kay let out a slight nod. She furrowed her brow, swallowing hard. "I've been dreaming about becoming a Healer for years, Remus," she murmured, "But…"

"What happens if you fail? What happens if you're not good at it? What happens if you find out you hate it? What happens if your dream isn't all it's cracked up to be? What happens if…if the reality isn't anything like the dream you've had in your head for nearly six years?"

She stared at him in awe.

He shrugged, smiling guiltily. "Let me guess: I need to stop reading your mind?"

She shook her head, resting her head against his shoulder. "No," she murmured. "I was thinking that…that you're a great friend."

He blushed, patting her arm comfortingly. "You're not so bad yourself," he joked.

She cracked a smile, letting the silence engulf them briefly before thinking back to their previous conversation. "Sometimes, I wonder if I'd be better off becoming a rock star."

Remus shrugged. "Because that's not your dream. So if you fail, it won't mean as much."

She cracked a smile. "I think you mean _when _I fail," she laughed. "You haven't heard my singing voice."

A laugh escaped his lips. "Look, Kay," he said slowly. "I can't predict the future, but I can tell you that you're going to be one hell of a Healer. Don't give up on yourself before your dream even starts."

Kay's heart skipped a beat. She hadn't shown such vulnerability in a while, but she was grateful that Remus seemed to understand her concerns and apprehension. And more importantly, she was grateful that he was there to make the future seem that much easier to handle.

Remus watched Kay's eyes release a sense of calm, but he could still see fear emanating from within. "C'mon," he said firmly, gesturing with his head to get up off the loveseat as the radio started blasting a rock song by the Hobgoblins.

"C'mon what?"

"Dance with me," he urged.

"What?"

He grinned. "You're still in your ball gown and I'm still in my dress robes. Both were meant for dancing the night away."

Kay smiled slyly and nodded, slowly climbing up off the seat. "Okay," she said with a shrug. "But I don't know about dancing the night away. How about just until midnight?"

He burst into laughter and shrugged. "Fair enough. After you, m'lady."

Kay had a feeling that he was asking her to dance in hopes of putting a smile on her face and in an attempt to make her feel better in that moment at the very least. And she needed it. She led them to the middle of the room to where Dezzy and Drew were in the midst of a dance and let Remus twirl her around. Jillian joined them shortly after and the five of them enjoyed just living in the present. They forgot the past and they neglected the future. And they couldn't remember the last time they had so much fun.

* * *

James was wandering through the halls, not at all surprised to see handfuls of students still scattered around the hallways. By midnight the students at the graduation ball had dispersed back to their own dorms and all of the smaller parties that had been held in the common rooms had slowly disintegrated. The only sign of the festivities were leftover streamers, the empty punch bowls, and the occasional passed-out student on the corner of the floor.

He didn't bother giving any of the stray students in the hallways detentions, seeing as it was the last day of the year and he could remember years past when he and his three buddies skulked in the shadows of the school stealthily planning for the early morning pranks at breakfast the following day. Besides, those rule-breaking students were the last thing on his mind. He kept revisiting his conversation with Riley earlier and his selfishness. His initial angry reaction had more to do with the fact that it appeared that everyone else seemed to know before him when he had been best friends with Riley for eighteen years. But Lily had been right. He would have come up with a million reasons why she should stay and she probably would have listened. Riley deserved the fellowship. And he couldn't be prouder of her. He knew that he couldn't stop her from going to Australia.

His biggest fear was that she wouldn't come back to England after going to Australia. Her leaving for New York was a different situation. She would have only been gone for a short time, he would have had more time to get used to the idea of her leaving, she would be spending her time with Sirius, and they inevitably would have come back together. But she was going to Australia for a year all by herself. Once she leaves everything behind, James wasn't sure that she would be able to pick everything up where she left off. He was afraid that she'd find it easier to stay in Australia and just start over. He really hoped he was wrong.

He had his broom in his hand, expecting to need it to get up to Riley's room. He muttered the password to an ungrateful Fat Lady, not ecstatic about being woken up at nearly one o'clock in the morning, and wandered into an untidy common room. While it was clear that someone had attempted to clean up the room, that person hadn't done a very good job. Pillows were strewn in every direction, unopened sweets lay discarded on the coffee tables, the punch bowls were empty and turned upside down, and a few empty bottles of champagne were peeking out from underneath couches and tables. James made his way over to the girls' dormitory stairs, picking pillows off the floor on his way. He halted when he saw a lone figure hunched over on the couch, a blanket pulled up to her chin and her eyes fixated heavily on the dying embers of the fire in front of her.

Slowly making his way over, he subconsciously knew that it was Riley even before he saw her face. He dropped the broom to the floor and walked around the couch, sliding into the empty seat beside her. She didn't even glance up at him.

James knew she didn't want to talk due to the way her lips were pursed and her brow was furrowed. And he didn't know what to say anyway. So instead, he reached for her hand.

She frowned, tears welling up inside of her at the simple gesture. She blinked them away quickly, embracing the silence that the stillness of the room provided. The only sound in the room was the occasional crackle of the fire and the light sound of her sighs mixing with James'.

"I'm sorry."

She was startled by James' voice breaking the silence, but her eyes remained rested on the ash of the fire. "I know," she eventually said.

James could have continued with the apology, overselling his regret for what he had said earlier in her room, but he knew he didn't need to. He was genuinely sorry for being so cold and he knew she recognized that, knowing that he wasn't really angry with her, just angry with the situation. They understood each other more than two people ever really could and for that, James would miss her more than anything. But she deserved this opportunity and he had to come to terms with it.

"Do you remember the night we spent after we received our Hogwarts acceptance letters?" James said softly.

She was taken aback by the random segue, but nodded stiffly. "We stayed up all night talking in my treehouse," she murmured.

"Yeah," James agreed, a hint of a smile tugging at the end of his mouth. "We talked about how much fun we were going to have away from our parents and we discussed the fun and exotic things we were going to learn in our classes and after so many years of threats from our brothers, we daydreamed about what the initial test was going to be to determine our Houses, and we prayed that we would both end up in Gryffindor like most of our brothers had and we talked about me going out for the Quidditch team, and we fantasized about who our roommates were going to be, and we dreamed about going to Hogsmeade and we admitted that we were a little scared that we weren't going to be good enough wizards and witches and we laughed about the pranks we were going to play on the Slytherins together and the friends we were going to meet together. And…and then we got quiet. And I asked you what happened if we weren't together. I asked what happened if we were placed in different houses."

She gazed up at him for the first time, in awe that he could remember so many details of that night. Her heart tightened and she frowned, wondering how she was going to be able to live a year without him.

"Do you remember what you told me when I contemplated the idea of us not being in the same House?" James continued.

She narrowed her eyes uncertainly, slowly shaking her head.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her into his chest. "You said, and I quote, 'Even when I'm not there with you, I'm always going to be there for you.'"

Riley froze briefly before turning her gaze up towards him, locking eyes with him. His eyes were filled with compassion and yet grief, a sad smile resting on his face. She wanted to make a joke. She wanted to say how profound she had been for an eleven-year-old. She wanted to say she had clearly been sleep-deprived. She wanted to mention that it was impressive he could remember back so far in the past. But as she opened her mouth, she instead found herself unable to speak as the tears escaped from her eyelids, realizing what the story was really in reference to.

"Well, now it's my turn to tell you that," he said softly.

The tears slipped silently down her cheeks, the fire blurring in front of her.

He kissed the top of her head and squeezed her shoulder. "You're my best friend, Riley, and you always will be. Even if you go off and become a famous journalist who forgets about us lowly people, I will still always be here for you. I'm...I'm definitely going to miss the hell out of you. More than you probably know," he said softly. "But this opportunity is too huge to pass up. You should go to Australia. If...if that's what you want."

She nodded stiffly, sensing a hesitance as he said the last sentence. She didn't respond. Instead, she slung the blanket over him so that they were both cuddled underneath it and rested her head on his shoulder. Darkness engulfed them as the last dying flames from the fire expired. The rain continued to fall outside, offering a soft pitter pat against the window panes. They both sat there comfortably, neither suggesting any form of conversation as they were consumed by their own distressing thoughts.

Riley shifted her weight to one side, glancing up at her best friend. "Thank you," she whispered.

He cocked his head to the side curiously. "For what?"

She shrugged. "For everything. For being my crying shoulder and for being the person I shared the most laughs with and for holding my hand through the tough times and for putting a smile on my face when I needed it and for always knowing what to say and for offering me a hug when I was down and for being the person I tell all my secrets to and for loving me and for always being there for me even when I thought I didn't need you," she explained, her voice trembling. A sad smile filled her face and she added softly, "Thank you for knowing that I always needed you."

James swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "I always needed you, too, Riles," he murmured. "I still do."

She nodded solemnly, remaining mute. She nestled in comfortably beside her best friend and shut her eyes tightly, as if plunging herself into total darkness would give her an escape from the happenings of that day. "And thank you for...for not mentioning Sirius once tonight," she found herself blurting out, her eyes fluttering open.

He frowned. "It's not my place to judge."

"But you do?" she questioned. "Judge, I mean."

He hesitated.

"It's okay. Lily screamed at me earlier about it."

James' eyebrows shot up. "Come again?"

Riley shrugged. "She thought it was a mistake for me to ask Sirius to choose my fate."

James blinked. "Ah."

Riley smiled sadly. "I see that you agree with her."

"No, I get why you put it on him," James murmured. "I know that…that you're scared that you would end up making the wrong decision, so if you needed him to be the one to make it, I get it. As long as you're okay with the decision."

"I am," Riley said a little too quickly.

He fixed his gaze on her, his eyes narrowing slightly in hesitation. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but quickly shut it.

"What?" Riley dared to ask, noting the concern in his eyes.

He shrugged awkwardly. "I just hope you're not going to Australia because you're too afraid to stay."

She stiffened and looked away from his probing glance. "Stop," she whispered.

James looked at her, puzzled. "Stop what?"

"Stop trying to put doubts in my head," she murmured. "Accepting the fellowship is a good thing, James. It is."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"_Stop_," she urged, glaring at him.

He grimaced. "I'm sorry," he muttered guiltily. "I told myself I wouldn't try and sway your decision, but...but it's hard letting you go."

She smiled sadly, squeezing his hand. "Even when I'm not with you, I'm always going to be there for you, right?"

He nodded slowly. "Always."

She shut her eyes tightly, holding in the tears that were fighting to flee. Despite the fact that she would have to leave Sirius and her friends behind, a tiny part of her couldn't help but be excited that she would be in Australia in a week on the path to figuring out the rest of her life. After a year working with the _Daily Australian Record_, she could potentially go anywhere she wanted. She just hoped that it would take her back to England.

A sigh escaped, nestling her head onto his shoulder comfortably. She wondered what she would do when she was going through her next crisis and didn't have James by her side to help her through it. She wondered if she would be able to find people in Australia that could even closely resemble the friends she has made at Hogwarts. She wondered if she was ready to close the latest chapter in her book.

"Riley?"

She stirred, startled by the break in silence, and glanced up at him. "Hm?"

"Promise me something."

There was a hint of uncertainty in his voice that made Riley curious. "Anything."

He turned away from her gaze, sighing. "Promise me that you'll come back."

She whirled her head around to glance at him, shocked and puzzled. "Why wouldn't I come back?"

He shrugged. "Just…just promise me."

She frowned, resting her head on his shoulder. "Of course I'll come back, James. I-I promise."

He breathed a sigh of relief. The future was still hazy and uncertain, but hearing her promise the one thing he was most worried about gave him a sense of comfort and reassurance.

"Now, promise _me_ something," Riley said hesitantly.

James cracked a smile. "Anything."

She swallowed hard and slowly twisted her head upward, locking eyes with him. "Promise me you'll always be my best friend."

He froze, his heart skipping a beat before increasing rapidly. There was a waver in her voice, one that made him nervous, but the determination in his eyes forced a sullen smile on James' face. He kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Always."

* * *

While James had protested, Riley had told him to go back to Lily. It was his last night at Hogwarts and she felt that it would be better spent in the company of the girl he loved than with a girl who was clearly miserable.

"But misery loves company, too," James had argued.

She sighed. "Perhaps," she murmured. "But maybe we should get used to spending time apart."

That had caused James to fall silent, a stiff frown spreading across his face. "Well, that's depressing," he had eventually said.

She grimaced. "I know."

It took another half hour by Riley's side before James eventually gave into her pleas and urging, leaving Riley once again alone in the dark in the middle of the night. She was oddly at peace with that, however. Having James by her side was a constant reminder that she would be disappearing for a year come the following Saturday and she would start questioning the decision. While alone, she could start accepting her fate.

Every time she thought about traipsing back up to her room, she felt herself unable to get up off the couch. She couldn't have slept even if she tried. Maybe a part of her was hoping the days would go by slower if she didn't sleep so much of them away. Or maybe she was afraid if she went upstairs and glanced over at Kay, she'd once again feel depressed at the thought of leaving. Or maybe she felt a sense of comfort engulfed by total darkness and silence, as if the still world meant that maybe time has stopped. Or maybe it was none of those. Maybe she was just using that time to try and figure out when she became so dependent on Sirius Black.

Six months earlier, the decision to go to Australia would have been a no-brainer. Although she would have been (and still is) nervous that she was going to take the fellowship and either end up failing or hating it, she would have had little reason to turn it down. But when she received the letter from the _DAR _two days earlier, her initial thought hadn't been fear or nerves or excitement. It had been Sirius. And that scared the hell out of her.

Guys had always been an accessory to her. She kept them on hand to make her happy and make her feel appreciated and had found a reason to let them go when she either no longer needed them or thought they might be becoming more of an accessory. It was part of the reason she broke up with Sirius back in March. So why was she now so determined to hang on to Sirius? Why was she willing to throw away a potential career to be with him? When did she go from wanting him in her life to needing him in her life?

Her fingers instinctively reached down to finger the locket she had tightly secured around her neck. She hesitated before sticking a nail in the locket to open it up. A nostalgic, sad smile crept up on her as she gazed down at the younger versions of herself and Sirius. She was reminded of the friendship they had once shared, remembering how they had always passed silly notes to each other under the table during History of Magic and how they had taken turns giving each other piggyback rides on the way to breakfast and how they used to challenge each other to multiple games of wizarding chess where Sirius would inevitably win and how he used to call her Smiley Riley and she used to call him Not So Sirius and how Sirius and the other three boys would gang up on her for snowball fights during the first snowfall of the year and how the two of them would fill out the silly _Witch Weekly _quizzes and poke fun at the results and how they would sneak into the kitchens late at night for cookies and chocolate milk and how they had always said they would be best friends forever. It was the little things that she used to love about Sirius. And now, it was everything.

She froze, realizing what she had just admitted. Did she love him? Did she even know what love was? Her eyes rested again on the photo of Sirius and her in the locket, her heart speeding up at the thought that she had done the unthinkable: fallen in love.

The portrait door opened behind her and Riley heard faint, heavy footsteps. She knew immediately who it was and she froze. The footsteps halted a few seconds later and she could feel Sirius' eyes fixed on the back of her head. She closed the locket as she attempted to ease her panicked breathing. Her head slowly turned to the face the figure in the portrait door entrance and her eyes cautiously locked with his.

He was soaked, his wet clothes clinging to his body. His hair was matted on his head, his bangs loosely hanging over his eyes. The darkness hid the rest of his features, but Riley was grateful for that. She had a good feeling that if he was feeling the same way she was, he was wearing a defeated frown and his eyes were probably filled with regret and remorse.

"Hey," Sirius said softly, his voice sounding louder in the quiet room as it echoed off the walls.

The lump forming in her throat kept her from being able to respond. She could only offer him a curt nod, her bottom lip beginning to tremble.

He opened his mouth a few times but nothing came out. He didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound awkward on his tongue. So he chose not to say anything.

He tore his eyes away from hers and headed towards the boys dormitory steps, very aware that her eyes followed his every move as he strode across the common room. He hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and slowly turned to meet her gaze. "Good night, Riley," he whispered.

It sounded more like good-bye.

"Sirius, wait." She had meant to cry out after him, but her voice was strained and rough so it came out more in a hoarse whisper.

He heard it anyway. He hesitated and turned back around. "Yeah?"

Her heart sped up, thumping inside her body. She wouldn't have been surprised if Sirius could hear her heart racing even from across the room. "I-I just needed to tell you that...that..." she trailed off, the words catching in her throat.

"Tell me what?" he asked hesitantly, sensing her discomfort.

Her heart was now pounding in her ears as she glanced upward, directly into his eyes. Her whole body froze and her mouth went dry.

"Riley?" he said, the sound of her name on his tongue sounding so sweet and innocent.

She smiled nostalgically. "Smiley Riley," she whispered to herself.

Sirius blinked, a smiling creeping up on his own lips. Those two words may have possibly eased the awkward tension that had unfortunately grown between them. "Not So Sirius," he said to himself, chuckling lightly. He hadn't thought of those nicknames in years. "We used to have so much fun together," he added.

Riley nodded as tears slowly formed in the corner of her eyes. They were a mixture of happy tears as she reminisced on the past and a mixture of sad tears as she thought about the future. A single tear escaped, running slowly down her right cheek. "Not So Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

She brushed away the tear and stared up at him longingly, ignoring the increasing rate of her heart. It was now or never. She took a deep breath as a smile crept up on to her lips. "I-I love you."

Sirius froze, a shiver running down his spine. "What?"

She swallowed hard, her smile wavering sadly. "I love you, Sirius."

Sirius gazed down at her, his heart aching with overwhelming affection. While a part of him was distressed that it was the circumstance that caused her to finally utter those words to him, he was so happy and grateful that he got the chance to hear it before she left. "I always knew you did," he whispered, walking towards her.

"How did you know before I even did?" Riley said softly and vulnerably.

Sirius took a seat beside her and hesitated before cupping his hand over hers, staring into her eyes. "Because I know you, Riley," he whispered. "I know that side of you that you're afraid to see in yourself."

He noted the flicker of vulnerability glistening in her blue eyes. She was finding it difficult to tear her eyes away from him, her heart fluttering at his charming smile. "I'm not ready to say goodbye to you, Sirius."

"We still have six days," he said gently, a lump forming in his throat.

Riley's bottom lip trembled, Sirius' face blurring in front of hers as the tears began to escape. She ran her fingers through her natty hair, still full of hairspray.

Sirius brushed his thumb across her cheek and framed her face with his hand, touching his forehead to hers. "I'm going to be here for you when you get back."

She swallowed hard, smiling sadly. "You promise?"

He pressed his lips firmly to her forehead. "I promise, Smiley."

She cracked a smile, realizing then just how much she loved him. Realizing that maybe she had loved him all along and was just too afraid to admit it. "Kiss me."

He didn't have to be told twice. He touched his lips to hers, the tenderness of the kiss expressing the lust and adoration he couldn't put into words. Her tongue slowly entered his mouth and he pulled her face closer to his. He kissed her deeply and passionately, an intense desire rushing over him. He never wanted to stop kissing her. As if once he tore his lips away from hers, she'd be gone.

Riley's heart was beating a mile a minute as she climbed on top of him, straddling him on the couch. She lifted his mouth to hers, tangling her hands in his hair. In seconds, Riley was peeling Sirius' suit jacket off as her mouth explored his. She started unbuttoning his shirt, but Sirius was in too much of a hurry and eventually just ripped it off himself, buttons flying everywhere. Sirius grimaced, promising himself he'd buy a new shirt for James. Sirius' mouth danced lightly across Riley's neck and he fingered the bottom of her T-shirt, pulling it over her head and exposing her naked breasts.

"Sirius," she whispered hoarsely, pulling back slightly as she glanced around the dark, open room.

"Hm?"

"Anyone can just walk in," she said with an amused smile, covering her left arm over her breasts.

Sirius hesitated, a smile slowly creeping up on his face. "Let them," he whispered. "It's three o'clock in the morning. It's worth the risk."

She giggled, pressing her lips against his hungrily. "Are you sure you're not just saying that to add Gryffindor common room to that sex list you have with James?"

Sirius paused, his eyes lifting to meet hers. "That is an incentive," he said, pulling her arm away and lowering his lips to her right breast.

She moaned lightly, bucking her pelvis towards him and arching her back into his touch. "Yes, yes it is," she gasped.

They made love that night without another word, just with an intense desire to become overwhelmingly intimate with each other. Neither had felt closer to each other and neither could have imagined such genuine lust. That night, both of them suddenly realized what it felt like to truly love someone and what it felt like to be loved. And neither would have wanted to change that feeling.

They eventually wound up on the common room floor as Sirius conjured a fire in the fireplace. They had slipped back on pieces of their clothing and Riley draped a blanket over the two of them. Sirius' arm was tightly wrapped around Riley's shoulder, her head resting in the nook of his own shoulder. Her arm hung loosely over his stomach and their legs were entangled. Both of their eyes were fixed on the fire, content smiles resting on their faces. Neither spoke. They were both deep in thought. Sirius was reminiscing on all of the wonderful moments he had spent with Riley over the past seven years. Riley kept running down a list of all the things she loved about Sirius. Sirius thought about how spending the year apart had to be about the right choice. He knew that they'd be too busy living their own lives to try living a conjoined life. Riley fantasized about the day she would return to England in a year. She dreamed about Sirius scooping her up in his arms and planting a passionate kiss on her lips. She envisioned happy tears streaming down her face. The comfortable silence felt right. Both needed it.

They were both surprised when they noticed the sun rising outside the large window. Neither of them had slept. Riley slowly sat up and finally looked over at Sirius a little after dawn. She had a sly smirk on her face.

"What?" said Sirius. It was the first word spoken in nearly three hours.

"Did you ever think this day would come?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes curiously, bringing his right arm above his head and resting his head on it. "And what day is that?"

Riley grinned. "The day that _you'd _be graduating."

Sirius laughed. Riley joined in. "I still have a few hours to screw it up," Sirius joked.

Riley's smile wavered, but she didn't say anything. She couldn't believe there was just a few hours left of her time at Hogwarts.

Sirius sensed her wariness. He couldn't do anything except kiss her. So he did.

A throat cleared behind them.

Sirius and Riley froze before slowly turning around. There stood Kay, Remus, and Peter with smirks on their faces, staring down at the couple in pure amusement.

"Er…good morning," Riley said sheepishly, offering a curt wave.

"Yes," Kay snickered. "Yes, it is."

Riley and Sirius blushed furiously, realizing that they looked like a hot mess. While they had gone and put on the bare essentials after sleeping together, other clothes were strewn to the side. Riley's hair was a knotted mess and Sirius' clothes were still damp, smelling slightly of musk. Their eyes were bloodshot and there were pillows knocked down all around them.

"But for the record," Remus chimed in, quirking an eyebrow. "I'm a bit shocked that Sirius is graduating, also."

A round of laughter erupted and Riley was grateful that the tension was eased. "What are you guys doing down here anyway?" Riley murmured. "It's not even six-thirty."

"Well, I woke up and noticed that you were missing so I came looking for you. When I saw that you two were…ahem, in a _compromised _position, I, of course, had to go run upstairs to find the guys," Kay explained with a shrug. "It's a lot more fun mocking you when you actually have backup details."

"What is there to mock?" Sirius snorted.

"Uh, the fact that you guys totally slept together in one of the most public places in this school where approximately seventy students could have traipsed through here and interrupted your intimate moment. Do you have no shame?" Peter retaliated with a look.

Sirius and Riley exchanged a look and both shrugged. "No," they said in unison.

"Charming," Remus said dryly. "Now, why don't you actually cover yourselves up before the younger students start sauntering down here and you scar them for life?"

"Uh, because _that _sounds like a lot more fun," Sirius joked, earning a look from his friend. He grinned sheepishly. He kissed the side of Riley's face and slowly started sifting around for his dress robes. "Fine, fine, I'm getting up. Way to ruin the fun."

"Can't you save your horniness until tonight in the privacy of your own room at the lakehouse?" Peter pleaded.

"Oooh, the boy has a point," Riley said, winking at her boyfriend. She threw her legs into her shorts and pulled them up.

"I claim the bedroom farthest away from these two," Kay groaned, jabbing her thumb in the direction of Riley and Sirius, who were slowly climbing up off the floor.

"Oh, please," Riley snorted. "Like you and my brother won't be partaking in said horny activities."

Kay hesitated, grinning slyly. "To be fair, I haven't seen him in almost three months."

"A.k.a. you haven't had sex with him in almost three months."

A red hue tinted Kay's cheeks. "Lance and I did not have sex in James' house!"

Her four friends all fell silent, curious expressions crossing their faces. "Really?" Sirius said with a snicker. "You're about the only couple who didn't."

"Technically you and Riley weren't a couple then," Remus reminded him.

"Hm, good point," Sirius laughed. "Doesn't mean that Kay and Lance remaining celibate that week still isn't pathetic."

Kay's face was now a deep shade of scarlet. "Just because you seem to want to get it on at every given moment at any given _location_ doesn't mean the rest of us do."

Riley quirked an eyebrow, grinning slyly. "You clearly don't know my brother."

Kay rolled her eyes. "There were about a million people in that house. I wasn't about to pull a Lily and James and get caught in the shower together."

The five of them couldn't help but laugh at the memory.

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I could totally go for some greasy bacon," Sirius suggested once the laugher died down.

His four friends stared back at him. "That was almost what we were talking about," Peter said dryly.

Sirius laughed. "You know me. My stomach does the talking."

"Well, you're going to have to wait a bit because breakfast isn't served for another hour," Remus pointed out with a shrug.

Sirius gave him a look. "And when has that ever stopped us?"

"It's six-thirty in the morning and you want to venture to the kitchens?" asked Kay with a snicker.

He shrugged, flashing them a grin. "Did I mention the greasy bacon?"

Riley laughed and wrapped her arm around her boyfriend's waist, kissing him on the cheek. "Greasy bacon it is." She turned towards her friends. "You guys in?"

Remus sighed. "Oh, why the hell not," he murmured, smiling. "This might very well be the last time we sneak into the kitchens."

"Besides, what else are we going to do?" Kay said with a smirk. "Pack?"

They let their laughter carry them out of the common room and towards the kitchens.

* * *

James and Lily were supposed be meeting Dumbledore on the grounds in less than a half hour and were rushing around their rooms hurriedly. They had slept in a little late that morning, wanting to savor the last morning they would be waking up in each other's arms at Hogwarts. But when Lily had glanced down at James' watch and noticed that they had slept in later than they had expected, those private quarters became a war zone.

"Where the hell is my tie?" Lily yelled out from her room. She was wiping down her recently showered wet hair with a towel with one hand while trying to get dressed with the free hand.

"It's in my room!" James shouted from across their common room in his room. "Hanging on my lamp!"

There was a brief bout of silence. "Do I even want to know how it got there?" she laughed.

"Probably not!" he shouted. "Have you seen my graduation speech?"

Lily shook her head before realizing he couldn't see the motion. "It's not on your desk?"

"No!"

"Well, you were working on it last night in our common room. Check on the coffee table!"

James rushed into the common room, hopping on one foot as he tried to stick his right foot into his shoe. "It's not there!"

"Well, then it has to be in your room somewhere!"

"It's not, I already looked!"

"Look harder!"

James grunted before traipsing back to his room. Silence engulfed them once again as Lily ran a brush through her tangled hair and James tore into his room, searching for his speech. "Found it!"

"I knew you would!" she laughed. "Where was it?"

James hesitated. "I don't want to say!"

"Let me guess," Lily cried back. "On your desk?"

James chuckled to himself. "Maybe!"

Lily finished putting her earrings in and glanced around her chaotic room. Very little had been packed, but everything was sorted into organizational piles. "James, have you seen my copy of _Little Women_? It seems to be missing!"

James snorted. "And you think that _I _have it? Literature and James Potter don't go hand-in-hand!"

Lily couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm just wondering if I left it in your room last!"

James' eyes searched around his room quickly, his zooming in on a book that was resting on his window ledge. He finished spritzing himself with cologne and bolted over there. "It's on my window ledge!" he cried out. He picked it up and sauntered over to his doorway. "Here, catch!"

Lily glanced up and saw the book soaring at her. She gasped and caught it, giving him a look. "Is that any way to treat a classic novel?"

"Just be glad that I didn't accidentally throw it into the fire with all of my textbooks yesterday," he teased, winking at her.

"Please tell me that's a joke."

James grinned. "My mom always told me not to tell a lie."

"HAH!" Lily cried out. "And all of these years when you've made up excuse after excuse to get out of going to class, what was that?"

He hesitated. "Amusing and charming?"

"Try again."

"Fibbing with good intentions?"

Lily snorted. "There's no such thing!"

James laughed. "Well, then I go back to my previous statement of it was amusing and charming."

Lily sighed, a smile creeping on to her lips. "Remind me why I love you?"

"Because I'm amusing and charming. Did we not just go over this?" he joked as he stumbled back into his room, looking for the cleanest black robe.

Lily couldn't help but smile as she rushed into their shared common room, frantically searching for her sandals. "Where the hell is my left shoe?" she grunted to herself.

"It's behind the potted plant!" James' voice echoed from his room.

Lily snickered, shaking her head in disbelief. She hobbled over to the corner and found her sandal sticking out from behind it. "Thanks!"

James came soaring into the common room, grinning. He handed Lily her tie, who was giving him a look of disapproval. "Can't you do something with that hair?" she whined, pouting. "You're going to be giving this impressive speech and all anyone is going to notice is your unruly hair."

James snorted, giving her a look. He grabbed the tie from her hand and placed it over her head, fixing it for her. "My mother has been trying to manage my hair for years with no success, so alas, I don't think there's anything you can do," he said with a smile. "Besides, let's face it, my speech won't be that impressive."

"I wouldn't know," Lily argued. "You won't let me read it. Should I be worried?"

James chuckled, kissing her forehead as he tightened her tie. "Of course you should be."

Lily groaned, earning a laugh from her boyfriend.

"Did you grab the camera?" James asked.

Lily swore, rushing back into her room. A few seconds later, she returned with the camera that she had previously stolen from Sirius only a few weeks earlier. "I'm not convinced that commemorating what I can only guess will be a speech with more jokes than sentimentality and followed by, I'm sure, endless pranks is such a good idea."

James grinned. "So that a year from now we can look back on our immature selves and laugh?"

"Who's to say you won't still be immature years from now?" Lily joked. "Now, let's go before we show up late."

Lily grabbed his hand and rushed towards the doorway.

"Wait," James said, pulling her back.

She glanced up, confused. "What? What'd we forget now?"

A nostalgic smile crept on to her boyfriend's lips. "We forgot to enjoy this moment for what it is."

Lily didn't look any less puzzled.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, brushing the tendrils from her forehead. "When we return to this room, we will no longer be students at Hogwarts."

Lily's heart skipped a beat, smiling sadly. "Well, way to depress me."

James offered her a sheepish grin, drawing her close to him. "Just think..." he said slowly and suggestively, "This will be the last time we are in this room as _Head Boy_ and _Head Girl_."

"When did you become so sentimental?"

James quirked an eyebrow, smiling slyly. "I wasn't really going for sentimental."

Lily glanced at him curiously and noticed the suggestive glint in his eye. She scoffed. "Oh my God! We're going to be late, James!"

James shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "It's our last remaining minutes as Head Boy and Head Girl!"

"And you want to blow off our last responsibilities to get it on?"

James waved his hand dismissively. "Eh, I never took our responsibilities all that seriously to begin with."

Lily couldn't help but laugh, wrapping her arms around his neck and stepping on her tiptoes to kiss him. "You are too cute."

"Cute enough to blow off duties for?"

"_James_," Lily laughed, trying to give him a stern look.

"We are losing valuable time just standing here arguing," he pointed out.

"James, you are-"

"_Last moments as Hogwarts students_," he reiterated, leaning down to whisper in her ear, "We should really make it count."

Maybe it was the sheer determination in his voice or maybe it was feel of his warm breath on her ear making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up or maybe it was just the nostalgic feeling in her head thinking about their last day at Hogwarts, but she ended up nodding quickly. "Yes, we probably should," she whispered before pressing her lips firmly against his, squeezing her arms around his neck in order to pull him closer to her body. Her tongue made a hungry raid in his mouth, feeling the fervent heat emanate between them.

James was taken aback by the sudden seduction, but he wasn't complaining. He found himself dropping the graduation speech in his hand to the floor and letting his hands dance up the side of her petite body. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he hoisted her up, slowly making his way over to the common room couch. He laid her down as he stripped off his black robe and pulled Lily's tie over her head, hastily pressing his lips to hers. In a matter of a few seconds, both of their robes were shed and James' lips were silently making their way down her neck towards her breasts.

"I love you, James," she moaned, arching her back into his touch.

"I love you, too, Lily," he whispered.

They made love that morning quickly yet fervently, experiencing intimacy and passion like never before. Hogwarts had brought them together and both of them were a little wary of leaving that sentiment behind. They were ten minutes late meeting Dumbledore, but neither minded. They hadn't realized it beforehand, but they had desperately needed that one last act of intimacy in the place where they had fallen in love before being forced into the real world. It somehow made that day a bit easier to process.

* * *

Lily had finished her speech with a generous round of applause and headed back to her seat cautiously, wondering what to expect from James' speech.

Dumbledore got back on stage to introduce James, and Lily took that moment to glance over at James with a smile. He could feel her eyes on him and he reached over to squeeze her hand before taking the stage himself.

He looked out over the grounds at all of the people that were now staring up at him. He saw his mother sitting with the Gilmores and a pang of sorrow shot through his heart. She looked so alone, without a husband or her two oldest sons by her side, while six Gilmores sat there beaming down at their own graduate. He looked away and fixated his gaze upon the students that he had spent the past seven years with, some of them looking back at him with hopeful glances and some, mostly the Slytherins, just looking bored. He turned away from Severus' sneering glare and found the faces of Sirius, Remus, Peter, Riley, and Kay in the midst of scarlet and gold. Sirius was making funny faces at him and James couldn't help but chuckle. James briefly glanced behind him, locking eyes with Lily, and smiled.

He glanced down at the speech in his hand and took a deep breath before saying, "Today marks the first day of the rest of our lives. And unfortunately, that means that today marks the last day of what I can only describe as the end of a seven-year era. Today marks the last time we will be together as the Class of 1976. The next time we see each other, we won't be students. We'll be Ministry officials and Healers and Aurors and professors and shop owners and journalists. We will be on our way to being _great _wizards and witches. And we have Hogwarts to thank for that. Every single person in this school, the professors and the students, your friends and our Headmaster, even our enemies, has given us some form of knowledge and understanding of the way the wizarding world works so that we may venture forth and achieve every single goal that we have set and _will _set for ourselves. However, don't focus too heavily on making sure you succeed that you don't stop to enjoy the little things along the way. Because it's those little things that are going to make you happy. It's those little things that are going to make you _want _to succeed." James smiled out at his students, realizing that he was truly believing in all of the words he was saying. He continued. "Tim Cahill recently said, 'A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles.' To me, it's not about the destination or the journey. It's about the people you meet along the way. The people that are going to be there every step of the way and support every decision you make. Seven years ago, I entered this school not knowing what to expect. And seven years later, I am leaving with so much more than I ever could have imagined. I am leaving with confidence, I am leaving with determination, I am leaving with goals, I am leaving with a well-rounded education, and I am leaving with friends that will be with me for life. And I wouldn't change a thing. Well...maybe I would go back and change that awkward phase where I thought maple syrup tasted good on spaghetti but other than that, I wouldn't change a thing." That earned his first laugh from the audience. "I wasn't always the best student or friend or even acquaintance. I didn't always do what I was told and I may have landed myself into detention once or twice over the years." The student body burst into laughter, recognizing the understatement, and even Dumbledore cracked a smile. "But my past mistakes have only helped shape who I am today. Remember: it's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up. The more mistakes you make, the more you will learn. The more you learn, the more you will grow. And the more you grow, the more you will achieve your dreams. So dare to dream. Because only by dreaming will you come to discover who you are and who you can be. And so I want to leave you with these last words: Always believe in miracles and always believe in yourself. Congratulations to all of you!"

The audience broke out into applause as James retreated back to his chair beside Lily, who was staring at him in awe. He simply smiled and reached for her hand.

Dumbledore took to the stage and finished off the ceremony, giving his own words of wisdom and offering encouraging words for the future. However, Lily barely took notice. She couldn't stop staring at James, remembering the person he used to be compared to the person he had become. She had expected James to come out with a light-hearted speech full of jokes and frivolity and he had pleasantly surprised her. A year earlier, he probably _would _have come out with a speech crammed with humor and yet he had truly grown up and matured over a single year. No wonder she had fallen in love with him.

It took Lily a few seconds to realize that the ceremony was over as she students started getting up off their seats in search of their families. That thought should have saddened Lily, knowing that her own parents weren't out there to offer their congratulations, but instead, Lily couldn't help smiling. She glanced over at James out of the corner of her eye and felt her heart skip a beat. She had found the guy that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with; she had found her family.

She leaned over and surprised James with a kiss.

James smiled. "What was that for?"

Lily shrugged. "I love you. Do I need another reason?"

James squeezed her hand and provided her with another kiss. "No," he said softly. "I can't think of a better reason than that."

* * *

The moment that Dumbledore had dismissed them all, Sirius was jumping out of his chair with a big grin. "I never have to listen to another professor ever again!" he cried out with a laugh.

"That would insinuate that you had listened to the professors to begin with," Remus retorted, rolling his eyes.

Sirius halted his cheering. "You do make a good point, my furry little friend."

Riley wrapped her arm around her boyfriend's waist with a smile. "I think what my not-to-be-bothered-by-boring-professor-talk boyfriend is trying to say is, thank God I never have to write another school essay or pull an all-nighter trying to study for a class I have no plans to use in the future."

"I like to use the term 'selective hearing,'" Sirius argued with a pout. "However, I agree with the rest of your statement."

"You could just go with a simple 'congratulations,'" Peter pointed out.

Sirius exchanged a look with Riley and they both broke out in grins. "Well, then, congratulations, you guys," said Riley.

"I think this calls for a group hug!" Sirius said, rushing forward with Riley and trying to wrap his arms around his other three friends.

"AGHH!" all of them cried out as they toppled over and crashed on to the grass.

They all burst into laughter, earning looks from surrounding people, and Kay giggled, "I'm going to have a huge bruise on my arse when I wake up tomorrow."

"Say cheese!" Before the five of them could glance up at the familiar voice, a flash was going off in their faces.

"Thanks for the warning, Lily-bean," Sirius whined.

She could only laugh, outstretching her hand to his to help him get off the grass.

He reached for it, grinning, and pulled her down with him.

Lily groaned as she slammed in between Riley and Sirius. "I should have expected that," she murmured.

James stood over all of them, his laughter ringing out. "You are all a sad group of people."

Riley glanced up at him, rolling her eyes. "You're jealous that you're not down here, aren't you."

James grinned, shaking his head. "No way. It's more fun watching you guysmake fools out of yourselves."

"Oh, yes, because making a fool out of one's self doesn't sound anything like James Potter," Remus chimed in, shoving Peter off of him in an attempt to climb off the grass.

James shrugged. "Doesn't mean I still can't enjoy others being foolish." He outstretched his hand to Remus. "And if you pull me down with you, I will hex you."

Remus laughed and allowed James to pull him up. "I'm not Sirius. I actually have class."

"Class is overrated!" Sirius cried out, wiping off his robes as he, too, climbed off the ground. He extended both arms and helped Riley and Lily up. Kay and Peter quickly followed.

"Ironically, he says the same thing about _school _classes," Lily snickered, jokingly patting Sirius on the back.

Sirius made a face, shrugging passively. "I graduated, did I not?"

"Yes, a surprise to all of us," Remus chimed in immediately.

"Me included!" said Sirius with a grin.

A light laugh broke out among them before silence engulfed them all. As they stood on the grounds, they were reminded of all of the wonderful times they had shared throughout the past seven years. The many times that the Marauders had propped themselves underneath the willow tree to scheme against the Slytherins. The hot May days where the girls would spend their time sitting on the edge of the lake, sticking their feet into the cool water. The snowball fights that had been shared and the snowmen that had been made. The beautiful sunny days where Lily would read _Little Women_ while sprawled out across the grass. The numerous Quidditch games they had all attended, losing their voices from cheering so loudly. The walks in the rain that James and Lily become somewhat accustomed to. The late-night adventures the Marauders took during Remus' transformations. The many piggyback rides that Sirius had given Riley. The stolen kisses the Marauders all took with their respective girlfriends. Even the Herbology classes that took place in the greenhouses and the Care of Magical Creatures classes that took place outdoors. The nights that Lily snuck outside to just lay back and stare up at the stars. There was a sense of comfort that every inch of the grounds had brought to them and as they all stared out into the far horizon towards the lake, they were sadly reminded that it was their last day to enjoy it.

Eventually, Remus broke the silence. "I'm going to miss this place."

Six nostalgic nods followed. "But it's like James said in his speech: today is the first day of the rest of our lives," Riley said softly. "The next seven years are going to bring us another batch of wonderful memories."

"You really believe that?" Lily dared to ask, thinking of her best friend leaving in a week.

Riley nodded slowly. "I have to."

Lily wrapped her arm around Riley's shoulder and smiled. "Good," she said. "Because I believe it, too."

"Maybe we should start with this memory right here," Remus suggested, pointing to the camera in Lily's hand.

"Okay, but no cheesy smiles!" Lily argued, pointing her finger in Sirius' direction.

Sirius made a face. "Why does she look at me when she says that?"

"Who else should I be looking at?" she snorted.

Sirius hesitated. "So no cheesy smiles, hm?"

Lily laughed, wrapping her other arm around Sirius. "No," she said determinedly. "This is our graduation and ten years from now, I want to be able to look at this photo and see the remarkable people that we've become."

"You really think that Sirius is more remarkable than he is cheesy?" James joked, ducking as Sirius attempted to swat at him.

Lily rolled her eyes. "He'd like us to believe that, but really, he's a romantic at heart."

"I can attest to that," Riley chimed in, her smile filled with adoration.

Sirius shuddered. "My reputation is officially ruined."

"I think it was ruined the moment you screamed out your undying love for Riley in the middle of the Great Hall," Peter said immediately.

"Yeah, I still can't believe you went and fell in love with my sister," a familiar drawled nearby.

"Lance!" Kay cried out, running into his arms.

He scooped her up and, not caring that she was surrounded by her friends, pressed his lips firmly to hers.

Riley made a face, turning towards Kay. "Yeah, and I still can't believe you went and fell in love with this guy," Riley snickered, gesturing at her older brother.

Lance draped his arm around Kay's shoulders and shrugged. "What can I say? The ladies love me."

"Why is lady pluralized?" Kay snorted.

Lance hesitated. "So, happy graduation!"

"Way to change the subject," James said with a laugh.

Lance laughed, kissing the side of his girlfriend's head. He hesitated, pulling pieces of grass out of her hair. "Er…mind telling me why there's grass in your hair?"

Kay laughed, grinning sheepishly. "We all ended up on the floor. Blame Sirius for that one."

"Why is it that Sirius always manages to get girls underneath him?"

Sirius laughed. "What can I say? The ladies love me!" he repeated, high-fiving Lance.

Riley crossed her arms stubbornly, giving him a look. "Again with the pluralization?"

Sirius smiled, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "You know you're the only lady for me," he whispered, kissing her cheek.

Lance shuddered. "That does not sound like the Sirius Black I used to know."

James grinned, chiming in. "You get used to it."

"Maybe _you _do," Peter snorted, making a face. "But I've watched every single one of you this year go from tough, macho guys to romantic, _mushy _ones."

"It's called a relationship," said James with a smile, reaching over to grab Lily's hand. He winked playfully at Peter. "You should try it."

A chorus of oohs and ouches came from his friends.

Peter couldn't help but laugh, rolling his eyes. He had gotten used to his friends' jabs after seven years. "Sorry, but I actually would like to keep my tough, macho tendencies."

Sirius and James burst into laughter, giving their friend a look. "Dude, you'd have to actually _have _those for that to be—OW!" Sirius shouted as both Lily and Riley smacked him on opposite shoulders. Sirius pouted, rubbing both his shoulders. He groaned as a flash went off in his face.

James grinned sheepishly, pointing to the camera in his hand. "That needed to be a documented moment."

"Me getting attacked by two girls?"

"Exactly."

"Remind me to break that camera later."

"No way!" Lily pouted, giving him a look. She grabbed the camera out of James' hand. "These are the moments of our teenage years and I'll be damned if you erase that all."

Sirius smiled, shrugging. "Fine. But can we take a group shot now? It would be nice to have at least _one _photo that I'd actually want to remember."

Lily laughed and nodded. "But I repeat: no cheesy smiles!"

Sirius rolled his eyes and held up his hand. "Scout's honor."

"You were never a scout," Lily pointed out.

"Oh, just hand the camera to Lance!"

Lance quirked an eyebrow. "So I guess I'll be taking the photo?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Please?"

Lance laughed and gestured for Lily to hand it to him. "I'd be happy to," he said. He waited for all of them to form a crowd before holding up the camera. "Smile!"

Their smiles told it all. Happiness gleamed in their eyes and joy seemed to radiate from each and every one of their grins. James was smiling nostalgically as his eyes kept straying over to his beautiful girlfriend whose arm was wrapped around his waist. He realized how far the two of them had come over the past seven years and he felt proud of where they ended up. Lily's smile was fulfilled and pleased, realizing that she had come into Hogwarts with a lot of reservations and hesitations and she was leaving with so much more than she ever could have expected. A tear was forming in her right eye knowing that she was surrounded by the six people who had challenged her and exposed her vulnerabilities that should have frightened her but that inevitably made her the strong, resilient person that she has become. Riley was smiling hesitantly, her eyes filled with fear and despair, afraid of what her future was going to bring her. Her smile wavered as she snuck a peek towards the man she fell in love with, the man who ultimately broke down all the defenses she had always been so determined to keep up and the man she knew she was going to miss every day for the following year. Sirius' smile was slightly strained and sullen, knowing that as graduation ended, it was just one more day down until he would lose the love of his life. His eyes showed happiness, but the look on his face showed anxiety. Remus had always been so frightened at the idea of graduating and yet his smile was real and ecstatic, knowing that even though his future was so hazy, he had a girl who loved him and friends who would eternally support him. Kay's smile was broad and ecstatic as she stared beyond the photo lens at the man that she had been forced to keep at a distance for so long. She knew that a part of her would miss Hogwarts, but a larger part of her was glad to put Hogwarts behind her so she could continue the next chapter of her life with Lance. Peter had the widest smile of them all, grateful that he was able to make friends over the past seven years. He knew that he was a mousy, quiet kid and he didn't always fit in with his three friends, but they still appreciated him for who he was. And that was something he could never take back.

They had all come a long way to get to where they were, but none of them would have changed a thing. Every single heartbreak and piece of drama and break-up and separation and disaster that they had been forced to deal with only made them stronger. They were grateful that on their graduation day, they were finally at a place in their lives and in their friendships that gave them comfort and made them happy. No one was fighting, no one was estranged, no one hated each other. It couldn't have been a more perfect day and it couldn't have been a more perfect photo. That photo not only captured a moment, but it captured happiness. Happiness that had taken them a long time to find and happiness that had everything to do with the people surrounding them. They knew that they were standing in the presence of the people they wanted to spend their lives with. As they glanced around at each other, they knew that nothing could change the close bond that they had been able to create over seven years. Even with whatever unpredictable change the future was going to bring them, they were determined to continue living their lives the way it deserved to be lived. And they deserved to be happy. Most of all, they deserved to be happy with each other.

* * *

**A/N: **Awww, they're all growing up in front of our very own eyes! Hope you enjoyed the mushiness as much as I did.


	57. Epilogue

**A/N: **Well, I'm back! And with the last chapter! I had a lot of comments about how I could have ended the story on that last chapter. And I had debated and weighed my options, but this chapter is merely an epilogue. It sets up the sequel to this story. Speaking of, I talk a little more about the sequel at the end of this story, but I know right now, all you want to do is get to reading the final chapter. So without further ado, I give you the epilogue to the now-completed **Kisses on the Balcony**!

* * *

**Kisses on the Balcony**

Epilogue: Of Good Laughs, Good Friends, & Goodbyes

The ride back on the Hogwarts Express was one they would all remember forever. It was their last trip on the Hogwarts Express and they spent it exactly like they wanted to: in the company of good friends and good laughs. They used the entire time to reminisce on the past and enjoy living in the past one final time before leaving Hogwarts, a place that they had all been able to call home, behind for good. The seven friends told stories of the pranks that were played and the snow days that were wasted and the late-night kitchen runs and the Quidditch games that had entertained them. Lily and James rehashed the fist fight they had shared, much to everyone's amusement. Sirius told the story of how he and Riley got together back in December. Remus finally told them all the detailed story of how he and Jillian reunited the day before. Kay informed them of the night Lance showed up on her doorstep back in August. For the first time, James and Lily told the story of each kiss they had shared before they had gotten together in January and Riley and Sirius even talked about the fateful night they had first slept together that was the start of their original demise. It was comforting, it was casual, and when the Hogwarts Express pulled into King's Cross Station, they were all ready to embark on their next journey. With their trunks in their hands, they all apparated to the summer home passed down to Sirius.

"This place is awesome," Kay said with a warm smile, wrapping her arm around Lance's waist. He had met them at King's Cross Station and apparated with them to the lakehouse, but he wasn't staying the night. He had work in the morning, but he figured he could pop in and out when need be and had decided to tag along for the initial move-in.

Sirius shrugged. "It could use some repairing, but it's still in pretty good shape."

The summer house was gorgeous. It was pushed far from the road in a secluded area right on the bank of the lake. While rather large, it was an older cabin made of aged wood and it was clear that it hadn't been used in some time. The windows were slightly mucky and some of the shutters hung off their hinges. The bushes were overgrown and the trees were branching off wildly. But none of them saw the damages. All they saw was freedom.

"So, where's this hot tub you've been speaking so highly of?" Riley giggled, lifting her eyebrow suggestively.

Sirius laughed, kissing the side of her head. "It's around back on the patio."

"Sweet! I'll be there all week," she said with a grin, throwing a bag over her shoulder and heading that way.

"Er, why don't you unpack first?" Lily asked.

Riley turned back around to give her a look. "Because I'm not you."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, _I _am going to unpack," she laughed with a shrug. She glanced towards her boyfriend, quirking a curious eyebrow. "You coming?"

He snorted. "I'd rather follow Riley to the jacuzzi."

Lily couldn't help but laugh at the contorted look on his face. "Fine, fine," she sighed. "We'll start with the hot tub."

"YES!" both Riley and James cried out in unison.

"But we do need to change into bathing suits," she pointed out. Sirius started to open his mouth and Lily smacked the back of his head before he could say anything. "We are _not _going skinny-dipping!"

Sirius clamped his mouth shut, grinning and rubbing the spot on his head where Lily slapped him. "You know me so well."

Lily smiled nostalgically, nudging him gently on the shoulder. "I know," she said softly. Sirius recognized the weight of her statement and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, smiling back down at her.

"So, is this where we start fighting for the good bedrooms?" James snickered.

Sirius gave him a look. "They're all virtually the same. Except for the one with the bunk beds."

James quirked an eyebrow. "So then, I repeat: is this where we start fighting for the good bedrooms?"

Peter groaned. "Let me guess: since I am the only one who will not be sharing a bedroom with a significant other at some point during the summer, I'll be forced to sleep in the room with the bunk beds?"

An awkward silence fell over them before Sirius snickered. "I guess _this_ is why we should be fighting for them."

"Game on!" James cried out, immediately rushing into the house. He was quickly followed by the others, their laughter leading the way.

* * *

It didn't come as a surprise to any of them when Peter inevitably ended up getting stuck in the room with the bunk beds anyway.

Sirius and Riley were the last ones to the hot tub, which was no surprise to the rest of them. Sirius had darted straight into the master bedroom with Riley, but it wasn't unpacking that kept them from joining their friends. Knowing the two of them, they had gotten distracted while changing into their bathing suits and busied themselves in the King-sized bed in the meantime.

"Wasn't it _your _idea to jump into the hot tub?" Kay snorted as Riley finally strolled out of the kitchen, holding hands with Sirius.

Riley rolled her eyes. "I couldn't decide on a bikini."

The six of them in the hot tub burst into laughter. "You expect us to believe that?" James snorted, giving his oldest friend a knowing look.

"My guess is that you didn't even attempt to unpack and went straight to the sex," Lily suggested.

A hint of red formed on Riley's cheeks. "Hey, we only have six days left together!"

That reminder should have made Sirius squeamish and uncomfortable, but he had come to the realization that he needed to stop ignoring the fact that she would be gone soon and just enjoy the time he had left with her. And that included _not _dwelling on what was to come. However, it was easier said than done. "Yeah, so what the hell are we doing down here?" Sirius teased, kissing the side of her face. "We really should just spend the next six days in bed."

"This talk is making someone's brother very uncomfortable," Lance whined.

Riley rolled her eyes. "So said brother is saying that when he comes to visit on the weekends, he won't be spending all of that time in bed with K-"

"So you couldn't choose a bikini, hm?" Kay interrupted with sheepish laugh.

Riley laughed and climbed into the hot tub with Sirius right behind her, squishing the eight of them into a confined space. "Well, we're here, aren't we?"

Kay nodded. "Yes. And it's probably a good thing that we didn't send Peter up after you."

Peter shuddered, slumping down in the water. "And thank God for that," he murmured. "I've walked in on all of you at inopportune times enough already."

Every single one of them blushed, blaming it on the heat that was emanating from the water.

"Not us!" Kay chimed in with a laugh, high-fiving her boyfriend.

"And can we please keep it that way?" Lance added. He fixed his stare on the two couples across from him. "It's called a lock. Please use it."

"It's Peter's fault for not knocking first!" Sirius argued.

Peter rolled his eyes. "I'm supposed to knock _every _time I walk into my _own _bedroom at Hogwarts?"

"No, but you _could _knock before entering _our _private quarters," said James with a cheeky grin.

"Oh, yes, because most people go at it like rabbits on the couch in the middle of the common room," Peter said dryly.

"Apparently Sirius and Riley do," Kay snorted, earning a laugh from Peter and Remus as well. "Should we have been knocking on the Fat Lady portrait before entering the Gryffindor house, too?"

"What?" Lily asked, furrowing her brow, confused.

As scarlet emerged on the cheeks of both Sirius and Riley, another round of laughter erupted from Kay, Remus, and Peter. With the hustle and bustle of the last day at Hogwarts, the three of them realized they had never told Lily and James about waking up that morning to find Riley and Sirius half-naked under a blanket on the Gryffindor common room floor.

Much to Riley's protests, Kay dove into the amusing tale.

"You two need to be medicated," Lily laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "You do realize that _McGonagall _could have walked in on you, right?"

Sirius shrugged. "Did she? No," he retorted. "We were in the clear."

"Oh, so that makes it alright," said James sarcastically, a hint of a smile creeping on to his face.

Sirius smiled slyly, giving his best friend a look. "You're just jealous because that officially makes me and Riley the winners of the Sexcapades List."

"You _named _that list?" Remus groaned, slapping his palm of his hand to his forehead.

"Er...dare I ask what list you are referring to?" Lance asked.

Kay shook her head vigorously. "You really don't want to know."

Lance shrugged. "I'll accept that."

James ignored them, turning back towards Sirius. "Jealous is not the word I'm thinking of when it comes to you two having sex in a very open Hogwarts location."

"Slutty is a better word," said Lily immediately, giggling.

Sirius smirked. "This coming from the girl who had sex on a _roof_."

Lance gasped, shaking his head in disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you people?"

James, Sirius, Lily, and Riley all burst into embarrassed laughter.

Kay smiled slyly. "It's called horniness," she said, kissing Lance on the cheek.

"You should know a thing or two about that, bro," Riley snorted, quirking a suggestive eyebrow. "I've disturbingly caught you at home with a few girls."

"How many is a 'few?'" said Kay with a pout, her eyebrows raised curiously in Lance's direction.

Lance slowly turned to glare at his younger sister. "I never liked you."

"Like two? Three? _Ten_?" Kay continued with a pout.

Riley couldn't help but laugh, giving Kay a look. "After walking in on him with _nine_ girls, you'd think I would learn my lesson for the tenth."

"So what you're saying is, it _was _ten girls," Kay harped.

Lance groaned, giving his sister a look. "You should really stop talking."

Riley grinned sheepishly. "It was no one important, Kay," she reassured. "Meaningless girls. Nothing like you."

"You're just saying that," she whined.

Riley rolled her eyes. "Sheesh, I can't win today."

"That's probably why you should just stop talking altogether," Lance repeated.

"I happen to like hearing her talk," Sirius argued, kissing the side of his girlfriend's cheek as he reached for her hand.

In unison, the six others all pretended to gag, earning a roll of the eyes from Sirius and Riley. "Seriously, I'm never going to get used to that," Lance argued, giving Sirius a pointed look.

Sirius knew that Lance was referring to the behavioral change of his newfound romantic side. "Sorry dude. I'm a changed man now."

"But apparently still as horny as ever," Lily smirked, flashing him a grin.

"I repeat: this coming from the girl who had sex on the-"

"Roof. Yes, I got it," she replied dryly, rolling her eyes.

"Do I dare ask how that's even possible?" said Lance curiously.

"You're better off not knowing," Kay sighed.

"That seems to be a common theme around all of you," Lance murmured.

"It's not our fault our stories all seem to be crazy and slightly taboo," Lily was quick to argue. "It's these guys. They really bring out the bad in us."

"HEY!" both James and Sirius cried out in unison.

"It's true," Riley agreed with a playful grin.

"Uh, _ouch_?" Sirius whined.

"Maybe it's you girls who make us crazy," James retorted.

"There is more of your gender," Lily was quick to argue.

"Oh, gee, thanks. You saying I bring out the bad in you girls, too?" Remus chimed in.

Riley shrugged sheepishly. "It's a guy thing."

Sirius made a face, turning to his other three Marauders. "It's times like these we need some sort of code word so that we can escape the women."

James, Remus, and Peter exchanged a look. "You mean something like 'let's get away from these girls, they're making me go insane?'" Remus snickered, earning a smack to the shoulder by Kay.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "That is way too long and too obvious," he argued. "I was thinking more along the lines of...hm...how about gazpacho?"

Six pairs of dumbfounded eyes stared back at him. Lily finally spoke up. "What does a cold Spanish tomato-based vegetable soup have anything to do with getting rid of us?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. I was just trying to come up with a code word."

"And you chose gazpacho?" Remus snorted. "What, you didn't like vichyssoise?"

"Gesundheit."

His six friends couldn't help but erupt into laughter, the sound of their boisterous laughter filling the quiet lake air and echoing off the treetops.

Sirius grinned. "Vichyssoise can be our code word when we're in trouble."

"I'm thinking that screaming _help _would be a better option," said James with a grin.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You are taking the fun out of this."

"And what shall bouillabaisse be a code word for?" Peter played along.

Sirius hesitated, shrugging. "That I'm hungry?"

"Yes, because just saying 'I'm hungry' wouldn't suffice," Kay giggled.

"How about bisque?" Lance added. "What will that stand for?"

"I sense that you're all mocking me," he pouted.

"Yes, a little bit," Riley snickered, kissing his shoulder.

Sirius rolled his eyes, ignoring the laughs of his friends. "Besides, the point of these code words is so we could use them in the girls' presence without them knowing what we're talking about. Coming up with the words here is totally defeating the purpose."

"Oh, damn, because I would _really _want to know when you were hungry," joked Lily, wiggling her eyebrows in amusement.

Sirius scowled. "Mocking time is officially over!"

"Sorry, Sirius, but mocking you will never be over," Peter pointed out.

"If I didn't love these jets of water, I'd leave," Sirius murmured.

Laughter filled the hot tub. "I _could _stay in here forever," Riley agreed, sliding into Sirius' arms. He kissed her hair, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

"You'd shrivel up like a raisin," Lance stated.

"But a very _cute _raisin," Sirius teased.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Seriously, stop doing that," he whined. "I think we need a word for when we want to get away from _Sirius_."

"Gumbo?" Lily said.

Sirius scowled. "You said that a little too quickly for my taste."

She grinned. "And you're surprised?"

He scowled and turned towards James and Remus on his right. "_Gazpacho_."

He wasn't surprised when Lily slapped his leg.

* * *

That evening, Sirius and Riley ventured into town to grab some necessary food items. They could have apparated, but both welcomed the quiet, alone time and just enjoyed being with each other. And after Lily and Remus had prepared a nice, easy meal of spaghetti and meatballs, they all went their separate ways. Kay and Lance took a leisurely stroll around the lake and didn't return for several hours (Sirius was convinced that they were now trying to top the infamous Sexcapades List), Remus and Peter took solace in the living room playing a game of wizarding chess while James tinkered around on the piano in the corner with Lily reading _Pride and Prejudice _in the large lounge chair beside him. Sirius and Riley retreated back to their room planning on changing into more comfortable clothes and popping in a movie. Since Sirius' uncle had married a Muggle, he had quite a few Muggle contraptions around the house.

As Riley pulled out a pair of comfortable shorts and a T-shirt from her trunk, Sirius made a face. "I like you much better in that bikini," he joked.

She shot him a look over her shoulder. "We have plenty of time for that," she said, winking at him.

His heart skipped a beat, forcing the smile to remain on his face. "Yeah," he murmured.

She sensed his discouragement. "We still have five days together, Sirius," she said softly. "Let's make the most of it."

"I know," he sighed. "It's not that, it's just..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to miss seeing your beautiful face everyday," he admitted with a sly smile. "I'm going to miss talking to you and I'm going to miss flirting with you. I'm going to miss kissing you and I'm definitely going to miss seeing you in that bikini." She cracked a bashful smile. "But most of all, I'm going to miss...well, _this_." He gestured between the two of them.

Riley furrowed her brow curiously. "What's 'this?'"

He smiled, wandering over to her and wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind, kissing the nape of her neck. "Just being with you."

She turned around in his arms and pressed her lips firmly to his, a sense of haste in the simple motion. When they pulled apart, she found herself blurting out, "I'm sorry, Sirius."

"For what?" he asked, puzzled.

She frowned, hesitating as she attempted to form the words. "For taking so long to realize that you're the one I'm meant to be with."

Sirius shrugged awkwardly. "It's alright, Riley. We're together now. For me, that's enough."

"Well maybe for me, it's not," she insisted, swallowing hard.

Sirius furrowed his brow, confused.

She stepped out of his arms and took a seat at the edge of the bed, regret forming in her eyes. "If I hadn't been so damn stubborn and scared and…and paranoid, we wouldn't have broken up back in March. If we had stayed together since December, we would have a stronger bond. We'd have spent more time together and hence, realize that we'd want to spend less time apart. And maybe..." she trailed off.

"Maybe what?" Sirius asked carefully.

She let out a deep sigh. "Maybe the decision whether to stay with you or go to Australia wouldn't have been so difficult," she whispered, instinctively fingering the locket around her neck. "Maybe staying would have been easier."

Sirius' whole body tensed, his heart skipping a beat. He slowly sauntered over to the bed and sat down beside her, brushing a strand of hair out of her face and pressing his lips to her forehead. "No," he murmured. "It just would have been that much more difficult letting you go."

She smiled sadly and nodded, placing her head on his shoulder.

"Besides," Sirius continued cautiously. "If anyone should be sorry here, it's me. I'm the one who screwed it up in the first place. We could have been together for two and a half years. And...and maybe you wouldn't have felt the need to be so paranoid and scared and stubborn. I realize that the only reason your guard was ever up was because of what I initially did to you."

"Sirius, you're not totally to blame. There was Zach, too. And every other guy I ever slept with who was using me."

Sirius shrugged. "I still feel guilty," he admitted. "And I normally don't live my life with regrets, but if I could go back in time and change one thing about my life, it would be to never have let my fear of commitment get the better of me." He sighed, rubbing his temples. "I hope you realize that I will never forgive myself for hurting you. I will never forget the look on your face when you overheard James talking to Remus and Peter about...about me and Rhea. I will never forget that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life."

"It's like you said," she said softly. "We're together now, right?"

Sirius ignored the lump in his throat and nodded. "Yes," he said, pulling her legs over his lap as he leaned in for a kiss.

She smiled slyly. "Y'know...maybe I don't need to take this bikini off quite yet," she whispered suggestively.

His eyebrows shot up. "I have a better idea," he whispered, slowly untying the top of her bathing suit. "Let's just get out of these bathing suits altogether."

She grinned as her top fell to the floor. "You're right," she said, pressing her body into his. "That is a better idea."

* * *

Eventually, James and Lily trudged into their bedroom in the far corner of the house.

"This place is gorgeous," Lily said, looking out over the lake.

He smiled. "I'm looking at something far more beautiful."

She blushed, feeling his gaze upon her. "Lance is going to have trouble with your new romantic side, too."

James chuckled, falling back against the stack of pillows on the bed. "He'll just have to get used to it because it's not easy to stop complimenting you."

She offered him a sweet smile before heading over to the full-length mirror. "It's things like that he's going to have trouble with."

James simply shrugged, stifling a yawn. "I can't help that I love you."

"I love you, too," she said with a smile, blowing him a kiss before turning back to the mirror. She attempted to throw her hair up into a messy ponytail. "I can't believe that only eight hours ago, we were at Hogwarts."

"I know," he murmured. "Seems like forever ago."

Lily nodded slowly, glancing into the mirror at the reflection of James. She smiled nostalgically, thinking back to the first night they had ever spent together. It was the night that James had broken up with Kristina for her. They had spent a good portion of the evening kissing, but spent most of that time just talking. She had asked him about his friendship with Riley and he had questioned her about her past relationships. He discussed what it was like growing up in a big family and she had talked about her goals for the future. She had mentioned her few spontaneous adventures in the past (thanks to Riley's persuasion) and James touched upon the adventures he had during Remus' transformations. The conversation had lasted long into the still of the night and somewhere during that time, as James spoke about his friends and his family with passion and respect, Lily realized that she could really see herself falling in love with him. And she wasn't surprised when she did.

"What?"

Lily was startled by his voice breaking her train of thought. "Hm?" she asked, still staring at him through the mirror.

He smiled. "You're staring at me. What are you thinking about?"

She hesitated before turning around slowly and crossing her arms in front of her chest, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. "How much I want to thank you."

His eyebrows shot up, confused. "For what?"

She shrugged. "I know that I've probably said to you about a thousand times over the years that I didn't need you to protect me and...and I didn't need you to save me," she started slowly. "But thank you for not listening."

James' confused gaze didn't disappear. "What are you talking about?"

She smiled. "I was...I was kinda lost before you came along. I didn't like the person I was. I was hiding secrets from my friends and I was trying so hard not to get too close to anyone. But you...you changed all of that. And I'll never be able to thank you enough for showing me that it's okay to open up and it's okay to let your guard down in front of the people you love and care about."

"You're the one who did that," James said. "I just gave you the push to do so."

"And I'm thanking you for the push," she responded firmly. "I needed it."

James shrugged. "Well, I need _you_, so let's call it even." He smiled and gestured for her to join him in the bed.

Lily blushed and slowly sauntered over to him, crawling beside him and curling her petite body right next to his. "Except I need you, too," she whispered, wrapping her hand around his and squeezing it. "So that's not really calling it even."

James hesitated, pursing his lips curiously. "Lily, I don't think you realize that just as much as you needed me to push you, I needed you to push me, too. I never would have gotten through Brite's death without you pushing me to talk about it. I never would have been able to make the right decision about the Quidditch offer without you pushing me in the right direction. And I certainly never would have been as happy as I am today without you."

Lily felt her face flush, a shy smile forming.

"So please, don't ever stop needing me," he whispered, kissing the side of her head. "Because I'll never stop needing you."

Her heart skipped a beat. "Seriously, when did you become such a romantic?" Lily murmured.

"I think I have you to thank for that," James said with a light chuckle.

Lily slowly climbed on top of him, running her hands through his hair. "Thank you for needing me, James," she whispered.

He slipped his fingers underneath the back of her shirt, feeling the warmth of her smooth skin. He lifted his lips to hers, kissing her. It was a tender kiss, filled with soft longing. "Thank you for loving me, Lily."

* * *

They had all spent most of the following day in the lake and down on the dock playing games of chicken fights, floating on intertubes, throwing around an old football that Peter had found, and sunbathing as they listened to the Weird Sisters on the radio. By evening, they couldn't have felt more relaxed. Hors d'ouevres with what food they had in the house were thrown together and cocktails were mixed together and they spent time out on the patio in Adirondack chairs and the porch swing, planning the summer out with barbecues and canoe rides and Quidditch games and hikes around the lake and movie nights.

Eventually, they all congregated in the living room late that night, looking for something fun to do. They went digging through the dusty cabinets trying to come up with a boardgame or playing cards.

When Remus trekked into the room after sending out a letter for Jillian, he couldn't help but wonder if he was better off in his room. "_Twister_?" Remus groaned._ "_Are you seriously playing Twister right now?"

"It was either this or Mousetrap," Kay giggled, spinning the arrow. "Left hand red!"

"Damnit, Richards!" Sirius whined, twisting himself into an awkward position as he was forced to reach over Lily. "I think you just make these up to screw me over!"

Kay grinned. "No, that's just an added bonus."

"You probably would have been better off with Mousetrap," Remus sighed, plopping himself on to the empty couch.

"And miss James being wedged between Sirius and Peter with very little breathing room?" Kay snorted. "No way."

James' head was smushed into Sirius' back. "Don't make me hex you, Kay!"

Kay snorted, shaking her head. "And how exactly are you going to reach your wand?"

James hesitated. "Peter, do me a favor and grab my wand from my back pocket."

"I ain't going anywhere near your ass, Potter!"

James yelped as Peter purposefully shoved him playfully with his right leg. "Hey! Foul play!" James whined as his left hand lifted from the mat.

Kay rolled her eyes. "You are all such drama queens," she murmured, spinning the arrow again. "Left food blue!"

Lily whimpered. "I don't have the flexibility for this."

James grinned cheekily. "I think you're pretty damn flexible."

"Ew," Riley murmured.

"Gross," Sirius added.

"Gag me," Peter said.

"Too much information!" Kay shuddered.

"Keep it in the bedroom," Remus whined.

James grinned, glancing in the direction of Lily, whose back was to him. "I would kiss you, Lily, but that requires moving and I don't want to lose."

"A game of Twister is more important than your girlfriend?" Lily argued.

"Choose your next words wisely, Jamesie," Riley snickered.

James grimaced, glancing up towards Kay. "You gonna spin that thing anytime soon?"

"Way to avoid the question!" Lily argued.

"Those weren't the right words," Riley groaned, shaking her head.

Sirius couldn't help but smile as Riley and James started a bickering war while Peter attempted not to topple over and Remus and Kay debated whether or not Mousetrap would have been better than Twister. Riley may have been leaving in less than a week, but he couldn't imagine spending the last few days any differently. His friends were there for him as he spent Riley's last days with her and they would be there for him once she left. He couldn't remember a time he was happier.

And if only Riley wasn't leaving, he could keep that smile on his face.

Sirius' thoughts were interrupted when Lily bumped into him, causing Sirius to crash to the floor with Lily right behind him. "AGHHH!" he cried just as Riley, James, and Peter quickly joined her. "We should have stuck with Mousetrap," he whimpered with a muffled voice, trying to wriggle free.

Remus laughed, shooting a look in Kay's direction. "Told you."

"Okay, this is where you all _get off me_," Sirius pleaded, giving Lily a look over his shoulder.

Lily laughed, playfully smushing his head into the carpet. "Nah, this is more fun."

"Vichyssoise!" Sirius muffled. "Vichyssoise!"

Lily laughed, recalling the conversation from the night before, and let James help pull her off of Sirius. "I saw we put Twister on hold for a bit," she suggested, dragging James over to the sectional couch where Remus and Kay were sitting. Riley dragged Sirius up off the floor, kissing the back of his head where Lily had smushed it into the carpet. They ventured over to the loveseat as Peter took solace on the floor, propping himself up with a pillow that Kay threw his way.

"How's Jillian?" Sirius asked Remus, knowing that she had written him earlier.

Remus smiled. "Good," he said. "She's coming to visit on Thursday."

"Sweet!" Sirius cheered. "That's a good excuse to party."

James rolled his eyes. "Any excuse to party is a good one in your book."

Riley snorted. "You complaining?"

"Not at all," he chuckled. "I'm thinking barbecue. We should invite Fabian and Gideon, Alice and Frank, Dezzy and Drew, Isabelle and Kylie, Randy and Dedalus, Marlene, Teresa, your brothers."

"We're going to need food, too," Lily pointed out. "Burgers, hot dogs, chips-"

"Beer, firewhisky, rum," Sirius added.

Lily shot him a look. "Potato salad, ice cream, watermelon, chicken-"

"Vodka, gin-"

Lily glared at him, narrowing her eyes. "Soda, pretzels, coleslaw-"

"Maybe some mixers."

Lily chucked a pillow at Sirius, earning a laugh from the rest of them. "There is more to a party than alcoholic beverages!"

Sirius stared at her blankly. "Are you sure?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "If only I had another pillow."

Remus handed her one. "Feel free to use mine."

Sirius whimpered. "Traitor!" he argued, ducking as the pillow came soaring towards him. "And here I am trying to plan an awesome party for your girlfriend."

"I'm pretty sure this is more about you _wanting _to throw a party than my girlfriend's presence here," Remus argued.

"It can also be viewed as a goodbye party," Riley interjected with a sad smile.

Silence filled the room as their eyes all fell on her.

"Oh, don't get all depressed on me now," said Riley, shrugging. "I'm just saying it would be nice to go out with a bang. And Merlin knows, no one knows how to throw a party like the Marauders."

"Well, that's certainly true," James said, trying to ease the awkward tension. "But for now, can we focus on food for tonight? Anyone else starving?"

"You wolved down pretzels, chips and salsa, and leftover spaghetti an _hour _ago!" said Lily, smacking James on the arm.

James shrugged. "And I'm hungry again."

"It's midnight!"

"Which is ironically the perfect time for a midnight snack."

Lily snickered, rolling her eyes. "Well, sadly, our kitchen is virtually empty."

"We have all the makings for chocolate chip cookies," Riley chimed in.

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Seriously? You forgot to buy _toothpaste _and you forgot to buy _bread _for the peanut butter and jelly, but you bought all of the fixings for _chocolate chip cookies_?"

Riley shrugged. "One guess as to who to blame for that one."

Everyone's eyes zoomed in on Sirius.

He grinned sheepishly. "So where did we land on the whole chocolate chip cookie thing?"

Lily sighed. "C'mon, I'll go make them."

Sirius pumped his fist into the air, jumping off the loveseat. "Sweet!" He led them all into the large, open kitchen and hoisted himself up on to the kitchen counter. "I think after we make cookies, we should try our hand at brownies."

Lily snorted, throwing him a look over her shoulder as she reached into the pantry and grabbed the necessary supplies to make cookies. "Who is this 'we' you speak of?"

Sirius grinned, shrugging. "I don't really think you'd want me to attempt to help you."

"I'm nervous knowing you're just in the room," Riley added, leaning back into her boyfriend's lap. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, kissing the side of her face.

"I'd argue, but it's probably true."

"Here's the mixer," Kay said, digging into a dusty cabinet and pulling an old mixing bowl and beater out. "Er...I think it needs to be cleaned out."

"What are you talking about? I love my cookies with a pinch of _dust_," Remus said sarcastically. He grabbed the bowl from Kay and started rinsing it in the sink.

"Where are the chocolate chips?" Lily asked, sifting through the pantry.

Riley and Sirius exchanged a look. "Um..." Riley said with a nervous laugh. "Sirius forgot them."

"It was your job to get them!" Sirius argued with a pout.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Guess we'll be making sugar cookies."

James sent a stern look in Riley and Sirius' direction. "Please tell me you remembered the sugar."

"This is Sirius we're talking about," Riley drawled. "Sugar is one of his main food groups."

"Yeah, it replaces fruits and vegetables," Remus snorted.

Sirius grinned. "I make it a rule of mine not to eat anything green."

"I have no doubt in my mind that you're going to grow up to be a very fat man," Kay joked, reaching into the refrigerator for the butter and eggs.

"Don't forget unsuccessful and lazy," James added, plopping himself onto the small round table off to the side of the kitchen.

"And horny and perverted," Remus said, chuckling.

"I happen to like him horny and perverted," Riley chimed in, squeezing Sirius' arm.

"Dude, you also wouldn't mind if the guy was fat as long as you could still have sex with him," James joked.

Riley scowled. "I have standards!"

"Says the girl who hooked up with Zach, the cheating, lying ex-boyfriend who couldn't be more of an asshole, last June because you were drunk and he flashed you a come-hither look," Lily reminded her as she started assembling the ingredients into the mixing bowl.

Riley hesitated. "So you were saying, James?"

The kitchen erupted with laughter as Sirius attempted to dip his finger into the batter. Lily swatted at him, tearing the bowl away from his vicinity. "If you eat the batter, there won't be any _cookies_ to eat."

Sirius shrugged. "I can deal with that."

Lily quirked a sly eyebrow. "Can you deal with this?" she smirked, chucking a spoonful of batter at his face.

He gasped as the dough slid down his face. "You do realize that if you throw batter in my face, there won't be any cookies to eat."

Lily grinned. "I can deal with that," she said as she chucked another small spoonful at him.

"Oh, you want to play that game, hm?" Sirius said, quickly reaching for the bag of flour and tossing some at her.

She shrieked and attempted to duck unsuccessfully. When she stood back up, her clothes were covered in white and she was clearly trying to hide an amused grin with little success. "Did you really just throw flour at me?"

"It certainly would explain the white powder on your clothes, now wouldn't it?" he teased.

"Well, it's probably not cocaine," Kay chimed in.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You want some of this batter on your clothes, too?"

"Sheesh, a girl tries to help out by getting the ingredients together and you threaten her with a spoonful of cookie batter. That's the last time I try to help you-" Kay's sentence was cut short when Riley tossed a handful of sugar at her. "Out," Kay finished, wiping off crystals of sugar from her T-shirt. "You are so dead, Miss Gilmore." She immediately reached for an egg and threw it to the ground below Riley's feet, earning a burst of laughter out of everyone.

"EW!" Riley groaned as her legs became covered with egg yolk. "You play dirty, Kay Richards!"

As Riley reached for the bag of sugar again, chaos ensued. Sirius reached for the cookie sheet to shield himself against the batter Lily threw at him. Kay ducked as another handful of sugar came her way. James jumped off and reached across Sirius for the flour as Peter ducked under the kitchen table with a laugh. Sugar, flour, batter, and eggs went flying in every direction while laughter and shrieks filled the room.

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Remus voice boomed throughout the kitchen. "STOP!"

The six of them froze, slowly glancing in Remus' direction with sheepish grins.

"This is _a _nice kitchen and you are all destroying it with a childish food fight!" Remus barked. "Did we not just _graduate_?"

They all cowered, lowering their eyes guiltily.

"We should really put down the food items and start cleaning this place up," he continued, giving them all a look. "I'll even help."

And before any of them could respond, he was grabbing the retractable sink faucet and splashing them all with water. Shrieks followed.

"Remus J. Lupin, how dare you make us feel bad!" Lily shrieked as she darted behind the counter so as not to get wet.

He grinned, laughing as an egg soared his way. He didn't even care that it had pelted him on the shoulder and egg yolk started running down his arm. "It's one of my many talents."

"Does Jillian know how heartless you are?" Riley whimpered, cowering behind Sirius who was still using the cookie sheet as a shield from Remus.

Peter scrambled out from underneath the kitchen table and tried wrestling the hose away from Remus' grip with very little success. Water sprayed everywhere and eventually, Remus tossed it into the sink as they all doubled over with laughter and the food fight had officially ceased.

Stepping on broken eggshells, James meandered over to Lily where he tried wiping flour out of her hair. "You're a mess," he joked.

"Looks who's talking," she said, kissing sugar crystals off his lip. "Ooh, yum."

James laughed, enveloping her in his arms, flour and all.

"It's too bad we didn't buy whipped cream yesterday," Sirius chimed in with a cheeky grin.

"Right, because this place isn't a big enough mess without it," drawled Remus sarcastically.

Sirius smirked, glancing down at his girlfriend who was covered in batter and egg. "Who said anything about using it for the food fight?"

They all groaned except for Riley who grinned and tightened his grip around her neck. "I like the way that sounds."

"Have I mentioned recently that you're going to grow up to become horny and perverted?" Remus snorted.

"It's been about ten minutes," said Sirius. "So you're way overdue."

James rolled his eyes as Remus let out another groan. "Speaking of horny and perverted," he started, reaching for Lily's hand with a cheeky smile, "I am in desperate need of a shower."

Lily laughed and kissed his flour-covered cheek.

"There have been way too many sexual innuendos in the past five minutes for my taste," Kay muttered.

"Oh, please. You'll just be adding to the mix when Lance drops by this weekend," said Riley, giving her friend a knowing look.

"Doesn't mean I want to hear them all now," Kay snorted, placing the carton of eggs back in the fridge. "Now, even though Remus was joking before, I do think it's time to give this place a scrub down."

"And that's what magic is for," Sirius said with a grin. He pulled out his wand from his back pocket and muttered, "Scourgify!"

Peter laughed, crawling out from underneath the table as the room cleaned itself up. "I always knew being a wizard had his advantages."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't think cleaning up after a silly food fight is what the founders of the wizarding world had in mind when crafting magic."

"How little they knew about the Marauders then," said James with a grin, kissing the side of her face. "C'mon, I hear that shower calling our names."

Lily smiled, grabbing his hand and leading him out of the room.

"What about the cookies!" Sirius cried out after them. "There's still some leftover batter!"

"Sorry!" Lily snickered. "A better offer just came up." And she and James disappeared up the stairs.

Sirius pouted, turning to Remus. "Please tell me _you _don't have a better offer."

Remus gave him a look. "It's putting cookies into an oven, Sirius," he drawled. "Even _you _can handle that."

"Yeah, but I'm hoping a better offer might come up," he said with a grin, wrapping his arms tighter around Riley.

Riley laughed. "Well, I certainly like the way that sounds," she said, winking suggestively at him.

"I am surrounded by horny and perverted idiots," Remus murmured, a hint of a smile on his face as Riley and Sirius trekked out of the room.

Kay shrugged. "Y'know, this just means we get first dibs on the cookies."

Remus grinned. "I certainly like the way _that _sounds."

* * *

An hour later, James ventured down to the kitchen to grab himself and Lily a cookie. As he was about to head back upstairs, he noticed that the back door was slightly ajar. He went over to close it and the back porch light illuminated Sirius sitting on one of the Adirondack chairs.

Sirius heard the movement behind him but remained stoic. Seconds later, James appeared beside him and handed him a cookie. Sirius didn't really want it, but took it anyway. He gestured towards the six-pack of beer on the ground and raised an inquiring eyebrow.

James shrugged. "Sure." Sirius tossed him a beer and James settled into the Adirondack chair beside his friend.

They both sipped their beer in peace, staring out towards the lake immersed heavily in thought. It was James who finally broke the silence. "You okay, Sirius?" he sighed.

Sirius hesitated, slowly taking another swig. "Yeah," he murmured.

James rolled his eyes. "The truth?"

Sirius sighed, slowly shaking his head. "What do you think?" he muttered.

James instinctively reached over and patted Sirius on the arm. He didn't say anything. He didn't really have anything to say.

Sirius swallowed the lump in his throat, wishing James would say something, _anything, _that could make him feel better. "You know what I keep thinking about?" he murmured. "Not me. Not how much I'm going to miss Riley. Not how I'm going to get through without her. No, I keep thinking about everything she's going to be missing out on. Like tonight. It was a silly food fight, but it's these silly little memories that are going to live with us forever. In a year when we're reminiscing on the past, she…she won't be able to partake with us. She'll have no clue what we're talking about." Sirius sighed, shaking his head sullenly. "It…it sucks to think that we're going to be making all of these memories that won't include her."

James sighed, nodding. "Yeah," he muttered. "It does suck."

Sirius peeked at him out of the corner of his eye, furrowing his brow. "That's it? No words of comfort? No 'hey, Sirius, it will be alright. She'll be back in a year and you can make memories with her then?'"

James frowned, busying himself by taking a slow drink of his bottled beer. "No," he mumbled. "All I have to say is it really sucks."

Sirius scoffed. "Remus was a lot better at giving words of encouragement."

"I think they're a bunch of lies."

Sirius' eyebrows knitted, confused. "Seriously, you _really _suck at this whole comforting thing."

"I'm not trying to comfort you, Padfoot," James replied immediately, shrugging. He met Sirius' shocked gaze.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that out on my own," Sirius snorted. "What's your deal?"

James sighed, ruffling his hair haggardly as he searched for the right words to say to his friend. "Honestly?" he said hesitantly. "I think you're being an idiot."

Sirius scowled, glaring at him. "How does letting Riley reach for her dreams make me an idiot?"

"It took the two of you _forever _to get together, Sirius!" James cried out, shaking his head in disbelief. "It took a lot of fighting and drama and confusion and uncertainty! One minute you were together and the next you weren't. Now you're finally at a good place in your relationship. And you're going to let her go? _For a third time_? Are you out of your mind!"

Sirius clenched his teeth, finishing off his beer and reaching for another. "I don't need this right now, James," he grunted. "Not from you. The decision's already been made. Don't try to change my mind. _Please_. I…" he trailed off, swallowing hard. "I have to let her go."

James hesitated. "Do you?" he muttered.

Sirius gripped the beer bottle tighter, finding himself getting increasingly frustrated with his best friend. "_Yes_."

James sighed, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. "Well, then you have a whole lot more willpower than I do."

"What do you mean?"

"I-I couldn't imagine Lily being gone for a year."

Sorrow built up inside of Sirius and he had to swallow the lump in his throat before saying, "You think this is easy for me?" His voice was shaky. "You don't think I realize that after everything she and I been through that maybe for once we deserve a…a happy ending?"

"How fairytale of you."

"Yeah," Sirius snorted. "Except we're not living in a fairytale, James. Things don't always work out the way we want them to. We can't all live happily ever after like you and Lily."

James sighed. "You do realize that you can have that happily ever after, right? You just have to fight for it."

Sirius frowned.

James shrugged, glancing determinedly at his friend. "You just have to ask her to stay."

Sirius swallowed hard, sipping his beer slowly. "It's like I said," he murmured eventually, "We don't live in a fairytale."

James hesitated curiously, not sure how to respond to Sirius' last words. So he didn't. He let the still of the night provide silence between the two of them as he stared back down at the lake, watching the reflection of the moon dance on the surface of the water. "Sirius?"

"Hm?"

"What exactly are you so afraid of?" James asked gravely, narrowing his eyes. "That if you ask Riley to stay, she might say no? Or that she might say _yes_?"

Sirius looked up at James, startled. He opened his mouth to argue but nothing came out. His heart skipped a beat and he glanced down at the now-empty six-pack. "Maybe a little bit of both," he admitted in a soft voice. "I don't want to be the reason she stays."

"But you're okay with being the reason she goes?"

To that, Sirius had no response.

"Aren't you always going to wonder what would have happened if you just did what you really _wanted_ to do and asked her to stay with you?" James asked, desperation seeping through.

"How do you know that's what I really want to do?" Sirius scoffed.

James gave him a look. "Because the other option is to let the girl of your dreams disappear out of sight for an entire year."

Sirius pursed his lips irritably. "It doesn't matter what I want, James. It matter what she wants."

"But you're not even giving her the option of choosing what she wants. You've already made the decision for her," James blurted out, shaking his head. He could tell that Sirius was getting frustrated, but he wondered if it was more because Sirius didn't need the constant reminder that Riley was leaving than it was about James' words.

"I'm done talking about this, James," Sirius said firmly, tightening his grip around the empty beer bottle in his hand. "She's going. I've gotten used to it so why don't you?"

James shook his head, ignoring Sirius' request to mute the subject. "Honestly, Sirius, I've kept my mouth shut for the past two days, both to her _and _to you, because I don't really think it's my place to get involved," he said slowly. "But it's not yours either."

Sirius furrowed his brow, confused. "What?"

James sighed, shrugging. "It's a decision that she should be making on her own. And by you telling her to go, she feels as if she has no reason to stay."

"So wouldn't the opposite ring true, too?" Sirius snorted.

James shook his head. "I'm not saying you should tell her to stay. I'm saying that you should tell her you _want _her to stay."

Sirius sighed. He understood where James was going with it. By telling Riley that he wanted her to stay, it still meant he believed she should go. "Oh."

"Yeah," James murmured. "Oh."

Sirius frowned, wishing that everything could just be easy for once. Why did his life have to be so difficult? "James, if you're so convinced she should stay, why the hell not just talk to her yourself?" he grumbled.

He shrugged. It was a valid question. "Because I know it doesn't matter what I do or say," he murmured, letting out a heavy sigh as he turned to meet the gaze of his best friend. "Once upon a time it did. I was the only one she would ever listen to. But times have changed. It's your opinion she cares about most. You're the person right now that matters the most to her."

Sirius could feel the burden in his best friend's voice. "I never meant to replace you, James," he said softly.

"I know," he sighed. "But you did. And I'm okay with that. As long as you tell her the truth. Always. She needs to hear what you have to say, Sirius. Right now, she needs to know what you're really thinking. So maybe it's about time you tell her."

"You really want to know what I think?" Sirius snorted, shaking his head incredulously. "I think that no matter how important this opportunity is for her, she should stay in England. I think that if I let her go I'll lose her forever. I think that she should reject the offer and come to New York with me. I think that if we're ever going to have a shot of being in a successful relationship we should just take the risk _now_!" Sirius swallowed hard, chucking the empty bottle into the darkness. A light crash sound collided against the grass somewhere in the near distance. "I think that the girl that I am head over heels in love with should realize on her own that she should stay so that I don't have to make the damn decision for her."

James was taken aback by his friend's outburst. "Did you ever think that maybe she already knows that she should stay?" he said softly. "That maybe she's just waiting for _you _to realize it?"

Sirius didn't know how to respond. He took a deep breath in and exhaled, shutting his eyes as the warm breeze surrounded him. He had briefly wondered in the beginning of the conversation if James was trying to get Riley to stay so that James didn't have to be the one to beg her. But the desperate, understanding look in James' eyes told Sirius that it was Sirius he was thinking of.

An awkward silence surrounded them as Sirius wondered if maybe it wasn't his determination to do the right thing for Riley that was giving him such doubt but if it was his own fear that was making him so hesitant. "You really think I should ask her to stay?"

James nodded immediately, glancing over at his best friend. "I know that it's probably a selfish move, but…but how can you let the girl you love slip away?" he murmured, Lily suddenly flashing through his mind again. "The last time you thought you two were over, you stood up in front of the entire student body and confessed your love to her, knowing you had nothing left to lose. Well, what about now? What…what could you possibly lose by asking her stay?"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat and he wondered if his friend was right. Silence engulfed them once again. The only sounds were the light sway of the trees with the warm summer breeze and a creak of the kitchen door. He glanced behind him at the slight noise and his attention was drawn to his uncle's house. He wondered if things would be different if his uncle wasn't dying. Would Sirius follow Riley to Australia where they could start their relationship together in a foreign country without the constant watchful eyes of their friends? Or would that have made things worse seeing as she would have a full, hectic work schedule and be frequently away from him?

The thoughts were immediately stricken from Sirius' mind. Dreaming of what-ifs were futile. His uncle needed him more than Riley did and that's where his next adventure was going to take him.

His heart ached. If only Riley was coming with him.

"Maybe you're right," Sirius eventually spoke, a hopeful feeling welling up inside of him.

James' heart skipped a beat. "As hard as it is for her to admit it, she loves you," he murmured. "And…and if you ask her to stay, I think she just might say yes."

Sirius didn't respond immediately. As much as he was grateful for the slight bit of hope, he also knew that there was a 50% chance she would turn down his offer and choose to go to Australia on her own volition. "Well, you know her better than anyone, James," he said slowly.

"No," James said with a smile. "I _used_ to know her better than anyone."

When Sirius glanced up, he saw a flicker of comfortable approval in his best friend's eyes. And suddenly Sirius realized that that was James' subtle way of letting Riley go. He had always been there to protect her and save her from harm and now, James was hoping that Sirius would fill that role however possible.

But in order to do that, he needed to ask her to stay.

* * *

James wasn't sure how Sirius had left things or what Sirius planned to do, but James knew that Sirius needed to be alone to think. He trudged back upstairs, thinking about Sirius' predicament the entire time. He knew that Sirius should at least ask Riley to stay, but at the same time, James wasn't the one in Sirius' shoes. James could pretend he knew Sirius and Riley best, but really, only the two of them knew that.

James slowly opened the door to his bedroom, not wanting to wake Lily if she was asleep. He had taken a lot longer downstairs than intended and he wasn't surprised when he peeked in and saw her curled up on her side, only a thin sheet thrown haphazardly over her body. It was the moments like this one that James wished he could hold on to forever. A simple moment like watching the girl he loved sleep peacefully. It was heartbreaking watching Sirius as he attempted to let go of Riley; James certainly didn't know if he could remain so stoic and strong if Lily was the one leaving in five short days.

He shut the door behind him and cringed when he heard Lily stir. She picked her head off the pillow and smiled at him. "Hey, there. I was beginning to get worried."

"Sorry," he said. He tore off his T-shirt and crawled into bed beside her. "I was talking to Sirius."

She curled up beside him, draping her arm over his bare stomach. "How's he doing?"

James hesitated. He didn't want to tell Lily that he was potentially going to ask Riley to stay and get Lily's hopes up. He thought back to the conversation he just had with his best friend and he opened his mouth to tell her he wasn't entirely sure how his best friend was doing. But that's not what came out. "Will you marry me, Lily?" he blurted out.

Lily's whole body froze in shock by the sudden outburst. She definitely wasn't expecting that. "_What_?" she said, slowly sitting upright. "Where the hell did that come from?"

He chuckled, not surprised by her reaction. He was shocked that the words had come out of his mouth so why wouldn't she be shocked? He hadn't intended to propose, but the question was out of his mouth before he even realized it. But now that they were out, he knew he meant them. He wanted to marry her.

His gaze followed hers and he turned on to his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he offered her a sheepish lopsided smile. "I watch Sirius slowly crumble in front of me at the idea of losing Riley. It took my brother seven years before he proposed to Bianca and...and he didn't get to see his wedding day. My father left my mother because he was too afraid of having a family _and_ having a career. I-I don't want to end up like any of them," James said softly, biting down on his bottom lip like he often did when anxious. "I want to be with you, Lily. And to me, that's enough of a reason to propose."

"I don't want you proposing to me out of...of fear, James," Lily murmured.

"It's not out of fear," James said determinedly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's out of love."

Lily frowned. "So what happens if a year from now, I'm offered a job in the States? Or South America? Or _Australia_? What happens if in three years, you finish the Auror recruitment program and you're sent off to Italy or France or Scandinavia for a full-time Auror position? What then?"

"Well, that's kind of why I'm unexpectedly proposing," James pointed out with a shrug. "If you do end up being offered a job that takes you to the States or South America or Australia, I would start looking for Auror positions in the American Ministry or the South American Ministry or the Australian Ministry."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. "You...you would follow me?"

"_Yes_," James said reassuringly, slowly sitting up beside her. "Because I absolutely can't live my life without you."

Lily still showed hesitance, but James recognized a flicker of adoration in her eyes.

"And I would hope that if I did get offered positions in Italy or France or…or what was it? Scandinavia? That you'd consider following me, too," he whispered, running the back of his fingers over her cheek adoringly. "I'm not like Sirius and Riley. I could never _choose _to live my life without you. I…I could never let you go so easily. I just hope you couldn't do the same to me either."

She tensed up, not sure how to respond, but she slowly let her eyes meet his. His eyes showed compassion and longing. She wondered what she would do if what he said actually happened. If she had to choose to follow him and his career, would she? She had already nearly had to make that choice if he would have accepted the Quidditch offer, but that was a different situation. She didn't really believe he wanted to play Quidditch. But if the Auror recuruitment program he had wanted was in Italy or France or Scandinavia, would she have followed him? Would she have put her own life and dreams on hold to follow his life and dreams? Glancing up at him, the only answer she could find was 'yes.' And that should have scared her. The idea that she had become so dependent on someone that she would follow him wherever he went probably should have caused her to retract and become distant like she had often did in the past. But it wasn't fear or anxiety that took over Lily's mind. It was love. And she couldn't imagine not following him if the situation ever came up. She couldn't imagine not loving him.

Chills ran down Lily's spine as she realized that she was actually considering his proposal. "You really want to marry me?" she murmured.

He smiled, nodding. "Yes."

"I've got a lot of baggage, James," she reminded him with a snicker. "I'm stubborn, I'm strong-willed and set in my ways, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I have yet to break down all the barriers you'd like me to break down, fear and anxiety run my life, I've been classified as a neat freak, I can be too focused on work which distracts me from my friends, I'm controlling, I'm not very affectionate, I'm a picky eater, my hair's a righteous mess in the morning, and commitment scares the hell out of me, although you seem to have made that work for us."

"I hate to break it to you, but I already know all of that," James responded with a simple shrug of the shoulders. He hesitated. "Although, I think you might be a little harsh on yourself. I think your hair looks beautiful in the morning."

She laughed, playfully smacking him on his bare chest. "_That's _the point you decide to comment on?"

He smiled warmly and buried his lip in her hair. "I realize that we have both been through a lot and we both probably still have a lot to overcome. But I want you by my side with whatever is thrown my way. I want you in my life. Today. Tomorrow. Forever."

Lily's heart beat wildly inside her chest. "You're making it awfully hard for a girl to say no, Potter," she murmured.

He shrugged. "Then don't say no."

She swallowed hard and turned her gaze towards the window, trying to come up with a good reason why she should say no. They hadn't known each other very long, but to her, that wasn't the issue. She just wasn't sure if marriage was the next step. She still had a lot she wanted and needed to do with her life. But as she glanced up at his hopeful eyes, she couldn't figure out why she shouldn't say yet. Because truthfully, she was more afraid of a future without James than a future with James. "Okay."

James' heart skipped a beat, not sure he heard correctly. "Is that a yes?"

"That's a _future _yes."

James furrowed his brow, confused. "Er...what's a future yes?"

She laughed and rested her head back up against his shoulder, reaching for his hand. "It means that we're both not ready to get married right now and I think you know that. We have a lot ahead of us. It's like you said, we have a lot we yet to have overcome. I think we at least need to wait until we start our new jobs and we see how much our routine is going to change before we talk something as serious as marriage," she explained, shrugging awkwardly.

A sly smile appeared on James' face. "But that's still a yes?"

Lily smiled shyly and pressed her lips firmly to his. "Yes, James," she whispered. "Someday in the future, I _will _marry you."

James' grin couldn't have been any more excited. He whooped loudly and framed her face with his hands, kissing her passionately.

She couldn't help but laugh at his reaction and slowly climbed on top of him, leaving a trail of kisses down his jawline. "But word to the wise, James Potter," she whispered, her lips grazing his earlobe. "The next time you ask me to marry you, there better be a ring involved."

James let out a light chuckle and ran his hands up the back of her T-shirt, the warmth of her skin providing him with a sense of comfort and adoration. "Believe me, Lily Evans," he responded. "The next time I ask you to marry me there will not only be a ring involved, but I will get you to give me _a present _yes."

She smiled, wondering how she ever could have thought she hated him. She let her lips dance lightly against his, whispering, "It's a deal."

* * *

Sirius slowly pushed open the door to his bedroom and saw his beautiful girlfriend asleep in the large bed. His gaze lingered on the peaceful expression displayed on her face and he leaned against the doorframe, a nostalgic smile creeping on to his lips. He had remained downstairs after his talk with James for a few lingering minutes, mostly because he didn't know what to do. He was stuck, trying to figure out not only what was best for him but what was best for Riley. As the days loomed closer to Saturday, anxiety was continuing to build up inside of him. He knew that if she left for Australia, it didn't need to be over between them. He knew that his love for her was so strong that he could wait for her for a year. But what he knew and what he wanted were two completely different things.

But as his gaze fixated on the dimple on her right cheek and her hand tightly clutching her pillow, flashbacks of the time they had spent falling in love darted through his mind. He slowly realized that what he knew and what he wanted were merging together. Because he knew that he had to at least let her know he wanted her to stay with him. Otherwise, he'd always wonder if she just would have stayed if he had had the nerve to ask.

He probably should have woken her up and asked her right then to stay before he lost his nerve, but she looked too peaceful that he couldn't imagine stirring her. He crawled into bed with her and held on to her tightly, never wanting to let her go. For the first time in three days, he suddenly felt as if things were going to be alright.

The next morning, she was gone.

All she left behind was the locket he had given to her for graduation and a yellow Post-it note with only two words scribbled on it.

_"I'm sorry."_

* * *

Love. It used to be a word unknown to any of them. It was a word they hadn't been accustomed to hearing and a word that they definitely hadn't been accustomed to saying. A word that had feared them all. They were convinced that with love came the pressure to be perfect. With love came dependence on another. With love came an immense burden to trust. With love came the possibility of a broken heart. Love had been nothing but a mystery for them for years. But on the day they graduated from Hogwarts, the rest of their lives started. And love was a big part of that. As it turns out, all they needed to crush their fears was someone worth loving.

For Remus, to love was to trust. He understood that trust was hard to come by, but with Jillian he had found someone with whom he could share his deepest, darkest secrets with and not feel scared that she wouldn't accept him. He had found himself unwittingly letting go of all his fears and anxieties and embracing the possibility of having a future with a girl. And not just any girl. A girl who loved him for who he was. He had never thought he would find a potential mate and here he was with someone he could see himself spending the rest of his life with. He couldn't imagine being with anyone else, nor did he want to be with someone else. Loving her was one of the easiest things he has ever done. And he never planned on stopping.

Kay never thought she would fall in love. She had always been the tomboy of the group and had watched enough of Riley's failed relationships and Sirius and James unwillingness to commit in the past to know that perhaps love wasn't even worth the pressure of trying to be perfect. She wasn't perfect, nor did she want to be. And then Lance came along and she realized it wasn't about being perfect. It was about being herself. Lance had met the real her before they got together and he still wanted to be with her. She had no idea what the future held for them, but she wasn't scared. She was excited of the endless possibilities that came with loving Lance.

Against all of the odds, Sirius had done the unthinkable and fallen in love. He had been scared off before by the mere thought of it and yet, put his whole heart into loving Riley for the past few months. He knew that if anyone were to break his heart, it would be her, but he knocked down all of his defenses anyway to counteract her own. And she had gone and done exactly what he has been so afraid of from the beginning. She had broken his heart. And in the end, he wondered if love was worth it. As it turns out, love was still a mystery to him.

Lily and James had overcome a lot to get to a point where they were actually talking marriage. Both Lily and James had been so afraid of being with each other that they had sabotaged their relationship before it even started. But when they both let their guards down and took a chance, they learned that being dependent on each other wasn't such a terrible thing. It took a lot for both of them to let someone in unconditionally, but they had reached the point of no return. And yet, neither of them ever wanted to return to the endless questioning that came with the fear of getting close to someone. They had found the person that had squashed all of the past and future what-ifs. They stopped questioning the relationship and started living it. Love didn't scare them anymore. That night, something had changed between them. Instead of fear of the unknown, it was happiness that suddenly took over their minds and their hearts.

They had all had their reasons and excuses as to why they thought it had been better to run from romance and commitment. But perhaps it was that common bond that had inevitably brought the seven of them together. They were able to coax each other through the pain and confusion that came with falling in love. Love wasn't always just about the two people in the relationship but about the people who would be there for them through both the good and the bad. They had all found comfort in knowing that no matter what trouble was thrown their way, whether it was Kay's betrayal to Riley by dating her brother or James' shock in finding out about Sirius and Riley or both Lily and James finding it hard to let the other in or Riley and Sirius' first break up or James' almost departure to Italy or Remus being pushed away by Jillian's fear and now Riley's disappearance in the middle of the night, they would be there for each other to give reassurance and comfort when one of them might not have wanted it but definitely needed it. Love had its many ups and downs. But friendship was forever.

At least, that's what they had thought.

Unfortunately, forever didn't always mean forever.

* * *

**A/N: **Awwww, this story has officially come to and end! Just as quickly as everything was falling into place, it is now being torn apart once again. I guess you'll just have to wait until the next sequel to find out exactly what happens. Speaking of...I've had quite a few questions about the sequel. The title of the sequel will mostly likely be **Love on the Balcony**, although I'm still debating between a few titles. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know! I've already written about a fourth of the sequel, although the entire story has been outlined. But to be honest, I'm still not sure where I plan on ending it. Do I end it before James and Lily die or after? I can't imagine killing them off, so I'm leaning towards ending the sequel before they die. But anything can happen. I can tell you that the sequel doesn't start exactly where this story leaves off. Some time will pass. And some relationships will stand while others will fail. There will also unfortunately be a lot of tragedy, seeing as Harry doesn't have any family after his parents die. Furthermore, the sequel will have a lot more description of the upcoming First Wizarding War. There will be talk of the Order and we'll get a good look into the Ministry, including the Auror department. Their jobs will be an important part to the sequel on top of all of the relationships and friendships. New characters will be introduced and old characters will become front-runners, such as Alice and Frank Longbottom and Fabian Prewett. We will still see some of Dumbledore and McGonagall, and Mad-Eye Moody and Rufus Scrimgeour will be included in the sequel. James' family will play important roles and relationships will be tested due to the turmoil of the wizarding world. But I guess you'll just have to wait and read all about it once I upload that story. I'm not sure when that will be but I am writing and editing the sequel practically every day.

I would just like to add a major THANK YOU to everyone who has stood by this story since the beginning. I know it's been a long journey to get to the end, but I hope that you've enjoyed reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. So again, thank you. And please stay tuned for **Love on the Balcony**!


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